SFBG Blogs

The myth of the poor landlord

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Early in my career at the Guardian, Bruce Brugmann, the editor, warned me about certain kinds of stories. “You know,” he said, “you can always find a welfare cheat.” It’s true: if you look hard enough, you can always find someone, somewhere, who’s getting an extra welfare check or scamming the system for a few bucks — and if that’s what you write about, you start to give the impression that everyone’s cheating on welfare, and that maybe we ought to crack down on the thieving bastards.


But the problem with welfare isn’t the handful of cheats — it’s the fact that most deserving people can’t get enough money to live on. And there are far more, bigger cheaters in the executive suites.


I thought about that when I read Elizabeth Lesly Stevens’ story in the Bay Citizen about poor Wayne Koniuk.


Listen:


By trade, Koniuk fashions artificial limbs for amputees. By habit, he fits prostheses at no charge for people who cannot pay. This has left him a less-than-wealthy man.


But he does have one substantial asset: a Divisadero Street building that his father, Walter, an orthotist, bought in 1970 and gave to his only son in 2001 so Wayne could run his business on the ground floor and Wayne’s adult children would always have a place to live.


For eternity,” Koniuk recalls his father saying, “my grandkids will always have a place they can go. No matter whatever happens, that building should stay in the family.”


A small problem has come up: Koniuk wants to evict his longtime tenant so his 24-year-old son can have the apartment. And since the tenant is over 60 — and has done nothing wrong, paid his rent on time and been well behaved for roughly 30 years — it’s not easy to get rid of him.


Koniuk, who himself lives in suburban Belmont, gave a half-interest in the building to his older son in 2007 so he could evict a tenant and move in himself. But under San Francisco’s extraordinarily pro-tenant housing laws, landlords can do this only once per building. 


I like that: extraordinarily pro-tenant housing laws.


The sob story of the poor landlord even registered with Sup. Ross Mirkarimi, who has never once voted against single piece of pro-tenant legislation:


Vacancy rates are going up because owners have decided to take their units off the market,” said Ross Mirkarimi, a progressive member of the Board of Supervisors. He attributes that response to “peaking frustrations in dealing with the range of laws that protect tenants in San Francisco that make it difficult for small property owners to thrive.”


Well: Where do I start?


Maybe with the obvious: San Francisco is, overall, an extraordinarily tough place to be a tenant right now — and an extraordinarily excellent place to be a landlord. Between soaring rents and Prop. 13, virtually anyone who owns rental housing in this city is doing well. The pitiful tales of the poor broke landlord who can’t afford the upkeep are, frankly, mostly tales. I have heard hundreds of them over the years. In every single case, it turns out the landlord was a lot better off than he or she claimed.


There’s a good reason for that: San Francisco residential property is immensely valuable. The city’s only 49 square miles, most of it is built up, and almost nobody’s building new rental housing. Yeah, there are dips, but over the past 50 years, property values have gone in only one direction — and thanks to Prop. 13, if you bought the building more than a week ago, your taxes are less than what they ought to be.


There are, indeed, tenants who pay less than market rent, mostly people who have lived in their apartments for a long time and have been protected by rent control — and have somehow avoided the fate that awaits Koniak’s tenant, Robert Murphy, which is eviction.


Murphy pays “only” $525 a month, which seems like nothing compared to the $2,000 or more that Koniuk could probably get for the unit today. But keep in mind: That rent was set 30 years ago, when it was more than adequate to cover his share of the landlord’s mortgage, property taxes and maintenance. When Koniak’s dad bought the place, the building was worth a fraction of its current value. I’m pretty sure the mortgage payments didn’t go up (not as many variable-rate deals back then) — and the property taxes are essentially frozen under Prop. 13. Why should Murphy’s rent go up?


That’s the whole idea of rent control — not to deny landlords a reasonable rate of return on their investments, but to ensure that tenants aren’t punished if property values soar out of control.


And let’s remember: Koniuk didn’t pay a penny for the place — he inherited it from his dad. And he owns it free and clear; he confirmed to me when we talked that the original mortgage was paid off long ago. He complained about the cost of maintenance, but read the story carefully — he gave one of the units to his son, which was lovely but was also his choice. He could have been getting rent from that unit if he wanted more maintenance money. By moving your kids into a building, you become in essence a single-family homeowner. When I have to do maintenance on my house, it comes out of my pocket. That’s just how it is.


And Stevens’ line about Koniuk being a “less than wealthy man” seems a bit of a stretch. He owns a home in Belmont. He owns (free and clear) a building in the city worth well over $1 million. His mother owns another rental building just down the street, as well as a home in the Sunset. “Over the years,” he told me, “my dad bought up properties in the city, and fixed them up and sold them or gave them to his kids.”


And why does he need to evict Murphy? Because, he told me, his son, who is now 24, has moved out of the family home, and Koniuk is paying $1,200 a month to cover his son’s rent. If he could just get more money out of Murphy, he said, he wouldn’t evict him — “I could just use that money to pay my son’s rent someplace else.”


Well: Good for Mr. Koniuk, paying his 24-year-old son’s rent. Again, though, it’s a choice — my parents didn’t pay my rent when I was 24. Most parents don’t. I’m glad this not-wealthy landlord feels he can afford it — but that doesn’t mean a 30-year tenant, a retired union worker who is living on a fixed income, should lose his home.


There’s a fundamental misunderstanding in all of this about the relations between a tenant and landlord and how rental housing is, and should be, treated in San Francisco. I’ll give you my bias, first: I believe that in a city with a world-class housing crisis, and that’s San Francisco, housing should be regulated like a public utility. Landlords should be allowed a reasonable rate of return on their investment, but should not be allowed speculative profit — and should have no financial incentive to evict long-term tenants.


That’s impossible thanks to state law, which bars rent controls on vacant apartments and allows landlords to evict tenants whenever they want and sell the units as tenancies in common, or backdoor condos.


So the best we can do is use the regulatory powers that we have — and they ought to start with the notion (well established in law, and not just in San Francisco) that a tenant who pays rent on time and creates no nuisance has as much right to his unit as the landlord does. It ought to be okay for people to rent apartments and live in them for 30 or 40 years — and know, just as homeowners do, what the monthly nut will be when they retire.


I feel bad for Wayne Koniuk, who seems like a nice guy and a good human being. I feel much worse for his tenant, who is decidedly NOT rich and will have a huge burden paying market rent in this city right now. In fact, if he’s evicted, I don’t know where he’s ever going to find a place to live. He certainly won’t find a comparable place.


Now onto the claim that landlords are holding units vacant because they don’t like tenant-protection laws. First, if that’s true, in this city, and this market, right now, it ought to be a crime — it’s like a store withholding food and water from local residents after an earthquake because it might be more valuable later. The city has the right in a housing emergency to make laws strongly discouraging landlords from keeping housing vacant. The Rent Board ought to study this, and the supervisors ought to act. At the very least, the city ought to have a special tax on vacant residential units.


But I’m not entirely sure how much of that is really going on. Ted Gullicksen at the San Francisco Tenants Union told me it’s pretty rare: “That’s always been a big myth that the property owners put out.” he said. (I remember in the early days of rent control, when landlords insisted that nobody would ever build new rental housing in a city with rent control laws. So San Francisco exempted all new housing from rent control. Didn’t make a damn bit of difference; nobody builds rental housing anyway, because condos are more profitable.)


Stevens, who was very nice and polite when I called her and is a professional reporter who has done some excellent work, told me she didn’t want to talk to me for the record but would be glad to respond to comments on the Bay Citizen website. She pointed to a map of census data showing vacant buildings in San Francisco.


Gullicksen says his read of the data shows that most of the vacant units tend to be unsold condos; the highest concentration is in the Soma/South Beach area where the new condos have been built (and it’s no secret that a lot of them are vacant).


Check it out for yourself. The map function isn’t easy to use, but unless I’m reading the data wrong, the census tract with the most vacant housing is in the Mission Bay area, and the tracts that cover the Mission, the Haight and other tenant-heavy areas have a much smaller percentage of vacancies.


Now, there probably are landlords who keep units vacant; as I say, that ought to be a crime, but it isn’t. But it’s a bid odd for Ross Mirkarimi to talk about this situation the way Stevens quoted him, particularly his line about laws that “make it difficult for small property owners to thrive.”


Mirkarimi told me that he got involved in the case because Koniuk is “a constituent.” (So, by the way, is Murphy.) He reminded me that he’s been one of the best pro-tenant votes on the board (absolutely true). And he told me, for the record, very clearly, that he does NOT favor any relaxation of tenant laws or changes in the restrictions on owner-move-in evictions. “I would never want to change the protections for tenants against evictions,” he said.


I reminded him of the bottom line: Small property owners in San Francisco ARE thriving. The vast majority are doing far better financially than their tenants. This myth of the poor starving property owner with the rich greedy tenants is, frankly, so much horsepucky it’s hard to hear it without screaming.


In the comments section of the story, Stevens goes further on her interview with Mirkarimi:


Mr. Koniuk showed Mr. Mirkarimi the letter demanding $70,000. Mr. Koniuk had offered $45,000. (TBC also has a copy of the letter, and I spoke with the attorney who wrote it). When speaking with me, Mr. Mirkarimi said that “my jaw dropped” when he read the letter. “That letter is negotiated extortion, legitimized,” he said, by the tenant/landlord laws as they have evolved in SF. The Koniuk episode “revealed how greed or special interest can shift [power] to the other [tenant] side.”


Mirkarimi and I went back and forth on this for a while, and in the end, he told me that the statements in the Bay Citizen story “do not reflect my views or my record.” I think that’s true; I think he just got caught up in this one story of this one guy with a situation that isn’t at all the way it looks at first.


I mean, “extortion?” Seriously? What’s wrong with Murphy asking for $70,000 to move out? I don’t think that’s anywhere near enough. As another commenter noted:


You portray the tenant as “greedy” for asking for $70k but is it fair to do so without also stating the fair market value of the property? $70k on a building worth 2 million doesn’t sound so “greedy” specifically when the displaced tenant has to try to find a equivalent unit at market rate; just a guess but that cost per month I’d estimate at close to $3,000/month… do the math $70/3= 2 years at the higher rent. Doesn’t appear so “greedy”, to me.


Here’s what’s fair: Koniuk wants Murphy out so he can move in his son (who presumably won’t be paying rent at all). Fine: he should offer his tenant enough money to rent a comparable apartment in the city for the rest of his life. That’s what Murphy has now — the right to live in his apartment, at a controlled rent, until he dies. And he has a legal, moral and public-policy right to stay there.


The way I see it, Koniuk wants to buy from Murphy the right to occupy that apartment. He wants to buy the unit for his son. He ought to pay fair market value — enough to allow Murphy to buy or rent a similar place at a similar monthly payment.


The commenters who says that’s not fair because Koniuk “owns” the building


Don’t forget Murphy does not OWN the building, he pays for the privilege to live there; he has no right to it otherwise.


are missing a fundamental point. Ownership of residential property in San Francisco is not a single, simple right. It’s a bundle of rights and restrictions. I, for example, own a house in Bernal Heights. I do not own the right to demolish it and replace it with a gas station. (In fact, I don’t have the right to demolish it at all unless I can make a very good case for doing so.) I don’t have the right to drill for oil under the house. I don’t have the right to open a dog kennel in the house. I don’t have the right to add a second unit in the basement and rent it out.


If you buy, or inherit, a building with a longtime tenant in it, your rights as an owner are restricted. You don’t have the right to evict that person or raise the rent except under very limited circumstances. Murphy’s right to live in that house is every bit as solid as the rights of my neighbors not to see my house torn down and replaced with a Burger King.


That’s been a basic principle of real property law for a long time now. Some libertarians don’t like it, but most of society has come to accept it.


It doesn’t matter what Koniuk’s dad wanted; he left his son a building with a tenant in it, and thus he left a property with use restrictions. His dad could have gone to his grave dreaming that his son would turn the place into an amusement park, but that wasn’t going to happen either.


If all of this makes it tough on the poor landlords, I’m sorry: they knew, or should have know, the rules when they got into the landlord business. And virtually all of them can get out easily by selling the building — at a profit — to somebody else who realizes that residential property in San Francisco is, and has always been, an excellent financial investment.


PS: Randy Shaw at Beyond Chron really went after Mirkarimi for his comments, which I understand — Shaw’s been a tenant lawyer all his life and he has every right to criticize an elected official who makes what appear to be anti-tenant comments. What disturbed me is that Shaw never called Mirkarimi for comment; that’s just basic journalistic practice (and always a good idea). I asked him why he didn’t call; my email said:


I have no complaint with what you wrote; as a longtime tenant advocate you have every right (and responsibility) to be critical of a politician who makes statements that appear to run counter to the tenant agenda. I just think it’s fair to call people before you go after them; sometimes, as you well know, quotes that appear in news accounts are incomplete or inaccurate. That’s why I always try to check before I write.


His response:


I see the issue very differently and disagree with your premise.


Which is really, really weak. Pick up the phone, Randy. It’s really not that hard.

Grrrl Brigade Stands Up! this weekend

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Back in the day, despite the fact that we went to a super jock high school, my friend Lex and I decided we would be part of the after school dance theater workshop. There were definitely some good times, especially when the big show came along at the end of the year, which gave us a chance to prance around on stage to “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,” while wearing Ring Pops covered in glitter and dresses that made us look like we should be on maternity leave. So last night when I stopped by the final dress rehearsal of Stand Up! A Show of Resistance at Dance Mission, there were a lot of reminders of those dance-tastic times, of getting to run around stage with friends and get dressed up in cool costumes, but then the dancing actually started, and all I could think was “Where the heck was GRRRL Brigade when I was in high school?”

There were no Ring Pops, but there was floor-shaking taiko drumming and powerful Amazonian women dancers, all tied together with feminist stories from past and present. The strength of the performance didn’t come solely from the message of girl power exploding from every corner of the room — the talent and skill of the young dancers were incredibly real and striking.

The show starts tonight, Friday, May 6, and runs through the weekend. It’s worth stopping by to see the next generation of strong and devoted young dancers take center stage — and I promise the lack of glitter Ring Pops is absolutely a plus.


Stand Up! A Show of Resistance

Fri/6 and Sat/7, 7.p.m.; Sun/8, 5 p.m., $12

Dance Mission Theater

3316 24th St., SF

(415) 273-4633

www.brownpapertickets.com/event/171334 

 

American Idol: Hell’s Kitchen edition

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It’s Gimmicks R Us Idol, and in between the Ford videos, another Fox production, Hell’s Kitchen, got its own special promo. Chef Ramsay (who is way more of an asshole than Simon was and his shows really suck, too) forced the Idol contestants to make omlettes. The results all looked awful and he made fun of them. Then they had to blind-taste-test tofu, and Jacob had to spit it out because he thought it was gross. At least the last part was funny.


I’ve already heard J-Lo sing “On The Floor,” and with all the hunkorama male dancers it was interesting enough, but not anything profound or dramatic. The constestants were more entertaining singing The Turtles’ “So Happy Together.” (THIS JUST IN: The “live” J-Lo performance was a fake, and there’s a disappearing ass brace to prove it. Is nothing sacred anymore?)


And then, Oh The Drama! James has to go to one side of the stage, Lauren has to go to the other, then Haley joins James and Jacob joins Lauren and we all know what’s going to happen. Jacob’s clearly done. But we have to wait a full 30 minutes to figure that out — and finally, Scotty, alone on the couch, gets called up, told he’s safe and asked to go join the group that he thinks is moving forward. A horrible, awkward moment; what moron thought THAT up? Scotty, of course, won’t go, so Ryan Fucking Seacrest has to push him over next to James and Haley before he drops the bomb on poor Jacob while Lauren bursts into tears.


I guess this shit drives ratings. It drove me to the liquor cabinet.


Too bad about Jacob; although I was never a big fan, he was a good kid and did his best. But for once, America made the right choice.


Next week Lauren goes home, then Haley, and it’s a Scotty/James final, as it should be. Unless Haley pulls off another amazing night and beats out Scotty. They’re  both too cute for words, but I don’t see it. It’s the two boys at the end.


Place your bets. I’m finally starting to get this right.

Dugan O’Neal talks about directing TV On The Radio’s “Will Do” video

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A few years back Dugan O’Neal was featured in the Guardian’s SCENE magazine to highlight Two Renegade Cops, the retro 70s pulp TV series he’d created with fellow Bay Area artist Leighton Kelly. O’Neal has since moved to LA to immerse himself in directing music videos and short films. 

It caught my eye that he’d recently directed the TV On The Radio video “Will Do.” The song is off their latest recording Nine Types of Light, an album that has a video attached to each song. The amalgam of those videos has been pieced together as a Nine Types of Light film that you can watch here

With the band poised to play two dates at the Independent next week it seemed high time to touch base with former SF local O’Neal to hear about his experience working with TVOTR and other projects he has on the burner. We caught up with him at his studio in Silverlake. 

San Francisco Bay Guardian: When did you leave SF for LA?

Dugan O’Neal: Two years ago, though it feels like more. I was coming down here a lot after Two Renegade Cops. Leighton and I had a lot of meetings with our management company and every time I came down it made more and more sense for me to be here. And then he went traveling for a year…

SFBG: Are you still doing anything related to Two Renegade Cops?

DO: No, that was just a limited thing. Fuel TV owns it. But Leighton and I have a whole book of ideas that we want to do. He’s still traveling and has this amazing blog where he creates a piece of art every day. So it just made sense for me and Brandon [Hirzel] to move to LA. We were working a lot with David Myrick who was already down here… he shot that SCENE cover for the Guardian a few years ago and he also shot the TV On The Radio “Will Do” video. 

SFBG: Tell me more about working on TVOTR’s video. I hear my NYC friend Ivan Bess was on the project…

DO: Yeah, working with Ivan was great. We shot a bunch of stuff in New York and fortunately he was able to help out with that. 

SFBG: Which parts were filmed in New York?

DO: Everything with the band. The shots that were narrative based with just lead singer Tunde [Adebimpe] and Joy [Bryant] were filmed here in Silverlake. Even the outdoors stuff was done in the neighborhood. 

SFBG: Who designed the goggles?

DO: These twin brothers named Nikolai and Simon Haas. It was crazy because I turned in the treatment to the band on Friday, got the job on Saturday, and was on a plane to New York on Tuesday. Tunde had seen my “Eskmo” video and it resonated with him. And I’d wanted to use the virtual reality idea to create a narrative. But when I got the job we basically had a day and a half to figure out and make the virtual goggles. My rep Danielle had to fly with these crazy contraptions…

SFBG: Wow, with the wires everywhere they must have looked like a bomb…

DO: Yeah they totally looked like a bomb! I couldn’t believe that they didn’t get checked… she just carried them on to the plane! That was kind of disturbing. I mean I got patted down like 40 times…

SFBG: Because of your beard…

DO: Yeah. But TVOTR killed. Most of the people who directed the other videos were friends of theirs. I was the only one who wasn’t already in their circle. But once I started working with them we realized that there were a lot of connections, especially through Kyp [Malone], to my Bay Area family… the Yard Dogs and the folks at Five and Diamond. 

SFBG: How does the “Will Do” video fit into the larger picture of the film?

DO: It’s not like there’s one consistent story or plotline, but all the videos are saying a similar thing in different ways. There’s a cohesive vibe. There are interview parts that tie it all together. The second half feels more like a story because there are about 3-4 videos that lead into one another. 

SFBG: Tell me about the other stuff you’re working on. 

DO: I directed a video for a new artist on Rhymesayer named “Grieves”.. it’s kind of atmosphere and underground hip-hop ish. It’s an awesome song and I got to work with Kyle Mooney of Good Neighbor Stuff. So I’ve been doing that and writing treatments. But any time there’s a lull I’ll make my own stuff. 

SFBG: I saw one of your videos… the one where you’re at the window…

DO: Oh the “Happy Birthday” one… that was fun. But that’s the worst part of this kind of work. You’re always pitching things but then you’re stuck waiting. You have to make sure you’re still producing because that’s how you attract more work. I was really inspired by Leighton’s blog… so I started to created a video every week, just forced myself to hit that deadline. For me it was cool to see the progression, and to see how many times I hit a wall in the middle of producing a video… but finally I just learned to trust the process. 

SFBG: And the move to LA has been good for you?

DO: Yeah. I love it down here. Living in San Francisco was super instrumental to finding out what I wanted to say as an artist and a filmmaker. There was such freedom there and less of a focus on commercial work. A lot of people there just want to create art and everyone’s down to participate. But I always knew I would come back to LA.

 

Say si to the Latino Comics Expo

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Last month we got all amped up about the growing voice of Asian Americans in the comics industry, and this weekend the diversification of the comics nation continues with the Cartoon Art Museum’s Latino Comics Expo (Sat/7 and Sun/8) — purported to be the first all-Latino comic convention, ever. So enough with your sad, gringo-fied alcoholic binge of a Cinco de Mayo — read on for looks at the expo artists with whom you can spend the weekend celebrating the Hispanic contribution to that paneled place in our hearts.

Anthony Oporeza created Amigoman to combat the dearth of Latino superheroes on American shelves. Amigoman is the crime-fighting alter ego of schoolteacher Antonio Alverado, out to avenge the death of his good-natured Gramps. Will he defeat the sexpot overtures of Señorita Sin and the murderous musicality of DJ Kill to make the city of Del Oro safe for all? Oporeza’s titles have been available in bilingual editions since 2005, so it’ll be easy for Spanish and English monolinguists to keep up. 

Rafael Navarro will be at the expo touting Sonambulo, his lucha libre-masked noir hero who has been battling werewolves and Dia de los Muertos zombies since 1996. The name is no coincidence — Navarro’s Hammet-esque stories take on the cast of dreams. Is this really, really real?

Hector Cantú‘s Baldo is supposed to be the first daily comic about a Latino family ever marketed to the general public, which makes me think of the George Lopez Show, but the strip (going strong since 2000) is actually pretty good. The title character, a 15 year old boy, has to navigate all the pitfalls of classic daily comic adolescence (lame parental expectations, driving lessons, being broke), but also run-ins with peer pressure, racist website comments, and lowrider envy. 

And your special guest! Mario Hernandez helped to start the genre of alternative comics, let alone create one of the most well-known Latino series of all time. He and brothers Jaime and Gilbert started Love and Rockets in 1982, the soap operatic tales of punk culture, lesbian love, violence, divorce, and other dramatic turns that saw their main characters progress into middle age. Hernandez will be signing and reading from the series — which is due for a special exhibition at the Cartoon Art Museum in honor of its 30th anniversary in 2012. 

 

Latino Comics Expo

Sat/7-Sun/8 11 a.m.-5 p.m., free with $7 museum admission

Cartoon Art Museum

655 Mission, SF

(415) CAR-TOON

www.cartoonart.org

 

5 Things: May 5, 2011

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>>FINELY BREWED PROSE Though his boozy empire is no longer based in the Bay Area of his youth, we still have a soft spot in our hardened alcoholic hearts (or is that livers) for Jeremy Cowan. The founder of Shmaltz Brewing, Cowan has brought corny Jewish wit into the world of craft beers — see the label for his nut brown Messiah Bold: “the beer you’ve been waiting for” — and done so at a time when we all still considered Sam Adams a microbrew. He’s written a memoir about his rise to beer lord, which he’ll be back in the Bay promoting this week. Check out his signing at Omnivore Books on Sat/7, and tell him l’chaim for us.

>>A WEDNESDAY KNIGHT Sharon Funchess contributed vocals to a standout track on Teengirl Fantasy’s album 7AM, but her main musical project is Light Asylum, with Bruno Coviello. “Knights and Week Ends,” one of four songs on the recent tour EP In Tension, exemplifies the duo’s melding of powerfully dramatic ’80s diva vocalization and cold metallic beats. The Brooklyn-based Funchess and Coviello have an album due next year on Mexican Summer, and they return to SF for a show this month.

Light Asylum, “Dark Allies”:

>>PREPARE TO STOP The clusterfuck of a new-bike-lane-meets-intersection that is Fell and Scott streets is being revamped in an effort to un-fuck and un-cluster the mess. The center of-the-street bike lane—a recent addition to assist cyclists turning left from Route 47 on Scott to Route 30 on Fell—has proved perilous to pedestrians crossing east and west due to hordes of cyclists who don’t stop for them, and to drivers turning left from Fell onto Scott who have had to swerve to avoid oncoming cyclists in their lane. This week the city installed two more signals, which have yet to be turned on but will likely be dedicated left-turn lights for bikes and cars. Now, if the city can only do something about doofuses turning right onto Fell -– right into three lanes of oncoming traffic…like maybe a “No right turn” sign?

Signs of a messy pedestrian, cyclist, and driver intersection.

Signs of a pedestrian, cyclist, and driver intersection.

>>CINCO DE DRINKO? On the hunt for the best deal on a bucket of Pacifico bottles, we ran across Colorlines’ timely reflection on the de-politification of Cinco de Mayo. Kinda crazy how all immigrant commmunity celebrations become occasions for the country to get shit-faced (see: St. Patrick’s Day).

 >>REINSTALLATION Bliss Dance, a 40-foot sculpture of a dancing nude woman, was one of the best art projects at Burning Man last year. And this week, artist Marco Cochrane and his talented and hard-working crew have been installing the piece on Treasure Island, where she’ll be dancing for city residents until at least October. The build, sponsored in part by the Black Rock Arts Foundation, should be finished by the weekend. An opening reception is set for May 26.

Bliss Dance giving the hand on the playa in 2010. Photo by DJ Guacamole/Guacarazzi Photography

 

Tourk’s clients sully Herrera’s mayoral campaign

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Does anyone really believe that lobbyist and campaign consultant Alex Tourk isn’t talking to City Attorney Dennis Herrera, whose mayoral campaign Tourk is running, about the biggest clients and issues that Tourk is representing? Honestly, do they believe the public is that stupid?


Apparently so, because that’s the story they were feeding to the Chronicle and its readers today, denying that the two men had ever talked about the Stow Lake Boathouse vendor contract or California Pacific Medical Center and its controversial plan to build a new hospital and housing project on Cathedral Hill.


I mean, c’mon, Tourk even filed documents with the Ethics Commission stating that they had talked about those issues and clients, only to now deny it after realizing that it’s actually illegal to lobby one of your campaign clients. Luckily, Herrera had the good judgment to refer the matter to the Oakland City Attorney’s Office to investigate, considering that this city’s hopelessly corrupt and ineffectual Ethics Commission has abdicated its watchdog responsibilities in favor of repeatedly rubber-stamping every ethics waiver that comes before it, making a mockery of itself and contributing mightily to culture of political corruption that has been on the rise in San Francisco.


This is a problem that runs far deeper that just the Recreation and Parks Department steering the Oretega family vendor to Tourk, who then used his insider connection to get them the contract, which is unseemly enough. No, that’s just the tip of the iceberg with a consultant who has deep connections to monied interests and who has been hired by a mayoral candidate who actually hopes to gain some progressive support.


Consider Tourk’s client list. CPMC is perhaps the most controversial project facing city approval this year, one in which a powerful corporation is making big demands that are being strenuously opposed by a wide swath of working class San Franciscans. Whether Herrera would support this project as mayor and what modifications he would make are important litmus tests to determine what kind of mayor he would be. Yet his campaign consultant is simultaneously advocating for CPMC.


How would Herrera be on police issues, ranging from officer accountability to pension reform to whether to retain new Police Chief Greg Suhr? And can we really have faith that whatever stands Herrera takes weren’t influenced by the fact that the San Francisco Police Officers Association is another Tourk client?


Other Tourk clients include Civil Sidewalks, which advocated for the sit-lie ordinance that police are now struggling with how to legally implement; CH2MHill, the Lennar subcontractor who exposed Hunters Point residents to carcinogenic construction dust; Medjool Restaurant, whose politically connected owner has pushed projects that clash with local planning codes; Prado Group, which has a number of development proposals in SF; Target Corp., which is doing a controversial remodel of the Metreon; and many others.


Is Tourk touting his inside access to man who may be the next mayor? Will Herrera’s campaign benefit from that cross-pollination? I’ve left messages with Tourk and Herrera to ask these questions and others, and I’ll update this post when the call back, but what do you think they’re going to say? And, based on their credibility-stretching comments to the Chron today, will anyone believe them?


UPDATE: Herrera called back, but he wouldn’t discuss these issues on-the-record, instead just giving me a quote similar to the one he gave the Chron: “I was surprised to read that Alex Tourk listed me on his lobbying disclosure forms because he never lobbied me on any of those clients and issues.”

American Idol: The Final Five

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It’s getting down to the end, and as Randy says, this is where you figure out who’s in it to win. And last night, with the possible exceptions of Jacob and Lauren, they all were.


The theme: One classic song and one modern song. Each of the five remaining contestants gets to sing twice. J-Lo has a flower in her hair. Steven has some kind of crazy red coat. The mentor of the week: Sheryl Crow, who looks fabulous at 49.


First up: James, “Closer to the Edge.” Not his best performance (that was later), not a great song, but he’s a rock god. (ivian is convinced he’s going to the final no matter what, since Steven Tyler promised to sing with him on stage in the final performance and nobody wants to give up those ratings.) Jacob: “No Air.” Viv says it’s “terrible.” I just thing it’s the wrong song for him (trying to do both parts of a duet is a bad idea) and the judges agree. After the first round, he’s not looking good.


Lauren: “Flat on the Floor.” She rocks it. Good song choice, nice upbeat performance. Nothing stellar, but fine. Scotty: “Gone.” A different side of him. Steven is thrilled: “You danced with the devil.”


Haley takes a huge risk and sings an unreleased Lady Gaga song, which sucks. But she sings it well, as well as she’s done all year. the problem: Nobody’s ever heard the song before. Nobody wants to hear it again.


Now Round Two, the classics. and all I can say is, Wow.


James: “Without You.” Epic. Over-emotional sap about his family, and he didn’t hit all the notes perfectly, but damn he’s a performer. He had the audience spellbound. He is, I think, the next Idol.


Jacob: “Love Hurts.” I’m not a big fan of Jacob, and there were some screachy moments here, but again: He had the audience. Great performance. Not enought to save him tonight, but great.


Lauren: Whoa, who chooses her outfits? Some sort of blue-striped dress that’s a cross of cowgirl at the state fair, hospital volunteer and antebellum pajamas. “Unchained Melody.” Boring song, but she can belt it out. J-lo: “Nothing to judge.” I agree. Nothing much.


Scotty: Elvis, of course. “Always on my Mind.” Perfect for him. A little slow, but the audience loved it.


Haley: Holy shit. I’ve never seen “House of the Rising Sun” done like that. For once, she’s actually sexy and not goofy; the teeny-bopper smile is gone, replaced with a New Orleans bluesy-edgy voice and look that counts as a verifiable Idol Moment. She just saved herself. Performance of the night, maybe of the month.


Tonight: James, Scotty and Haley are clearly safe. Jacob and Lauren are in the bottom, and Jacob goes home. Finally. But don’t believe me; I’m never right.

Go Deep and get slicked at El Rio

Woman scantily clad and covered in lube is hot enough, but then the bell rings. They slip, they slide, they ride; lady parts will flail again in a tub full of slippery goop this Thursday at El Rio’s Go Deep! Lube Wrestling

Girl on girl wrestling at my favorite dive bar? Yes, this seems like a trick, but Go Deep! is a real event, produced by the lovely Dottie Lux of Red Hot Burlesque. The new monthly night started in April and Dottie says the sexy matches couldn’t have been more successful. “I stood with my mouth agape for three solid hours — it was super fun, amazing, and totally hilarious.” 

The current line-up of  “celebrity wrestlers” are local, fearless femmes handpicked by Dottie. From stylists to sassy clowns, the request for daring athletes was sent to over 40 businesses and organizations in the Bay, targeted at any lass who has a connection to “something larger.”  Contestants are encouraged to bring a posse, a supportive group of pals to cheer and wail and gush over their slimy acquaintance in the ring. So far the wrestling isn’t set up like a tournament, meaning everybody is a winner– literally, every girl gets a prize from Dottie’s box, including donated sex toys, garter belts, steamy books — and bacon?

“Bacon is always a prize,” Dottie says, pointedly not following up the comment any sign of mirth. This is serious: pin a hottie and bring home the salty meat. 

godeep_1

Ideally, participation in the ring will open up to the lady community at large as the event builds its fan base. If you’re interested in stripping down and pinning an unfamiliar femme, Dottie is currently accepting applications. Just remember, this ain’t no easy romp in the kiddie pool. 

“These women are out of breath. They’re working hard in there,” she says, noting the difficulties a challenger must face. “Gravity, stabilization, balance? All gone. All the usual resources you would normally have during wrestling are gone. It’s just too slippery.”

godeep_3

So far the rules simply summarized: women only, no shoes, no choking, be nice, don’t be drunk. Oh, and private parts must be legally covered — boo! Thankfully this rule has a tendency to slip. Bikinis and lube don’t sit well, at least as far as modesty’s concerned. 

“We had to learn how to better secure clothing. The girls kept losing their tops.” Keeping her eyes open for this type of situation is Dottie’s main job during the event. When a human body is glazed, the senses get a little blurry. At one point during the last Go Deep!, “we paused the show and the crowd started chanting, ‘double-knot, double-knot.'” The tops were retied fairly successfully. You wrestle and you learn. 

“Some girls tried electrical tape on their nipples. Sports bras are great. I think they should try out t-shirts, maybe little t-shirts.” From slings to spacesuits, I’m pretty sure the crowd will support any and all wrestler wardrobe choices — as long as the moves remains wet and wild. Last month’s audience was perfectly rowdy and Dottie hopes that people will continue to come with lots of enthusiasm. It’s not every day a scene from the L-Word or stereotypical frat boy’s dream comes to life. Thankfully, the female-objectifying crowd you might suspect to show up at event promising nearly naked wrestling won’t be invited. 

“As for the douche factor, it’s absolutely something I’m going to keep my eye on. My number one as a producer of this event is to make sure women are safe,” Dottie reassures. “I don’t want to kick people out, but I wouldn’t put it past me.”

godeep_2

Dottie plans to continue marketing the event to people and places that understand this is a woman-positive event, and she wants to keep it at El Rio, regardless of how popular the event becomes. If it would move to a larger venue, she’d loose some of the control and endanger it’s sanctity. “It’s an event for us, by us.”

I can only hope it goes down something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kakTqKppyxA

Go Deep!

Thurs/5 9 p.m., $10-15 sliding scale

El Rio 

3158 Mission, SF

(415) 282-3325

www.elrio.com

 

No animals were harmed in the making of this sandwich

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Last week long-time SF vegan restaurant and gathering place, Café Gratitude reopened after a short closure due to remodeling, unveiling not only their spruced-up interior but a new menu that includes old favorites as well as some new creations. 

Included in the new menu is a vegan BLT sandwich. Sounded great, so I promptly traipsed down last weekend. Of course on the restaurant’s New-Age, posi-vibes menu this BLT is called “I Am Extraordinary,” with sautéed maple bacon, romaine, tomato, spicy aioli, and avocado on an organic wheat bun. It was only the second day after its reopening, and the restaurant was packed with happy diners, whom I noticed were mostly of the older variety the day I visited. All of the tables are communal, but even so, I could barely find a seat. I felt that familiar Café Gratitude feeling: that of leaving planet Earth behind. 

If you’ve never been to Café Gratitude, then some background information is in order. The place is much like walking on board a spaceship manned by a fleet of friendly and encouraging aliens. The ship is decorated with trippy pictures of deliriously pleased humans farming, sharing, floating on rivers of love, etc. 

Once aboard, you will be expected to no longer use regular English, but instead a vocabulary relating only to epic self love. When you want something like food or water, you will have to utter phrases like, “I am pure,” and “I am luscious,” in order to procure them. 

The flight crew will bring you the healthiest of vegan food and drinks, some raw, or “alive,” referring to their probiotic qualities. All will come at a high price, usually somewhere around $15, but this is because of the local, organic, meticulously-crafted quality of the menu. While you eat, crew members will periodically come by your table and ask strange questions like, “what inspires you?” and “how do you show love?” After paying you will be released from the ship feeling great, your aura slightly aglow with an alien love light. 

I took my seat on the spaceship announced, “I am extraordinary,” and waited for my BLT to arrive, which it eventually did, with a bed of greens. Although I haven’t had a real BLT in years, I can safely say that this sandwich was not one – but it did make serious strides to honor the title. The coconut bacon was crunchy, salty and sweet, much like the “oink oink” variety. 

Vegan bacon, revealed

The interesting thing about good vegan versions of traditionally non-vegan things is that these substitutes will often take on a light of their own. This was certainly the case with Café Gratitude’s aioli. It’s cashew-based and has a hummus-like quality, so they pile it on with much more vigor and less restraint than one would conventional aioli. 

It was different, not that there’s anything wrong with that. My sandwich was hearty, flavorful, and fresh. I scarfed it down in minutes and felt satisfied – and, I guess you could say, extraordinary. “I am extraordinary” does have a nice ring to it, but still, if I had to rename it, I would call it, “nut hummus sandwich with coconut flakes.”

 

Cafe Gratitude 

2400 Harrison, SF

(415) 824-4652

(And other Bay Area locations)

www.cafegratitude.com

Gush with knowledge about lady ejaculation

Like Nessie and multiple orgasms, female ejaculation has always had a mystic reputation. Can women really shoot it like the boys? Does it matter? Yes, yes, and oh yes. Start taking notes on when and how with Good Vibrations‘ newest instructional release, GUSH: The Official Guide to the G-spot and Female Ejaculation. The film premieres today– Thurs/5 at The Roxie Theater— meaning lady parts all over the city will begin their training to spray like fountains and squirt their sexual juices high above the sheets.

Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibes, a local purveyor of buzz-worthy toys, is the voice of God on Gush, answering a range of questions about finding the G-spot and making it rain. In-between the facts, curiosity is satisfied by action-packed demos. Pussies spurt from all kinds of real penetration, offering a diverse pallet of options for all viewers to try at home. 

Here are five key things I learned from Gush

1. Patience is key. Don’t expect sparks to cum flying out of the trap unless you put in some good ol’ fashioned foreplay. She’s got to be revved up or she’s not going to blow. And practice is always very important. The territory down below needs to be navigated and explored with precision and lots of directional guides. 

2. Female ejaculation is the product of two parts working together. The G-spot needs just as much love as the clit. The partner in action may have to work some overtime, but the payoff is hot and wet. 

3. This is not a stream of white sperm. The hues of female ejaculate vary due to body, but the examples on Gush looked a bit on the yellow side of the color wheel. Dr. Queen swears it is not urine. And maybe that wouldn’t bother you anyway. 

4. Sometimes women mini-ejaculate without knowing. Maybe you just thought you were extra wet last night, but maybe that was a gurgling stream of cum. Don’t be afraid to push next time. 

5. Shouting “squirt! squirt!” probably won’t help your woman get there. Or at least I didn’t see anyone in the film use this tactic. 

Watch the movie and try out some moves on a partner. If you’re single, learn to multitask. Even if you don’t succeed in making a squirt, remember you got laid trying. 

gush

The premiere of Gush: The Official Guide to the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation

Thurs/5, 7:00 p.m., $10

The Roxie Theater

3117 16th Street, SF

www.Roxie.com


Gush after party 

Thurs/5 8:30 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

www.GoodVibes.com


Illinois pulls out of Secure Communities

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As California considers reforming Secure Communities, Illinois announced today that it is terminating its involvement in the controversial federal immigration program. California and Illinois moves come in face of Washington D.C’s decision to opt out of S-Comm and Washington State’s refusal to participate. And they test ICE’s claims that the program is mandatory, as other states watch these developments.

(UPDATE: Yesterday, I erroneously reported that New York State had refused to participate in S-Comm.That is not the case. New York State does allow jurisdictions to participate, they have a MOA with ICE, and 8 more counties just joined. I confused NY with Washington State, which has refused to join.)

In a May 4 letter to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn enclosed a notice from Illinois State Police (ISP) director Hiram Grau, notifying ICE that because of its indiscriminate use of the “Secure Communities” deportation program, Illinois is terminating the November 2009 S-Comm Memorandum of Agreement (MOA) between ISP and U.S. Department of Homeland Security’s ICE.”

“The stated purpose of the program, as set forth in the MOA, is to “identify, detain and remove from the United States aliens who have been convicted of ¬serious criminal offenses and are subject to removal (emphasis added), ICE’s statistics on the Secure Communities program, compiled through February 28, 2011, reveal that the implementation of the Secure Communities program in Illinois is contrary to the stated purpose of the MOA: more than 30 percent of those deported from the United States, under the program, have never been convicted of ¬any crime, much less a serious one. In fact, by ICE’s own measure, less than 20 percent of those who have been deported from Illinois under the program have ever been convicted of a serious crime.”

Quinn notes that on November 9, 2010, his office directed ISP to suspend S-Comm until a review of the program and its adherence to the MOA could be conducted. “Upon evaluation of data provided by ICE to the State of Illinois, conversations between ICE and members of my administration, and a new, proposed MOA from ICE, it’s clear that the conflict between the MOA as signed by ISP and ICE’s implementation of the program cannot be resolved to the State of Illinois’ satisfaction.”

“With this termination, no new counties in Illinois can be activated and those counties that were previously activated… must be deactivated and removed from the Secure Communities program,” Quinn concludes.

Illinois’ move comes as California Assemblymember Tom Ammiano’s Transparency and Responsibility Using State Tools (TRUST) Act passes out of the California Assembly’s Public Safety Committee, next stop appropriations. The TRUST Act would allow local governments to opt out of S-Comm or set standards for jurisdictions that chose to participate. Joining Ammiano as co-sponsors of the TRUST Act are Assemblymembers Gil Cedillo (D-LA) and Bill Monning (D- Carmel) and Sen. Leland Yee (D-SF). Endorsers include 80 organizations, local governments and elected officials, including the Santa Clara and Santa Cruz County Boards, San Francisco Sheriff Michael Hennessey, who blew the whistle on S-Comm in San Francisco a year ago, and has endorsed San Francisco Sup. Ross Mirkarimi in the sheriff’s race this fall, retired Sacramento Police Chief Arturo Venegas, and civil rights and faith groups, including the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence, the California Labor Federation, the San Bernardino Catholic Diocese and Equality California.

Advocates hope Ammiano’s TRUST Act will restore balance and accountability to the nation’s immigration system. They charge that S-Comm’s misleading focus, over-broad reach and lack of transparency have eroded trust between police and immigrant communities, making victims and witnesses to crimes reluctant to come forward.

The TRUST Act would make S-Comm an “opt-in” program so local governments can tailor their participation based on local needs.The bill would set safeguards for municipalities that do elect to participate in S-Comm to guard against racial profiling and would ensure that children and domestic violence survivors are not swept up by S-Comm. The TRUST act also upholds the right to a day in court by only reporting for deportation individuals convicted – not merely accused – of crimes.

These moves come fresh in the heels of Congressman Luis Gutierrez’s April 27 appearance in San Francisco, where he was joined by San Francisco Sups David Campos and John Avalos, and Board President David Chiu in asking President Obama for administrative relief from rapidly increasing deportations.
“We need to stop deporting parents and ripping apart all families, including same-sex partners, “ wrote Chiu, Campos and mayoral candidate Avalos. “We need to stop deporting students who would have been eligible for the DREAM ACT. Last year, the U.S. deported an estimated 400,000 immigrants, the highest number of deportations per year in the history of our nation. We must allow our counties to opt out of  “S-Comm” (Secure Communities), which is making our communities less secure, and we support Congressman Gutierrez in these courageous requests. Immigrants are part of the fabric of our communities, and we need to fix our immigration system so everyone who lives here can continue to live as a full member of society without constant fear of safety, security, and livelihood being jeopardized at any moment.”

 

 

Appetite: Juhu’s Beach Club

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What’s for lunch? Top Chef fans will remember Preeti Mistry from season six of the series. That will surely be one draw to her new pop-up, Juhu Beach Club. But real food lovers will go for other reasons — namely, her creative Indian street food and home-style cooking.

I was delighted to receive word in mid-March about the opening of Juhu. I’m always longing for more unusual or local Indian dishes beyond the curry houses I love so well. And after a couple visits to the spot, I have not been disappointed.

Mistry’s eatery resides inside a humble liquor store, Garage Cafe, where you can chat with the chef as she cooks up your meal. Start with seasonal chaat ($4), puri-like snacks in tamarind sauce. Portions are generous for the price and the ingredients fresh.

Preeti has fun with sandwiches like the Sloppy Lil’ P ($7), a vegetarian twist on the sloppy joe. On a buttery Acme bun, the patty is made of potatoes, onions, cauliflowers, peas, and carrots. It’s a comforting, warm mash laced with spices. The BOM Egg Salad Sandwich via LHR to SFO ($6) may be too long a moniker, but it’s a fine sandwich of Straus yogurt-based egg salad laced with garam masala spices, topped with watercress and English cucumber. 

For meat lovers, there’s the Holy Slow Braised Cow ($9): tender, smoky black cardamom short ribs in a bun with cucumber raita. Pickled sides of chilies, beets, and garlic cloves make for worthy sandwich accents.

The Sassy Lassi ($3) is – thankfully — a salty (but refreshing) lassi, reminiscent of more traditional versions I’ve had. The drink is balanced with mango, lime, and toasted cumin, pleasing to the savory tooth like myself.

Best of all, Mistry just returned from a food and booze-filled trip to New Orleans she took for culinary inspiration. Creatively enthused, she’s now adding NoLa influences into Juhu’s mix, offering varying specials with a Big Easy stamp. Her “Shrimp Po’Bhai” includes BBQ shrimp laced with curry leaves and ginger.

I suggest you go sooner rather than later – this is already one of the more gratifying take-out, and creative Indian, spots in all of SF.

 

Juhu Beach Club 

Open weekdays 11:30-2:30 p.m.

Inside the Garage Cafe 

320 11th St., SF

(415) 298-0471

Facebook: Juhu Beach Club

 

–Subscribe to Virgina’s twice-monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot

 

Republican budget revolutionizes education

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Ask anybody about education, and anybody will tell you that nothing is more important than education if our nation hopes to succeed in the highly competitive economic universe of the 21st century.  But is America keeping up?  Many might say no, but they are just behind the times.  There are places where progress is already being made, methods are being devised that will give our children the mental and emotional tools they will need to face tomorrow’s realities.  So don’t despair.  Today it is our good fortune to have at hand a representative transcription of a recent elementary school class:

     All right, students, pay attention now. As you know, we are on the cutting edge of reform in this school, and today we’re going to try something brand new that our principal informs me is bound to revolutionize primary education. Instead of more of that tiresome reading and writing, we are going to play a learning game called the Republican Budget. It was developed by some people known as the Heritage Foundation and is marketed by a sales representative named Paul Ryan.

     I know you kids are too young to care about that last part but the School Board tells me if I don’t mention them by name they’ll charge us more for the game.

     Anyway, it takes a really big class to play this game and luckily because of the cuts in government money for education we have a really big class.

     That doesn’t mean I can’t see you back there. Just be still.

     Now, the first thing we have to do is divide you into three groups. You see this big jar of marbles? The marbles represent wealth, and in order to start playing we have to have some people who own most of the wealth. That would be you, Tarquin and Bootsie.

     No, just Tarquin and Bootsie. They get to sit in the front of the room and guard their wealth.

     Next we have what they call the Middle Class. We’ll start with you, Lance, and then take the rest of the row. That should be enough.

     Don’t even think about it, Jesus. That goes for you, too, Consuelo. Stay right where you are.

     The Middle Class gets this much smaller jar of marbles, and they sit here, between Tarquin and Bootsie and the rest of you.

     The rest of you now represent Everybody Else. If you want to, for fun you can dress up as farmers and nurses and even teachers, but it really doesn’t matter to the game. You’re still just Everybody Else. Everybody Else gets one marble each.

     Everybody Else can now scatter around the room.

     You have a question, DeShawn? Oh, you want to stay with Tashika.

     That’s fine. You don’t have to, there’s no rule about it, but you can if you like. It will make it easier to find you.

     Why would we want to find you? Never mind.

     Now to start the game, the members of the Middle Class roll some of their marbles down the floor towards Everybody Else, and you children down at that end try to catch some of those marbles without losing the one you already have.

     (The sound of rolling marbles.)

     The good part is that anybody who accumulates five marbles gets to move into the Middle Class.

     (The sound of rolling marbles and the excited cries of children.)

     Oh, isn’t this cute? Michael and Myra have organized a little group to help one another accumulate marbles. Sorry, kids, but that’s a big no-no. No organizing.

     (A muttered protest, and the sound of rolling marbles.)

     The bad part, for some of you, is that whenever a member of Everybody Else moves into the Middle Class, anybody who only has one marble has to give that marble to Tarquin and Bootsie and start over with nothing.

     Sorry, that’s how it works. I don’t make the rules, I just administer them.

    (The sound of rolling marbles and the anguished cries of children.)

     What’s that, Joanie? You don’t think this is any fun and don’t see why you should bother to catch any marbles at all? I’ll tell you why you want to catch marbles. Because if you don’t have any marbles you won’t get a snack when break-time comes. And if you don’t have any marbles and you have an owie, you won’t get a Bandaid.

     Nobody’s going to kiss it and make it well, either. That went out with pensions.

     (The sound of rolling marbles and weeping children.)

     One thing, though. I’ve read these rules very carefully and I have to give the inventors of this game credit. They have been very scrupulous about preserving your Second Amendment rights. The Second Amendment is very important to them and their supporters.

     What’s the Second Amendment? Let’s just say that because of the Second Amendment all you kids who are Everybody Else can add a new element to the game tomorrow.

     What’s that?

     Bring slingshots.

Jess Brownell is a freelance writer living in Milwaukee.

 

Super yachts are hard to move

The Guardian spotted a colossal sailboat mast getting wheeled down Illinois Street yesterday, as it was being transported from a warehouse on Pier 80 to SF Boat Works, a boat yard beside The Ramp restaurant on Terry Francois Boulevard.

It was quite a job – the mast was more than 100 feet in length, encased in protective material, and set up on metal boxes with casters for transport. Instead of being loaded on a big rig, it was simply secured to the back of a pickup truck and towed down Illinois Street, with a team of about half a dozen guys running alongside to make sure it didn’t fishtail into any parked cars. They didn’t use flags or lights or anything, but an SUV followed from behind. Traffic was stopped coming from either direction, but they managed to get it out of the gate at Pier 80 and into the gate at SF Boatworks without any mishaps. It was quite a site to behold. 

Pier 80 will serve as the base for the BMW Oracle racing team during the 34th America’s Cup. Billionaire Larry Ellison’s super yacht, the USA 17 — the winning boat in the last America’s Cup off the coast of Spain — is being stored at Pier 80, according to news reports. So we naturally assumed that this mast was from that world-famous sailing vessel. When we asked one of the movers if this mast was from the USA 17, they confirmed that it was. But then another member of the moving crew gave a different answer, saying this had nothing to do with the America’s Cup.

It seems that it may have been a mast from a different super yacht, the Cheyenne, which was previously named the Play Station. That boat once belonged to the late Steve Fosset, who, in addition to being a sailor, was the first person to fly solo around the world in a hot-air balloon. The Cheyenne was sold to adventurer Chris Welsh, who announced in Los Angeles last month along with billionaire Sir Richard Branson that they will co-pilot a Virgin Oceanic submarine expedition to the greatest depths of the ocean.

The Cheyenne — which recently sailed from San Francisco to Newport Beach — will serve as a “mother ship” for the submarine expedition, and won’t be used for competitive sailing anymore. We’ve contacted the America’s Cup Event Authority, Virgin Oceanic and SF Boatworks to try to get some clarity on whether the mast we saw getting towed along the waterfront belonged to the Cheyenne or the USA 17, but haven’t heard back from anyone yet.

The Virgin Oceanic submarine is expected to descend later this year into the Mariana Trench in the Pacific, a journey that will take the explorers deeper than anyone else has ever gone.

Meanwhile, it seems that when the America’s Cup comes to the city, San Franciscans probably won’t get the chance to see the USA 17 sail on the bay, even though it is being stored here. “The trimaran may not sail again,” noted a February press release from Oracle Racing. “Oracle Racing’s focus is on the next Cup.”

**UPDATE** No sooner had we posted this than we received a call from Ruby Esparrago at SF Boat Works, who said, “Yes, that was the mast for the boat from the America’s Cup.” But then we got an email from someone from Virgin Oceanic who said it was theirs.

Guardian poll: dogs and the next mayor

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The battle over dogs at Fort Funston, Crissy Field and Ocean Beach is now big news at City Hall. The supervisors — or most of them — are worried that a ban on off-leash dog walking in some GGNRA parks would drive more dogs into city parks (likely). But the Sierra Club folks are determined not to let the dogs keep running free because they threaten the endangered plants and animals. (I usually keep my dog on a leash at Ocean Beach because I know how badly she wants to disturb the mating habits of the Snowy Plover, but not all dogs have that burning desire.)


What fascinates me is how big a deal this has become in the mayor’s race. The Sierra Club is a significant endorsement in San Francisco — and from what I’m hearing from my sources in the club, the decision who to back for mayor could well rest not on energy issues, not on the future of clean public power, not on park privatization  … but on dogs. Supervisor John Avalos has great environmental credentials. Sup. David Chiu can make a case for the Sierra Club nod. But both of them may be out of the running — because they voted in favor of asking GGNRA to back off a bit on the leash rules.


So here’s your chance: Dogs in the park or not?


 





Free polls from Go2poll.com

 

Nick Waterhouse and the Tarots: New music for old souls

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Nick Waterhouse knows what he likes, and as the old adage goes: “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Recording entirely in analog on vintage equipment — including an original Muscle Shoals mixer — and performing with beautiful tube amps and old guitars, his attention to detail and historical accuracy pays off. The result is a classic R&B sound that at times is gritty and raw and at others smooth and viscous as warm molasses.

He is a sharp-dressed man, that Waterhouse, adorned in suits and ties, with an angel face framed by horn-rimmed glasses. I imagine he gets constant cliché comparisons to Buddy Holly, but when he and his new group, the Tarots, stepped out on stage for a sold-out show at the Knockout last Saturday, April 30, my first impression of him was of one of those characters in a Daniel Clowes Eightball comic who collects old jazz and soul records — on vinyl. He probably listens to NPR on a Bakelite radio, I thought, albeit a bit snarkily in retrospect. My apologies, Nick.

The vinyl-collecting part is not far from the truth, it turns out. A DJ and regular at any of the many soul parties in San Francisco, like The Make-Out Room’s Lost and Found or the O.G. 1964 at the Edinbugh Castle, Waterhouse clearly knows his stuff, and it should come as no surprise that his uber-knowlege and ear for sound should translate so nicely to his live sets — the music sounds authentic, yet somehow fresh and not dated — backed by a horn-driven band and three beautiful “divas” (that a little bit of Googling identified as The Naturelles) who belt it better than any cheeseball of the same self-declaration ever could.

His debut release, the 45 rpm “Some Place”  — performed and recorded with the Turn-Keys, which includes the legendary Ira Raibon on sax — is currently available from Waterhouse’s own Pres Records. You can catch him tonight, Wed/5, performing with his new lineup for live sets, the Tarots, at the Asterisk Magazine anniversary party (see events listings).

Nick Waterhouse, “Some Place”:

Hot sexy events: May 4-10

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I’ve been informed that there is an art installation being installed at the English bohemian seaside town of Brighton that will change my life – “the lives of all women, forever”! It’s a wall of 400 plaster cast lady’s genitals, entitled “The Great Wall of Vagina.”

Included in the nine meter wall installation (which will debut at the Brighton Fringe Festival, according to Juxtapoz) are the pussies of transgendered folks, recent mothers, family members, before and after shots of a woman who underwent labiaplasty. It seeks to represent the genitalia gamut, defy the cult of normalcy that’s been drummed into us by the perfect pussies of mainstream pornography. 

It is a phenomenal work — it took five years to cast the participants and then cast their body parts – and I applaud anything that brings feminine sexuality into the public mindframe. I want to like this project, I do! And yet, and yet… 

A one Jamie McCartney was the brave soul to undertake the project, which explains but does not excuse his lack of anatomical knowledge (the casts rarely show their subjects’ vaginas, but rather their labias, “vaginal vestibule,” and clitoris).

Anatomy lesson, for those inclined.

And change the lives of women? That’s what his website says about the piece, and though I think the “Wall” is a neat idea, if we’re digressing with the over-Barbification of women’s sexuality, we need to think about who exactly that message needs to be addressed to. If nothing else, every woman has her own vagina to look at – the same cannot be said of men. 

And before I escort you onto the weekly sex events, let me beat my fist once more against the Wall. 400 vaginas, all makes and models, all bald as a cueball. In the interest of education, can Mr. McCartney please post a plaque next to his pussies that says “not pictured: pubic hair”?

 

“100 Ways to Play: A Catalog of Kink”

“A plethora of perversity.” “It still seems scary, but now in a good way.” “Like drinking from a fire hose. I attended, twice.” God bless participant surveys at sex events. The Citadel hosts this buffet of BDSM every once in awhile so that newbies can sample a taste of all sorts of sex play (fetish, impact, medical, and psychological are all represented) and old hands can get out of that metal-studded rut they may have found their dungeon-time stuck in. 

Thurs/5 7-10:30 p.m., $15-25

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.sfcitadel.org


Lube Wrestling Party

We’re taking “bump and grind” to the next level here. Because not only will the lovelies from Red Hots Burlesque be shimmy-shaking all over El Rio’s stage – getting down on the floor will be some sweaty, shiny girls hammerlocking and elbow dropping (maybe?) all over the damn place. Well, hopefully in the designated lube wrestling area, unless you like a little slick in your seven and seven. 

Thurs/5 9 p.m., $10-15 sliding scale

El Rio 

3158 Mission, SF

(415) 282-3325

www.elrio.com


Essence: On Fire

Calling all Sagittari, Leos, and Aries(es?): Mission Control’s sacred sexuality party turns the dial to fire for this month’s celebration of the life force-giving powers of Eros. New Age? In fact, Essence features a temple of innocence, temple of deep Eros, and chamber of dark arts. So leave your cynical friend at home – this is not their sex party. 

Sat/7 10 p.m.-3 a.m., $25-35 members only

Mission Control 

www.missioncontrolsf.org


Get your master’s in the filthy arts

Do you faun behind your drink at our city’s dirty storytelling nights, yearning to be among the foul-mouthed floozies onstage? Bawdy Storytelling’s grande dame Dixie De La Tour recognizes your needs, and to help out her less filthily verbose community members, is offering this three week course in staged dirty storytelling. Participants receive a diploma, a coursebook, and a video of themselves regailing classmates to study and share (perhaps with some special someones?)

Sun/8, May 15, and May 22 2-6 p.m., $250 for three class series

The Jellyfish Gallery

1286 Folsom, SF

www.dirtystorytellingworkshop.eventbrite.com


The San Francisco Men’s Spanking Party

Now don’t get this party wrong, this isn’t a play party for the hardcore leathermen. No no, this is more for the frisky fella interested in a little “fraternity hazing” or a scene where daddy spanks his bad boy into submission (um, leathermen: don a polo and flip-flops or maybe a tie?). Traipse on down to this safe environment to explore your yen for a little punishment (given or received) in your life. 

Sun/8 1-6 p.m., $20

Power Exchange

220 Jones, SF

www.voy.com/201188


“Give Spanks: Spanking for Sexual Pleasure”

So our story on Mistress Minax’s toy box piqued your pleasure points – but now you’re not quite sure how to make that first step down the BDSM dungeon stairs? Your wish is Good Vibes’ command – Minax will be lending a strong, swift hand to the sex toy company’s spanking workshop. A clothed demo will accompany this class, as well as tips on how to coax an unsure partner into the pleasure of pain. 

Tues/10 6-8 p.m., $20-25

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

www.goodvibes.com

SFBG Radio: Bin Laden, Pakistan and the ongoing wars

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In today’s episode, we continue the discussion of Bin Laden and Pakistan: Now that it’s clear that OBL wasn’t in Afghanistan or Iraq, can we please leave? Did Bush let OBL live to keep the threat alive and justify his military adventures? Check it out after the jump.

sfbgradio5/4/2011 by endorsements2010

Hundreds Protest Wells Fargo Shareholder Meeting in SF

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The New Bottom Line, a national campaign to hold banks accountable for foreclosures, kicked off in San Francisco this week, as hundredsmarched through the Financial District to demand that Wells Fargo change corporate policies that bankrupt families, dismantle neighborhoods, and empty public coffers.
During the bank’s annual May 3 shareholder meeting, a group of homeowners and clergy addressed Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf to demand a foreclosure moratorium.
According to protest organizers, which include Contra Costa Interfaith, ACCE (Alliance of Californians for Community Empowerment) and other members of the New Bottom Line Campaign, unlike other national banks, Wells Fargo has not changed its foreclosure procedures despite reports of “robo-signing” and other foreclosure irregulalities.
“Since 2005, I have been fighting Wells for wrongful foreclosure,” San Leandro resident Donna Vieira said in a press statement. “But through this process, I have learned that I am not alone. A quarter of foreclosures in this country happen right here in California and 700,000 families are in foreclosure right now. We need these banks to have a new bottom line that includes investing in our communities.”
The New Bottom Line Campaign notes that, according to the U.S. Departments of Treasury and Housing and Urban Development, 350,169 Wells Fargo homeowners were eligible for the Home Affordable Modification Program (HAMP) by the end of 2009. But as of Feb 2011, only 77,402 homeowners have received permanent modifications.
Protestors note this only amounts to a 22 percent modification rate, more than two years after the HAMP program began. They also charge that Wells Fargo has canceled 118,697 trial modifications and denied 175,336 homeowners from accessing HAMP.But during this same two-year period, Wells Fargo received nearly $43.7 billion in federal bailout funds, according to a study by the nonpartisan think tank, Nomi Prins of Demos.And in 2010, Wells Fargo reported to the Securities and Exchange Commission that it paid its CEO John Stumpf more than $17 million, including a $14 million bonus.
Protestors also claimed that, over the last ten years, Wells Fargo has paid the lowest worldwide tax rate of the top five biggest banks and did not pay federal taxes in 2009.
Protestors said the May 3 action was supported by a coalition of community organizations, congregations, labor unions, and individuals working to challenge established big bank interests on behalf of struggling and middle-class communities.
“Together, we work to restructure Wall Street to help American families build wealth, close the country’s growing income inequality gap and advance a vision for how our economy can better serve the many rather than the few,” campaign organizers stated.
The New Bottom Line campaign, whic includes National People’s Action, PICO National Network, Alliance for a Just Society, ACCE, and Industrial Areas Foundation of the Southeast (IAF-SE), is making five main demands of Wells Fargo.


1.KEEP FAMILIES IN THEIR HOMES:
“We are demanding that Wells Fargo establish a moratorium on all foreclosures until it negotiates with our coalition to establish comprehensive reforms to their loan modification practices, including offering principal reduction; affordable, fixed interest rates; and provide proof of ownership of the loan,” NBL said in a press release. “We are also calling on Wells Fargo to cease all illegal evictions of tenants in foreclosed properties and commit to working with real estate companies and servicers who follow local and state tenant protection laws.”


2. STOP PREDATORY LENDING:
“We are demanding that Wells Fargo stop financing predatory payday lending companies and stop providing predatory payday loans to their own customers,” NBL stated.


3. REBUILD OUR NEIGHBORHOODS:
“Cities and counties estimate that it costs approximately $34,000 per each foreclosed home that becomes vacant and a potential blight on our communities,” NBL continued. “We are demanding you maintain and PAY the fines on your blighted properties and help share in the cost to our cities and counties starting with Cities and Counties throughout California with Foreclosure Blight and Building Registration Ordinances.”


4. PAY YOUR FAIR SHARE:
“Wells Fargo needs to stop exploiting loop‐holes in property tax laws and federal tax shelters to avoid paying its fair share of local, state and federal taxes,” NBL stated.


5. RESPECT HUMAN RIGHTS:
“We are calling on Wells Fargo to stop investing in the GEO Group and other corporations that are profiting off of immigrant detention centers and private prisons that detain immigrants and separate families,” NBL concluded.


During the May 3 action, eight protestors were reportedly arrested for civil disobedience.

California isn’t losing jobs to Texas

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Even Gavin Newsom, who the LA Times (with embarassing inaccuracy) calls “a poster boy for California liberalism” is buying, at least a little bit, the argument that California is losing jobs to Texas (and presumably other states) because of a “bad business climate.”

But a new study demonstrates, with excruciating accuracy, that the Texas argument is nothing more than bullpucky. California loses 25,000 jobs a year to other states, and gains 16,000 jobs a year from other states, and when you look at the 15 million jobs in the state, that’s just decimal dust.

Government – perhaps contrary to popular belief — cut 51,000 jobs last year. The construction industry, particularly hart-hit in California because of the housing bust, lost 26,000 jobs.

Remove those two sectors from the picture and California’s job growth was a respectable 1.5 percent in 2010. That’s a rate that compares favorably to the nation as a whole, which on the same measure grew by 1.3 percent. Professional services, health care, tourism and trade all posted job gains in California, as did the entertainment industry and Internet-related businesses.

In other words, public-sector layoffs (caused by low tax receipts) caused more economic pain than private-sector jobs moving to Texas for lower taxes — by far. More:

But even if a state’s tax code can lead to economic growth, other factors, including the state’s weather and its mix of industries, appear to be more influential than government policies, according to the PPIC study. So while California might do even better if it simplified its corporate tax code or restructured its welfare programs, the study found, those issues do not appear to be the reason for the recent doldrums.

That’s right — cutting taxes won’t create jobs in California.But cutting taxes so deeply that schools and police departments have to lay off employees will, indeed, cause job losses.

 

 

 

Zola Jesus rises from the dust of the rural Midwest

Rural Wisconsin is full of freaks. I can attest to this because I grew up one state west and interacted with similarly entertaining crazies on a pretty regular basis. This brand of strange usually keeps to small town shenanigans, but Nika Roza Danilova translated her weirdness into artistic independence and rose to become Zola Jesus.

As a young child and teen, Danilova became comfortable with the isolation of her surroundings and learned early on that one must seek their own stimulation. She became obsessed with learning to sing opera, but only in the confines of her own home. She listened to instructional tapes, practiced songwriting on her parents’ piano and decided to separate herself from the world before it decided to do so first. As a self-proclaimed freak, Danilova was free to revel in her uniqueness without guilt or remorse. In high school she took on the moniker Zola Jesus, which she called a conscious effort to alienate her peers. 

As a student of French and Philosophy at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Zola Jesus officially released her first full-length record, The Spoils [Sacred Bones, 2009], earning instant comparisons to rock legends like Siouxsie and placement in the goth rock genre. Her songs are gorgeously epic, ballads of dark rock that haven’t lost their soft parts. Backed by a roaring synth choir, Danilova sings with fierce confidence in an unpretentious, humanized manner. I could write terrible letters to past lovers with Zola Jesus as my muse, or I could happily entwine myself in optimistic dreams with the same soundtrack.

As of late 2010, Zola Jesus had put out four records and played 97 shows. She’s playing her music around the world and getting just as much attention for her songs as her wardrobe. She’s being portrayed as a gothic hottie, getting mentions in Vogue and fashion magazines for her bewitching look. Yet she’s still totally reveling in her bizarre foundations. My favorite Zola Jesus quote to date, as said during an interview with The Quietus

Everyone’s a goth now. It blows my mind. I don’t like to comment on this whole trend because I’ve come to resent myself being associated with it. If goth is trendy then I’m buying fucking polo shirts. They’ll still be black, though.

If only all the Midwest townies could became wonderful creeps like Zola.

ZOLA JESUS

w/Naked on the Vague

Fri/6, 9:00 p.m., $14

Rickshaw Stop

155 Fell, SF

www.RickshawStop.com

 

Clare Rojas’ safe space

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As far as books go, Everything Flowers (Chronicle Books, $22.95) may just be my favorite to come out of the Bay Area this year. And not for its revelatory prose or whip-smart characters (it has neither). The small volume is filled with Clare Rojas’ quietly woman-centric, garden-toned designs that – can a book do this? – make me feel supported. I found myself breathing deeply while reading it, as if I’d just shook an asymmetrically packed satchel from my shoulders.

Resolved: I’d either get the heliotropic flower design tattooed on my skin, or I would meet the illustrator. Life being what it is, the latter proved to be the most accessible mission — and I’m glad that it was. Being in a room with Mission School vanguard Rojas is an experience akin to sitting quietly with Everything Flowers – or for that matter, listening to the breathy guitar folk of her alter ego, singer Peggy Honeywell. She creates calming, deep, feminine moments. 

“I feel so much pain being a woman in this world that I just wanted to create a safe place for them.”

Rojas barely seems to take up space in the interview room we’ve somewhat incongruously occupied at Chronicle Books, the company that published her most recent bound project. But behind her quiet presence, there’s a solidity. You have to lean in close to hear what she’s saying – in making you come to her, it’s like she’s subverting the model of self-promotional artist.

Everything Flowers, like the rest of Rojas’ canon, draws on the “super Americana, super Ohio” quilt art she saw her mother create when she was young. Rojas is fond of telling a story about visiting the place her mother used to attend quilting circles. All the cars in the parking lot, she says, were of the radical bumper sticker variety.

“There’s a certain energy and power with the way women express themselves,” she reflects when I ask her why she draws on these historical forms for her own very modern work. “When you make somebody lasagna it’s like love – and not sexy-time love either.”

When Chronicle Books approached her to do a book from which they could also cull art for pretty notecards and a gardening journal, it seemed a perfect fit for Rojas. After many years of what she felt to be acutely political work – the feminist mythology obliquely present behind her past gallery shows – she was ready to “let go of politics and just focus on beauty.” She was ready to draw some flowers, to heal for a moment.

She says. But as she takes me through the gorgeous pages of the book, it’s clear that some of the images (which were created between 2004 and 2010), hold significance for her past the simple desire to represent beauty. But good luck finding out the dirt on them – Rojas is an extraordinarily private person for our world of status updates and “about the author” pages. She tells me she’s “shy” about the paintings in the book, their hidden meanings so deeply personal that she feels weird seeing them on the page for others to examine. The most I get are small chinks in the armor I can peek through if I feel so inclined:

“Becoming an adult, figuring out what you stand for – the garden couldn’t be a better metaphor for growth.” 

Turning to a page with a fuschia design: “That one, I just enjoy painting flowers.” 

A radiating eye: “This one’s political for me.”

What are these politics Rojas keeps talking about? Again, personal. “I always feel like politics start in the home. If we can’t get it straight there…” she shrugs her shoulders, and holds my gaze.

It could have made for a real boring interview. But there’s something about Rojas that put me at ease, even if I didn’t understand quite what she was talking about, or even if we were talking about anything at all besides the literal words coming out of our mouths. After so many years of creating art in San Francisco, she is comfortable in her work. I’d entered the safe space.

“Blue Deer,” whose original now hangs in gate room G of SFO’s international terminal

Now, I’ll look at Everything Flowers and read my own stories on its pages, my frustrations and quiet victories as a female. This too, it seems, is part of Rojas’ plan. “You can only tend your own garden. If you’re happy and taking care of yourself, that resonates too.” 

 

Everything Flowers book release

Fri/6 6-8 p.m., free

Park Life

220 Clement, SF

(415) 386-7275

www.parklifestore.com

 

5 Things: May 3, 2011

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>>BE STILL OUR WALLETS the Alameda Flea Market (ahem, Alameda Point Antiques Faire) was in full effect Sunday, a gently heaving behemoth of vans and makeshift shady areas packed with the finest in 20-plus-year-old posters, leather jackets, doilies, and more. Per usual though, our pulses raced for the clothes. 1960s hula wear, perfectly affordable granny boots, and darling handmade cardigans – all for very reasonable prices, for the Bay Area that is. If you’re going to the next one on June 5, we counsel stopping by St. George’s Spirits afterward for the $15 tasting menu, or at least a shot of the Firelit Coffee Liquer.

Shopping noms: a ric-rac peekaboo ’60s dress and zippy little weirdo bike at the Alameda Flea Market. Photos by Caitlin Donohue

>>FAIR FOOD Price, service, ingredients, taste – the myriad of factors that determine whether or not a restaurant will win your heart are well documented by a thousand SF guidebooks and websites. But one metric that has rarely been the day’s special is this: how well do our city’s eateries treat their employees? To the rescue is Young Workers United, a community group that released its second such guide at a release party yesterday at Daly’s Dive. Hit them up stat for a copy — because trust, a well-compensated server is much more likely to humor your request for one more basket of bread. 

>>HABLANDO DE CINCO DE MAYO…No matter if you’re checking out the lady lube wrestling at El Rio, outdoor ballet folklorico, Danville’s Cinco de Mustache Bike Ride, or just joining the calvalcade of gringos that – like, totally – have to get a burrito on Cinco De Mayo, no SF celebration can hold a candle to that of Fruitvale’s annual festivities. We were there on Sunday – and dancing horses in bar parking lots? You’re not going to see that in Mission, unless they’ve called the cavalry on us.

>>SO GOOD, SOBERT Do not listen to those that tell you that you’ll never be ready for that trip to Lake Del Valle (outside Livermore — kayaking!) if you eat another pint of icecream. Or if you must listen, stay classy and gently incline the label of your newfound friend, Garden Creamery sorbet, towards the hater in question. The sorbets contain no dairy or soy (coconut puree instead), no refined sugars (they’re sweetened with agave), are made right here in San Francisco by the sweet-faced ladies on the back label, and are available by the pint in flavors like Thai iced tea, coconut, and coffee at the reliably awesome Green Earth Natural Foods on Divisadero.

Believe. 

>>BLACK SUN SOUNDS While Slumberland labelmates Pains of Being Young at Heart chose to work with veteran producers to create a commercial second album, Crystal Stilts sticks closer to the sound of its debut, 2008’s Alight of Night, on this year’s In Love with Oblivion. The Brooklyn group still makes a dark cavernous sound, with an emphasis on reverb and treble, but any enhancements to its scope, or variations within lead singer’s Brad Hargett’s usually monotone delivery, only add to a musical atmosphere that is richerand more nuanced than most retro-leaning indie rock, and (unlike the efforts of many contemporaries) equal to the best recordings on labels such as K and 53rd and 3rd. Crystal Stilts shares a bill with San Francisco’s excellent Mantles at Rickshaw Stop this Sat/7. 

Crystal Stilts, “Invisible City,” (from In Love with Oblivion), coupled with Jean Michele Jarre video footage: