SFBG Blogs

Mayhem: The most fucked-up band on the planet?

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By Tony Papanikolas

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Since 1984, Oslo’s favorite sons Mayhem have had a reasonable claim to the title of most fucked-up band on the planet, the eagerly repeated stories of the lurid spectacle that is their live show representing only some of the milder aspects of their mythos. Colorful history aside, the men of Mayhem have established themselves as architects of the modern black metal sound, taking the nasty musicianship and overt occultism of Venom and early Bathory and using them as the foundation for a terrifying new kind of metal that mixes breakneck drums, guttural riffs, and croaking vocals with eerie, understated melody. Often imitated, the 25-year veterans’ unique style is seldom matched in terms of sheer, unhinged intensity.

Co-headliners Marduk, one of countless bands to follow in Mayhem’s footsteps, spent the better part of its career becoming even more gruesome and unpalatable to mainstream audiences with each successive album, until it was not inconceivable to mention the satanic Swedes in the same breath as their more established tour mates. By the late 1990s, Marduk began branching out instrumentally, refining its musicianship while remaining true to the genre it helped pioneer.

The two black metal greats are supported by a diverse collection of bands taken from all corners of the extreme metal scene. Progressive, black metal-inspired Withered makes a logical opener, and the presence of dizzying grindcore virtuosos Cephalic Carnage is strange but welcome. Rounding out the bill is the brutal Cattle Decapitation, a consistent favorite among fans of uncompromising, technical death metal. Fans of life-affirming music would do well to avoid this show.

MAYHEM Wed/3, 6 p.m., $25–$30, all ages. DNA Lounge 375 11th St., SF. (415) 626-1409. www.dnalounge.com

The Blender: What we’ve been eating

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By the munchy Guardian staff

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Delicious fry bread

(1) Geoduck and chocolate cherry tart, Moss Room, SF

(2) Indian fry bread, Tuba City, Navajo Nation

(3) Mulligatawny soup and benghan bhartha, delivered by Bombay Indian, SF

(4) Domaine Drouhin "Laurene" 2001, Aureole, Las Vegas

(5) Airport food: mediocre fare, astronomical prices (punishment for those who don’t plan ahead)

Stop the pube police!

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By Juliette Tang

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There is a famous hairy ball theorem in algebraic topology which states that, on a spherical object, there is no non-vanishing continuous vector field. Basically, if you have a hairy ball, mathematically speaking, you cannot flatten all the hairs so that they all lay down smoothly. Some hairs will always stand up straight or create a bald spot where the scalp of the ball will show through.

Or, as famously stated by Luitzen Egbertus Jan Brouwer in 1912, “you can’t comb a hairy ball flat without creating a cowlick” — an assertion was also stated from time to time by Brouwer as “You can’t comb the hair on a coconut.”

The truth and practicality of this theorem has never been quite as urgent as it is today. With the launch of a recent ad campaign encouraging men to shave their balls, the hairy ball theorem has become not merely a principle associated with mathematics, but one that we can and must apply to real life. Just as you can’t comb a hairy ball without making it look all bent out of shape, you can’t really shave your man groin without expecting something funky to happen when the hair starts fighting back. Hairless balls may sound somewhat appealing if you’re a frequent teabagger, but sandpaper-covered stubbly balls definitely do not. Equally unappetizing are balls covered in razorburn or rash due to frequent shaving.

Ball shaving is one sex trend I cannot excited about.

Vigil for Hugues de la Plaza this Saturday

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Will the French be able to crack a case that has baffled SFPD investigators?

Text by Sarah Phelan

The mystery surrounding the death of Hugues de la Plaza began on June 2, 2007, when a neighbor noticed blood on the front porch of his Hayes Valley apartment. Two years later, friends of the 36-year-old de la Plaza, who had dual French and American citizenship, are holding a vigil to keep attention on the case, which, they believe, remains unresolved by the SFPD, because of failure of leadership at the highest levels of San Francisco city government.

And his grief-struck parents are offering a $100,000 reward for information on the case.

A January 2008 San Francisco Medical Examiner/Investigator’s report, concluded that the cause of de la Plaza’s death was “multiple stab wounds” but that the manner was “undetermined.”

“On 06/02/2007 at about 0810 hours a neighbor of the subject came out of his apartment to the front porch to collect his newspaper,” stated the report. “He noted a large amount of blood drops on the porch, a blood trail leading to the subject’s apartment, and blood dripping from the subject’s apartment door knob.”

After emergency services were contacted, police got into de la Plaza’s apartment by forcing entry through a back dead-bolted door.

“Investigation at the scene revealed the subject, dressed in cut away street clothing and shoes, to be supine in the front room of his apartment,” the investigator’s report continued. “There were copious amount of frank (sic) and partially dried blood on the floor and wall near him. A broken wine glass was noted on the floor of the front room. Bloody handprints were noted on the wall across from the subject. The door to the front room was dead bolted as well as the back door of the apartment where the police forced entry.”

But despite this gruesome scene, neighbors, friends and relatives felt that the SFPD decided early on that his death was a suicide. They point to questions the police asked and to parts of the Medical Examiner’s report, as evidence that investigators believed de la Plaza killed himself:

“On the coffee table in the front room was a bloody open lap top computer and notebook, devoid of apparent blood, with the following two sentences on the visible page: “learn as if you were to live forever” and “live as if you were to die tomorrow,” the investigator’s report stated.

Sonic Reducer Overage: BFD, Wale, Handsome Furs, Holy Fuck, and more

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The grey can stay – it is, after all, summer in fog city – but you know you gotta get out. Leave home and get an earful of inspiration at, hey, maybe these worthwhile shows.

Parson Red Heads
The cute-as-a-button LA combo polishes up Cali folk rock for every parson, be it the preacher or Gram. With Cotton Jones. Tues/2, 8 p.m., $10. Cafe Du Nord, 2170 Market, SF. (415) 861-5016.

Rosewood Thieves
Going their way? The New York indie rockers are California dreaming and in love with the sun. With Mississippi Man and Lemon Sun. Wed/3, 9 p.m., $7. Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk, SF. (415) 923-0923.

Maker Faire top 5: Best of Bazaar Bizarre

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Guardian style writer Mayka Mei chooses her favorite vendors in Maker Faire’s retail area.

1. Nouveau Motley

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While many jewelers dabbling in steampunk styles are merely gluing dusted watch gears onto rings, Nouveau Motley is setting the standard for what sophisticated steampunk jewelry should be. From the longevity of the metals to the sensitivity of the resins, Rachael Victoria Adams’ thorough understanding of her materials is evident in the craftsmanship of her wares. Design-wise, no one has ever made a mouse skull so attractive, and one look at the mystifying Kafka Clock (a Nouveau Motley exclusive) will make you consider abandoning your digital watch entirely. (Or any other fully operating clocks, for that matter.)

www.nouveaumotley.etsy.com

2. Nous Savons

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Jocelyn Nguyen claims her background in tailoring is unexciting, but the story that she picked up sewing from her mother without vested interests in making it her vocation is perhaps the most charming part about Nous Savons. Among the vintage-inspired jewelry and specially blended mulch (really), you’ll find her reconstructed clothing. Pictured above is a reconstructed vest paired with a handmade woolen scarf. Prices are extremely reasonable considering the knowledge required in detaching sleeves from blazers and reincarnating them as ruffles.

www.noussavons.com

Newsom’s no-tax budget

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By Tim Redmond

Steve Jones will be reporting in tomorrow’s paper about the details of Newsom’s budget proposal, and it’s going to take a few days to figure out exactly what’s in and what’s out of the budget, but the mayor has already made one point, and it’s infuriating:

He proudly announced that the budget is balanced with no borrowing and no new taxes.

Sounds like something that George W. Bush would have said.

And here’s the problem: When Newsom was negotiating the latest round of givebacks with the unions, he promised to work toward a revenue measure in November. And if he were serious about that, he could have included that projected revenue in this budget — avoiding some of the most painful cuts.

So what’s up? Is Newsom going back on the deal with SEIU — or is he just assuming that any revenue measure he puts on the ballot will fail?

Here’s what the mayor’s press secretary, Nathan Ballard, has to say:

After SEIU rejected the sensible deal that had been reached with the Mayor,
the revenue-measure talks unraveled, and so the Mayor could not in good
faith include projected revenue from a hypothetical measure in his proposed
budget.

All along we’ve said that a revenue measure would have to include support
from a broad coalition of San Franciscans, and nobody from the business
community — an essential part of any such coalition — is going to support
a revenue measure unless SEIU has already agreed to shoulder its fair share
of the city’s budget burden.

However, once SEIU votes to approve the new deal with the Mayor’s office,
it’s a whole new ball game. At that point we can convene a new series of
talks and attempt to come up with revenue measures that a broad coalition
can support. Once that happens, the budget could be adjusted accordingly.

Okay, sure — blame it on the SEIU members. But that’s not the point. First of all, it’s pretty likely the union membership will approve the latest contract offer, and Newsom knows that. More important, this isn’t about SEIU v. Newsom. It’s about the city, and the health of San Francisco and its residents. And a mayor who was serious about preserving essential services wouldn’t be waiting until the last minute, and planning to “adjust the budget” after front-line workers are laid off, programs are cut, nonprofits shut down etc. before he started talking seriously about new revenue sources.

Editorial: How to repeal Prop. 8

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Follow Harvey Milk’s advice: the more Californians meet and interact with openly gay and lesbian people, the less likely voters will be to sanction discrimination

When the late Sup. Harvey Milk was fighting to defeat the Briggs Initiative, a statewide ballot measure that would have barred gay people from teaching in public schools, he repeatedly made the point that the more Californians met and interacted with openly gay and lesbian people, the less likely the voters would be to sanction discrimination. Mayor Gavin Newsom made the same basic point in his statement following the horrifying Supreme Court decision that legalized discrimination in this state.

“I know many of my fellow Californians may initially agree with this ruling,” he said, “but I ask them to reserve final judgment until they have discussed this decision with someone who will be affected by it.

“Please talk to a lesbian or gay family member, neighbor, or coworker and ask them why equality in the eyes of the law is important to every Californian.”

Street Threads: Look of the Day

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SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.

Today’s Look: Abbey, Dolores Park

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Tell us about your look: “I feel kinda over dressed today. It was super cold in my neighborhood this morning so I’m wearing a lot of color to counter balance the gray sky.”

Wine bar wars in West Portal

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By Cécile Lepage
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If you live in West Portal, you may have recently noticed the sign in the WineStyles window at 9 West Portal: the wine shop is applying for a bar use permit. Its Conditional Use authorization hearing is scheduled for Thursday, June 4, at City Hall, and if approved, the wine retailer will be able to sell wine by the glass to its customers.

Actually, WineStyles had already been doing just that, in violation of the Planning Code, for almost a year, until the store got caught by the enforcement division. Pleading ignorance, the owners now want to come into compliance. But they’re facing opposition for locally based neighbors upset that WineStyles – part of a national chain – didn’t play by the rules.

Buy your Slayer tickets tomorrow, dude!

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I got word of Live Nation‘s “No Service Fee Wednesdays” promotion before last weekend’s stabfest at the Shoreline Amphitheater, but what are the changes of two stabfests in one season, really? You know there’s at least one big, dumb concert you’re planning on driving to Mountain View to see anyway, so why not pick up your tickets tomorrow (Wed, June 3, starting at 12:01am) and save $10 per ticket in service fees? Note: this deal applies only to lawn tickets, so if you had your heart set on being front-row center for Nickleback, you’re SOL. Which is probably the least of your problems anyway, come to think of it. Note #2: what do those “service fees” pay for, anyway? Isn’t $31 for a concert ticket (on a semi-grassy lawn amid thousands of your rowdiest, most unwashed non-friends) enough to begin with?

Anyway, I digress. Straight from Live Nation’s press release, here are the concerts participating in tomorrow’s no-fees-for-lawn-tickets at the Shoreline “sale.” See you July 11!

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Shoreline Amphitheatre / Mountain View, CA

6/6 Live 105’s BFD featuring 311, The Offspring, Yeah Yeah Yeahs & More
6/13 Great American Food & Music Festival featuring Bobby Flay
6/26 Wild 94.9 Bomb Concert featuring Sean Paul, Ice Cube, Soulja Boy & more
7/4 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular w/ The San Francisco Symphony
7/11 Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival featuring Marilyn Manson & Slayer
7/13 Coldplay
7/24 Blazed & Confused Tour featuring Slightly Stoopid & Snoop Dogg
7/25 No Doubt with Paramore
7/30 Crue Fest 2 featuring Motley Crue & Godsmack
8/1 The Fray w/ Jack’s Mannequin
8/12 Depeche Mode
8/16 Toby Keith with Trace Adkins
8/20 Vans Warped Tour
9/1 Nickelback with Hinder, Papa Roach and more
9/2 Def Leppard with Poison and Cheap Trick
9/12 The Killers

Sleep Train Pavilion / Concord, CA

7/9 New Kids On The Block with Jesse McCartney and Jabbawockeez

7/11 Love Train – The Sounds of Philadelphia featuring The O’Jays

7/21 No Doubt with Paramore

7/31 Judas Priest with Whitesnake

8/19 Bone Bash X starring Aerosmith and ZZ Top

Sleep Train Amphitheatre / Wheatland, CA

7/10 Depeche Mode at Shoreline Amphitheatre

7/14 Coldplay

7/24 No Doubt with Paramore

8/1 98 Rock Presents ROCKALOTTAPUS feat. Judas Priest, Whitesnake, Tesla and more

8/21 Vans Warped Tour

8/31 Nickelback with Hinder, Papa Roach and more

9/3 Def Leppard w/ Poison and Cheap Trick

Pop-pop-Poppins with Fagottron

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By Marke B.

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Writing about electronic music in this Age Of Everything Always Available seems to be more and more an exercise in nostalgia. Artists are caught up mousing over the pull-down menu of the past, widgeting it into today’s latest technology — especially in the case of video mashups. (A similar-type thing happened with the debut of the CD, when the past was rummaged through for reissue-mania, and, as the Guardian‘s Johnny Ray Huston has pointed out, reissues still hold dollar-sway and carry much label cred in the record industry). Earlier this year, I attempted to fathom how Israeli YouTube mashup genius Kutiman was working the nostalgia tip — not in the literally referential, crate-digging manner of DJ Shadow, but in a melancholic, sampladelic way all his own.

Now — joy of joys, for real — we have the latest video mashup by one of Kutiman’s indisputable forebears, Fagottron. This, you cannot deny the literal nostalgia of. Not just because he’s tapping directly into the mid-90s heyday of electronica — but because he’s freaking sampling the Disney movies of yesteryear. “The track is composed of a sine wave bass, custom drum sequences, and sounds recorded from the Disney film Mary Poppins,” the YouTube more info box relays, deliciously. Funny, that was going to be my epitaph.

Fagottron, “Expialidocious”

And Fagy’s not just unleashing his dizzying Avid skills on the super-famous flicks (although I’d love to see his version of Ariel) — here’s a couple he did two years ago that took me back to those misty “movie afternoons” in the grade-school gymansia of my youthfulness, albeit in slightly freakier form:

Fagottron, “White Magic”

God rides the bus

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By Tim Redmond

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Or maybe he takes his bike — but he doesn’t park in the median

Sarah Phelan interviewed Nat Ford, the head of Muni, for her story on the Muni budget that will appear in Wednesday’s Guardian. I have to offer a sneak preview of one of his comments.

Confirming that the agency dropped a $9 million a year proposal to extend meter hours citywide after receiving input from merchants, Ford said, “We’ll clearly have to revisit parking. We’ll be looking at how to administer extended meter hours and how that impacts churches if we do it Sundays. But we are sitting here with a structural deficit that’s been going on for decades. We need to figure out the revenue streams we need to enhance the system.”

Wait, wait, wait.

The impact on churches?

Mr. Ford, let me clue you in on something. In San Francisco, particularly in the Mission, nobody every parks at a meter to go to church on Sunday. They park in the middle of the goddam street.

This is illegal. There are no permits required. The cops just look the other way.

And, as I pointed out when I last wrote about it:

Nobody else gets to do this.

If you go to see the (secular) Mime Troupe in Dolores Park and you stick your car in the middle of the street, you get a ticket. If you drink at a (secular) bar or eat at a (secular) restaurant and you leave your car in the Valencia Street median, you get cited. You can’t double park while you run in for a (secular) cup of coffee at Muddy Waters.

You can’t even do it when you go to yoga, which for a lot of people is a spiritual experience.

You want some money, Nat? Make the damn churches pay a fee for the damn free parking they get. I’m sorry: If you don’t want to pay for parking, you can ride the bus to church. Or walk. Or ride your bike. That’s what Jesus would do. Right?

June: Sexiest sexy festival month ever

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By Juliette Tang

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Queer Arts Fest

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The Sex Worker Fest

This is definitely a good month for worthwhile local festivals. The 6th San Francisco Sex Worker Film, Art, & Music Festival officially kicked off this past weekend and promises to be a thrill for both the intellect and the libido. Smart, kinky, and fun, the Sex Worker Fest is a positive and educational week-long extravaganza that occurs in tandem with the ongoing 12th Annual Queer Arts Festival, a whopping month-long festival featuring over 400 artists in over 100 performances taking place in 18 venues all over San Francisco. The only question at this point is how you’re possibly going to fit everything into your schedule.


Michelle Tea

On Saturday, the Sex Worker Fest launched with a benefit at a. Muse Gallery (614 Alabama St) to support Radar Lab, a free queer writers retreat looking to accommodate 12 outstanding queer artists by this summer. Hosted by Ali Liebegott, whose IHOP Papers performs the feat of being at once witty and charming and a poignant lesbian coming-of-age novel, and Michelle Tea, prolific author and Guardian contributor whose novel Valencia joins rank with Michael Ondaatje’s Divisadero in being good books named after famous San Francisco streets, the benefit featured appearances by literary luminaries Dorothy Allison, ZZ Packer, and Eileen Myles.

Appetite: Absinthe gimlets, fancy ‘wiches, sparkling spirits, dinner in bed, and more

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Every week, Virginia Miller of personalized itinerary service and monthly food, drink, and travel newsletter, www.theperfectspotsf.com, shares foodie news, events, and deals. View the last installment here.

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NEW OPENINGS
Grand Tavern dining room. Photo by Virginia Miller

The Grand Tavern opens in Oakland
Take a turn-of-the-century house on Grand Ave (near Camino) and turn it into The Grand Tavern, making use of each room (dining room with fireplace, lounge areas with chairs from Mission vintage shops, a dark wood bar, and patio)… add a menu cooked by Kay Eskind, aka "Mom", put the entire operation in the capable hands of her son, Temoor Noor, who has, with care and saavy, thought out each detail, from craft beer selection to beautiful artisanal cocktails (I’m ready to go back for the Absinthe Gimlet!), and you’re starting to get an idea of what kind of appealing hang out this tavern is.

With a $5-18 menu featuring rib-eye steak, Cornish hen with ginger and onions, and roasted squash with chili, onions and garlic sour cream sauce, it’s comforting gastropub fare, paired with an Affligem Blonde on tap or Devil’s Whiskers cocktail. The Kold Draft machine means they’re serious about perfect temperature and quality in their drinks, and the welcoming ease of staff and owner mean you can sip or sup in any room or move between them as you wish. They’re in soft opening phase right now but don’t let that stop you (in the first week along, I had a pretty seamless experience). Mi casa su casa.
3601 Grand Avenue, Oakland
510-444-4644
www.grandtavern.net

———–

EVENTS

6/1 – Supperclub 4-course Dinner with Jamie Lauren and Jennie Lorenzo
Dinner in bed? You’ll want to splurge for this one-of-a-kind night at Netherlands-based Supperclub’s one US location. Waited on hand-and-foot while lounging in Roman-style beds as you’re surrounded by opera singers, contortionists dangling from colorful fabric above you, even flaming sword-carrying belly dancers… who knows what might appear? Don’t worry, it’s not merely style sans substance. Launched in February, Supperclub’s “Uber Dinner” series started with a one-night-only dinner cooked by three Michelin-rated chefs from Europe and our own Elizabeth Falkner. Not bad, eh? Tonight it’s another rare gig… come and be surprised by an undisclosed four-course meal, paired with cocktails and wine (all included in the price). Highlighting Great Chefs of San Francisco, “Uber Dinner II”‘s guest chefs are Jennie Lorenzo, Exec Chef of Michelin-rated Fifth Floor, and Jamie Lauren, Exec Chef at Absinthe, and recently of, well, you already know… Top Chef. A night of exotic and sensuous feasting, this is one those meals engaging all your senses.
$125
7-10pm
657 Harrison Street
415-348-0900
www.supperclub.com

Street Threads: Look of the Day

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SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.

Today’s Look: Jared, Pier 14

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Tell us about your look: “I just got these pants from the Goodwill, and I’m eating chicken and rice from Chinatown.”

The rich don’t use public services

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By Tim Redmond

That’s what Gov. Schwarzenegger’s finance director told the New York Times:

Nearly all of the billions of dollars in cuts the administration has proposed would affect programs for poor Californians, although prisons and schools would take hits, as well.

“Government doesn’t provide services to rich people,” Mike Genest, the state’s finance director, said on a conference call with reporters on Friday. “It doesn’t even really provide services to the middle class.” He added: “You have to cut where the money is.”

But that’s just wrong.

California spends a ton of money protecting rich people’s homes from fires. California spends billions on law-enforcement and prisons, much of that money going to ensure that poor prople can’t take money from rich people. Who do you think state highways serve? (Mostly the middle-class.) Who gets to live safer, more secure lives because desperatly mentally ill people aren’t wandering the streets?

Does the public school system and the state college and university system not train workers for the state’s wealthiest corporations?

And what about all of the excessive tax breaks that go to big businesses? Tax breaks are money that comes out of the government’s pocket. Tax breaks are handouts, just like welfare payments are handouts. Except that the tax breaks tend to be much bigger.

When you add up all the benefits that state government provides for the wealthy — and you look at how modest the tax payments from the wealthy are in this state — you get a sense of why we’re in this budget mess.

Dick Meister: Give workers what they need!

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GIVE WORKERS WHAT THEY NEED!

By Dick Meister

(Dick Meister, a San Francisco-based journalist, has covered labor and political issues for a half-century as a reporter, editor, author and commentator.)

A new study by one of the country’s most highly regarded labor experts makes clear beyond doubt that illegal employer actions and lax government oversight have denied great and growing numbers of workers the legal right
of unionization.

That’s had much to with the percentage of workers belonging to unions dropping to little more than 12 percent from a level almost double that three decades ago, says Kate Bronfenbrenner. She’s director of labor education research at Cornell University’s School of Industrial and Labor Relations.

Spelling bee: please spell Rush Limbaugh

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Today’s Ammianoliner:

Spelling bee: Please spell Rush Limbaugh. “UmmmmmmmmmmmA-S-S-H-O-L-E.”

Correct!

(Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, more newsorthy than usual, speaking on his home telephne answering machine, May 29, 2009.) B3

City Desk Newshour ends long SF run

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By Steven T. Jones

An era ended last night while my colleagues and I taped the final episode of the City Desk Newshour, a Comcast television program that has provided continuous weekly coverage of San Francisco City Hall for almost 30 years. It is simply the latest blow in a steady erosion of political and local government coverage by experienced journalists.

I’ve been a regular panelist on the show for a couple years now, but I was really struck by what an institution it is in November when we did a segment on the anniversary of the Harvey Milk and George Moscone assassinations. I glanced at the monitors and saw our B-roll footage of Milk, Moscone, and Dan White being interviewed in our studio for our show back in the day.

Comcast decided to slash its locally originated programming budget and fire half its Bay Area staff, something it is allowed to do because local governments have lost the legal ability to set local programming standards for cable companies as part of their franchise agreements. If you have Comcast cable, try to catch the final episode replays this weekend on Channel 11 and/or check out old episodes in the OnDemand section under hometown local programming.

But there is a silver lining to this story. Comcast officials in California successfully fought to save our show as long as we can retool it to have a more regional focus, which we’ll be working on over the next couple months. So tune in later this summer for a new show with a new name and new focus, but some of the same faces from the Guardian, Chronicle, Examiner, and KQED.

Prop 8: The French say it best …

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… via the lovely and very British singer Lily Allen:

Bonus! The original “Big Fat Gay Collab” video the above takes off from:

Can young people hurry up and take over the world already? Yeesh.

Snap Sounds: Connie Converse

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By Johnny Ray Huston

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CONNIE CONVERSE

How Sad, How Lovely

(Lau derette)

Irwin Swirnoff sang the praises of How Sad, How Lovely in the Guardiana few weeks back, but I’ve got to harmonize with him like an echo in a lonely canyon. This is the rare kind of "lost" music that truly deserves to be found, voiced by a bookish valedictorian and lover of poetry (one fave: Jacques Prévert) who knows how spin a tale and make it sing. Elizabeth "Connie" Converse vanished from society around the time of the Nixon resignation, but her spirit lives on in these recordings. Simply put, they’re a treasure.

Connie Converse, “One by One”

7 greengasmic personal lubricants

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By Juliette Tang

There are a number of questions you might ask yourself before spreading something on your genitals, the most relevant being, “Is this edible?” Because, if you wouldn’t eat a tube of KY, you might want to think twice before using it on your southern hemisphere.

Many people have no health problems associated with synthetic personal lubricants, but others find that using lubricants with propylene glycol, parabens, phenoxyethanol, and silicone increases their susceptibility to irritation and infection. For some, synthetic lubricants have been found to increase the chances of yeast infection and UTI. For those with allergies and sensitivities, certain chemicals found in lubes can cause pain and discomfort during sex, and not in the good way. And, most frighteningly of all, the chemical nonoxynol-9, a spermicidal contraceptive, has been found to actually raise a person’s susceptibility to HIV.

Fortunately for the health-conscious, we live in a city that has the natural, eco-friendly alternative to almost any health and body product on the market, including personal lubricants. Not only are these products gentler on the body, but they are also gentler on the environment, as they use natural ingredients that can be sustainably harvested (and most have recycled, or at the very least, recyclable packaging). Each of these lubricants are different. Some are water-based, some are oil-based, and some contain plant-derived glycerin (which helps lube last longer). Here are 7 of our favorite natural lubricants, what makes them unique, and where you can get them.

All Natural, Glycerin Free

Firefly Organics is a 100% natural lube available online only. It contains shea and cocoa butter, but because of its oil-based formula, this lubricant is not safe for use with latex condoms. Firefly is the most natural lubricant on the market, with no preservatives and completely glycerin free, and because of this, it has somewhat of an abbreviated shelf-life. In a completely unrelated note, Firefly was recently voted the #1 personal lubricant by PlayBoy Magazine.

Mostly Natural, Glycerin Free

Sliquid Organics makes some great organic lubricants in water, cream, and gel form. Their most natural formula is water based, glycerin free, containing organic plant extracts like hibiscus, flax, sunflower seed, and green tea. For anal play, use the thicker, slicker gel formula. You can find Sliquid at Good Vibrations (603 Valencia). Safe with latex condoms.

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