sex

Stage Listings

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THEATER

OPENING

Beauty and the Beast Young Performers Theatre, Fort Mason Theatre, Bldg C; 346-5550, www.ypt.org. $7-10. opens Sat/5, 1pm. Runs Sat, 1pm; Sun 1 and 3:30pm. Young Performers Theatre presents the classic fairy tale.

Geezer Marsh, 1062 Valencia; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Previews Thurs, 8pm; Sat, 5pm; Sun, 3pm (through March 27). Opens March 31, 8pm. Runs Thurs, 8pm; Sat, 5pm; Sun, 3pm. Through May 1. The Marsh presents a new solo show about aging and mortality by Geoff Hoyle.

James Bond: Lady Killer Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission; 732-9592, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20. Opens Fri/4, 8pm. Runs Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through March 26. Dark Room Theater presents an all-new James Bond adventure.

Regrets Only New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $24-40. Previews Wed/2-Fri/4, 8pm. Opens Sat/5, 8pm. Runs Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through April 3. New Conservatory Threatre presents a play by Paul Rudnick, directed by Andrew Nance.

Tenth Annual Bay One-Acts Festival Boxcar Theatre, 505 Natoma; 891-7235, www.bayoneacts.org. $20-32. Opens Wed/6, 8pm. Runs Wed-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 3 and 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Through March 26. Three Wise Monkeys Theatre Company presents the tenth incarnation of the curated festival.

BAY AREA

Free Range Thinking Marsh Berkeley, TheaterStage, 2120 Allston, Berk; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-50. Previews Fri, 8pm; Sat, 5pm (through March 12). Opens March 18, 8pm. Runs Fri, 8pm; Sat, 5pm. Through April 9. The Marsh Berkeley presents a new comedic solo show by Robert Dubac.

ONGOING

Devil/Fish Brava Theater, 2781 24th St; www.criquenoveau.com. $26. Thurs/3-Sat/5, 7pm; Sun/6, 6pm. Cirque Noveau presents a contemporary circus that riffs off of the Faust legend.

*Farragut North NOHSpace, 2840 Mariposa; www.opentabproductions.com. $25. Thurs/3-Sat/5, 8pm. Former Howard Dean speechwriter Beau Willimon’s formulaic but solidly crafted 2008 play about backroom politics and the seamy side of what’s euphemistically called the American democratic process seems like it’d make a good George Clooney movie. George Clooney thought so too. He’s making it now under the title The Ides of March. You can see it sooner and without all those goddamn movie stars in this low-budget, high-octane staging by OpenTab Productions (Fishing). Stephen (Ben Euphrat) is a 25-year-old wiz of a press secretary for a “maverick” governor heading into a major primary battle on the road to the White House. But an unexpected phone call leads “idealistic” power-lover Stephen into temptation, even as it reveals the real dynamics of the electoral system he thought he’d mastered. A battle for career survival ensues with his former boss (Alex Plant), in which loyalty is a password and decency the first sandbag to drop. Opening night had one or two timing issues and some actors lost in shadow, but director Dave Sikula builds the action well and gets strong performances from an uneven but generally winning cast. Particularly nice work comes from a convincingly unraveling Euphant, a coolly compassionate Carla Pauli (as precocious intern–turned–unwitting pawn), and the formidable Nathan Tucker as Stephen’s slickly conniving counterpart and Mephistopheles of the moment.

40 Pounds in 12 Weeks: A Love Story The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-35. Fri, 8pm; Sat, 8:30pm. Through March 26. A one-woman show about eating and weight loss, by Pidge Meade.

*Loveland Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Fri, 8pm; Sat, 8:30pm. Through March 26. Ann Randolph’s one-woman show extends its run.

Out of Sight Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-50. Thurs and Sat, 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Through March 27. Sara Felder’s one-woman show extends its run.

Party of 2 – The New Mating Musical Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; 1-800-838-3006, www.partyof2themusical.com. $27-29. Sun, 3pm. Open-ended. A musical about relationships by Shopping! The Musical author Morris Bobrow.

*Pearls Over Shanghai Thrillpeddlers’ Hypnodrome, 575 Tenth St; 1-800-838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $30-69. Sat, 8pm. Through April 9. Thrillpeddlers’ acclaimed production of the Cockettes musical continues its successful run.

Sex and Death: A Night with Harold Pinter Phoenix Theatre, ste 601, 414 Mason; 1-800-838-3006, www.offbraodwaywest.org. $35. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through March 26. Off Broadway West Theatre Company presents two Pinter one-acts: The Dumb Waiter and The Lover.

What We’re Up Against Magic Theatre, Fort Mason Center, bldg D; 441-8822, www.magictheatre.org. Wed/2-Fri/4, 8pm; Sat/5, 2:30 and 8pm; Sun/6, 2:30pm. Following the popularity of Theresa Rebeck’s Mauritius in 2009, Magic Theatre brings the New York playwright back for the world premiere of a decidedly flimsy comedy about sexual discrimination at a busy architecture firm. Eliza (Sarah Nealis) is the bright and brash new employee who finds herself shut out by an old boys network. Sodden boss Stu (Warren David Keith) resents her heartily for her competence and ambition, while ass-kissing power-jockey Weber (James Wagner) uses the leverage for all its worth. Gender solidarity with sole (but soulless) sister Janice (Pamela Gaye Walker) doesn’t get Eliza very far either. One guy at the firm, Ben (Rod Gnapp), alone knows better (among what amounts to an unbelievably inept staff). Eliza, meanwhile, crafts a form of revenge from her well-guarded solution to the otherwise stymieing “duct problem” in the plans for a new mall, a major account hitting the skids. Ben’s obsession with ducts is something of a key joke here, which ends up being characteristic of a play that stretches its not-very-new conceits thinly over two acts. The glass ceiling, ducts and all, is a bit too transparent in this bloodless production (helmed by artistic director Loretta Greco), leaving precious little to wonder or worry about. (Avila)

William Blake Sings the Blues Actors Theatre of SF, 855 Bush; 345-1287, www.brownpapertickets.com. $26-38. Wed-Sat, 8pm. Through Sat/5. Actors Theatre of San Francisco presents the world premiere of a play by Keith Philips.

BAY AREA

Collapse Aurora Theatre, 2081 Addison, Berk; (510) 843-4822, www.auroratheatre.org. $34-55. Wed/2-Sat/5, 8pm; Sun/6, 2 and 7pm. Aurora Theatre presents a comedy by Allison Moore.

Death of a Salesman Pear Avenue Theatre, Mtn View; (650) 254-1148, www.thepear.org. $15-30. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through March 20. Pear Avenue Theatre presents the Arthur Miller classic.

A Man’s Home…an Ode to Kafka’s Castle Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant; (510) 558-1381, www.centralworks.org. $14-25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun 5pm (also Sat/5 and March 12, 5pm). Through March 13. Central Works

Romeo and Juliet La Val’s Subterranean, 1834 Euclid, Berk; www.impacttheatre.com. $10-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through March 26. Impact Theatre presents a Russian mafia interpreation of the tragic romantic classic.

Ruined Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Roda Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. $29-73. Call for dates and times. Through April 10. Berkeley Rep presents Lynn Nottage’s Pulitzer-winning play about the lives of women in Africa.

World’s Funniest Bubble Show The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston Way, Berk; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $8-11. Sun, 11am. Through April 3. The Amazing Bubble Man extends the bubble-making celebration.

PERFORMANCE/DANCE

Comedy Brains The Cabaret at the Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston Way, Berk; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. Sat/5, 8:30pm. $15-35. Scott Capurro and Piano Fight’s ForePlays are this week’s lineup.

Devotion ODC Theater, 3153 17th St; 863-9834, www.odctheater.org. Fri/4-Sun/6, 8pm. $15-18. Sarah Michelson and Richard Maxwell present a new dance work.

Halau o Keikiali’i City Hall; 920-9181, www.dancersgroup.org. Fri/4, noon. Free. The first installment in a monthly lunchtime dance series.

Hope Mohr Dance Z Space at Theater Artaud, 450 Florida; 1-800-838-3006, www.hopemohr.org. Thurs/3-Sat/5, 8pm; Sun/6, 2pm. The company presents its fourth home season with the world premiere of The Unsayable.

Miss Toolbox Pageant Club 93, 93 Ninth St; www.club93sf.com. Thurs/3, 11pm. Free. Witness performers of all genders and sexualities utilizing their style, talent, beauty, and star wattage.

Qcomedy Showcase Martuni’s, 4 Valencia; www.Qcomedy.com. Mon/7, 8pm. $5-16. Performers include Kat Evasco, Dana Cory, Cookie Dough, Maggie Dolan, and Nick Leonard.

Stephen Petronio Company Novellus Theater, Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, 701 Mission; 392-6449, www.sfperformances.org. Thurs/4-Fri/5, 8pm. $30-50. SF Performances presents Stephen Petronio Dance Company’s 25th anniversary work, I Drink the Air Before Me.

BAY AREA

Bale Folklorico Da Bahia Zellerbach Hall, UC Berkeley campus, Berk; (510) 642-9988, www.calperformances.org. Sun/6, 7pm; Mon/7, 11am. $5-52. The Brazilian troupe of dancers, musicians, and singers performs Sacred Heritage.

Body of Knowledge Western Sky Studio, Eighth St. and Dwight, Berk; www.bodyresearch.org. Thurs/4-Fri/5, 8pm. $12-20. Karl Frost/Body rearch presents a new work and a happening.

Marga’s Funny Mondays Cabaret at Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. Mon/28, 8pm. $10. Marga Gomez hosts a Monday night comedy series.

Merce Cunningham Dance Company Zellerbach hall, UC Berkeley campus, Berk; (510) 642-9988, www.calperformances.org. Thurs/3-Sat/5, 8pm. The legendary company makes its final Bay Area appearance.

Stage listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Nicole Gluckstern. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks. For complete listings, see www.sfbg.com.

 

Ammiano takes on prison costs

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Assemblymember Tom Ammiano (D-SF) is taking on a crucial, but challenging task: trying to cut down on the costs of the prison system by eliminating some expensive waste in two sensitive areas: Drugs and sex offenders.


His drug bill is pretty much a no-brainer, and has the support of a bunch of district attorneys, including Mendocino County D.A. David Eyster, support it. The bill, AB 1017, would allow local prosecutors to charge (non-medical) marijuana growers with either a felony or a misdemenaor, depending on the circumstances. Right now, any amount of illegal cultivation is automatically a felony. Eyster:


It makes no sense that unlawful possession of less than one ounce of marijuana is an infraction, that possession of more than an ounce of marijuana is a misdemeanor, that possession of methamphetamines may be charged as a misdemeanor, but that growing any amount of marijuana must be charged as a straight felony punishable by prison.


The difference could be millions of dollars saved by county prosecutors and the prison system.


The sex-offender bill is pretty simple, too — although the GOP will no doubt get all hissy about it. AB 625 would allow for a tiered approach to the registration of sex offenders. It’s based on a state report that point out how little sense it makes to keep nonviolent offenders who are highly unlikely to commit another sex crime under the same level of expensive, tight monitoring — for life — as high-risk offenders.


The truth, according to Rebecca Blanton, a senior policy analyst at the California Research Bureau, is that only 5% of all sex offenders released from prison are arrested for another sex crime. That means 95% never again get charged with any of the six categories of crimes that require lifetime registration and monitoring.


Now, that doesn’t mean that none of those people commit sex crimes and don’t get caught. Nor does it mean they are all model citizens — The state tracked 2,028 sex criminals released in 2005 and found that 113 comitteed another sex crime, and 110 committed another crime. The most common reason for them to be back in jail was parole violations (that’s true of almost every class of California offender, since almost anything can be a parole violation, including missing an appointment with your parole officer).


But only 6.3% of the sex offenders tracked in that three-year study were charged with a crime against another person.


Ammiano’s not trying to make life easy for sex criminals (that’s what the GOPers will no doubt say). But there’s ample quantitiative evidence to show that some offenders are far more likely to be a threat to society — and many others aren’t — yet the state spend the same amount of resources on every category. A tiered system (which exists in all but three other states) would allow California authorities to track more closely the dangerous folks and pay less attention to the ones who are highly unlikely to offend again. 


Ammiano:


With the skyrocketing costs of corrections in California, we need to base our management and enforcement of sex offenders on the research and data available rather than emotion.  This means focusing our efforts and resources on the most dangerous offenders to ensure that the registry achieves its primary goal – to keep our children and communities safe. 


Tom Tobin, co-chair of the Sex Offender Management Board:


 


California needs to modify its current policy and start devoting our limited resources to those individuals who pose the greatest risk of re-offending.  Common sense and solid research both agree that not all sex offenders pose the same degree of risk of re-offending.  Many pose very little risk.  Unless one accepts the myth that “all sex offenders are alike,” there can be no defensible justification for treating them all the same and requiring lifetime registration for each and every convicted sex offender.  This puts an increasing burden on law enforcement and does not make our communities any safer.


So lets see if the nutty law-and-order crowd in Sacto is willing to listen to facts and reason this time around.

Hot sexy events: February 23-March 1

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Perhaps you recall a few weeks ago when I espoused my love for Rihanna and slightly-less-intense love for the new music video for her song “S&M.” I’m saddened to report that the lovely RiRi is in a spot of trouble over the new reel – David LaChappelle is suing her for deriving the video’s “composition, total concept, feel, tone, mood, theme, colours, props, settings, decors, wardrobe and lighting” from the fashion photog’s work. Here‘s a helpful guide to the similarities between the video and LaChappelle’s photos. 

But you know what, Violet Blue’s going with RiRi and so am I. David LaChappelle, for the love of Perez Hilton on a leash  – is this video detracting from your personal worth as a pervy photog? Now you can say you made a Rihanna video and maybe people will believe you. Problem = solved! Now onto sex events. Dirty talk and sexy poetry readings, etc.

 

Aural Sex

Word on the street is that sex educator-kinkster Midori’s voice is like buttah, so slide on into her workshop, which focuses on that most sexy, most mind-blowing organ of all – our voice! Uh wait, that’s not an organ so — our throat! Um — our diaphragm! Yeah, you’ll need one of those, so close enough.

Weds/23 6-8 p.m., $20-25

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

www.goodvibes.com


The Art of Sacred BDSM

Wanna bring sacred into BDSM? Perhaps BDSM into the sacred? You are in luck because we have here a genuine shaman (who may or may not look like Melissa Joan Hart from “Clarissa Explains it All”) and a priest of love and eros who has the skillz to pay the billz in balancing the masculine and feminine in our lives. They’ll perform a sacred collaring ceremony for ya, and in general encourage more feeling in your feeling. 

Weds/23 7-9:30 p.m., call for price

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

www.sexandculture.org


Tongue Tied poetry night

Sex is poetry. Get all those nasty limericks out of your head for good at this kink-friendly (kinda goes without saying when you’re talking about the coffeeshop that hosted a Kink.com shoot a few years back) poetry night at Wicked Grounds. Emceed by a one TheyCallMeVroom. Nice name.

Thurs/24 7-10 p.m., free

Wicked Grounds

289 Eighth St., SF

(415) 503-0405

www.wickedgrounds.com


Kiss 

Hello hetero-centric gentlemen: do you have a lovely lady who is raring to play with you and sexy strangers this weekend? Why don’t you sign the two of you up for Kiss, the Mission Control play party for couples and single ladies only. Reserve your spot now – the night is reservation-only and we hear that the stripper pole at Mission Control books up fast. 

Sat/26 10 p.m.-late, $70 per couple, members only

Mission Control 

www.missioncontrolsf.org


The 15 Association’s Anniversary Play Party

Probably the most exclusive BDSM party going on this particular Sunday, the 15 Association will be celebrating 20 years in the male fraternity bondage business. Of course, if you’re not a member you can go to the open party on Sat/26 – but c’mon, don’t you want to see what sex looks like after two whole decades of hedonistic association?

Sun/27 1-8 p.m., $20 members only

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.sfcitadel.org

L.A. Confidential

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arts@sfbg.com

FILM Patrick Warburton occupies his own special niche. He is a big (6 feet, 3 inches), hirsute, square-jawed kinda white guy — the kind who saved screaming ingénues from gorillas or Martians in 1950s B flicks — who’s flourished parodying macho blowhards. Who doesn’t love Warburton? People who don’t know who he is, obviously.

They probably know him regardless, if not by name. First widely noted as Elaine’s emotionally deaf boyfriend on Seinfield, in recent years he’s starred in successful network sitcoms Rules of Engagement and Less than Perfect. They followed The Tick, a short-lived Fox superhero parody series everyone loved but the viewing public. He’s voiced various characters on Family Guy (a man’s gotta work), as well as loftier ‘toons including The Venture Bros., Kim Possible, and Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, playing Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story spinoffs, as well as endearing villain Kronk in The Emperor’s New Groove (2000).

The Emperor’s New Groove reunited him with Eartha Kitt, also a costar in his screen debut: 1987’s WTF Mandingo (1975) rip-off Dragonard, in which he played a race traitor Scottish hunk on an 18th century Caribbean slaving isle populated by such punishing extroverts as boozy Oliver Reed, chesty Claudia Uddy, and creaky Pink Panther boss Herbert Lom. This campsterpiece features steamy sex intercut with chicken sacrifice, a character called “Manroot,” appalling homosexual caricatures, much library music, and other incitements to drinking-game joy. (Start trolling eBay for used VHS copies now.)

These days, Warburton is promoting a past project he’d rather remember: 1999’s The Woman Chaser, billed as both his leading-role debut (hello! Dragonard!!) It was definitely the first feature for Robinson Devor (2005’s Police Beat, 2007’s Zoo), one of the most stubbornly idiosyncratic and independent American directors to emerge in recent years.

Derived from nihilist pulp master’s Charles Willeford 1960 novel, this perfect B&W retro-noir miniature sets Warburton’s antihero to swaggering across vintage L.A. cityscapes. Sloughing off an incestuously available mother and other bullet-bra’d she cats, his eye on one bizarre personal ambition, he’s a vintage man’s man bobbing obliviously in a sea of delicious, droll irony. Warburton appears with Devor at the Roxie for The Woman Chaser‘s theatrical-revival opening night. I caught up with the actor via phone last week.

SFBG Did The Woman Chaser have a significant impact on your career?

Patrick Warburton It should have. We debuted at the New York Film Festival, an amazing experience, then went to Sundance. The film got a nice little art house release in 15 or 20 cities. But after that, there were ownership issues, [and] it never went to DVD. So the audience has been extremely limited.

SFBG Yet a whole lot of people here seem to know and love it.

PW Of course I’ve always known San Francisco and its residents to possess far more beauty and art and culture than this desolate hell-hole we call Los Angeles.

SFBG Were you at all familiar with Charles Willeford before?

PW No, my first peek was Rob Devor’s screenplay adaptation, which was originally entitled King Size, then went back to the original [novel’s] title.

SFBG: A strange title, because the hero isn’t chasing women. In fact, he’s completely self-absorbed and alarmingly misogynist.

PW No, this isn’t about a guy chasing women. I guess that’s the way you sold a pulp novel back then, putting a man with a topless woman in a convertible on the cover of a paperback with a title like The Woman Chaser — even though Willeford’s interests were much more psychological. I was [36] years old, playing this role had my sexual interest at an all-time low. I didn’t get it. Meanwhile the actor, Patrick Warburton, was probably knocking one off in his dressing room once a day back then.

SFBG: Once?

PW Well, I was eating whatever the fuck I wanted, cuz this guy is a chain-smoking, whiskey-drinking car salesman. I got heavier than I’d ever been in my life, about 250 pounds. My wife was not pleased. [This character] was certainly an odd fellow, a misogynist.

SFBG How did you get involved?

PW My agent said “Here’s a script,” I met Rob, and we clicked. What’s interesting is it was right after the ninth season of Seinfeld. Anything else coming my way was because of that. But [Devor] had never seen an episode — I still don’t know if he has.

SFBG The movie does an incredible job recreating 1960 L.A. on a budget.

PW It was a grind. We’d procured a handful of permits, but mostly just ran into locations with our guerilla crew and stole shots. Rob really did have a vision. When you’re working long hours, you’re not getting paid a dime, you’re working with a director who has such a specific idea what he wants — he’s going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. But it’s an experience I’ve come to appreciate over time. Because I’ve been on the other side, where you can’t believe what a piece of garbage you’re a part of. That movie was what it was wholly because of Rob. He’s truly an artist. You don’t get such opportunities very often in this business. We’ve talked about [working together] again, and the right thing hasn’t come up. But I would love that more than anything.

SFBG: On another subject, I must quote 12 words of dialogue: “Sometimes being a slave is a man more dignity than being free!” So ungrammatical, for starters. Please reveal every last thing about Dragonard.

PW Oh, God. It was the first thing I ever did, and I knew after that experience … well. You have to be able to accept it. The most you can ask for [in this industry] are experiences where you learn and in the end get a great product. Like doing The Dish (2000) in Australia was great. I spent quality time with Sam Neill and Geoffrey Wright, then this delightful film came out of it. But with something like Dragonard, if you’re going to grow as an actor, you’ve got to just shit it out. You’ve got to say, not only is this the most awful movie ever made, but I am the worst thing in it.

THE WOMAN CHASER

Feb. 25–March 3, 7 and 9:15 p.m. (also Sat/26, 2 and 4:30 p.m.), $$5–$9.75

Roxie

3117 16th St., SF

(415) 863-1087

www.roxie.com

 

Hoop dreams

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culture@sfbg.com

RENEW Christabel Zamor moves like a snake — eyes fixed, lithe body writhing, hips rippling back and forth — which isn’t really surprising, considering the number of times she’s shed her skin.

Zamor is a hoopdancer — one of those sylph-like sirens who show up at parties and raves and on the playa in order to make the men drool and the women vow to do sit-ups. She credits hooping as the secret to her sensuous shape — but if you’re thinking of getting out your snake charmer’s flute, let’s get one thing straight: in this case, it’s the sexy serpent who’s charming you.

Zamor is magnetic and incredibly talented, but what sets her apart from other Bay Area hoopers is her avid following, cultivated by Hooping! The Book!, an array of instructional DVDs and 72-hour teacher training program that has certified 570 instructors in 16 countries. Zamor is HoopGirl® — a persona that not only has allowed her to whittle her waist and tone her tummy but to explode into a fitness franchise.

An erstwhile doctoral student and one-time “heavy-set, shy academic,” Zamor says she transformed her life — and her body — through hooping’s calorie-burning workouts and confidence-building powers. She now travels the world as a fitness trainer and empowerment coach, teaching people that they can do the same thing.

“I wasn’t really looking for hooping,” she says. At 27, Zamor was a UC Santa Barbara PhD student struggling to find academic support for her interest in ethnomusicology and drumming. Frustrated, she dropped out from her program after receiving a master’s degree, traveled to Senegal to study djembe, returned to the States, enrolled in Pacifica Graduate Institute’s master’s program in mythology and depth psychology, and began working as a personal assistant. Amid the confusion, she says she didn’t have the power to envision a life outside her studies. “I wanted to be a healer but didn’t know it,” she says.

But a simple circle changed all that. At a Gathering of the Tribes conference in Los Angeles, Zamor fortuitously picked up her first hoop — and HoopGirl was set in motion.

Zamor claims she never had a hula hoop as a child, but from the first instant she picked up the plastic ring and it clattered uncooperatively to the ground, she was hooked. Despite the initial “experience of not succeeding,” she was captivated by the hoopers around her — “beautiful nymphs undulating gorgeously” — and she was determined to become one.

“I got a hoop and started practicing in the park, in rhythm with high-energy trance or electronic music,” she says, and crowds “just started gathering.” When a newspaper reporter wrote a story on her weekly spin sessions, “100 people showed up wanting to hoop.”

Hooping has provided Zamor with a means of transformation, for her physical body as well as her spiritual self. She describes hooping as the portal that awakened her to underground subcultures like the circus-arts scene and artistic communities like Burning Man.

Zamor found that she could hoop for six hours at a time and that it catalyzed a level of physical and spiritual presence she describes as a “quickening” of the body. She interprets the orbital motion of the hoop as “intrinsically about coming back to your center,” a practice that stills mental chatter.

Hooping also began to fill in for the cultural activity that Zamor had so desperately wanted to study at UCSB. She had sought to understand how tribal rituals played a role in society, but she realized that dissecting a cultural form appropriated from the third world brought up questions of co-optation that she didn’t want to wrestle with. Hooping provided the same rhythmic, percussive, ritualistic aspects and counted as an indigenous rite in California in the early aughts, when its popularity was exploding. Burning Man was where Zamor tapped into hooping as a “sacred, transcendent experience,” one that she ultimately felt empowered to interpret for a national audience.

Now 10 years later, Zamor has performed at events for Warner Bros., Universal Pictures, and Cirque du Soleil. She has been hired to represent fitness brands and health club chains. She is licensing HoopGirl® Workout teachers across Canada, England, Australia, and the United States, where her hoop regimen has been certified by the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America.

At 38, she is a fitness guru and the leader of a profitable exercise business. In her books and DVDs, she maintains a bubbly exuberance in describing her physical transformation. “My unwanted extra fat just disappeared and was replaced by gorgeous muscle,” she crows, describing her journey. But she leaves out transcendence at Burning Man in favor of the elation of calories burned.

Zamor admits that she has had to be a chameleon to market herself and her hooping. Unlike other elite hoopers who began to develop the art form around the same time or even earlier, Zamor hasn’t been content to limit herself to a part of the San Francisco subculture. She hopes to bring legitimacy to hooping, which sometimes means talking abs and aerobics. “To spread hooping, I have to be able to spread the lingo. I gain respect by speaking a language that people respect.”

But when she is training HoopGirl dancers, she says she still refers to hooping as a spiritual practice. Her mantra — hooping is sexy! — is as much about a sense of self-worth as a satisfying session in the sack. The once “introverted loner” has been able to use hooping to help shed her old self, literally — and she’s eager to show us that results are replicable at home.

“The hoop adheres better to bare skin,” she explains, “so I started wearing less clothing. Showing my arms, showing my legs — it’s like the hoop was asking me to take those things off. I started to feel like I didn’t have to hide who I was.”

Flipping through pages of toned hotties in her book, or watching the bootie-shorted babes in her DVDs, it might be difficult to believe that the sexiness of hooping isn’t about, well, sex. But Zamor says there is something deeply and inherently feminine about the hoop — and it’s not just that the ladies look better shakin’ it.

After two surgeries for endometriosis, Zamor is convinced that the “soothing gyrations” of the hoop against her pelvis have helped heal her. “Hooping provided the insight I needed to slow down and focus on my body,” she says, explaining that it’s also a way to strengthen her core and reproductive organs, bringing fresh blood to the pelvic region and awakening her libido. Now, six years since her last surgery, she emphasizes that her doctor was amazed at how quickly she healed by hooping through the ordeal.

Next up, Zamor will be working on bringing that whole-body healing to women who may not be willing to step inside the hoop. She has expanded her business to include empowerment classes that honor the “divine, delicious feminine” and that will help women become a more supple, radiant, and luminous version of themselves, she says.

These classes in “hooping outside the hoop” are geared toward helping others uncover the empowerment and sense of self-worth that Zamor has found through HoopGirl. Of course, unless Zamor is planning on turning out hundreds of successful fitness revolutionaries with profitable book deals of their own, it’s hard to say whether her personal transformation will be replicable. But with one irresistible smile from Zamor, it’s easy to see that the hoop has worked for her — and difficult to resist the urge to run out and buy one for oneself.

Renew yourself

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culture@sfbg.com

So 2011 is a couple months in, and already your new year’s resolution list reads like so many dreams deferred? Chuck it in the flames — not all rebirths neatly coincide with the Gregorian calendar. This spring, rejuvenate your inner and outer workings with some of these excellent opportunities to renew everything from your chi, to your core strength, to the sweetness of your swagger.

 

HEAR THE CRY OF THE MIDNIGHT DOWN-DOG

Tripped the light cataclysmic a time too many? The toxic Fernet fumes ooze from your pores, and you’ve left not only your debit, but your credit, library, and frequent bagel-buyer card in various watering holes about time? Time to purge. Take a night off from tippling and toddle to Laughing Lotus, where Friday night’s midnight yoga class (each week from 10 p.m.-midnight) soothes abused chakras — and livers, need be. Each week even features a different live musician: Fri/25’s class will be home to the didgeridoo and sound-healing savasana of Amber Field.

Laughing Lotus, 3271 16th St., SF. (415) 355-1600, www.laughinglotus.com

 

PARTICIPATE IN A GROUP POKING

What’s community acupuncture, you ask? Small groups of patients are treated in recliners in a quiet, calm room. During the hour-long sessions, those waiting for their pokes receive staggered personalized care (needles are inserted into one’s limbs, face, and head: no disrobing necessary) from a licensed acupuncturist. Learned how to share in kindergarten? Perfect, because the cooperative method means that a single session will only run you $25–$45, including the initial visit’s paperwork fee. Circle Community Acupuncture, 1351 Harrison, SF. (415) 864-1070, www.circleca.com

 

ALKALINIZE!

Fasting, ugh. It has its place, but not eating anything is a bitter pill in the land of street tacos and gourmet coffee grounds. If you’re asking our opinion, a day of cleanse is best accessorized with Lydia’s raw green soup, a tangy elixir of kale, cucumber, dulse seaweed, avocado, ginger, and other green delicious majicks. Lydia’s sells neatly packaged soup servings, resplendent kale chips, and other yummy raw treats are favorites at the city’s crunchiest festivals, and you can pick them up at health food stores too.

Available at various SF grocery stores, www.lydiaslovinfoods.com

 

SWEAT IT OUT

Hidden behind hippie-wear emporium P-Kok is a small green garden and a sauna where tired city souls retreat for the store’s patchouli-heavy full moon ceremonies, complete with vibrational sauna singing. Starting in March, the hidden space will go holistic and become Tall Tree Tambo Wholeness Center. Monthly memberships (to encourage the use of the space as a healthy community hub) will be available for $100–$125 including coed and single-sex sauna access, healing events facilitated by other members, and the center’s four on-site healing arts practitioners, small-group classes in spiritual alignment, yoga, and the ever-popular full moon rites.

776 Haight, SF. (415) 430-8285, www.talltreetambo.org

 

TAKE INSPIRATION FROM A FEMALE FIGHTER

Forget Rocky. For true Bay Area boxing spirit, you couldn’t do better than checking out the super bantamweight championship boxing match of Ana “the Hurricane” Julaton vs. Franchesca “the Chosen One” Alcanter on Fri/25. Julaton, a Daly City and Bayview raised Filipina American, is looking to regain her standing in the pro world after a disappointing loss last year. Regardless of who walks with the belt, the ring’s high-powered punching — and rock hard musculature — is worth checking out if you’re in need of some gym motivation.

Fri/25 6 p.m., $35–$360. Craneway Pavilion, 1414 Harbour, Richmond. www.brownpapertickets.com

 

SWEAT TO BOLLYWOOD BREAKS

Of course, you could saddle up your most comfortable heels and get your werqout in the club. Should you try this tactic, you could hardly do better than the rum-tum-tum stylings of Non-Stop Bhangra, a night that’s been teaching San Franciscans how to circle wrists and move hips in pure Punjabi mode since 2004. Nights begin with a hour-long class on Bollywood-style dance, continues with ample time to practice to beats by resident DJs and guest scratchers, and now attract a diverse following of races, ages, and ahem, physical aptitudes. Calorie burn and culture learn at the same time, perfect.

Next show: March 19 9 p.m., $10–$20. Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell, SF. (415) 861-2011, www.nonstopbhangra.com

 

READ ABOUT OTHER, HEALTHIER PEOPLE

Maria Arellano was gunning for a healthier lifestyle, so she decided to blog about it. “Accountability,” the chipper office manager e-mailed us when we asked her about Oh Healthy Day‘s providence. “Posting your workouts and healthy eating habits with others is a great way to stay motivated.” Her short, addicting posts and sunny photos of her ongoing journey to fitness are also great ways to hold us accountable — how are you going to down that family-sized bag of corn chips after reading Arellano’s upbeat prose about her delicious protein and veggie dinners or inspiring Crossfit workout? Answer: you’re not.

www.ohhealthyday.com

 

REACH FOR THE SKY

While the spectacularly cool House of Air has added a valuable component to San Francisco’s kid’s-activity-starved landscape (little ones can’t help but explode with glee at the very sight of the humongous “Bounce House”), there’s trampin’ for adults as well. Specifically, the Air Conditioning workout is a 50-minute fly-through that promises to “leave your cheeks just as sore as your quads from smiling so much.” At $16 for a 50-minute session, it’s not a huge leap to “yes.”

926 Mason, SF. (415) 345-9675, www.houseofairsf.com

 

BUFF YOUR BRAINPOWER

Feel the burn all you want in your thighs, but no fitness program would be complete without a stretching your mind. At vibrantBrains, you’ll exercise that flabby cerebellum in what amounts to a workout for your brain. Improve your memory, tackle abstractions, and fast-track your alertness, literacy, and comprehension skills with programs like “Neurobics,” “Mind Evolve,” “NeoCORTA,” and “Posit Science Cortex with InSight.” Each program concentrates on a different area of mental agility using a combination of cutting edge techniques and personal attention. Even reading about the various vibrantBrains offerings makes us feel smarter.

3235 Sacramento, SF. (415) 775-1138, www.vibrantbrains.com

 

IMMERSE YOURSELF IN EGGHEAD

Holy smarty-pants, Batman, there’s a ton of intellectually stimulating stuff going down at the Mechanics’ Institute. Any given day you might enjoy a screwball comedy from the 1940s, a talk by a famous fantasist-cartographer, a book club discussion centering on the Harlem Renaissance, a class in beginner Excel, or intensive chess instruction at any level. It’s also a library! The 1854 Mechanics’ Institute building is a mind-blow in itself — but with a wide-ranging and welcoming program of creatively exhilarating (and very inexpensive) events, you may not even notice your intriguing surroundings.

57 Post. # 415, SF. (415) 393-0110, www.milibrary.org

 

STROKE SOME FUR

Next time you’re about to calculate your checkbook in your head or cry because your (ex-)drummer stole your boyfriend, head over to the Little Farm petting zoo in Berkeley’s Tilden Regional Park. This fully-loaded snuggle gang of cows, goats, rabbits, chickens, and pigs will have you back to your cute self — because petting zoos are restorative for small, whiny children, but they also work for midsized, whiny adults.

Little Farm petting zoo, Tilden Regional Park, Central Park Drive, Berk. (510) 525-2233, www.ebparks.org

 

MEDITATE STUPA-SIDE

If you want to change your outlook, pay a visit to the Peace Pagoda in Japan Center, an underrated San Francisco landmark. Designed by artist and architect Yoshiro Taniguchi, the pagoda and its subtly Op Art-tinged interpretation of a Buddhist stupa made their debut in the year of the Summer of Love. Walk around and even step inside Taniguchi’s 100-foot-high, five-tiered, many-passaged structure to meditate from an infinite variety of angles. Or better yet, play a quick game of hide and seek with someone you love. 24-7.

1704 Post, SF. (415) 775-1817, www.sfjapantown.org

 

LET YOUR SPIRIT WANDER

Sometimes the best way to refresh yourself is to get a little lost. When things begin to spiral out of control, let the ancient spiritual meditative paths of the three Bay Area labyrinths lead you to a calmer place. Take a natural journey to the mysterious Eagle Point Labyrinth (Lands End, Sutro Heights Park, SF.). Experience transcendence — and a spectacular quiet zone — with the Labyrinth at Grace Cathedral (1100 California, SF. www.gracecathedral.org). Or amble with playful tots along the colorful circle of the Scott Street Labyrinth near Duboce Park (Scott between Duboce and Waller, SF).

 

MULTITASK YOUR RETRO BEAUTY FIX

If you want to feel new, sometimes there’s only one thing to do: get a fresh hairdo at Down at Lulu’s. The bass is thumpin’, the clothes are cheap and sexy, and the pop culture treasures and creative energy are abundant at this self-described “hair salon-vintage clothing-record store-junk shop” co-owned by Tina Lucchesi and Seth Bogart, where you can get hot highlights, cuckoo color jobs, and perms with panache.

6603 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 601-0964, www.downatlulus.com.

 

PUT CUTE AT YOUR FINGERTIPS

You’ll break your lease in the land of not-so-fresh after an introduction to wonders of kawaii nail art. Let Trang Bui, the manager of Crystal Nail, facilitate your escape from the days of dull French manicures with her signature collage talons of glitter, jewels, and — so popular you should book and specify you want them well in advance — Hello Kitty 3-D art. Don’t be shocked at the price tag — a full acrylic set with designs and tip will run around $65. Worth it for such blingy digits, no? Next challenge: learning to type with horizontal fingers.

2347 Clement, SF. (415) 752-4425

 

STICK A FEATHER IN YOUR COIF

Still rocking the all-natural look? Shame that — freshen up your do with some feather hair extensions, slim bursts of hue that’ll set you apart from the other land-locked long hairs, but don’t involve the same commitment as a jar of Manic Panic (though they can last for months). You can get a natural or neon-colored bundle of up to four feathers for $30 or single plumes for $10 each at the Mission’s Pretty Parlor. Move fast — once these hit Dolores Park, the trend’s gonna blow up.

Pretty Parlor. 3150 18th St., SF. (415) 556-2883, www.prettyparlorsf.com

Naughty girls (need love too)

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SCANDAL! Flaubert’s Madame Bovary is one of those pillars of French culture whose dismissal might well get you deported. (Deservedly.) It has inspired innumerable adaptations and co-optations, including a Hindi musical, a VeggieTales episode, and a postmodernist novel posing as a nonfiction memoir-literary homage (Julian Barnes’ Flaubert’s Parrot). Its film incarnations have been reset everywhere from Portugal to Argentina to Rye, N.Y., attracting directors as celebrated as Jean Renoir and Vincente Minnelli and actresses as disparate as emotional heavy-lifter Pola Negri and chilly, twiggy Isabelle Huppert.

A few notches below that lofty company is 1969’s The Sins of Madame Bovary, a German-Italian coproduction with the era’s requisite mixture of dubbed multinationals — none very well remembered now — which is being issued this month by South San Francisco’s CAV Distributing. Despite its lurid title, this is a fairly faithful, if uninspired, version of the novel directed by journeyman Hans Schott-Schöbinger, whose less-than-illustrious prior credits included something called The Pastor with the Jazz Trumpet (1962).

It was a last career stop for him, but just the beginning for star Edwige Fenech, an Algerian-born beauty contest winner of Maltese and French extraction who would be the face that launched a thousand European exploitation movies — well, a lot of them anyway — over the next decade-plus. (Never entirely retired, she recently had a cameo in 2007’s Hostel: Part II.) Through all her giallos and sex comedies, Fenech, a brunette with a jones for heavy mascara, gamely deployed her beauty in various stages of undress, revealing a curvy figure with considerably less discretion than Flaubert allowed the tragic ninny he both pitied and ridiculed.

It’s probably on the shelf of every junior-high library now, but the original Madame Bovary was hugely scandalous — not just in her fictive world of bourgeois discontent, but in the salons, government offices, and courts of actual mid-19th century France. Couched in the most exquisite prose, her hapless infidelities — spurred by the fatal error of having married a nice, very dull country doctor — brought charges of immorality against author and original publisher (when it was serialized in a magazine) that came close to throwing the future pal to George Sand, Turgenev, and Emperor Napoleon III in prison.

Who knows how many titillated readers tried to emulate Emma B.’s suggested shag in a closed horse-drawn carriage only to discover their design in that era would in all likelihood make that exercise conducive to unpleasant contortions and muscle cramps? Perhaps that was another of Flaubert’s little jokes — as a many-mistress’d lifelong bachelor who’d explored the length of the Kinsey Scale (yet never truly moved out of his mother’s house) and had the venereal souvenirs to show for it. Yet one suspects he would have found the subsequent graphic sexualities of later banned books Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Ulysses, Tropic of Cancer, etc. to be merely vulgar.  

 

Live Review: Prince at the Oracle Arena

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At this point in his 35-year career, Prince is perhaps justified in expecting us humanoids to happily accept anything handed down to us from Mount Paisley Park. But at the Oracle Arena in Oakland on Mon./21 — the first of three last-minute concerts planned for the Bay (Thursday’s show was announced Monday night, after more than 30,000 tickets were sold for the first two performances in less than 72 hours), the mood was a curious mixture of intense, polished skill tinged with unexpected insecurity: Prince, in full 52-years-young prodigy mode, broke from the action in one instance with a surprising, “Are y’all having fun?” And heated anticipation and adulation gave way to a brief outbreak of boos — the audience pressed hard to get into the show, and was loathe to give up its ground after the first encore, hollering with displeasure when the house lights came up.

It was a mixed bag, albeit an entertaining and fascinating one, from an entertainer who can still pull out the stops, fingering his fretboard with one hand while slicking back his short crop with the other. A playful Prince alternately grinned at his band, placated the fans with hits, and happily jammed at length on one of his many Telecaster-style guitars, pacing himself all the while with breaks featuring guest Sheila E. and his backup vocalists. His impassioned take on “Cool,” the song he bestowed on the Time back in 1981, said it all: Prince was out to reestablish his own ageless brand of awesome, and have fun doing it. 

Opening the show was white zoot-suited Oakland native and psychedelic funk-rock pater familias Larry Graham, the bassist who broke ground and moved major booty with his slapping technique as part of Sly and the Family Stone. Fronting his band, Graham Central Station, Drake’s uncle got the audience primed with a sing-along to his 1980 slow-dance hit “One in a Million You,” before immediately ripping into a jaw-dropping bass demo that had him scraping his strings against a mic stand and probing them with his teeth — an exhibition that would have had Jimi Hendrix pondering the possibilities of the low end. The kicker: a lengthy Sly and the Family Stone medley, including a moving “Family Affair,” “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin),” and “Dance to the Music,” with a finale that had Prince rising up from the bowels of the glyph-shaped stage, clad in fuzzy après-ski boots, to join Graham and crew for “Everyday People” and a palpably joyful “I Want to Take You Higher” that inspired everyone onstage — and a good batch of the crowd — to leap in unison.

The psych-funk-rock lineage clearly established, Prince remained the main Event-with-a-capital-E. The artist presently known as Prince is still an eerily, extraterrestrially-gifted performer, capable of shredding in hair-band-esque Eddie Van Halen mode, then tossing his leopard-pick-guarded guitar off the stage, and finally breaking into a fluid yet precisely controlled slew of popping, locking contortions in what looked to be flared satin PJs. A big-screen closeup of his posterior moving ever-so-minutely in time to the beat captured the detail with hilarious exactitude.

I had to laugh, marveling at the calculated, smooth perfection of the maestro’s moves, though Prince’s absolute, practiced fluency in so many modes of American music — rock tear-throughs, blues jams, soul breakdowns, pop sing-alongs, R&B balladry, jazz interludes and conga workouts with Sheila E. by his side — is seriously hard to question, and in keeping with the title of this tour, “Welcome 2 America.” This not-of-this-earth visitor has conquered the musical languages of the land, turning the tables on the natives.

Still, nothin’ compares 2 love, and Prince was out to please Monday — sprinkling his set with hits like “Raspberry Beret,” “Controversy,” and “Kiss” and unleashing a violet confetti downpour with “Purple Rain” — while seemingly just as eager to embrace the contributions of Carlos Santana, who was lent the Princely guitar; Bay native Sheila E., who sang “The Glamorous Life” to loud home-girl cheers; and backup vocalist Shelby Johnson, who memorably emoted through “Misty Blue,” as Prince playfully pulled Larry Graham up to enact a faux-romantic reunion.

The guest appearances may not have matched the celebrity drive-bys at his recent NYC dates — those ranged from Alicia Keys and Questlove to Cornel West and Kim Kardashian (who got kicked off stage for less-than-stellar dancing) — and new twirlers the Twinz weren’t in the house to add considerable sex appeal, but I, for one, left sated after a two-hour performance that included an hour-long encores. Prince’s displays of slink-worthy lewdness have been replaced by exhibitions of guitar hero virtuosity — “I don’t know how you feel, but I’ve missed you something horrible,” the gold-satin-draped artist cooed to us over a hot gold guitar toward the end of the show — but that made it no less a close encounter of the Princely kind.

PRINCE
With Larry Graham
Wed./23 and Thurs./24, 7:30 p.m., $71.50-$238
Oracle Arena
7000 Coliseum Way, Oakl.
www.livenation.com

L.A. confidential: Patrick Warburton on “The Woman Chaser” — and “Dragonard”

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Patrick Warburton occupies his own special niche. He is a big (6 feet, 3 inches), hirsute, square-jawed kinda white guy — the kind who saved screaming ingénues from gorillas or Martians in 1950s B flicks — who’s flourished parodying macho blowhards. Who doesn’t love Warburton? People who don’t know who he is, obviously.

They probably know him regardless, if not by name. First widely noted as Elaine’s emotionally deaf boyfriend on Seinfield, in recent years he’s starred in successful network sitcoms Rules of Engagement and Less than Perfect. They followed The Tick, a short-lived Fox superhero parody series everyone loved but the viewing public. He’s voiced various characters on Family Guy (a man’s gotta work), as well as loftier ’toons including The Venture Bros., Kim Possible, and Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, playing Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story spinoffs, as well as endearing villain Kronk in The Emperor’s New Groove (2000).

The Emperor’s New Groove reunited him with Eartha Kitt, also a costar in his screen debut: 1987’s WTF Mandingo (1975) rip-off Dragonard, in which he played a race traitor Scottish hunk on an 18th century Caribbean slaving isle populated by such punishing extroverts as boozy Oliver Reed, chesty Claudia Uddy, and creaky Pink Panther boss Herbert Lom. This campsterpiece features steamy sex intercut with chicken sacrifice, a character called “Manroot,” appalling homosexual caricatures, much library music, and other incitements to drinking-game joy. (Start trolling eBay for used VHS copies now.)

These days, Warburton is promoting a past project he’d rather remember: 1999’s The Woman Chaser (opening Fri/25 at the Roxie), billed as both his leading-role debut (hello! Dragonard!!) It was definitely the first feature for Robinson Devor (2005’s Police Beat, 2007’s Zoo), one of the most stubbornly idiosyncratic and independent American directors to emerge in recent years.

Derived from nihilist pulp master’s Charles Willeford 1960 novel, this perfect B&W retro-noir miniature sets Warburton’s antihero to swaggering across vintage L.A. cityscapes. Sloughing off an incestuously available mother and other bullet-bra’d she cats, his eye on one bizarre personal ambition, he’s a vintage man’s man bobbing obliviously in a sea of delicious, droll irony. Warburton appears with Devor at the Roxie for The Woman Chaser‘s theatrical-revival opening night. I caught up with the actor via phone last week.

SFBG Did The Woman Chaser have a significant impact on your career?
Patrick Warburton It should have. We debuted at the New York Film Festival, an amazing experience, then went to Sundance. The film got a nice little art house release in 15 or 20 cities. But after that, there were ownership issues, [and] it never went to DVD. So the audience has been extremely limited.

SFBG Yet a whole lot of people here seem to know and love it.
PW Of course I’ve always known San Francisco and its residents to possess far more beauty and art and culture than this desolate hell-hole we call Los Angeles.

SFBG Were you at all familiar with Charles Willeford before?
PW No, my first peek was Rob Devor’s screenplay adaptation, which was originally entitled King Size, then went back to the original [novel’s] title.

SFBG A strange title, because the hero isn’t chasing women. In fact, he’s completely self-absorbed and alarmingly misogynist.
PW No, this isn’t about a guy chasing women. I guess that’s the way you sold a pulp novel back then, putting a man with a topless woman in a convertible on the cover of a paperback with a title like The Woman Chaser — even though Willeford’s interests were much more psychological. I was [36] years old, playing this role had my sexual interest at an all-time low. I didn’t get it. Meanwhile the actor, Patrick Warburton, was probably knocking one off in his dressing room once a day back then.

SFBG Once?
PW Well, I was eating whatever the fuck I wanted, cuz this guy is a chain-smoking, whiskey-drinking car salesman. I got heavier than I’d ever been in my life, about 250 pounds. My wife was not pleased. [This character] was certainly an odd fellow, a misogynist.

SFBG How did you get involved?
PW My agent said “Here’s a script,” I met Rob, and we clicked. What’s interesting is it was right after the ninth season of Seinfeld. Anything else coming my way was because of that. But [Devor] had never seen an episode — I still don’t know if he has.

SFBG The movie does an incredible job recreating 1960 L.A. on a budget.
PW It was a grind. We’d procured a handful of permits, but mostly just ran into locations with our guerilla crew and stole shots. Rob really did have a vision. When you’re working long hours, you’re not getting paid a dime, you’re working with a director who has such a specific idea what he wants — he’s going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. But it’s an experience I’ve come to appreciate over time. Because I’ve been on the other side, where you can’t believe what a piece of garbage you’re a part of. That movie was what it was wholly because of Rob. He’s truly an artist. You don’t get such opportunities very often in this business. We’ve talked about [working together] again, and the right thing hasn’t come up. But I would love that more than anything.

SFBG On another subject, I must quote 12 words of dialogue: “Sometimes being a slave is a man more dignity than being free!” So ungrammatical, for starters. Please reveal every last thing about Dragonard.
PW Oh, God. It was the first thing I ever did, and I knew after that experience … well. You have to be able to accept it. The most you can ask for [in this industry] are experiences where you learn and in the end get a great product. Like doing The Dish (2000) in Australia was great. I spent quality time with Sam Neill and Geoffrey Wright, then this delightful film came out of it. But with something like Dragonard, if you’re going to grow as an actor, you’ve got to just shit it out. You’ve got to say, not only is this the most awful movie ever made, but I am the worst thing in it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKKWHkMlzPc

SFBG It doesn’t even sound like your speaking voice in that film.
PW I tell people I was dubbed.

SFBG You were?
PW No. I just say that to minimize all responsibility. Going down to South Africa at age 22 for my first movie … my very first day was with Oliver Reed, drunk on whiskey as usual at 10 a.m., doing a sword fight. Terrifying. I decided hey, I’m in prime drinking condition, I’ll try to keep up, though I refused to start before 5 p.m. I ended up going on pretty much a two-month bender with him.

SFBG Plus Dragonard had the late Eartha Kitt, another famously trying person to work with.
PW Eartha Kitt was a fascinating woman. When I got back from South Africa, she was performing [in concert] and I went to see her. Afterwards she invited me to her hotel room. I really didn’t know what the fuck I was doing there. I’m on the couch, she’s on the bed, petting one of her cats like Cruella de Vil. “How are you daaahling.” I must have been shaking. Years later we worked together in [Disney cartoon] The Emperor’s New Groove. Looking at the relationship between [her evil queen] Yzma and [his clueless musclehead sidekick] Kronk in that, I had to laugh. It’s so strange sometimes, how life imitates art, or art imitates life.

SFBG I believe there’s an actual website for devotees of onscreen flogging, and you are the absolute champ. [Warburton’s character is lashed for an onscreen eternity.]
PW I guess that was one way they figured to keep the budget down. “Hey, let’s just kill five minutes watching this guy get whipped!”

SFBG It’s funny, because making fun of the kind of heroic jocktard Dragonard takes seriously turned became your metier. Did you always see comedy as your strength, or did it just evolve that way?
PW No, it pretty much just evolved that way. After Dragonard I thought, “No one is ever going to take you seriously as an actor again — do something else!” [In recent years] I’ve watched it, with friends, after a lot of drinks. It definitely takes a few beers. But for a long time, I hoped every copy of that movie had been lost or destroyed, more than Paris Hilton or whoever wishes their sex tapes were just erased. Or maybe they don’t … anyway, I kinda went into hiding after that movie and thought: “OK, you asshole, are you going to be an actor or not?”

SFBG Yet you perservered.
PW I did. I did persevere.

THE WOMAN CHASER
Feb. 25–March 3, 7 and 9:15 p.m. (also Sat/26, 2 and 4:30 p.m.), $5–$9.75
Roxie
3117 16th St., SF
(415) 863-1087
www.roxie.com

Music Listings

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WEDNESDAY 23

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Admiral Radley, Typhoon, Social Studies, Fake Your Own Death Bottom of the Hill. 8pm, $14. Part of Noise Pop.

Chuckle Berries, Shrouds, Hondettes, Elvis Christ Knockout. 9pm, $6.

Coronas, Jamestown Revival Slim’s. 8pm, $13.

Dan Deacon, Ed Schrader’s Music Beat, Sister Crayon, Lily Taylor Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $15. Part of Noise Pop.

Geographer, Butterfly Bones, K. Flay, Funeral Party Independent. 8pm, $15. Part of Noise Pop.

New Monsoon Yoshi’s San Francisco. 7pm, $16.

No Babies, Havarti Party, Arms N’ Legs Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $5.

+One Trio, Danny Heines, Los Angeles Television Milk Bar. 9pm, $5.

Pendulum, Innerpartysystem Fillmore. 8pm, $25.

Skinwalkers, Necronauts, Electric Shepherd El Rio. 8pm, $5.

Sweet Chariot, Travor Childs and the Beholders, Love Dimension Hotel Utah. 9pm, $6.

Trampled Under Foot Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

Versus, Telekinesis, Love Language, Burnt Ones Café Du Nord. 8pm, $16. Part of Noise Pop.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Cat’s Corner with Christine and Nathan Savanna Jazz. 9pm, $10.

Dink Dink Dink, Gaucho, Michael Abraham Amnesia. 7pm, free.

Ben Marcato and the Mondo Combo Top of the Mark. 7:30pm, $10.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 8pm, $35.

DANCE CLUBS

Club Shutter Elbo Room. 10pm, $5. Goth with DJs Nako, Omar, and Justin.

Booty Call Q-Bar, 456 Castro, SF; www.bootycallwednesdays.com. 9pm. Juanita Moore hosts this dance party, featuring DJ Robot Hustle.

Cannonball Beauty Bar. 10pm, free. Rock, indie, and nu-disco with DJ White Mike.

Hands Down! Bar on Church. 9pm, free. With DJs Claksaarb, Mykill, and guests spinning indie, electro, house, and bangers.

Jam Fresh Wednesdays Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; (415) 433-8585. 9:30pm, free. With DJs Slick D, Chris Clouse, Rich Era, Don Lynch, and more spinning top40, mashups, hip hop, and remixes.

Mary-Go-Round Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 10pm, $5. A weekly drag show with hosts Cookie Dough, Pollo Del Mar, and Suppositori Spelling.

No Room For Squares Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 6-10pm, free. DJ Afrodite Shake spins jazz for happy hour.

Respect Wednesdays End Up. 10pm, $5. Rotating DJs Daddy Rolo, Young Fyah, Irie Dole, I-Vier, Sake One, Serg, and more spinning reggae, dancehall, roots, lovers rock, and mash ups.

Synchronize Il Pirata, 2007 16th St, SF; (415) 626-2626. 10pm, free. Psychedelic dance music with DJs Helios, Gatto Matto, Psy Lotus, Intergalactoid, and guests.

 

THURSDAY 24

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

*”Eighth Annual Johnny Cash Birthday Tribute” Knockout. 8pm, $10. With Royal Deuces, B Stars, Misisipi Mike’s Midnight Gamblers, Gold Diggers, Los High Tops, and Careless Hearts.

Everest, Red Cortez, All Smiles Hotel Utah. 9pm, $8.

Film School, Apex Manor, Gregory and the Hawk, Melted Toys Café Du Nord. 8pm, $14. Part of Noise Pop.

*Floating Goat, Begotten, Hornss Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $6.

Guitarmageddon Blues Ball Slim’s. 9pm, $13.

Hood Internet, Database Rickshaw Stop. 9pm, $21. Part of Noise Pop.

Led Zepagain Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8pm, $16.

Leftover Crack, Rockfight, DHC Thee Parkside. 9pm, $12.

Ted Leo, AB and the Sea, Kevin Seconds, Angel Island Bottom of the Hill. 8pm, $12. Part of Noise Pop.

Pixel Memory, Kodacrome, Sex Admirals El Rio. 8pm, $5.

Johnny Rawls Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

Stone Foxes, Voxhaul Broadcast, Ferocious Few, Soft White Sixties Independent. 8pm, $12. Part of Noise Pop.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Shelani Alix Café Royale, 800 Post, SF; (415) 641-6033. 8pm, free.

Derek Smith Latin Jazz Band and Dee Spencer SFSU Student Bands Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $5.

Organism featuring Jim Gunderson and “Tender” Tim Shea Bollyhood Café. 6:30-9pm, free.

Stompy Jones Top of the Mark. 7:30pm, $10.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 8pm, $40.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Bhi Bhiman and Justin Farrin Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 8:30pm, free.

Bluegrass and old-time jam Atlas Café. 8-10pm, free.

DANCE CLUBS

Afrolicious Elbo Room. 9:30pm, $5. DJs Pleasuremaker and Señor Oz plus guest Ohmega Watts spin Afrobeat, tropicália, electro, samba, and funk.

Caribbean Connection Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $3. DJ Stevie B and guests spin reggae, soca, zouk, reggaetón, and more.

Drop the Pressure Underground SF. 6-10pm, free. Electro, house, and datafunk highlight this weekly happy hour.

Guilty Pleasures Gestalt, 3159 16th St, SF; (415) 560-0137. 9:30pm, free. DJ TophZilla, Rob Metal, DJ Stef, and Disco-D spin punk, metal, electro-funk, and 80s.

Funktastique Tunnel Top, 601 Bush, SF; (415) 986-8900. 10pm, free. Rare grooves, funk, and electro-swing with Dr. Musco.

Jivin’ Dirty Disco Butter, 354 11th St., SF; (415) 863-5964. 8pm, free. With DJs spinning disco, funk, and classics.

Mestiza Bollywood Café, 3376 19th St, SF; (415) 970-0362. 10pm, free. Showcasing progressive Latin and global beats with DJ Juan Data.

1984 Mighty. 9pm, $2. The long-running New Wave and 80s party has a new venue, featuring video DJs Mark Andrus, Don Lynch, and celebrity guests.

Peaches Skylark, 10pm, free. With an all female DJ line up featuring Deeandroid, Lady Fingaz, That Girl, and Umami spinning hip hop.

Red Bull Thre3style DNA Lounge. 8pm, $10-15. DJ contest with a closing set by DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Thursday Special Tralala Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 5pm, free. Downtempo, hip-hop, and freestyle beats by Dr. Musco and Unbroken Circle MCs.

 

FRIDAY 25

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Aesop Rock, Kimya Dawson Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $20. Part of Noise Pop.

Apache, Vanishing Breed, Fangs Hemlock Tavern. 9:30pm, $6.

Battlehooch, Nobunny, Exray’s, Downer Party Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $12. Part of Noise Pop.

*Black Cobra, Futur Skullz, Hazzard’s Cure El Rio. 10pm, $8.

Blisses B, Fierce Bad Rabbit, Hurricane Roses, Jonathan Meek and the Mutes Kimo’s. 9pm, $5-7.

Concretes, Birds and Batteries, Magic Bullets, Psychic Friend Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $15. Part of Noise Pop.

Death, Zolar X Slim’s. 9pm, $16.

Leftover Crack, Vacuum, Sharp Objects Thee Parkside. 9pm, $12.

Lisa Loeb Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8pm, $30.

Janiva Magness Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $22.

Josh Ritter, Scott Hutchinson Fillmore. 9pm, $25.

Tamaryn, Black Ryder, Soft Moon, Wax Idols Café Du Nord. 8pm, $13. Part of Noise Pop.

Young Prisms Independent. 8pm, $13. Part of Noise Pop.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Black Market Jazz Orchestra Top of the Mark. 9pm, $10.

Sameer Gupta’s Namaskar Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $15.

Suzanna Smith and group Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $8.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 8pm, $45.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Albino!, Russ Liquid Elbo Room. 10pm, $10.

“Americana Jukebox” Plough and Stars. 9:30pm, $6-10. With Magnolia Row, Snap Jackson, and Knock On Wood Players.

Baxtalo Drom Amnesia. 9pm, $7-10.

Makru Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 9pm, free.

DANCE CLUBS

Afro Bao Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $5. Afro and world music with rotating DJs including Stepwise, Steve, Claude, Santero, and Elembe.

CNY With Monsters of Bass Tour 103 Harriet, 103 Harriet, SF; www.1015.com. 9pm, $15. With MartyParty, FreQNasty, and Opiuo.

DJ Dtek Medjool, 2522 Mission, SF; www.medjoolsf.com. 10:30pm, $10.

Duniya Dancehall Blue Macaw, 2565 Mission, SF; (415) 920-0577. 10pm, $10. With live performances by Duniya Drum and Dance Co. and DJs dub Snakr and Juan Data spinning bhangra, bollywood, dancehall, African, and more.

Exhale, Fridays Project One Gallery, 251 Rhode Island, SF; (415) 465-2129. 5pm, $5. Happy hour with art, fine food, and music with Vin Sol, King Most, DJ Centipede, and Shane King.

Fubar Fridays Butter, 354 11th St., SF; (415) 863-5964. 6pm, $5. With DJs spinning retro mashup remixes.

Good Life Fridays Apartment 24, 440 Broadway, SF; (415) 989-3434. 10pm, $10. With DJ Brian spinning hip hop, mashups, and top 40.

Hot Chocolate Milk. 9pm, $5. With DJs Big Fat Frog, Chardmo, DuseRock, and more spinning old and new school funk.

Hubba Hubba Revue: Around the World in 25 Girls DNA Lounge. 9pm, $10-15. Burlesque performances.

Psychedelic Radio Club Six. 9pm, $7. With DJs Kial, Tom No Thing, Megalodon, and Zapruderpedro spinning dubstep, reggae, and electro.

Rockabilly Fridays Jay N Bee Club, 2736 20th St, SF; (415) 824-4190. 9pm, free. With DJs Rockin’ Raul, Oakie Oran, Sergio Iglesias, and Tanoa “Samoa Boy” spinning 50s and 60s Doo Wop, Rockabilly, Bop, Jive, and more.

Some Thing Stud. 10pm, $7. VivvyAnne Forevermore, Glamamore, and DJ Down-E give you fierce drag shows and afterhours dancing.

Teenage Dance Craze: The Number One Twisting Party in the Universe Knockout. 10pm, $4. With DJs Russell Quan, dX the Funky Gran Paw, and guest Mr. Okie Oran.

Vintage Orson, 508 Fourth St, SF; (415) 777-1508. 5:30-11pm, free. DJ TophOne and guest spin jazzy beats for cocktalians.

 

SATURDAY 26

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Max Bemis, Trophy Fire, Westwood and Willow, Dave Smallen Bottom of the Hill. 8pm, $15. Part of Noise Pop.

Best Coast, Wavves, Hunx and His Punx, Royal Baths Regency Ballroom. 8pm, $22. Part of Noise Pop.

Cody Chesnutt Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $25.

Dan Band, Diamond Dave Independent. 9pm, $25.

*Death Angel, Lazarus A.D., Bonded By Blood Slim’s. 8pm, $23.

East Bay Grease, Black, Touch-Me-Nots Hemlock Tavern. 9:30pm, $7.

Haberdasher, Love Dimension, Chelsea TK El Rio. 6pm, free.

Headslide Thee Parkside. 3pm, free.

JGB with Melvin Seals Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $25.

Joe Buck Yourself, Hooten Hallers Thee Parkside. 9pm, $8.

Kicker, Meat Sluts Bender’s, 800 S. Van Ness, SF; www.bendersbar.com. 10pm, $5.

Linda Kost Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $8.

No Age, Grass Widow, Rank/Xerox, Crazy Band Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $15. Part of Noise Pop.

Santos! Knockout. 10pm, $10. With DJs Daniel and dX the Funky Gran Paw.

Earl Thomas Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $22.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 8pm, $45.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Eliyahu and the Qadim Ensemble Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $15-20.

Go Van Gogh Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 9pm, free.

“Rogues of the Barbary Coast” Hotel Utah. 9pm, $8. With Mad Maggies, Shark Alley Hobos, and Brian Belknap.

“Songbird Festival and Con Brio Present: Music to Freak To” Amnesia. 9pm. With Kelly McFarling, Con Brio, and Ben Flax.

Craig Ventresco and Meredith Axelrod Atlas Café. 4pm, free.

DANCE CLUBS

Afro Bao Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $5. Afro and world music with rotating DJs including Stepwise, Steve, Claude, Santero, and Elembe.

Bar on Church 9pm. Rotating DJs Foxxee, Joseph Lee, Zhaldee, Mark Andrus, and Nuxx.

Bootie SF: Request Night DNA Lounge. 9pm, $6-12. Mash-ups with Adrian and Mysterious D.

Breath Control, DJ Pickpocket, Dominique Leone, Ben Bracken, Damon Palermo Lab, 2948 16th St, SF; (415) 864-8855. 8pm, $7-12.

DJ Nik Medjool, 2522 Mission, SF; www.medjoolsf.com. 10:30pm, $10.

4OneFunktion Elbo Room. 10pm, $5-10. Hip-hop with guest Jeremy Sole and residents B. Cause, Mista B, A-Ron, and a performance by F.A.M.E.

Frankie Knuckles, David Harness Mighty, 119 Utah, SF; www.mighty119.com. 10pm.

Go Bang! Deco Lounge, 510 Larkin, SF; (415) 346 – 2025. 9pm, $5. Recreating the diversity and freedom of the 70’s/ 80’s disco nightlife with DJs Steve Fabus, Tres Lingerie, Sergio, and more.

HYP Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; www.eightsf.com. 10pm, free. Gay and lesbian hip-hop party, featuring DJs spinning the newest in the top 40s hip hop and hyphy.

Reggae Gold Club Six. 9pm, $15. With DJs Daddy Rolo, Polo Mo’qz, Tesfa, Serg, and Fuze spinning dancehall and reggae.

Rock City Butter, 354 11th St., SF; (415) 863-5964. 6pm, $5 after 10pm. With DJs spinning party rock.

Martin Solveig Ruby Skye, 420 Mason, SF; www.rubyskye.com. 9pm, $15.

Spirit Fingers Sessions 330 Ritch. 9pm, free. With DJ Morse Code and live guest performances.

 

SUNDAY 27

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

“Battle of the Bands” DNA Lounge. 5:30pm, $12. With Younger Dryas, Death of a Legend, Heap of Stone, and more.

Biffy Clyro, Moving Mountains, Bird By Bird Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $12.

Fresh and Onlys, Growlers, Pleasure Kills, Wrong Words Bottom of the Hill. 1pm, $12. Part of Noise Pop.

Ben Gibbard, Zach Rogue Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $25. Part of Noise Pop.

Glassjaw, These People, Tidal Arms Regency Ballroom. 8pm, $25.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Ernie Small Memorial Big Band Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $5.

Elaine Lucas Bliss Bar, 4026 24th St., SF; www.blissbarsf.com. 4:30pm, $10.

Shana Morrison Rrazz Room. 7pm, $25.

Aaron Priskorn Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 8pm, free.

“Women in Jazz” Yoshi’s San Francisco. 7pm, $20. With Ruth Davies, Roberta Donnay, Brenda Wong Aoki, and Destiny Muhammad; benefit for the Jazz Heritage Center.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Country Casanovas Thee Parkside. 2pm, free.

David Friedman Unity San Francisco, 222 Bush, SF; www.unitysf.com. 2pm, $27. Benefit for UnitySF.

DANCE CLUBS

Dub Mission Elbo Room. 9pm, $6. Dub, roots, and classic dancehall with DJ Sep, Ludachris, and guest DJ Crazy Baldhead.

45Club: 100 Yards of Funky Soul Records Knockout. 10pm, free. With Dirty Dishes, English Steve, and dX the Funky Gran Paw.

Gloss Sundays Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 7pm. With DJ Hawthorne spinning house, funk, soul, retro, and disco.

Honey Soundsystem Paradise Lounge. 8pm-2am. “Dance floor for dancers – sound system for lovers.” Got that?

Kick It Bar on Church. 9pm. Hip-hop with DJ Zax.

La Pachanga Blue Macaw, 2565 Mission, SF; www.thebluemacawsf.com. 6pm, $10. Salsa dance party with live Afro-Cuban salsa bands.

Religion Bar on Church. 3pm. With DJ Nikita.

Swing Out Sundays Rock-It Room. 7pm, free (dance lessons $15). DJ BeBop Burnie spins 20s through 50s swing, jive, and more.

 

MONDAY 28

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Brilliant Colors, Hot New Mexicans, Homeowners El Rio. 7pm, $6.

Hellogoodbye, Jukebox the Ghost, Gold Motel, Now Now Every Children Slim’s. 7:30pm, $16.

John Popper and the Duskray Troubadours, Lisa Bouchelle Independent. 8pm, $20.

Stone Fox, Bangs Make-Out Room. 8pm, $5-10.

Steve Smith and Vital Information Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8pm, $20.

Trifles, Twinks, Danger Babes Knockout. 9pm, $10-20. Benefit for KUSF.

DANCE CLUBS

Death Guild DNA Lounge. 9:30pm, $3-5. Gothic, industrial, and synthpop with Joe Radio, Decay, and Melting Girl.

Krazy Mondays Beauty Bar. 10pm, free. With DJs Ant-1, $ir-Tipp, Ruby Red I, Lo, and Gelo spinning hip hop.

M.O.M. Madrone Art Bar. 6pm, free. With DJ Gordo Cabeza and guests playing all Motown every Monday.

Manic Mondays Bar on Church. 9pm. Drink 80-cent cosmos with Djs Mark Andrus and Dangerous Dan.

Network Mondays Azul Lounge, One Tillman Pl, SF; www.inhousetalent.com. 9pm, $5. Hip-hop, R&B, and spoken word open mic, plus featured performers.

Sausage Party Rosamunde Sausage Grill, 2832 Mission, SF; (415) 970-9015. 6:30-9:30pm, free. DJ Dandy Dixon spins vintage rock, R&B, global beats, funk, and disco at this happy hour sausage-shack gig.

Skylarking Skylark. 10pm, free. With resident DJs I & I Vibration, Beatnok, and Mr. Lucky and weekly guest DJs.

Under Raps Showdown, 10 Sixth St, SF; www.showdownsf.com. 9pm, $3. Hip-hop open mic with hosts BPos and live beats by Optik.

Valencia: 1995 Elbo Room. 9pm, $5. Michelle Tea hosts this 90s party to benefit Valencia: The Movie(s), with DJs Pink Lightning and Junkyard, films by Justin Kelly, and more.

 

TUESDAY 1

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Emilie Autumn Bottom of the Hill. 9:30pm, $13.

Fat Tuesday Band Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.

Odd Owl, Laura Meyer El Rio. 7pm, free.

Shannon and the Clams, Guantanamo Baywatch, Uzi Rash, Boom Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $7. Swans, Wooden Wand Regency Ballroom. 8pm, $34. JAZZ/NEW MUSIC Aaron Goldberg Trio, Hip-Bones Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8pm, $16. Conscious Contact Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 8:30pm, free. Ricardo Scales Top of the Mark. 6:30pm, $5. DANCE CLUBS Bombshell Betty and Her Burlesqueteers Elbo Room. 9pm, $10. Burlesque performers with live music by Fromagique. Eclectic Company Skylark, 9pm, free. DJs Tones and Jaybee spin old school hip hop, bass, dub, glitch, and electro. Extra Classic DJ Night Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; www.bissapbaobab.com. 10pm. Dub, roots, rockers, and reggae from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Share the Love Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 5pm, free. With DJ Pam Hubbuck spinning house.

Hot sexy events: February 16-22

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‘Tis the weekly sex events of playa-sized proportions! In addition to our city editor Steve Jones’ reading at Kinky Salon this week, this week you can also catch a reception for a new art book on goofily half-attired or gleefully naked Burners published for the world to see, courtesy of playa photographer Julian Cash.

The People of Burning Man is the product of Cash’s insistence on bringing an immaculate white portable studio to the playa year after year,  setting up actual photo shoots in a festival world where most documentation relies on the most candid of cameras. The result is that BRC’s wacky personas and costumes are explicated and orchestrated better than they’d ever be if you just saw them strutting past you through Center Camp. Not surprisingly, a lot of the photos have to do with sex. But Cash’s impish camera-side manner has a way of making even the most pierced, punked perv look playful (I should know, he took myphotos last fall) – and his signature white backdrop strips his subjects’ context away so that you can really focus on what that pair of furry pink chaps, nipple paint, or lifted tutu wants to express.

 

The People of Burning Man opening art reception

With the publication of his playa photo book finally funded thanks to the omnipotent powers of Kickstarter, feel free to kick back and revel in the cheekiness of Julian Cash’s art book images – and perhaps make plans for a photo shoot of your own with the man? 

Thurs/17 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations 

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

www.goodvibes.com


Sizzle

One of the hottest spoken word open mics around, tonight marks the start of February’s impressive collaborations between Femina Potens – which is currently in-between brick-and-mortar gallery locations – and Mission Control. Featuring the likes of adult filmmaker-writer-educator Tristan Taormino, Valencia scribe Michelle Tea, and dominatrix Keva i Lee, you’re bound (and gagged) to catch something you like onstage. 

Fri/18 8-11 p.m., $10

Mission Control

www.missioncontrolsf.org


“Love you – mean it! Love in the context of S&M”

Complete with in-person scene demonstrations, this workshop will look at ways that femme tops can show love even while they inflict anxiety, struggle, and pain in their subs. Come with questions about how to apply the lessons to your own sex life and take note – no male-identifying lovahs at this one, just like at all other Exiles S&M education events.

Fri/18 7:30-10:30 p.m., $4-10

Women’s Building

3543 18th St., SF

(415) 431-1180

www.theexiles.org


Kinky Salon Sweetheart’s Ball

Kinky Salon is counting on the fact that you’re totally over Valentine’s Day bullshit and yet totally ready to don your Candyland finest and ooze that sugary-sweet all over your swinger pals. For two nights in a row! Well, you don’t have to go to the costume play party for both nights, but if you’re going to take in all the performances – which include a duet with Polly Superstar and Bow Wow Wow’s Leigh Gorman and a reading by our own city editor of his new dissection of Burning Man culture – and still have time to get your gumdrop off, you may need to. 

Fri/18-Sat/19 10 p.m.-late, $30-35 members only

Mission Control 

www.missioncontrolsf.org


School of Shimmy Burlesque 101

Oh man… how do those burlesque ladies do it? Dottie Lux can tell you, if you like. Lux’ll be performing onstage at Burlesque Moulin at the Down Low on Sat/19, and she’s just dropping back in Sunday afternoon to impart the basics of booty-shake to burlesque wannabees. Interested? Jump up there girl, show us your tap pants. 

Sun/20 1-3 p.m., $30 discounted tickets available night of Sat/19 show

The Shattuck Down Low

2284 Shattuck, Berk.

(201) 615-9245

www.shattuckdownlow.com


One year in: BDSM newbie panel

There’s plenty of places in town where you can go to hear the escapades of BDSM stalwarts, the individuals who’ve done it all. But what’s it like to be discovering it all for the first time(s)? This panel discussion will feature people who’ve dove into the scene in the last 365 days, moderated by Gabby, who says she entered the scene in 2007 and promptly started disobeying all the advice of those in the know. 

Tues/22 8-10 p.m., $20

SF Citadel 

277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.sfcitadel.org

 

Not forgotten

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arts@sfbg.com

HAIRY EYEBALL Around 500 people a day pass through the long corridor that bisects San Francisco City Hall’s lower level: supervisors dashing to the café for a quick lunch; tour groups of elementary school children; aides making a post office run; the occasional member of a wedding party looking for the bathroom.

It is also one of the last places where you’d expect to find a politically vital art installation, which is what makes San Francisco Art Commission gallery director Meg Shiffler’s decision to hang its current exhibit, “Afghanistan in 4 Frames,” in such a public and heavily-trafficked area so gutsy. Though the SFAC regularly puts on three to four art shows a year in the City Hall space, none in recent memory have resonated so powerfully with the dynamics of the venue itself.

The “4 Frames” exhibit presents a ground-level (no pun intended) portrait of the country through the lenses of four photojournalists who, over the past five years, have embedded themselves with various military forces and units stationed there. Though each photographer varies in style and background, their work — presented as photo-essays — shares a focus on the day-to-day, intersecting lives of civilians and soldiers off the battlefield.

James Lee, a U.S. Marine Corps veteran and current San Francisco State University graduate student whose move to photography from writing was a recent one, captures in crisp color the downtime faced by young Afghan National Security Force soldiers stationed near the Pakistan border.

In contrast to the all-male environment Lee documents, Lynsey Addario’s series “Women at War” focuses on the experience of female U.S. troops and their engagement with female civilians. The Pulitzer Prize-winning photographer has a knack for taking a picture at the moment her subjects are at their most unguarded, whether sharing a laugh with each other or shaving their legs in the barracks.

Addario’s photos are pointedly hung on a wall across from Bay Area photographer Eros Hoagland’s slightly more testosterone-driven series, “Siege Perilous.” The high contrast black and white photos depicting British military forces in the Korengal Valley and Helmand Province practically crackle with tension.

Another veteran photographer, Teru Kuwayama, is the only one who works with actual film, and his grainy, black and white Holga and Leica portraits of rural clans and armed mercenaries feel as if they are from another era. Kuwayama’s most timely work on Afghanistan actually resides offsite and online: his Web reporting initiative, Basetrack, links deployed Marines with life at home through images and video created by embedded journalists (although just last week military brass asked the embeds to leave).

Afghanistan made front pages again last summer after WikiLeaks uncovered 90,000 pages of classified materials chronicling a five-year window in the U.S. military’s long slog there. But “4 Frames” reminds those who encounter it — as well as those who seek it out — that regardless of the headlines, there will always be an ongoing, human side to what has been so often dubbed “the forgotten war.” And forgetting is not a luxury we can afford.

 

THE ATROCITY EXHIBITION

Although a vastly different beast from “Afghanistan in Four Frames,” SFMOMA’s current juggernaut of a thematic survey “Exposed: Voyeurism, Surveillance and the Camera Since 1870” offers a pointed study in contrast, demonstrating how not to curate a photography show with clarity of vision or regard to what could be called an ethics of representation.

As proclaimed by its title, “Exposed,” which was organized by SFMOMA and the Tate Modern in London, where it originally premiered, attempts to track — across various eras, technologies, and milieu — what the introductory wall text calls the “voyeuristic impulse” in modern and contemporary photography: “an eagerness to see a subject commonly considered taboo.”

With such an open-ended criteria, the curators have essentially given themselves carte blanche to include everything from early 20th-century “detective cameras,” Walker Evans’ portraits of unknowing New York City subway passengers, Ron Galella’s paparazzi snaps of Jackie O., Nick Ut’s iconic image of a crying Kim Phuc in Vietnam (as well as his 2007 picture of a crying Paris Hilton), Robert Mapplethorpe’s BDSM pictures, surreptitious documentation of the liberation of Nazi concentration camps, and Trevor Paglen’s near-abstract renderings of distant military sites.

The 200 or so pieces are arranged in thematically-grouped galleries (“Celebrity and the Public Gaze,” “Witnessing Violence”) that wind through half of the museum’s fifth floor. By the time you’ve made it through the lengthy, final “Surveillance” section of the show, “Exposed” feels more like a photography catalog that become the genesis for an exhibit, and not the other way around.

Such tidy categorization has the negative effect of creating closed systems rather than allowing different pieces to speak to each other. For example, two harrowing, anonymously-attributed lynching photos belong next to one of the most moving selections in “Exposed,” Oliver Lutz’s Lynching of Leo Frank, which hangs in another gallery. At the same time, the very proximity of death images and paparazzi shots cheapens both.

When presenting highly-charged, difficult images, many of which document humankind at its most brutal and unsavory, the context they are displayed in becomes as crucial as the images themselves. “Exposed,” which feels like the result of several unseemly Google image searches rather than a decade of curatorial sweat, disappoints in this regard.

Atrocity. Murder. Fame. Kinky sex. It’s all here! The question no one seemed to ask is: does it need to be? “Exposed” is simply too much. *

AFGHANISTAN IN 4 FRAMES

Through May 13, free

City Hall

1 Dr Carlton B. Goodlett Place (ground floor), SF

(415) 554-6080

www.sfartscommission.org/gallery

EXPOSED: VOYEURISM, SURVEILLANCE, AND THE CAMERA SINCE 1870

Through April 17; free–<\d>$18

San Francisco Museum of Modern Art

151 Third St., SF

(415) 357-4000

www.sfmoma.org

 

alt.sex.column: Fine bi me

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Dear Andrea:

I’m a woman who likes women and men. I’m been in a serious relationship with a man several years. Having recently moved back to my home town, I’m wondering about something. My close friends know about my orientation (I don’t like the word ‘bisexual’ because of all its connotations and my general reluctance to label myself) but now I’m meeting new people, colleagues, etc., and I feel weird about not addressing this important part of my life. Is it OK to tell people, or should I just shut up?

To compound things, my parents don’t know I’ve ever been anything other than straight — do they need to know? I wouldn’t tell them how many sexual partners I’ve had or anything else about my sexual past, but …

Love,

Bi Serious

Dear Seri:

Great question, bless you. Also, tricky question, so … damn you?

There are, of course, excellent reasons to tell. National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11, mark your calendars) exists for good reason; coming out is one of the few personal/sociopolitical acts I truly believe can affect serious change. Most homophobes not of the Fred Phelps God hates whoever God is hating this month variety aren’t motivated by hatred for the abomination as much as they are simply uncomfortable. This discomfort is in some ways excusably human, born of bred-in-the-bone suspicion of the Other but seems totally anachronistic now that most of us aspire more to “love thy neighbor” than to “Oook! Stranger! Hit him with a rock!”

The more sexual minority folks come out the less anyone is able to claim not to know any. And the more you come out to people who already know and love you, the less comfortable those people might be, in future, with Otherizing others. Ideally, they become less comfortable with hearing others Otherizing others, as well, and there you go. Presto social change-o.

There are other reasons to just tell people. You want live an authentic life. You don’t want to deny who you are, and you don’t want other people making assumptions about you. Right?

But there’s another school of thought — the TMI Is Bad school. We are surrounded by too much information about everyone and everything and honestly, people, have a little decorum. There is a time and place for everything. Thanksgiving dinner, for instance, is not the time to tell Uncle Morris and Aunt Sylvia that you live with your Mistress and two co-slaves, and you have this very interesting piercing, would they like to see? That isn’t being authentic, it’s just being shocking and stagey for effect.

So, should you just shut up? I would say generally not. When someone assumes you are heterosexual in that blithe, blind, assumption-making way that people make assumptions, there is no reason not to say — when you want to, “Actually, I’m with Gary now, but I’m bisexual.” The end. It might sound odd, but the more often people say it, the less odd it will sound.

And that’s the point.

Love,

Andrea

Got a sex question? E-mail Andrea at andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Ficks’ picks: Sundance and Slamdance ’11

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1. Take Shelter (Jeff Nichols, US)
The creepiest film at this year’s Sundance follows Curtis, a hard working father and husband who is either truly having premonitions that a terrifying storm is a-comin’, or is slowly slipping into a mental breakdown. Michael Shannon’s performance is not only played to an absolute perfection, but the director’s script truly takes the time to let these characters earn their merit badges. And similar to previous festival experiences like Donnie Darko (2001) and Downloading Nancy (2008), the eerie tone and consistent pacing will either send you for the exit door (quite a few impatient audience members stormed out) or it will clamp around you, not letting go until the jaw-droppingly unexpected finale. The metaphor-filled Take Shelter is a genuine treasure that lingers for days after — here’s hoping it gets a higher-profile post-festival life than the previous Nichols-Shannon collaboration, the impressive Shotgun Stories (2007).

2. The Off Hours (Megan Griffiths, US)
Originally chosen to compete in the Dramatic Competition, this haunting ensemble piece was unexpectedly bumped into the NEXT category, which showcases innovative low-budget features.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TzI-gfP1Ko

Whatever the reasons the film was shifted around, Megan Griffiths (who also produced Todd Rohal’s wacked-out Catechism Cataclysm) has created the type of movie that used to rake in Sundance awards. Spiraling around a group of stagnated small-towners, these late-night diner waitresses and regional truck drivers are portrayed with complexity, depth, and the kind of melancholy that makes you want to jump into the screen and help them get out of there. Griffiths (who wrote, directed, and edited the film) makes you care about every single character — special nod to both Amy Seimetz, the shining star of Adam Wingard’s brilliant little horror flick A Horrible Way to Die (2010), and Ross Partridge, who crackled in the Duplass Brothers’ Baghead (2008). Did I mention Griffiths shot this on a digital Canon camera (5D)? Suggestion: turn this film into a quiet, off-beat TV show for IFC. It’s on par with Martin Scorsese’s Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) and should not be missed.
 
3. Meek’s Cutoff (Kelly Reichardt, US)
It was my favorite film at the Toronto Film Festival and it only got better this second time around. Not only is Jon Raymond’s subtle and layered script one of the most important of this era, the film’s artistic reveal is as profound as the genuine cinematic classics that it was inspired by. With this “minimalist Western,” Kelly Reichardt has delivered yet another astonishing, contemplative road trip (see: 2006’s Old Joy and 2008’s Wendy and Lucy). Do whatever it takes to see this on the big screen. Due to it being shot in the now rare 1932-1952 Academy ratio (1.37:1) format, only a limited number of screens in the world even have the capability to properly project this gorgeous square frame. Not only does cinematographer Chris Blauvelt’s camera masterfully pack in countless vertical horizons throughout this Oregon Trail trek, Reichardt edits this nuanced journey pitch-perfectly. Take a deep breath, pay attention to the small details of these pioneers’ struggles, and let the film happen all around you. It’s one of those small films that doesn’t patronize you for one second, yet it is able to confront our country’s very serious political confusion. Reichardt and Raymond have made a movie for the ages.

4. Pioneer (David Lowery, US)
This 15-minute short Pioneer stars Will Oldham (aka singer Bonnie “Prince” Billy, star of Reichardt’s Old Joy) as a father telling a bedtime story to his son; it’s easily as powerful as any of the 37 features (out of the 120 programmed) that I saw at this year’s festival. As dad continues to read the book and as the story continues to go deeper and darker, the simple and priceless interaction between father and son may remind you of some moments long forgotten. If you are looking for an hypnotic child actor for your next film, track down Myles Brooks immediately!

5. Old Cats (Pedro Peirano and Sebastián Silva, Chile)
This follow-up to Peirano and Silva’s stunning second film, 2009’s The Maid, is yet another mini-masterpiece, this time following an elderly woman who is disrupted one afternoon by her angry, bulldozing daughter who won’t stop complaining for one single minute. The film plays out in real time and you truly feel as if you are stuck in this apartment with the characters. With Peirano and Silva writing, directing, and even shooting this hypnotic cinema-verite, they yet again capture family dynamics in a way that is sometimes too much to bear. Small stories about small people seem to hit the hardest and I was truly a wreck when the lights came up.

6. Uncle Kent (Joe Swanberg, US)
Amy Taubin (Film Comment’s enfant terrible) unabashedly stated three years ago that Joe Swanberg’s films LOL (2006) and Hannah Takes the Stairs (2007) were so useless, they were “reason enough to bring back the draft.” But this has not stopped one of the originators of the mumblecore genre. (Unfamiliar? Mumblcore = modern-day hipsters sitting around rambling about stuff like Seinfeld episodes, Ebay auctions, and who sexted them last night.) While Swanberg has been smoothing out his cocky kinks the past few years, he has delivered some extremely rewarding films, including the spot-on take on the frustrations of long distance relationships in Nights and Weekends (2008), and Alexander the Last (2009) which sensitively uncovers the difficulty of being an artistic young married couple.

Uncle Kent is hands-down his greatest achievement to date. An exploration of social networking, this little ditty follows Kent, a down-on-his-luck 40-year-old, over the course of one weekend as he meets up with a girl from Chatroulette, and follows them as they go on Craigslist to find a partner for a threesome. (This layered, poignant, Greenberg-esque look at the boundaries of modern day relationships even won over Taubin, who admitted to me that she “really liked the film”!) If you’ve never heard of Swanberg or think he’s a waste of time, start with this short (72 minute), smart, and sexy flick.

7. In a Better World (Susanne Bier, Denmark/Sweden)
Susanne Bier’s latest accomplishment not only won the Golden Globe this year for Best Foreign Film, but is a good bet to take home the Oscar later this month. It’s a hypnotic look at how similarly confusing childhood and adulthood can be. Showcasing many Dogme 95 actors, this Danish gem swims nicely alongside Claire Denis’ most recent masterpiece White Material (2009).

8. Without (Mark Jackson, US)
That’s right, yet another low-budget indie film made in the Northwest. But boy, is it memorable. Winning a Special Jury Mention at this year’s Slamdance Film Festival for Joslyn Jensen’s “creative, nuanced and moving performance”, you can’t help but feel isolated and even trapped in this character study’s life. The almost-silent film follows a young girl as she tends to every detail for an invalid over a three-day period; it captures that alone time that for many is the ultimate fear. Warning: this film is not what it seems. A truly chilling and meditative experience all at the same time!

9. Pariah (Dee Rees, US) and Circumstance (Maryam Keshavarz, USA/Iran/Lebanon)
Both of these films bravely and triumphantly confront familial conflicts in the context of modern day same-sex relationships. Fleshing out Rees’ brillant 27 minute short film by the same name in 2007, Pariah not only embodies that gritty New York realism that independent filmmakers dream of, it succeeds just as powerfully due to its bar-none vision and sincerity to each one of its diverse characters. (Not only that, newcomer Adepero Oduye needs to be nominated for an Oscar.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJq_rsfagO4

After Iranian filmmaker Jafar Panahi (1995’s The White Balloon; 2006’s Offside) was recently sentenced to prison (six years!) for making films that explore controversial subject matter, the director of the Audience Award-winning Circumstance filmed her movie in Lebanon to protect her cast and crew. Many of them are now banned from ever returning to Iran. The feelings of impossibility and utter frustration towards life, love, and everything in between reach amazing heights in Keshavarz’s debut feature. The film blends Deepa Mehta’s Fire (1996) and Steve McQueen’s art-house exploitation film Hunger (2007), all the while premiering during the first days of Egypt’s uprising. Looking for this year’s Winter’s Bone (2010)? It’s gonna be Pariah or Circumstance — hopefully both.

10. Martha Marcy May Marlene (Sean Durkin, US)
Mary Kate and Ashley’s younger sister Elizabeth Olsen delivers one of the best performances of the year (I know it’s early but trust me on this) as a young girl who falls prey to a modern day cult. John Hawkes gives another captivating performance though slightly less complex than his Oscar nominated role in Winter’s Bone. This is a gen-u-ine horror film and if you let it work, you will have goosebumps running down your arms all the way down to the last freakin’ shot.

11. Submarine (Richard Ayoade, UK)
I’m calling it now. This is the best grumpy teen romance of the year!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CAntLzsQ74

12. The Mill and Cross (Lech Majewski, Poland/Sweden)
Experimental art cinema for the digital age! It’s truly like taking a class on Bruegel’s The Procession to Calvary. But seriously, the film has at one point 143 digital layers! Even if that doesn’t make any sense to you, know that this director is insane and profound all at the same time.

13. Like Crazy (Drake Dremus, US)
This Grand Jury Prize winner will be a hard sell to people wanting relief from their own difficult relationships. For those that stick through it, it will expose your darkest and weakest secrets about your fears of being alone versus being with someone to fill the void.

14. Hobo With a Shotgun (Jason Eisener, Canada)
Just like Machete (2010), Hobo With a Shotgun was a fake trailer before it became a real movie. (Eisener won a South by Southwest competition held by Tarantino and Rodriguez, circa 2007’s Grindhouse, and the trailer was included with certain screenings of that film.) Brace yourself for Rutger Hauer playing… a hobo with a shotgun. This first-time filmmaker captures the perfect balance of irony and sincerity.

Original trailer:

New trailer (for the movie made after the original trailer):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssHEAOrAdCU

15. The Troll Hunter (André Øvredal, Norway)
This Norwegian horror film sits perfectly right along side Sweden’s Let the Right One In (2008) and Finland’s Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010). It starts with the age-old folklore of trolls, revises the details into very tangible mythology, and presents it in the “found footage” style of Blair Witch Project (1999) and you’ve got yourself yet another contemporary Scandinavian horror hit.

Check back soon for Ficks’ picks, 2.0: 2011 Sundance documentaries!

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks has been teaching Film History at the Academy Art University for six years and has curated MiDNiTES FOR MANiACS for 10 years, a film series devoted to screening 35mm prints of dismissed, underrated, and overlooked films in a neo-sincere way.

Hot sexy events: February 9-15

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So Rihanna made an S&M video. No really, it’s called “S&M.” And yes, it does feature her walking Perez Hilton – not the sexiest choice – on a leash, while wearing a latex dress and a killer day-at-the-races hat-thing, plus her singing while hanging from the ceiling, men in restraints and gags, and creative use of duct tape. Yep, yet another celebrity discovers BDSM. While the video itself is not thrilling and not all that arousing (for my money, Rihanna’s made hotter), the girl’s got a way with outfits – she has a penchant for performing in latex, and sports a pretty incredible hood and stockings latex ‘fit in the new video, which already has 9.3 million views on YouTube, fyi. Perhaps she could be convinced to share the wealth at one of SF’s two kinky costume swaps this Sun/13 — at Kinky Salon and the SF Citadel respectively. Even if RiRi’s not in attendance, the event should be a good opportunity to re-up on some gear to wear to the next wild-and-wacky costumed sex party. Or nearly any of this weeks’ sex events, for that matter…

 

 

Bawdy Storytelling: “Slut or Whore?”

Four years of Bawdy Storytelling already? And it doesn’t look a day over “once upon a time”! At any rate, four years of exhibitionist show-and-tell deserves a little contemplation, so this month’s theme makes perfect sense. Sexologist Carol Queen and fowl-about-town Chicken John will be sharing scenes from their crazy line-toeing lives – maybe we can all sit back and think on what it means to get paid for it, whatever our career may be.

Weds/9 8 p.m., $10

The Blue Macaw

2656 Mission, SF

www.bawdystorytelling.com


Lyon-Martin Beer Bust

You’ve heard by now, no doubt, about how trans and woman-friendly Lyon-Martin Health Services is being threatened by these toughie economic times. Things are looking good for the clinic though, if one is to judge by the magnum-sized avalanche of fundraising events that have come down the chute from organizations and businesses all over the city. You can find a list of them here, by the way. And here’s a fabulous option: the Eagle will be busting beers out all afternoon in honor of safe, respectful, and effective reproductive health care – go drain a bottle, donate some cash to the cause, and buy some raffle tickets while you’re at it – your community will thank you.

Sat/12 3-6 p.m., free

The Eagle Tavern

398 12th St., SF

(415) 626-0880

www.lyon-martin.org


Valentino’s Casablanca

Here’s looking at you kid – you and your valentine(s, not trying to be limiting here) are welcome to get fuzzy at Stefanos invocation of Bogart’s bar. Sip on noir-style cocktails and look sultry while you check out violinists and sky-suspended roped beauties. Plus, there’s that big old dungeon to frolic in. Trust, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship(s, again, not tryin’ to hold you back here).

Sat/12 8-10 p.m., $30 singles, $60 couples, $90 trios

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.brownpapertickets.com


Kinky Salon Costume Swap

It can get rough attending themed swingers’ parties week in and week out – there’s only so many times you can wear those pink cat ears before their frisky fun seems a little worn out. Luckily, Kinky Salon’s got your back – show up at this naked person party (when you’re changing outfits people, game faces please) with an armload of the fetish funwear you’ve grown luke-warm on, and pick up another armload of your kinky peers’ cast-offs. Remember to clean everything before you bring it down.

Sun/13 4-6 p.m., $10 with costumes to swap, $20 without

Mission Control 

www.missioncontrolsf.org


Swap it Out!

Just like the one above, only the Citadel’s swap is a true naked lady party – only women and the female-identifying are allowed at this trade. Bring your threads (street clothes welcome at this swap) – the ones that no one picks up will be shipped off to charity at the end of the three hours. 

Sun/13 2-5 p.m., free

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.sfcitadel.org


Pop-Up Dildo Shop and Icecream Social

Now this will be all kinds of fun: an event at Fifty 24’s pop-up store with a little something for everyone. To whit, raunchy comedy by Will Franken, free organic icecream from Three Twins, a class on how to choose the perfect sex toy with Carol Queen, giveaways from Good Vibes, even free PBR! My goodness, and hot ’60s pop act Female Trouble to soundtrack the whole thing? Can you wait til Sunday, even? 

Sun/13 3-5 p.m., free

Fifty 24 SF Gallery

252 Fillmore, SF

Facebook: Good Vibrations’ Pop-Up Dildo Shop and Ice Cream Social


Club Neon Underwear Party

Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, folks. This is an underwear party – which does not mean that you’re guaranteed nookie (when are you, really), but the talent will be much easier to scope than in your typical nightclub scene. That stud over there seem awfully full in the boxer brief? Sweaty sweetie by the bathrooms shaking that demi-bra with the skills to pay the bills? Play your cards right and you may have found your valentine. 

Mon/14 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $5, free before 11 p.m. with no pants

The Knockout 

3223 Mission, SF

(415) 550-6994

Facebook: Club Neon Underwear Party

 

Flipping out

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Dear Readers:

I get a lot of press releases and ignore them unless they’re for books, kid stuff, or sex toys. But I have been remiss on one count: I have not solicited any samples of sex stuff aimed at men. There is something inherently humorous about fucking an inanimate object (see Portnoy, Alexander and Pie, American) that simply doesn’t seem to apply to the dainty art of buzzing yourself to glory . Object-humping is not dignified.

So I owe men’s sex toys an apology and sent away for something. What arrived was essentially a featureless white cylinder with some recessed white buttons. Very classy. It’s called a “Flip Hole.” Uh, maybe a little less so. Do you want to fuck a flip-hole?

I don’t know anyone who does but I might know someone willing to try it. On the first go, my reviewer gave it about a B, and admitted, modestly, that it seemed to run “a tad small.” And the tight fit caused some of the lining to squish out the front in a disconcerting manner. On later investigation I was impressed with the internal topography, a ribbed-and-bumpy silicone sleeve the texture that maps very creditably to my own mental impression of what the inside of a vagina ought to look like, if was clear more jellylike. The company, Japanese fancy sex-stuff outfit Tenga, did its research. And also implies in its materials that it’s supposed to be that tight. It is called, rather baldly, an “ultratight masturbator.”

So the Flip Hole, ickily named or not, is well-designed and functional. It is easy to clean, which is what all the flipping is about; the sides wing open to give full cleaning access, avoiding the “squishy can full of jizz” impression given by earlier generations of men’s toys. It’s so tidy looking and hygienic that it hardly seems sexy, but when it comes to things you are supposed to stick your one and only precious into, you could do worse than well-designed and hygienic. And I will avoid rude jokes about those adjectives not applying to perhaps the majority of partners picked up in haste at the end of a drunken evening.

Does the thing have any downsides, besides the price, which is, to be fair, standard for boutiquey sex toys? Yes. Although the business end is made of silicone, we quickly noted a lingering industrial solvent scent, like a freshly opened cheap vinyl shower curtain that clung to the object and to anything inserted therein, as well as our hands and everything we touched, requiring showers and extra tooth brushing to get rid of. A long shower just for the Hole, followed by a nice air bath, only just began to diminish the pong. I’m pretty sure extended exposure to sunlight would help, but as deepest city dwellers we are at a loss to find a place to air it out not visible to passersby or accessible to children. So it stinks like the plasticy-est of plastic things, and I can’t recommend that part unless you have yourself some very serious Barbie fantasies. In which case, have at it.

Love,

Andrea

Got a question about sex? Email Andrea at andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Beige to the bone

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arts@sfbg.com

FILM What if The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) got so Parks and Rec‘d at The Office party that he ended up with a killer Hangover (2009)? What then, huh? Just maybe the morning-after baby would be Cedar Rapids — named for the determinedly downtempo, unpretentious Iowa city where the smell of cooked oats hung in the air and students from nearby Iowa City, like yours truly, communed regularly at the local arena to bang head to big boys like Metallica. Sweet. And likewise director Miguel Arteta (2009’s Youth in Revolt) wrings sweet-natured chuckles from his banal, intensely beige wall-to-wall convention center biosphere, spurring such ponderings as, should John C. Reilly snatch comedy’s real-guy MVP tiara away from Seth Rogen (Reilly would never pull a Green Hornet on us, would he)? Is this the every-bro coming-of-ager that last year’s Due Date wanted to be before stumbling on its own smugness?

Consider Tim Lippe (Ed Helms of The Hangover), the polar opposite of George Clooney’s ultracompetent, complacent ax-wielder in Up in the Air (2009). He’s the naive manchild-cum-corporate wannabe who’s never been on a plane, much less partied with the competition. Lippe never quite graduated from Timmyville into adulthood: he’s banging his seventh-grade teacher (Sigourney Weaver) and still working at the small-town insurance company in Brown Valley, Wis., that took him on as a teenaged file clerk when his mother passed.

So when his insurance company’s star employee perishes in an autoerotic asphyxiation accident, it’s up to Lippe to hold onto his firm’s two-star rating — bestowed on upstanding insurance peddlers with good Christian values — and make its case at an annual convention in Cedar Rapids. Life conspires against him, however, and despite his heartfelt belief in insurance as a heroic profession, Lippe immediately gets sucked into the oh-so-distracting drama — in the form of playful playa Joan (Anne Heche); buttoned-up roommate Ronald, whose sole guilty pleasure seems to be The Wire (Isiah Whitlock Jr. of The Wire); and the dangerously subversive "Deanzie" Ziegler (John C. Reilly), whom our naif is warned against as a no-good poacher.

Temptations lie around every PowerPoint and potato skin: be it bribery in the presidential suite, cream sherry debauchery in the atrium pool, crack pipes at sketched-out farm parties, or hot convention sex. As Deanzie warns Lippe’s Candide, "I’ve got tiger scratches all over my back. If you want to survive in this business, you gotta daaance with the tiger." How do you do that? Cue lewd, boozy undulations — a potbelly lightly bouncing in the air-conditioned breeze. "You’ve got to show him a little teat."

Fortunately Arteta shows us plenty of that, equipped with a script by Wisconsin native Phil Johnston, written for Helms — and the latter does not disappoint. If The Hangover‘s "Dr. Douchebag" didn’t win over comedy fans, then his all-in, affectionate portrayal of a man with a child in his eyes might, even while Reilly threatens to steal the show with his troublemaking party/fire-starter, the sad-eyed life of the office who’s loathed by the boss.

He, too, has a place amid Cedar Rapids‘ stalwart brownness, and face it, the ’10s are shaping up to be pretty darn brown. Camel is chic, wood-grain is the freak, tea parties are geek, and the reality of hum-drum office-park Carell culture has come to look kind of sexy from across a crowded recession, after such widespread unemployment. It follows that the blandest towns become the sites of transformation; the smallest victories for the most conventional of conventioneers, the stuff of authentically feel-good comedy. Cedar Rapids may poke fun at the flyover states, but it pledges allegiance to those denizens’ essential decency.

CEDAR RAPIDS opens Fri/11 in San Francisco.

Music Listings

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WEDNESDAY 9

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

*Cradle of Filth, Nachmystium, Turisas, Daniel Lioneye Regency Ballroom. 8pm, $27.

Expendables, Hold Up, B Foundation, Mordor Slim’s. 8pm, $24.

My Revolver, Rosa Grande, Days of High Adventure Elbo Room. 9pm, $6.

Oh Sees, Sic Alps Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $16. Benefit for the Coalition on Homelessness.

7 Orange ABC, Cash Pony, Maiden Lane Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $10.

Al B. Sure! Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8pm, $26.

Times of Grace, War Of Ages, Straight Line Stitch Bottom of the Hill. 8pm, $13.

Travis Johns-Liz Meredith Holiday Heart, Head-Head Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $6.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Cat’s Corner with Christine and Nathan Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $5.

Dink Dink Dink, Gaucho, Michael Abraham Amnesia. 7pm, free.

Ben Marcato and the Mondo Combo Top of the Mark. 7:30pm, $10.

“Meridian Music: Composers in Performance” Meridian Gallery, 535 Powell, SF; www.meridiangallery.org. 7:30pm, $10. “Natural History” by dancer Heloise Gold and duo Gusty Winds May Exist.

Spaceheater Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 8:30pm, free.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 8pm, $35.

DANCE CLUBS

Booty Call Q-Bar, 456 Castro, SF; www.bootycallwednesdays.com. 9pm. Juanita Moore hosts this dance party, featuring DJ Robot Hustle.

Cannonball Beauty Bar. 10pm, free. Rock, indie, and nu-disco with DJ White Mike.

Hands Down! Bar on Church. 9pm, free. With DJs Claksaarb, Mykill, and guests spinning indie, electro, house, and bangers.

Jam Fresh Wednesdays Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; (415) 433-8585. 9:30pm, free. With DJs Slick D, Chris Clouse, Rich Era, Don Lynch, and more spinning top 40, mashups, hip hop, and remixes.

Mary-Go-Round Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 10pm, $5. A weekly drag show with hosts Cookie Dough, Pollo Del Mar, and Suppositori Spelling.

No Room For Squares Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 6-10pm, free. DJ Afrodite Shake spins jazz for happy hour.

Respect Wednesdays End Up. 10pm, $5. Rotating DJs Daddy Rolo, Young Fyah, Irie Dole, I-Vier, Sake One, Serg, and more spinning reggae, dancehall, roots, lovers rock, and mash ups.

Synchronize Il Pirata, 2007 16th St, SF; (415) 626-2626. 10pm, free. Psychedelic dance music with DJs Helios, Gatto Matto, Psy Lotus, Intergalactoid, and guests.

 

THURSDAY 10

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Badfish: A Tribute to Sublime, My Peoples, Impalers Independent. 8pm, $20.

Jefre Cantu-Ledesma, Higuma, Jon Porras Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $6.

Expendables, Hold Up, B Foundation, Mordor Slim’s. 8pm, $24.

*Finntroll, Ensiferum, Rotten Sound, Barren Earth DNA Lounge. 7:30pm, $25.

Kegels, Dead Panic, Bombpops, Penny Dreadfuls Thee Parkside. 9pm, $6.

Nightwatchman, Jolie Holland, Jason Webley, Ryan Harvey and Lia Rose Bottom of the Hill. 8:30pm, $12-18. Benefit for Sarah Shourd’s work to free Shane Bauer and Josh Fattal; visit www.freethehikers.org for more info.

Unauthorized Rolling Stones Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.

Vir, Manatee, Wait.Think.Fast, Dandelion War Red Devil Lounge. 8pm, $6.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Sheldon Forrest Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $5.

“Martha Wainwright Sings Piaf” Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $25.

Pete Escovedo Latin Jazz Orchestra with Sheila E. Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $20-26.

Alex Pinto Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 8:30pm, free.

SF Jazz Hotplate Series Amnesia. 9pm.

Stompy Jones Top of the Mark. 7:30pm, $10.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 8pm, $40.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Peter Himmelman, Bonfires Café Du Nord. 8pm, $18.

Jeanne and Chuck Atlas Café. 8pm, free.

Kardash Red Poppy Art House. 7pm, $15.

DANCE CLUBS

Afrolicious Elbo Room. 9:30pm, $5. DJs Pleasuremaker and Señor Oz spin Afrobeat, tropicália, electro, samba, and funk.

CakeMIX SF Wish, 1539 Folsom, SF; www.wishsf.com. 10pm, free. DJ Carey Kopp spinning funk, soul, and hip hop.

Caribbean Connection Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $3. DJ Stevie B and guests spin reggae, soca, zouk, reggaetón, and more.

Drop the Pressure Underground SF. 6-10pm, free. Electro, house, and datafunk highlight this weekly happy hour.

Guilty Pleasures Gestalt, 3159 16th St, SF; (415) 560-0137. 9:30pm, free. DJ TophZilla, Rob Metal, DJ Stef, and Disco-D spin punk, metal, electro-funk, and 80s.

Jivin’ Dirty Disco Butter, 354 11th St., SF; (415) 863-5964. 8pm, free. With DJs spinning disco, funk, and classics.

Kissing Booth Make-Out Room. 9pm, free. DJs Jory, Commodore 69, and more spinning indie dance, disco, 80’s, and electro.

Mestiza Bollywood Café, 3376 19th St, SF; (415) 970-0362. 10pm, free. Showcasing progressive Latin and global beats with DJ Juan Data.

Motion Sickness Vertigo, 1160 Polk, SF; (415) 674-1278. 10pm, free. Genre-bending dance party with DJs Sneaky P, Public Frenemy, and D_Ro Cyclist.

Nachtmusik Presents Knockout. 9:30pm, $4. Dark, minimal electronic with DJs Omar, Josh, and Justin.

1984 Mighty. 9pm, $2. The long-running New Wave and 80s party has a new venue, featuring video DJs Mark Andrus, Don Lynch, and celebrity guests.

Peaches Skylark, 10pm, free. With an all female DJ line up featuring Deeandroid, Lady Fingaz, That Girl, and Umami spinning hip hop.

Popscene Rickshaw Stop. 9pm, $10. Emerging artist showcase with Mona, Lesands, and DJs Aaron Axelsen and Nako.

 

FRIDAY 11

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Ryan Bingham and the Dead Horses, Silent Comedy, Liam Gerner Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $21.

“Captain Beefheart Symposium” Independent. 9pm, $20-50. Conducted by Gary Lucas.

Jarrod Gorbel, Mansions, John Thatcher Hotel Utah. 9pm, $12.

Grayceon, Worm Ouroboros, Hollow Mirrors Bottom of the Hill. 10pm, $12.

Meat Beat Manifesto, Not Breathing Red Devil Lounge. 9pm, $20.

Monophonics, Cambo and the Life, DJs Effective and Ism Rickshaw Stop. 9pm, $12.

Tainted Love, Private Idaho Bimbo’s 365 Club. 9pm, $23.

Those Unknowns, Hounds and Harlots, Sydney Ducks Hemlock Tavern. 9:30pm, $6.

Tokyo Raid, Young Rapscallions, Paranoids Kimo’s. 9pm, $8.

Trombone Shorty and Orleans Ave, Los Amigos Invisibles Fillmore. 9pm, $25.

Unauthorized Rolling Stones Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.

Yoya, Greenhorse Amnesia. 8pm, $5.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Black Market Jazz Orchestra Top of the Mark. 9pm, $10.

Tommy Emmanuel, Sels Cuerdas: Ezequiel and Martin Etcheverry Palace of Fine Arts, 3301 Lyon, SF; www.omniconcerts.com. 8pm, $41.

Hurd Ensemble Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $15-20.

Pete Escovedo Latin Jazz Orchestra with Sheila E. Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $24-28.

Karen Segal Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $8.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 8pm, $45.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Wiyos, Good Luck Thrift Store Outfit, Possum and Lester Slim’s. 9pm, $15. Part of the San Francisco Bluegrass and Old Time Festival.

Zoyres Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 9pm, free.

DANCE CLUBS

Alcoholocaust Presents Riptide Tavern. 9pm, free. With DJ What’s His Fuck and guests Micahel Beller and Brian Richards spinning old-school punk rock and other gems.

Black Valentine’s Masquerade Mighty. 10pm. Wear your anti-Valentine’s best to this party with DJs Krafty Kuts, Ill Gates, Motion Potion, and more.

Blow Up DNA Lounge. 10pm, $20. Dance party with Jeffrey Paradise, Tenderloins, and Midnight Conspiracy.

DJ Mei Lwun Medjool, 2522 Mission, SF; (415) 550-0955. 10:30pm, $10.

Fo’ Sho! Fridays Madrone Art Bar. 10pm, $5. DJs Kung Fu Chris and Makossa spin rare grooves, soul, funk, and hip-hop classics.

Fubar Fridays Butter, 354 11th St., SF; (415) 863-5964. 6pm, $5. With DJs spinning retro mashup remixes.

Good Life Fridays Apartment 24, 440 Broadway, SF; (415) 989-3434. 10pm, $10. With DJ Brian spinning hip hop, mashups, and top 40.

Heartical Roots Bollywood Café. 9pm, $5. Recession friendly reggae.

Hot Chocolate Milk. 9pm, $5. With DJs Big Fat Frog, Chardmo, DuseRock, and more spinning old and new school funk.

Indy Slash Amnesia. 10pm. With DJ Danny Slash.

Rockabilly Fridays Jay N Bee Club, 2736 20th St, SF; (415) 824-4190. 9pm, free. With DJs Rockin’ Raul, Oakie Oran, Sergio Iglesias, and Tanoa “Samoa Boy” spinning 50s and 60s Doo Wop, Rockabilly, Bop, Jive, and more.

Smile! Knockout. 9pm, $7. Psych, soul, glam, bubblegum, and more with DJ Neil Martinson.

Some Thing Stud. 10pm, $7. VivvyAnne Forevermore, Glamamore, and DJ Down-E give you fierce drag shows and afterhours dancing.

Tim Burton Ball Café Du Nord. 8pm, $15. With Imaginary Daughter, Vernian Process, the Tiger Club, and swing lessons by Swing Goth.

Treat Em Right Elbo Room. 10pm, $5. Hip-hop, funk, and reggae with DJs Vinnie Esparza, B. Cause, and guest Roger Mas.

Vintage Orson, 508 Fourth St, SF; (415) 777-1508. 5:30-11pm, free. DJ TophOne and guest spin jazzy beats for cocktalians.

 

SATURDAY 12

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Aquabats! Slim’s. 8pm, $20.

*Drunk Horse, Hot Lunch, Carlton Melton El Rio. 10pm, $8.

Gentry Bronson Band, Alice Rose, Return to Mono, Dirtybirdz Hotel Utah. 5pm, $10.

Derek Hughes Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe, Chali 2na, House of Vibe + Lynx Fillmore. 9pm, $25.

Murder By Death, Builders and the Butchers, Damion Suomi and the Minor Prophets Bottom of the Hill. 10pm, $15.

Need, Nerv, Stand Fight Resist Thee Parkside. 3pm, free.

Night Horse, Electric Sister, Binges Hemlock Tavern. 9:30pm, $7.

Quick and Easy Boys Grant and Green. 9pm.

Tainted Love, This Charming Band Bimbo’s 365 Club. 9pm, $23.

Tumbledown, Tater Famine, Northern Son, Ari Shine Thee Parkside. 9pm, $8.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Cottontails Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 9pm, free.

Carol Luckenbach Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $8.

Pete Escovedo Latin Jazz Orchestra with Sheila E. Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $28.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 7 and 9:30pm, $45.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Beth Longwell, Nicolas Kouzouyan El Rio. 6pm, free.

Ricardo Peixoto Trio Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $20.

SF Balalaika Ensemble Seventh Avenue Performances, 1329 Seventh Ave, SF; www.sevenperforms.org. 7:30pm, $15-20.

Craig Ventresco and Meredith Axelrod Atlas Café. 4pm, free.

Bucky Walters, Whiskey Puppy, Erik Clampitt, Dirt Floor Band Café Du Nord. 8:30pm, $15. Part of the San Francisco Bluegrass and Old Time Festival.

DANCE CLUBS

Bootie SF: Valentine’s Party DNA Lounge. 9pm, $6-12. Mash-ups with Adrian and Mysterious D, Smash-Up Derby with guest singer Trixxie Carr, DJ Mykill, and Dada.

Club Gossip Cat Club. 9pm. Lots of Depeche Mode with Randy Maupin, Hollie Stevens, and more.

Cockblock Rickshaw Stop. 10pm, $7. Queer dance party with DJ Nuxx and guests.

DJ Duserock Medjool, 2522 Mission, SF; (415) 550-0955. 10:30pm, $10.

Frolic Stud. 9pm, $3-7. DJs Dragn’Fly, NeonBunny, and Ikkuma spin at this celebration of anthropomorphic costume and dance. Animal outfits encouraged.

HYP Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; www.eightsf.com. 10pm, free. Gay and lesbian hip-hop party, featuring DJs spinning the newest in the top 40s hip hop and hyphy.

Little Heartbreaker’s Ball Li Po Lounge. 8pm, $5. Disco and house with Dr. Sleep, Lel Ephant, Sergio, and the L’Elephant Sound System.

Rock City Butter, 354 11th St., SF; (415) 863-5964. 6pm, $5 after 10pm. With DJs spinning party rock.

Same Sex Salsa and Swing Magnet, 4122 18th St, SF; (415) 305-8242. 7pm, free.

Smithsfits Friend Club Knockout. 9:30pm, $4. Smiths and Misfits with DJs Josh Yule and Jay Howell.

Spirit Fingers Sessions 330 Ritch. 9pm, free. With DJ Morse Code and live guest performances.

Spotlight Siberia, 314 11th St, SF; (415) 552-2100. 10pm. With DJs Slowpoke, Double Impact, and Moe1.

Tormentas Tropical Elbo Room. 10pm, $5-10. Electro-cumbia with Uproot Andy, Jubilee, and DJs Disco Shawn and Oro 11.

 

SUNDAY 13

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

*High on Fire Slim’s. 8pm, $18.

Ky-Mani Marley, DJ Funklor Independent. 9pm, $22.

Parkway Drive, Set Your Goals, Ghost Inside, Warriors, Grave Maker DNA Lounge. 7:30pm, $18.

Ash Reiter, Cowboy and Indian Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $6.

Smith Westerns, Yuck, Grand Lake Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $12.

“Voice of the Wetlands All-Stars” Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $27. With Tab Benoit, Anders Osborne, Cyril Neville, Big Chief Monk Boudreaux, and more.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Bijou Martuni’s, Four Valencia, SF; (415) 241-0205. 7pm, $5. Loungey love songs.

Manny Moka Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

Pete Escovedo Latin Jazz Orchestra with Sheila E. Yoshi’s San Francisco. 5 and 7pm, $5-28.

Savanna Jazz Trio and jam session Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $5.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 5pm, $40.

Faith Winthrop Bliss Bar, 4026 24th St, SF; www.blissbarsf.com. 4:30pm, $10.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Gen-11, Revtones Thee Parkside. 2pm, free.

DANCE CLUBS

Dub Mission Elbo Room. 9pm, $6. Dub, roots, and classic dancehall with DJs Sep, Maneesh the Twister, and guest Jah Yzer.

DiscoFunk Mashups Cat Club. 10pm, free. House and 70’s music.

Gloss Sundays Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 7pm. With DJ Hawthorne spinning house, funk, soul, retro, and disco.

Honey Soundsystem Paradise Lounge. 8pm-2am. “Dance floor for dancers – sound system for lovers.” Got that?

Kick It Bar on Church. 9pm. Hip-hop with DJ Zax.

La Pachanga Blue Macaw, 2565 Mission, SF; www.thebluemacawsf.com. 6pm, $10. Salsa dance party with live Afro-Cuban salsa bands.

Religion Bar on Church. 3pm. With DJ Nikita.

Swing Out Sundays Rock-It Room. 7pm, free (dance lessons $15). DJ BeBop Burnie spins 20s through 50s swing, jive, and more.

 

MONDAY 14

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Cake Fillmore. 8pm, $36.50.

Honeycomb, Chloe Makes Music, Magic Leaves Café Du Nord. 8pm, $10.

Radio Dept., Young Prisms, DJ Aaron Axelson Independent. 8pm, $15.

Smith Westerns Amoeba, 1855 Haight, SF; www.amoeba.com. 6pm, free.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Lavay Smith and Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

Paula West and George Mesterhazy Quartet Rrazz Room. 7pm, $65.

DANCE CLUBS

Club Neon Knockout. 9pm, $5. Seventh annual Valentine’s Day Underwear Party with DJs Jamie Jams, Aidan, and more.

Death Guild DNA Lounge. 9:30pm, $3-5. Gothic, industrial, and synthpop with Joe Radio, Decay, and Melting Girl.

Krazy Mondays Beauty Bar. 10pm, free. With DJs Ant-1, $ir-Tipp, Ruby Red I, Lo, and Gelo spinning hip hop.

The Look of Love Elbo Room. 10pm, $5-8. Soul, latin, hip-hop, and dancehall with Hot Pocket, 40 Love, and DJ Whooligan.

M.O.M. Madrone Art Bar. 6pm, free. With DJ Gordo Cabeza and guests playing all Motown every Monday.

Manic Mondays Bar on Church. 9pm. Drink 80-cent cosmos with Djs Mark Andrus and Dangerous Dan.

Network Mondays Azul Lounge, One Tillman Pl, SF; www.inhousetalent.com. 9pm, $5. Hip-hop, R&B, and spoken word open mic, plus featured performers.

Sausage Party Rosamunde Sausage Grill, 2832 Mission, SF; (415) 970-9015. 6:30-9:30pm, free. DJ Dandy Dixon spins vintage rock, R&B, global beats, funk, and disco at this happy hour sausage-shack gig.

Skylarking Skylark. 10pm, free. With resident DJs I & I Vibration, Beatnok, and Mr. Lucky and weekly guest DJs.

 

TUESDAY 15

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Alcoholocaust Presents Argus Lounge. 9pm, free. With DJ Crystal Meth and DJ What’s His Fuck.

Nicole Atkins and the Black Sea, Cotton Jones, That Ghost Café Du Nord. 9pm, $15.

Boyce Avenue, Megan and Liz, Tiffany Alvord Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $18.

Cake Fillmore. 8pm, $36.50.

Gashcat Café Royale, 800 Post, SF; (415) 641-6033. 8pm, free.

Gerritt, Forked, Cribdeath Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $5.

Glitter Wizard, Seventeen Evergreen, Naked Lights, Group Rhoda Slim’s. 8pm, $5.

Hello Monster, Resurrection Men, Pony Pony Pony! Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $8. Chuck Johnson, Jameson Swanagon Amnesia. 9pm, $5. Symbol Six, Corruptors, Soul Trash, Off By An Inch Thee Parkside. 8pm, $6. JAZZ/NEW MUSIC Ricardo Scales Top of the Mark. 6:30pm, $5. DANCE CLUBS Brazilian Wax Elbo Room. 9pm, $7. Samba with Brazil Vox plus DJs Carioca and P-Shot. Eclectic Company Skylark, 9pm, free. DJs Tones and Jaybee spin old school hip hop, bass, dub, glitch, and electro. Extra Classic DJ Night Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; www.bissapbaobab.com. 10pm. Dub, roots, rockers, and reggae from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Share the Love Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 5pm, free. With DJ Pam Hubbuck spinning house. Womanizer Bar on Church. 9pm. With DJ Nuxx.

Love, Gainsbarre

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FILM/INDIEFEST “Oh, it’s a problem with women,” Serge Gainsbourg says in an interview clip only a few seconds into Pascal Forneri’s entertaining and energetic made-for-TV documentary Gainsbourg, The Man Who Loved Women. For Gainsbourg, the problem was a rewarding one — women were the vehicle by which he moved from a brooding writer of chanson into a national and international provocateur and icon. On an artistic front, Gainsbourg arranged and delivered one musical bouquet after another for a multitude of female singers, to a degree that Forneri’s movie has to adopt a breakneck pace just to include some of his best songs. As time goes on, his accomplishment seems equal to, if not greater than, that of the Beatles, Stones, Beach Boys, and other English-language rock icons.

Opening with over-the-top Gallic narration and arranged into a series of commercial-ready chapters, Gainsbourg, The Man Who Loved Women isn’t pretentious, and it takes care to deliver some of Gainsbourg’s most infamous televised moments, such as a talk show where he — by that time fully and fatalistically given over to his messy, dissolute Gainsbarre mode — informed a young and imperial Whitney Houston he’d like to fuck her. We also get to enjoy young France Gall naively telling an amused and appreciative Gainsbourg that his latest hit song for her, “Les sucettes,” is about “a young girl named Annie who loves lollipops.”

But Forneri’s movie also reveals the sensitivity beneath Gainsbourg the provocative “women’s tailor” of French songwriting. After all, it was Gainsbourg who had Gall sing of herself as “a lonely singing doll.” In one interview excerpt, Gainsbourg says that he prefers writing songs for actresses because they are “more spontaneous than your typical moron,” then criticizes a market that celebrates and throws away young starlets as inherently “fucked.” “It’s very hard to find work, and they don’t do it for the money,” he says bluntly.

Aside from the bombastic narration, Gainsbourg, The Man Who Loved Women‘s primary commentary comes from the women who worked with and knew Gainsbourg, an illustrious group that includes Brigitte Bardot, Jane Birkin, Juliette Greco, Francoise Hardy, and Vanessa Paradis. One of Forneri’s chief stylistic gambits is to leave these interviews off-screen — aside from appearances within archival footage, Gainsbourg’s women are present only as voices. In one sense this sharpens a critical view of Gainsbourg the man, but it also masks the individuality of the women’s perspectives, turning them all into a single femme.

Nonetheless, there are numerous moments where the likes of Birkin assert their personality. Hardy states that writing for women allowed Gainsbourg to express his “sensitivity” and “sentimentality,” an idea that might not be as true when applied to the partnership of Christopher Wallace and Lil’ Kim half a decade after Gainsbourg’s death. Hip-hop’s Bonnie and Clyde duos only follow in the footsteps of Gainsbourg and Bardot, even if Bardot would rather think of herself as George Sand to his Chopin.

Gainsbourg, The Man Who Loved Women is a story that tells itself. There’s an epic’s worth of turbulent romanticism in the still photos of a blissful and radiant Gainsbourg and Bardot recording the original, suppressed version of “Je t’aime … moi non plus,” and the television footage of a cynical Gainsbourg and a brash, irrepressibly coltish Birkin discussing their version of the song. The man himself says that he came up with both “Je t’aime” and “Bonnie and Clyde” in a single night after Bardot said (commanded?), “Write me the most beautiful song you can imagine.” Thanks to “Je t’aime,” Gainsbourg’s name is irrevocably associated with sex. But as anecdotes from Greco and Birkin make clear, he’d just as soon stay up all night talking and drinking with a woman. Instead of orgiastic pleasures, Gainsbourg and Birkin’s first night in a hotel concluded with her gifting a 45 of Ohio Express’ “Yummy Yummy Yummy” (as in “I got love in my tummy”) to Gainsbourg as he slept.

In focusing on Gainsbourg’s relationships with female singers, Gainsbourg, The Man Who Loved Women ignores his musical partnerships with men, most notably Jean-Claude Vannier, with whom he composed and arranged many of his greatest works. But Forneri’s movie arrives at a time when another wave of interest in Gainsbourg is growing in the U.S. and other countries outside France. The past few years have seen Light in the Attic reissue some of Gainsbourg’s greatest recordings, such as 1971’s Histoire de Melody Nelson, the 1969 album version of Je t’aime (which contains Birkin’s “Jane B,” the model for vocals by Blonde Redhead, Deerhoof, and countless others), and Birkin’s 1973 solo debut, Di Doo Dah. This month, a new compilation of Gainsbourg’s pre-starlet compositions, Discograph’s Le claquer de mots, shines light on the big-eared outsider right before he hit the pop jackpot. If the 1990s saw a surface-level revival of Gainsbourg the cult icon, today, his eternal return runs deeper.

GAINSBOURG, THE MAN WHO LOVED WOMEN

Sat/5, 2:30 p.m., Roxie;

Sun/6, 9:15 p.m., Roxie

www.sfindie.com

 

Travels in a strange sushi

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Tanuki Restaurant on California and Sixth Avenue was my first taste of the Richmond and my millionth of raw fish. On a quiet block in unfamiliar territory far from Mother Mission, I saw her “Open Sushi” neon sign and walked towards the light. But before I go on, I should admit that my heart belongs to another: We Be Sushi on 16th and Valencia. Theirs is simple, clean, casual, and delicious fish. But as every baby bird must one day leave its nest, so must I leave my small, insular universe to discover nourishment in new land.

The Richmond – what are you? I took the #33 past Golden Gate Park and – I know I am a ridiculous Mission idiot – entered the Twilight Zone. Where were all the people? Why are the streets so wide? Why is the sky so big? I guess there were some inhabitants, but they all seemed eerily calm, mustache-less. And there was so much space between them. There I was: a stranger in a strange land trying to get a spicy tuna roll.

The disconnect was heightened upon entering Tanuki, where my friend and I were faced with that awkward bad thing where you try to give the other tables space, but your server forces you to sit next to them anyway. I comforted myself with the thought that cultural immersion really is the best way of getting to know a place.

 

Counter attack. Photo by Alex Fine

And what a place! We were in a 1970s ski lodge. Well not literally, you’d have to ignore the long white counter and glassed-in fish with industrious chef behind — but with the low ceilings, suspicious wood paneling, and ESPN playing on the TV that hung over the small center dining room I caught a fresh-faced, schussing vibe. There were a few other tables near us: two hetero single lady couples complaining about men, one deliriously happy Midwestern-looking middle-aged duo, and a table of dudes desperately trying to make it known that they were a band. Everyone was white. But enough about the vibes, you crunchy Mission-ite. How was the food?

I am but a casual fisherperson. Virtually all I know about sushi is based on subtle inclination, hunch, and rumor that I can’t remember the origin of. I don’t think I’m alone there. But whether or not sushi is an ancient Japanese art or a conspiracy created by the US government, most of us can agree that it’s lovable fare (even when it’s not from We Be). 

But as far as I’m concerned, there are two kinds of sushi. One, a simple, minimal kind that allows you to fully taste its one or two ingredients. Two, the kind where the rolls are named things like Kamikaze and Oompa Loompa Sex Party and contain a million varieties of mayonnaise, teriyaki sauce, and what basically amounts to ketchup. 

I enjoy both — and I’m not making any sort of heady, stuck-up judgment about which is better (see my knowledge-of-sushi caveat above). But what I am saying is that Tanuki was inching towards the latter kind. And it was a little expensive — most menu items were between $10 and $20. 

On that menu: hot hamachi, oyster shooters, carpaccio, and clams in miso soup, to name but a few offerings. Everyone around us was ordering one oyster shooter after another – delicacies I still can’t categorically define, but “shooter” anything and I start to have my doubts. 

We started with a large green salad and a seaweed salad. The seaweed salad was good, but seaweed salad is hard to screw up. The green salad was huge and semi-warm with mushy tomatoes and watered-down miso dressing. It grossed me out, but you couldn’t tell from the way I wolfed it down. My friend got a huge bowl of shrimp tempura in udon noodle soup. Halfway through she exclaimed, “I want a beer and a peanut butter Snickers.” I tried it and thought the udon noodles were fun and chewy, the broth satisfying. But I agreed that Snickers might be in order. 

I had a house roll: crab, salmon, tuna, and avocado in a moat of spicy mayo and teriyaki sauce. It was great because it was huge, and spicy, and I was starving. I didn’t pay much attention to the fish — how could I? It was covered in creamy sauce. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it does seem rather base to smother something expensive in sriracha mayo. 

I’m not whining. Much. I’m just saying that, as I finished the last droopy bites of my pal’s udon, the servers throwing me shade nearby, and the sound of show tune instrumentals playing softly overhead, it dawned on me that sometimes; it’s ok to stick with We Be Sushi.

 

Tanuki Restaurant

Mon- Sun 11 a.m.–10 p.m.

4419 California, SF

(415) 752-5740

Beer and Wine

MC/V

Moderately Noisy

Wheelchair Accessible

 

Hot sexy events: February 2-8

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Why do most alien encounter stories involve sexual liaison? Leaving aside the non-believers’ theory that the yarns are the result of pervy souls in need of some quality time with a loved one, one must come to the conclusion that for the aliens, sex is part of some higher purpose. (Just kidding — how much higher can you get?) The folks at Bent, the Bay’s party for kinky youth, have this figgered, of course. This month, when many events are turning pink and heart-shaped, the costumed kinkfest pays homage to the greys, the greens, the purples, and the scaled. It’s an alien get-down, and we’re all invited! Just be sure and brush up on your E.T. anatomy before you go. You don’t wanna be “that girl” that gets freaked out by an extra orifice or three.

 

Bent: Close Encounters

Take me to your penis! The young persons’ kink party goes extraterrestrial with a full program of alien delights: a staged abduction, a bellydance by an enslaved human, a static wand striptease (go with it), and all manners of UFOs to beam down to the dungeon once you’re ready to play rough. 

Fri/4 9 p.m. – 2 a.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.sfcitadel.org


Nude Aid

There are few things sexier than the sight and feel of paintbrush on bare skin. Though body painting has been the victim of co-option by Pink Floyd (and by extension, every coed’s dorm room wall, ever. Honestly, who’s gonna be the first to make a coffee table book of the most cliched college posters?), true artistry exists in the form of colorized folds and follicles. Test that theory out for yourself at this benefit for the Center for Sex and Culture, at which naked and fetish-clad models will be rendered masterpieces – all in the name of art, mind you.  

Fri/4 3-8 p.m., $20

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

www.sexandculture.org


Essence

The first edition of Mission Control’s new pansexual, erotic-spiritual play party promises to reinvigorate your chi – the night will be populated by shamans, Aphrodite, shrines, services, and attempts to recalibrate sexually. Yessir – sex is rite tonight, so if you’re down for the spiritual-sensual woo-woo then my friend, you have found your Saturday jump-off. 

Sat/5 9 p.m. – late, $30-35 members only

Mission Control 

www.missioncontrolsf.org


Burlesque ‘n’ Brass

So you love burlesque, but simply cannot leave yourself open to the prospect of another Ke$ha or Metallica-soundtracked stripdown? Hie thee hence to Cafe Van Kleef, where the lovely ladies are accompanied by a live jazz band that would never, ever launch into “Oops I Did It Again.” Nothing but class for the wondrous women performers of Hot Pink Feathers – and your side of gin martini.

Sat/5 9:30 p.m., $10

Cafe Van Kleef

1621 Telegraph, SF

(510) 763-7711

www.cafevankleef.com


Introduction to Red Tantra

Progress from tantric yoga to light touch and energy work, along with discussions of amrita (the female ejaculation), the multi-orgasmic state, and delayed ejaculation for men. This couples-only workshop is non-explicit, so it’s perfect for the twosome that wants to expand their practice, but not their audience. 

Tues/8 6-8 p.m., $45-50 per couple

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

www.goodvibes.com


Gay Mystery 101

Nancy Drew was never this sexy. Mystery novels have progressed since your grade school days, as authors Paul Faraday and Haley Walsh can surely attest. The two will be reading excerpts from their novels (Straight Shooter and Foxe Tail, respectively) that star hot gay protagonists getting to the bottom of sinister happenings in Southern California. Bathhouses, vodka martinis, and Antonio Banderas lookalikes promise to figure mightily. 

Tues/8 7:30 p.m., free

A Different Light Bookstore

489 Castro, SF

(415) 431-0891

www.adlbooks.com