Whatever

Stage Listings

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Stage listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Nicole Gluckstern. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks. For complete listings, see www.sfbg.com.

THEATER

ONGOING

*Candid Dance Mission Theater, 3316 24th St; 273-4633, www.sweetcanproductions.com. $15-60. Call for dates and times. Through Jan 9. Sweet Can’s cosy pocket-circus at Dance Mission holds plenty of big-tent talent in its five-person cast (Jamie Coventry, Natasha Kaluza, Kerri Kresinski, Nobutaka Mochimaru, Matt White), backed by the ample multi-instrumental musicianship of Eric “EO” Oberthaler. This fleet 60-minute charmer (directed with strong ensemble choreography by Zaccho Dance Theatre’s Joanna Haigood) finds opportunities for creative expression and dazzling feats with whatever comes to hand (including using hands as feet). Performers dance around in trashcans, make hay with newspaper, or get seriously Fred Astaire with a broom (in White’s wowing solo). Goofy, family appropriate, but widely appealing and frequently eye-popping (Kaluza rocking 20 hula hoops, for inst, or Kresinski’s powerful aerial dance), Candid is can-do entertainment. (Avila)

Cavalia: A Magical Encounter Between Horse and Human White Big Top, 4th St at China Basin; 9866) 999-8111, www.cavalia.net. $69-144. Call for dates and times. Through Tues/4. A show with horses, aerial performers, actobats, and more.

Dirty Little Showtunes! A Parody Musical Revue New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $24-40. Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Jan 16. Tom Orr’s adults-only holiday show returns, with direction by F. Allen Sawyer and musical direction by Scrumbly Koldewyn.

*Forever Tango Marines’ Memorial Theatre, 609 Sutter; 771-6900; www.marinesmemorialtheatre.com. $45-100. Call for dates and times. Through Jan 12. Luis Bravo’s atmospheric showcase is a slick, showy mélange of music and dancing whose fluid precision and assemblage of talent make it hard to resist. Cheryl Burke heads up an amazing 13-member ensemble of very stylishly draped dancers (exquisite costuming by Argemira Affonso) who singularly, all together, and of course in dramatic couplings, blend supreme control and dramatic restraint with unabashed sexual allure and volcanic energy. The orchestra, meanwhile, under direction of Eduardo Miceli, creates the intoxicating ether that sets everything in motion. (Avila)

Joyful Noise: A Gospel Celebration of Christmas Southside Theater, Fort Mason Center; 345-7575, www.LHTSF.org. $25-50. Call for dates and times. Through Fri/31. Lorraine Hansberry Theatre presents a rechristened version of their Black Nativity production.

The Lion in Winter Actors Theatre, 855 Bush; 345-1287, www.ticketweb.com. $26-38. Wed-Sat, 8pm. Through Jan 15. Actors Theatre of SF presents James Goldman’s play of palace intrigue.

Mr. YooWho’s Holiday NOHspace, 2840 Mariposa; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-18. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Sun/2. European clown Moshe Cohen returns to SF for a third run at NOHspace.

Party of 2 – The New Mating Musical Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; (800) 838-3006, www.partyof2themusical.com. $27-29. Sun, 3pm. Open-ended. A musical about relationships by Shopping! The Musical author Morris Bobrow.

*Pearls Over Shanghai Thrillpeddlers’ Hypnodrome, 575 Tenth St; 1-800-838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $30-69. Sat, 8pm. Through April 9. Thrillpeddlers’ acclaimed production of the Cockettes musical continues its successful run.

Santaland Diaries Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20-30. Nightly, 8pm. Through Thurs/30. David Sinaiko returns as Crumpet in Combined Artform’s ninth annual production of the David Sedaris play.

Shrek The Musical Orpheum Theatre, 1192 Market; (888) SHN-1799, www.shnsf.com. $30-99. Tues, 8pm, Wed, 2 and 8pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 2 and 8pm; Sun, 2pm (no performance Fri/31). Through Sun/2. Eric Petersen stars in the stage version of the animated blockbuster.

Siddhartha, the Bright Path The Marsh Studio Theater, 1074 Valencia; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-35. Call for dates and times. Through Jan 9. Marsh Youth Theater presents a holiday celebration, directed by Lisa Quoresimo.

BAY AREA

Arabian Nights Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Thrust Stage, 2025 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2549, www.berkeleyrep.org. $34-73. Call for dates and times. Through Thurs/30. Tony-winning Mary Zimmerman’s production makes a return to Berkeley Rep.

Becoming Julia Morgan Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant, Berk; (510) 984-3864, www.brownpapertickets.com. $24-30. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through Jan 9. Janis Stevens stars in Belinda Taylor’s play about the trailblazing architect.

East 14th – True Tales of a Reluctant Player The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston Way, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Call for times. Through Feb 13. Don Reed’s one-man show continues its extended run.

Lemony Snicket’s The Composer is Dead Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Roda Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. Call for dates and times. Through Jan 15. Berkeley Rep premieres the new musical, written by Lemony Snicket, with music by Nathaniel Stookey.

Naughty and Nice: A Meg and Billy Christmas Aurora Theatre Company, 2081 Addison, Berk; (510) 843-4822, www.auroratheatre.org. $23-25. Call for dates and times. Through Thurs/30. Bay Area husband and wife cabaret duo Meg Mackay and Billy Philadelphia return with a holiday show.

Of the Earth – The Salt Plays: Part 2 Ashby Stage, 1901 Ashby; (510) 841-6500, www.shotgunplayers.org. $17-30. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through Jan 30. Shotgun Players present the second half of writer and director Jon Tracy’s Odyssey-inspired tale, with music by Brendan West.

The World’s Funniest Bubble Show The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $8-50. Wed-Thurs, 11am). Through Thurs/30. The Amazing Bubble Man’s show presents flying saucer bubbles and other wonders.

PERFORMANCE/DANCE

Cheapest and Greatest New Year’s Eve Stand-Up Show Phoenix Theatre, 414 Mason; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. Thurs/30, 7pm; Fri/31, 7 and 9:30pm. Stand-up comedy by W. Kamau Bell, Janine Brito, and Dwayne Kennedy.

Clown Cabaret TJT The Jewish Theatre, 470 Florida; 522-0786, www.climatetheater.org. Mon/3, 7 and 9pm. $15. The Clown Conservatory and others gather to perform.

Forking II: A Merry Forking! Christmas Off-Market Theatres, 965 Mission; (800) 838-3006, www.pianofight.com. Call for dates and times (through Thurs/30). PianoFight presents a holiday-themed choose-your-own-adventure play.

Frisco Fred’s Magic and More New Year’s Eve Show Actors Theater, 855 Bush; 646-0776, www.comedyonthesquare.com. Fri/31, 7:30pm. $40. The comedian-juggler presents a New Year’s show.

Mr. Nifty’s News Year’s Eve Vaudeville Extravaganza USF Presentation Theater, 2350 Turk; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. Fri/31, 9pm. $25. Trainwreck Riders, Dr. Science, and others ring in 2011.

New Year’s Eve Mayhem with Michael Meehan and His Merrymakers Actors Theater, 855 Bush; 646-0776, www.comedyonthesquare.com. Fri/31, 10pm. $40. The stand-up comedian leads the countdown to midnight.

Not Your Normal New Year’s Eve Herbst Theatre, 401 Van Ness; 392-4400, www.NYNYE.com. Fri/31, 8-10pm. Stand-up comedy from Brent Weinbach, Moshe Kasher, and others.

Romane Event Comedy Show Make Out Room, 3225 22nd St; 647-2888, www.pacoromane.com. Wed/29, 8pm. $7. The comedian hosts Joe Tobin and others.

BAY AREA

Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show XVII Rhythmix Cultural Works, 2513 Blanding, Alameda; (510) 865-5060, www.rhythmix.org. Fri/31, 7 and 10pm. $25-35. Will Durst, Johnny Steele, and others perform.

Striking 12 TheatreWorks at Lucie Stern Theatre, 1305 Middlefield, Palo Alto; (650) 463-1960, www.theatreworks.org. Call for dates and times (through Fri/31). $56-75. Indie pop group GrooveLily ushers in the new year a rewired version of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Match Girl.

alt.sex.column: Chimps R Us

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Dear Readers:

When our kids were first identified, at four months or so, as a girl and a boy, we were thrilled. We also immediately launched into a series of jokes about always having a control for any sex- or gender-based experiment, which gradually tapered off as the kids developed and/or learned how to express their own essential personalities . Oh, and also, probably, because the jokes weren’t, as jokes go, all that funny.

I was not one bit surprised when the kids began to diverge along traditional gender lines, early on, with Boy being attracted to things that shoot, go ZAP! or explode while Girl put things in other things and carried them around, sorted cards or beads, or played dress-up. This despite few of these objects being purchased for or dangled in front of either child in particular. They just liked what they liked, and still do.

So it comes as no surprise to find me fascinated by this story (widely reported but this version is from Discover magazine’s Web site).

“In Kibale National Park, Uganda, female chimps have taken to carrying sticks around with them. There’s nothing obviously unusual about that — chimps are clever tool-users who use sticks as probes, projectiles and spears. Sonya Kahlenberg and Richard Wrangham … suggest that the stick-carrying chimps are playing at being mothers. It might seem like a farfetched idea, but the duo make their case strongly. These sticks tend to be twice as thick and long as those that they use as probing tools and the chimps often carry them when they aren’t doing very much. Some even hold the sticks while they sleep.

On top of that, females carry sticks more often than males (even though they’re not more likely to use sticks in general). It’s also the young females who carry sticks. Adults only did so if they didn’t have any children of their own. Without any form of teaching from the adults, it’s likely that the youngsters are picking up the behaviour from each other.

Kahlenberg, Wrangham and others have even noted several instances of chimps treating sticks in a motherly way. One (a male) went as far as making a separate nest for his stick. Another (a female) started patting her log while her mother did.”

This is cool, yes? Yet despite whatever such a story has to tell us about the inborn-ness of gender identification, parts that point to culture more than nature are what fascinate. Despite the headlines, it actually isn’t only female chimp-kids doing this. Even more interesting, this isn’t universal young-chimp behavior; it’s only been observed among this one troupe. So the chimp-kids are, apparently, not so much acting out rigid gender roles enforced by their genes as they are passing on culture. We love culture.

Not that I believe for a second that much of our gendered behavior isn’t pretty much hard-wired in. Sure it is. But if chimpanzees can leave room for children to have and express their own individual tastes and desires, so can we.

Love,

Andrea

Hot sexy events December 22-28

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Santa was a freak. Think on it: he gets around by whipping those reindeers’ tender flesh (hello, dom), sneaks in your house at night to kiss your mama, and has a bizarre obsession with whether you’ve been naughty or nice. To me, that sounds like… well someone who reads this column, that’s all. And it very much clears up Chaps’ much-heralded holiday hours (on Fri/24 and Sat/25 they’re open from 8 p.m.-late). Would you like to sit on Santa’s lap? Get cruisey, all you ho-ho-hoes — it’s Christmas time for the weekly sex events.

 

Good Vibes customer appreciation nights

So it’s… now, and you still haven’t touched that waiting list of those-to-be-gifted? Worry not, my like-minded friend, for Good Vibrations is encouraging your wacky, irresponsible ways with their last minute shopping events, which will put chocolates and wine into your holiday hands, as well as provide on-staff sex experts to counsel you on just the right vibrator for your sweet, self-lovin’ friends.

Weds/22 and Thurs/23 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

Various Bay Area locations

www.goodvibes.com


Kinky Knitters

‘Tis the season to knit something sexy! A Rosebud red crocheted teddy perhaps? Or maybe just a beanie large enough to pull over lover boy’s eyes for some sexy blindness play? The options are multitudinous at the weekly stitch and bitch at kinky coffee shop Wicked Grounds. Ideal topics for discussion: Tensile strength of various yarns and the hottest new adjustable harness sewing pattern.

Thurs/23 7-10 p.m., free

Wicked Grounds 

289 8th St., SF

(415) 503-0405

www.wickedgrounds.com


Center for Sex and Culture XXXmas Eve Film Night

Fun fact: in 2003, Moby made Alien Sex Party, a sex-positive, raunchy comedy starring the cast of a sex store who have got to keep it together through Christmas Eve, despite kooky customers and the occasional K-Y jelly eating alien. CSC shows the film at this time each year – trust, by the time the characters launch into the “You Can Have Sex With Whatever You Want” number, you’ll be singing along in fine Christmas spirit.

Fri/24 9:30-11 p.m., $5-20 sliding scale

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

www.sexandculture.org


The movie Moby only made so that he could rock that floppy dildo headband

Dee’s Meander

Sure, that frosted sleighbell tastes fine now, but the next time you’re tied to the St. Andrews cross, you might be surprised at how you’re bulging out underneath the lovingly applied rope your partner just lashed all over you. Time to stretch those legs. This regular walk is geared towards giving the BDSM community a chance to get physically fit and have some uplifting convos about sex play while doing so.

Fri/24 4-5 p.m., free

Bestor Art Park

Bestor between 5th and 6th Sts., San Jose

www.erobay.org


Chaps Bar Escape

Like I said, this bar is proudly open through the holidays, so if you’re looking to flee the warmth and wackiness of the fam for a few hours, you could do worse than to don your hottest jock strap and head down to Chaps to lick some candy canes.

Fri/24 and Sat/25 8 p.m.-late, free

Chaps

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 225-2427

www.chapsbarsanfrancisco.com

 

Our Weekly Picks: December 22-28, 2010

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WEDNESDAY 22

DANCE

The Christmas Ballet

Smuin Ballet’s The Christmas Ballet (previewed previously and now a mini-review) is a welcome antidote to the sentimentality surrounding the holiday season. The first part pays lip service to more or less classical music but the show really takes off in the second half, “The Cool Christmas.” Matthew Linzer as Elvis and Robin Cornwell, giving life to Eartha Kitt, are show-stealers. But then so is Ryan Camou’s high-leaping drummer boy. This entertainment — and that’s what it is — is ballet-based though leavened with Cajun, Irish, polka, waltz, hula, jazz, and tap. This year choreographer-in-residence Amy Seiwert’s added a spritely “Carol of the Bells”; her stark and sculpturally intriguing “Noel Nouvelet,” based on a 15th-century carol, still looks strong. The late Smuin’s wide-ranging musical taste allowed him to come with intriguing versions of familiar material. In this respect, at least, Seiwert seems to follow in his footsteps. (Rita Felciano)

Wed/22–Thurs/23, 8 p.m. (also Wed/22, 2 p.m.);

Fri/24, 2 p.m., $4–$62

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts

Novellus Theater

701 Mission, SF

(415) 978-2787

www.ybca.org

 

PERFORMANCE

SantaLand Diaries

David Sedaris, one of America’s favorite humorists, got his start with SantaLand Diaries, an essay on his stint working as an elf in the holiday spectacle at Macy’s. Sedaris first shared this humorous holiday anecdote on National Public Radio’s Morning Edition in 1992. Since then it has been adapted for the stage by Joe Mantello as a solo one-act. David Sinaiko stars as Crumpet the elf in Combined Artform’s annual presentation of holiday amusement and laughs. The wacky zaniness of the holidays is captured by Sedaris like none other. Note that no one under 16 will be admitted. (Emmaly Wiederholt)

Wed/22–Fri/24 and Dec. 26–-30, 8 p.m.;

(also Thurs/23, 5 p.m.; Fri/24, 3 p.m.) $20–$30

Eureka Theatre

215 Jackson, SF

www.cafearts.com

 

MUSIC

San Francisco Symphony

In the last few frenzied days before Christmas, take time to get into the spirit with the San Francisco Symphony in Twas the Night, a program of holiday favorites. From “Good King Wenceslas” to “The 12 Days of Christmas,” this assortment of beloved seasonal tunes will put the whole family in good cheer. Ages 17 and under are half-price and complimentary festive beverages follow the performance, so join in the jolly fun. With Ragnar Bohlin conducting, Robert Huw Morgan on organ, Lisa Vroman singing soprano, and Joan Cifarelli on piano, traditional carols and songs come to life as never before. (Wiederholt)

Wed/22–Thurs/23, 7:30 p.m.; Fri/24, 2 p.m., $15–$67

Davies Symphony Hall

201 Van Ness, SF

(415) 864-6000

www.sfsymphony.org

 

THURSDAY 23

 

FILM

Sita Sings the Blues

Inspired by the sudden decay of her own marriage, Nina Paley recreated what she’s called “the greatest break-up story ever told,” the tale of Sita and Rama from Sanskrit epic the Ramayama. The resulting film, produced on the director’s home computer, has been hailed as a miracle of contemporary animation, blending various artistic styles with the music of 1920s blues singer Annette Hanshaw. Using that music created a copyright suit against Paley, who has since released the movie online as part of the Free Culture movement. These screenings benefit the Red Vic, courtesy of the director and Shadow Distribution. (Ryan Prendiville) Thurs/23 and Sun/26, 7:15 and 9:15 p.m.

(also Sun/26, 2 and 4 p.m.), $6–$9

Red Vic Movie House

1727 Haight, SF

(415) 668-3994

www.redvicmoviehouse.com

 

PERFORMANCE

“Joyful Noise: A Gospel Celebration of Christmas”

The Lorraine Hansberry Theatre is in the midst of its 30th anniversary seasons — and like all previous seasons, 2010-11 is dedicated to “exploring, celebrating, and reflecting the lives of African Americans.” But it’s been a bittersweet year, with the deaths of founding artistic director Stanley E. Williams and founding executive director Quentin Easter, a longtime couple, coming just weeks apart. LHT has dedicated this year’s spin on its traditional holiday gospel musical, Black Nativity, to the pair; the popular performance’s new title and script were created with Williams’ input before he died. But don’t expect a somber affair — the play honors the spirits of its founders with dance, humor, and powerful vocals, and promises to bring joy to all ages, cultures, and faiths. (Cheryl Eddy)

Through Dec. 31

Thurs, 8 p.m.; Fri/24 and Dec. 31, 2 p.m.;

(also Dec. 31, 7 p.m.); Sun/26, 4 p.m., $25–$50

Fort Mason Center

Southside Theater, Bldg D

Marina at Laguna, SF

www.lhtsf.org

 

EVENT

Latke Ball

While the nerdy Jews will be tittering away at Kung Pao Kosher Comedy (see below), the Jew who just wants to get her grind on (or anyone trying to duck down from tinsel) heads tonight to the annual Latke Ball, the Jewish Community Federation’s annual December fundraiser — usually held Dec. 24 but stepping into the night prior this year outta respect to shabbat. Sure, there are no cutting edge DJs on the bill, but more than 1,000 observant and not-so-much Heebs who refuse to take “closed for the holidays” for an answer? This calls for a mazel tov! — and maybe a Manhattan. (Caitlin Donohue)

9 p.m.–2 a.m., $40

Ruby Skye

420 Mason, SF

(415) 777-0411

www.jewishfed.org/event/latke-ball-2010

 

PERFORMANCE

Kung Pao Kosher Comedy

While the Jew into sweatin’ to the top 40 is dodging flailing stiletto vamps at the Latke Ball (see above), the more cerebral set heads to Kung Pao Kosher Comedy, comedian Lisa Geduldig’s 18-year-old stand-up alternative to the low-fi claymation specials blasting from your roommate’s TV. The annual event was birthed in a South Hadley, Mass., Chinese restaurant and serves up yucks by offbeat comedians hailing from various corners of Jewdom, all over family-style servings of rock cod with bok choy and Boca Raton-style chow mein. Headliners this year include creepy-cute comedy vet Wendy Liebman, 21-year old prodigy Nathan Habib, and Georgia-born Vietnamese-Jew Joe Nguyen. (Donohue)

Thurs/23–Sun/26, 5 and 8:30 p.m., $42–$62

New Asia Restaurant

772 Pacific, SF

(925) 275-9005

www.koshercomedy.com

 

SATURDAY 25

 

EVENT

Safeway Holiday Ice Rink

New York City has its world-famous skating rink at Rockefeller Center, blah blah blah. But why travel to the freezing-cold East Coast when you can get some downtown ice time right here in San Francisco? Possibly rocking a t-shirt while you’re at it? Plunked down in the middle of Union Square, the Safeway Holiday Ice Rink offers 90-minute sessions starting on each even hour. You’ll already be banged up from fighting the crowds at Macy’s and (sweet Jeebus) Forever 21, so it’s well worth taking a shopping time-out to channel your inner Johnny Weir as Union Square’s behemoth Christmas tree twinkles overhead. (Eddy)

Through Jan. 17, 2011

Daily, 10 a.m.–10 p.m. (Fri-Sat, 10 a.m.-11:30 p.m.);

Dec. 31, closes at 9:30 p.m., $4.50–$9.50 (skate rental, $4)

Union Square

Geary and Powell, SF

www.unionsquareicerink.com

 

MUSIC

“13th Annual Black X Mass”

Gotta love it when you click on an event taking place Dec. 25 and it takes you to the First Satanic Church’s homepage. The Black X Mass, though, is ironically a bit of a godsend. Maybe you don’t celebrate Christmas, or you’re unable to travel to hang with relatives — or perhaps you’re planning to do both, and fully realize you’ll need to decompress after a full-court press of holiday cheer. Whatever the reason, if you’ll be lurking around the dark and lonely streets of San Francisco during the holidays, head to the Elbo Room for Karla LaVey and the First Satanic Church’s annual Black X Mass party. Replace that Santa hat with horns and hail the stylings of Graves Brothers Deluxe, Dimesland, Los Murderachis, the Fuxedos, Theremin Wizard Barney, the Devil Dancers, and more. (Eddy)

9 p.m., $9.99

Elbo Room

647 Valencia, SF

(415) 552-7788

www.elbo.com

 

SUNDAY 26

 

PERFORMANCE

“Gallagher’s Holiday Smash Bash”

Like Sinbad, Gallagher has spent a couple decades in relative obscurity. So obscure, in fact, that’s it’s hard to imagine a time when he was popular. Immensely popular. Like, 10 televised specials between 1980 and 1987 popular. (Side note: this type of inexplicable success is known as “the Aykroyd phenomenon.”) Cultural amnesia makes it difficult to admit liking the innovator of prop comedy. But the decline of Gallagher is not due to simply a change in fashion, the way society decided one day that we no longer found giant men hilarious if they wore Hammer pants. No, it’s because of Carrot Top. That fucker single-handedly ruined props for everyone. Tonight, Gallagher may Sledge-O-Matic us back to a simpler time. (Prendiville)

7 p.m., $30

Yoshi’s San Francisco

1330 Fillmore, SF

(415) 655-5600

www.yoshis.com

 

MONDAY 27

MUSIC

Morris Day and the Time

Few can rock a suit like Morris Day. After bringing himself out of a self-imposed retirement in 2004, the funk-R&B singer and Prince collaborator released It’s About Time, his first solo album in 12 years. Much to his fans’ delight, he also got all the original members of the Time back together to begin touring again. Pieced together by Prince in 1981 as an outlet for material he didn’t necessarily want to release under his own (ever-changing) name, the group eventually carried on itself, thanks in large part to the eccentric and energetic stylings of Day — who also turned in a memorable performance as the Purple One’s foil in 1984’s Purple Rain. (Landon Moblad)

Mon/27–Tues/28, 8 and 10 p.m., $30–$45

Yoshi’s San Francisco

1330 Fillmore, SF

(415) 655-5600

www.yoshis.com

 

TUESDAY 28

 

MUSIC

“X-mas With X (An Evening With)”

Legendary Los Angeles punk rock group X distinguished itself from other bands of its era by adding the rock-solid drumming of DJ Bonebrake, the guitar virtuosity of Billy Zoom, and the poetic lyrics and intimate vocal interplay of John Doe and Exene Cervenka. It was this distinctive blend that caught the attention of Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek, who went on to produce the band’s classic first album, 1980’s Los Angeles. At these two very special shows, Manzarek joins X on stage to perform their debut record in its entirety, lending his talents on the keys that helped shape tunes such as the throbbing “Nausea” and the set-closing “The World’s A Mess, It’s In My Kiss.” (Sean McCourt)

Through Dec. 29

8 p.m., $31

Slim’s

333 11th St., SF

(415) 255-0333

www.slims-sf.com 

 

The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

 

Psychic Dream Astrology

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Dec. 22-28

Final week of Mercury retrograde!

ARIES

March 21-April 19

Take inspiration from the folks you most respect, Aries. Your relationships are poised for major growth, and if you are not growing then your connections are inherently limited. Be your best self this week.

TAURUS

April 20-May 20

Projecting into the future is a big, stressful waste of time. Deal with what you know in the present, because it’s the best way to protect what has yet to come. Promote freedom by creating what you want, not by avoiding your fears.

GEMINI

May 21-June 21

Things can change in really profound ways in an instant, Gem. Be present for the good in your world without taking advantage of it or getting too attached. Gently protect the things you love this week.

CANCER

June 22-July 22

Authentic intimacy requires consistent adjustments and compromise. Perfect compatibility is a poor goal this week. Instead, set your sights on relationships that challenge you right where you need it, Moonchild.

LEO

July 23-Aug. 22

Make friends with your anxieties by treating them with the same consideration you’d show an old friend. Your vulnerabilities have something to show you about what you need — if only you listen. Treat yourself kindly.

VIRGO

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Do what’s right for you in spite of whatever terrible distractions to loving self-care you come up against. You’re being challenged to uphold your own needs and rights, even if it costs you something of value. Eyes on the prize, Virgo!

LIBRA

Sept. 23-Oct. 22

The worst thing you could do in this, the last week of Mercury retrograde and 2010, is to get in over your head. Don’t pile anything new on your plate or get distracted, Libra. Think in terms of closure and completion.

SCORPIO

Oct. 23-Nov. 21

Keep your heart open and your boundaries firm. Be fearless enough to go for what you most want and be wise enough to know your limits before they give you a smack down.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

Watch your tone and watch your motives this week. No matter how frustrating things get, you are not entitled to act like a jerk, Sag. If you can’t be grounded enough to keep things mellow, at least play gentle.

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

No matter how open and motivated you are, Capricorns need their down time. And if you don’t get that down time, you may hit the sads something awful. Make sure you are cultivating awesomeness at a clip you can keep up with.

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

Weeks like this were invented for heart-to-hearts with your BFF or quality time with your Dear Diary. Investigate your truest truths without judgment or strategy. Look deep inside and see what you’ve got, Aquarius.

PISCES

Feb. 19-March 20

There’s a big difference between being selfish and doing what you’ve gotta do, even if it upsets others. It’s all about how upfront and honest you are, Pisces. Include your people in your process so they know what’s up. 

Jessica Lanyadoo has been a Psychic Dreamer for 16 years. Check out her website at www.lovelanyadoo.com or contact her for an astrology or intuitive reading at (415) 336-8354 or dreamyastrology@gmail.com.

Game over(load)

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GAMER 2010, TAKE TWO For the first time in my life, in 2010, I feel the weight of games yet unplayed. Soon, 2011 will begin, and the ghosts of my gaming fecklessness will lurk, dormant, on my hard drive, pregnant with the possibility of fun.

Maybe it’s just that I finally got a life; I am now too busy to head out to GameStop on a Tuesday morning, come home with a new game, and only take a break — for lunch — around 7:30. Maybe games have gotten harder, or I’ve gotten worse — are all those mistimed jumps and bungled headshots adding up? Maybe there’s a simpler answer: games have gotten better, and there are many, many more of them.

With each passing month, it grows harder to prioritize, to write off vast swathes of the medium in the hopes of maintaining a schedule that actually allows for gainful employment. Indie games are becoming more ambitious, jabbing the mega-budgeted mainstream in the ribs with the elbow of unfettered creativity. Minecraft, coded by Swedish programmer Markus Persson in his spare time, has attained nearly 2 million registered users, despite debuting in mid-May alongside the putative game of the year, Rockstar’s cowboy epic Red Dead Redemption.

You also start with a backlog of old games: last year’s modern classics and overlooked gems (one day, I will finish Psychonauts), not to mention the really old games that are increasingly available for a Monopoly-money pittance on networks like Xbox LIVE, Playstation Network, Wii Network, and Valve’s potent PC-gaming service Steam — an insidious piece of software that is the gaming equivalent of having a drug dealer literally living in your house.

As if the congestion wasn’t already bad enough, you can never really finish a game anymore. Downloadable content (DLC) has extended the shelf-life of marquee titles almost indefinitely, allowing developers to graft on missions, characters, and crucial plot developments long after the game has been boxed and shipped, thanks to the aforementioned download services. In general, these add-ons don’t provide much in the way of bang-for-buck, though that may change with time. Nevertheless, in some cases, pertaining particularly to popular multiplayer first-person shooters, purchasing DLC is a prerequisite for participation.

Even if you manage to scale your towering “to play” list, the release schedule simply refuses to cooperate. Sid Meier’s Civilization is the game that made me the addict I am today, and when Civilization V was slated for a Sept. 21 release, I was ecstatic. But a round of Civilization takes about 10 hours, and Dead Rising 2 lurked, hungry for brains, on the horizon, ready to hit store shelves the following week. Next to it, juggling a ball with a confident smirk, was FIFA 11, sharing the same release date. I didn’t stand a chance. In the end, the strategy classic got shamefully short shrift.

Whatever guilt I felt at betraying my childhood obsession was assuaged by countless six-minute soccer showdowns and the corpses of exactly 2,129 zombies. Then, just at the time I was ready to consider diving back into Civ, (or at least to compose Mr. Meier an apologetic letter), Fallout: New Vegas ushered in Armageddon.

To date, I have invested nearly 50 hours of gleeful postnuclear role-playing. Despite this effort, there is much of the game I will probably never see. At a certain point, I had to move on, lest I get hopelessly behind. Thanks to the month of December — the annual industry doldrums — some catch up has been played, but not nearly enough. Two weeks from now, we’ll have a new year. Five weeks from now, we’ll have Dead Space 2, and the backlog will begin again.

Grids and gridiron

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Coach and me went to Benders many nights in a row. "Benders," she likes to say. "It’s what’s for dinner." But I don’t know. I love their burgers and tots. And their pulled pork, come to think of it, rebounded me nicely from that dollop of whatever-the-crap-that-was at Bonnie’s last week. But my sense of adventure begins to feel compromised after more than one night in a row at the same place.

Nevertheless, neither one of us has a TV. And we thought we should watch us some football. I swear our intention was to go to poetry readings, too. But we tended not to want to leave the bar.

It’s weird, liking football again, this time from a softer, less angular angle. For me, the football part of my friendship with Coach is the perfect blend of strategy (possible color-combinations, baggy vs. tight uniforms), surreality (keep reading), and camaraderie. It reminds me of watching the Niners with Wayway back in the day, only Coach and I seldom look at the TV and the plays we draw up on our napkins look a lot more like fruit trees in the end.

Moreover, I’m pretty sure Wayway never said (although he may well have been thinking it) during Monday Night Football: "This would be a lot more interesting if they were lesbians."

"They will be, Coach," I reminded her. "For now, just imagine."

The Ravens were playing the Texans.

We talked about relationships. We talked about depression. We talked about the holidays, and who I will meet and where we will be and who will like me. And always eventually it came back to the little TV at the other end of the bar.

"I like when the little guys dart around," she said. "They’re like shortstops, and second base."

"That’s the spirit," I said. "Now we’re talking."

Coach has a little notebook that she writes her football information in. There is a column of names. Most of our friends already know that they are playing football come spring. One or two even know how. I do! That’s why I get to be Coach’s coaching staff, confidant, and — if I don’t blow it — on-field captain. We already know who our quarterback will be and have a pretty good idea of the blockers. Less certain is who will play weasel, and the ever-important position Coach calls the "far runners." Myself, I am proud to be penciled in, according to her little notebook, at shortstop.

Which looks to me a little like the position formerly known as tight end. But when I mentioned this to Coach she got the giggles. "Tight end!" she said. "That’s perfect!"

I should stop writing about us. We are going to take this league by storm. And it might be better if no one sees us gathering on the horizon, like dark, sexy, undertalented and overburgered but height-weight proportionate clouds.

I’m just too excited to leave it alone!

OK, focus. My secret agent lady Sal and me didn’t want to sit in her rental car at the beach and watch surfer boys change clothes in her rear view mirror on an empty stomach, so we stopped off first for Korean.

Every Saturday a group of three or four food trucks circle the wagons down at McCoppin and Valencia around lunch time, and then some. I tried to go there once before with Mr. Wong when we were on our kimchi burrito kick, but Seoul on Wheels musta had a flat tire that week.

This time it was there! That’s the good news. The bad news is that its Korean burritos, which it calls korritos, are premade and have sour cream, which is a big mistake. An even bigger mistake: way too much rice and way not enough meat, or kimchi, or therefore flavor.

Weak. Weak. Weak.

On the other hand, I had a bulgogi taco and it had no rice at all. Small small small. But … delicious!

There’s also a Filipino truck there, which is pretty good, and I forget which taco truck — taco tacos, I mean. Next time I’ll try those.

SEOUL ON WHEELS @ OFF THE GRID

Sat. 11:30 a.m.–3 p.m.

McCoppin and Valencia, SF

(415) 336-0387

Cash only

No alcohol

alt.sex.column: Mismatch

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Dear Andrea:

My boyfriend has a fetish which, initially, is pretty off-putting. All the advice says to just go with it and make it part of our sex life, which I have done. But it doesn’t really seem to help. He can tell it’s not really my thing, so we hardly ever have sex now. He just doesn’t seem to be into it if it isn’t fetishy, and it’s started to seem like work (to both of us) to try to include his special stuff.

I think he wants to be with someone who is really into it, but he says he loves me. What am I supposed to do now?

Love,

Trying

Dear Try:

My, aren’t you mysterious! Not only do the readers and I want to know exactly what kind of “special stuff” your boyfriend is so fond of, it might also prove relevant to whatever solution I might be able to come up with for you. I say “might” a lot because I might as well get right to it and admit that I think this is probably hopeless. But I still want to know what he’s into. It’s important!

Oh well. I’m guessing this may be something like adult baby/diapers. Or those amazing inflatable suits some people wear and bump each other around in, except probably not those because you simply could not have witnessed (let alone worn) one of those inflatable suits and neglected to mention it.

One generally believes that with good will and good communication, one can make anything work. But one is often wrong. I don’t think this is going to work because you have done the only thing that does work, the thing I would have assigned to you as homework had you not already completed it as independent study: you read up on his “thing” and got yourself up for trying it and did try it, repeatedly.

So you incorporate his fetish into mutual sex and he isn’t all that thrilled. And he isn’t much interested in pursuing his thingie on the side, online with his special thingie friends while being otherwise available to and into you … yeah. That is a sex life waiting politely to be put out of its misery. I’m sorry.

If you don’t mind your personal plight being turned into a PSA, let me pause here for a second to ask kinks and the like to take as much time as they need to come to terms with their true natures but do not drag innocent, unsuitable would-be partners along for the ride. It is understandable, but ultimately, it isn’t kind. Your boyfriend probably meant well. But his kink is not the sort that can be easily absorbed into a mixed marriage.

I believe he loves you. I hope that means he’ll be really good at the “still being friends” stuff when it comes time to still be friends. And I’ll be very nice and wish him a simpatico kinky playmate, later, so you don’t have to. For you, I wish a partner who doesn’t wish you to be one bit different from who you are.

Love,

Andrea

Got a question? Email Andrea at andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Nathan Habib keeps it kosher

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“I’m a really practical person. That limits me from driving out to a club the city and coming back in the morning to take a test.” Nathan Habib’s not living the rock star stand-up comedian life just yet. But that’s not to say that Habib (who will be performing at Kung Pao Kosher Comedy‘s holiday run Thurs/23-Sun/26) isn’t dedicated to making people laugh. He’s been performing for seven years – and he’s 21 years old.

Habib’s standard promotional copy calls him “confidently awkward,” and this is actually how he comes across when I meet with him at Farley’s coffee shop on Potrero Hill. I’m late, of course, and he’s begun to read from the rack of magazines besides him, but he quickly shelves the material to say a very polite hello as I approach.

Habib is from a strong Israeli-Latvian-Italian family with a big social network in Palo Alto. His mom is the lovingly pushy type of mother that approached Kung Pao founder Lisa Geduldig after her son fell in love with New York comedian Greg Rogell’s act that night. “Traditional Jewish mom, telling her I’m a comedian like I’ve been doing it forever or something,” Habib laughs.

Whether Geduldig took the endorsement with a grain or salt or not is questionable, but the fact remains that she listened to mom’s assertion that her 14 year old son was serious about stand up. She put Habib into the lineup of one of her shows before (this week’s run will be Habib’s second with the series), and provided support for the kid as he traversed the world of high school open mics and comedy clubs around the peninsula. “Lisa has been really good to me,” Habib says. Throughout high school, he says, he was known as the “stand up guy,” and didn’t know any one else his own age with the same motivation to grip mics and wax observational on stage. 

The reasonable tenor of conversation with Habib is kind of weird because I tend to think of stand-up comedians as messed-up individuals (in the best sense of the term). But here we have a young man who puts his double major in film and economics at UC Santa Cruz firmly at the top of his list of priorities. He’s got a girlfriend with whom “things are flowing well,” and who doesn’t mind that she makes regular appearances in Habib’s schtick, generally as part of stories highlighting his inability to set romantic scenes for her. He also gets a laugh out of his brothers, who find Habib’s venting about frustrating situations hilarious, and his dear old momma, who drove him all around town in the early days to get him to gigs. “My mom loves it when I make fun of her. I don’t know why – well, I think she likes the attention,” he smiles.

Wholesome as a glass of milk. Although, coming from Gunn High School, a competitive prep incubator in Palo Alto, the choice of stand up comedian as a career is a bit off the beaten path. “All my friends want to be doctors and lawyers, go to grad school or whatever.” But Habib can’t shake the pull of comedy “It’s my identity. Plus, I feel like I’m giving something to society.”

His general feel-good sunniness is appropriate, perhaps, for a Christmas gathering for people that don’t celebrate (or need a break from) Christmas. Kung Pao takes the old cliché of Jews eating at a Chinese restaurant over the holidays and puts a little sass on it: a lineup that this year includes creepy-cute Wendy Liebman, Vietnamese-Jewish Joe Nguyen, Habib, and Geduldig herself. A real nice place to take the fam if you’re ready for a break from “closed for the holidays” and canned expectations of world peace and fraternal love.

For Habib’s part, he’ll be following in the grand standup tradition of playing off the idiosyncrasies of his lovingly wacky life, which for him isn’t as easy as it sounds, really. “These things come so naturally to me that I don’t always see the funniness in it.” Kung Pao gives him a chance to play up the Jewish side of his routine, not something he usually focuses on. “I will say,” he says. “That it’s going to feel good to come back to my people.”

Kung Pao Kosher Comedy

Thurs/23 and Sun/26 dinner 5-6 p.m., comedy 6-7:30 p.m.

Fri/24-Sat/25 dinner 6-7 p.m., comedy 7-8:30 p.m.

All shows $42-62

New Asia Restaurant

772 Pacific, SF

(925) 275-9005

www.koshercomedy.com

The politics of the last great depression

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The American economy’s worse now than at any time since the Great Depression — and whatever the Republicans say in Congress (and the president signs on to) the private sector alone can’t possible pull us out. The only reason we’re not at 1930s levels of unemployment is that we’ve had some modest federal stimulus money over the past two years.


But we’ve got this dilemma: Although every smart economist agrees that it will take more massive federal spending to turn things around, all we’re getting out of Washington is the worst kind of spending — tax cuts for the rich, which will cost $900 billion and do very little to help the economy.


Part of what’s going on — and Jerry Brown talked about it at his education summit — is that the public doesn’t trust government to spend their money wisely. Brown cited a poll saying that nearly half of Californians still think we can solve most of the budget problems in the state by getting rid of government waste.


The Pew Research Center has put together a couple of fascinating papers on attitudes toward the public sector, and they’re worth a rad. (Thanks, Gabriel Metcalf at SPUR for tipping me off about this.) The first one is called “How a different America responded to the Great Depression.” Researcher Jodie Allen’s conclusion:


Quite unlike today’s public, what Depression-era Americans wanted from their government was, on many counts, more not less. And despite their far more dire economic straits, they remained more optimistic than today’s public. Nor did average Americans then turn their ire upon their Groton-Harvard-educated president — this despite his failure, over his first term in office, to bring a swift end to their hardship. FDR had his detractors but these tended to be fellow members of the social and economic elite.


More:


The most striking difference between the 1930s and the present day is that, by the standards of today’s political parlance, average Americans of the mid-1930s revealed downright “socialistic” tendencies in many of their views about the proper role of government.


True, when asked to describe their political position, fewer than 2% of those surveyed were ready to describe themselves as “socialist” rather than as Republican, Democratic or independent. But by a lopsided margin of 54% to 34%, they expressed the opinion that if there were another depression (and fears of one were mounting), the government should follow the same spending pattern as FDR’s administration had followed before.


And, those surveyed said they supported Roosevelt, the architect of the New Deal’s expansive programs, over his 1936 Republican opponent, Alfred Landon by more than two-to-one (62%-30%).


The charts are fascinating. A full 73 percent of Americans polled in 1936 thought government should provide free medical care to the poor. Sixty-four percent thought government should regulate and control war-time profits. In fact, 59 percent thought the government should take over the electric power industry and 69 percent favored nationalizing the wartime munitions industry.


And the people who were polled in these early surveys were overwhelmingly white, male and relatively well off. They were also socially conservative — 60 percent favored the death penalty and 67 percent wanted to deport all immigrants who were on public relief. Allen:


Is there a message in this for today’s America? Two possible lessons: First, it’s worth remembering that the social programs and banking controls that the New Deal era produced stood the nation in good stead over many decades of unprecedented prosperity. Second, Depression-era Americans’ faith in the country and its guiding institutions steeled them against the challenges of a double-dip recession and, years later, World War II. They had it worse, but they also expected it to get better, faster.


Compare that to a 1983 poll taken in the depth of the Reagan Recession, when 65 percent said that government had gone too far in regulating business, 62 percent rarely trusted the government in Washington and 78 percent opposed raising income taxes.


Fifty years, two generations, and the entire attitude of the American public toward government was turned on its head. It’s one of the fundamental dilemmas of American life, and one of the central reasons we’re in this mess.

alt.sex.column: Squirmy

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Dear Andrea:

I have a weird question. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and our sex life was great until recently. But I have started to get really ticklish when he touches me, and it’s putting us both off sex.

Literally when he touches my leg, I squirm away and giggle. I’m embarrassed, and we’re both bemused and frustrated. What’s going on?

Love,

Squirmy

Dear Squirm:

Giggling or getting ticklish is, of course, very common among teenagers and other young folk, and due, just as obviously, to self consciousness, unfamiliarity, and nerves. The cure is time and practice. I’m going to take a guess and say practice is your best bet.

Whatever set this off, it’s not, in a sense, real. You’re not nervous or anxious, and you’re not actually being tickled. It’s all in your mind, more or less.

The evolution of tickling does seem to have it origins in social interaction (most tickling is done by adults to kids, and only jerk parents keep going after being begged to stop). But the reaction — laughter — appears to be purely physical, not dependent on social factors like wanting the tickler to like you.

Anyway. Something has gone funny with your wiring. Probably something he did once set off a ticklish response and the next time he did something similar, the same nerves expected the same sensation and sent the same signals they would have if your boyfriend actually tickled you. Now every time he gets near you, the whole thing happens again.

I can think of two approaches that might help you.

1. Have him approach very slowly and entirely within your vision. Don’t try to “have sex” of any sort, just have him touch you and leave his hands there while you take some deep breaths and relax and let yourself feel how not tickly it is. Repeat until he can begin to move them around a little, and proceed like that till you’ve retrained yourself.

You might also try doing this in the dark. Darwin, delightfully, had some theories on tickling, observing that “tickling provokes laughter through the anticipation of pleasure. If a stranger tickles a child without any preliminaries, the likely result will be not laughter but withdrawal and displeasure.” You, clearly, are not experiencing pleasure, anticipated or actual, but there is still an aspect of anticipation at play here. If you lay down together in the dark, with no touching, until you are entirely relaxed, you might find he can touch you without your nerves freaking out.

2. Go ahead and let him do whatever he’s been doing that is eliciting the tickle response. Do this a whole lot. Hope it gradually desensitizes you. This may sound unbearable, but people do report training themselves out of over-ticklishness.

Try whichever plan sounds less odious. At least you’re pretty safe with your nice known-and-trusted boyfriend to experiment even with approach No. 2, which would be terrible at the hands of one of the many assholes out there who do not understand that in some cases “hahahahaha!” like “no,” means “no.”

Love,

Andrea

Got a question? Email Andrea at andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Class conflict in DC and SF

12

There’s an unmistakable whiff of class warfare in the air this holiday season, most obviously on the national level where President Barack Obama and congressional Republicans are helping the ultra-rich steal hundreds of billions of dollars from future generations and the country’s current needs. But we’re also seeing it right here in San Francisco, subtly playing out around who will be our next mayor.

During yesterday’s scheduled discussion at the Board of Supervisors on choosing a new mayor, members of the public – from African-American mothers of slain youth to representatives of immigrant communities to those representing labor and progressive groups – urged the board to choose a mayor who would finally represent all of San Francisco, not just the wealthy and the business community.

Then the progressive supervisors who represent the city’s working class districts talked about getting the process underway and voiced some of the things they’d like to see in a new mayor, such as compassion and a willingness to work with the board and community groups. It seemed like a good faith effort at having an open public discussion about the city’s needs.

But on the other side of the aisle, the supervisors who represent the city’s wealthiest neighborhoods voted to delay the discussion without offering a reason why. Sup. Chris Daly made good points about how incoming mayors usually have time to prepare for assuming this powerful office at a time of pressing city needs and tricky political dynamics, arguing for making this decision sooner than later.

And from the Establishment representatives: nothing. Not a word. Instead, we have Mayor Gavin Newsom threatening to delay his swearing in as lieutenant governor to thwart the current board from picking a successor, and being overtly urged to do so in a San Francisco Chronicle editorial and in disingenous, sanctimonious ruses from SF Chamber of Commerce officials.

Why? Well, here’s the closest thing the editorial offered to a reason: “It makes all the sense in the world to have the supervisors who will be working with the interim mayor make the selection. They are the ones who will have to find common ground and develop a working relationship with Newsom’s successor.”

But does it really make any sense to have an inexperienced group of new supervisors (as our current cover stories shows, none of the four new supervisors have held municipal office and two are new to politics) pick a mayor on their first day on the job, and then have that person immediately take on the complicated job of running the city with no staff in place? And to do that by flouting the the California Constitution and the City Charter?

That sounds like a recipe for disaster – and an opportunity for downtown power brokers to make mischief and ensure their interests aren’t threatened as part of whatever backroom deal gets cut to choose a new mayor, district attorney, and board president. Why else would they so vehemently oppose a deliberative public process that would lead to a decision by those who know the workings of City Hall better than anyone?

As we saw in the last election, wealthy San Franciscans are scared to death of progressive malcontents like Chris Daly, and they’re doing whatever they can to prevent him from being involved in this decision. They see, probably correctly, that the current political dynamics of the city could lead to perhaps the most progressive mayor since George Moscone, or maybe ever, and they’ll do whatever they can to prevent that from happening.

The rich of this city and this country have overplayed their hands, crippled the public sector, and, as Sen. Bernie Sanders so eloquently said recently on the floor of the US Senate, shown a selfish disregard for the needs and interests of the vast majority of citizens. The only question now is this: are we ready to finally stand up, fight back, and really give them something to fear? Or are we going to take our cues from Obama and treat anti-government conservatives as good faith actors when they have shown only contempt for our most cherished democratic processes and values?

I suppose next week, when this board reconvenes to try to choose a successor mayor, we’ll find out.

Dufty was Avalos’ eighth vote on local hire

3

History was made at City Hall on December 7, when the Board voted 8-3 to approve local hire legislation for city-funded construction projects.
“This is the strongest local hiring measure in the nation, “ said Sup. John Avalos, the legislation’s chief sponsor. “It doesn’t just have a mandated 50 percent goal. It has a ‘by trade’ mandate. It requires 50 percent of apprentices to be residents. More than anything we are moving away from a good faith policy. That’s a sea change in our local hiring discussion.”
Sup. Sophie Maxwell thanked Avalos “for taking up the mantle” and pushing construction industry legislation that will provide opportunities for ”growing the middle class instead of importing it.”
“This industry closes the economic gap,” Maxwell said,
Board President David Chiu, Sups. John Avalos, David Campos, Chris Daly, Bevan Dufty, Eric Mar, Sophie Maxwell and Ross Mirkarimi voted for the legislation. But Dufty was the eighth vote that gave the measure a veto-proof majority. His vote came after he met ABU (Aboriginal Blacks United) leader James Richards and other advocates of unemployed residents. They see the legislation as a way to invest local tax dollars in local communities, reduce crime and poverty, and lessen pollution by reducing workers’ commutes.


“It’s been too long that we have been protesting and fighting this good faith effort,” Richards said.” We need a mandatory policy.”
ABU member Troy, 47, who was born and raised in the Bayview, and has two sons, said he had been unemployed for six months.
“If we don’t work, nobody works, that’s ABU’s motto,” Troy said. ‘We can’t have nobody come from Marin, taking our jobs and pushing us back onto the streets, selling drugs. We gotta put the merry back into Christmas.”



“A lot of moving parts had to come together for this legislation to be successful,” Dufty told the Board, a couple of hours after he met ABU’s Richards. “This is very reminiscent of Healthy San Francisco, which was one of the most monumental changes in the city.”
Dufty said he believes that, much like Healthy San Francisco, local hire legislation is bigger than just San Francisco. “At a certain point, I looked at labor and said, yes, I’m going for this legislation, but not just for San Francisco,” Dufty said. “You want to take this concept to other cities.”


Dufty  was hopeful that Mayor Gavin Newsom will get behind the legislation, before its Dec.14 second reading.
“But I respect that there may be a little bit of coming together between now and the second reading,” he said.
Newsom spokesperson Tony Winniker told reporters that the mayor plans to review the amended legislation and consult with impacted contractors and unions before deciding whether to veto the legislation.
A December 1 report from city economist Ted Egan estimated that the local hire legislation will create 350 jobs and cost the city $9 million annually, or 1 percent of whatever it spends on public works. (San Francisco is set to spend an estimated $27 billion on capital projects over the next decade.)
Vincent Pan of Chinese Affirmative Action, which supports Avalos’ local hiring policy, suggested that the mayor “check the temperature.”
“It would be leadership on the part of the mayor not to veto legislation that’s about San Francisco,” Pan said.

Psychic Dream Astrology

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Dec. 8-14

Mercury goes retrograde on the 10th.

ARIES

March 21-April 19

There is no way out without going through it, Aries. Pair your desire for better circumstances with a willingness to do the work on yourself that’s needed. Don’t go for easy, go for real.

TAURUS

April 20-May 20

You’ve been making things happen and now it’s time to sit back and reexamine things. Reacquaint yourself with your relationships and investments to make sure you’re still pointed in the direction you wanna go.

GEMINI

May 21-June 21

The worst thing you can do right now is let your ego get in the way and act defensively with others. You may be going through a rough patch, and “fake it till ya make it” won’t work this week. Be authentic or duck and cover.

CANCER

June 22-July 22

Fretting over what is will be a major time and energy suck, Cancer. Make peace with the disquiet in your life so you can start investigating creative solutions instead of tripping over your own feet.

LEO

July 23-Aug. 22

Go against the wisdom of your own gut instincts this week and it’ll come back and bite you in the fanny later. If you don’t know the answer, don’t make any commitments. Stay true to you in all you do.

VIRGO

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

The relief you seek from your own over-thought thoughts is so simple, Virgo. Redirect your attention. Instead of trying to figure things out, get grounded by doing practical things to take care of you and yours.

LIBRA

Sept. 23-Oct. 22

Make up your mind or get outta the game, Libra. You may not be known for swift, decisive action, but this Mercury retrograde you can turn that around! Distill things to their simplest form and yea or nay on it.

SCORPIO

Oct. 23-Nov. 21

If you’ve got a question, ask it, because the worst thing you can do right now is stew in your own juices worrying over stuff. Set yourself in motion or you’ll end up quivering in your booties. More is more this week.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

Major change doesn’t happen overnight, Sag. Actually, it sometimes does, but then the fallout plays itself out over time. Allow for things to develop while you improve on whatever you’re able to.

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Be highly discerning right now, Cappy. No matter how you shake it, things are changing. Your job is to ensure that they are improving and that your life isn’t just shuffling your crap around. Do things right.

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

You are not in control and it would be a mistake to try to change that. Instead, create changes in yourself that allow for more freedom in how you relate to your life. Create happy, not perfect.

PISCES

Feb. 19-March 20

Check in with your heart instead of your head, Pisces. Go toward what feels right for you this week, even if you can see the merit of other choices. The time is brewing for major changes; trust your heart for now. *

Jessica Lanyadoo has been a Psychic Dreamer for 16 years. Check out her website at www.lovelanyadoo.com or contact her for an astrology or intuitive reading at (415) 336-8354 or dreamyastrology@gmail.com.

Sound and silence

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arts@sfbg.com

MUSIC/FILM In the latest chapter of the San Francisco Film Society’s ongoing efforts to present silent-era films with live musical accompaniment, John Darnielle — head honcho of the Mountain Goats — will be scoring the 1919 Mauritz Stiller film, Sir Arne’s Treasure. The beauty of this particular series, which has yielded original scores from Yo La Tengo (Science is Fiction: The Films of Jean Painleve), Stephin Merritt (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea), and Superchunk (A Page of Madness) among others, lies not only in the conceptual simplicity of marrying music and film, but in the freedom of approach given to each film’s handpicked composer. In Darnielle’s case, scoring a film meant digging up some relics of his own past.

“I don’t generally revisit stuff of mine that’s old,” he says. “But then I realized, soundtracking a silent movie is revisiting stuff that’s old.”

Digging through old notebooks full of unused songs and lyrics, Darnielle stumbled on the blueprints for an unfinished and unreleased collection of songs he’d written in the mid-1990s. The songs were originally to be used as a sequel of sorts to the Mountain Goats’ 1995 album, Sweden. But after rediscovering them, Darnielle realized that the songs’ moods and lyrics meshed well with the themes of the film.

Set in the 16th century, Sir Arne’s Treasure‘s story begins with the murder of a clergyman at the hands of three escaped mercenaries who are after his treasure. Eventually finding themselves trapped in the town — and among its vengeful inhabitants — one of the men becomes drawn to a survivor of their own killing spree, and the lines between justice and love blur.

After a few minor adjustments to his newly unearthed songs, Darnielle knew he’d found the material that would make up the bulk of his film score.

“It’s pretty exciting to dig up these old notebooks, very much like watching an old movie and seeing people dressing and doing things in a different manner,” he says. “Digging through those things for me at this point is like combing through public records or something. I tweaked them a little because I’m a better writer now than I was then. But yeah, I’m expanding this whole album I’d made about loss and catastrophe and incorporating it into the movie which is about loss and catastrophe [laughs].”

Darnielle will be pulling some other songs from the Mountain Goats catalog to use during the film, but he hopes his fans will understand that his approach to this project is different.

“I hope people don’t come expecting a sort of huge, surging Mountain Goats show type thing,” he says. “That’s my biggest fear, because it’s much more contemplative and patient in the presentation. I’ll be singing, but I won’t be stomping around or talking between songs.”

Darnielle’s got a couple tricks up his sleeve as well, only one of which he would reveal during our conversation. He’ll start the score solo on piano, but around the halfway mark he’ll switch to guitar as John Vanderslice joins him onstage for the remainder of the film. The two have worked together in the past, and Darnielle hopes Vanderslice and the two musicians he’s bringing along with him will help amp up the intensity in the latter stages of the film and bring it all to a nice “crescendo.”

His biggest challenge has been in finding that perfect balance between when a score should directly and forcefully impact the film, and when it should take more of a quieter backseat.

“Hopefully there will be sound almost the entire time, just because it’s hard for me to imagine dropping in and out of a silent movie completely,” he says. “When a soundtrack drops out of a current film, it’s fine because there’s dialogue. If the sound drops out of a silent movie, there’s dead silence.”

Whatever the result, Darnielle says this is a one-and-done type deal and has no plans to do anything with the score after this one live performance.

“I like things that exist and then stop,” he says. “So yeah, this will be it.”

SIR ARNE’S TREASURE, WITH THE MOUNTAIN GOATS IN SOLO PERFORMANCE

Tues/14, 8 p.m.; $17–$22.50

Castro Theatre

429 Castro, SF

(415) 561-5000

www.sffs.org

Miss SaiGon

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paulr@sfbg.com

DINE There really is a Miss Saigon inside of Miss SaiGon, but she seems to be made of plastic, if — to quote Groucho Marx — I’m any judge of horseflesh. With her motionless good cheer, the big doll looks like salvage from some airline’s marketing campaign, circa 1968. Next to her stands a kind of aqueous sculpture, with sheets of water rippling down a long glass panel.

Such kitschy drama, and we’re barely inside this Vietnamese restaurant (not to be confused with the musical of the same name). The semi-cavernous dining room — weirdly reminiscent of a dance floor in some mid-list gay bar — is screened from the street by a barricade of translucent draperies that hang from floor to ceiling with lacey, lingerie-like suggestiveness. It feels like an after-hours, members-only sale at a Victoria’s Secret warehouse.

Yet behind the bar, the wall is painted a nervy lime green — a hue that will be powerfully reminiscent (to the restaurant-minded) of Mangosteen. Mangosteen is part of the new wave of Vietnamese and Southeast Asian restaurants that have opened along Larkin Street, on the north side of Market, in recent years, while Miss SaiGon stands just steps away from old-guarder Tu Lan, which Julia Child is said to have admired. One evening, on my way to Miss Saigon, I peeked inside Tu Lan and wondered how Child even fit inside, let alone enjoyed herself, and whether the oft-told tale of her admiration might be apocryphal.

Miss SaiGon, slightly more two years old, belongs to the post-Child era, but I would guess the old doyenne would find the newer place eminently acceptable. The interior is attractive without being overbearing, the social tone is comfortable, with lots of younger people among the clientele (laptops glowing on tabletops in front of them — but aren’t laptops quaint now?), and the extensive menu is mostly excellent.

If brevity is the soul of wit as well as menu-writing, then a vast menu like Miss SaiGon’s, with so many items that they have to be numbered (including No. 4, kimchee, a ringer from Korea), is generally best approached with caution. The more dishes a kitchen has to master, the more likely it is the chefs’ attention will be diluted or that ingredients for the less-loved dishes will sit around too long — that something will go awry, in other words.

But the execution at Miss SaiGon is sharp and assured, the flavors properly balanced and amplified, like rich sound. The only exception, to my mind, was an unlikely one: slices of pork stir-fried with lemon sauce and vegetables ($9.50). The vegetables were ordinary — celery and carrots, mainly — and the lemon sauce was MIA. Instead, the dish was dominated by an unannounced walk-on: pineapple, in chunks. Pineapple is fine in piña coladas and as a supplement to lubricious activity, but as an accompaniment to pork here it was too sweet, too overwhelming, and too obvious.

Neither too sweet nor too obvious was the papaya salad ($6.50), which resembled a nest of glass shards and was fortified with shrimp and ground pork. Ground peanuts added texture, leaves of fresh mint brought their bewitching breath, and — best of all — the salad was dressed with some version of nuoc mam, the salty-tangy-sweet blend of fish sauce and vinegar that is one of Vietnamese cuisine’s signature condiments.

The prospect of cold noodles — sesame ($3.95) — on a cold night caused some consternation around the table, but there turned out to be something sufficiently warming, or at least sustaining, in the fatness of the noodles to muffle the disquiet. Sesame can have a sharpness that verges on the unpleasant, but the potentially harsh edge was blunted by the plush saltiness of fish sauce.

Even better were garlic noodles ($8.95), stir-fried with bits of boneless chicken, basil, and lemongrass — a lovely little symphony of melody and harmony, and hot to boot. Bun cha gio ($7.50) — a huge bowl filled with vermicelli noodles, egg rolls, and lettuce, with a side of nuoc mam sauce laced with carrot threads and crushed peanut — was a duet of hot (the egg rolls) and cold (everything else). And that was just fine. When it’s chilly out, you don’t quibble about whatever form warmth chooses to take, even if it’s the eternal smile on the face of a life-sized plastic doll, waving hello and goodbye to all and sundry.

MISS SAIGON

Mon.–Sat., 11 a.m.–9:30 p.m.

100 Sixth St., SF

(415) 522-0332

www.misssaigonsf.com

Beer and wine

MC/V

Somewhat noisy

Wheelchair accessible

 

Ducking the cold

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS I know I’m not the only one. December rubs a lot of people the wrong way. This year, to combat my usual seasonal depression, I am moving to Norway. Oh, I’m sure I’ll be back to the Bay Area to visit, now and agin, but just in case I’m underestimating the inherent cheerfulness of Oslo and wind up coming back to live, I will of course continue to write Cheap Eats from abroad, no worries.

Then when I have finished unlocking the secrets of Norwegian cuisine, in general, and of Oslo’s burgeoning restaurant scene, in particular, I will write letters to Earl Butter again, or Cheap-Eats-length poems about how happy I am, whaling, playing Scrabble on the beach, eating lutefisk until the wee hours, and running with the moose, or whatever it is that people in Norway do for happiness.

I’m kidding of course. I would never in a million years go whaling! Didn’t you ever read Moby Dick? I did! There’s a guy in it named Queemquack, or something like that, and in the end they all get eaten to death by a whale.

Oy, my poor father, a Melville scholar, would be rolling over in his grave right now if he were 1) still reading my column and 2) dead, but he is neither, that I know of. Why, I just talked to him on the phone a little bit ago and he didn’t mention anything at all about Cheap Eats or having died.

Man, I love my dad! Happy birthday to him. When I was eight, I helped him write his dissertation. No lie, he had underlined all the participial phrases in Melville’s major works, and it was my job to tally them up — my first quantitative analysis of a major literary figure, give or take Dr. Seuss.

It’s uncanny. First I became a writer like my dad, then I became a musician like my dad, and don’t look now but I believe a couple paragraphs ago I may have established myself as a Melville scholar in my own right. Anyway, I read Moby Dick twice. Twice! (Technically I read it once as a literate adult, and leafed through it the other time, as a literary scholar who also pretty much knew how to count.)

From my mother I inherited my athleticism (which is no less dear to me than all-of-the above) and my peculiar knack for migrating north in winter and living in the woods, literally and figuratively.

You have to have good, strong legs, like mine and mom’s, to run with moose, don’t you know. And you have to be at least a little bit crazy, as I understand it, to eat lutefisk. Especially when you can just stay here and have burritos.

Or, actually, I’m kind of stuck on duck noodle soup now. Again. It being cold season. And I was house- and dog-sitting for Crawdad for a while in Berkeley, where there are a lot more duck soups to be had than here in the Mission. Not to mention Oslo.

All kidding aside, although I did briefly consider going home for the holidays this year, I’ve decided to weather them here where my turntable is. I don’t have any records anymore, but I do have my kitten, Stoplight. And if I turn my turntable on, with Stoplight on top of it, the result is more entertaining than Merle Haggard or anything.

It should be enough to get me through the darkest time of year.

But I wonder if old Merle ever had duck noodle soup with three scoops of hot sauce in it, or hung around with lesbians. For the former, my current recommendation is Your Place on University Avenue.

It’s on the lunch menu, for like $7, but probably they’ll give it to you any time of day. And it’s a big bowl, with rice noodles, no-bone roast duck, celery, green onions, cilantro, and maybe even a few spinach leaves.

Very very very good. Nice place, friendly service.

Then you can always go to last week’s new favorite restaurant, Lao Thai, for a bowl of sweet duck soup for dessert. In this very way, I will hop, skip, and waddle my way to March, and warmth, and happiness, and hopefully I hope a li’l love.

If we make it through December …

YOUR PLACE THAI CUISINE

Daily 11:30 a.m.–10 p.m.

1267–71 University, Berk.

(510) 548-9781

MC,V

Beer and wine

 

alt.sex.column: Bay watch

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Dear Andrea:

Our children are grown and it’s just us now, so my wife and I started to indulge in a nude lifestyle here in South Florida. We go to a secluded beach and our sexual adventures increase each time, to the point we are being viewed by others occasionally, mainly by men. All are attracted to my wife.

My fantasy started with me thinking how hot it would be to have one lick her while were making out on the beach. She openly talks about my fantasy to excite me but when someone walks by and I say “Would that work?” she generally offers some reason for why it wouldn’t. Last week I saw a guy walking our way, so I covered her eyes with her bikini top then began saying out loud I need a pussy licker. He smiled but continued walking. After he passed I rolled her over to do her doggy style then noticed he was walking back and had removed his Speedo. She went flat on her tummy on the blanket till he passed. So my question is, is my fantasy a possibility? Would a blindfold be the key for her to enjoy the experience? And is having one man lick her to orgasm while making out with another something a woman might enjoy?

We have been together almost five years and married 11 months.

Love,

Beach Bum

Dear Bum:

Right, and now your children are grown and you are old enough to have problem getting it up, and … oh, never mind. We all know this is fantasy. Let’s not spilt fantasy hairs.

Here is what your fantasy wife is trying to tell you, both in your fantasy and in whatever may have happened in real life to spur you to write this: she is turned on by the casual interest of other men. She is turned on by your being turned on by her being so hot that random passing guys are turned on by her. She did not “go flat on her tummy” by accident (or wouldn’t if this really happened). She does not want those guys to go down on her while you two make out. If she did, she would say so.

I don’t believe that this (if it happened) is one of those cases where a little shedding of inhibition is all she needs. This is not 1970s porn flick starring Georgina Spelvin. This is real life (unless it isn’t) and she is an uninhibited woman (if she exists) and it has been discussed and she doesn’t want to do it.

Even my kids, who are four, eventually believe me when I say such and such a thing isn’t going to happen. Grown men shouldn’t take longer than a four-year-old to believe a person who’s saying, “No, dear. I know you want it and I understand that this is frustrating for you, but I said no.”

And that is that. Unless, of course, it was the Speedo that turned her off. It has been known to happen.

Love,

Andrea

Got a question? Email Andrea at andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

alt.sex.column: The fandango

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Dear Andrea:

I am a 38-year-old man who doesn’t have regular sexual partners (basically my whole life) and as a result am a chronic masturbator. Unfortunately, it seems lately when I am in a sexual situation I turn into a minute-man and come within seconds after sexual contact. Never mind intercourse, I’m talking about getting a blow job and shooting my load before my partner even has a chance to gag on my shaft.

What can one do to increase stamina after training one’s self to ejaculate so quickly (meaning I stopped doing 30-minute jack-off sessions in favor of watching a five- or 10 minute porn scene)?

Love,

Minute Man

Dear Man:

I am trying to answer your question, I really am. First, though, I have to stop hating you. This may prove difficult (OK, “hate” may be a bit heavy). Do you think it may have something to do with your phrase “shooting my load before my partner even has a chance to gag on my shaft?” I do! Even the phrases “squeezing one out” and “shooting my load” are vaguely nauseating, but “gag on my shaft” can trigger my gag reflex from here, at what I hope is a considerable distance.

I feel better now. You, I imagine, feel worse, but that cannot be helped. Now, what’s going on with you, and what can we do about it? You probably put your own finger on it when you referred to “training yourself.” It is indeed common, for men (boys, usually) to train themselves to achieve orgasms efficiently, as opposed to pleasurably, and certainly as opposed to pleasurably for any other person who might happen to find her (or him-) self involved. This usually proves regrettable — even solo artists might find themselves wishing for a little more endurance eventually — but is handy if you’re still living at home or had better finish before the roommate gets back.

Are the effects of such a training regimen reversible? Sure. It’s not easy, but you could get a book (the gold standard is still Bernie Zilbergeld’s The New Male Sexuality) or some DVDs, or pull some “how to last longer” videos off the Web.

These are multistep processes, often meant for couples but adaptable to one-on-one practices. “Couples” in this context means people who know each other, so you probably won’t be able to do it with whatever women those are who are consenting to gag on your shaft now and then.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. I think that, yes, you have trained yourself, and yes, the absence of a long-term partner doesn’t help. I do need to ask if you’re doing anything with or to your partners besides receiving their attentions. Attending to a lady’s needs is one of the best strategies for delaying your own gratification I can think of. Everybody wins. If, however, you are paying these gaggers, I feel moved to point out that to them, at least, premature ejaculation (especially during blow jobs, which are hard work) is no sin.

Love,

Andrea

 

Got a question? Email Andrea at andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com