SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.
Today’s Look: Jaquayla, Church and 17th St.
Tell us about your look: “I’m in fashion school at the moment, and I’ve been sewing since the 6th grade. I love making my own clothes and I also make outfits for my kids.”
Sheryl Gould’s dating horror story may not be Valentine’s Day specific, but it was so good we named her the winner of our Valentine’s Day Horror Story contest anyway. Congrats to Gould, who will receive two passes for dinner and a show at Teatro Zinzanni. And condolences to anyone who’s dealt with the kind of date she describes.
TABLE FOR THREE (or THE CALIFORNIA WRATH)
There once was a girl who had grown quite irate
She vowed to never date men from her state
She took one last chance,
In the name of romance
And veered from her path,
Inevitably to face the “California Wrath”
This man, he loved to smoke the green,
His home was immaculate & his body was lean
Minimal & orderly, you could eat off the floor,
No condiments stood in his refrigerator door
A couple of bong rips he was off & running
Even the gabbiest girl would indeed find it stunning
Babbling nonstop, not a breath in between
The excess of his yammer would shock even a teen.
Overlooking the obvious, much to her chagrin
Let the dating mistake begin once again
Caught up in a moment, “adult time” commenced
Disregarding the ominous doom that she sensed
Romping & rolling he was unable to speak
Enabling her (temporarily) to forget he was a geek
In thralls of passion, these words he did utter
(can’t believe I can write this, it just makes me shudder)
“Is your pussy happy” is that what you said?
In horror, she lay there on her back, on his bed
Grammatically erroneous, disgusting & lewd,
Would a response “it’s repulsed” come across rude?
By Andre Torrez
If your frantic scramble to find that last-minute, self-esteem Valentine’s Day date hasn’t panned out, fear not. Saturday’s show at El Rio provides the real excitement this V-Day when the Husbands return to the stage after a year-long hiatus. Blood guts and good ole girl garage rock ‘n’ roll – you can just tell by the flier that it’s gonna be good.
The shrill squeals of guitar and vocal from this trifecta are punk enough to recall the heyday of the Sympathy for the Record Industry label. Take the Demolition Dollrods, mix them with girl groups of the ’60s (i.e., the Shangri-Las, and Shirelles), and then dress them like the Pleasure Seekers. Add a bit of blood for gore factor – and voila! That’s my assessment of the formula that comprises the Husbands’ look and sound.
Justin Juul takes on singular porn hottie Buck Angel in part two of this exclusive SEX SF interview. See part one here.
SFBG: How did people in the porn industry respond to you when you first opened shop?
Angel: Oh man, it was really rough at first. People just thought I was weird, I guess, and they didn’t want to give me a chance. They didn’t want to talk to me, they didn’t want me at their shows, nothing. But, I’m a fucking pioneer, you know, and that’s just how it is when you set out to do something totally unheard of. The situation has changed a lot since I’ve become so successful on my own though. I mean, I just won an AVN award and that’s huge! But it wasn’t easy getting here.
Juliette Tang continues her journey into the altporn world.
Recently, I chatted with Annaliese of the famous altporn site God’s Girls about nudity, tattoos, and DIY photography. In this installment of altporn interviews, I got the chance to talk to Cutter Smith of Altporn.net, the blog to read if you’re a fan of altporn. We literally talked about everything — Cutter is a veritable encyclopedia of altporn knowledge, and his site reflects his thoughtful, intelligent, and knowledgeable obsession with observation of his favorite genre of porn.
SFBG: First, what is the story behind Altporn.net?
SFBG’s Laura Peach checks out local fashion you can afford. Check out her latest installment here.
A tear for the purses of our futures, and a smile for our slimming wallets: San Francisco’s own luxury bag company, Goldenbleu, is dissolving. They are having a huge going out-of-business sale at the Mission Street warehouse tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. Get down to get the very last Goldenbleu goods—sexy strappy sandals, clever double-fold clutches, hot heels and of course those lovely large hold-everything bags—ever to be produced.
SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.
Today’s Look: Evelyn, Mission and 25th St.
Tell us about your look: “I’ll wear anything as long as it’s black.”
Melissa Gira Grant gets deep about the San Francisco sex scene every Thursday on SEX SF.
Interesting sex lives are all alike; but every boring San Francisco sex life is boring in its own way.
“Justin” moved to the Bay Area from Modesto – not seeking some sexual refuge, but heeding that other great siren call, a software engineering job in the Valley. He’s still in his early 20s, and cute in that slight and skinny way. You would never know that he’s got a secondary encrypted operating system running inside his computer just for his transwoman-on-man porn.
Hip San Francisco sex has little room for someone like Justin. That has nothing to do with “internalized” anything on his part, some lack of sophistication it’s all too easy to dismiss. “I know about Diva’s,” Justin tells me, referring to the club for transwomen and the genetic males who admire them. The reason he doesn’t go isn’t because he’s ashamed – it’s because he doesn’t want to come off as some chaser creep. “I’ve spent way too much time objectifying them,” he says. “Which is fake, but at some point, you think that real life might be that way. You know it’s not, but it’s what you see.”
Instead, Justin relies on Craigslist. He probably spends too much time on Casual Encounters, he says, “which is where most of the t4m [transgender-for-male] ads are.”
That is, there aren’t as many ads from transgender women in the regular dating section of Craigslist, and they don’t have a dedicated “seeking” listing except under “miscellaneous romance” – and he’s not just looking to fool around.
Photo of Donny Vomit by Laurie Leber
1st Annual Coney Island Pub Crawl
Freak your foam with the infamous Donny Vomit, a.k.a. Coney Island’s “Human Blockhead,” as he nails SF Beer Week up through his nostril and leads a Mission District pub crawl in celebration of his new Schmaltz Brewery namesake beer. Monk’s Kettle, Amnesia, and Elixir are all on tap. Time to get hammered — with Coney Island Lager, of course!
Fri/13, 5pm-11pm, free ($6 at Amnesia)
Part 1: 5:00 pm – 6:45 pm
Monk’s Kettle
3141 16th St., SF. (415) 865-9523, www.monkskettle.com
Part 2: 7:00 pm – 9:00pm
Amnesia Bar
853 Valencia, SF. (415) 970-0012, www.amnesiathebar.com
Part 3: 9:30 pm – 11:00pm
Elixir
3200 16th St., SF. (415) 552-1633, www.elixirsf.com
By Molly Freedenberg
Vau de Vire heats up Cosmic Love Ball this weekend.
It seemed perfect. When you and your partner met last summer, you agreed you both hate to celebrate Valentine’s Day. But as the holiday approaches, you’re starting to sense that one of you might not be as satisfied with a Saturday night of TV dinners and missionary sex – you know, the same old same old — as previously suggested. If you want your morning BJ on Sunday, you realize, you’re going to have to start planning and shopping. Fast.
That’s where we come in. We’ve compiled a list of (even more) sexy events and creative gift ideas to get — and keep — your honey in the mood. And if you’re single? Perhaps these ideas will help you meet someone you can lie to next year about hating the holidays.
EVENTS
Bawdy Storytelling JellyFish Gallery, 1286 Folsom. Feb. 11, 7-11pm, $5-$15. The series celebrates its second year with a “Coitus Interruptus” themed evening: tales of prurient cessation and carnal comebacks, featuring host Dixie De La Tour, Tim Barsky, Kirk Read, Cathy Goerz, Leo Petropolis, and more. Bring your own bottle.
Cosmic Love Ball 2: Silver & Skin CELLSPACE, 2050 Bryant. www.starsapphire.org.
Feb. 14, 9pm, $10-$15. Star Sapphire, in conjunction with Vau de Vire Society, presents this funky, festive event, featuring performances by Materialized, Vau de Vire dancers, and aerialists; live body painting; and beats by DJs from Green Gorilla, Space Cowboys, and more. Dress up!
Fuck Love, We Want Money The Uptown, 1928 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 451-8100, www.uptownnightclub.com. Feb. 13, 9pm, $10. Black Widows Burlesque, San Francisco’s original gothic strip revue, sexes it up (and maybe scares the shit out of you) bloody Valentine’s style.
Lucky Love 13 Anon Gallery, 285 9th St. www.anonsalon.com. Feb. 13, 9pm, donations welcome. Join the folks responsible for Sea of Dreams (and a host of other kickass parties) for a red and black ball.
I got the tip from Guardian contributor George Chen that he’ll be appearing at an evening of readings and stand-up comedy by Sam McPheeters, George Chen, Deana Uribe at Adobe Book Shop on Feb. 20. Word on the performers:
“Sam McPheeters was born in Ohio in 1969 and raised in upstate New York. He is the former lead singer of Born Against and Wrangler Brutes, a founding member of Men’s Recovery Project, and the owner of the now defunct Vermiform Records. He lives in California with his wife, Tara, and their 11 cats.
SFBG’s Diana Dunkelberger digs her fork into a deliciously local low-price menu every week. Check out her most recent installment here.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch. But a free dinner? At Laïola, yes siree.
A few weeks ago, an odd email tumbled into my inbox. In my experience, most restaurant promos don’t divulge much private information about their customers. This one did. It came from Joe Hargrave, the owner of Marina tapas restaurant Laïola, who apparently tracks his regular customers’ employment status as closely as he does his potato shipments. One regular, he told me, has lost all her clients. Another was laid off a few weeks ago. Now neither has the money to eat at his restaurant, or any restaurant for that matter. “The six degrees of recession separation,” Joe reported glumly, “is down to zero.”
Just when I‘d decided never to set foot inside Laïola, for fear my full employment history would instantly and mysteriously become known, I discovered that there is, in fact, a very good reason to spill the beans: a free dinner. On February 15, you can bring in a friend who was recently laid off (and chances are you have such a friend, or could easily make one up), and Laïola will comp their meal. To make the reservation, just email Joe@Laiola.com.
I felt pretty certain that one or two of our unemployed readers would be interested in free food that didn’t involve pizza and a dorm hall association meeting. So I flashed my Guardian credentials and set out to see for myself what free food, served with pretty garnishes and silverware, tasted like.
It tastes good.
Justin Juul takes on singular porn hottie Buck Angel in part one of this exclusive SEX SF interview.
Buck Angel is a dude who makes a living having sex with other dudes in movies with names like “Buckback Mountain,” “Pig Ass,” and “The Buck Stops Here.” He has huge muscles and tattoos, smokes expensive cigars, and lives in Mexico where people don’t give a shit about anything. But that’s not what makes this dude so cool. Buck Angel is exceptional because he has a pussy instead of a dick.
Buck Angel started his entertainment career way back in ‘80s as a super skinny, super hot, fashion model named Susan. Seriously, he was so hot even Howard Stern wishes he could go back and “do him” (although the feeling isn’t mutual). Modeling was great for a while, but Susan knew she’d never be happy as a woman. So she became a Buck instead.
The Guardian recently sat down with Angel to find out what happens when chicks stop being chicks and start being dudes with vaginas who fuck other dudes for money and fame (or something like that).
Part One: On Being A Man With a Pussy
SFBG: Hey Buck, before we get started, I just want to get one thing straight: you’re a transsexual, right? I admit I’m not too familiar with guys who used to be girls. What do you call yourself?
Buck Angel: Ok, well, I’m obviously not a very politically correct person so this might sound weird, but here’s the deal: a transsexual is someone who changes his or her sex so obviously, I am a transsexual. I’ll always be a transsexual, but I don’t live my life that way. When I think about transsexuals, I think about people who are in the process of going through a sex change. That’s not me. I’m finished with my sex change and I’m a man!
SFBG: So you’re just, like, a dude?
Angel: Exactly.
SFBG: What about your pussy?
Angel: I’m a man with a pussy, dude. It is what it is.
SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.
Today’s Look: Mauricio, Valencia and 21st St.
Tell us about your look: “No comment … “
By Michelle Broder Van Dyke
Wildbirds and Peacedrums‘ pristine and primal music is a hybrid of reverent pop, bare blues, and ecstatic soul music with a twist of pitch and tone that creates an undefinable sonic experience. This sparse expressive pop by Scandinavian vocalist Mariam Wallentin and drummer Andreas Werliin bouncingly builds with just enough simple percussion and vocal intensity to allow space and silence, like unanswerable questions, to hang between sound, asking to be filled in by the listener’s interest and intent.
Powered by feeling-infused drums and goosebump-invoking vocals, W and P’s debut, Heartcore (Leaf, 2008), is a powerful, emotive invitation into the minds of these music school drop-outs/masters.
LOCAL ARTIST: Jane "In Vain" Winkelman
TITLE The Morgue — Welcome (1996, 16 by 20 inches, acrylic on arches paper)
STORY "The constant violence, chaos, stress, rootlessness, illness, death that folks under poverty endure 24/7 … the fact that chronic crisis is the nightmare that is our life … and instead of society lightening this barrage for us, it seems that public policies blame the victim and heap even greater sadistic mockery our way, not helping but actually creating even greater torturous injuries … like sending the menial low-paying jobs to even lower-earning workers across this cesspool planet … or giving the super mega-millionaires and billionaires even bigger bonuses while we struggle to stay alive."
Compiled by Breena Kerr — with a little romance, for the occasion
Mistress Tatiana talks bondage on Mon/16
>> Romance For the Rest of Us with Marcia Baczynski
Ever wondered what to do when your partner asked you to “be more romantic?” According to relationship coach Marcia Baczynski, real romance is not what you think. For anyone who wants to plan an original Valentines day or put more V-day in their day today.
Thu/12, 7pm-8:30pm, $20 sliding scale
The Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF.
415-255-1155
www.centerforsexandculture.com
————
>> My Sucky Valentine!
Thomas Roche invites other San Francisco’s funniest underground writers to share their Valentines holiday horror stories of February 14th foibles and love gone awry. Don’t just sit at home and be jaded- go to this event and turn your V-day disgust into laughter and passion for the spoken word.
Fri/13, 7pm-10pm, $10-$20 sliding scale at door (no one turned away)
The Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF.
415-255-1155
www.centerforsexandculture.com
————
>> Bound Gods Video Party Plus- Male Dungeon Party
Van DarkHolme, producer/director of Kink.com hosts a screening, signing, reception and part-ay that includes BD/SM porn viewing upstairs and “fully equipped” (ie also with lots of willing volunteers) dungeon downstairs. A few volunteer spots are still available — to inquire, email brochlex@comcast.net.
Fri/13, 8pm-1am, $10 for membership, Partners get in free
1277 Mission St, San Francisco
415-626-1746
www.sfcitadelmen.org.
By Johnny Ray Huston. From this week’s “Speed Reading” on SFBG.
By Peter Gidal
Afterall Books
86 pages
$16
It’s too easy, really, to say that an 86-page appreciation of Andy Warhol’s Blow Job is the critical equivalent of the film’s title. One potentially funny — though also provocative — aspect of Blow Job is its 36-minute length, a span of time that would make any jawbone, even a purely imaginary one, ache. As filmmaker and writer Peter Gidal points out, that time span is partially achieved through projection — like Warhol’s screen tests, Blow Job is presented at the silent-film speed of 18 frames per second, though it was shot at 24 or 25 frames per second.
Blow Job — sped up to its shooting time
Grab a hold of your honey (and hiney) and dive into the plush heart-shaped bed of these events …
Alexander Warnow’s “I love you because…” See Art/Fashion Events, Sat/14
PARTIES, EVENTS, AND BENEFITS
Black Valentine Masquerade Club Mighty, 119 Utah; www.mighty119.com. Feb. 13, 10pm-3am, $15. Sunset Promotions and Blasthaus present this all-out party extravaganza, featuring UNKLE’s leading man James Lavelle, Evil Nine, and revelers dressed in dastardly dark costumes.
Bootie — A Special Valentine’s Party DNA Lounge, 375 11th St.; www.bootiesf.com. Feb. 14, 10pm, $12. Celebrate the holiday mash-up style with DJ Freddy, King of Pants, twisted love songs by house band Smash-Up Derby, and a midnight mashup show by Valentine.
CockBlock Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell; 861-2011, cockblocksf.com. Feb. 14, 10pm, $7 . Get your Valentine’s groove on at this queer dance party for lezzies, queers, lovers, and friends, featuring DJ Nuxx.
Date and Dash Noc Noc, 557 Haight; www.dateanddash.com. Feb. 14, 8pm, $35 (free to first 20 people). Speed-dating with a Lower Haight twist. RSVP for red drinks, trendy beats, and a faux auction.
I Heart the Utah Hotel Utah Saloon, 500 Fourth St.; 546-6300, www.thehotelutahsaloon.com. Feb. 14, 9pm, $8. Celebrate the kind of love that lasts — that between a bar and 100 years’ worth of patrons — with oyster shooters, champagne, a costume contest, and live music by El Capitan and Let’s Make Something.
Love on Wheels Dating Game Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell; 861-2011, www.rickshawstop.com. Feb. 13, 6-9pm, free for SFBC members. Join this dating game exclusively for two-wheelers, where bike bachelors and bachelorettes quiz a panel of three cyclists to select their date — and then roll to hip local spots.
Milonga de Amor Ferry Building; 990-8135. Feb. 13, 5:30-8pm, free. Celebrate V-Day, sensuous tango, and slow food.
Sexy Tour of SF Strip Clubs for Singles or Couples (510) 291-9779, www.slinkyproductions.com. Feb. 13, 6-10pm, $99/person or $190/couple, includes entry to all clubs, two drinks, and full-course dinner. Peek into a world of fantasy, glamour, and intrigue with the safety of a fun group and a guide whose expertise is leading women and couples.
By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex.columns here.
Dear Andrea:
During sexual intercourse, what techniques can the woman do with her vagina to make sex feel really good for the man?
Love,
Trixie
Dear Trix:
Why is this question making me laugh? I’m afraid it might be — I’m almost positive it is — the indelibly etched sequence from an early South Park episode, the one where Winona Ryder shoots ping-pong balls … well, maybe you had to have been there. But it’s making me laugh, anyway.
So, what can you do with your vagina that doesn’t involve ping-pong balls? You do know you don’t have to do all that much, right, since the vagina is pretty much already designed evolved to feel good to penises? Unless there is a terrible size mismatch (in either direction, but I was thinking small M/big F), the man is not likely to have too many complaints. Aside from that, oddly, the answer actually is the ping-pong ball trick, or pretty near. Those Patpong ping-pong girls and their sisters, who made that sort of thing famous, were developing their pubococcygeus and associated muscles, doing the famous Kegel exercises. I think Kegels may be overrated — they are good for a lot, but the way they get written up you’d think they could reverse global warming, revive Britney Spears’ career (well, they might could do that), and figure out what to do about Gaza, all on their own. They can’t really do any of those things, but if you develop a whole lotta muscle tone down there, you can perform a modest version of the ping-pong trick and pleasantly surprise a boyfriend. You can add extra lube, you can try that warming stuff, you can play with ice, but mostly what you’re going to be doing is squeezing and releasing to various tempos and with varying degrees of pressure. Other than that, I’m afraid there just aren’t that many tricks the old girl can get up to. I mean, it can juggle, sort of, and do a good approximation of the squirting-flower joke, but it can’t spin plates or do a triple lutz or make an elephant disappear. And if it can make an elephant disappear, I’d really rather not hear about it.
Love,
Andrea
Dear Andrea:
Are there things I can do with my penis that will make sex feel better for my girlfriend? It’s good now, but I was wondering what could make it even better.
Love,
Eager Student
Dear Stu:
By Juliette Tang
Could it happen here?
Ever since the San Francisco Planning Commission denied American Apparel’s request to set up shop in the Mission by a 7-0 vote because of you wonderfully protest-happy people of San Francisco, I’ve been wondering if the battle is really over. American Apparel is already trying to kill us with kindness, by offering anyone with a valid Mission address on their California driver’s license 25% off anything in the store until March 15, possibly because they know that they’d lose approximately 75% of their business in San Francisco if Mission hipsters suddenly decided they didn’t have a fondness for unisex slacks anymore. It’s a nice offer, surely, but personally, I’d feel hypocritical for using it.
As we’ve seen in this struggle, American Apparel is an aggressive corporation with a lot of muscle. It’s nice that they’re appeasing Mission residents with this 25% off offer — though in these tough times, even with the discount, I don’t know many people who want to spend $25 on a disco unitard. [Ed Note: And the offer will drive business out of the Mission! Clever, clever.] But what if the assault doesn’t end here? What if the olive branch is just a way for American Apparel to pull the wool over our eyes, while they hatch their plot to punish San Francisco for denying them access to Valencia Street? Remember that the term “kill with kindness” originated in Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, from Petruchio’s line: “This is a way to kill a wife with kindness,” and ultimately refers to the following tactic: divert attention, then attack.
I’m not saying we should boycott American Apparel. I’m saying that if we have to go into battle once again, we need to be just as prepared as we were for the last one. After much study and consideration, I present to you a countdown of eight possible revenge attacks by American Apparel, after the jump.
By Todd Lavoie
Prepare to be riveted – loop-and-layer-loving Argentine experimentalist Juana Molina will be bringing her bewilderingly intricate electronic/acoustic hybrids to the stage of the Great American Music Hall Friday, Feb. 13.
If you’ve wondered how the impossibly layered constructions of her recordings could ever translate to the live setting – here’s your chance. Having caught her solo Swedish Hall performance from a couple of years ago, I can attest to her ability to mesmerize. Armed with an acoustic guitar and a battery of electronics and effects pedals, she didn’t merely perform her songs – instead, she built them from the ground up, laying down basic components at the beginning of each song and gradually adding them together one by one.
Each week Justin Juul highlights a rad upcoming local sexy event
What: “XOXO Third Annual All-Mediums Nude Art Show” is a mixed-media exhibition featuring local artists obsessed with boobs and butts. All paintings, sculptures, and photosets are based around the idea that clothes suck and that if you can’t even admit that on Valentine’s Day, then so do you. Sounds by DJ Gold, Ultraset, DJ Mama Bear, and Chuck the Naked Saxophone Player. Curated by Go Go Gracie Gallery.
Who: In a perfect world, Chuck Hepburn, aka Chuck the Naked Saxophone Player, would have enough time for all of his hobbies: physics, the saxophone, and nude modeling. But sometimes it’s just not possible. Or at least, that’s what the government and the police would have us believe. Bullshit!
SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.
Today’s Look: Marianna, 19th St. and Castro
Tell us about your look: “My whole outfits is from a bunch of different thrift stores … the shoes, the jacket and the shirt.”
