In the age of downloadable singles and quick-click clips, UnderCover Presents’ series of one-whole-album-with-one-live-show pairings values the full record experience. The quarterly event is an inspired mashup comprised almost entirely of Bay Area-based musicians, with each band performing just one reinterpreted song off a classic album. Thus far, there have been shows at Coda (now Brick and Mortar Music Hall), Public Works, the Rickshaw Stop, and the Independent; full nights spent luxuriating in every crevice and groove of the Velvet Underground’s Velvet Underground and Nico, the Pixie’s Doolittle, Nick Drake’s Pink Moon, and Black Sabbath’s Paranoid. To complete the sparkling tribute experience, a pre-recorded album of all the covers is doled out at each performance, to be played in its entirety beyond those singular shows.
Live
Best of the Bay 2012: BEST POP-UP RIVER OF LIQUOR
BEST POP-UP RIVER OF LIQUOR
The Bon Vivants cocktail crew — Scott Baird, Josh Harris, Jason Henton — is a local treasure, throwing some of the coolest, most innovative parties around. They’ve also created winning cocktail menus, like the one at Berkeley’s new Comal, while working on their long-awaited Mission bar Trick Dog. But till then, tipsy transients can catch them at their more fleeting establishment, the Rio Grande Bar. What started as part of A Temporary Offering — the intriguing rotating pop-up project that inhabits the entire ground floor of the Renoir Hotel — may soon (we hope) become a permanent destination. Or it could morph into roving gypsy bar. Evoking a funky border-town roadhouse as Quentin Tarantino might interpret it, the bar is already a cute-kitschy go-to for cocktailians in the know. There, tequila, mezcal, whiskey, and beer (in cans) flow. No drink menu is needed: talented bar staff create bracing beverages based on your mood. Or simply opt for a Dos Equis while grooving to live bands on the mini stage, beneath shrines to 1970s adult film star Vanessa del Rio and the Virgin of Guadalupe.
1108 Market, SF. www.bonvivants-sf.com
Best of the Bay 2012: BEST CLAWS FOR CELEBRATION
BEST CLAWS FOR CELEBRATION
It is ridiculous that we are about to register a wee bit of complaint regarding the Bay’s incredible surplus of native seafood — we could happily live on Tomales Bay oysters, Dungeness crab, and all those other tasty species one finds stewing in our hot pots of cioppino. And yet … we do miss a nice fresh lobster to go with our bubbly on special occasions, or some genuine surf to pair with our turf when we’re feeling old-school romantic-fancy. That’s when we head to our secret Maine-line to East Coast crustacean bliss, New England Lobster Company in South San Francisco, which offers not just succulent, flown-in pinchers both live and frozen, but steamers, scallops, mussels, clams, and many other treasures of the briny deep. And hey, what do you know, you can score some good ol’ Dungeness here, too. Don’t miss the super-delish lobster rolls from the lunchtime food truck in the parking lot, either. (Motto: “We’re on a roll!” LOL.) Time to get cracking.
170 Mitchell Ave., (650) 873-9000, www.newenglandlobster.net
Best of the Bay 2012: BEST GEMÜTLICHKEIT
BEST GEMÜTLICHKEIT
Mention Speisekammer Restaurant to islanders who know, and you’ll get an instant flash of that gemütlichkeit, or cheery coziness, the spot is renown for. They’ll bend your earbone raving about the dishes served up under the ownership of former Cafe du Nord honcho Cindy Johnson-Kohl: the succulent sauerbraten served with a side of red cabbage and spätzle, the cabbage rolls, the potato pancakes with house-made apple compote — or for the unrepentant carnivores in the fam, the Gegrillte Fleischplatte, a family-style grilled meat platter spilling over with sausages. It’s the lip-smacking stuff of liebling’s dreams — and it’s all begging to be washed down with a selection from the expansive drink list, and accompanied by live music from locals like the Frisky Frolics jazz cats, and Cali country outfit Kit and the Branded Men.
2424 Lincoln, Alameda. (510) 522-1300, www.speisekammer.com
Best of the Bay 2012: BEST ALL-AMERICAN CONFECTIONARY OVERLOAD
BEST ALL-AMERICAN CONFECTIONARY OVERLOAD
What’s more American than apple pie? We’re of the informal opinion that it’s milkshakes, and no, we’re not being paid by the American Dairy Association to say that. Imagine our glee, then, when the quietly unassuming Chile Pies opened up and — in addition to tasty treats such as empanada-like tamale hand pies and green chile pot pies with cheddar cheese crusts — an extravagant decadence known as Chile Pies’ pie milkshake also made it onto the menu. That’s right. It’s pie. And milkshake. Any pie you want and any flavor of Three Twin’s truly superior ice cream, served in a generous glass mug and topped with a billowing drift of whipped cream. Share it with a loved one to prevent instant coronary arrest, or live dangerously and gobble down a whole one yourself. You’ll never look at pie à la mode with quite the same dotage, guaranteed.
601 Baker, SF. (415) 614-9411; 314 Church, SF. (415) 431-9411, www.chilepies.com
Best of the Bay 2012: BEST SQUEAKY-CLEAN QUEENDOM
BEST SQUEAKY-CLEAN QUEENDOM
Just as though it were real hamlet, Norge Laundry and Cleaning Village is guarded by two watchful matriarchs. The funky pair of female sovereigns, Lorene Howard and Genny Bruggen, have owned Norge for eight years, and recently started hosting live concerts for their people. Frequently delighting the masses are endearing glam rockers the Clarences, who set a joyful tone with Bowie face paint and handfuls of glitter confetti. They alternate with various singer-songwriters and one-man bands that defy categorization. Howard brags that Norge has the “hottest dryers in town,” but more importantly, she and Bruggen are the warmest proprietors you’re likely to find. Added bonus: get on a regular cleaning schedules and the ladies will pass you life advice, and even switch your load from washer to dryer if they find you a welcome addition to the fabric of their lives.
3908 Grand, Oakl. (510) 653-3435
Best of the Bay 2012: BEST VINTAGE MEGAVAULT
It is no secret that San Francisco has thrifting issues. Due to the admirable commitment to cheaply bought fashion (and high incidence of broke, under-employed drag queens), most of our used clothing stores are heavily picked over — or well-curated, with ghastly price tags to match. Those sick of fighting could do worse than steer their Zipcars north. In Sebastopol sits Aubergine, a high-ceilinged mega-vault stuffed with vintage slips, half-bustiers — clearly geared toward the Burning Man strumpet — menswear, and the occasional accessibly priced Insane Clown Posse T-shirt. Racks on racks on racks on racks — and if you need a break from bargain browsing, you’re in luck. The shop has its own cafe and full bar, where many nights you’ll find live music from gypsy dance to jazz drumming.
755 Petaluma, Sebastopol. (707) 827-3460, www.aubergineafterdark.com
Best of the Bay 2012 Editors Picks: Shopping
Best of the Bay 2011 Editors Picks: Shopping
BEST CHARGE AHEAD
Though electric bikes far outnumber cars in communities from China‘s crowded cities to mountainous towns in the Swiss Alps, they have yet to catch on here in the States. Regardless of the reason, and despite SF’s hilly terrain — quite possibly the perfect venue for the bikes’ charms — the owners of New Wheel make this list for sheer entrepreneurial derring-do. Karen and Brett Thurber went ahead and opened the city’s first e-bike-focused store, where they also do repair, hawk sleek Euro-designed accessories, and host the neighborhood’s first e-bike charging station. The station, designed as a gas pump from that not-so-distant era when we needed to drive cars to work (we are writing you from the future), also charges cell phones, digital cameras, and more — quite the charge for the Bernal Heights community.
420 Cortland, SF. (415) 524-7362, www.newwheel.net
BEST FRESH PREP

Guardian photo by Brittany M. Powell
Holy Vampire Weekend, Kanye — no need to waste your time drooling over the archives of Street Etiquette, the sharpest neo-preppy style blog of our time. Fulfill your up-to-the-minute Ivy League-ish yearnings (with a dash of street-level snazz) at Asmbly Hall, the Fillmore men’s and women’s clothing shop for the sophisticated prepster. The natty clothes aren’t priced too outrageously (button-down shirts are around $80), and familiar classics are tweaked with unique elements like scalloped collars and stripy inseams. Husband-wife owners Ron and Tricia Benitez have reworked an old mattress store into an absolutely lovely space with brick walls and blond wood floors. Here’s where you’ll score that funky two-tone cardigan, irreplaceable Macarthur shirt, or dreamy summer beach dress. You’ll have to supply your own air of undergrad gravitas.
1850 Fillmore, SF. (415) 567-5953, www.asmblyhall.com
BEST SHUTTERBUG SECRET
Hidden in a corner of the beloved Rooky Ricardo’s Records store is the domain of Glass Key Photo owner and photography enthusiast Matt Osborne. From a funky wedge of floor space, Osborne offers a top-notch, well-edited, and cheap selection of cameras, film, and darkroom gear. Much of his treasure is stored in an old-school refrigerator case, making for an appealingly bizarre shopping experience. Customers thirsty for hard-to-find photographic gear should check out Glass Key before the bigger-name stores — even if the refrigerator doesn’t hold the key to your photographic fantasies, Osborne is happy to special order what he doesn’t have. He also earns rave reviews for his camera repair skills, and sells root beer to thirsty shutterbugs.
448 Haight, SF. (415) 829-9946, www.glasskeyphoto.com
BEST VINTAGE MEGAVAULT
It is no secret that San Francisco has thrifting issues. Due to the admirable commitment to cheaply bought fashion (and high incidence of broke, under-employed drag queens), most of our used clothing stores are heavily picked over — or well-curated, with ghastly price tags to match. Those sick of fighting could do worse than steer their Zipcars north. In Sebastopol sits Aubergine, a high-ceilinged mega-vault stuffed with vintage slips, half-bustiers — clearly geared toward the Burning Man strumpet — menswear, and the occasional accessibly priced Insane Clown Posse T-shirt. Racks on racks on racks on racks — and if you need a break from bargain browsing, you’re in luck. The shop has its own cafe and full bar, where many nights you’ll find live music from gypsy dance to jazz drumming.
755 Petaluma, Sebastopol. (707) 827-3460, www.aubergineafterdark.com
BEST BLEMISH-VANISHING BOTANICS
The charming, chatty cashiers at the Benedetta Skin Care kiosk in the Ferry Building have clear, shiny skin, but it’s not due to the local produce from the farmers market outside. Based in the Petaluma, Benedetta offers organic, botanics-based, sustainably packaged products that actually work. Take a tip from your freshly scrubbed lotion sellers: rather than loofah-ing your skin to a pulp with packaged peroxides that — let’s face it — sound kind of scary when you actually read the fine print, refresh with the line’s perfectly moist Crème Cleanser that leaves skin smelling like a mixture of rosemary and geranium. From anti-aging creams to deodorants and moisturizing mist sprays, this small company offers treats for all skin types — perfect for popping in next to your small-producer cheese wheels and grass-fed charcuterie.
1 Ferry Building, SF. (415) 263-8910, www.benedetta.com
BEST TOME TRADE
Interested in perpetuating a bibliophilic mythos among your houseguests? Turned on by the image of sitting quietly by a roaring fireplace, sipping a brandy, and reading Kafka amid towers of dusty tomes? Well, the Bay Area Free Book Exchange has those tomes for you to own. Since its opening in 2009, the Exchange has given away more than 245,000 free books for the sole joy of making knowledge accessible in book form. The nonprofit is run by a collection of book-lovers in El Cerrito who sell some of the donated volumes on eBay in order to pay rent, electricity, and other expenses. The rest of the stories, however, make their way to the Exchange’s storefront, where every weekend customers are invited to take up to 200 titles at once. Stock your bathroom with freaky medical guides? Actually read the books you snap up? We’ll let you work out the ethics on your own.
10520 San Pablo, El Cerrito. (510) 705-1200, www.bayareafreebookexchange.com
BEST INDIE KITCHEN MENAGERIE

Guardian photo by Godofredo Vasquez/SF Newspaper Co.
It can be hard to beat the sheer variety offered by your Ikeas and Bed Bath & Beyonds when it comes to fresh new flatware or an upgrade on your trusty college-era rice cooker. Lucky for local business fans (which we assume you are if you’re this deep into our Best of the Bay issue), there’s a little-guy alternative: Clement Street’s Kamei Restaurant Supply. Kamei has dishes for every occasion: light blue earthenware plates with fetching designs of cherry blossom trees, coffee mugs shaped like barn owls and kitty cats, tea sets, sake sets, and every cooking utensil a chef could desire — plus paper umbrellas with koi fish prints and flip-flops. Maybe ‘cuz with all the savings you’ll spot in Kamei, you’ll be able to afford more beach trips.
525 Clement, SF. (415) 666-3699
BEST CUMMUNITY CENTER

Guardian photo by Amber Schadewald
Nenna Joiner’s done a number on us. In a Bay Area full of superlative sex shops, her Feelmore510 — which opened a year and a half ago — has run away with our sex-positive souls. What makes her business stand out? It could be her rainbow of pornos (Joiner herself makes skin flicks that have an emphasis on racial, sexual, and body-type diversity) or, it could be the pretty store design, with erotic art displayed in the shop’s plate-glass windows. You’ll often find Joiner at her store as late as 1:30am: besides outfitting her customers with stimulating gear, she hosts in-store sex ed lectures and movie screenings. “Sex is a basic need for survival,” she told the Guardian in an interview earlier this year. We agree, and that’s why Feelmore510’s a new East Bay necessity.
1703 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 891-0199, www.feelmore510.com
BEST AU NATUREL FOR OENOPHILES
Much of the wine we drink is stuffed full of chemical preservatives. Purists like wine critic Alice Feiring have raised a hue and cry over the industry’s reluctance to force producers to label these ingredients. We have to give it up to a little shop off of Polk Street for supporting the so-called “natural wine” movement which encourages additive-free imbibement. Biondivino is charming enough in its own right: library-style shelves full of luscious Italian pours, among which proprietor Ceri Smith has made sure to include many natural wines. And because these bottles tend to be produced by small scale vineyards, Biodivino helps support the little guys, too. Sure, sometimes all you can spring for is a bottle of three-buck Chuck (natural wines can be pricey) — but props to Smith for giving consumers the choice.
1415 Green, SF. (415) 673-2320, www.biondivino.com
BEST DIY PANDA BAIT
“If just owning a bamboo bike was the end goal, we’d just build them for you,” said Justin Aguinaldo in a Guardian interview back in February. “For us, it’s about empowering more people and providing them with the value of creating your own thing.” Aguinaldo’s Tenderloin DIY cycling hub Bamboo Bike Studio doesn’t just produce two-wheeled steeds whose frames are made of easily-regenerated natural materials — it teaches you useful bike-making skills so that you can be the master of your own self-powered transportation destiny. Buy your bike parts (kits start at $459), and then get yourself to tinkering. After a weekend-long session with Bamboo Bike Studio’s expert bike makers, you’ll have a ride that’s ready for the hurly-burly city streets.
982 Post, SF. www.bamboobikestudio.com
BEST LITERARY VALHALLA
For lovers of esoteric literature, 2141 Mission is a dream come true. The unassuming storefront (the building’s ground floor is occupied by the standard hodgepodge of Mission District discount stores) belies a cluster of alternative bookstores on its upper levels. Valhalla Books is flush with titles in their debut printing; Libros Latinos holds exactly that; lovers of law history will find their joy in the aisles of Meyer Boswell; and the building’s largest shop, Bolerium Books, holds records of radical history — volumes and magazines that together form a fascinating look at the gay rights, civil rights, labor, and feminist movements (and more!). Most visitors make the pilgrimage with something specific in mind, but walk-ins are welcome as long as they have a love of the printed page.
Bolerium Books, No. 300. (415) 863-6353, www.bolerium.com; Libros Latinos, No. 301. (415) 793-8423, www.libroslatinos.com; Meyer Boswell, No. 302. (415) 255-6400, www.meyerbos.com; Valhalla Books, No. 202. (415) 863-9250
BEST EXQUISITE ADZES
Some chefs drool over the copper pots at posh cooking stores. Artists lovingly caress the sable brushes in painting shops. But what aspirational retail options exist for the you, the craftsman? Home Despot? Perish the thought! Luckily, your days of retail resentment are over. At the Japan Woodworker, you can fondle high-end power tools to deplete your paycheck, plus tools hand-made in traditional Japanese style — like pull saws, chisels, and adzes — which are not only beautiful, but quite affordable. If you’re the type of person who savors doing things the slow way, the tools found here will do much to imbue your projects with love and care. And if you’re not, perhaps it’s time you paid a little more attention to detail — a very Japanese value, indeed.
1731 Clement, Alameda. (510) 521-1810, www.japanwoodworker.com
BEST BUSHELS OF BUDS
Ever rolled your eyes at the endless articles on flower arranging found in home magazines — as if you had the money or the time? Then you might be due for a visit to the San Francisco Flower Mart. The SoMa gem sells cut flowers of every description at wholesale prices, making it the perfect playground for those looking to get plenty of practice, per-penny, poking stems into vases. And if your Martha Stewart moment doesn’t seem imminent, there are plenty of other fixin’s — giant glass balls, decorative podiums, fish tanks, driftwood, grosgrain ribbons, flamingo-themed party supplies — to rifle through. It’s the perfect place to while away your lunch break: it smells great, and it even has a perky little cafe to caffeinate your midday visit.
640 Brannan, SF. (415) 392-7944, www.sfflmart.com
BEST NEIGHBORHOOD FIXTURES

Photo by Godofredo Vasquez/SF Newspaper Co.
Hey, you with the dreams of a better bathroom! There’s no need to put up any longer with that cracked toilet bowl, that faulty faucet, that perma-grody bathtub, or that shower head that suddenly switches into “destroy” mode at the worst possible moment (i.e. right in the middle of herbal-rinsing your long, lustrous hair). Head down — or direct your responsible landlord down — to the cluster of independent home supply stores at the intersection of Bayshore Avenue and Industrial Street in Bayview-Hunter’s Point. There you’ll find K H Plumbing Supplies, a huge family-owned and operated bathroom and kitchen store with everything you need to fulfill your new fixture fantasies. The staff is extra-friendly and can gently guide you toward affordable options in better-known name brands. Even if you have only a vague idea as to which of the thousand bath spouts will reflect your unique personality, they’ll find something for you to gush over.
2272 Shafter, SF. (415) 970-9718
BEST GET LIT
Back in college, you probably had that friend who dressed up as a Christmas tree on Halloween and had to dance near a wall outlet all night so he could stay plugged in. Or … maybe you didn’t. Either way, costumes that light up are no longer just for burner freaks and shortsighted frat bays. With a little help from Cool Neon, anyone can get lit in an affordable el-wire wrapped masterpiece of their own creation. Wanna cover your car with LEDs? This place can do it. Creative signage for your business? No problem for these neon gods. And even if you’re just missing the sparkly, lit-up streets of the holiday season, Cool Neon can oblige: its Mandela Parkway façade is a light show in itself.
1433 Mandela, Oakl. (510) 547-5878, www.coolneon.com
BEST ART SQUAWK
Sure, on any given Sunday the Rare Bird is flush with vintage duds for guys and gals, antique cameras, birdhouses, jewelry, and trinkets. But for all you birds looking to truly find your flock, fly in to this fresh store on third Thursdays during the Piedmont Avenue Art Walk. Rare Bird proprietress Erica Skone-Reese hatched the event a year ago, and has chaired the art walk committee ever since, giving all those art-walk lovers who Murmur, Stroll, and Hop (all names of Bay Area art walks, for the uninitiated) a place to home in between first Fridays. Can’t make it when the Ave.’s abuzz? No worries. Rare Bird curates an always-changing list of featured artisans — like Featherluxe, who’ll fulfill your vegan feather-extension needs should you have them — and recently began offering classes in all art forms trendy and hipster, from terrarium making to silhouette portraiture.
3883 Piedmont, Oakl. (510) 653-2473, www.therarebird.com
BEST PLACE TO STASH YOUR NERDS
Got nerdy friends you just can’t understand? Feel bad asking them to explain, for the tenth time, the difference between RPG, GMT, MMP, and D&D? WOW them with a trip to Endgame. Not only will they find others who speak their language, but — because they can spend hours browsing board games, card games, toys, and trinkets — you’ll have them out of your hair … at least until you can look up what the heck they’re talking about on Urban Dictionary. Add an always-open game room, plus swapmeets, mini-cons, and an online forum, to equal more nerd-free hours than you can shake a pack of Magic Cards at. Just be careful you don’t find yourself lonely, having lost your dweeby mates to Endgame’s undeniable charms. Or worse: venture in to drag them out and risk being won over, yourself.
921 Washington, Oakl. (510) 465-3637, www.endgameoakland.com
BEST KNOBS OF GLAMOUR
In addition to being part of a string of friendly neighborhood hardware stores, Belmont Hardware‘s Potrero Hill showroom brims unexpectedly with rooms of fancy doorknobs, created by the companies who design modern-day fittings for the likes of the White House and the Smithsonian. A gold-plated door handle with an engraving of the Sun King? A faucet set featuring two crystal birds with out-stretched wings, vigilantly regulating your hot and cold streams of water? It’s all at Belmont Hardware. With a broad range of prices (you can still go to them for $10 quick-fix drawer knobs and locks, don’t worry) and an even broader scope of products, Belmont represents a world where hardware can inspire — check out the local chain’s four other locations for more ways to bring the glory home.
Various Bay Area locations. www.belmonthardware.com
BEST ONE-UP ON INSTAGRAM
The square aspect ratio and grainy filters of everyone’s favorite $1 billion photography app turn perfectly good shots crappy-cool with the swipe of a finger, allowing smart phone users everywhere to take photos way back. But to take photos way, way back, you have to be in the Mission for a tintype portrait at Photobooth. These old-timey sheet-steel images were once popular at carnivals and fairs; even after wet plate photography became obsolete, tintypes were deemed charmingly nostalgic — a sort of prescient irony that pre-dated hipsterism yet neatly anticipated it. Perhaps that same appreciative irony applied to the tintype’s tendency — due to long exposure time — to make subjects look vaguely, yet somehow quaintly, sociopathic. Or, as the Photobooth website delicately puts it, “Traditionally, tintypes recorded the intensity of the individual personality.”
1193 Valencia, SF. (415) 824-1248, www.photoboothsf.com
BEST REALITY TV-STYLE SCORES
Gold Rush Alaska? Deadliest Roads? Swamp Life? Though you love ’em, it’s hard to apply what you’ve learned during those late-night trashy-television-and-junk-food binges. But fans of Storage Wars and American Pickers, rejoice! At the Santa Cruz Flea Market, you’ll meet folks who locker for a living and travel hours to sell their scores — everything from fur coats to antique fuel tanks. Pick through yourself to see what invaluable treasures turn up: belt-driven two-seater motorcycle? Check. Handmade blown glass, Civil War memorabilia, bootlegger’s copper still? Check, check, check. Come for the farm-fresh produce, aisles of leather boots, plastic whosee-whatsits and electronics of dubious provenance, or, if Man Versus Food is more your style, challenge a massive stuffed baked potato or shrimp ceviche tostada.
Fridays, 7am; Saturdays, 6am; Sundays, 5:30am; $1-$2.50. 2260 Soquel, Santa Cruz. (831) 462-4442, www.scgoodwill.org
BEST HOGWARTS GREENHOUSE FOR MUGGLES
They may not scream when you uproot them or ensnare you with insidious vineage, but the exceptional succulents, epiphytes, and bromeliads at Crimson Horticultural Rarities will certainly tickle your fancy — in a perfectly harmless way. Find everything necessary to cook up an enchanted garden or adorn your dorm room (four-poster bed not included) in singular style. Proprietresses Leigh Oakies and Allison Futeral indulge your desires with oddities ranging from the elegant to the spectacular to the slightly creepy, and will even apply their botanical wherewithal to help you create a whimsical wedding. Or, if your potions kit needs restocking, Crimson can supply sufficient dried butterflies and taxidermied bird wings to oblige you. (Collected, cruelty-free, from California Academy of Sciences.)
470 49th St., Oakl. (510) 992-3519, www.crimsonhort.com
BEST POLKA PURVEYOR
Though Skylar Fell fell in love with the squeezebox via a happy exposure to the punks of the East Bay’s Accordion Plague back in the 1990s, she knows to pay homage to the masters. Fell apprenticed with master repairman Vincent J. Cirelli at his workshop in Brisbane (in business since 1946!) and at Berkeley’s now-defunct Boaz Accordions before opening Accordion Apocalypse in SoMa. The shop, which both sells and repairs, also stocks new and antique instruments in well-known brands (to accordionists, that is) Scandalli, Horner, Roland, and Gabanelli. Fell will fix you up if you bust a button on your beloved accordion, and she has made her store into a hub for lovers of the bellows — check out the website for accordion events coming up in or out of the city.
255 10th St., SF. (415) 596-5952, www.accordianapocalypse.com
BEST ILLUMINATI
Situation: You’ve just moved into a new place, only to look up and discover that the previous owner somehow Frankensteined three different desk lamps from the more aesthetically challenged end of the 1990s into a living room light fixture. It must die. Worse: Your aunt just gifted you the most generic Walmart wall sconces ever for your housewarming present, and she is coming to stay next month. Perhaps worst of all: You’ve just discovered a gorgeous 1930s pendant lamp in the basement, but it’s banged up terribly and who the heck knows if it works? Solution to everything: the wizards at Dogfork Lamp Arts, headed by owner Michael Donnelly. Services include restoring and rewiring antique lamps and light fixtures, and even reinventing ugly ones — making glowing swans of your awkward mass-market ducklings. (We discovered Dogfork’s magic at the new Local’s Corner restaurant in the Mission, where a pair of Pottery Barn lamps were transformed into wonderfully intriguing, post-steampunk sconces.) Rip out that gross track lighting and put up something unique.
199 Potrero, SF. (415) 431-6727, www.dogfork.com
BEST STYLE FOR APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL
Triple Aught Designs fills a post-North Face niche almost too-perfectly: the outdoor apparel company is locally based (it’s headquartered in the Dogpatch) and personable (the recently opened outlet in Hayes Valley offers a friendly, intimate shopping experience). It is also light-years ahead in terms of tech and design: hyper-strong micro-thin jackets and hoodies in futuristic battleground colors so styley we’d seriously consider sporting them on the dance floor, plus elbow armor and space pens that zip right past wilderness campouts and into Prometheus territory. We’re particularly enamored of the Triple Aught backpacks — these strappy beauts could have been nabbed from a boutique on Tatooine, a perfect look for riding out the coming apocalypse.
660 22nd St.; 551 Hayes, SF (415) 318-8252, www.tripleaughtdesign.com
BEST SPLASH OF GREEN

Guardian photo by Godofredo Vasquez/SF Newspaper Co.
Need a bit of gentle encouragement before you open your home to an exquisite orchid? Will it take a little nudge before carnivorous pitcher plants share space with your beloved ironic porcelain figurines? Maybe a delicate hand is called for when it comes to developing a chic terrarium habit. Michelle Reed, the owner of indoor plant paradise Roots, has no problem with all that — her gorgeous little boutique is there to help green up your apartment and let the sunshine in. Besides delectable, mood-brightening plants for your inner sanctum, the store also stocks a healthy selection of local art to elevate your interior design aesthetic, as well as a neat array of planters and supplies (we’re in love with the heart-shaped wall planters that look like little light sconces). Let your tight, high-rent space breathe a little easier with help from Roots’ little friends.
425 S. Van Ness, SF. (415) 817-1592
Best of the Bay 2012: BEST ELECTROSTATIC MEME
BEST ELECTROSTATIC MEME
Currency traders who live with epic views of the Bay Bridge have all the luck. One night, they’re sitting around taking photos through the window of their apartment, the next day their shot is everyone-and-their-mothers’ Facebook cover photo. Such was the story of Phil McGrew’s picture of eight bolts of lightning hitting the Bay Bridge from that incredible April 12 spring storm. McGrew has been taking photos as a hobby for just two years, so he could have hardly expected to capture of all four of the bridge’s towers being struck by bolts — or to capture so completely the local Internet imagination. “I showed [my girlfriend] Sherry right away,” he told the UK’s Daily Mail. “She thought it was fantastic.” You and our newsfeed both, Sherry.
Best of the Bay 2012 Editors Picks: Arts and Entertainment
Best of the Bay 2011 Editors Picks: Arts and Entertainment
BEST HEAVY METAL STITCH WIZARD

Guardian photo by Brittany M. Powell
He’s the mustachioed maniac who wields a sewing machine and an endless array of heavy metal T-shirts, creating quilts depicting claw-bearing beasties, horned skulls, and other images that wouldn’t be out of place on an Iron Maiden stage backdrop. Ben Venom (née Baumgartner), whose MFA from the San Francisco Art Institute definitely didn’t include quilting, is self-taught when it comes to pieces like his massive quilt, “See You On the Other Side,” featured in Yerba Buena Center for the Arts’ prestigious Bay Area Now 6 exhibition. He also presented work in You Should Be Living, a display of metal-inspired pieces at the Wolverhampton Art Gallery in Birmingham, England (homeland of Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Judas Priest, and Napalm Death). Venom has even whipped up a baby quilt for an infant who’ll grow up with a unique appreciation of Metallica and the Scorpions.
BEST OPEN SOURCE UTOPIA
“We’re giving tax breaks to companies that allow people to meet in a virtual space,” Erick Lyle told the Guardian prior to the opening night of Streetopia, a multidisciplinary, utopian community art festival that he, Kal Spelletich, and Chris Johanson curated. “But this event will really show the vibrancy that is right here.” In the battle to keep the second tech bubble from edging everyone else out of the city, Streetopia was proactive, asking its participants not for dire predictions, but to share images of what their utopian SF would look like. For more than a month, there were classes on civilian investigative reporting taught by working journalists, dance performances in the street, shared meals in the Tenderloin National Forest, art in empty storefronts, and much more — proof positive that a San Francisco which doesn’t require stock options of its inhabitants is still very much thinkable and alive.
BEST REASON TO DOWNLOAD THE WHOLE ALBUM
In the age of downloadable singles and quick-click clips, UnderCover Presents‘ series of one-whole-album-with-one-live-show pairings values the full record experience. The quarterly event is an inspired mashup comprised almost entirely of Bay Area-based musicians, with each band performing just one reinterpreted song off a classic album. Thus far, there have been shows at Coda (now Brick and Mortar Music Hall), Public Works, the Rickshaw Stop, and the Independent; full nights spent luxuriating in every crevice and groove of the Velvet Underground’s Velvet Underground and Nico, the Pixie’s Doolittle, Nick Drake’s Pink Moon, and Black Sabbath’s Paranoid. To complete the sparkling tribute experience, a pre-recorded album of all the covers is doled out at each performance, to be played in its entirety beyond those singular shows.
BEST MOVIE THEATER IN WHICH TO LOSE YOUR MIND
“A place beyond time, beyond space to experience movies, drinks, and cosmic reverberations.” We know this is Best of the Bay, but the Vortex Room is a contender for Best of the Galaxy. A website, a lounge, a retro-flavored rip in the space-time continuum? Yep, it is all of the above. Host with the most Scott Moffett draws from in-house Cosmic Hex Archive, which includes an online library of delicious, nearly-forgotten sleaze and genre gems (just a taste: 1976’s Soul Hustler, a.k.a. The Day the Lord Got Busted). Most films cost $3.95 to download, but are even cheaper if you become a member. For maximum magick, get thee to one of the Vortex Room’s cult-film double-features, which start up again, weekly, in August.
1082 Howard, SF. www.cosmichex.com
BEST DANCE DOMINATION

Photo courtesy of Bhangra Empire
You may not know this, but you are living in the shadows of an empire. An empire with an origin spanning three continents and stretching back to 2006. Its ruling class is composed of fierce athletes and dedicated artists who preserve a lively tradition with the concentration of tigers on the prowl — but who aren’t afraid to dress up in outrageous costumes and re-enact hilarious Bollywood movie sequences. Behold, Bhangra Empire, a dazzling entity of interlocking steps and poised limbs that performs contemporary variations on bhangra, the Punjabi harvest dance that was transformed in underground clubs in 1980s London into a vital global art form. The Bay Area, with its huge Indian population and many fans of all things subcontinental, has embraced bhangra wholeheartedly, and the Bhangra Empire troupe — our hometown representative at national bhangra dance competitions (and even at the White House) — helps keeps us all on our toes.
BEST FEMINIST RECORDING STUDIO
Ladies in the music biz deserve to be heard — weirdly, that still needs to be reiterated in 2012 — and Women’s Audio Mission is helping them get loud. The nonprofit is staunchly dedicated to “the advancement of women in music production and the recording arts.” As it notes, this is a field where women are chronically under-represented. WAM hires teachers for recording classes and has its own in-house studio, which means affordable recording time for budding female artists. Last year, the truly exciting local all-girl teenage rock ‘n’ roll band the She’s recorded their debut album at WAM, and this year the band is gaining some serious traction with radio spots. Ever grateful, the quartet behind the She’s credits WAM with realizing their dream (aww). Other clients include Kronos Quartet, Making Dinner, and Brazil’s Constantina. Here’s to a female future of recorded sound.
1890 Bryant, Suite 312, SF. (415) 558-9200. www.womensaudiomission.org
BEST AMATEUR WRESTLING HOT DAMN

Photo by Gariel Hurley
After a wild first couple of years, Oakland’s premiere way-amateur wrestling night, Hoodslam, is still flexing its muscles once a month — these days at the Oakland Metro Operahouse. Full of soap opera-worthy subplots, grudge matches, awesome costumes, awesome-er characters, a noisy metal house band, burlesque interludes, giant plushy referees, and oh, even some wrestling, Hoodslam’s signature mayhem makes us downright giddy on so many levels. Whether we’re watching a pair of zombie fighters body-slam each other into the ropes, a bondage gear-wearing gimp get tossed over them, a mafia mob throw fedoras into the ring, or a squadron of burly stoners mop it up with whoever their hapless opponents of the moment might be, we’re right there with them, climbing the ladder, and getting higher. Fuck the fans!
Oakland Metro Operahouse, 630 Third St., Oakl. (510) 763-1146, www.birdswillfall.com
BEST YOUNG ADULT HIP-HOP MISCHIEF
It is no small feat to write about suburban kids loving hip-hop without coming across as condescending or a-historic, but somehow a free-styling Minnesota-bred woman managed it. San Francisco-based author Laura Goode triumphed with Sister Mischief (Candlewick, $16.99, 367pp), a young adult novel about a gang of outsider girl friends who take on the powers of conformity at their whitebread, fundamentalist-controlled high school by forming a queer-straight hip-hop alliance (and performing their feminist lyrics for unwitting audiences). The book is hardly preachy, but does include teenage conversations about race, cultural co-optation, and sexuality — along with a scene that pretty well teaches you how to smoke weed — and is flush with curiosity, radicalism, and outright guffaws.
BEST GRAPHIC OCCUPATION
Graphic journalism isn’t really new, though given the reluctance some people have in acknowledging its legitimacy, you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s a more fringe concept than it actually is. Bay Areans are blessed with a wealth of these non-traditional journos, who document everything from a day in the life of a Mission District bartender to the gritty realities of an afternoon on Sixth Street. Susie Cagle‘s in-depth coverage of Occupy, for instance, has kept our eyeballs glued to our computer screens and Twitter feeds pretty much since the movement’s inception. Sharp, savvy, unsentimental, and blessed with an expressive pen and a keen ear, Cagle illustrates her eyewitness accounts of encampments, raids, building occupations, marches, and more with images that cut straight to the human core of the stories she gathers.
BEST GRAND DAME MAKEOVER
Culminating in a grand reopening in 2009 after 43 years of dereliction, the revitalization of Fox Theatre should serve as a model for all of the Bay Area’s beautiful rundown old movie houses. As befitting a building owned by the City of Oakland and listed on the National Registry of Historic Places, the $73 million renovation was done with an eye for detail. Myriad are the Fox’s charms: its grand old marquee; its cross-legged statues flanking the stage, regarding the audience with glowing green eyes; the ornately-molded ceiling, mosaic walls, and exceptional acoustics. The A-list talent on stage can’t help but notice the grandeur of its surroundings, and awestruck shout-outs to the theater between songs, in front of 2,800 rapt audience members, are common. Whoever’s headlining is almost beside the point when one is surrounded by such architectural beauty.
1807 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 302-2250, www.thefoxoakland.com
BEST EDIBLE PLAYLIST
We’ve heard the phrase “chefs are the new rock stars” enough to make us (s)cream. Turntable Kitchen both embodies this sentiment and finely chops it to pieces. Husband and wife duo Kasey and Matthew put together the website, with occasional help from a drop-by musician or chef. A typical visitor might stop by the Turntable Kitchen to hear “three belly-burning covers of the Clash’s ‘Guns of Brixton'” in the Served Three Ways feature, or to get the ingredients for the perfect asparagus frittata in the recipe index — musically paired to Field Music, thanks to the dishes’ festive and delicate notes. Or maybe they’ll sign up for the popular Pairings Box, which arrives each month with recipes, dry ingredients, and a limited-edition vinyl seven-inch single meant to match the mood of the meal inside.
BEST ART PARKING
On an otherwise nondescript block in SOMA, there is a door painted come-hither red. Don’t be shy, grab that knob! Inside you’ll find God knows what: dance, theater, performance art — it’s something different almost every night. And as bonus, if you come away confused or disgusted from this churning artists’ incubator, you’re only out a few bucks. The Garage has been around since Joe Landini opened shop in a storefront around the corner from his current location. Landini’s mission was to create a safe house for artists, a place to try anything. It has made the venue, with its programming, residencies, and workshop performances, appealing to local art-makers and adventurous audiences alike.
715 Bryant, SF. (415) 518-1517, www.975howard.com
BEST FRESH TROUT
Recent SFSU Theatre Arts grad Megan Trout might be relatively new to the Bay theater scene, but we’ve had our eyes on this rising young star since she burst out with the 11th Hour Ensemble’s first devised-theater piece Alice in 2010. Fearless, versatile, and dynamic, endowed with crack comic timing and equally enviable dramatic chops, Trout has swum in the weird and wonderful waters of the Aurora Theatre’s Metamorphosis, Symmetry Theatre Company’s Patience Worth, Megan Cohen’s A Three Little Dumplings Adventure parts one and two, Boxcar Theatre’s Buried Child, and A Lie of the Mind (to name but a few), while continuing to create new intensely physical theater works with the 11th Hour Ensemble, of which she is a co-founder. We honestly have no idea what play or theater space she’ll turn up in next — but we’re definitely looking forward to it. You should be too.
BEST MARIACHISTAS

Photo courtesy of Mariachi Femenil Orgullo Mexicano
Those of you who are familiar with such things will know one rarely sees a female mariachi musician. Rarely, but not never: introducing Mariachi Feminil Orgullo Mexicano. The 10-person troupe boasts full string, brass, and rhythm sections, and every member is a woman. Feminine force like this — wrapped in electric blue, floor-length skirted uniforms edged in stunning silver trim — isn’t something you see every day at your favorite restaurante. Established in 2007, the education-minded troupe was the first XX-chromosomed group of its kind in the Bay Area. Since then, it’s been winning over audiences with its plaintive, powerful renditions of Mexican classics and new favorites.
BEST USE OF CLASSIC FILM FOOTAGE IN A RAP MUSIC VIDEO
Car chases don’t get much better than the scenes of Steve McQueen speeding through San Francisco in Bullitt (1968). Given the driving, heart-pounding beat and casual-cool flow of San Jose rapper Antwon’s “Helicopter” music video — the track’s off the Fantasy Beds mixtape — it made perfect cinematic sense for director Brandon Tauszik to match the song with quick vintage clips of the classic flick. The resulting three-minute video dips between those intense McQueen thousand-yard stares as cars lunge over notoriously steep hills in a washed out Technicolor haze, spliced with modern next-big-thing Bay Area hip-hop producers (Antwon, MondreMAN, and Squadda B of Main Attrakionz) and their undeniably attractive pals, wandering their neighborhoods, chilling on porches, and pouring spicy Sriracha over hearty breakfasts. “Fuck ’em all/that’s my new motto” Antwon raps as the beat steadies and scenes flash by — a thrilling compliment to the classic footage, given the film’s original jazz score.
BEST PUNK PUSHERS
Shop, record label, small concert purveyor — Oakland’s 1-2-3-4 Go! Records is a multi-use punk haven, selling rare and highly desirable underground vinyl, releasing albums by noisy locals, and hosting roaming growlers in an intimate setting. Like its down-south contemporary, indie-music haven Burger Records, 1-2-3-4 Go! harks back to the days of dusty record shops acting as all-purpose hangouts, and doing it well. The site has hosted all-ages shows by Australia’s Royal Headache, Audacity (a Burger Records favorite), and locals Uzi Rash, Apache, and Street Eaters. The label has released vinyl by East Bay garage messiahs Shannon & the Clams, King Lollipop, and the Sandwitches, among others. And the cozy store has welcomed scads of eager rock ‘n’ roll fans from throughout the Bay, with open denim jacket-clad arms.
423 40th St., Oakl. (510) 985-0325, www.1234gorecords.com
BEST JEDI MASTERS
A long time ago (actually every Sunday, noon-3pm) in a galaxy far, far away (in fact, Studio Gracia in SoMa) … there came a troupe of heroes to teach and uphold a masterful tradition of movement, grace, control, and oneness with a universal force. No, not yoga — think Yoda, and picture Force with a capital F. Then envision a choreography class filled with lightsaber-wielding Jedi aspirants eager to keep the Star Wars legacy alive IRL. Not that there’s any danger of that boundless franchise running out of nerd fuel, but the Golden Gate Knights, organized by Alain Bloch, certainly have a stellar thing going. Who wouldn’t want to learn the “fancy flourishes and spins, including forward and reverse spins, inverted grips, and figure eights” of lightsaber brandishment in an atmosphere so respectful of its Jedi legacy that each class begins with five minutes of meditation? You get a little exercise out of it, too — in no time, it’ll bye-bye Jabba, hello Leia.
BEST DECEPTIVELY EPHEMERAL FILM FEST
Really though, Disposable Film Festival is a misnomer. Founded in 2007, with an inaugural event at Artists’ Television Access in early 2008, DFF has since evolved into a traveling-fest juggernaut with screenings in Paris, Beijing, Brazil, Macedonia, Argentina — basically, anywhere with open-minded audiences hungering for unique short films. Here’s where the “disposable” part comes in: the films are made DIY-style, using technology of the hand-held, pocket-sized, and easily-accessible-to-everyone variety, like cell phones and webcams. And though its festival screenings are a global phenomenon, DFF also hosts workshops, panel discussions, and other events (bike-in movies!) aimed at inspiring artists — especially young folks who are just discovering the wide world of creative filmmaking beyond those 3D superheroes at the multiplex.
BEST FAIRY EXPLOSION
Once every year, right around Pride time in June, a fantastical fey Imaginarium of uninhibited queer art, dance, theater, ecology, lube-wrestling, puppy piles, porn debuts, and fearlessly naked fabulosity pops up in the old Tower Records building in the Castro. This is the fag-ulous Faetopia festival which, for one delirious week, complements the corporate-sponsored and slickly marketed Pride happenings with a burst of summer solstice fairy dust. The event comes courtesy of the Radical Faeries, those scruffy pan-sexual Pagan sprites whose naturist movement has a long history in the Bay Area, where they spread their gay-gay wings from untamed redwood groves to notorious Burning Man camps. More than 50 artists join forces to create programs — like Gay Hist-Orgy (performer Ian McKinnon’s “cruise of gay historical figures”) and Flaming Queens on Fire! (fire-dancing lessons) — that stuff some good ol’ polymorphous perversity into Pride’s polished corners. And at the very center? Faetopia’s there too, with the hippie-chill Fairy Freedom Village area within the Civic Center festival itself.
BEST TECHNO OUR WAY
In response to the onslaught of mass-produced, sugar-rush electronic sounds ruling the pop charts these days, many finer San Francisco dance floors have returned to a more underground aesthetic. This renaissance of sophisticated techno plugs into a global movement — unabashedly intelligent, yet still madly danceable. And while many fantastic local party promoters have emerged, the As You Like It crew has been on a massive tear like no other. In just two years, they have risen from a nomadic underground existence to pack larger legal venues with dozens of parties that feature uncompromising local and international talent, yet never lose that singular, slightly extra-legal vibe and attention to detail. Some of the most exciting names in dance music have passed through the Bay Area thanks to As You Like It’s dedication, helping to make our party scene an essential destination for dance fanatics. To fittingly repurpose one of the crew’s favorite adjectives: quality.
BEST YOU BETTA WORK

Photo by Anastacia Powers
Voguing — that drop-dead fabulous and seriously competitive gay African American dance-battle art form — has recently come back into the spotlight, with a new generation of club kids and art queens taking to the floor to chop, mop, drop, drag, gag, and get “cunty.” San Francisco, of course, has put its own spin on the high-attitude, limb-flinging style that originated in the ’70s in underground ballrooms on the East Coast, transforming the dance into a way to get in shape. You may not have come from the streets, but you’re going to leave Vogue and Tone with amazing thighs, honey. The wiggy workout class — Tuesdays, 7-8:30pm, at Dance Mission Theater and Thursdays, 8:30-9:45pm, at ODC Commons — is led by kicky, spinny showman Sir JoQ, a.k.a. Jocquese Whitfield. The dance has also hit the club circuit, leaping on a recent trend of retro-style dance-floor workout sessions, so be on the lookout and don’t throw shade. If all you know of vogue is that old Madonna track, it’s time to get in-shape and up-to-date.
BEST ESOTERIC GUIDEBOOK
City Notes: San Francisco will never counsel you to try the chowder bowl at Fisherman’s Wharf. Nor will it prove useful in finding the best way to walk between Chinatown and the Ferry Building. It won’t give you directions at all, for that matter. The artful wood-bound guidebook, put together by a team of Wesleyan alumni headed by Jesse Coburn, is comprised of quiet shots and histories behind 25 little-known sites in San Francisco, such as the Columbarium, Molinari-Mana Park, Mount Davidson, and the Swedenborgian Church. City Notes doesn’t spill the address beans, making it the perfect treasure hunt for the urban explorer-wanderer. The book’s covers are hand-bound to the velvety sheets within; its producers had so much fun making the finely crafted object, in fact, that they plan on putting together similar guides for other cities around the world.
BEST SUPPORT SYSTEM FOR CIRCUS FREAKS, ACOUSTIC GEEKS, AND SOLO EXHIBITIONISTS
How does Stagewerx proprietress Ty McKenzie do it? She always finds the way to a “yes” where others might jump to a “no.” In both its old location on Sutter Street and its brand-new digs on Valencia, Stagewerx has created a supportive environment par excellence for performers of every discipline, amateurs and seasoned pros alike. From ongoing performance series such as Solo Sundays and Previously Secret Information to the raucous hi-jinks of Picklewater Clown Cabaret and Circus Finelli; from Tom Sway’s low-key, lo-fi music series Underground Sound to ambitious runs of new works by companies such as PianoFight, Wily West Productions, and Foul Play, Stagewerx’s focus on helping quirky and emerging artists find a “yes” of their own is more than refreshing — it’s essential.
446 Valencia, SF. www.stagewerx.org
BEST ROCK ON SIXTH
For all the underworld grittiness ascribed to the storied block of Sixth Street between Market and Mission, you’d think the guttural yowl of punk — or at least the soothing howl of good ol’ rock and roll — would be an integral part of the roiling Sixth mix. And yet, can you believe it, there was nary a hole-in-the-wall live rock club there (or anywhere else in the mid-Market or downtown area for that matter) until RKRL, our very own CBGB, opened last year. The result of a collaboration between Club Six and the wild LowSF crew, RKRL has already hosted an onslaught of local and extra-local rabble-rousers, including the Devil’s Own, Ruleta Rusa, the Mutilators, and Animal Games. Are we back in a world where down-and-dirty downtown rock clubs still exist? Hell yes.
52 Sixth St., SF. (415) 658-5506, www.facebook.com/RKRLSF
BEST FOGOLYSTICS
Since 1989, when the troupe was founded by community leader Carlos Aceituno, Fogo Na Roupa has been taking to the streets, the stages, and the dance studios with its rhythmic, Latin-African-hip-hop fusion beats. Where might you have seen them perform? Perhaps during its be-feathered, be-dazzled promenades through SF Carnival — with as many as 200 performers in a single appearance, the group is hard to miss. If you’re feeling the fogolystics — the term the troupe has coined to describe its powerful mix of musical genres — you can add your sparkle to the mix. On Tuesdays and Saturdays they hold an open practice at Mission Cultural Center that you can jump in for just $10. Seriously, everyone is invited — the group prides itself on performers ranging from kids to senior citizens.
(510) 286-7926, www.gofogo.com
BEST ALL-AROUND GRRRL POWER
Basic bar moves and halting hip-hop steps may be what stuck with you from the dance classes of your youth, but (thankfully) today there’s a new kind of movement program that’s all about teaching confidence and power, in addition to how to rule a dancefloor. We’re talking about Grrrl Brigade. Dance Mission Theatre hosts this series of classes in hip-hop, jazz, modern, and taiko (that’s Japanese drum dancing) for nine to 18-year-old females. As they rock the courses, their leadership develops along with their dance skills. Grrrl Brigade students roar with self-esteem, thrive on collaboration, and have been known to pound away on gigantic drums, taking the stage each year in a young person’s version of The Nutcracker, and in a springtime show focusing on real-life issues the performers deal with when they’re not in the spotlight.
Dance Mission Theater, 3316 Mission, SF. www.dancemission.com
BEST BAR TO TATTOO ON YOUR BICEP

Guardian photo by Brittany M. Powell
Some may have seen the deserted stretch of Harrison Street as a business liability, but Jay Beaman and Oliver Piazza of Thieves Tavern and Dirty Thieves didn’t let the low walk-up potential dissuade them from opening Dear Mom. We’re glad. Because if they had, we’d be bereft of their expansive boozery (once the salsa club El Rincon) flush with affordable booze, a photobooth, beckoning seating areas, and a kitchen that hosts pop-up eateries hawking sushi, fried green tomato hamburgers, and everything in between. The one thing Mom needs to be an SF standard is cheapo local icon Broke Ass Stuart hawking picklebacks (whiskey shots with pickle juice chaser, duh) on Wednesday nights in his never-ending quest to pay rent. Oh wait, that actually happens.
2700 16th St., SF. (415) 625-3362
BEST ROBOT DUNGEON

Guardian photo by Brittany M. Powell
From the outside, it’s an unassuming Mission District storefront, infrequently open to the public. But inside, Area 2881 reveals a rare glimpse into the private lives of robots. Perched on miniature foot-lit pedestals, two robot slaves dance for roving audiences, their slightly jerky motions belying the complexity of their 41 meticulously designed joints. The slaves appear both vulnerable yet indestructible, humanoid yet alien, and the weird spectacle of their forced entertaining is both unsettling and strangely affecting. The rest of the room is a whirring, spinning, buzzing paroxysm of light and kinetic sculpture, ushered into this world from a parallel plane by the human hands of mild-mannered applications engineer by day, mad scientist by night, Carl Pisaturo.
2881 23rd St., SF. www.carlpisaturo.com
BEST NIGHT IN THE MUSEUM
Afterhours museum parties full of bright young things witnessing cool artistic happenings are anything but a rarity in our forward-thinking area. And really, we wouldn’t have it any other way. May we especially highlight the amazing series that is L@TE: Friday Nights at BAM/PFA? This is — probably — the only such affair at which an “electric orchestra of pickle jars accompanied by abstract lighting machines” and the occasional pop-in by Devendra Banhart are a given. The wonderfully heady and innovative social gatherings fill the Berkeley Art Museum with experiential art and music (construct rainbow prisms, listen to Negativland, deconstruct Scritti Politti records, join an avant-cabaret) and light up the Pacific Film Archives with glorious 16mm and 35mm prints of rare and recently restored films. Also: dancing! If you’ve ever dreamt of meeting a soul mate while watching 3-D animation, participating in interactive dance performances, and peeping the latest emerging local artists, you need to get L@TE.
Occasional Fridays, 5:30-9pm, $7. Berkeley Art Museum, 2626 Bancroft Way, Berk. (510) 642-0808, www.bampfa.berkeley.edu
BEST ARTS HIGH NOTE
Whether it’s the free yoga classes, creative summer art camp, or Saturday afternoon alfresco concerts, the Bayview Opera House‘s offerings are as vibrant and active as they were when the building was built in 1888 (maybe more so? The Guardian wasn’t around back then). The historic landmark community center supports the still-diverse neighborhood of Bayview-Hunters Point, hosting awesome fundraisers like Black Men Can Cook and Mendell Plaza Presents, a 12-week concert series that transforms a little triangle of pavement into a full-on dance floor featuring local neighborhood musicians — not to mention domino tables and BBQ — alongside a community garden filled with vibrant veggies. Kids from the 100% College Prep Club make up much of the musical talent. Here’s to 125 more amazing years.
4705 Third St., SF. (415) 824-0386, www.bvoh.org
Perspective and proportion
steve@sfbg.com
In the eyes of his critics, suspended Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi may never be able to recover from the portrayal by prosecutors and Mayor Ed Lee that he abused his wife, intimidated her with threats to use his power to take custody of their young son if they divorced, and used her and his campaign manager to try to dissuade witnesses and thwart a police investigation.
The tearful video of his wife, Venezuelan actress Eliana Lopez, displaying the bruise on her arm, and the fact that Mirkarimi pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor false-imprisonment charge in connection with the incident are all these critics need to condemn him. Indeed, it was all that Lee relied on when he suspended Mirkarimi without pay and launched unprecedented official misconduct proceedings to remove him from office.
But now that the Ethics Commission has gotten through the substance of its inquiry — and past the tedious work of creating from scratch systems and standards for gathering evidence and evaluating whether it warrants an elected official’s removal by the mayor — the testimony has told a very different story of what really happened.
Accusations of witness dissuasion (which had been one of three original criminal charges Mirkarimi faced before agreeing to a lesser plea deal) and abusing his official position haven’t been supported by any direct evidence or testimony, and as the hearings wore on, Deputy City Attorneys Peter Keith and Sherri Kaiser were looking increasingly vindictive as they fruitlessly pursued those angles with witnesses who seemed credible.
There is also no direct evidence that the abuse was anything more than a moment of frustration and bad judgment at noontime on Dec. 31, when Mirkarimi grabbed Lopez’s arm as she tried to walk away from their heated argument about divorce child custody, and she yanked it away, eight days before his swearing in as sheriff.
Whether that incident and its aftermath meets the City Charter’s broad and untested definition of official misconduct — including “conduct that falls below the standard of decency, good faith and right action impliedly required of all public officials” — will be up to the interpretation of the Ethics Commission, which has now accepted all the evidence that it has deemed relevant and credible. All that remains is the fight over its “finding of fact” at an Aug. 16 hearing and its subsequent recommendation to the Board of Supervisors, which could begin considering the matter in September.
There won’t be an inquiry into whether Mayor Lee committed perjury on June 29, as outside witnesses said he did on two separate issues. The commission July 19 rejected the argument by Mirkarimi’s attorneys that Lee’s alleged lies under oath would cast doubt over his reasons for launching these unprecedented proceedings and the discretionary judgment he exercised. Commissioners decided that was a tangential issue.
In the final hour of the commission’s laborious work in whittling down the voluminous evidence that the city has presented in this case — which both sides and the commission openly acknowledge will likely be considered by the courts as well as the board — it also made deep cuts into the written testimony of attorney Nancy Lemon, a domestic violence expert who drew damning conclusions about Mirkarimi based on how “batterers” typically behave.
That’s been a big part of the city’s case, reducing Mirkarimi down to a two-dimensional batterer whose every action can be predicted by that distinction, from the manner in which he relinquished his weapons to police to the reasons why Lopez has resisted cooperating with efforts to charge her husband with crimes and remove him from office.
Lemon’s testimony was based almost solely on second-hand descriptions of life in the Mirkarimi household in a 22-page written declaration by neighbor Ivory Madison, who was also the only witness that Lee said he spoke to before removing Mirkarimi from office. But most of Madison’s incredible and fantastical narrative — which painted Mirkarimi as a monster who repeatedly abused Lopez and their son and controlled every aspect of their domestic life, right down to what and whether they ate — had already been discredited and disallowed by skeptical commissioners in June.
“I was disappointed by the content of Ivory Madison’s declaration. A first-year lawyer should know that much of it is inadmissible and it should not have been given to us,” Commissioner Paul Renne told Keith in June. Renne called the declaration “clearly hearsay, clearly having the intention of poisoning the well of this hearing.”
Keith apologized and offered little resistance to much of the declaration’s removal, but the city has nonetheless continued to rely on the second-hand accounts of Madison and another neighbor, Callie Williams, in its descriptions of Mirkarimi’s conduct and the questioning of witnesses.
But that hearsay evidence and speculation was countered on July 18 and 19 with the extended cross examination of two key witnesses in the case: Lopez and Mirkarimi campaign manager Linnette Peralta Haynes, a woman with domestic violence training who Lopez reached out to on that pivotal day of Jan. 4 when Madison called the police. Each woman spent more than three grueling hours each on the stand, questioned by city attorneys and commissioners — and they painted a very different portrait of the events than Lee and Madison had.
As for Madison — having had most of her testimony stricken from the record, and with Lopez testifying about Madison’s sudden zeal for going after Mirkarimi and involving his political opponents in that process — Mirkarimi’s team decided not to call her to the stand for live cross-examination. Attorney Shepherd Kopp told reporters, “I think the neighbor’s testimony is suspect at best.”
The go-between
Haynes was central to the city’s allegation that Mirkarimi dissuaded witnesses and sought to thwart a police investigation. Phone and electronic records revealed that she communicated with both Lopez and Mirkarimi many times on Jan. 4, the day Mirkarimi learned that his wife had been confiding with neighbors about the Dec. 31 incident and that Madison had broken that confidence and called the police.
The city’s apparent theory was that Haynes acted as Mirkarimi’s agent in trying to cover up the incident and do damage control, including coaching Lopez on what to say to Madison and Williams.
But the city has never had any evidence to support its theory, and this was its first chance to question Haynes, who had been at the end of a high-risk pregnancy and resisted cooperating with the investigation.
Yet despite Kaiser and commissioners grilling Haynes for more than three hours — twice as long as she had told the commission that she would need — no smoking gun emerged. Haynes seemed calm and consistent as she described giving Lopez emotional support and probing to ensure that she wasn’t in danger. Kaiser fumbled through technical difficulties and maintained an accusatory and belittling tone even as the answers she was receiving seemed to destroy her line of questioning.
“I think the house of cards that mayor has been trying to establish about witness dissuasion was demolished by Linnette Peralta Haynes, who was absolutely credible,” Mirkarimi attorney Shepherd Kopp told reporters after the hearing.
Haynes has a background in domestic violence, undergoing a 40-hour certification training in the mid-90s when she went to work for a domestic violence center in San Mateo for almost two years, then later helping develop and teach a domestic violence curriculum for the jail in San Francisco.
She’s familiar with the Power and Control Wheel — the basis for many of Lemon’s conclusions — which indicates how physical abuse can be connected to other forms of abuse, such as emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. It was with this background and training that Haynes questioned Lopez about whether she was in danger and being abused when she got an unexpected call on the morning of Jan. 4.
“She let me know she had an argument with Ross and wanted to talk to me,” Haynes said, later answering another question by saying, “She told me she was really worried about custody issues and she was talking to a friend who was an attorney.”
That friend turned out to be Madison, who Lopez maintains had represented herself as an attorney who would keep their conversation and the video they made of her injuries confidential, to be used only in the event of a custody battle. The city has sought to cast doubt on that claim — which the court rejected in Mirkarimi’s criminal case when it admitted the video as evidence — implying that Madison was simply a concerned friend and the attorney argument was developed weeks later.
Haynes said she asked Lopez whether there had been any prior incidents of physical abuse, whether Lopez felt unsafe, and whether she had been subjected to other forms of abuse — defining each form for Lopez — and that she was told “no” to each question.
“I asked if she thought she was in danger and she said no,” Haynes said.
Later on Jan. 4, Lopez told Haynes she had made the video: “She told me a friend had helped me do a video just in case I needed it for custody issues…She did tell me that she really wanted to work on her marriage, that she wanted to make to make it work, but that just in case she wanted to make sure she got custody of Theo.”
Lopez later testified that one reason she sought out Haynes was because Madison had suddenly become aggressive in trying to convince her that she was a domestic violence victim and the incident needed to be reported to the police, and Lopez wanted to get the perspective of someone with a background in domestic violence.
“I said, I have a person telling me this, I want your opinion about it,” Lopez testified.
Around 12:30pm that day, when Madison informed Lopez that she had called the police and they were on the way, she frantically called Haynes from Madison’s house and suddenly put the two women on the phone together, which Madison and the city have characterized as a witness dissuasion effort.
Haynes said she was confused when Lopez suddenly handed the phone to Madison: “She said, ‘help me, help me, help me,’ and I’m on the phone wondering what’s going on.”
“[Madison] told me, ‘I’ve been talking to Eliana for several days and I just called the police,’” Haynes said.
Haynes said she asked Madison if she had called any domestic violence agencies or if she just called the police “and she got very agitated” — adopting a defensive tone of voice — and that reaction seemed “fishy” to Haynes.
Asked whether she tried to dissuade Madison from talking to the police, she responded, “I told her she should maybe talk to her friend about what she wants.” She said that she could hear Lopez telling Madison, “This is not what I want, this is not what I want.”
So Haynes said she tried to extricate herself from the situation: “I told her I really think you need to get off the phone, talk to Eliana, and respect her.” And the phone conversation ended with Lopez getting back on the line and telling Haynes to call Mirkarimi to let him know what was going on.
But Mirkarimi was busy and not answering his phone, prompting Haynes to text at one point that he needed to answer ‘so I can protect you.” What did she mean by that, Kaiser asked.
“My thinking was that something sounded fishy, something wasn’t right, and they need legal help,” Haynes said.
“Your focus had been on Eliana up until then?” Kaiser asked.
“My focus has always been Eliana,” Haynes responded.
Later, asked about the nature of her repeated phone conversations with Lopez, she denied helping her strategize ways to dealing with witnesses or police. “I was just providing support for her, emotional support,” Haynes said, later adding “I wanted to be present for her.”
The victim
Lopez testified that while the grabbing incident was unacceptable and serious — which she conveyed to Mirkarimi — she didn’t consider herself to be in an abusive environment or in need of outside help, except perhaps the marriage counseling she had been seeking and which Mirkarimi finally agreed to.
“An abusive environment is when those kinds of think happen every day or every week,” she said, maintaining — in the face of repeated questioning — that this was the first and only instance of physical abuse.
“At the end of the day on Dec. 31, I told him, that cannot happen, this is wrong, we need counseling,” she said. “He realized it was wrong and he took it very seriously.”
But she said that Madison went from being a supportive friend and counselor on Jan. 1 to suddenly becoming increasingly insistent that Lopez report the incident to police in the days that followed.
“She started trying to convince me to call the police in that email,” Lopez said, answering a question about a Jan. 2 message from Madison, “but that wasn’t our conversation on Jan. 1.”
Lopez said Madison’s approach got more aggressive. “She said, ‘screw him, I have a lot of friends willing to help you,’” Lopez said, noting that Madison offered her the vacant homes of rich friends and offered to bring in journalist Phil Bronstein, DA George Gascon, Attorney General Kamala Harris, and Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom to help her.
“It looked to me suspicious…She was calling Ross’ political enemies,” Lopez said.
When Lopez finally made it clear she didn’t want police involvement, Madison called the police.
“I didn’t expect that my lawyer could call the police on her own. I thought that was my decision,” Lopez said.
Keith tried to tie Lopez’s custody concerns to his status as sheriff, driving at that point with many questions. But Lopez said her concern was that California family courts would favor Mirkarimi simply because he’s an American and she’s from a country that has bad relations with the US.
“In this country, I think he’s in a better position than me,” she said. After he again tried to make it about his official position, she said, “As a sheriff, no; as an American, yes.”
She denied the claim by the city and Madison that it was Mirkarimi who sought to improperly use his position, a key element of removing him for official misconduct. Lopez said her conclusions about Mirkarimi’s advantages in a potential custody battle were the result of conversation that happened much earlier.
“That conversation happened in March 2011. He wasn’t even thinking about running for sheriff at that point,” she said, denying that Mirkarimi ever raised his official position in their custody conversations and claiming the concerns about his power were her own. “He never said that, that was my conclusion of our conversations. He never said, ‘I am a powerful man.'”
Throughout hearings, Mirkarimi’s side has enjoyed strong shows of public support, with many of his supporters wielding signs that read, “I believe Eliana” and “I support Eliana,” both in Spanish and English.
During a recess in the July 18 hearing, Mirkarimi said he appreciated the outpouring of support: “There are scores of people showing their support who think this has gone way too far.”
Best of the Bay 2012 Editors Picks: Food and Drink
BEST OF THE BAY 2012: EDITORS PICKS
Food and Drink
BEST COOKBOOK CHEFTIVIST
In this era of Paula Deen-Anthony Bourdain warfare and endless glossy spreads of chefs-cum-rockstars-without-the-rock, you are to be excused for not caring about yet-another celebrity chef writeup. But stay your cleaver. Oakland’s own Bryant Terry considers himself an activist who uses comestibles as a medium for social change, not TV dinner promotion. Terry’s beautiful, seasonally sensitive vegan cookbooks — his latest is The Inspired Vegan (Da Capo Lifelong Books, $19, 240pp) — contextualize recipes so that the connection between eating healthy and having healthy communities is clear. He also tours the country educating audiences about vegan lifestyle and cooking, with a focus on minority communities, and makes no bones about the fact that he thinks families could stand to spend more time in the kitchen together.
BEST LOCAL UNION, PINT DIVISION
Visitors to the SF Beer Week opening gala might have been surprised to find that a sizable portion of the Concourse Exhibition Center was dedicated to beer brewed right here in the Bay Area. Our beloved Anchor Steam and 21st Amendment breweries are no longer the only sudsers in town — no, not by a long shot. This expansion in local brew is part of a national trend, but local leaps may be due, in part, to the efforts of the SF Brewers Guild — an association, born in 2004, of 10 of the city’s best-loved new breweries, including Magnolia Pub and Brewery and Thirsty Bear Brewing Company. In addition to Beer Week, the group organizes a “meet the brewers” event every month, an easy entry point for those who want to take their local beer boosting past six-pack status.
BEST LAING IN THE ‘LOIN
Foodies know: if you want sit-down Filipino cuisine, head to Daly City for the densest concentration of deliciousness. Yet there’s an outlier — a humble little Tenderloin hole-in-the-wall steadily serving the real deal. Family-run Kusina Ni Tess dishes out kare-kare, a peanut sauce-based Filipino stew; picadillo, a savory mélange of ground pork, carrot, potato, and green peas; and fish in tangy, sweet-sour broth. For breakfast, savor garlic fried rice with egg and your choice of meat: try Filipino corned beef or daing na bangus (butterflied, skin-on milkfish). The staff will offer tastes to help you choose from the hearty, ultra-cheap menu — all dishes under $9 — but don’t miss the laing: taro leaves cooked in coconut milk and shrimp paste, tinged with subtle chile heat. Finish it all off with egg pie or young coconut pie.
237 Ellis, SF. (415) 351-1169
BEST BABKA, BUBBELEH

Guardian photo by Brittany M. Powell
Have you ever fantasized about eating a chocolate bar for breakfast and totally getting away with it? (Be honest now.) No need to slip a Snickers in your Corn Flakes — or even worry about dessert for a couple weeks — when you’ve got a huge, heavy, delicious babka from Wise Sons in your breadbox. Evan Bloom and Leo Beckerman’s canny tribute to traditional Jewish food made the transition from popular pop-up brunch and Ferry Plaza Farmers Market stand to perhaps too-popular brick-and-mortar deli this year. The charming old-school atmosphere and menu filled with dishes like the mouth-watering chopped liver, the addictive pastrami cheese fries, and the vibrant pickle plate are certainly worth the often considerable wait. But it’s the formidable chocolate babka, made of scrumptious dark chocolate ribboned through dense, cinnamon-flavored, brioche-like dough, that really has us missing Grandma (although perhaps she wouldn’t approve of such indulgence).
3150 24th St., SF. (415) 787-3354, www.wisesonsdeli.com
BEST RIBS IN THE ROUGH
One need only scope the location of Double D BBQ next to the decidedly unlovely International Avenue to grok that the storefront incarnation of this former food truck is as unpretentious as it is under-hyped. Credit this food-first attitude to owner Duane Orr’s blunt (but friendly) personality. Screw décor — his art is barbeque. Our favorite is his brisket sandwich: greasy, fatty, saucy chunks of meat falling out of a soft roll. Double D’s Texas-style red sauce, sold by the bottle, is sweet and tangy with a mild spice. Other menu highlights? Ribs and chicken grilled with a perfect hint of char, and creamy, peppery macaroni and cheese. Fair warning: we’ve begun to have severe Double D brisket cravings. A similar yen might lead you to cavalier disregard for aesthetic niceties.
1240 First Ave., Oakl. (510) 228-7000, www.doubledbbq.net
BEST BREW-NOS AIRES
If you’re looking for the perfect brew to pop into your Dolores Park-prepped picnic basket, look no further than the new-ish Ceveceria de Mateveza, where Mateveza’s signature ales, lagers, and IPAs brewed with that stimulating Argentinean beverage yerba mate await in a park-side brewpub location. There are ready-to-go bottles for the sunshine-inclined, but also perfect blends of stimulating mate and smooth-tasting hops on tap if you prefer to snag a pint — plus one of the joint’s sweet or savory emapanadas — and hang indoors. Just don’t let the décor fool you; the picturesque shelves of Buenos Aires paraphernalia belie the fact that real porteños would never befoul their beloved tea with beer. Thanks goodness we’re in San Francisco, where alternative couplings are a point of pride.
3801 18th St., SF. (415) 273-9295, www.ceveceriasf.com
BEST VALUE-ADDED WAFFLE
Despite regulations handed down by the city’s Medical Cannabis Task Force, which have eschewed food that can’t be stored at room temperature and have made mandatory stringent labeling guidelines to prevent kiddos from getting caught up in too-cute pot food, Bay Area medicated food producers continue to innovate. See: various trail mixes, hard ginger and cinnamon-flavored candies, and high-class chocolate. But our favorite non-traditional cannabis food item isn’t all that non-traditional … in Amsterdam. Canna Organics’ Stroop Waffle packs a punch at four doses per pair of flat waffle cones, stuck together by a chewy, sticky layer of caramel. It’s like carnival food, but meant to take you on a journey to alleviate your aches and pains, neuroses, and various other maladies.
Available at various Bay Area dispensaries
BEST SPICY CRACKER
Noe Valley’s new destination sushi bar Saru does an excellent job of revamping its closet-sized space, making it feel roomier, sleeker, and, thanks to large front windows and an elegant brown color scheme, altogether different from the previous two sushi spots occupying the same space. Any sushi bar serving “the lobster of prawns” — pristine, raw spot amaebi — is already savvy. In addition to the usual salmon and tuna offerings, adventurous eaters can try plenty of playful, unique bites prepared with care, including the wonderful “spicy cracker” — a crispy sheet of seaweed fried in tempura and topped with spicy tuna and avocado. Sushi nachos? Yes, please! Also neat: tasting spoons filled with vivid, raw fish, drizzled in elegant dressings like truffle oil. Snappy rolls satisfy while cheery service welcomes you back.
3856 24th St., SF. (415) 400-4510, www.akaisarusf.com
BEST SEASONAL SUDS
Don’t scoff at fruit beer — at least not until you’ve tried a bottle from Almanac Beer Co. Jesse Friedman and Damian Fagan make but one kind of small-batch beer a season, testing and re-tasting until they’ve hit upon the perfect produce with which to pair their bottlings. But we’re not talking coupling suggestions here. Almanac chooses an agricultural partner for each of its releases, adding to that beer’s standard mash bright harvest flavors from places like Kingsburg’s Hamada Farms, source of enviable citrus fruits, and Heirloom Organic Gardens, whose springtime fennel graces this year’s earthy Bière de Mars. Each release is limited, stamped with an eye-catching label, and let to ferment a third time in the bottle itself, lending each sip a sprightly, effervescent fizz.
BEST ALL-AMERICAN CONFECTIONARY OVERLOAD
What’s more American than apple pie? We’re of the informal opinion that it’s milkshakes, and no, we’re not being paid by the American Dairy Association to say that. Imagine our glee, then, when the quietly unassuming Chile Pies opened up and — in addition to tasty treats such as empanada-like tamale hand pies and green chile pot pies with cheddar cheese crusts — an extravagant decadence known as Chile Pies’ pie milkshake also made it onto the menu. That’s right. It’s pie. And milkshake. Any pie you want and any flavor of Three Twin’s truly superior ice cream, served in a generous glass mug and topped with a billowing drift of whipped cream. Share it with a loved one to prevent instant coronary arrest, or live dangerously and gobble down a whole one yourself. You’ll never look at pie à la mode with quite the same dotage, guaranteed.
601 Baker, SF. (415) 614-9411; 314 Church, SF. (415) 431-9411, www.chilepies.com
BEST GEMÜTLICHKEIT
Mention Speisekammer Restaurant to islanders who know, and you’ll get an instant flash of that gemütlichkeit, or cheery coziness, the spot is renown for. They’ll bend your earbone raving about the dishes served up under the ownership of former Cafe du Nord honcho Cindy Johnson-Kohl: the succulent sauerbraten served with a side of red cabbage and spätzle, the cabbage rolls, the potato pancakes with house-made apple compote — or for the unrepentant carnivores in the fam, the Gegrillte Fleischplatte, a family-style grilled meat platter spilling over with sausages. It’s the lip-smacking stuff of liebling’s dreams — and it’s all begging to be washed down with a selection from the expansive drink list, and accompanied by live music from locals like the Frisky Frolics jazz cats, and Cali country outfit Kit and the Branded Men.
2424 Lincoln, Alameda. (510) 522-1300, www.speisekammer.com
BEST IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE THAT COUNTS
Christine Doerr, the chocoholic force behind Neo Cocoa, makes truffles sans the outer hard chocolate shell. Why bother with an extra layer when you can go straight to the gooey ganache inside, capable of melting perfectly in your mouth? After all, isn’t their filling the reason why we eat truffles in the first place? That was Doerr’s thought, anyway, when she enrolled in La Cocina’s food vendor incubator program. Now she has her own personal chocolate kitchen and her amazing, ridiculously decadent chocolates can be found all over the Bay Area. Warning to all Neo newbies: these truffles are dangerously addictive!
BEST CURD CRUSADER
Cheesemaking: the process sounds intimidating, but no matter how you slice it, it’s all about caring for curds. You, the non-dairy-farming urban-dweller, can learn the mores involved in this delicate relationship via the Milk Maid, a.k.a. Louella Hill. Hill will let you taste some of the mind-blowing blue cheese she concocts in her home kitchen. But she doesn’t really want to make cheese for you, though she could. Instead, she wants to empower you to make your own wedges and wheels. She imparts lessons in classrooms, at farmers markets, even at alt-hip bachelorette party tutorials. Having studied cheese-making from the Hudson Valley to Northern Italy’s Emilia-Romagna region, the woman oozes sharp, smelly, and semi-soft expertise — you could do a lot worse than let her teach you to baby a blue.
BEST OLD SCHOOL PANINI
There are places in North Beach that are parodies of themselves: fake replicas of what someone from North Dakota might think a San Francisco Italian restaurant would look like. Too often, the meals these pretenders serve are a tepid farce. Not so with the grilled mozzarella and tomato panini from Mario’s Bohemian Cigar Store Cafe. The sandwich’s authenticity mirrors that of the small, sometimes crowded restaurant and local hangout itself, which hasn’t changed much in the three decades we’ve been going there. The menu is limited, but the food is excellent, featuring fresh ingredients simply prepared. Take the panini in question: eaten alongside a glass of red or Campari on the rocks, it makes a perfect SF lunch. A nice reminder that everything old and cool hasn’t been priced out of town.
566 Columbus, SF. (415) 362-0536
BEST TOFU SORCERERS

Guardian photo by Ariel Soto-Suver
It’s rare to taste a sliver of tofu fresh from the package that melts in your mouth. Blocks of the standard grocery-store variety are best used in sizzling cooked-up meals, sopping up sauce or marinade to provide any substantial taste. But not so the bricks from Hodo Soy Beanery, crafted in a cheery Oakland factory that offers weekly tours. No, this tofu is good enough to eat raw. Hodo, which opened its doors in 2004, even goes above and beyond its gleaming white cubes of organic, non-GMO protein. The company sells the whole soy cow: soymilk, snack-friendly yuba strips, five-spice tofu nuggets, and lemongrass curry nuggets. Varieties are sold throughout Bay Area specialty food shops and farmers markets, but we highly recommend coming out to Hodo’s factory, where you can couple your shopping with a tour of the factory floor.
2923 Adeline, Oakl. (510) 464-2977, www.hodosoy.com
BEST SATISFYING READ
Directions for preparing seaweed burger, mouth-watering ramen that doesn’t come from a Styrofoam cup, and monkfish tripe have all found their way into the pages of local publisher McSweeney’s sizzling new food quarterly Lucky Peach. Each volume, available in paper only, is comprised of more than 150 pages and contains recipes and writings that stimulate the intellect and taste buds simultaneously. Yummy examples of contributing foodies and writers: David Chang, Peter Meehan, Anthony Bourdain, Ruth Reichl, John T. Edge, Todd Kliman. The magazine’s issues (there have been four so far) are brimming with personal essays, short stories, taste tests, interviews, and heaps of recipes. In a time when most magazines are scaling back, Lucky Peach offers a conspicuously fulfilling read.
BEST A LA CART
State Bird Provisions opened in late 2011, honoring Lower Fillmore’s jazz spirit with inventive plates (a bargain at $5-18 a dish) flowing from the kitchen like high-flying jazz riffs — with one major innovative twist. Most are presented dim sum-style, rolled through the pegboard-walled dining room on carts or offered on trays for your pick-and-choose pleasure. Dynamic husband-wife chef duo Stuart Brioza and Nicole Krasinski, formerly of Rubicon, change the menu constantly, transcending now-typical seasonality restraints to take flight with visionary flavor combinations and presentations. A helpful map of the nation’s state birds adorns the restroom, but there’s only one on the menu: the California quail, of course. Fried and crusted with pumpkin seeds; sided with a couple cart picks like eggplant “fries” with pimenton and charred wax beans with pickled-egg salad; and chased down with dreamy shots of peanut muscovado milk; it’s a real plate-licker.
1529 Fillmore, SF. (415) 795-1273, www.statebirdsf.com
BEST GENERATIONS OF DISTILLATION
It’s a true family affair at Charbay Family Vineyard and Distillery, located in the wilds of Napa’s Spring Mountain district, where father and son Miles and Marko Karakasevic distill together, while wives Susan and Jenni run the business with them. Descended from 13 distilling generations, Grand Master Distiller Miles has a heroic history, having left former Communist Yugoslavia for North America in 1962 and eventually founding Charbay with his family in 1983. Marko has been involved with the business since the ripe-old age of 10, growing up among St. Helena’s vines. Charbray covers distilling, brewing, and winemaking: Miles’ Old World aesthetic and precision partnered with Marko’s forward-thinking vision is apparent in everything from tequila and vodka to rum and port. Cases in point: Miles’ elegant 27-year brandy and Marko’s just-released, one-of-a-kind Bear Republic IPA and stout beer whiskies.
4001 Spring Mountain, St. Helena. (707) 963-9327, www.charbay.com
BEST FRESH-SQUEEZED FLIGHTS
If founders Derek Castro and Luisa Alberto have anything to say about it, the juice bar is the wine bar of the future — and, given Castro and Alberto’s Blue Bottle past, it’s not surprising that they feel a fresh-squeezed swig can have all the body and depth of a finely prepared coffee. Pronounced “so,” SÔW is their regular pop-up juice bar inside Pause Wine Bar, at which they hope to prove that juices deserve all the attention to nuance and provenance as their more fussed-over beverage cousins. Tastings are served at room temperature so as to not numb flavors, and in garnished glasses much like artful cocktails. Yes, flights are sometimes available, offering the chance to taste (and see) an entire rainbow of fascinating flavors; a recent one even featured Early Girl tomatoes. Currently only open weekends, the SoWers hope to add weekdays with more tastings, an expanded menu, and an even bigger following of nectar connoisseurs.
Every Sat and Sun in Pause Wine Bar, 1666 Market, SF. (415) 637-7343, www.sowsf.com
Win ultimate cool points on a night in North Beach by taking your friends to Chubby Noodle, a wee Asian hideaway in the back of the shabby-classy Amante bar. Order at the back kitchen window — illuminated by a neon sign asking, “Hungry?” — then slide into roomy booths for Korean tacos, house kimchi, spicy garlic noodles, and Hawaiian poke. (Cheeky chef Peter Mrabe, also of hip taqueria Don Pisto’s, tosses steaming bowls of buttery grits into the menu mix, too.) The standouts, however, are heartwarming red miso ramen and — especially — organic buttermilk-brined fried chicken in generous five-piece wings or strips. It’s American fried chicken with Asian attitude, dipped in habit-forming, creamy sambal dipping sauce. And everything is under $13. Skip Italian next time you’re in North Beach and opt for something a bit more adventurous and a bit more, er, chubby.
570 Green St., SF. (415) 361-8850, www.thechubbynoodle.com
BEST SIX-WAY STIMULANT
We said it when this hot spot opened in 2010, and we’ll say it again: the coffee preparation at Ma’velous ranks among the best you’ll find anywhere. Coffee geeks are stoked that here you can have your coffee prepared six different ways, via Chemex extraction, Kyoto slow-drip, Siphon machine, French press, Hario V60 drip, or Ma’velous’s own unique espresso machine. Owner Phillip Ma rotates bean selections from around the world: roasters include Verve, Intelligentsia, and Norway’s Tim Wendelboe. Another uniquely Ma’velous feature is the cafe’s artistic eco-design by Adeeni Design Group: retro-modern reclaimed furniture, sophisticated graffiti from street artist Eddie Colla, and pressed tin ceilings. Bonus points for remaining a WiFi-free respite where the menu of supreme espressos — paired with a good book — makes the coffee ritual a luxurious experience rather than a utilitarian necessity.
1408 Market, SF. (415) 626-8884 www.maveloussf.com
BEST BOWLING IN THE GUTTER, BUT EATING WITH THE STARS

Guardian photo by Brittany M. Powell
The new Mission Bowling Club is one badass bowling alley. There’s no funky smell or dated dinginess (charming for some, we know) in this open and industrial space, which boasts a large front patio, a bar area, and two dining areas — both downstairs near its six lanes and upstairs overseeing all the striking action. With its retro-fetish crowd and quirky flourishes, you could dismiss the whole thing as Mission hipster — but never has bowling food been taken to such gourmet heights. The menu was designed by none other than that Mission Chinese Food and Mission Street Food wunderkind, Anthony Myint. Cheer on bowlers from comfy couches while sipping a dreamy cocktail, or pick up that spare accompanied by a plate of ratatouille, some crisp pork belly, a beloved Mission burger — or its worthy vegan kale-and-chickpea alternative.
3176 17th St., SF. (415) 863-2695, www.missionbowlingclub.com
BEST PEANUT BUTTER CLOUDS
Despite our American love for all things soft, saccharine, and somehow edible, vegans and equinophiles alike are saddened by the innocuous-seeming marshmallow, which often includes gelatin derived from horse hooves and other slaughterhouse scraps. But worry not, sweet things, Benkyodo Company has treats that top the standby campfire comfort. Namely, mochi, a Japanese delight made of glutinous rice that is pounded and molded into sweet submission. Soft clouds of heaven — and they come in a variety of flavors like strawberry, green tea, mugwort, adzuki, and, wow, peanut butter. Benkyodo’s mochi has the texture of your favorite childhood sweet, with the flavors — and food justice acumen — of a grown-up gourmand.
1747 Buchanan, SF. (415) 922-1244, www.benkyodocompany.com
BEST VEGAN ROLL CALL
The 100 percent vegan cinnamon rolls at Cinnaholic, the Berkeley sweet tooth haven, are naturally sweetened with beet sugar, endowed with far-out flavors like blueberry pie and Oreo explosion, and custom-ready. Just let the sugary staff know what kind of frosting and toppings — strawberry shortcake roll? Maybe a drizzle of mocha and almonds? — light your oven. And just like that irritatingly talented, socially conscious friend whose Facebook page makes your own video links and witty one-liners look frivolous, owner Shannon Michelle has made Cinnaholic’s blog a community resource. The website is great for updates on local animal rescue events, and its pretty photos of waiting rolls serve as a delicious testament to the fact that eating vegan doesn’t have to mean going home with sub-par pastry.
2132 Oxford, Berk. (510) 647-8684, www.cinnaholic.com
BEST KIND OF STRICT
If things have been rough on your soul lately, forget the prose of that insipid, chicken-related book series and turn your page to Israel’s Strictly Kosher’s matzo ball soup. While other deli’s versions are salty, one-dimensional facsimiles of a real pick-me-up, the version at Israel’s, which also does strictly Kosher catering, is home made by co-owner Faina Avrutina with savory broth to comfort you on windy days and massive matzo balls that’ll fill you up just enough to not get blown sideways by gusts of outrageous fortune (throw in one of the excellent sufganiyots and you’ll be even more ground-bound). And it’s not just the eating that’ll do you good — a genuinely kind staff soothes city-weary troubled minds and will make you feel like you just dipped into your parents’ cozy kitchen.
5621 Geary, SF. (415) 752-3064, www.israelskosher.com
BEST FULL-SCOPE ROAST

Guardian photo by Brittany M. Powell
The smoky dark brew served up by the folks at Sightglass Coffee certainly isn’t indicative of the sibling-owned roastery and cafe’s mission of transparency. Brothers Jerad and Justin Morrison started their SoMa enterprise aiming to treat the cup of coffee less as a product than a democratic sensory experience — an intuition, a smell, a sound, a sight. Thus, the name of their cavernous new shop, which roasts and brews in a single warehouse space that has proven popular among the hip-pretty techies (almost as hip-pretty as the Sightglass staff that serves them) who roost in the area. Using small-production methods to ensure freshness and authenticity, Sightglass provides a unique place that’s simultaneously homey (baristas are quick to introduce themselves) and airily trendy.
270 Seventh St., SF. (415) 861-1313, www.sightglasscoffee.com
BEST REASON TO SCREAM IN DOLORES PARK

Photo by Gene X. Hwang/Orange Photography
Have you ever been reclining in Dolores Park, wiping off the burgundy mustache left by your third bottle of wine, when the thought hits: someone chipper, dressed in a vintage Alpine peasant dress, presenting you with a tray of succulent sweets, would just hit the spot? Question number two: has the dreary gray wallpaper of your office ever begged the same dose of sugary sunshine? Christa Hill’s dessert catering company Hey, Cookie!, then, is the stuff of your dreams. Offering everything from vegan Mexican wedding cookies and oatmeal butterscotch chip cookies to fudge brownies and rice crispy treats, it’s clear that the biggest draw of Hey Cookie! isn’t its dirndls. Unofficially coined the Cookie Girl, Hill epitomizes service with a smile, and her staff follows suit, so feel free to shout them out at your next Dolo hill sit.
(415) 999-0205, www.twitter.com/heycookiesf
BEST GOURGÉRES
We don’t know what makes the clutch of cafes around Church and Market in SF so inviting — OK, we do: great service, good coffee, and a laidback, no-hurries vibe — but we find ourselves drawn here more often than not on those precious early mornings off. French bakery Thorough Bread and Pastry is one of those cafes, and although the punny name evinces a slight groan, the trés magnifique selection of authentic French pastries keeps us coming back for more. There are flaky croissants, of course, and fruit-laden tarts, dense and drenched baba au rhum and mint-kicky grasshopper cakes, wee sugar-dusted chouquettes and almond-brown butter financiers. And could anything be more perfect on a foggy morning than a small bag full of fresh-out-the-oven gougéres? The original cheesy puffs, these savory, bite-sized beauties (four for $1.50) instantly bring out the sunshine. Combine them with a steaming cup of coffee, s’il-vous plaît, and you’ve got breakfast pegged.
248 Church, SF. (415) 558-0690, www.thoroughbreadpastry.com
BEST CAN-ARCHY
When it comes to the latest trends in pickling, canning, jarring, putting up, putting by, or just plain preserving, we’ve got a dirty little secret: everything we know about Mason jar-ology comes from the amazing Punk Domestics. Food and travel blogger Sean Timberlake, with support from his husband Paul Brown and terrier Reese, took inspiration from canning expert and former Guardian writer Karen Solomon — particularly a review of one of her books that mentioned the “punk domesticity of the hipster DIY movement” — to launch a content aggregation site for can-atics of everything dried, cured, or otherwise preserved. It’s jam-packed with links to community-posted articles with helpful hints and innovative techniques from around the Web, plus heads-ups on events, giveaways, recipes, and book releases. Ever wonder about micro-farming, curing meats, making cheese, or pickling duck eggs? No need to keep a lid on it when the Punk Domestics are in the house.
BEST MARMALADY
Who wouldn’t want all the colorful bounty of the Bay Area served up on a nice piece of toast (preferably sourdough, in our case)? Meyer lemon, Santa Rosa plum, pear, apple, mild pepper, lime, nectarine, grape … these fruits (plus pineapple, kiwi, rose petal, lavender, and blueberry) are gathered from backyards and garden plots by the ever-foraging Aunt Kitty, a.k.a. Kitty Myers of San Francisco’s Sunset District, and transformed into the most spectacular jellies imaginable. The secret is not simply organic; it also lies in the unique combination of two or three parts fruit to one part sugar, allowing a lush effulgence of natural flavor. Besides delicious marmalades packaged in distinctive little Mason jars and sold in local cafes and grocery stores, Kitty’s homegrown company, Aunt Kitty’s Kreations, also supplies apple and mango chutney, piccalilli and cranberry-orange relish, and even fudge. According to legend, many of Aunt Kitty’s products were actually developed in her church’s basement — maybe that’s where the wholesome flavor comes from?
BEST PUPUSA PARADISE
If you were to describe Mission establishments by historical eras, El Paraiso Cafe would be decidedly Post-German working class, Pre-Valencia Street $200 cork wedges. Its menu bears the marks of a business whose customer base does not guide its brunch-seeking steps toward outrageously pricey gluten-free breakfast plates. Rather, El Paraiso is perfect for that Mission dream of a neighborhood half-full of families and transplants from all over the world and half-full of broke boho Americans — OK, and those who are a mix of the two — who flock toward piping hot pupusas accompanied by free, generous bowls of curtido (piquant, fresh coleslaw) and thin red salsa. And it’s all parked kitty-corner to the yelping soccer children and sunbathing elders of Parque de los Ninos Unidos. Did that Mission ever exist? Or are we thinking of paradise?
1198 Treat, SF. (415) 824-2535
BEST SECRET WORLD OF CHEESE
Be not fooled by Gourmet & More‘s small size. This long, skinny Hayes Valley specialty shop, owned by French-born longtime Bay Area residents Laurent and Josiane Recollon, is bursting at the shelves with all manner of goodies for the gourmand. Foie gras has flown the coop, but there’s an array of tasty imported meats (prosciutto, salami, chorizo), breads, sweets (no such thing as “too many macarons”), fancy mustards and oils, and made-to-order sandwiches (to-go, or to eat on Gourmet & More’s back patio). But the best part, bien sûr, is the climate-controlled shoplet tucked away at the back, stuffed with more than 300 kinds of cheese. Customers are encouraged to sample before they buy (any wonder that there’s sometimes a line to get in there?). We repeat: cheese room. Who needs Paris?
141 Gough, SF. (415) 874-9133
BEST CLAWS FOR CELEBRATION
It is ridiculous that we are about to register a wee bit of complaint regarding the Bay’s incredible surplus of native seafood — we could happily live on Tomales Bay oysters, Dungeness crab, and all those other tasty species one finds stewing in our hot pots of cioppino. And yet … we do miss a nice fresh lobster to go with our bubbly on special occasions, or some genuine surf to pair with our turf when we’re feeling old-school romantic-fancy. That’s when we head to our secret Maine-line to East Coast crustacean bliss, New England Lobster Company in South San Francisco, which offers not just succulent, flown-in pinchers both live and frozen, but steamers, scallops, mussels, clams, and many other treasures of the briny deep. And hey, what do you know, you can score some good ol’ Dungeness here, too. Don’t miss the super-delish lobster rolls from the lunchtime food truck in the parking lot, either. (Motto: “We’re on a roll!” LOL.) Time to get cracking.
170 Mitchell Ave., (650) 873-9000, www.newenglandlobster.net
BEST POP-UP RIVER OF LIQUOR
The Bon Vivants cocktail crew — Scott Baird, Josh Harris, Jason Henton — is a local treasure, throwing some of the coolest, most innovative parties around. They’ve also created winning cocktail menus, like the one at Berkeley’s new Comal, while working on their long-awaited Mission bar Trick Dog. But till then, tipsy transients can catch them at their more fleeting establishment, the Rio Grande Bar. What started as part of A Temporary Offering — the intriguing rotating pop-up project that inhabits the entire ground floor of the Renoir Hotel — may soon (we hope) become a permanent destination. Or it could morph into roving gypsy bar. Evoking a funky border-town roadhouse as Quentin Tarantino might interpret it, the bar is already a cute-kitschy go-to for cocktailians in the know. There, tequila, mezcal, whiskey, and beer (in cans) flow. No drink menu is needed: talented bar staff create bracing beverages based on your mood. Or simply opt for a Dos Equis while grooving to live bands on the mini stage, beneath shrines to 1970s adult film star Vanessa del Rio and the Virgin of Guadalupe.
1108 Market, SF. www.bonvivants-sf.com
BEST BRIGHT-EYED BREAD GUY

Photo by Rafi Aji
Here’s how Vermont-bred Josey Baker launched Josey Baker Bread: he walked into Mission Pie and asked (sweetly) if he might borrow some oven space. The neighborhood bake shop obliged, and to no one’s surprise (the alluring qualities of handsome men and fresh-baked bread being what they are) Baker’s business took off, delighting subscribers to his poppy, walnut, and black pepper parmesan loaves — delivered weekly to your door! — and walk-in customers alike. On some days he has even given away bread on a by-donation basis; we’ve seen it. Now he’s set to open his own bakery in partnership with Four Barrel on Divisadero. His fans may be excited by swirling rumors of a toast bar, but for us it would be enough to just see that smile again. He may not be oblivious to his own charms; his website recommends that you write him a love letter. Josey, does this count?
736 Divisadero, SF. joseybakerbread.wordpress.com
Psychic Dream Astrology: July 25-31
Mercury is still retrograde and that means you shouldn’t take miscommunications personally, people.
ARIES
March 21-April 19
There’s a big difference between having a tangible problem and worrying that you might end up with a problem. This week your first responsibility is to know which category your issues fall into, so that you can choose an appropriate approach to resolve things. Don’t create the problems you wish to avoid.
TAURUS
April 20-May 20
Not everything that feels like a setback actually is one, Taurus. It takes time and patience to build what you want, and to do it correctly it also requires making use of the curve balls the Universe sends your way. Learn from this week’s trials instead of struggling against them. They glitches are part of the plan, too.
GEMINI
May 21-June 21
No matter how much you want to hide away this week, you are supposed to be reaching out to others, Twin Star. Your anxieties and fear of change can compel you to quit before you get started, but that’s a shame! Ask for others’ opinions and help so that you can get some much needed perspective.
CANCER
June 22-July 22
Assume for a moment that this crazy world we live in wants the best for you; that would mean that is also wants the best from you, too. Don’t allow fear of failure stop you from taking the course that you believe will lead you to the biggest yield, Cancer. Prosperity is not a given, you’ve gotta make it happen.
LEO
July 23-Aug. 22
There’s nothing better than trusting that you are loved, and that there’s a safe space for you. Nurture the connections that hold you up and encourage you to be yourself, Leo. Relationships are complicated because they reflect your issues back to you. Act with grace and humility with your support system.
VIRGO
Aug. 23-Sept. 22
You may feel stuck, but there are so many choices that you can make that will create a forward momentum this week. Be bold enough to acknowledge the ruts in your life so you can take steps to improving them. You are not helpless, no matter how daunting your situation is. Rise up and move on, Virgo.
LIBRA
Sept. 23-Oct. 22
Every choice forces you to turn your back on other things. Oh the humanity! Libras are famously indecisive because you can see the merit in all of your options. This week, dare to invest in something wholly by putting your all into it. Don’t confuse F.O.M.O.S. (Fear Of Missing Out Syndrome) with intuition, pal.
SCORPIO
Oct. 23-Nov. 21
It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong as much as it matters if you are authentic. This week, embody your integrity by being true with yourself about what you’re really feeling. You don’t need to fix anything or prevent potential calamity. Just be honest about the complexities of what’s in your heart.
SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22-Dec. 21
Meditate on what would be different in your life today if you were totally fearless. Some fears are healthy ones, like, say, being scared of playing in traffic, but so many fears are just a colossal waste of energy. If your worries aren’t keeping you safe, they’re just keeping you down, Sagittarius.
CAPRICORN
Dec. 22-Jan. 19
In order for real-deal healing to take place, things need to get pretty shaken up. Don’t resist the inevitability of change, Capricorn. You are growing in ways that you need to share with the people in your life. Dare to behave differently with others, and in ways that are more true to you.
AQUARIUS
Jan. 20-Feb. 18
Slow down enough to ask yourself what you’re doing and why, Aquarius. Don’t run around like a chicken with its head cut off! Stop for long enough to gather your composure before you run into a wall head-on, ‘cause that is a wall in front of your face. Look to the big picture to find your answers this week.
PISCES
Feb. 19-March 20
Feel good about yourself, Pisces. You’ve worked hella hard to get to this point, and there is so much potential in front of you, too. Don’t be so shy that you dumb down your awesomeness. Being humble doesn’t mean denying your strengths! Enjoy the flow for as long as it’s going your way.
Jessica Lanyadoo has been a Psychic Dreamer for 18 years. Check out her website at www.lovelanyadoo.com or contact her for an astrology or intuitive reading.
Rep Clock
Schedules are for Wed/25-Tue/31 except where noted. Director and year are given when available. Double and triple features marked with a •. All times pm unless otherwise specified.
ARTISTS’ TELEVISION ACCESS 992 Valencia, SF; www.atasite.org. $6. Reconnect: A Film on Cell Phones and Health Effects (Kunze, 2012), Sat, 8.
CASTRO 429 Castro, SF; (415) 621-6120, www.castrotheatre.com. $8.50-11. San Francisco Jewish Film Festival, Wed-Thu. For tickets and more information, visit www.sfjff.org. •Spaceballs (Brooks, 1987), Fri, 7:30, and Blazing Saddles (Brooks, 1974), Fri, 9:25. “The Silence of the Trans:” The Silence of the Lambs (Demme, 1991), with pre-show starring Sharon Needles, Peaches Christ, and the Midnight Mass Players, Sat, 3, 8. Tickets for this event, $25-45; visit www.peacheschrist.com for info. Bearcity 2: The Proposal (Langway, 2012), Sun, 11:30am, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:25. This event, $10-12; visit bearcity2theproposal.ticketbud.com for info. •Purple Rain (Magnoli, 1984), Tue, 7:30, and Pink Floyd the Wall (Parker, 1982), Tue, 9:40.
CHRISTOPHER B. SMITH RAFAEL FILM CENTER 1118 Fourth St, San Rafael; (415) 454-1222, www.cafilm.org. $6.75-$10.25. Beasts of the Southern Wild (Zeitlin, 2012), call for dates and times. Bernie (Linklater, 2012), call for dates and times. Dark Horse (Solondz, 2011), call for dates and times. Take This Waltz (Polley, 2011), call for dates and times. The Queen of Versailles (Greenfield, 2012), July 27-Aug 2, call for times. Bill W. (Carracino and Hanlon, 2011), Sun, 7.
DAVIES SYMPHONY HALL 201 Van Ness, SF; www.sfsymphony.org. $25-75. The Wizard of Oz (Fleming, 1939), Thu-Fri, 7:30. Screening with live orchestral accompaniment. “Pixar in Concert,” Sat, 7:30; Sun, 2. Songs from Pixar films, with accompanying movie clips.
JACK LONDON SQUARE First Street at Broadway, Oakl; www.jacklondonsquare.com. Free. Ghostbusters (Reitman, 1984), Thu, sundown.
MECHANICS’ INSTITUTE 57 Post, SF; (415) 393-0100, rsvp@milibrary.org. $10. “CinemaLit Film Series: Fairytale Endings:” Excalibur (Boorman, 1981), Fri, 6.
PACIFIC FILM ARCHIVE 2575 Bancroft, Berk; (510) 642-5249, bampfa.berkeley.edu. $5.50-9.50. “Bellissima: Leading Ladies of the Italian Screen:” Open City (Rossellini, 1945), Wed, 7; Bellissima (Visconti, 1953), Sat, 5:30. “The Eternal Poet: Raj Kapoor and the Golden Age of Indian Cinema:” Boot Polish (Arora and Kapoor, 1954), Thu, 7; Awaara (Kapoor, 1951), Sat, 7:45. “Cool World:” Heathers (Lehmann, 1989), Fri, 7; Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (Cimino, 1974), Fri, 9:05. “Russian Inferno: The Films of Alexei Guerman:” The Seventh Companion (Guerman and Aronov, 1967), Sun, 5. “Always for Pleasure: The Films of Les Blank:” •ry cooder group ’88 santa cruz (1988) and Sworn to the Drum: A Tribute to Francisco Aguabella (1995), Sun, 7.
ROXIE 3117 and 3125 16th St, SF; (415) 863-1087, www.roxie.com. $6.50-10. Romantics Anonymous (Ameries, 2011), Wed-Thu, 7, 9. KQED presents: •A Brush With the Tenderloin (Bierma, 2011), and Stage Left: A Story of Theater in San Francisco (Forbord, 2010), Wed, free. Free screening, but RSVP recommended; visit trulyca.eventbrite.com. Kids of Today (De Missolz, 2011), Thu, 7. •Not a Memory (Burdenski, 2012), and Something Personal (Elsaesser, 2012), Thu, 9:15. This event, $5. “This Must Be the Place: Post-Punk Tribes 1978-1982:” La Brune et moi (Puicouyoul, 1979), Fri, 7:30; Rough Cut and Ready Dubbed (Shah and Shaw, 1982), Fri, 8:40; “special secret movie,” Fri, 9:40; The Slog Movie (Markey, 1982), Sat, 7:30; “I Can See It and I’m Part of It: San Francisco Punk Portraits 1978-82” (shorts program), Sat, 9; “Buzz or Howl Under the Influence” (live footage), Sat, 10:20; Debt Begins at 20 (Beroes, 1980), Sun, 7; Downtown 81 (Bertoglio, 1981), Sun, 8:15. Shit Year (Archer, 2010), July 27-Aug 2, 7. “Johnny Legend presents:” The Big TNT Show (Peerce, 1966), Mon, 8; Mondo Teeno: Teenage Rebellion (Herman and Visconti, 1967), Mon, 6:10, 9:45; Teenage Cruisers (Legend, 1977), Tue, 6, 9:45; One Million Years AC/DC (De Prieset, 1969), Tue, 8.
SF FILM SOCIETY CINEMA 1746 Post, SF. $10-11. A Burning Hot Summer (Garrel, 2011), Wed-Thu, 3, 5, 7, 9. Sacrifice (Chen, 2010), July 27-Aug 2, 1, 3:30, 6, 8:30.
TOP OF THE MARK InterContinental Mark Hopkins, One Nob Hill, SF; www.topofthemark.com. Free. “Summer Movie Nights:” It Happened One Night (Capra, 1934), Tue, 7:30. Wine tasting at 5:30.
YERBA BUENA CENTER FOR THE ARTS 701 Mission, SF; (415) 978-2787, www.ybca.org. $6-8. “Documentaries By Ai Weiwei:” One Recluse (2010), Sun, 2.
Our Weekly Picks: July 25-31
WEDNESDAY 25
Spoek Mathambo
Former electro-rapper and afrobeat practitioner Nthato Mokgata merges his disparate talents as Spoek Mathambo, churning out a deliciously MIDIfied brand of hip-hop that switches stylistic identities as boldly as it does casually; his sophomore full-length, Father Creeper, veers impulsively into dancehall, indie-pop, and FlyLo beat-music territory, throwing genre tags cheekily to the wind. The brittle electronic textures of Mokgata’s studio output don’t intuitively lend themselves to a live translation, so it should be interesting to see his live approach. (Taylor Kaplan)
With Duckwrth, Armani Cooper
9pm, $13
Brick and Mortar Music Hall
1710 Mission, SF
(415) 800-8782
Karl Evangelista Plays the Music of Ornette Coleman
Four bands, one bandleader, all paying tribute to Ornette Coleman: one of jazz’s most uncompromising and transcendent figures. From jazz quartet Moon Inhabitants, to vocal ensemble Broken Shadows, to Mills-originated genre-bending duo Grex, stalwart Oakland improv-jazz specialist Karl Evangelista has a handful of lineups in tow, for what should be a vibrant tribute to Coleman’s diverse and enterprising body of work. Seeking an introduction to the Bay Area’s thriving, ever-revolving experimental jazz scene? Let Evangelista and his rotating cast of conspirators lure you down the rabbit hole. (Kaplan)
8pm, $10
Swarm Gallery
560 Second St., Oakl.
(510) 839-2787
Harry and the Potters
Spoil alert: Dumbledore may be dead but Harry and the Potters could raise a racket loud enough to rouse him. With their signature grade of punk rock and high-energy stage act, the wizard rock … well, wizards, have their brooms pointed at San Francisco as they head to Slim’s for a show with the Potter Puppet Pals. The band celebrated its 10th anniversary in June, proving that the power of Potter is not only lasting but can be used for good — the duo helped found the Harry Potter Alliance, a nonprofit organization that encourages civic engagement among youths using the J.K. Rowling series. So although Muni isn’t quite the Hogwarts Express, the not-one-bit-magical ride could be worth it to check out these bespectacled and bewitching brothers. (Julia B. Chan)
With Potter Puppet Pals
7:30pm, $15
Slim’s
333 11th St., SF
(415) 255-0333
Project: Lohan
Now that Paris Hilton is AWOL and Kim Kardashian is boring, there’s a clear winner in the battle for paparazzi supremacy: Lindsay Lohan, once the nation’s great hope for Jodie Foster-style child-star-made-good status. That was before rehab, jail, “exhaustion” hospitalizations, “Firecrotch-gate,” all those smashed-up luxury cars, I Know Who Killed Me (2007), and so much more. And since LiLo is so … unpredictable, D’Arcy Drollinger, creator-performer of hot-mess exposé Project: Lohan, updates his show’s script according to the starlet’s latest shenanigans; every word is taken from pre-existing material, including interviews, court documents, tabloids, and other sources of Lohan news and gossip. The girl can’t help it! (Cheryl Eddy)
Through Aug. 19
Previews tonight, 8pm; opens Fri/27, 8pm; runs Thu-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 7pm, $25
Costume Shop
1117 Market, SF
The Wizard of Oz: Movie Night with the San Francisco Symphony
More than 70 years after it was made, The Wizard of Oz remains one of the most beloved films of all time, dazzling each new generation of viewers with its fantastical story, eye-popping special effects, and magical music. Iconic songs such as “Over The Rainbow” have of course become rightful classics, but the lush score written by composer Harold Arlen was also a significant part of the movie’s enchanting spell. Fans will want to follow the yellow brick road to these special screenings of Oz, which will be accompanied by the San Francisco Symphony performing the score live — and guests are encouraged to dress in costume, so tap your heels together three times and think to yourself, “There’s No Place Like Home!” (Sean McCourt)
7:30pm, $12.50–$70
Davies Symphony Hall
201 Van Ness, SF
(415) 864-6000
Hamilton Loomis
Don’t mess with Texas. Galveston, Texas native and multi-instrumentalist Hamilton Loomis got his start early, performing in his family’s doo-wop group when he was a teenager. When he was 16, he went backstage at a Bo Diddley concert to get an autograph. Before the night was over he was onstage playing guitar alongside the blues legend. The rest, as they say, is history. With mentoring from Mr. Diddley and a generous amount of natural talent, Loomis has been working hard to redefine blues and to bring youth and energy to the fast-fading genre. Now he’s bringing his infectious blues-funk-soul hybrid to the West Coast for a DVD release party. (Haley Zaremba)
8 and 10pm, $15
Biscuits and Blues
401 Mason, SF
(415) 292-2583
FRIDAY 27
“This Must Be the Place: Post-Punk Tribes 1978-1982”
Finally, some good news: three days of post-punk movies at the Roxie! Spanning the magical years 1978-1982, the series boasts contemporaneous films documenting the scene as it happened. The most famous among them is Edo Bertoglio’s Downtown 81, a snapshot of 1981 New York City with cool kids Jean-Michel Basquiat and Debbie Harry. But there’s more, much of it in the “live performance caught on tape” vein: from 1982, Rough Cut and Ready Dubbed (Super 8 from the UK), and The Slog Movie (for all you OC kids); and of local interest, “I Can See It And I’m Part of It: San Francisco Punk Portraits 1978-82,” a shorts program revealing high times at the Mabuhay Gardens and a slideshow of work by late SF legend Bruce Conner. Plus, lots more! Join the rejects, get yourself killed. (Eddy)
Through Sun/29, $6.50–$10
Roxie Theater
3117 16th St., SF
(415) 863-1087
Wye Oak
Baltimore rockers Andy Stack and Jenn Wasner make up indie rock duo Wye Oak, a band with a folk foundation but contrasting distortion and dream pop leanings. Recently commissioned to write and record a song for the Adult Swim Singles Program — a series of summertime freebie downloads — Wye Oak came up with “Spiral,” a swirling, poppy and decidedly darker track than previous tunes. Vocalist Wasner has described the single as a “gamechanger” while on tour with Dirty Projectors this summer. Sounds like the pair may be heading down a hazy and more electronic-tinged path — their live show should offer some insight into what’s in store for future records. (Chan)
With Dirty Projectors
8pm, $25
Fox Theater
1807 Telegraph, Oakl.
(510) 302-2250
SATURDAY 28
Berkeley Kite Festival
The 27th Annual Berkeley Kite Festival is this weekend — what better way to relax than with something flying overhead and a terrific view of the Bay Area? The free event will host the West Coast Kite Championships, which will feature kites as big as houses, kite fights, and free kite making for kids. The sky will be filled with Giant Creature Kites from New Zealand, along with those by the Japanese Sode Cho Kite Team, a Japanese-Style “Rokkaku” Kite Battle for the Skies, and more. And for those nervous about their kites sailing off into the great big blue, there will be kite flying lessons. (Shauna C. Keddy)
10am-5pm, free (parking $10) Cesar E. Chavez Park at Berkeley Marina, Berk (510) 235-KITE
Bonobo (DJ set)
British DJ and producer Bonobo creates sprawling, downtempo, trip-hop soundscapes that alternately call for introspection or dirty dancing, depending on the song and the listener’s mood. The versatility of the DJ’s sound is a testament to his skillful manipulation of samples and beats to evoke passionate responses from listeners. Bonobo is often praised for his energetic and innovative live sets, where he borrows from jazz, soul, drum n’ bass, trance, and just about everything else. Regardless of whatever fragmented genres he’s spinning, he’s likely to keep you sweating on the dancefloor. (Zaremba)
With Righteous Thrash
9pm, $17
Mezzanine
444 Jessie, SF
(415) 625-8880
SUNDAY 29
SF Ballet at Stern Grove
Is it the same thing every year? Yep, it is. But the San Francisco Ballet at Stern Grove is pure magic whether seen under a burning sun or wind-blown fog. This year’s program seems particularly suited for an outdoor picnic with friends. Helgi Tomasson’s “7 for Eight” is one of his most intricately musical creations. Ezio Bosso’s café-music score inspired Christopher Wheeldon’s “Within the Golden Hour.” The misnamed “Solo,” by Hans van Manen, gives show-off opportunity for three of SFB’s hunks. And if you squeeze your eyes, you just might believe that the kilt-clad lads and lassies in Balanchine’s “Scotch Symphony” are streaming in from the Highlands. (Rita Felciano)
2pm, free
Stern Grove
19th Avenue and Sloat Bvd., SF
(415) 252-6252
Watsky
San Francisco native and spoken word poet extraordinaire George Watsky is making a stop on his national rapping tour in San Francisco for a homecoming concert. You may have seen him on Youtube as “pale kid raps fast” (20 million views and counting). If you’re not familiar with Watsky, here’s what to expect from a Watsky show; a five-piece live band, original songs from all of Watsky’s projects, incredible spoken word, and if you’re lucky, an illustrious stage dive/crowd surf from the man himself. This time Watsky’s show is also featuring the amazing Knocksteady emcee, Dumbfoundead, as well as the musical stylings of the Breezy LoveJoy Band. Watsky puts on a show that attracts fans of all ages; from the rebel-rousing teenager to the lyrically awed English teacher. (Sean Hurd)
With Dumbfoundead, the Breezy Lovejoy Band
9pm, $16
Slim’s
333 11th St., SF
The Psychic Paramount
Spiritualized minus the spacecraft? Tortoise as a bar band? Post-rock without all the drama? The Psychic Paramount is a record collector geek’s dream band, reflecting countless sub-genres as it hammers away at a relentlessly Krautrockian insistence on mechanical groove. Despite the thrash, there’s a delicate, glimmering overtone to the proceedings, a Kevin Shields-y vulnerability, that brings a crucial human element to the rigid dynamics. Rarely is extreme repetition this rich and inviting. (Kaplan)
With Phil Manley Life Coach, Barn Owl
8pm, $12
Brick and Mortar Music Hall
1710 Mission, SF
(415) 800-8782
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Stage Listings
Stage listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Nicole Gluckstern. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.
THEATER
OPENING
Arctic Hysteria Bindlestiff Studio, 185 Sixth St, SF; www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-25. Previews Thu/26, 8pm. Runs Thu-Sat, 8pm (also Aug 4, 2pm). Through Aug 4. SNAP (Some New Arts Project) presents this movement-based dark comedy by Abi Basch, performed by Berlin’s Kinderdeutsch Projekts.
Project: Lohan Costume Shop, 1117 Market, SF; www.projectlohan.com. $25. Previews Thu/26, 8pm. Opens Fri/27, 8pm. Runs Thu-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 7pm. Through Aug 19. D’Arcy Drollinger pays tribute to the paparazzi target with this performance constructed solely from tabloids, magazines, court documents, and other pre-existing sources.
"Un-Abridged: The Best of Ten Years of Un-Scripted" SF Playhouse, 533 Sutter, SF; www.un-scripted.com. $10-20. Opens Thu/26, 8pm. Runs Thu-Sat, 8pm (also Aug 3, 10pm; no show Aug 4). Through Aug 18. The veteran Bay Area company celebrates its tenth anniversary season with a four-week retrospective of its favorite long- and short-form improv shows. Check website for schedule.
ONGOING
Absolutely San Francisco Alcove Theater, 414 Mason, Ste 502, SF; www.thealcovetheater.com. $32-50. Thu-Sat, 8pm. Through Aug 18. A multi-character solo show about the characters of San Francisco.
"Bay Area Playwrights Festival" Thick House, 1695 18th St, SF; www.playwrightsfoundation.org. $15. Various showtimes and dates through Sun/29. The 35th annual festival presents six new plays: Grounded by George Brant; Ideation by Aaron Loeb; Brahmani by Aditi Brennan Kapli; Samsara by Lauren Yee; The Hundred Flowers Project by Christopher Chen; and Tea Party by Gordon Dahlquist.
Duck Lake The Jewish Theater, 470 Florida, SF; www.duck-lake.com. $17-35. Fri/27-Sat/28, 8pm. By terns gross and engrossing, PianoFight’s Duck Lake written and produced by associated sketch comedy locals Mission Control proves a gangling but irresistible flight, a ballet-horror-comedy-musical with fair helpings of each. By the shore of the eponymous watery resort with a mysterious past as an animal testing site, a perennially "up-and-coming" theater director named Barry Canteloupe (poised and sassy Raymond Hobbs) marshals a pair of prosthetic teats and other trust-building paraphernalia in a cultish effort to bring off yet another reimagining of Swan Lake. His cast and crew include a rebounding TV starlet (a sure and winsome Leah Shesky), a lazy leading man (delightfully dude-ish Duncan Wold), a supremely confident and just god-awful tragedian (a duly expansive Alex Boyd), and a gleeful misfit of a tech guy (an innocently inappropriate, very funny Joseph Scheppers). When the thespians come beak-to-beak with a handsome local gang leader (a nicely multifaceted Sean Conroy) and his rowdy band of sun-addled jet-skiers (the awesome posse of Daniel Burke, David Burke, and Meredith Terry), a star-crossed college reunion ensues between the tattooed tough and the hapless production’s white swan. Meanwhile, "scary fucked-up super ducks" go on a killing rampage under tutelage of some cave-bound weirdo (an imposing, web-footed Rob Ready), leading to love, mayhem, and shameless appropriation of timeless musical numbers. It’s all supported by four tutu’d mallards (the po-faced, limber ensemble of Christy Crowley, Caitlin Hafer, Anne Jones, and Emma Rose Shelton) and flocks of murderous fellow fowl (courtesy of Crowley’s fine puppet design). And don’t worry about the convoluted plot, all will be niftily explained by an old codger of a groundskeeper (a hilariously persuasive Evan Winchester). If the action gets attenuated at times across two-plus hours, a beguilingly agile cast and robust concept more than compensate for the loosey-goosey. (Avila)
Enron Exit Theatre, 156 Eddy, SF; www.enron2012.com. $25. Thu-Sat, 8pm. Through Aug 17. In OpenTab’s production of British playwright Lucy Prebble’s 2009 Enron, tragedy plus time equals comedy plus puppets (in imaginative designs by Miyaka Cochrane), as fast-paced satire delivers a timely reconsideration of yet another infamous financial scandal. Some fictional elements shape the plotline but simplifying strategies serve well to clarify the real-life actions and consequences of Ken Lay (GreyWolf) and Jeffry Skilling’s (Alex Plant) deceptive energy-trading juggernaut, the onetime darling of Wall Street and the financial pages. There’s also much verbatim information (echoing the book and documentary, Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room) enlivening the quick dialogue and underscoring the reckless, hubristic malfeasance that famously preyed on California’s electricity grid and threw Enron’s own employees under the bus. Director Ben Euphrat gets spirited and engaging performances from his principals, with especially nice work from Plant as a cruelly superior Skilling, Laurie Burke as ambitious straight-shooter Claudia Roe (a fictionalized composite creation of the playwright), and Nathan Tucker as manic sycophant Andy Fastow, feeding poisonous Enron debt into three beloved "raptors" (the pet names for some animated shadow companies arising from Fastow’s fast work in "structured finance"). At the same time, the staging can prove rough between concept and execution, with scenic elements sometimes confusing as well as aesthetically ragged (a red fabric serving as a large profit graph, for instance, just looks like some droopy inexplicable drapery at first; and the first puppets to appear are too small to be very effective either). Despite this messiness in terms of mise-en-scène, however, the play is generally clear-eyed and good for more than easy laughs since no single villain but rather a system and culture are the proper targets here. As Prebble notes, the strategies developed by Enron, far from remaining beyond the pale, are now standard practices throughout the financial and corporate world. That, in some circles, is known as progress. (Avila)
Marat/Sade Brava Theatre, 2781 24th St, SF; (415) 863-0611, www.ticketfly.com. $20-38. Wed/25-Sat/28, 8pm; Sun/29, 7pm. In what may be the year’s most felicitous blend of company, producer, and material, Thrillpeddlers and Marc Huestis offer an exuberant, exquisitely trashy, and note-perfect revival of Peter Weiss’s radical 1963 play, permeating the enormous Brava Theater with an infectious delirium perfectly in sync with restive times. (Avila)
The Merchant of Venice Gough Street Playhouse, 1622 Gough, SF; www.custommade.org. $25-32. Thu-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 7pm. Extended through Aug 19. Custom Made Theater presents director Stuart Bousel’s generally sharp staging of Shakespeare’s perennially controversial but often-misunderstood play. The lively if uneven production ensures the involved storyline cannot be reduced to the problematical nature of its notorious Jewish villain, Shylock (played with a compellingly burdened intensity by a quick Catz Forsman), but rather has to be seen in a wider landscape of desire in which money, status, sex, gender, political and ethnic affiliations, and human bodies all mix, collide, and negotiate. To this end, this Merchant is set amid a contemporary financial district coterie (given plenty of scope in Sarah Phykitt’s thoughtfully pared-down scenic design), where titular melancholic businessman Antonio (Ryan Hayes) sticks his neck out (or anyway a pound of flesh) for his beloved friend Bassanio (Dashiell Hillman) no doubt the unspoken source of Antonio’s brooding heart as staged here as the latter seeks a loan with which to court the lovely and brilliant Portia (a winning Megan Briggs). While the subplot concerning the wooing and flight of Shylock’s daughter, Jessica (Kim Saunders), is less adeptly rendered, fluid pacing and a confident sense of the priorities of the drama overall offer a satisfying encounter with this fascinatingly subtle play. (Avila)
Les Misérables Orpheum Theatre, 1192 Market, SF; www.bestofbroadway-sf.com. $83-155. Tue-Sat, 8pm (also Wed and Sat, 2pm); Sun, 2pm. Through Aug 26. SHN’s Best of Broadway series brings to town the new 25th anniversary production of Cameron Mackintosh’s musical giant, based on the novel by Victor Hugo. The revival at the Orpheum does without the famous rotating stage but nevertheless spares no expense or artistry in rendering the show’s barrage of colorful Romantic scenes (with Matt Kinley’s scenic design drawing painterly inspiration from Hugo’s own oils) or its larger-than-life characters first and foremost Jean Valjean (a slim but passionate Peter Lockyer), nemesis Javert (Andrew Varela), and rescued orphan beauty Cosette (Lauren Wiley). Chris Jahnke contributes new orchestrations to the rollicking original score by Claude-Michel Schönberg (music) and Herbert Kretzmer (lyrics) in this flagrantly sentimental, somewhat problematic but still-stirring meld of music and melodrama in dutiful overlapping service of box office treasure and powerful humanist aspirations. (Avila)
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson, SF; www.rayoflighttheatre.com. $25-36. Thu-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 2pm); Sun, 2pm. Through Aug 11. Halloween comes early this year thanks to Ray of Light Theatre’s production of Sweeney Todd and all its attendant horrors. Set in bleakest, Industrial Revolution-era London, this Sondheim musical pushes the titular Todd to enact a brutal vengeance on a world he perceives as having stolen the best of life from him, namely his family and his freedom. No fey, gothic vampire, ROLT’s Sweeney Todd (played by Adam Scott Campbell) is both physically and psychically imposing, built like a blacksmith and twice as dark. Pushed over the line between misanthropic and murderous, Sweeney Todd methodically plots his revenge on the hated Judge Turpin (portrayed with surprising sympathy by Ken Brill) while the comfortably comical purveyor of pies, Mrs. Lovett (Miss Sheldra), dreams of a sunnier future. Mrs. Lovett’s no-nonsense, wisecracking ways aside, there are few laughs to be had in this slow-burning dirge to the worst in mankind, and as the body count rises, it is made abundantly clear that all hope of redemption is also but a fantasy. Contributing to the dark mood are Maya Linke’s imposing, industrial set, Cathie Anderson’s ghostly green and hellfire amber lighting, and a spare chamber ensemble of six able musicians conducted by Sean Forte. (Gluckstern)
Vital Signs Marsh San Francisco, 1062 Valencia, SF; (415) 282-3055, www.themarsh.org. $15-50. Sat, 8:30pm. Extended through Aug 25. The Marsh San Francisco presents Alison Whittaker’s behind-the-scenes look at nursing in America.
Waiting… Larkspur Hotel Union Square, 525 Sutter, SF; www.brownpapertickets.com. $49-75. Thu-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Aug 5. Comedy set behind the scenes at a San Francisco restaurant.
The Waiting Period MainStage, Marsh San Francisco, 1062 Valencia, SF; (415) 282-3055, www.themarsh.org. $15-50. Fri, 8pm; Sat, 5pm. Extended through August 4. Brian Copeland (comedian, TV and radio personality, and creator-performer of the long-running solo play Not a Genuine Black Man) returns to the Marsh with a new solo, this one based on more recent and messier events in Copeland’s life. The play concerns an episode of severe depression in which he considered suicide, going so far as to purchase a handgun the title coming from the legally mandatory 10-day period between purchasing and picking up the weapon, which leaves time for reflections and circumstances that ultimately prevent Copeland from pulling the trigger. A grim subject, but Copeland (with co-developer and director David Ford) ensures there’s plenty of humor as well as frank sentiment along the way. The actor peoples the opening scene in the gun store with a comically if somewhat stereotypically rugged representative of the Second Amendment, for instance, as well as an equally familiar "doood" dude at the service counter. Afterward, we follow Copeland, a just barely coping dad, home to the house recently abandoned by his wife, and through the ordinary routines that become unbearable to the clinically depressed. Copeland also recreates interviews he’s made with other survivors of suicidal depression. Telling someone about such things is vital to preventing their worst outcomes, says Copeland, and telling his own story is meant to encourage others. It’s a worthy aim but only a fitfully engaging piece, since as drama it remains thin, standing at perhaps too respectful a distance from the convoluted torment and alienation at its center. (Avila)
BAY AREA
Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson The Stage, 490 S. First St, San Jose; www.thestage.org. $25-$50. Wed/25-Thu/26, 7:30pm; Fri/27-Sat/28, 8pm; Sun/29, 2pm. An overrated president and rock musical at once, the 2010 Broadway hit by Alex Timbers (book) and Michael Friedman (music, lyrics) takes its first Bay Area bow in San Jose Stage’s ho-hum production, directed by Rick Singleton. In this proudly irreverent but rarely very witty take on mob-democracy and the pack of jackals that are our illustrious political forefathers, a vicious and ambitious cornpone Jackson (David Colston Corris, subbing for Jonathan Rhys Williams) takes his Indian-hating ways to the top of the political establishment on a wave of backwoods resentments and Tea Party-style populism. Present-day parallels should run deep here, but the play is so shallow in its humor that it feels one-note for the most part, while its South Park-like insouciance has an unintentional way of making jokes about the Trail of Tears feel "too soon." This American Idiocy and the 13 accompanying musical numbers are gamely if not always smoothly essayed by cast and band alike (under musical direction by Allison F. Rich), but dumb satire lines up with a generally unappealing score, straining after saucy eloquence while sounding derivative of the emo fare served up by the likes of Spring Awakening and that lot. A tack away from sheer vulgarity and buffoonery toward moralizing history lesson comes late in the hour and its guilty pretention along with earlier gratuitous, vaguely uncomprehending references to Susan Sontag and Michel Foucault only makes matters worse. (Avila)
King John Forest Meadows Amphitheater, 890 Belle, Dominican University of California, San Rafael; www.marinshakespeare.org. $20-35. Fri/27, Sun/29, Aug 4, 10-12, 8pm; Aug 5, 4pm. Marin Shakespeare Company kicks off its 2012 outdoor summer festival season with this history play.
The Kipling Hotel: True Misadventures of the Electric Pink ’80s Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston, Berk; (415) 282-3055, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Sat, 8:30pm; Sun, 7pm. Extended through Aug 26. This new autobiographical solo show by Don Reed, writer-performer of the fine and long-running East 14th, is another slice of the artist’s journey from 1970s Oakland ghetto to comedy-circuit respectability here via a partial debate-scholarship to UCLA. The titular Los Angeles residency hotel was where Reed lived and worked for a time in the 1980s while attending university. It’s also a rich mine of memory and material for this physically protean and charismatic comic actor, who sails through two acts of often hilarious, sometimes touching vignettes loosely structured around his time on the hotel’s young wait staff, which catered to the needs of elderly patrons who might need conversation as much as breakfast. On opening night, the episodic narrative seemed to pass through several endings before settling on one whose tidy moral was delivered with too heavy a hand, but if the piece runs a little long, it’s only the last 20 minutes that noticeably meanders. And even with some awkward bumps along the way, it’s never a dull thing watching Reed work. (Avila)
The Marvelous Wonderettes Fox Theatre, 2215 Broadway, Redwood City; www.broadwaybythebay.org. $20-48. Thu/26-Sat/28, 8pm (also Sat/28, 2pm); Sun/29, 2pm. Broadway By the Bay performs Roger Bean’s retro musical, featuring classic tunes of the 1950s and ’60s.
A Midsummer Night’s Dream Forest Meadows Amphitheater, 890 Belle, Dominican University of California, San Rafael; www.marinshakespeare.org. $20-35. Aug 12, Sept 2, 16, 23, and 30, 4pm; Aug 3, 5, 12, 18, 24, 26, Sept 7, 9, 15, 28-29, 8pm. Through Sept 30. Marin Shakespeare Company performs the Bard’s classic, transported to the shores of Hawaii.
Noises Off Live Oak Theatre, 1301 Shattuck, Berk; www.aeofberkeley.org. $15. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Aug 12, 2pm. Through Aug 18. Actors Ensemble of Berkeley performs Michael Frayn’s backstage comedy.
Roald Dahl’s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Julia Morgan Theatre, 2640 College, Berk; www.berkeleyplayhouse.org. $17-35. Thu, Sat, and Wed/25, 7pm (also Sat, 2pm); Sun, noon and 5pm. Through Aug 19. Berkeley Playhouse performs a musical based on the candy-filled book, with songs from the 1971 movie adaptation.
Upright Grand TheatreWorks at Lucie Stern Theatre, 1305 Middlefield, Palo Alto; www.theatreworks.org. $24-73. Tue-Wed, 7:30pm; Thu-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 2pm); Sun, 7pm. Through Aug 10. TheatreWorks launches its 43rd season with the world premiere of Laura Schellhardt’s play about a musical father and daughter.
PERFORMANCE/DANCE
"Ballroom With a Twist" Marines’ Memorial Theatre, 609 Sutter, Second Flr, SF; www.marinesmemorialtheatre.com. Thu/26-Sat/28, 8pm (also Sat/28, 2pm); Sun/29, 2 and 6pm. $49-79. Dancing With the Stars pros and contestants from American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance perform pumped-up ballroom dance and music.
BATS Improv Bayfront Theater, B350 Fort Mason Center, SF; www.improv.org. Fri/27, 8pm: "Naked" Theatresports, $17. Sat/28, 8pm: "Spontaneous Broadway," $20.
"Comedy Showdown" Tommy T’s Comedy Showroom, 1000 Van Ness, SF; sayitlikethatcomedypresents.blogspot.com. Thu/26, 8 and 10pm. $15-20. Tony Sparks hosts this stand-up performance with Marvellus Marv, Glamis Rory, Jabari Davis, and more.
"Elect to Laugh" Studio Theater, Marsh San Francisco, 1062 Valencia, SF; (415) 282-3055, www.themarsh.org. Tue, 8pm. Through Nov 6. $15-50. Veteran political comedian Will Durst emphasizes he’s watching the news and keeping track of the presidential race "so you don’t have to." No kidding, it sounds like brutal work for anyone other than a professional comedian for whom alone it must be Willy Wonka’s edible Eden of delicious material. Durst deserves thanks for ingesting this material and converting it into funny, but between the ingesting and out-jesting there’s the risk of turning too palatable what amounts to a deeply offensive excuse for a democratic process, as we once again hurtle and are herded toward another election-year November, with its attendant massive anticlimax and hangover already so close you can touch them. Durst knows his politics and comedy backwards and forwards, and the evolving show, which pops up at the Marsh every Tuesday in the run-up to election night, offers consistent laughs born on his breezy, infectious delivery. One just wishes there were some alternative political universe that also made itself known alongside the deft two-party sportscasting. (Avila)
"Folded Into a Tempest" Noh Space, 2840 Mariposa, SF; www.shashahigby.com. Fri/27-Sat/28, 8pm. $18-25. Sha Sha Higby performs an exploration of life, death, and rebirth using her unique sculptural costumes and puppetry.
"Jillarious Tuesdays" Tommy T’s Showroom, 1000 Van Ness, SF; www.jillarious.com. Tue, 7:30. Ongoing. $20. Weekly comedy show with Jill Bourque, Kevin Camia, Justin Lucas, and special guests.
"Majestic Musical Review Featuring Her Rebel Highness" Harlot, 46 Minna, SF; www.herrebelhighness.com. Sun, 5pm. Through Aug 12. $25-65. A trio of 18th century princesses (the graceful, full-throated, international team of Velia Amarasingham, Linsay Rousseau Burnett, and Maria Mikheyenko), chafing under the patriarchal constraints of their otherwise exalted status, metamorphose into a defiant band of disco queens in this stylish, high-kitsch musical revue by writer-producer Amarasingham and composermusical director Simon Amarasingham. The action begins in desultory fashion, bar-side in the Harlot lounge, amid scuttlebutt from a pair of chatty housemaids (Meira Perelstein and a tuneful Diana DiCostanzo) overseen by a giddy royal valet (a gregariously foppish Michael Sommers, also the show’s emcee and narrator). When the dallying princesses finally arrive (sumptuously attired in appealing period costumes by Noric Design), they ascend a small stage attended by Lady Lucinda Pilon (a Goth-inflected Amber Slemmer, alternating nights with director Danica Sena), and launch into a slick set of tightly choreographed ‘autobiographical’ numbers as the prerecorded music progresses stylistically from smooth, harpsichord-tinted dance-floor beats to all-out four-on-the-floor Donna Summerstyle revelry. Despite a certain static, slightly stark ambiance in the site-specific surroundings, with the right crowd and a couple of drinks this 90-minute revue is easily a doubly retro girl-power party for all. (Avila)
"The Romane Event" Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St, SF; www.pacoromane.com. Wed/25, 7:30pm, $10. Stand-up comedy with DJ Real, Ivan Hernandez, Paco Romane, Ronn Vigh, and Alex White, with music by DJ Specific.
San Francisco Ballet Sigmund Stern Grove, 19th Ave and Sloat, SF; www.sterngrove.org. Sun/29, 2pm. Free. The company performs works by Balanchine, Myles Thatcher, Hans van Manen, and Christopher Wheeldon.
"Waiting: A Love Story" Mojo Theatre, 2940 16th St, Ste 217, SF; www.brownpapertickets.com. Sat/28, 8pm; Sun/29, 3pm. $15. Sherri Rose performs her comedy about the messy world of relationships.
Film Listings
Film listings are edited by Cheryl Eddy. Reviewers are Kimberly Chun, Max Goldberg, Dennis Harvey, and Lynn Rapoport. For rep house showtimes, see Rep Clock. Due to early deadlines for the Best of the Bay issue, theater information was not available at presstime.
OPENING
Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry Unstoppable force meets immovable object — and indeed gets stopped — in Alison Klayman’s documentary about China’s most famous contemporary artist. A larger than life figure, Ai Weiwei’s bohemian rebel persona was honed during a long (1981-93) stint in the U.S., where he fit right into Manhattan’s avant-garde and gallery scenes. Returning to China when his father’s health went south, he continued to push the envelope with projects in various media, including architecture — he’s best known today for the 2008 Beijing Olympics’ “Bird’s Nest” stadium design. But despite the official approval implicit in such high-profile gigs, his incessant, obdurate criticism of China’s political repressive politics and censorship — a massive installation exposing the government-suppressed names of children killed by collapsing, poorly-built schools during the 2008 Sichuan earthquake being one prominent example — has tread dangerous ground. This scattershot but nonetheless absorbing portrait stretches its view to encompass the point at which the subject’s luck ran out: when the film was already in post-production, he was arrested, then held for two months without official charge before he was accused of alleged tax evasion. (He is now free, albeit barred from leaving China, and “suspected” of additional crimes including pornography and bigamy.) (1:31) (Harvey) The Queen of Versailles Lauren Greenfield’s obscenely entertaining The Queen of Versailles takes a long, turbulent look at the lifestyles lived by David and Jackie Siegel. He is the 70-something undisputed king of timeshares; she is his 40-something (third) wife, a former beauty queen with the requisite blonde locks and major rack, both probably not entirely Mother Nature-made. He’s so compulsive that he’s never saved, instead plowing every buck back into the business. When the recession hits, that means this billionaire is — in ready-cash as opposed to paper terms — suddenly sorta kinda broke, just as an enormous Las Vegas project is opening and the family’s stupefyingly large new “home” (yep, modeled after Versailles) is mid-construction. Plugs must be pulled, corners cut. Never having had to, the Siegels discover (once most of the servants have been let go) they have no idea how to run a household. Worse, they discover that in adversity they have a very hard time pulling together — in particular, David is revealed as a remote, cold, obsessively all-business person who has no use for getting or giving “emotional support;” not even for being a husband or father, much. What ultimately makes Queen poignantly more than a reality-TV style peek at the garishly wealthy is that Jackie, despite her incredibly vulgar veneer (she’s like a Jennifer Coolidge character, forever squeezed into loud animal prints), is at heart just a nice girl from hicksville who really, really wants to make this family work. (1:40) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)
Red Lights Skeptics and budding myth busters, get ready. Maybe. Director-writer Rodrigo Cortés blends the stuff of thrillers and horror in this slippery take on psychics and their debunkers. Psychologist Margaret Matheson (Sigourney Weaver) and her weirdly loyal assistant Tom (Cillian Murphy) investigate paranormal phenomena — faith healers, trance mediums, ghost hunters, and psychics — in order to peer behind the curtain and expose all Ozs great and small. Spoon-bending blind ESP master Simon Silver (Robert De Niro) is their biggest prize: he’s come out of retirement after the death of his most dogged critic. Has Silver learned to kill with his mind? And can we expect a brain-blowing finale on the same level as The Fury (1978)? Despite all the high-powered acting talent in the room, Red Lights never quite convinces us of the urgency of its mission — it’s hard to swallow that the debunking of paranormal phenomenon rates as international news in an online-driven 24/7 multiniched news cycle — and feels like a curious ’70s throwback with its Three Days of the Condor-style investigative nail-biter arc, while supplying little of the visceral, camp showman panache of a De Palma. (1:53) (1:53) (Chun)
Ruby Sparks Meta has rarely skewed as appealingly as with this indie rom-com spinning off a writerly version of the Pygmalion and Galatea tale, as penned by the object-of-desire herself: Zoe Kazan. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris helm this heady fantasy about a crumpled, geeky novelist, Calvin (Paul Dano), who’s suffering from the sophomore slump — he can’t seem to break his rock-solid writers block and pen a follow-up to his hit debut. He’s a victim of his own success, especially when he finally begins to write, about a dream girl, a fun-loving, redheaded artist named Ruby (scriptwriter Kazan), who one day actually materializes. When he types that she speaks nothing but French, out comes a stream of the so-called language of diplomacy. Calvin soon discovers the limits and dangers of creation — say, the hazards of tweaking a manifestation when she doesn’t do what you desire, and the question of what to do when one’s baby Frankenstein grows bored and restless in the narrow circle of her creator’s imagination. Kazan — and Dayton and Faris — go to the absurd, even frightening, limits of the age-old Pygmalion conceit, giving it a feminist charge, while helped along by a cornucopia of colorful cameos by actors like Annette Bening and Antonio Banderas as Calvin’s Big Sur-dwelling boho mom and her furniture-building boyfriend. Dano is as adorably befuddled as ever and adds the crucial texture of every-guy reality, though ultimately this is Kazan’s show, whether she’s testing the boundaries of a genuinely codependent relationship or tugging at the puppeteer’s strings. (1:44) (Chun)
Sacrifice Power-mad General Tu’an (Wang Xueqi) engineers the slaughter of the entire Zhao clan — including the newborn son who’s the last of the line. But the baby’s been swapped with the child of the doctor, Cheng Ying (Ge You), who delivered him, and the deception train pretty much goes off the rails after that. Suffice to say the Zhao heir survives while Cheng Ying’s wife and infant do not, and Tu’an is none the wiser. Revenge seems the only logical move, so Cheng Ying patiently waits years for the boy to grow up and learn martial arts from Tu’an, plotting that he’ll reveal the truth when the (kinda bratty) child becomes capable of killing his beloved “godfather” — a.k.a. the guy who massacred his family (and the family of his adoptive father). If that sounds complicated, know that this epic from Chen Kaige (1993’s Farewell My Concubine) has over two hours to get through all those plot mechanics. Also, it’s gorgeously shot, mixing the classy trappings of a big-budget historical melodrama with thunderous battles and scenes of brutal violence. (2:10) SF Film Society Cinema. (Eddy)
Shit Year Santa Cruz artist Cam Archer’s 2006 debut feature Wild Tigers I Have Known was a texturally gorgeous but content-lite exercise that often seemed like an extended audition for the role of Next Gus Van Sant. (The real one was, in fact, its executive producer.) This sophomore effort strikes pretty much the same (im-) balance. Colleen West (Ellen Barkin) is a famous, now middle-aged actress who decides to retire — why, we don’t know, particularly since she only seems more brittle, dissatisfied, and hollow upon retreating to an isolated home in a woodsy area. (She doesn’t even seem to like nature.) There, she tolerates a sorta-friendship with an irritatingly chirpy neighbor (Melora Walters), endures a visit by the irritatingly uncomplicated, stable brother she was never close to (Rick Einstein), and recalls an unfulfilling affair with her much younger co-star in a play (Luke Grimes). She also imagines (?) appointments with a terse interrogator (Theresa Randle) offering some sort of futuristic experience-simulation service in an eerie all-white environ. While one questions whether there actually was one, per se, Archer’s fragmentary script alternates these flashbacks, surreal interludes, and present-tense expressions of existential ennui (“I’m surrounded by a world of nothing,” Colleen moans) into pretty formations. The film’s B&W photography (by Aaron Platt), editing, production design, musical choices, etc. are all impeccably mannered. But our protagonist’s bored self-absorbsion and self-pity, lacking any backgrounding psychology, is ultimately as vacuous a dead-end as it is when Vincent Gallo is baring his soul. Having a bitchy, platinum-haired Barkin do the job for Archer makes the effect a little campier, but no more resonant. That said, this movie would probably seem brilliant if watched on quaaludes. (1:35) Roxie. (Harvey)
Step Up Revolution It’s Occupy meets The Goonies (1985) — with better moves than the “Truffle Shuffle” — when the dancin’ Step Up kids take on an evil developer who threatens their ‘hood. (1:20)
The Watch Suburban dudes (including Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and Jonah Hill) band together when aliens make an unscheduled visit. (1:38)
The Well-Diggers Daughter Daniel Auteuil owes a debt of gratitude to Marcel Pagnol, courtesy of his breakthrough roles in the 1980s remakes of the writer and filmmaker’s Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring. He returns the favor with his debut directorial work, reworking the 1940s film and crafting a loving, old-school tribute to Pagnol. The world is poised on the edge of World War I; Auteuil plays salt-of-the-earth Pascal Amoretti. The poor widower does the town’s dirty work (oh, the dangerous symbolism of hole-digging) and cares for his six daughters — his favorite, the eldest and the most beautiful, Patricia (Astrid Berges-Frisbey), has caught the eye of his assistant, Felipe (Kad Merad). The happy home — and tidy arrangement — is shattered, however, when Patricia meets an inconveniently dashing pilot Jacques Mazel (Nicolas Duvauchelle), who sweeps her away, in the worst way possible for a girl of her day. “You’ve sinned, and I thought you were an angel,” says the stunned father when he hears his beloved offspring is pregnant. “Angels don’t live on earth,” she responds. “I’m like any other girl.” Faced with the inevitable, Auteuil and company shine a sweet but, importantly, not saccharine light — one that’s as golden warm as the celebrated sunshine of rural Provence — on the proceedings. And equipped with Pagnol’s eloquent prose, as channeled through his love of the working folk, he restores this tale’s gently throwback emotional power, making it moving once more for an audience worlds away. (1:45) (Chun)
ONGOING
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Are mash-ups really so 2001? Not according to the literary world, where writer Seth Graham-Smith has been doing brisk trade in gore-washing perfectly interesting historical figures and decent works of literature — a fan fiction-rooted strategy that now reeks of a kind of camp cynicism when it comes to a terminally distracted, screen-aholic generation. Still, I was strangely excited by the cinematic kitsch possibilities of Graham-Smith’s Lincoln alternative history-cum-fantasy, here in the hands of Timur Bekmambetov (2004’s Night Watch). Historians, prepare to fume — it helps if you let go of everything you know about reality: as Vampire Hunter opens, young Lincoln learns some harsh lessons about racial injustice, witnessing the effects of slavery and the mistreatment of his black friend Will. As a certain poetic turn would have it, slave owners here are invariably vampires or in cahoots with the undead, as is the wicked figure, Jack Barts (Marton Csokas), who beats both boys and sucks Lincoln’s father dry financially. In between studying to be a lawyer and courting Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), the adult Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) vows to take revenge on the man who caused the death of his mother and enters the tutelage of vampire hunter Henry (Dominic Cooper), who puts Abe’s mad skills with an ax to good use. Toss in a twist or two; more than few freehand, somewhat humorous rewrites of history (yes, we all wish we could have tweaked the facts to have a black man working by Lincoln’s side to abolish slavery); and Bekmambetov’s tendency to direct action with the freewheeling, spectacle-first audacity of a Hong Kong martial arts filmmaker (complete with at least one gaping continuity flaw) — and you have a somewhat amusing, one-joke, B-movie exercise that probably would have made a better short or Grindhouse-esque trailer than a full-length feature — something the makers of the upcoming Pride and Prejudice and Zombies should bear in mind. (1:45) (Chun)
The Amazing Spider-Man A mere five years after Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man 3 — forgettable on its own, sure, but 2002’s Spider-Man and especially 2004’s Spider-Man 2 still hold up — Marvel’s angsty web-slinger returns to the big screen, hoping to make its box-office mark before The Dark Knight Rises opens in a few weeks. Director Marc Webb (2009’s 500 Days of Summer) and likable stars Andrew Garfield (as the skateboard-toting hero) and Emma Stone (as his high-school squeeze) offer a competent reboot, but there’s no shaking the feeling that we’ve seen this movie before, with its familiar origin story and with-great-power themes. A little creativity, and I don’t mean in the special effects department, might’ve gone a long way to make moviegoers forget this Spidey do-over is, essentially, little more than a soulless cash grab. Not helping matters: the villain (Rhys Ifans as the Lizard) is a snooze. (2:18) (Eddy)
Beasts of the Southern Wild Six months after winning the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance (and a Cannes Camera d’Or), Beasts of the Southern Wild proves capable of enduring a second or third viewing with its originality and strangeness fully intact. Magical realism is a primarily literary device that isn’t attempted very often in U.S. cinema, and succeeds very rarely. But this intersection between Faulkner and fairy tale, a fable about — improbably — Hurricane Katrina, is mysterious and unruly and enchanting. Benh Zeitlin’s film is wildly cinematic from the outset, as voiceover narration from six-year-old Hushpuppy (Quvenzhané Wallis) offers simple commentary on her rather fantastical life. She abides in the Bathtub, an imaginary chunk of bayou country south of New Orleans whose residents live closer to nature, amid the detritus of civilization. Seemingly everything is some alchemical combination of scrap heap, flesh, and soil. But not all is well: when “the storm” floods the land, the holdouts are forced at federal gunpoint to evacuate. With its elements of magic, mythological exodus, and evolutionary biology, Beasts goes way out on a conceptual limb; you could argue it achieves many (if not more) of the same goals Terrence Malick’s 2011 The Tree of Life did at a fraction of that film’s cost and length. (1:31) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)
Bernie Jack Black plays the titular new assistant funeral director liked by everybody in small-town Carthage, Tex. He works especially hard to ingratiate himself with shrewish local widow Marjorie (Shirley MacLaine), but there are benefits — estranged from her own family, she not only accepts him as a friend (then companion, then servant, then as virtual “property”), but makes him her sole heir. Richard Linklater’s latest is based on a true-crime story, although in execution it’s as much a cheerful social satire as I Love You Philip Morris and The Informant! (both 2009), two other recent fact-based movies about likable felons. Black gets to sing (his character being a musical theater queen, among other things), while Linklater gets to affectionately mock a very different stratum of Lone Star State culture from the one he started out with in 1991’s Slacker. There’s a rich gallery of supporting characters, most played by little-known local actors or actual townspeople, with Matthew McConaughey’s vainglorious county prosecutor one delectable exception. Bernie is its director’s best in some time, not to mention a whole lot of fun. (1:39) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (1:42)
Brave Pixar’s latest is a surprisingly familiar fairy tale. Scottish princess Merida (voiced by Kelly Macdonald) would rather ride her horse and shoot arrows than become engaged, but it’s Aladdin-style law that she must marry the eldest son of one of three local clans. (Each boy is so exaggeratedly unappealing that her reluctance seems less tomboy rebellion than common sense.) Her mother (Emma Thompson) is displeased; when they quarrel, Merida decides to change her fate (Little Mermaid-style) by visiting the local spell-caster (a gentle, absent-minded soul that Ursula the Sea Witch would eat for brunch). Naturally, the spell goes awry, but only the youngest of movie viewers will fear that Merida and her mother won’t be able to make things right by the end. Girl power is great, but so are suspense and originality. How, exactly, is Brave different than a zillion other Disney movies about spunky princesses? Well, Merida’s fiery explosion of red curls, so detailed it must have had its own full-time team of animators working on it, is pretty fantastic. (1:33) (Eddy)
A Burning Hot Summer (1:35) SF Film Society Cinema.
Dark Horse You can look at filmmaker Todd Solondz’s work and find it brilliant, savage, and challenging; or show-offy, contrived, and fraudulent. The circles of interpersonal (especially familial) hell he describes are simultaneously brutal, banal, and baroque. But what probably distresses people most is that they’re also funny — raising the issue of whether he trivializes trauma for the sake of cheap shock-value yuks, or if black comedy is just another valid way of facing the unbearable. Dark Horse is disturbing because it’s such a slight, inconsequential, even soft movie by his standards; this time, the sharp edges seem glibly cynical, and the sum ordinary enough to no longer seem unmistakably his. Abe (Jordan Gelber) is an obnoxious jerk of about 35 who still lives with his parents (Mia Farrow, Christopher Walken) and works at dad’s office, likely because no one else would employ him. But Abe doesn’t exactly see himself as a loser. He resents and blames others for being winners, which is different — he sees the inequality as their fault. Dark Horse is less of an ensemble piece than most of Solondz’s films, and in hinging on Abe, it diminishes his usual ambivalence toward flawed humanity. Abe has no redemptive qualities — he’s just an annoyance, one whose mental health issues aren’t clarified enough to induce sympathy. (1:25) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)
The Dark Knight Rises Early reviews that called out The Dark Knight Rises‘ flaws were greeted with the kind of vicious rage that only anonymous internet commentators can dish out. And maybe this is yet another critic-proof movie, albeit not one based on a best-selling YA book series. Of course, it is based on a comic book, though Christopher Nolan’s sophisticated filmmaking and Christian Bale’s tortured lead performance tend to make that easy to forget. In this third and “final” installment in Nolan’s trilogy, Bruce Wayne has gone into seclusion, skulking around his mansion and bemoaning his broken body and shattered reputation. He’s lured back into the Batcave after a series of unfortunate events, during which The Dark Knight Rises takes some jabs at contemporary class warfare (with problematic mixed results), introduces a villain with pecs of steel and an at-times distractingly muffled voice (Tom Hardy), and unveils a potentially dangerous device that produces sustainable energy (paging Tony Stark). Make no mistake: this is an exciting, appropriately moody conclusion to a superior superhero series, with some nice turns by supporting players Gary Oldman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. But in trying to cram in so many characters and plot threads and themes (so many prisons in this thing, literal and figural), The Dark Knight Rises is ultimately done in by its sprawl. Without a focal point — like Heath Ledger’s menacing, iconic Joker in 2008’s The Dark Knight — the stakes aren’t as high, and the end result feels more like a superior summer blockbuster than one for the ages. (2:44) (Eddy)
Farewell, My Queen (Benoît Jacquot, France, 2012) Opening early on the morning of July 14, 1789, Farewell, My Queen depicts four days at the Palace of Versailles on the eve of the French Revolution, as witnessed by a young woman named Sidonie Laborde (Léa Seydoux) who serves as reader to Marie Antoinette (Diane Kruger). Sidonie displays a singular and romantic devotion to the queen, while the latter’s loyalties are split between a heedless amour propre and her grand passion for the Duchess de Polignac (Virginie Ledoyen). These domestic matters and other regal whims loom large in the tiny galaxy of the queen’s retinue, so that while elsewhere in the palace, in shadowy, candle-lit corridors, courtiers and their servants mingle to exchange news, rumor, panicky theories, and evacuation plans, in the queen’s quarters the task of embroidering a dahlia for a projected gown at times overshadows the storming of the Bastille and the much larger catastrophe on the horizon. (1:39) (Rapoport)
Headhunters Despite being the most sought-after corporate headhunter in Oslo, Roger (Aksel Hennie) still doesn’t make enough money to placate his gorgeous wife; his raging Napoleon complex certainly doesn’t help matters. Crime is, as always, the only solution, so Roger’s been supplementing his income by stealthily relieving his rich, status-conscious clients of their most expensive artworks (with help from his slightly unhinged partner, who works for a home-security company). When Roger meets the dashing Clas Greve (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau of Game of Thrones) — a Danish exec with a sinister, mysterious military past, now looking to take over a top job in Norway — he’s more interested in a near-priceless painting rumored to be stashed in Greve’s apartment. The heist is on, but faster than you can say “MacGuffin,” all hell breaks loose (in startlingly gory fashion), and the very charming Roger is using his considerable wits to stay alive. Based on a best-selling “Scandi-noir” novel, Headhunters is just as clever as it is suspenseful. See this version before Hollywood swoops in for the inevitable (rumored) remake. (1:40) (Eddy)
Ice Age: Continental Drift (1:27)
The Intouchables Cries of “racism” seem a bit out of hand when it comes to this likable albeit far-from-challenging French comedy loosely based on a real-life relationship between a wealthy white quadriplegic and his caretaker of color. The term “cliché” is more accurate. And where were these critics when 1989’s Driving Miss Daisy and 2011’s The Help — movies that seem designed to make nostalgic honkies feel good about those fraught relationships skewed to their advantage—were coming down the pike? (It also might be more interesting to look at how these films about race always hinge on economies in which whites must pay blacks to interact with/educate/enlighten them.) In any case, Omar Sy, portraying Senegalese immigrant Driss, threatens to upset all those pundits’ apple carts with his sheer life force, even when he’s shaking solo on the dance floor to sounds as effortlessly unprovocative, and old-school, as Earth, Wind, and Fire. In fact, everything about The Intouchables is as old school as 1982’s 48 Hrs., spinning off the still laugh-grabbing humor that comes with juxtaposing a hipper, more streetwise black guy with a hapless, moneyed chalky. The wheelchair-bound Philippe (Francois Cluzet) is more vulnerable than most, and he has a hard time getting along with any of his nurses, until he meets Driss, who only wants his signature for his social services papers. It’s not long before the cultured, classical music-loving Philippe’s defenses are broken down by Driss’ flip, somewhat honest take on the follies and pretensions of high culture — a bigger deal in France than in the new world, no doubt. Director-writer Olivier Nakache and Eric Toledano aren’t trying to innovate —they seem more set on crafting an effervescent blockbuster that out-blockbusters Hollywood — and the biggest compliment might be that the stateside remake is already rumored to be in the works. (1:52) (Chun)
Jiro Dreams of Sushi Celebrity-chef culture has surely reached some kind of zeitgeist, what with the omnipresence of Top Chef and other cooking-themed shows, and the headlines-making power of people like Paula Deen (diabetes) and Mario Batali (sued for ripping off his wait staff). Unconcerned with the trappings of fame — you’ll never see him driving a Guy Fieri-style garish sports car — is Jiro Ono, 85-year-old proprietor of Sukiyabashi Jiro, a tiny, world-renowned sushi restaurant tucked into Tokyo’s Ginza station. Jiro, a highly-disciplined perfectionist who believes in simple, yet flavorful food, has devoted his entire life to the pursuit of “deliciousness” — to the point of sushi invading his dreams, as the title of David Gelb’s reverential documentary suggests. But Jiro Dreams of Sushi goes deeper than food-prep porn (though, indeed, there’s plenty of that); it also examines the existential conflicts faced by Jiro’s two middle-aged sons. Both were strongly encouraged to enter the family business — and in the intervening years, have had to accept the soul-crushing fact that no matter how good their sushi is, it’ll never be seen as exceeding the creations of their legendary father. (1:21) (Eddy)
Katy Perry: Part of Me (1:57)
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted (1:33)
Magic Mike Director Steven Soderbergh pays homage to the 1970s with the opening shot of his male stripper opus: the boxy old Warner Bros. logo, which evokes the gritty, sexualized days of Burt Reynolds and Joe Namath posing in pantyhose. Was that really the last time women, en masse, were welcome to ogle to their heart’s content? That might be the case considering the outburst of applause when a nude Channing Tatum rises after a hard night in a threesome in Magic Mike‘s first five minutes. Ever the savvy film historian, Soderbergh toys with the conventions of the era, from the grimy quasi-redneck realism of vintage Reynolds movies to the hidebound framework of the period’s gay porn, almost for his own amusement, though the viewer might be initially confused about exactly what year they’re in. Veteran star stripper Mike (Tatum) is working construction, stripping to the approval of many raucous ladies and their stuffable dollar bills. He decides to take college-dropout blank-slate hottie Adam (Alex Pettyfer) under his wing and ropes him into the strip club, owned by Dallas (Matthew McConaughey, whose formidable abs look waxily preserved) and show him the ropes of stripping and having a good time, much to the disapproval of Adam’s more straight-laced sister Brooke (Cody Horn). Really, though, all Mike wants to do is become a furniture designer. Boasting Foreigner’s “Feels like the First Time” as its theme of sorts and spot-on, hot choreography by Alison Faulk (who’s worked with Madonna and Britney Spears), Magic Mike takes off and can’t help but please the crowd when it turns to the stage. Unfortunately the chemistry-free budding romance between Mike and Brooke sucks the air out of the proceedings every time it comes into view, which is way too often. (1:50) (Chun)
Marvel’s The Avengers The conflict — a mystical blue cube containing earth-shattering (literally) powers is stolen, with evil intent — isn’t the reason to see this long-hyped culmination of numerous prequels spotlighting its heroic characters. Nay, the joy here is the whole “getting’ the band back together!” vibe; director and co-writer Joss Whedon knows you’re just dying to see Captain America (Chris Evans) bicker with Iron Man (a scene-stealing Robert Downey Jr.); Thor (Chris Hemsworth) clash with bad-boy brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston); and the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) get angry as often as possible. (Also part of the crew, but kinda mostly just there to look good in their tight outfits: Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye and Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow.) Then, of course, there’s Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) running the whole Marvel-ous show, with one good eye and almost as many wry quips as Downey’s Tony Stark. Basically, The Avengers gives you everything you want (characters delivering trademark lines and traits), everything you expect (shit blowing up, humanity being saved, etc.), and even makes room for a few surprises. It doesn’t transcend the comic-book genre (like 2008’s The Dark Knight did), but honestly, it ain’t trying to. The Avengers wants only to entertain, and entertain it does. (2:23) (Eddy)
Moonrise Kingdom Does Wes Anderson’s new film mark a live-action return to form after 2007’s disappointingly wan Darjeeling Limited? More or less. Does it tick all the Andersonian style and content boxes? Indubitably. In the most obvious deviation Anderson has taken with Moonrise, he gives us his first period piece, a romance set in 1965 on a fictional island off the New England coast. After a chance encounter at a church play, pre-teen Khaki Scout Sam (newcomer Jared Gilman) instantly falls for the raven-suited, sable-haired Suzy Bishop (Kara Hayward, ditto). The two become pen pals, and quickly bond over the shared misery of being misunderstood by both authority figures and fellow kids. The bespectacled Sam is an orphan, ostracized by his foster parents and scout troop (much to the dismay of its straight-arrow leader Edward Norton). Suzy despises her clueless attorney parents, played with gusto by Bill Murray and Frances McDormand in some of the film’s funniest and best scenes. When the two kids run off together, the whole thing begins to resemble a kind of tween version of Godard’s 1965 lovers-on the-lam fantasia Pierrot le Fou. But like most of Anderson’s stuff, it has a gauzy sentimentality more akin to Truffaut than Godard. Imagine if the sequence in 2001’s The Royal Tenenbaums where Margot and Richie run away to the Museum of Natural History had been given the feature treatment: it’s a simple yet inspired idea, and it becomes a charming little tale of the perils of growing up and selling out the fantasy. But it doesn’t feel remotely risky. It’s simply too damn tame. (1:37) (Michelle Devereaux)
Patang (The Kite) Loving memories tethered to a place (Ahmedabad, India), moment (the city’s kite festival, the largest of its kind in the country), and season (according to the Hindu calendar, the event coincides with the day that wind direction shifts) beautifully suffuse this first feature film by director and co-writer Prashant Bhargava. Certainly Patang (The Kite) is the story of a family: Delhi businessman Jayesh (Mukund Shukla) has returned with his freewheeling, movie-camera-toting daughter Priya (Sugandha Garg) to his majestically ramshackle family home, where he supports his mother, sister-in-law (Seema Biswas of 1994’s Bandit Queen), and nephew Chakku (Nawazuddin Siddiqui). He’s come to indulge his childhood love of kite flying and to introduce Priya to Ahmedabad’s old-world sights and ways. Entangled among the strands of story are past resentments —harbored by Chakku against his paternalistic uncle — and new hopes, particularly in the form of a budding romance between Priya and Bobby (Aakash Maherya), the son of the kite shop owner. Above all — and as much a presence as any other — is the city, with its fleeting pleasures and memorable faces, captured with vérité verve and sensuous lyricism on small HD cameras by Bhargava and director of photography Shanker Raman. Their imagery imprints on a viewer like an early memory, darting to mind like those many bright kites dancing buoyantly in the city sky. (1:32) (Chun)
People Like Us The opening song — James Gang’s can’t-fail “Funk #49” — only partially announces where this earnest family drama is going. Haunted by a deceased music-producer patriarch, barely sketched-out tales of his misadventures, and a soundtrack of solid AOR, this film has mixed feelings about its boomer bloodlines, much like the recent Peace, Love and Misunderstanding: these boomer-ambivalent films are the inverse of celebratory sites like Dads Are the Original Hipsters. Commodity-bartering wheeler-dealer Sam (Chris Pine) is skating on the edges of legality — and wallowing in his own kind of Type-A prickishness — so when his music biz dad passes, he tries to lie his way out of flying back home to see his mother Lillian (Michelle Pfeiffer), with his decent law student girlfriend (Olivia Wilde). He doesn’t want to face the memories of his self-absorbed absentee-artist dad, but he also doesn’t want to deal with certain legal action back home, so when his father’s old lawyer friend drops a battered bag of cash on him, along with a note to give it to a young boy (Michael Hall D’Addario) and his mother Frankie (Elizabeth Banks), he’s beset with conflict. Should he take the money and run away from his troubles or uncover the mysterious loved ones his father left behind? Director and co-writer Alexa Kurtzman mostly wrote for TV before this, his debut feature, and in many ways People Like Us resembles the tidy, well-meaning dramas about responsibility and personal growth one might still find on, say, Lifetime. It’s also tough to swallow Banks, as gifted as she is as an actress, as an addiction-scarred, traumatized single mom in combat boots. At the same time People Like Us isn’t without its charms, drawing you into its small, specific dramas with real-as-TV touches and the faintest sexy whiff of rock ‘n’ roll. (1:55) (Chun)
Prometheus Ridley Scott’s return to outer space — after an extended stay in Russell Crowe-landia — is most welcome. Some may complain Prometheus too closely resembles Scott’s Alien (1979), for which it serves as a prequel of sorts. Prometheus also resembles, among others, The Thing (1982), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), and Event Horizon (1997). But I love those movies (yes, even Event Horizon), and I am totally fine with the guy who made Alien borrowing from all of them and making the classiest, most gorgeous sci-fi B-movie in years. Sure, some of the science is wonky, and the themes of faith and creation can get a bit woo-woo, but Prometheus is deep-space discombobulation at its finest, with only a miscast Logan Marshall-Green (apparently, cocky dude-bros are still in effect at the turn of the next millennium) marring an otherwise killer cast: Noomi Rapace as a dreamy (yet awesomely tough) scientist; Idris Elba as Prometheus‘ wisecracking captain; Charlize Theron as the Weyland Corportation’s icy overseer; and Michael Fassbender, giving his finest performance to date as the ship’s Lawrence of Arabia-obsessed android. (2:03) (Eddy)
Rock of Ages (2:03)
Romantics Anonymous An awkward, bumbling Parisian chocolatier named Jean-Rene (Benoît Poelvoorde) falls for his gorgeous, equally awkward sales rep, Angélique (Isabelle Carré), while never missing an opportunity to say the wrong thing, surrender to shyness, or panic under pressure. It’s crucial for films involving such protracted awkwardness to give the audience something to cling to emotionally, but instead we’re handed a limp, formulaic story, sorely underdeveloped characters, and lazy writing in which the protagonists act uncharacteristically stupid/gullible/oblivious for the sake of plot-expedience. Amélie (2001) mined similar thematic territory, but its success lay in the depth of its characters; Romantics Anonymous is about little more than the idea of two hopeless romantics, and that’s simply not enough to hold interest. It’s beautifully scored, lovingly shot, and steeped in vintage French atmosphere — but that doesn’t compensate for sketchy characterization and weak, predictable storytelling. (1:20) Roxie. (Taylor Kaplan) Safety Not Guaranteed San Francisco-born director Colin Trevorrow’s narrative debut feature Safety Not Guaranteed, written by Derek Connolly, has an improbable setup: not that rural loner Kenneth (Mark Duplass) would place a personal ad for a time travel partner (“Must bring own weapons”), but that a Seattle alt-weekly magazine would pay expenses for a vainglorious staff reporter (Jake Johnson, hilarious) and two interns (Aubrey Plaza, Karan Soni) to stalk him for a fluff feature over the course of several days. The publishing budget allowing that today is true science-fiction. But never mind. Inserting herself “undercover” when a direct approach fails, Plaza’s slightly goth college grad finds she actually likes obsessive, paranoid weirdo Kenneth, and is intrigued by his seemingly insane but dead serious mission. For most of its length Safety falls safely into the category of off-center indie comedics, delivering various loopy and crass behavior with a practiced deadpan, providing just enough character depth to achieve eventual poignancy. Then it takes a major leap — one it would be criminal to spoil, but which turns an admirable little movie into something conceptually surprising, reckless, and rather exhilarating. (1:34) (Harvey)
Savages If it’s true, as some say, that Oliver Stone had lost his way after 9/11 — when seemingly many of his worst fears (and conspiracy theories) came to pass — then perhaps this toothy noir marks his return: it definitely reads as his most emotionally present exercise in years. Not quite as nihilistic as 1994’s Natural Born Killers, yet much juicier than 2010’s Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, this pulpy effort turns on a cultural clash between pleasure-seeking, honky Cali hedonists, who appear to believe in whatever feels good, and double-dealing Mexican mafia muscle, whose apparently ironclad moral code is also shifting like drifting SoCal sands. All are draped in the Stone’s favored vernacular of manly war games with a light veneer of Buddhistic higher-mindedness and, natch, at least one notable wig. Happy pot-growing nouveau-hippies Ben (Aaron Johnson), Chon (Taylor Kitsch), and O (Blake Lively) are living the good life beachside, cultivating plants coaxed from seeds hand-imported by seething Afghanistan war vet Chon and refined by botanist and business major Ben. Pretty, privileged sex toy O sleeps with both — she’s the key prize targeted by Baja drug mogul Elena (Salma Hayek) and her minions, the scary Lado (Benicio Del Toro) and the more well-heeled Alex (Demian Bichir), who want to get a piece of Ben and Chon’s high-THC product. The twists and turnarounds obviously tickle Stone, though don’t look much deeper than Savages‘ saturated, sun-swathed façade — the script based on Don Winslow’s novel shares the take-no-prisoners hardboiled bent of Jim Thompson while sidestepping the brainy, postmodernish light-hearted detachment of Quentin Tarantino’s “extreme” ’90s shenanigans. (1:57) (Chun)
Take this Waltz Confined to the hothouse months of a summer in Toronto, Take This Waltz is a steamy, sad takedown of (rather than a take on) the romantic comedy. That’s only because it’s very romantic and very funny, often at once, but otherwise the film has nothing in common with its generic sistren. It’s a feel-good movie for the cynics, directed by actor turned director Sarah Polley (2007’s Away From Her). Margot (Michelle Williams) is a writer married to Lou (Seth Rogen), who is sweet and caring and cooks chicken for a living. Both are in their late 20s, and they are obviously each others’ first loves. It is a love like that of children: idealistic and blooming, but they never have a serious conversation. Enter neighbor Daniel (Luke Kirby) — a conventionally sexier man than Lou, more swarthy and sweaty. Soon, Margot is conflicted and confused, torturing herself with some heavy emotional gymnastics and flip-flopping. Williams is always good at using her face to convey feeling. In one of two scenes of the film set on a Scrambler carnival ride, the entire arc of Margot registers on her facial gestures, from scared to elated to uncertain as the Buggles’ “Video Killed the Radio Star” surrounds her. Margot may be indecisive, but she is never docile about her desires. She does, inevitably, make a decision and there is eventual closure, unlike most everything else out there in the indie ether. (1:56) Smith Rafael. (Ryan Lattanzio)
Ted Ah, boys and their toys — and the imaginary friends that mirror back a forever-after land of perpetual Peter Pans. That’s the crux of the surprisingly smart, hilarious Ted, aimed at an audience comprising a wide range of classes, races, and cultures with its mix of South Park go-there yuks and rom-commie coming-of-age sentiment. Look at Ted as a pop-culture-obsessed nerd tweak on dream critter-spirit animal buddy efforts from Harvey (1950) to Donnie Darko (2001) to TV’s Wilfred. Of course, we all know that the really untamable creature here wobbles around on two legs, laden with big-time baggage about growing up and moving on from childhood loves. Young John doesn’t have many friends but he is fortunate enough to have his Christmas wish come true: his beloved new teddy bear, Ted (voice by director-writer Seth MacFarlane), begins to talk back and comes to life. With that miracle, too, comes Ted’s marginal existence as a D-list celebrity curiosity — still, he’s the loyal “Thunder Buddy” that’s always there for the now-grown John (Mark Wahlberg), ready with a bong and a broheim-y breed of empathy that involves too much TV, an obsession with bad B-movies, and mock fisticuffs, just the thing when storms move in and mundane reality rolls through. With his tendency to spew whatever profanity-laced thought comes into his head and his talents are a ladies’ bear, Ted is the id of a best friend that enables all of John’s most memorable, un-PC, Hangover-style shenanigans. Alas, John’s cool girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) threatens that tidy fantasy setup with her perfectly reasonable relationship demands. Juggling scary emotions and material that seems so specific that it can’t help but charm — you’ve got to love a shot-by-shot re-creation of a key Flash Gordon scene — MacFarlane sails over any resistance you, Lori, or your superego might harbor about this scenario with the ease of a man fully in touch with his inner Ted. (1:46) (Chun)
30 Beats A sweltering summer day or two in the city ushers in a series of youthful good-lookers, unencumbered and less than dressed, together in kind of NYC-based mini-La Ronde that I’m surprised Woody Allen hasn’t yet attempted. Fresh young thing Julie (Condola Rashad) is off to pop her cherry with lady’s man Adam (Justin Kirk of Weeds), who’s more accustomed to chasing than being chased. Unsettled, he consults with sorceress Erika (Jennifer Tilly), who plies him with sexual magic and then finds herself chasing down her booty-call bud, bike messenger Diego (Jason Day), who’s besotted with the physically and emotionally scarred Laura (Paz de la Huerta). What goes around comes around in director-writer Alexis Lloyd’s debut feature, but alas, not till it’s contorted and triangulated itself in at least one ridiculously solemn BDSM scene. Matters get trickier when romance begins to creep into these urban one-offs. Nonetheless, those with short attention spans who like their people-watching with a healthy splash of big-city hookups, might find this adult indie as refreshing as a romp with a beautiful stranger they’ve briefly locked eyes with. (1:28) (Chun)
To Rome with Love Woody Allen’s film legacy is not like anybody else’s. At present, however, he suffers from a sense that he’s been too prolific for too long. It’s been nearly two decades since a new Woody Allen was any kind of “event,” and the 19 features since Bullets Over Broadway (1994) have been hit and-miss. Still, there’s the hope that Allen is still capable of really surprising us — or that his audience might, as they did by somewhat inexplicably going nuts for 2011’s Midnight in Paris. It was Allen’s most popular film in eons, if not ever, probably helped by the fact that he wasn’t in it. Unfortunately, he’s up there again in the new To Rome With Love, familiar mannerisms not hiding the fact that Woody Allen the Nebbish has become just another Grumpy Old Man. There’s a doddering quality that isn’t intended, and is no longer within his control. But then To Rome With Love is a doddering picture — a postcard-pretty set of pictures with little more than “Have a nice day” scribbled on the back in script terms. Viewers expecting more of the travelogue pleasantness of Midnight in Paris may be forgiving, especially since it looks like a vacation, with Darius Khondji’s photography laying on the golden Italian light and making all the other colors confectionary as well. But if Paris at least had the kernel of a good idea, Rome has only several inexplicably bad ones; it’s a quartet of interwoven stories that have no substance, point, credibility, or even endearing wackiness. The shiny package can only distract so much from the fact that there’s absolutely nothing inside. (1:52) (Harvey)
Trishna Ever difficult to pin down, director Michael Winterbottom continues his restless flipping between the light (2010’s The Trip), artily experimental (2004’s 9 Songs), pulpy (2010’s The Killer Inside Me), and the dead serious (2007’s A Mighty Heart). Trishna, loosely based on Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles and set in small-town and big-city modern-day India, lines up neatly on the bookshelf alongside Winterbottom’s other Hardy bodice-ripper, 1996’s Jude. By chance beautiful village girl Trishna (Freida Pinto) falls in with the handsome, thoroughly Westernized Jay (Riz Ahmed) and his laddish pals on holiday. A truck accident leaves her father unable to provide for their family, so she goes to work at the luxury hotel owned by Jay’s father and overseen by his privileged son. There she gently gives him language tips, accepts his offer to educate her in travel industry management, and enjoys his growing attentions, until one day when he rescues her from roving thugs only to seduce her. Though she flees to her family home and eventually has an abortion, Trishna still proves to be an innocent and consents to live in Mumbai with Jay, who is flirting with the film industry and increasingly effaces his trusting girlfriend as their sexual game-playing becomes increasingly complicated. The shadows of both Hardy and Bollywood flit around Trishna, and this cultural transplant nearly works — the hothouse erotic entanglement between its two principals almost but not quite convinces one that Trishna would be driven to desperate ends. Still, even as Trishna, like Tess, infuriates with her passivity, her story occasionally enthralls — the fruit of Pinto’s surprisingly brave, transparent performance. (1:53) (Chun)
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection (1:54)
Your Sister’s Sister The new movie from Lynn Shelton — who directed star and (fellow mumblecore director) Mark Duplass in her shaggily amusing Humpday (2009) — opens somberly, at a Seattle wake where his Jack makes his deceased brother’s friends uncomfortable by pointing out that the do-gooder guy they’d loved just the last couple years was a bully and jerk for many years before his reformation. This outburst prompts an offer from friend-slash-mutual-crush Iris (Emily Blunt) that he get his head together for a few days at her family’s empty vacation house on a nearby island. Arriving via ferry and bike, he is disconcerted to find someone already in residence — Iris’ sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt), who’s grieving a loss of her own (she’s split with her girlfriend). Several tequila shots later, two Kinsey-scale opposites meet, which creates complications when Iris turns up the next day. A bit slight in immediate retrospect and contrived in its wrap-up, Shelton’s film is nonetheless insinuating, likable, and a little touching while you’re watching it. That’s largely thanks to the actors’ appeal — especially Duplass, who fills in a blunderingly lucky (and unlucky) character’s many blanks with lived-in understatement. (1:30) (Harvey) *
On the Cheap Listings
Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.
WEDNESDAY 25
Grey Panther picnic Live Oak Park, 1301 Walnut, Berk. (510) 548-9696. 1:30-3pm, free. Come hang with the older radical set at this summer fun time – music, poetry, politics welcome.
Bollywood Nights after-hours at the Conservatory of Flowers Golden Gate Park, 100 JFK Drive, SF. www.conservatoryofflowers.org. 6-10pm, $5. Non Stop Bhangra fills the humid air with Punjabi folk notes at this gorgeous greenhouse – learn how to dance bhangra with the group and grab a free cup from the Chai Cart afterwards, with a snack from the Curry Up Now food cart to boot.
KQED free film screening Roxie Theater, 3117 16th St., SF. www.kqed.org. 8pm, free. Two stories of San Francisco take the stage in this free double feature: A Brush With the Tenderloin, the story of muralist Mona Caron’s ode to the neighborhood, and Stage Left, which looks at the San Francisco Actor’s Workshop and its effect on the city’s theater community, starting in 1952.
THURSDAY 26
SF International Poetry Festival Various SF locations and times. www.sfipf.org. Through Sun/29. Readings with bards from around the world take place across SF this weekend – from North Beach to Civic Center Plaza, Amiri Baraka to poets from Sweden and the Phillipines. Check out a stanza or stay for a neighborhood-wide poetry crawl.
“The Berkeley You Didn’t Know” Berkeley Fellowship of Unitarian Universalists, 1924 Cedar, Berk. www.bfuu.org. 7pm, donations suggested. Three Berkeley historians – including the first black woman to serve on the town’s city council – talk about radical traditions in their city. The event is part of this year’s LaborFest (www.laborfest.net), and was organized to provide food for thought for this era’s activists.
FRIDAY 27
Gilroy Garlic Festival Christmas Hill Park, Gilroy. www.gilroygarlicfestival.com. Also Sat/28 and Sun/29. 10am-7pm, $17 one-day admission. Whoever the genius was that snagged the breath mint sponsor of this year’s garlic cook-off: clap, clap. Come for the entertainment (rockabilly to mandolin), stay for the pageant (Miss Gilroy Garlic!), eat garlic-graced snacks from icecream to salmon throughout the day.
“The Culture of Beer” San Francisco Art Institute, 800 Chestnut, SF. (415) 437-1357, www.sfai.edu. 3-9pm, free with pre-registration. Hans Winkler turns the SFAI campus into a beer garden, complete with suds-themed readings, hard-to-find German pints, and originally-designed coasters.
SATURDAY 28
Ohlone basket ceremony Oakland Museum of California, 1000 Oak, SF. www.museumca.org. 1-3pm, free museum admission. Myriad are the issues involved in exhibiting Native Peoples’ crafts, which oftentimes were never meant to live in a sterile museum environment. That’s what makes this ceremony welcoming Ohlone scholar Linda Yamane’s specially-commissioned basket to the museum – it was made to be here. In honor of the 20,000-stitch, 1,200-bead work, the whole family’s invited for storytelling circles, and performances.
Graffiti panel discussion and BBQ 941 Geary, SF. www.941geary.com 2-5pm, free. Local graf artist Apex and the president of aerosol spray can company Montana Colors are among those on this panel looking at graffiti and the environment. Before the chat, get loose with BBQ and beer sponsor Trumer Pils.
Beer Olympics Impala, 501 Broadway, SF. Celebrate the opening of the London 2012 Olympics at Impala’s Beer Olympics. Come wearing a unitard of your choosing – triple “country shots” will be available for the flag of your elected homeland, a perfect warmup for the beer pong, flip cup, and relays that will take place throughout the evening.
“Hotter Than July” bellydance extravaganza La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck, Berk. www.lapena.org. 1pm, $10-$25 suggested donation. Undulate your way through Saturday at this showcase of Bay belly beauties. The cost of your admission goes to supporting Girls Raks Bellydance, a program that improves young girls’ body image through lessons in a judgement-free dance form.
World Naked Bike Ride Justin Herman Plaza, SF. www.worldnakedbikeride.org. 11am, free. Protest global oil dependency by cycling in the buff through town – you’ll be joined by eco-nudes all over the world at the concurrent events in other cities.
Berkeley Kite Festival Cesar E. Chavez Park, 11 Spinnaker Way, Berk. (510) 235-5483, www.berkeleykitefestival.com. Also Sun/29. 10am-6pm, free. A Japanese kite team, ginormous animal flyers, and ample opportunities to make your own creation take center stage at the 27th year of this festival. Soar in for kites, snacks, and a bouncy house for the kiddos.
“No Straight Lines: Four Decades of Queer Comics” Pegasus Book, 2349 Shattuck, Berk. (510) 649-1320, www.pegasusbookstore.com. 7:30pm, free. Justin Hall visually presents the new compilation he edited of LGBT cartoons going back four decades. The book includes Dan Savage’s early work, not to mention Alison Bechdel, Howard Cruse, and Ralf Konig.
SUNDAY 29
Up Your Alley Dore Alley between Howard and Folsom, SF. www.folsomstreetfair.com/alley. 11am-6pm, $7 suggested donation. Each year before the world descends on San Francisco for the leather mania of Folsom Street Fair, Up Your Alley takes place for a slightly more local, intimate, kink street fair. The Folsom-Dore production company donates thousands of dollars each year to small nonprofits, so feel real good about being real bad here.
MONDAY 30
A Million Heavens McSweeney’s book launch party Amnesia, 853 Valencia, SF. www.amnesiathebar.net. 6:30-8:30pm, free. A piano savant in a coma, a wolf on the porowl, a motley vigil in the New Mexico winter. Learn more about the plot of – and raise a glass in this tiny, soju cocktail-endowed Mission venue — John Brandon’s latest novel at this release party.
TUESDAY 31
Stories in the Sand: Sunset District 1847-1964 reading St. Philip’s Catholic Church, 725 Diamond, SF. 7pm, $5. Author Lorri Ungaretti reads from her new book on the early to mid-20th century pioneers who settled the sand dunes of the Sunset. The event is free for members of the SF History Association, which is hosting the event.
Music Listings
Since club life is unpredictable, it’s a good idea to call ahead or check the venue’s website to confirm bookings and hours. Prices are listed when provided to us. Visit www.sfbg.com/venue-guide for venue information. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.
WEDNESDAY 25
ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP
Alberta Cross, Everest, Aaron Lee Tasjan Independent. 8pm, $15.
"Bay Got Soul" Boom Boom Room. 8pm, $5. With Melismatics, Miss Hicks & the Superhicks.
Carletta Sue Kay, Detective Agency, Bugs in Costumes Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $7.
Keith Crossan with Daniel Castro Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.
Crystal Stilts, Mantles Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $15.
Magic Leaves, Lawlands, Grand Lodge Cafe Du Nord. 8pm, $10.
Jason Marion vs Lee Huff Johnny Foley’s Dueling Pianos. 9:30pm.
mewithoutyou, Kevin Devine, Buried Beds Slim’s. 8pm, $16.
Passenger & Pilot, Annie Girl & the Flight, Nora Toomey Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $10.
Terry Savastano Johnny Foley’s. 9pm, free.
Spoek Mathambo, Duckwrth, Armani Cooper Brick and Mortar Music Hall. 9pm, $10-$13.
Teenage Bottlerocket, Dopamines, Elway Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $12.
Tiger Honey Pot, Heavy Voodoo, Elegy, Crimson Scarlet Knockout. 9pm, $7.
JAZZ/NEW MUSIC
Jill Burton, Scott Walton, Tim Perkis Meridian Gallery, 535 Powell, SF; www.meridiangallery.org. 8pm, $8-$10.
Cat’s Corner with Nathan Dias Savanna Jazz. 9pm, $10.
Cosmo AlleyCats Le Colonial, 20 Cosmo Place, SF; www.lecolonialsf.com. 7-10pm.
Dink Dink Dink, Gaucho, Eric Garland’s Jazz Session Amnesia. 7pm, free.
Andrea Marcovicci Rrazz Room. 7:30pm, $35-$45.
Ricardo Scales Top of the Mark, 999 California, SF; www.topofthemark.com. 6:30pm, $5.
FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY
Justin Ancheta Pena Pachamama, 1630 Powell, SF; www.pachamamacenter.org. 8pm, free.
Maria De Barros Yoshi’s SF. 8pm, $20.
Toast Inspectors Plough and Stars. 9pm.
DANCE CLUBS
Booty Call Q-Bar, 456 Castro, SF; www.bootycallwednesdays.com. 9pm. Juanita MORE! and Joshua J host this dance party.
Coo-Yah! Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 10pm, free. DJs Daneekah and Green B spin reggae and dancehall with weekly guests.
Full-Step! Tunnel Top. 10pm, free. Hip-hop, reggae, soul, and funk with DJs Kung Fu Chris and Bizzi Wonda.
Hardcore Humpday Happy Hour RKRL, 52 Sixth St, SF; (415) 658-5506. 6pm, $3.
Obey the Kitty: Ean Golden, Justin Milla Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; www.vesselsf.com. 10pm, $10.
Shutter Elbo Room. 10pm, $5. With DJs Nako, Omar, and Justin.
THURSDAY 26
ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP
Ettes, Nectarine Pie, Warm Pie Thee Parkside. 9pm, $10.
Farewell Drifters , Shants Hotel Utah. 9pm, $10.
Gunshy Johnny Foley’s. 9pm, free.
Harry & the Potters, Potter Puppet Pals Slim’s. 7:30pm, $15.
Lee Huff vs Jason Marion Johnny Foley’s Dueling Pianos. 9:30pm.
"iStandard Producer Showcase: Bay Area Edition" Rockit Room. 9:30pm, $15.
King Tuff, Jaill, Coathangers Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $12.
Hamilton Loomis Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.
Pacific Dub, Katastro Cafe Du Nord. 8pm, $10.
Sioux City Kid, Ferocious Few, Mahgeetah Independent. 8pm, $15.
St. Lucia, Do, popscene DJs Rickshaw Stop. 9:30pm, $14-$15.
Sweet Chariot, Cuates, Josh Harmony Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $7.
Tumbleweed Wanderers, Rin Tin Tiger, Ghost and the City Great American Music Hall. 8pm, $15.
JAZZ/NEW MUSIC
John Pizzarelli Quartet Yoshi’s SF. 8pm, $24; 10pm, $20.
Andrea Marcovicci Rrazz Room. 7:30pm, $35-$45.
Ned Boyton Trio Bottle Cap, 1707 Powell, SF; www.bottlecapsf.com. 7-10pm.
Eddy Ramirez Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $5.
Slippery Slope, Allison Lovejoy, Mindi Hadan Amnesia. 8pm, $7-$10.
FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY
Bluegrass and old-time jam Atlas Cafe, 3049 20 St, SF; www.atlascafe.net. 8-10pm, free.
Set Dancing Plough and Stars. 9pm.
Twang! Honky Tonk Fiddler’s Green, 1330 Columbus, SF; www.twanghonkytonk.com. 5pm. Live country music, dancing, and giveaways.
DANCE CLUBS
Afrolicious Elbo Room. 9:30pm, $8. Live acts Luminaries and Afrolicious, and DJ-host Pleasuremaker spins Afrobeat, Tropicália, electro, samba, and funk.
All 80s Thursday Cat Club. 9pm, $6 (free before 9:30pm). Two dance floors bumpin’ with the best of 80s mainstream and underground with DJ’s Damon, Steve Washington, Dangerous Dan, and guests.
Base: Chaim Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; www.vesselsf.com. 10m, $10.
Tropicana Madrone Art Bar. 9pm, free. Salsa, cumbia, reggaeton, and more with DJs Don Bustamante, Apocolypto, Sr. Saen, Santero, and Mr. E.
FRIDAY 27
ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP
Anthem Johnny Foley’s. 9pm, free.
Big K.R.I.T, Casey Veggies, Big Sant, Tito Lopez Slim’s. 9pm, $21.
Bone Awl, Cirrhus, Verglas Elbo Room. 9:30pm, $8.
Bruises, Dirty Ghosts, Sporting Life Bottom of the Hill. 9:30pm, $10.
Future Twin SPARC Dispensary, 1256 Mission, SF; RSVP www.sparcsf.org/gkr. 7-10pm, free.
Lee Huff, Rome Balestrieri, Jason Marion Johnny Foley’s Dueling Pianos. 9pm.
Intelligence, Personal & the Pizzas, Ggreen Hemlock Tavern. 9:30pm, $10
"iStandard Producer Showcase: Bay Area Edition" Rockit Room. 9:30pm, $15.
Malone Brothers, Huckle Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $21-$25.
Memorials, Seshen, Mission Bells Brick and Mortar Music Hall. 9pm, $10-$15.
Sam Chase, Bikini Complex, Debbie Neigher Independent. 9pm, $12.
EC Scott Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.
Social Studies, Battlehooch, Siddhartha Rickshaw Stop. 9pm, $10.
Tambo Rays, Meat Market, Cogito, Evil Eyes Thee Parkside. 9pm, $6.
JAZZ/NEW MUSIC
Audium 1616 Bush, SF; www.audium.org. 8:30pm, $20. Theater of sound-sculptured space.
Carol Luckenbach Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm, $8.
Terry Disely Bottle Cap, 1707 Powell, SF; www.bottlecapsf.com. 7-10pm.
Andrea Marcovicci Rrazz Room. 7:30pm, $35-$45.
Meta Bionic Lab. 8pm, $12-$25. Multimedia performances by M+V, Guillermo Galindo, NASSA.
Supplicants Red Poppy Art House. 9pm, $12-$20.
FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY
Baxtolo Drom Amnesia. 9pm, $7-$10.
Wil Campa y su Gran Union Yoshi’s SF. 8pm, $20; 10:30pm, $20.
Coelho & Ridnell, Antonio Guedes and Chillaquiles Cafe Du Nord. 9:30pm, $12.
Lady Crooners Plough and Stars. 9pm.
Taste Fridays 650 Indiana, SF; www.tastefridays.com. 8pm, $18. Salsa and bachata dance lessons, live music.
Trio Garufa de Young Museum, 50 Hagiwara Tea Garden, SF; deyoung.famsf.org. 6pm.
Vindya Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $15.
DANCE CLUBS
Crystal Method (DJ set), Opulent Temple resident DJs Public Works. 10pm, $20-$25.
Joe Lookout, 3600 16th St.,SF; www.lookoutsf.com. 9pm. Eight rotating DJs, shirt-off drink specials.
Old School JAMZ El Rio. 9pm. Fruit Stand DJs spinning old school funk, hip-hop, and R&B.
Paris to Dakar Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $5. Afro and world music with rotating DJs including Stepwise, Steve, Claude, Santero, and Elembe.
Project Mayhem DNA Lounge. 9pm, $10-$15. Dubstep with Bassex, Rudebrat, DJ Mykill, Liam Shy, Atom One, and more.
Toolroom Knights: Filthy Rich Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; www.vesselsf.com. 10pm, $10-$20.
SATURDAY 28
ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP
Rome Balestrieri, Jason Marion, Lee Huff, Johnny Foley’s Dueling Pianos. 9pm.
Big Eagle Riptide. 9:30pm, free.
DRMS, Shotgun Wedding Quintet, St. Tropez Rickshaw Stop. 8:30pm, $12.
4OneFunktion, Jeremy Ellis Elbo Room. 10pm, $10.
Hamsa Lily, Fanna-Fi-Allah Sufi Qawwali Party Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $20-$25.
Kaskade, Dirtyphonics, Fareoh Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, 99 Grove, SF; www.apeconcerts.com. 8pm, $59.50.
Loquat, Young Digerati, Foxtail Somersault, Tzigane Society Slim’s. 8:30pm, $14.
Joyce Manor, Wild Moth, Summer Vacation, Yulia Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $10.
MC Meathook & the Vital Organs, Butt Problems, Go Time!, Tender El Rio. 9pm, $7.
John Pieplow Red Devil Lounge. 8pm, $10.
Planet Booty, Jaysonik Brick and Mortar Music Hall. 9pm, $7-$10.
Rasio Revolt, Year of the Fist Thee Parkside. 3pm, free.
Sister Sparrow & the Dirty Birds Boom Boom Room. 8pm, $15.
Steel Pulse Independent. 9pm, $35.
Earl Thomas & the Ambassadors Biscuits and Blues. 7 and 9pm, $22.
Top Secret Band Johnny Foley’s. 9pm, free.
Truth & Salvage Co., Oak Creek Band Cafe Du Nord. 9pm, $10-$12.
Urban Blight, Creem, Permanent Ruin, Hunting Party Hemlock Tavern. 9Pm, $7.
Yanni Nob Hill Masonic Center, 1111 California, SF; www.masonicauditorium.com. 8pm, $49.50-$125.
JAZZ/NEW MUSIC
Audium 1616 Bush, SF; www.audium.org. 8:30pm, $20. Theater of sound-sculptured space.
Wil Campa y su Gran Union Yoshi’s SF. 8pm and 10:30pm, $35.
Andrea Marcovicci Rrazz Room. 7:30pm, $35-$45.
Reedsman Jim Butler Savanna Jazz. 7:30pm.
FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY
Wil Campa y su Gran Union Yoshi’s. 8 and 10:30pm, $25.
N. Rumba Ramp, 855 Terry Francois, SF; www.theramprestaurant.com. 5-8pm, free.
Sons of Bitches Plough and Stars. 9pm.
DANCE CLUBS
Bootie: Mysterious D’s Birthday DNA Lounge. 9pm, $10-$15. With DJ Mysterious D, Smash-Up Derby, Adrian, John! John!, Dada.
Icee Hot with Jam City Public Works Loft. 10:30pm.
Paris to Dakar Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $5. Afro and world music with rotating DJs including Stepwise, Steve, Claude, Santero, and Elembe.
Scooter and Lavella Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; www.vesselsf.com. 10Pm, $10-$20.
SUNDAY 29
ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP
Bordertown Saints, Get Dead, City Bottom of the Hill. 1pm, $8.
Caustic, Everything Goes Cold, Crashfaster, Whormongr DNA Lounge. 8:30pm, $11.
Dangerous Summer, New Empire, From Indian Lakes Cafe Du Nord. 8:30pm, $10.
Extra Classic, Low Flying Owls, Pony VIllage Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $7.
Iron Maidens Broadway Studios, 435 Broadway, SF; www,broadwaystudios.com. 8pm, $15.
Aaron Leese and the Panhandlers Boom Boom Room. 8pm, $5.
Psychic Paramount, Phil Manley Life Coach, Barn Owl Brick and Mortar Music Hall. 8pm, $9-$12.
Terry Savastano Johnny Foley’s. 9pm, free.
Two Man Gentleman Band Amnesia. 8pm, $10.
Watsky, Dumbfounded & the Breezy Love Joy Band Slim’s. 9pm, $14-$16.
JAZZ/NEW MUSIC
Adrian Areas Latin Jazz Ensemble Savanna Jazz. 7pm, $7.
Anna Maria Flechero Bliss Bar, 4026 24 St, SF; www.blissbarssf.com. 4:30-7:30pm, $10.
Andrea Marcovicci Rrazz Room. 5pm, $35-$45.
Resonance Jazz Old First Concerts, 1751 Sacramento, SF; www.oldfirstconcerts.org. 4pm.
FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY
Forro Brozuca Ramp, 855 Terry Francois, SF; www.theramprestaurant.com. 5-8pm, free.
John Sherry, Kyle Thayer Plough and Stars. 9pm.
Twang Sunday Thee Parkside. 4pm, free. With Golddiggers, Whiskey Pills Fiasco.
DANCE CLUBS
Dub Mission Elbo Room. 9pm, $6. Dub, dubstep, and dancehall with DJ Sep, and Matt Haze.
Jock Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; www.lookoutsf.com. 3pm, $2. Raise money for LGBT sports teams while enjoying DJs and drink specials.
Domingos Latinos Blue Macaw, 2565 Mission, SF; www.thebluemacawsf.com. 6pm, $10. Salsa dance party with live Afro-Cuban salsa bands.
MONDAY 30
ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP
Damir Johnny Foley’s. 9pm, free.
Local Strangers Osteria, 3277 Sacramento, SF; www.osteriasf.com. 7pm, free.
This Century, Austin Gibbs, Panic is Perfect Bottom of the Hill. 7:30pm, $10.
Z-man, Lroneous, Bpos, DJ True Justice Elbo Room. 9pm, $7.
JAZZ/NEW MUSIC
Bossa Nova Tunnel Top, 601 Bush, SF; (415) 722-6620. 8-11:30pm, free. Live acoustic Bossa Nova.
DANCE CLUBS
Death Guild DNA Lounge. 9:30pm, $3-5. Gothic, industrial, and synthpop with Joe Radio, Decay, and Melting Girl.
Crazy Mondays Beauty Bar, 2299 Mission, SF; www.thebeautybar.com. 10pm, free. Hip-hop and other stuff.
M.O.M. Madrone Art Bar. 6pm, free. DJs Timoteo Gigante, Gordo Cabeza, and Chris Phlek playing all Motown every Monday.
Soul Cafe John Colins Lounge, 138 Minna, SF; www.johncolins.com. 9pm. R&B, Hip-Hop, NeoSoul, Reggae, Dancehall, Reggaeton, Salsa and more with DJ Jerry Ross. Happy hour all night.
Vibes’N’Stuff El Amigo Bar, 3355 Mission, SF; (415) 852-0092. 10pm, free. Conscious jazz and hip-hop from 1960s-early ’90s with DJs Luce Lucy, Vinnie Esparza, and more.
TUESDAY 31
ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP
Electric Shepherd, Billions and Billions Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $6.
Family Folk Explosion Amnesia. 9:15pm, $5.
Gaucho Bottle Cap, 1707 Powell, SF; www.bottlecapsf.com. 7-10pm.
Kissing Party, Bam! Bam!, Party Owl Brick and Mortar Music Hall. 9pm, $5-$7.
La Montagne, Sit Kitty Sit, Fever Charm Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $10.
Razor Skyline, Drop Black Sky, DJ Kit Elbo Room. 9pm, $7.
Solid Attitude, CCR Headcleaner, Raw Nite, Molestations Thee Parkside. 8pm, $5.
Soulfly, Incite, Lody Kong Slim’s. 8pm, $26.
Stan Erhart Band Johnny Foley’s. 9pm, free.
JAZZ/NEW MUSIC
Crown Syncopators Pier 23, Embarcadero at Filbert, SF; (415) 362-5125. 5-8pm.
Luisa Maita Yoshi’s SF. 8pm, $18.
DANCE CLUBS
Eclectic Company Skylark, 9pm, free. DJs Tones and Jaybee spin old school hip hop, bass, dub, glitch, and electro.
‘Pale kid’ Watsky raps fast — and returns to the Bay
In 2007, then 20-year-old George Watsky and his band at the time, Invisible Inc., rented out Slim’s nightclub in San Francisco and put themselves on stage as the opening act. Sadly, Watsky spent years repaying back the loan that he lost on that show.
Flash forward five years to the present, and on Sunday, July 29 the now 25-year-old under the stage name “Watsky” will be headlining a show at Slim’s, presented by Slim’s itself. Watsky’s performance in San Francisco is part of a 22-city national tour, which kicked off on July 1 in Tempe, Ariz. and wraps up July 31 in LA (including three shows in London, England after the national tour ends).
The last time SFBG covered the Bay Area native and alumna of San Francisco’s University High School was back in 2008 when he was dominating the world of spoken word. He had recently been crowned champion of the National Brave New Voices competition and had made an appearance on Russell Simmons’ HBO show, Russell Simmons Presents Def Poetry.
Since then, up until a couple weeks ago, Watsky has been at college campuses across the US, performing his highly demanded spoken word poetry. But in 2009, Watsky showed fans another side to his creativity with the release of a studio rap album titled Watsky.
I spoke to Watsky over the phone about his current rap success while Watsky and his band were en route to Illinois, for a show in Chicago the following night. “I’ve been rapping since before I started doing poetry,” said Watsky. “I’ve been doing my best to get my rap out there parallel to my poetry career it’s just taken a while to catch on to an audience.”
Well it finally caught on in 2011, when Watksy put out a Youtube video that launched himself into Youtube stardom, titled “Pale Kid Raps Fast”. The video went viral, spreading to teenagers’ computers quicker than it took for their Cup Noodles to settle. It quickly amassed millions of views (over 20 million to date), multiplied Watsky’s subscribers 20 fold, and earned him an appearance on The Ellen Degeneres Show.
For Watsky, the success of “Pale Kid Raps Fast” couldn’t have come at a better time. “That video came about in a time when I was really frustrated,” said Watsky, who had just moved to LA and was trying to make it as an actor, but with little success.
“When I came back to LA after Christmas I decided I was going to take matters into my own hands.” And that’s exactly what he did. Watsky boiled down all of his talents into a single video; adding elements of humor, lyrical skill, and impressive speed. “Everything just kind of came together” said Watsky “[Pale Kid Raps Fast] came out of a sense of what are kids looking for that could be shared around and can show them exactly who I am and maybe peak their curiosity to look into my other stuff.”
Along with his Youtube videos, Watsky continued to build a solid fan base with releases of mixtapes like his first in 2011 titled, A New Kind of Sexy. He followed in early 2012 with the release of a bluegrass/hip-hop EP, tag teaming with his bandmate Kush Mody titled, Watsky and Mody. And in June of this year, Watsky released his most recent mixtape, Nothing Like the First Time, which coincided with his national tour.
He’s been enjoying the support and energy he’s been receiving from his diverse audiences on tour. “I do have a young element to my fan base but I also have a bunch of older people coming out too and a lot of these kids’ parents actually like my music also. They’re anywhere from 15-years-old to 45-years-old,” he said, adding that some of the older audience members come to his shows because they’re fans of his poetry or saw him on Def Poetry Slam. “Even some English teachers come to my shows and tell me they use my work in their classroom,” he said.
Watsky offers a style that can’t really be defined. And often times critics who seem to have only heard a sample of Watsky’s work or even just seen a headshot, tend to throw him into the category of “white rapper” or the “Frat rap scene.”
“First of all, I was never in a fraternity,” Watsky joked. “I think the easiest way to go is to lump me in there with the other white rappers that are breaking right now. It’s accurate; I mean I am a white rapper.”
“But I’m different than Mac Miller, I’m different than Kreayshawn, I’m different than Bo Burnham, I’m different than Chris Webby in ways that I could go on about for a long time – and they’re all different than me. And it’s not like one of us is better or worse than the other, it’s just that we are speaking to different groups of people based on our experiences.”
Watsky is different. He offers something unique and genuine. “The one thing that I try and make sure that I always come back to is that [my music] is honest,” said Watsky. “When I go back to my earlier stuff, sometimes I feel like it’s not entirely me like my voice doesn’t sound like how it does in conversation. I always want people who listen to my poetry to feel like they are listening to the exact same person when they listen to my music and vice-versa and I think what’s really important to me is that I’m always coming across exactly as myself and that I’m not putting on any airs.”
You would think that after 48.5 million total Youtube views, two appearances on The Ellen Degeneres Show, two appearances at VidCon, and a profile on Last Call with Carson Daily, life would have changed dramatically, not really. “To be honest my day-to-day lifestyle didn’t change a whole lot,” said Watsky. “[It] didn’t change much at all until we hit the road. Until two weeks ago I didn’t see any real change in my life except for the increase in Youtube hits.”
After a decade of trying to make it on to the national scene, Watsky isn’t looking for a shortcut. Shortly after the video went viral, T-mobile offered Watsky a quarter of a million dollars to do a fast rap commercial. He turned down the deal.
Luckily for Watsky, the patience has paid off. In mid-May he was selected to perform at the 2012 Rock The Bells Festival in August, alongside hip-hop heavy weights like Nas, Jadakiss, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Kendrick Lamar, and Kid Cudi. “I’m thrilled,” Watsky said. “It’s going to be great because I’m the kid who was at Rock The Bells three years ago, fours years ago as an audience member. It’s totally unreal to be crossing over to the other side of the stage.”
At the moment, the stage Watsky is most looking forward to is the one at Slim’s. “I’m really excited to come back to San Francisco, it’s the show on the whole tour that I have been really excited about more than any other,” said Watsky.
My final question to Watsky was, what can we expect from a Watsky concert? A live five-piece band, songs from all of his projects, a little spoken word, and a lot of fun. Said Watsky, “Expect to be entertained and have a good time because we are going to put our all into it.”
Watsky
With Dumbfoundead, the Breezy Lovejoy Band
Sun/29, 9pm, $16
Slim’s
333 11th St., SF
www.slimspresents.com
Heads Up: 8 must-see concerts this week
Total Trash’s bodacious two-day barbecue bonanza in Oakland tops the list of must-see live shows this week, but there’s plenty more to see, including synth heavy beach-pop created by an ex-choir boy, beat punk girl gangs, and some Adult Swim-approved indie rock.
Of course, Fiona Apple at the Fox Theater is long sold out, but if that wasn’t the case, Miss-Long-Album-Title would be here too. Enjoy it, ticket-holders. Or, squire your spots now for her Sept. 11 show at the Warfield.
But in the meantime, here are your must-see Bay Area concerts this week/end:
Crystal Stilts
Someone commented on the video below, “The Doors mixed with The Velvet Underground calling from the grave!” And yeah, that’s pretty much it for the Brooklyn-based jangle-pop five-piece.
Wed/25, 8pm, $15
Great American Music Hall
859 O’Farrell, SF
(415) 885-0750
www.slimspresents.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zIJTwhsHjc
St. Lucia
Synthy beach-pop? Holidays on molly-days? Futuristic yacht rock? Sun-baked dream-pop? Yes, St. Lucia is all that, and then a little sprinkle of white sand more. There are sax solos over synth and pinging calypso beats here, people. Sip a fruity cocktail at the show at the show, and soak in the warmth of shiny former choir-boy Jean-Philip Grobler.
Thu/26, 9:30pm, $14-$15
Rickshaw Stop
155 Fell, SF
(415) 861-2011
www.rickshawstop.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZYM3XwgHwA
The Ettes
The Ettes are like a black-leather clad girl (and token dude) gang. And bone-rattling garage revival is the name of the game for the Nashville-via-LA crew. Or wait, they call it “beat punk.” Whatever. The perpetual openers – for stadium rock bands like the Black Keys, Dead Weather, and Kings of Leon – get some deserved spotlight/headline time at Thee Parkside. Here’s a weird video they made with Patton Oswalt.
Thu/26, 9pm, $10
Thee Parkside
1600 17th St., SF
(415) 252-1330
www.theeparkside.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJxkN9cKQAs
King Tuff
A few years back, before he made the move from Vermont to LA’s Laurel Canyon, sleazy garage guitar wonder King Tuff recorded 30 demos in the middle of the night. It just pours out of him. The result was a self-titled Sub Pop album that stood out as something only Tuff could create. He later told me, “If I’m into something, it’ll bleed into my music…so sometimes, I don’t listen to anything.”
Thu/26, 9pm, $12
Bottom of the Hill
1233 17th St., SF
(415) 621-4455
www.bottomofthehill.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eghg8092l_E
Wye Oak
“Baltimore rockers Andy Stack and Jenn Wasner make up indie rock duo Wye Oak, a band with a folk foundation but contrasting distortion and dream pop leanings. Recently commissioned to write and record a song for the Adult Swim Singles Program — a series of summertime freebie downloads — Wye Oak came up with “Spiral,” a swirling, poppy and decidedly darker track than previous tunes.” – Julia B. Chan
With Dirty Projectors
Fri/27, 8pm, $25
Fox Theater
1807 Telegraph, Oakl.
(510) 302-2250
www.thefoxoakland.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-7dTjgn7dc
Total Trash BBQ Weekend
Paint your face with tangy barbecue sauce – it’s Total Trash BBQ Weekend! What better way to celebrate summer – and all things sticky and American – than with your friends from Total Trash? Night one, do the Watusi on the swanky Continental Club dancefloor with garage doo-woppers Shannon & the Clams, surf-punks Guantanamo Baywatch, and more. And on day two (Total Trash Barbecue Bonanza), invade Eli’s Mile High Club with Oakland priestess Mom, fuzzy punks Pangea, colorful art-rockers Sam Flax, and so-many-more. Plus, there’ll be a corn-eating contest and grills for cooking. As always, bring a napkin.
Sat/28, 7pm, $8-$10
Continental Club
1658 12th St., Oakl.
Brown Paper Tickets: Night One
Sun/29, 5pm, $8-$10
Eli’s Mile High Club
3629 MLK Jr. Way, Oakl.
Brown Paper Tickets: Night Two
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_qazrmZLhg
The Psychic Paramount
“Spiritualized minus the spacecraft? Tortoise as a bar band? Post-rock without all the drama? The Psychic Paramount is a record collector geek’s dream band, reflecting countless sub-genres as it hammers away at a relentlessly Krautrockian insistence on mechanical groove.” — Taylor Kaplan
With Phil Manley Life Coach, Barn Owl
Sun/29, 8pm, $12
Brick and Mortar Music Hall
1710 Mission, SF
(415) 800-8782
www.brickandmortarmusic.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeF8ksPNqXM





