Pixel Vision Archives — Page 71 of 133 — San Francisco Bay Guardian Archive 1966

Keep watching the skies! “Birdemic” is coming!

Sue Vaughan

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April 29, 2010

Keep watching the skies! “Birdemic” is coming!

By Peter Galvin

Birdemic: Shock and Terror: it’s heeeere! This underlit, out-of-focus and erratically-edited independent film is America’s newest cult obsession, recently booking a West Coast theater tour (including Fri/30-Sat/1 at the Roxie) on the back of some impressive press coverage and a thumbs-up from Adult Swim superstars Tim and Eric. It’s the story of a freak eagle attack on Half Moon Bay, and there’s no pussyfooting around the reality that Birdemic is an amateur work. If it weren’t for the awkward fades between scenes, I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that the film was cut entirely in-camera. With all the fuss building around the picture, the allure must be in laughing at it, and setting out to laugh at a bad film can be a tricky endeavor. Searching for whimsy in a poorly-made film can be an infuriating struggle of highs and lows, a pitfall Birdemic avoids by being laughably inept in every frame.

Thank goodness that Birdemic is so devoted to its deficiencies, or it might have been disappointing to find that the first half is eagle-free. We awkwardly meet Rod (Alan Bagh), a big shot salesman with enough cash flow to spend 19 grand on a solar panel and drive a blue Mustang that “gets 100 em-pee-gees.” Rod awkwardly meets Nathalie (Whitney Moore), a fashion model who loves cats (“if I could afford it, I’d have ten of them!”). Naturally, the pair is drawn to each other and falls passionately in love, but their first night together is interrupted by a screaming eagle blitzkrieg, trapping Don and Nathalie in their motel room.

No one actor in Birdemic has the inverse charisma of Tommy Wiseau, director and actor of that other cult favorite The Room (2003), but the CG eagles come close. They look like clip art, hovering in the air accompanied by a grating, looped cawing sound, before divebombing houses and causing them to explode into flames. Are they enraged by global warming? If the terrorizing birds are eagles, are they a metaphor for America? Birdemic poses a number of heavy questions, but the one on the tip of my tongue is whether or not it’s rude to heap praise on the film for being bad. It’s pretty clear that director James Nguyen didn’t set out to make a comedy, but his straight-faced seriousness is much of what makes Birdemic so funny. Appearing along with his cast to support the film’s Roxie screening, Nguyen seems willing to take his success whichever way he can get it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrmt-EMqzgo&feature=related

BIRDEMIC

Fri/30-Sat/1, 11 p.m., $9.75

Roxie, 3117 16th St, SF

www.roxie.com

CounterPULSE’s three day maypole

Andrew Lam

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April 29, 2010

1

It’s a big weekend for celebration. May 1st is International Worker’s Day, it’s the day when winter has finally left the Northern Hemisphere building, and marks the dawn dances of the pagan Beltane. All in all, it’s an apt time for rejoicing in the people and places what that make our world beautiful.

And given that we’re in the Bay, one of the Earth’s great cradles of populist art, there may be no better place to do that than CounterPULSE, the community art performance space that is celebrating 20 years (five in their current location) of helping cool artist do what they do. CounterPULSE has been sponsoring classes, performances, and residencies for some of our most progressive and exciting artists over the past decades — and they’re making it easy for you to throw some dough their way with three days of diverse, exciting programming that could really only happen here in San Francisco
“We’ve planned the weekend with three events that show the three sides of CounterPULSE,” says PULSE Executive Director, Jessica Robinson Love. In her ten years with the group, Love has seen it through a relocation from it’s old haunts of 848 Community Space to it’s current perch on Mission Street, as well as a tenfold increase in budget.

Simply put, here’s the schedule: Friday = politics, Saturday = art as experience, Sunday = movement. But screw putting it simply — it’s all so much fun that you should hear about each night in detail:

Friday: “This night is going to be about really big issues, but it will be a really fun show,” says Robinson Love of CounterPULSE’s political agitprop cabaret night, which highlights the center’s focus on free speech. The San Francisco Mime Troupe will be performing, along with W. Kamau Bell, famous for racially charged comedic performances, and porn star Annie Sprinkle.

Saturday: “We’re calling it the Happening — we modeled Saturday on the Andy Warhol events at the Factory. It’ll be a sequence of surprises,” says Robinson Love. Wandering attendees will bumble about from room to room — a trapeze artist here, crocheting there, Fauxnique over yonder, maybe even bumping into Philip Huang to hear a rant about Jesus Christ and Pink Floyd keeping Jews and homosexuals off the moon.

Sunday: Dance party! “It’s all our favorite dance companies from the Bay area,” Robinson Love tells me. Tapping their feet to the beat will be many of the groups that CounterPULSE has provided a warm nest to over the years, who are now flapping their wings mightly around the city. Among those that will be represented; ODC Dance, Axis, and the Joe Goode Performance Group.

May Day @ CounterPULSE
Fri/30 – Sun/2 8 p.m., $25-200
CounterPULSE
1310 Mission, SF
(415) 626-2060
www.counterpulse.org

Welcome to Elm Street: Part Seven

Sue Vaughan

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April 29, 2010

0

Before Wes Craven got meta with Scream (1996), he tried his self-referential hand at the Nightmare on Elm Street series. The result was New Nightmare (1994), which reunited Heather Langenkamp and Robert Englund as … Heather Langenkamp and Robert Englund. Also playing themselves: actor John Saxon, writer-director Wes Craven, producer Robert Shaye, and Freddy Krueger. Yep, that’s how he’s credited.

Where was there to go after the dreadful Freddy’s Dead (1991)? Not because of the title’s finality — see also: the so-called Final Chapter (1984) of Friday the 13th — but rather its inescapable shittyness. Part six offered more comedy than horror, with lazy deaths, bad acting, and weak puns — even by Freddy standards. But New Nightmare was a reinvention in the truest sense. It’s a film that, while far from perfect, was well ahead of its time. In fact, Craven pitched it as the plot for part three, but the studio decided against it.

That’s probably for the best. New Nightmare works well when it’s referencing its predecessors: that’s kind of the whole point. Part three would have been too soon — that film could have been clever, but it wouldn’t be full of the Easter eggs that make New Nightmare such a treat for longtime fans. And, yes, I’ve been rewatching these movies for the past week and am, in general, above-average geeky: this film works for me in a way it might not work for others. But I think that’s OK. Scream is broader (and better) because it appeals to fans of all ‘80s horror — New Nightmare is just for Freddy Krueger devotees.

Here are 20 references that I picked up on. Some were certainly intentional. Others are the product of my overactive imagination.

1.    The first few shots show the creation of Freddy’s new animatronic glove. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) begins with Freddy fashioning his glove.
2.    At the talk show where Robert Englund surprises Heather in full Freddy regalia, he taunts the audience with, “You are all my children now,” a line from Freddy’s Revenge (1985).
3.    Heather’s son Dylan (Miko Hughes) repeats “Never sleep again” and other lines from the rhyme first heard in part one and chanted in all Nightmare films.
4.    Robert Shaye jokes, “I guess evil never dies, right?” One of the taglines to part four, The Dream Master (1988), was “Pure evil never really dies.”
5.    Heather’s husband Chase (David Newsom) crashes his car when he falls asleep and gets attacked by Freddy. Dan (Danny Hassel) died similarly in part five, The Dream Child (1989).
6.    Just as Freddy made Dan’s corpse speak to Alice (Lisa Wilcox), he has Chase talk to Heather when she falls into his coffin.
7.    Heather and Dylan’s conversation about God recalls Tina (Amanda Wyss) pleading for God in part one. Freddy’s response? “This is God.”
8.    Dylan invites Heather to join him in his dreams. Bringing people into dreams was the power Kristen (Patricia Arquette/Tuesday Knight) displayed in Dream Warriors and Dream Master.
9.    When Heather calls Robert, he’s painting freaky Freddy art. Kristen couldn’t stop drawing Nancy’s house (and Freddy) in part three.
10.    To replicate Freddy’s glove, Dylan tapes knives to his fingers. In the first Nightmare, the glove is referred to as his “fingerknives.”
11.    The phone receiver turns into Freddy’s mouth and tongue, as it did in part one.
12.    Freddy needs to cross over into our world by getting past Heather, the gatekeeper. There was plenty of talk about gates and gatekeepers in Dream Master, but to be honest, I wasn’t paying much attention to the plot by that point.
13.    Heather wakes from a nightmare with a grey streak in her hair, just like Nancy in part one.
14.    A nurse tells Heather she’ll need a pass to get into the hospital’s restricted area, to which Heather replies, “Screw your pass.” This is another line from part one.
15.    Heather reminds Dylan, “Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep.” She said the same thing to Glen (Johnny Depp) as Nancy in the first Nightmare.
16.    An invisible Freddy lifts Julie (Tracy Middendorf) into the air, then drags her up the wall and onto the ceiling. This is almost exactly how Tina died in part one.
17.    Dylan’s a sleepwalker, which is bad news in these movies. In Dream Warriors, Phillip (Bradley Gregg) suffered from the same problem.
18.    Heather tells John Saxon that Fred Krueger killed Chase. By part two, Krueger was known as “Freddy,” so this is likely an allusion to part one. Of course, that’s underscored by the TV playing a similar scene from the first movie.
19.    The references get even more overt when Heather and John take on their original roles as Nancy and Lt. Thompson, down to wearing the same clothes they had on at the end of the first Nightmare.
20.    While trying to rescue Dylan from Freddy, Heather gets caught climbing the stairs, which turn into goop. This also happened in part one.

Be still, my nerdy heart. I have to admit that New Nightmare isn’t quite as good as it could have been. Freddy’s new makeup, which is supposed to be scarier, pales in comparison to his earlier incarnations. In fact, all of the scenes involving Freddy are somewhat lacking: this is really Heather Langenkamp’s movie. Still, without this film, there would be no Scream. And without Scream — well, I don’t even want to think about that.

The Daily Blurgh: No more toys for you

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 28, 2010

0

The Black and White Ball: Not just for the city’s elite anymore.

*****

The Prop 8 trial could wrap in time for Pride, causing either waves of rainbow-colored jubilation to ripple across the LGBT populace or a massive flashback to the bummer November of ’08.

******

“Just because David Morales Colón is dead doesn’t mean he can’t also be stylish. According to Primera Hora, the 22-year-old Puerto Rican man was murdered in his San Juan neighborhood last Thursday. As a tribute to the young man, the Marin Funeral Home treated the body and then dressed him up in his typical riding outfit complete with helmet on top of the Honda CBR600 F4 the man’s uncle had given to him.” (h/t Slog)

*****

Today in local, misguided attempts to legislate the well-being of children: making it illegal for fast food restaurants to pass out toys in kiddie meals.

*****

“Child pornography is great. It is great because politicians understand child pornography. By playing that card, we can get them to act, and start blocking sites. And once they have done that, we can get them to start blocking file sharing sites.” (So, people, can we please create an equivalent to Godwin’s Law for egregious (mis)uses of “child porn” as a rhetorical trump card?)

*****

Will hearing classic children’s books read aloud in the manner of Werner Herzog ever get old? No.

Welcome to Elm Street: Part Six

Sue Vaughan

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April 28, 2010

0

In honor(?) of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street, we’re recapping all of the Elms so far. Find more on the Pixel Vision blog.

By 1991, when the optimistically-titled Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare rolled around, the Elm Street series was still making money, but delivering few scares. Not like the series’ beloved hero cared, really — Freddy Krueger was as popular as ever. Just look at the opening credits of Freddy’s Dead, which equate Krueger and Nietzsche as quotable icons (“Welcome to prime time, bitch!” remains a phrase of note among philosophers, I’m sure.)

The only Nightmare film directed by a woman (Rachel Talalay, who made her directing debut; she later made 1995’s Tank Girl and has since helmed a shit-ton of TV shows), and the only to utilize 3-D (more on that later), Freddy’s Dead is set ten years in the future (so, 2001?) Freddy has slaughtered every kid in Springwood; the adults who remain are bonkers. The sole survivor is a height-phobic teen (Shon Greenblatt) we only ever know as John Doe; the film’s opening sequence pays homage to both The Twilight Zone and The Wizard of Oz (1939) as John ejects from a freaky airplane ride into a house spinning through a wind storm. Do I really have to tell you Freddy sails by on a broom stick? “I’ll get you, my pretty — and your little soul, too!”

John lives, but barely — battered and with no memory, he’s picked up by cops in Depressed Americatown, USA, and taken to a run-down shelter for troubled teens staffed by Maggie (Lisa Zane — yes, Billy’s sister!) and Doc (the Yaphet Kotto). In short order, we’re introduced to a ragtag crew of Dream Warriors 2.0: dope-smoking video game addict Spencer (future movie and TV semi-star Breckin Meyer); tough bitch Tracy (Lezlie Deane); and hearing aid-wearing Carlos (Ricky Dean Logan). In keeping with a series theme that’s especially pronounced here, all three have abusive parents.

The fact that John Doe has violent, vivid nightmares is intriguing to both Doc — who specializes in “dream therapy” — and Maggie, who suffers her own disturbing dreams. When it becomes apparent that Maggie and John are having variations on the same dream (though Maggie’s play out more like flashbacks, or sinister home movies), she hustles him into the youth center’s comically beat-up van for a visit to Springwood. Hey, maybe it’ll jog his memory — or hers.

OF COURSE, the three reckless youths with obviously identifiable weaknesses happen to stow along for the ride. Bad move. Springwood proves to be empty, save for a few insane adults (including Roseanne and Tom Arnold, at the height of their tabloid fame). While Maggie and John search for clues to their dark pasts, Spencer, Tracy, and Carlos explore an abandoned house — on Elm Street. Freddy appears and immediately begins fucking with all involved: for example, the deaf kid gets a Freddy-style hearing aid that makes everything painfully loud, and is then subjected to the sound of Freddy gleefully scratching his claws along a chalkboard. Needless to say, Carlos’ head explodes; needless to add, Freddy’s kiss-off is “Nice hearin’ from ya!”

Spencer’s death is far more humorous, and is probably the best example of how un-terrifying Freddy has become by now. As the stoner dozes, a busted TV comes to life. Johnny Depp does a rememberin’-my-roots cameo in a fake TV commercial, which is interrupted by Freddy. “Hey Spence — let’s trip out!” Droopy-eyed Spence grins as Iron Butterfly plays and psychedelic waves suck him into the set. Suddenly, he’s a character in a video game, being pounded first by his domineering father (“Be like me!”) and then Freddy himself, who’s also manning the joystick in some alternate reality to this alternate reality. As Maggie and Tracy watch in horror (and, presumably, the audience howls in delight), Spence sleepwalks all over the house, punching walls and bouncing into the ceiling. “Great graphics,” gamer Freddy murmurs in approval.

Anyway. Spence dies, and a sleeping John Doe can’t be roused to prevent his own untimely end (it involves a parachute and a bed of nails). Earlier, he and Maggie had learned from Springwood’s orphanage that Freddy Krueger’d had a kid, current whereabouts unknown. John had thought he was Krueger Jr., safe from Freddy’s wrath. But no! His last words, to Maggie: “It’s not a boy!”

So, Maggie the nightmare-having doctor realizes what we’ve known all along: Freddy Krueger is her father! ZOMG! Freddy’s Dead takes the opportunity to sketch in a backstory for our favorite child killer: he’s seen pulverizing a hamster as his eight-year-old classmates chant “Son of a hundred maniacs!”; he’s seen enjoying a beating from his stepfather (the Alice Cooper); he’s seen, through Maggie’s eyes, murdering his wife after she discovers a secret room in their Springwood house (contents: gloves, weird things in jars, cookies). Young Maggie, or Katherine, or whatever her birth name was, was sent to the orphanage soon after, giving Freddy further motivation to kill every kid in town. Or something. Apparently he was a devoted father.

Meanwhile, back at the shelter, Doc immediately understands the situation, unlike every other authority figure in the series EVER: “He’s fucking with the line between dreams and reality!” Seems Freddy is also trying to get Maggie to bring him more victims, allowing for this crowd-pleasing exchange: “But this isn’t Springwood!” “Every town [dramatic pause] has an Elm Street!”

It is soon decided that Maggie, being Freddy’s spawn, is the only one who can enter his thoughts, get ahold of him in dreamville, and bring him into the real world, where he can be killed the fuck dead. “You’ll use these,” Doc says, pulling out a pair of 3-D glasses. While it might’ve been easier for the filmmakers to just insert a title card reading “PUT ON THE GLASSES NOW Y’ALL,” I suppose this was a somewhat more subtle way to issue the same orders.

Anyway, there’s an extended tussle in shoddy 3-D. Freddy finally dies (Maggie spears him with his own glove, for maximum irony). The end credits, which offer a memorializing highlight reel of Freddy’s greatest kills, unspool over what has to be Iggy Pop’s least-popular song of all time, “Why Was I Born? (Freddy’s Dead).” And horror fans finally know the answer to the question that’d gripped their dreams for nearly a decade: how do you kill Freddy Krueger? You could believe the movie’s harebrained plot. Or you could believe the evidence presented by the movie itself: kill the monster by transforming him into a campy, cackling, comedian.

Don’t worry — there are two more Freddy movies, plus the new flick, to go on our series. Grab a cup of coffee, kids!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmdityGT-R8&feature=related

Benefits: April 28-May 4

David Talbot

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April 28, 2010

0

Ways to have fun while giving back this week

Wednesday, April 28

Save the Waves
Attend this benefit for Chile, where donations will go to directly aid small coastal areas that were hit hardest by the Feb. 27th earthquake and following tsunamis, featuring free food, surf flicks, raffles, and DJs Paul McNitt and Paul Hobi spinning soul, funk, house, breaks, and reggae.
8 p.m., free
Riptide
3639 Taraval, SF
www.savethewaves.org

Thursday, April 29

Hospitality House Art Auction
Help support Hospitality House’s Community Arts Program (CAP), a free fine arts studio and gallery space that provides professional instruction, materials, and sales and exhibition support for poor and homeless Tenderloin artists. This 25th anniversary auction will feature more than 150 unique pieces of art from a diverse collection of regional artists.
6 p.m., $30
Andrea Schwartz Gallery
525 2nd St., SF
www.hospitalityhouse.org

Toe to Toe
Attend this benefit for ODC Dance Commons and Cal Athletics featuring a live competition between ODC/Dance’s contemporary dance company and top student athletes from UC Berkeley to see who’s the better athlete: dancers or sports stars. Judges to include San Francisco 49ers Ronnie Lott, Harris Barton, Nate Clements, MC Hammer, and more. Hosted by Warren Hellman.
6:30 p.m., $125
Herbst Pavilion
Fort Mason Center, SF
www.slimstickets.com

Friday, April 30

Blue Ribbon Luncheon
Help support the San Francisco Child Abuse Prevention Center, an organization dedicated to the prevention of child abuse and neglect, at this luncheon featuring three-time Super Bowl champion and former 49er Riki Ellison, and Emmy-award winning co-anchor of ABC 7/KGO TV Cheryl Jennings as master of ceremonies.
Noon, $250
Westin St. Francis Hotel
335 Powell, SF
www.sfcapc.org

Hold the Light for Haiti and Chile
Join Bay Area poets as they gather in support of efforts to assist the men, women, and children in Haiti and Chile who have been devastated by the recent earthquakes. Poets to include Diane di Prima, Al Young, Devorah Major, Mary Rudge, Deborah Grossman, and many more. Proceeds will be donated to Doctors Without Borders.
6 p.m., $5-10 suggested donation
Islamic Cultural Center
1433 Madison, Oak.
www.penoakland.org

Noe Valley Uncorked
Learn about and sample Argentinean wine at this wine event featuring on-hand experts and hors d’ oeuvres. Door proceeds benefit the Noe Valley Ministry.
6 p.m., $35
Noe Valley Ministry
1021 Sanchez, SF
www.noevalleyministry.org

Saturday, May 1

Bay Area Brain Tumor Walk
Attend this inspirational, all-ages fundraising walk to support the fight against brain tumors, featuring food, music, prizes, and more.
9 a.m.; raise a minimum amount of $350 or donate what you can
Speedway Meadow
Golden Gate Park
299 Tansverse, SF
www.bayareawalk.org

Sunday, May 2

Bliss 2010
Help support Maitri, the only AIDS-specific residential care facility left in the Bay Area, at this gala and auction featuring stand-up comedian Sandra Bernhard and designer Carmen Marc Valvo and food from top SF restaurants, drinks, live music, and more.
6 p.m., $150
Golden Gate Club
Presidio, Fisher Loop, SF
www.maitrisf.org

Mother’s Day Diaper Drive
Bring your kids to this fundraiser family day to benefit Help a Mother Out (HAMO), a grassroots advocacy campaign dedicated to improving the lives of mothers, children, and families, featuring games, crafts, pizza, cupcakes, and complimentary kiddie photo sessions. Proceeds will be used to purchase diapers for HAMO’s Bay Area partners.
3 p.m., $40 per family
Peekadoodle Kidsclub
900 North Point, suite F100, SF
www.helpamotherout.org

Wanderlust at the Fillmore
In the spirit of the Wanderlust festival in North Lake Tahoe, this yoga and music festival will offer yoga classes during the day courtesy of Yoga Tree and live music performances featuring Rupa and the April Fishes at night. A portion of the proceeds benefit
Off the Mat, Into the World.
4 p.m. yoga, 7 p.m. concert; $25-$55
Fillmore
1805 Geary, SF
www.yogatreesf.com

Monday, May 3

“Aurora Borealis”
Wine and dine for a cause at this fundraiser for the Aurora Theater Company’s live performances, education program, and the Global Age Project, featuring specialty wines, silent auction, three-course meal, live entertainment, and more.
6 p.m., $200
Hotel Shattuck Plaza
Crystal Ballroom
2086 Allston, Berk.
(510) 843-4042, ext. 312

Welcome to Elm Street: Part Five

Sue Vaughan

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April 28, 2010

0

In honor(?) of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street, we’re recapping all of the Elms so far. Find more on the Pixel Vision blog.

Here’s some friendly advice — don’t be friends with Alice. She’s a nice girl and all, but she’s kind of a getting-stabbed-to-death magnet. It’s like Greta says in Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989): “The bottom line, Alice, if anyone’s trying to hurt you, supernatural or not, they’re going to have to go through us first.” Yeah, that’s not really a problem for Freddy Krueger, who’s all too happy about dispatching Alice’s friends and lovers. Souls make him strong! Hey, remember when he was just trying to get revenge? In the words of President Barack Obama, “This shit’s getting way too complicated for me.”

Part five of the Nightmare on Elm Street series isn’t all that well-regarded, but I actually like it far more than part four. Lisa Wilcox’s Alice breaks Carol Clover’s “Final Girl” model: she has sex, she gets naked, and she survives — twice! In The Dream Child, she’s transformed from the meek and mousy victim in Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988) to a kick-ass mama bear. That’s right, she’s with child. The plot is really silly, though it doesn’t matter. As Cheryl pointed out, by this point in the series we’re mostly watching for the nightmares. And the ones here are great.

Let me break it down, nightmare-by-nightmare.

“Hey, Danny, better not dream and drive!” Even though he’s all charged up and knows better, Dan (Danny Hassel), a holdover from part four, falls asleep on his way to meet Alice. He hears his mom call him an “ungrateful, unmanageable dickweed” on the radio. Don’t worry, she also calls Alice a “bimbo-slut-whore.” The car turns into Freddy, Dan loses all control, and he flies through the windshield. But wait, there’s more! Dan only thinks he’s survived — a stolen motorcycle also takes on some frightening Freddy features. Dan gets a hot fuel injection (less sexy than it sounds) and finally crashes in a fiery heap outside of the diner where Alice works. Tragic.

“Bon appétit, bitch.” Greta (Erika Anderson) may not get a death sequence as extended as Dan’s, but holy crap is it gross. In the real world, her mom is forcing her to attend a dinner party where lecherous older men ogle Greta’s model figure. You know, a day after her friend dies in a terrible accident. When Greta dozes off, she encounters Chef Freddy, who traps her in her chair and shovels unfathomable amounts of food into her mouth. Soon she’s got the chipmunk cheeks from hell — the most disturbing visual since Freddy’s sleepwalking puppet in Dream Warriors. And then Alice sees Greta in her fridge, which is bound to kill her appetite for at least a few days. Long story short: Greta chokes to death and no one even tries to intervene.

“You’re not crazy.” Well, duh, Yvonne (Kelly Jo Minter). Is everyone in these movies willfully dense? Yes, they’re slasher flicks. I’m just saying it would be nice if for once, the Final Girl’s friends believed her right away. But I digress. Diving boards are scary enough as it is, but Yvonne almost gets destroyed by one when she falls asleep in the pool. Of course, she doesn’t actually die. Instead, Yvonne gets pulled into Alice’s dream, which turns out to be a stroke of good luck. Wading in a nasty tank for a while is a whole lot better than what the rest of Alice’s friends face. Though I’m guessing Yvonne feels pretty awkward about the whole “not trusting her bestie” thing.

“Faster than a bastard maniac, more powerful than a loco-madman, it’s Super Freddy!” Not gonna lie, I totally have a crush on dweeby comic artist Mark (Joe Seely). He also has The Dream Child’s best nightmare, because it’s by far the most absurd — and because I’m pretty sure it was inspired by A-Ha’s “Take On Me” video. Mark is pulled into his comic, and at first, he’s sort of OK with it. In the comic, Mark can become the Phantom Prowler, a dark and deadly vigilante who says things like, “Time to die, you scar-faced, limp-dick!” But movie monsters are just as resilient as superheroes. Even after getting shot repeatedly, Freddy is still able to overtake Mark, slashing the crap out of him. Well, a two-dimensional paper version of Mark. And not a single papercut joke. Color me impressed.

There’s other great stuff here. I love all the unnerving flashbacks to Freddy’s conception: something about the combination of an innocent nun and 100 horny maniacs freaks me out more than Krueger himself. We also get Alice’s creepy offspring Jacob (Whitby Hertford) — no offense to the actor, but he’s just … weird-looking. Oh, and Alice travels inside her own womb, where Freddy is hanging out on her uterine wall. As one does. Part five may not be as good as parts one through three, but it’s way more tolerable than Freddy’s Dead (1991), which Cheryl will be slogging through next.

The Daily Blurgh: Staples city

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 27, 2010

0

Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond

Shocker! San Francisco-based company set to profit off of humans willing to pay for amorous companionship.

*****

I Live Here: SF to live at SomARTS this fall.

*****

Google Maps gets you where you want to go (without going through Arizona).

*****

The gist: Breaking down the five, big legal questions in the iPhone case

*****

Which staple city would you rather live in: Ephemicropolis

or The Big Apple?

*****

I’ll see your KFC Double Down and raise you a cheesecake-stuffed pancake. (Offer very valid in Qatar.)

*****

But even if you’re only scarfing down the sprouted wheat bread, you’re still gonna die.

*****

Once-local, now big-in-France melancholy chanteuse Emily Jane White gets some love from NPR for her new album Victorian America.

*****

And speaking of sadness: “It is such a secret place, the land of tears.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Burning Man announces its funded art projects

Sasha Cuttler

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April 27, 2010

3

Burning Man announces its funded art projects

Black Rock City LLC has announced its art grants for Burning Man 2010, with its theme “Metropolis: The Life of Cities.” Thirty-five projects were funded to the tune of almost $440,000, which is more than most years but not its peak.

Those receiving funding include well-known burner artists such as Michael Christian, Karen Cusolito and Dan DasMann, Kate Raudenbush, and Doctor Megavolt. The venerable SF-based fire arts collective Flaming Lotus Girls isn’t doing a funded project this year, but veteran FLGs Rebecca Anders and Jessica Hobbs (along with PK Kimelman, an architect and principal member of the local Space Cowboys sound collective) are leading construction of this year’s Temple (known as the Temple of Flux) with support from a gaggle of FLGs and many other Bay Area collectives in Oakland’s American Steel warehouse (the home base for Cusolito and DasMann).

I’ll be working with the Temple crew this year and profiling the project in the Bay Guardian later this summer, just as I did for the FLG’s Angel of the Apocalypse project in 2005 (all of which will be part of my upcoming book, “The Tribes of Burning Man: How an Experimental City in the Desert is Shaping the News American Counterculture,” due to be released in November by CCC Publishing).

Like many of the projects, the Temple of Flux is only getting a small portion of its funding through the art grants (which are funded through ticket sales) and will be holding a series of fundraisers in the coming months, the first being this Saturday night, May 1, at Kelly’s Mission Rock.

Meanwhile, Burning Man founder Larry Harvey will be speaking tonight (April 27) at the offices of the San Francisco Planning and Urban Research Association, which has been excitedly promoting this year’s Burning Man focus on urbanism.

Street Threads: Look of the Day

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 27, 2010

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Today’s Look: Lydia, Dolores Park

Tell us about your look: (Breathlessly) “Practicing hooping in the park!”

Warriors, come out and play! (with this squeaky mouse)

Andrew Lam

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April 27, 2010

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Warriors, come out and play! (with this squeaky mouse)

Blossompaw jumped down from the wall and headed past the plants Jayfeather had carefully nurtured. The scent of them made Ivypaw’s mouth water, but she knew the warning given to every Clan cat: Stay away from the catnip.

Worry not for our youth in the post-Harry Potter era; there’s a new line of young adult fiction that’s got all the kids a’ reading. And it’s about fighting clans of kitties — my favorite! The Warriors, a series which to date includes over thirty titles, is a lot like Brian Jacques’ Redwall books — a small universe of carefully plotted minutiae following the escapades of animals in epic form.

But we’re going to the next level here.The Warriors see the Redwall sci-fi/fantasy nerd love of quests, battles, and prophecies, then raises it an all kitteh cast of characters. Oh yes, whiskers and all.

Warriors’ slightly confusing authorship (the books’ byline, Erin Hunter, actually refers to four women, none of them named Erin) begins each book with a comprehensive listing of each kitty in all four of the forest’s clans. Kits to clan leaders, pelt and eye colors included. For example, Dovepaw, one of the protagonists of Fading Echoes (book number two in the Omen of the Stars sub-series), is an apprentice of Shadow Clan, “a pale she-cat with blue eyes,” who is mentored by Lionblaze, “a golden tabby tom with amber eyes.” Leaving aside the complex belief structure and social hierarchy of the Warriors’ world, with 113 cats in the four mortal (oh yeah, it goes there) clans alone, it’s important to keep track of these details.

And readers do. Oh, but they do! A quick foray to The Warriors website reveals the true depths of fandom the kitties muster. Message boards require one to select a kitty avatar to chat with the other kitties.

Which I did, all in the name of journalism of course (a golden she-cat with yellow eyes I named “Quillpaw”), and regardless of the fact that many of the conversation threads were a bit beyond my reckoning, most having to do with complex spoiler theories and desperate purrs for a single tom to mate with. Scandalous!

I meowed at my kitty friends online about why they liked this magical, mystical world of claws and fresh-kill, and I found Twilightfoot (who appears to be a fan fic writing, gender neutral black deputy cat with green eyes from he/she’s profile picture)’s answer to be the most endearing. I quote:

What do I like about Warriors?:

They are VERY interesting, and have a good plot that I can relate to.

It is NOT a G-rated series, which I <3!

I get very, um, connected with the characters, which I can rarely do with a book.

In this day and age, connection is really the pith of the matter, isn’t it? Cheers to you, Twilightfoot. And cheers to you, Warriors books — I never really liked reading about people, anyway.

Welcome to Elm Street: Part Four

Sue Vaughan

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April 27, 2010

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In honor(?) of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street, we’re recapping all of the Elms so far. Find more on the Pixel Vision blog.

In the immortal words of the Fat Boys: are you ready for Freddy?

Well, duh. By 1988’s A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, everyone and their (human-faced) dog was ready for Freddy, whose status as a grinning, quotable pop culture icon would only be enhanced by his latest film. The Dream Master is the first of the Nightmare movies to basically do away with any semblance of a plot; instead, the film exists to provide variously surreal, outlandish, and repulsive nightmare sequences that inevitably end in the death of whatever character is chiefly involved.
And that ain’t such a bad thing. Though the behind the scenes credits are sorta impressive, actually — Renny Harlin, who’d go on to make Die Hard 2 (1990), Cliffhanger (1993), and Deep Blue Sea (1999), directed; Brian Helgeland, who shared a screenwriting Oscar with Curtis Hanson for 1997’s L.A. Confidential, and was later nominated for adapting 2003’s Mystic River, is among its co-writers — this movie is utterly ridiculous anytime Freddy’s not the center of attention.

Thankfully, that’s not often. As Louis described in his post on Nightmare 3, the remaining Elm Street kids/Dream Warriors — now more or less integrated into Springwood’s normal high school population — are the first to go, and they go fast. But wait, you say! Didn’t Freddy get buried in consecrated ground, etc. etc., at the end of Dream Warriors? Yeah, but no matter: before Kincaid (Ken Sagoes) dies, he dreams his dog, Jason (zing!), turns demonic and pees a fiery stream into Freddy’s junkyard grave. Naturally, Freddy comes back to “life,” except he was already dead, or undead, or something, to begin with, wasn’t he? “You shouldn’t have buried me. I’m not dead!” Whatever, he’s back.

Before you can sing a slo-mo jump rope rhyme, Kincaid gets gloved, and ever-horny Joey (Rodney Eastman) drowns in his waterbed. Kristen (now played by Tuesday Knight, who’s no Patricia Arquette) meets a fiery end, but not before courteously extending Freddy’s nightmare-entering capabilities beyond the Elm Street circle: she pulls innocent, mousy Alice (Lisa Wilcox) into her fatal dream. (Freddy’s response: “How sweet! Fresh meat!”) Logically, of course, this means Freddy can now terrorize Alice and all of her friends, including her kung fu-fighting brother, Rick (Andras Jones); asthmatic nerd Sheila (Toy Newkirk); bug-phobic workout-aholic Debbie (Brooke Theiss); and letter-jacketed love interest Dan (Danny Hassel).

The death scenes benefit from what appears to be a bigger special-effects budget than previous films, with Debbie’s transformation into a giant cockroach remaining my personal favorite. There’s also a nice bit where Alice gets pulled into a movie screen, and an attempt at near-artsyness when a scene repeats multiple times to slow Alice and Dan from saving one of their imperiled, snoozing friends. I’m also a huge fan of the scene where Freddy visits Alice’s workplace, the Crave Inn (zing!) diner. Seems Freddy, in a particularly sassy mood, has ordered himself a pizza. A pizza covered in heads! Screaming heads! Freddy spears a head-meatball with one of his claws and excitedly smacks his lips: “My faaaaavorite!” The chewing sounds are amazing.

Later, Alice turns Perseus and “kills” Freddy by showing him his reflection in a piece of stained glass (but not before Freddy reminds us that “I. Am. Eternal!”) And since Freddy has now become not just a slaughterer-of-the-sleeping, but a taker-of-souls (when and how did that happen, exactly?), his captives sail to freedom past Alice in a wash of white light, as if Zelda Rubenstein was showing them the way. Yeah, that’s the end of him, for sure! Er … one more thing about Dream Master is its determined-to-be “hip” soundtrack, with Sinead O’ Conner, Dramarama, Blondie, and other artists contributing tunes. But you can’t go wrong with the Fat Boys.

Welcome to Elm Street: Part Three

Sue Vaughan

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April 27, 2010

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In honor(?) of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street, we’re recapping all of the Elms so far. Find more on the Pixel Vision blog.

“Live together, die alone.” I stole that line from Lost, but it sums up A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) all too well. The remaining Elm Street kids — you know, the ones whose parents enacted mob justice on Fred Krueger — find themselves locked in a psych ward. They’re not really crazy: they’re just having bad dreams. But these teens are (mostly) smarter than their predecessors, and they refuse to go down without a fight. The “dream warriors” pick up on two important facts: there’s safety in numbers, and you can do awesome shit when you’re dreaming. I believe The Simpsons’ Ralph Wiggum said it best: “Sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking.”
No Vikings in this bunch, sadly, but these kids do have pretty nifty powers and thus a fighting chance against Freddy. In case you’re planning on assembling your own team of dream warriors — and honestly, it’s not a bad idea — I thought I’d break down the pros and cons of part three’s heroes. Yes, most of them end up dead and those that don’t (spoiler alert) are offed in part four. But hey, it’s good to know what skills to look for and what faults to avoid when you’re trying to save your ass.

Presenting the dream warriors, in the order in which they bite it.

Phillip (Bradley Gregg)
Pros: Bitchin’ ‘80s hair.
Cons: Sleepwalker. First to die, with the most disturbing death scene by far. He really doesn’t have a lot going for him.

Jennifer (Penelope Sudrow)
Pros: Has a (somewhat painful) system for staying awake. Burning oneself with cigarettes shows serious motivation.
Cons: Smoker. Thinks she’s going to be an actress — yeah, she’s one of those. And, of course, the second to die. “Welcome to prime time, bitch.”

Taryn (Jennifer Rubin)
Pros: Stands her ground. That means not putting out for skeezy orderlies. Gets the best line of the movie: “In my dreams, I’m beautiful. And bad.” Switchblades.
Cons: Attitude. Really needs to comb that hair. Pesky heroin addiction, which Freddy exploits with terrifying fingerneedles.

Will (Ira Heiden)
Pros: Nerdy charm. In his dreams, he can walk — not to mention be the Wizard Master. That’s right, he can blow up evil wheelchairs with green lightning (in the name of Lowrek, Prince of Elves).
Cons: Even as a wizard master, he’s still just a dweeb. And eventually, a dead one.

Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp)
Pros: She’s been here before. Check out that grey streak: it screams “survivor.” Prescription for Hypnocil. Won’t take getting killed lying down.
Cons: Lots of baggage. Dead friends, dead boyfriend, dead mom — rewatch the first Nightmare on Elm Street if you need a refresher. Kind of naïve, inevitably. You really thought ghost dad was legit?

Kristen (Patricia Arquette)
Pros: Good at art. Marvel at her popsicle stick recreation of Nancy’s house! Does flips. Can bring people into her dreams.
Cons: Can bring people into her dreams. Hey, that’s a bad thing when you’re trying to avoid getting murdered. Poor common sense. All the Freddy fan-art is asking for it, don’t you think?

Kincaid (Ken Sagoes)
Pros: Tells it like it is, which means more great lines: “Let’s go kick the motherfucker’s ass all over dream land!” “Yo, Freddy! Where you hidin’ at, you burnt-face pussy?” Also, dreams give him super strength!
Cons: Gets thrown in the quiet room a lot, so you know he’s bad news. Nasty habit of antagonizing Freddy Krueger.

Joey (Rodney Eastman)
Pros: Knows to wake up his friends when necessary. Dream scream can break mirrors and banish the boogeyman.
Cons: But mostly quiet. Too quiet. Ball of teenage hormones, which inspires him to follow the hot nurse from hell and get himself comatose.

Dr. Neil Gordon (Craig Wasson)
Pros: The only doctor who actually believes that his patients are being killed by Freddy Krueger. Master hypnotist. Sees dead people — or dead nuns, at least.
Cons: Not a teenager. Might we say he’s getting too old for this shit? Can’t even fight a skeleton.

So there you have it. Now you can — I’m so sorry for this — pick your own dream team. And if you’d like to recruit me as a dream warrior, you should know that I’ve seen countless horror movies and know how to survive relatively unscathed. On the other hand, I’m pee-my-pants frightened of Freddy, so let’s call it a draw.

Live Shots: Dance Mob Kick-Off for Bay Area National Dance Week, Union Square, 4/23/10

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 26, 2010

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Don’t be alarmed if you happen to feel the floors shaking throughout the next week. It’s not an earthquake, it’s the Bay Area National Dance Week , an amazing event offering tons of free dance through May 2nd.

As a kick-off to celebrate a week of booty-shaking and funky foot moves, several hundred dancers gathered in Union Square this Friday to perform one dance in unison, which they incorporated into pieces that each group choreographed on their own:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50fUbBsG3ek

The variety of dance styles ranged from hip-hop and belly dancing, to square dancing and even a few free-flowin’ dancers who joined in from the audience. There were 19 groups involved in the dance mob, which included high school students from all over the Bay Area, and several dance companies. If you’re new to dance, but fascinated by flamenco, or a long time dancer who wants to brush up on her salsa turns, this is the week for you. And even if you don’t want to physically join in the fun, there are lots of performances to take a peek at. So, get those dancing shoes on and shake things up a bit!

The Daily Blurgh: Terrorists get Triscuits, fascists get beans, gingers get MIA

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April 26, 2010

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The Daily Blurgh: Terrorists get Triscuits, fascists get beans, gingers get MIA

Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond.

Today in refried beans: from ingredient of burrito indulgence, to bane of the greenhouse, to weapon of protest. Even Dennis Herrera is (rightfully) pissed. Arizona goddam!

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In “Calfornia lawmakers with no grip on reality” news: this again? When will you learn, Maude Flanders of Sacramento? Whatever kids won’t be able to glean from Left 4 Dead 2 because of your “good intentions,” they can easily pick up in any one of the Saw films (or the evening news). What you gonna do when the zombies come, anyway?

*****

Debate: If a street artist who has already sold out (but is hip to that fact, so “selling out” becomes a meta-commentary on selling out), goes shopping for pricey, “heritage” jeans spun from the souls of kodama on looms built from the remnants of the true cross, is he still a sell out?

*****

“It doesn’t matter what your favorite crackers or cookies are. They are not more important than the hegemonic wars the West is fighting against Islam.”

*****

“Walter Benjamin, or rather, the now-beloved figure of Benjamin — shuffling, myopic, mustachioed, fat, unhealthy, small round glasses glinting like flashlights — was largely unattractive in his own lifetime.” I smell an Oscar-in-waiting for Richard Dreyfuss.

*****

98 years ago: man in drunk-tank saved from fiery death by boozy ways, Providence.

*****

Yes, but what, exactly, is she getting political about? (Besides swiping that riff from Suicide — sampling kills!) NSFW, unless W is Xe.

Welcome to Elm Street: Part Two

Sue Vaughan

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April 26, 2010

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In honor(?) of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street, we’re recapping all of the Elms so far. Find more on the Pixel Vision blog.

A Nightmare on Elm Street, Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985) is probably the most reviled of all the Nightmare movies. Which is silly, because it’s awesome. OK, there are serious continuity problems and an utter lack of interior logic. You could skip right to part three without missing a beat — in fact, maybe you should. Freddy’s Revenge works better outside the context of the series. You have to appreciate this movie for what it is: a campy, homoerotic comedy. Dark comedy, but still.

Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) has been replaced by adorkable dweeb Jesse (Mark Patton). Freddy (Robert Englund) doesn’t want to kill Jesse; he wants to—wait for it — get inside him. And if you’re wondering how this Freddy relates to the original, don’t bother. Part 2’s Freddy seems to be able to torment people who are awake. He doesn’t murder teens on his own: he has to work through Jesse’s body. Or something. Screw the plot — the fun of Freddy’s Revenge is noting all the queer subtext.

Here’s my list of the 14 gayest things in this movie.

1. Jesse’s uber-femme scream is way more piercing than Nancy’s. Now, I don’t want to make assumptions. I’m sure lots of straight boys scream like that. But in context, it’s suspect.

2. Jesse is terrible at sports. Again, not trying to play into stereotypes. Well, no more than the movie is.

3. Grady (Robert Rusler) queers things further when he pulls down Jesse’s pants. Then the boys start wrestling. Coach Schneider (Marshall Bell) offers the only appropriate response: “Assume the position.”

4. To borrow a line from Buffy, “the subtext is rapidly becoming text.” “Guy gets his rocks off like this,” Grady says. “Hangs out at queer S&M joints downtown. He likes pretty boys like you.” Smile, Jesse. Grady thinks you’re pretty.

5. Diagram of an ass on the chalkboard. Giant snake rubbing against Jesse’s face. Paging Dr. Freud!

6. Jesse’s dance routine evokes painful memories for gay men everywhere who recall similar embarrassments. Relatedly, I love his Lady Gaga glasses.

7. “Schneider’s always got a stick up his ass.” Cough.

8. Look, I’m not saying sleepwalking isn’t real. I’m just saying sleepwalking into the aforementioned gay S&M club is a little hard to swallow. No pun intended.

9. Coach Schneider’s death scene is where things get really interesting: he’s tied up, stripped, and ravaged in the shower. Need I mention the towel repeatedly slapping his ass? Or the fact that the showerheads are obviously penises?

10. Jesse’s beard/love interest Lisa (Kim Myers) insists that she wants to help him. I think she means “cure” him, but we all know that never works.

11. Once Jesse does try to hetero it up by making out with Lisa, he finds himself rudely interrupted. See, Freddy’s tongue is in his mouth.

12. Where does he run? To (shirtless) Grady’s room, of course. This leads to the film’s most surreal exchange yet: “Something is trying to get inside my body.” “Yeah, and she’s female and she’s waiting for you in the cabana. And you want to sleep with me.”

13. It doesn’t stop there. “He’s inside me,” Jesse whines. “I’m scared.” Just relax. “He’s inside me and he wants to take me again!” That Freddy — he’s insatiable!

14. Fast-forward to Lisa’s intervention. “I love you, Jesse,” she says. Then she has the audacity to kiss Freddy, and you better believe he freaks. (Ew, girls.)

So in the end, Lisa’s love destroys the evil (read: queer) Freddy. A sadly homophobic twist to this otherwise gay romp. How would I have ended Freddy’s Revenge? Krueger realizes he’s just a metaphor for repressed sexuality and scampers off to part three, where he can be legitimately scary again. Meanwhile, Jesse and Grady ride off into the sunset, and any further bodily penetration is completely consensual.

Welcome to Elm Street: Part One

Sue Vaughan

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April 26, 2010

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In honor(?) of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street, we’re recapping all of the Elms so far. Find more on the Pixel Vision blog.

It’s with a certain sense of outrage, but not surprise, that horror fans greet the remake of 1984’s A Nightmare on Elm Street. Truly, nothing is sacred anymore. (I mean, Michael Bay’s do-over-ator already had its way with that holiest of holys, 1974’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, in 2003.) I can only guess that Freddy Krueger is frikkin’ pissed off right now. (Jackie Earle Haley may be an Oscar nominee, and, OK, a pretty cool actor — but Robert Englund’s the only rightful Krueger in my book.) Pretty much the only thing you can do right now is pull that A Nightmare on Elm Street box set off the shelf and start watching ‘em all. (There are seven, plus 2003’s Freddy vs. Jason, which of course you purchased separately.) Get to it!

Alternatively, you can simply follow Guardian movie geek Louis Peitzman and myself as we recap each film in the week leading up to the new A Nightmare on Elm Street’s release Fri/30. Since I have a little bit of a Freddy obsession (just part of my collection pictured here), I’ll be getting the ball rolling, with a post by Louis on A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985) to follow later today. Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep! (Or be surprised by spoilers, because these movies are like two decades old, people.)

The sporadically inaccurate but nonetheless helpful (and gloriously illustrated) volume The Nightmare Never Ends: The Official History of Freddy Krueger and the Nightmare on Elm Street Films, by William Schoell and James Spencer, is dedicated to “Jason and Michael — because they’ll always be second best.” And indeed, when Freddy Krueger was introduced to the world, audiences were already familiar with Misters Voorhees and Myers. (Hell, Friday the 13th was already up to part four, the hilariously misnomered The Final Chapter, by 1984.) But Freddy had something neither of those dudes had: a voice. He actually spoke to his victims! With a sense of humor to boot! (Though by mid-series he was communicating mostly in bad rhymes and even worse puns. But I digress.)

Legend states that Nightmare writer-director Wes Craven named his most famous character after a junior high rival (no word if the real Freddy ever realized his influence on movie-monster history). The last name came from Krug, the evil prison escapee from Craven’s first film, 1972’s Last House on the Left. Nightmare’s opening credits, which depict Krueger fashioning his trademark glove, feature the immortal words “introducing Johnny Depp;” they also present Englund as “Fred” Krueger. In later films, Englund would get above-title billing. But in 1984, nobody knew who Freddy was, or that they and everyone they knew would probably dress up as him for Halloween at least once. Certainly young Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp), who lives in the white house with the red door on Elm Street in Springwood, Ohio, has never heard of him. But her bitterly divorced parents (Ronee Blakley, loopy star of 1975’s Nashville, plays her drunk mom; cult actor John Saxon plays her cop dad) know a little something about a child killer named Krueger. Seems they executed mob justice on his sweater-clad ass some years before. So why are Nancy and her friends (including Depp as her boyfriend, cut-off sweatshirt-clad Glen) meeting the allegedly dead Freddy in their dreams?

Freddy seeks revenge, of course, and little did those murderin’ parents know their quarry had supernatural powers: when the kids die in their dreams, they die in real life. Even though the parents know all about Krueger, they act like they don’t believe their bratty, rebellious teenagers. (With that rakish fedora, how could they even pretend to forget such a character?) This is a recurring theme in the Nightmare films: parents just don’t understand. Sometimes, they’ll even put bars on your bedroom window to “protect” you after they tuck you into bed, not realizing that growing up is hard, man. Especially when there’s a creepy creep chasing you with fingerknives through your dreams.

Nancy’s the wisest character here (evidenced in part by the gray streak that suddenly appears in her voluminous ‘80s coif after a harrowing Freddy encounter). Not only does she start mainlining caffeine to stay awake, she obtains a militia handbook (“I’m into survival!”) and begins plotting her naps with battlefield-worthy precision (with plenty of booby traps in place). Meanwhile, since Nancy actually doesn’t save anyone except herself, Craven’s behind-the-scenes team does wonders with special effects. Glen being sucked into, and bloodily vomited out of, his own bed is particularly memorable.

The film’s ending is the worst thing here. According to The Nightmare Never Ends, Craven and producer Robert Shaye disagreed on how to wrap up the story, with Craven believing it should end after Nancy defeats Freddy by taking back the power she’s unknowingly given him. Bam! End of Freddy. Shaye wanted more of a “Gotcha!”, which every other slasher movie in the history of the world has, and will always have. Guess who won? Eight — no, now nine movies later — we’re still expecting Freddy to come back.

Street Threads: Look of the Day

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 26, 2010

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Today’s Look: Mary, 18th Street and Dolores

Tell us about your look: I got this sweater from the best Salvation Army ever, at 26th and Valencia, and I got this shirt from Big Lots.”

The Daily Blurgh: Are brown people still legal on YouTube?

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 23, 2010

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The Daily Blurgh: Are brown people still legal on YouTube?

Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond

Sarcasm fail at Canada’s National Post?

*****

When a Furry marries a Juggalo you get…

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It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Banksy (Again. And this time, it’s apparently legit)

*****

Hey, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer: Fuck you very much.

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One of this week’s Guardian cover stars, Peaches Christ, dishes (as her boy alter-ego, Joshua Grannell) about his new film, All About Evil, and why the Victoria Theater is San Francisco’s unsung movie palace.

*****

M.I.A ghost rides Suicide

*****

This is Spinal Tape!

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In honor of the Internet’s great black hole (aka YouTube) turning five, here is that compilation of the site’s 100 greatest hits crammed into just 4 minutes from last year (so, pardon the missing memes).

If you don’t feel like sitting through four minutes — or forever times infinity squared in Internet years — of wrap-up, here’s really what YouTube has meant in the past half-decade:

(It has been viewed 268,000 268,0001 times)

Conan O’Brien is employed so the rest of us don’t have to be

Andrew Lam

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April 23, 2010

6

Yuppies love jokes about homeless people.

Consider that a telling, if ancillary, lesson I learned at last night’s Conan O’Brien “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television” tour, which continues tonight, Fri/23.

In the wake of O’Brien’s sacking from his late night gig at NBC earlier this year, the show marked a return to relevancy for the comedian. His comeback seemed to resonate with the younger, upper middle crowd at the Nob Hill Masonic Center, many of whom are no doubt fighting to maintain their own $79.50 comedy show lifestyle in the face of economic shittiness and uncertain employment.

Before we could see the man himself, we the audience were treated to a video showing an obese, bearded Conan from “a month ago” lolling about in sweatpants and pizza boxes as he waited for the phone to ring that would grant him a chance to spread his snark to the masses once more. No job = letting the dog lick peanut butter off your toes and sweatsuits. I looked around, and the buttoned down, well coiffed crowd around me was chuckling uncomfortably to themselves. Unemployed — and that beard! What a loser Conan was!

But the call comes, and we watch the birth of the 72 city “Legally Prohibited” tour. Barred from TV, radio, and the Internet until the fall (when his new TBS series begins, surely a come down for a man used to the bright lights of network television) by the terms of his contract with NBC, live performances are one of the only options open right now to O’Brien, whose career’s been light on the stand up without the sound stage up to this point.

+ beard + certain degree of world weary grizzle = Conan from last night’s show

His lack of live experience didn’t matter to the folks last night, though. They whooped it up as the man made his entrance onstage, re-energized in a sharp suit, his band behind him once more. The gut was gone, but the beard stayed, a rugged look that seemed to scream ‘this man has been through some shit!’

“We played San Francisco in 2007 in the Tenderloin, at the Orpheum,” O’Brien explains to us. “I had to get to the theater by canoeing through hobo urine!”

Haaaa! “That’s the show it’s going to be,” he tells us, as the crowd cheers his cheekiness. He tells us he can see “some guy in a top hat in the balcony” telling his wife, Mildred “it’s time to go.” Frumpy old people aside “your asses are mine tonight! You can’t change the channel,” he tells us. But no one’s leaving. The bland jokes, humorous musical numbers, and even an appearance from Chris Isaak (omg! He’s like, so cute!) keep the endorphins up and the bright, shiny crowd enthralled.

In crazy times, your late night show will always be there for you. Even if that interview didn’t go so hot, or you’re forced to give up the private parking space, you know your favorite TV host awaits to round out the day with some reassuringly belittling comments on pretty much every single person in popular culture. All the better if he’s cracking wise about the unemployment office and the steps of grieving that happen when you lose your job.

These days, that’s what we call relevant humor. Go get ‘em, Coco.

Conan O’Brien’s “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television” tour

Fri/23 8 p.m., $39.50-79.50

Nob Hill Masonic Center

1111 California, SF

(415) 630-8496

www.teamcoco.com

Street Threads: Look of the Day

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 23, 2010

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Today’s Look: Bryanna, 20th Street and Valencia

Tell us about your look: “I like to wear classic clothes with a modern edge.”

The Daily Blurgh: Is that an Archie in your pants, Banksy?

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 22, 2010

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The Daily Blurgh: Is that an Archie in your pants, Banksy?

Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond

Gay! Archie gets a gay (as opposed to “Archie is a gay,” a fantasy you can live out through this NSFW-ish Choose-Your-Own Adventure wiki). Lesbian lawyers defend “not gay enough” softball players. Texas doesn’t want to let gays divorce. And Jet Blue goes pink.

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He’s not here: Banksy tags SF.

*****

“People are terrified of drugs. Drugs are linked to inner cities and crime – not mystical states. But with diligent and serious science, we can learn about all the wonderful ways that these compounds can help a stressed and troubled species.” Dropping therapeutic acid in San Jose.

******

Have you parked your keester in one of the city’s “parklets” yet? It’s lovely outside right now. Go! Editor’s recommendation: Totally hot biker parklet action at Mojo.

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If that constant hacking cough wasn’t enough of a warning about air pollution, you can always rely on your phone to tell you.

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“It refers to the sex act conducted in front of the Eucharist involving myself, as the role of Adam, and a female follower, who plays the role of Eve by her own free will. The Lord does not wish for anybody else to engage in this ritual. I was inspired to perform this ritual because I believed that there was no other way to prove Mr. Little Pebble’s innocence and the wrongful convictions of sexual assault made against him. Just a few days ago, God sent me a message saying that the woman who sued Mr. Little Pebble will confess that it was all a lie.” And there’s a whole lot more WTF where that came from.

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SFFD disaster drill mannequins: now more “P.C.” thanks to pants.

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Heads up: Remembering Playland, the full length documentary that tells the history of San Francisco’s famous 10-acre seaside amusement park, Playland at the Beach, starts a week-long run at the Balboa Theater tomorrow night.

The Circus is back in SF

Jesse Hawthorne Ficks

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April 22, 2010

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By Chhavi Nanda

In the remains of what was left of Brooklyn Circus SF, I joined Gabe Garcia, BKC’s art director, for an intimate interview in the heart of San Francisco, the Fillmore. Recently, the SF branch of the awesome men’s clothiers was forced to close for a few weeks due to a flood from the apartment building above. The damages caused the joint to pack up for a bit. The circus must go on, though, and Brooklyn Circus SF will be reopening this Fri/23, just like new. Thankfully Gabe, even in his frenzied panic to get the store back up and running, talked to me about his career, the direction of fashion in San Francisco and New York City, and the industry in general.

SFBG: Do you feel like your formal education at FIT in NYC helped prepare you for working in the industry?

Gabe Garcia: No, not at all. FIT taught me the fundamentals of sewing, patternmaking, and things of that sort, but most of all what taught me the most was New York City itself. Living in NYC made me actually discipline myself. I didn’t even really know anyone in the city. I tried to get most out of school that I could, but NYC — being such a creative place — prepared me most for the industry.

SFBG: How do you compare fashion and the motivation behind designers in NYC in contrast to San Francisco? What would you like to see in fashion that is lacking in San Francisco, but prominent in NYC?

GG: San Francisco has a more laid-back attitude. Energy in the air is very infectious, so a majority of the people in San Francisco are very casual. When people dress up to leave their house in the morning here, people are less motivated, which is cool, but peoples’ attitudes do transfer to their outfits. In NYC there is more pressure, desire and intrest. Life is about inspiration and how your surroundings inspire you. Each day I am in NYC I am inspired. Right now, what I am most inspired by is old cars. And all antiques in general, furniture, cars, etc.

SFBG: BKC is not only a fashion label, not it is also considered a lifestyle. Being a part of the BKC team means not only do you focus on the design aspect of the company, but also production, sales, finance, advertising, marketing, photography and blogging. Another than design, how else do you contribute to the BKC team?

GG: My position has evolved since I’ve been with the company. When we started I was standing right by Ouiji (the Brooklyn Circus owner) painting the walls of the store in Brooklyn. I started under Ouigi’s wing. Then I wanted to bring Brooklyn back to San Francisco. I found a way to do what I love while still living close to home. I built a bridge for my career and myself. The first thing we did was scout a perfect location. I am mostly involved with art direction, the creative concept and process, never avoiding the creative process.

SFBG: Can we anticipate any Brooklyn Circus collaborations anytime soon? What is your perspective on collaborations?
GG: Brand and image direction is really important to us right now. I have learned the things that you do wrong are just as impactful, if not more impactful, as the right decision. If you make a decision to go left instead of right, you could take the brand into the wrong direction. We want our brand to be here for the long run. We want to practice the fundaments of these big brands that have been here forever. If we do collaborate it just needs to make sense. It has to be a part of the big picture. Only if it a long term endeavor, we stay. The true importance is to stay with your brand vision. For example Porshe had approached Lacoste with a collaboration idea. Although Porshe is a huge company, Lacoste didn’t jump at that opportunity, because it just wasn’t in the DNA of the company. You see what I mean?

SFBG: Would you ever consider starting your own label?
I have thought about it. Mostly small capsule collections though, like wallets, hats, neckwear, things like that. I really enjoy working in a team; I like people to bounce my creative ideas of. I like to think of myself as a visionary.

Yann Martel brushes off the haters

Andrew Lam

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April 22, 2010

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Last night, Yann Martel, author of Life of Pi, and the new spectacularly panned follow up effort Beatrice and Virgil, took the stage at Kabuki Sundance Theater to speak with fellow writer Laura Fraser.

One can almost hear the semi colons when Martell speaks. “What makes life go well is not just external success; it’s how you feel about it.” It’s well and good that he seems relatively undisturbed by reviews of his work, because otherwise he might be a little ruffled these days; despite the phenomenal triumph of Life of Pi, the New York Times reviewer Michiko Kakutani heads up a long list of unimpressed critics, calling the new book “disappointing and often perverse.”

Seen onstage, Martel seems to be too engaged with philosophical conquesting to bog down in such matters.

An exotic biography (born in Spain! Foreign service parents raised him in Costa Rica, France, and Mexico! Employed as a security guard and tree planter before coming to writing full time!) has left Martel with a desire to express the totality of human existence through the simplest narrative possible. All the better to communicate with the rest of the world, something which the author finds his “duty,” albeit a grand one. “It’s no easy fate,” to be endowed with such literary responsibility, he sighs.

Let’s leave aside, for a moment, the slings and arrows of outrageous book critics. What Martel took nine years to come up with in Beatrice and Virgil is what last night’s host Laura Fraser dubbed “meta fiction,” a Rubik’s cube of narrative not unlike Life of Pi’s structure. The book follows a writer who has become disenchanted by criticism from his editors; a character that Martel makes no bones about being a semi-autobiographical representation. The character finds inspiration renewed upon meeting a taxidermist, who needs help writing his own Beckett-like play starring personified characters based on his stuffed donkey and monkey friends that live in his shop. Oh, and the whole thing’s about the Holocaust.

It’s actually a less complicated version of what Martel had planned for the book at one point; a flipbook, “a book with two doors, but no exit,” which read one way would contain an essay about Holocaust lit, and the other, a fictional novel on the genocide.

Martel thinks it’s time to move past the strict rule that the Holocaust must be approached from a historical realist perspective because of the scope of the horror that occurred. By representing tragedy in a “non-literal, compact way,” he argues, the artist is able to create “art as suitcase: light, portable, [and] essential,” and speak to the emotional side of a tragedy where the voices of billions have been blurred into silence. Hence the donkey and monkey. He compares the need for these fictional characters to Orwell’s Animal Farm, Camus’ The Plague, and Picasso’s Guernica. One things for sure, Martel is a well read guy.

See we were totally there! Blurriness is the new artistic thing. Geez. Photo by Paula Connelly

It’s decadent really, the certain, bountifully nerdy joys involved with spending a Wednesday night watching onstage conversation with a book author. Respectful hushes. The discovery of exciting new vocabulary words. Audience opportunities to extrapolate theories of the meaning of titles and character names. Central among these pleasures, the chance to hear a person who has built their life on the solitude of reading and writing speak in front of a crowd. How do they do it, these authors? Masters of the written word, shouldn’t they be slobbering, anti-social messes at public speaking, at human relations in general?

But, scholarly as he may be, he’s well spoken, this Martel. He goes so far in his gregariousness, even, to engage with Canada’s prime minister, Stephen Harper, having sent the head of state a book every two weeks for the past three years to instill in him a deeper appreciation for the arts and their import in the character and integrity of a guy that can run a country. He holds our Prez highly, noting that, in contrast to Stephen’s complete lack of response to the literary missives, Obama sent him a thank you note upon reading Life of Pi.

The whole thing’s mind boggling. A celebrity in the public eye, easeful and unworried in the face of professional turmoil enough to spend his moments onstage discussing why the leader of his country should read a Harlequin romance novel (a. the company is based out of Canada, b. they’ve sold 5.63 billion titles to date)? The man doesn’t appear to be worried. A solid endorsement of any current project, if ere I’ve seen one.