Marke B.

Guardian Eye: Dreaming in orange

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We’ve invited fab local photog Darwin Bell to share some of his photos with us throughout the next month, and tell us what the heck he was thinking when he took them. And hey, it’s “wear orange for prisoner awareness” day, so the following pic is perfect.

Dreamcicle

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Darwin Bell : “This is the first photograph I took that could be considered abstract and is really the first picture I took that made me really interested in photography. It’s a shot of part of a white and orange cubic sculpture on 3rd Street (the cross street escapes me) in downtown SF. I think it’s actually the corporate logo of the building it stands in front of.”

Wear orange for prisoner awareness

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By Vanessa Carr

Bay Area multimedia project Plain Human calls this Tuesday, March 11th “Prisoner Awareness Day.” They ask that people wear orange – the color of most prison uniforms – in an effort to spark daily conversation about imprisonment and its effects on our communities. They also invite the public to participate in a group exercise regiment demonstration/performance outside of City Hall on Tuesday from 3:30 to 4:30 p.m.

“We want to break the silence that we carry as family members and members of communities that are criminalized,” says San Francisco-based artist and Plain Human founder Mabel Negrete.

With a brother in prison, Negrete has personally experienced the rippling effects of incarceration in a family. Negrete worries that her brother, who struggles with mental illness and is one of many inmates who has acquired Hepatitis C inside prison walls, may never be able to return to normal life.

“His condition [since going to prison] has worsened because there is no rehabilitation for him to overcome the isolation of the incarceration,” says Negrete. “I am not sure that he can come out of that. Conditions are such that people cannot improve.”

Plain Human is part of the year-long Prison Project at Intersection for the Arts, which has featured a wide range of programs since it started in early 2007, from multiple gallery installations and a day-long conference in February 2008 featuring Angela Davis as its keynote, to a pen pal project that connects incarcerated and non-incarcerated artists. The Prison Project’s closing exhibition, featuring artwork from both sides of the prison walls, will be on display through March 29, 2008.

Kewl Tun3: Hercules and Love Affair blind us

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NYC socialite Andrew Butler and warble-meister Antony Hegarty of Antony and the Johnsons have teamed up with slinky songstresses Nomi and Kim Ann Foxmann to create Hercules and Love Affair — and have produced killer club tune “Blind” that’s been rocking after-dark boxes from the Transfer to Pink lately.

Hercules and Love Affair

(Anyone who caught DJ Frankie Knuckles throwing down his own lush remix of the jam at the final Fag Fridays won’t soon forget it — or Frankie’s entire tearjerking surprise set, either.) When we walked into A Different Light Bookstore in the Castro this weekend to snag a copy of super-faggotty Butt Magazine (featuring local fashion superstar duo Nice Collective showing their junk and the former drummer of local glamsters Mon Cousin Belge pounding the skins naked) and heard this loveliness pumping thru the speakers we knew it had arrived ….

Self-titled album “Hercules and Love Affair” dropped March 10 on EMI/DFA and we can’t get enough of it …

Hey napkin-doodler! Win this …

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Yep, it’s that time again — time for the Mama’s Royal Cafe Annual Napkin Art Contest!

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2006 winner!

The fave-rave Oakland cafe is presenting it’s 26th one of these suckers — and your noodle-doodle entry could snag you $400, or any one of 32 other fabulous prizes (including free breakfast.

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2007 First runner up!

All those years of crayoning your placemat could finally pay off … but get to scribblin’ kids, the deadline is March 31. We eagerly await seeing your entry displayed in Mama’s incomparable online napkin art gallery.

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Use only what you need!

Quirkyalone gets quirkytogether

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“It’s okay that I’m alone.”
“But maybe there’s something wrong with me?”
“Maybe I’m just too picky.”
“I’m young, I should be having sex.”
“But I hate having sex with people I’m not really attracted to.”
“Except when I’m traveling.”

Thus were the questions plaguing San Franciscan Sasha Cagen that lead her to coin the term “quirkyalone.” It started as a concept, then became an essay, an online community, and later a book, Quirkyalone: a manifesto for uncompromising romantics (HarperCollins 2004). Above all, quirkyalone is a movement.

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Quirkyalone, Cagen defines, is “a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple.”

To some, the term “quirkyalone” may conjure the image of an eccentric weirdo who embraces lifelong singledom for lack of dating opportunities. Quite the contrary, Cagen emphasizes: quirkyalones are not loner Jane Eyre-types, she says; they are often active, attractive, extroverts who are simply anti-dull relationships and anti-settling.

Clubs: Gem sweaters, buenos Zizeks, grimy Rupture, divas

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Too too much going on this Saturday March 8, kids, and these are just the above-ground parties! I don’t know how I’m gonna make ‘em all, but we just finished work on the next issue of Scene, our nightlife mag which drops next wednesday in the guardian (look for it!) and I’m ready to party my pumps off. Good thing I always carry an extra pair of bedazzled flats in my Safeway paper bag purse …

Leslie and the Lys, spaz-hop queens straight outta Iowa (via Boston) who recorded the immortal line “Wearing gold spandex pants/ I made a hip-hop album” will be rocking their goddam GEM SWEATERS at an early set (9pm) at the lezbo-rock heavenly Cockblock at Rickshaw Stop for only 10 stinkin’ bucks, which lets you stay the whole evening to hear the adorable DJ Nuxx and friends throw down.

Then it’s off to Kafana Balkan at 12 Galaxies (more info here), the city’s premier Romany dance party, with awesome, way-deeper-than-Balkan-Beatbox DJ Zejlko and friends. If it’s anything like the last one (with crazy pics we featured in the last Scene nightlife magazine) then we may not be able to tear ourselves away ….

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Brass Menazerie at Kafana Balkan

to hit up one of the best-sounding parties at Mezzanine in, like, a week – Zizek featuring DJ/Rupture and Tormenta Tropical.

Guardian Eye: Rainbows on metal

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We’ve invited fab (and acclaimed!) local photog Darwin Bell to share some of his photos with us throughout the next month, and tell us what the heck he was thinking when he took them.

Metallic Rainbow

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Darwin Bell: “This is the outside of the new(ish) De Young Museum in Golden Gate Park. This is another fascinatingly designed SF building and definitely a challenge to photograph. Because of its size and shape, it is difficult to photograph as a whole, so I favor photographing fragments like this.”

SFIAAFF: Multiculti cock-meat sandwich

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› superego@sfbg.com

When we last left crazy-ass Kumar (Kal Penn) and his more straitlaced college pal Harold (John Cho), at the end of the 2005 stoner epic Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, they’d just victoriously satiated their munchies with enough sliders to block a rhino’s colon. That movie was a classic bong-wielding buddy road-trip flick — Question: How long does it take two potheads to get to a drive-through? Answer: Neil Patrick Harris on ecstasy — that was improbably hailed by serious critics as a multicultural breakthrough. Kumar is Indian American and Harold Asian American, a combination of lead ethnicities that was new to the American mainstream. And even though lineage figures little in the characters’ daily realities, Harold’s and Kumar’s difference from the cartoonish honky inbreds and skinheads (and candid others of color) that exist beyond their postmillennial collegiate bubble — and who often mistake them for Arabs — fuels the plot. Dude, where’s my kufi?

White Castle screenwriters Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg giddily foreground the first movie’s subtext in their follow-up (which they also directed), Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantánamo Bay, a special presentation at this year’s San Francisco Asian American Film Festival. Mistaken for terrorists when they’re caught with a "smokeless bong" on a flight to Amsterdam, weed capital of the world, our hapless heroes ("North Korea and al-Qaeda working together," gloats their bumbling FBI nemesis) are imprisoned in Gitmo. After being presented with a jailer’s massive "cock-meat sandwich" — "I’ve never sucked dick before," quips Kumar. "I bet it sucks dick!" — and submitted to various tortures, they eventually escape, crashing a "bottomless" hot tub party, impersonating Crockett and Tubbs from Miami Vice, and lighting up with George W. Bush himself. No shit.

I caught up with Hurwitz, Schlossberg, and actor Cho — a surprisingly intellectual type who studied English at UC Berkeley — as they prepared to promote the new movie at wacky comics convention WonderCon.

SFBG For Arab Americans like me, this movie is like a nightmare come true. People gasp whenever I stand up on an airplane, and 9 times out of 10 I’m the one who’s pulled over for "random" searches. I know that Indian Americans often experience similar treatment. But Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantánamo Bay seems revolutionary in that it expands that situation to include the feelings of Asian Americans, and it’s playing at the [SF International] Asian American Film Fest. Do you think Asian Americans relate?

JOHN CHO I would assume that every immigrant group has their own bag of individual problems. I don’t know if Asian Americans get hassled at the airport — maybe they do. Traveling with Kal on the publicity tour for the first film, I got to see firsthand how he was treated — and that’s real; he was patted down all the time. We were traveling together, and he’s the one that got pulled aside. I’m really happy that the film’s playing at the festival. I feared that Asian Americans wouldn’t accept this movie — the subject matter isn’t discussed much in the community — but it seems that the programmers feel they will.

SFBG Not to state the obvious here, but Jon and Hayden, you’re a couple of white guys. I’m wondering if these scripts come from your own experiences, or if you do a lot of research?

JON HURWITZ We’re white guys, but we’re Jews. So we’re already a minority subset, but I don’t really know if that plays into it. We’ve always had a large group of multicultural friends and been able to observe and have conversations with people with different points of view. As a writer and director you’re just hoping to put something out there that’s new. Something with Asian American and Indian American leads was something that hadn’t been done in the way that we were doing it. We felt that we had enough perspective as huge fans of comedy to pull it off.

HAYDEN SCHLOSSBERG We didn’t set out to make this big statement, although I have to say when we looked at the first one when it was done, we said, "Wow, this is so much better than we thought." It went way beyond the fart jokes, weed humor, and nudity that we love to put up on-screen. But it’s really just a classic comedy trope. Two guys, a baggie, a voyage. . . . It was the right time to have someone finally throw ethnicity into the mix. The script took off from there. The only question now is, where else can we take this? Harold and Kumar Fly the Space Shuttle?

JC And the focus is always on being funny first. The characters’ races are almost secondary. I find that so refreshing because a lot of Asian American cinema is just about being Asian American, how hard it is. Not to denigrate anyone’s work, but those movies get really repetitive, and fewer people want to see them.

SFBG Speaking of space — John, you’re about to be mobbed at WonderCon because you’ve accepted the role of Mr. Sulu in the upcoming Star Trek film. Following in actor George Takei’s footsteps must feel huge.

JC I’m delighted. As a kid it meant so much to me to see an Asian American on television and say, "Whoa! He’s not wearing a cone-shaped hat or teaching kung fu!" It was very important, a legacy that I desperately wanted to be a part of, and something I feel my work on the Harold and Kumar movies pays tribute to. Now Asian Americans can be stoners too.

HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY

Sat/15, 9:15 p.m.

Castro Theatre

429 Castro, SF

(415) 621-6120

>> Complete Asian American Film Fest coverage

Lick your pickle, kids

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Hey, kids! Can you feel the heat? Ready to cool down with a nice tart treat? Then wrap your lips around a big frozen pickle.

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Yep, that’s right — you’ll be cool as a cucumber with this doozy: The Pickle Sickle, which despite it’s name is NOT a preserved fruit bearing grim death. It’s a Popsicle made of picle juice, which the makers tout as a healthy alternative to sugar-laden frozen treats. It’s “made from the whole pickle!” (Not just the gizzard and feet.) Plus, you’ll look really cool:

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Seriously! Holy frozen pickles, there’s even a theme song

Guardian Eye: Seeing red at Zeitgeist

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We’ve invited fab local photog Darwin Bell to share some of his photos with us throughout the next month, and tell us what the heck he was thinking when he took them.

Redily Available

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Darwin Bell: “I LOVE colors, especially if it is all one color with different layers. And bright colors at that. Nothing beats the outside, weirdly painted red patchwork panels of the Zeitgeist bar on Valencia.”

SPORTS: Winning at losing

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The Giants suck. So do the A’s. But it could be a fun season.

By A.J. Hayes

How’s this for sunny spring time forecast: for the first time since the mid-1980s, both the Giants and A’s will enter the major league season without a sliver of a hope of contending for a playoff slot.

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Sad face?

In fact, it will take a minor miracle for both clubs to finish higher than last place.

But that doesn’t mean that the 2008 baseball campaign has to be a snooze-fest. There’s something appealing about a losing baseball team. Football and basketball are just unwatchable when they’re performed shabbily, but bad baseball can be a hoot.

The train-wreck 1962 expansion New York Mets who went 40-120 turned the bumbling Marv Throneberry and Choo Choo Coleman into flannel uniformed folk heroes. The Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox (until their recent World Series success) built up the most loyal fan bases in the game with their lovable losers flying in the wind like a prop-plane banner.

49ers fans, on the other hand, would just as soon forget this past splotchy season.

It’s something about the daily intimacy of baseball and the fact they the players have traditionally resembled normal humans – discounting the steroids era – that allows us to empathize. Baseball players are not covered up with helmets and pads, so we see the embarrassment when they bobble a pop-up the same way we might drop a jar of bread-and-butter pickles on our foot.

But baseball fans are not suckers, and not every lousy club is in a position to be celebrated.

We (heart) Horseface

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Kerchiefs. Gezundheit! We’ve been reticent to write about one of our favorite local designers, Mica Phelan aka Horseface, because he’s just so damn popular — no one is anyone in this town without a House of Horseface bandanna hanging somewhere off their body. And we’d never cave in to that kind of popularity. Kidding! We’re total whores that way — thus the coke habit. Kidding again! It’s meth. Coke is for toddlers. And Horseface is still pretty underground. But we digress.

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Hotness

Anyway, you need to get a Horseface bandanna (they even come in delectable porn prints). They’re available at fantastic print shop My Trick Pony (where you may see Mica behind the counter), cute li’l clothing store Seventh Heart, or even through the Horseface Myspace, which rhymes.

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Not No Wave: These are ghost punks

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By Vanessa Carr

With a storm of eerie electronics and crashing beats, otherworldly sounds that clang like metal pipes, and a palette of weird effects, it’s no wonder Brooklyn/Chicago-based trio These Are Powers are calling their trance-inducing incantations “ghost punk.”

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According to band members Anna Barie (ex-Knife Skills and Fxxxing Lion), Pat Noecker (ex-Liars), and Bill Salas (Brenmar), the “spiritual” part of writing and performing music is the ability to unconsciously communicate something about their state of being. They use an unconventional instrument set up – which includes prepared bass, strange guitar tunings, and an electro-acoustic drum kit played standing up – that encourages a less structured, more intuitive way of playing. The result is a hypnotic punk mantra that – even while invoking early Sonic Youth – is refreshingly original, immediate, and surprisingly danceable.

Currently in the midst of a fast-paced cross-country tour, These Are Powers are playing two Bay Area shows this weekend, one Saturday night (3/1) at the Hemlock Tavern with Lemonade and Mi Ami, and another on Sunday (3/2) at the ABCO Warehouse in Oakland with Lumerians, Wildildlife, and Chen Santa Maria (a Club Sandwich production). These Are Powers are scheduled to release a new EP, Taro Tarot, on Hoss Records in April 2008.

I talked with the band while they were driving down I-80 West on their way to Salt Lake City.

SFBG: What is ghost punk?

Pat Noecker: It’s a name that we came with to describe our music that meant something to us personally and was also a way to give the music we were making an identity of its own. It seems like anytime you do something that doesn’t have bar chords in it or is not your standard USA rock and roll, it gets referred to as No Wave. We are not a No Wave band.

Newsom to clubs: Curb it!

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Bad partiers! Go to your room!

Today our former pAArtying mayor (bitter?), himself a nightlife magnate, proposed some rather sketchy “Nightlife Reform Legislation” aimed at, he says, curbing all the violence going on in the vicinity of clubs. Because nightclubs are really the ground zero of violence in this city, of course.

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The only violence we see here is the muffin top on the right.

The proposed legislation will now go to the Board of Supervisors for approval, was co-sponsored by Supervisor Sophie Maxwell (in whose district a recent shooting at Jelly’s occurred), and was announced this afternoon by Newsom alongside Police Chief Heather Fong, members of the Entertainment Commission and local nightclub owners and promoters. We’re all for stopping the violence, but we’re also all for being able to throw a party free of governmental intrusion — hey, we’re nightlife libertarians! — and price tags in the thousands, both of which may be incurred by the below. Send an email to your supervisor now in protest — this legislation could wipe out a ton of independently produced parties, folks.

****It will be illegal, between the hours of 9pm-3am, to loiter within 10 feet of any nightclub (no word yet on bars). People waiting for the bus are excluded. What about people waiting for taxis? Or talking on the phone? And better drag on those smokes pretty quick! And hey, bangers, you’ll just have to shoot each other in the parking lot across the street, k? Update: according to SF Gate, people waiting for taxis and smoking will also be exempted

****Promoters will be held directly responsible for any incidents that happen at nightclubs they’re throwing parties at (Is that why local nightclub owners are excited about it?)

****The legislation proposes that ALL promoters who throw more than two parties a year obtain permits (wonder how much those will cost — and if the “promoters” in on the talks were high rollers looking for an easy way to quash competition?)

****All afterhours nightclubs will have to create “security plans” to be approved by the Executive Director of the Entertainment Commission (again, no word on what the cost will be).

We’ll clear up some of the details above and follow the story here. Full proposed legislation press release after the jump.

Guardian Eye: Federal blinders

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We’ve invited fab local photog Darwin Bell to share some of his photos with us throughout the next month, and tell us what the heck he was thinking when he took them.

Blinders

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Darwin: “Ok, let’s start with how utterly insane the new Federal Building on 6th and Mission is. And insane in the best possible way. I don’t even understand how anyone would come up with that design, but for me it totally works. Except, it is hard to take pictures of that gives the viewer a sense of what the building is about. Except for the blinds on the back side of the building. I could take pictures of those all day long. They just lend themselves to being photographed. And the colors rock!”

Clubs: All aboard for Trannyshack Reno

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Were you at Trannyshack this past Tuesday? Gurl, you missed it. Miss Juanita More put on a fierce and seamless 40 minute extravaganza of “Minnie the Moocher” Victrola soul-era tributes, complete with her signature “pass out spliffs to the crowd” move. It was all pretty breathless. And my pashmina reeked of weed!

A different context (“Edge of Aquarius” night at Trannyshack) but the same smoky gist

Anyway, what I really want to announce here is that it’s time for another Trannyshack Reno. That’s right, a 2-day, Easter weekend, 100+ drag queen blackout/road trip on a bus to see Trannyshack take over Reno, brought to you by mega-bigwigs Heklina and Peaches Christ.

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Hide the baskets

This means you may have to miss the wondrous and humongous Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence traditional outdoor Easter orgy and Hunky Jesus contest.

Sad tooths: A Broke-Ass Guide to Tooth Maintenance

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By Justin Juul (with apologies to Broke-Ass Stuart)

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It really sucks when your teeth start falling apart, especially when you’re young and broke, but you don’t have to quit your job and run off to Mexico or spend weeks trying to win the lottery at BFC as soon as it starts happening. (See this week’s Guardian cover story.) If the pain is tolerable, you can put off emptying your bank account at the dentist for years. But you’re gonna need some things. Here are five items you’ll need to get through the wait.

Ibuprofen
Vocodin and OxyContin are great and all, but they’re expensive as hell and it’s hard to get a prescription for them. Especially when you don’t have health insurance! I’ve always relied on Ibuprofen. It’s cheap and it works. Eat one or two for normal throbbing and up to 15 a day for serious pain. And don’t worry about overdosing on the stuff. I’ve eaten a whole bottle in a single weekend and look at me. I’m alive.

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Fun Flossers!

Tooth Harps
Eating with a full set of rotten teeth isn’t impossible, but it can be really difficult and it’s always irritating. By the time I was 26 my teeth had deteriorated to the point where I could lose an entire peanut in one of my cavities. Seriously! I could fit the tip of my pinky in two of them. So at the end of every meal I would have to run to bathroom to empty the food out of my cavities. Toothpicks work pretty well, but if you’ve got a serious problem, you’ll want to invest in some harps. They’ve got built in floss and you can bend them to get way back there. If you run out of toothharps just use a tightly rolled piece of cardboard. Cigarette packs work great.

Sad tooths: Canadian dental tourists flock to Mexico

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By Justin Juul

One of the first things I noticed when I went down to Los Algodones, Mexico, to get my teeth fixed (this week’s Guardian cover story) was that many of the people roaming the streets there were Canadian (and somewhat older). The “ayes” and “aboots” gave it away. “What are these funny hats all aboot?” I heard one of them say.

I asked around and discovered that Los Algodones has become a popular vacation destination for Canadians. They drive down in RV’s by the thousands and spend their winters drinking cheap margaritas, relaxing in the warm Mexican sun, and getting their teeth and eyes fixed for a fraction of what they would pay back home. But I always thought Canadians got free health care and free dental care. Turns out our neighbors to the North aren’t sitting as pretty as I’d been lead to believe.

Here’s what one of them had to say:

Guardian Eye: Always look up!

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We’ve invited one of our favorite photogs Darwin Bell to share some of his extraordinary local snaps with us, along with what the heck he was thinking when he took them.

A View From the Ground

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Darwin Bell: “This photograph taught me to always look up. I went down this driveway on Pierce Street, off Hayes, to take a picture of a rusty lock — and happened to look up because I heard a Blue Angel plane flying overhead. I saw this blue cross between the white buildings. Always look up!”

Ed note: Which reminds us of a zinger from a much-loved poem by Frank O’Hara, where the sun says to him: “I know you love Manhattan, but you ought to look up more often.” Except, you know, Frank got run over by a jeep on a beach on Fire Island. Be careful!

And the worst sports Oscar goes to …

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By A.J. Hayes

It’s been said every star athlete secretly wants to be a rock star, and vice versa. Unfortunately, some sports icons also want to be actors. And if you’ve seen late Raiders lineman John Matuszak‘s performance in “Caveman” or Shaquille O’Neal‘s in “Kazaam,” you know why the Oscar is not named after former Cubs pitcher Oscar Zamora, or ex-Cleveland Indian Oscar Gamble (though he did sport an award-winning Afro), or even basketball Hall of Famer Oscar Robertson.

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Rappin’ genie with attitude!

For every believable performance (NBA star Ray Allen in “He Got Game“) there are a dozen “star turns” that should convince every sports figure that they should stay between the white lines — and not read any scripts.

In honor of the recent (and rather boring) Academy Awards, here’s a random look at the worst performances by an athlete that made it to the silver screen.

Queer that WonderCon

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Gird your loins, beautiful nerds like me. It’s time again for comic cornucopia WonderCon, at the Moscone Center this weekend — and Glamazonia, our favorite Uncanny Tranny superhero, is bustin’ loose!

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Who could doubt her power, her glamour, her sheer … syntheticism? This Saturday, Feb 23, 7-10pm, for FREE at the Three Dollar Bill Cafe in the LGBT Center on Market, you can meet the boy-man behind Glammy, Justin Hall of All Thumbs Press, and a gaggle of other really wonderfully gay cartoonists (Brian Andersen, Paige Braddock, MariNaomi, Tommy Roddy, Andy Hartzell, reading and signing their work in conjunction with the giant fest. It’s an extravaganza.

But wait — there’s more!

Noise Pop video attack

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Curious about what some of the groups we feature in this week’s Noise Pop cover story sound like? Anyone remember when reading about music meant that the quality of the writing alone had to convey individual sonic textures? Well, no more! Thank you, Internets! Behold!

Below are some introductory vids — more info on these stellar performers (as well as a full fest schedule) is available at www.noisepop.com/2008

The Dodos, “Fools”

Holy Fuck, “Milkshake”

MSTRKRFT, “Street Justice”