Wine Archives — Page 22 of 56 — San Francisco Bay Guardian Archive 1966

Best of the Bay 2011 Editors Picks: Food and Drink

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

July 25, 2011

Best of the Bay 2011 Editors Picks

Food and Drink

BEST BEELZEBUBIAN BEIGNETS

A beignet craze has swept the Bay, and really, who could withstand the fiendish temptation of these deep-fried, sugar-sprinkled, French-by-way-of-New-Orleans brunch delights? Our current favorites come courtesy of the new Devil’s Teeth Baking Company in the Sunset which, despite its intimidating name, traffics in heavenly pastries. (The bakery’s name is actually a tribute to a sobriquet for the Farallone Islands.) The diabolically good bakers here have even set aside a day for beignet worship: zip down to beignet Sundays and fill those idle hands with made-to-order clouds of perfection — and cups of Blue Bottle coffee to boot. While you’re there, score a batch of spice-chunked ginger cookies or a gooey-sweet pie. Followed by a stroll down Ocean Beach? Yes please, Mr. Mephistopheles.

3876 Noriega, SF. (415) 683-5533. www.devilsteethbakingcompany.com

BEST RETURN OF THE MAC

A one-room schoolhouse feel, minus the ‘marm but plus the mac? That seems right for a light-hearted, full-flavored spot that zaps you back — maybe not to Little House on the Prairie days (although the ingredients are Ingalls-fresh), but at least to second grade, when a grilled cheese and tomato soup were all the haute cuisine one needed. Oakland’s cute Homeroom makes us want to check that we have both of our mittens clipped to our sleeves as we dive into updated youth classics: grilled cheese with Inna jalapeño jam, Blue Lake string beans, and Three Twins root beer floats. Best of all, oodles of mac ‘n’ cheese, made with everything from tangy chevre to hot chorizo, Gilroy garlic to vegan-version walnut. School’s in for summer!

400 40th, Oakl. (510) 597-0400, www.homeroom510.com

BEST PORK DESSERT

If they shoot horses (don’t they?) and make garlic ice cream, they might as well whip up a dessert with pork in it. And they do: the peanut butter pie at Straw, a nifty little carnival-themed restaurant that opened recently on Octavia Boulevard in Hayes Valley. The pie filling is a luxurious mousse and the crust is chocolate, so you could make a good case that such a confection wouldn’t need pork — or anything else. But in the spirit of fun, the kitchen does lay some bits of candied bacon atop each slice. Candied bacon! When Homer Simpson finally dies and goes to heaven, this is what he will feast on. Until then, you can treat yourself to a little taste.

203 Octavia, SF. (415) 431-3663, www.strawsf.com

BEST SOUTHERN SLICE OF GLASS PIE

Aficionados of Southern cooking will agree that a slice of pecan pie is a nice way to end a meal. But even if you don’t like pecan pie — or you’re forswearing all desserts for some reason — you can still help yourself to a big slice of the glass pie at Criolla Kitchen, because the New Orleans-influenced restaurant is itself a big slice of glass pie. The wedge-shaped space is window-intensive, looks westward, and is splashed with sunlight in its many shades and tempers. It’s like the second coming of Zuni Cafe. In such an enchanted setting, it could be easy for the food to slip, but not here; from the hushpuppies to the po’boys to (yes!) the pecan pie, the kitchen consistently delivers.

2295 Market, SF. (415) 552-5811, www.criollakitchen.com

BEST CLIPSY WHISKEY

Meet Salvatore Cimino: barber by day, 1512 Spirits whiskey distiller by night. His unaged but surprisingly balanced Barbershop Rye — of which he makes only 350 bottles per month — makes it clear that this man knows spirits as well as he does scissors. As plainly evidenced from the bottle, which displays a 1923 photo of Cimino’s grandfather in Prohibition-era Potrero Hill, he hails from a long line of distillers. But his eyes are on the future: Cimino hopes to release a classic bourbon and cherry-smoked bourbon to expand 1512’s lineup. Sip these locally-made spirits at bars across the city, or get a pour with a shave at Cimino’s 1512 Barbershop in Nob Hill.

www.1512spirits.com

BEST IMPERSONATION OF AN ART GALLERY BY A RESTAURANT

You are to be pardoned if you approach the nondescript brick SoMa building that houses Una Pizza Napoletana, walk through the door (plate glass, like the rest of the façade), and have the brief sensation of arriving at an art gallery between installations. Or perhaps the high-ceilinged, white-walled cube — with a turquoise-tiled conical shape rising from the center — seems more like a museum? No. It’s a pizzeria, home to tattooed chef and former New Yorker Anthony Mangieri, and the tiled shrine is the pizza oven. Pizza is the sole objet d’art: that’s it, nothing more, no sides, substitutions, condiments, nada. The drill isn’t quite as severe as on Seinfeld’s “Soup Nazi” episode, but it’s still a singular — and tasty — experience.

210 11th St., SF. (415) 861-3444, www.unapizza.com/sf

BEST CRAFT CHEERS

When the Bourbon and Branch crew took over the former Tenderloin bar Club 441, it dubbed the bar Mr. Lew’s Win Win Bar & Grand Sazerac Emporium for a birthday party for B and B creative director. The renaming was meant as a one-night joke, but the name stuck (regulars shorten it to “441”. Whatever you call it, the dive — naturally — serves quality Sazeracs and other classic cocktails. Everyone gets into cheesy movie Wednesdays: Top Gun led to a group rendition of “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling,” complete with a craft-cocktailed gentleman belting atop the bar. Though there’s talk of remodeling, we hope 441 stays as is: a dingy, sticky place where industry insiders can grab a well-made post-shift drink.

441 Jones, SF. (415) 474-2284, www.mrlews.com

BEST SWEET TREATS FOR TECH GEEKS

Sure, there are plenty of places in the Mission to park it and plug in, but the Summit Café provides the chance to nosh on cocoa nib nougatine and buttermilk bubbles (no stale croissants here) while the ol’ MacBook boots up. The Summit my seem steep — a tiny mocha is $5 and most desserts are $9 or $10 — but the payoff is oh-so-sweet. The concept behind Summit is innovative in a techie way: it hopes to combine work and home into a “third space” to foster broader interaction and creativity. So while basically working forever, we’ll happily gorge on a rotating dessert menu full of high quality ingredients and imaginative concoctions (think beet fluid gel and Summit-exclusive Humphry Slocombe espresso balsamic ice cream) as we whip up that superhuman invisibility app.

780 Valencia, SF. (415) 861-5330, www.thesummit-sf.com

BEST CRUNCHY ALMOND BALLS

Waits are long at dingy, bustling Hong Kong Lounge, but on weekends you’ll be kept company by multigenerational Chinese families — kids and grandparents bonding over mountainous cheap meals. Like all superlative dim sum spots, not only is a meal here blessedly affordable (generally $2-$6 for dim sum plates), there are unusual items — like deep-fried coffee pork ribs that taste robustly of a cup of joe — to keep things interesting. We’re in love with the Lounge’s egg yolk almond balls: they’re doughy and filled with yellow sweet cream that looks like yolk. The balls taste similar to Chinese egg custards and are coated in almond shavings for a satisfying crunch.

5322 Geary, SF. (415) 668-8836

BEST CHANGE OF CHEESE

Waits can be epic at Plow, which has become Potrero’s brunch destination in the year since it opened. But there’s no reason to spin your wheels — try the breakfast and lunch menus Tuesday through Friday for quicker comestibles. For a midday meal, you could hardly do better than Plow’s grilled cheese sandwich. It’s always bracketed by thick slabs of Acme bread, but its filler rotates: one day you might be noshing on Vermont cheddar accompanying a Point Reyes Toma, on another you’ll sink into Gruyere and creamy fromage blanc with sweet oven-roasted tomatoes. Collect them all! It’s certainly a possibility — sandos this good have us craving another by the last bite.

1299 18th St., SF. (415) 821-7569, www.eatatplow.com

BEST NO-HASSLE HOF

We’ve been raving about good cheer and good food at Leopold’s since it opened in January. The masses quickly followed suit and the Austrian hofbrau has been packed ever since. Tip back German, American, and Belgian draft beers at hearty pinewood tables under animal heads and Austrian art — a warm, welcoming space created by Sazlberg natives and brothers Albert and Klaus Rainer. With comforting Hungarian goulash (the border between Hungary and Austria is a shifty thing) and traditional wiener schnitzel, you’ll never make it out of here hungry — just make sure you save room for the apfelstrudel.

2400 Polk, SF. (415) 474-2000, www.leopoldssf.com

BEST HOME ROASTS IN THE AVENUES

The gracious husband and wife team behind the beans at Brown Owl Coffee have been roasting together as Hearth Coffee Roasters for a few years now. Their passion shows — the two serve lush coffees at their tiny, cozy cafe. Impeccable cappuccinos and a mean cup of drip pair well with breads and pastries from local producers like Mi2Sweets; Oakland’s Pepples Donuts; and baklava from Richmond Egyptian restaurant Al Masri. Affogato lovers, take note — theirs is a beaut, made with Straus vanilla ice cream. Tucked out in the avenues, Brown Owl’s a big “how now?” to those who locate SF’s superior beans solely Mission and SoMa-side.

1131 Taraval, SF. (415) 242-1426, www.brownowlcoffee.com

BEST WAY TO GET SMARTER BY DRINKING

San Franciscans are lucky to have educational opportunities like the Boothby Center for the Beverage Arts. Over the last year — since it debuted during SF Cocktail Week — it has played host to a slew of classes, tastings, and events regarding all things drink. Of course, cocktails and spirits are heavily represented, but founder H. Joseph Ehrmann also envisions coffee classes, tea and wine seminars — and more — for the future of his Mixology 101 series. With classes like “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” and “When It’s Cocktail Time in Cuba” (a journey through Cuba’s cocktail and rum heyday), learning was never so much — hic! — fun.

1161 Mission, Suite 120, SF. Facebook: Boothby Center for the Beverage Arts

BEST BEANS ON A TRUCK

You’ll know it by the smell of slow-roasting ribs and pulled pork: on weekdays Smoke BBQ generally parks its truck on a semi-desolate warehouse stretch of Bayview-Hunters Point. The pulled pork has a satisfying juiciness, reflecting its Midwest roots. The brisket and ribs are well loved by local worker bees. But what gives the meats a run for their money is the Smoke BBQ’s BBQ beans. Rich broth, smoky beans, and fatty chunks of pork — so good you just might forget your carnivorous entree.

1438 Davidson, SF. (415) 312-1637 www.smokebbqsf.com

BEST BESTING OF THE BIG BOTTLES

The year was 2010, a flim-flam was erupting over the high alcohol content of kombucha sold long after its bottling date — and large companies with their complicated supply lines were compelled to pull their brews from grocery store shelves. Not so House Kombucha, SF’s little ‘bucha bottler that could. The Sixth Street factory was able to gain a sturdy market share due to its local distribution and small company profile — not to mention its sustainable practices (the company recently announced a 42 percent bottle return rate — that 50-cent deposit really works!). Best of all: we got to continue drinking its delicate vanilla orchid root and rose black tea flavors uninterrupted.

Available at various Bay Area grocery stores. housekombucha.food.officelive.com

BEST RIGHTEOUS VEGAN SASS

If we could even fake the exuberance that Vegansaurus editor-founder Laura Beck trips out willy-nilly in her sparklingly sassy blog posts sans animal products … we’d be running to the store a lot more for economy-sized boxes of capital letters and exclamation points. But the site’s zazz is by no means irritating — indeed, we consider its daily updates on the hottest new vegan grub dens, footwear, and activist news required reading for leading a sexy, cutting-edge vegan lifestyle in the Bay (and with the addition of new writers, the country). Plus, the site dares to say everything non-meaties tend to suppress for politeness’ sake. Sample quote on animal-abusive lab workers: “I hope they get totally fucked by justice!”

www.vegansaurus.com

BEST ARMAGNAC ATTACK

There’s a saying that goes “the French make cognac, but they drink Armagnac.” Add an “as do San Franciscans” parenthetical to the truism, because one 76-year-old Fillmore Street liquor store stocks a collection of the superior Gallic brandy fit to spawn a connoisseur. We refer to D&M Liquors’ Armagnac selection, which includes $50 bottles of Tariquet for everyday sips as well as Veuve J. Goudoulin Vieux Bas vintages dating back to 1929 and bottled especially for the store. Ex-D&M employee Charles Neal set up this transatlantic partnership and proceeded to (literally) write the book on the subject — Armagnac: The Definitive Guide to France’s Premier Brandy. Unfamiliar with Armagnac? The friendly staff are happy to give you the 411.

2200 Fillmore, SF. (415) 346-1325, www.dandm.com

BEST BROMANCE ON BREAD

We like our sandwiches the way Comcast and peep shows like their customers: pay-per-view. We don’t want no pre-made, plastic-wrapped, sittin’ around sandwiches. We want to watch. And we especially want to watch if hunky Italian uomini are making the sandwiches, and hunky construction worker uomini are waiting for them, and hunky delivery uomini are picking them up. Which brings us to Calabria Bros. in Potrero Hill, where what appear to be three generations of Vinnies manhandle (in a good way) the various cheeses, peppers, and salted pig parts to meet your specifications. The bros also put out a drool-worthy daily special (meat balls on Thursdays, chicken parm Fridays). Whatever sandwich you choose, the brothers will ask if you want it with their homemade garlic spread. Say yes.

2249 17th St., SF. (415) 863-1213, www.calabriabrosdeli.com

BEST AQUATIC SMOKES

We love smoked salmon. Cold-smoked, hot-smoked, maple-smoked, pepper-smoked — especially wild and locally caught salmon purchased from a seasoned Half Moon Bay fisherman named Pietro Pavarrano. But we also recognize that there are other fish in the sea, especially the Caspian Sea. And when we’re in that transoceanic frame of mind, we head to New World Market in the Richmond, where the no-nonsense Russians who run the place offer dozens of species of smoked fish, ranging from sturgeon to sea bass to fish you’ve never heard of. While we’re there, we also like to pick up the housemade borscht, kefir, and — to undo all the good effects of the beets in the borscht and the priobiotics in the kefir — some chocolate babka and an Obolon beer from the Ukraine.

5641 Geary, SF. (415) 751-8810

BEST FRENCH KISS (ON BOTH CHEEKS)

Ah, the French. They may be derided as pretentious and spoofed for pomposity, but really, is there anything more irresistibly charmant than a mâitre d’ with a French accent who runs to greet, addresses you as “monsieur” or “madame,” kisses your hand, and almost renders you dizzy with the inebriating bonhomie wafting from his person? We don’t think so. And when we want this kind of treatment — and some superlative food and wine — we head to Bistro Central Parc. A Panhandle institution long before NoPa was NoPa (the neighborhood) and NoPa had Nopa (the restaurant), this friendly Francais fixture excels at staples like beef bourguignon and duck confit. Can’t find it? Follow the neighbors, and the mingled smells of bouillabaisse and frites.

560 Central, SF. (415) 750-1111. www.bistrocentralparc.com

BEST PLACE TO YUCA IT UP

Yuca — sounds like yucky, often looks and tastes like same. Turquoise-splashed Puerto Rican restaurant Parada 22 in the Upper Haight turns that yuca to yum. Rarely eaten here, yuca is the deliciously inescapable side dish for the bulk of the entrees, the centerpiece of the vegetarian platter, and the base of the yucca, avocado and garlic soup. Even as a standalone side, mashed and marinated in onion, olive oil, garlic, and spices, it shines. Parada 22’s savory way with the cassava root (as it’s known in much of the USA) complements home-style island favorites like tender, oregano-suffused pernil asado pork and a piquant pollo encebollado (chicken smothered in onions). For real starch maniacs, order a side with the truly scrumptious mofongo, mashed plantains with shrimp criolla.

1805 Haight, SF. (415) 750-1111. www.parada22.com

BEST ROBBER BAR-ROOM

Revisit the era of California’s four robber barons — those capitalist tycoons who plundered their way to railroad riches in gold-rushing 19th-century California — at the Huntington Hotel’s Big Four Restaurant. Kitty-corner from the austere spires of Grace Cathedral (built on the earthquake-ravaged land of the Big Four’s Charles Crocker himself), the Bay’s premier lounge pianist Michael Parsons tinkles the joint’s keys while congenial barkeeps Ty and Jeffrey reside behind a 10-stool counter of gleaming brass. Join the boys at the bar or settle into leather-cushioned table seating for chef Gloria Ciccarone-Nehls’ specialty: wild game. Eat your meat and gaze upon the historic framed photos lining the walls.

1075 California, SF. (415) 771-1140, www.big4restaurant.com

BEST RUSSIAN RUSH

If you come from good peasant stock (did your grandfather slurp coffee from his saucer? Grandmother wear dresses and wool socks?), then you probably have regular waves of nostalgia for things like cabbage soup, pickled cabbage, cabbage rolls, cabbage dumplings, and cabbage pie. All at the same meal. At Cinderella Russian Bakery and Café, you can indulge all your yearnings for foods sour, smoked, sweet, earthy, tangy, and cruciferous. The ultra-tiny cafe has been around since 1953 and hasn’t strayed from its peasant-food-with-panache approach, offering blinchiki, piroshki, pirogi (if you already know the difference between those last two, congratulations), sour soups, etc. Come here to eat loudly; see really short, really cute older dames; and wear your woolly-sock-and-dress combo with pride.

436 Balboa, SF. (415) 751-9690. www.cinderellabakery.com

BEST CHOCOLATE LIQUIFACTION

In the third season of Dexter, top cop Maria has two bonding experiences with women that are consummated with two words: “ganache frosting.” Ganache — that rich, delicious, thick, delicious, dense, delicious mix of chocolate and cream — is the base element of Boulette Larder’s singular cup of Eastern European-style hot chocolate. All day long, Boulette’s attentive chefs keep a pan of molten ganache simmering in anticipation of its hot chocolate fans. The result is hot chocolate so thick you almost need a spoon, and so satisfying you can omit that dollop of cream. But an almost-colloidal scoop of liquid nirvana doesn’t come cheap: it’ll cost your $5 to go and $6 to stay. Still, that’s way cheaper than booking a flight to Prague. Now we know how Maria felt.

1 Ferry Building No. 48, SF. (415) 399-1155. www.bouletteslarder.com

BEST GRINDER AT YOUR BAR STOOL

So you’re happily imbibing at the Mission’s 500 Club, and you’re a wee bit too wobbly to uproot yourself from your bar stool. But dammit — you’re hungry, and no amount of tipsy wishing can summon the Tamale Lady on command. Thank the gods for Clare’s Deli and Late Night Kitchen. Just steps away from the Five, you can call in, order up (the meatball grinder, an homage to the legendary East Coast staple, is a comfort-food masterpiece), and be back in your spot before your latest song even finishes on the juke box. Clare’s will deliver your salvation to you at the bar, or anywhere in San Francisco. Though this is a mighty fine service — and Clare’s is open seven days, 11 a.m.–11 p.m., with a neato daily dinner menu — the deli also offers options for non-boozehounds: park at the few tables on location, or grab your food to go: to your home, to nearby Dolores Park, or to wherever delicious meatballs are needed mos t.

3505 17th St., SF. (415) 621-3505, www.claresdeli.com

BEST BIGGEST BAYVIEW BRAZILIAN BURGERS

Make sure you’re hungry when you roll up to the Junior Barbecue food truck to order one of Junior’s famous Brazilian burgers. The sandwich Junior hands you, wrapped in paper to keep the juices from cascading out, will be enormous. The uniquely delicious, stick-to-your-ribs burgers are packed with enough ingredients to equal about three meals — beef patty, egg, bacon, hot dog, cheese, ham, pineapple, grilled onion, fresh lettuce, tomato, and corn mayo crammed into a bun. Eight dollars gets you a burger, which will feed you for a couple days, and a Coke. Junior is a gracious Brazilian who has lived in the United States for 11 years and can’t do enough to ensure that his customers are happy. Want some ketchup? Need a napkin? On a bike? How about a bag with handles to make it easier for you?

Napoleon at Evans, S.F.

BEST FAMILY ITALIAN (WITH FREE CHEESE!)

The eponymous vintage painting of two blondes and their reflections that hangs inside an alcove of this classic Sunset District Italian resataurant is far from its sole golden attraction. Complimentary sharp cheddar cheese with crackers awaits you at the bar — not quite as epistemologically relevant, but certainly a nice prelude to your veal piccata and housemade tiramisu. The Gold Mirror Restaurant started as a 1940s Fillmore District cocktail lounge but relocated in the 1950s. Since then — except for when a runaway delivery truck caused a temporary closure in 2004 — chef Giuseppe Di Grande, wife Josephine, and sons Domenico and Roberto have continuously maintained the classy-comfortable place for what it is: a shining reflection of old-style San Francisco.

800 Taraval, SF. (415) 564-0401, www.goldmirrorrestaurant.com

BEST SUBLINGUAL HIGH

The Bay Area’s well-developed medical marijuana industry has done much to elevate the age-old practice of smoking marijuana to new heights, with sticky, stinky new strains and a wide variety of edibles. Along with improvements of the herbal variety have come winning technological advances: the formulation of some mighty fine of cannabis tinctures and other concentrates. Our favorite? Alta California tinctures by CBD Science, formerly known as 420 Alchemy. Take a drop or two sublingually (that’s under the tongue, stoners) and you’ll attain a beautiful high that’s different from smoking, vaporizing, or eating — a clear but consuming ride that seems to emanate from your very tissues, almost ecstasy-like. Three varieties — Healing, Tranquility, and Euphoria — give fans a range of satisfaction.

(877) 737-4420, www.4altacalifornia.com

BEST WAKE ‘N’ SHAKE

The only bad thing about Rudy’s Can’t Fail Café in Emeryville is the parking — and that’s because everything else is so damn good. (A new second location in uptown Oakland may bring drivers better luck.) From breakfast-all-day omelets and tofu scrambles to straight-up burgers and fries, the time-honored diner fare is good enough to keep cars circling the block for a spot. But if you’re eco-conscious, you’ll consider fueling yourself, rather than your car, to start your day off Rudy’s-right. For that, there’s nothing better than the Rudy’s Can’t Fail Shakin’ Jesse — an inspired blend of Guinness stout, chocolate ice cream, and homebrewed espresso. All the essentials in one malty mug, ready to whisk away the previous night’s hangover and power a morning of full-throttle accomplishment.

481 Hollis, Emeryville. (510) 594-1221 and 1805 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 251-9400, www.iamrudy.com

BEST STAR EGG

You’ll want to come back to Oakland’s Commis again and again and again for chef James Syhabout’s not-so-secret faux breakfast, a dreamy amuse-bouche that is almost always on his $68 five-course prix fixe menu. Behold a blissfully custardy Commis slow-poached egg, a deep-yellow yolk cradled in a “white” of cream and onion and sprinkled with tiny pebbles of granola — you’ve soft-landed on Planet Sublime. The dish is just one reasons the Oakland native Syhabout — a veteran of Spain’s El Bulli, the U.K.’s Fat Duck, and the Bay Area’s Coi — and his crew earned O-town’s first Michelin star. The other reasons lie in the subtle magic he wrings out of seasonal, locally grown or foraged ingredients like garlic scapes, wild fennel pollen, sea lettuce, English peas, oxalis, thyme, and nasturtium.

3859 Piedmont, Oakl. (510) 653-3902, www.commisrestaurant.com.

BEST SMILING STAR OF THE SALVADORAN SAVORIES

Maria del Carmen Flores of Estrellita’s Snacks has been cooking since she was six. She took notes from her mother in El Salvador until she had mastered the pupusa. Then she lived in Mexico, learning the local cuisine. Her masa envelopes are plump, griddle-crispy on the outside and packed with toothsome seasoned meats, vegetables, and cheese. The pickled veggies are optional — in name only. Sliced thick, they’re best when combined with Flores’ hot salsa: all told, a perfectly crafted snack (but really a meal) you’ll crave all week long. Or maybe you’re just missing the metal stars that flash in Flores’ grill every time she smiles — telling you that the woman’s a dedicated entrepreneur.

Sat.–Sun., 7:30 a.m.–3 p.m. Alemany Farmers Market, 100 Alemany, SF. Also various Bay Area festivals. www.estrellitassnacks.com

BEST HAPP(IL)Y( SELF-DETERMINED) HOUR

Booze cruise to Asiento at 5 p.m. Every day, the first person into the Mission District bar at the designated hour of power gets to name their poison and their drink is added to the day’s happy hour specials. A soaring purple comet mural covers one side of Asiento — follow its trajectory and you’ll find classy cocktails, tapas, board games, and a comfy yet sleek neighborhood bar. Quietly gaining popularity in recent months as a friendly place to meet your building mates, Asiento also offers a late-night Sunday happy hour from 10 p.m. to midnight for the hard-working service industry superstars among us. It’s even serves brunch.

2730 21st St., SF. (415) 829-3375, www.asientosf.com

BEST REVENGE SERVED COLD

At 7.5 percent alcohol by volume, Speakeasy Brewery’s Payback Porter is dark, sweet, and potent — good traits for anything, great traits in a beer. This is not to say Payback is cloying; rather, it begins with a fresh bitterness that quickly melts into one of the smoothest strong beers available, whether on tap or in 22-ounce bottles. For all you lager louts, Payback makes for an easy first step into darker brews. And once you’re hooked, Payback is easy to get — it was formerly known as “Hunters Point Porter” in honor of the location of Speakeasy’s brewery — and is now sold all over its hometown.

1195 Evans, SF. (415) 642-3371, www.goodbeer.com

BEST DONUTSOS

All our lives, we have searched for a pastry that resembles a mosh pit fatality. And now that we’ve found it — the raspberry jelly-filled Headbanger — small matter that we have go to San Jose to re-up. Such is the glory that is Psycho Donuts, where the employees wear old-fashioned nurse uniforms and preside over a parade of freak-out frosteds, meat-stuffed donuts, tart raspberry-and-key-lime vegan ‘nuts, even 14-inch donut pizzas made to order and a cocktail-flavored donut of the month. Many are charmingly dubbed with losing-it labels: Cereal Killer, Dead Elvis, Comfortably Numb. Liberate the patients from their glass pastry case! You’d be crazy to miss out.

288 South Second St., San Jose; 2006 South Winchester, Campbell. (408) 378-4540, www.psycho-donuts.com

BEST PANCAKE WITH A SIDE OF CHOW MEIN

Punjab Chinese American Restaurant (the name’s not a reference to the Indian state, here it means “fire dragon” offers free mimosas with its weekend brunch, a standard Americana menu of eggs, pancakes, french toast, and the like. Standard that is, until one considers that the weekday menu is also fair game, from traditional Chinese fare to trash food staples like hot dogs and cheeseburgers — and some say the joint’s Polynesian fried chicken is among the best cluck in town. Whatever’s making your tummy rumbly, the secret to Punjab is to call in your order in advance — this homemade fare takes time to prepare.

2838 24th St, SF. (415) 282-4011

BEST LIQUOR LOWDOWN

Why is it that we like to read about food and drink so much on the Web? In no other Internet area, except maybe porn, is the meeting of the weightlessly virtual and the essentially physical so addictively fruitful. And while crackerjack local liquor expert Camper English’s Alcademics site doesn’t tear off your panties with glossy cocktail shots, his entertainingly detailed descriptions of the latest drool-worthy liquors will have you practically licking your screen. Over the past four years — besides visiting more than 70 distilleries, blending houses, and bodegas in 14 countries — Alcademics has helped refine the Bay Area’s cocktail-blogging niche with some much-needed worldliness and a willingness to look deeper at what’s in our highball. (English’s degree in physics helps here.) Now you can drink to feel smarter!

www.alcademics.com

BEST COMMUNAL EATS, TWEETED

“Red leaf lettuce soup crème fraiche toasted almonds, country ham on pan de mie caramelized onions dijon mustard, arugula and green bean salad” is just one character shy of 140 characters. And that one character is you — as in “Why aren’t you rushing down to farm : table right now to stuff your face?” The super-tiny Tenderloin breakfast and lunch hotspot didn’t pioneer the art of announcing its daily menu via Twitter every morning, but it quickly became the most mouthwatering thing on our feed. In real life, farm : table has the whole local, foraged, organic, and yummy thing down. And you can share your meal seated around one large inside table with strangers — a boon for those seeking a more communal feel in this often alienating world.

754 Post, SF. (415) 292-7089, www.farmtablesf.com

BEST SWEET HOOKERS

We used to love watching David “Hooker” Williams rule the pool table and patio at the Pilsner Inn back in the day. But who knew then that lurking within him was the potential to blow our sweet tooth into the stratosphere? Good thing he let that scrumptious light shine, following his muse to create Hooker’s Sweet Treats — handmade, habit-forming, sea-salted, dark chocolate-covered caramels. These little babies, which Williams calls his “hookers,” work the corners of finer food stores like Bi-Rite Market or display themselves tantalizingly at the homey Hooker’s Sweet Treats Café in the Tenderloin, tempting you to pick up a private evening’s worth of smooth and gooey entertainment. Or hey, just gorge on all the hookers you want right there, accompanied by a fresh cup of Sightglass coffee and to-die-for plum pudding.

442 Hyde, SF. www.hookerssweettreats.com

BEST RUM LEED-ER

When Bar Agricole opened earlier this year, the provenance of its architectural design made almost as many headlines as its food. Impeccably eco-contemporary and obsessively LEED-standard compliant, the striking tavern in SoMa raised the bar for restaurant design. Good for it. It’s lovely; it’s immaculate; we would almost eat off the walls. But — besides the fact that all this green-edged conception has actually yielded a comfortable vibe, stellar drinks, and spectacular cooking (please try the sauerkraut soup and roasted mussels with chorizo) — what’s the real news? Agricole! The classic West Indian white rum, or rhum, is derived from pure cane juice and much prized by the French. Bar Agricole serves it in its ti punch cocktail, spiffily accented with lime zest. The clean, crisp taste evokes an amiable warmth within, much like Bar Agricole itself.

355 11th St., SF. (415) 355-9400, www.baragricole.com

BEST KOREAN CHICKEN GARAGE

You hear tales of a magical Korean restaurant located in a converted garage near Ocean Beach, barely marked by a strand of Christmas lights and a winking chicken with a bowtie and green hair. The restaurant is open until 2 a.m. and is perfect for after-bar snacks: kimchee fried rice, calamari and beef bulgogi, heaps of noodles, crispy fried clucker, and jugs of thick, soju-infused cocktails. When you enter Toyose, it’s actually the quaintly decorated Korean restaurant of your imagination, with a tasty underground vibe to boot. Perfect for post-bar refreshment, true, but a destination in itself: you could lose yourself (and your party) in one of the huge, savory seafood casseroles or cauldrons of sizzling rice soup. And so affordable! No wonder it’s jam-packed with the young and hot.

3814 Noriega, SF. (415) 731-0232

BEST SHABU-SHABU FOR KLUTZES

We’re not sure what your list of priorities looks like when it comes to promising soulmate candidates, but for us, that person better damn well know how to cook. Here’s one nifty little trick for finding out if the person across the table can adequately steam your beef: schedule a shabu-shabu date. The Japanese cuisine, which requires you to use chopsticks to cook your own thinly sliced meats and veggies in a shared hotpot, is incredibly fun and tasty — once you get the hang of it. The friendly Shabusen in Japantown is our favorite, because it has an authentic atmosphere and a klutz-patient staff who don’t mind a little splashy ineptitude. And if your companion happens to be a butterfingers, you can always save face with one of Shabusen’s umami-riffic sukiyakis.

1726 Buchanan, SF. (415) 440-0466

BEST CAKE-TASTROPHES

“I just want to make people read my evil shit,” gleefully wicked Bay Area meta-baker and blogger Shannon O’Malley of Apocalypse Cakes told us last year. “Fatalistic gluttons!” Branch Davidian Texas Pecan Pie, Seismic Haitian Mudcake; Bird Flu Feather Cake, “Inexplicable” Blackbird Pie, Global Jihad Date Cake, even Gay Wedding Cake (there’s bondage involved) — O’Malley’s hilarious, conceptual “recipes for the End” play up our primal fascination with food and disaster while tweaking the foodie propensity for perky cultural appropriation. Now her End Times creations have been collected into an Apocalypse Cakes book, so you can unplug, retreat to your mountain survival hut, and indulge your millennial cravings, enraptured.

apocalypsecakes.wordpress.com

Couscous with Al Qaeda

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

July 12, 2011

marke@sfbg.com

TRAVEL TALES Earlier this year, a wave of revolution swept the Arab world: Tunisia and Egypt deposed their dictators through popular protest, almost all of it nonviolent and nonsectarian, with similar uprisings — many still in progress — in pretty much every other country with a substantial Arab population. Democracy was the stated goal of many of these upheavals, and a newly technologized pan-Arab youth movement was leading the way to freedom via Facebook and Twitter, using social networking to undermine long-entrenched authoritarianism.

It was inspiring. It was exhilarating. It was absolutely delicious.

Pastry vendor, Marrakech. All photos by David Schnur

Hunky Beau and I wanted to taste the revolution. We planned a trip to check out Morocco — which, despite the nonviolent, populist Fevrier 20 movement, had so far escaped turmoil due to a popular and quick-footed king — and Tunisia, which was still dazed by its quick success and which we wanted to support with our meager tourist dollars and a show of good will. The outbreak of air bombing in Libya stymied any plans to expand our journey to Egypt, so we made do with more time in our Spanish travel base, Madrid, which underwent its own plaza-occupying convulsions while we were there, influenced by the Arab Spring.

Berber castle, Southern Morocco

Besides the energy, though, we sought the flavors. The scintillating temptation of Maghreb (North African) cuisine, a hybrid of zesty Mediterranean, formal French, savory Arabic, Spice Route African, and indigenous Berber flavors, was possibly a mirage in this globalized world of ours, but it seemed one worth chasing, preferably by camel, even if it came served on a pizza with a side of fries. Also I wanted to explore my Arab heritage a bit — I’m half-Lebanese, but as pretty much everyone we met in North Africa observed, I have “Berber face.” I’d eat my way to my roots!

Central roundabout, Douz, Tunisia

So off we headed in April and May, a newly gay-married, half-Arab virtual drag queen nightlife columnist and a punk-rock Jewish leather enthusiast, backpacks laden, travel sporks at the ready.

PIGEON PIE AND PISTACHIO JUICE

Fez, my friends, is magical chaos. You will hardly get a minute alone. The life of the justly famed souk (market) dominates this pale, sprawling adobe metropolis. You are here to buy things, and the citizens are going to use any means necessary to sell things to you. The labyrinthine souk itself befuddles and enchants: an ancient, arterial maze of sensory overload, jostling with polyglot shoppers, hard-haggling hawkers, dogged hustlers, shrieking children, braying mules, the odd scrawny chicken. No one wears fezzes. Intertwined roof slats suffuse the tiny passageways with idyllic light. Food stalls tower with rose hips, fig relish, lamb heads, preserved lemons, mint leaves for the ever-present national drink (syrup-sweet mint tea), and myriad pyramids of neon-tinted spices.

And always someone wanting to meet you, someone wanting to know where you’re from. “Ali Baba!” some would call me, referring to my beard. “Obama!” many would say admiringly, shining with African pride, on learning we were rare American visitors. And then, ugh, “Schwarzenegger!” when we mentioned California.

In the Fez souk

Morocco doesn’t have a native dining-out tradition, people eat big meals at home, so we had to hit up tourist restaurants for basic dishes like steaming heaps of vegetable couscous; bubbling, cumin-spiked lamb tajine; and the fabled kefta mkaouara, beef meatballs stewed with eggs and paprika. That was fine, these were good and everywhere. Street food was our real holy grail. Hunky Beau was observing Passover in the Sephardic kosher tradition, which meant avoiding most doughs, so he munched on a array of meaty kabobs. Moroccans will skewer and roast almost anything. Meanwhile, I went all in for a Fez specialty, bastilla (pigeon pie), snagged from a jolly vendor near the ATM at the Bab Boujeloud gate. The small, addictive, golden-baked phyllo triangles stuffed with squab, cinnamon, almonds, salt, and sugar steamed with savory sweetness. I ate, like, 10.

When the pandemonium became too much, we clung to thick, musky camel burgers on the roof of Cafe Clock, located in a medieval water clock tower; drank fortifying bowls of tomato lentil harira soup from the nice guy next to the garish Cremerie Disney Channel ice cream parlor; or rested in Place Baghdadi, a huge square surrounded by the old city’s crenellated walls, where the city’s mass of unemployed young men gathered in the evening to socialize and dig through a massive clothing swap. There we sipped tart glasses of radioactively chartreuse pistachio juice, purchased from a cart run by Fatal Tigers, the boisterous fan club of Fez’s champion soccer team, and discussed world affairs with the city’s male youth. (Morocco was packed with lively women who, apparently, were busy doing everything. We did eventually make a few female friends. however.)

A rare woman in Place Baghdadi

By the way, did I mention that young Arab people — and 65 percent of the Arab world is under 30 — are freaking gorgeous? Seriously, we’re about to see some major Arab children flooding our runways. But most of them are dressed in G-Star Raw knockoffs, which I guess is like Old Navy now in Europe? And who knew that those cute boys whispering “shooky” weren’t offering us hash at all, but blow jobs? Oh well.

Older Moroccan men gathered in the evening to play the backgammon-like shesh besh and talk politics at sidewalk cafes, like Salon de Thé Afaf, where we joined them for espresso with a side of water (cafe noir avec l’eau) a Fez staple, and nibbled on roasted chickpeas sprinkled with cumin, watching the hurly-burly street scene and Al Jazeera simultaneously in the fading pink light. No matter what was happening in other Arab countries — like satellite dishes and vehicular hubbub, Al Jazeera’s breathless revolution reporting was everywhere — young King Mohammed VI had so far managed to dodge the boot by immediately offering, and later following through on, constitutional reforms. Compared to everywhere else, this country of 32 million was almost too peaceful. Or so it seemed.

A BOWL OF SNAILS

It smelled like the sewers had been backing up all week by the time we entered Marrakech, so a gas explosion didn’t seem so entirely out of the question. We’d just come from the “Hollywood of Africa,” Ouarzazate, where Lawrence of Arabia and Gladiator were filmed. A fantastically diverse former caravan trade route outpost, Ouarzazate lay on the edge of the Sahara and was the gateway to the Draa Valley, studded with crumbling Berber warrior ksars (fortresses) from long ago. While there, we happened upon an enormous International Women’s Day celebration, bursting with brightly attired clans, ululations abounding. It was some fierce female power out there.

International Women’s Day, Ouarzazate, Morocco

And we had to check out one of North Africa’s top French-Berber restaurants, Relais Saint-Exupéry — named for The Little Prince author and storied desert aviator’s private runway — where, for about $30 we could pull out the stops with an eight-course formal diner Francais. Lapin and canard pate, balled melon pelted with pink peppercorns, a tangy, deep-red dromedaire avec sauce “Mali,” and a tiny chalice of Berber fig liquor were soon finished off, as was a yummy bottle of full-bodied 2002 Domaine du Sahari Guerrouane Rouge. That’s right, even in the Sahara I could sniff out wine.

In the Draa Valley

Les Jeunes Tinariwen de M’Habib performing in Ouarzazate

Now, unearthly, overcast, red-walled Marrakech thrummed with activity, masses of tourists pouring into the huge, famous Djemaa El Fna square. Djemaa is basically where all your Raiders of the Lost Ark fantasies of Morocco come to life — snake charmers, smoke-pouring food stalls, boisterous storytellers, scheming monkeys, even (yes!) elaborate drag shows. Except, of course, for all the cell phones, dreadlocked Spanish kids in genie pants, and tacky French families dressed in the worst cheap Quechua brand travel wear imaginable. Obviously, colonialism didn’t win.

The morning of April 28 we’d hunted in vain for bisara, a thick pea breakfast soup drizzled with green olive oil from Moulay Idriss, but had given up, grabbed a couple kaab el ghzal (“gazelle’s horns,” small croissants stuffed with almond paste) and decided to e-mail our folks.

We were in a nearby Internet cafe when the blast hit. The clock rocked against the wall: 10:56. A man in a hooded shepherd’s tunic at the terminal next door looked up at me, panicked, and then mimed ducking under his desk as a question. I wasn’t sure how to answer. When no immediate second blast came, we hurried out of the building. No source of the explosion could be found, but Hunky Beau and I both had the same thought: the square. We walked about 100 meters and rounded the corner into catastrophe.

It looked like the Cafe Argana, a large, terraced tourist favorite, where backpackers regularly stopped for ice cream sundaes, had folded in on itself. A man dressed in a tuxedo gestured like a mad maitre d’ from the collapsing second floor to the crowd below, most of which was covered with debris. We surged forward to see what we could do, but people were already hauling off bodies. I saw a frantically shaking, middle-aged white woman lifted in the air with no legs. A man’s bald head lay on a table, an arm (his?) had landed like a limp bird on a crumpled metal railing. Yellow tablecloths were used as stretchers, as shrouds. Finally, the ambulances came.

Stunned, we walked slowly from the square. Morocco was supposed to be safe! Rumors quickly spread. Someone was smoking by a gas canister. An oven had exploded. An old furnace burst. Polisario, the Western Saharan separatist group, had struck. The anti-monarchical Fevrier 20 movement had turned violent. Possibly Al Qaeda itself?

It kind of was. In the end, 17 people died, Moroccans as well as foreigners, including a 10-year-old girl. A man in his 20s named Adel Othmani is accused of dressing “like a Western hippie” with long hair and a guitar case, ordering an orange juice, and leaving behind a bomb that he later detonated with a cell phone. (The Fevrier 20 movement led a peace vigil the night of the bombings, at which people symbolically drank glasses of orange juice to protest terrorism.) Al Qaeda in the Western Maghreb officially denied involvement — though it supported the outcome — but it seems Othmani was a terrorism junkie, trying previously to get into Iraq and Chechnya, and the government claims that he bombed the Argana as a tribute to Al Qaeda. This was like his audition! What psychological madness can grip our world’s young. I had never been so close to pure evil.

The people of Marrakech are nothing if not resilient, though. A day later and it was almost as if nothing happened. Out came the snake charmers, out came the Quechua Frenchmen. (Al Qaeda is tired, anyway — the Arab Spring is mostly about the economy and internal reform, not religious war and anti-Westernism.) All the tourist restaurants and food stalls were closed in the square though. Since we were still in shock and hardly had any appetite, we took the opportunity to order some of the more adventurous things on offer in the market. A bowl of snails ladled by a handsome vendor held a surprisingly delicious broth (soup will always help) and the snails, extracted with a toothpick, were more chewy than slimy, like salty jerky.

And a shared ground beef heart sandwich, richer than anything, washed down with an avocado shake, even richer than that, helped calm our stomachs. Our thoughts, however, remained disquieted.

TUNA TUNISIENNE

OK, food. “Thank you Facebook” read graffiti in English on Avenue Bourguiba, Tunis’ main thoroughfare. “The women of Tunisia are and will remain free” read another in French. And another in Arabic: “Bourguiba is for the people,” referring to either the road itself or the beloved Westernizing dictator it was named after, who ruled before the dictator the people just kicked out.

Tunisia is regarded as the most educated country in North Africa — a program of free schooling proved deposed authoritarian Ben Ali’s undoing when students, frustrated by the lack of jobs, used their knowledge to organize and overthrow him. (We met a street hustler named Wassam, for example, who said he held degrees in art history, math, and textile design, because what else had there been for him to do except keep enrolling in school?) So if we felt intimidated that everyone in Morocco was expected to speak at least three languages fluently — French, Standad Arabic, and Moroccan Arabic — here was a whole country of people who could probably help build a superconductor.

Five months after the revolution, however, and the recession was still there. General disgruntlement was simmering again. Protesters, impatient for the July general elections (later postponed until October) were showing up on the ministry steps. The shine of the revolution appeared to be tarnishing. Still, everyone we met was so intensely proud of what they’d accomplished, positively giddy with their newfound freedom of speech. We had no problem making conversation. Any lingering bitterness about the Bush era seems to have been dispelled once President Obama signed on to NATO’s bombing campaign against Gadaffi. They hate Gadaffi.

Because of the recent clashes between protesters and police, however, the interim government had imposed a 9 p.m. curfew right when we arrived. That made it difficult to find dinner — northern Tunisians are European in their late eating habits — but everyone seemed to take it in stride. Cafes were bustling on the evening sidewalks beneath Tunis’ famous mid-20th-century architectural gems.

Plates came laden with Tunisian staples: creamy mechouia (eggplant salad), bread and dipping harissa (hot red pepper paste), young olives, salade Tunisienne (shredded tuna with olive oil and tomatoes), and slata (mixed salad). Our dinner experience — with alcohol! — at seafood paradise L’Orient included octopus steaks simmered in cumin sauce and a dazzling platter of fruits de mer. (Tunisia has 700 miles of glittering Mediterranean coastline, a seafood lover’s paradise.) A row of restaurants serving cuisine from the southern city of Sfax hooked us on salt-and-pepper fried fish over couscous and stewed rabbit with pequillo peppers. And, believe it or not, Tunisian sandwiches, stuffed with tuna, olives, harissa, and french fries, are bangin’.

A certain wide-eyed tension between the past and future could be felt everywhere in the white and turquoise city. Cell phone ads targeting gay men, however ambiguously, had started showing up, and gay groups were emerging from the shadows with blogs and Facebook pages. At the same time, some religious women were reembracing the head-covering hijab, banned since 1981. Hip-hop had fueled the revolution — the aggressive sounds of El General, DJ Costa, and Blid Boy blared next to those of classic divas like Fakhet Amina and Oum Kalthoum and more traditional raï singers. (And then there were the ethereally overamplified calls to prayer from the muezzins high atop their minarets, some of them divas in their own right, auditioning for Arabian Idol. You’ve never heard the Koran recited until you’ve heard it AutoTuned.)

Finally, there’s the Carthaginian connection, with breathtaking mosaics and legendary landmarks from the classical empire that rivaled Rome scattered everywhere. We could barely tear ourselves away from the great archaeological treasures of the Bardo Museum, located in an old harem, but we were eager to make our way to the south, where the revolution began, and where we heard the ojja (sausage stew) was piping hot.

More tasty camels, another brush with Al Qaeda, and an Englishwoman who said God told her to drive through Libya with a Jesus fish on her bumper: Read part two of this story here.

On the Cheap Listings

Andrew Lam

July 12, 2011

On the Cheap listings are compiled by Jackie Andrews. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 13

How to be a podcaster Bazaar Cafe, 5927 California, SF; www.howtonight.com, www.sparkminute.com. 7pm, free with food or drink purchase. Have something to say, but don’t have the resources to buy a radio transmitter à la Christian Slater in Pump up the Volume? Luckily for you it’s the 21st century, and you can record digital files and distribute them via the Internet as podcasts. Davis Spark – journalist, producer, and founder of Spark Media Solutions – will show you the ropes of creating your own unique podcast series, and even making a buck or two in the process.

THURSDAY 14

Not your average poetry reading Cartoon Art Museum, 655 Mission, SF; (415) CAR-TOON, www.cartoonart.org. 7-10pm, $5-10. Part of the Cartoon Art Museum’s “Art of Howl” exhibition, local celebrities – including Dean Disaster, Dam Dyke, Supervisor Eric Mar, and Sunny Angulo – read selections from Allen Ginsberg’s groundbreaking poem Howl. Local artists Justin Hall and Jon Macy also appear, and the evening is hosted by the always fabulous Anna Conda.

FRIDAY 15

Roller disco party Cellspace, 2050 Bryant, SF; www.cellspace.org. 9pm-2am, $5-$10. Celebrate the 32nd anniversary of the Golden Gate Park Skate Patrol, which grew out of the explosive popularity of outdoor roller skating in Golden Gate Park in 1979 when 20,000 plus funky roller disco enthusiasts started skating through the park every Sunday. Hardcore roller disco junkies can check out either the 7pm or 9pm viewing of Skate Town USA at the Roxie Theater (3117 16th St., SF.) – bring your ticket stub for discounted admission to the roller disco party – and then boogie-oogie to the funkiest jams and relive the good ‘ol days of roller disco.

“When We Were Kids” opening reception 1:AM Gallery, 1000 Howard, SF; (415) 861-5089, www.1amsf.com. 6:30-9:30pm, free. View the art work of Minette Mangahas, Christopher deLeon, and James Garcia at this 21 plus-only art exhibition inspired by the summertime nostalgia of being a kid – whether it be backyard BBQs or learning the hardships of life and struggle. View the primary-colored drama while sipping free-flowing wine and PBR to the beats of DJ Don Kainoa on the wheels of steel.

SUNDAY 17

Daytime Realness El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; Facebook: Daytime Realness. 3-8pm, $8. Drag has officially stepped into the light – the daylight that is. This 1970s-themed daytime drag party – think summertime BBQ at a cross-dressing trailer park circa 1976 – debuts as part of El Rio’s new Sunday schedule of patio parties. Every third Sunday from here on out, hosts Heklina (Trannyshack) and DJ Carnitas (Hard French) along with DJ Stanley Frank (Chilidog) will get you cutting the shag rug as they showcase San Francisco’s finest queens. On this month’s bill are performances by Gina La Divina, Ambrosia Salad, Miss Rahni, Rotisserie Ethnicity Jackson Houston Ross, and more.

Candlestick Park Antique Faire Candlestick Park, Hunter’s Point Expressway at Jamestown, SF; (650) 242-1294, www.candlestickantiques.com. 6am-3pm, $5-$10. Calling all thrifters, hoarders, or just regular folks looking for cool stuff at bargain prices: soak up the summer sun with hundreds of interesting vendors and booths filled with antique and collectible treasures for sale all day long. You will find one-of-a-kind vintage clothes, jewelry, furniture, plus gourmet food trucks (no soggy hot dogs here) and free parking all day long.

AIDS Walk after-party Club Six, 60 Sixth St., SF; (650) 242-1294, www.clubsix1.com, www.brownpapertickets.com. 9pm, $5. Since 1987, AIDS Walk San Francisco has raised nearly $74 million for HIV research programs in the San Francisco Bay Area. Tonight, make musical history while serving a good cause at the 25th anniversary bash for the AIDS walk, called “Hip-Hop, Hope, and Harmony.” Help raise money and awareness for next year’s walk through music – this party will feature performances by BPos, Z’Amico, Simian Scribes, and many others.

Prepare for the playa Café Cocomo, 650 Indiana, SF; (650) 242-1294, www.preparefortheplaya.com. 12-7pm, free. Attend this huge street festival and stock up on everything you need for a great burn at Nevada’s Black Rock Desert – tribal, furry, steampunk, and goth fashions, dust goggles and masks, funky costumes, accessories and more will be showcased to get you hyped for Burning Man. There will also be art installations aplenty, and Playa U will teach you survival tactics at various how-to clinics.

The toast of London

Andrew Lam

July 12, 2011

virginia@sfbg.com

>>View an extended version of this article at Virginia’s site, the Perfect Spot.

TRAVEL TALES Twenty-five bars, from Notting Hill to Hoxton. I did some serious exploring when I splashed down in London’s famed cocktail scene this June, from cutting-edge experimentation to dive-y comfort, legendary classics to just-opened destinations. I sipped with cocktail luminaries like Nick Strangeway, imbibed incognito at world famous haunts, and raised my glass at good old-fashioned pubs. Here are some of my experiences, served neat.

A SHOT OF INNOVATION

It’s true: there’s some cutting edge stuff going down in London Town. Among them, 69 Colebrooke Row is considered a standard of experimentation, if not mad science, with drinks pioneer Tony Conigliaro at the helm. A visit to its test lab, Drink Factory — “a collective of like-minded bartenders and artists” — was a revelation. There, unexpected flavors are subjected to rigorous R&D via a dazzling collection of lab equipment ranging from sous vide thermal immersion circulator to tube-tangled “vacuum machine.” (Press comparisons of Conigliaro to Willy Wonka have grown cliched but remain effective.).

Drink Factory rhubarb gimlet, post-centrifuge

By no means are Conigliaro and crew’s concoctions fussy. When you taste a rhubarb gimlet, for example, you get the pure tart of fresh rhubarb stalks, their essence extracted via centrifuge. This gimlet — among the best cocktails I encountered in London — may have had a complex origin but it contained a mere three ingredients: rhubarb, Beefeater gin, and a twist of grapefruit.

The Colebrooke crew recently took on the fabulous new Zetter Townhouse bar. They’ve created a cocktail menu of understated, intricate sips like the Flintlock: Beefeater gin, gunpowder tea tincture, sugar, Fernet Branca, and dandelion and burdock bitters. Zetter’s British drawing room, whimsically peppered with taxidermy (a full-sized kangaroo!), a gramophone, and mismatched furniture, complemented by a stately yet quirky basement gaming room, is among London’s nicest spots to linger over drinks.

Another standout was the spanking new Worship Street Whistling Shop. I chatted with bar manager Ryan Chetiyawardana, formerly of Bramble Bar in Edinburgh and 69 Colebrooke Row. Candlelight glowed warmly against dark wood fixtures and a classic organ with more than a hint of Victorian influence in the basement bar’s decor. Chetiyawardana showed us their Rotovap (for distilling at low temperatures) in a tiny, glass-walled “lab.” Here the Whistling Shop elves create bitters, tonics, and ingredients like “walnut ketchup” (port wine, green walnut, chocolate, saffron, and spice).

Wonders are many, from a house gin fizz using vanilla salt, orange bitters, extra virgin olive oil, and soda, to a conversation-starter called the (Substitute) Bosom Caresser, layered with baby formula milk (you heard right), Hennessy Fine de Cognac, dry Madeira, house grenadine, salt, and pepper bitters. A pricey Champagne gin fizz (80 pounds a bottle) takes No. 3 gin, lemon, and sugar, fermenting the ingredients with yeast via méthode champenoise, a classic process of secondary fermentation in the bottle. Elegant, integrated beauty.

Some of Whistling Shop’s profoundest joys came from a row of mini-casks behind the bar where an intriguing mix of ingredients are infused into a range of spirits. Though the barrel-aged cocktail craze has swept the world, I’ve yet to see this range at any one bar. WS2 “Whisky” ages Balvenie with beech, maple, and peat syrup in new oak. WS2 “Genever” captivates with Tanqueray gin, Caol Ila Scotch, green malt, and spices, aged in sherry oak. Wherever you turn at this bar, you’ll find the unusual, while the staff and vibe are comfortable, classy. Just the kind of place I’d love to have in my own city.

TRADITIONAL, WITH TWISTS

Smokin’: Hawksmoor’s julep and Tobacco Old Fashioned

Hawksmoor is the territory of visionary mixer Nick Strangeway, where friendly bartenders continue his tradition of well-crafted drinks. I was delighted to order from a menu loaded with classic juleps, cobblers, punches. St. Regis mint julep is a 1930s new Orleans recipe: rye whiskey and Cuban rum form the base, while homemade grenadine rounds it out. it comes, wonderfully, in a traditional julep cup (atypically caked in thick ice, however) with a vivid garnish of berries and mints, tasting like a proper southern julep. compared to other smoke-infused cocktails, I would have liked to taste more tobacco in the Hawksmoor’s tobacco old fashioned. But with rye and house tobacco bitters, the drink was still beautifully executed.

AND THEN … NOT SO MUCH

It’s incredible how many acclaimed London menus are still littered with flavored vodkas and fruity, chichi, or just plain played-out drinks. I witnessed entire groups of friends each with a mojito in hand in bars that carried extensive, fascinating menus.

The 1930s tunes and classy, basement vibe of Nightjar worked in terms of a speakeasy-themed bar. But clientele appeared to be not a day over 18, making the place feel like “kindergarten just let out,” as my companion the Renaissance Man said. Fine — but the flamboyantly garnished yet crappy-tasting drinks really sank the place. Despite a beautiful menu, “signature” cocktails tasted of juice (Pedro Pamaro) or smoky tea (Name of the Samurai) but not at all of alcohol. The only win was a surprisingly good canape platter. For a mere 6 pounds, one can get six tasty, generously-sized canapés until 2 or 3 a.m. This is significant when you realize how impossible it is to get even a bite to eat in London’s hippest neighborhoods after 11 p.m. (just try!)

POMP OVER TASTE

My expectations were high for my visit to the lauded Artesian Bar at the Langham Hotel. The gorgeous, airy room is illuminated with Asian-meets-French decor, romantic and intimate. An extensive menu hosts a brilliant flavor-profile map to help choose a cocktail to suit your mood. All seemed to confirm how special this place was. And then …

Yes, I was prepared for pricey cocktails (15 pounds) but not for the menu to read better than it tasted. The standout was Cask Mai Tai, a cask-aged Mai Tai, deeply spiced and autumnal, with tart lime and fresh mint. However, Silk Route, an intriguing milk punch of Batavia Arrack, Pimento Dram, and Elements 8 Platinum Rum was bland with a funky aftertaste. I yearned for its sun-dried roasted coconut and lime elements to shine through. Alexino sounded luscious: Ron Zacapa 23 Rum shaken with whipping cream, red bean paste, and aromatic spices. I tasted little red bean or spice, while the bean paste sat sludge-like at the bottom of the glass. Granted, red bean is not an easy ingredient to mix into a drink. But at roughly $25 a cocktail, each should be exemplary.

SOMETIMES CLASSIC IS BEST

I’ve saved one of the best for last: Duke’s. This elegant, small hotel bar is a temple to the martini. I could see why it was frequented by James Bond author Ian Fleming and other martini lovers over the years. I cannot recall a more perfect martini. Head barman Alessandro Palazzi is among the most delightful, consummate bartenders I’ve had the pleasure to be served by. As he wheeled out a trolley laden with olives, lemons, ice, and gorgeous barware, he immediately impressed with his expert gin knowledge.

Asking where we were from, he launched into a rapturous account of his love for San Francisco gins 209 and Junipero, saying he’s long been extolling the glories of Junipero. Well-versed and intimately acquainted with the best gins the world over, he dropped distiller names like “Arne” and “Fritz.”

I asked for London’s Sipsmith gin. Alessandro proceeded to bring out a sample of another locally-produced, small distiller Sacred so we could compare side-by-side. He mixed our martinis to icy perfection, gin’s bite tempered with the refreshing cool of dry vermouth and a hint of lemon. This tiny, quiet haven remains among my favorite memories of London, an impeccable martini immaculately served lingering in my mind.

Great Bay escapes

Andrew Lam

July 12, 2011

culture@sfbg.com

AÑO NUEVO STATE PARK

Due to their penis-noses and penchant for lazing about, no animal invites as much tittering as the male elephant seal. We are currently in the thick of their molting season (older males nap and shed on the beach from July until the end of August), the perfect time to hike out to their hangout on the tip of Año Nuevo. Be sure you snag your visitor’s permit — you’ll need one to enter from April-August — from the entrance station.

Open March–Sept., 8 a.m.–6 p.m. 1 New Year’s Creek, Pescadero. (Off Highway 1) (650) 879-2025, www.parks.ca.gov

ALAMEDA BOOZE DISTRICT

On the western edge of the island of Alameda, a one-time naval station has been repurposed into the discerning boozehound’s day trip of choice. Located within a easy block’s stumble of one another lie the tasting rooms of St. George Spirits (boasting absinthe, flavored vodkas, and coffee liqueur on the shelves) and Rock Wall Wine Company, a co-op of local wineries. They’re both a sunny walk from the ferry terminal — stroll by the massive aircraft carriers docked farther down the shore if you need to sober up after, or west to Rosenblum Cellars (2900 Main, Alameda) if you need more tastes.

St. George Spirits, 2601 Monarch, Alameda. (510) 769-1601, www.stgeorgespirits.com; Rock Wall Wine Company, 2301 Monarch, Alameda. (510) 522-5700, www.rockwallwines.com

CANDLESTICK POINT STATE RECREATION AREA

Candlestick Point has gone through a lot of changes in its varied history — but its current incarnation as a well-tended, if sometimes landscaped-feeling, urban refuge perfectly jibes with our times. Refreshing views of the bay, some fantastic hiking trails, and a sense of seclusion (despite the nearness of Highway 101 and the stadium) make this a neato spot to picnic, bird watch, or fish. Don’t forget to bring those layers though becuase sometimes the wind attempts to rifle gently through you.

Candlestick Park exit off Highway 101, SF

CHINA CAMP STATE PARK

Historically this waterfront slice on San Pablo Bay is important as the site of a Cantonese immigrant shrimp-fishing village in the 1800s (there’s a wee museum). For nature, there’s a delightful salt marsh and lazy-day winding paths drenched in sunlight and the calls of waterfowl. But — why hide it? — this is one of the best make-out places on the bay, with couples gladly making hay in the grasses. After the picnic, of course. Wet your whistle for the Annual Heritage Day Celebration on Aug. 27, 11:30 a.m.–4 p.m.

101 Peacock Gap Trail, San Rafael. www.parks.ca.gov

INK WELLS

Damn this SF summer fog! Escape north to Marin, where just past Boonville and just inside the border of Samuel P. Taylor State Park lie these cool pools. The rocky, clothing-optional swimming holes cascade into each other and feature prime jump-off spots for the daredevils among us who can’t be satisfied with a shady forest and some cold water on a hot day. Park your car just past Shafter Bridge (coming from Lagunitas) and walk underneath the copper-colored bridge to arrive. Samuel P. Taylor Park, Sir Francis Drake, Lagunitas

SLACKER HILL

Don’t freak, you don’t have to go far for nature adventures. This inappropriately-named Marin Headlands summit is just a 15 minute — albeit gnarly — hike up a gorgeous trail from a stop on the No. 76 Muni line. Once you’ve peaked, rest in the tall grass with a phenomenal 180 degree view of Sausalito, the bay, the bridges, and the city from downtown to the avenues. It’s like you’re inside one of those awesome Panoramio pics, but it’s not freezing your computer.

Trailhead begins on the right, 100 feet downhill on McCollough from the Conzelman intersection, Marin County.

UPCOMING FESTIVALS

SUNSET CAMPOUT

Three-day dancing and frolicking to superlative house music with thousands of others. With DJ Larry Heard, a.k.a. Mr. Fingers.

Fri/15-Sun/17, $125–>$150, Belden. www.sunsetcampout.com

PAL BLUES FESTIVAL

A smokin’ BBQ competition will satisfy, as will roots and blues music from dozens of performers.

Friday, July 22, 6 p.m.–8 p.m. and Saturday, July 23, 11 a.m.–8 p.m., free.

Courthouse Square, 2200 Broadway, Redwood City. www.palbluesfestival.com

SONOMA COUNTY FAIR

It’s the 75th year for this bonanza of California country living, with carnival rides, turkey races, vaudeville performances, wine tasting, and live music.

July 27–Aug. 14, various times, $9, kids under six and seniors free. Sonoma County Fairgrounds, www.sonomacountyfair.com

WANDERLUST

Bend over backward, outdoors, as yoga meets music with Michael Franti and Spearhead, Girl Talk, Cornflower, MC Yogi, and more.

July 28–31, $24.50–$450, Squaw Valley. squaw.wanderlustfestival.com

GAIA FESTIVAL

Celebrate the earth by getting down (and dirty?) with India.Arie and Idan Raichel, Aaron Neville, the Wailers, Funky Meters, and dozens more.

Aug. 5-7, $5–$180. Black Oak Ranch, Laytonville. www.thegaiafestival.com

GOOD OLD FASHIONED BLUEGRASS FESTIVAL

The Northern California Bluegrass Society goes all out with three days of pickin’ and pluckin’ campground jams and family fun.

Aug. 12–14, $8.50–$65. Bolado Park, Tres Piños. www.scbs.org/events/gov

OUTSIDE LANDS

A revamped food and wine aspect refreshes the massive SF music fest, whose star power includes Muse, Phish, and Arcade Fire.

Aug. 12–14, times and prices vary. Golden Gate Park, www.sfoutsidelands.com

BODEGA SEAFOOD ART AND WINE FESTIVAL

Drink, dine, and shop to your heart’s content. Also: Bodega Seafood Festival rubber duck races!

Saturday, Aug. 27, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. and Sunday, Aug. 28, 10 a .m.–5 p.m., $8–$15. children under 12 free. 16855 Bodega Hwy, Bodega. www.winecountryfestivals.com

LOVEVOLUTION

The Bay’s hugest legal outdoor rave returns, now in Oakland for your fun-fur, hands-in-the-air pleasure. There will be a million DJs.

Sept. 24, price and time TBD. Oakland Coliseum Grounds, Oakl. www.sflovevolution.com

For more summer fairs and festival fun, visit www.sfbg.com/summerfests.

Upcoming summer festivals

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

July 7, 2011

July 14-24

Midsummer Mozart Festival Various Bay Area venues. (415) 627-9141, www.midsummermozart.org . Prices vary. You won’t be hearing any Beethoven or Schubert at this midsummer series — the name of the day is Mr. Mozart alone.

July 16-17

Connoisseur’s Marketplace Santa Cruz between Camino and Johnson, Menlo Park. (650) 325-2818, www.miramarevents.com. 10am-6pm, free. Let the artisans do what they do best — you’ll polish off the fruits of their labor at this outdoor expo of artisan food, wine, and craft.

July 21-Aug 8

SF Jewish Film Festival Various Bay Area venues. www.sfjff.org. Times and prices vary. A three week smorgasbord of world premiere Jewish films at theaters in SF, Berkeley, the Peninsula, and Marin County.

July 22-Aug 13

Music@Menlo Chamber Music Festival Menlo School, 50 Valparaiso, Atherton. (650) 330-2030, www.musicatmenlo.org. Classical chamber music at its best: this year’s theme “Through Brahms,” will take you on a journey through Johannes’ most notable works.

July 23-Sept 25

SF Shakespeare Festival Various Bay Area venues. www.sfshakes.org. Various times, free. Picnic with Princess Innogen and her crew with dropping a dime at this year’s production of Cymbeline. It’s by that playwriter guy… what’s his name again?

July 30

Oakland A’s Beer Festival Eastside Club at the Oakland-Alameda Coliseum, 7000 Coliseum Way, Oakl. www.oakland.athletics.mlb.com. 4:05-6:05pm, free with game ticket. Booze your way through the Oakland A’s vs. Minnesota Twins game while the coliseum is filled with brewskies from over 30 microbreweries, there for the chugging in your souvenir A’s beer mug.

July 30-31

Berkeley Kite Festival Cesar Chavez Park, 11 Spinnaker, Berk. www.highlinekites.com. 10am-5pm, free. A joyous selection of Berkeley’s coolest kites, all in one easy location.

July 31

Up Your Alley Dore between Folsom and Howard, SF. www.folsomstreetfair.com. 11am-6pm, $7-10 suggested donation. Whether you are into BDSM, leather, paddles, nipple clamps, hardcore — or don’t know what any of the above means, this Dore Alley stroll is surprisingly friendly and cute once you get past all the whips!

Aug 1-7

SF Chefs Various venues, SF. www.sfchefs2011.com. Times and prices vary. Those that love to taste test will rejoice during this foodie’s paradise of culinary stars sharing their latest bites. Best of all, the goal for 2011’s event is tons of taste with zero waste.

Aug 7

SF Theater Festival Fort Mason Center. Buchanan and Marina, SF. www.sftheaterfestival.org. 11am-5pm, free. Think you can face about 100 live theater acts in one day? Set a personal record at this indoor and outdoor celebration of thespians.

Aug 13

San Rafael Food and Wine Festival Falkirk Cultural Center, 1408 Mission, San Rafael. 1-800-310-6563, www.sresproductions.com. Noon-6pm, $25 food and wine tasting, $15 food tasting only. A sampler’s paradise, this festival features an array of tastes from the Bay’s best wineries and restaurants.

Aug 13-14

* Nihonmachi Street Fair Post and Webster, SF. www.nihonmachistreetfair.org. 11am-6pm, free. Founded by Asian Pacific American youths, this Japantown tradition is a yearly tribute to the difficult history and prevailing spirit of Asian American culture in this SF neighborhood.

Aug 20-21

Oakland Art and Soul Festival Entrances at 14th St. and Broadway, 16th St. and San Pablo, Oakl. (510) 444-CITY, www.artandsouloakland.com. $15. A musical entertainment tribute to downtown Oakland’s art and soul, this festival features nationally-known R&B, jazz, gospel, and rock artists.

Aug 20-22

* SF Street Food Festival Folsom St from Twenty Sixth to Twenty Second, SF. www.sfstreetfoodfest.com. 11am-7pm, free. All of the city’s best food, available without having to go indoors — or sit down. 2011 brings a bigger and better Street Food Fest, perfect for SF’s burgeoning addiction to pavement meals.

Aug 29-Sept 5

Burning Man Black Rock City, Nev. (415) TO-FLAME, www.burningman.com. $320. This year’s theme, “Rites of Passage,” is set to explore transitional spaces and feelings. Gather with the best of the burned-out at one of the world’s weirdest, most renowned parties.

Sep 10-11

* Autumn Moon Festival Street Fair Grant between California and Broadway, SF. (415) 982-6306, www.moonfestival.org. 11am-6pm, free. A time to celebrate the summer harvest and the end of summer full-moon, rejoice in bounty with the moon goddess.

Sept 17-18

SF International Dragon Boat Festival California and Avenue D, Treasure Island. www.sfdragonboat.com. 10am-5pm, free. The country’s largest dragon boat festival sees beautiful man-powered boats take to the water in 300 and 500 meter competitive races.

Sept 23-25

SF Greek Food Festival Annunciation Cathedral. 245 Valencia, SF. www.sfgreekfoodfestival.org. Fri.-Sat., 11am-10pm; Sun., noon-9pm, free with advance ticket. Get your baba ghanoush on during this late summer festival, complete with traditional Greek dancing, music, and wine.

Sept 25

Folsom Street Fair Folsom between 7th and 12th St., SF. www.folsomstreetfair.org . 11am-6pm, free. The urban Burning Man equivalent for leather enthusiasts, going to this expansive SoMa celebration of kink and fetish culture is the surest way to see a penis in public (you dirty dog!).

Sept 30-Oct 2

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Speedway Meadows, Golden Gate Park, SF. www.strictlybluegrass.com. 11am-7pm, free. Pack some whiskey and shoulder your banjo: this free three day festival draws record-breaking crowds — and top names in a variety of twangy genres — each year.

Items with asterisks note family-fun activities.

Appetite: Breaking bar news — MacGregor joins Jasper’s

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

July 6, 2011

Appetite: Breaking bar news — MacGregor joins Jasper’s

We’ve been anticipating the opening of Jasper’s Corner Tap & Kitchen (slated for late July/early August) in the former Ponzu space downtown. With news of Chef Adam Carpenter helming the “upscale tavern-inspired” kitchen and none other than Kevin Diedrich as Bar Manager (who you’ve heard me talk about since early Burritt Room days), it’s sure to be an exciting opening all around.

There’s breaking news on the bar side today that ups the ante even further. Brian MacGregor is another bartender who’s long been slaking our thirst with superb imbibements since his Jardiniere days. He’s just signed on with Jasper’s bar team, making it officially an all-star cast. His Locanda gig fell through a couple months ago, which was entirely their loss, but that paved the way for his new role at Jasper’s.

As Jasper’s is part of the Kimpton restaurant group, Kimpton’s Master Mixologist Jacques Bezuidenhout is helping create the cocktail menu, heavy on fresh purees and juices, and, of course, local produce. Both Diedrich and MacGregor have been named Bay Area “Bar Stars” by the San Francisco Chronicle in recent years, and with Bezuidenhout also involved, we can expect a stellar cocktail menu and execution.

Along with 18 international beers on tap and a wine list assembled by Master Sommelier Emily Wines, Chef Carpenter’s menu will offer a line-up of gourmet comfort with the likes of homemade pretzels (accompanied by smoked cheddar and beer fondue), and creative versions of fish n’ chips (with polenta crust) or bangers n’ mash (spicy beer sausage). Open all day, every day, this promises to be not only a welcome downtown dining option, but with all that talent behind the bar, a drinking destination.

— Subscribe to Virgina’s twice monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot

Appetite: 3 restaurants to watch

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

July 5, 2011

Here are two new places that just opened, showing a lot of promise… and one that keeps getting better.

Sexy ’70s foodie lounge : CHAMBERS EAT+DRINK

The Phoenix Hotel has long exuded rock star hipness. Its prior restaurant was more bar than food destination… and it really wasn’t memorable on the drink front, though the mid-century motel poolside setting is special. The pool remains, now with cactus wall and bright orange chairs. Drinks, though decent, still aren’t worth a special trip, but the food is.

With chef Trevor Ogden behind brand new Chambers Eat+Drink inside the Phoenix, I had no doubt it would be good. Young and ambitious, he has impressed me from his days at Mission Beach Cafe. With a complete decor revamp, I am delighted to say there’s no atmosphere like it in SF. A sleek 1970s den lined with hundreds of records (yes, LPs), the place is outfitted in leather, plaid couches, quirky lamps, knick-knacks, themes varying between restaurant, lounge and pool.

The food keeps up. Shaved Spring Salad ($8) is a knock-out of asparagus, wild arugula, and sheep’s milk ricotta topped with shaved Summer squash and lightly fried mushrooms. In a saffron tarragon vinaigrette, it nods to the long days of Summer. Smoking Salmon ($12) arrives wrapped like a rose blossom over a mini-hearth, emitting smoke from roasting coals. A bowl of yuzu sake creme fraiche, chive oil and salmon caviar/roe complete the playful presentation.

In a city with no shortage of fine burgers, Ogden makes an utterly satisfying one ($12): Prather Ranch beef is pink and juicy topped with whole grain aioli, butter lettuce, heirloom tomato, and red onion so smoky it feels as if the burger was grilled by campfire. It comes with thyme-dusted Kennebec fries, while add-ons include crispy-braised pork belly ($3) or avocado ($2.50). There are a handful of entrees ranging $18-26, or one could go with a mix of small plates. PB & L.T. ($10) is essentially pork belly in rice paper wrap, layered with butter lettuce, heirloom tomato, house sambal (chili sauce), and champagne aioli. A fun way to eat belly, almost light yet satisfying. Cauliflower soubise soup ($7) was the only misstep for me – too salty: basil, dried olives, and pink peppercorn added nuance, but over-salting left the impression of being one note.

Ogden is also handling the desserts. They read better than they tasted in opening weeks… but there is promise here. A giant Manhattan creme brulee ($8) is rye bourbon creme brulee doused in macerated cherries and blood orange reduction with candied orange peel. To be fair, I’m not a big creme brulee fan so overall it came off too pudding-like, but high marks for the drink-as-dessert concept. Carrot Caraway Cake ($7) hit blessedly savory with caraway, Kaffir lime nectar and candied carrot tops. Dots of creme fraiche frosting didn’t seem enough to balance out the slight dryness of the cake.

I’m pleased to see a new addition with dramatic, unusual environs that is also for the gourmet. We don’t always do it up in the setting department in SF, preferring to (rightly) focus on the food first. But it doesn’t hurt to do both.

CHAMBERS EAT+DRINK 601 Eddy Street at Polk, 415-829-2316, www.chambers-sf.com

Louisiana Authenticity : BOXING ROOM , Hayes Valley (549 Irving Street, between 6th & 7th, 415-592-8174)

The new Boxing Room may not immediately recall Louisiana: exposed wood, modern chandeliers and an open space look like any typical current-day restaurant. But the food coming out of the kitchen from the hands of Chef Justin Simoneaux, a Southern Louisiana native, just begins to assuage my constant hunger for New Orleans.

First off, I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to see Creole cream cheese on his menu. I fill up on that silky, gently sweet goodness whenever I’m in Nola but had yet to see it here. Seems he couldn’t find it either so Simoneaux made his own. He’s currently serving it with a salad ($8) of mixed greens, strawberries, and spiced pecans.

Deep fried alligator with a Creole remoulade ($11) is about the freshest alligator I’ve tasted – even better than what I’ve had in Nola or Florida. He’s taken painstaking efforts to source the best possible ingredients and it shows: this alligator is more tender and flavorful than its fried status would suggest. Crawfish Étouffée ($13 small, $20 large) is a beloved dish served in varying styles, but often reminiscent of gumbo. Simoneaux’s roux base for the Étouffée is subtly sweet and savory. A beauty… but I could have used a little more crawfish.

Stuffed mirliton and eggplant ($17) is a superb vegetarian dish and maybe the most creative entree. Over a sweet, stewed tomato ratatouille, Grana Padano cheese accents a small, stuffed eggplant and larger mirliton, Southern Lousiana’s beloved vegetable (also known as chayote). Crispy Boudin Balls ($5) is delicious Cajun boudin sausage fried into breaded balls. Don’t miss the free starter of crackers with pimento cheese spread. I’ll take more pimento cheese, thanks. Bananas foster cake ($7) is a moist, dense take on one of Nola’s greatest desserts, served with a subtle bourbon ice cream.

There’s also oysters, fried chicken and red beans, beers on draft (a nice list ranging from Belgians to Louisiana beers), wines on tap, and plenty of bottles. Zydeco plays in the background. At least two waiters are from Louisiana – we sure enjoyed chatting ours up about the glories of food from that state. The only thing missing is a Mint Julep.

BOXING ROOM, Hayes Valley 549 Irving Street, between 6th & 7th streets, 415-592-8174, www.boxingroomsf.com

Daily-changing freshness: OUTERLANDS

Outerlands keeps getting better. Since chef Brett Cooper came on board and their liquor license came through, allowing for seasonal cocktails, it’s more of a destination than it was. I always liked the woodsy, narrow interior but found waits at brunch chaotic and the food all-around solid, if not noteworthy. There is now amped-up artistry, particularly in vegetarian dishes, distantly reminiscent of what one might see at Napa’s Ubuntu.

There are roughly only two $10 cocktails a night. Recently, I liked a Smash in a mason jar: Buffalo Trace bourbon, fresh peaches, lemon and rosemary. More refreshing than unforgettable, it was as garden-fresh as dinner was. Co-owner David Muller’s bartending background at places like Slanted Door clearly informs house-made ingredients and knowledgeable mix of ingredients, like an aperitif of Junipero gin, absinthe, Campari, fennel, sparkling wine.

Dinner highlights included baby carrots and leeks ($9) dotted with fennel, nettles and toasted almond breadcrumbs, and a plate of Mixed Beets ($8), juicy in red frill mustard and sherry, accented by dollops of the most divine, creamy house ricotta. Savory bread pudding ($9) is a puffy dream of their house bread baked with caramelized onions, chard, rosemary, crusted with Gruyere cheese.

Dessert ($7 each) was a mason jar filled with strawberry rhubarb parfait, creamy and fresh, but with barely a taste of rhubarb or fennel. More of both would have made for a superior dessert. More exciting, despite its straightforward sound, was a chocolate budino: lush dark chocolate, hazelnuts, graham cracker, toasted meringue, and thankfully plenty of salt to keep it savory.

Outerlands has evolved into something special by the beach, and a win for anyone who lives out that way.

OUTERLANDS, 4001 Judah Street at 45th Ave., 415-661-6140, www.outerlandssf.com

Subscribe to Virgina’s twice monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot

Alerts

Maria Poblet

June 28, 2011

WEDNESDAY 29

Moon Tides and the women of Jeju Island

Photographer Brenda Paik Sunoo presents her book Moon Tides, an homage to the female divers of Jeju-do between the ages of 39 and 93. Through photographs and interviews, the author presents the lives of these remarkable South Korean women who dive for seaweed and shellfish with little more than a knife and no breathing apparatus. This practice is common throughout coastal Korea and Japan, usually leaving the men to stay at home and care for the family. The film focuses on the older generations who still do it. The evening includes a wine reception; tickets can be purchased online.

5:30–7:30 p.m., $10

Russ Building

235 Montgomery, 12th Floor, SF

(415) 543-4669

www.imow.org

SATURDAY 2

Immigration history and Angel Island

Like a Left Coast Ellis Island, Angel Island was an immigration station for newly arrived immigrants and war prisoners. It was also the location of the 1939 trial to deport Australian-born International Longshore and Warehouse Union (ILWU) President Harry Bridges for allegedly being a member of the Communist Party. ILWU historian Harvey Schwartz and ironworker Mike Daly discusses the island’s history — from the trial of Harry Bridges to the Pearl River Delta Taishan people of China, who were largely responsible for building the early infrastructure of California. Check the website for ferry and shuttle information.

11 a.m., free

Angel Island Immigration Post

Mess Hall

Northeast side of the island

www.laborfest.net

SUNDAY 3

Labor attacks in California

The McCarthy-era “witch hunts” in California that targeted trade union members and their right to make a living also helped shape the future of the labor movement. The backlash included a large protest and sit-in at the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) hearings in San Francisco, which resulted in ending the HUAC hearings and their attack on the labor movement. Hear about that tumultuous time from those who were involved, including Phil Mezey (the San Francisco State University professor who was fired for not signing a loyalty oath), labor historians, and a handful of retired workers and protestors.

2 p.m., free

ILWU Local 34

801 Second St., SF

www.laborfest.net

Mail items for Alerts to the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 437-3658; or e-mail alert@sfbg.com. Please include a contact telephone number. Items must be received at least one week prior to the publication date.

Appetite: Dining with two European winemakers

Andrew Lam

June 27, 2011

Appetite: Dining with two European winemakers

There’s nothing quite like dining with the person who made the wine you’re drinking — intimate and focused, it gives one a special insight into what’s in one’s glass. Earlier this month, I met with three Napa-Sonoma winemakers. Recently, I had the chance to spend time with two Europeans from the unparalleled regions of Bordeaux and Kamptal. Look for these wines in local wine shops — or ask that your shopkeeper stock them, they’re that good.

LAURENZ V., Austria – The Gruner Veltliners and Rieslings of Laurenz V.’s — whose name is pronounced “Laurenz Five” — hail from one of my favorite wine-making countries. I adore these two varietals when they come from skilled hands, and those of Laurenz Maria Moser V certainly qualify. He comes from five generations of winemaking, and his grandfather was the legendary Professor Dr. Lorenz Moser III, inventor of the Lenz Moser Hocherziehung trellising system that caught on across European vineyards.

Lunch with Moser entailed colorful stories and many a laugh — the man is hilarious. It also meant a line-up of gorgeous Gruners from a terraced landscape in the Kamptal region, north of Vienna. His wines are stainless steel-fermented, a technique which yields a crisp, bright Gruner profile.

We tasted through seven Gruners, from a juicy 2009 Laurenz und Sophie Singing to his Charming line (years 2005-2009). I was partial to the 2005, full and balanced with acidity and apple spice, as well as the 2006 with its clean nose and creamy yet mineral taste. We even sampled a honeyed 1980 (!) Gruner to witness the possibilities of a Gruner aging — contrary to popular opinion, they can mature quite prettily.

We ended with a lively citrus-apple 2009 Prinz Von Hessen ‘H’ riesling and a lush, grapefruit-touched Johannisberger Klaus Riesling Kabinett Trocken. The two reflected the range of beautiful wines that come out of Austria.

Chateau Palmer, Bordeaux, France – When one is invited to a personal dinner with a winemaker from Bordeaux, France, it’s a requirement to jump at the opportunity. During three plus hours with Bernard de Laage at Berkeley’s Claremont Hotel we tasted twelve Chateau Palmer, de Laage’s blends of equal parts merlot and cabernet sauvignon with just a touch of petit verdot. Comparing vintages side by side, we were able to gain a deeper appreciation of the inflections and strengths brought by each harvest.

For me, the stand outs were the lush 2000 Palmer, the less aged but still bright 2005 Alter Ego — a robust, young expression of Chateau Palmer — an opulent and exuberant 1999 Palmer, and the musty, full, smoky but acidic 2002 Palmer. I actually couldn’t find a single low point in the 1998-2006 line-up.

The evening, part of Berkeley Wine Festival (check out its site for future dinners), was over the top — spectacular views of the San Francisco Bay from the back room of Claremont Hotel’s Meritage restaurant. Twinkling lights on a warm night made a brilliant partner to rising star chef Josh Thomsen‘s menu. I was duly impressed with all his dishes, and wouldn’t be surprised if we see a lot more from him in coming years. My top dish of the five course dinner was the Maine sea scallops topped with Hudson Valley foie gras. Served over rhubarb-balsamic compote and endive, it was the dining pinnacle of the night. But for sheer satisfaction, I’m giving my points to Thomsen’s succulent Creek Stone beef short rib.

All in all, a happy marriage of wine, food, people, and setting.

— Subscribe to Virgina’s twice monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot

Carrot coladas: Vegan happy hour, anyone?

Andrew Lam

June 27, 2011

Carrot coladas: Vegan happy hour, anyone?

A short list of cocktails that are not vegan: Irish coffee, anything involving Drambuie or Martini and Rossi vermouth, cheese-garnished Bloody Marys. (Thanks Barnivore.)

This spring, I interviewed six SF vegans on the state of animal product-free lifestylin’ out here in the Bay. They agreed it was all pretty awesome, given the kitchen creativity and commitment to healthy eating that lives out here. But they identified one thing that our hills and valleys are lacking: a strong sense of vegan community.

And what’s a better community builder than alcohol?A vegan — and thus more hardcore — version of worldwide sustainability boozery crew Green Drinks, Vegan Drinks SF has been gathering up meat-defeaters for the past two years, dumping them (with fair notice) on the city’s watering holes for a vegan cocktail special, scintillating mingling opportunities, and drunken event announcements to cap the whole thing off. This week, there’s a meet-up at Martuni’s on Thurs/30. We caught up with Elizabeth Castoria, the managing editor of Vegan Drinks progenitor VegNews, to find out more about the phenomenon.

Ah, and if you’re really feeling the concept, you might try meat-free speed dating.

San Francisco Bay Guardian: How many meetings of Vegan Drinks SF have there been?

Elizabeth Castoria: We started in February of 2009, and typically skip the months of November and December because since Vegan Drinks is always held on the last Thursday of the month, those two months tend to get swallowed by the holidays. If my math’s right, that’s 25 meetings so far.

SFBG: Are the drinks specifically vegan? I know that animal products tend to lurk in alcoholic beverages when you least expect them.

EC: The nice thing is that the vast majority of hard liquor is vegan (it’s much more common to find beer and wine that’s been processed with animal byproducts). Our monthly drink special changes up, but it’s always a liquor-based martini.

SFBG: Who are the Vegan Drinkers? How many people came to the last event?

EC: We don’t take tickets at the door or anything, but about 50 were in attendance at the last event. The group usually ranges between around 50-ish people to 75-ish, and it’s a real mix. Most are probably between the ages of 25 and 55, and the personalities are diverse, as in any group. Most are professionals who come right from work.

SFBG: Why Martuni’s for this one? Does the place have a special vegan allegiance?

EC: When we were scouting out places, Martuni’s seemed like a really good fit because it has a fairly spacious back room that’s semi-private. Skip, the owner, has been really wonderful about coming up with creative drink specials every month. He also happens to have both a popcorn popper and a really adorable little hot dog cart, and he went out and got us a bunch of vegan hot dogs, buns, and condiments that sold for $1. It’s wonderful to partner with someone who’s so enthusiastic!

SFBG: And knowing Martuni’s, there will be some amazing lounge act in the back room…

EC: Ha! Not intentionally. Though Martuni’s martinis are notoriously strong, so after a few, you never know! We do, however, have a brief announcement period at the end of every event so that anyone who has a project or opportunity to share has the chance to do so.

SFBG: Drunk events announcements, love it. Why’d you start Vegan Drinks?

EC: Vegan Drinks as an idea actually started in New York in 2008. When our staff started seeing photos from their events that looked like way too much fun, we got jealous. So we started our own chapter! The point is just to create a space for people to come together, spend time among like-minded folks, and hang out. It purposefully doesn’t have an agenda beyond “let’s have drinks and chat” because so often events are fundraisers, or outreach, or festivals, or readings, or something else that involves a level of obligation, and it’s really nice to just get together with people in the community and hang out without any pressure.

SFBG: Have you seen any interesting animal product-free collaborations spring up out of these meetings? What are the hot vegan conversation topics that people are mingling over these days?

EC: Certainly some networking happens, and some projects have come from that. For example, even with Vegan Drinks itself, we started organizing the events, and then connected with the Vegansaurus bloggers, and now we co-sponsor the event with them. In terms of hot topics, food is a nearly ubiquitous theme at vegan gatherings. New restaurants, places people have eaten recently for the first time and had either good or bad experiences, new recipes people are experimenting with and those kinds of things definitely come up.

(Carrot colada photo by Wendall T. Webber via Food & Drink)

Vegan Drinks

Thurs/28 6-8 p.m., free with purchase of drink

Martuni’s

4 Valencia, SF

(415) 241-0205

www.sfvegandrinks.com

Pride Events

Maria Poblet

June 21, 2011

Our mega-guide to 2011’s Hot Pride Action — and parties and art and …

WEDNESDAY 22

Pullin’ Pork for Pride Pilsner Inn, 225 Church, SF. www.pilsnerinn.com. 6-9pm, free. The Guardian’s Pride Week happy hour turns seven years old, so we’re sharing our secret of youth: pulled pork sandwiches, which our own Funk N Chunk crew will be dishing out for free. Beats by DJ OME, and and ample chance to check in with all the beautiful alternative people.

Stay Gold Public Works, 161 Erie, SF; Facebook: Stay Gold Pride. 9pm-2:30am, $3-$5. This young and fun queer party kicks out the party jams (plus an art show, live performances, and other surprises) with resident DJ hotties Rapid Fire and Pink Lightning.

Oh! The Powerhouse, 1347 Folsom, SF. www.powerhouse-sf.com. 10pm-2am, $5. Oh hey, Bright Young Gentleman’s Adventuring Society, let’s not waste any time on this whole Pride week, shall we? Head to the Powerhouse for DJs Guy Ruben and the so-dreamy Taco Tuesday while you’re still fresh – you’ll be a little less so after these porno beats and scruffy meets.

THURSDAY 23

“Heroes With Bling” Market Street Gallery, 1554 Market, SF. www.marketstreetgallery.com. 6-8pm, free. ‘Cause what would Pride be without the glittery gaudy of our city’s drag royalty? Photographer Jose A. Guzman Colon has documented the highest of heels, the opaquest of eyeshadow in this photographic Pride pre-party. This one will be a gracious who’s who.

A Truly Fabulous Nightlife California Academy of Sciences, 55 Music Concourse Drive, SF; (415) 379-8000, www.calacademy.org. 6-10pm, $12. Help drop the science on Pride week with special exhibitions, DJs Miss Juanita MORE!, Stanley Frank, Chelsea Starr, and Honey Soundsystem in the aquarium, plus a “tranimal” costume contest judged by drag’s own special fauna exhibit, Heklina.

Sex-positive photo show Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk, SF; (415) 345-0400, www.goodvibes.com. 6-8pm, free. Enjoy the images of storied sex-positive photographer Phyllis Christopher with wine, hors d’oeuvres, and, of course, good vibes.

Street Power: The Story of San Francisco’s Vanguard GLBT History Museum, 4127 18th St., SF; (415) 621-1107, www.glbthistory.org. 7-9pm, $5 suggested donation. Learn your history as local smartypants Joey Plaster, Mia Tu Mutch, and Rev. Megan Rohrer draw parallels between the Vanguard youth movement of the 1960s and present day LGBTQ organizations.

Pan Dulce The Café, 2369 Market, SF; (415) 675-9763, www.clubpapi.com. 8pm-2am, $5-$8. The Bay Area’s largest weekly Latin party kicks off Pride in the ‘Stro with sexy go-go papis, drink specials, and more – hosted by Sasha and beats by DJ Carlos.

Eden Thurs/23-Sun/26, Various locations, SF; (510) 842-6315, www.edininthebay.com. $65-$100. This weekend-long event is for all the ladies – four nights and six parties featuring glamorous catwalks, celebrities from the Real L Word, stand-up comedy, superstar DJs, and more.

In the Mood for Love Truck, 1900 Folsom, SF. www.trucksf.com. 10pm-1am, free. High-octane laser beams will sear from the eyes of drag glamorpuss La Monistat – tonight’s all about the dramarama love ballads, so donate to the party’s concurrent food drive to avoid unhinging a woman who is already bawling out.

Stud Bar 45th anniversary party Stud, 399 Ninth St., SF. www.studsf.com. 8pm-2am, free. Hey daddy, you’re not gonna want to miss the festivities at SF’s classic cruisy queer bar.

Big Gay Warehouse party Big Gay Warehouse, SF. www.biggaywarehouse.org. 6-10pm, $5 plus $1 six month membership. It’ll be the BGW’s (first and) last Pride hurrah before the party collective gets the boot from their SoMa space – but don’t cry for them. Better that you dance dance dance to Forever, Tacocat, Bitter Fruit, and Fat Transfer. Shuttles depart from 17th St. and Capp to take you there all night, and afterwards you can catch a ride to East Bay parties.

DTF Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF. (415) 863-2047, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9pm, free. Are you? Come prepared to get revved up – DJs Miss Jackson and Astro, host Kellen, and a passel of comely go-go dancers will have you mashing face with other lucky lasses toute suite.

The Ms. Tang Tang Show African American Art and Culture Complex, 762 Fulton, SF; (415) 922-2049, www.aaacc.org, www.brownpapertickets.org. 7:30pm, $15-$20. Be apart of a live studio audience for this all-queer-all-Asian variety show with guest artists D’Lo, Kit Yan, Philip Huang, and more as they perform, amuse, and delight. The show will be aired online, so be sure to sit strategically to get your “good side” on film.

Hunky Rebel, 1760 Market, SF. (415) 431-4202. Facebook: Hunky. 10pm-4am, free before 11pm. An out-of-state ID gets you in for free all night, so this is the perfect spot to check out all the just-docked fresh meat.

Pride Kick-off party The Lexington, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.thelexingtonclub.com, 9pm, free with drink purchase. Kick-off pride at the Lex for their notorious shit-show of a celebration (and we mean that in a good way.) This year Ms Jackson and Astro from parties She Said and Cockblock handle the decks while those sexy Lexy go-go dancers turn the crowd out..

Shameless House of Music, 420 14th St., Oakl.; www.shipsinthenight.blogspot.com. 9pm-3am, $7. Can’t make it over the bridge in to SF tonight? No worries – Ships in the Night brings Pride to Oakland! This 700 plus venue will hold DJs, debauchery, dancing and more – including a special performance from kick-ass Purple Rhinestone Eagle, home-cooked treats, and indie vendors.

FRIDAY 24

Trans March Dolores Park, Dolores and 18th St., SF; www.transmarch.org. 3:30-6:30pm rally, 6:30pm march, donations accepted. Gather in support of transgendered and transsexual justice and visibility at a rally in the park – featuring DJ Stephanie Luz , Rev. Megan Rohrer and the Vanguard Youth, Josie and the Pussycats, and more – and a protest march to follow. This year’s Trans March honors the 45th anniversary of the Compton Cafeteria Riots.

Trans March after party The Lexington, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.thelexingtonclub.com. 9pm, free with drink purchase. Decompress after a day of kickass trans unity and solidarity at the Lex with DJs Jenna Riot and Miss Pop spinning an eclectic dance mix of hip-hop and Top 40s jams of the past and present.

33rd Annual Pride Concert® Everett Auditorium, 450 Church, SF; 1-800-595-4TIX, www.annualprideconcert.org. 8pm, $15-$30. Get a dose of culture during this year’s Pride festivities with a showcase of the world’s premier LGBTQ orchestra, choruses, and wind ensembles with host Trauma Flintstone.

Unofficial 2 Elbo Room, 647 Valencia, SF. (415) 552-7788, www.elbo.com. 10pm-2am, $7. Coinciding nicely with trans mag Original Plumbing’s green issue, this is the OP crew’s second year of post Trans Parade hijinx. DJs Rapidfire and Bunnystyle will kick out the jams. Amos Mac will snap your look.

Le Petit Mort Pride Som Bar, 2925 16th St., SF. (415) 558-8521, www.som-barsf.com. 6-10pm, free. A magical mystery ride? Celebrating diversity? A free party during Pride Week? Will wonders never cease – these deep ’80s and disco tunes will touch you deep inside, cuz that’s what Pride’s all about.

Marga & the Tomboys LGBT Community Center, 2nd Floor, 1800 Market, SF; www.brownpapertickets.com. 8Pm, $15. Check out Latina funny-woman Marga Gomez and resident cutie-pie Janine Brito as they serve up some side-splitting queer comedy for the National Queer Arts Festival.

Beefy Babe Parade Big Gay Warehouse, SF; www.biggaywarehouse.org, Facebook: Beefy Babe parade. 8pm-3am, $6-$9. If you’ve never been out to his punk rock warehouse, this would be the time – bad ass babes from Portland, Purple Rhinstone Eagle, are performing and other awesome surprises are in the works. Check online for bike-able routes and info on shuttles from the Mission.

GAWK’s 25th anniversary party Tikka Masala, 1668 Haight, SF. 7pm, free. The Gay Artists and Writer’s Collective celebrates a quarter century of providing soundtrack to the city’s progressive causes, with live bands, quite moving and fun readings, and a always fascinating crowd of characters.

MR. Mighty, 119 Utah, SF. Facebook: Mr. 4th Annual Mustache Party. www.mighty119.com 9pm-4am, $15 presale. ‘Tis the season to mingle with porn stars from Naked Sword and Golden Gate and hear to NYC’s Miss Honey Dijon tear up the decks. Throw on your best fake or real mustache because that’s how hot and porny it’s gonna get.

Some Thing Pride The Stud, 399 Ninth St., SF. www.studsf.com. 10 p.m.-4 am., $7 The wild drag threesome of Vivvyanne Forevermore, Glamamore, and Down-E take you down the rabbithole with loads of performances, a scene truly to behold, and music from DJs Hoku Mama Swamp and Stanley Frank.

Color from God-lung (Larkwatt 1152) Breathing Room, 1592 Market, SF. Facebook: Color from God-lung. 9-11pm, donation suggested. Take a break from the candy-coated craziness to check out this movement-based opera, whose plot unfolds in a post-apocalyptic petrified elephant carcass and involves endurance-based vocal feats.

SATURDAY 25

Pink Triangle installation and ceremony Twin Peaks Vista Overlook, SF. (415) 726-4914, www.thepinktriangle.com. 7-10am installation, 10:30am commemoration ceremony, free. Help commemorate the gay victims of the Holocaust with the annual installation of the symbolic pink triangle atop Twin Peaks that can be seen for miles!

Dyke March Dolores Park, Dolores and 18th St., SF; www.thedykemarch.org. 3-7pm rally, 7pm march, $5-$10 suggested donation. San Francisco’s Dyke March is the largest of it’s kind in the world. Represent and be visible at a rally with performances and DJs – Hard French’s Brown Amy is headlining, so wear your dancing shoes – with a parade to follow.

Pink Saturday at the Dark Room The Hot Spot, 1414 Market, SF. 10pm. “Demented” performances from some the best drag queens going (Anna Conda, Lady Bear, Raya Light) stud this macabre gay goth-industrial break from the rainbow rally outside. Drink specials help melt your makeup off. With DJs Le Perv, Phatima, and Faux King Awesome.

Men’s Spanking Party Power Exchange, 220 Jones, SF; (415) 864-2766, sanfranparty@yahoo.com, 1-6pm, $20. Yup, you sure did read that correctly. So, who’s been a bad boy? Those of you males who are into spanking and paddling – whether bi, gay, or straight – bend on over. This is your lucky day.

Tap That Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.thelexingtonclub.com. 7pm, free.DJ Becky Knox of Lions, Tigers, and Queen keeps the delicious dyke dancing going well after the march is over. This is the OG of Dyke March afterparties, so let’s not forget our heritage, people.

Big Top vs. Trannyshack Club 8, 1151 Folsom, SF. www.trannyshack.com. Doors at 9pm, show at 11pm, $15 presale. When clubs collide, you wanna be there for the ensuing bump ‘n’ grind. Kooky-crazy drag institution Trannyshack’s bearded ladies take on the ringling go-go twinks and hairy fortune tellers of Big Top’s homo disco circus – they’ll tangle til dawn, with you caught in the dancetastically dirty sheets. Watch that elephant.

Indigenous Pride LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market, SF; www.sfcenter.org, peacewarrior@earthlink.net. 8pm, free. This Indian Two Spirits celebration is alcohol-free and features spoken word, Native American hand games, drumming, and more.

Go Bang! Go Pride! Deco Lounge, 510 Larkin, SF. Facebook: Go Bang! Go Pride! 9pm-3am, $5. DJ Peeplay of Honey Soundsystem teams with Lel’Elephant, Sergio, and Steve Fabus for a gay ‘ol time. Disco dance your way through the weekend with rare grooves and deep cuts .

Bearracuda Pride Public Works, 161 Erie, SF. www.bearracuda.com. 9pm-late, $10-15. Furry manmeat takes over Public Works to listen to dabecey of Electronic Music Bears, DJ Peeplay of Honey Soundsystem, and Jen Irish of Denver – and make the second floor treehouse into a teddybear’s picnic. Fuzzy!

Gaypocalypse SUB/Mission 2183 Mission, SF; Facebook: Gaypocalypse – Dyke March Afterparty. 9pm-2am, $7. DJs from Stay Gold, Ships in the Night, Party Hole, and Hella Gay join party forces for a night of booty-clapping jams at this debaucherous Dyke march after party.

Lights Down Low SOM Bar, 2925 16th St., SF. www.som-bar.com. 8pm-3am, $15 presale. JD Samson of Le Tigre, Nomi Ruiz of Hercules and Love Affair, and Honey Soundsystem’s Derek Bobus headline this electronic get down. Nu disco? Nu problem.

Mighty Real Mighty, 119 Utah, SF. www.mighty119.com. 10pm-4am, $10 presale. House god Quentin Harris — the man with the golden ear and platinum body — and local boy David Harness turn up the dance floor soul into Pride Sunday’s early hours.

Cockblock Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell, SF. www.cockblocksf.com. 9pm-2am, $15. This Dyke March after-party will feature Cockblock and Q Bar’s sharp Natalie Nuxx and DJ C.LA, who is gonna bring that trampy Vegas spirit straight to the sexy lesbis at this sweaty dance-off.

SUNDAY 26

SF Pride Parade and Celebration Market, from Beale to 8th St., SF; www.sfpride.org. 10:30am, free/$20 V.I.P. passes for 2-5pm party at City Hall. The mother of all Pride babies – this is where it all began, folks. The O.G. protest march down Market Street for LGBTQ rights, justice, and visibility. This year’s main stage performances at Civic Center include Sandra Bernhard, Luciana, Big Freedia, and tons more. The theme this year is “Stand Up for LGBT Youth”

Bradley Manning parade contingent Meet at Starbucks, 99 Jackson, SF; Facebook: March for alleged WikiLeaker. 9:45am, free. March in the parade with fellow supporters for the gay soldier who spoke openly against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and who is now imprisoned for allegedly blowing the whistle on U.S. war crimes in Iraq.

Mikes on Bikes Contingent Meet on Spear near Market 9pm-10pm, $5-$10. 415-905-8854 pre-reg hotline. Hey alternaqueer boys, bring your bike and ride with DJ Bus Station John and a spokeful of hotties, probably in their underwear, for the 15th anniversary “ride of your life.”

BiBi Pride After-Party T-Dance Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF. Facebook: BiBi Pride, www.eightsf.com. 4 p.m.-10 p.m., $15. Calling all Middle-Eastern and North African hotties! Get into the swing of Pride with Ooh La La Belly Dance, DJ Nile, DJ Nader and all the hip-shaking girls and boys you can handle.

Hard French Hearts Los Homos Public Works, 161 Erie, SF; www.hardfrench.com. 2-10pm, $15-$20. Like a Hard French on steroids, this massively popular, fresh and funky daytime BBQ soul party touches down for Pride and features sure-to-be-mind-blowing performances from Erase Errata, Nick Waterhouse and the Tarots, and New Orleans sissy bounce queen Big Freedia (azz up!), as well as a second room with guest DJs from Stay Gold, Ships in the Night, Dial Up!, and more.

Hit It and Quit It The Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.thelexingtonclub.com. Dirty bass to top 40 – if you can’t hook up here, you can’t hook up anywhere (or you have a penis).

Juanita MORE! Pride Party Chambers, 601 Eddy, SF. www.juanitamore.com. 2pm-2am, $25-35. Not only have we anointed it “Best Queer Party” of the year, but the top shelf entertainment (the Some Thing crew will be there, as well as the adorable Cougar Cadet Corps Drumline, NYC’s House of Stank, and the UK’s Horsemeat Disco) all goes to benefit a gay-straight youth alliance doing werq with the young folks. Plus it’s a pool party, too! Drag fierceness Miss Juanita More presides.

Honey Pride Holy Cow 1535 Folsom, SF. www.honeysoundsystem.com, 6 p.m.-2 a.m. The gorgeous boys of Honey Soundsystem draw a hot, fun crowd of dancers who like being taken on a journey through all manner of dance music. Plus there’s a barbecue going on! San Francisco’s storied DJ Robbie Hardkiss and Doc Sleep provide the soundtrack for lovers.

Last Night Pride Party Club Six, 60 Sixth St., SF. www.clubsix.com 4pm-2am, $10. Race in style to the finish line with this DJ-fashion-dance explosion. With dubstep and electro DJs holding down Six’s White Room and hip-hop and pop bobbing their heads in the Dark Room, you’ll have options for the soundtrack to your come-down after a week of wild.

Queerly Beloved El Rio, 3158 Mission, (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 3-9pm, $8. Dubbed “a Pride party for the rest of us,” Courtney Trouble’s annual Pride celebration is for all genders and sexualities, and features a wet t-shirt contest with pricey prizes, musical performances, a photo booth, tons of eye candy, porn screenings, free food, and so much more.

SF Pride Closing Party Regency Ballroom, 1300 Sutter, SF; (310) 880-4546, www.theregencyballroom.com. 7pm, $65. This year’s official Pride closing party is a bonanza that includes performances by Taylor Dayne, fierce contestants from Ru Paul’s Drag Race, DJ Glovibes, and host Peter Paige from Queer as Folk.

BYO Flair: A guide to this weekend’s festival explosion

Andrew Lam

June 17, 2011

BYO Flair: A guide to this weekend’s festival explosion

If there is one thing I know about festivals it is this: the gear you pack can leave you hydrated, hip and happy — or break you down to a sunburned, schlubby hunk of bad vibes. (It’s true – shoddy preparation for Reggae on the River 2006 left me stranded in the psych tent with disoriented girlfriend during the Ziggy and Damian Marley concert. Clearly, a hipper fedora would have solved everything.)

This weekend plays host to a freakishly large share of summer festivals, so consider this your guide to happy cavorting in the sun. Cups, caps, frocks, and foods: here, friends, are our picks for best festie flair.

Sierra Nevada World Music Festival

The perfect weekend campout for those that can’t handle the crushing crowds of the more commercial festivals this summer. Even the little things (children) will appreciate the open-minded approach to beautiful noise here.

Bring: Consider SNWMF a three-day immersion program in getting loose. Translation: you need costumes. If you’re heading up from San Francisco, we’ve got the perfect sartorial layover for you. Sebastopol’s Funk & Flash vintage store is far enough removed from the big city that its stock hasn’t been picked to all hell by the club kid set, so festie-bound you can benefit from its racks of flowery skirts, and tons of sparkle. Go, do you!

Fri/17-Sun/19, $60-150

Boonville Fairgrounds

CA-128, Boonville

www.snwmf.com

Juneteenth Festival and Parade

The website proclaims this celebration of African American heritage to be the largest gathering of blacks in Northern California, but it remains to be seen whether you’ll fixate on the cultural signifcance while attending the event itself: with an impressive classic car show and three-on-three basketball tournament, all the historical reflection might have to wait until after the festival.

Bring: No brainer accessory: a hat from Hats of the Fillmore, an independent business that’s been holding it down on Fillmore’s main drag for years. High quality at surprisingly low prices, you can don one of these lids to fit in perfectly with the jazzy milieu of SF’s traditionally black neighborhood.

Sat/18 11 a.m.-7 p.m., free

Fillmore and Geary, SF

www.sfjuneteenth.org

Alameda Sailing Festival

Hey Muffy, take a break from hating on the impending America’s Cup to catch a day of boating buoyancy. The Encinal Sailing Foundation will be providing turns on the high seas for a “nominal” fee, and there will be seminars on “pilates for sailors,” boating to Mexico, and how to get your captain’s license. Afterwards, we know some great places to get drunk in Alameda!

Bring: This really goes for every fest on the list, but possibly the most important piece of flair is a fun, functional backpack to hold your water (flask), sunscreen, cell phone, and snacks. We love the Brooklyn Circus’ BKc satchels – but for the moment you’ve gotta special order them from New York. That’s fine, this ain’t the last weekend of the summer! The store’s preppy style (without the snooty WASP-y supply chain behind it) would be divine if you’re looking to drop some dough on a nice sailing fest outfit.

Sat/18 10 a.m.-8 p.m., free

Encinal Yacht Club

1251 Pacific Marina, Alameda

www.summersailstice.com

Bicycle Music Festival

You read our profile on Fossil Fool, so you know all about the current trend towards bike-fueled culture fun. According to all the volunteers that have been standing near Mona Caron’s bike mural behind the Church Street Safeway for the past few days, this fest will be the perfect spot to enjoy the zeitgeist. Saddle up for awesome tunes, and community-building bike rides between concert sites.

Bring: Hedgehog mug from Gravel and Gold so you can (chicly, adorably) reap the benefits of the fest’s pedal-powered smoothie maker. It also comes in rabbit, fyi. The calories you consume in said smoothies work doubletime — once you’re done drinking, take your turn powering the generator for the drinks or one of the music stages yourself.

Sat/18 noon-11:25 p.m., free

Various locations, SF

www.bicyclemusicfestival.com

Berry Festival

You know this sun isn’t going to last past 4th of July, so now is the perfect time to up your antioxidant intake and arm the old immune system against “summer” colds. CUESA and the Ferry Building farmers market is holding this day of loving for berry season – sample the treats available in the market stalls and let chef Daniel Clayton of Nibblers Eatery and Wine Bar show you how to whip up some healthy, hearty grub with the juicy little devils.

Bring: a nice navy sweatshirt from Mollusk for the Bay breezes and inevitable tayberry stains.

Sat/18 11 a.m.-1 p.m., free

Ferry Building, SF

www.cuesa.org

California Big Time Indian Gathering

The Ohlones are hosting their first gathering of Native peoples in their ancestral lands in two centuries. Come to learn more about real SF locals through dance, rituals, and craft exhibitions.

Bring: Mocs that slip off easy – you’re not gonna want a layer of separations between the well-manicured lawns of Yerba Buena and your soles.

Sat/18 noon-11 p.m., free

Yerba Buena Gardens

Howard between Second and Third St., SF

www.worldartswest.org

North Beach Festival

Sure, the neighborhood street fests all start to look the same after awhile. But there are good parts of that same: family-friendly musical acts, artery-busting festie food, and an excuse to run amok in the streets. The North Beach incarnation has been going for 56 years, and manages to sneak a couple unique facets into the standard cruise-shop-eat formula SF has perfected.

Bring: your kitty cat companion for the yearly St. Francis of Assisi animal blessings. Also, a flirty, locally made frock from NooWorks is totally Maria from West Side Story – perfectly for the neo-Catholic-in-the-summertime vibe you’ll be channeling.

Sat/18-Sun/19 10 a.m.-6 p.m., free

Washington Square Park

Union and Columbus, SF

www.northbeachchamber.com

Northern California Pirate Festival

Never underestimate the amount of people willing to drop serious time and dime on dressing up in period costumes. You’ve seen the Renaissance fairs and the Dickens Christmas Fair – now it’s time to peep the pirates. Two very full days of pirate entertainers and replica boats (not to mention squadrons of pirate clothing vendor booths) await you if you be brave enough to cross the seas to Vallejo.

Bring: Your 826 Valencia designer spyglass, for scurvy-watching of course.

Sat/18-Sun/19 10 a.m.-6 p.m., free

Vallejo Waterfront

Mare Island Way (near the ferry terminal), Vallejo

www.norcalpiratefestival.com

Picklewater Free Circus Festival

As we mentioned in last year’s profile of our favorite free circus troupe, Circus Bella, nothing quite highlights the magic (and eccentricity) of this city quite like catching a high-flying aerial act smack dab in the heart of downtown. Picklewater is taking over Union Square for the third year in a row this weekend, and we suggest you head down — if only to catch the amazed gaze of the throngs of tourists that’ll be on hand to remind you that yes, your city is freakin’ amazing.

Bring: Your medical marijuana card, and attending accoutrements.

Sun/19 2-4 p.m., free

Union Square

Post and Powell, SF

www.jewelssf.org

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings at the Stern Grove Festival

The 74th season of this green glade’s free concert series kicks off with a killer show from the queen of throwback soul.

Bring: The Stern Grove scene struts more with its picnic spread than by any accessory or fly outfit. A retro basket (check Goodwill, people are always ditching picnic baskets) will be a useful score, and in terms of snack to make (they must be homemade!), peep our favorite new vegan cooking blog, The Vegan Stoner. It’s perfect, even if you had to self-medicate your hangover before you started prepping for the journey out to the Sunset.

Feat. Ben L’Oncle Soul

Sun/19 2 p.m., free

Stern Grove

19th Ave. and Sloat, SF

www.sterngrove.org

Mission Street mural unveiling

But why spend all your time at the big events? Artist Aaron Lawrence is holding an al fresco event of his own – pulling the dropcloth off the work he and muralist Rocky Villanueva did on a new apartment building on Mission. He’s making a party of it, so get there early if you want to get down on the free burritos provided.

Bring: Tapatio, tall can Tecate. Bring two cans, share them.

Sun/19 2-5:30 p.m., free

Mission between 18th and 19th St., SF

Facebook: Sunday Mural Reveal Party

Summertime Fernet-drinking just got its video anthem

Andrew Lam

June 15, 2011

Summertime Fernet-drinking just got its video anthem

There was a time when ordering a shot of Fernet Branca was weird, when your friends would screw up their faces (if they actually knew what the stuff is) and waft a glass of Cuervo under your nose: “now this is a shot!”

Oh hold up, that’s actually still how it is – but at least now you have a dope song featuring a legit San Francisco soul legend to bawl back at the haters when they’re questioning your libation election.

I’m (half) joking – Fernet has long been the officially official “we’re in San Francisco!” weirdo drink for weirdos — who run this town, of course. We’ve been drinking it since Italian immigrants lugged it through Angel Island in their suitcases – straight on through Prohibition in fact. Branca ducked the judging gaze of teetotalers by being sold in pharmacies as medicinal elixir.

But the modern day craze, well that’s something else. I was recently down in Buenos Aires, where they drink even more than we do (mixed with Coca Cola, in their case) – but even the porteños knew that San Francisco drinks hella Fernet Branca – we take down a quarter of the entire country’s total consumption, by some counts.

If you’re going to point fingers anywhere for the current renaissance, you may as well jab them at DJs Doc Fu and Pause of the Red Wine crew.

Aaron “Pause” Vaughn says he was first introduced to Fernet back in 1995 by Hobson’s Choice bartender Chris Dickerson. Back then, it was the after hours drink of choice for the service industry set. Red Wine started drinking it paired with pints of Guinness at all its gigs, and members haven’t looked back.

“I know the Red Wine crew and affiliated converts like it because it settles your stomach after a Mission burrito or a harrowing bike ride through the City,” Pause tells me in an interview over the Internets. “The Red Wine DJs have been notorious for drinking and pilfering bottles of the stuff at gigs for years.”

“We’ve been drinking it since we were kids in the club,” says Bruce O’Leary, who spins hip hop, soul, and eclectic booty-shakers throughout the city under the moniker of Doc Fu. “It wasn’t a thing. The bartenders we worked with were like ‘we’ve got this stuff in.’ And I was like ‘I’ll drink it.’ It was like a secret handshake.”

But what started as an after hours drink for the cool kids started become the all hours drink for the cool kids – at least for Doc Fu, who started to “go to the bar and be like ‘yo, I need a shot of Fernet and Guinness like, right now.’”

And just like that, it wasn’t just the industry set anymore. “The other night I saw a guy on a ten speed with a sipper [of Fernet] in his back pocket,” says Doc Fu.

High time the brew (comprised of a million ingredients culled from sources on multiple continents, reputably suitable for defeating hangovers, assuaging menstrual pains, or bonding with your Argentinian buddies) had an anthem.

And one night, gathering together drinking supplies from Safeway for a gig opening for Mistah F.A.B., the Red Wine boys hit upon it: “I Drink Fernet.”

“You know how in Safeway they play random shit?” remembers Doc Fu. A mellow ’80s jam came over the tinny loudspeakers as the Red Wine crew was dealing with a store clerk who kept trying to sell them champagne instead of their desired bottle of Italian bitters. They started subbing out the lyrics to ones that were more appropriate for the situation at hand.

The result was too good to leave in the grocery aisle. Pause recorded the song with Equipto a few years ago, and even got Michael Marshall to do the hook. Marshall was part of the ’80s Berkeley group Timex Social Club and will forever go down in history for singing the hook for the Luniz’ “I Got Five On It.” Recently he’s been popping up all over, including in Equipto’s must-bump for SF summer 2011. “Pause got Mike Marshall on the phone. I was like, the San Francisco soul legend? Why don’t you just call up Deangelo,” Doc Fu remembers.

The crew recently released a video for “I Drink Fernet”, which they filmed at Haight Street bar Nickie’s with a little help from the amiable publicity reps at Fernet Branca. “Fernet showed up to the video shoot with four or five magnums. They’re incredibly nice folks by the way. It was a pretty fun night,” says Doc Fu. Pause phrases the night a little differently: “during the video shoot everyone got sloppy on Fernet.”

The videos making the rounds through SF drinkers now, which has Doc Fu joking about what the next round’s gonna be. “We should do a whole EP about liquor song, a song about Jameson, a song about pony kegs. Everyone loves liquor songs. Somebody today is having their first drink.”

And that’s what makes this city great. Perfect, now I’m thirsty. Pass that weird shit they only drink in San Francisco, and turn up my song.

Alexander’s Steakhouse

Andrew Lam

June 14, 2011

paulr@sfbg.com

DINE “This doesn’t really look like a steakhouse,” a friend said recently while scanning the ambience of Alexander’s Steakhouse, which opened last fall in the fabulous Bacar space. Since Alexander’s isn’t an ordinary steakhouse, it’s probably okay that it doesn’t look like one. It’s probably additionally okay that it still looks more or less like Bacar: old brick, gleaming copper and chrome, a vault-like spaciousness, the wall of translucent glass cells in which bottles of wine are stored as if by giant oenophile bees. Even the lounge below decks is still there; it’s is a peaceful haven from the tumult upstairs, with its noticeable Hooters atmospherics.

The central novelty of Alexander’s (the original is in San Jose) is the sensibility of the chef, Jeffrey Stout, whose culinary poles are Japan and France. In this respect the kitchen’s nearest relation in town is probably 5A5, the splendid Asian-inflected steakhouse in the Barbary Coast. Stout’s wrinkle is to swirl some Gallic seasoning into the pot. And while most of the food’s cues seem to be taken from east Asia, the kitchen does turn out such sly treats as truffled french fries ($12 for a good-sized stack). As someone who’s not wild about truffles, despite or because of their expensive exclusivity, I was surprised to find this was an effective idea, with the earthy taste and scent of the truffles neatly nested in the crunchy, all-American bonhomie of the potatoes. Americanness isn’t a neglected theme here, either, incidentally, from Maine lobster to a credible salad of iceberg lettuce ($10), with Point Reyes blue cheese, a fine dice of smoked bacon, and a tangy buttermilk dressing I thought to describe as “ranch.”

“Please don’t call it ranch,” a voice across the table implored. Well, okay, but that’s what it was. Next to the lettuce wedge sat cubes of candied applewood smoked bacon ($5), like a stack of miniature bricks. In their meatiness they could easily have passed for Canadian bacon.

For a steakhouse, there’s a surprising amount of seafood, including Kusshi oysters ($4 each) and hamachi shots ($4 each), cubes of fish served like ceviche in martini glasses with an electric ensemble of chile coins, ginger, and truffled ponzu sauce. There was also, one evening, a main dish of halibut ($34), a perfectly nice filet that had a length of chicken skin roasted onto it. This wasn’t quite a bad idea, but it wasn’t a good one, either. Chicken skin would in theory provide some chicken fat, which is full of flavor and moistness, important considerations when dealing with fish. But halibut is a hardy fish that stands up well to chefly handling, and the chicken skin turned ornery in the roasting, like gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. Worst of all, the fish seemed to have dried out a bit during its time in the kitchen — not fatally, but still.

Well, you’re thinking, what fool orders fish at a steakhouse? The point of such a place must be the beef, and what grander beef is there than prime rib? Alexander’s offers it in two sizes: 14 ounces ($38) or 20 ounces ($42), the 20-ouncer seeming almost big enough to have been pulled from its own Cryovac pack. The meat, we were told, had been slow-roasted for hours and were presented with jus and a trio of horseradish creams.

(The service, incidentally, must be the among the wordiest in the city. Each item is described at length, with the particulars flying at you like buckshot. Complicating matters is the noisiness of the place, which is like being in the pit of the New York Stock Exchange when full and can make some of the servers hard to understand. I saw lips moving, I heard sounds, but I could not piece together a narrative. Like Woody Allen in Annie Hall, I nodded, smiled, and hoped for the best.)

The beef looked splendid — rather on the purplish, rare side, but that was fine. It was also tough. This was a new prime-rib experience for me; in the past it’s always been tender, if not quite butter-like. Alexander’s meat had a good, rich flavor, but it was hard to separate flavor from texture when texture was calling attention to itself. I’ve often roasted my own prime rib at the holidays, but I’ve never had it show this kind of obstinacy.

Pastry chef Dan Huynh’s dessert menu is littered with French terms (financier, crème brûlée), along with something called “dark dimensions” ($12) that sounded like an episode of The Twilight Zone but turned out to be a miniature playground of chocolate, including logs of malted chocolate ice cream and a small bowl of popcorn. All was tender.

ALEXANDER’S STEAKHOUSE

Dinner: Mon.–Sat., 5:30–10 p.m.;

Sun., 5:30–9 p.m.

448 Brannan, SF

(415) 495-1111

www.alexanderssteakhouse.com

Full bar

AE/DS/MC/V

Noisy

Wheelchair accessible

Groupon’s secret

Andrew Lam

June 14, 2011

sarah@sfbg.com

A San Francisco-based bus tour operator who relies on the Internet to drum up business has filed a class action suit against Groupon, alleging that the deal-of-the-day website uses false advertising, or bait-and-switch tactics, to get customers to its site.

San Francisco Comprehensive Tours, LLC, which does business as San Francisco Shuttle Tours and Wine Country Tour Shuttle, originally filed suit March 17 in the U.S. District Court, Northern District of California “to stop false and misleading business and advertising acts and practices employed on Google.com by Groupon, Inc.”

In essence, the tour company claims that Groupon is dominating Google searches with offerings for discounted local tours — of, say, Alcatraz — that don’t actually exist.

On April 19, SFCT amended its complaint into a class action suit. The amended suit includes “all persons and entities in the United States who purchased Internet ads with Google for the purpose of advertising local tour company business information and whose tour businesses, including the cost of advertising on Google, have been affected by the false advertisements of Groupon which claim to provide discounted offers for tours but actually provide no such offers.”

Attorneys for Groupon have asked for an extension until June 13 to respond to SFCT’s complaint. Representatives for Groupon told the Guardian they can’t comment on the case.

SFCT’s attorneys claim that Groupon is arguing that this shouldn’t be a class action suit because everyone’s complaint is different.

“They’re spamming the Internet with false advertising that affects everyone’s ability to do business, so this is tailor-made for a class action suit,” said SFCT’s attorney Steve Williams of Cotchett, Pitre & McCarthy in Burlingame. “It’s not easy to take on Groupon now that it has gotten so big and can afford top-notch lawyers.” In other words, it could take a group to take on Groupon.

The suit comes as Groupon, which launched in Chicago in 2008 and now claims to have 70 million subscribers as well as annual revenues of $700 million and an estimated worth of $12.7 billion, prepares to go public. Investors are trying to figure out if Groupon has a sustainable business model.

Last December Groupon fueled speculation that it would offer an initial public offering (IPO) when it rejected Google’s jaw-dropping $5 billion-plus takeover bid. Spurned, Google responded by launching Google Deals, a Groupon clone, in Portland, Ore., this June and announcing plans to expand into San Francisco and other U.S. cities later this year.

But as Forbes magazine noted last August, Groupon founder Andrew Mason has “managed to build the fastest-growing company in Web history.” Groupon’s meteoric rise has been attributed to Mason’s decision to combine a familiar concept with a novel idea: customers only get Groupon’s deeply discounted deals if enough customers pay up in advance for the deal that day.

A BAIT AND SWITCH?

SFCT is accusing Groupon of manipulating ad space that it buys from Google to funnel visitors to its site and collect data about these visitors — while SFCT and other tour companies lose customers and have to spend more money on online advertising.

This isn’t the first time Groupon has been sued since it was launched. But the bulk of those cases revolved around claims that Groupon’s “Daily Deal” gift certificates have illegal expiration dates. By contrast, SFCT’s suit is about Groupon hurting other businesses through manipulating Google’s AdWords program, which is Google’s main advertising program and main source of revenue.

“It’s the means that Groupon uses that is harming legitimate businesses. But they argue that it’s the Internet, it’s all new, and therefore the rules don’t apply,” Williams claimed.

Even though Google has not been sued in this instance, Eric Goldman, an associate professor at Santa Clara University School of Law and director of the school’s High Tech Law Institute, said that much of SCTF’s complaint is as much an indictment of Google’s platform as it is of Groupon’s practices. “Even though Google hasn’t been sued, I wonder if Google has or will make changes to its ad platform in response to the allegations in this complaint,” Goldman said.

Google spokesperson Diana Adair told the Guardian: “Unfortunately, we’re not able to comment.”

Williams claims that Groupon is gaming the algorithm that underpins Google’s AdWords program, which uses a combination of the number of click-throughs to a website, the closeness of an ad’s wording to an Internet user’s search terms, and the amount of money businesses are willing to bid on specific keywords to rank search results on Google.

“Groupon can’t say it’s just an AdWords problem,” Williams said. “It’s a manipulation.”

In its suit, SCTF claims it successfully bid on keywords such as “San Francisco tours,” “Alcatraz tours” and “Napa wine tours” for years. Then, in September 2010, Groupon started bidding on these terms as well — and though it rarely offered any discounted Alcatraz tours, it began to rank high in search results, driving up SFCT’s ad costs.

The suit notes that one time, in response to the keyword “Alcatraz tickets,” Groupon’s ad copy read “Alcatraz tickets — one ridiculously huge coupon a day: Do Alcatraz CA at 50 to 90 percent off.” Groupon’s actual ad that day was for discounted acting lessons.

“But they don’t care because they are trying to direct as many people as they can to their website,” Williams claimed.

Williams said he believes he can show that from the moment Groupon started placing ads for tours it didn’t sell, SFCT has suffered financially. “For someone like the plaintiff who is not about to put out an IPO, the frustration is that Groupon is funneling people into their direct mail campaign to develop huge databases and monitor what people like to buy so Groupon can target those people in future,” he said.

Williams told us he thinks he knows how Groupon will try to defend its strategy. “They’ll probably say that there is nothing wrong with what they are doing because if a business want to attract people to its product, it can talk to them about other products,” he said.

But he doubted they would try to blame it on Google. “Google would say that Groupon is taking advantage of AdWords,” Williams explained.

He sees Groupon’s strategy as a “bait and switch” tactic that’s illegal under the federal Lanham Act and California’s unfair competition and false advertising laws. “If I did this in a newspaper’s classified advertising section, it would be wrong. But the way Groupon looks at it, the normal rules don’t apply because it’s doing this online,” Williams said.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

Williams also noted that Groupon hasn’t disclosed all the other lawsuits it’s facing. “They view this as a pesky little thing. But most companies, unless the suits are patently without merit, will err on the side of caution, believing it’s better to disclose than fail to disclose,” he said. “Or maybe they are thinking, ‘Soon we’re going to be making $30 billion, so who cares?'<0x2009>”

Goldman notes that SFCT’s class action adds extra complexity for its lawyers. “Groupon will likely try to prevent the class from forming in addition to attacking the substance of the arguments. This is not a quick-and-easy win for the plaintiffs. In many cases, companies like Groupon decide to settle rather than fight because it’s a costly defense, even if they ultimately win.”

“The starting point of this suit is simple enough, namely that businesses need to tell the truth in advertising,” he said. “The complaint alleges that Groupon wasn’t telling the truth because it says X in its ad but when you get there it says Y, which has nothing to do with X.”

Goldman also predicted that, to the extent that SFCT’s suit is truly about an algorithm problem, it won’t be helpful to Groupon. “But that doesn’t mean the plaintiff will win,” he added, noting that establishing false advertising is tricky.

The plaintiffs will have to establish that their parties are competitive and that their businesses were harmed, Goldman said. He also observed that this particular class action suit points to a broader range of questions about the legitimacy of Groupon’s business practices and problems with Google’s AdWords platform.

Goldman pointed to a lawsuit filed June 7 against Amazon suggesting that Amazon had an algorithmic tool for buying ads and that perhaps the tool had gone awry. In that case, Maxfield, a New York City company that markets and distributes the magnetic desk toys called Buckyballs, alleges that beginning May 5 when people searched online for “Buckyballs,” an ad popped up for Buckyballs at Amazon. But when customers clicked on this ad, they wound up on a website that purports to be a listing for Buckyballs but is actually an ad for Maxfield’s competitors’ products.

Goldman also said there is a growing trend of plaintiff law firms feasting on Internet companies, especially in Silicon Valley. “They are watching for these companies to make a mistake and are pouncing on them. It’s possible that suits are mushrooming into class action suits because someone is looking to get more money,” he said.

But in SFCT’s case, Goldman noted, “the plaintiff’s story makes sense.”

Our Weekly Picks: June 15-21, 2011

Maria Poblet

June 14, 2011

WEDNESDAY 15

EVENT

“Snakes and Lizards: The Summer of Slither”

“It is I; be not afraid.” Such were the comforting words, according to the Gospel of John, spoketh by Jesus C. unto his disciples after he reportedly walked across the sea. Now imagine another creature — right here, right now — capable of sprinting across the water: the neon-emerald mini-pterodactyl “green basilisk lizard,” expressing the same sentiment through its namesake stare. Need you be afraid of the 60 snakes and lizards — collectively known as “squamates” — visiting the California Academy of Sciences till September? Maybe. But these scaly species, along with their academy interpreters, have an important role this summer as live ambassadors from the reptilian realm. You just might find God, the devil, Darwin, or all three. (Kat Renz) Through Sept. 5

Mon.–Sat., 9:30 a.m.–5 p.m.;

Sun., 11 a.m.–-5 p.m., $19.95–$29.95

California Academy of Sciences

55 Music Concourse, Golden Gate Park, SF

(415) 379-8000

www.calacademy.org

THURSDAY 16

PERFORMANCE

Fresh Meat Festival

Fresh Meat, the transgender and queer performance festival, is 10 years fresh this year. And to celebrate, the festival offers its most ambitious program to date, four full nights’ worth of work, including Vogue Evolution, the New York City LGBT street dance group featured on the reality competition America’s Best Dance Crew. Also fleshing out this year’s roster: Los Angeles–based Robbie Tristan and Willem DeVries (same-sex ballroom world champions), New Mexico’s Cohdi Harrell (world-class trapeze artist), Sean Dorsey Dance, Na Lei Hulu I Ka Wekiu (an all-male hula company), the Gay Asian Pacific Alliance Men’s Chorus, glamourpuss singer-songwriter Shawna Virago, and comedian Natasha Muse. (Robert Avila)

Thurs/16–Sat/18, 8 p.m.;

Sun/19, 7 p.m., $15–$20

Z Space at Theater Artaud

450 Florida, SF

www.freshmeatproductions.org

FRIDAY 17

DANCE

Epiphany Productions Sonic Dance Theater

Recently returned from Mexicali, Mexico, the globetrotting choreographer Kim Epifano brings her art and travels back to SF with a home season work at the ODC Theater. Solo Lo Que Fue, a dance film shot at Cantina El Norteño, a historic bar in Mexicali, features a site-specific dance with performers from the region. The program also includes Heelomali, a multimedia piece created with composer and didgeridoo master Stephen Kent and Burmese harp player Su Wai, as well as Alonesome/Twosome, a duet inspired by an airmail drawing sent to Epifano by acclaimed artist Remy Charlip with live music by Epifano and Kent. Enjoy this armchair travel from the theater. (Julie Potter)

Fri/17–Sun/19, 8 p.m.; Sun/19, 7 p.m., $16–$20

ODC Theater

3153 17th St., SF

(415) 863-9834

www.odcdance.org

MUSIC

Horrid Red

Imagine an almost ludicrously compact car of obscure design speeding through the Teutonic countryside. It’s the early to mid-1980s. Driver and passenger, both with shaved heads and dressed entirely in black, are leaving their usual neon-soaked haunts in Berlin for a weekend in the mountains. They are very much in love, and Horrid Red is the soundtrack to their affections. Featuring three-fourths of shitgaze pioneers Teenage Panzerkorps, Horrid Red eschews the aggression of this other incarnation and opts instead for a near-perfect and haunting blend of krautrock, new wave, and early minimalist punk. Split between two continents (vocalist Bunker Wolf lives in Germany while the rest of the band resides right here in San Francisco), Horrid Red is a collaborative effort that only rarely allows for live performance. In other words, don’t miss them. (Cooper Berkmoyer)

With Burial Hex and Brute Heart

9:30 p.m., $8

Hemlock

1131 Polk, SF

(415) 923-0923

www.hemlocktavern.com

SATURDAY 18

DANCE

Patricia Bulitt

Patricia Bulitt is for the birds. Literally. She has been making dances about them for more than 30 years, first in Alaska, most recently in New Zealand and Japan. To her they are harbingers of peace and beauty, qualities she finds woefully absent in our humdrum existence, and her dances honor them. One piece was dedicated to the native birds of Lake Merritt in an Oakland refuge, another to a blackbird residing in grove on the UC Berkeley campus. But her biggest love is the majestic egret. Her Egretfully, performed on the lawn below the nesting couples at the Audubon Canyon Ranch, has become an annual event. (Rita Felciano)

2–4 p.m., free (contributions requested)

Audubon Canyon Ranch

4900 Shoreline Hwy., Stinson Beach

415-868-9244

www.egret.org

MUSIC

Pete Rock

Pete Rock recently tweeted about “dat Montel Williams blender, the fucking truth. Watch ur fingers, dat shit will blend ur joints up nicely lol.” A mainstay of classic 1990s hip-hop, Pete Rock isn’t new to blending, plucking from the depths of R&B, funk, and jazz records for his signature fusion of music styles. With his kitchen blender, Rock concocted an “apple, celery, parsley drink” and declared that “man dis shit is good.” Tonight is the chance to see what he’ll cook up outside the kitchen, as the legendary producer performs a two-hour set. In the spirit of remixes, Yoshi’s offers Japanese delicacies to sample alongside the music. (David Getman)

10:30 p.m., $25

Yoshi’s San Francisco

1330 Fillmore, SF

(415) 655-5600

www.yoshis.com

EVENT

Northern California Pirate Festival

Arrr! Forget about all other expeditions ye may have plotted for this here comin’ weekend, ya lousy bilge rats! Ye best be settin’ sail for swashbuckling adventures of all manner at the fifth annual Northern California Pirate Festival, a true buccaneer’s dream come true. Costumed revelry, sword-fighting, sailing ships, canon firings, music, food, grog, wenches, treasure, and more be in store, whether ye be a seasoned deck hand or a curious landlubber. What better way to spend Father’s Day weekend than to take Dad to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick — be warned, ye may want to bring along a healthy ration of rum — and then make way for a festival where you may actually walk away with $5,000 in gold coins and treasure? (Sean McCourt)

10 a.m.–6 p.m., free

Vallejo Waterfront Park

Adjacent to Vallejo Ferry Terminal

298 Mare Island Way, Vallejo

1-800-921-YARR

www.norcalpiratefestival.com

MUSIC

Bill Callahan

Apocalypse, Bill Callahan’s follow-up to 2009’s beautiful Sometimes I Wish We Were an Eagle, is a striking left turn from the lush production and personal reflection that populated much of that album. Instead, with his deeply rich baritone always front and center in the mix, Callahan has created a song cycle more in line with the fractured folk and wry humor of Smog, the alias he worked under for nearly 20 years. Apocalypse stretches eight songs over the course of 40 minutes, each full of stark takes on American roots music and wrapped in simple, haunting arrangements. It’s another example of Callahan’s slow, steady climb to the upper echelon of modern American songwriters. (Landon Moblad)

With Michael Chapman

9 p.m., $20

Independent

628 Divisadero, SF

(415) 771-1421

www.theindependentsf.com

SUNDAY 19

MUSIC

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings

To ring in its 74th season of free summer performances, organizers of the Stern Grove Festival enlist Motown-revivalist masters Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings. With a massive voice in the lead and instruments authentic to the period, the band is tailor-made for the festival circuit and outdoor arenas. Today’s concert is the first of many to come this summer, including performances by Neko Case, Aaron Neville, and the trifecta that is the SF Symphony, Ballet, and Opera. Nothing beats listening to Sharon Jones and Co. jam — other than listening to Sharon Jones while picnicking on rolling hills.Beer and wine welcome. (Getman)

With Ben L’Oncle Soul

2 p.m., free

Sigmund Stern Grove

19th Ave. at Sloat, SF

(415) 252-6252

www.sterngrove.org

FILM

Wings of Desire

Before there was City of Angels (1998), and before there was “Stillness Is the Move,” there was 1987’s Wings of Desire. Three years after Paris, Texas, German New Wave director Wim Wenders made this art film that went on to inspire that insipid remake, as well as the Dirty Projectors’ pop song. An angel falls for a mortal trapeze artist amid the graffitied wasteland of West Berlin and sheds his wings in exchange for love, mortality, and coffee. With music from Nick Cave and Crime and the City Solution, it’s essential viewing for all the hopeless romantics hopelessly trapped in the ’80s, before being so was hip or ironic. Wenders just knows. (Ryan Lattanzio)

Sun/19–Mon/20, 7:30 p.m.

Also Sun/19, 2 and 4:45 p.m., $6–$9

Red Vic Movie House

1727 Haight, SF

(415) 668-3994

www.redvicmoviehouse.com

PERFORMANCE

“Hubba Hubba Revue: Flying Saucer Beach Party”

In the vein of classic B-movies from the 1950s and ’60s like Horror of Party Beach (1964), Hubba Hubba Revue’s Flying Saucer Beach Party promises to be a sci-fi summer kick off that will deliver a ghoulishly good time. In addition to a bevy of burlesque beauties from the Bay Area and the greater known universe, the afternoon will feature live surf rock from the Deadlies and Pollo Del Mar, special guests Balrok and the Cave Girls from Creepy KOFY Movie Time, a “Martians, Maidens, and Monsters” swimsuit and costume contest, and much more monstrous fun! (Sean McCourt)

2–8 p.m., $10–$12

DNA Lounge

375 11th St., SF

(415) 626-1409

www.dnalounge.com

TUESDAY 21

MUSIC

Martyrdod

When you describe a band as blackened crustcore from Sweden, you’re bound to raise a few eyebrows. Blackened crustcore? Why not just crustcore? Wait … what the hell is crustcore? Martyrdod has been around since 2001 and has consistently carried the banner high for heaviness in punk. What sets it apart from contemporaries, besides how utterly crushing it is, is the subtle way a black metal influence has worked itself into Martyrdod’s records; it’s punk and it’s heavy, but its also gloomy and terse. It’s filled with despair and anger and totally without hope. Think Motorhead if Lemmy was really into Crass and Darkthrone. The atmospheric considerations don’t diminish the intensity of the assault, and Martyrdod emerges on this, its West Coast tour, as a punishing force in punk. (Berkmoyer)

With No Statik and Yadokai

9:30 p.m., $7

Knockout

3223 Mission, SF

(415) 550-6994

www.theknockoutsf.com

The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Terrible news from Rock Rapids, Iowa

June 8, 2011

And so some terrible news went out yesterday and today from Rock Rapids, Iowa.

I can’t remember such agitation and anguish amongst the alumni of our little hometown in northwest Iowa.

The emails were hot and heavy and sad because the Sportsman’s Lounge, a landmark institution and the meeting place and local pub for locals and alumni, had burned down on Monday and the police were investigating possible arson. As Darryl Freed, class of 1953, ex backshop ace at the Lyon County Reporter and helicopter pilot in Vietnam, put it in an email update: “This is a catastrophe of biblical proportions.” It was particularly poignant because the alumni were coming back to town in a few days for Heritage Days, the town’s big annual celebration, and their favorite hangout would be a burned patch off of Main Street.

Here’s the story from Sioux Falls television station KSFY:

http://www.ksfy.com/category/185294/video?clipId=5930074&autostart=true

Everyone went to the Sportsman’s Lounge, sooner or later. I say sooner or later because some of the more proper young and older ladies woiuldn’t set foot in the place, a bit rowdy and lots of drinking. Then their alumni friends came back to town and they had to go to the lounge if they wanted to see them.

Everyone had a favorite story about the lounge. My favorite involved Ted Fisch, class of 1952, scrappy center on the 195l football team, member in good standing of the fabled Hermie Casjens gang. Ted was back in town for a class reunion and Heritage Days. He ambled up to the bar and asked for a glass of red wine. The wine was promptly produced and Ted drank it down. He then asked for another. Sorry, the bartender said, we don’t have any more wine. So there was Ted Fisch, just in from Redondo Beach, Calif., unable to get more than one glass of wine at his hometown bar.

Next year, Ted showed up and asked for a glass of wine. This time, the lounge folk were ready for him and they had a shelf and backroom full of good California wines. Ted had two glasses. This was classic Rock Rapids humor and we told the story again and again through the years, always noting it happened in the bar at the Sportsman’s Lounge.

Losing the Sportsman’s Lounge is like losing an old friend you have known for years or that you played football or basketball with in high school. This was the case with Doug Peterson, a retired naval officer now living near Mount Shasta, California, when he got word that the lounge had burned to the ground. He recalled that he was a halfback and Darrel (Tank) Wilken was the lineman who opened up holes for him back on late 1950s teams. Tank was the guy who founded the lounge, Doug said. Tank went off to Alaska to work as a guide and rented out the lounge. Tank died when his plane crashed on takeoff in Alaska. The lounge was sold and changed hands several times through the years.

Doug is bringing his fiancee, Kathryn Thornton, back to Rock Rapids for the first time for Heritage Days and his 50th class reunion. She told me in an email that she is “devastated” that the Sportsman’s Lounge will be gone. She said she’d heard all the stories for so long about the lounge from Doug and me (she was a longtime consultant to the Guardian). Now she feels cheated because she missed by a few days seeing what we were talklng about with such affection.

The good thing is that the lounge never seemed to change. It always had a musty 1960s look and feel. I swear that every time I came in through the years that the “Leave it to Beaver” reruns were playing on the television set above the bar.This was a nice local touch because the star of the show, Jerry Mathers, had been born in Rock Rapids in the late 1940s when his father Norman Mathers coached high school football and basketball, including my power house junior high team. The tv scenes of the rambunctious Beaver could have been set in Rock Rapids and Beaver could have fit in nicely with the Hermie Casjens gang. Local columnist Ken Barker has figured this all out and is leading the charge to bring Jerry Mathers back to town for Heritage Days next year.

My favorite connection to the lounge was Larry Raddle and basketball. He and his wife Barb owned and managed the place for years (Larry at the bar and Barb doing fried chicken in the back,) Larry and I played basketball together through junior high and then on the famous high school teams of l95l-53. We were the same size, 6 foot 4 inches. When we came out of the locker room, with our band playing “On Rock Rapids,” and Larry would dunk the ball, we often had the game won before the opening whistle. I couldn’t quite dunk the ball but I had a deadly left hand hook shot.

Whenever I was in town, I would show up at the lounge for the special martini he would make for me. We would talk about our team and why we never made it to the state tournament. I always made the same point, Larry, you needed a jump shot. (Jump shots weren’t used in our day, alas.)

When I first asked if he could make me a good martini, Larry said, how about a Pete Appel special? Sure, I replied. I knew Pete worked at the Rock Rapids State Bank down the street and so I figured I couldn’t go wrong. The Pete Appel special turned out to be my first triple martini, light on the vermouth. Soon, I was staring at five triple martinis stacked up in front me at the bar. I had became part of the lounge tradition: whenever a visiting alumnus stood at the bar, drinking with gusto, the locals would buy another of the same drink and send it quietly along the bar to the drinker. I was never quite sure who was buying me triple martinis, so I waved thanks and tried to get them to stop.

Larry knew the town and he knew his customers. In the summer, he would have the farmers bring in their sweet corn and pile the ears up on a table near the door. On Christmas Eve, he would close the lounge at 6 p.m. sharp and kick everybody out. “I couldn’t stand the wives calling up on Christmas Eve and asking for their husbands to come home,” he told me. Larry’s customers always got home in time for Christmas Eve.

The Sportsman’s Lounge, RIP.

I hope Editor Jodie Hoogeveen of the Lyon County Reporter, the excellent small town weekly just around the block from the lounge, will figure out how to do a proper obituary. Or maybe it’s a story for the lively newsletter of the Lyon County Historical Society. I hope the obit will give us the ownership and historical lineage of the lounge and tell us about the life and good times of this indispensable institution that may be gone for good. My line is the same as always: You don’t have to go to England to enjoy a good neighborhood pub. You can go to the Sportsman’s Lounge in Rock Rapids, Iowa. b3

Sing out, sister

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

June 8, 2011

culture@sfbg.com

BAR CRAWLER Until last week, I’d never set foot in a karaoke lounge. It wasn’t exactly on purpose; it was just something — like using dryer sheets and eating those little lathed carrots prepackaged with swimming pools of ranch dressing — that never occurred to me.

This is not a story where, by the end, I uncover a newfound talent and become an instant rock star. Turns out, karaoke is hard — and commands a hardcore following of seriously legit singers. But after one whirlwind karaoke tour of the city, I found that it can be tons of fun for the rest of us too.

ENCORE KARAOKE LOUNGE

A friend enlisted for guidance and moral support assured me the first stop on our Friday night list would be mellow. So mellow, in fact, that when we entered from the still-light evening, about six people were watching a surprisingly spot-on rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miz. Next, a potbellied beer-in-hander stepped up for some Led Zeppelin. The patrons were singles and couples, none of the giggly groups of girls I expected. The lights, however, were just what I expected: over-the-top and outdated all at once. The tables were sticky and the drinks were predictably terrible (but cheap). The overall experience seemed like a cozily trashy movie-scene karaoke pastiche.

1150 California, SF. (415) 775-0442. www.encorekaraokesf.com

(Click here for larger Google map.)

THE MINT

Though this be-spangled Mid-Market spot reprised Encore’s small, watery drinks, there was nothing cozy about it. The Mint is on the tip of everyone’s karaoke tongue, so it was packed almost beyond maneuverability with fratty types and hipsters galore, who were too busy huddling in little beanie-topped clusters to pay attention to the stage: no fun for veteran singers of big booming anthems, but potentially good for first-timers.

I hadn’t yet worked up the courage to sing, but my friend joked that if nothing else, I could do “Bicycle Built for Two.” Well, no shit: 40,000 songs to pick from, and someone with mismatched thigh-highs and a fuzzy panda hat beat me to it. Galvanized, I submitted a slip for “American Pie,” which I figured might arouse the passion — or, at least, compassion — of even the most blasé in attendance. When I wasn’t called in 30 minutes, I took it as a signal to duck out with my dignity intact.

1942 Market, SF. (415) 626-4726. www.themint.net

FESTA WINE AND KARAOKE LOUNGE

Next, we headed to Japantown for a more authentic experience. Festa fit that bill, according to our one companion with bona fide Tokyo chops. It’s a surprise to walk into Festa — with its twinkling LED stars, cityscape wall motif, and lustrous dark décor — from the deserted second floor of Japantown’s mall-like Japan Center. With five bartenders for an intimate 30 seats, Festa definitely has an upscale vibe. Most of the women wore heels and cocktail dresses, and the cocktails were likewise elevated, both in price and quality. It took a Bellini, lychee martini, and sake-tini to precondition my vocal chords.

The song list was extensive but lacked my planned-on Don McLean classic — which seemed out-of-place anyway amid such a demure crowd. Billy Joel’s “Entertainer” popped into my head because it’s light and mercifully fast. With hardly a wait, I was twanging, left leg trembling, a good half-octave below where my voice stops sounding like a woman’s and starts sounding like the Marlboro Man’s. I got a rush of mercy applause and swept my friends out the door.

1825A Post, SF. (415) 567-5866. www.festalounge.com

500 CLUB

More than a week passed, and I was ready to go it alone. For a low-key bar with a neighborhood vibe, 500 Club is perfect. Karaoke Sundays start when the afternoon light is still streaming through large windows and a Tecate on the crowded benches feels just right. Audience participation — including some friendly heckling — is big here, and the singers heckle right back. Be warned: the front row, which is nearly every seat in the joint, is something akin to Sea World’s splash zone. You may be personally serenaded, implored to sing backup, or even humped a bit — all in good fun.

500 Guerrero, SF. (415) 861-2500. www.500clubsf.com

PANDORA

Pandora begs a reference to the overstuffed box, and it’s appropriate: this bar has it all — in a good way. Bins brim with cymbals, tambourines, silly hats, and other props. Candy Land and Jenga top a stack of board games. Flat-screen TVs flash the night’s basketball scores. A disco ball sprinkles light over sleek silver couches, low coffee tables, and a posh lit-up bar.

Tour de tasting room

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

June 7, 2011

virginia@sfbg.com

For establishing intimacy and focus, there’s nothing like sitting down to a meal and tasting with a vintner when you want to catch a glimpse of the vision and inspiration behind their wines. I recently had the chance to do just that with several local winemakers in Napa and Sonoma — and don’t worry, I took good notes.

KAPCSÁNDY WINES

Kapcsándy may not be the easiest name to pronounce, but take note if you love complex, balanced wines. Though there is a blessedly steady (if slow), trend toward lower alcohol, old world-style wines in the Wine Country lately, this Yountville vineyard — helmed by Lou Kapcsándy, his wife Roberta, and their son Louis Jr. — has been making these types of pours since 2000.

Lou, with winemaker Rob Lawson, lets Napa’s terroir fully express itself while staying close to old world principles — a philosophy that is apparent in his acclaimed State Lane Vineyard cabernet sauvignon. A Hungarian native, Lou’s roots manifest in his wines and his rustic tasting room centered around an 1800s wooden wine press from Hungary. I found the 2009 rosé (a cab-merlot blend with touch of petit verdot and cab franc) a unique beauty: more full and dense than many rosés yet managing to retain a crisp acidity. Roberta’s Reserve is a memorable wine, an homage to Pomerol and Bordeaux. The 2007 and 2008 are both understandably lauded vintages of Roberta’s, but I found the 2009, young as it is, to hold intriguing promise. It’s already drinking beautifully, with hints of cassis, blossoms, cherries, and earthy cocoa.

1001 State, Yountville. (707) 948-3100, www.kapcsandywines.com

RAYMOND VINEYARDS

The transformations at Raymond Vineyards have to be seen to be believed. Although it has been a historic St. Helena vineyard since 1970 known primarily for its cabernet, it’s not the vineyard’s rich heritage — or even its wines — that stand out most today: it’s the changes wrought to its grounds by Boisset Family Estates, a global company with Burgundy roots that now owns the vineyard.

Delightfully eccentric Jean-Charles Boisset is the spirit behind the new era at Raymond. “I love personally the word[s] sexy and voluptuous,” he tells me after we’ve descended into the Crystal Cellar (where cabernet tastings go for $25), a room that has been lined with steel to give the effect of being inside a wine vat. An explosion of Baccarat crystal shimmers off its walls, vats, and giant mirrors glinting around us. Encased vintage crystal decanters are inscribed with wine descriptors — in lipstick.

From the moment you glimpse the interactive art exhibits on the lawn, you know something unusual is afoot here. A “Theatre of Nature” self-guided tour of the grounds — which include a pool and midcentury house — is in the works, as is a fashion show on the Crystal Cellar’s catwalk.

We were the first to taste in the vineyard’s newly unveiled guest room (now available for group tastings and private parties). It housed gold and white leather couches covered in fur throws, a stuffed leopard standing guard in the corner, a dining table set with black and gold plates featuring each of the seven deadly sins (perhaps prophetically, I got “gluttony”). The pièce de résistance: a giant flat-screen rimmed in gold — of course! — playing Jackson 5 music videos.

I’ve never had another wine tasting experience like it. Boisset is currently working on a red room (in “all red — and velvet”) and releasing two bubblies, including a rosé, to taste there this summer.

All this flair naturally leaves one wondering: are the wines any good? In fact, the new French pours are far better than their predecessors, even if the new Raymond is about the one-of-a-kind tasting experience.

Boisset’s JCB wines do have their pleasures. They’re playful and more balanced than many Napa wines, the No. 81 Chardonnay and No. 7 pinot noir allowing for nice acidity. He and Raymond winemaker Stephanie Putnam teamed up to make the No. 1 cabernet, which reflects both Napa and French sensibilities.

Boisset clearly leads in innovation, and he has a passion to bring California wines to the world. The man’s on a mission to make wine hip, approachable, and, yes, sexy.

849 Zinfandel, St. Helena. (707) 963-3141, www.raymondvineyards.com

AMAPOLA CREEK

Richard Arrowood — a Sonoma winemaker for 45 years — and wife Alis are charmers. Over lunch at Wayfare Tavern, we spent hours talking and tasting wines from his young Glen Ellen boutique winery Amapola Creek.

This is Arrowood’s passion project. He produces wines typifying the robust grapes of the Mayacamas Mountains located near the town of Sonoma. After decades of creating wines for major players like Chateau St. Jean and his own Arrowood Winery, he’s having fun with small batches — his current operation produces a maximum of 3,000 cases annually.

Though lush, Arrowood’s 2008 zinfandel — and original 2005 zin — shows restraint, with enough tannins and acidity to keep it food-friendly (ideal paired with Wayfare’s medium-rare steak). The zin benefits from a rare asset: 115-year-old vines located in a tiny lot at neighboring Monte Rosso Vineyards. His 2007 syrah and cabernet sauvignon are bold and black, fruit-heavy yet balanced with tannins and delicate spice accents (the cab is CCOF certified organic). He’s also working on a grenache-syrah blend, so watch for more Amapola Creek wines on the way.

(707) 938-3783, www.amapolacreek.com

Subscribe to Virginia’s twice monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot (www.theperfectspotsf.com).

CORRECTION: An earlier version of this article was incorrectly edited to say Miller thought Raymond Vineyard’s current batch of wines were inferior to those produced when the vineyard was family-run; she actually thinks the reverse is true. The Guardian regrets the error, and promises to drink less wine while editing our contributing writers.

Don Pisto’s

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

June 7, 2011

DINE Not all restaurants have mantras, but Don Pisto’s must be “our kitchen is small.” It’s what we heard over and over from our server. Actually, we didn’t hear her; we just read her lips as best we could. When Don Pisto’s starts to fill up — and, being snug, it fills up quickly — it becomes as noisy a restaurant as I’ve been in. If you’ve ever stood near the end of a runway as a fully loaded 747 roared into the sky over your head, you’ll have some idea of the decibels, which reach such levels as to become a fourth dimension. I was deafened. Maybe that was a mercy.

Food chic has migrated outside, to trucks, in the past few years, so Don Pisto’s (which opened late in 2009) represents a countertrend of sorts. It’s a food truck, or at least the personality of a food truck, implanted into a handsome old building of exposed brick walls. From its trio of bordello-red lights along the sidewalk to its nicely burnished wooden tables and chairs and its youthful crowd, it’s about as visually appealing a place as could be. All it needs is a Mute button. (Food-truck chic, incidentally, strikes me as an odd development in the senescent years of petroleum, but it does suggest the profound American attachment between eating and motor vehicles. Fifty years ago, people were thrilled to drive to McDonald’s; now the restaurant drives to them.)

Considering the size of the kitchen, which is very much on display at the rear of the space and not at all big (especially considering that there is a semi-subterranean private dining room to go with the main one), the food is both electrifyingly good and reasonably priced. Part of the magic lies in menu brevity; on offer are about a half-dozen or so taco plates, a comparable number of house specialties, a smattering of seafood dishes, and a couple of sides. All of it fits on one side of a small card. (The other side holds the equally to-the-point drinks list: a few beers, a few wines, a margarita, a sangría made with açai berry juice.)

The kitchen’s marquee item is the hamburguesa ($9), and it’s possibly the most intense hamburger experience I’ve ever had. It’s not enhanced with cheese or swaddled within a fancy, heavily buttered bun. But the meat is “marinated” with bacon and onions, and bacon largely seems to mean pork fat, while marinated means permeated. The beefiness of the burger does survive the presence of these other formidable players, but they are mingled in a way that transforms them all. The result is something greater than the sum of its parts. It’s possible you could get a burger this intense from a street truck or cart, but it would be from one that was unusually conscientious and not in a hurry. If you were served this burger at a Wolfgang Puck restaurant, you would probably think it was well worth the $30 they would probably charge you.

At least two other items on the menu rival the hamburguesa for memorable verve. One is the platter of mussels ($13) simmered in white wine then stuffed with crumblings of house-made chorizo. The sausage brought out the mussels’ meatiness, while the toast spears were useful in sopping up the broth, mostly white wine and cilantro enlivened by the tasty chorizo.

The other is the Mexican sashimi ($11), flaps of tombo tuna laid out in a chain on a long, narrow platter and scattered with rounds of serrano chile, red-onion slivers, minced scallion, and cilantro, and finished with lime juice and soy sauce. The only minus is that you don’t get any bread to mop up the sauce. (On the other hand, you do get endless baskets of tortilla chips, along with an addictive tomatillo salsa, but the chips are thick and more than usually useless for sopping.)

The tacos are sized the way tacos should be sized: they’re more than bites or nibbles, but they don’t become unwieldy behemoths that spill half their contents like wet paper sacks when you pick them up. Each plate holds two tortillas, made from proper masa (not wheat flour), about three inches in diameter, and laid flat. You get to fold them yourself. Of the available fillings, I would say the carnitas ($8) — with onions, cilantro, and arbol salsa — is exceptional, with ropes of juicy meat just slightly crisped at the edges. We were also offered an unlisted vegetarian option ($6) of rice, pinto beans, cheese, and a smear of guacamole. It was commendable, though as a partier it wasn’t quite up to the standard of the carnitas. But a little diffidence isn’t going to drag down a party like the one at Don Pisto’s.

DON PISTO’S

Dinner: Tues.–Sun., 5:30 p.m.–12:30 a.m.

Brunch: Sat.–Sun., 11 a.m.–3 p.m.

510 Union, SF

(415) 395-0939

www.donpistos.com

Beer and wine

MC/V

Deafeningly loud

Wheelchair accessible; bathrooms on lower level

On the Cheap Listings

Maria Poblet

June 7, 2011

On the Cheap listings are compiled by Jackie Andrews. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

FRIDAY 10

Ten Years walking tour Meet outside 1240 Valencia, SF; www.shapingsf.org. 1pm, free. Take an audio walking tour through the book titled Ten Years That Shook the City: San Francisco 1968-1978, a selection of essays about the city’s gay rights and other identity-based social movements and anti-gentrification efforts that spread beyond San Francisco. This self-guided tour features ten sites along 24th Street from Valencia to Bryant. Find out where a lost anti-Vietnam war mural hides, where radicals hung out in the barrio, and more. Can’t make it? That’s fine – folks can take a virtual tour online. Feeling ambitious? Print out a map and visit all 24 sites for a blast from the past history lesson of this amazing city’s radical roots.

“Artifacts of Living” photo show Curator, 1767 Church, SF; (415) 970-9828, www.curatorsf.com, www.amscott.org, Facebook: Artifacts of Living. 6-9pm, free. Check out the collection of photos taken with a 1960s Olympus Pen Camera by local photographer Andrew Martin Scott. His photography is contemporary, yet his photos have a vintage quality looking as though they were taken decades ago. Not so, and no iPhone Hipstamatic or any other make-my-photo-look-old-and-cool apps were used either. Get nostalgic for the good ol’ days with images of decaying signs, rusty old cars, antique bikes, and an assortment of old barns, pawn shops, laundromats, liquor stores, barber shops and coffee joints. And it wouldn’t be a proper art opening without booze, so no need to B.Y.O. since the smart folks at Curator have that covered.

SATURDAY 11

We (heart) San Francisco Urban Bazaar, 1371 Ninth Ave., SF; www.urbanbazaarsf.com. 5-10pm, free. It’s good to know that there are places in this town where you can shop with a conscience – or at least not have to worry about funding less-than-decent labor practices or environmental harm. Inner Sunset’s Urban Bazaar is one such place that stocks a bevy of locally sourced and fair trade goods ranging from jewelry and house wares to up-cycled apparel. Celebrate San Francisco and its artisans at a party featuring free flowing beer and wine, pizza form Little Star, and arts and crafts from locals like Rick Kitigawa, Samantha Barsky, and more.

SUNDAY 12

Bayview Music Festival and Sunday Streets Third Street, from Mendell Plaza to 18th and Mississippi and various detours through Dogpatch and Potrero Hill, SF; www.sundaystreetssf.com. 11am-5pm, free. This edition of the popular car-free street fair celebrates healthy living in the communities of Bayview-Hunter’s Point, Dogpatch, and Potrero Hill with Mendell Plaza on one end of the route and 17th Street and Carolina at the other (be sure to check out the map online for the exact route.) You can expect the usual – local vendors, healthy food, people-watching, and family fun. But there will also be an all-day Music festival featuring Juan Escovedo and the Latin All-Stars, Ashling Cole of Graham Central Station, and more. Included on the entertainment bill is a shrimp n’ grits cook-off where several local restaurants will compete for the grand prize – quiet satisfaction knowing that she or he has the tastiest recipe.

MONDAY 13

Hard Rock’s memorabilia extravaganza Hard Rock Cafe, Pier 39, Embarcadero and Beach, SF; (415) 956-2013, www.hardrock.com. 11am-5pm, free. Hard Rock Cafe, the chain of rock-n-roll themed restaurants with locations all over the world, has scoured its massive collection of memorabilia for the best of the best and will be displaying it all at their San Francisco location. There is a ton to see, including the jacket John Lennon wore on the cover of Rubber Soul, Buddy Holly’s glasses, Marc Bolan’s guitar, Peter Frampton’s talk box, Michael Jackson’s famous “Beat It” attire, Neil Young’s poncho – and the crème de la crème – Justin Bieber’s skateboard.

Dine-out for Lyon Martin Andalu, 3198 16th St., SF; (415) 621-2211, www.andalusf.com, www.savelyonmartin.org. www.andalusf.com. 5:30-9:30pm, cost of dinner and drinks. You have to eat today, right? You may as well dine for a good cause at this popular Mission restaurant that is donating proceeds from the evening’s dinner sales to Lyon Martin Health Services – the progressive women and transgender health clinic that faced foreclosure earlier this year. The Save Lyon Martin community group has raised a whopping $500,000 in only three months to prevent the clinic from shuttling it’s doors, however they still need to raise more funds to ensure that the doors stay open. So loosen a notch on your belt, because the more you eat, the more you inevitably give back. That, and also the fact that fried mac and cheese is on the menu. Yum!

Onward Toilet Bowl

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

May 31, 2011

le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS The top four teams in the San Francisco Women’s Flag Football League can all beat the 49ers. My team cannot, but we can beat the bottom four teams and have proven it. By winning the biggest game of our storied one-season history, we established ourselves as the top of the bottoms: a solid fifth-place finish.

Yep, last week’s last minute comeback in the playoffs earned us a berth in the Toilet Bowl this week against a team that had shut us out in the regular season. We were losing again, 13-12, with less than five minutes left. Again our defense exploded: three touchdowns in the last three minutes. Final score: 31-13, us. Toilet Bowl MVP: Gene-Genie the Gold Standard, one of our many rugby converts, who spent less time on the ground than usual and scored two of our touchdowns, one receiving and one intercepting.

It was a brilliant performance, and a sweet note to end our first season on. Our goal was to win one game, and we won two, then both of our playoff games. Our goal for next season, in the fall, will be not to lead the league in penalties, and for our offense to outscore our defense. If we don’t and it does, we might have a shot at upper brackethood come next playoffs. Which would be nice. I kind of miss getting my ass kicked.

Unfortunately, there’s no way I can run fast enough to play soccer right now, so — by way of distracting myself from despair — my plans for summer include New Orleans yet again, camping, France, Mexico, New York, camping again, Ohio for a wedding, and the Bloomsburg Fair, where I will be researching a whole different, more Pennsylvania Dutchish take on chicken and waffles.

Who wants to sublet my apartment?

It’s cute. It’s cozy. It comes with the lovingest, lickingest cat in the whole history of felinity, and it smells like me. Come on. You know you want it.

Christ, I still can’t get over that we won. Enough already, you’re thinking, but you don’t understand. We were like the Bad News Bears, except none of us were very bear-like, so maybe we were the Bad News Honey Badgers. Or something.

Anyway, after the game and the champagne and a bowl of old cereal that a dog had been licking on the sideline, I went to eat something real with Hedgehog. We intended to have either sushi or Turkish food, but wound up eating Irishish at the Liberties ’cause it was nice enough to be outside. God bless plan C.

Hedgehog had a Reuben, and I had Irish sausage with eggs on a potato pancake with a red wine reduction gravy. Talk about your breakfast of champions: it was way, way better than dog-licked cereal with warm milk. The potato pancake was perfectly crispy outside and soft and creamy in the middle; the eggs were overeasied just so; and the sliced-lengthwise sausages tucked in-between the pancake and eggs were juicy and delicious.

Not as delicious as at the Phoenix’s Irish sausage, but that’s where wine gravy comes in. Yum. Yum.

Yum. And for less than $10 — I think like $9. And no waiting, even though it was brunch time.

Hedgehog’s Reuben looked good too. I tried her sweet potato fries, and they were pretty good, but I don’t much go for sweet potato anythings, so mostly I just left her alone.

They have regular fries, too, and you can get them with a curry dipping sauce, and more good news is that the kitchen stays open until 1 a.m. I’ve never drank there, but I have walked by a lot at night because Kayday used to live around the corner and it always seems like there’s something fun going on inside.

I think they have a quiz night or something.

QUESTION: Where did the not-very-Dutch Roscoe’s style of fried chicken and waffles originate?

ANSWER: Fuck should I know. Hedgehog says Harlem, not the South. Anyway …

The Liberties Bar & Restaurant

Mon.–Fri.: noon–2 a.m.;

Sat.–Sun.: 10 a.m.–2 a.m.

998 Guerrero, SF

(415) 282-6789

Full bar

MC/V

Appetite: Island bites, part five

Andrew Lam

May 25, 2011

Kauai: dreamy island respite, painfully beautiful, truly relaxing (other than east side traffic!) Last time, I covered restaurants and cheap eats, and killer cocktails on the island. This time, the final post in the series, I’ll focus on the best places to stay, and more on libations from coffee to rum.

HOTELS

Grand Hyatt Kauai, Poipu Beach:

Do yourself a favor and stay at Grand Hyatt Kauai. A resort in the full sense of the word, it is its own world unto itself. From lava rock waterways and multiple levels of pools (including a salt water-sand pool), to its world class spa, Anara, and open air couples cabanas, you leave here feeling as if you’ve truly had a vacation.

Dinner at Tidepools, features pina coladas sipped poolside, taking in the sunset from the deck of your room with a bottle of wine, conversing with the parrots in the massive open air atrium, live bands, and a scotch in Stevenson’s Library. It’s all unforgettable. Yes, it will cost you, but service is impeccable and the experience ranks up there with (or above) the best I’ve had, anywhere – and that includes the Ritz Carlton and the Four Seasons. The unreal setting, balmy by day, lit by tiki torches at night, is unbeatable.

Outrigger Waipoli Beach Resort, Kapaa:

My initial take on Outrigger Waipouli wasn’t strong. On a busy, strip mall-lined stretch of East Kauai in the town of Kapaa, its appears fairly generic from the outside, while kids swarm the lovely pool area (modeled loosely after Grand Hyatt’s incredible pools and waterways). At the time, the one spa for adults was overtaken by eight children.

But from a non-descript hallway, the door to our room opened onto what felt like our own private beach house. Two bedrooms, three bathrooms, a spacious living room and kitchen; each room had sliding doors opening onto the lawn than ran right down to the beach. Breezes flowed through the space, which felt private and removed from any of the hotel’s structure. Dishware, wine glasses, coffeemaker, everything we needed was in the kitchen, making it feel like a home away from home. It was the one part of the trip where we could cook and watch movies (Blue Hawaii, thank you very much) on flat screens in each room.

Though the location is not near as idyllic or removed as Grand Hyatt on Poipu Beach (it’s certainly more affordable), inside our room we felt secluded, rested and as if we could settle in for weeks.

DRINKS

Kauai Coffee Plantation, Eleele:

The coast from the caffeinated climes of Kauai Coffee

Originally McBryde Sugar Plantation back in the 1880s, Kauai Coffee is Kauai’s one and only coffee plantation, encompassing over 3,000 acres set right on the ocean. A more striking setting I could hardly envision. A half day personal tour with its amazing sales manager, Marty Amaro, was a highlight in Kauai. We off-roaded in his truck over red dirt roads, through coffee fields, and next to ocean rocks where we watched sea turtles lolling.

Coffee plant at Kauai Coffee

They do everything locally themselves. I toured the factory, climbed atop a coffee harvesting tractor, witnessed bean roasting and bagging on a vertical form-fill-and-seal machine, and of course, sipped Kauai coffee. Amaro makes a mean iced mocha, let me tell you. I was envisioning a sweet, chocolate-y drink but it’s a bracing, coffee lover’s delight, refreshing and cool on a hot island day.

Kauai Coffee grows farm varietals of Arabic coffee: yellow catuai, red catuai (both with high levels of acidity for medium-bodied coffee), typica (medium acidity for medium-bodied coffee), Kauai Blue Mountain (medium acidity and full-bodied), and Mundo Novo (low acidity but full-bodied).

Coffee beans roasting

They run the largest drip-irrigated coffee estate in the world, sourcing waters from a nearby dam in the foothills, roasting over 600,000 pounds of coffee a year: an amazing feat when you see the size of the room it all happens in. Similar to wine, harvesting happens annually, around September through November, when staff double in size to get it all processed.

You can join the coffee club for a reasonable $15.25 to receive one 10 oz. bag, or $29 for two. Besides some of the elegant estate coffees, I find the newer Big Braddah a real representation of Kauai spirit: casual, familial, playful. I’m definitely not a flavored coffee type, but I am pleasantly embarrassed to admit I was taken with the Hawaiian coconut caramel crunch coffee. Each batch is painstakingly hand-flavored and the result is not so much sweet as integrated and nutty.

Kauai Coffee should be a stop on any visit to Kauai.

Koloa Rum, Lihue:

I found Koloa Rum to be a bit of a mixed bag. The setting is memorably Hawaiian: a traditional sugar plantation-style tasting room on the grounds of the delightful Kilohana Plantation (a former sugar plantation preserved since its 1930s heyday). The distillery’s elegant packaging makes for a strong first impression.

Staff are gracious and aim to please. But complex Hawaii liquor laws are such that tastes remain exceptionally tiny, cannot be shared, and though they have created a mai tai mix, it’s illegal for them to mix alcohol – you won’t find cocktails of any kind here.

Using a 1,210 gallon copper pot still originally used for Kentucky bourbons post World War II, white, gold, and dark rums work best as entry points to the pleasures of rum. I know some who find them flat or not as nuanced as other rums, yet each one has won bronze or silver medals at esteemed rum tasting competitions like the Miami Rum Renaissance Festival.

I expected to find the gold ($30.95) and dark ($32.95) rums too sweet, given their somewhat unnatural coloring, which comes from crystallized sugar and molasses. But they were more balanced than I expected. But I’d be most inclined to drink the white ($29.95): clean and light, appropriate for cocktails. Another recent launch is the spiced rum.

If you’re in the area, it is a worthy stop: a local venture using the last of the little sugarcane left from the island, and pure mountain rainwater of nearby Mt. Wai’ale’ale.

Java Kai, Kapaa:

The best coffee I had in Kauai, the bracing coffee at Java Kai is a local favorite for a strong cappuccino or espresso. It doesn’t have the friendliest staff (which is unusual in Hawaii), but that’s no matter when coffee is being prepared right. It was my regular morning stop on this side of the island (P.s. – it’s ideal iced, next door at Mermaids Cafe.

Kalaheo Cafe, Kalaheo:

On the south shore of Kauai, this casual cafe would be at home in any hip, small town. Kalaheo Cafe has a healthy, locals vibe and is packed for breakfast. Eat-in or take-out, stand-outs include straight-from-the-oven baked goods (apple coffee cake is one). Using local coffees like Kauai Coffee, they serve robust espressos and cappuccinos. There may be no third wave, artful foam atop that capp, but rest assured it will wake you up. For one picky about coffee and how it is prepared, I didn’t feel like I had to suffer for good coffee on the sleepy island of Kauai.

— Subscribe to Virgina’s twice monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot

1...212223...56 Page 22 of 56