SFBG Blogs

Alt.sex.column: Cave woman

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By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here

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› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I’m ready to go live in a cave. It’s been two years since I’ve dated. Partly I backed off from the scene, and partly I’m not receiving much interest. I think I’m smart, approachable, creative, "together," nice, and passably cute. It’s starting to affect my self-confidence.

I joined eHarmony ($120!) and nerve.com, solicited friends’ input on my profiles, and followed up on every match. I got one eHarmony date (great but not local) and rarely heard back from anyone. I try to e-mail one guy a day. Either they don’t answer or our communication peters out soon after I e-mail. The ones who really get me seem very interested, ask me out, then drop it when I accept.

Why? Is this a Mars/Venus thing? Maybe online just isn’t my venue? I do several activities that attract single guys, but haven’t led to much — except maybe embarrassment on my part when I show interest and get a brush-off. Maybe try going through friends again? That worked in the past.

I just turned 40 and would like a partner. Mostly I’ve been solo, and that really sucks.
Love,

Forty & Frustrated

Dear F&F:

Before you go live in a cave, you might consider something a little less drastic, like living in a smaller, less brutally competitive city far from the coasts. It’s an idea.

Barring that, we have to subject your online interactions to the scrutiny of a girlfriend panel. Ideally these would be your girlfriends — they could make far more specific suggestions, like lose that mullet or stop telling everyone about your rectal fistula. But if you don’t have a panel, you can borrow mine. I convened one for you.

Irina: The phenomenon of guys initiating and then vanishing as soon as you try to make a date is very familiar, and probably has nothing to do with her. I could theorize all day, but when it comes down to it, they’re not ready to actually connect with people, so fuck ’em. Next!

Budget & Finance Committee to discuss solar plant

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By Rebecca Bowe

A proposed solar-power project slated for discussion at the city’s Budget & Finance Committee on March 18 could help San Francisco edge a little closer to its greenhouse-gas reduction goals. But instead of owning and operating the solar photovoltaic system itself, the San Francisco Public Utilities Commission would enter into a long-term contract with a private entity – and the new approach has raised questions from committee members.

Supervisor Carmen Chu and Mayor Gavin Newsom proposed the deal. The idea is to establish a 25-year power purchase agreement between the SFPUC and Recurrent Energy for a solar-photovoltaic power plant. The large-scale system would be constructed atop a 480,000-square foot rooftop at the SFPUC’s Sunset Reservoir. The city would lease the space to the company for $1 a year, and the SFPUC would agree to purchase power from Recurrent Energy at a rate estimated to be just under $2 million a year. According to a report prepared by the city’s Budget Analyst’s Office, the cost for electricity over the entire 25-year stretch would come out to about $68.5 million.

Read Pelosi’s letter, attend Chron forum, reaffirm love of newsprint.

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Discuss the future of the Chronicle and other print media organizations at the SF Public Library, TONIGHT!

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s letter to US Attorney General Eric Holder, seeking changes to the antitrust restrictions that govern newspapers, is a revealing document.

Pelosi states that her decision to write Holder wasn’t just prompted by the economic challenges facing the San Francisco Chronicle and other Bay Area news organizations, “but also by major news organizations across the country.”

“I am sure you agree that a strong, free and independent press is vital for our democracy,” Pelosi continues, noting how newspapers have been, “the indispensable source of public information and a check on the abuses of government and other powerful interests,” for more than two centuries.

And then she signals that the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Courts and Competition Policy, which is chaired by Rep. Hank Johnson, (D-Ga.) will soon hold a hearing and discuss the implications of newspaper survival for antitrust policy.

Pelosi acknowledges that “antitrust laws have been an essential protector of competitive choice in the newspaper business,” and that, “the antitrust laws are every bit as vital in this industry as elsewhere in the economy, and perhaps more so given the First Amendment issues that are also at stake.”

But then she asserts that she is, “confident” that the AntiTrust Division, “in assessing any concerns that any proposed mergers or other arrangements in the San Francisco area might reduce competition, will take into appropriate account, as relevant, not only the number of daily and weekly newspapers in the Bay Area, but also the other sources of news and advertising outlets available in the electronic and digital age, so that the conclusions reached reflect current market realities.”

“This is consistent with antitrust enforcement in recent years under both Republican and Democratic administrations,” Pelosi concludes. “And the result will be to allow free market forces to preserve as many news sources, as many viewpoints, and as many jobs as possible. We must ensure that our policies enable our news organizations to survive and to engage in the news gathering and analysis that the American people expect.”

Pelosi reportedly released this letter, which you can read here, after meeting with Hearst general counsel Eve Burton and Chronicle at-large editor Phil Bronstein in D.C. last week, where they discussed the future of the Chronicle as well as federal media shield legislation.

Her letter immediately fueled rumors that Dean Singleton’s MediaNews chain, which already owns the San Jose Mercury News, the Contra Costa Times and the Oakland Tribune, and Hearst, which has a one-third stake in Singleton’s non Bay Area papers, are hoping to consolidate operations.

If so, that’s doesn’t bode particularly well for newspaper workers, who have only lost jobs, suffered pay cuts and seen reduced investigative reporting under both regimes. But maybe they can use Pelosi’s letter to open up a much needed public discussion of the future of newsprint.

Ironically, that discussion is already going on within the blogosphere. And judging from the comments, some folks don’t give a toss if print newspapers die, right here, right now.

Burning Man season in San Francisco

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By Steven T. Jones, aka Scribe

Burning Man is more than an annual event popular with San Franciscans: it is a year-round culture, one that really comes into season right around now as the art projects take shape and the myriad theme camps starting fundraising. And recently, there have been some fun and inspiring manifestations of this festive season.

Opulent Temple, Burning Man’s biggest and most enduring large-scale sound camp (and my former camp), threw a massive March 6 fundraiser in a Treasure Island warehouse, featuring legendary DJ Carl Cox (and a long list of other spinners) and mind-blowing art pieces by the Flaming Lotus Girls and Peter Hudson. The NBC news clip above insightfully focuses on how the Bay Area’s art communities help each other during hard economic times.

Then last week, there was the benefit party for Hollis Hawthorne, a friend of the Guardian and Burning Man families who is in coma. The event at Slim’s turned out a wide range of talented acts and community-minded burners that raised a staggering amount of money for a one-night event to bring Hollis home to the Bay Area.

The Burning Man story itself came to the stage in San Francisco in January as “A Burning Opera: How to Survive the Apocalypse,” and after receiving critical acclaim for this talented production’s limited engagement, the crew will hold two fundraisers this week to stage another run: Wednesday at the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence “Burning Bingo” event and this Saturday evening at Café Flore.
There’s also the release of a film about the event, “Dust & Illusions” (an early version of which I reviewed here) by Oliver Bonin (who was embedded with the Flaming Lotus Girls at the same time I was). Among other showings is one at Chicken John’s place on March 28.
Meanwhile, the company that stages Burning Man, Black Rock LLC, is about to be homeless. That well-entrenched crew is getting bounced out of its Third Street headquarters to make way for a massive new UC hospital on the Mission Bay site. Word is they’re still looking for the right digs and only have until next month to find them.

Should California be split up?

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By Tim Redmond

It’s an interesting question. Nothing new, really — folks up in the northern part of the state have been talking about secession since the 1940s.

But these days, the talk has shifted from North-South to Central Valley-Coast.

There’s plenty of discussion going on — the New York Times
reports on a move by farmers in Visalia, who say those of us in the more liberal western regions don’t understand what it’s like in the center of the state:

Frustrated by what they call uninformed urban voters dictating faulty farm policy, Mr. Rogers and the other members of the movement have proposed splitting off 13 counties on the state’s coast, leaving the remaining 45, mostly inland, counties as the “real” California.

The reason, they say, is that people in those coastal counties, which include San Francisco and Los Angeles, simply do not understand what life is like in areas where the sea breezes do not reach.
“They think fish are more important than people, that pigs are treated mean and chickens should run loose,” said Mr. Rogers, who said he hitched a ride in 1940 to Visalia from Oklahoma to escape the Dust Bowl, with his wife and baby son in tow. “City people just don’t know what it takes to get food on their table.”

A former Assembly member is pushing a vertical split, too :

“Citizens of our once Golden State are frustrated and desperately concerned about the imposition of burdensome regulations, taxation, fees, fees and more fees, and bureaucratic intrusion into our daily lives and businesses,” declares downsizeca.org, the movement’s website.

And all of this comes as reformers form both the left and the right are talking about a new Constitutional Convention.

Athough some of the proponents are clearly nutty, the idea isn’t. As the noted political economist Gar Alperovitz wrote two years ago

The United States is almost certainly too big to be a meaningful democracy. What does “participatory democracy” mean in a continent? Sooner or later, a profound, probably regional, decentralization of the federal system may be all but inevitable.

He was talking about California becoming its own nation, but I’d argue that the same problem applies here. The budget crisis, the gridlock in Sacramento … all of it suggests that maybe California itself is too big to govern. There’s also clear evidence of dramatic regional differences. If you take the Central Valley from about Redding on down, and wrap in Orange County, you have a red state within a blue state where most of the residents say they want lower taxes and smaller government. Along the coast from about Sonoma County down to the southern part of Los Angeles County, you have people who generally would like to see taxes pay for public services. If the coast were a state, we could repeal Prop. 13 and build world-class schools. We’d have same-sex marriage and single-payer health insurance. And we’d still be one of the biggest states in America.

Now, I’m not sure the people in the central valley quite realize the problem with their plans, which is illustrated in this wonderful chart that comes from the office of Assemblywoman Noreen Evans of Santa Rosa (PDF):

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The chart shows that the people who dislike and distrust government and don’t want to pay taxes are in fact the beneficiaries of the tax dollars that the rest of us pay. In California, tax money from the coast winds up paying for services in the central valley.

But that’s okay — if they don’t want our money any more, maybe we should tell them we’re fine with that. Maybe we should split the state not just in two but into three: Let the northern counties become the state of Jefferson, where pot will be legal and the residents will be so wealthy from taxes and exports of that cash crop that they’ll make oil-richAlaskans seem like paupers. Pot will be legal in the coastal communities, too, and will generate tax revenue.

We’ll have a Democratic governor, and overwhelmingly Democratic legislature, fewer prisons, better schools, cleaner air, no Ellis Act, rent controls on vacant apartments, more money for transit, strict gun control, support for immigrant rights … and no more of these ugly battles over budgets held hostage by right-wing Republicans.

And in the central valley, they can have their low taxes and conservative values, and watch their roads, schools, and public services go to hell. Maybe eventually they’ll figure it out.

Of course, we’d have to figure out the water rights. The folks in Jefferson would have control over much of the water that now goes South, and there would have to be some long-term water contracts between the states, but that shouldn’t be an insurmountable roadblock.

And the solution would create its own problems; The GOP would control the central state, and would move to abolish the Agricultural Labor Relations Act and make life even more miserable for farmworkers. But then, maybe Jefferson would turn off the water and big agribusiness would be SOL anyway.

As part of the break-up, all parties would have to agree to create a special relocation fund to help lonely, sad liberals from Modesto come west and to help lonely, sad Republicans in San Francisco to move east. I wonder which way the net migration would go.

Meanwhile, Evans has introduced my favorite tax bill of the year, AB 1342, and it’s related to this entire discussion. She wants to allow counties to levy their own income taxes and vehicle license fees. “We went through this difficult process of trying to arrive at a budget,” her spokesperson, Anthony Matthews, told me. “For those communities that have a different view of government [than the Republicans], this bill would let them raise their own taxes to fund their priorities.”

Rally held outside Israeli Consulate over West Bank shooting

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By Rebecca Bowe

At least 200 demonstrators gathered outside the Israeli Consulate on Montgomery Street in downtown San Francisco March 16 for a rally and march organized by friends and supporters of Oakland activist Tristan Anderson, who was critically wounded in the West Bank by Israeli Defense Forces on March 13.

Anderson, 38, was shot in the head with a high-velocity teargas canister while demonstrating against a wall that is being constructed through the West Bank village of Ni’lin. He was transported to a hospital in Israel, where he underwent brain surgery the following day. He remains in stable, yet very serious condition, according to demonstrator David Martinez.

Editorial: Save the Chronicle!

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If Hearst is going to assassinate yet another newspaper, it must do so in a fishbowl. Congress, the state Legislature, and the supervisors should hold hearings, subpoena Hearst executives, and push alternatives.

The San Francisco Chronicle story March 15 on Mayor Gavin Newsom’s frequent absence from the city drew comments from many who believe the mayor is out of touch, wandering the state seeking votes for governor at a time when the city is facing a historic financial crisis. The news was really nothing new — we’ve been reporting for months now that the mayor is disengaged in the business of running the city. But it appeared on the front page of the local daily newspaper, and that put the story right in the center of civic discourse.

We’ve been as critical of the Chron as anyone in town. For 42 years, we’ve been reporting on the failures of the daily newspapers in San Francisco, and we regularly blast the Hearst-owned near-monopoly daily for its failure to cover major stories and its biased slant on others.

Ladita: Sweet as an organic gluten-free cupcake

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Quaintly nestled in San Francisco’s dreamy Bernal Heights district at 827 Cortland Avenue, Ladita is a darling little eco-boutique in that could be described as “similar to Anthropologie, but much better for the environment.” Even for someone whose overtly girly side is as repressed as mine, it will prove impossible to resist Ladita’s quiet charm. On my visit, scented (soy) candles bouqueted the store with the abstract but pleasant aroma of wildflowers, the soft, fuzzy sound of old folk LPs purred on the vintage record player and, in an almost suspiciously perfect touch, a lazy cat (the owner’s pet) napped under the cash register in a swath of warm afternoon sun. If a shopping experience could be distilled to a soothing cup of tea, this would be it.

There is no shortage of the lovely and the whimsical at Ladita, but Christine, the owner, is also a practical businesswoman, and her store is stocked with crowd-pleasing brands like James Jeans and Ella Moss, which complement more specific, eco-oriented labels like Stewart + Brown, Taxi CDC, and Sworn Virgins. Ladita offers a comprehensive and well-edited baby department, which includes Kicky Pants and Speecees, both favorites with eco-leaning moms and dads, as well as Erbaviva, a wonderful line of bath and body products for babies and moms-to-be.

Meister: A new deal for american workers

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By Dick Meister

(Dick Meister, a San Francisco-based journalist, has covered labor and political issues for more than a half-century.)

The preliminaries are over and what’s certain to be one of the fiercest political fights in many years is finally underway. It pits the nation’s labor unions and their Democratic allies against the pillars of corporate America and their Republican allies.

The stakes are huge. A union victory would give U.S. workers the unfettered right to unionization that would raise their economic and political status substantially. But that would come at the expense of employers, who have been able to block a large majority of them from exercising the union rights that the law has long promised all workers.

The union-employer fight began in earnest on March 10 with the re-introduction in Congress of the long-proposed Employee Free Choice Act. The bill would strengthen the National Labor Relations Act to make it easier for workers to form and join unions, the stated purpose of the NLRA.

Street Threads: Look of the Day

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SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.

Today’s Look: Charlotte, 18th Street and Valencia

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Tell us about your look: “My friends call me a trendsetter.”

Cruising Craigslist: Breakfast of champions

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Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there’s enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

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If there’s one thing that sucks about living in San Francisco it’s the fact that most of us have to hustle our asses off just to make rent every month. We have to work shitty side jobs to avoid homelessness through grad school or we have to hold down three careers simultaneously just so we can maintain one that makes us feel good. It wouldn’t be so bad if our bodies and minds were designed to handle such frantic schedules, but the fact of the matter is that they’re not. We have to sleep at least 20 hours a week and we have to eat at least once a day. And yes, we have to have sex sometimes too. The question is, “When?”

Well, if you’re life is anything like ours, the only time of day that’s almost always open is dawn. You don’t have to be anywhere, you don’t have to answer any emails, etc. With a small tweak to your sleep schedule, you can transform your early mornings from the nicotine-and-caffeine binges they are now into the hot and heavy love sessions you’ve been missing out on. The only problem is, where the hell are you going to find a compatible sex partner at 5am?

Craigslist, duh.

Early morning discreet fun – m4w – 28 (san Jose east)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 10:46PM PST

Hi, thanks for taking the time to check out my post. I am looking for a discreet encounter w/ a sexy woman who would like me to come over around 5 am and leave around 6:30 am. I am very oral and love to make a woman moan with pleasure as I lick you to ecstasy. I am not picky, just want clean, disease free, 420 friendly woman. fairly open minded pls feel free to email me if you have questions.

Early AM Oral – m4m – 44 (redwood city)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 9:39PM PST
I love the taste of cock in the morning – can I taste you Friday around 7am? I will be on my way to work in RWC, near oracle, and would love to have a hard one shoved down my throat until I gag but service that dick until it shoots cream that I swallow. Sound like a good time? Write me back and I will answer in the AM – or send me a location to meet you and I will take care of your stiff dick.

The best thing to do right when you wake up… – w4m – 24 (mountain view)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-06, 9:32PM PST
It’s extra early, and I’m extra horny! Looking for someone to hook up with this morning! 40 and over, pic w/ reply!

Early morning suck – m4t– 22 (Vallejo / Benicia)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-07, 2:21AM PST
Lets see i am visiting the bay area looking for a early morning fun. basically I want you to come suck me off and leave no more no less I want to use you and kick you out this is a huge fetish for me please help me I’m 5’9″ one sixty five pounds I am straight but I have a weakness for you T girls. I am only visiting this month. Haven’t had me a Cali T-girl yet so prove to me you better then the girls back home.

your pik gets mine no pik no reply

Johny

Ron Paul in queer Libertarian sex nonscandal

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By Marke B.

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Fine, yes, we’re all wearing out our French tips awaiting Borat comic genius Sascha Baron Cohen’s new Austrian thuper-gay fashion disaster epic flick, Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt — and after a wee hits-reel preview at SXSW in Austin and a couple of test screenings deep in the bowels of Harvey Weinstein, the press is picking up on every juicy detail it can squeeze out of attendees.

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Like this tantalizing and/or vomit inducing piece just posted by Christopher Beam to Slate, in which one of the test screeners describes a near miss of giant-hairy-backed-dude-nude-wrestling proportions. In the Bruno movie, Cohen wheedles Libertarian leader and noted gerbil Ron Paul into an potentially compromising situation:

Nurses’ union sues Sutter’s CPMC

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By Steven T. Jones and Joe Sciarrillo

The California Nurses Association (CNA) today filed a federal lawsuit to compel the California Pacific Medical Center to comply with two previous binding arbitration rulings and restore healthcare benefits that the unions says the Sutter Health-affiliated facility illegally cut.

The arbitration helped resolve last year’s CNA strikes at CPMC facilities, and they came against the backdrop of other controversies involving CPMC in San Francisco, including efforts to scale back primary care services at St. Luke’s Hospital, which serves poor Mission residents, while trying to open a high-end hospital on Cathedral Hill.

Sutter and CPMC have long tried to break its outspoken nurses union, which has pushed progressive reforms such as single-payer health care and high nurse-to-patient ratios. A March 2008 CPMC press release (PDF) criticizing the CNA strikes quoted a nurse claiming that employee conditions were fine. “During the time I’ve been working here the conditions have been great,” said Rosangel Klein, R.N., an oncology nurse at the Pacific campus.

But Nato Green, the labor representative for the CNA nurses at CPMC and St. Luke’s hospital, believes that CPMC is acting like an elite employer out of step with San Francisco values. He claims that it is “the worst non-profit hospital when it comes to charity care,” and he also fault its for union busting and rejection of recent arbitrations.

Despite CPMC’s refusal to uphold healthcare contracts and reimburse nurses’ medical payments, the Guardian has reported that its parent organization enjoyed a net income in 2006 of more than $500 million and employed sketchy tactics to pocket millions while maintaining its non-profit tax status.

Six-leafed clover for St. Patty’s

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Besides following your priorities and getting green drunk (even ecologically drunk) tomorrow night, here’s six four-star musical events totally worth tottering off your pub stool toward. But don’t mistake that leprechaun for your designated driver! Call a cab, Molly O’Shaumessy!

St. Patty’s Day Punk Bash
With La Plebe, Ribzy, Get Dead, Abrupt, Dope Charge, and Excuse the Blood.
Tue/17, 6pm, $8
Elbo Room
647 Valencia, SF
(415) 552-7788
www.elbo.com

Culann’s Hounds, Hooks, Gasmen
Part of the San Francisco Irish Music Festival
Tue/17, 8pm, $20
Great American Music Hall
859 O’Farrell, SF
(415) 885-0750
www.gamh.com

A Very Special St. Patrick’s Day 45 Club
The funky side of soul on 45 rpm with dX the Funky Grandpaw, Dirty Dishes, and English Steve.
Tue/17, 9pm, $2.
Knockout
3223 Mission, SF
(415) 550-6994
www.theknockoutsf.com

Farley’s Coffee 20th Anniversary and St. Patrick’s Day Celebration
Bagpipes and Irish music from 9am-noon; 8pm music and dancing, with a performance from local faves Soul Delights.
Tue/17, 9am-10pm, free
Farley’s coffeehouse
1315 18th St, SF
(415) 648-1545
www.farleyscoffee.com

Food Stamp Tuesdays
This new monthly (second Tuesdays) kicks off with a cheap drink Patty’s Day special at the usually pretty pricey Vessel. With disco soul glammers from DJs Miss Juanita More, Initials P.B. and Pete Notori
Tue/17, 5pm-midnight, free
Vessel
85 Campton Place, SF
(415) 433-8585
www.vesselsf.com

Get Wild St. Patty’s
New crazy-boots band The Primitivas, featuring members of the La-Teenos and the Guardian’s own Dulcinea Gonzalez will funk up Aunt Charlies, with DJ Alexis and hostesses Hunx and Liza Thorn.
Tue/17, 10pm, cheap
Aunt Charlie’s Lounge
133 Turk, SF
www.auntcharlieslounge.com

Hollis update: Straight from the source

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The Guardian continues to follow the condition of local dancer and activist Hollis Hawthorne, who was in a serious motorcycle accident in India and is in a coma.

Just thought folks would be interested in the text message I just received from Eliza Strack, who’s maintaining www.friendsofhollis.blogspot.com:

“Hollis is being admitted to Stanford right now! Her color looks good and her eyes are slightly open despite being in a coma. About2meet w harrison&diane.”

Woot woot!

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A multitude of friends took photos with this sign at Gold Rush.

Too many str8 boys kissing, maybe

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By Marke B.

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OK, all this may be a little tired by now, but I’m still in full agreement with Kimberly Chun’s expert take down of Katy “UR So Gay” Perry from January of last year. That was published before Perry’s odiously catchy “I Kissed a Girl” became impossible to escape last summer — the ditty managed to “have it both ways,” heh, playing both anti-gay conservatives and LGBTs for maximum chart effect. That’s clever, but the song’s lame sentiment (kissing girls turns my boyfriend on — lesbians are only here for my amusement!) still makes my stomach churn.

The parodies came swift and mercilessly, from “I Kissed a Squirrel” (available in many versions) to “I Kissed a Granny” (yeesh!) to “I Kissed a Dog.” Oh, enough already, YouTube Nation.

And then, of course, teh gay. I should have known there would be an onslaught of over-the-top backlash when drag superstar Lady Bunny unleashed “I Licked a Girl” on the world last year (first minute below):

Lady Bunny, “I Licked a Girl” at Southern Decadence

Yay, overly familiar gynophobia! Still, it could all be called hilarious if it wasn’t a trend. Now, the pendulum has swung back, with emo boys embracing the kissing hysteria, and a flood of “I Kissed a Boy” guyliner-bedecked parodies, headed up by primo “hip” parody purveyors Cobra Starship’s version from a Fall Out Boy (!) mixtape. I knew I was gonna have to surrender my critical faculties and just go with the flow when one of my smartest gay friends told me he was completely Lady GaGa for the boy in the video, followed by my bf Hunky Beau’s comment: “Oh goodie, he takes his shirt off.” At least the dood-singer Gabe lipsyncher (a reader informs us in the that this is a fan vid, not Cobra Starship itself) plays with the whole baseball-bat-bashing theme a little, even if he can’t quite bring himself to admit the “he liked it” more than just wanting to “start shit.”

Cobra Starship, “I Kissed A Boy”

So much confliction! Smash! Twist! Contort! Feint! Poor thing. I guess my question is, is kissing really that big a deal? And also, with the super-prominence of porn availability in the Internet age, has kissing become the final frontier of sexual boundaries — the last retainer of intimacy now that all other sex acts have been publicized/commodified? Janet Jackson’s boob, Paris and Britney’s flashed beavers, and then Katy’s emo lesbo-liplock spawn. Well, I guess whatever automatically short circuits “fag” in the comments section these days is maybe a good thing?

After the jump, an explosion of “I Kissed a Boys,” with various degrees of homophobic liberation. Thanks, Katy!

Appetite: Caffeinated Comics, Chocolate Salon, Masa’s at a discount, and more

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By Virginia Miller

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Chocolate time! See “events” below

As long-time San Francisco resident and writer, I’m passionate about this city and obsessed with finding and exploring its best food-and-drink spots, deals, events and news, in every neighborhood and cuisine. I started with my own service and monthly food/drink/travel newsletter, The Perfect Spot, and am thrilled to share up-to-the minute news with you from the endless goings-on in our fair city. View the last installment of Appetite here

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NEW RESTAURANT & CAFE OPENINGS

Caffeinated Comics, the breakfast of champions
Four Barrel coffee, free wi-fi, comic books and donuts? Could this possibly all be in one place? It is now with Caffeinated Comics, SF’s first comic book/coffee shop rolled into one. The Outer Mission shop is a bright red, orange and yellow space where you can sift through superhero memorabilia or check out DC or Marvel’s latest comic books, all while sipping a high-quality espresso. (Note: there’s also affogatos using neighbor, Mitchell’s, legendary ice cream). CaffCom’s applied for green certification with green lighting, building materials and energy efficient freezers and fridges. Holy caffeinated geekdom, Batman.
Caffeinated Comics
Weekdays 7am-6pm
Weekends 9:30am-5pm
3188 Mission Street
415-829-7530
www.caffcom.com

Livin’ La Dolce Vita at Pizzanostra
Jocelyn Bulow of the Chez Papa and Chez Maman restaurant group and Italian chef, Giovanni Aginolfi (who was cooking pizzas in Nice, France, prior to coming to SF), join forces for a new pizzeria/osteria on Potrero Hill called Pizzanostra. Aginolfi placed sixth in the World Pizza Championship and now we can get ’em right here. There are two themes to this restaurant: a pizzeria serving Aginolfi’s famed pies, and an osteria with a menu of antipasti, foccacias, salumi, pastas, gelatos and Italian wines. The outdoor sidewalk terrace will be a huge hit on sunny days for filling up on bruschetta topped with eggplant, prosciutto, mozerella and tomato, a salad of celery hearts and fennel, or pizzas covered in lamb sausage and egg or clams and prawns. This is la dolce vita realized.
Pizzanostra
300 De Haro Street
415-558-9493
www.pizzanostrasf.com

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EVENTS

March 17: Screening and Iyemon Cha Tea Reception as part of the Asian American Film Fest
Asian film screening and tea tasting sound good? Iyemon Cha is a one-of-a-kind organic bottled green tea made at the historic Fukujuen tea house in Kyoto, Japan. Only recently available in our city, the tea and complimentary appetizers will be served at an exclusive pre-screening reception you have to sign up for online. At the reception you’ll meet the director, Dave Boyle, and cast of that night’s film, “White on Rice.” Consider it a culturally fun education in tea and Asian film.
5:30pm reception at Bar Bistro; 6:45pm Film Screening
Free for pre-screening reception but must register on website ahead of time
Film screening, $10: www.festival.asianamericanmedia.org/2009.
Sundance Kabuki Theatre
1881 Post Street
www.iyemonchaevents.com

A new tax on smut?

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By Tim Redmond

Heads up: There’s a move in Sacramento to put a new tax on “adult entertainment.” (Scroll down and read the second part of the press release). A couple of thoughts:

1. I’m a tax-and-spend liberal, and I have no problems in general with taxes on services.

2. Still, this is kind of funky. It’s not clear yet how the bill will define “adult entertainment.” As demimonde and labor activist Princess Pandora puts it:

Do they charge Britney Spears concerts? She dances all sexy, including “pelvic undulations,” which are considered a simulated sex act by ABC and can get a club fined/shut down. What about the ballet? Those tights don’t leave much to the imagination. Do you think women love Barishnikov for his dancing? Girlfriend, please! If I do porn, but wear flowers in my hair, and maybe recite some crappy poetry, can I call it “performance art” and avoid the tax?

3. We don’t charge sales tax on newspapers and magazines. When does a magazine become porn, and thus taxable? One nude on the cover (that would include much of the alternative press in America)? What about the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue? (I know, it’s pretty lame, but Playboy’s pretty lame, too).

4. I don’t love the connection this bill makes, if even implictly, between “adult entertainment” and domestic violence. Don’t want to open a can of worms here, but I think there’s a lot more DV that can be traced to the Super Bowl than to most innocent smut.

I’ve put in a call to Assembly member Torrico’s office, and they promised to get back to me. I’ll keep you posted.

UPDATE: Jeff Barbosa, a spokesperson for Torrico, just called me. He said the bill is a “work in progress” and that they still haven’t defined what “adult entertainment” will be. But he said right now they’re using Penal Code Section 313 as a working definition.

Here’s the language:

“Harmful matter” means matter, taken as a whole, which to the
average person, applying contemporary statewide standards, appeals to
the prurient interest, and is matter which, taken as a whole,
depicts or describes in a patently offensive way sexual conduct and
which, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political,
or scientific value for minors.

Ooh, I can see this creating a lot of problems.

I wonder: Perhaps the Assembly could take a page from Tom Ammiano’s pot bill, and legalize prositution, then tax it. Make sense to me.

Objects of Obsession: Branch out

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SFBG’s Laura Peach rounds up local items and experiences to die for. See her last installment here.

As a girl, I would spend summers wandering through island woods at my grandparent’s house. I always loved the birch tree bark, and would peel pieces off the trees to make little dresses of white and pale pink for my dolls, always wishing that there was a big enough section of bark to create a skirt my size.

Although I was never able to wear the wood of my childhood, recently I’ve been on the lookout for ways to bring the forest alive in my everyday urban home life. Here are a few of my favorite finds, wooden through and through. They just may bring out a different type of tree hugger in you.

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1. Wooden Wallet

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A real slab of wood is not the best thing to have in your pocket. No one wants slivers in their behind. But the thoughtful, science geek designers at San Francisco’s Hlaska were enamored by the beauty and grace of wood grain. They reproduced the patterns found in a real pine tree onto Italian leather for their Evergreen wallet ($125).

Hlaska, 2033 Fillmore, SF. (415) 440-1999, www.hlaska.com

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2. Log Life

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This watering can ($16) is the sweetest stump I’ve ever seen. Hydrate thirsty plants using the log pitcher and they may be inspired to grow grander and greener. Made from recycled plastic, so no trees were harmed and you can hold the branch handle guilt free. Oh, it also makes for a nifty vase.

Doe SF, 629 A Haight, SF. (415) 558-8588, www.doe-sf.com

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3. Pink Poison

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The bright, bold berries bursting off the black branch on this t-shirt ($28) are supposedly poisonous. But such a pretty pink color makes them hard to resist. I might be tempted to pop one in my mouth.
Designed by San Francisco contemporary art golden boyTucker Nichols exclusively for Richmond’s hippest object/art/book shop Park Life, this berried branch shirt is a catchy closet addition for sure.

Park Life, 220 Clement, SF. (415) 386-7275, www.parklifestore.com

Last Days climbs “North” into shimmering electronic shoegaze

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By Todd Lavoie

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LAST DAYS

The Safety Of The North

(n5MD)

Keep your best headphones handy — you’re going to want them for spins of The Safety Of The North, the third and most recent full-length release from Edinburgh, Scotland-based Graham Richardson and his ambient/electro-folk Last Days project. As ominous as the artist’s AKA might be, the disc is nowhere near as fearful or nightmarish as one might expect. Rather, the music found here is intimate and ruminative, frequently glowing from ripples of electronics and shoegaze-y guitar textures. Delicate acoustic finger-picking and understated piano meditations add further flair to these largely-instrumental womblike pieces, and the occasional insertion of the human voice into the mix helps immensely in making this a thoughtful, emotional listen.

And while the proceedings sometimes veer towards melancholia, it’s a strangely comforting, sit-around-and-ponder-on-a-grey-day stripe of melancholia we’re talking about here — a little maudlin and wistful, yes, but ultimately cathartic in the end. Even the cold chills which bluster forth from the disc’s lower register from time to time offer their own curiously cocooning sensations to the listener — especially with the help of a good pair of headphones. The Safety Of the North is something worthy of surrender — of succumbing to its many hums and whirrs and whipping auroras of shimmering light.

There’s a back story to the album, though it isn’t required knowledge for appreciating its many charms: Richardson composed these 15 songs around the themes of of change, struggle, and hope. Specifically, it concerns a young girl, Alice, and her family. Disenchanted with city living, they decide to “move north” (the Arctic Circle, judging from a couple of contextual clues provided along the way) to find a simpler, quieter day-to-day life. Such major upheavals usually don’t come about without their share of challenges, however. Thus Richardson has constructed a story-arc which from sadness to hope to struggle to sadness to hope once again. More or less so, anyway. Again, since this is mostly an instrumental recording, the itinerary on this emotional journey is up to the listener, I suppose. Still, the prevailing themes of The Safety Of The North — change, struggle, hope — remain palpable, even without too much assistance from lyrics. Forgive me for trotting out the “cinematic” tag (I know that the label gets used quite regularly for any sort of wordless music which manages to create vivid, stirring images) but it honestly does apply to Richardson’s music. Even if concrete images fail to come to mind, the creation of particular moods is tough to miss.

Printless in Seattle

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Text by Sarah Phelan

Unable to find a buyer for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, which it put up for sale in January, Hearst is kiling P-I’s print version. Starting tomorrow.

Hearst’s chief honchos, Frank A. Bennack, Jr., vice chairman and chief executive officer, Hearst Corporation, and Steven R. Swartz, president of Hearst Newspapers, tried to give the announcement a positive spin, stating that the P-I “will become the nation’s largest daily newspaper to shift to an entirely digital news product.”

(But for those of us who love and appreciate everything about newsprint, this is like saying, it’s too expensive to grow flowers anymore, but hey, you will be able to see cyber flowers online.)

“The P-I has a rich 146-year history of service to the people of the Northwest, which makes the decision to stop publishing the newspaper an extraordinarily difficult one,” Bennack said. “We extend our profound gratitude and admiration to our P-I colleagues who have done such an exemplary job under extremely difficult circumstances over the past several years. Our goal now is to turn seattlepi.com into the leading news and information portal in the region.”

“Seattlepi.com isn’t a newspaper online—it’s an effort to craft a new type of digital business with a robust, community news and information Web site at its core,” said Swartz.

“On the business side, we are assembling a staff to form a local digital agency that will sell local businesses advertising on seattlepi.com as well as the digital advertising products of our partners: Yahoo! for display advertising, Kaango for general marketplaces and Google, Yahoo!, MSN and Ask.com for search engine marketing,” Swartz said.

Hearst also noted that in January, Nielsen ranked seattlepi.com among the top 30 newspaper Web sites with 1.8 million unique users. The site has an average of 4 million monthly visitors, according to internal Hearst tracking.

You can read Hearst’s full statement about the Seattle P-1 here.

The annoucement came two days after workers at the San Francisco Chronicle voted 10-1 to accept Hearst’s proposal to cut 150 jobs and end seniority, moves Hearst Corp. stated were necessary to avert the immediate closure and/or sale of the city’s major daily newspaper. But even Guild workers were clear that voting to accept Hearst’s proposal was no guarantee that the Chronicle would thrive, unless a new business model can be found.

Carl Hall, the Guild’s lead negotiator for workers at the Chroncile, said that no amount of concessions can prop up a failed business model for long.

“This is the start of the real battle,” Hall said. “We have to find a solution, a real solution, to save what we really care about here – quality journalism and quality jobs.”

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Peepshow: They’re all gonna laugh at you!

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Each week Justin Juul highlights a rad upcoming local sexy event

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Who Remember the girl who sat in front of you in freshman math class? She was super cute and she smelled amazing, but it really sucked to be that close to her everyday because you just couldn’t stop wondering about the color of her panties and whether she had baby-toe nipples or the big round kind. Oh my god, the round kind! The cool thing about your daydreams was that they made algebra tolerable, but they were also kind of dangerous because they made you hard and if anything strange were to happen –fire alarms, group exercises, etc—you knew you’d be forced to parade your boner around in front of both your crush and all the other assholes in your class. But, whatever. If you absolutely had to stand up, you could always just grab your jacket and pretend to look for something in the pocket until you could sit down again, right? Wrong! Remember the day the fire alarm actually did go off? Where was your trusty jacket then, smart guy? It sure as hell wasn’t on the back of your chair like it should have been and so your only option was to stand up quickly and try to run out the door before anyone noticed -a perfect plan that went haywire when your crush suddenly stooped over and swung around to grab her backpack. After plowing your fourteen year-old wiener directly into the poor girl’s face, you promptly tripped and landed on your back with the most ridiculous and shameful erection the world had ever seen poking out the side of your Umbros.

It was the most embarrassing moment of your life and that’s why, although you remember her well, you probably don’t want to see the hot girl from math class ever again. Or maybe you do. If you’re a glutton for self-depreciating humor, you should check out this show. Sexy algebra girl will certainly be in attendance (in spirit, if not physically), as will all the little fuckers who called you “J-Bone” back in high school.

What Mortified is a spoken word showcase starring all your friends and neighbors as pimply-faced teenagers going through the hell.

Street Threads: Look of the Day

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SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.

Today’s Look: Zoe, 18th Street and Valencia

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Tell us about your look: “I wait for my friends to try out new looks and then I try them myself.”