George McIntire

W. Kamau Bell returns triumphant to the Bay, needs burrito

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Attention burrito vendors of the Mission, there is a sale to be made at the arrivals gate of SFO this weekend when newly-minted TV star W. Kamau Bell makes his triumphant return to the city in which he spent 15 years honing his comedic chops. He is aching for a Mission burrito like this city is aching for a more efficient MUNI system.

Culinary yearnings aside, this Sunday Bell headlines a standup show at the Fillmore as part of his “Kamau Mau Uprising” tour. The tour’s moniker should come as no surprise to those who are familiar with Bell’s politically progressive, acerbic wit.

These days, that category includes more people than ever. Earlier this year Bell ditched left our lovely 49-square-mile patch for Gotham when he was offered his own TV show on FX (Thursdays at 11:30pm). And it looks like he’ll be spending more time back east — said show Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell just got picked up for a second season that will start January 17.

In the inaugural season of Totally Biased, Bell and his crew of writers have covered a lot of ground, exploring the differences between Sikhs and Sheiks, sweet potato and pumpkin pies. They’ve made a fake PSA telling men to stay home and watch porn on Election Day instead of vote, and watched presidential election returns with the Brooklyn Young Republicans (some of whom are not, it turns out, are not so young.)

Now that both he and President Obama will be back in 2013, Bell looks forward to holding our Commander in Chief to task. Right before the Thanksgiving Break, and just hours after finding out his show got renewed, the self-proclaimed “billionth most famous person in the history of New York” took some time to chat with the Guardian about his homecoming, and on what makes a San Francisco comedian different from those from NY, LA, or Boston. Plus, on whether he’ll ever drop a “hella” on Totally Biased.

SFBG: In the past you’ve referred to Totally Biased executive producer Chris Rock as the “foul-mouthed Yoda.” How far along have you come in your Jedi training?

Assuming that this is the original prequel, I would say I’m probably halfway through the first movie. Although Yoda wasn’t in the first movie, so I’m screwing up my nerd status, but I’m at the very beginning of the Jedi training, if it’s Empire Strikes Back, I’m at the point where I lifted the thing out and then I got scared.

SFBG: What’s Mr. Rock’s involvement in the show? Is he more hands-on or hands-off?

WKB: I just talked to him and he literally said, “I’m around if you need me, call me.” He’s as available as we need him and he jokes that’s he’s on sabbatical from show business because he has no projects right now. He comes to all the tapings, but then again he also wants this to be my show so he allows me to use him as much or as little as I want to. Overall, I’ve used him a lot less than people thought I would.

SFBG: Would you say that your show is in competition with The Colbert Report and Daily Show?

WKB: Not really, but I would say that they’re a standard that we’re measuring ourselves against. You know, I’m just the new guy who likes “Hey guys can I hang out!” We’re certainly aiming for a lot of the same people, but I think that by the nature of Totally Biased we’re also reaching a group of way different people.

SFBG: Do you ever plan on saying hella during the show?

WKB: Here’s the thing, by the time I moved to San Francisco, I knew if I started saying hella, people from Chicago would think I had lost my mind. On the back of the set, we have these designs and there are a couple of Bay Area shout-outs and that’s the closest I’ll get to saying hella on air.

SFBG: How did your stand-up show Ending Racism in a Hour prep you for Totally Biased?

WKB: When I wrote that show, the idea behind it was: what kind of show would I write if I was famous? I would have a screen, I would have a computer, I would talk about the world, I would talk about racism all the time, and I would be very topical.

So I did Ending Racism the way I would do it if I had a TV show and through lots of luck and hard work I ended up with Totally Biased. I know for sure that I would not have gotten Totally Biased if I had just done stand up. And by the time Chris saw me at the UCB (Upright Citizens Brigade) Theatre in New York, I had already been doing for about three or four years.

SFBG: Do you have writers from the Bay?

WKB: Janine Brito, Kevin Avery, Kevin Kataoka, and Nato Green.

SFBG: What’s the history of your relationships with them?

WKB: I used to do “Siskel & Negro” with Kevin Avery, who’s from San Jose, on Live 105 back in the day and I met him right when I moved out to San Francisco. We did a lot of shows together, we were writing partners and almost got hired to do a D.L. Hughley show for CNN.

Kevin Kataoka is originally from Oakland and I met him when I first moved to San Francisco, in the SF comedy scene. He actually introduced me to Chuck Scolar who’s an executive producer of the show, and he’s the guy who introduced me to Chris Rock.

I’ve said many times that Janine is my comedy daughter, who’s this little hipster, half Cuban, all lesbian. I met Nato on the scene about six or seven years ago, so I had already been on the scene by the time I had met Nato and Janine.

Myself, Nato, Janine, and at one point Hari Kondabolu (fellow TB writer) had a three-headed standup comedy monster called “Laughter Against the Machine” that we started in the Bay Area and the New Parish in Oakland was the home base for that show. We’re currently working on a documentary about going on the road last year to various political hotspots in America.

SFBG: What’s your take on the SF comedy scene?

WKB: The thing about San Francisco is that it always has had a good reputation as a good comedy city. Ever since Mort Sahl stepped on stage at The Hungry i in the ‘50s San Francisco has had a great reputation as a comedy town. Even though we’re not the biggest city, all the greats come through San Francisco.

I remember seeing [Dave] Chappelle when I moved to town, and he was already packing the club despite not being nationally famous. This is was big because this was before the Internet took hold. He was already a legend and I remember one night when he was stage and he said yeah I just finished filming this movie and it’s all about weed! I saw him go to the next level when he got his own show, and so San Francisco is a great city for developing comedic talent.

If you come up in the San Francisco comedy scene, clubs like The Punchline and Cobb’s are loyal to local talent if you show loyalty to them. You will work with the best in the business. I’ve heard that New York comics say that San Francisco comics know more headliners and have more personal relationships with headliners than New York comics do because San Francisco comics hang out a lot before and after shows, whereas in New York everyone is always running to the next thing. The city is known for having good comedians but there’s not a style called “San Francisco comedian.” You can pick out a Boston, New York, or LA comedian but you can’t really pick out a San Francisco comedian.

SFBG: How does it feel to headline a show at The Fillmore?

WKB: In some sense that’s bigger than getting a TV show [laughs] when they said that I was going to play The Fillmore, I thought “wait a minute! It’s too soon!” And time will tell if it is too soon. It’s just weird to me that it’s happening now. I think a lot of it is because I’ve built up a name in the Bay Area.

SFBG: Will you have time to stop by your old spots?

WKB: I’ll have a chance to visit my old spots and look at the “did that really happen?!” look on people’s faces.

SFBG: What are places and things you miss the most about the Bay Area?

WKB: The one thing overall that both my wife — who’s from Monterrey — and I miss most is that the style of living in Northern California is so easy. When I think about my time in San Francisco, even walking outside my house, it feels like a baby bird being born. When I think about New York, every time I walk out of my house, I feel like a paratrooper jumping out of a plane. And there are definitely five or six Mission burritos in my future because New York does not understand how burritos work.

I also want to go back to The Punchline on a Sunday night where all of it really started for me. That place is my mecca. I just need to go there and walk around the stage seven times and really reflect on all that is happening. And oh! I’ll be probably ride the N-Judah and visit my old block of Ninth and Irving.

SFBG: I know you just found out about the second season but now that the election is over and your boy is back for a second term what direction do you think the show will be taking?

WKB: My career and act has followed Obama’s presidency and a lot of comics say it would have been better if Mitt Romney had won and I’m like noooooo this black president thing has worked out for me nicely. And the great thing about Romney being gone is that now we can actually talk about Obama from a more critical angle. Now we can talk about how Obama is not a great president, we can talk about Guantanamo and immigration. I don’t just want to be a cheerleader.

The Kamau Mau Uprising

Sun/9, 8pm, $29.50

The Fillmore 

1805 Geary, SF

www.thefillmore.com

On the Cheap Listings

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Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 21

Pre-Thanksgiving Farmers Market Ferry Plaza, SF. www.cuesa.org. 10am-2pm, free. If you want to really impress your incoming family members with a fine and sustainable T-Day spread, then you must head to town’s most swank farmers market to take care of last-minute shopping. Watch for the free recipe booklets staff will be handing out if you need ideas for what to actually do with all those veggies.

THURSDAY 24

Vegetarian/vegan Thanksgiving potluck The Loughborough Center, 1184 Broderick, SF. RSVP at (415) 498-0385. 3pm, $1 donation with food contribution, $10 without contribution. East Bay: Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Church, 1606 Bonita, Berk. RSVP at howarddy@gmail.com or (510) 562-9934. 4pm, $2 donation with food contribution, $12 without contribution. Intentional community is the name of the game at these two animal-free potlucks, sponsored by the venerable SF Vegetarian Society. Cook for your fellow veg-heads this year. Vegan dishes are preferred. Bring utensils and plates to minimize landfill impact. Give thanks for healthy food, and an aware community.

FRIDAY 23

Pizzichillo and Gordon glass art Pizzichillo and Gordon Studio, 2680 Union, Oakl. (510) 832-8380, www.quepasaglass.com. Through Dec/15. Opening reception: 10am-4pm, free. Bruce Pizzichillo and Dari Gordon have been making vibrant and unique pieces of glass artwork since 1980, and are inviting you to peruse this assemblage of their masterpieces, featuring vases, bowls, pitchers, and jewelry. Take note, those of you looking to buy arty gifts for friends, relatives, and anyone you hold dear in your life — this is a great place for local browsing.

Language of Cloth winter pop-up sale The Language of Cloth, 650A Guerrero, SF. (415) 431-7761, www.thelanguageofcloth.com. Open every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday through Dec.30. 10am-6pm, free. If you’re looking for gifts that possess color and personality, look no further than this temporary story in a Mission garage. The man behind the sale is Daniel Gundlach, who is so committed to providing San Francisco with quality textiles he goes on yearly excursions to countries like Thailand and Laos, sometimes spending half the year in Indonesia.

Food Social The New Parish, 579 18th St., Oakl. (510) 409-0651, www.food-social.org. 5-9pm, $5. An event on the opposite of the stress spectrum from Black Friday shopping, FuncheapSF would like you to come by and relax in Oakland’s Uptown neighborhood. A $5 ticket gets you a complimentary beer and a raffle ticket to win prizes such as an iPad Mini. Good food, good music, good vibes, why would you ever hit the mall?

SATURDAY 24

Craftswomen Celebration Herbst Pavilion, Fort Mason, SF. (650) 615-6838, www.celebrationofcraftswomen.org. Sat/24-Sun/25 and Dec. 1-2, 10am-5pm, free. Over 150 female artists display their fine arts and crafts at the 34th year of this fair. Come by to shop, to eat, to listen to live music, and place a bet in the silent auction.

SUNDAY 25

Treasure Island Flea Market Great Lawn, Ave of the Palms, Treasure Island, SF. www.treasureislandflea.com. 10am-4pm, $3. Treasure Island isn’t just some place that hosts a kick ass festival once a year every October, other things happen there too. One of the non-Treasure Island Music Festival happenings is the Treasure Island Flea Market where there’ll be various designers, outdoor exhibits, scavenger hunts, and food trucks present.

Womyn of Color Arts and Crafts Show La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck, Berk. (510) 849-2568, www.lapena.org. 10:30am-4:30pm, free. This East Bay center of song, dance, art, and community hosts a gift fair showcasing women of color, for the 18th year in a row.

MONDAY 26

Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me The Booksmith, 1644 Haight, SF. (415) 863-8688, www.booksmith.com. 7:30pm, free. Storytelling is a much a part of Ellen Forney as fog is a part of SF weather. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder before her 30th birthday, Forney turned what most people saw as an obstacle into inspiration for her new book and memoir Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me. Come hear her talk about her struggles and triumphs with bipolar disorder.

TUESDAY 27

"Native Plants of San Francisco" St. Philip’s Catholic Church, 725 Diamond, SF. (415) 750-9986, www.sanfranciscohistory.com. 7pm, $5. Despite being the second densest big city in the country, San Francisco is blessed with stunning native flora. Native San Franciscan and natural world devotee Greg Gaar would like to inform you on the evolution of our fair city’s beaches, coastal prairies, trees, creeks, lakes, and marshes at his presentation at the St. Philip’s Church, sponsored by the SF History Association.

Nerd Nite The Stork Club, 2330 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 444-6174, www.eastbay.nerdnite.com. 7pm, $8. Calling all nerds! Calling all nerds! Last month’s East Bay Nerd Nite was so well-received, organizers are presenting an encore of the geekalicious event. At this installment, there’ll be talks by a UC Berkeley low-temperature physicist and a presentation by a chemist on all things luminescent.

The reason for the season

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culture@sfbg.com

HOLIDAY GUIDE With the presidential election over, we are reminded that though our quest for reproductive rights and LGBTQ equality may continue unabated, making a difference must not be limited to a “Ya Voté” sticker every four years. Here’s a brief list of ways to do good this season, including community gardening, beach cleanups, and gift fairs where you can shop for a good cause.

VOLUNTEER

Outdoorsy types take note. SFGRO (www.sfgro.com) has a mission to elevate the profile of community gardening in San Francisco, and to provide support to local gardeners. You can do your part by helping out in the following areas: composting, garden safety and security, resource material development, administrative tasks, and fundraising. Jump into the mix all over the city: the De Haro, Dearborn, Alioto Mini-Park, Page Street, and Potrero Del Sol gardens all need help.

You can also help out at Hayes Valley Farm (450 Laguna, SF. www.hayesvalleyfarm.com) during it’s last winter. The farm is set to be turned back over to the city next year, at which point founder Jay Rosenburg hopes enough people will have learned agriculture skills at the farm to continue its mission elsewhere. “It will create a big fireworks explosion and everything we’ve created here will break off to little pieces all over town,” he recently told Edible San Francisco.

Help maintain the beauty of the five-mile-long Ocean Beach with the Surfrider Foundation‘s regular cleanups. Bonus: they’ll give you a chance to commune with our sandy spaces in the winter, when the waves are at their most ruggedly beautiful (Next events: Dec. 4 and 18, 10am-noon. Ocean Beach, Stairway No. 17, SF; Dec. 31, 10am-noon. Baker Beach, SF. sf.surfrider.org)

In the North Bay, we suggest you peruse the various opportunities available through Volunteer Marin (555 Northgate Drive, San Rafael. (415) 479-5710, www.volunteermarin.org.) The organization solicits requests from local nonprofits for donations or volunteer time. Its altruistic options include preparing and serving holiday meals, donating food, clothing, or requested gifts, and decorating or wrapping presents.

We are very much proud to say that San Francisco is home to the oldest toy drive in the whole country. The organization responsible for this is our beloved San Francisco Fire Department (www.sffirefighterstoys.org.) Find the nearest fire station to you and be part of the effort to get gifts to over 40,000 disadvantaged children.

Although many homeless shelters tend to fill up their volunteer shifts early on during the holiday season, head to At The Crossroads (Dec. 12, 6-8pm. 333 Valencia, SF. (415) 487-0691, www.atthecrossroads.org), when volunteers are needed to assemble care packages for homeless youth in city.

Kids Enjoy Exercise Now (www.keensanfrancisco.org) is an awesome national organization whose mission is promote physical activity among kids and young adults who have developmental disabilities. KEEN is recruiting people to be volunteer coaches, and those who sign up will be paired with an athlete for hours of fun and games — an easy thing to do that’ll make a big difference in a young person’s life.

And finally, for those of us too lazy or computer-bound to do anything besides point-and-click this holiday season, we present to you Games that Give (www.gamesthatgive.net) Play an online game like solitaire or mini-golf and for every 10 seconds you’re occupied — and viewing the site’s sponsors’ ads — a charity of your choice receives a certain amount of funds.

GIFTS THAT GIVE BACK

One thing people in the Bay Area love to brag about is our access to a wide selection of some of the best wines in the world — which many will be taking full advantage of this holiday season. Sometimes the vast number of options can be anxiety-inducing, which is why we recommend ONEHOPE (www.onehopewine.com), a socially-conscious winery that donates 50 percent of its profits to partner charities and has raised over $750,000 to date.

It’s not only one of the largest events recognizing women’s craft in the nation — the Women’s Building’s Celebration of Craftswomen (Dec. 2, 9am-1pm, free. Fort Mason, SF. (650) 615-6838, www.celebrationofcraftswomen.org) is a great place to satisfy your gift-giving needs. Note: an event as big is this requires all hands on deck — the organization would love your help in admissions, crowd monitoring, relief for exhibitors, plus organizing the raffle and silent auction.

One of our favorite entrepreneurship programs in the city puts together an amazing assemblage of its graduates just in time for your eight crazy nights or stocking stuffing. La Cocina’s Gift Bazaar (Dec. 7, 1-7pm, free. Crocker Galleria, 50 Post, SF. (415) 824-2729, www.giftbazaarsf.com) presents a pageantry-filled flea market dedicated to showcasing foodie goodies and handcrafted/artisan gifts.

This is the first year that the Contemporary Jewish Museum (736 Mission, SF. (415) 655-7800, www.cjm.org) has published a gift catalogue featuring its gift shop’s treasures, like modern-eclectic menorahs — one of which is shaped a cable car — artisan jewelry, and children’s toys. All sales proceeds benefit the museum’s ongoing efforts to bring Jewish art, history, and culture to the Bay Area.

Meals on Wheels (www.mowsf.org) would to invite you and yours to put those creative aptitudes to work brightening the holidays for the elderly and handicapped. Wrap and stuff gifts, and make holidays card for distribution to the group’s meal recipients during the first two weeks of December.

Run over by a reindeer

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culture@sfbg.com

EVENTS

Union Square ice-skating rink Union Square, SF. www.unionsquareicerink.com. Through Jan. 16, 10 a.m.-11:30 p.m. except for when closed for private parties, $10 for 90-minute session. Sweetheart, the rink is open, grab my hand and try not to twist an ankle as we glide in circles around downtown’s living room.

Westin St. Francis sugar castle Westin St. Francis, Landmark Lobby, 335 Powell, SF. www.westinstfrancis.com. Through Jan. 24, on view 24 hours/day. Don’t lick it. For although this ever-growing sweet behemoth which each holiday season occupies the lobby of downtown’s classic luxury digs with its 1,300 pounds, 20 towers, 30 rooms, and sugar replicas of 2012’s movers and shakers has a hold on our heart, its original dimensions were sugar-spun back in 2005. Incredibly made, undeniably festive, but altogether inappropriate for dietary purposes.

Jack London Square holiday tree lighting Jack London Square, Oakl. www.jacklondonsquare.com. Nov. 30, 4:30-7pm, free. Performances by Disney-approved pop stars! Reindeer petting zoo! Miss California 2012 and a kids dress-up station with costumes from the Oakland Ballet! You’ll be hard-pressed not to find some holiday cheer at this annual lighting of Jack London’s fir tree for the masses.

Oakland-Alameda Estuary Lighted Yacht Parade Visible from Jack London Square, Oakl. www.lightedyachtparade.com. Dec. 1, 5:30pm, free. Let those cheeks get rosy, it’s boat-watching time. This yearly tradition sees the yacht owners of the East Bay putting their aquatic rides on display, stringing bulbs galore across decks and sails.

Festival of lights Union between Van Ness and Steiner, Fillmore between Union and Lombard, SF. www.sresproductions.com. Dec. 1, 3-7pm, free. Wiggle your nose at Santa at this explosion of twinkly tinsel and Cow Hollow reindeer — today Union Street puts on the holiday glitz and lays out the welcome mat. Cudworth Mansion (2040 Union) will be hosting a cupcake-decorating session from 3:30-5:30pm, at which Old St. Nick himself will make an appearance out front.

Golden Gate Park holiday tree lighting McLaren Lodge, 501 Stanyan, SF. www.sfrecpark.org. Dec. 6, 5pm, free. A tradition started by Golden Gate Park grandfather and San Francisco’s first park superintendent John McLaren in 1929, the lighting of the tree returns to Fell Street for the 83rd year in a row. Accompanying fanfare includes live performances, carnival rides, and a visit from Saint Nick.

Great Dickens Christmas Fair Cow Palace, 2600 Geneva, SF. www.dickensfair.com. Fri/23 and Sat.-Sun. Sat/24-Dec. 23, 10am-7pm, $21-25. For an ace weekend drunk this holiday season, toodle over to the Cow Palace. Once ensconced in the warm period embrace of the Dickens Fair, you will have the run of five bars (absinthe!), a multitude of meat pie shoppes, hilarious accents, near-constant stage shows, and the company of “famous Victorians,” including Charles Dickens and Her Majesty, the queen herself.

Family holiday crafts day Randall Museum, 199 Museum Way, SF. (415) 554-9600, www.randallmuseum.org. Dec. 1, 10am-3pm, free admission, activities fees vary. Bring the kiddos to the always-free-admission Randall Museum so they can spend the morning making holiday decorations and gifts. Cap off the morning with a performance by Asian American performance troupe Eth-Noh-Tec and its fusion of ancient and contemporary movement.

Community Hanukkah candle lighting Jewish Community Center, 3200 California, SF. (415) 292-1200, www.jccsf.org. Dec. 8-14, 4:30pm, free. Join up with your neighbors for the Jewish Community Center’s daily lighting of the menorah in the building’s atrium. Attend the Shabbat celebration on Dec. 14 for a family storytelling session, grape juice, hallah, and Hanukkah gelt.

Bill Graham Menorah Day Union Square, SF. www.chabadsf.org. Dec. 9, festivities start at 3pm, menorah lighting at 5pm, free. Each day from December 8-15, a candle will be ceremoniously lit on the Bill Graham mahogany menorah, a gift from the famous San Francisco promoter to his city. But on the 9th, Bill Graham Menorah Day festivities will occupy Union Square, a beautiful beginning to the Festival of Lights in the city.

Public library winter celebration Bernal Heights Library, 500 Cortland, SF. www.sfpl.org. Dec. 12, 6:30-8:30pm, free. The library’s got all kinds of free holiday programming this year, from cupcake-decorating and card-making to a magic show with a winter wonderland theme. Today’s no exception: join the Bernal Heights community for a kid-friendly celebration featuring the Bernal Jazz Quintet, refreshments, and children’s movies.

Frosting the Conservatory Conservatory of Flowers, 100 John F. Kennedy, SF. (415) 831-2090, www.conservatoryofflowers.org. Dec. 15, 11am-3pm, $10. Make your own ginger-greenhouse at this event amid the hothouse blooms of the Conservatory of Flowers. This events gets our thumbs-up for guaranteed toastiness, because being warm and cozy is a pre-req for Christmas cheer.

Jewish Christmas with Broke Ass Stuart The Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St., SF. www.makeoutroom.com. Dec. 25, 5-11pm, $10. Strip dreidel set to the tune of streaming Woody Allen, Larry David, and Sascha Baron Cohen footage sounds like our kind of Christmas. Such was the vision of DJ Matt Haze and host Broke Ass Stuart, who designed this kitschy extravaganza for all of you (Chosen and Left Behind alike) who can’t stomach staying in on a perfectly good day off. Did we mention there will be a Chinese food buffet?

Kwanzaa celebration Bay Area Discovery Museum, 557 McReynolds, Sausalito. www.baykidsmuseum.org. Dec. 26, 9am-5pm, free. A traditional Kwanzaa altar will greet you upon arriving at the kids museum’s celebration of African-American culture, featuring two performance (at 11am and 1pm) by African Roots of Jazz.

PERFORMANCE

The Christmas Ballet Various times and Bay Area locations. www.smuinballet.org. Nov. 23 — Dec. 23, $25-65. Back by popular demand, the Smuin Ballet Company returns with this annual production, split this year into two acts: “Classical Christmas” and “Cool Christmas.” Both promise eye-opening, energetic entertainment set to eclectic tunes from Elvis to klezmer.

A Christmas Carol American Conservatory Theatre, 415 Geary, SF. (415) 749-2228, www.act-sf.org. Nov. 30-Dec. 24, various times, $20–$160. Stressful election year and rumors of apocalypse tightened those purse strings? Exorcise your inner Scrooge at this classic stage production of Charles Dickens’ terrifying ode to generosity and kindness towards diminutive children.

The Golden Girls: The Christmas Episodes Victoria Theatre, 2961 16th St., SF. www.victoriatheatre.org. Dec. 6-30, Thu.-Sat. 8pm, Sun. 7pm, $30. Our cover girl Cookie Dough co-stars as Sophia Petrillo in this now-traditional SF holiday stage production of the classic sitcom that employs more shoulder pads, even, than the original TV show. You’ll never know a catty elderly network television star until you’ve seen her re-enacted by a drag queen. Buy tickets pronto, the shows usually sell out.

California Revels Oakland Scottish Rite Center, 1547 Lakeside, Oakl. (510) 452-8800, www.californiarevels.org. Dec. 7-9, 13-15. Fridays 8pm, Saturdays and Sundays 1 and 5pm, $20-55. Feast and family are cornerstones of this annual interactive period piece performance celebrating the winter solstice. Hoist your mead and turkey leg and sway to the music, friends, good times will be upon ye here.

The Nutcracker Palace of Fine Arts, 3301 Lyon, SF. www.cityballetschool.org. Dec. 8, 2pm & 7pm; Dec. 9, 2pm, $20. Yes, everyone does The Nutcracker. At this point, it’s like the Rocky Horror Picture Show of ballet. (Would that ballet patrons donned Rat King costumes to attend!) Embrace the tradition, and check out the City Ballet School’s production of a classic.

Charles Phoenix Retro Holiday Show Empress of China Ballroom, 838 Grant, SF. www.charlesphoenix.com. Dec. 12, 8pm, $25. The creator of the Cherpumple, a pie-stuffed cake concoction that rises to the dizzying heights of kitsch, humorist Charles Phoenix celebrates the retro in every occasion. Tonight, he regales the crowd with tales of his favorite SF landmarks, road trips, and yes, feats of food fantasy.

Holiday youth mariachi concert Mission Cultural Center for Latino Arts, 2868 Mission, SF. www.missionculturalcenter.org. Dec. 14, 7:30-9pm, $15. Three mariachi troupes made of young people join forces for this exciting holiday program. The hat-dropping, guitar plucking action will be highlighted by Zenon Barron’s Mexican youth folk dance class.

The Snowman Davies Symphony Hall, 201 Van Ness, SF. (415) 864-6000, www.sfsymphony.org. Dec. 22, 11am, $13.50-57. Even the smallest budding season ticket holder will find this film-symphony presentation of Joe Nesbø’s classic children’s book a welcome boost to their holiday cheer. The animated version of this story of a youg’n’ whose bud is a Frosty-like chap will soar when paired with the world-class musicians of the SF Symphony.

Kung Pao Kosher Comedy New Asia Restaurant, 772 Pacific, SF. www.koshercomedy.com. Dec. 22-25, various times, $44-64. There’s nothing like having dinner on Christmas to up your alterna (or simply, not pan-Christian) cred. Add stand up comedy and you have a winning formula, which is obvious from the longevity of Lisa Gedulig’s annual show. This year features yucks from Judy Gold, Mike Capozzola, and Adrianne Tolsch.

Clairdee’s Christmas Yoshi’s San Francisco, 1330 Fillmore, SF. (415) 655-5600, www.yoshis.com. Dec. 24, 8pm, $20. Everything could use a little soul in lives and the holidays are no exception. Come hear the sounds of soul-jazz vocalist Clairdee, and soak in her ensemble’s rhythmic takes on Christmas standards.

“Holiday Memories” double feature A rare 16mm showing of Dylan Thomas’ A Child’s Christmas in Wales will be accompanied by a screening of The Sweater, a tale of a young hockey player’s passion for the sport, and the dangers that come of wearing the wrong jumper. Dec. 22, 2pm, Exploratorium, 3601 Lyon, SF. (415) 563-7337, www.exploratorium.edu

PEACE ON EARTH

Darkness and Light: A Hanukkah Meditation Retreat Jewish Community Center, 3200 California, SF. (415) 292-1200, www.jccsf.org. Dec. 9, 10am-5pm, $50-60. No prior experience is needed for this day-long workshop on finding the light within during the Hanukkah season. Sitting and walking meditation will be covered — the perfect primer for a month that can try the patience of even the most festive reveler.

Winter solstice ceremony San Francisco Zen Center, 300 Page, SF. (415) 863-3136, www.sfzc.org. Dec. 21, 6:15pm, free. Recharge on the longest night of the year in the peaceful confines of the SF Zen Center. The crowd here promises to be made of meditation newbies, Zen Center students, and all those in-between. It will also be your best bet to avoid jingles and tinsel, if that’s what your body is craving at this point.

Reclaiming’s Sing Up The Sun ritual Inspiration Point parking lot, Tilden Park, Berk. www.reclaiming.org. Dec. 21, 6:30am, free. Wake up before the sun does to greet it on this, the day of the year when it spends the least time out of its bed. A pagan celebration, you’re welcome to bring musical instruments and a warm Thermos of liquid to the community gathering.

GIFTS

Celebration of Craftswomen Herbst Pavilion, Fort Mason Center, SF. (650) 615-6838, www.celebrationofcraftswomen.org. Nov. 24-25, Dec. 1-2, 10am-5pm, $9 or $12 two-day pass. The first edition of this alternative holiday fair took place 34 years ago at the now-defunct Old Wives’ Tales Bookstore on Valencia Street with 22 female makers-of-things. Today, the event fills the Herbst Pavilion, features 150 juried artists and a mini-film festival. It’s still the best place for feminist shopping, some things don’t change.

Holiday Design Bazaar Intersection for the Arts, 925 Mission, No. 109, SF. www.artsedmatters.org. Nov. 30, 5-8pm; Dec. 1, noon-6pm, free. An arts fair with 25 local creators, plus live music and refreshments that may well make a difference in our kids’ art education. The event is a benefit for Arts Ed Matters, a group that is looking to build community support for art in schools.

Creativity Explored holiday art sale Creativity Explored, 3245 16th St., SF. www.creativityexplored.org. Dec. 1-2, noon-5pm, free. Shop at this studio for developmentally-disabled artists and half of your bill will go straight into their pocket — standard practice for Creativity Explored, which has been the real-deal spot for outsider art in San Francisco since 1983.

Paxton Gate holiday party Dec. 1, 3-6pm at Paxton Gate’s Curiosities for Kids, 766 Valencia; 8-10pm at Paxton Gate, 824 Valencia, SF. (415) 824-1872, www.paxtongate.com. One of the city’s most beloved families of taxidermy/kid’s toys/nursery shops, Paxton Gate is turning two decades of age this weekend. What better time to shop there? And what better to get your face painted “Victorian-style” (?!), check out stilt walkers and an accordionist-ballerina duo, and eat snacks during the day at its kids location — then walk two doors down later that night for more circus freakery, door prizes and a Hendrick’s gin open bar at 826 Valencia’s pirate shop?

Palestinian Craft Fair Middle East Children’s Alliance office, 1101 Eighth St., Berk. www.mecaforpeace.org. Dec. 1-2, 10am-5pm, free. Sip Arabic coffee while you paw through painted ceramics from Gaza, children’s book, scarves, West Bank olive oil, and more at this chance to support a nonprofit benefiting craftspeople living in Palestine — a particularly salient cause in this year of war and turmoil.

Bazaar Bizarre Concourse Exhibition Center, East Hall, 620 Seventh St., SF. www.bazaarbizarre.org. Dec. 1-2, 11am-6pm, free. This traveling indie craft fair stocks all the twee and yippee you need to get your gift recipients in your pocket. New in 2012: a mini-version of Forage SF’s Underground market, for all your small biz-sourced holiday edible needs.

Muir Beach Quilters Holiday Arts Fair Muir Beach Community Center, 19 Seascape, Muir Beach. www.muirbeach.com/quiltersfair. Dec. 1, 10am-5pm, Dec. 2 10am-4pm, free. Make a blustery beach journey that has time to spare for handicraft browsing. This annual gift fair stocks locally-made knickknacks by local groups (Muir Beach Garden Club included), and has more than retail opportunities. Hands-on crafts bars will stoke the creative fire of kids and big person shoppers alike.

La Cocina Gift Bazaar Crocker Galleria, 50 Post, SF. www.giftbazaarsf.com. Dec. 7, 1-7pm, free. You’re not going to have problems finding foodie-friendly presents at this fair — but getting them safely to their intended destination sans bite marks might be a problem. La Cocina business incubator program graduates Clairesquares, Onigilly, Love & Hummus Co., Chiefo’s Kitchen, and more will all have their wares for sale.

East Bay Alternative Book and Zine Fest Berkeley City College, 2050 Center, Berk. Dec. 8, 10am-5pm, donations suggested. www.eastbayalternativebookandzinefest.com. For the indie comic nerds on your list, you’ll want to check out this expo of all things zine. Talks by New Yorker illustrator Erik Drooker and Go the Fuck to Sleep author Adam Mansbach spice up the fair’s schedule and there’s rumor of a dance party to take place at day’s end.

KPFA Crafts Fair Concourse Exhibition Center, 635 Eighth St., SF. www.kpfa.org/craftsfair. Dec. 8-9, 10am-6pm, $10. Our public radio station hosts 220 artists and their wares for this no-brainer shopping weekend. Pick up unique wrapables from leather fashion to gourmet snacks to lotions and creams to pamper your loved ones.

Mercado de Cambio/The Po’ Sto’ market and knowledge exchange 2940 16th St., SF. www.poormagazine.org. Dec. 15, 3-7pm, donations suggested. We can pretty much guarantee you that there is no other gift fair that will have better hip-hop music. The Mercado de Cambio organized by POOR Magazine aims to counterbalance the corporatization of our holiday season. Go here for aforementioned live beats, indigenous crafts, Occupy gear, and POOR-published literature.

Renegade Craft Fair holiday market Concourse Exhibition Center, 635 Eighth St., SF. www.renegadecraft.com. Dec. 15-16, 11am-6pm, free. A DIY gift wrap station is one of the attractions at this one stop for cute gift shopping, which makes one of its two yearly appearances in the Bay Area for the holiday season. The Oakland Museum of California will truck out its mobile “we/customize” exhibit, and of course, there will be crafters: over 250 will have booths hawking clothes, accessories, home stuff, kid stuff — most handmade, and most awesome.

 

Celebrate National Toy Store Day at some of our fave local shoppes

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There’s perhaps nothing in your life that will ever get you as excited as when you a youngster with a toy trip trip on your schedule. Not even the Giants winning the World Series twice in three years or scoring free VIP tickets to Outside Lands can come close to eliciting that brain-paralyzing gush of euphoria and innocent bliss.

But since you can’t quantum leap back to being eight (get on it science!), the Guardian can offer you the next best thing, and that is the upcoming National Toy Store Day on Sat/10. 

In an effort coordinated by the American Specialty Toy Retailing Association — whose members include over 1400 locally-owned toy shops — over 500 independent centers of child-like joy across our glorious nation will be participating in Toy Store Day.

In the Bay, The Ark, which has locations in Presidio Heights, Noe Valley, and Berkeley, is planning to go all out for the occasion. A veritable carnival will be taking place inside the stores — there’s going to be prizes galore, an “I Spy” contest, and a meet-and-greet with several toy inventors (your mission: find out how to become a toy inventor.)

And definitely check out some of our other favorite independent toy stores: eternal Best of the Bay winner Jeffrey’s, West Portal classic Growing Up, the Mission’s rad place for organic, sustainably made gear Aldea Niños, and Clement Street action figure wonderland Heroes Club/Art of Toys. Should you need inspiration in your quest, totally-not-locally-owned Toys ‘R Us has released its “Fabulous 15” list of top toys for 2012 (we suggest finding the off brand equivalents to avoid having your gift recipients’ holiday hijacked by corporate advertising.) 

Saturday! It’s the perfect excuse to get your holiday shopping done early. Trust, you don’t want to get caught up in the December crush: 

 

On the Cheap Listings

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Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 31

Hacienda Halloween Peralta House Museum of History and Community, 2465 34th Ave., Oakl. (510) 532-9142, www.peraltahacienda.org. 5:30-7:30pm, free. Halloween events can be educational too! The Peralta House Museum would like to invite you to come brush up on your California history and learn how the early settlers of the Golden State celebrated Halloween. There will be snacks (from the on-site garden, no less!)

THURSDAY 1

“When We Were Young and Dumb” Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St., SF. (415) 863-8688, www.booksmith.com. 6-9pm, free. Watch writers from the Believer and Seattle’s alt-weekly The Stranger get embroiled in a no-holds-barred reading ranging from religion to LSD to virginity. Buy Bethany Jean Clement, Christopher Frizzelle, and Lindy West’s latest book How to be a Person, and you’ll get a free drink. 

“Conversations With Artists” Contemporary Jewish Museum, 736 Mission, SF. (415) 655-7800, www.thecjm.org. 6:30-8:30pm, free–$5. The quest for social justice via documentation of the marginalized are at the heart of artist Rachel Schreiber’s and UCSC professor Martin Berger’s work. Both will be on hand to discuss their progressive-themed photo exhibits that document the crossroads of people and place in the Bay Area.

“Fluorescent Virgins: Contemporary Alters and Offerings for the Dead” The Art Gallery at the Cesar Chavez Student Center, SFSU, 1650 Holloway, SF. (415) 338-2580, www.sfsustudentcenter.com/artgallery. Through Nov/8. Reception: 5-8pm, free. Witness the rich cultural tradition steeped in Latino folklore that is this exhibit, which shows a broad display of vibrant and artful altars associated with Dia de los Muertos.

FRIDAY 2

“Entrippy” D-Structure, 520 Haight, SF. (718) 938-0678, www.drewmorrison.com. Through Dec/5. Opening reception: 6-10pm, free. Brooklyn artist Drew Morrison wants you to come get all metaphysical with him at his first West Coast exhibit. The paintings in this new exhibit delve in the perceptions of mass and tangible matter and shifting identity of elemental beings

Hendrix on Hendrix Diesel, A Bookstore, 5433 College, Oakl. (510) 653-9965, www.dieselbookstore.com. 7pm, free. If you fancy yourself a Jimi Hendrix enthusiast, then you should cancel whatever you have going on this Friday night and rush over to Diesel, A Bookstore where local author and all-around Hendrix maven Steven Roby will be promoting his new book Hendrix on Hendrix: Interviews and Encounters with Jimi Hendrix. Falling on what would have been Hendrix’s 70th birthday, at this event Roby will playing clips from interviews with the guitar great. Some are calling his book the closest thing we’ll get to a Hendrix autobiography, come see why.

Dia de los Muertos North Berkeley procession and altars Shattuck and Rose, Berk. Community altars: 5-7:30pm; candle-lit procession 7:45-9pm, free. Bay Area Day of the Dead: not just for the Mission anymore. This year, you can play La Catrina in the burgeoning restaurant district of North Berkeley — or, if you’re not just looking for an excuse to wear facepaint, view altars and mourn those who have recently passed with a candle and your community in the somber night-time processional.

SATURDAY 3

Potrero Hill History Night International Studies Academy, 655 De Haro, SF. (415) 863-0784. 5:30pm, free. A can’t-miss for a proud Potrero Hill dweller, or anyone who enjoys a good barbecue and live music. The Potrero Hill Archives project is producing this 13th installment of its annual Potrero Hill History night. In addition to eats and beats, take in stories from readers like Chronicle columnist Carl Nolte about growing up in this neighborhood.

“Birding for Everyone” Meet at SF Botanical Garden bookstore, Golden Gate Park, SF. (415) 387-9160, www.sfnature.org. 10am-noon, free–$10. In the mood for some flights of fancy? Join naturalists Nancy DeStefanis and Bill Milestone as they take you on a hike through the SF botanical garden, while educating you on the richly-colored avian flocks present in the garden.

“Slow it! Spread it! Sink it!” SFPUC Headquarters, 525 Golden Gate, SF. (415) 554-3289, www.sfwater.org. 1-4pm, free with RSVP to jwalsh@sfwater.org. For dwellers in a city that stays dry most of the year, it might come as a shock to hear that SF’s annual rainfall equals 9.5 billion gallons. For more interesting facts about the city’s infrastructure, join the San Francisco Public Utilities Commission for a tour of the city’s latest green infrastructure installations.

SUNDAY 4

Winter Art Festival San Francisco Art Institute, 800 Chestnut, SF. (415) 749-4508, www.sfai.edu/SFAIwinterartfest. 11am-4pm, free. A month and a half before the actual start of winter, the SFAI will preview the season with an exhibit and art sale of pieces from over 200 alumni and students. Rounding out this extravagant affair will be live music, interactive installations, and the omnipresent food trucks — this time, you’ll dine on Happa Ramen and Le Truc.

Can tech be funny? Baratunde Thurston thinks so

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Baratunde Thurston has probably racked up more frequent flyer miles in the past year than you or me can hope to log in our lifetimes. Just in the last month, the author, comedian, former digital director of The Onion, founder of comedy startup Cultivated Wit, and Brooklyn resident has made trips to Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Dublin, and London. He’s stopped in Maine, Oregon, Boston, Washington DC, and Puerto Rico on the November itinerary. Clearly, his attempts to bring levity to our tech-saturated culture are resonating outside Silicon Valley. 

This week SF will be on his schedule – he’ll be hosting an event on Sat/3 at Public Works.

2012 has been a banner year for this Renaissance man. In February Thurston released the NYT bestseller How to be Black, a work that doubles as an instruction manual on the nuanced aspects of black life in professional and social realms and as a memoir of his adolescent years growing up with a pan-African single mother, in a neighborhood he describes in the book as “just like The Wire. We had the drug dealing, the police brutality, the murders. Well, it was almost a perfect match. We had everything The Wire had except for universal critical acclaim and the undying love of white people who saw it”

>>CHECK OUT BARATUNDE THURSTON NOW ON REDDIT’S “ASK ME ANYTHING” FORUM 

On a Skype call from his hotel room in London with the Guardian, Thurston remarks that in the time since the book’s release, his own “views on blackness have hardened and become much more staunch.” 

He fondly recalls the wide variety of positive reactions the book has elicited from its readers. He says that among black readers, his chapters on being a racial minority in private school and the workplace – not to mention the tribulations of having an unique name (Baratunde comes from the Yoruba Nigerian name Babatunde) have been especially resonant and validating.

The book has also hit home with non-black readers. On a plane ride from New York to Los Angeles, a Colombian woman overheard Thurston discussing the book and asked to borrow a copy. Before the flight even landed, she had already finished the book, and filled in Thurston on her own experience of being a fair-skinned Colombian. 

In another encounter, a white man from a black neighborhood in Chicago was prompted by reading the book to share with Thurston his epiphany of when he realized he was not black. His friends decided to form a rap group and said he wasn’t allowed to rap. Instead, he was designated as the manager.

As for whether or not this book can actually make you black? Thurston reports that he has not heard of any such transformation.

In the past couple months; the central focus of Thurston’s professional life has been shifting from HTBB to his digital humor lab Cultivated Wit, which he launched last June with fellow Onion alums Brian Janosch and Craig Cannon. Cultivated Wit’s raison d’etre is to infuse humor into Silicon Valley. His reasoning behind this move should be clear. Outside of the occasional Google home page gimmick, tech companies aren’t well known for their ace sense of humor.

Cultivated Wit acts as a consulting firm: it aims to help tech companies produce comedy-tinged marketing and outreach operations – sometimes remixing the conventional hack day by adding standup comedy, creating the hybrid “comedy hack day.” The company plans on releasing a torrent of comedic apps “with the aim to push the envelope on where comedy can happen and also on the types of interactions and personality an app can and should have,” says Thurston.

He’s never lived here, but Thurston says he has deep connections to SF and the tech scene, which should prove crucial now that he’s got his own startup. He starred in an episode of Popular Science’s Future of Everything on the Discovery Channel that was filmed in Berkeley, SF, and Palo Alto. He’s been known to do standup at the Punchline.

And as Cultivated Wit continues to expand and go on the hunt for VC cash, Thurston has recognized the expanding role the Bay Area plays in his professional life. 

“The future should be architected not just by engineers but by art as well. So the Bay is essential for us,” he says.

Such is Thurston’s appreciation for the Bay, he’s throwing a How to be Black reading this Saturday at Public Works to go along with the paperback release of his book. Attendees can pay $5 to attend the pre-reading whiskey hour, where you’ll score a free signed copy of HTBB and meet the whiskey-loving author (fyi, Thurston’s is partial to Whiskey Thieves when drinking in the city.) 

Comedians Kevin Camia and Denae Hannah will join the lineup that night for two-and-a-half hours of standup comedy, readings, and a Q&A session. Just don’t queue up to ask Thurston if he plans on writing How to be a Black Best-Selling Author – we did it for you. Thurston’s response: “I plan on living that, but I don’t necessarily plan on documenting that in book format.”

How To Be Black #paperblack book release

with Kevin Camia and Denae Hannah

Sat/3, 3:30-7pm, $20-25

Public Works

161 Erie, SF

www.publicsf.com

On the Cheap Listings

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Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 24

"A Passion for Waiting: Messianism, History, and the Jews" International House Auditorium, UC Berkeley, 2299 Piedmont, Berk. (510) 643-7413, www.grad.berkeley.edu/lectures. 4:10pm, free. Literary editor of The New Republic and author of Nuclear War Nuclear Peace, Against Identity, and Kaddish Leon Wieseltier will be delivering this lecture as part of the UC Berkeley Graduate School lecture series.

Sister Spit anthology release party City Lights, 261 Columbus, SF. (415) 362-8193, www.citylights.com. 7pm, free. Join author Michelle Tea at the City Lights bookstore in what promises to be an uproarious night celebrating the best of feminist, queer-centric writing. Occupying center stage at this event will be the debut of the anthology Sister Spit: Writing, Rants, and Reminiscence from the Road, a collection of poetry and narratives from Tea’s beloved spoken word tours.

Altered Barbies 50 Shotwell, SF. (415) 240-2202, www.alteredbarbie.com. Through Nov.18. Opening reception: 1-8pm, free. This year’s installment of the vaunted altered Barbies will be politically-themed (as is appropriate.) Babs for president? This exhibition invites participants to project their thoughts on cultural and social issues through the medium of unrealistically-proportioned plastic women, in an effort to facilitate community-building discourse.

FRIDAY 26

Vintage Poster Fair Conference Center Building A, Fort Mason Center, SF. (800) 856-8069, www.posterfair.com. Fri/26, 5-9pm; Sat/27, 10am-7pm; Sun/28, 10am-6pm, free–$15. The International Vintage Poster Fair makes a return to San Francisco this year, and taking center stage will be "Seven Deadly Sins," exhibit showcasing vintage posters from as far back as the 1890s.

"From Here" UGallery, 3367 20th St., SF. (415) 742-8417, www.ugallery.com. Through Dec/28. Opening reception: 6-9pm, free. A manifestation of the Bay Area’s rich diversity through art. Come witness Mexican artist Pablo Solares’s portraits of his fellow countrymen, Korean artist Michael Van farmland depictions, and the conceptual imagery of Lana Williams.

SATURDAY 27

Chinatown history presentation SFPL, 100 Larkin, SF. (415) 557-4277, www.sfpl.org. 11am-12:30pm, free. History buffs take careful note here. Acclaimed architect and Chinese American studies professor Philip Choy will be giving a talk about his newest book San Francisco Chinatown: A Guide to its History, which details the long and remarkable history of the city’s Chinatown.

CODAME Adore Space, 135 Dore, SF. www.codame.com. 8pm, free. It’s an art and tech mashup y’all! Started in 2010 by Bruno Fonzi CODAME seeks to combine the city’s passion for art and tech together in a multi-dimensional environment in the mediums of time and space. Complementing this art-tech amalgamation will be an indie gaming tournament, fire dancing, and, to go along with the holiday spirit, a Halloween costume contest.

Moon Goddess Exhibit Modern Eden, 403 Francisco, SF. (415) 956-3303, www.moderneden.com. Through Nov.11. Opening reception: 6-10pm, free. Come one, come all to worship the moon goddess in all her glory and supernatural mystique. This international exhibit showcases numerous artistic interpretations of what such a lunar deity would look like. And in case you were wondering, the next full moon will be on the 29th. Plan your visit accordingly.

Bay Area Science Fair Various times and locations. www.bayareascience.org. Through Nov.3. Eight days of scientific splendor and pageantry mark this mega-fest of scientific thinking. Learn about how science plays a crucial role in our everyday lives at a star party, a zombie edition of Cal Academy’s weekly Nightlife event, even a special Discovery Days at AT&T Park and Sonoma County Fairgrounds. There’s so much jam-packed into the affair that by its end, you’ll be qualified to apply to any of Cal or Stanford’s Ph.D science programs. (No guarantees.)

SUNDAY 28

Nerd Nite The Stork Club, 2330 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 444-6174, www.nerdnite.com. 7pm, $8. Nerd alert! Nerd Nite will be making its way across the Bay to Oakland where it will be launching its first event in Oakland. Talks on the such as nerd favorites as Darwinian evolution and nanocrystals will be given to satisfy your geeky thirst.

TUESDAY 30

"Race and Religion at the Golden Gate" Pacific School of Religion Chapel, 1798 Scenic, Berk. (510) 849-8222, www.psr.edu. 6:30pm, free. An event tailored for the liberals major in all of us, acclaimed professors such as Hatem Bazian, Rudy Busto, Zayn Kassam, and more will be tackling the intricate intersection of race and religion with in the context of the Bay Area at this panel discussion.

Crucial sounds

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MUSIC Can the declining sales from physical albums ever be replaced by digital music apps and services? Can an independent artist make a decent living from services such as Pandora radio, BAMM.TV, or SoundCloud? Will the starving musician finally get a good meal?

These questions may be answerless for now, but they maintained a heavy presence at the SF Musictech Summit hosted by the Hotel Kabuki — a semiannual conference dedicated to establishing a network among entrepreneurs, developers, record industry figures, and musicians in order to promote digital music business and find solutions for the issues plaguing the modern music industry.

Last week’s installment of the summit featured five talks — in panels with labels like “How Technology Destroyed the Music Industry” and “Artist Revenue Streams.”

It also brought some star power. Actor-musician Jared Leto’s interest with this budding industry brought him to the summit too. And despite the formal nature of the occasion, the 30 Seconds to Mars front person was besieged by attendees eager to get his take on the event, and his autograph. He told me that he’s “curious as to what solutions are being presented.”

But as the summit carried on, it became very became apparent that there are perhaps too many of these solutions being offered. In one of the early morning talks entitled “Artist Tools” moderator Hisham Dahud from Hypebot and Fame House kicked off the conversation by mentioning many of the new ways bands can distribute and promote their music and interact with their fans but also opined that “with new tools comes new responsibilities.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7EaMxpKZZU

These new tools were well represented by David Dufresne of Bandzoogle, which designs web pages for bands, Matt Mason of file distributor BitTorrent, and David Haynes of the online audio platform SoundCloud. CEO of Global Digital Impact Taynah Reis and music industry veteran and Incubus manager Steve Rennie rounded out the panel.

During the discussion, Rennie’s stance was welcoming of the technological development, but later, when I asked him if the new digital music business could provide substantial income for the artist, he said, “I sure hope so. The fact is that more people are listening to music than ever but they are doing it different ways, including listening without buying…as people move to other formats like digital downloads and streaming services, we need more people to get comfortable with the idea that music has value and is worth paying for…We need to convince people that their favorite music is worth buying just as much as the beer they’ll spend $10 on at a concert or sporting event.”

The motivation and excitement to transform nearly every aspect of the music business was palpable at the summit. Elevator pitches were as ubiquitous as iPhones and Macbooks. However the fresh idealism was notably absent at the “Artist Revenue Streams” talk where musician Erin McKeown took center stage detailing the sobering situation independent musicians face, explaining that some obvious solutions aren’t so great

“Everyone keeps telling me to tour but the reality is that live performance revenue gets mostly eaten up by the costs and not to mention it’s also extremely taxing on my health”

But more importantly, McKeown emphatically addressed the one crucial issue that was sorely lacking attention throughout the conference: how are musicians suppose to keep up with and derive income from the rapidly evolving environment of music technology? Others on the panel brought up the fact that a lot of artists are unaware of nonprofits such as SoundExchange — an organization with the main goal of compensating artists for their royalties.

The Internet has been lauded as the great democratizer of this generation, and the adage was especially poignant for this specific realm of the digital world. Cellist and composer Zoë Keating, who spoke at the “Artists, Entrepreneurs & Technology,” panel expressed that digital music business caused her to be optimistic and it’s a more level playing field that’s “better for indie artists.” Keating has posted her 2011 income streams on her Tumblr to give her fans a glimpse of the financial situation her and other independent artists are grappling with.

No one seemed more interested in seeing the old music business vanquished than TuneCore founder (and former CEO) Jeff Price, who emphatically declared, “Artists never made any fucking money! What fucking world are you living in?!…The music industry is not collapsing, the traditional music industry is collapsing!” *

 

UP Festival will locate urban engineering ideas within the best of the SF arts scene

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Technology-driven “tactical urbanism” will be on display Sat/20 at the Urban Prototyping (UP) Festival. Presented by the Gray Area Foundation for the Arts, the Intersection for the Arts, Rebar, and global design firm IDEO, the UP Festival will feature over 20 projects whose creators hope will be at the forefront of urban innovation. The various projects will be showcased on the streets and in parking lots in a three-block zone centered on the corner of 5th Street and Mission, and soundtracked by a rather stellar lineup of local theater, live music, and DJs. The festival promises to be an explosion of DIY tech meets DIY civic engagement meets SF art scene.

Each digitized urban mashup venture presented will essentially be a miniature replica of the desired development. The projects will include public urinals, reimagined urban gardens, and glowing crosswalks. In addition, one particular display that caught our eye entitled “Faces,” is a facial recognition plan that takes pictures of passing pedestrians and projects them on a nearby wall. Scary? Cool?

Hip-hop collective Felonius performs with theater group Campo Santo this weekend

Expect to see an array of some the best entertainment in the Bay, too. Hot Pocket, the Latin-funk ensemble comprised of Bayonics members will perform, along with Jazz Mafia and a host of other live music groups. Festival goers will get the privilege of a performance by Intersection for the Art’s resident theater company Campo Santo who collaborate on a piece with hip-hop collective Felonius. The GAFTA stage will host DJs from Haceteria’s Tristes Tropiques to Honey Sound System’s DJ P-Play, latter doing a set with visuals by Gabriel Dunne. Kicking off the festivities will be a live graffiti battle, for which artists like Ricardo “Apex” Richey and Jan Wayne Swayze will spray up works of art as you watch (don’t get too close unless you dig aerosol-head.)

UP Festival Expo

Sat/20, free

Mint and Hallidie Plazas

5th St. between Mission and Market, SF

sf.urbanprototyping.org

On the Cheap Listings

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WEDNESDAY 17

“Lube: Deciding Which is Best for You” Feelmore510, 1703 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 891-0199, www.feelmore510.com. 7:30pm, free. Oakland adult shop Feelmore510 wants you to educate yourself before you lube yourself. The adult store is hosting an informative workshop that will school you on the lube market, the best kinds of lube for various sensitive skin types, and the ingredients in lube. People of all genders and sexualities are welcome.

THURSDAY 18

“Woman Warrior” Poetry Reading Poetry Center, Humanities Building, SFSU, 1600 Holloway, SF. (415) 338-2227, creativestate.sfsu.edu. 4:30pm, free. Gulf War veteran Sean McClain Brown, who suffers from PTSD, credits renowned writer, activist, and professor emerita at UC Berkeley Maxine Hong Kingston for saving his life when she became his writing teacher. Their friendship will be on full display as they join together for a reading of Hong Kingston’s beloved work, hosted by SFSU’s Poetry Center.

FRIDAY 19

Release party for Gratta Wines’ new “Garage Blend” El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF. (415) 282-3325, www.mugsywinebar.tumblr.com. 5:30-8:30pm, free. Mugsy’s Wine Bar will be occupying El Rio’s scenic back patio to debut the Bayview’s Gratta Wines new release entitled “Garage Blend.” The new wine is an amalgamation of Sonoma Cabernet, Zinfandel, and Petit Sirah. Complementing the wine at this event will be oysters from El Rio and Italian flatbread from Piadina. Yum!

2 Blocks of Art Sixth St. between Market and Howard, SF. (415) 553-4433, www.urbansolutionssf.org. 4-8pm, free. In conjunction with the 24 Days of Central Market Arts Festival, Urban Solutions will be painting two blocks in the mid-market area with a variety of local art. The festival’s main aim is to showcase the intriguing collection of galleries, theaters, shops and bars that make up the mid-market neighborhood. Think Sunday Streets but hella condensed.

SATURDAY 20

Native Plant Sale Miraloma Park Improvement Club, 350 O’Shaughnessy, SF. (415) 531-2140, www.cnps-yerbabuena.org. 1-5pm, free. Is your garden sorely lacking “native” plants? Then skip on over to the Yerba Buena Native Plant sale, where vendors will be selling a diverse array of flora and fauna native to Northern California.

Lit-Night at Rolling-Out: Lina Shustarovich and the Immigrant Experience Rolling-Out, 1722 Taraval, SF. jstevensonstories.blogspot.com. 7pm, free. Memoirist and former editor at Switchback magazine Lina Shustarovich will be reading excerpts from her upcoming work, detailing her childhood as part of the Russian-Jewish diaspora. Post-reading, there will be an open mic for others to expound upon their immigrant experiences.

Leap’s Sandcastle Contest Ocean Beach, Great American and Fulton, SF. (415) 512-1899, www.leaparts.org. 10am-4pm, free. We all know Ocean Beach is way too cold to swim in without an inch-thick wetsuit — but one thing it’s good for is hosting sandcastle building competitions. Local arts education nonprofit Leap will be a hosting Leap Year version of the contest that will feature architects and engineers teaming up with elementary school students. Participants have just four hours to create the best and most imaginative sand sculptures. The artistically challenged need not sigh, because there’ll be a “Community Castle” area where they’ll be able to frolic in.

23rd Annual Potrero Hill Festival Potrero Hill Neighborhood House, 953 De Haro, SF. (415) 826-8025, www.potrerofestival.com. 9am-4pm, $12. Attention foodies with a special affinity for New Orleans-style treats: the Potrero Hill Neighborhood House will be kicking off its 23rd annual Potrero Hill Festival with a special New Orleans brunch prepared by the California Culinary Academy. Post brunch the festival will spill over onto 20th St. between Missouri and Wisconsin and will continue the party with the expected block party pageantry, like food trucks, live kids entertainment, and pop-up arts and crafts shops.

SUNDAY 21

SF Architectural Heritage Free Community Day Haas-Lilienthal House, 2007 Franklin, SF. www.sfheritage.org. 11am-4pm, free. Pacific Heights sure has some swanky residences, but prepare yourself to witness one of the swankiest houses in Pac Heights. The house in question is the 1886 Victorian masterpiece Haas-Lilienthal house. The SF Architectural Heritage organization will serve as your guide as it hosts a guided tour of the recently designated “National Treasure.” Late 19th century monocles not included.

TUESDAY 23

Chris Ware and Charles Burns JCCSF, 3200 California, SF. www.jccsf.org/arts. 7pm, free reservations requested. Genre-busting graphic novelists Chris Ware (Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth) and Charles Burns (Black Hole, X’ed Out) will be holding a conversation on their new works and the nature of graphic novels hosted by the local JCCSF.

Das Racist’s Kool A.D. on hip-hop, baseball, and losing his virginity

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Self-proclaimed, “second best rapper with glasses after E-40” and Bay Area native by way of Brooklyn Victor Vazquez aka KOOL A.D. of rap group Das Racist has had quite the prolific past year in the hip-hop industrial complex. 

He and his group Das Racist — featuring rapper Heems and hypeman Dapwell (Dap for short) — released their debut LP and critic darling Relax. Soon after that he released not one but two positively received mixtapes in the span of three months, The Palm Wine Drinkard and the Bay Area homage 51. Das Racist plays DNA Lounge this Fri/12. 

KOOL A.D. took time off from his 10-city tour with Das Racist, Leif, Safe, and Lakutis to rhapsodize with the Guardian about playing for the A’s, his punk band, and getting free weed.

San Francisco Bay Guardian Are you for the Giants/ 49ers or A’s/Raiders?

KOOL A.D. I don’t really care. But A’s.

SFBG If you played for the A’s what would be your stepping up to the plate song?

KAD [Long laugh] “Le Freak” by Chic.

SFBG Where in the Bay Area did you live when you were growing up?

KAD Potrero Hill, Hunter’s Point, Alameda, West Oakland.

SFBG I heard a rumor that you lost your virginity in the back of a fruit truck in Alameda? Can you confirm or deny this?

KAD I lost my virginity in the cab of the produce truck at Paul’s Produce (now called Dan’s Produce I think) where I used to work.

SFBG What are your favorite spots in the Bay to kick it at? What places do you take Heems and Dap?

KAD As a youngster, I went to punk shows in warehouses and houses, kicked it at Donut Shops, burger spots, and Mexican restaurants, dollar ten Chinese, drank and smoked weed in parks. Not particularly good at “recommending cool shit” to people.

SFBG The Guardian had a recent cover story entitled “Is Oakland Cooler Than San Francisco” What’s your take on that? As a Brooklyn resident do you think Oakland could be SF’s Brooklyn?

KAD I lived in both and love both and it always bugged me that SF fools don’t want to come to the East Bay and East Bay fools don’t want to go to SF. I think a large part is because BART closes too early. Never understood why BART couldn’t get it together to be 24 hours.

SFBG Who are some Bay Area rappers you’ve been into lately?

KAD Favorite people making music in the Bay are Amaze 88, Trackademicks, 1-O.A.K., The Coup, Main Attrakionz, Davinci, Young L, Lil B, Kreayshawn, Beed Weeda, Too Short, E-40, Droop-E, Issue, YG, Cuzzo Fly, Stone Vengeance, Las Malas Pulgas, Under 15 Seconds, Fracas, Fucktard,  Reivers, @AAANTWON, Nacho Picasso, Mike Baker, Safe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUxLlXikwZU

SFBG Finish this phrase: “Rap Game [blank].”

KAD Keith Morris.

SFBG Das Racist frequently asks fans to throw various objects on stage. What’s the most outlandish or weirdest thing any fan has ever thrown on stage?

KAD Hundreds of Soy Joy snack bars at a festival in Washington was pretty weird. Also hellof weed, cigarettes. One time in Oakland I asked for money and got like 30 bucks in small bills.

SFBG If presented with the opportunity to join the Illuminati, would you accept?

KAD Depends on what’s in it for me.

SFBG What are you currently working on?

KAD I got a lot of tracks recorded, want do a mixtape or two, maybe an album. I got a punk band called Party Animal putting out a record in December. Got rap mixtape called Peaceful Solutions with Seattle jazz man Kassa Overall. Co-writing for a project called Cult Days.

SFBG I see you’ve been tweeting a lot about Bud Light Platinum, are you fan? Would you and the crew let them use a DR song in a commercial?

KAD Never drank it. But yeah, it’s hard to turn down large sums of money.

SFBG What’s your take on the current state of the hyphy movement? Some say it’s peaked, do you agree or disagree?

KAD Hyphy is a feeling.

 

Das Racist With Le1f, Safe, and Lakutis

Fri/12, 10pm, $25

DNA Lounge

375 11 St., SF

www.dnalounge.com

 

 

 

Today’s gathering of the music apps

2

The music industry — as we all know — has reached the nadir of its financial situation after a dozen or so years of file sharing. The Internet, many would say, hasn’t been too kind to the business. But if the Web taketh it also giveth, as evidenced by the plethora of music apps and Internet-based services (Spotify, Turntable.FM, Shazam, etc.) that are competing to transform the industry.

One of the driving forces behind this development is Brian Zisk, the executive producer of today’s SF Musictech Summit. The Summit is a biannual conference that aims to advance the profile of the digital music business by providing a space where entrepreneurs, developers, and music industry reps can come together, build networks, learn from one another. In addition, Michael Franti, of Spearhead fame, and composer Zoë Keating will be giving talks. The two will be in attendance through the conference, holding it down for the actual musicmakers.

Musicians testify about Musictech.

Zisk is the perfect person to facilitate such a gathering, due to this extensive career in digital media. He founded the production company Buzzmakers, Inc., which produces this event and the Future of Money and Technology Summit. He is also the co-founder and technologies director of the Future of Music Coalition, a non-profit that advocates on the behalf of musicians in the digital and legal spheres.

In a recent email interview with the Guardian, Zisk remarked on what sets his conference apart from others.

“Many conferences are all about showcasing the heads of sales and marketing. If given the choice, they tend to leave their tech guys at home. Our event specifically brings together the developers and CTOs to share knowledge and promote new ideas innovation. With these technically savvy folks leading the way, everyone else comes along.”

Some of the more recognizable names in the field will be in attendance today — DJ favorite Soundcloud, the so-called Youtube of mp3s, and top-selling radio app Tunein Radio. One of the more intriguing companies at the summit will be BAMM.tv, which uses its web platform to produce and distribute music videos for emerging musicians. And just like any gathering of tech-minded people, you won’t be able to walk two feet without hearing someone’s elevator pitch about his or her hot new app. In years past, the conference has also included seminars dedicated to helping attending developers perfect the elevator pitch.

Founded in 2008, the summit has made significant inroads in elevating this once-niche industry’s profile. In the finance realm, funding for digital music companies this year has increased 26.5 percent from last year. Zisk is also quick to point out that the summit has “helped people better realize that the goal is to better connect artists and fans, and helped show how the Internet has enabled musicians to do so.”

The summit now regularly features speeches from people such as Pandora CEO and founder Tim Westergren, and has even grabbed the attention of the big labels (representatives from companies like Universal Music Group will be in attendance.) It is possible to envision the startups that will be featured next week full on rescuing the music industry, but it remains to be seen whether or not they can return the music business back to its peak revenue earning days of the roaring 1990s.

SF MusicTech Summit
Tue/9 9am-6pm, $400
Hotel Kabuki
1625 Post, SF
www.sfmusictech.com

On the Cheap Listings

0

Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 3

Humpday Happy Hour! Good Vibrations Lakeshore Store, 3219 Lakeshore, Oakl. (510) 788-2389, www.goodvibes.com. 6:30-7:30pm, free. We’ve all faced the post-work dilemma: gym or happy hour? Stress no more because the good folks at Good Vibrations would like to invite you to come and work out those PC muscles by doing Kegel exercises. Remember, strong PC muscles are very beneficial regardless of age, gender and, sexuality.

Venus and Mars reading J. Paul Leonard Library, Room 121, 1600 Holloway, SF. (415) 338-2408, www.library.sfsu.edu. 4pm, free. SFSU professor of cinema Jan Millsapps reads from her new novel Venus and Mars, a story about the discoveries of a 20th century astronomer.

THURSDAY 4

“The Art of Conservation” The Bone Room, 1573 Solano, Berk. (510) 526-5252, www.boneroom.com. 7-9pm, free. Artist Jane Kim’s passion for the environment is her raison d’etre. Her environmental consciousness will be on display at this upcoming event hosted by Berkeley’s Bone Room. Featured will be life size murals of the endangered Sierra Nevada bighorn sheep, meant by Kim as a reminder of our own fragile ecosystem.

Hendrix on Hendrix Pegasus Books, 2349 Shattuck, Berk. (510) 649-1320, www.pegasusbookstore.com. 7:30pm, free. Jimi Hendrix historian and author Steven Roby will be a giving an audiovisual presentation on the storied and tragic career of one of rock’s most talented guitarists. This unique presentation will feature interviews with reporters in which Hendrix discusses his fraught childhood and his legacy. A cannot-miss for Hendrix enthusiasts.

“Circular Motion: Subverting Circumscription” Meridian Gallery, 535 Powell, SF. (415) 398-7229, www.merdiangallery.org. Through Nov.24. Opening reception: 5:30-8:30pm, free. Seven video installations from contemporary Cuban female artists will be display at the Meridian Gallery. The pieces of art each with its own distinct circular aspects form together to symbolize the much-troubled relationship between Cuba and United States.

FRIDAY 5

Pancakes and Booze Pop-Up Art Show Gallery 4n5, 863 Mission, SF. (415) 522-2440, www.galiara.com. Also Sat/6. 8pm-1am, free. If the name of this art show doesn’t convince you to show up then nothing will. But then again, don’t be that person and show up just for the food and beer — in addition to art from over 75 local and emerging artists, there will be a zombie fashion show, live music, and body painting.

SATURDAY 6

Frank Moore; Risk For Deep Love Temescal Art Center, 511 48th St., Oakl. (510) 526-7858, www.temescalartcenter.org. 8pm, free. Lauded and controversial shaman performance artist Frank Moore’s event at the Temescal Art Center will be sure to baffle your mind. Moore will attempt to reimagine human emotion through the use of musicians, actors, dancers, and members of the audience. It’s experimental performance art at its most experimental.

Garden Party White Walls, 835 Larkin, SF. (415) 931-1500, www.whitewallssf.com. Through Nov.5. Opening reception: 7-11pm, free. Artist Casey Gray will debut new works in his third exhibition with White Walls. This time around, the focus will be on paintings of 17th century Flemish life.

Cheeses of France Pop-Up Café Minna Gallery, 111 Minna, SF. (415) 974-1719, www.111minnagallery.com. 10am-5pm, free. Calling all cheeseheads! Famed chef Jason Fox of Commonwealth will be putting on a cheese dish clinic courtesy of the SOMA Pop-up Café. Five different French cheese producers will also be on hand to let you sample their delectable goods. Oh and there’ll be cheese art too.

SUNDAY 7

Japan Center Anime Fair: Sailor Moon’s 20th Anniversary Japantown Peace Plaza, Post and Buchanan, SF. www.japancentersf.com. 12:30-4:30pm, free. Bust out that Sailor Mercury ‘fit and head on over to Japantown to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Sailor Moon anime classic series. There will be a performance that consists of a battle between Super Sentai and Kamen Rider and singing and dancing by Mari Watanabe, Yukie Dong, Ti@Mi, and Angel Hearts.

UCSF Taste for the Cure: A Taste of Science Jewish Community Center, 3200 California, SF. (415) 353-7672, www.jccsf.org. 11am-4pm, free. It’s nutrition meets education in UCSF’s popular event on how diet can have a significant effect on breast health. Breast cancer doctors from the university will be conducting presentations numerous breast cancer-related topics. Unique to this year’s event will be a demonstration of DNA extraction — after the strands have been extricated you’ll be able to view them via microscope on the spot.

MONDAY 8

Safeway World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off IDES Grounds, 735 Main, Half Moon Bay. www.miramarevents.com/weighoff. 7-11am, free. Cartoonishly fat pumpkins will be battling it out for the heavyweight title (no pun intended) at this year’s Safeway World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off. Defending champion Leonardo Urena of Napa will have to bring his A game if he’s going to break the state record that he set at last year’s competition. For the first time in the history of outlandish contest there will be a mega-prize of $25,000 offered to the pumpkin grower that can grow the world’s first one-ton pumpkin.

Horizons expand for the e-book with new literary app

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When you think about it, e-readers haven’t done much to change the reading experience. Besides their portability and the easy access they provide to catalogues of titles, the level of interaction, font, even the physical motion involved with turning pages are pretty much identical to “brick and mortar” books. E-readers and their e-books, especially compared to the world of apps, can seem downright ordinary. But bored tech-novel enthusiasts have cause to rejoice. An app-literary project launched yesterday, from the minds behind McSweeney’s — and backed by everyone’s favorite radio nerd, Ira Glass — named The Silent History aims to change up the e-reading experience.

The cohort behind this undertaking is comprised of the former publisher of McSweeney’s Eli Horowitz, McSweeney’s alum Russell Quinn, and authors Matthew Derby and Kevin Moffett, all of whom have had many a fancy byline. Inspired by Charles Dickens, The Wire , Studs Terkel, and Lawnmower Man, the four banded together to create an app that we found on a Guardian test run to be an intriguing and lively combination of GPS-based storytelling and serialized fiction. (Glass is said to be a fan of the app, he and twee filmmaker Miranda July lend their narration to the app’s promotional trailer.)

The idea for Silent History originated from Horowitz’s refusal to believe that digitized technology and print are naturally adversarial. 

“It seemed like people were viewing technology and novels as enemies,” Horowitz told us in an email interview. “As if books had to surrender to some wave of progress —- but actually these new devices should open up new possibilities. We wanted to take an early step down that path.” 

Users of Silent History can dive into prose in two ways. The app’s “testimonial” section is a nod to the serialized fiction series of magazine past. The app’s testimonials are organized into volumes in which characters deliver 15 minutes of storytelling, with a new testimonial uploaded daily to the user’s device so that the story unfolds as it is read. The first novel on the new app will be an eponymous-titled 160,000-word work written by all four of the authors.

GPS-linked “field reports” are another way to explore — browse the globe for user-generated storylines connected to spots on Silent History’s global map. As of this writing there are 20 of these reports in San Francisco. 

Unfazed by the fact that he and his group are not among the first to attempt to remake the e-book, Derby predicted that his team’s take is the one that will stick. 

“Our ambition was to go as big as possible with the project. We’re certainly not the first people to do location-based storytelling or serialized digital fiction, but I think one reason that the existing attempts haven’t gotten a ton of traction has been the lack of depth. We’ve written an entire novel. And that’s just part of the project — it doesn’t take into account all of the field reports spread throughout the world. If this project tanks, it won’t be because we sacrificed narrative richness to achieve some technical goal. It’ll be because of something else we obviously didn’t think of when we were making this thing.” 

Download the app at www.thesilenthistory.com

On the Cheap Listings

0

Listings compiled by Caitlin Donohue and George McIntire. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 26

"National Anthem" Ratio 3.1, 1447 Stevenson, SF. www.ginateichart.com. 6-10pm, free. Like most artists, Gina Teichart has had significant problems paying off medical bills. Only difference is, she’s translated her frustrations with the system into her creative output. Teichart uses her actual healthcare bills to artfully document our country’s widespread medical-related anxieties and discontents.

THURSDAY 27

"Anatomy like a Woman; Parts like a Man" 1703 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 891-0199, www.feelmore510.com. 8pm-9:30pm. Come on down to Feelmore 510, Oakland’s downtown sex shop that wants to enlighten you on matters you would never learn about in high school sex-ed. Tonight, learn how to use harnesses and dildos with sexy skill.

"Awkward and Acned: Stories about High School and Woe" Intersection for the Arts, 925 Mission, SF. (415) 626-2787 www.theintersection.org. 7pm, $5. Presented by the Litup Writers humor reading series, eight local comedians will reminisce and lament about their own stressed times in high schoo. They’ll touch on first kisses, drama club, and drinking in one’s parents’ basement.

"What Ever Happened to Darfur?" Jewish Community Relations Council, 121 Steuart, SF. (415) 957-1551, www.darfursf.org. 6-8pm, free. Believe it or not, but the Darfur genocide wasn’t solved by George Clooney. The local Darfur Coalition would like to remind you that there is still an on-going crisis. It will be premiering the new film Across The Frontlines, which details the atrocities being perpetrated on the Nuba people who inhabit the newly-named South Sudan.

FRIDAY 28

Oktoberfest by the Bay Pier 48, 297 Terry A Francois, SF. www.oktoberfestbythebay.com. Fri/28 5pm-midnight; Sat/29 11am-5pm, 6pm-midnight; Sun/30 11am-6pm, $25–$75. I hope you didn’t buy your plane ticket to Germany already for this year’s Oktoberfest — one of the country’s best Oktoberfests will be happening in our backyard, right next to AT&T Park. This year’s fest will cover all the bases from authentic German beer (duh!) and an assortment of succulent sausages, and will feature a 21-piece Chico Bavarian band. Because a 20-piece band just doesn’t cut it.

Inner Sunset Fourth Fridays Inner Sunset neighborhood, SF. www.innersunsetmerchants.org. 6-9pm, free. Hop the N-Judah line to the Inner Sunset to check out this burgeoning street festival. Put on by local businesses such as the Urban Bazaar, Pearl Gallery and Park Smile, this month’s installment of Inner Sunset Fourth Fridays will have handcrafted jewelry, free pizza at a secret location, and a community chanting.

SATURDAY 29

Polk Street Blues Festival Polk and California, SF. www.polkstreetbluesfestival.com 10am-6pm, free. Two stages of live tunes will rock Polk Street all the day long — check out acts like zydeco artist Andre Thierry (Sat/23, 11am, California Street stage), Buckaroo Bonet (Sat/23, 4pm, Jackson and Polk stage), and Bird School of Music (Sun/24, noon, Jackson and Polk stage).

Nomadsight Jack Kerouac Alley, SF. www.nomadsight.com. Sat/29 11am-7pm; Sun/30 11am-5pm, free. Veteran world traveler and photographer Allen Myers has chosen North Beach’s most famous Beat alley to display his latest exhibit. Myers’ temporary street art installment showcases his travels in places like Barcelona, Berlin, and Zagreb. Here’s hoping Myers will feature our city in his next exhibit, wherever in the world that may be.

Party on Block 18 18th St. between Dolores and Guerrero. Noon-5pm, free. Join this neighborhood block party, happening a literal stone’s throw away from Dolores. Your taste buds won’t be the only beneficiaries of the party’s scrumptious offerings, because all proceeds from the event will be going to such awesome organizations as 826 Valencia, 18 Reasons, and the Women’s Building.

Awesome Foundation Presents: Cardboard Castles Dolores Park, SF. www.awesomefoundation.com. noon, free. If you miss playing with Legos, the Awesome Foundation is there to indulge your childish desires by providing you with the materials to build a super-sweet fortress in whatever way such things look in your dreams.

Family Day Celebration 14th Ave East Picnic Area Golden Gate Park, JFK at 14th Ave., SF. (415) 431-2453, www.sfbike.org. Round the family up and hop on your fixie, mountain bike, road bike, cruiser, or trike and bike on over to Golden Gate Park for all sorts of fun bike-related activities like a parade the whole familial unit can ride out in, bike care classes, and biker Jeopardy games.

SUNDAY 30

Dogma Hayes Valley neighborhood, Octavia and Hayes, SF. www.sfspca.org. In a city where dogs outnumber children, it makes sense to have a woof-centric festival. For those of you without dogs, this fest will host on-site adoptions and for best friend-ed up, you are cordially invited to enter your beloved canine. Give ’em a chance to put on their fancy paws.

TUESDAY 2

Burning Books showcase The Green Arcade, 1680 Market, SF. (415) 431-6800 www.thegreenarcade.com. This sustainability-focused bookstore will play host to publisher Burning Books’ Quandrants reading series, which today features writers Thomas Frick, L.K. Larsen, and Melody Sumner Carnahan.

On the Cheap Listings

0

Listings compiled by Caitlin Donohue and George McIntire. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 26

"National Anthem" Ratio 3.1, 1447 Stevenson, SF. www.ginateichart.com. 6-10pm, free. Like most artists, Gina Teichart has had significant problems paying off medical bills. Only difference is, she’s translated her frustrations with the system into her creative output. Teichart uses her actual healthcare bills to artfully document our country’s widespread medical-related anxieties and discontents.

THURSDAY 27

"Anatomy like a Woman; Parts like a Man" 1703 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 891-0199, www.feelmore510.com. 8pm-9:30pm. Come on down to Feelmore 510, Oakland’s downtown sex shop that wants to enlighten you on matters you would never learn about in high school sex-ed. Tonight, learn how to use harnesses and dildos with sexy skill.

"Awkward and Acned: Stories about High School and Woe" Intersection for the Arts, 925 Mission, SF. (415) 626-2787 www.theintersection.org. 7pm, $5. Presented by the Litup Writers humor reading series, eight local comedians will reminisce and lament about their own stressed times in high schoo. They’ll touch on first kisses, drama club, and drinking in one’s parents’ basement.

"What Ever Happened to Darfur?" Jewish Community Relations Council, 121 Steuart, SF. (415) 957-1551, www.darfursf.org. 6-8pm, free. Believe it or not, but the Darfur genocide wasn’t solved by George Clooney. The local Darfur Coalition would like to remind you that there is still an on-going crisis. It will be premiering the new film Across The Frontlines, which details the atrocities being perpetrated on the Nuba people who inhabit the newly-named South Sudan.

FRIDAY 28

Oktoberfest by the Bay Pier 48, 297 Terry A Francois, SF. www.oktoberfestbythebay.com. Fri/28 5pm-midnight; Sat/29 11am-5pm, 6pm-midnight; Sun/30 11am-6pm, $25–$75. I hope you didn’t buy your plane ticket to Germany already for this year’s Oktoberfest — one of the country’s best Oktoberfests will be happening in our backyard, right next to AT&T Park. This year’s fest will cover all the bases from authentic German beer (duh!) and an assortment of succulent sausages, and will feature a 21-piece Chico Bavarian band. Because a 20-piece band just doesn’t cut it.

Inner Sunset Fourth Fridays Inner Sunset neighborhood, SF. www.innersunsetmerchants.org. 6-9pm, free. Hop the N-Judah line to the Inner Sunset to check out this burgeoning street festival. Put on by local businesses such as the Urban Bazaar, Pearl Gallery and Park Smile, this month’s installment of Inner Sunset Fourth Fridays will have handcrafted jewelry, free pizza at a secret location, and a community chanting.

SATURDAY 29

Polk Street Blues Festival Polk and California, SF. www.polkstreetbluesfestival.com 10am-6pm, free. Two stages of live tunes will rock Polk Street all the day long — check out acts like zydeco artist Andre Thierry (Sat/23, 11am, California Street stage), Buckaroo Bonet (Sat/23, 4pm, Jackson and Polk stage), and Bird School of Music (Sun/24, noon, Jackson and Polk stage).

Nomadsight Jack Kerouac Alley, SF. www.nomadsight.com. Sat/29 11am-7pm; Sun/30 11am-5pm, free. Veteran world traveler and photographer Allen Myers has chosen North Beach’s most famous Beat alley to display his latest exhibit. Myers’ temporary street art installment showcases his travels in places like Barcelona, Berlin, and Zagreb. Here’s hoping Myers will feature our city in his next exhibit, wherever in the world that may be.

Party on Block 18 18th St. between Dolores and Guerrero. Noon-5pm, free. Join this neighborhood block party, happening a literal stone’s throw away from Dolores. Your taste buds won’t be the only beneficiaries of the party’s scrumptious offerings, because all proceeds from the event will be going to such awesome organizations as 826 Valencia, 18 Reasons, and the Women’s Building.

Awesome Foundation Presents: Cardboard Castles Dolores Park, SF. www.awesomefoundation.com. noon, free. If you miss playing with Legos, the Awesome Foundation is there to indulge your childish desires by providing you with the materials to build a super-sweet fortress in whatever way such things look in your dreams.

Family Day Celebration 14th Ave East Picnic Area Golden Gate Park, JFK at 14th Ave., SF. (415) 431-2453, www.sfbike.org. Round the family up and hop on your fixie, mountain bike, road bike, cruiser, or trike and bike on over to Golden Gate Park for all sorts of fun bike-related activities like a parade the whole familial unit can ride out in, bike care classes, and biker Jeopardy games.

SUNDAY 30

Dogma Hayes Valley neighborhood, Octavia and Hayes, SF. www.sfspca.org. In a city where dogs outnumber children, it makes sense to have a woof-centric festival. For those of you without dogs, this fest will host on-site adoptions and for best friend-ed up, you are cordially invited to enter your beloved canine. Give ’em a chance to put on their fancy paws.

TUESDAY 2

Burning Books showcase The Green Arcade, 1680 Market, SF. (415) 431-6800 www.thegreenarcade.com. This sustainability-focused bookstore will play host to publisher Burning Books’ Quandrants reading series, which today features writers Thomas Frick, L.K. Larsen, and Melody Sumner Carnahan.

On the Cheap Listings

0

Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 19

Meet the artist: “Photographs From Lebanon” SF Main Library, 100 Larkin, SF. www.sfpl.org. 6pm, free. Najib Joe Hakim went back to his hometown Beirut to capture the culture that survived after Israel bombed the country. Coffee, candles, fishermen repairing nets — the resulting photo exhibit is a testament to resiliency, check it out today with the artist as your guide.

Elizabeth Rosner reads Grace Paley Pegasus Books, 1885 Solano, Berk. (510) 525-6888, www.pegasusbookstore.com. 7:30pm, free. The award-winning bookstore and Berkeley establishment Pegasus Books is starting up a brand-new reading series showcasing local writers opining on and dissecting the works of other writers. The first writer’s words to be in the spotlight will be activist Grace Paley, whose three feminist short stories will be interpreted by novelist Elizabeth Rosner.

24th Street Listening Project Brava Theater, 2781 24th St., SF. (415) 641-7657, www.brava.org. 5pm-9pm, free. In this project, artists Lynn Marie Kirby and Alexis Petty double as your tour guides as they take you on a vibrant five-block excursion complete with colorful meditation and reverberating echoes and concludes with the creation of a collective pigment poem. After the walk there will be a presentation at the Brava that will include mapping videos, local music, and story-telling.

THURSDAY 20

California history third Thursdays Society of California Pioneers, 300 Fourth St., SF. (415) 957-1849, www.californiapioneers.org. 4-7pm, free. Full of California pride, but uninformed on California history? The Society of California Pioneers will gladly school you on the history of our great state with their “Third Thursday” bargain book sale. Visitors and amateur California historians will also have the chance to check out the current exhibit “Singing the Golden State,” which showcases a collection of late 18th and early 19th century songs that pay homage to our fair state.

“Art Making in the 21st Century: Social and Subversive Practices” Yerba Buena Community Benefit District, UC Berkeley Extension, 95 Third St., (415) 644-0728, www.artsindialogue.org. 7pm, free. Reactionary artists Anthony Discenza, Dawn Weleski, and Ray Beldner will convene to tackle issues surrounding community-based art-making on a panel sponsored by the Yerba Buena Community Benefit District. These artists whose work involves re-appropriating common items of normal will be discussing interactive media, guerrilla interventions, and more.

SATURDAY 22

LOTR roundtable discussion Books Inc., 601 Van Ness, SF. www.booksinc.net. 7pm, free. In honor of the 75th anniversary of The Hobbit, this bookstore hosts an open panel discussion on the books. Guinness for the grown-ups will be provided, plus birthday cake for all ages.

Tour de Fat Lindley Meadow, Golden Gate Park, SF. www.newbelgium.com. 11am-5pm, parade registration 10am, free admission, $5 parade admission. A bike-beer carnival par excellence, featuring live bands, a costumed bike parade, and an elaborate ritual in which a lucky automobilist trades in their car for a fly new cycle.

North Beach Art Walk North Beach neighborhood, SF. www.artwalk.thd.org. Also Sun/23, 11am-6pm, free. The fifth annual NB art walk visits a plethora of cafes, galleries, and studios. Snag a map from Live Worms Gallery (1345 Grant, SF), and discover the northern neighborhood’s founts of creativity.

Roadworks: A Steamroller Printing Festival Rhode Island between 16th and 17th Sts., SF. www.sfcb.org. Noon-5pm, free. San Francisco Center for the Book celebrates the art of printed matter with this street fair, which features a three-ton construction steamroller that will put the finishing touches on 3-foot square linoleum block prints.

Superhero Street Fair Cesar Chavez and Indiana, SF. www.superherosf.com. 2pm-midnight, $10 in costume, $20 otherwise. Flip those undies outside your tights and soar down to Bayview for this open-air weirdo-fest in honor of caped crusaders. Climbing walls, jousts, floating pontoon boats — plenty of trouble to get into, while sound camps like Pink Mammoth, Opel, and Dancetronauts provide beats.

Precita Eyes 35th anniversary gala Meridien Gallery, 535 Powell, SF. www.precitaeyes.org. 5:30pm, VIP cocktail reception; 7pm, gala, $35-100. Is there a single arts organization that has done more to beautify the city of San Francisco? Debatable. Tonight, the transcendent community arts program that sponsors murals by established artists and schoolchildren alike takes a moment to reflect on its achievements. Bay graff cornerstone Estria Miyashiro will be honored for his epic contributions to the culture, and Susan Cervantes gets her due for 45 years of wall painting.

SUNDAY 23

Teacher supplies swap Fontana Room, 1050 North Point, SF. www.educycle.com/party. 3-6pm, free. Maestros, bring your old classroom accoutrements and trade up with your peers. There will be wine, snacks, chances to share back to school war stories.

Yerba Buena family day Yerba Buena Gardens, Mission and Fourth St., SF. www.ybfamilyday.org. 11am-4pm, free. Grab the fam for cost-free entry at the SFMOMA, Children’s Creativity Museum, Contemporary Jewish Museum, and Museum of the African Diaspora. When the troops tire of the museum track, head to the YB Gardens for free performances by Latin jazz great Eddie Palmieri, Red Panda Acrobats, Afro-Puerto Rican group Los Pleneros de la 21, and much more.

MONDAY 24

“20 Years of Critical Mass Art” 518 Valencia, SF. www.sfcriticalmass.org. Opening reception: 6pm, free. The 20th anniversary of SF’s world-famous monthly bike parade-protest kicks off its celebrations with this show of posters, t-shirts, graphics, and more from the last two decades.

 

Space jam: 5 talks you must catch at this weekend’s UFO convention

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If someone is willing to put in the time, effort, and money into putting on a convention, common sense would hold that this someone believes strongly in said cause. I mean, if the adage wasn’t true, Comic-Con wouldn’t exist, or maybe it would, but it’d be a neutered, unrecognizable version of its current self.

But such presuppositions don’t apply to the creator of this weekend’s UFO Con at the Santa Clara Marriott, Brian William Hall. Hall “does not believe in UFOs and aliens,” as he remarked in a recent phone interview with the Guardian.

In fact, Hall (who, not surprisingly, is also the lead organizer of Santa Clara’s yearly Conspiracy Con) doesn’t even believe in the word “believe.” According to him, “what we believe has absolutely nothing to do with the truth”. He and co-producer Lorien Fenton, – whose first name sounds like a constellation – aren’t staging the convention to speculate over Area 51 and blurry photos of circular objects.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxbtQDUBiMs

Rather, they are utilizing UFO Con as a means in exploring and investigating the questions that have dogged humankind since the time of the first cave paintings. Why are we here? Where have we been? Where are we going? Perhaps you can uncover the answers via the convention’s packed schedule of speakers expounding on such topics as cosmic mythology, abductions, and ufology. Below, we presented to you five mind-bending talks aim to place your consciousness on a higher level, though there is the possibility they will leave you with more questions than answers.

Andrew D. Basiago: “Jump Room”

Basiago’s speech will mainly touch on the CIA’s secret Mars project that supposedly had agents “jumping” through the space-time continuum. CIA conspiracy check.

Sat/15, 5:15-6:30pm

Michael Schratt: “UFO Magical Mystery Tour”

Colorful in name and in content, the UFO Magical Mystery Tour will take you on an stirring ride through the subject of ufology. Case by case, Schratt will debunk the misinformation surrounding such events as the flying pyramid, the army helicopter incident, and the Hudson Valley boomerang.

Sat/15, 10:15-11:30am

Les Velez: “OPUS: The Organization For Paranormal Understanding and Support”

It’s hard out here for UFO conspiracists ain’t it? If you’ve had any “extraordinary states of consciousness, fortean, spiritual, or parapsychological phenomenon, close encounters with non-human entities, and/or UFO activity” and are feeling pretty shook about it then OPUS is there for you. 

Sat/15, 9:00am-10:00am

Kim Carlsberg: “My Secret Life: One Woman’s Account of Eight Years of Alien Abduction”

Hey it wouldn’t be UFO Con if there wasn’t someone talking about being abducted by aliens. Carlsberg, a heavy hitter in the literary genre of “contact literature” will be enlightening the audience about her encounters of the third kind which first started in 1988 on a beach in Malibu.

Sun/16, noon-1:15pm

Richard Dolan: “UFO’s For The 21st Century Mind”

Richard Dolan could be considered one of the headliners of UFOSpaceCon seeing how he is one the most prominent and respected researchers when it comes to UFOs and the like.  Dolan will dutifully explain that despite all the peril our modern world faces, UFOs are just as relevant today as they were last century because when faced with climate change and economic depression people lose sight of the bigger cosmic picture. Highly recommended for forward-thinking types.

Sun/16, 10:30-11:45am

UFO Con

Sat/15-Sun/16, $89-$159 

Santa Clara Marriott

2700 Mission College, Santa Clara

www.ufocon2012.com