Events

5 things you didn’t know about cable cars

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Get it out of the way now: roll those eyes. The cable cars are something no native San Franciscan would ever bring up in polite (that is, local) company, let alone write about in a blog post. But fact is, there’s a reason why these things are iconic. Those cars have as speckled and quirky a history as the City by the Bay. 

San Franciscans steeped in facts and figures about the tourist-movers probably know that ours is the last operating cable car system in the world and that its design hasn’t changed much since Andrew Hallidie devised it upon seeing an overloaded horse-car slip down a hill in the rain. Perhaps you’ve heard that the four remaining lines each rely on a continuous loop of cable running under your feet at a constant 9.5 miles per hour, powered by electrical motors and a system of pulleys and huge wheels. If you’ve ever visited the Cable Car Museum (c’mon folks, it’s free) you’ve seen the sheaves pulling the cable along, and you’ve learned that the cars operate by grabbing the cable with giant pliers that reach through the floor and into a slot in the street where the cable runs. 

Bored yet? Stifle that yawn, we’re just getting started. Read on for five things you haven’t heard about those postcard pretties.

 

I know why the caged bird . . . rings?

The famous author, poet, and social activist Maya Angelou dropped out of Mission High School at 15 to work the cable cars. “The thought of sailing up and down the hills of San Francisco in a dark-blue uniform, with a money changer at my belt, caught my fancy,” she later recalled in 1969’s I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. Angelou won the job as San Francisco’s first African American (and female) cable car conductor by heckling reluctant company managers until they caved and she was hired to ring the cars’ bells and swing “on the back of the rackety trolley, smiling sweetly and persuading [her] charges to ‘step forward in the car, please.’”

Smokin’ tracks

Ever noticed a certain funk riding in a cable car? It wasn’t the guy next to you. It’s caused by two materials that play a critical role in starting and stopping the car: the pine resin that greases the cable and the wooden brake shoes, made from Douglas fir, that press against the tracks to stop the car. Friction causes the wooden brakes to smoke, meaning they must be replaced every three days with new ones milled locally at a shop on 22nd Street and Indiana. Friction from the pliers-like grip grabbing the cable likewise melts and then vaporizes the pine tar. This results in a smooth, lubricated start-up, but is also responsible for the burning and odor. (And if that sounds a bit too familiar, perhaps you should call your doctor…) Like the wooden brakes, the grip that grabs the cable must be replaced every three days for wear.

The cable car: the Imelda Marcos of public transportation. (Stack of brake shoes at the Cable Car Museum). Photo by Emily Appelbaum

Move over, men

Working as a grip operator requires incredible dexterity and also the nuanced ability to feel the cable, picking it up slowly to ease the car to full speed. Though well over half of trainees drop from the teaching program each year, the required combination of subtlety and strength make gripping the perfect job for powerful women like Fannie Mae Barnes, who became the city’s first female grip in 1997. 

“A lot of guys will try to muscle the grip, but it’s really more a finesse thing – you have to leverage it with your body weight,” Barnes told the Guardian in an interview last fall. Barnes retired in 2007, but when San Francisco’s second female grip, Willa Johnson, took the post last April, Barnes presented her with a pair of custom-made pink leather grip gloves, emblazoned with her name.

Beyond the bells

The Slot Blades, named for the cars’ emergency braking system, is a band composed entirely of SF Muni workers who conduct and grip the city’s cable cars. Their moniker is a tongue of metal that, when deployed, wedges itself so tightly against the tracks it must be removed with a torch. The cable-proud band gets together for practices and jam sessions in addition to playing at Muni and cable car-related events like the annual Cable Car Bell Ringing Contest – now in its 49th year.

Falling cars and free love

Forget stranded cables and smashed cars: San Francisco’s most infamous cable car victim may be Gloria Sykes, who claimed that a 1964 accident left her with a black eye, bruises, and an unquenchable sex drive.

When a mechanical failure caused the car she was riding to slide backwards down a hill, Sykes – later dubbed the “cable car nymphomaniac” by the daily newspapers — sued the City of San Francisco for a half million dollars. Her lawyers argued that the sexual abuse she suffered as a child combined with the stress of the accident caused her to seek the company of up to 50 sexual partners a week. After listening to 44 taped transcripts of an electrically hypnotized Sykes, the jury awarded the insatiable (ha) plaintiff $50,000 in damages. Sykes’ case is cited as one of the earliest court-recognized examples of post-traumatic stress disorder.

 

San Francisco Cable Car Wheelhouse from Emily Appelbaum on Vimeo.

Check out the inner wheelings and dealings of the SF Cable Car Museum. Here, the whirling electric motors that power the cars. Video by Emily Appelbaum

 

Hot sexy events January 26 – February 1

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Glory be OneTaste. This SF-based company is devoted to the singular pursuit of female pleasure, offering lessons in their “slow sex” technique, detailed re-programming of one’s touch-stroke-lick that all but guarantees that at-times elusive female orgasm. Believe it. Fitness-business guru-crazy Tim Ferriss describes a class with OneTaste in his new book The 4-Hour Body as being highly informative and bewilderingly hands-on. He also likens the female genitalia to an Imperial Guard from Star Wars, but that is besides the point (kind of). At any rate, OneTaste is conducting a one-off course at the Polk Street Good Vibrations this week on discovering your deepest desires (Mon/31), making it but one of the can’t-miss sex events on offer out there in pervertlandia. Enjoy, kids!


Bare Chest Calendar semi-finals

For 28 years, iron-chested menfolk have bravely paraded their bulging pectorals about for a good cause – the Bare Chest Calendar, which raises money for the AIDS Emergency Fund and Positive Resources Center. You can nobly help in the effort, just attend the semi-final and final rounds of the contest that will determine next year’s calendar boys and cheer your ass off. By the looks of the contenders, that shouldn’t be too difficult.

Thurs/27 9:30 p.m., 

Powerhouse

1347 Folsom, SF

www.barechest.org


Transgender HIV/STI testing 

Sure, it happens every week, but that’s no reason not to give St. James’ Infirmary a shout-out over their excellent, sensitive testing and trans-hormone-knowledgeable services that are available each Thursday afternoon. With all the scary cuts in the area as of late (see event Sun/30), it’s good to know that there are still safe, friendly places to go to stay healthy, happy, and sexy.

Thurs/27 1 – 4 p.m., free

St. James’ Infirmary

1372 Mission, SF

(415) 554-9634

www.stjamesinfirmary.org

email sjimedical@yahoo.com for appointment


Boots

Chaps is putting the call out for boot pigs, so oink oink Wilbur – grease up your city Stompers and cruise to Folsom Street. There’s nothing sexier for a leatherman than the threat of getting crushed under the stampede of hairy-chested hotties that will be thrusting out their steel toes for a buff by bootblack Miss V. The Stompers gang hosts and who’s that behind the bar? The sexy David, that’s who.

Sat/29 9 p.m. – 2 a.m., free

Chaps 

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 255-2427

www.chapsbarsanfrancisco.com


Hotties 4 H0m0 Health Care: A Fundraiser for Lyon-Martin Health Services 

Not cool. There’s not enough clinics in this city-state-universe that cater to queer women and transgendered folk, and one of the finest, Lyon-Martin Health Services, is facing closure due to serious financial problems. How much do they need to keep their doors open? Try $250,000 – which sounds like a lot, but given all the hullabaloo the community is raising to keep the place afloat, it’s totally doable. Here’s one way to support the clinic: shaking your ass to DJ Bootie Klap and wriggling in time to performances by burlesque star Dottie Lux and friends. (Here’s some other ways, too!)

Sun/30 7-10 p.m., $5-20 sliding scale

El Rio 

3158 Mission, SF

(415) 282-3325

Facebook: Hotties for H0m0 Health Care


Eclipse

Hey ladies, Ms. Cat (leather community stalwart and 2010 Ms. Leather runner-up) is celebrating her birthday and she needs  you to reel back that hand and give her a good day-of-birth spanking. The Citadel’s female-only BDSM party, Eclipse, is back in action, which means you should pack up your toys, friends, or just come solo and open to this dungeon time-party time. 

Sat/29 8 p.m. – 1 a.m., $25 members only

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.sfcitadel.org


The Depths of Desire 

Secret longings are all well and good, as long as the longers themselves know what they are. Local sex education group OneTaste (famed for the dissection of the female orgasm) breaks down what one can do to get at one’s deepest longings and sassiest salaciousness.  

Mon/31 6 – 8 p.m., $20-25

Good Vibrations 

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

www.goodvibes.com

 

Working to dance, dancing to live

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arts@sfbg.com

DANCE When people ask what I do, I tell them I dance. I don’t tell them I work as a receptionist part time, or that I work events in a restaurant. I tell them I dance because, although it’s more glorious-sounding than my odd jobs, it’s also more important. These side jobs exist merely to facilitate the dance. They are expendable; dancing is not. But while dance fuels me physically and emotionally, it fails me financially. For better or worse, there is a whole community of dancers and choreographers in the Bay Area who share this same conundrum to lesser or greater degrees.

So what do Pilates instructors, nannies, dog walkers, waitresses, and personal assistants have in common? They are all jobs with variability in work scheduling, and they are just a handful of the flexible jobs employing Bay Area freelance dancers. Over the past month I’ve interviewed about 20 of my fellow dancers and have been heartened at the abounding courage found in the local dance community to pursue alternate lifestyles to continue dancing.

Daria Kaufman has an MFA in Dance from Mills College. She teaches Gyrotonic, works as a receptionist at a yoga studio, and does administrative work for the Subterranean Art House. “One of the major challenges for dancers and choreographers is money — how to afford classes, rehearsal space, and theater rentals, to name a few,” Kaufman says. “I’ve done a lot of work-study over the years to combat the issue of affording dance classes. Most studios have a work-study program — clean for an hour and a half, get a free class, that sort of thing. Some studios offer a similar deal for renting out rehearsal space.”

Adaptability is necessary. Schedules vary day to day and month to month according to who’s teaching which classes, who’s working on what project, and what jobs will work around those opportunities. Often the most flexible jobs can be found in the food industry. Evening shifts allow dancers and choreographers to take morning classes and rehearse through the day, while variability in shifts provides flexibility when it comes to evening performances.

Angela Mazziotta, a dancer with Cali & Co., works at Squat and Gobble Cafe and Crepery in the Marina. “Although I don’t work enough to be considered full time, I make enough to pay rent, eat, and dance,” Mazziotta says. “There are days that I long to have a ‘big girl’ job for security, insurance, and more financial cushion. The reality is that those full-time jobs don’t offer a lot in terms of flexibility, and the hours of operation coincide with dance classes and rehearsals.”

The downside of the restaurant business is the relentless fatigue it piles on a body. Foundry dancer Joy Prendergast discovered that a café job was too taxing and now primarily teaches dance and baby-sits. Project Thrust choreographer Malinda LaVelle also found the strain to be too much. “I stopped working restaurants because the physical aches and pains of dancing were compounded by the strain of standing on my feet until 2 a.m. and then getting up the next morning and dancing again.” After working five nights a week, LaVell quit the restaurant scene to walk dogs and pursue receptionist work.

Fitness-related instruction jobs are another popular money-making source. Many dancers are certified in Pilates, Gyrotonic, or yoga as a way to subsidize their income. “Teaching’s a great way to make consistent money,” says Gyrotonic instructor Andi Clegg. “I’ve been able to constantly shift my teaching schedule around shows or other dance-related work I am involved in.” SF Conservatory of Dance student Emily Jones finds Pilates adaptable to her lifestyle: “I sometimes wish that I had a job where I could just turn off my brain and go on autopilot. But then I think about all the people I know who have café jobs and how they wish they could do something a little less numbing.”

Perhaps the most obvious way for a dancer to make money is to teach dance. Gretchen Garnett, director and choreographer of Gretchen Garnett and Dancers, taught dance 25 hours a week at three different studios around the Bay Area when she first moved here. Since getting married, she has been able to teach a more reasonable 14 hours a week at two dance studios and dedicate more time to her company. Whitney Stevenson, who moved to SF within the past year to dance, enjoys teaching gymnastics to children because she gets to be active.

Although an active job like teaching classes or working in a restaurant might seem perfect for someone physically inclined, many dancers find it essential to sit down and rest their bodies while working. Gabby Zucker does transcription and reads drafts for author and music critic Jeff Chang. “It may sound silly, but I prefer desk jobs to waiting tables or working retail because I feel it’s important to rest my body when I’m not dancing,” Zucker says.

A more common sedentary line of work for dancers is administration. Maggie Stack works as the administrative assistant for the San Francisco Conservatory of Dance, and for her, the support and promotion of dance goes hand-in-hand with the medium. But for Julia Hollas, dancer and administrator for Dandelion Dance Theater, the realm of arts administration also became a bane. “There is always too much work, not enough funding, and the incredibly good people who stay in the field consistently take on more than they can comfortably handle,” says Hollas, who is currently seeking Pilates certification. “There is something quite noble about that fact, and I will always feel admiration for anyone who works as an administrator in the dance world. But what I was beginning to see in myself was a consistent state of burnout that took away from the inspiration I needed to pursue my art as I wanted.”

There are also those who take on jobs that are out of the ordinary. Darya Chernova moved here from Russia and was amazed by all the dance opportunities and classes available. Luckily, she found a job to facilitate that interest. “I have been working at the farmers market for an apple orchard farm for five years,” Chernova says. “Farmers market work is great but tiring. It can be very physical and socially exhausting. But I love fruit and being outside.”

Kaitlin Parks, who worked as an EMT before the job became too overwhelming, is another example. “Lights, sirens, and the glory of helping fellow humans are great, but the 10-hour shifts and the physical and emotional demands were dipping into my energy and attention for dance,” she says. “I currently dance with Alyce Finwall Dance Theater, the courage group, baby-sit for six different families, teach young children’s dance classes, and teach both EMT skills and CPR.”

When it comes down to it, making a life in dance is often an act of creativity in itself. Rachel Dichter helps organize people’s closets. Tyson Miller works room service at the Mandarin Oriental. Ri Molnar models for art classes, gardens, and assists people with disabilities. Paul Laurey lives in a theater basement with low rent to redirect time and financial resources to dance. While some may respond to his living situation with pity or concern, for him the luxury of pursuing dance outweighs any sacrifice in creature comforts.

Of course, pursuing dance becomes a whole different story when a family is involved. InkBoat dancer Dana Iova-Koga found that having a life in dance took on new meaning with a daughter. “Now that I am a mother, I’ve had to get more intentional with dancing,” Iova-Koga says. “It’s much harder to find the time to do it, and it has to be very planned out. But now, when I get to perform, it feels more essential and I appreciate being there in a whole new way.”

“Until recently, the key to making dance possible in my life was seeking out alternative lifestyles that allowed me to step aside from the money equation for the most part,” she continued. “This was much simpler to do as a single person, before becoming a family. We are still figuring out how we can keep the dance growing and maintain a sense of stability for our daughter.”

Although it’s a difficult balance to maintain, Bay Area dancers are more than up to the challenge of cultivating a life around a physically demanding art form with few monetary payoffs. Though it may demand fortitude, creativity, and a willingness to diverge from a more conventional lifestyle, the personal rewards of a life filled with inspiration and love-filled work are indeed great.

Rep Clock

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Schedules are for Wed/26–Tues/1 except where noted. Director and year are given when available. Double and triple features are marked with a •. All times are p.m. unless otherwise specified.

ARTISTS’ TELEVISION ACCESS 992 Valencia, SF; www.atasite.org. $6-10. Broken Windows, Open Doors (Karewicz), Thurs, 8. “ATA Art and Action FUNraiser,” with live music by Grass Widow, an art auction, and more, Sat, 5.

CASTRO 429 Castro, SF; (415) 621-6120, www.castrotheatre.com. $7.50-20. “Noir City 9:” •The Woman on the Beach (Renoir, 1947), Wed, 7:30, and Beware My Lovely (Horner, 1952), Wed, 9; •The Two Mrs. Carrolls (Godfrey, 1947), Thurs, 7:30, and My Name is Julia Ross (Lewis, 1945), Thurs, 9:30; •Crashout (Foster, 1955), Fri, 7:30, and Loophole (Schuster, 1954), Fri, 9:30; •Blind Alley (Vidor, 1939), Sat, 1, 4:30, and Secret Beyond the Door (Lang, 1948), Sat, 2:30; •The Strange Affair of Uncle Harry (Siodmak, 1945), Sat, 7:30, and So Evil My Love (Allen, 1948), Sat, 9:15; •Angel Face (Preminger, 1952), Sun, 1, 5, 9, and The Hunted (Bernhard, 1948), Sun, 3, 7. For complete program information, visit www.noircity.com. “SF Sketchfest Great Collaborators Series: Airplane! Tribute to Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker,” Mon, 7; “SF Sketchfest Comedy Writing Award:” Broadcast News (Brooks, 1987), with James L. Brooks in person, Tues, 7. For more info on these events (tickets, $25), visit www.sfsketchfest.com.

CHRISTOPHER B. SMITH RAFAEL FILM CENTER 1118 Fourth St, San Rafael; (415) 454-1222, www.cafilm.org. $6.50-10.25. The Illusionist (Chomet, 2010), Wed-Thurs, call for times. August to June (Valens and Valens, 2010), Thurs, 7. Filmmakers Amy and Tom Valens in person. Nuremberg: Its Lesson for Today (Schulberg, 1948/2010), Jan 28-Feb 3, call for times.

EXPLORATORIUM McBean Theater, 3601 Lyon, SF; www.asifa-sf.org. Free. “Open Screening for Animators,” Fri, 7:30.

MECHANICS’ INSTITUTE 57 Post, SF; (415) 393-0100, rsvp@milibrary.org. $10. “CinemaLit Film Series: New Year’s Revolutions:” Sade (Jacquot, 2000), Fri, 6.

PACIFIC FILM ARCHIVE 2575 Bancroft, Berk; (510) 642-5249, www.bampfa.berkeley.edu. $5.50-9.50. “Film 50: History of Cinema: Fantasy Films and Realms of Enchantment:” The Thief of Baghdad (Powell, Berger, and Whelan, 1940), Wed, 3:10. Free Radicals: A History of Experimental Film (Chodorov, 2010), Wed, 7:30. “African Film Festival 2011:” One Small Step (Vaughan-Richards, 2010) with “Me Broni Ba” (Owusu, 2008), Thurs, 7; Kirikou and the Wild Beasts (Ocelot and Galup, 2005), Sat, 4:30. “Suspicion: The Films of Claude Chabrol and Alfred Hitchcock:” Strangers on a Train (Hitchcock, 1951), Fri, 7; Les Cousins (Chabrol, 1959), Fri, 9; Le Boucher (Chabrol, 1970), Sat, 8:20. “World Cinema Foundation:” Touki Bouki (Djop-Mambéty, 1973), Sat, 6:30. “Radical Light: Alternative Film and Video in the San Francisco Bay Area:” “Punk, Attitudinal: Film and Video, 1977-1987,” Sun, 5:30.

RED VIC 1727 Haight, SF; (415) 668-3994. $6-10; www.redvicmoviehouse.com. Tiny Furniture (Dunham, 2010), Wed-Thurs, 7:15, 9:25 (also Wed, 2). “The Good Old Naughty Days,” vintage porn from the early 1900s, Fri-Sun, 7:15, 9:15 (also Sat-Sun, 2, 4). The Room (Wiseau, 2003), Sat, midnight. Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (Pennebaker, 1973), Feb 1-3, 7:15, 9:15 (also Feb 2, 2).

ROXIE 3117 and 3125 16th St, SF; (415) 863-1087, www.roxie.com. $5-9.75. Two in the Wave (Laurent, 2009), Wed-Thurs, 7, 9. “Bringing Up Léaud: The Antoine Doinel Cycle:” Love on the Run (Truffaut, 1979), Wed, 6:45, 8:45. “By, For, and About George Kuchar,” film series, Fri, 7; Sat, 6:45; Sun, 4. Bad Blood: A Cautionary Tale (Ness), Mon, call for time. “SF Film Society Education presents: Herzog in Focus,” Mon, 7. Educational program; visit www.sffs.org for additional info. Lemmy (Olliver and Orshoski, 2010), Feb 1-2, call for times.

SAN FRANCISCO PUBLIC LIBRARY 100 Larkin, SF; www.sfpl.org. Free. A Sea Change: Imagine a World Without Fish (Ettinger, 2009), Wed, 6; Sat, 2.

VIZ CINEMA New People, 1746 Post, SF; www.vizcinema.com. $10-12. Evangelion 2.0: You Can (Not) Advance (Anno, 2011), Wed-Thurs, 5, 7:15.

YERBA BUENA CENTER FOR THE ARTS 701 Mission, SF; (415) 978-2787, www.ybca.org. $6-8. “Volume 14: Middle East,” nine videos focusing on the Middle East compiled by ASPECT: The Chronicle of New Media Art, Jan 13-March 27 (gallery hours Thurs-Sat, noon-8; Sun, noon-6). “British Television Advertising Awards 2010,” Thurs-Sun, 2, 4, 6 (also Thurs-Sat, 8).

5 best, most deeply embarrassing ways to find a date

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They say that internet dating thing really works — especially if you’re a white male. But in the rush to OkCupid our lonely nights away, we may have missed a step. If you’re going for the artificially-constructed meet-and-greet, you may as well do it in person, right? Maximum awkwardness! That’s what the slew of alterna-dating events that are giggling and cautiously offering to buy you a drink this VD season are promising (no glove no love!). Below, five of the hipper – bikes! books! –options for those looking to be paired off before this warm snap ends and we all go back to our dens.

 

Literary Speed Dating

Finally, the library is doing something about your romantic travails! The public institution is freeing up from its mission to educate and entertain to host this book lover’s mix-and-mingle speed round. Singles in their twenties and thirties will get four to five minutes to biblio-chat about their fave bindings – books they hated, loved, or wanna bring up as a conversational flashpoint. 

Straight dates: Tues/1 5:45 – 7:45 p.m., free

LGBTQ dates: Weds/2 5:45 – 7:45 p.m., free

Pre-registration suggested

Main Library 

100 Larkin, SF

(415) 557-4400

www.sfpl.org


Love on Wheels Dating Game

Here’s an idea! Let’s pack new it-spot Public Works, put a curtain up and have singles ask each other prying questions regarding their transportational decisions in the search for love! Maybe the exhibitionism of the SF Bike Coalition’s Love on Wheels meat market-fundraiser isn’t for everybody. But it is for somebodies, and you may find love amongst the common folk audience members if you roll over to voyeur. Just hurry up if you wanna play the game, whydontcha – spots for straighties are already booked up and same sex cyclers should apply with the quickness to get on stage.

Weds/9 7 p.m., $5 for SF Bike Coalition members, $10 non-members

Public Works

161 Erie, SF

www.sfbike.org


Cupid’s Back

Because the pursuit of love is noble enough, but when you slap a healthy amount of fundraising for the queer historical society on top of your noble, your tail chase turns downright saintly! Such is this canonizing evening at Trigger, wherein those looking for someone to hold onto are pinned with a single bleeding heart with which to call upon Cupid’s help to locate love among boosters of the GLBT Historical Society. Open bar, gay community see-and-be-seen – this may just be the spot to find your new sweetie.

Fri/11 8 p.m. – midnight, $35-40

Trigger

2344 Market, SF

www.glbthistory.com


Singled Out on BART

Tie a ribbon around your ring finger (blue for menfolk, pink for womenfolk) and shoulder your messenger bag – you’re going hunting on BART today. Instead of subsisting completely on your interpretation of the odd sidelong glance, today there is an organized campaign to indicate one’s willingness to chat up a stranger on the Hallmark holiday. 

Mon/14 6 a.m. – 10 p.m., free

Bay Area BART trains

Facebook: Singled Out on BART


Queer Speed Dating

Well, Valentine’s Day has passed and what’s-his-name turned out to chew with his mouth open, so damn. Nonetheless, you have one more chance at finding love amongst the randoms. The Queer Love Connection is hosting this event as a fundraiser for Community United Against Violence, presenting a talk on “The Nueroscience of Love,” plus free food and drinks, and your chance to meet 10 different cute little things. There’s an “after-mingle” session too, so if you’re not down for a game of musical chairs come late. 

Sat/19 8 – 4 p.m., $20

Il Pirata

2007 16th St., SF

(415) 626-2626

www.cuav.org

 

Cannabis Club Guide

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CANNABIS CLUB GUIDE 2012 When we first created our detailed local Cannabis Club Guide two years ago — which you can find at www.sfbg.com/cannabisguide — it seemed as if the marijuana business had entered a golden age of openness and professionalism in San Francisco. But with a federal crackdown shuttering at least a half-dozen dispensaries in the Bay Area (Market Street Collective, Sanctuary, Mr. Nice Guy, Medithrive, Divinity Tree, Marin Alliance for Medical Marijuana) things have changed. Luckily for needy patients and stoners alike, San Francisco has always been a resourceful city, so those meddling feds have actually done very little to disrupt the free flow of the world’s best marijuana.

Even before the cannabis industry moved above ground and into brick-and-mortar storefronts, there were always pot delivery services here. Now they’re really proliferating, so we thought it was high time to add them to our guide. And once we delved into this realm, we found that it was every bit as civilized and professional as a visit to our friendly neighborhood dispensary — and perhaps even more convenient and cost-effective.

The process seems just as secure and legally compliant as it is at the clubs, with most reputable delivery services requiring that you become a member before accessing their products. That means sending them copies of your doctor’s recommendation and California ID, which can be even done from a photo on your smart phone. After the services verify you, you’re good to go.

We’re starting the guide with just a trio of the most high-profile delivery services, as well as a couple more dispensaries, but we’ll be adding to the online guide throughout the year, so check back frequently for more updates.

DELIVERIES

THE GREEN CROSS

This is one of San Francisco’s premier cannabis clubs, setting the standard for everyone else in terms of quality, professionalism, and advocacy for the industry. My sources had long been telling me that the Green Cross carries the best weed in the city — information validated by the long string of awards it accumulates at cannabis competitions. And founder Kevin Reed has been a passionate, high-profile leader in the community for years.

But I became even more impressed once I actually used the service. Its great website features the best descriptions of its nearly two dozen strains of lab-tested marijuana, including where and how it was grown, as well as products ranging from inexpensive pipes to eye drops. I settled on a $40 eighth of Blue Deliah, a sativa-dominant hybrid that looked both cheap and good.

Within about 30 minutes, the friendly delivery guy showed up at my apartment, handed me a white paper bag full of goodies, and charged me $35 with my new customer discount. Inside the bag, there was a grinder, a cool jar, rolling papers, a lighter and other Green Cross swag, a pot cookie, non-medicated munchies, an information packet, a receipt stuck to the inside of the bag — and a baggie of beautifully trimmed buds.

www.thegreencross.org

(415) 648-4420

Opened in 2004

Price: Low to average

Selection: Huge and high-quality

Delivery time: Super fast

Sketch factor: Very low

Access: Secure but easy to use

 

MEDITHRIVE

When Medithrive opened as a dispensary in my Mission District neighborhood, it became one of my favorite clubs, so I was disappointed to see it shut down by threats from the federal government late last year. But it immediately reinvented itself as a delivery-only club, and it still retains the friendly service and large selection that first endeared me to it.

“It’s definitely been a change for us, but if patients can handle the delivery thing, it ends up being better for everyone,” said the employee who took my order: the Apocalypse Medi-Mix, a mix of high-quality small buds (better for vaporizers) for $40 for four grams. And because I was a newbie to its delivery service, they threw in a free joint.

I called at 3 p.m. and was told to expect delivery between 4:15 p.m.-4:45 p.m. — and it actually showed up at 4 p.m. It wasn’t a problem because I was working at home all afternoon, but I can imagine such a long arrival window wouldn’t be ideal for some. And frankly, the buds were pretty dry, perhaps the result of not moving as much inventory as Medithrive is used to.

But on the whole, it’s still a solid dispensary and a very friendly staff that’s still worth using.

www.medithrive.com

(415) 562-MEDI

Opened in 2010

Price: Average with good deals

Selection: Large

Delivery time: Fast but uncertain

Sketch factor: Low

Access: Secure but easy to use

 

FOGGY DAZE DELIVERY

This place pops up prominently when people Google marijuana delivery services in San Francisco, but other parts of its operation don’t seem quite as tight as its search engine savvy. Even its readily available website, I learned while trying to order, has an outdated menu of available items. For what it actually offers, customers need to visit www.weedmaps.com, where the guy said the menu would quickly appear when I typed in “foggydaze,” but it didn’t.

Finally, I just asked him to recommend a good sativa strain, and he mentioned just two that they had in stock: Headband and Cheezle. Shooting in the dark, I went with an eighth of Cheezle for $45, and he offered me a new member gift of a joint or sample of equal or lesser priced weed. I opted for the joint because it just seemed easier at that point, particularly since my initial call went to voicemail and then I had to wait 45 minutes to get my information verified. An hour later (he said it would be 45 minutes), I had my weed.

Compared to the bad old days of ordering whatever my underground drug dealer had and jumping through whatever hoops he required, Foggy Daze is much better. But in the modern marijuana scene in this highly evolved city, Foggy Daze doesn’t quite measure up as is.

www.foggydazedelivery.com

(415) 200-7451

Price: Average

Selection: Small

Delivery time: OK, but slow on verification

Sketch factor: Medium

Access: Pretty good

 

DISPENSARIES

APOTHECARIUM

It was only a matter of time before someone had the idea to really emphasize excellent personal service with high-end products in an elegant environment — but the folks at Apothecarium have done it in a way that really sets them apart from the rest of the pack. This place is an experience more than just a place to score weed, much the same way adventurous bars like Alembic aren’t just about getting tipsy but appreciating just what a cocktail can become in the right hands.

Visitors to the Apothecarium are warmly greeted and seated in front of an extensive (and well-designed) menu, which an knowledgeable staffer patiently and enticingly walks you through, focusing exclusively on you and your needs. Once you finally find what you want, a large jar of your chosen buds emerge, and the employee uses long silver tweezers to place the prettiest ones on a display tray in front of you to inspect while he weighs out your choice of small or large buds with an air of showmanship.

2095 Market, SF

(415) 500-2620

www.apothecariumsf.com

Buds weighed on purchase

Opened in 2011

Price: High to low (“compassionately priced” strains available)

Selection: Large, extremely informative menu available

Ambiance: Looks like a fancy hair salon, hardwood floors and patterned wallpaper

Smoke on site: No

Sketch factor: Low

Access/security: Secure but easy access

 

1944 OCEAN COLLECTIVE

Despite a somewhat forbidding waiting room, this neighborhood dispensary on a mellow stretch of Ingleside’s Ocean Avenue has a real family feel once you step onto the salesfloor.

I was in the market for edibles when I went to 1944, and chatted with the jocular sales staff about which available edible wouldn’t give me couch lock or paranoia — a fully-functioning treat, as it were. My budtender pointed me towards a sativa-based peanut butter cookie with high potency, and then made me feel OK about our difficulty making a decision. “We’re all stoners here,” he laughed.

Once you make your selection among the edibles, flowers, and tinctures on offer, head to the back of the low-glitz, comfortably appointed room to give your money at the cash register. Head back to the bud counter to pick up your selection — if you’re lucky you can grab a brownie bite, cup of tea, or apple from the buffet to assuage your munchies. There’s even a sign that announces the dispensary’s job counseling and resume writing classes. A somewhat cold exterior sure, but it belies a warm heart. (Reviewed by Caitlin Donohue)

1944 Ocean, SF.

(415) 239-4766

Buds weighed on purchase

Opened in 2004

Price: From cheap to high

Selection: Large

Ambiance: Comfortable seating, jovial staff, family feel

Smoke on site: No

Sketch factor: Forbidding waiting room, friendly inside

Access/security: Tight 



2011 REVIEWS

SPARC

The San Francisco Patient and Resource Center, or SPARC (1256 Mission, SF) immediately set a new standard for dispensaries when it opened last August, combining a stunningly beautiful facility with deep connections to the medical marijuana community and a strong commitment to taking care of patients and moving the movement forward.

Even the casual observer can see what a unique place this is. A selection of almost three dozen bud varietals is presented in the style of a Chinese apothecary, each strain laboratory-tested for strength and purity and labeled with THC and CBD levels. The facility was lovingly designed from scratch with state-of-the-art humidors and security systems, creating an environment that is warm, friendly, and secure, with more employees per customer than other clubs.

Below the surface, SPARC is also setting a standard. Founder Erich Pearson and others involved with the club have been movement leaders for many years and they have deep connections with growers, patient groups, and the progressive political community. So they offer everything from free acupuncture and other services to generous compassionate giving programs to strong support for all aspects of the vertically-integrated collective.

But it is the experience of visiting that is most striking. Get expert advice on choosing from a huge range on indoor and outdoor strains and then settle into one of the tables, load a bowl into the high-end Volcano vaporizer, and taste the fruits of SPARC’s expertise.

There are always lots of great deals to choose from, from one-pound bags for baking for $300 to eighths of the finest outdoor weed for as low as $28.

SPARC is truly an industry leader, setting a high bar for what dispensaries can be.

Prepackaged buds

Opened in 2010

Price: Wide range

Selection: Huge!

Ambiance: Warm, comfortable, hip

Smoke on site: Vaporizing only

Sketch factor: Low

Access/security: Tight but welcoming

———–

IGZACTLY HEALTH CENTER

Opening in late 2010, Igzactly (527 Howard, SF) is the new kid of the block — but it’s already establishing itself as one of the best cannabis clubs around. With a rotating supply of almost 40 varieties of buds to choose from at a full range of prices, it has the biggest selection in town. I asked the bud tender how the club is able to offer such a wide array of high-quality buds, and he said it’s because they’re using a different model than most clubs. Rather than buying the buds from growers, Igzactly uses a consignment system, splitting the proceeds with the growers.

Complementing the huge stock of dried buds, Igzactly also has a large selection of cannabis-infused edibles, concentrates, tinctures, ointments, and just about anything you can get weed into. On top of that, Igzactly has a comfortable lounge and is one of just a handful of clubs that allows vaporizing on site, giving clients a choice of using the top-end Volcano or the Zephyr (my personal favorite) vaporizer models. They even offer complimentary teas and coffee.

The staff there is friendly and customer-oriented. For example, when the club opened, it offered prepackaged buds like most clubs, but it heeded customer input and quickly switched to displaying all their buds in huge jars and weighing them out on purchase, which many patients prefer. And he said the club plans to expand the lounge soon and to add on-site laboratory services by year’s end.

If Igzactly is a sign of where the industry’s headed, the future looks bright and verdant.

Buds weighed on purchase

Opened in 2010

Price: From cheap to average

Selection: Huge!

Ambiance: Green, friendly, inviting

Smoke on site: Vaporizing only

Sketch factor: Low

Access/security: Secure but easy access

———–

SHAMBHALA

I visited Shambhala (2441 Mission, SF) on its second day open, when the smell of paint was stronger than that of weed, so it’s hard to judge it fairly. Check-in for new patients was maddening slow to an almost comical degree, they weren’t yet taking credit cards and had no ATM on site, and they offered a bigger selection of rolling papers than bud varieties.

But I still liked this place, the only one in that stretch of Mission Street. The staff is very friendly and they seem to really know their products. Unlike many clubs that offer a few good deals, the only cheap weed here was Afgoo for $25 per eighth, less than half the price of most of the 13 varieties they offered. When I asked why it was so much cheaper, the bud tender explained that the buds weren’t as tight or well-trimmed as the dispensary expects, although it still proved to be plenty strong and tasty.

Beyond the buds, Shambhala is also part head shop, selling lots of nice glass bongs, a display case filled with pipes, and rolling papers of all shapes and flavors. And while its selection of edibles is small, they do feature all of Auntie Dolores’ yummy cookies and savory snacks, even displaying the pretzels, chili-lime peanuts, and caramel corn in large glass jars on the counter.

Once Shambhala finds its groove, it will be a solid addition to the city’s dispensary network.

Prepackaged buds

Open since 2011

Price: Moderate

Selection: Limited buds, lots of paraphernalia

Ambiance: Clean, open, friendly

Smoke on site: No

Sketch factor: Low

Access/security: Tight

———-

MARKET STREET COOPERATIVE

It’s easy to overlook this place (1884 Market, SF), as I did last year when I first began to compile this guide. Nestled into the back of a wide sidewalk courtyard where Market meets Laguna just up the street from the LGBT Center, Market Street Cooperative has low-key signage and doesn’t seem to do much advertising or outreach, particularly compared to marketing-savvy clubs such as the Vapor Room, Medithrive, and SPARC.

But the operators clearly know what they’re doing, offering a wide product selection in a quiet, clean, no-nonsense environment. They offer a choice of buds for every taste and use, from the best high-end buds at a good price down to eighths for a dirt-cheap $18 and three different grades of shake, which many vaporizer users prefer over the tight buds that they need to grind themselves.

Access is limited to members, and the club insists on being able to verify the recommendation of users in a phone call to their doctors, a stricter standard that most clubs use and one that can get users turned away if their visit is after normal business hours (as they unapologetically did to my friend, the first time a club had denied him entry).

But once you’re in, you’re in, and this long-running club will take good care of you. 

Prepackaged buds

Opened in 1999

Price: Moderate with lots of good deals

Selection: High

Ambiance: Low-key and business-like

Smoke on site: No

Sketch factor: Very low

Access/security: Tight 

 

RE-LEAF HERBAL CENTER

I wasn’t terribly impressed by ReLeaf (1284 Mission, SF) when I first reviewed the club in 2010, so at their owner’s request I returned recently to give them another look. They have definitely improved in both the feel of the club and its customer service, but it still suffers from some of the same shortcomings I noticed last year.

While they allow smoking on site, which is great, they don’t have any vaporizers or bongs on hand for patients to use, making it seem a little sketchy. The selection of buds is also fairly limited, with about a dozen varieties divided into two pricing tiers (although only a couple selections on each tier really looked and smelled great), and the clones they had on sale during my visit looked scraggly and sickly.

But the employees there are very nice and helpful, and the atmosphere in the club has become more inviting. There carry a large stock of edibles not available in other clubs, including smoothies and other refrigerated snacks that require a special permit from the city to sell. And the customer appreciation barbecue events they offer are a nice touch.

For a small storefront operation, Releaf does a fine job and it’s worth a visit. But with the way in which the bar has been raised for dispensaries in this city, I wouldn’t put Releaf in the top tier. Sorry guys, maybe next year.

 

Buds weighed on purchase

Open since 2007 ( with three years at previous SF location)

Price: Moderate

Selection: Limited

Ambiance: A loud head shop that also has some weed

Smoke On Site: Yes

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Moderate

—————

2010 REVIEWS

DIVINITY TREE

While the reviews on Yelp rave about Divinity Tree (958 Geary St.), giving it five stars, I found it a little intimidating and transactional (although it was the first club I visited, so that might be a factor). But if you’re looking to just do your business in a no-frills environment and get out, this could be your place.

The staff and most of the clientele were young men, some a bit thuggish. One worker wore a “Stop Snitching” T-shirt and another had “Free the SF8.” But they behaved professionally and were knowledgeable and easy to talk to. When I asked for a strain that would ease my anxiety but still allow me enough focus to write, my guy (patients wait along a bench until called to the counter) seemed to thoughtfully ponder the question for a moment, then said I wanted a “sativa-dominant hybrid” and recommended Neville’s Haze.

I bought 1/16 for $25 and when I asked for a receipt, it seemed as though they don’t get that question very often. But without missing a beat he said, “Sure, I’ll give you a receipt,” and gave me a hand-written one for “Meds.”

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: four years

Price: Fairly low

Selection: Moderate

Ambiance: A transactional hole in the wall

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Moderate

Access/Security: Easy. Membership available but not required

————-

GRASS ROOTS

Located at 1077 Post St. right next to Fire Station #3, Grass Roots has the feel of a busy saloon. Indeed, as a worker named Justin told me, many of the employees are former bartenders who know and value customer service. With music, great lighting, and nice décor, this place feels comfortable and totally legit. Whereas most clubs are cash-only, Grass Roots allows credit card transactions and has an ATM on site.

The steady stream of customers are asked to wait along the back wall, perusing the menus (one for buds and another with pictures for a huge selection of edibles) until called to the bar. When asked, my guy gave me a knowledgeable breakdown of the difference between sativa and indica, but then Justin came over to relieve him for a lunch break with the BBQ they had ordered in and ate in the back.

Justin answered my writing-while-high inquiry by recommending Blue Dream ($17 for a 1.2-gram), and when I asked about edibles, he said he really likes the indica instant hot chocolate ($6), advising me to use milk rather than water because it bonds better with the cannabinoids to improve the high. Then he gave me a free pot brownie because I was a new customer. I was tempted to tip him, but we just said a warm goodbye instead.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: A warm and welcoming weed bar

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————–

HOPENET

Hopenet (223 Ninth St.) is one of the few places in the city where you can smoke on site, in a comfortable, homey style, as if you’re visiting a friend’s apartment. In addition to the loveseat, two chairs, and large bong, there is a small patio area for smoking cigarettes or playing a guitar, as someone was doing during my visit.

Although the small staff is definitely knowledgeable, they all seemed stoned. And when I asked about the right weed for my writing problem, a gruff older woman impatiently dismissed any indica vs. sativa distinctions and walked away. But I learned a lot about how they made the wide variety of concentrates from the young, slow-talking guy who remained.

He weighed out a heavy gram of White Grapes for $15, the same price for Blue Dream, and $2 cheaper than I had just paid at Grass Roots. That was in the back room, the big middle area was for hanging out, and the front area was check-in and retail, with a case for pipes and wide variety of stoner T-shirts on the walls.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: eight years

Price: Low

Selection: Moderate

Ambiance: Like a converted home with retail up front

Smoke On Site: Yes!

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————

VAPOR ROOM

Vapor Room (607A Haight, www.vaporroom.com) is San Francisco’s best pot club, at least in terms of feeling like an actual club and having strong connections to its community of patients. It’s a large room where customers can smoke on site, giving this collective a warm, communal vibe that facilitates social interaction and fosters a real sense of inclusiveness.

Each of the four large tables has a high-end Volcano vaporizer on it, there’s a big-screen TV, elegant décor, and large aquarium. There’s a nice mix of young heads and older patients, the latter seeming to know each other well. But, lest members feel a little too at home, a sign on the wall indicates a two-hour time limit for hanging out.

Its early days in the spot next door were a bit grungier, but the new place is bright and elegant. It has a low-key façade and professional feel, and it strongly caters to patients’ needs. Low-income patients are regularly offered free medicine, such as bags full of vapor prepared by staff. Mirkarimi said the Vapor Room is very involved in the Lower Haight community and called it a “model club.”

But they’re still all about the weed, and they have a huge selection that you can easily examine (with a handy magnifying glass) and smell, knowledgeable staff, lots of edibles and concentrates, a tea bar (medicated and regular), and fairly low standardized pot prices: $15 per gram, $25 per 1/16th, $50 per eighth. And once you got your stuff, grab a bong off the shelf and settle into a table — but don’t forget to give them your card at the front desk to check out a bowl for your bong. As the guy told me, “It’s like a library.”

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: seven years

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Warm, communal hangout

Smoke On Site: Yes!

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy, but membership required

————-

MEDITHRIVE

The newest cannabis club in town, MediThrive (1933 Mission, www.medithrive.com) has a bright, fresh, artsy feel to it, with elegantly frosted windows and a welcoming reception area as you enter. This nonprofit coop takes your photo and requires free membership, and already had almost 3,000 members when I signed up a couple weeks ago. Tiana, the good-looking young receptionist, said the club recently won a reader’s choice Cannabis Cup award and noted that all the art on the walls was a rotating collection by local patients: “We’re all about supporting local art.”

The decorators seemed to have fun with the cannabis concept, with a frosted window with a pot leaf photo separating the reception area from the main room, while the walls alternated wood planks with bright green fake moss that looked like the whole place was bursting with marijuana. There’s a flat-screen TV on the wall, at low volume.

The large staff is very friendly and seemed fairly knowledgeable, and the huge selection of pot strains were arranged on a spectrum with the heaviest indica varieties on the left to the pure sativas on the right. Lots of edibles and drinkables, too. The cheapest bud was a cool steel tin with a gram of Mission Kush for $14 (new members get a free sample), while the high rollers could buy some super-concentrated OG Kush Gold Dust ($50) or Ear Wax ($45) to sprinkle over their bowls.

Prepackaged buds

Open for: one year

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Professional, like an artsy doctor’s office

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Very low

Access/Security: Easy, but membership required

————

KETAMA COLLECTIVE

At 14 Valencia St., Ketama is a testament to how silly it is that clubs within 1,000 feet of schools aren’t permitted to allow smoking on site. This former café has a large, comfortable seating area and full kitchen, both of which have had little use since a school opened way down the street last year, causing city officials to ban smoking at Ketama.

Pity, because it seems like a great place to just hang out. Yet now it just seemed underutilized and slow. The staff is small (one door guy and a woman hired last summer doing sales), and we were the only customers during the 20 minutes I was there (except for the weird old guy drinking beer from a can in a bag who kept popping in and out).

But it still had jars of good green bud, several flavors of weed-laced drinks and edibles, and a pretty good selection of hash and kief at different prices, and the woman spoke knowledgeably about the different processes by which they were created. To counteract the slow business, Ketama has a neon sign out front that explicitly announces its business — another indication the industry has gone legit.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Low

Selection: Limited

Ambiance: Hippie hangout, but with nobody there

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy, but free membership required

————

MR. NICE GUY

Belying its name, Mr. Nice Guy (174 Valencia St.) thrilled and scared me, but not necessarily in a bad way. Located across the street from Zeitgeist, the thug factor here was high and so was the security, allowing no human interaction that wasn’t mediated by thick Plexiglass, presumably bulletproof.

After initially being told by a disembodied voice to come back in five minutes, I submitted my doctor’s recommendation and ID into the slot of a teller’s window, darkened to hide whoever I was dealing with. Quickly approved, I was buzzed into a small, strange room with three doors.

I paused, confused, until the disembodied voice again told me, “Keep going,” and I was buzzed through another door into a hallway that led to a large room, its walls completely covered in brilliant murals, expertly painted in hip-hop style. Along the front walls, a lighted menu broke down the prices of about 20 cannabis varieties.

Then finally, I saw people: two impossibly hot, young female employees, lounging nonchalantly in their weed box, like strippers waiting to start their routines. The only other customer, a young B-boy, chatted them up though the glass, seemingly more interested in these striking women than their products.

I finally decided to go with the special, an ounce of Fever, normally $17, for just $10. I opened a small door in the glass, set down my cash, and watched the tall, milk chocolate-skinned beauty trade my money for Fever, leaving me feeling flushed. It was the best dime-bag I ever bought.

Prepackaged buds

Price: Moderate, with cheap specials

Selection: High

Ambiance: Hip hop strip club

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: High

Access/Security: High security but low scrutiny

————-

BERNAL HEIGHTS COLLECTIVE

Bernal Collective (33 29th St. at Mission) seemed both more casual and more strict than any of the other clubs in town — and it also turned out to be one of my favorites.

After refusing to buy pot for a guy out front who had just been turned away, I entered the club and faced more scrutiny than I had at any other club. It was the only club to ask for my doctor’s license number and my referral number, and when I tried to check an incoming text message, I was told cell phone use wasn’t allowed for “security reasons.” On the wall, they had a blown-up copy of their 2007 legal notice announcing their opening.

But beyond this by-the-book façade, this club proved warm and welcoming, like a comfortable clubhouse. People can smoke on site, and there’s even a daily happy hour from 4:20–5:20 p.m., with $1 off joints and edibles, both in abundant supply. Normal-sized prerolled joints are $5, but they also offer a massive bomber joint with a full eighth of weed for $50.

The staff of a half-dozen young men were knowledgeable about the 20 varieties they had on hand and offered excellent customer service, even washing down the bong with an alcohol-wipe before letting a customer take a rip from the XXX, a strong, sticky bud that was just $15 for a gram.

Buds weighed at purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Fairly low

Selection: High

Ambiance: A clubhouse for young stoners

Smoke On Site: Yes

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Fairly tight

————-

LOVE SHACK

This longtime club (502 14th St.) has had its ups and downs, the downs coming mostly because of its location on a fairly residential block. After taking complaints from neighbors, the city required Love Shack to cap its membership, although that seems to be changing because the club let me in, albeit with a warning that next time I would need to have a state ID card. It was the only club I visited to have such a requirement.

Once inside this tiny club, I could see why people might have been backed up onto the street at times. But the staff was friendly and seemed to have a great rapport with the regulars, who seemed be everyone except me. The knowledgeable manager walked me through their 20-plus varieties, most costing the standard street price of $50 per eighth, or more for stronger stuff like Romulan.

On the more affordable end of the spectrum was the $10 special for Jack Herrer Hash, named for the longtime legalization advocate who wrote The Emperor Wears No Clothes, a classic book on the history of the movement.

Buds weighed at purchase

Open for: nine years

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Small, like a converted apartment

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Moderate

Access/Security: Tight

————-

COFFEE SHOP BLUE SKY

Blue Sky (377 17th St., Oakland)is based on the Amsterdam model of combining marijuana dispensaries with coffee shops, although it suffers a bit from Oakland’s ban on smoking. Still, it’s a cool concept and one that Richard Lee sees as the future of marijuana-related businesses because of the synergy between smoking and grabbing a bite or some coffee.

Most of Blue Sky is a small coffee shop and smoothie bar, but there’s a little room in back for buying weed. “We’ve got the best prices around,” said the guy who checked my ID, and indeed, $44 eighths and $10 “puppy bags” were pretty cheap. Customers can also sign up to do volunteer political advocacy work for free weed.

The only downside is the limited selection, only four varieties when I was there, although the woman at the counter said the varieties rotate over the course of the day based on the club’s purchases from growers.

Prepackaged buds

Open for: 15 years

Price: Low

Selection: Very limited

Ambiance: A fragrant little room behind a coffee shop

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————–

HARBORSIDE HEALTH CENTER

I have seen the future of legitimized medical marijuana businesses, and it’s Harborside (1840 Embarcadero, Oakland). With its motto of “Out of the shadows, into the light,” this place is like the Costco of pot — a huge, airy facility with a dizzying number of selections and even a “rewards card” program.

All new members are given a tour, starting with sign-up sheets for daily free services that include yoga, chiropractic, acupuncture, reiki, consultations with herbalists, and classes on growing. Then we moved to a section with the clones of dozens of pot plant varieties available for purchase (limit of 72 plants per visit), along with a potted marijuana plant the size of a tree.

Harborside is also blazing the trail on laboratory services, testing all of its pot for contaminants and THC content, labeling it on the packaging just like the alcohol industry does. Some of the smaller clubs don’t like how over-the-top Harborside is, and they complain that its prices are high. But those profits seem to be poured back into the services at this unique facility.

Prepackaged buds

Open for: four years

Price: High

Selection: Huge

Ambiance: A big, open shopping emporium

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Tight

————-

SANCTUARY

The people who run Sanctuary (669 O’Farrell St.), the first club to fully comply with the new city regulations and get its permanent license, have been active in the political push for normalizing medical marijuana, as a wall full of awards and letters from politicians attests. Owner Michael Welch was commended for his work by the Harvey Milk LGBT Democratic Club, where Sanctuary employee Tim Durning has been an active longtime member and former elected officer.

Sanctuary has a generous compassionate giving program and caters to lots of poor residents of the Tenderloin neighborhood. While the club is prohibited from allowing smoking, they fudge the restriction with a Volcano vaporizer. “A lot of patients are on fixed income and live in the SROs, where they can’t smoke, so we let them vaporize here whether they buy from us or not,” Durning told us.

Those who do buy from them find a huge selection — including 20 different kinds of hash and 17 varieties of buds — at a wide price range. Staffers know their products well and take their business seriously, giving a regular spiel to new members about responsible use, which includes maintaining neighborhood relations by not smoking near the business.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Low to moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Campaign headquarters for the marijuana movement

Smoke On Site: No, but vaporizing OK

Sketch factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————–

GREEN DOOR

If low prices or a huge selection of edibles are what you seek, Green Door (843 Howard St., www.greendoorsf.com) could be the club for you.

Eighths of good green buds start at a ridiculously low $25 and go up to just $50 (the cheapest price for eighths at many clubs and also the standard black market price). If that’s not low enough, super-broke users can buy a quarter-ounce bag of high-grade shake for $40.

If you didn’t already have the munchies going in, you’ll get them perusing the huge menu of edibles: from weed-laced knockoffs of Snickers bars and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for just $5 to cupcakes, ice cream, or Chex party mix. They have lots of hash and other concentrates as well.

Somehow, the club also manages to have a strong compassionate giving program and contibutes to local civic organizations that include the Black Rock Arts Foundation, Maitri AIDS Hospice, and Friends of the Urban Forest.

The club itself is a little sterile and transactional, with an institutional feel and employees stuck behind teller windows. But even though that and the steady flow of tough-looking young male customers raise its thug factor a bit, the employees all seemed friendly and helpful, giving free edibles to first-time customers.

Prepackage buds

Open for: nine years (five here, four in Oakland)

Price: Cheap

Selection: High for edibles, moderate for weed

Ambiance: Like a community bank of cheap weed

Smoke On Site: No

Sketch factor: Moderate

Access/Security: Easy access, high security

————–

 

Hot sexy events January 19-25

1

We’re normally asses up here at the weekly sex events column, but for the purpose of January 19-26, we’re asking you to lift another body part altogether: your pinky. That’s because tonight (Weds/19) you’ll get the chance to learn about an entirely refined BDSM social function, that being the tea party. Ms. Margaret, who used to coordinate educational services for the smOdyssey website as well as the  Folsom Fringe conference, runs the classy “Tea With a Twist” affair with long-time slave Erich. Rumor has it she never takes her tea the same way twice, for which you will learn the reason at this lace tablecloth-leather dress how-to affair.

 

Tea With a Twist

Why must all BDSM parties take place in a dungeon? What of the mistress that requires some amount of refinement and grace – not to mention finger food? These classy souls are invited to this primer on dom-sub tea time, sculpted by Ms. Margaret’s “velvet glove over steel hand” mentality. 

Weds/19 8 – 10 p.m., $15

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

www.sexandculture.org


Pits

Raise your hand if you’re an armpit man. (See how that works?) Chaps has got the jock-tastic bash for you this week. Pits is part of their fetish night series, so no longer will you be wondering if that hottie with the body holding the Jager bomb will mind if you want to grab him by the under-bicep. He’s here too, ya know – just be prepared to give as you get, gentlemen.

Weds/19 

Chaps 

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 255-2427

www.chapsbarsanfrancisco.com


Radical Love Workshop

At some point in our lives, we’ve all wished we had this line on our resume: “revolutionary activist of the heart.” Sure you deserve it, sweets – but Wendy-O-Matic can say it with a straight face. Ms. O-Matic has spent years standing strong and educating on behalf of the polyamorous community, and now she’s presenting this workshop at Mission Control on the ins-and-outs of loving whoever you damn well please, and sharing them with whomsoever you see fit — with a basis on love and intimacy, not picking the right music for the orgy.

Thurs/20 7-9 p.m., $25 members only

Mission Control 

2519 Mission, SF

www.missioncontrolsf.org


Community Porn Forum

Skin flick performers get together to discuss the upcoming Cal OSHA meeting (the next is Feb/8) regarding occupational safety measures in the industry. The perfect chance, you XXXers, to learn about how you can tell the regulating body what you need to feel safe on the job – particularly regarding condom usage, a hot topic at recent meetings on the subject. MSM (male on male) performers especially encouraged to attend.

Fri/21 3 – 5 p.m., free

St. James’ Infirmary

1372 Mission, SF

(415) 554-8494

www.stjamesinfirmary.org


10th Annual Butch-Femme Holiday Party

Get all festive and feisty at this sexy winter ball. Of course, this being an all-lesbo affair, all manners of dress are welcome for the dancing and drinking – festive wear would be appropriate, but so too would be whatever ‘fits you wanna rock for the evening. Event organizers would be thrilled to death if volunteers want to bring finger food, refreshments, ice, or wood for the outdoor fire. Outdoor fire? Now we’re talking.

Sat/22 6 p.m. – midnight

Humanist Hall

411 28th St., Oakl.

www.erobay.com

email: butchfemmesocials@yahoogroups.com


Lip Service

Smack, suck, caress – and that’s just before the tongue gets activated. Kissing is one of those arts that can get passed over in pursuit of the all-powerful O, but it’s one of the most important (and public spaces friendly) weapon in your arsenal of sexual equanimity. Let sex educator Tracy Bartlett show you the ropes course to a good make-out sesh – grab your partner and get to mashin’.

Mon/24 6 – 8 p.m., $40-45/pair

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0400

www.goodvibes.com

 

 

 

 

 

Not your guru’s asana

1

Why put 12 year-old aged balsamic vinegar from Modena, Italy into a chocolate truffle?  Well, because it tastes surprisingly great, for one thing. But also, according to Dave Romanelli, one of the presenters at last weekend’s flexibly diverse San Francisco Yoga Journal Conference, because it can heighten your yoga practice. Enlightenment through chocolate? We’ll take it.

New York-based Romanelli taught a class called “Yoga  and Chocolate,” and like many of the conference’s fifty presenters, he brought a yogic flavor to the conference influenced as much by his personal path to the mat as ancient teachings. In other words, fundamentalist ayurveda this was not.

Referred to as “Yeah Dave” by his friends (as in, “yeah, Dave, whatever…”), Romanelli has penchant for stoner-esque musings that eventually left him with the radical idea that to flourish in today’s fast-paced society, yoga should be made accessible to a broad audience. 

In the ’90s, Romanelli and a partner started At One, a chain of trendy yoga studios in Phoenix that Romanelli says in an interview with SFBG were meant to “bust through the stereotypes” that yoga is pretentious and unconnected to daily life. In 2009 he published a book called Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin’ in the Moment, an irreverent manual to enjoying life in the here and now. These days, he travels the country leading workshops that seek to initiate people into a yogic lifestyle through careful attention to the senses – which he engages with the help of wine and exotically-flavored chocolate provided by Yoga and Chocolate co-founder and master chocolatier Katrina Markoff.  

“Yoga and Chocolate” was one of over a hundred classes, guest lectures, all-day intensive workshops, and special events that filled the San Francisco Hyatt over the MLK Day weekend, ranging from fiery asana practices to contemplative journeys through yogic philosophy.  The scads of famous yogis in attendance included teachers like Ana Forrest, creator of the healing-based Forrest Yoga approach, Seane Corn, an internationally celebrated yoga teacher, activist and humanitarian, and San Francisco’s own Baron Baptiste, whose parents opened the city’s first yoga center in 1955 and who has shared his empowering vinyasa yoga with classes around the world.

With so many presenters — and with nearly half of conference attendees yoga teachers in their own right — the expo left the downtown hotel rife with pairs of groovy tie-dyed pants and hundreds of bare feet riding up and down the Hyatt’s escalators. In a city like San Francisco, it’s not surprising that the traditional Indian practice could draw such a huge audience – but the sight of so many modernized classes begged the question: Patanjali compiled the yoga sutras no later than 150 BC, and we’ve been mulling them over ever since. How much is really left to learn?

The answer is “a lot” if this year’s offerings were to be believed. Joining “Yoga and Chocolate” was MC Yogi’s “Ganesh is Fresh,” a hip-hop inspired retelling of the story of the elephant-headed deity Ganesh, remover of obstacles. (Fyi, if you’re a harmonious hip-hop head, it’s also the name of a track on MC Yogi’s 2008 album “Elephant Power.”) Another high-energy choice was “Bollywood Vinyasa,” a cardio-heavy yogic workout set to bright rhythms of bhangra and Bollywood music. 

“I never intended to be a yoga teacher,” said Hemalayaa, the class’ teacher and the Canadian-born daughter of Indian parents. “I started practicing as a way to guide myself, be a leader for myself,” she announced to the students before her. The seed of “Bollywood Vinyasa” was planted during darker days in Hemalayaa’s 20s, when she would come home and blast Bollywood music as a way of shaking out her troubles. After having grown to the lively beats, she was able to incorporate them into her study of yoga. “Now I teach as a way to continue my study. Being a leader to others helps me stay true to myself.”

Romanelli agrees on the importance of applying traditional yogic teachings in a way that’s applicable to our own life stories. He has no problem using his own life experiences – like having man-boobs and wearing too much cologne on prom night in pursuit of after-party action – to draw laughs and convince his students that self-reflection can be fun.  

His style is a definite departure from traditional yogic teaching (ashtanga yogis advocate pratyahara, withdrawal of the senses from external objects, as a means of attending to the inner self). But, in Yeah Dave’s opinion, sensual experience can be the first step toward getting people to pay attention and eventually journey inward.  

“In today’s society, how realistic is closing off the senses?” he asks. “People are afraid to be alone with themselves on a three by six mat.” He admits that people often need help to make the first step. “And if it has to be chocolate, then so be it,” he grins.

For information on next year’s Yoga Journal Conference stretch out to www.yjevents.com/sf

On the Cheap Listings

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Events listings are compiled by Jackie Andrews. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Weekly Picks.

WEDNESDAY 19

Tom Rachman Bookshop West Portal, 80 West Portal, SF; (415) 564-8080. 7p.m., free. Like books on tape, only better — Tom Rachman reads from his highly acclaimed debut novel The Imperfectionist, a collection of short stories set in and around an Italian English language newspaper for travelers and ex-pats. A journalist himself, Rachman’s writing has been described as alternately hilarious and heart-wrenching. Come see what all the hullabaloo is about.

THURSDAY 20

Pitchapalooza: American Idol for Books Booksmith, 1644 Haight, SF; (415) 863-8688, www.booksmith.com. 7:30pm, free. This American Idol-like event for writers unfortunately doesn’t feature a drunk and effed-up-on-pills Paula Abdul, but it could take you one step closer to becoming a published author. Pitch your book in one minute or less to an all star cast of publishing experts — the most convincing scribe gets an introduction to an agent that can help them realize their book dreams. Anyone who buys a book in the store that day gets a free consultation, making this a must-do for all you struggling artistes.Bay Area

Wild World of Frogs Randall Museum, 199 Museum Way, SF; (415)554-9600, www.randallmuseum.org. 7:30pm, free (donations encouraged). Dr. Jerry Kreiger, Save the Frogs! founder and director, will tell you everything you didn’t know you wanted to learn about frogs — from the interesting and funny to the downright sad (200 species of our skin breathing homies have become extinct over the last 30 years). Support the first and only public charity dedicated to amphibian conservation.

FRIDAY 21

Birds and Bees Collide Space Gallery, 1141 Polk, SF; (415)377-3325, www.birdlovesbee.com. 8pm, free. Celebrate the release of Birdlovesbee: Artists in Collaboration with writer Camille Ikalina Robles– founder of One Red Delicious Press — and a bevy of emerging artists. For Birdlovesbee, Robles passes her writing off to an artist who, in turn, creates a reaction in their chosen medium, resulting in beautiful, handmade zines. Collaborators include photographer Marie Dewitt and film artist Dennis Maxwell. Special musical performance by Silian Rail and DJ set by DJ Shortround.

SATURDAY 22

The Uncomfortable Zones of Fun Temescal Arts Center, 511 48th St., Oakl.; (510) 526-7858, www.temescalartscenter.org. 8pm, donations suggested. Prepare to get … uncomfortable. Frank Moore, shaman, disabled performance artist, and 2008 presidential candidate, merges music, dance, erotica, religion and improv to create an experience few people have an easy time describing.

Jewelry-making class The Bead Store, 417 Castro, SF; (415) 861-7332, www.thebeadstoresf.com. 11am-noon and 3-4pm, free (plus materials purchase). Tucked away on Castro Street amidst the countless bear bars and penis-shaped pasta peddlers lies a cozy little shop for all of your jewelry-making needs, including monthly classes. Perhaps you would like to recreate a piece of jewelry you once owned but lost after a night of too many Racer 5’s? You’ll want to attend the 11am “Bring Your Project” class. Stick around for the 3pm “Made with Love” class and make your sweetheart a heart-shaped pendant or earrings with materials provided by the shop. Call to reserve a spot because spaces are limited.

ChicaChic opening reception California Institute of Integral Studies, 1453 Mission, SF; (415) 575-6242, www.ciis.edu. 6-8 pm, free. Five leading chicana visual artists show their greatly varying work, which honors the themes and iconography of the Chicano civil rights movement of the 1960s and ’70s, yet at the same time provides new imagery for a newer and faster paced media-saturated society. Reception includes a panel discussion featuring the exhibition artists and curator.

SUNDAY 23

Cal Science and Engineering Festival UC Berkeley Sutardja Hall, Berk., (510) 642-0352, www.scienceatcal.berkeley.edu/festival. 11 am-3 pm, free. Cal drops the science from astronomy to zoology. Join the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, witness unicycle basketball, touch a real human brain, excavate fossils, make an earthquake, play silly animal games, and yes, there will be liquid nitrogen! Honorary UC Berkeley science degree not included.

TUESDAY 25

Delectable Delights: Tales of Food and Disaster Space Gallery, 1141 Polk, SF; (415) 377-3325, www.litupwriters.com. 7:30-9pm, free. LitUp Writers’ Humor Storytelling Series combines everyone’s favorite defense mechanism: humor, with everyone’s favorite coping mechanism: food. Sounds like a win-win right? Local writers perform, sharing funny stories about their obsessions with, or disgust for, the things we eat.

Alerts

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alert@sfbg.com

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 19

 

Money and politics

Alex Gibney’s 2010 documentary Casino Jack: The United States of Money discusses the relationship between politics and money and how the almighty dollar is used to manipulate government decisions. The film uses the well known story of lobbyist Jack Abramoff to illustrate the greed, lies, and corruption in U.S. politics by following Abramoff’s money trail around the world.

7:30–9:30 p.m., $5 suggested

Humanist Hall

390 27th St., Berk.

(510)681-8699

 

March for Oscar Grant

Join the struggle for justice and reparations for the family of Oscar Grant, who was killed by a BART cop on New Year’s Eve 2009. Meet at the West Oakland BART station and march through the historic sites of Marcus Garvey and the Black Panther movement. A rally is planned for after the march.

Noon ( 2 p.m. rally), free

West Oakland BART station

1451 Seventh St., Oakl.

www.inpdum.org

THURSDAY, JAN. 20

 

Become a climate leader

Free training for anyone interested in providing climate change workshops. Receive the tools and materials to lead community members in calculating and reducing their carbon footprint and in creating positive change throughout their communities.

6:30–9 p.m. The Ecology Center

2530 San Pablo, Berk. www.ecologycenter.org/climatechange

SATURDAY, JAN. 22

 

Pro-choice parade

Celebrate and defend the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. March through downtown and rally for the cause — which also happens to be a counter demonstration for the annual pro-life Walk for Life parade. Bring your signs, costumes, creativity, and SF pride.

11a.m.–1 p.m.

Harry Bridges Plaza (in front of the Ferry Building)

Market and Embarcadero, SF

www.bacorr.org

 

Commemorate the Triangle Fire

Help build and plan the March 2011 events for the 100th anniversary of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, the most disastrous industrial event in New York City history. The fire led to legislation requiring improved factory safety standards and helped spur the growth of the International Ladies Garment Workers Union.

11a.m.–1 p.m., free

City College of San Francisco, Mission campus

1125 Valencia, Room 277, SF

(415) 867-0628

 

Talking truth

Cambiz A. Khosravi’s film A Really Inconvenient Truth goes a step beyond Al Gore’s popular documentary by framing the current climate crisis within the context of capitalism.

7–9 p.m., free

Niebl-Proctor Marxist Library

6501 Telegraph, Oakl.

(510) 595-7417

SUNDAY, JAN. 23

 

Radical roots sing-a-long

Sing along to your favorite old-timey songs of struggle and dissent. This session focuses on songs from the civil rights and labor movements. Don’t know the words? Lyric sheets provided.

5 p.m., donation

Modern Times Book Store

888 Valencia, SF

(415) 282-9246

 

To Haitian women

Ayana Lobossiere, Judith Mirkinson, and Leslie Mullin — who recently visited Haiti and interviewed hundreds of Haitian women — report on the remarkable grassroots women’s groups working to rebuild Haiti, end the cholera epidemic, fight for democracy, and advocate for the people.

5:30–8:30 p.m., free

Albany United Methodist Church

980 Stannage, Albany

(510) 526-7346 2

Mail items for Alerts to the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 437-3658; or e-mail alert@sfbg.com. Please include a contact telephone number. Items must be received at least one week prior to the publication date.

Lee should stop the recycling eviction

3

EDITORIAL Mayor Ed Lee needs to demonstrate, as we noted last week, that he’s making a clean break from the politics and policies of the Newsom administration — and there are things he can do immediately to reassure San Franciscans that he’s going to offer more than another 11 months of a failed administration.

He can start by calling off the eviction of the Haight Ashbury Neighborhood Recycling Center.

The move by Newsom to evict the recycling center, on the edge of Golden Gate Park, was part of his administration’s war on the poor. It made no sense from a financial or environmental perspective. The center, which pays rent to the city, would be replaced by a community garden, which would pay nothing. The center creates green jobs that pay a living wage; all the workers would be laid off under Newsom’s plan. The center also operates a native plant nursery and provides a drop-off recycling site for local businesses.

A community garden makes only limited sense in a shady area that gets fog most of the year.

The only reason Newsom was determined to get rid of the place is that low-income people who collect bottles and cans around the city (an environmentally positive activity, by the way) come by the center to drop them off and pick up a little cash. Some of the wealthier residents of the Haight don’t like poor people wandering through their neighborhood. It’s class warfare, declared by the Newsom administration — and Lee, who got his start as a poverty lawyer, doesn’t have to tolerate it.

Lee should direct the Recreation and Parks Department to cease the eviction proceedings and negotiate a long-term lease for the Frederick Street site.

It seems like a small item in the long list of issues the new mayor will have to deal with — but the HANC recycling center has strong symbolic importance. Ending the eviction and allowing the center to stay would be a sign that Lee intends to be a mayor who is willing to work with the progressives and that he’s not going to try to solve all the city’s problems by blaming, harassing, and criminalizing people who are barely surviving in San Francisco.

The new mayor could take another simple step toward broad credibility by opening up his office — to the public and the press. Under Newsom, Room 200 was an unfriendly place to outsiders, and often the news media were treated as enemies. Lee should start holding regular press conferences — not just stage-managed events designed to showcase one issue, but broad-ranging, open sessions where reporters can ask questions about anything his administration is doing. And he ought to direct his press office to make compliance with the Sunshine Ordinance a priority.

For starters, he could release whatever proposed budget cuts Newsom left behind. It’s hard to believe the former mayor just turned them over to Lee without a list of things that were on the chopping block. The sooner the public sees where the previous administration was going, the sooner we can all determine what, if anything, Lee will do differently.

Editorial: New Mayor Ed Lee should stop the recycling eviction

8

Mayor Ed Lee needs to demonstrate, as we noted in last week’s editorial, that he’s making a clean break from the politics and policies of the Newsom administration and there are things he can do immediately to reassure San Franciscans that he’s going to offer more than another 11 months of a failed administration.

He can start by calling off the eviction of the Haight Ashbury Neighborhood Recycling Center.

The move by Newsom to evict the recycling center, on the edge of Golden Gate Park, was part of his administration’s war on the poor. It made no sense from a financial or environmental perspective. The center, which pays rent to the city, would be replaced by a community garden, which would pay nothing. The center creates green jobs that pay a living wage; all the workers would be laid off under Newsom’s plan. The center also operates a native plant nursery and provides a drop-off recycling site for local businesses.

A community garden makes only limited sense in a shady area that gets fog most of the year.

The only reason Newsom was determined to get rid of the place is that low-income people who collect bottles and cans around the city (an environmentally positive activity, by the way) come by the center to drop them off and pick up a little cash. Some of the wealthier residents of the Haight don’t like poor people wandering through their neighborhood. It’s class warfare, declared by the Newsom administration and Lee, who got his start as a poverty lawyer, doesn’t have to tolerate it.

Lee should direct the Recreation and Parks Department to cease the eviction proceedings and negotiate a long-term lease for the Frederick Street site.

It seems like a small item in the long list of issues the new mayor will have to deal with but the HANC recycling center has strong symbolic importance. Ending the eviction and allowing the center to stay would be a sign that Lee intends to be a mayor who is willing to work with the progressives and that he’s not going to try to solve all the city’s problems by blaming, harassing, and criminalizing people who are barely surviving in San Francisco.

The new mayor could take another simple step toward broad credibility by opening up his office to the public and the press. Under Newsom, Room 200 was an unfriendly place to outsiders, and often the news media were treated as enemies. Lee should start holding regular press conferences not just stage-managed events designed to showcase one issue, but broad-ranging, open sessions where reporters can ask questions about anything his administration is doing. And he ought to direct his press office to make compliance with the Sunshine Ordinance a priority.

For starters, he could release whatever proposed budget cuts Newsom left behind. It’s hard to believe the former mayor just turned them over to Lee without a list of things that were on the chopping block. The sooner the public sees where the previous administration was going, the sooner we can all determine what, if anything, Lee will do differently.  

2011 Cannabis Club Guide

0

Welcome to our 2011 Cannabis Club Guide. We’ve added four new clubs to our updated guide, a continuation of last year’s.

As I created my list of the clubs I planned to review, I found abundant online resources such as San Francisco Cannabis Clubs and Weed Tracker. But an even better indicator of how mainstream this industry has become were the extensive listings and reviews on Yelp.com.

I combined that information with recommendations from a variety of sources I interviewed to develop my list, which is incomplete and entirely subjective, but nonetheless a good overview of the local industry and the differences among the clubs.

Also, like our restaurant reviewers, I didn’t identify myself as a journalist on my visits, preferring to see how the average customer is treated — and frankly, I was amazed at the high level of friendly, knowledgeable customer service at just about every club. To comply with city law, all the clubs are fully accessible by those with disabilities.

So, with that business out of the way, please join me on my tour of local cannabis clubs, in the (random) order that I visited them. 

2011 REVIEWS

SPARC

The San Francisco Patient and Resource Center, or SPARC (1256 Mission, SF) immediately set a new standard for dispensaries when it opened last August, combining a stunningly beautiful facility with deep connections to the medical marijuana community and a strong commitment to taking care of patients and moving the movement forward.

Even the casual observer can see what a unique place this is. A selection of almost three dozen bud varietals is presented in the style of a Chinese apothecary, each strain laboratory-tested for strength and purity and labeled with THC and CBD levels. The facility was lovingly designed from scratch with state-of-the-art humidors and security systems, creating an environment that is warm, friendly, and secure, with more employees per customer than other clubs.

Below the surface, SPARC is also setting a standard. Founder Erich Pearson and others involved with the club have been movement leaders for many years and they have deep connections with growers, patient groups, and the progressive political community. So they offer everything from free acupuncture and other services to generous compassionate giving programs to strong support for all aspects of the vertically-integrated collective.

But it is the experience of visiting that is most striking. Get expert advice on choosing from a huge range on indoor and outdoor strains and then settle into one of the tables, load a bowl into the high-end Volcano vaporizer, and taste the fruits of SPARC’s expertise.

There are always lots of great deals to choose from, from one-pound bags for baking for $300 to eighths of the finest outdoor weed for as low as $28.

SPARC is truly an industry leader, setting a high bar for what dispensaries can be.

Prepackaged buds

Opened in 2010

Price: Wide range

Selection: Huge!

Ambiance: Warm, comfortable, hip

Smoke on site: Vaporizing only

Thug factor: Low

Access/security: Tight but welcoming

———–

IGZACTLY HEALTH CENTER

Opening in late 2010, Igzactly (527 Howard, SF) is the new kid of the block — but it’s already establishing itself as one of the best cannabis clubs around. With a rotating supply of almost 40 varieties of buds to choose from at a full range of prices, it has the biggest selection in town. I asked the bud tender how the club is able to offer such a wide array of high-quality buds, and he said it’s because they’re using a different model than most clubs. Rather than buying the buds from growers, Igzactly uses a consignment system, splitting the proceeds with the growers.

Complementing the huge stock of dried buds, Igzactly also has a large selection of cannabis-infused edibles, concentrates, tinctures, ointments, and just about anything you can get weed into. On top of that, Igzactly has a comfortable lounge and is one of just a handful of clubs that allows vaporizing on site, giving clients a choice of using the top-end Volcano or the Zephyr (my personal favorite) vaporizer models. They even offer complimentary teas and coffee.

The staff there is friendly and customer-oriented. For example, when the club opened, it offered prepackaged buds like most clubs, but it heeded customer input and quickly switched to displaying all their buds in huge jars and weighing them out on purchase, which many patients prefer. And he said the club plans to expand the lounge soon and to add on-site laboratory services by year’s end.

If Igzactly is a sign of where the industry’s headed, the future looks bright and verdant.

Buds weighed on purchase

Opened in 2010

Price: From cheap to average

Selection: Huge!

Ambiance: Green, friendly, inviting

Smoke on site: Vaporizing only

Thug factor: Low

Access/security: Secure but easy access

———–

SHAMBHALA

I visited Shambhala (2441 Mission, SF) on its second day open, when the smell of paint was stronger than that of weed, so it’s hard to judge it fairly. Check-in for new patients was maddening slow to an almost comical degree, they weren’t yet taking credit cards and had no ATM on site, and they offered a bigger selection of rolling papers than bud varieties.

But I still liked this place, the only one in that stretch of Mission Street. The staff is very friendly and they seem to really know their products. Unlike many clubs that offer a few good deals, the only cheap weed here was Afgoo for $25 per eighth, less than half the price of most of the 13 varieties they offered. When I asked why it was so much cheaper, the bud tender explained that the buds weren’t as tight or well-trimmed as the dispensary expects, although it still proved to be plenty strong and tasty.

Beyond the buds, Shambhala is also part head shop, selling lots of nice glass bongs, a display case filled with pipes, and rolling papers of all shapes and flavors. And while its selection of edibles is small, they do feature all of Auntie Dolores’ yummy cookies and savory snacks, even displaying the pretzels, chili-lime peanuts, and caramel corn in large glass jars on the counter.

Once Shambhala finds its groove, it will be a solid addition to the city’s dispensary network.

Prepackaged buds

Open since 2011

Price: Moderate

Selection: Limited buds, lots of paraphernalia

Ambiance: Clean, open, friendly

Smoke on site: No

Thug factor: Low

Access/security: Tight

———-

MARKET STREET COOPERATIVE

It’s easy to overlook this place (1884 Market, SF), as I did last year when I first began to compile this guide. Nestled into the back of a wide sidewalk courtyard where Market meets Laguna just up the street from the LGBT Center, Market Street Cooperative has low-key signage and doesn’t seem to do much advertising or outreach, particularly compared to marketing-savvy clubs such as the Vapor Room, Medithrive, and SPARC.

But the operators clearly know what they’re doing, offering a wide product selection in a quiet, clean, no-nonsense environment. They offer a choice of buds for every taste and use, from the best high-end buds at a good price down to eighths for a dirt-cheap $18 and three different grades of shake, which many vaporizer users prefer over the tight buds that they need to grind themselves.

Access is limited to members, and the club insists on being able to verify the recommendation of users in a phone call to their doctors, a stricter standard that most clubs use and one that can get users turned away if their visit is after normal business hours (as they unapologetically did to my friend, the first time a club had denied him entry).

But once you’re in, you’re in, and this long-running club will take good care of you. 

Prepackaged buds

Opened in 1999

Price: Moderate with lots of good deals

Selection: High

Ambiance: Low-key and business-like

Smoke on site: No

Thug factor: Very low

Access/security: Tight 

 

RE-LEAF HERBAL CENTER

I wasn’t terribly impressed by ReLeaf (1284 Mission, SF) when I first reviewed the club in 2010, so at their owner’s request I returned recently to give them another look. They have definitely improved in both the feel of the club and its customer service, but it still suffers from some of the same shortcomings I noticed last year.

While they allow smoking on site, which is great, they don’t have any vaporizers or bongs on hand for patients to use, making it seem a little sketchy. The selection of buds is also fairly limited, with about a dozen varieties divided into two pricing tiers (although only a couple selections on each tier really looked and smelled great), and the clones they had on sale during my visit looked scraggly and sickly.

But the employees there are very nice and helpful, and the atmosphere in the club has become more inviting. There carry a large stock of edibles not available in other clubs, including smoothies and other refrigerated snacks that require a special permit from the city to sell. And the customer appreciation barbecue events they offer are a nice touch.

For a small storefront operation, Releaf does a fine job and it’s worth a visit. But with the way in which the bar has been raised for dispensaries in this city, I wouldn’t put Releaf in the top tier. Sorry guys, maybe next year.

 

Buds weighed on purchase

Open since 2007 ( with three years at previous SF location)

Price: Moderate

Selection: Limited

Ambiance: A loud head shop that also has some weed

Smoke On Site: Yes

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Moderate

—————

2010 REVIEWS

DIVINITY TREE

While the reviews on Yelp rave about Divinity Tree (958 Geary St.), giving it five stars, I found it a little intimidating and transactional (although it was the first club I visited, so that might be a factor). But if you’re looking to just do your business in a no-frills environment and get out, this could be your place.

The staff and most of the clientele were young men, some a bit thuggish. One worker wore a “Stop Snitching” T-shirt and another had “Free the SF8.” But they behaved professionally and were knowledgeable and easy to talk to. When I asked for a strain that would ease my anxiety but still allow me enough focus to write, my guy (patients wait along a bench until called to the counter) seemed to thoughtfully ponder the question for a moment, then said I wanted a “sativa-dominant hybrid” and recommended Neville’s Haze.

I bought 1/16 for $25 and when I asked for a receipt, it seemed as though they don’t get that question very often. But without missing a beat he said, “Sure, I’ll give you a receipt,” and gave me a hand-written one for “Meds.”

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: four years

Price: Fairly low

Selection: Moderate

Ambiance: A transactional hole in the wall

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Moderate

Access/Security: Easy. Membership available but not required

————-

GRASS ROOTS

Located at 1077 Post St. right next to Fire Station #3, Grass Roots has the feel of a busy saloon. Indeed, as a worker named Justin told me, many of the employees are former bartenders who know and value customer service. With music, great lighting, and nice décor, this place feels comfortable and totally legit. Whereas most clubs are cash-only, Grass Roots allows credit card transactions and has an ATM on site.

The steady stream of customers are asked to wait along the back wall, perusing the menus (one for buds and another with pictures for a huge selection of edibles) until called to the bar. When asked, my guy gave me a knowledgeable breakdown of the difference between sativa and indica, but then Justin came over to relieve him for a lunch break with the BBQ they had ordered in and ate in the back.

Justin answered my writing-while-high inquiry by recommending Blue Dream ($17 for a 1.2-gram), and when I asked about edibles, he said he really likes the indica instant hot chocolate ($6), advising me to use milk rather than water because it bonds better with the cannabinoids to improve the high. Then he gave me a free pot brownie because I was a new customer. I was tempted to tip him, but we just said a warm goodbye instead.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: A warm and welcoming weed bar

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————–

HOPENET

Hopenet (223 Ninth St.) is one of the few places in the city where you can smoke on site, in a comfortable, homey style, as if you’re visiting a friend’s apartment. In addition to the loveseat, two chairs, and large bong, there is a small patio area for smoking cigarettes or playing a guitar, as someone was doing during my visit.

Although the small staff is definitely knowledgeable, they all seemed stoned. And when I asked about the right weed for my writing problem, a gruff older woman impatiently dismissed any indica vs. sativa distinctions and walked away. But I learned a lot about how they made the wide variety of concentrates from the young, slow-talking guy who remained.

He weighed out a heavy gram of White Grapes for $15, the same price for Blue Dream, and $2 cheaper than I had just paid at Grass Roots. That was in the back room, the big middle area was for hanging out, and the front area was check-in and retail, with a case for pipes and wide variety of stoner T-shirts on the walls.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: eight years

Price: Low

Selection: Moderate

Ambiance: Like a converted home with retail up front

Smoke On Site: Yes!

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————

VAPOR ROOM

Vapor Room (607A Haight, www.vaporroom.com) is San Francisco’s best pot club, at least in terms of feeling like an actual club and having strong connections to its community of patients. It’s a large room where customers can smoke on site, giving this collective a warm, communal vibe that facilitates social interaction and fosters a real sense of inclusiveness.

Each of the four large tables has a high-end Volcano vaporizer on it, there’s a big-screen TV, elegant décor, and large aquarium. There’s a nice mix of young heads and older patients, the latter seeming to know each other well. But, lest members feel a little too at home, a sign on the wall indicates a two-hour time limit for hanging out.

Its early days in the spot next door were a bit grungier, but the new place is bright and elegant. It has a low-key façade and professional feel, and it strongly caters to patients’ needs. Low-income patients are regularly offered free medicine, such as bags full of vapor prepared by staff. Mirkarimi said the Vapor Room is very involved in the Lower Haight community and called it a “model club.”

But they’re still all about the weed, and they have a huge selection that you can easily examine (with a handy magnifying glass) and smell, knowledgeable staff, lots of edibles and concentrates, a tea bar (medicated and regular), and fairly low standardized pot prices: $15 per gram, $25 per 1/16th, $50 per eighth. And once you got your stuff, grab a bong off the shelf and settle into a table — but don’t forget to give them your card at the front desk to check out a bowl for your bong. As the guy told me, “It’s like a library.”

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: seven years

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Warm, communal hangout

Smoke On Site: Yes!

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy, but membership required

————-

MEDITHRIVE

The newest cannabis club in town, MediThrive (1933 Mission, www.medithrive.com) has a bright, fresh, artsy feel to it, with elegantly frosted windows and a welcoming reception area as you enter. This nonprofit coop takes your photo and requires free membership, and already had almost 3,000 members when I signed up a couple weeks ago. Tiana, the good-looking young receptionist, said the club recently won a reader’s choice Cannabis Cup award and noted that all the art on the walls was a rotating collection by local patients: “We’re all about supporting local art.”

The decorators seemed to have fun with the cannabis concept, with a frosted window with a pot leaf photo separating the reception area from the main room, while the walls alternated wood planks with bright green fake moss that looked like the whole place was bursting with marijuana. There’s a flat-screen TV on the wall, at low volume.

The large staff is very friendly and seemed fairly knowledgeable, and the huge selection of pot strains were arranged on a spectrum with the heaviest indica varieties on the left to the pure sativas on the right. Lots of edibles and drinkables, too. The cheapest bud was a cool steel tin with a gram of Mission Kush for $14 (new members get a free sample), while the high rollers could buy some super-concentrated OG Kush Gold Dust ($50) or Ear Wax ($45) to sprinkle over their bowls.

Prepackaged buds

Open for: one year

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Professional, like an artsy doctor’s office

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Very low

Access/Security: Easy, but membership required

————

KETAMA COLLECTIVE

At 14 Valencia St., Ketama is a testament to how silly it is that clubs within 1,000 feet of schools aren’t permitted to allow smoking on site. This former café has a large, comfortable seating area and full kitchen, both of which have had little use since a school opened way down the street last year, causing city officials to ban smoking at Ketama.

Pity, because it seems like a great place to just hang out. Yet now it just seemed underutilized and slow. The staff is small (one door guy and a woman hired last summer doing sales), and we were the only customers during the 20 minutes I was there (except for the weird old guy drinking beer from a can in a bag who kept popping in and out).

But it still had jars of good green bud, several flavors of weed-laced drinks and edibles, and a pretty good selection of hash and kief at different prices, and the woman spoke knowledgeably about the different processes by which they were created. To counteract the slow business, Ketama has a neon sign out front that explicitly announces its business — another indication the industry has gone legit.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Low

Selection: Limited

Ambiance: Hippie hangout, but with nobody there

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy, but free membership required

————

MR. NICE GUY

Belying its name, Mr. Nice Guy (174 Valencia St.) thrilled and scared me, but not necessarily in a bad way. Located across the street from Zeitgeist, the thug factor here was high and so was the security, allowing no human interaction that wasn’t mediated by thick Plexiglass, presumably bulletproof.

After initially being told by a disembodied voice to come back in five minutes, I submitted my doctor’s recommendation and ID into the slot of a teller’s window, darkened to hide whoever I was dealing with. Quickly approved, I was buzzed into a small, strange room with three doors.

I paused, confused, until the disembodied voice again told me, “Keep going,” and I was buzzed through another door into a hallway that led to a large room, its walls completely covered in brilliant murals, expertly painted in hip-hop style. Along the front walls, a lighted menu broke down the prices of about 20 cannabis varieties.

Then finally, I saw people: two impossibly hot, young female employees, lounging nonchalantly in their weed box, like strippers waiting to start their routines. The only other customer, a young B-boy, chatted them up though the glass, seemingly more interested in these striking women than their products.

I finally decided to go with the special, an ounce of Fever, normally $17, for just $10. I opened a small door in the glass, set down my cash, and watched the tall, milk chocolate-skinned beauty trade my money for Fever, leaving me feeling flushed. It was the best dime-bag I ever bought.

Prepackaged buds

Price: Moderate, with cheap specials

Selection: High

Ambiance: Hip hop strip club

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: High

Access/Security: High security but low scrutiny

————-

BERNAL HEIGHTS COLLECTIVE

Bernal Collective (33 29th St. at Mission) seemed both more casual and more strict than any of the other clubs in town — and it also turned out to be one of my favorites.

After refusing to buy pot for a guy out front who had just been turned away, I entered the club and faced more scrutiny than I had at any other club. It was the only club to ask for my doctor’s license number and my referral number, and when I tried to check an incoming text message, I was told cell phone use wasn’t allowed for “security reasons.” On the wall, they had a blown-up copy of their 2007 legal notice announcing their opening.

But beyond this by-the-book façade, this club proved warm and welcoming, like a comfortable clubhouse. People can smoke on site, and there’s even a daily happy hour from 4:20–5:20 p.m., with $1 off joints and edibles, both in abundant supply. Normal-sized prerolled joints are $5, but they also offer a massive bomber joint with a full eighth of weed for $50.

The staff of a half-dozen young men were knowledgeable about the 20 varieties they had on hand and offered excellent customer service, even washing down the bong with an alcohol-wipe before letting a customer take a rip from the XXX, a strong, sticky bud that was just $15 for a gram.

Buds weighed at purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Fairly low

Selection: High

Ambiance: A clubhouse for young stoners

Smoke On Site: Yes

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Fairly tight

————-

LOVE SHACK

This longtime club (502 14th St.) has had its ups and downs, the downs coming mostly because of its location on a fairly residential block. After taking complaints from neighbors, the city required Love Shack to cap its membership, although that seems to be changing because the club let me in, albeit with a warning that next time I would need to have a state ID card. It was the only club I visited to have such a requirement.

Once inside this tiny club, I could see why people might have been backed up onto the street at times. But the staff was friendly and seemed to have a great rapport with the regulars, who seemed be everyone except me. The knowledgeable manager walked me through their 20-plus varieties, most costing the standard street price of $50 per eighth, or more for stronger stuff like Romulan.

On the more affordable end of the spectrum was the $10 special for Jack Herrer Hash, named for the longtime legalization advocate who wrote The Emperor Wears No Clothes, a classic book on the history of the movement.

Buds weighed at purchase

Open for: nine years

Price: Moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Small, like a converted apartment

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Moderate

Access/Security: Tight

————-

COFFEE SHOP BLUE SKY

Blue Sky (377 17th St., Oakland)is based on the Amsterdam model of combining marijuana dispensaries with coffee shops, although it suffers a bit from Oakland’s ban on smoking. Still, it’s a cool concept and one that Richard Lee sees as the future of marijuana-related businesses because of the synergy between smoking and grabbing a bite or some coffee.

Most of Blue Sky is a small coffee shop and smoothie bar, but there’s a little room in back for buying weed. “We’ve got the best prices around,” said the guy who checked my ID, and indeed, $44 eighths and $10 “puppy bags” were pretty cheap. Customers can also sign up to do volunteer political advocacy work for free weed.

The only downside is the limited selection, only four varieties when I was there, although the woman at the counter said the varieties rotate over the course of the day based on the club’s purchases from growers.

Prepackaged buds

Open for: 15 years

Price: Low

Selection: Very limited

Ambiance: A fragrant little room behind a coffee shop

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————–

HARBORSIDE HEALTH CENTER

I have seen the future of legitimized medical marijuana businesses, and it’s Harborside (1840 Embarcadero, Oakland). With its motto of “Out of the shadows, into the light,” this place is like the Costco of pot — a huge, airy facility with a dizzying number of selections and even a “rewards card” program.

All new members are given a tour, starting with sign-up sheets for daily free services that include yoga, chiropractic, acupuncture, reiki, consultations with herbalists, and classes on growing. Then we moved to a section with the clones of dozens of pot plant varieties available for purchase (limit of 72 plants per visit), along with a potted marijuana plant the size of a tree.

Harborside is also blazing the trail on laboratory services, testing all of its pot for contaminants and THC content, labeling it on the packaging just like the alcohol industry does. Some of the smaller clubs don’t like how over-the-top Harborside is, and they complain that its prices are high. But those profits seem to be poured back into the services at this unique facility.

Prepackaged buds

Open for: four years

Price: High

Selection: Huge

Ambiance: A big, open shopping emporium

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Tight

————-

SANCTUARY

The people who run Sanctuary (669 O’Farrell St.), the first club to fully comply with the new city regulations and get its permanent license, have been active in the political push for normalizing medical marijuana, as a wall full of awards and letters from politicians attests. Owner Michael Welch was commended for his work by the Harvey Milk LGBT Democratic Club, where Sanctuary employee Tim Durning has been an active longtime member and former elected officer.

Sanctuary has a generous compassionate giving program and caters to lots of poor residents of the Tenderloin neighborhood. While the club is prohibited from allowing smoking, they fudge the restriction with a Volcano vaporizer. “A lot of patients are on fixed income and live in the SROs, where they can’t smoke, so we let them vaporize here whether they buy from us or not,” Durning told us.

Those who do buy from them find a huge selection — including 20 different kinds of hash and 17 varieties of buds — at a wide price range. Staffers know their products well and take their business seriously, giving a regular spiel to new members about responsible use, which includes maintaining neighborhood relations by not smoking near the business.

Buds weighed on purchase

Open for: six years

Price: Low to moderate

Selection: High

Ambiance: Campaign headquarters for the marijuana movement

Smoke On Site: No, but vaporizing OK

Thug factor: Low

Access/Security: Easy

————–

GREEN DOOR

If low prices or a huge selection of edibles are what you seek, Green Door (843 Howard St., www.greendoorsf.com) could be the club for you.

Eighths of good green buds start at a ridiculously low $25 and go up to just $50 (the cheapest price for eighths at many clubs and also the standard black market price). If that’s not low enough, super-broke users can buy a quarter-ounce bag of high-grade shake for $40.

If you didn’t already have the munchies going in, you’ll get them perusing the huge menu of edibles: from weed-laced knockoffs of Snickers bars and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for just $5 to cupcakes, ice cream, or Chex party mix. They have lots of hash and other concentrates as well.

Somehow, the club also manages to have a strong compassionate giving program and contibutes to local civic organizations that include the Black Rock Arts Foundation, Maitri AIDS Hospice, and Friends of the Urban Forest.

The club itself is a little sterile and transactional, with an institutional feel and employees stuck behind teller windows. But even though that and the steady flow of tough-looking young male customers raise its thug factor a bit, the employees all seemed friendly and helpful, giving free edibles to first-time customers.

Prepackage buds

Open for: nine years (five here, four in Oakland)

Price: Cheap

Selection: High for edibles, moderate for weed

Ambiance: Like a community bank of cheap weed

Smoke On Site: No

Thug factor: Moderate

Access/Security: Easy access, high security

————–

 

Our Weekly Picks: January 12-18

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WEDNESDAY 12

DANCE

“The A.W.A.R.D. Show!”

It had to happen: life imitating television. If you’ve ever wanted to put your body on the line and participate in judging a reality TV dance show, this is your opportunity. “The A.W.A.R.D. Show!” is a six-city endeavor in which 12 local choreographers (four per night) get evaluated by you and presenters from each participating entity. You get to vote for one artist each night. Each evening’s winner proceeds to Saturday’s final, where one will walk away with $10,000 check — chicken feed in television land, but a nice chunk for choreographers trying to find the cash for their next work. First on will be Manuelito Biag, Liss Fain, Katie Faulkner, and Catherine Galasso. (Rita Felciano)

Wed/12–Sat/15, 8 p.m., $20

ODC Theater

3153 17th St., SF

(415) 863-9834

www.odctheater.org


THEATER

Clue

Who killed Mr. Boddy? Was it Mrs. Peacock in the conservatory with the revolver? Or was it Professor Plum in the billiard room with the candlestick? Find out in Boxcar Theatre’s Clue, written and directed by Peter Matthews and Nick A. Olivero. First a popular board game, then a cult classic movie, this new version (adapted from the 1985 film) features a life-size board game with the audience watching six feet above. Secret passageways, murderous hilarity, and multiple possible endings make this whodunnit a must-see. Hot tip: get your tickets now — presale popularity has been so high that Boxcar has already added some performances to its run. (Emmaly Wiederholt)

Through Feb. 19

Wed.–Fri. 8 p.m.; Sat, 7 and 10 p.m., $15-$25

Boxcar Playhouse

505 Natoma, SF

(415) 776-1747

www.boxcartheatre.org

 

THURSDAY 13

FILM

“For Your Consideration: A Selection of Oscar Submissions from Around the World”

So you’ve been a good little film geek and seen all of 2010’s likely Oscar contenders: The King’s Speech, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, etc. etc. But what about those films submitted for Best Foreign Language Film consideration that get extremely limited stateside releases (if they even make here at all)? Though the films in the Smith Rafael’s “For Your Consideration” series probably aren’t destined to rake in massive box office dollars (see: 2000’s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), they still represent what each country felt was worthy of worldwide notice. “For Your Consideration” presents a handful of hand-picked selections, including Spain’s Even the Rain, starring Gael García Bernal as a filmmaker intent on making a film about Christopher Columbus; Crab Trap, about Colombia’s isolated Pacific coast community; and Poland’s All That I Love, the story of four friends who form a punk band amid early-1980s Communist unrest. (Cheryl Eddy)

Jan. 13–20, $6.75–$10.25

Christopher B. Smith Rafael Film Center

1118 Fourth St, San Rafael

(415) 454-1222

www.cafilm.org


PERFORMANCE

Women on the Way Festival

For the next three weeks, expect sassy women to please, surprise, and shake you during the 11th Women on the Way Festival. The format pairs newcomers (for example, Norwegian Muslim comedian Shabana Rehman), with established artists (like San Francisco poet Genny Lim). If you are into multimedia and dance theater, the Shotwell Studios are your place to go. If dance — more or less pure — is your bag, the Garage is opening its red door. W.O.W.’s Producer Mary Alice Fry, who has made a career of spotting new talent, says she was delighted to see that so many women are working with live and often original music. The festival’s website, www.ftloose.org, offers succinct, detailed information on the individual artists and the work they’ll present. (Felciano)

Through Jan. 30, $15–$20

Shotwell Studios

3252-A 19th St., SF

Garage

975 Howard, SF

1-800-838-3006

www.brownpapertickets.com/producer/5930

 

EVENT

Bay Area Puma Project

If you’re not sick of cougar jokes by now, I feel sorry for you. After all, most of the appeal is in giving up dominance, and really honey, you were never the top predator in the first place. Real cougars — as in mountain lions — are the last large animals in California with a substantial population, aside from us; their habitat covers about half our huge state. Join wildcat conservationist Zara McDonald, founder of the Felidae Conservation Fund, to hear about the first major, decade-long study of pumas in the Bay Area, efforts to protect them, and tips on coexisting with these elusive cats. Don’t you know 2011 is the year of the silver fox, anyway? (Kat Renz)

7:30–9:00 p.m., free

Randall Museum

199 Museum Way, SF

(415) 225-3830

www.sfns.org

 

COMEDY

SF Sketchfest

In 2002, I excitedly wrote about a brand-new event right here in these very pages: the first annual San Francisco Sketch Comedy Festival, a monthlong comedy smorgasbord featuring six local acts. Organizers, I wrote, foresaw “a Fringe Festival-style expansion that will bring comedy to the masses for years to come.” Well, that totally happened. Sketchfest, now in its 10th year, is the West Coast’s premiere comedy festival (in your face, L.A.), and it annually features superstars galore. This year’s sure-to-sell-out events include a 25th anniversary tribute to It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, tributes to Murphy Brown and Airplane! (1980), plus appearances by boldface names like James L. Brooks, Cloris Leachman, Dan Aykroyd, and David Byrne. And yeah, there are still some locals in the mix: SF native Greg Proops pops up in improv show Whose Live Anyway?, plus there’ll be a reunion show featuring the original six sketch groups (including Kasper Hauser and the Meehan Brothers) who got this party started in the first place. (Eddy)

Through Feb. 5, $15–$60

Various venues, SF

www.sfsketchfest.com

 

FRIDAY 14

EVENT

“Salute to Supernatural

In the television graveyard of contemporary TV dramas centered around vampires, werewolves, or horror-related themes, one of the more mainstream ones that doesn’t deserve a stake firmly implanted in its creators is the CW show Supernatural. Following the adventures of Sam and Dean Winchester, a pair of demon-hunting brothers, the program has become a hit with viewers over the past five years. At this weekend’s special Supernatural convention, Bay Area fans can meet the two lead actors, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, along with several costars, in addition to listening to talks, going to themed parties, perusing vendors, and much more. (Sean McCourt)

Fri/14, 1–6 p.m.; Sat/15, 11:30 a.m.–7 p.m.;

Sun/16, 10 a.m.–5:30 p.m., $20–$50

Westin St. Francis

335 Powell, SF

(818) 409-0960

www.creationent.com.

 

COMEDY

Norm MacDonald

Coming to fame as a cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1993-98, comedian Norm MacDonald made his name as the biting host of that show’s “Weekend Update” segment, along with his hilarious impersonations of celebrities including Burt Reynolds, Bob Dole, and Larry King. Though his departure from SNL was marred by controversy, MacDonald has continued to have a successful career in show business, punctuated by a variety of movie and television roles along with several writing gigs. Be prepared for laugh-induced side aches — the funnyman comes to the Fillmore for two special live shows tonight, taping a TV special for Comedy Central. (McCourt)

7:30 and 10 p.m., $35.25

Fillmore

1805 Geary, SF

(415) 346-6000

www.thefillmore.com

 

SATURDAY 15

FILM

A Brighter Summer Day

Tender and wise, Edward Yang’s A Brighter Summer Day (1991) is simply one of the finest historical dramatizations ever put to celluloid, ambitiously proportioned (four hours long, a cast of hundreds) but fine-grained in the telling. Yang traces Taiwan’s tumultuous midcentury history in the erring lives of teenagers. Between the deft staging of intergenerational conflict, Proustian attention to objects, and existential portraits of alienation, there’s enough material here for several filmmaking careers. Long inaccessible in the U.S., the film has been restored by Martin Scorsese’s laudably internationalist World Cinema Foundation. The Pacific Film Archive screens a selection of the organization’s recent projects throughout the month. (Max Goldberg)

6:30 p.m., $9.50

Pacific Film Archive

2575 Bancroft, Berk.

(510) 642-1412

www.bampfa.berkeley.edu

 

PERFORMANCE

Corpo/Ilicito: The Post Human Society

“It’s going to be a very wild performance,” performance artist Guillermo Gomez-Peña told Time Out Chicago about his troupe Pocha Nostra’s piece Corpo/Illicito. They’ll be performing at the closing reception of SOMArts’ group exhibit, “It’s All a Blur,” a reflection on empowerment and enfranchisement via the American dream. La Pocha Nostra is famed for using its performers’ bodies as canvases for its art, so get ready for some made-up, bound, embellished, and politically ostentatious artists gone wild. As for the exhibit’s more static installations, Dale Hoyt’s videos and drawings will be on view, as will Tony Labat’s Blanket Policy, a tent made of Goodwill paintings, and Labat’s 12-foot tall barbeque. To art and freshly grilled meat products! (Caitlin Donohue)

SOMArts Cultural Center

934 Brannan, SF

(415) 552-1770

www.somarts.org

 

MONDAY 17

EVENT

“Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday Celebration”

Hooray for MLK! Maybe this year we can eschew the sappy television specials and get a little work done on that old dream of his? That’s what’s going down at the Yerba Buena Gardens, where a daylong celebration dubbed “Sustaining the Dream: Through Community and Service” offers free admission to the Museum of the African Diaspora and the Contemporary Jewish Museum. The event also features a kid’s reading fest and a plethora of local health care providers doling out diabetes tests, children’s dental screenings, and a passel of other helpful services. Once they’ve got you feeling good, stick around for “King in Five Vignettes” at 12:15 p.m., music and performance dedicated to the man with the plan. (Donohue)

9 a.m.–5 p.m., free

Yerba Buena Gardens

Mission between Fourth and Third streets., SF

www.norcalmlk.org

 

TUESDAY 18

VISUAL ART

“Twist and Crawl”

The Bay Area is a major center for artists with disabilities, thanks to sites such as Oakland’s Creative Growth, San Francisco’s Creativity Explored, and the NIAD Center for Art and Disabilities in Richmond. Starting from an awareness that some major names in contemporary art work with disabilities, the new exhibition “Twist and Crawl” brings together work by 14 artists to bridge gaps and blur boundaries between traditionally-acknowledged painters, photographers, and sculptors and their disabled counterparts. “Twist and Crawl,” which takes its name from a frenetic song by the English Beat, is the first installment in a thematically arranged three-part series organized by artist and curator Timothy Buckwalter. Continuing through August, it syncs up with an upcoming traveling Berkeley Art Museum exhibition devoted to Creative Growth, Creativity Explored, and NIAD. (Johnny Ray Huston)

Through March 16

National Institute of Art and Disabilities (NIAD) Gallery

551 23rd St., Richmond

www.niadart.org


The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Hot sexy events: January 12-18

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Historically speaking, it’s good to be a geek. Think about it – has any era in history more readily rewarded those whose aptitudes shine in the areas of minutiae and social awkwardness? Thanks to the Internet, every geek has an audience – and thanks to the Internet there’s the Internet, a land where technological know-how gets you feature film bio-flicks and material fortune beyond your wildest science fiction fantasies. Basically, geeks get laid these days. Definitely prime time for Bawdy Storytelling to hold an evening of live show-and-tell entitled “Sex Wonk,” (Weds/12) wherein those who are super gungho about the old in-and-out can revel in their geekiness – and that Star Trek hand sign takes on new levels of perversion.

 

“A Penis Show”

Jack Davis crochets penis. Neither more nor less – the artist has whipped up hundreds, if not thousands of the little fellers since his first show upon graduating college. Thanks to his work, you can surround yourself with colorful, crochet cock and balls at Magnet, the free sexual health center in the Castro – take one home to make your apartment walls stand a little more erect. It’ll look great with your ’70s porn pillows!

Through Jan. 31 

Magnet 

4122 18th St., SF

(415) 581-1600

www.magnetsf.org


Bawdy Storytelling: Sex Wonk

The featured guests at this month’s sharing-is-caring story series include Sarah Dopp, eminent webmaster for the transgendered community, engineers, sex educators, and the good people from SF Sex Information, who will be on hand to answer all your pleasantly nerdy queries on boning in between the witty, touching, and downright blush-inducing stories from all the speakers. 

Weds/12 8 p.m., $10

The Blue Macaw

2565 Mission, SF

www.bawdystorytelling.com


Invasion: A Queer Takeover of the Citadel

The Citadel sheds all signs of straightness for a night: hosts Asher and Char preside over an evening of gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, fag, dyke, leatherman, leatherwoman, butch, femme, transgender, transsexual, and genderqueer-styled BDSM debauchery. Added bonus: for all you cheap queers, members are invited to volunteer for an hour at the event and get in gratis.  

Fri/14 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $25 members only

SF Citadel 

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.sfcitadel.org


SF Spanking Society Munch

Do you ever attend BDSM munches and feel, well, a little soft core? Is all you really want a good spank (or ass to spank)? This is the get-together for you then, cause all that’ll be on the table are the possibility of red cheeks and the probability of kinky conversation. 

Sat/15 noon-2 p.m., free

The Thirsty Bear 

661 Howard, SF

www.soj.org/calendar


Heavy Petting Zoo

Surely this month’s Kinky Salon dress-up swinger’s ball has a theme that most SF weirdos can get down on: the furry, feathery, bescaled kingdom of animalia. Everyone has some kitty cat ears or frog-hued face paint lying around the house, don’t they? And even if you don’t, you can still get your bootie on: swipe your buddy’s denim overalls and viola! You, sir, are a farm hand. Now get to milking that cow.

Sat/15 10 p.m.-late, $30-35 members only

Mission Control 

2519 Mission, SF

www.missioncontrolsf.org


Bedroom Body Moves

Y’know all those classes that are the rage with your racy Aunt Carol in Modesto, the pole dance for exercise courses? Those things are all over the place. But what the hell, why strip for the caloric exodus? Seems silly when you could instead take it all off to get your partner off, amiright? Leaving aside all questions of “staying in shape,” then, we present to you this course, which focuses on the simple act of clothes removal and its seductive powers (especially when you’re sitting on someone’s lap). 

Tues/18 6-8 p.m., $20-25

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

www.goodvibes.com

 

On the Cheap

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On the Cheap listings are compiled by Jackie Andrews. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 12
How to Build Guitars Bazaar Cafe, 5927 California, SF; (415) 831-5620, www.julianagallin.com/howto. 7pm, free (food and drink purchase encouraged). Rickenbacker 12-string electric guitar lover, Mario DeSio, who began making his own damn guitars — by consulting the internet, no less — when his guitar-buying budget was slashed, will share his humble beginnings, experiences, tools, and finished (as well as unfinished) products. Afterwards, you may not be able to add “luthier” to your resume, but maybe you’ll become inspired by this DIY night.

THURSDAY 13
“The Journey That Saved Curious George” Contemporary Jewish Museum, 736 Mission, SF; (415) 655-7800, www.thecjm.org. 7pm, free with regular museum admission or $5 after 5pm. Experience the stranger-than-fiction journey of Margaret and H.A. Rey, the creators of Curious George, as they escape Paris from the Nazis on homemade bicycles, take a train ride across Europe, and finally a boat to America. Louise Borden, who wrote the book Curious George Saves the Day: The Art of Margaret and H.A. Rey, tells the story with an illustrated discussion and a book signing to follow — after which you will surely want to cuddle up with a sweetheart and read Curious George by the fire, er, space heater.

FRIDAY 14
Bitches Brew Park Life, 220 Clement, SF; (415) 386-7275, www.parklifestore.com. 7pm, free. A good art opening is always a great alternative to spending wads of cash on a Friday night. The possibilities of free or cheap booze and cool stuff always aim to please, and when there’s a rad band thrown in to the mix, you can’t go wrong. This Friday, check out new works from Kelly Tunstall, Marci Washington, Aiyana Udesen, Hellen Jo, and Rebecca Ebeling with special musical performance by Oakland’s Wax Idols

SATURDAY 15
Queer Porn TV Launch Party Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9pm, free plus with drink purchase. Celebrate the launch of QueerPorn.TV, a new queer porn site, with drinks, dancing, and general all-around debauchery. Hosted by queer porn icon Courtney Trouble and porn star Tina Horn. DJs Booty Klap (Party Hole) and Jean Jamz (Party Hole, Ships In The Night) will getcha rumps shakin’, and a special performance from porn star Maggie Mayhem should no doubt be the icing on the proverbial cake.

SUNDAY 16
Scott Alexander solo performance RockIt Room, 406 Clement, SF, (415) 387-6343, www.rock-it-room.com. 8pm, free. Brooklyn expatriate Scott Alexander, a.k.a. “Cookie Man,” is that guy you may have seen recently around town hanging out on an inflatable couch while passing out free cookies. Well, he’s a Californian now and wants to make friends – and to do that he will be singing songs, passing out more cookies and, oh yes, bacon. All bases are covered here guys, regardless of whether your thing is off-beat, comedic pop music, cruelty-free baked goods, or fried pig ass.

MONDAY 17
MLK Day of Service Contemporary Jewish Museum, 736 Mission, SF; (415) 752-2483,  www.thecjm.org, www.norcalmlk.org/2011. 11am – 5pm (art poem activity from 1-3pm), free. Yerba Buena Center for the Arts and Yerba Buena Gardens’ sponsor a day of egalitarian activities: a march starting from the park’s MLK memorial, a fair offering free family health services, a children’s reading festival, and the Contemporary Jewish Museum will be open free to the public. Whew! See website for events schedule.

MoAD MLK Day Celebration Museum of the African Diaspora, 685 Mission, SF; (415) 358-7200, www.moadsf.org, www.norcalmlk.org/2011. 11am-6pm, free. MoAD invites the public to enjoy a day at the museum free of charge – and to celebrate MLK’s dream, they’ve got a full slate of community-empowering activities planned. There’s a college fair of historically African-American schools from around the country, live Afro-Cuban music, chalk drawing outside the museum, MLK film screenings, and even a live jewelry-making demonstration and sale. See website for events schedule.

Appetite: Mixology times two

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BERETTA MIXOLOGY CLASSES — Class is equal parts learning and pleasure at Beretta during their monthly Monday educational cocktail classes led by Bar Manager Ryan Fitzgerald. Ryan is one of our city’s great bartenders and he shares his ability to showcase the essence of a drink with you. Set up with your own station of bar utensils and ingredients, you’ll experience an interactive two hours with a small group in Beretta’s basement. Shake and stir — learning when it’s appropriate to do each — as you sample your creations. Whether you study whiskey on January 24, tequila (Ryan’s particular passion) on February 21, or gin on March 21, you’ll come away with recipes both classic and modern, artisan but not so complicated that you can’t recreate them easily at home. And it’s all in the name of education.

$85 per person for class, cocktails, and nibbles of food (includes tax and gratuity)

$55 + tax for tools used during the class (optional)
*Class does NOT include tools, they must be purchased separately.

Beretta, 1199 Valencia Street
415-695-1199
Whiskey – January 24, 7-9pm
Tequila – February 21, 7-9pm
Gin – March 21, 7-9pm

Doug Williams makes liquid nitrogen cocktails at last year’s Science of Cocktails. Photo by Virginia Miller.

SCIENCE OF COCKTAILS — Science of Cocktails returns for its second year at the Exploratorium. The inaugural year impressed me despite the dozens of cocktail events I attend in any given year. Scientific displays turn drink-making into scientific art exhibit (for example, watch a shell-less egg being ‘cooked’ with alcohol). Sip your way through one interactive display after another. You may witness a liquid nitrogen cocktail being prepared or learn Japanese hard-shake techniques while sampling cocktails like last year’s layered SF Pousse Cafe from The Alembic or 83 Proof’s use of ingredients from jalapeno skin and toasted peppercorn to Darjeeling simple syrup. Price of admission includes unlimited hors d’oeuvres, demos, a number of cocktails, live entertainment and full reign over the Exploratorium. Bartenders (from 15 Romolo to Rye) and spirit sponsors (from Campo de Encanto Pisco to St. George Spirits/Hangar One) are top notch. Science exhibits were never quite this fun when you were a kid.
$120
January 26, 7:30-11pm
Exploratorium, 3601 Lyon Street
415-561-0360
visit.exploratorium.edu/events/science-of-cocktails

–Subscribe to Virgina’s twice monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot: www.theperfectspotsf.com

The Guardian Art Series Presents: Clybourne Park

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Clybourne Park, the most acclaimed new comedy of the year!

Winner of the 2010 London Evening Standard Theatre Award for Best New Play and a “Top 10 of 2010” selection for Entertainment Weekly, the New York Times, and the Washington Post, Clybourne Park offers “completely audacious, architecturally ingenious entertainment” (Entertainment Weekly).
Home is where the heart—and history—is in Clybourne Park, which cleverly spins the events of A Raisin in the Sun to tell an unforgettable new story about race and real estate in America. A “buzz-saw sharp new comedy” (The Washington Post) from an adamant provocateur, this riveting play explores the gentrification plans and community uproar that galvanize a middle-class Chicago neighborhood in both 1959 and 2009.

Enjoy $10 Balcony seats through January 30. Live it up with 10UP—world-class theater at happy-hour prices! Visit act-sf.org/clybourne or call 415.749.2228.

Thursday, January 20 at 7PM at ACT
Join SFBG and A.C.T. for a complimentary happy-hour in A.C.T.’s Sky Bar serving Bear Flag wine and Cabot Cheese with the purchase of a 10UP ticket.

ENTER TO WIN
a pair of tickets to the January 20th performance of Clybourne Park by sending your full name to promos@sfbg.com (subject line: Clybourne Park) no later than midnight on Monday, January 17th.  Winners will be contacted via email.  Tickets will be held under the winners name at will call; you must provide a valid photo ID for entry.