Caitlin Donohue

Sweet Georgia Beyonce

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Caitlin@sfbg.com

SPORTS You’d be hard-pressed not to like Handles Franklin. The spunky Harlem Globetrotter and I stood in a basement hallway of UC Berkeley’s Haas Pavilion on April 24, shortly before his team took on the Washington Generals. (The Globetrotters beat them handily, just like they’ve beaten almost every other team they’ve gone up against since 1926.)

“This is what I want to do in life. Everything prior to this was working my way to the Globetrotters,” said Franklin, holding his head up like the noble star of an action film. “When I was a kid I saw the Globetrotters on Scooby-Doo, and I knew I either wanted to solve mysteries or play basketball,” he told me, smiling. This is how the Globetrotters enter many of our lives, a fond childhood memory of red, white, blue, and orange blurs.

Jewish B-ball enthusiast Abe Saperstein created the team in Chicago more than 80 years ago. He chose the Harlem moniker to invoke the epicenter of African American culture, and for the Globetrotters to appear worldly. The all-black Globetrotters adopted a more dynamic style of play than acceptable in the NBA, which was gripped by Jim Crow segregation at the time. The team played exhibition games all over the country, often scheduled in double- headers with NBA teams to give the professional league’s ticket sales a boost. In 1948 and ’49, the all-black Trotters defeated the all-white Minneapolis Lakers, commonly assumed to be the best basketball team in the world. Two years later, the first black players were drafted into the NBA. Nat “Sweetwater” Clifton, a two-year Globetrotter alum, was one. Although continuing, unofficial racial quotas in the league meant that some players still Globetrotted while waiting to be called up (Wilt Chamberlin among them) the gradual dissolution of the color line led to the exodus of many of “Harlem’s” stars.

Which, in a way, freed the Globetrooters to do their thing. To date, they’ve played more than 20,000 games in more than 120 countries. “We’ve been able to cross generations using the international language of basketball, in regard to race, nationality, everything,” Handles said. “It’s important that we travel the globe spreading smiles.”

Off-court, community service is a big deal for the Trotters. Despite playing roughly 269 games a year, the players regularly carve out time for hospital visits and other charitable forays. During this last Bay appearance, the team dribbled across the Golden Gate Bridge, and Moo Moo Evans handed out free game passes to Earth Day volunteers in the Presidio. “It’s hectic,” Handles told me. “But there’s nothing like doing something you love. You sticking around for the game?”

Who misses the Globetrotters? Only suckers, I decided, watching the pregame show in which Globie, “the world’s most famous mascot,” slapped giant stunna shades onto his Earth-shaped head for a musical turn as Kanye, then donned a blonde wig to become Taylor Swift, and finally ripped off his Trotter uniform to reveal a black dress that left little of his blue-limbed body to the imagination. Globie had become Beyonce! The crowd goes wild for “Single Ladies.”

Then came the “magic circle,” the team’s traditional spinning and passing ritual done to the whistling strains of “Sweet Georgia Brown.” It soon became clear that it is Handles who will be running things tonight. As the Globetrotter showman, he was miked throughout the game, wandering off court to heckle late arrivals, sit in the laps of men’s wives, and jokingly steal purses — to the absolute delight of all those selected for harassment.

On the court, playfulness and showmanship were in ever-revolving focus. Most of the Globetrotters have competed in the upper echelons of the game. Current team member Hi Lite Bruton, before he started making appearances in ball-handling contests against trained sea lions, played for the Chicago Bulls. And through the clowning, they still ran plays that thrill, even in their occasional predictability. Dunks abound, as do no-look passes and — a Globetrotter specialty — a braided passing play in which the hapless Generals were forced to run behind the Globetrotters as they exchanged the ball in an endless figure eight.

Around me, children’s eyes lit up. “How many laughs do you have in your belly?” one tow-headed tyke squeezed out to his dad between chuckles. Handles is in the thick of it all, living his dream. He busts out a Fonz-like thumbs-up and hip waggle to punctuate his jibes and baskets. Sure, there wasn’t any doubt about the outcome. But forget tension, forget winning, it’s all about reliving that fuzzy, fleet-footed feeling.

Warriors, come out and play! (with this squeaky mouse)

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Blossompaw jumped down from the wall and headed past the plants Jayfeather had carefully nurtured. The scent of them made Ivypaw’s mouth water, but she knew the warning given to every Clan cat: Stay away from the catnip.

Worry not for our youth in the post-Harry Potter era; there’s a new line of young adult fiction that’s got all the kids a’ reading. And it’s about fighting clans of kitties — my favorite! The Warriors, a series which to date includes over thirty titles, is a lot like Brian Jacques’ Redwall books — a small universe of carefully plotted minutiae following the escapades of animals in epic form.

But we’re going to the next level here.The Warriors see the Redwall sci-fi/fantasy nerd love of quests, battles, and prophecies, then raises it an all kitteh cast of characters. Oh yes, whiskers and all.

Warriors’ slightly confusing authorship (the books’ byline, Erin Hunter, actually refers to four women, none of them named Erin) begins each book with a comprehensive listing of each kitty in all four of the forest’s clans. Kits to clan leaders, pelt and eye colors included. For example, Dovepaw, one of the protagonists of Fading Echoes (book number two in the Omen of the Stars sub-series), is an apprentice of Shadow Clan, “a pale she-cat with blue eyes,” who is mentored by Lionblaze, “a golden tabby tom with amber eyes.” Leaving aside the complex belief structure and social hierarchy of the Warriors’ world, with 113 cats in the four mortal (oh yeah, it goes there) clans alone, it’s important to keep track of these details.

And readers do. Oh, but they do! A quick foray to The Warriors website reveals the true depths of fandom the kitties muster. Message boards require one to select a kitty avatar  to chat with the other kitties.

Which I did, all in the name of journalism of course (a golden she-cat with yellow eyes I named “Quillpaw”), and regardless of the fact that many of the conversation threads were a bit beyond my reckoning, most having to do with complex spoiler theories and desperate purrs for a single tom to mate with. Scandalous!

I meowed at my kitty friends online about why they liked this magical, mystical world of claws and fresh-kill, and I found Twilightfoot (who appears to be a fan fic writing, gender neutral black deputy cat with green eyes from he/she’s profile picture)’s answer to be the most endearing. I quote:

What do I like about Warriors?:

They are VERY interesting, and have a good plot that I can relate to.

It is NOT a G-rated series, which I <3!

I get very, um, connected with the characters, which I can rarely do with a book.

In this day and age, connection is really the pith of the matter, isn’t it? Cheers to you, Twilightfoot. And cheers to you, Warriors books — I never really liked reading about people, anyway.

Conan O’Brien is employed so the rest of us don’t have to be

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Yuppies love jokes about homeless people.

Consider that a telling, if ancillary, lesson I learned at last night’s Conan O’Brien “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television” tour, which continues tonight, Fri/23.

In the wake of O’Brien’s sacking from his late night gig at NBC earlier this year, the show marked a return to relevancy for the comedian. His comeback seemed to resonate with the younger, upper middle crowd at the Nob Hill Masonic Center, many of whom are no doubt fighting to maintain their own $79.50 comedy show lifestyle in the face of economic shittiness and uncertain employment.

Before we could see the man himself, we the audience were treated to a video showing an obese, bearded Conan from “a month ago” lolling about in sweatpants and pizza boxes as he waited for the phone to ring that would grant him a chance to spread his snark to the masses once more. No job = letting the dog lick peanut butter off your toes and sweatsuits. I looked around, and the buttoned down, well coiffed crowd around me was chuckling uncomfortably to themselves. Unemployed — and that beard! What a loser Conan was!

But the call comes, and we watch the birth of the 72 city “Legally Prohibited” tour. Barred from TV, radio, and the Internet until the fall (when his new TBS series begins, surely a come down for a man used to the bright lights of network television) by the terms of his contract with NBC, live performances are one of the only options open right now to O’Brien, whose career’s been light on the stand up without the sound stage up to this point.

+ beard + certain degree of world weary grizzle = Conan from last night’s show

His lack of live experience didn’t matter to the folks last night, though. They whooped it up as the man made his entrance onstage, re-energized in a sharp suit, his band behind him once more. The gut was gone, but the beard stayed, a rugged look that seemed to scream ‘this man has been through some shit!’

“We played San Francisco in 2007 in the Tenderloin, at the Orpheum,” O’Brien explains to us. “I had to get to the theater by canoeing through hobo urine!”

Haaaa! “That’s the show it’s going to be,” he tells us, as the crowd cheers his cheekiness. He tells us he can see “some guy in a top hat in the balcony” telling his wife, Mildred “it’s time to go.” Frumpy old people aside “your asses are mine tonight! You can’t change the channel,” he tells us. But no one’s leaving. The bland jokes, humorous musical numbers, and even an appearance from Chris Isaak (omg! He’s like, so cute!) keep the endorphins up and the bright, shiny crowd enthralled.

In crazy times, your late night show will always be there for you. Even if that interview didn’t go so hot, or you’re forced to give up the private parking space, you know your favorite TV host awaits to round out the day with some reassuringly belittling comments on pretty much every single person in popular culture. All the better if he’s cracking wise about the unemployment office and the steps of grieving that happen when you lose your job.

These days, that’s what we call relevant humor. Go get ‘em, Coco.

Conan O’Brien’s “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television” tour

Fri/23  8 p.m., $39.50-79.50

Nob Hill Masonic Center

1111 California, SF

(415) 630-8496

www.teamcoco.com

Yann Martel brushes off the haters

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Last night, Yann Martel, author of Life of Pi, and the new spectacularly panned follow up effort Beatrice and Virgil, took the stage at Kabuki Sundance Theater to speak with fellow writer Laura Fraser.

One can almost hear the semi colons when Martell speaks. “What makes life go well is not just external success; it’s how you feel about it.” It’s well and good that he seems relatively undisturbed by reviews of his work, because otherwise he might be a little ruffled these days; despite the phenomenal triumph of Life of Pi, the New York Times reviewer Michiko Kakutani heads up a long list of unimpressed critics, calling the new book “disappointing and often perverse.”

Seen onstage, Martel seems to be too engaged with philosophical conquesting to bog down in such matters.

An exotic biography (born in Spain!  Foreign service parents raised him in Costa Rica, France, and Mexico! Employed as a security guard and tree planter before coming to writing full time!) has left Martel with a desire to express the totality of human existence through the simplest narrative possible. All the better to communicate with the rest of the world, something which the author finds his “duty,” albeit a grand one. “It’s no easy fate,” to be endowed with such literary responsibility, he sighs.

Let’s leave aside, for a moment, the slings and arrows of outrageous book critics. What Martel took nine years to come up with in Beatrice and Virgil is what last night’s host Laura Fraser dubbed “meta fiction,” a Rubik’s cube of narrative not unlike Life of Pi’s structure. The book follows a writer who has become disenchanted by criticism from his editors; a character that Martel makes no bones about being a semi-autobiographical representation. The character finds inspiration renewed upon meeting a taxidermist, who needs help writing his own Beckett-like play starring personified characters based on his stuffed donkey and monkey friends that live in his shop. Oh, and the whole thing’s about the Holocaust.

It’s actually a less complicated version of what Martel had planned for the book at one point; a flipbook, “a book with two doors, but no exit,” which read one way would contain an essay about Holocaust lit, and the other, a fictional novel on the genocide.

Martel thinks it’s time to move past the strict rule that the Holocaust must be approached from a historical realist perspective because of the scope of the horror that occurred. By representing tragedy in a “non-literal, compact way,” he argues, the artist is able to create “art as suitcase: light, portable, [and] essential,” and speak to the emotional side of a tragedy where the voices of billions have been blurred into silence. Hence the donkey and monkey. He compares the need for these fictional characters to Orwell’s Animal Farm, Camus’ The Plague, and Picasso’s Guernica. One things for sure, Martel is a well read guy.

See we were totally there! Blurriness is the new artistic thing. Geez. Photo by Paula Connelly

It’s decadent really, the certain, bountifully nerdy joys involved with spending a Wednesday night watching onstage conversation with a book author. Respectful hushes. The discovery of exciting new vocabulary words. Audience opportunities to extrapolate theories of the meaning of titles and character names. Central among these pleasures, the chance to hear a person who has built their life on the solitude of reading and writing speak in front of a crowd. How do they do it, these authors? Masters of the written word, shouldn’t they be slobbering, anti-social messes at public speaking, at human relations in general?

But, scholarly as he may be, he’s well spoken, this Martel. He goes so far in his gregariousness, even, to engage with Canada’s prime minister, Stephen Harper, having sent the head of state a book every two weeks for the past three years to instill in him a deeper appreciation for the arts and their import in the character and integrity of a guy that can run a country. He holds our Prez highly, noting that, in contrast to Stephen’s complete lack of response to the literary missives, Obama sent him a thank you note upon reading Life of Pi.

The whole thing’s mind boggling. A celebrity in the public eye, easeful and unworried in the face of professional turmoil enough to spend his moments onstage discussing why the leader of his country should read a Harlequin romance novel (a. the company is based out of Canada, b. they’ve sold 5.63 billion titles to date)? The man doesn’t appear to be worried. A solid endorsement of any current project, if ere I’ve seen one.

FEAST: Free crystal glass!

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culture@sfbg.com

Should ceaseless hangovers and clumsy, inebriated behavior ever sour you on the drinking scene, you could do worse than while away an evening in one of SF’s many pan-Asian dessert cafes. Cheap prices, pleasant late-night crowds, cultural cachet … the sole caveat being that, for the neophyte dabbler in casual Asian cuisine, menus can approach this side of incomprehensible. This thought came to me midway through ordering at Tapioca Express (1522 Fillmore, (415) 346-6600. www.tapiocaexpress.com). A whim had struck me for bubble tea, but in my naiveté, I had come unprepared for what lay ahead. A universe of flavors, forms, and toppings were at my fingertips — it’s not unusual for a café to feature more than 80 bubble tea options; variations on form, flavoring, and toppings (“free crystal glass,” which to me sounds like a great deal on street drugs). Even ignoring the savories, I was at a loss. But I squashed the disorientation and walked away with an avocado snow, a tapioca-beaded milkshake whose creamy taste will dispel any hesitation you have toward desserts made from nacho ingredients. Sitting with my prize and savoring the peaceful, nonalcoholic hum around me, I knew: I was hooked. I needed more dessert cafe. And thus it began, the adventures of a white girl in the land of taro, grass jelly, and tadpoles.

As if the culinary adventures at Creations Dessert House (5217 Geary, (415) 668-8812, www.creationsdessert.com) weren’t enough food for thought, the ambience, as in other specimens of its genre, strikes an odd balance between coffeehouse and sit-down restaurant. Rather than highlighting its bubble teas, the ginormous menu focuses on hearty snacks, from fast food-like “value boxes” to potato polenta-esque radish cakes topped with fish sauce, and elaborately plated desserts (bowls of cubed fruits and ice cream nestled neatly alongside each other, rather than the helter-skelter mix-up found on most Western plates). The waitress will bring you complimentary hot tea while you ponder your options.

An after-school crowd and a more fast food vibe prevails at Quickly (2116 Irving and various SF locations, (415) 665-3090, www.quicklyusa.com), a global megachain that provides a gateway to bubble tea from New Zealand to Singapore. I learned about Quickly’s ubiquity from the café’s helpfully excessive signage, which also alerted me to its “new healthy fashion food” with “fiber green milk tea, black rice, and colis milk.” Eschewing the fried mini octopi and hot grass jelly, a plant-based pudding treat, I opted for a saccharine sweet rose bubble tea. And, in a bit of providence, I tried the Hong Kong egg puff, which turned out to be a crispy, waffle-bubble wrap marriage. It’s folded into a paper envelope, which fit nicely into my heart. New favorite thing!

Imagine, then, my elation at discovering that this mysterious egg puff was not a solely corporate creation — that, in fact, a sojourn into the Outer Sunset (SF’s epicenter of Asian dessert pleasures) will reveal Eggettes (3136 Noriega, (415) 681-8818, www.eggettessf.com), whose specialty is the puff. Eggettes has the distinction of three flavors; original, chocolate, and honeydew, whose golden-brown crust cedes to a chewy green dough within. Eggettes features the usual phalanx of bubble teas, and for the packs of adolescents usually present, not just free wireless but free computers! Imagine! Should you go, try the rice rolls, flat noodles rolled into delicious chewy nuggets, accompanied by peanut and hoisin sauce.

The challenge of dessert cafes may be what relentlessly pulls us to them — the variety of their wares. After all, the menu at 37 Degrees Dessert Café (1155 Taraval, (415) 566-3887) is a solid 10 pages long, filled with evocative photos to guide your deliberations. Dare you try the Deep Sea, whose striated layers of sweet liquid and “coral jellies” resemble nothing more than the dentist office’s saltwater aquarium tank poured into a tall ice cream sundae glass? Will you opt for the crystal rolls at 100% Sweet Café (2512 Clement, (415) 221-1628), small rice paper sachets of sugary goo, fresh strawberries, and mangos that constitute the most difficult and slippery food item to eat ever?

All told, the dessert cafes made a distinct impression on me. Situated at a small table, plied with free hot tea, megalith menu in hand detailing lobster balls, black pearl barley, and cold tofu flakes curdled in a wooden bucket — it’s easy to lose a few hours contemplating the fact that one will never, ever know all there is to be eaten under the sun.

But a girl can try. Osmanthus jelly with a side of explosive eggs, please?

Sexy events April 21-27

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We’re all feeling a little smoothed out from yesterday’s 420 festivities — why not take that newfound ease, and apply it to some fun new sexy events? A little cowboy action with a glass of wine and a lasso tryout? Maybe you’d like to bend over to your desire to learn more about the art of spank? Whether you’re into choppers or fatties, this week has tons of chances to let it alllll hang out.

Bottoms Up! Spanking Workshop
If Tina Horn can’t teach you how to spank, or be spanked, than no one can. The kinky porn star rears back to show you how to take pride in your spanking fantasies, and how to lay one on with style.
Wed/21 8-10 p.m., $25-30
Good Vibrations
603 Valencia, SF
www.goodvibes.com

RuPaul
It’s a sign! Touting her book, RuPaul’s Guide to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Style, the queen of queens greets her loving kingdom.
Thurs/22 7:30-8:30 p.m., free
Books Inc
2275 Market, SF
(415) 864-6777
www.booksinc.net

Stone Sex and Kink
Kink educator/writer/stone butch Corey Alexander teaches this class on stone identity, a term whose most commonly accepted meaning encapsulates butches and femmes who are not into sexual genital stimulation. Alexander touches on anti-stone prejudice and the pleasures of stone kink.
Fri/23 8-10 p.m., $4 members, $10 non members
Women’s Building
3543 18th St., SF
www.theexiles.org

The Popstitutes’ “Boredom = Death”
A mishmash collection of paper ephemera to commemorate the late ‘80s queer agit prop band. The Popstitutes got off on channeling the Reagan induced anger into festival like performances — which took the stage everywhere from acid orgies to Tupperware parties.
Sat/24 12 – 5 p.m., free
Goteblud
766 Valencia, SF
www.goteblud.com

Bears, the Bath, and Beyond
Come play with your fave furry friends when the Bears of San Francisco hold their bi-quarterly play party at Steamworks 24/7 Men’s Bath house in Berkeley.
Sat/24 1-6 p.m.,
Steamworks
2107 4th St., SF
(510) 845-8992
www.steamworksonline.com

A Taste of Rope: Erotic Rope and Wine Sampling
Upon entry to this event, you’ll receive a few choice items into your ready palms; a glass of wine, some rope to test and a single blindfold (one per couple). Sounds like a sensory experience bar none. Things to look for in the cord of your choice: taste, smell and whether when it binds it makes you moan — or scream!
Sat/24 8-11 p.m., couples tickets $50-75
Femina Potens gallery
2199 Market, SF
www.feminapotens.org

Hot.Fat.Femmes!
Virgie Tovar’s new tome, Fatties of the World Unite!, deserves a celebration. At this fattiesexual gathering, all girls large and luscious will be venerated and celebrated — featuring a reading by Virgie and a photo exhibition of fantastic folds of flesh.
Sun/25 7-8:30 p.m., free
Good Vibrations
603 Valencia, SF
www.goodvibes.com

Ride
Bring in your helmet, American Motorcycles Association card, or club colors for $3 off admission at this night for all those who were born, born to be wild. Rubber down and rubber on!
Mon/26 4 p.m. – midnight, $7-17
Eros
2051 Market, SF
(415) 255-4921
www.erossf.com

Reggie Watts is awesome, and I totally don’t get him

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I’ve been a Reggie Watts aficionado for some time now — maybe since January. His video for “Fuck Shit Stack” was the most hilarious send up of hip hop culture I’ve seen in awhile, and one of the more visually creative videos. And I heard he was Seattle based, which got me very excited to see Pacific Northwest steez represented at his upcoming appearance at Conan O’Brien’s “The Legally Prohibited from Being on Television” tour stop, Thur/22 at the Nob Hill Masonic Center.

So I was stoked to get the chance to talk to the singer/beat boxer/comedian. Especially on 4/20. Interview dates don’t get much cooler. We’d straight kick it on the phone, giggle, talk about life, man. He says he’s in Seattle as we speak. What’s good in Northwest hip hop, Reggie?

“I haven’t lived in Seattle for over six years, and I’m not really a big hip hop guy,” says Watts. There is a medium sized pause as I mentally recalibrate, and feel out my new role as “reporter who doesn‘t get it.” Damn.

You’ll excuse me for being confused. Watts considers himself more of a comedic performer, but the majority of his work available online revolves around his prodigious musical talents that can be most readily understood in the language of hip hop. He’s been using a Line 6 DL4 delay box since the late nineties to concoct audio lasagnas of sound. And though the beats and bleats that come out of these largely improvised, layer cakes can borrow from retro commercial jingles and R&B hooks, the overwhelming impression they lay down is that of a super dope, low tech hip hop production.

I really like it. But, clearly, I don’t understand. So. Crap. But these things happen. What else can we talk about. Williamsburg? Blue Bottle coffee?

San Francisco Bay Guardian:
How’s Brooklyn, Reggie?
Reggie Watts: Brooklyn’s cool. Really cool parties, great comedy scene. I live in Williamsburg, and there’s lots of photographers, visual artists, everything’s there.

SFBG: And really, you’re not into hip hop?
RW: I like the beats, but I don’t really follow it. It’s kind of like sports. Well no, because I don’t really like sports at all. I have friends that will play me stuff, but I don’t know a lot about it.

SFBG: (grasping, trying to salvage predetermined flow of interview) But… “Fuck Shit Stack”! Such incisive social commentary — you have such smart things to say about hip hop culture!
RW: I like real hip hop, that song to me is about that kind of stuff. There’s plenty of hip hop that’s more in the tradition of bohemian hip hop, poetic spoken style. I have a problem with the too cool, money money lifestyle. It’s been around for a long time.

SFBG: Can’t you say the same thing about all forms of music?
RW: I think more so now than any other time period. Communication and product placement, trying to sell things. The concept of money being given to people to perpetuate certain kinds of lifestyles. We see the direct effect in our hearts. When Nas came out with “Made you Look,” I was like oh shit, something’s going to happen, but it was kind of a one hit thing. I don’t mind materialism, as long as you use it creatively.

SFBG:
Allright. So what will you listen to, left to your own devices?
RW: Techno, glitch, dub step. But I’m also really into… I don’t know, I enjoy the Carpenters, Seegar, Marvin Gaye — I pretty much really like everything. StereoLab I could listen to 24/7, Phoenix, I really like electronic music, ambient music.

SFBG: What are we going to see onstage at the show this week?
RW: 95% of what I do on stage is improvise, it’s up to the night and what’s going on. It’s usually me doing some really stupid shit for awhile, then I’ll do a song with the looping machine using really stupid lyrics. I’ll do a keyboard song, some more stupid bullshit.

SFBG: Are you excited to come to SF?
RW: Oh yeah, always a good time, I’ve got a lot of friends. And I’m excited for Blue Bottle coffee. We just got one in Brooklyn, I’m excited to see what it’s like out in SF.

SFBG: Oh yeah, we’ve got that Blue Bottle. It’s everywhere.
RW: It’ll fuck you up, in a good way.

Conan O’Brien’s “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television” Tour feat. Reggie Watts

Thurs/22 8 p.m., $39.50-79.50

Nob Hill Masonic Center

1111 California, SF

(415) 776-4702

www.masonicauditorium.com

www.teamcoco.com

Sabar dances for Bay Area art form

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When Delina Patrice Brooks got the call to audition for the new movie about the Bay area African dance community, she didn’t have to think twice. “Anything that helps to promote, preserve and expose the beauty of African dance gets an easy “yes” from me,” says the local dancer and artist. She wound up in a supporting role in Sabar, a film which screens at the Museum of the African Diaspora Fri/23, and which highlights an important cultural movement in the Bay. “The film was very reflective of our community,” says Brooks, whose been an advocate of, and participant in, the traditional artistic form for over a decade.
Sabar’s creator and director, Nigerian filmmaker Chike Nwoffiah, initially set out to make a documentary on the local dance scene that captivated him with it’s vibrant sights and sounds. Flush with dance classes and performances, the Bay’s African dance — a form which has a subgenre known as “sabar” — culture is unprecedented in the US.

“African dance is huge in the Bay area,” says Eboni Hawkins, director of see.think.dance, which promotes connections between urban communities, artists and dance productions. “Out of all dance communities in the US, we [in the Bay] are really known for traditional dance.”

After hearing of the social connotations and intense spiritual communion that many African dancers take from their art, Nwoffiah, who at one point commented “my heart was bleeding sabar,” decided that his story could be best told in a dramatic arc.

Check out Sabar‘s trailer

The film he brought forth follows Aisha (played by the talented Bunmi DeRosario, a real life regular in the Bay’s traditional dance scene), a hip hop dancer who comes to sabar, a dance that originally comes from Senegal, more or less by accident. She’s surprised to find that the rhythms of the drums awaken within her some kind of rememberance — or is it destiny? — or excitement lacking in her modern world. She’s swept into the orbit of the dance, and the pattern of her daily life is forever changed.

For advocates of African dance, its not an unbelievable awakening. “There are people that come to dancing late in life, and they find that they become a part of something larger than themselves,” says Hawkins. “This is a really tight community, and it can be very welcoming.”

Watching Sabar, which has been screening across the world since its premiere at the 2009 Pan-African Film & Television Festival in Burkina Faso, you begin to understand the draw of traditional African dance; the bright fabrics, the clacking of cowries mixing with the bottomless reverberations of the djembe drums, the communal nature of multi dancer performances. The movie Sabar was honored with the best feature film and audience choice awards at the Urban Mediamakers Film Festival in Atlanta.

Hawkins calls Sabar a great “introductory point” for those unacquainted with the dance — and Brooks is quick to make the connection for those that like what they see. When asked what she would share with people about the making of the movie, she had an invitation to extend. “For anyone who enjoys moving their body, come dance with us! It’s intimidating at first — absolutely — but it’s invigorating.” She cited the workout potential of the art form, and finished up with an affirmation. “Just like in the film, the drums are captivating and the moves just — they just feel good.”

Fri/23 5 & 7:30 p.m., free with $10 museum admission
Museum of the African Diaspora
685 Mission, SF
(415) 358-7200
www.moadsf.org

Hidden folds at the Cherry Blossom Festival

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In Japantown yesterday, pet owners walked small dogs dressed in mini kimonos to the beat of taiko drums. The festivities were on account of the 43rd annual Northern California Cherry Blossom Festival, one of the state’s largest celebrations of Japanese culture. The Sapporo beer gardens lubricated sale of T shirts and bento boxes, and Safeway had erected a pop up grocery store near the main stage.

But in the basement of the Kabuki hotel, one could follow makeshift signs to a cultural display without brand names and ID checks. Small meeting rooms held samurai swords and their aficionados, traditional paper doll creations and creators. The Cherry Blossom Festival had created this peaceful forum for an array of Japanophile collecters and crafters.

Oh, but the origami room!

Here, amidst improbably wonderful paper polar bears and geometrically complicated paper bowls, sat Jonathan Miller and Charles Knuffke. Two of the origami artists whose work was on display, they were teaching the random souls who’d stumbled upon the room of folded riches how to create simple creatures — a swimming fish, a box for secrets.

Charles Esseltine’s origami space magic. Photo by Caitlin Donohue

Next to them in a glass case on their card table, were works that the fledgling crafters they taught could only aspire to; Star Wars spaceships, weapon brandishing warriors.

Knuffke, who discovered origami when he was a mere 12 years old, held up the creature who’d pointed the way to fold and crease nirvana; the flapping bird. “This was just about as cool as it gets in middle school,” he said, the crane mimicking flight with a few deft movements of his fingers.

Watching their tired joy in the last of the day’s lessons in mountain, valley, and rabbit folds, it was easy to see why origami’s stuck with the human race since the 17th century. There’s something calming in the thought that with certain, almost mathematical techniques, one can create nearly anything in the universe.

And that, looking at the faces of young and old who’d stopped to pick up a fold from Miller and Knuffke, is cool — even beyond the teen years.

“This was just about as cool as it gets.” Photo by Caitlin Donohue

How to run your life: today’s stand up comedians and The Believer weigh in

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As far as advice columns go, I’ve always been partial to E. Jean’s bon mots in Elle, if only for her use of the term ‘whipsawed by confusion.’ But for a swift, re-motivating kick to the rear, I’ve never read anything like the gems dished out by You’re a Horrible Person, But I Like You, The Believer’s new tome of celebrity counsel.

By way of example, here’s Zach Galifianakis’ “ways to kick-start a satisfying life.”

1. Start reading Teen People

2. Rent a stretch Hummer to go see Noam Chomsky speak

3. Model your life after the movie Sideways, but instead of wine make your passion Mountain Dew

4. Ask a state trooper where the closest gay bar is

5. Have a Super Bowl party with no television

The book gives a few pages apiece to today’s fly young comedians — bro extraordinaire Judd Apatow, his minion Michael Cera, Janeane Garafolo, and Samantha Bee all pick up the pen, among others — and throws at them some standard  “whatdoIdo” queries. How do I tell my girlfriend she’s got a mustache? Why did my dog die? What do I do with all these grass cuttings? The conundrums of our times.

It was surprising to me how well these film and TV types can actually write. I guess film and television comics are literate, after all. 

You’re a Horrible Person scores some hits from Sarah Silverman (“You may think you’re a shut-in and that therefore you don’t wash your balls. But I’m here to tell you that you a re shut-in because you don’t wash your balls,”), and Adam McKay (“Lies and fantasy are the nectar of good lovemaking,”), and all the witty back and forth makes for a quick read for certain — far less taxing on the old noggin than the deep thinking Believer itself. 

It’s kind of a one-off deal — comedy books in general have to work pretty hard to earn a spot on my bookshelf. But the book definitely gets some guffahs. You might even pick up some advice you can use. Truly, without Michael Ian Black, I might never have thought to smooth things over with an irate father in law by making him my DJ, and as Amy Sedaris (who granted, has had some practice at this in her Believer online column “Sedaratives”) helpfully points out, “It’s called a tongue bath, and it’s not just for felines anymore.”

I’ve got to admit, E. Jean’s never weighed in on the hygenic properties of saliva baths. Take notes, blondie.

 

SanFolk Disco’s blazing neo-folk collision

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JL Stiles would like it if we all just appreciated what we’ve got a little more. 

“If you look at the new artists that have come out of San Francisco recently, we’re got some really innovative people. But in the belly of the beast, traction is not easy to come by. The great artists, someone discovers them and cashes out on their genius, and then they’re touring all over and just come back every once in awhile,” says the mathematician/musician/creator of the new neo folk concert series San Folk Disco, which kicks off Thur/15 at Café Du Nord.

The series will showcase three Bay area artists each month, with the intent to gather together three different kinds of folk sound, what the event’s website calls “three blazing comets of musical ice and fire.”  

Stiles, himself an accomplished guitarist who attributes his musical acumen to a penchant for advanced mathematical theorems, has aspirations of becoming “a personal music scene.” Though he has taken pleasure in the aspects of SanFolk Disco he’s orchestrated, when it comes to event planning in general “I prefer that everybody else do it, and me be the source of it. I’m about what music is fundamentally; inspiration, profundity, a serious, magical thing. If it’s only about JL Stiles, it’s really small. If it’s about what music encompasses for humankind, it’s something to live your life for.”

Here’s the profundity going down at tomorrow night’s SanFolk Disco; Stiles opens (as he will each month), and from there the boundaries of folk, rock, and bluesy jam music will be explored. Sweet, jazzy Kasey Johansing’s ephemeral purrs are set to lay a nice, velvety groundwork for a more jingle-jangle, feel good sesh by Bart Davenport. “Bart’s the kind of guy that always leaves you with a smile on your face. He gets crowds dancing,” says Stiles.

Sounds like a fun night; support your local music scene while it still is local, hear a bunch of different artists’ interpretation of what folk music is today… strike a blow for personal connections in a rapidly digitizing social sphere? “It’s a civic duty to go out and take charge and participate in some way in peoples’ lives,” exhorts Stiles. “Do your civic duty, come out and party!”

SanFolk Disco feat. Bart Davenport, Kacey Johansing & JL Stiles

Thur/15 8 p.m., $10-12

Café Du Nord

2170 Market, SF

www.sanfolkdisco.blogspot.com

 

Hot sex events: April 14-21

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It’s spring, people. With all the life and love in the air, it’s time to take your sex to another level. Perhaps that’s why the shamans are poking their heads out in San Francisco this week — Frank Moore takes the stage with his impossible erotic performance art, and a class is being offered to endow dominants with a sense of the sublime in their sexual dealings. Not sure what it all means? Comfort yourself with a cuddle party, or the Tubesteak Connection party at Aunt Charlie’s.

The top as shaman: setting the pathway for transformation

Dominants have an excellent chance not only to transform their partner’s life sexually, but sexually-spiritually as well. Attend this class to check ways to make your lovemaking transcendent for all involved.

Wed/14 8-10 p.m, $25-30

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

www.goodvibes.com


Exiles Munch

Exiles, the all women BDSM educational group, holds it’s first munch. Grab a latte, a sandwich, or a submissive as you see fit.

Wed/14 6:30-8:30 p.m., free

Wicked Grounds

289 8th St., SF

(415) 503-0405

www.theexiles.org


Kinky Knitters

“Geez! I just can’t get this drop stitch to set on my crotched sex swing!” “Aw honey, let me look at it.” Just another week for SF’s kinkiest coffeehouse crafters.

Wed/14 7 p.m., free

Wicked Grounds

289 8th St., SF

(415) 503-0405

www.wickedgrounds.com


Tubesteak Connection

I’m letting Aunt Charlie’s speak for themselves on this one: “Get liquored-up cheap ($2.50 well/beer all nite), and cruise your fellow cock gobblers, self-suckers, carpet grinders, and crotch-stuffers to the synthesized sounds of a forgotten era: late ‘70s/ early ‘80s gay bar and bathhouse hi-NRG, Eurodisco, NYC no-wave, disco rarities and more.” Sounds like a party…

Thur/15 free before 10 p.m., $4 after

Aunt Charlie’s

133 Turk, SF

(415) 441-2922

www.auntcharlieslounge.com



“Erotic Friction”

Frank Moore, controversial shaman/performance artist, takes the stage to shock and awe.

Sat/17 8 p.m., $5-10 sliding scale

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 225-1155

www.sexandculture.org


Greener Orgasms!

You’ve thoroughly examined this week’s Green Guide for all the ways to make your life more sustainable — and a sustainable sex life, well doesn’t that just make good sense? Chat with Good Vibe’s qualified professionals on all your opportunities to lube up, vibrate out and party down in a way that makes our planet happy.

Sun/18 5-6 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

www.goodvibes.com


Cuddle Party

Snuggle up to your neighbor (observing their cuddle boundaries, as always) at this exclusive hug and nuzzle get down.

Sun/18 7-10:30 p.m., $20-40 sliding scale

Registration required for location details

www.commoncircle/berkeley

Dogfest 2010 raises its leg on school budget cuts

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Gosh, you think. Charles Barkley just looks so dapper in his doggie vest/pocket watch/monocle ensemble. I wish more people could share in the joy his beauty brings me!

First of all, thanks for considering the rest of us. Secondly, Mr. Barkley’s time to shine has come. Just bring him down to Duboce Park this Sat/17 for Dogfest 2010, McKinley elementary school’s fundraiser excellent. The Fest offers a chance to, once and for all, determine that his bark is better, his coat is shinier, and y’all are two more identical peas in a pod than that Boston terrier and her owner down the street, those bitches.

“Last year’s event raised $25,000 — more than our school had ever raised in a single year, much less fundraising event,” says Dogfest organizer and McKinley parent, Katy Wilcoxen. In this era of deep cuts to our kiddie’s educations, Wilcoxen says that McKinley found it “couldn’t tap our own families to make up the funding gap.”

Enter Dogfest, which, unlike traditional school fundraising events, involves even members of the neighborhood who are childless — or if you will, those that don‘t have any two legged children. “The success of this was that we put it in Duboce Park to touch the Duboce Triangle/Castro community,” Wilcoxen tells SFBG. The area, which is one of the most dog frequented in the city, has responded with bright eyes and wagging tails.

So what can you expect from this year’s Dogfest? Last year brought over 100 canines to such contests as Best Trick, Best Dog-Guardian Look Alike and Best Bark — a category that Wilcoxen says has been dominated by a mixed breed named Grover for the past two years.

Sounds like a challenge to me, crazy dog people! But, if you’re furry friend free, bring your human children down for bouncy castles, face painting, and craft tables. No child? You poor darling! Sit in on a performance by the Busy Bee Dogs (the cast of which includes lots of puppies and a 225 pound pony named Benji), grub on the food vendors, bid in the silent auction, and hang on the sweeping Duboce Park lawn.

See? It’s good for you and Mr. Barkley to take a break from your standard Doobie Dolores Saturdays. Especially with the holiday coming. Woof!

 

Sat/17 11 a.m.- 4 p.m., free

Duboce Park

Noe & Duboce, SF

(415) 710-7387

www.mckinleyschool.org

 

Emerald city

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GREEN ISSUE Walk out your front door today and you won’t find a corner store that doesn’t sell “organic food,” a restaurant whose we-buy-sustainable addendum reads “whenever possible,” a trash can with a precious separate compartment for your all-natural soda cans. It’s hard to forget that it’s not all another secret plan from the government to make your life less fun. But it’s not! Below, please find assembled an all-star list of resources that are honest-to-goodness designed to help you help out our little ball, spinning all terrestrially out in space.

RECYCLING
They’ve tried to make it easy on you. Compost goes in green! Beer bottles in blue! Devil Styrofoam — where’d you get that? — in black! But still, you have questions. What about the bottle caps? Can I recycle the bag my Korean taco came in? Can I get a new green bin without a rat-hole in it? (Yes! No, that’s compost! Yes, but work on that vermin problem!) One quick stop at the Recology SF Web site has you sorted. You’ll also find info on the dump’s sculpture garden — the world’s only garbage company’s art park.

GROWING THAT GREEN
Because that window box in your bedroom hasn’t contributed anything to dinner in way too long, SF Garden Resource Organization maintains a database on everything you need to grow your own sustenance in the city. Find within its welcoming Internet embrace info on cheap local classes to turn that idle thumb green, all kinds of gardening pointers, and the lowdown on which community gardens are accepting new plot tenders.

PESTICIDES AND JUNK MAIL
They’re awful, aren’t they? And they’re all around us, which is why the Environmental Health Association of Nova Scotia’s toxicity guide for everyday lotions, cleaners, and pet products is so nice to have on hand. Thanks, Nova Scotia! For up close and personal commerce, the friendly worker-owners at Rainbow Grocery can steer you toward natural household products. An there are a bajillion lovely shops like Marie Veronique Organics (1790 Fifth St., Berk.) that’ll sell you the good local stuff. Kill your junk mail with the support of the helpful folks at Bay Area Recycling Outreach Coalition.

SHOPPING
Go organic or go secondhand. For natural fiber or recycled fabric gear, the Bay’s got lots of flash spots like Ladita (827 Cortland, SF. 415-648-4397 www.shopladita.com) or Eco Citizen (1488 Vallejo, SF. 415-614-0100. www.ecocitizenonline.com). Little Otsu (849 Valencia, SF. 415-255-7900 www.littleotsu.com) is all you need for gift shopping, with unique posters, books, and various assorted preciousness. But for the broke environmentalists, wait for the $2 per item of clothing sales at Goodwill (Various locations, www.goodwill.com), Mission Thrift (2330 Mission, SF. 415-821-9560), or even one of the several consignment stores along Fillmore like Repeat Performance (2436 Fillmore, SF. 415-563-3123) or Seconds to Go (2252 Fillmore, SF. 415-563-7806) to feel good about confounding consumerism. The big fish in our green pond, however, remains the invaluable Green Zebra coupon book, with hundreds of deals on earth-lovin’ spas, goods, and adventures.

OUT ON THE TOWN
There are oodles of spots to help you make a night of it without playing our environment for a fool. Terroir (1116 Folsom, SF. (415) 558-9546, www.terroirsf.com) serves elegant, chemical-free wines that taste even better if the wine-bar’s adorably scruffy owners pour them. Thirsty Bear Brewpub (661 Howard, SF. (415) 974-0905. www.thirstybear.com) has a stellar system of low-waste operation and serves only organic brews through its taps. For the club kids, the eco spot de rigueur is Temple (540 Howard, SF. (415) 978-8853 www.templesf.com), where owner Paul Hemming’s Zen Compound concept is expanding to include a roof garden, global art gallery, and dance floor that harnesses the energy expended on beats.

ACTIVISM
Of course, you could always do something outside your day’s normal scope. Hit up the following organizations to make change in your little corner of the world: Roots of Change for food sustainability issues, Livable City for hopes of a future outside our cars, and Planning and Conservation League for work on issues like global warming and water usage.

Youth Speaks’ young poets roar

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“Poetry’s made a big difference in my life. It’s allowed me to express myself in ways that I never would have been able to,” says Erica McMath Sheppard, 17, one the winners of Sat/3’s Youth Speaks Teen Poetry Slam at the Warfield Theater.

Her victory was the culmination of many years of hard work. Erica started participating in the Youth Speaks program when she was 13, and competing in the yearly slam competition at 14 years old. On Saturday, before a sold out crowd at the Warfield, she spoke with a light borne of a difficult adolescence, one spent in the cold bureaucracy of Child Protective Services, but through which she has nonetheless thrived academically.

“You look at America in the 21st century, who is the voice? What does it look like?” Youth Speaks executive director James Kass founded the non-profit in 1996 to provide public school kids with access to arts education in a state where such programs are rapidly being downsized into nonexistence. He says that, although professional artists have emerged from Youth Speaks’ programs, what the YS assemblies, after school workshops, and guest speakers really want to accomplish is the development of teens’ creativity, and by extension, their ability to think critically about the problems of the day. “Some kids go into teaching, go into non profit work,” he says. “This is about developing leaders.”

It’s a mission that resonates. One need only consider last Saturday’s event at the Warfield. Rows of cheering fans, hanging on their every word — would that this rapt attention were always present when youth spoke.

“It was an exciting experience,” says McMath-Sheppard, whose two poems focused on eating issues and the fallacies of Child Protective Services, whose care has shuffled her from homes in Potrero Hill, to the Tenderloin, to the Mission — where she is legally required to move from the day she turns 18. “It was so inspiring to share that love from the stage, and get the hugs and kind words afterwards. It was amazing.”

McMath will join Youth Speaks winners Bryant Phan (Oakland, age 17), Hadeel Ramadan, (San Bruno, 19), Jasmine Williams (Daly City, 19), Dominic Nicholas (Oakland, 18), and Natasha Huey (Berkeley, 19) in representing the Bay area at the Brave New Voices Festival in Los Angeles on July 23rd.

 

“I don’t really title my poems,” says McMath. “I know a lot of poets do, I just don’t label them like that.” Below, her untitled slam winning case against Child Protective Services.

Yesterday I had a meeting with my social worker

Katie said, “Children and family services will only house you until you’re 18 if you have your high school diploma or GED.”

She asked when I turn 18. I said, “June 18 th.”

I asked when I had to leave. She said “June 18th”

On my 18 th birthday I could be homeless

the only exception to this rule is if I were to decide to drop out of high school, but if I was gonna drop out, it would’ve been in 9 th grade—not 65 days before I graduate.

I just found out I will be booted from my house

Happy birthday Ericka get the fuck out

Correction—Happy birthday number 35876-b

We need you to get your shit and leave immediately

and I was angry

and I am scared

because it’s hard to recognize your own potential when know one else wants to let the fire inside of you burn

she told me if I was to get pregnant additional services would be offered

I asked if this was her suggestion

She replied, “No, but I did want you to have this information though…”

On my 18 th birthday, I could be homeless

You do not become an adult because you turn 18

you just get to buy a pack of cigarettes to deal with this shit

Why cant CPS understand that I am still a child

Or I was never allowed to be

Because I was always too busy

working

paying bills

Being active at my little sister’s back to school night

And now finding a place to stay

This is the reason that three percent of foster youth go to college and only one of that three percent graduates

My last roommate was a prostitute

And as much as I wanted to giver her a speech about how precious her body was

I couldn’t

Because she was in the same position I am in now

She was a number

and I am number 35876-b

I am not as strong as I make myself out to be

I don’t learn how to magically do shit when I turn 18

I am disorganized

have time management issues

have a hard time code switching when I need to

I need help and this system refuses to help me

And you could believe that I can help my damn self ‘cause I been helping my dam self my entire life

But why doesn’t Katie acknowledge how important it is for me to go to college (slowly)

At 18 my number turns into what’s called inactive dependency

Emancipation

Lincoln freed the slaves

Katie is freeing me

This system was set up for

People

excuse me

numbers like me live off of welfare checks,

And taste crack instead of their degree

and lay on there black and make babies

Then we can be the black Brady bunch and live on food stamps

Or purposely go to jail after all it is three hots and a cot

How do u expect us to fly with broken wings

Numbers like me are notorious for failing

Because I am black

A women

Disabled

Broke/lower class

don’t live with her mother and doesn’t know her father

And in this shady as child protective services system

But no protecting will be offered when I turn 18

I don’t want to be 35876-b

I just want Katie and the whole protective services system to notice me

Katie did you know that I will be the 1 st generation in my family to get my degree

Katie did you know that I go to two different schools one at day another by night just to guarantee that I will graduate on time

did you know that I am a poet

Katie did you know that I am a person

that my name is Erica Sheppard McMath not 35876-b

Katie I wish you where here to hear this but you don’t get paid on Saturdays (pause)

and please excuse my unpleasant attitude but on behalf of every other foster youth I need to tell you that abandonment is not a joyful feeling

I understand that to you this is just a 9-5

but for me this is my life that is being put on the line

we are in this system because we were abandon

once again I am being abandon

and I will be ok because I’ve always done what I have needed to do therefore I will survive Katie

but no thanks to you

White Walls gives street art a place to hang its hat

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Since writing my article in this week’s Guardian on the state of street art in San Francisco, the definition of the term has been… not rankling me, but sitting in my head like things that can’t be resolved tend to do. But a recent conversation I had with the owner of White Walls and Shooting galleries, Justin Giarla gave me a good look at why street artists go indoors. He took me through his current exhibition of works by the legendary stencilist Blek Le Rat, Hush, and Above — “street” artists all, who are finding brave new worlds through work on canvas.

“Once these guys get older, they don’t want to be going to jail anymore,” the proprietor of the Tenderloin gallery told me. Giarla has long been interested in the artwork of graffiti artists, and has been putting shows on like this one since White Walls opened in 2005. “Plus, you need to make money to do bigger and better things.”

…and this one outside the gallery? 

We’re standing beneath a forest of arrows suspended in mid air. They’re the work of Above, who at 27 years old has been placing them in improbable urban junctures for the past eight years. “He’d put them in places where you’d think, ‘how the hell did he do that?’” Giarla tells me. “Over the intersection of Market and Geary, places like that.” Before us is a canvas rendering of one of Above’s life size stencils, a young girl blowing expanding heart bubbles to a boy who rises with them into the air. The original of “First Love,” as the work is titled, was an unauthorized piece on the wall of an elementary school in So Cal. Above threw it up in the middle of the night to escape notice from the authorities. This one is retailing for more money than I’ve spent on art, like, ever.  That’s a big change in the art’s intent, isn’t it?

“Once you take it out of the street, it’s no longer “street” art, it’s fine art,” Giarla says. “That’s not to say what’s in the street isn’t fine art — it’s more like the difference between free art and fine art.” Street artists find a whole different set of artistic challenges, he tells me, when they start showing in galleries. Giarla notes that for artists like Above, whose White Walls exhibition is his first gallery show, “it changes the art visually. All of a sudden, all these limitations get put on it. Sometimes street art doesn‘t translate visually when it‘s altered to fit gallery format.”

“First Love” by Above — the indoor one. 

And Giarla is the first to admit that the audience of the art is altered by the change. “What art is, is dictated by the people who see it. The neighborhood you put it up in determines who sees it.”

Giarla was drawn to this kind of interaction with the world of public art because of a respect for the form. He says he finds street art “the most free expression of art, meant for everyone, not elitist,” and in a way, he’s furthering the capabilities of artists like Above and Hush (whose geisha murals and paintings decorate the room next to Above’s arrows) to do more, travel more, and create more public works by providing them a forum to sell to big money art collectors. Which is cool.

And I guess it answers some of my questions about why street art wants to hang with the denizens of fine art. It helps though, when they keep their original audience of public passers-by in mind. 

An eloquent nod to this kind of access splashes across the back entrance of White Walls. Giarla had Hush paint one of his shy geishas on the gallery’s doorway in the slightly seedy TL alley. Nearly identical copies of her hang on the walls inside, but this geisha can still enjoy an audience not overly given to wine and cheese receptions. 

Blek Le Rat “Faces in the Mirror,” Hush “Passing Through,” and Above “Transitions”

Through June 5

White Walls/Shooting Gallery

839 Larkin, SF

(415) 577-1275

www.shootinggallerysf.com

 

Park it here: an alterna-Dolores six pack

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The other day, sharing the scrap of blanket space I was able to hustle between 1,000 of my Vitamin D deprived brethren, I spotted:

1. A green parrot. On a man’s shoulder.

2. A green python. Ditto, shoulders.

3. An LED light filled, fixed gear frame.

All in a ten foot radius. Freaky! Unique! Not very relaxing! Conclusion: I need a break from Dolo. 

Luckily, I made a serendipitous discovery: there are other parks in San Francisco! Many, in fact. Here are some green spaces that are sunny, green, and relatively free of studied self imagery:

Alamo Square

Okay, so perhaps this won’t provide much respite from those hip cats and their big snakes — on a sunny day, Alamo is almost as flush with BBQs and irony as it’s neighbor in the Mission down South. But Alamo’s got the most iconic view in the city (if your icons, as mine, are based on early ‘90s sitcoms) and a really cool shoe garden by the public bathrooms.

Walk in at: Steiner & Hayes

 

Lafayette Square

One of the most intelligent ideas our city planners had was to put a park on nearly every peak in our city. Head up to Lafayette Square, deep in the heart of tony Pac Heights, and you can see their brillance manifested for yourself — a panoramic view of urban valleys, green hills. This park is where all the little old rich ladies go with their little old rich dogs, and its pristine lawns is aching for a little more infiltration by the prols.

Walk in at: Sacramento & Laguna, SF


Alta Plaza

One hill over, Alta Plaza is Lafayette’s only slightly less ritzy cousin. Most of the lawn space is on a terraced slant, perfect for when the sun is in the southern end of the sky. And should you get the yen to rise up and do something, Alta’s got superb tennis and basketball courts that are rarely occupied on weekdays.

Walk in at: Clay & Steiner, SF


Ocean Beach

Did you know that the western side of the city is lined by the Pacific Ocean? It’s true! And while Ocean Beach no longer features the amusement parks and boho repurposed streetcar villages, it’s still one of the coolest things about living here. Pick a sunny day (or a tempestuous one if you dig watching storm action in a solid coating of Gore-Tex) and post up between a couple dunes, where you chill in a little wind sheltered, clothing optional cove of your own. [note: nudity not really legal]

Walk in at: Judah & Great Highway, SF


Misson Creek Park

With all the UCSF construction in the neighborhood to the south, who knows how long it’ll stay this way, but for now, Mission Creek Park reminds me the river we used to escape to when I was in high school; a spot where we could swim that was still close enough to the city to be doable on a half day off. Don’t swim in Mission Creek (actually, do it! That’d be hilarious!). But you get what I mean, here’s a place to hang, eat, read, smoke that J — next to a river. Bliss.

Walk in at: Channel & 4th St.


Fillmore Center

Am I really blowing up the spot on this little oasis? Dang, I’m taking this whole journalism thing seriously.  Consider yourself in on the greenest little patch of lawn in Western Addition — enter in through the snazzy plaza, and head straight past all the old people on benches to the wall of cascading water in back, which has a tranquil little pool and all the empty lawn space you need. All this solitude does come at a price though: BYO tamales and ganja treats.

Walk in at: Fillmore & O’Farrell

Holy smokes, could it be… the biggest SF mural ever?

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The answer is yes, yes it will be. And how did the madness begin? “I was in the neighborhood and I saw this wall. And me being me, I got really excited and wanted to paint it.” And so it started, Brian Barneclo’s latest SOMA mural project, whose launch will be celebrated alongside “Systematics,” his solo (indoor art) show at fabric8 on Sat/10.

See a wall, paint it; It’s a common enough story in SF — until you look at one small variable; Barneclo’s wall is 600 feet long and 40 feet tall. And he intends to cover the whole thing. That’s 24,000 square feet, making Barneclo’s “Systems” the largest mural yet in a town filled with them. “That was recently pointed out to me,” he told me in a recent interview. “It’s an interesting thing because, yeah, its going to be helpful [for fundraising], people like to hear that stuff, ‘it’s the loudest, it’s the biggest.’ But it really has no… [the size] is such a byproduct.”

Barneclo’s known for his ambitious projects. The artist — in whose aesthetic fabric8 gallery owner and long time associate, Olivia Ongpin, detects traces of both the Mission school and the Bay area figurative movement from the ’50s and ’60s — has installed large scale pieces all over town, from Nopa, to the inner Mission, even on the side of our humble Guardian building. His most well known works are urban cultural/architectural jumbles, representational maps of the iconic streetlamps, restaurants, and skylines that we call our city. “Systems” will be a reflection of Barneclo’s recent meditations on interconnectivity; in our society, our city, and in our own bodies.

A mock up of “Systems,” slated to be completed by June

It’s easy to see why this particular wall caught the muralist’s eye. The 7th St. and Townsend building, owned by Crescent Cove Apartments, plays a visible role in the neighborhood. Barncelo’s wall can be seen from both I-80 commuters and Caltrain passengers, the train tracks passing at the wall’s base. Barneclo thinks it’s high time such a prominent canvass was utilized for art. “I think when we’re done, people will be like, ‘I can’t imagine that without a mural.”

But the mural’s not done yet. There’s the matter of funding, though Barneclo has already secured a $10,000 grant from Adobe and thinks “people are inclined to get behind the project once they see some action happening.” Barneclo has already put in nearly two years of permission getting and permit securing into the project, along with partner Christi Azevedo. And of course, there’s still a whole lot of wall to be painted. 

But that will be the easy part. Barneclo completed “Food Chain,” his 200 by 25 foot mural on Shotwell between 14th and 15th Street in ten days, with only one helper. His goal is to maintain that same pace for “Systems,” completing the mega mural in one month with a team of three helpers. Barneclo doesn’t sound too stressed about the task ahead. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead. If I have a chance to take a month and paint one big mural, what more can I ask for? I mean, my girlfriend probably won’t like it, it’s probably going to be all I’m talking about and thinking about.”

Will he make it? Ongpin thinks so. “This might seem like a daunting prospect,” she said. “But if you look at the scope, and amount of murals he’s done around the city for the past six or seven years, I’m sure he can do it and do it well.”

So get ready, San Francisco, because “Systems” is set to be one of the first things some commuters see when they hit SOMA. “It’s almost a welcome to SF to people who are riding the train,” Barneclo imagines. “Or a farewell. Its like a port. Treat it like a “Boom! Welcome to San Francisco.”

 

Brian Barneclo‘s “Systems” Mural launch party/ “Systemics” exhibition

Sat/10 5-9 p.m., free

Fabric8 Gallery

3318 22nd St., SF

(415) 647-5888

www.fabric8.blogspot.com

A lyrical “Eatrip” to Japan

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A white tent, lit up like a lantern in the midst of a field darkened by night. A gathering of diverse souls; a musician, a hippie, a film director, all seated on the floor about a low, round dinner table. It could be anywhere (well no, not really, that whole tent thing is kind of crazy). But then, an exquisite dish is passed around, to the delight of the bohos gathered. It’s transcendent! It’s fresh! It’s radishes and strawberries. We’re not in Kansas anymore.

But we are in the midst of a beautiful film about Japanese food culture — Eatrip, which has its US premiere at New People’s Viz Cinema Sat/10 through Thur/15.

Here’s why I’m stoked; I know that outside my window the San Franciscan sun is shining down — but fellow Americans, believe you me when I say it’s raining. I’m talking about the deluge of knowledge our well meaning Information Age has hoisted on us regarding the tragedy of food in America. We’re fat, we eat processed shit, our system’s fucked. On and on. Where Eatrip triumphs is not only it’s beautiful, colorful food pornography (mixing grains and water in a big wooden bowl never looked so good), but rather its examination of somebody else’s relationship to what they eat. It’s a chance to look out from underneath our umbrellas to other weather systems. 

Sure, many of the eaters that director Yuri Nomura profiled are perhaps exceptional, most with one foot (at least) in the ethereal. One of her most lyrical sequences follows a woman around her cabin in the mountains, where she lives and prepares food with her children to feel closer to the earth. A Japanese back-to-lander? And why ever not? There’s also a monk featured, whose thoughts on food as one of life’s great pleasures might come as a surprise to folks familiar with the “eschewing worldly delights” view of meditative monkdom.

So how are we to relate this pastoral view of diet to Japanese culture as a whole? Does Eatrip reflect a country’s whose style of eating is more conscious and slow, or are these individuals outliers to the madness, a la Joel Salatin of Polyface Farms in Food, Inc.? We can ask him ourselves at the movie’s first showing this Saturday, when Nomura will be on hand for the showing and “food and talk party” with Mishima Brackett, former creative director at Chez Panisse.

In the meantime… strawberries and radishes… I could get down with that.

Eatrip US premiere & reception

w/ director Yuri Nomura

Sat/10 7 p.m., $50 ($10 for regular screenings)

Viz Cinema @ New People

1746 Post, SF

(415) 525-8600

www.newpeopleworld.com

 

Hot sex events: April 7-13

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Dear Good Vibrations,

Please stop putting on such awesome classes, you’re making me look like I don’t have anything else to write about for sex events.

Thanks,

Caitlin

Just kidding, Good Vibes! But honestly, a quick shout out to our local legendary sex toy company. This place was started in 1977 by sex educator Joani Blank, and since then has made lovers of all kinds of sexual persuasions very, very happy with it’s high quality toys, classes and videos. But you already knew that. Onto this week’s sex events! Not coincidentally, they feature three Good Vibes lessons for very bad girls and boys. But it would appear the rest of the Bay has caught the fever for some bedroom education as well… 

 

Prostate Play and Pleasure

Dr. Charles Glickman knows what it takes to make your little prostate guy happy. In this free hour long class, he’ll run down the toys, tips, and techniques to shed some love on you or your partner’s gland of love.

Wed/7 6:30-7:30 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

2504 San Pablo, Berkeley

(510) 841-0171

www.goodvibes.com


The Sexuality of Pregnancy and Birth

The store continues it’s non stop sex ed blockbusting with this class, which takes away the confusion and uncertainty regarding pregnancy and sexual activity. Sexual pleasure as a labor enhancer? Which positions will show love for that belly of joy? Carrie Flemming, birth advocate/artist/health worker shows the way.

Wed/7 8 p.m.-10 p.m., $25-30

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia 

www.goodvibes.com


Freedom Dreams

Don’t miss the kick off party for Safetyfest, Community United Against Violence’s educational workshop series on avoiding domestic violence in queer/trans relationships. The party will feature queer performance group Mango with Chili, bangin’ DJs, a kissing booth, and of course, lots of learnin’ on how to keep your honey and yourself safe.

Thur/8 7-10 p.m., $5-20 sliding scale

Bench and Bar

510 17th St., Oakland

 www.cuav.org


Booze, Broads and Hotrods

For all those into the smoothness of curves, the rev of the engine, the smell of hot grease… the 12th annual car show/jive dance party/burlesque showcase, Booze, Broad and Hotrods. Get you out to Milbrae for cheap hotel rooms at the Clarion, a pre 1965 classic car show, and front row seats for La Cholita, the infamous burlesqueteer who will be performing throughout the evening.

Sat/10 3 p.m. – 1:30 a.m., $18-20

Clarion Hotel

401 East Milbrae, Millbrae


Secret Desires: Playing with Erotic Edges

On how to bring what you’ve always thought would remain a fantasy in your head to the fore of your lovemaking. Cleo DuBois shows the way to “deeply authentic sex.” And perhaps a little more honesty in the bedroom, to boot.

Tues/13 8-10 p.m., $25-30

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

www.goodvibes.com


Girl Sex 101

Allison Moon wants to teach you the same lessons on licking, grinding, and girl on girl sexual communication that she dispenses at Burning Man’s Camp Beaverton for Wayward Girls. Won’t you let her?

Tues/13 7-9 p.m.

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(310) 694-4895 

www.sexandculture.org


School of Shimmy: Burlesque 101

I’m unclear on whether it’s B.Y.O.P. (Bring Your Own Pasty), but regardless, you should get your shakable ass down to El Rio for Red Hot Burlesque’s crash course on that classiest form of clothes shucking. Important: will there be $1 Pabsts?

Tues/13 7-9 p.m., $30 (reservations recommended)

El Rio 

3158 Mission, SF

(201) 615-9245 

www.redhotsburlesque.com

 

Hot for learning

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caitlin@sfbg.com

CAREERS AND ED Quick — what art, sport, language, trade, or superpower would you acquire, given the opportunity? Answer in mind? Sweet! And attainable. In this wild and woolly city of ours, there’s an expert waiting to teach you just the skill you’ve been missing. Here are a few to get you started.

 

HEAVY METAL AEROBICS

Jane Fonda had no idea that one day her neon Spandex would stretch and sweat to strains of Judas Priest and Iron Maiden, but there you have it. Get in shape with Workshop’s cardio/strength-training rock routine.

Sun 1:30-2:30 p.m., Tues 7:45- 8:45 p.m. $10. Workshop, 1798 McAllister, SF.(415) 874-9186.www.workshopsf.org

 

MINI NONSTOP BHANGRA

Your babies will be in the Bollywood mood when they attend this family version of the popular Indian folk dance lessons/club night. Bhangra dancing is take-no-prisoners fun.

April 10, 12 p.m.–3 p.m. $5-$10. Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell, SF. (415) 694-9080.

www.mininonstopbhangra.com

 

PLEIN AIR LANDSCAPE WORKSHOP

Learn to interpret the urban wonderland around you à la Cézanne, with pencil and watercolors complimenting each other’s touch. This City College Continuing Education class takes you out in the field to get your art on.

April 10–May 15, 9 a.m.–2 p.m. $140-$150. Fort Mason Building B, SF. (415) 561-1860. www.ccsf.edu/Services/Continuing_Education

 

FUNDAMENTALS OF WOODWORKING

Ever want to build a mandolin, learn about electromagnetism, or construct your own steel forge? Nonprofit organization the Crucible has got you covered. Woodworking 101 is a good way to ease in for the hands-on newbie.

April 24–25, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. $235. The Crucible, 1260 Seventh St., Oakl. (510) 444-0918. www.thecrucible.org

 

INTRO TO CLIMBING

Wondering where all the healthy beautiful people hide themselves in SF? Get thee to the climbing gym. Just make sure you take the intro course before scuttling up that nearest wall. Babygirl’s not impressed by unintentional abseiling.

Mon–Fri 12:30, 2:30, 6 and 7 p.m., Sat–Sun 10:30 a.m., 1 and 3 p.m. $28. Mission Cliffs, 2295 Harrison, SF. (415) 550-0515. www.touchstoneclimbing.com

 

BASIC MARIJUANA SEMINAR

Your gateway class into the world of Oaksterdam University’s encyclopedic knowledge of all things ganja related. Its 101 weekend course schools you in weed history, law, horticulture, treat-making, and “budtending,” sure to snag you that sweet gig at the dispensary down the street.

April 10-11 & 17-18, 11 a.m.- 4 p.m., $250. Oaksterdam, 1600 Broadway, Oakl. (510) 251-1544. www.oaksterdamuniversity.com

 

DISCOVERING YOUR LIFE PURPOSE AND CAREER DIRECTION

This class clearly isn’t for you — because you have the rest of your life healthfully, successfully planned and plotted … right? Just in case you don’t, Randi Benator leads a workshop on finding the career path that will help you give your best to your community and yourself.

July 17 10 a.m.– 5 p.m. $150. SF State Downtown Campus, 835 Market, SF (415) 817-4247. www.cel.sfsu.edu

Part of the solution

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Caitlin@sfbg.com

CAREERS AND ED Just a thought. As our country becomes an economic-cultural stew fraught with problems so complex we don’t even know yet what they are, different approaches to education may be necessary for tomorrow’s good guys. Which is why it’s so positive that Bay Area higher ed institutions have developed unique degree programs that anticipate tomorrow’s issues today. From robot wars to social stratification — learn about this stuff and you’ve got the skills you need for the battles to come.

 

PHILIPPINE STUDIES

Rare is the program in our country that offers a concentration in the culture and history of the Philippines. But with 40,072 Filipinos in the Bay Area, that’s an oversight USF was happy to correct with this concentration, which can be paired with any of its undergraduate degrees to create a Filipino context within science, art, nursing, or the humanities.

University of San Francisco, 2130 Fulton, SF. (415) 422-5555, www.usfca.edu

 

LABOR AND COMMUNITY STUDIES

This associate degree program focuses on giving working people the educational background they need to be effective in the world of labor union activism — collective bargaining, labor law, and workplace discrimination issues, among other things. The school also runs not-for-credit programs that link minority students and workers up with job training for careers in the trades. Kicking ass for the working class, and all that.

City College of San Francisco, Evans Campus, 1400 Evans, SF. (415) 550-4459

www.ccsf.edu

 

TRANSFORMATIVE LEADERSHIP

On the slightly less tangible end of the spectrum, the California Institute for Integral Studies offers an online master’s degree program for “personal transformation and creating positive change in the world.” Courses focus on group mediation, identifying one’s own strengths and weaknesses, and effective leadership. Let Your Love Shine 101 (for professionals).

California Institute for Integral Studies, 1453 Mission, SF. (415) 575-6100, www.ciis.edu

 

EQUITY AND SOCIAL JUSTICE IN EDUCATION

There’s no way an equitable educational system wouldn’t improve this crazy old country of ours. To that end, the future teachers and leaders in this concentration of the master’s program in education study historical/political perspectives of injustice in schools, with a mind to changing things about the way Americans learn.

San Francisco State University, 1600 Holloway, SF. (415) 338-1111, www.sfsu.ca

 

DISABILITY STUDIES

A unique minor at Berkeley examines how the concept of disability has been shaped and created by our social constructs over time. Attention is also paid to how the interpretation of disability has been highlighted in law, art, and politics. The Web site on the study features a wheelchair basketball league open to all comers regardless of bodily capabilities.

University of California Berkeley, Berk. (415) 643-7691, www.berkeley.edu

 

COMPUTER GAME DESIGN

Look, not everything in the future’s gonna be heavy! We’re still gonna need people who are real good at making blood look realistic and keeping a step ahead of everyone’s World of Warcraft avatars. The students in this undergraduate major have seen the light: if we don’t master the machines, they master us.

University of California Santa Cruz, 1156 High, Santa Cruz. (831) 459-0111, www.ucsc.edu

In Roma with Fishtank Ensemble

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In the United States, the term “gypsy” has come to signify a certain bohemian nomadry. A silver bangled, many skirted, sultry way of banging a tambourine. But more deeply,“gypsy” refers to a rich cultural Euro-Asian heritage, more correctly termed Roma — a culture that has brought to the world the frenetic riffs and musical arabesques of Roma tunesters Fishtank Ensemble, who will play at the DeYoung Museum Fri/9.


But first, let it be said: the members of Fishtank Ensemble are not themselves Roma. “The history of the group is that we’ve all had experience with Roma people and the music. It seemed like a natural transition to want to play, and though we know so little about the music, we’re always wanting to learn more,” says Ursula Knudson, Fishtank’s lead vocalist.


Fishtank bonded over roads from vastly different climes (members of the group hail from places as disparate as Serbia and Los Angeles) that culminated on a common plane; a love for Roma music. One had spent time volunteering in Roma villages, one learning the “styles and tricks” of their musical genre in Roma caves overlooking the Alhambra in Grenada, Spain.


Violinist Fabrice Martinez, now married to Knudson, traveled Europe in a covered wagon he made himself. “He wanted to travel, but he didn’t want to drive a car… or walk… or hitch hike,” explains Knudson. The two, who met one starstruck evening while Felice strummed his violin in Venice, eventually built a wagon of their own in Europe, and shipped it to California — where it is currently spending time housing a friend in Venice until the day Knudson and Martinez can afford a space to accommodate it.


There’s a reason that Fishtank must be clear about their connection to the upbeat tunes they play.


An autobiographical note: when I was but a young pup, cruising the Spanish calles for a smattering of “cultural experience,” I got robbed. A lot. This was no doubt due to my group’s penchant for public inebriation, and frankly, we probably deserved each pick-pocketing for our sheer opaqueness. Nevertheless, many Spaniards would blame it on the “gitanos,” their slur for “gypsy.” “Those good for nothings,” “Always be careful if you see the gypsies around, hold onto your valuables.” Roma ethnic groups have been historically derided and socio-economically isolated in many of their European home countries. In the States, advocacy groups like Voice of Roma work tirelessly to stop the spread of such prejudicial views of the Roma people.


Knudson gets it. “There’s a delicate balance between making this accessible to American audiences and respecting this rich musical heritage,” she tells me. She says cultural fidelity (in addition to a foot stomping good time) is one of Fishtank’s goals in their performances. “We want to make it as non diluted as possible.”


But Roma ditties, forged in the paradoxically inspiring heat of social marginalization, are too good not to share with the world. “There are somber songs [but] lots of [Roma songs] are about partying and dancing and joy — its real, look on the bright side music,” says Knudson. The group loves to bring their danceable folk beats to San Francisco, where Knudson says they have their best shows.


All the better for us. Fishtank’s klezmer-like whirlwinds of sound are twisting, twirling get downs that do us the distinct favor of reminding us that the ruling classes will never, ever, have the best parties.


Fri/9 6:30 p.m., free


DeYoung Museum


50 Hagiwara Tea Garden Drive, SF


415) 750-3600


www.fishtankensemble.org


www.famsf.org


 

Game Theory: San Francisco ShEvil Dead vs. Oakland Outlaws, 4/3/10

6

Caitlin Donohue isn’t a sports writer. But she sure likes to win. Check out the last installment of “Game Theory” here. Oh, and give us a shout if you’ve got a big game coming up in the Bay.


I expected a lot from my first roller derby. Clotheslining, fishnets, snarling. Beer. I had high hopes. And I found all that — and believe me, I found it good, you don’t get $3 Pyramid Ales at just any sporting event. But I also stumbled unwittingly into a world of highly unorthodox female empowerment, a world where ladies have serious thigh muscles and sweat blithely through their heavy makeup. It’s a place that reclaims sports for the XX chromosones of today. And I liked it.



Clearly, the closer a sporting arena’s vibe is to that of the Thunderdome, the better your spectator experience. At Fort Mason Center’s Herbst Pavilion, where the ShEvil Dead was set to take on the Oakland Outlaws (both teams in the Bay Area Derby Girls’ League), there was little room for the genteel derby onlooker — if such a thing does indeed exist. 


The chaos and din of the standing room only bleachers and the rows upon rows of fans sitting on the concrete floor went far to blur the lines between the audience and the women tearing circles around the pink tape demarcated oval track in the middle of the Pavilion. The energy was super hyped, channeled completely towards the female gladiators on the floor. Handmade signs were held up lauding individual players, and cheap tamales and booze vendors (Maker’s Mark is a sponsor) confirmed that derby lacks much of the pretense, and ego that mar other sporting events. The arena had completely sold out and the crowd of 1,600 set a new record for league attendance.



A ShEvil Dead skater beats the drum for the derby bout against the Oakland Outlaws to start


The bout began with some enthusiastic theatrics from both sides– glory laps taken by each ShEvil Dead team member as her name was announced by a commentator that was barely audible over the reverberating boos and cheers from the crowd. Derby games only come every once in awhile — the next match for the Outlaws isn’t until May — so every one counts. Particularly this one. 


“Last year, we lost a coach and a lot of players,” says Dead captain/coach Windigo Jones, whose online player bio explains she grew up in Northern Ontario, “chasing ever larger prey through the northern boreal forests.” This bout was an opportunity for the squad (which had been down to “eight or nine players, when a normal team has something like 22,” according to Jones) to show the world how far they’d come. 


It’s all a touching story for Jane Hammer, captain/coach of the Outlaws — but not touching enough that she wanted the other team to win. “We were a little nervous for this one,” Hammer tells me.


The ShEvil Dead do indeed make the game interesting. Watching the game from the safety of the sidelines, I didn’t see as much, oh I don’t know, animosity as I had expected in the player-on-player collisions, but there’s no doubt that these women are playing to win. Each play, or “jam” is a long, grinding affair where the elected “jammer” must slip through the pack of players from both teams, lapping everyone to get points before she is inevitably shoved careening from the marked track.



Oh yeah, we’re jammin’. I wanna jam it with you


There’s a lot of hip throwing, and grunting — sights and sounds that fit into what I expected of a derby bout. But there was also an unexpected element. These ladies were elite athletes. Skating quick circles around a track barely larger than a basketball court is no joke — and they were doing it while being buffeted and beaten by a bevy of butch beauties (sorry, I got catch up). They had the healthy stink of women un self consciously immersed in sport, despite their boy shorts and red lipstick.


The climax comes in a pivotal play towards the end of the second period. Hammer, jamming for the Outlaws, goes to the penalty box, and the Dead’s jammer, Knock Knock, gets knock-knocked off her feet, hard. So hard, in fact, that the starred spandex helmet panty that marks her as the jammer flies off her head. 


The jammer hat is what officially defines the jammer in the derby rule book. Whoever has that stretchy diaper on their head is the motor behind their team’s game. And without a designated jammer, your team is totally ass backwards . But just a week ago the Dead had practiced plays involving passing that jammer panty, and veteran Mexican Jumping Mean recalled the lesson instantly during the bout. She  swooped in for the star, replacing it on her own helmet, and racked up some vital points for the Dead before the Outlaws had time to react.


 “Only a real veteran would have thought to do that,” says her captain/coach Windigo Jones. “I was so proud of her.” The Outlaws ended up winning the bout, but only barely. “It came down to the last jam,” says Hammer.


Later on, I chatted with both coach/captains about the match, and what derby has meant to them. “This is a kind of empowerment you just can’t find anywhere else,” says three year veteran Hammer. She started skating while growing up in Las Vegas, where “you hung out at the rink, because that was the thing to do.” She quickly got into the scene upon her arrival in the Bay Area. 


Nowadays, she’s a legend. “Oh, everyone knows who Miss Jane is!” says aspiring roller derb-ette exclaims as she guides me to the locker rooms at half time. 



Half time in a close game brings a chance for the Outlaws to rehydrate, refocus, and reamp for battle


The league’s set up seems to encourage a culture of respect and camaraderie between players of all levels. It takes a shape similar to that of Manchester United; teams like the Outlaws and ShEvil Dead compete against each other in the regular season, but often have league wide practices together and combine their best players to represent them on the Bay Area Derby All Stars. That’s the travel team which rolls hard for the Bay against Women’s Flat Track Derby Association squads from all over the nation. The All Stars, of which Jones and Hammer are both members, are currently ranked 20th in the country, down from a standing in the top ten not too long ago. “We have a lot of work to do,” admits Hammer.


“The crowd we had Saturday was totally unexpected for me. It’s amazing how much this league has grown over the past few years,” says Jones, who entered the league around the same time as Hammer. It was a time when, Jones says “the league would take on pretty much anyone who was willing to learn the skills — they were pretty desperate for players.” 


That’s not the case anymore. Hammer hesitantly attributes the soaring popularity of derby in part to movies like last year’s Whip It, whose sexy depiction of the sport might have contributed to the sell out crowd at Saturday’s bout (the attendance of 1,600 was a league record). Still, the movie seemed to “Hollywood” the derby scene a little. “Underage skaters? That’s not really what we’re about,” Hammer tells me. This fledgling sport has a lot to deal with when it comes to how it will be represented in mainstream consciousness.


But there’s no doubt that more and more ladies will be getting their kicks in heavy eyeliner and elbow pads. BAD has announced that it’s putting its new West Oakland practice space to use this summer with a rec league, designed not only for retired league veterans but also “girls who might not have the most advanced skate skills. We’re going to have an introductory course to teach people the basic rules,” says Hammer. 


Like all the derby stars I talked to, the coach of the Outlaws was invested in the contributions that rookies make to her league’s future. The rec league seems like a great opportunity to evangelicize the uplift (and rock hard leg muscles) that come from a life in the derby. Just get your game face on, ladies. Hammer’s insistent that the rec league be no “walk in yoga class.” “We’re going to evaluate people’s skills like the system we use for who makes the [competitive] league. We have to add everybody onto our [practice space’s] insurance, so we’ve got to have some discretion when it comes to who plays. It’s a safety thing.”


 


Bay Area Derby Girls’ next league game:


Oakland Outlaws vs. TBA


May 1 doors @ 6:30 p.m., game @ 8:30 p.m., $10-12


Herbst Pavilion


Fort Mason Center, SF


www.bayareaderbygirls.com