Wine

Appetite: Persian Pub Grub paired beer and wine with Iranian bar food

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It’s joy when our city’s food and drink greats team up to form something unique. Such was Zaré at Flytrap‘s three nights of Persian Pub Grub, as envisioned by Zare’s chef/owner, Hoss Zaré, and Monk’s Kettle‘s Sayre Piotrkowski and Ryan Corbett.

The exuberant, hospitable Hoss created a menu lovingly melding traditional elements of his home country of Iran with creative expressions. Though Hoss admits that “Pub Grub doesn’t really exist in Iran” (nor would the alcohol pairings), he dreams up a Persian dinner as it might look in a modern, hypothetical Iranian Gastropub. Each course was happily far from typical, and most were downright heartwarming. My two favorites ended up being Caspian Seafood Stew, a smoky, saffron-heavy broth (enhanced by black garlic aioli and sour, pickled grapes) loaded with plump calamari, octopus, mussels and smoked sturgeon with a dollop of caviar. The other? A brilliant take on traditional Ghormeh Sabzi, an Iranian herb stew and national dish, one Hoss says would win your sweetheart’s affection if you perfect in Iran. This Persian Chili was redolent of herbs, paprika, harissa, and a spicy, crumbled lamb sausage mixed with organic kidney beans. I could not get enough.

Certified Cicerone, Piotrkowski, and his equally passionate-about-beer co-worker, Corbett, paired a stellar list of beers with Hoss’ food, facing off directly with wine pairings from Zare’s Wine Director, Mario Nocifera. At two convivial communal tables, we debated which paired best with any given course. I can honestly say there were no afterthoughts on either side. The final score? In my book, it’s two for two.

Beer, wine, and chicken wings with pomegranate sauce. Photo by Virginia Miller

My two favorite wines were the impressively elegant, layered acidity of Niepoort Codega‘s 2006 “Tiara” white from Branco, Portugal, and an earthy, dark berry/pepper, mineral, but balanced, 2008 Borsao Garnacha, “Tres Picos”, from Campo de Borja, Spain (quite a value at $14.99 a bottle at K&L).

On the beer front, though I was delighted to see Hitachino’s “XH” and Midas Touch for dessert, I was blown away by grapefruit brightness in Stone Brewing Co.’s dark, bitter Sublimely Self-Righteous, and the Belgian-style, caramel-y but bone dry Goose Island “Pere Jacques.”

Hoss has hosted other special Persian dinners and I hope will throw plenty more. Check their website’s event page for future dinners. Or go for dinner or lunch to sample Hoss’ heartwarming cooking paired with Reza Esmali‘s Middle Eastern-influenced cocktail menu (there’s a classic cocktail list, too) or Nocifera’s wine list. Monk’s Kettle is thankfully always ready to pour one of these fine or other equally exciting, and often, rare, beers.

Here was the Persian Pub Grub menu ($75 per person, including all pairings):

Sumac Couscous Salad with Dungeness Crab
Victory, “Prima” Pilsner, US| Yarden, Brut Traditional, Galilee Israel 
Caspian Seafood Stew with Mussels, Cod, Sturgeon and Black Garlic aioli
Hitachino “XH” Ibaraki Japan | Niepoort Codega “Tiara”, Blanco, Portugal
Chicken Wings “Fessenjoon” with Pomegranate Walnut Sauce
Stone, “Sublimely self-righteous” Ale, US | Coroa Godello, Valdeorras, Spain     
Persian Chili “Ghormeh Sabzi” with Spicy Lamb Sausage
Goose Island, “Pere Jacques” Belgian Style Ale, US | Borsao Garnacha “Tres Picos”, Campo de Borja, Spain
“Faloodeh” Lime Sorbet with Rice Noodles and Pistachios
Dog Fish Head, “Midas Touch” Ancient Ale, Milton US

www.zareflytrap.com

Benefits: June 9-June 15

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Ways to have fun while giving back this week


Wednesday, June 9

Friends of Saint Francis Childcare
Explore the local food and drink movement while helping to raise funds for Saint Francis Childcare Center at this Center for Urban Education about Sustainable Agriculture (CUESA) cocktail party featuring local wine and microbrews, local food, music, and a silent auction. Proceeds to benefit the Friends of Saint Francis Childcare Center, a non-profit preschool.
6:30 p.m., $50-$100
CUESA a
One Ferry Building, SF
(415) 861-1818

www.fosfchildcare.org

From the Ground Up
Celebrate grassroots action with IDEX as they recognize local partners in Africa, Asia, and Latin America for building sustainable community solutions to poverty and developing livelihoods. With guest speakers, Rajasvini Bhansali, IDEX’s new Executive Director, and Prativa Subedi, Founder and President of IDEX’s Partner Women’s Awareness Center, Nepal and featuring a silent auction, appetizers, wine and beer, and music.
6:30 p.m., $60
The Solarium
55 2nd St., SF
(415) 824-8384
http://idexfromthegroundup.eventbrite.com

Got Kidney?
Hip Hop(e) for Healing kicks off their U.S. southwest tour for RasCue and Organ Donor Registration Awareness featuring an all star line up of underground hip hop artists, including Rasco, Big Pooh, Kam Moye aka Supastition, and local MCs Otayo Dubb and 7 Daize.
9 p.m., $12
Mighty
119 Utah, SF
http://donatelife.net/

Friday, June 11

Hawaiian Luau Fundraiser
Hula for a good cause at this fundraiser for Connecting Point, Tenderloin Child Care Center, Positive Parenthood Project, Compass Family Center, and Clara House featuring live music, DJs, dancing, island food, and prizes for best Hawaiian costume and shirt, including 2010 tickets to Burning Man.
8 p.m., $25
Kelly’s Mission Rock
817 Terry Francois, SF
http://tikitodd.com/

Saturday, June 12

Bikers for Barkers
Join the motorcycle and pet communities as they come together to help rescue dogs that are in danger of being euthanized at this fundraising party where proceeds will go to Rocket Dog Rescue and Hearts for Hounds. Bid on one of the many local items and services, including Teatro Zinzanni, Kabuki Hot Springs, tattoo time from several local artists, gift baskets, and more, while enjoying live entertainment, DJ music, refreshments, and vegan delights. Please leave your pets at home.
6:30 p.m.; $20 donation, includes one raffle ticket
Dainese D-Store
131 South Van Ness, SF
www.bikersforbarkers.com

Hopalong Picnic and Bark-B-Que
Enjoy a fun-filled afternoon at this picnic lunch featuring a silent auction, music, and more to help raise funds for Hopalong and Second Chance Animal Rescue.
1 p.m.; $25 adult, $10 children
Miller Knox Regional Park
900 Dornan Dr., Point Richmond
www.hopalong.org

Intersection for the Arts Anniversary Gala
Celebrate Intersection’s 45th anniversary and the launch of their new art space in partnership with the Hub Bay Area with the exhibition, “Let’s Talk of a System.” Featuring live art auction, live entertainment, wine and food, and an awards ceremony to honor artists and organizations that impact the world.
7 p.m., $60-$250
Intersection at 5M
The San Francisco Chronicle Building
901 Mission, SF
(415) 626-2787 ext. 110
www.theintersection.org

Sunday, June 13

Radical History Bike Ride
Learn about the radical history of San Francisco from the 1800s through today on this bike ride and benefit for the National Lawyers Guild, San Francisco chapter. Tour led by Rai Sue Sussman will visit sites of protest and dissent relating to workers’ rights, immigrant rights, civil rights, women’s rights, environmental struggles, and more.
10:45 p.m., $15-$50 sliding scale donation
Meet at Harry Bridges Plaza
Front of Ferry Building along Embarcadero, SF
RSVP to raul@nlgsf.org
www.nlgsf.org

Lock and load

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Speaking of pickup trucks, I borrowed the Pod’s for the weekend because Hollywood was coming to San Francisco. It was my turn to drive. As you may know, 20-year-old Toyota pickup trucks aren’t sports cars, but I figured this was a step in the right direction, especially since it’s lesbian-owned.

My brother’s 25-year-old Toyota van, which I babysit, was bought off of lesbians. Still, it’s got very little mystique at this point: just a badly cracked windshield, a badly battered body, one working low-beam, and no brights whatsoever. I feel lucky not to be pulled over by the police every time I move it for street cleaning.

My brother hauls boards and tools and garbage in this van. To pick up a date in it, I feel, would be the end of the date. Once I drove it to a probably-already-doomed-anyway first meeting at a Peet’s in a North Bay shopping center, thinking: shopping center … I could park anonymously! But the damn dude was waiting outside, watching for me, and saw.

So that date was over before it started. I’m not sure what it says about this one that Hollywood wound up taking a cab to the airport. I don’t know, is it a wild weekend, or a wonky one, when by Monday morning you have entirely lost the keys to your friend’s Toyota?

While Hollywood was taking an airplane to L.A., and even for a couple hours afterward, I was still running around like a chicken with its head still on, turning my purses inside out, emptying laundry baskets, unmaking and remaking the bed. I even looked in the refrigerator. I called or went to everywhere we’d been the night before.

After a tow-trucker let me in, I turned Pod’s pickup inside out.

The Club was locked onto the steering wheel, and no, no one had a spare key. There wasn’t one. I’d called her. In Oregon.

Finally I started going into places we hadn’t been the night before, and one of them, a restaurant that was closed (I’d thought) when we’d parked in front of it, had me my keys, praise the lard. And praise the person who picked them up and put them there, whoever you are. I love you.

Loving you, loving life, living lunch, I unlocked the door, unlocked the Club, turned the key in the ignition, and drove to West Oakland to feed Pod’s cats and swap out her truck for my brother’s van. In the act of which — no lie — I lost her house key.

Chickens and waffles is not brain food. It’s soul food. This week they happened at the Hard Knox Café in Dogpatch, and were particularly hard to order because the restaurant was crowded with people eating smothered pork chops, jambalaya, po’boys, mac and cheese, and other good-lookingly soulful woowoo that made me wonder why I only ever eat chicken and waffles.

It’s the perfect time for such wonderings, since I am officially out of ideas, chicken and wafflewise, as well as brain cells in general. If anyone else here does the duo … you tell me.

Hard Knox’s fried chickens were not as good as expected. The drumstick was perfectish, but both thighs were a little overdone and undermeaty. The waffle was great. Nevertheless, if I ever again crave chickens with them (and I might not for a pretty long time), you will find me up the road at Auntie April’s, or down it at Little Skillet.

Oh, but Hard Knox rocks, in many ways, one of which is collard greens with a few squirts of Crystal hot sauce, and then a few more. And then a few more. The Maze made some real nice noises when he bit into his fried catfish po’boy. Which in fact I tasted, and yeah, it was damn good.

And the sweet tea, too. And, like I said, all the smothered stuff sure looked good and smothered. Plus I just love the place! With its corrugated tin walls and old funky signs, you really do feel like you’re somewhere else. Like, say, the South. I love being transported by meals and atmosphere. In fact — trucks and trains be damned — food might be my new favorite method of transportation. *

HARD KNOX CAFE

Mon.–Sat. 11 a.m.–9 p.m.; Sun. 11 a.m.–5 p.m.

2526Third St., S.F.

(415) 648-3770

MC/V

Beer and wine

The best worst I’ve ever had

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By Sam Stander

There are few fandoms so charmingly enthusiastic as the hordes of video-hounds who treasure Troll 2 (1990), by many accounts the worst movie ever made. This past Saturday night, the East Bay took its turn in the publicity blitz for Best Worst Movie, a documentary about the Troll 2 phenomenon, directed by the ridiculous horror flick’s then-child star Michael Paul Stephenson. Stephenson appeared with his costar George Hardy in San Francisco on Friday, but only Hardy was on hand for the Saturday night screenings at Berkeley’s Shattuck Cinemas.

The theater wasn’t full, but many of its seats were filled with Troll 2 diehards — the woman seated to my right sported a green shirt bearing the legend “GOBLIN.” The uninitiated might be wondering what such a shirt has to do with a movie named for trolls; well, Troll 2 doesn’t feature any trolls, but rather a town (called Nilbog) filled with sap-thirsty vegetarian goblins. About ten minutes before the lights went down for Best Worst Movie, one guy in the audience loudly paraphrased Stephenson’s revelatory line from the film, shouting, “Oh no, Nilbog is ‘goblin’ spelled backwards!”

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTfjb8Fgiyg

These were, by and large, not Troll 2 virgins, and their reactions to the documentary were warm and joyful. Even some of Best Worst ‘s most uncomfortable or sad moments drew laughter — Stephenson’s movie impeccably balances the camp-informed following of the film with tenderly observed portraits of the ordinary, extraordinary, and occasionally mad participants in the original film fiasco.

As the credits for Best Worst Movie rolled, George Hardy, who plays Troll 2 ’s father figure, Michael Waits, took to the front of the theater, mic in hand. He’s 55 now, a well-established dentist in Alexander City, Alabama, and after a first wave of engaging with his cultish fans that began a few years ago, he’s back on the road to promote the documentary. On Saturday he gave numerous shout-outs to his cousins and dentist friends in the audience at Shattuck Cinemas, often speaking directly to them.

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tFgZ6DmXmw

Hardy answered questions about the experience with the mostly Italian crew of Troll 2 — “pretty unprofessional, really” — as well as participating in the documentary. For one part of Best Worst, where the core cast returned to the house where much of Troll 2 takes place, he indicated they paid $1500 to clean up the house just so they could enter it.

Hardy spoke in awed tones of a dental patient from 12 years back who had come out of the woodwork for the San Francisco screening the night before — she lived just down the street from the Lumiere Theatre. But the real emotion came when he started to talk about Michael Paul Stephenson, for whom he seems to have a great deal of admiration and love. His light, scatterbrained yet sincere approach to answering the audience’s questions might have been due to tipsiness. “I did have a glass of wine before I came over here,” he admitted.

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OiD6IlBmtk

I asked Hardy if he’s received any other offers for film roles since the resurgence of Troll 2. He pointed out that he has appeared in one other film, Street Team Massacre (2007), but volunteered the fact that he can’t memorize lines.

Hardy said this was something like theater number 78 on the Best Worst Movie tour, but declared Shattuck Cinemas one of the nicest venues. Then it was back to number 77 again, the Lumiere in SF, to do another Q&A and introduce a midnight screening of the offending film itself, Troll 2. That screening was similarly attended by a small knot of fans, but for those in the audience who hadn’t had the pleasure, Hardy offered, “It’s a religious experience, I promise.”

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KCct4RwLNM

Appetite: 3 delectable events for June

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6/5-6/6 – SUNSET CELEBRATION Cruise down to Menlo Park this weekend for Sunset Magazine’s annual celebration weekend, a key South Bay event for foodies and wine lovers. Plenty of the Bay Area’s best will make an appearance, with a street food spirit pervading this year’s line-up. Our own Ryan Farr grills up special dogs for the event: Crispy Crunch FrankaRoni (deep fried mac n’ cheese squares with franks) and cheddar brats (pork/bacon/cheddar sausage). Food trucks are parked on-site, like Liba’s Falafel Truck, Sam’s Chowder House, and two of my tops: Seoul on Wheels and Gelateria CiCi. Chefs and Food Network stars host cooking demos, such as Roy Choi of the insanely popular Kogi Korean BBQ in LA. There’s wine seminars (for an additional $10; sign up ahead of time), live bands, Sunset’s special glam camping exhibit of tricked-out, funky campers, and an Artisan Food Pavilion housing cheeses, breadmakers, cured meats, sweets (like 479 Popcorn and NeoCocoa truffles) for sampling or purchase.
$16
Saturday (6/5) and Sunday (6/6), 10am-5pm
80 Willow Road, Menlo Park
More info here

6/12 – SLOW FOOD’S GOLDEN GLASS WINE EVENT Seven years running, The Golden Glass Wine Event (www.thegoldenglass.com) is Slow Food’s (www.slowfood.com) annual fundraiser with over 100 sustainable international wine producers. Napa, Sonoma and Mendocino counties all represent, but so do South Africa, France, South America, Italy, Spain, Greece, Australia, and so on. Golden Glasses are awarded to the best “slow” wines in the world, those that follow Slow Food principles of “good, clean and fair” production practices. Sample-size plates of local charcuterie, cheeses and other bites will flow, as will food from restaurants like Delfina, Il Cane Rosso, One Market, Thirsty Bear, A16, Perbacco, and the much-anticipated Plum Restaurant. And, yes, proceeds benefit the “Slow Food in School” programs, so you’re imbibing for a good cause.
$60 pre-purchase; $70 at door ($55 for Slow Food members) – includes unlimited wine and five food tickets (additional at $20 for 5 tickets)
Saturday, 6/12, 1-5pm

Fort Mason Center, the Festival Pavilion
www.thegoldenglass.com

6/16 – BAY AREA RISING STARS AWARDS CEREMONY StarChefs.com (www.starchefs.com/tickets) hosts their Rising Stars Revue and Awards Ceremony for this year’s Bay Area Rising Star winners at Ghirardelli Square. Hosted by Gary Danko’s (http://www.garydanko.com) chef de cuisine, Martin Brock, the night is a walk-around tasting gala featuring signature dishes and cocktails from Rising Star chefs, pastry chefs, sommeliers, restaurateurs and mixologists. Celebrate (and sample the best from) the winners, many of our local favorites, who were chosen from more than 90 candidates:

Chefs
Matthew Accarrino, SPQR
John Paul Carmona, Manresa
Maximilian DiMare, Wood Tavern
Louis Maldonado, Aziza
Thomas McNaughton, Flour + Water
Scott Nishiyama, Chez TJ

Pastry Chefs
Melissa Chou, Aziza
Catherine Schimenti, MICHAEL MINA

Mixologists
Erick Castro, Rickhouse
Brian MacGregor, Jardinière

Sommelier
Sarah Valor, Commis

Concept
Joshua Skenes, Saison

Restaurateur
Shelley Lindgren, A16 and SPQR

Hotel Chef
Josh Thomsen, The Claremont Hotel Club & Spa

$95; $150 VIP tickets, including pre-event reception with champagne and Petrossian Caviar
Wednesday, June 16; 7:30-10pm
Ghirardelli Square, 900 N. Point Street
www.starchefs.com/tickets

Benefits: June 2-June 8

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Ways to have fun while giving back this week


Wednesday, June 2

Headlands Center for the Arts Auction
Attend this benefit featuring work by more than 85 contemporary artists with cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, and entertainment.
6:30 p.m., $100
Herbst International Exhibition Hall
The Presidio
385 Moraga, SF
www.headlands.org/auction

“Escape from the Opera House”
Catch “escapees” from Bay Area opera and musical theater companies performing an evening of fun and fine music to benefit the Life After Exoneration Program and the Unrepresented Death Row Prisoner Project. Reception to follow.
8 p.m., $15
First Congregational Church of Berkeley
2345 Channing, Berk.
(510) 486-8006

Thursday, June 3

WGirls Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction
Bid on some of the most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in the Bay Area at this fundraiser for local charity Oasis for Girls featuring dancing, raffles, an hour open bar, and more.
6:30 p.m., $40
330 Rich, SF
http://wgirls.org


“Where is Tibet?”
Attend this Qinghai Earthquake Benefit featuring a two part presentation of Genny Lim’s “Where is Tibet?” performed by Tsering Bawa, Francis Wong, Lenora Lee, and Genny Lim followed by a slideshow by the Tibetan Association of Northern California on the earthquake devastation in Qinghai.
7 p.m., $10 suggested donation
Berkeley Fellowship of Unitarian Universalists
1924 Cedar, Berk.
(510) 841-4824

Friday, June 4

SummerTini
Kick off the summer at this fundraiser for Episcopal Community Services employment programs featuring live jazz, martinis, and specialty hors d’ oeuvres from Bay Area restaurants.
6 p.m., $75-$100
Galleria at the San Francisco Design Center
101 Henry Adams, SF
www.summertini.org

21 Grand Art Sale
Come early for the best view of everything because as the art is sold, it will come down immediately ready to go home with whomever buys it. Art is donated by nearly 90 different artists and sales will benefit 21 Grand.
7 p.m., free
21 Grand
416 25th St., Oakl.
www.21grand.org

Saturday, June 5

“Even More Glitter”
Enjoy a gallery talk with photographer Daniel Nicoletta, who’s show “More Glitter-Less Bitter” documents San Francisco’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender communities. Proceeds to benefit the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Historical Society.
6 p.m., $100
Electric Works
130 8th St., SF
www.sfelectricworks.com

GLAAD Media Awards
The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) will recognize and honor media for their fair, accurate and inclusive representations of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community and the issues that affect their lives. GLAAD will also honor actress Cybill Shepard and filmmaker Lee Daniels.
4:30 p.m., $350
San Francisco Marriott Marquis
55 4th St., SF
www.glaad.org/mediaawards

VisionWalk
This fundraising walk for the Foundation Fighting Blindness brings hundreds of people together to take part in finding preventions, treatments, and cures for people with retinal degenerative diseases.
10 a.m., raise $100 or more for a t-shirt
Golden Gate Park
Music Concourse Bandshell, SF
www.visionwalk.org

Walk for Hope
This year City of Hope has expanded their annual 5k walk to benefit all women’s cancers, so sign up to walk or voluteer today.
9 a.m., $30 registration
Justin Herman Plaza
Market Street and Embarcadero, SF
www.walk4hope.org

“What the World Needs Now…”
Attend this gala fundraiser and opening night for a juried exhibit of children’s art featuring hors d’ oeuvres, wine tastings, an artists’ marketplace, and entertainment by youth performance troupes. The exhibit features artwork by Bay Area children in grades K-12 on the themes of social justice, community awareness, and world peace.
5 p.m., $50
Museum of Children’s Art
538 9th St., Oakl.
www.mocha.org

Sunday, June 6

Scavenger Crawl
Go on a scavenger hunt and pub crawl to build awareness and advocacy for Bay Area non-profits, where clues and puzzles lead you through different restaurants, bars, and retail shops throughout San Francisco. Gift certificate prizes for the winning teams.
2 p.m., $20
Start at Sports Basement
610 Old Mason, SF
www.scavengercrawl.org

Film listings

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Film listings are edited by Cheryl Eddy. Reviewers are Kimberly Chun, Michelle Devereaux, Max Goldberg, Dennis Harvey, Johnny Ray Huston, Erik Morse, Louis Peitzman, Lynn Rapoport, Ben Richardson, and Matt Sussman. For rep house showtimes, see Rep Clock. For first-run showtimes, see Movie Guide. Due to the Memorial Day holiday, theater information was incomplete at presstime.

OPENING

*Best Worst Movie See "Green is Good." (1:33)

Get Him to the Greek At this point movie execs can throw producer Judd Apatow’s name on the marquee of a film and it’s a guaranteed blockbuster. It’s hard to say whether this Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) spin-off benefits from the Apatow sign of approval or if it would be better off standing on its own, but it definitely doesn’t benefit from comparisons to its predecessor. Russell Brand returns as the British rock star Aldous Snow, and Jonah Hill, playing a different character this time, is given the task of chaperoning the uncooperative Snow from London to LA in 48 hours. Despite a great cast, including a surprisingly animated P. Diddy, the story is pretty bland and can’t match the blend of drama and comedy that Marshall achieved. Of course, none of that matters because the movie execs are right: if you like Apatow’s brand of humor, you’re going to have a good time anyway. (1:49) (Galvin)

Killers Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher star in this comedy about marriage and hired assassins. (1:40)

Living in Emergency Filmmakers follow four volunteers of Médecins Sans Frontiéres (MSF) in Liberia and the Congo, from the initial shock of a first-timer to the overwhelming exhaustion of a veteran. Morally ambiguous decisions have left many of them arrogant and bitter and it’s apparent that these people are not the inflated heroes that we might wish, but normal people who were drawn to test themselves in circumstances of little hope. Some fail. Living in Emergency is an interesting glimpse into a provocative world, and the morally icky stuff is sometimes worse than the blood and death on screen. But a glimpse is all it is. The filmmakers clearly have an agenda that doesn’t include time for exploring the lives of any of the doctors, patients or procedures, and they leave the audience wondering whether there might be more lurking beneath the surface. (1:33) (Galvin)

Marmaduke Big. Talking. Dog. (1:27)

Micmacs See "Cute Is What He Aims For." (1:44) Smith Rafael.

*Ran Akira Kurosawa’s 1985 historical epic Ran brings the old adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely to life with such veracity and ambition, such magnificence and devastation, that its like has never been equaled since. Storyboarded by Kurosawa in paintings a decade prior to filming and equipped with the largest budget for a Japanese film up until that time, Ran is gorgeous to behold (in no small part to Emi Wada’s Oscar-winning costumes and thousands of extras) and harrowing to experience. Kurosawa fuses the premise of Shakespeare’s King Lear with historical accounts of Warring States-era general Mori Motonari to tell the tragedy of Lord Hidetora (Tatsuya Nakadai), the senile patriarch of the once powerful Ichimonji clan who erroneously decides to divide his kingdom among his three sons. Like his Shakespearean counterpart, Hidetora is certainly a fool, but unlike Lear, he’s also a merciless despot who learns firsthand, as his empire crumbles around him and he sinks further into dementia, that bloodshed can only be repaid with further bloodshed. Nakadai, his face made up to resemble the furrowed intensity of a Noh mask, turns out a performance as resplendent as it is terrifying, equaled only by Mieko Harada’s turn as the Lady MacBeth-like Lady Kaede, who welcomes Hidetora’s downfall with vengeful relish.Catch this 35mm restored print while you can, since no home entertainment system, no matter how pimped out, can truly do Kurosawa’s late masterpiece justice. (2:42) (Sussman)

Solitary Man Michael Douglas has a (post?) midlife crisis. (1:30)

*Splice See "In the Cut." (1:45)

*Trash Humpers What is Trash Humpers? Is it filmmaker Harmony Korine’s rage against his experiences making 2007’s Mister Lonely? Despite being characteristically bizarre, with tales of celebrity impersonators and flying nuns, Mister Lonely was Korine’s most technically polished (i.e., expensive-looking) film to date. By contrast, Trash Humpers, shot on the quick and mega-cheap, literally looks like "an old VHS tape that was in some attick [sic] or buried in some ditch," per the film’s charmingly lo-fi press kit. There’s also Trash Humpers’ rather, uh, subversive content. Basically, it’s 78 minutes of shenanigans, starring a trio of ne’er-do-wells who are either wearing elderly-burn-victim masks or are actually supposed to be elderly burn victims. The creepy crew and their pals cavort through an unidentified Nashville, smashing TVs, slipping razor blades into apples, guzzling booze, spanking hookers, setting off firecrackers, cracking racist and/or homophobic jokes, eating pancakes doused in dish soap, and humping trash cans. Lots of trash cans. Primitive video technology (the film was edited on two VCRs) makes everything look even worse, if that’s even possible. Now, if you or I submitted Trash Humpers, the programmers at the Toronto International Film Festival would chuckle condescendingly and fling it into the nearest (humpable) trash bin. But you have to consider the source: Salon recently dubbed Korine "the most hated man in art-house cinema," which if true is probably the director’s most cherished triumph. (1:18) Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. (Eddy)

Women Without Men Potent imagery has always been at the forefront of photographer and installation artist Shirin Neshat’s explorations of gender in Islamic society, and her debut feature Women Without Men certainly has its share. Loosely based on Shahrnush Parsipur’s novel of the same name, the film follows four Iranian women (down from the novel’s original five) — Fakhri, an upper-class military wife who longs to reconnect with an old lover; Zarin, a traumatized prostitute who escapes captivity; Munis, a housebound young woman reborn as a political dissident; and her friend, Faezeh, who longs to marry Munis’ domineering brother — in the days leading up to the 1953 coup d’etat that overturned democracy and restored the Shah to power. From the suicidal leap — filmed so as to suggest flight as much as falling — which opens the film, to the mist-shrouded groves of a rural orchard that becomes a refuge for the women, each shot is as striking for its beauty as it is uneven in conveying the allegorical significance behind all the lushness. The casts’ largely stilted performances don’t help much in this regard either. "All that we wanted to was to find a new form, a new way," says Munis in voiceover. As a creative act of mourning for Iran’s short-lived experiment in democracy — a moment, Neshat acknowledges in the film’s postscript, that clearly resonated with last year’s Green revolution — Women Without Men ambitiously attempts, albeit with mixed success, to envision just that. (1:35) (Sussman)

ONGOING

Alice in Wonderland Tim Burton’s take on the classic children’s tale met my mediocre expectations exactly, given its months of pre-release hype (in the film world, fashion magazines, and even Sephora, for the love of brightly-colored eye shadows). Most folks over a certain age will already know the story, and much of the dialogue, before the lights go down and the 3-D glasses go on; it’s up to Burton and his all-star cast (including numerous big-name actors providing voices for animated characters) to make the tale seem newly enthralling. The visuals are nearly as striking as the CG, with Helena Bonham Carter’s big-headed Red Queen a particularly marvelous human-computer creation. But Wonderland suffers from the style-over-substance dilemma that’s plagued Burton before; all that spooky-pretty whimsy can’t disguise the film’s fairly tepid script. Teenage Alice (Mia Wasikowska) displaying girl-power tendencies is a nice, if not surprising, touch, but Johnny Depp’s grating take on the Mad Hatter will please only those who were able to stomach his interpretation of Willy Wonka. (1:48) (Eddy)

*Babies Thomas Balmes’ camera records the first year in the lives of four infants in vastly different circumstances. They’re respectively born to hip young couple in Tokyo’s high-tech clutter; familiar moderately alterna-types (the father is director Frazer Bradshaw of last year’s excellent indie drama Everything Strange and New) in SF’s Mission District; a yurt-dwelling family isolated in the vast Mongolian tundra; and a Namibian village so maternally focused that adult menfolk seem to have been banished. Yes, on one level this is the cutest li’l documentary you ever saw. But if you were planning to avoid thinking that is all (or most) of what Babies would be like, you will miss out big time. Void of explanatory titles, voice-over narration, or subtitle translations, this is a purely observatory piece that reveals just how fascinating the business of being a baby is. There’s very little predictable pooping, wailing, or coddling. Instead, Balmes’ wonderful eye captures absorbing moments of sussing things out, decision-making, and skill learning. While the First World tykes firstborns both — are hauled off to (way) pre-school classes, the much less day planned Third Worlders have more complex, unmediated dealings with community. Those range from fending off devilish older siblings to Mongol Bayarjargal’s startlingly casual consorting with large furry livestock. (Imagine the horror of parents you know were their baby found surrounded by massive cows — a situation that here causes no concern whatsoever for adults, children, or bovines.) So accustomed to the camera that it doesn’t influence their behavior, the subjects here are viewed with an intimacy that continually surprises. Babies is getting a wider-than-usual release for a documentary, one cannily timed to coincide with Mother’s Day. But don’t be fooled: this movie is actually very cool. (1:19) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

*Big River Man Some people are just larger than life. Martin Strel is 53-year-old overweight, alcoholic, endurance swimmer from Slovenia who has made it his calling to swim the world’s longest rivers. Borut Strel, his son and primary publicist, might say his father does it to increase awareness about pollution or, in the Amazon’s case, deforestation, but we quickly see that there is a deeper compulsion that goes into Martin’s swims. Big River Man chronicles Martin’s descent down the Amazon river, from Peru to Brazil, as he scoffs at piranhas and alligators, all while drinking two bottles of wine a day. Martin is definitely a funny guy and he helps make Big River Man a funny film, but most impressive is the subtle shift from quirky human interest documentary to Heart of Darkness-style thriller when too many days in the sun cause Martin to lose his grip on reality. (1:34) Roxie. (Peter Galvin)

*City Island The Rizzo family of City Island, N.Y. — a tiny atoll associated historically with fishing and jurisdictionally with the Bronx — have reached a state where their primary interactions consist of sniping, yelling, and storming out of rooms. These storm clouds operate as cover for the secrets they’re all busy keeping from one another. Correctional officer Vince (Andy Garcia) pretends he’s got frequent poker nights so he can skulk off to his true shameful indulgence: a Manhattan acting class. Perpetually fuming spouse Joyce (Julianna Margulies) assumes he’s having an affair. Daughter Vivian (Dominik García-Lorido) has dropped out of school to work at a strip joint, while the world class-sarcasms of teenager Vinnie (Ezra Miller) deflect attention from his own hidden life as an aspiring chubby chaser. All this (plus everyone’s sneaky cigarette habit) is nothing, however, compared to Vince’s really big secret: he conceived and abandoned a "love child" before marrying, and said guilty issue has just turned up as a 24-year-old car thief on his cell block. Writer-director Raymond De Felitta made a couple other features in the last 15 years, none widely seen; if this latest is typical, we need more of him, more often. Perfectly cast, City Island is farcical without being cartoonish, howl-inducing without lowering your brain-cell count. It’s arguably a better, less self-conscious slice of dysfunctional family absurdism than Little Miss Sunshine (2006) — complete with an Alan Arkin more inspired in his one big scene here than in all of that film’s Oscar-winning performance. (1:40) (Harvey)

The City of Your Final Destination In James Ivory’s latest literary adaptation, Omar (Omar Metwally), an Iranian American graduate student of Latin American literature, precipitously descends on a rural estate in Paraguay, hoping to petition the relatives of deceased writer Jules Gund for authorization to write his biography. Numbering among the somewhat complicated ménage are Gund’s widow, Caroline (Laura Linney), his mistress, Arden (Charlotte Gainsbourg), their child, Portia (Ambar Mallman), the author’s brother, Adam (Anthony Hopkins), and Adam’s lover, Pete (Hiroyuki Sanada), a household that the film depicts as caught in a sedative isolation obstructing any progress or flourishing or change. But where Gund’s violent suicide has failed to produce a cataclysmic shift, the somewhat hapless Omar manages to interrupt their idle routines and mobilize them, stirring up sentiment and ambition. The notion of redirected fate is telegraphed by the title, but what the film does best is show the calm before the storm (really more of a heavy downpour) — and showcase the fineness of Hopkins’s and Linney’s dramatic abilities. In the final act, we see the characters being moved about rather than moved, and the sound of screeching brakes applied as the film reaches its conclusion undoes much of the subtlety invested in their performances. (1:58) (Rapoport)

Clash of the Titans The minds behind Clash of the Titans decided their movie should be 3D at the last possible moment before release. Consequently, the 3D is pretty janky. I don’t know what the rest of the film’s excuse is. Clash of the Titans retreads the 1981 cult classic with reasonable faithfulness, though Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion effects have been (of course) replaced with CG renderings of all the expected monsters, magic, gods, etc. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes — as other reviews have pointed out: Schindler’s List (1993) reunion! — glow and glower as Zeus and Hades, while Sam Worthington (2009’s Avatar) once again fills the role of bland hero, this time as a snooze-worthy Perseus. You might have fun in the moment with Clash of the Titans, but it’s hardly memorable, and certainly nowhere near epic. (1:58) (Eddy)

*Exit Through the Gift Shop Exit Through the Gift Shop is not a film about the elusive graffiti-cum-conceptual artist and merry prankster known as Banksy, even though he takes up a good chunk of this sly and by-no-means impartial documentary and is listed as its director. Rather, as he informs us — voice electronically altered, face hidden in shadow — in the film’s opening minutes, the film’s real subject is one Thierry Guetta, a French expat living in LA whose hangdog eyes, squat stature, and propensity for mutton chops and polyester could pass him off as Ron Jeremy’s long lost twin. Unlike Jeremy, Guetta is not blessed with any prodigious natural talent to propel him to stardom, save for a compulsion to videotape every waking minute of his life (roughly 80 percent of the footage in Exit is Guetta’s) and a knack for being in the right place at the right time. When Guetta is introduced by his tagger cousin to a pre-Obamatized Shepard Fairey in 2007, he realizes his true calling: to make a documentary about the street art scene that was then only starting to get mainstream attention. Enter Banksy, who, at first, is Guetta’s ultimate quarry. Eventually, the two become chummy, with Guetta acting as lookout and documenter for the artist just as the art market starts clambering for its piece of, "the Scarlet Pimpernel of street art," as one headline dubs him. When, at about three quarters of the way in, Guetta, following Banksy’s casual suggestion, drops his camcorder and tries his hand at making street art, Exit becomes a very different beast. Guetta’s flashy debut as Mr. Brainwash is as obscenely successful as his "art" is terribly unimaginative — much to the chagrin of his former documentary subjects. But Guetta is no Eve Harrington and Banksy, who has the last laugh here, gives him plenty of rope with which to truss himself. Is Mr. Brainwash really the ridiculous and inevitable terminus of street art’s runaway mainstream success (which, it must be said, Banksy has handsomely profited from)? That question begs another: with friends like Banksy, who needs enemies? (1:27) (Sussman)

*The Father of My Children Grégoire Canvel (Louis-Do de Lencquesaing) is a perpetual motion machine: a Paris-based veteran film producer of complicated multinational whose every waking moment is spent pleading, finessing, reassuring, and generally putting out fires of the artistic, logistic, or financial kind. But lately the strain has begun to surpass even his Herculean coping abilities. Debtors are closing in; funding might collapse for a brilliant but uncommercial director’s already half-finished latest. After surviving any number of prior crises, Gregoire’s whole production company might finally dissolve into a puddle of red ink and lawsuits. He barely has time to enjoy his perfect family, with Italian wife Sylvia (Chiara Caselli) and three young daughters happily ensconced in a charming country house. Something’s got to give — and when it does, writer-director Mia Hansen-Love’s drama (very loosely based on the life of a late European film producer) drastically shifts its focus midway. Her film’s first half is so arresting — with its whirlwind glimpse at a job so few of us know much about, yet which couldn’t be more important in keeping cinema afloat — that the second half inevitably seems less interesting by comparison. Still, for about 55 minutes The Father of My Children offers something you haven’t quite seen before, an experience well worthwhile even if the subsequent 55 are less memorable. (1:50) (Harvey)

*The Ghost Writer Roman Polanski’s never-ending legal woes have inspired endless debates on the interwebs and elsewhere; they also can’t help but add subtext to the 76-year-old’s new film, which is chock full o’ anti-American vibes anyway. It’s also a pretty nifty political thriller about a disgraced former British Prime Minister (Pierce Brosnan) who’s hanging out in his Martha’s Vineyard mansion with his whip-smart, bitter wife (Olivia Williams) and Joan Holloway-as-ice-queen assistant (Kim Cattrall), plus an eager young biographer (Ewan McGregor) recently hired to ghost-write his memoirs. But as the writer quickly discovers, the politician’s past contains the kinds of secrets that cause strange cars with tinted windows to appear in one’s rearview mirror when driving along deserted country roads. Polanski’s long been an expert when it comes to escalating tension onscreen; he’s also so good at adding offbeat moments that only seem tossed-off (as when the PM’s groundskeeper attempts to rake leaves amid relentless sea breezes) and making the utmost of his top-notch actors (Tom Wilkinson and Eli Wallach have small, memorable roles). Though I found The Ghost Writer‘s ZOMG! third-act revelation to be a bit corny, I still didn’t think it detracted from the finely crafted film that led up to it. (1:49) (Eddy)

*The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo By the time the first of Stieg Larsson’s so-called "Millennium" books had been published anywhere, the series already had an unhappy ending: he died (in 2004). The following year, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo became a Swedish, then eventually international sensation, its sequels following suit. The books are addicting, to say the least; despite their essential crime-mystery-thriller nature, they don’t require putting your ear for writing of some literary value on sleep mode. Now the first of three adaptive features shot back-to-back has reached U.S. screens. (Sorry to say, yes, a Hollywood remake is already in the works — but let’s hope that’s years away.) Even at two-and-a-half hours, this Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by necessity must do some major truncating to pack in the essentials of a very long, very plotty novel. Still, all but the nitpickingest fans will be fairly satisfied, while virgins will have the benefit of not knowing what’s going to happen and getting scared accordingly. Soon facing jail after losing a libel suit brought against him by a shady corporate tycoon, leftie journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) gets a curious private offer to probe the disappearance 40 years earlier of a teenage girl. This entangles him with an eccentric wealthy family and their many closet skeletons (including Nazi sympathies) — as well as dragon-tattooed Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), androgynous loner, 24-year-old court ward, investigative researcher, and skillful hacker. Director Niels Arden Oplev and his scenarists do a workmanlike job — one more organizational than interpretive, a faithful transcription without much style or personality all its own. Nonetheless, Larsson’s narrative engine kicks in early and hauls you right along to the depot. (2:32) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

Harry Brown Shades of Dirty Harry (1971) for the tea cozy and tweed set: elegantly rendered and very nicely played, Harry Brown might be the dark, late-in-the-day elder brother to 1971’s Get Carter, in the hands of eponymous lead Michael Caine. He’s a pensioner mourning the passing of his beloved wife, his mysterious life as a Marine stationed in Northern Ireland firmly behind him. Then his chess-playing pal Leonard (David Bradley) is terrorized and killed by the unsavory gang of heroin dealing hoodlums who lurk near their projects in a tunnel walkway like gun-toting, foul-mouthed, sociopathic trolls. Harry Brown is, er, forced to forsake a vow of peace and go commando on the culprits’ asses, triggering some moments of ultraviolence that are unsettling in their whole-hearted embrace of vigilante justice. Like predecessors similarly fixated on vengeance in their respective urban hells, a la Hardcore (1979) and Taxi Driver (1976) (Harry Brown echoes key moments in the latter, in particular — see, for instance, its keenly tense, eerily humorous gun shopping scene), Harry Brown is essentially an arch-conservative film, if good looking and even likable with Caine meting out the punishment. The overall denouement just might make some seniors feel very, very good about the coiled potential for hurt embedded in their aging frames. (1:42) (Chun)

How to Train Your Dragon (1:38)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) Director Tom Six had a vision, a glorious dream of surgically connecting three human beings via their gastro-intestinal systems, or as Kevin Smith would say — "ass to mouth." When two girlfriends on a road trip across Europe get a flat tire, they stumble upon the home of a mad doctor (Dieter Laser) with a similar dream, who drugs them and ties them up in his basement laboratory. The Human Centipede is an entry into the torture porn arena, but it feels especially icky because you just know that the girls have zero chance of escaping the "100 percent medically accurate!" surgery. Once hooked up, there’s nowhere for the film to go and two out of three actors can’t talk because they are sewn to someone else’s anus. Still, as one-note as The Human Centipede is, I think we’d do well to encourage more films to be as batshit insane as this one. (1:30) (Galvin)

*Iron Man 2 Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) returns, just as rich and self-involved as before, though his ego his inflated to unimaginable heights due to his superheroic fame. Pretty much, he’s put the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing on the back burner, exasperating everyone from Girl Friday Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow); to BFF military man Rhodey (Don Cheadle, replacing the first installment’s Terrence Howard); to certain mysterious Marvels played by Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson; to a doofus-y rival defense contractor (Sam Rockwell); to a sanctimonius Senator (Garry Shandling). Frankly, the fact that a vengeful Russian scientist (Mickey Rourke) is plotting Tony’s imminent death is a secondary threat here — for much of the film, Tony’s biggest enemy is himself. Fortunately, this is conveyed with enjoyable action (props to director Jon Favreau, who also has a small role), a witty script (actor Justin Theroux — who knew? He also co-wrote 2008’s Tropic Thunder, by the way), and gusto-going performances by everyone, from Downey on down. Stay for the whole credits or miss out on the geek-gasm. (2:05) (Eddy)

Just Wright (1:51)

*Kick-Ass Based on a comic book series by Mark Millar, whose work was also the model for 2008’s Wanted, Kick Ass is a similarly over-the-top action flick that plays up its absurdity to even greater comedic effect. High school nerd Dave (Aaron Johnson) decides to become the world’s first real superhero. Donning a green wetsuit he bought on the internet and mustering some unlikely courage, he takes to the streets to avenge wrongdoing. Unsurprisingly, Dave is immediately beaten almost to death because he’s just a kid who has no idea what he’s doing, but Kick-Ass‘ greatest achievement is knowing exactly how to subvert audience expectations. Scenes that marry the film’s innocent story with enormously exaggerated violence enhance the otherwise Superbad-lite high-school comedy unfolding around them, and a parallel plot-line involving Nicolas Cage instructing his 12-year-old daughter to commit grievous murders will probably end up being the most gratifying aspect of the film. Though too much set-up and spinning gears mars the middle act, it’s hard to fault the film for competently setting up one of the most crowd-pleasing endings in recent memory. (1:58) (Galvin)

Kites As randomly exuberant, shamelessly cheesy, and as garishly OTT as an amalgam of Bollywood song-and-dance flash and ’80s Hollywood blockbuster can get, Kites is a lovable mutt through and through — ready for its stateside close-up with by way of a forthcoming Brett Ratner English-language "remix" treatment. But first the two-hour original: J (Hrithik Roshan) is a poor but studly, V-chested dance teacher who hits the jackpot in Vegas with Gina (Kangna), his besotted student and the daughter of a powerful and deadly casino owner. Their dance competition number — jumpily cut like a hybrid of Dancing With the Stars, Saturday Night Fever (1977), and Fame (1980) — lands J in the bosom of Gina’s family, where he meets her sadistic bro, Tony (Nick Brown), and his fiancée, Natasha (Barbara Mori), an illegal immigrant from Mexico. But J and Natasha have met briefly before, when she hired him to marry her for a green card. How can a connected, killer family possibly get in the way of true love — between two leads who resemble a youthful, performance-enhanced, manically happily Nicolas Cage and Megan Fox? Smoothly integrating the dance numbers into the predictable narrative, Kites has polished off any possible edge from its high-energy Bollywood riff on the movies of Michael Bay and Ridley Scott, but that doesn’t mean you can tear your eyes from the screen, or stop the music. (1:30) (Chun)

Letters to Juliet If you can stomach the inevitable Barbara Cartland/Harlequin-romance-style clichés — and believe that Amanda Seyfried as a New Yorker fact-checker — then Letters to Juliet might be the ideal Tuscan-sunlit valentine for you. Seyfried’s Sophie is on a pre-honeymoon trip to Verona with her preoccupied chef-restaurateur intended, Victor (Gael Garcia Bernal), who’s more interested in sampling cheese and purchasing vino than taking in the romantic attractions of Verona with his fiancée. Luckily she finds the perfect diversion for a wannabe scribe: a small clutch of diehard romantics enlisted by the city of Verona to answer the letters to Juliet posted by lovelorn ladies. They’re Juliet’s secretaries — never mind that Juliet never managed to maintain a successful or long-term relationship herself. When Sophie finds a lost, unanswered letter from the ’50s, she sets off sequence of unlikely events, as the letter’s English writer, Claire (Vanessa Redgrave), returns to Verona with her grandson Charlie (Christopher Egan), in search of her missed-connection, Lorenzo. Alas, Lorenzo’s long gone, and the fact-checker decides to help the warm-hearted, hopeful Claire find her lost lover. Unfortunately Sophie’s chemistry with both her matches isn’t as powerful as Redgrave’s with real-life husband Franco Nero — after all he was Lancelot to her Guenevere in 1967’s Camelot and the father of her son. Still, Redgrave’s power as an actress — and her relationship with Nero — adds a resonance that takes this otherwise by-the-numbers romance to another level. (1:46) (Chun)

*Looking for Eric Eric Bishop (Steve Everts) is a single dad, frustrated at his inability to bond with his teenage sons and heartbroken over his failed marriage to Lily (Stephanie Bishop), the woman he walked out on 20 years ago but never managed to get over. Just when things are looking dire, Eric is delivered in surprising, magical fashion by hallucinatory visitations from Eric Cantona, his favorite soccer player, a philosophical Frenchman who was as renowned for his inscrutable press conferences as he was for his scintillating goals. Cantona plays himself, and passes pensive joints with Bishop as they slowly piece his shattered life back together. American viewers might be have trouble deciphering the intricacies of soccer culture or the molasses-thick Mancunian accents, but at its heart the movie (by Brit director Ken Loach) is an amusing, tautly crafted fable of middle-aged alienation giving way to hope and gumption. (1:57) Smith Rafael. (Richardson)

MacGruber Mudflaps, moptops, box-office flippity-flops, such is the sad transition Saturday Night Live skits make to the big screen. Handicapped as such MacGruber also has a very specific demographic in mind: the Gen-Xers who popularized the use of MacGyver as a verb and harbor a picture-tube-deep ironic affection for the lousy ’80s TV action shows of their youth. Does anyone younger — or older — than that population get MacGruber‘s interest in Howard Stern-style transgressive humor, its "Cunth"/dick/poop/butt jokes, and its shameful identification with badly dated hair styles? That said, MacGruber isn’t half bad if one keeps expectations nice ‘n’ low, much like its hero’s brow, and one enjoys a comic antihero who uses his buds as human shields and can’t MacGyver a weapon out of a tennis ball and rubber-band to save his life. Laughs can be had — as long as your bad Gen-X self is still in touch with your inner 13-year-old. MacGruber won’t make the Bay Area-born-and-bred Will Forte a superstar, but at least it gives Kristen Wiig fans another, if somewhat inexplicable, chance to glimpse their heroine in action, with little to do — someone get this smart, likable actress into a Nicole Holofcener comedy ASAP. (1:39) (Chun)

*Mid-August Lunch Gianni Di Gregorio’s loose, engaging comedy is about an aging bachelor still living with his ancient mum in their Rome flat. When his landlord offers to forgive some debts in return for briefly taking in his own elderly ma, Gianni (played by the director himself) soon finds himself in cat-herding charge of no less than five old ladies who delight in one another’s company while running him ragged. Gomorrah (2008) screenwriter Di Gregorio used nonprofessionals to play those parts in this semi improvised miniature, which is as light and flavorful as a first course of prosciutto and mozzarella. It’s a solid addition to the canon of palate-pleasing culinary flicks such as Big Night (1996) and Babette’s Feast (1987), as opposed to the repulsive ones like Super Size Me (2004) or Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (1983). (1:15) (Harvey)

La Mission A veteran S.F. vato turned responsible — if still muy macho — widower, father, and Muni driver, fortysomething Che (Benjamin Bratt) isn’t the type for mushy displays of sentiment. But it’s clear his pride and joy is son Jess (Jeremy Ray Valdez), a straight-A high school grad bound for UCLA. That filial bond, however, sustains some serious damage when Che discovers Jes has a secret life — with a boyfriend, in the Castro, just a few blocks away from their Mission walkup but might as well be light-years away as far as old-school dad is concerned. This Bratt family project (Benjamin’s brother Peter writes-directs, his wife Talisa Soto Bratt has a supporting role) has a bit of a predictable TV-movie feel, but its warm heart is very much in the right place. (1:57) Roxie. (Harvey)

Mother and Child Adoption advocates who railed against Orphan (2009) should turn their sights on Mother and Child, a ridiculous melodrama with a thoroughly vile message. I’d wager writer-director Rodrigo García didn’t set out to make an anti-adoption film: this is a movie about the relationship between mothers and daughters. But the undertones are impossible to miss. Annette Bening plays Karen, a miserable woman consumed by regret for putting her daughter up for adoption 37 years ago. That biological daughter is Elizabeth (Naomi Watts), who — despite having been adopted at birth — speaks dismissively of her "adoptive" parents as though they were never really hers. She’s cold and manipulative, sleeping with her boss and married neighbor because she can. Mother and Child offers no real explanation for why these women are so unpleasant, so we’re forced to conclude it’s the four decades-old adoption. Despite a stellar cast, which also includes Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, and S. Epatha Merkerson, the film’s misguided politics are too distracting to ignore. (2:06) (Peitzman)

*OSS 117: Lost in Rio The Cold War heated up a public appetite for spy adventures well before James Bond became a pop phenomenon. In fact, Ian Fleming hadn’t yet created 007 in 1949, when Jean Bruce commenced writing novels about Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath, a.k.a. Agent OSS 117. This French superspy was ready-made to join the ranks of umpteen 007 wannabes, appearing in somewhere between six and 11 films (it’s unclear whether all involved de La Bath, or were just Bruce-based) through 1970, played by at least four actors. The series remained well-known enough to get a new life in 2006 when director Michel Hazanavicius and top French comedy star Jean Dujardin sought to spoof 1960s espionage flicks a la Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997). That was a big hit, so now we’ve got a sequel. OSS 117: Lost in Rio isn’t as fresh or funny as the preceding Cairo, Nest of Spies. But it’s still a whole lot fresher and funnier than Austin Powers Nos. two (1999) and three (2002). Dujardin’s de La Bath is the very model of jet-set masculinity, twisting the night away at a ski chalet with umpteen soon-to-be-machine gunned "Oriental" lovelies in the opening sequence. Of course such pleasure pursuits take place strictly between car chases, shootouts, and karate fights. Agreeably silly, Lost in Rio doesn’t go for Hollywood-style slapstick and gross out yuks. Instead, its biggest laughs are usually droll throwaways, as when 117 explains a shocking sudden costume change with the unlikely declaration "I sew," or during an LSD-dosed hippie orgy proves quite willing to go with the flow — even when that involves another guy’s groovy finger breaching security up the pride of French intelligence’s derriere. (1:37) (Harvey)

*Please Give Manhattan couple Kate (Catherine Keener) and Alex (Oliver Platt) are the proprietors of an up-market vintage furniture store — they troll the apartments of the recently deceased, redistributing the contents at an astonishing markup — and they’ve purchased the entire apartment of their elderly next-door neighbor (Ann Guilbert). As they wait for her to expire so they can knock down a wall, they try not to loom in anticipation in front of her granddaughters, the softly melancholic Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) and the brittle pragmatist Mary (Amanda Peet). Filmmaker Nicole Holofcener has entered this territory before, examining the interpersonal pressures that a sizable income gap can exert in 2006’s Friends with Money. Here she turns to the pangs and blunderings of the liberal existence burdened with the discomforts of being comfortable and the desire to do some good in the world. The film capably explores the unexamined impulses of liberal guilt, though the conclusion it reaches is unsatisfying. Like Holofcener’s other work, Please Give is constructed from the episodic material of mundane, intimate encounters between characters whose complexity forces us to take them seriously, whether or not we like them. Here, though, it offers these private connections as the best one can hope for, a sort of domestic grace accrued by doing right, authentically, instinctively, by the people in your immediate orbit, leaving the larger world to muddle along on its axis as best it can. (1:30) (Rapoport)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time It takes serious effort to make a movie with a story dumber than the video game it’s based on. Director Mike Newell somehow accomplishes this feat with Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, a Disneyfied flop that flails clumsily in the PG-13 demilitarized zone, delivering sanitized violence, chaste romance, and dreary drama. Jake Gyllenhaal plays Dastan, an urchin boy — one jump, ahead of the bread line — adopted by the king and raised to be the wise-cracking black sheep in a family of feuding princes. He’s got Middle East ninja skills — one swing, ahead of the sword — and his infiltration of a sacred city nets him the magical Dagger of Time, a gilded rewind button coveted by his evil uncle Nizam (Ben Kingsley), who wants to use it for, well, evil, and Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton), who’s sworn to protect it. Pressing a button on the dagger’s hilt allows its wielder to undo past events. If you have the misfortune of seeing this movie, you’ll want one for yourself. (2:10) (Richardson)

Princess Kaiulani Well-meaning and controversial (the independent’s first title, Barbarian Princess, and the tragic events it depicts has distressed some native Hawaiians) in its own inoffensive way, Princess Kaiulani is unfortunately overshadowed by star Q’orianka Kilcher’s first film, 2005’s The New World, in which she portrayed Pocahontas. The Hawaii-raised Kilcher appears to be getting typecast as a tragic, romanticized native royal. Still, if you can get past director Marc Forby’s weak attempts to match New World director Terrence Malick’s searingly poetic montages and the clunky History Channel-by-the-numbers screenplay, you might give a little credit to the makers for bringing to the screen the tale of Hawaii’s last intelligent, beautiful, and accomplished princess — a young woman determined to fight an overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy and battle its annexation against the white land owners and descendents of missionaries who tried to block the voting rights of native Hawaiians. Kilcher possesses some of the noble charisma claimed by the real Kaiulani, but the obligatory romance superimposed on the narrative and the neglect of some of genuinely promising threads, such as Kaiulani’s friendship with Robert Louis Stevenson, make Princess Kaiulani feel as faux as those who pretended to Hawaii’s rule. (2:10) (Chun)

Robin Hood Like it or not, we live in the age of the origin story. Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood introduces us to the outlaw while he’s still in France, wending his way back to Albion in the service of King Richard III. The Lionheart soon takes an arrow in the neck in order to demonstrate the film’s historical bona fides, and yeoman archer Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe) — surrounded by a nascent band of merry men — accidentally embroils himself in a conspiracy to wrest control of England. The complications of this intrigue hie Robin to Nottingham, where he is thrown together with Maid Marion (Cate Blanchett), a plucky rural aristocrat who likes getting her hands dirty almost as much as she likes a bit of smoldering Crowe seduction. A lot of hollow medieval verisimilitude ensues, along with a good bit of slow-mo swordplay, but the cumulative effect is tepid and rote. (2:20) (Richardson)

The Secret in Their Eyes (2:07)

Sex and the City 2 Sex and the City 2 couldn’t be anymore brazenly shameless, dizzyingly shallow, or patently offensive if it tried. This is aspiration porn, pure and simple, kitted out in the Orientalist trappings of a Vogue spread and with all the emotional intelligence of a 12 year-old brat. As the first SATC film nearly made short work of any shred of nuance or humanity that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda carried over from their televised selves, SATC 2 fully embraces the bad pun-spewing, couture-clad clichés the girls have hardened into. Sure they have kids, husbands, career changes, and menopause to deal with, but who cares about those tired signposts of middle age when there is more shit to buy, more champagne to swill, private airlines to fly on, $22,000-a-night luxury suites to inhabit, Helen Reddy songs to butcher, and whole other peoples — specifically, the people of Abu Dhabi, who speak funny, dress funnier, and have craaazy notions about what it means to be "one of the girls" — to alternately boss around, offend, and pity? (Fun SATC2 fact: did you know that in the "new Middle East" women secretly wear designer duds underneath their abayas?) Oh, that one tiny pang of sympathy you feel during the tipsy confessional between Charlotte and Miranda in which they bond over how being a mother and giving up one’s life ambition is difficult? A mirage. Because really, the greater concern is flying back to JFK first class or bust. And let’s not even get into the few bones the film tosses to the homos, such as the opening set piece: a gay wedding only a straight man could’ve thought up, replete with a shopworn Liza Minnelli having her Gene Kelly-in-Xanadu moment. But seriously, Michael Patrick King, don’t get it twisted: Stanford may call it such, but it’s not "cheating" if you’re already in an open relationship. Then again, if being a foil for your straight BFF’s insecurities about the luxe confines of monogamy gets you a gift registry at Bergdorf’s, why not? The laughs are cheaper this time around, but SATC 2‘s fuckery is strictly price-upon-request. (2:24) Castro. (Sussman)

Shrek Forever After 3D It’s easy to give Dreamworks a hard time for pumping out a fourth sequel to a film that never really needed a sequel in the first place. But Shrek Forever After isn’t all that bad — it’s mostly just irrelevant. The film does begin on an interesting note, with Shrek discovering the consequences of settling down with a wife and kids: serious ennui. It’s refreshing to see a fairy tale in which "happily ever after" is revealed to be rather mundane. But soon there are wacky magical hijinks that spawn an alternate universe, a cheap way to inject new life into tired old characters. (You like Puss in Boots? Well, he’s fat now.) Luckily, the voice actors are still game and the animation remains top-notch. The 3D effects are well used for once, fleshing out Shrek’s world rather than providing an unnecessary distraction. The end result is a mildly entertaining addition to the franchise, but like the alternate universe in which Shrek finds himself stranded, there’s no real reason it should exist. (1:33) (Peitzman)

Survival of the Dead George A. Romero’s 2007 Diary of the Dead was a surprise hit, and with an eye toward delivering similar results, Survival of the Dead spins off one of its predecessor’s minor characters. Amid a zombie attack that already seems like old news by movie’s start, a disaffected soldier (Alan Van Sprang) goes AWOL with a few comrades and a teenage drifter they meet along the way. A possible refuge from the undead presents itself in the form of Plum Island, which despite being in the United States is populated by two extremely Irish families with a long-standing hillbilly-style feud that simply won’t be mended, zombies be damned. Props to Romero for finding a way to make movies on his own terms; the horror legend is back to working with a small budget and enjoying the kind of creative control that shaped his earliest films. But Survival of the Dead is tonally uneven, and its Western-inspired story veers into the ridiculous (surprise twins?!) End result: there’s more human drama than zombie fun. (1:30) (Eddy)

Touching Home Hometown boys (Logan and Noah Miller) make good in this based-on-a-true-story tale of identical twins who must divide their time at home between training for major league baseball and looking after their alcoholic father. The brothers, who also wrote and directed the film, aim for David Gordon Green by way of Marin, but fall short of mastering that director’s knack for natural dialogue. Ed Harris is, unsurprisingly, compelling as the alcoholic father, but the actors in the film who are not named Ed Harris tend to contribute to the script’s distracting histrionics. Touching Home has some amazing NorCal cinematography, and I could see how family audiences might enjoy its "feel bad, then feel good" style of melodrama. But while it’s awkward to say that someone’s real-life experiences come off as trite, there are moments here that feel as clichéd as a Lifetime movie. (1:48) Smith Rafael. (Galvin)

Older ‘n’ wider

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS One night the Maze came over because that’s what he does. He comes over. Sometimes he brings his dinner with him.

This time he brought his dinner with him.

He started pulling things out of his backpack as if they were rabbits: part of a loaf of cranberry bread! Hummus! Broccoli! Rabbits! In the water bottle holder on his bike was a half-empty bottle of semi-important wine. Me, I’d already eaten.

Another thing the Maze does is worry. He hedges his bets, shakes his head, and assigns point values to things that most people just try to put into words. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes language doesn’t cut it, but given a choice between it and math … I mean, in matters of the heart, come on: poetry vs. calculus?

The Maze is, for example, lonely. He wants to write; he wants to edit; he wants to sing, soar, shred on the guitar, or at least be in a band. These are just examples.

I like to dance. I get the two-step. I look the Maze in the eye, run the numbers with him, shake my head, want and wonder what he wants and wonders, and just generally try to be useful.

Sometimes I even threaten to throttle or kick him.

"I don’t know, Dani," he said. "I just don’t know."

"Me neither," I said, having a sip of his half-full bottle of bike-rack red. We were standing in my kitchen. As opposed to sitting. I forget why. Maybe he was fixing to leave.

"I mean, I just don’t get it. What am I supposed to do?"

If I knew, I would have said. I’m a good friend. If he would have cried, I would have cried. Existential dilemma loves company.

"Is there something I’m doing wrong?" he asked, sincere pain in his voice, his forehead all wrinkled and labyrinthine (which is how he got his name). And he said it again: "Am I doing something wrong?"

"I don’t think so," I said, because I honestly didn’t. But then a possibility occurred to me. "When you make pasta," I asked, "you’re not rinsing it after you strain it, are you?"

He looked more confused than before. "No," he said.

"Good, then, no, you’re not doing anything wrong."

I wasn’t exactly joking. As far as I know, this is the only real, unequivocally always wrong mistake one can make in life. And even then, it could be argued that if you’re cooking noodles for soup, a cold rinse might not be a bad idea. You know, so they don’t overcook in the broth.

But how did I get here? Speaking of existential dilemmas.

It was my birthday, and for my birthday I listened to Abba without guilt. I ate at Boogaloos. I got older. Had late-night hot wings with Earl Butter. Lunch: a smashed sandwich at Tartine. For my birthday the Pod bought my ticket and we all watched a baseball game at the Coliseum. I had a hot dog and a beer. For dinner I ate grilled salmon with a squeeze of lemon over quinoa and swirled kale with tamari sauce.

Kidding!!! I had chicken and waffles, of course. This time at Frisco Fried, which is cheaper than anything I have come across, chicken-and-wafflewise. Six bucks for two thighs and a waffle! You can barely get a burrito for that price anymore.

But before you move to Bayview, this is not the cheapest chicken and waffles in the Bay Area. A bird named Jay just told me: Oakland’s Home of Chicken ‘n Waffles, or Home O’ as I call it for short because chicken and waffles now goes without saying (as does the letter ‘f’), has a weekday happy hour special. Between 4 and 7.

But I have to go back to Frisco Fried first and find out what a burger dog is. I can’t speak for their Rice-a-Roni, but the mac ‘n’ cheese was really wonderful. The waffle was okay. The chicken, fried to order, was super-hot and crazy juicy — not quite as flavorfully battered as Auntie April’s or Farmerbrown’s Little Skillet if you’re keeping score, Maze, but definitely up there. *

FRISCO FRIED

Tue.–Thu. 11 a.m.–7 p.m.; Fri. 11 a.m.–9 p.m.

Sat. noon–9 p.m.; Sun. noon–7 p.m.; closed Mon.

5176 Third St., SF

(415) 822-1517

D/MC/V

No alcohol

Tasty bytes at the Guerilla Dining Collective

3

“You’re experiencing a dish crawl in a single room,” chirped the beguiling CEO of Battledish, Tracy Lee. Lee’s Interweb gig entails cataloguing SF dish-by-dish for the pleasure of adventurous food obsessed individuals, a Sisyphean task she says has her organizing the city’s restaurants’ specialties down to taste. To highlight this spirit of culinary safari, Battledish was taking part in and helping to organizing a dinner assembled by graffEats of some of the finest underground food purveyors in the Bay last night to create eight courses of delicately prepared plates, each paired with glasses of Phelps Creek, Oregon wines hitherto unreleased on the Californian market.

In attendance was Canvas Underground, Radio Africa Kitchen, guys and gals into the “anti-restaurant,” community noshes with friends you never met yet. Most of the chefs are used to preparing meals for 25 meant to be consumed sitting on the ground of a stranger’s living room. But tonight the whole, safari embarking lot of us are sitting at three long tables in the middle of a drafty Dogpatch warehouse.

A kitchen space smaller than what I have in my apartment (that’s small!) somehow accommodates the marinating and tossing of the three culinary enterprises, who are pumping out more food than you woulda thunk possible, really. I guess they’re used to less than ideal cooking facilities; Canvas Underground has even been known to whip up spreads for their doting fans in a grassy field.

Lee addresses what is clearly a source of consternation in her office. “You know, salty, sweet, crunchy, bitter. There’s really not that many bitter dishes out there.” I am not surprised by this. I nod energetically to keep her talking through her vast knowledge of restaurants, both known and new. Besides her sits a smart phone, an equally intelligent looking video camera, and an SLR, which she rotates through in a steady bid to capture the moment for tomorrow’s web surfers.

Flips are brandished right and left to catch the crowd’s reaction to the lavender cumin roasted duck, and Tracy’s occasional flash bulb generates a gentle frisson of technology that belies the gluttony we are gracefully acquiesing to.

Ever since Paper magazine came out with its social networking issue, I’ve been feeling vastly, isolatingly, computer illiterate. (And don’t trip, I realize the irony of writing this on the blog I regularly contribute to.) But really, last night amidst the foodies, techies, and foodie-techies, I needed the reassurance that at the advanced age of 25 I could still be integrated into this brave new world of point-click, point-click, eat.

Should I be tweeting this? What taste category does the green melon gazpacho poured over ceviche of prawn, fennel, and vanilla fall into? Can I perhaps slip mention of the saffron almond cake with the roasted loquat and cinnamon crème fraiche into a html coded round up of the city’s best pop-up pastries?

There’s also a resplendent honey and cheese plate, and an Alaskan halibut kitfo – a word they must have used on the menu because it is more elegant than the one I’d have opted for; halibut poke loaf. We need more loafs these days.

But as the folksy tunes of The Shants swept through the high celinged warehouse-cum-drunk tank (four glasses of good wine go far, even when you’re eating your wieght to accompany it), I relaxed and let go of my Luddite, anti-tech mental ramblings. Sites like Battledish are just making more ways to connect for people that want it like that.

Amiably gripping their wine glasses in the pleasant fog between dessert courses, Tracy and my free spirited dinner companion debate the merits of Internet dating versus leaving love to that ever elusive “fate” thing. “It’s all about maximizing serendipity,” Tracy sagely intones before once again she is gone in a whirl of gastronomic experimentation. A fine philosophy for the information age, indeed.

 

Stage Listings

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Stage listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Nicole Gluckstern. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks. For complete listings, see www.sfbg.com.

THEATER

OPENING

“Something C.O.O.L.: The Summer Cabaret Festival” Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; www.brownpapertickets.com. Free-$10. Opens Mon/31, 7:30pm. Runs Mon-Tues, 7:30pm; Wed, 8pm. Through June 27. Cabaret singer Carly Ozard presents six diverse showcases (Mon-Tues nights) and hosts open mics (Wed nights) with professional performers.

BAY AREA

“Fireworks Festival” Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Thrust Stage, 2025 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. $25-35. June 1-July 3, showtimes vary. This performance festival includes work by John Leguizamo, David Sedaris (whose show is already sold out), Dan Hoyle, and Wes “Scoop” Nisker.

1001 Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant, Berk; (510) 488-4116, www.justtheater.org. $15-30. Previews Fri/28-Sat/29, 8pm. Opens Mon/31, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm (no show June 6). Through June 20. Just Theater performs Jason Groete’s Arabian Nights-inspired tale of post-9/11 life.

Woody Guthrie’s American Song Marin Theatre Company, 397 Miller, Mill Valley; (415) 388-5208, www.marintheatre.org. $34-54. Previews Thurs/27-Sat/29, 8pm; Sun/30, 2 and 7pm. Opens June 1, 8pm. Runs Tues, Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also June 10, 1pm; June 5 and 20, 2pm); Wed, 7:30pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm. Marin Theatre Company presents Peter Glazer’s musical based on the life and times of the legendary songwriter.

ONGOING

Andy Warhol: Good For the Jews? Jewish Theatre, 470 Florida; 292-1233, www.tjt-sf.org. $15-45. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm. Through June 20. Renowned monologist Josh Kornbluth is ready to admit his niche is a narrow one: he talks about himself, and more than that, he talks about his relationship to his beloved late father, the larger-than-life old-guard communist of Kornbluth’s breakthrough Red Diaper Baby. So it will not be surprising that in his current (and still evolving) work, created with director David Dower, the performer-playwright’s attempt to “enter” Warhol’s controversial ten portraits of famous 20th-century Jews (neatly illuminated at the back of the stage) stirs up memories of his father, along with a close family friend — an erudite bachelor and closeted homosexual who impressed the boyhood Josh with bedtime stories culled from his dissertation. The scenes in which Kornbluth recreates these childhood memories are among the show’s most effective, although throughout the narrative Kornbluth, never more confident in his capacities, remains a knowing charmer. (Avila)

The Apotheosis of Pig Husbandry SF Playhouse, 533 Sutter; www.sfplayhouse.org. $20-30. Wed-Sat, 8pm. Through June 12. SF Playhouse presents the world premiere of William Bivins’ new play, set at the sleazy Lazy Eight Motel, as part of its stripped-down Sandbox Series.

Bone to Pick and Diadem Cutting Ball Theater, Exit on Taylor, 277 Taylor; 1-800-838-3006, www.cuttingball.com. $15-30. Opens Thurs/27, 8pm (gala opening Fri/28, 8pm). Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through June 20. Cutting Ball Theater closes its tenth season with a pair of plays by Eugenie Chan.

Boys Will Be Boys New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $22-40. Wed-Sat, 8pm; June 6, 23, and 20, 2pm. Through June 26. What happens when you realize you have Gay Attention Deficit Disorder? This comedic musical aims to find out.

The Breath of Life NohSpace, 2840 Mariposa; www.brownpapertickets.com. $25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through June 6. Spare Stage Productions performs David Hare’s drama about a wife and mistress dumped by the same man.

Company Fat Exit Stage Left, 156 Eddy; www.brownpapertickets.com. $20-25. Thurs/27-Sat/29, 8pm. Exit Theatre and Pumpjam Productions perform Bill Levesque’s darkly comic play, set in the Depression-era South.

Eat, Pray, Laugh! Off-Market Theaters, 965 Mission; www.brownpapertickets.com. $20. Wed/26, 8pm. Off-Market Theaters presents stand up comic and solo artist Alicia Dattner in her award-winning solo show.

Echo’s Reach Brava Theater Center, 2781 24th St; 665-2275, www.citycircus.org. $14-35. Fri/28-Sat/29, 8pm (also Sat/29, 4pm); Sun/30, 4pm. City Circus premieres an urban fairytale by Tim Barsky.

*Fishing Shotwell Studios, 3252 19th St; www.fishingtheplay.com. $25. Fri/28-Sat/29, 8pm. David J. Duman’s piquant and entirely palatable satire of San Francisco foodie culture gets a knowing, deceptively casual staging from savvy newcomers OpenTab Productions in association with Footloose. The story, divided scene-wise into a series of short comic morsels, unfolds in a rising seafood restaurant with a recently branded three-star rating, run by an unusually talented but haplessly oafish chef (Matt Ingle) and his bright but bored manager (Laurie Burke) with her eye on getting the hell out of the restaurant world. (Good luck.) They soon begin a semi-torrid affair — much to the suspicion of their prurient young wait staff, comprised of a bright, gay know-it-all waiter (Ben Euphant) and a coarse, cutie bartender sans scruple (Carla Pauli). Other regular occupants include a fussy, sexually frustrated couple (Molly Gazay and Alex Plant) cocky-proud of their entirely sublimated, half-assed knowledge of food and wine. Director Mark Drumm keeps the pace swimming and the performances are uniformly crisp and captivating in this truth-filled night of “dinner” theater served up on a bed of filthy innuendo and rampant promiscuity. (Avila)

Giant Bones Exit Theatre, 156 Eddy; (650) 728-8098, www.brownpapertickets.com. $15-50. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through June 19. Fantasy author Peter S. Beagle (The Last Unicorn) penned the source material for Stuart Bousel’s world-premiere play.

*Hot Greeks Hypnodrome Theatre, 575 Tenth St; 1-800-838-3006, www.thrillpeddlers.com. $30-69. Thurs, 8pm; Sun, 7pm. Through June 27. On the principle that when you’ve got it you should really flaunt it, San Francisco’s Thrillpeddlers essay their second revival of a musical by the storied Cockettes. Hot Greeks, which premiered in midnight performances at the old Palace Theater in 1972, was the gleefully crazed cross-dressing troupe’s only other fully scripted musical besides, of course, Pearls Over Shanghai.

While not the Oresteia or anything, Hot Greeks is more than an excuse for a lot of louche, libidinous hilarity. Okay, not much more. But it is a knowing little romp — supported by some infectious songs courtesy of Martin Worman and Richard “Scrumbly” Koldewyn — wedding trashy high school romance with the trashy ancient Greece of Aristophanes and the Peloponnesian War. (Avila)

*How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Lost My Virginity SF Playhouse, 533 Sutter; www.sfplayhouse.org. $20. Sun, 7pm. Through June 27. A natural born charmer and a comedic actor with hard-won training behind her, Aileen Clark wins over an audience within about ten seconds. But her stories (co-scripted by John Caldon and ably directed by Claire Rice) turn out to be just as solid: all of them loving, irreverent, and unfailingly hilarious autobiographical accounts of coming of age across three cultures. Born to a Nicaraguan mother and a Scottish father and raised principally in Brazil, Managua and San Francisco, Clark’s perfectly pitched monologue comes liberally spiced with Spanish and Portuguese, sweetened by an affecting but never maudlin honesty, and stirred with a feisty humor clearly a lifetime in the making. As well paced and energetic as this Guerilla Rep and Ann Marie co-production is, it could probably be tightened further by shaving some 10 minutes off the 90-minute run time. Nonetheless, you are not likely to regret a minute of this frank and funny, wise and sassy visit to Aileen’s world. (Avila)

Marga Gomez is Proud and Bothered New Conservatory Theater Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-6988, www.nctcsf.org. $18-40. Thurs-Sat, 8pm (no show June 25); Sun, 2pm. Through June 26. Gomez performs her GLAAD Media award-winning comedy.

*Pearls Over Shanghai Hypnodrome, 575 Tenth St.; 1-800-838-3006, www.thrillpeddlers.com. $30-69. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through June 26. Starting July 10, runs Sat, 8pm and Sun, 7pm. Through August 1. Thrillpeddlers presents this revival of the legendary Cockettes’ 1970 musical extravaganza.

Peter Pan Threesixty Theater, Ferry Park (on Embarcadero across from the Ferry Bldg); www.peterpantheshow.com. $30-125. Tues and Thurs, 7pm; Fri-Sat, 7:30pm (also Sat, 2pm); Wed, 2pm; Sun, 1 and 5pm. Through August 29. JM Barrie’s tale is performed in a specially-built 360-degree CGI theater.

The Real Americans The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 826-5750, www.themarsh.org. $18-50. Wed/26-Fri/28, 8pm; Sat/29, 5pm; Sun/30, 3pm. Starting July 8, runs Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 5pm; Sun, 3pm, through Aug 8. The Marsh presents the world premiere of Dan Hoyle’s new solo show.

Rhino Boxcar Playhouse, 505 Natoma; 776-1747, www.boxcartheatre.org. $14-25. Wed/26-Sat/29, 8pm. A stark spotlight, a vibrant cellist, masked players, and a chairless theatre space greet audience members attending Boxcar Theatre’s Ionesco adaptation, Rhino. Though encouraged to move about freely, most audience members (the night I attended) settled for turning their otherwise static bodies to follow the action occurring in every corner of the small room. Though a courageous choice in staging, it didn’t quite provide the feeling of the familiar under siege that it could have with more overt interaction with the not-quite-captive-enough public. And while certain of the short snipped scenes were tense and evocative, less subtle imaginings such as the intermittent lockstep marches fell flat. (Gluckstern)

“San Francisco International Arts Festival” Various venues; 1-800-838-3006, www.sfiaf.org. Most shows $25. Through May 31. In its seventh incarnation, the fest hosts dance, theater, and other artists from ten countries.

Sandy Hackett’s Rat Pack Show Marines’ Memorial Theater, 609 Sutter; 771-6900. $30-89. Fri-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 2pm); Sun, 2pm. Through June 27. From somewhere before the Beatles and after Broadway “Beatlemania” comes this big band cigarettes-and-high-ball nightclub act, recreating the storied Vegas stage shenanigans of iconic actor-crooners Frank Sinatra (David DeCosta), Dean Martin (Tony Basile), and Sammy Davis Jr. (Doug Starks), and sidekick comedian Joey Bishop (Sandy Hackett). The band is all-pro and the songs sound great — DeCosta’s singing as Sinatra is uncanny, but all do very presentable renditions of signature songs and standards. Meanwhile, a lot of mincing about the stage and the drink cart meets with more mixed success, and I don’t just mean scotch and soda. The Rat Pack is pre-PC, of course, but the off-color humor, while no doubt historically sound, can be dully moronic. (Avila)

Speed the Plow Royce Gallery, 2910 Mariposa; 1-866-811-4111, www.speedtheplowsf.com. $28. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through June 19. Expression Productions performs David Mamet’s black comedy.

What Mama Said About Down There Our Little Theater, 287 Ellis; 820-3250, www.theatrebayarea.org. $15-25. Thurs-Sun, 8pm. Through July 30. Writer-performer-activist Sia Amma presents this largely political, a bit clinical, inherently sexual, and utterly unforgettable performance piece.

BAY AREA

*East 14th: True Tales of a Reluctant Player Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston, Berk; www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Sun/30, June 6, 20, 7pm; June 4, 11, 18, 9pm; June 12, 8pm. Through June 20. Don Reed’s solo play, making its Oakland debut after an acclaimed New York run, is truly a welcome homecoming twice over. (Avila)

God’s Ear Ashby Stage, 1901 Ashby, Berk; www.shotgunplayers.org. $15-28. Wed, 7pm; Thurs-Sat, 8pm; and Sun, 5pm. Through June 20. Shotgun Players perform Jenny Schwartz’s drama about grief; Erica Chong Shuch directs.

*In the Wake Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Roda Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. $13.50-71. Tues and Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Thurs and Sat, 2pm; no matinees Sat/29, June 3, 12, or 17; no show June 25); Wed and Sun, 7pm (also Sun, 2pm). Through June 27.

Brilliantly weaving the political and the personal, New York playwright Lisa Kron takes on the myth and mayhem of American exceptionalism through the prism of a compelling lefty smarty-pants named Ellen (Heidi Schreck) and her “alternative” family circle, as it slowly unravels during the first decade of the 21st century. From her modest Manhattan perch — shared with adoring, wise-cracking longtime boyfriend Danny (Carson Elrod) — Ellen rails against the ineptitude of the Democrats in the face of the rising Right and its season of havoc. But she’s already told the audience she has a problem with “blind spots,” much like the country. Projections of headlines and sound bites, intermittently splayed across the fortified proscenium arch, locate the action at precise moments in the dreary political timeline of the last decade, beginning with the 2000 election coup that has put a damper on Thanksgiving festivities (despite inclusion of Pilgrim smocks). Her sister (Andrea Frankle) and sister’s wife (Danielle Skraastad) are there too, along with Ellen’s older friend Judy (Deidre O’Connell), a cranky, deceptively oblivious relief worker just back from a refugee camp in Africa. As time goes by, and Ellen turns to an open relationship with a woman filmmaker (Emily Donahoe), our protagonist’s bedrock assumptions about the natural order of things get sorely tested. Leigh Silverman directs a top-notch cast in a remarkably engaging mix of political dialogue and personal entanglements, written for the most part with stirring intelligence and incisive humor. If the play loses focus and momentum by the second act — despite a wonderfully charged scene between Ellen and Judy that is the play’s most memorable — its wit, real anger and constructive irreverence still make it too good to miss. (Avila)

Twelfth Night La Val’s Subterranean, 1834 Euclid, Berk; www.impacttheatre.com. $10-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through June 12. You’ve got to hand it to Impact Theatre: they make reimagining Shakespeare look so darned easy. To set a crass comedy about class, obsession, and mistaken identity at “Illyria Studios” in the heart of tawdry Tinseltown seems like such an obvious take, you wonder why it took someone so long to get around to doing it. True, the execution is not as vivacious as last year’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, but overall, the enthusiastic cast and timeless humor win the night. (Gluckstern)

The World’s Funniest Bubble Show Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston, Berk; (415) 826-5750, www.themarsh.org. $10-50. Sun, 11am. Through June 27. The Amazing Bubble Man, a.k.a. Louis Pearl, performs his family-friendly show.

PERFORMANCE/DANCE

Dan Carbone Dark Room, 2263 Mission; 401-7987. Fri, 10pm, $10. The absurdist writer-performer presents an encore performance of his new works.

Circus Finelli Revue Stage Werx Theatre, 533 Sutter; www.brownpapertickets.com. Wed, 8pm. $10-15. This variety show features music, circus arts, and comedy.

Dionysian Festival Mary Sano School of Duncan Dancing, 245 Fifth St, Studio 314; 357-1817, www.duncandance.org. Sat, 8pm; Sun-Mon, 6pm. $18. The Mary Sano School of Duncan Dancing presents its annual celebration of Isadora Duncan’s birth.

“Formerly Known As: Male Sex Worker Performance” LGBT Center, 1800 Market; www.brownpapertickets.com. Tues, 7pm. $10-20. Kirk Read curates this evening of performance, with Suppositori Spelling, Inbred Hybrid Collective, Adela Vazquez, and more. Scott Wells and Dancers CounterPULSE, 1310 Mission; www.counterpulse.org. Fri-Sun, 8pm (June 19 show, 9:30pm). Through June 19. $22. The high-flying company performs BALL-IST-IC.

Film Listings

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Film listings are edited by Cheryl Eddy. Reviewers are Kimberly Chun, Michelle Devereaux, Max Goldberg, Dennis Harvey, Johnny Ray Huston, Erik Morse, Louis Peitzman, Lynn Rapoport, Ben Richardson, and Matt Sussman. For rep house showtimes, see Rep Clock. For first-run showtimes, see Movie Guide.

OPENING

*Big River Man Some people are just larger than life. Martin Strel is 53-year-old overweight, alcoholic, endurance swimmer from Slovenia who has made it his calling to swim the world’s longest rivers. Borut Strel, his son and primary publicist, might say his father does it to increase awareness about pollution or, in the Amazon’s case, deforestation, but we quickly see that there is a deeper compulsion that goes into Martin’s swims. Big River Man chronicles Martin’s descent down the Amazon river, from Peru to Brazil, as he scoffs at piranhas and alligators, all while drinking two bottles of wine a day. Martin is definitely a funny guy and he helps make Big River Man a funny film, but most impressive is the subtle shift from quirky human interest documentary to Heart of Darkness-style thriller when too many days in the sun cause Martin to lose his grip on reality. (1:34) Roxie. (Peter Galvin)

*The Father of My Children Grégoire Canvel (Louis-Do de Lencquesaing) is a perpetual motion machine: a Paris-based veteran film producer of complicated multinational whose every waking moment is spent pleading, finessing, reassuring, and generally putting out fires of the artistic, logistic, or financial kind. But lately the strain has begun to surpass even his Herculean coping abilities. Debtors are closing in; funding might collapse for a brilliant but uncommercial director’s already half-finished latest. After surviving any number of prior crises, Gregoire’s whole production company might finally dissolve into a puddle of red ink and lawsuits. He barely has time to enjoy his perfect family, with Italian wife Sylvia (Chiara Caselli) and three young daughters happily ensconced in a charming country house. Something’s got to give — and when it does, writer-director Mia Hansen-Love’s drama (very loosely based on the life of a late European film producer) drastically shifts its focus midway. Her film’s first half is so arresting — with its whirlwind glimpse at a job so few of us know much about, yet which couldn’t be more important in keeping cinema afloat — that the second half inevitably seems less interesting by comparison. Still, for about 55 minutes The Father of My Children offers something you haven’t quite seen before, an experience well worthwhile even if the subsequent 55 are less memorable. (1:50) Embarcadero. (Harvey)

*Looking for Eric Eric Bishop (Steve Everts) is a single dad, frustrated at his inability to bond with his teenage sons and heartbroken over his failed marriage to Lily (Stephanie Bishop), the woman he walked out on 20 years ago but never managed to get over. Just when things are looking dire, Eric is delivered in surprising, magical fashion by hallucinatory visitations from Eric Cantona, his favorite soccer player, a philosophical Frenchman who was as renowned for his inscrutable press conferences as he was for his scintillating goals. Cantona plays himself, and passes pensive joints with Bishop as they slowly piece his shattered life back together. American viewers might be have trouble deciphering the intricacies of soccer culture or the molasses-thick Mancunian accents, but at its heart the movie (by Brit director Ken Loach) is an amusing, tautly crafted fable of middle-aged alienation giving way to hope and gumption. (1:57) Opera Plaza, Smith Rafael. (Richardson)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Jake Gyllenhaal stars as the titular hero this video game adaptation. (2:10) California, Presidio.

Sex and the City 2 Oh my god, (more) shoes. (2:24) Castro, Cerrito, Marina, Presidio, Shattuck.

Survival of the Dead See Trash. (1:30) Lumiere, Shattuck.

ONGOING

Alice in Wonderland Tim Burton’s take on the classic children’s tale met my mediocre expectations exactly, given its months of pre-release hype (in the film world, fashion magazines, and even Sephora, for the love of brightly-colored eye shadows). Most folks over a certain age will already know the story, and much of the dialogue, before the lights go down and the 3-D glasses go on; it’s up to Burton and his all-star cast (including numerous big-name actors providing voices for animated characters) to make the tale seem newly enthralling. The visuals are nearly as striking as the CG, with Helena Bonham Carter’s big-headed Red Queen a particularly marvelous human-computer creation. But Wonderland suffers from the style-over-substance dilemma that’s plagued Burton before; all that spooky-pretty whimsy can’t disguise the film’s fairly tepid script. Teenage Alice (Mia Wasikowska) displaying girl-power tendencies is a nice, if not surprising, touch, but Johnny Depp’s grating take on the Mad Hatter will please only those who were able to stomach his interpretation of Willy Wonka. (1:48) SF Center. (Eddy)

*Babies Thomas Balmes’ camera records the first year in the lives of four infants in vastly different circumstances. They’re respectively born to hip young couple in Tokyo’s high-tech clutter; familiar moderately alterna-types (the father is director Frazer Bradshaw of last year’s excellent indie drama Everything Strange and New) in SF’s Mission District; a yurt-dwelling family isolated in the vast Mongolian tundra; and a Namibian village so maternally focused that adult menfolk seem to have been banished. Yes, on one level this is the cutest li’l documentary you ever saw. But if you were planning to avoid thinking that is all (or most) of what Babies would be like, you will miss out big time. Void of explanatory titles, voice-over narration, or subtitle translations, this is a purely observatory piece that reveals just how fascinating the business of being a baby is. There’s very little predictable pooping, wailing, or coddling. Instead, Balmes’ wonderful eye captures absorbing moments of sussing things out, decision-making, and skill learning. While the First World tykes firstborns both — are hauled off to (way) pre-school classes, the much less day planned Third Worlders have more complex, unmediated dealings with community. Those range from fending off devilish older siblings to Mongol Bayarjargal’s startlingly casual consorting with large furry livestock. (Imagine the horror of parents you know were their baby found surrounded by massive cows — a situation that here causes no concern whatsoever for adults, children, or bovines.) So accustomed to the camera that it doesn’t influence their behavior, the subjects here are viewed with an intimacy that continually surprises. Babies is getting a wider-than-usual release for a documentary, one cannily timed to coincide with Mother’s Day. But don’t be fooled: this movie is actually very cool. (1:19) Albany, Empire, 1000 Van Ness, Piedmont, Smith Rafael, Sundance Kabuki. (Harvey)

*City Island The Rizzo family of City Island, N.Y. — a tiny atoll associated historically with fishing and jurisdictionally with the Bronx — have reached a state where their primary interactions consist of sniping, yelling, and storming out of rooms. These storm clouds operate as cover for the secrets they’re all busy keeping from one another. Correctional officer Vince (Andy Garcia) pretends he’s got frequent poker nights so he can skulk off to his true shameful indulgence: a Manhattan acting class. Perpetually fuming spouse Joyce (Julianna Margulies) assumes he’s having an affair. Daughter Vivian (Dominik García-Lorido) has dropped out of school to work at a strip joint, while the world class-sarcasms of teenager Vinnie (Ezra Miller) deflect attention from his own hidden life as an aspiring chubby chaser. All this (plus everyone’s sneaky cigarette habit) is nothing, however, compared to Vince’s really big secret: he conceived and abandoned a “love child” before marrying, and said guilty issue has just turned up as a 24-year-old car thief on his cell block. Writer-director Raymond De Felitta made a couple other features in the last 15 years, none widely seen; if this latest is typical, we need more of him, more often. Perfectly cast, City Island is farcical without being cartoonish, howl-inducing without lowering your brain-cell count. It’s arguably a better, less self-conscious slice of dysfunctional family absurdism than Little Miss Sunshine (2006) — complete with an Alan Arkin more inspired in his one big scene here than in all of that film’s Oscar-winning performance. (1:40) Lumiere, Shattuck. (Harvey)

The City of Your Final Destination In James Ivory’s latest literary adaptation, Omar (Omar Metwally), an Iranian American graduate student of Latin American literature, precipitously descends on a rural estate in Paraguay, hoping to petition the relatives of deceased writer Jules Gund for authorization to write his biography. Numbering among the somewhat complicated ménage are Gund’s widow, Caroline (Laura Linney), his mistress, Arden (Charlotte Gainsbourg), their child, Portia (Ambar Mallman), the author’s brother, Adam (Anthony Hopkins), and Adam’s lover, Pete (Hiroyuki Sanada), a household that the film depicts as caught in a sedative isolation obstructing any progress or flourishing or change. But where Gund’s violent suicide has failed to produce a cataclysmic shift, the somewhat hapless Omar manages to interrupt their idle routines and mobilize them, stirring up sentiment and ambition. The notion of redirected fate is telegraphed by the title, but what the film does best is show the calm before the storm (really more of a heavy downpour) — and showcase the fineness of Hopkins’s and Linney’s dramatic abilities. In the final act, we see the characters being moved about rather than moved, and the sound of screeching brakes applied as the film reaches its conclusion undoes much of the subtlety invested in their performances. (1:58) Embarcadero, Shattuck. (Rapoport)

Clash of the Titans The minds behind Clash of the Titans decided their movie should be 3D at the last possible moment before release. Consequently, the 3D is pretty janky. I don’t know what the rest of the film’s excuse is. Clash of the Titans retreads the 1981 cult classic with reasonable faithfulness, though Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion effects have been (of course) replaced with CG renderings of all the expected monsters, magic, gods, etc. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes — as other reviews have pointed out: Schindler’s List (1993) reunion! — glow and glower as Zeus and Hades, while Sam Worthington (2009’s Avatar) once again fills the role of bland hero, this time as a snooze-worthy Perseus. You might have fun in the moment with Clash of the Titans, but it’s hardly memorable, and certainly nowhere near epic. (1:58) SF Center. (Eddy)

*Dirty Hands The 1990s-ish iconoclastic, workaholic breed of Asian hipster is obsessively worked by David Choe in Dirty Hands. Exhaustively documenting the Los Angeles-born artist for eight years as he matures before our eyes, director Harry Kim charts the growth spurts: from mischievous tot to shoplifter and graf artist to porn illustrator to street-art superstar to spiritual penitent after a stint in a Tokyo jail. The filmmaker doesn’t seem to know quite when to stop, but then neither does his subject: an obviously intelligent, playful talent who specializes in compulsively analyzing himself and pushing himself to the limits of the law, his work, and his own (r)evolution as a human being. So driven in his pursuit of edge-skating experiences that he comes off as less hipster than haunted, Choe and his Bukowskian tendencies, Vice aesthetics, and “deep” thoughts rivet long after the bodily fluids and sensory overload murals congeal. (1:33) Roxie. (Chun)

*Exit Through the Gift Shop Exit Through the Gift Shop is not a film about the elusive graffiti-cum-conceptual artist and merry prankster known as Banksy, even though he takes up a good chunk of this sly and by-no-means impartial documentary and is listed as its director. Rather, as he informs us — voice electronically altered, face hidden in shadow — in the film’s opening minutes, the film’s real subject is one Thierry Guetta, a French expat living in LA whose hangdog eyes, squat stature, and propensity for mutton chops and polyester could pass him off as Ron Jeremy’s long lost twin. Unlike Jeremy, Guetta is not blessed with any prodigious natural talent to propel him to stardom, save for a compulsion to videotape every waking minute of his life (roughly 80 percent of the footage in Exit is Guetta’s) and a knack for being in the right place at the right time. When Guetta is introduced by his tagger cousin to a pre-Obamatized Shepard Fairey in 2007, he realizes his true calling: to make a documentary about the street art scene that was then only starting to get mainstream attention. Enter Banksy, who, at first, is Guetta’s ultimate quarry. Eventually, the two become chummy, with Guetta acting as lookout and documenter for the artist just as the art market starts clambering for its piece of, “the Scarlet Pimpernel of street art,” as one headline dubs him. When, at about three quarters of the way in, Guetta, following Banksy’s casual suggestion, drops his camcorder and tries his hand at making street art, Exit becomes a very different beast. Guetta’s flashy debut as Mr. Brainwash is as obscenely successful as his “art” is terribly unimaginative — much to the chagrin of his former documentary subjects. But Guetta is no Eve Harrington and Banksy, who has the last laugh here, gives him plenty of rope with which to truss himself. Is Mr. Brainwash really the ridiculous and inevitable terminus of street art’s runaway mainstream success (which, it must be said, Banksy has handsomely profited from)? That question begs another: with friends like Banksy, who needs enemies? (1:27) Embarcadero, Shattuck, Sundance Kabuki. (Sussman)

*The Ghost Writer Roman Polanski’s never-ending legal woes have inspired endless debates on the interwebs and elsewhere; they also can’t help but add subtext to the 76-year-old’s new film, which is chock full o’ anti-American vibes anyway. It’s also a pretty nifty political thriller about a disgraced former British Prime Minister (Pierce Brosnan) who’s hanging out in his Martha’s Vineyard mansion with his whip-smart, bitter wife (Olivia Williams) and Joan Holloway-as-ice-queen assistant (Kim Cattrall), plus an eager young biographer (Ewan McGregor) recently hired to ghost-write his memoirs. But as the writer quickly discovers, the politician’s past contains the kinds of secrets that cause strange cars with tinted windows to appear in one’s rearview mirror when driving along deserted country roads. Polanski’s long been an expert when it comes to escalating tension onscreen; he’s also so good at adding offbeat moments that only seem tossed-off (as when the PM’s groundskeeper attempts to rake leaves amid relentless sea breezes) and making the utmost of his top-notch actors (Tom Wilkinson and Eli Wallach have small, memorable roles). Though I found The Ghost Writer‘s ZOMG! third-act revelation to be a bit corny, I still didn’t think it detracted from the finely crafted film that led up to it. (1:49) Elmwood, Opera Plaza. (Eddy)

*The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo By the time the first of Stieg Larsson’s so-called “Millennium” books had been published anywhere, the series already had an unhappy ending: he died (in 2004). The following year, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo became a Swedish, then eventually international sensation, its sequels following suit. The books are addicting, to say the least; despite their essential crime-mystery-thriller nature, they don’t require putting your ear for writing of some literary value on sleep mode. Now the first of three adaptive features shot back-to-back has reached U.S. screens. (Sorry to say, yes, a Hollywood remake is already in the works — but let’s hope that’s years away.) Even at two-and-a-half hours, this Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by necessity must do some major truncating to pack in the essentials of a very long, very plotty novel. Still, all but the nitpickingest fans will be fairly satisfied, while virgins will have the benefit of not knowing what’s going to happen and getting scared accordingly. Soon facing jail after losing a libel suit brought against him by a shady corporate tycoon, leftie journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) gets a curious private offer to probe the disappearance 40 years earlier of a teenage girl. This entangles him with an eccentric wealthy family and their many closet skeletons (including Nazi sympathies) — as well as dragon-tattooed Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), androgynous loner, 24-year-old court ward, investigative researcher, and skillful hacker. Director Niels Arden Oplev and his scenarists do a workmanlike job — one more organizational than interpretive, a faithful transcription without much style or personality all its own. Nonetheless, Larsson’s narrative engine kicks in early and hauls you right along to the depot. (2:32) Bridge, Piedmont, Shattuck, Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

Harry Brown Shades of Dirty Harry (1971) for the tea cozy and tweed set: elegantly rendered and very nicely played, Harry Brown might be the dark, late-in-the-day elder brother to 1971’s Get Carter, in the hands of eponymous lead Michael Caine. He’s a pensioner mourning the passing of his beloved wife, his mysterious life as a Marine stationed in Northern Ireland firmly behind him. Then his chess-playing pal Leonard (David Bradley) is terrorized and killed by the unsavory gang of heroin dealing hoodlums who lurk near their projects in a tunnel walkway like gun-toting, foul-mouthed, sociopathic trolls. Harry Brown is, er, forced to forsake a vow of peace and go commando on the culprits’ asses, triggering some moments of ultraviolence that are unsettling in their whole-hearted embrace of vigilante justice. Like predecessors similarly fixated on vengeance in their respective urban hells, a la Hardcore (1979) and Taxi Driver (1976) (Harry Brown echoes key moments in the latter, in particular — see, for instance, its keenly tense, eerily humorous gun shopping scene), Harry Brown is essentially an arch-conservative film, if good looking and even likable with Caine meting out the punishment. The overall denouement just might make some seniors feel very, very good about the coiled potential for hurt embedded in their aging frames. (1:42) Embarcadero, Sundance Kabuki. (Chun)

How to Train Your Dragon (1:38) 1000 Van Ness.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) Director Tom Six had a vision, a glorious dream of surgically connecting three human beings via their gastro-intestinal systems, or as Kevin Smith would say — “ass to mouth.” When two girlfriends on a road trip across Europe get a flat tire, they stumble upon the home of a mad doctor (Dieter Laser) with a similar dream, who drugs them and ties them up in his basement laboratory. The Human Centipede is an entry into the torture porn arena, but it feels especially icky because you just know that the girls have zero chance of escaping the “100 percent medically accurate!” surgery. Once hooked up, there’s nowhere for the film to go and two out of three actors can’t talk because they are sewn to someone else’s anus. Still, as one-note as The Human Centipede is, I think we’d do well to encourage more films to be as batshit insane as this one. (1:30) Lumiere. (Galvin)

*Iron Man 2 Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) returns, just as rich and self-involved as before, though his ego his inflated to unimaginable heights due to his superheroic fame. Pretty much, he’s put the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” thing on the back burner, exasperating everyone from Girl Friday Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow); to BFF military man Rhodey (Don Cheadle, replacing the first installment’s Terrence Howard); to certain mysterious Marvels played by Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson; to a doofus-y rival defense contractor (Sam Rockwell); to a sanctimonius Senator (Garry Shandling). Frankly, the fact that a vengeful Russian scientist (Mickey Rourke) is plotting Tony’s imminent death is a secondary threat here — for much of the film, Tony’s biggest enemy is himself. Fortunately, this is conveyed with enjoyable action (props to director Jon Favreau, who also has a small role), a witty script (actor Justin Theroux — who knew? He also co-wrote 2008’s Tropic Thunder, by the way), and gusto-going performances by everyone, from Downey on down. Stay for the whole credits or miss out on the geek-gasm. (2:05) California, Castro, Empire, Four Star, Marina, 1000 Van Ness, Presidio, Sundance Kabuki. (Eddy)

Just Wright (1:51) 1000 Van Ness.

*Kick-Ass Based on a comic book series by Mark Millar, whose work was also the model for 2008’s Wanted, Kick Ass is a similarly over-the-top action flick that plays up its absurdity to even greater comedic effect. High school nerd Dave (Aaron Johnson) decides to become the world’s first real superhero. Donning a green wetsuit he bought on the internet and mustering some unlikely courage, he takes to the streets to avenge wrongdoing. Unsurprisingly, Dave is immediately beaten almost to death because he’s just a kid who has no idea what he’s doing, but Kick-Ass‘ greatest achievement is knowing exactly how to subvert audience expectations. Scenes that marry the film’s innocent story with enormously exaggerated violence enhance the otherwise Superbad-lite high-school comedy unfolding around them, and a parallel plot-line involving Nicolas Cage instructing his 12-year-old daughter to commit grievous murders will probably end up being the most gratifying aspect of the film. Though too much set-up and spinning gears mars the middle act, it’s hard to fault the film for competently setting up one of the most crowd-pleasing endings in recent memory. (1:58) 1000 Van Ness. (Galvin)

Kites As randomly exuberant, shamelessly cheesy, and as garishly OTT as an amalgam of Bollywood song-and-dance flash and ’80s Hollywood blockbuster can get, Kites is a lovable mutt through and through — ready for its stateside close-up with by way of a forthcoming Brett Ratner English-language “remix” treatment. But first the two-hour original: J (Hrithik Roshan) is a poor but studly, V-chested dance teacher who hits the jackpot in Vegas with Gina (Kangna), his besotted student and the daughter of a powerful and deadly casino owner. Their dance competition number — jumpily cut like a hybrid of Dancing With the Stars, Saturday Night Fever (1977), and Fame (1980) — lands J in the bosom of Gina’s family, where he meets her sadistic bro, Tony (Nick Brown), and his fiancée, Natasha (Barbara Mori), an illegal immigrant from Mexico. But J and Natasha have met briefly before, when she hired him to marry her for a green card. How can a connected, killer family possibly get in the way of true love — between two leads who resemble a youthful, performance-enhanced, manically happily Nicolas Cage and Megan Fox? Smoothly integrating the dance numbers into the predictable narrative, Kites has polished off any possible edge from its high-energy Bollywood riff on the movies of Michael Bay and Ridley Scott, but that doesn’t mean you can tear your eyes from the screen, or stop the music. (1:30) SF Center. (Chun)

Letters to Juliet If you can stomach the inevitable Barbara Cartland/Harlequin-romance-style clichés — and believe that Amanda Seyfried as a New Yorker fact-checker — then Letters to Juliet might be the ideal Tuscan-sunlit valentine for you. Seyfried’s Sophie is on a pre-honeymoon trip to Verona with her preoccupied chef-restaurateur intended, Victor (Gael Garcia Bernal), who’s more interested in sampling cheese and purchasing vino than taking in the romantic attractions of Verona with his fiancée. Luckily she finds the perfect diversion for a wannabe scribe: a small clutch of diehard romantics enlisted by the city of Verona to answer the letters to Juliet posted by lovelorn ladies. They’re Juliet’s secretaries — never mind that Juliet never managed to maintain a successful or long-term relationship herself. When Sophie finds a lost, unanswered letter from the ’50s, she sets off sequence of unlikely events, as the letter’s English writer, Claire (Vanessa Redgrave), returns to Verona with her grandson Charlie (Christopher Egan), in search of her missed-connection, Lorenzo. Alas, Lorenzo’s long gone, and the fact-checker decides to help the warm-hearted, hopeful Claire find her lost lover. Unfortunately Sophie’s chemistry with both her matches isn’t as powerful as Redgrave’s with real-life husband Franco Nero — after all he was Lancelot to her Guenevere in 1967’s Camelot and the father of her son. Still, Redgrave’s power as an actress — and her relationship with Nero — adds a resonance that takes this otherwise by-the-numbers romance to another level. (1:46) Elmwood, 1000 Van Ness, Piedmont, SF Center, Sundance Kabuki. (Chun)

MacGruber Mudflaps, moptops, box-office flippity-flops, such is the sad transition Saturday Night Live skits make to the big screen. Handicapped as such MacGruber also has a very specific demographic in mind: the Gen-Xers who popularized the use of MacGyver as a verb and harbor a picture-tube-deep ironic affection for the lousy ’80s TV action shows of their youth. Does anyone younger — or older — than that population get MacGruber‘s interest in Howard Stern-style transgressive humor, its “Cunth”/dick/poop/butt jokes, and its shameful identification with badly dated hair styles? That said, MacGruber isn’t half bad if one keeps expectations nice ‘n’ low, much like its hero’s brow, and one enjoys a comic antihero who uses his buds as human shields and can’t MacGyver a weapon out of a tennis ball and rubber-band to save his life. Laughs can be had — as long as your bad Gen-X self is still in touch with your inner 13-year-old. MacGruber won’t make the Bay Area-born-and-bred Will Forte a superstar, but at least it gives Kristen Wiig fans another, if somewhat inexplicable, chance to glimpse their heroine in action, with little to do — someone get this smart, likable actress into a Nicole Holofcener comedy ASAP. (1:39) 1000 Van Ness, SF Center. (Chun)

*Mid-August Lunch Gianni Di Gregorio’s loose, engaging comedy is about an aging bachelor still living with his ancient mum in their Rome flat. When his landlord offers to forgive some debts in return for briefly taking in his own elderly ma, Gianni (played by the director himself) soon finds himself in cat-herding charge of no less than five old ladies who delight in one another’s company while running him ragged. Gomorrah (2008) screenwriter Di Gregorio used nonprofessionals to play those parts in this semi improvised miniature, which is as light and flavorful as a first course of prosciutto and mozzarella. It’s a solid addition to the canon of palate-pleasing culinary flicks such as Big Night (1996) and Babette’s Feast (1987), as opposed to the repulsive ones like Super Size Me (2004) or Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (1983). (1:15) Opera Plaza. (Harvey)

La Mission A veteran S.F. vato turned responsible — if still muy macho — widower, father, and Muni driver, fortysomething Che (Benjamin Bratt) isn’t the type for mushy displays of sentiment. But it’s clear his pride and joy is son Jess (Jeremy Ray Valdez), a straight-A high school grad bound for UCLA. That filial bond, however, sustains some serious damage when Che discovers Jes has a secret life — with a boyfriend, in the Castro, just a few blocks away from their Mission walkup but might as well be light-years away as far as old-school dad is concerned. This Bratt family project (Benjamin’s brother Peter writes-directs, his wife Talisa Soto Bratt has a supporting role) has a bit of a predictable TV-movie feel, but its warm heart is very much in the right place. (1:57) Opera Plaza, Shattuck. (Harvey)

Mother and Child Adoption advocates who railed against Orphan (2009) should turn their sights on Mother and Child, a ridiculous melodrama with a thoroughly vile message. I’d wager writer-director Rodrigo García didn’t set out to make an anti-adoption film: this is a movie about the relationship between mothers and daughters. But the undertones are impossible to miss. Annette Bening plays Karen, a miserable woman consumed by regret for putting her daughter up for adoption 37 years ago. That biological daughter is Elizabeth (Naomi Watts), who — despite having been adopted at birth — speaks dismissively of her “adoptive” parents as though they were never really hers. She’s cold and manipulative, sleeping with her boss and married neighbor because she can. Mother and Child offers no real explanation for why these women are so unpleasant, so we’re forced to conclude it’s the four decades-old adoption. Despite a stellar cast, which also includes Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, and S. Epatha Merkerson, the film’s misguided politics are too distracting to ignore. (2:06) Sundance Kabuki. (Peitzman)

*OSS 117: Lost in Rio The Cold War heated up a public appetite for spy adventures well before James Bond became a pop phenomenon. In fact, Ian Fleming hadn’t yet created 007 in 1949, when Jean Bruce commenced writing novels about Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath, a.k.a. Agent OSS 117. This French superspy was ready-made to join the ranks of umpteen 007 wannabes, appearing in somewhere between six and 11 films (it’s unclear whether all involved de La Bath, or were just Bruce-based) through 1970, played by at least four actors. The series remained well-known enough to get a new life in 2006 when director Michel Hazanavicius and top French comedy star Jean Dujardin sought to spoof 1960s espionage flicks a la Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997). That was a big hit, so now we’ve got a sequel. OSS 117: Lost in Rio isn’t as fresh or funny as the preceding Cairo, Nest of Spies. But it’s still a whole lot fresher and funnier than Austin Powers Nos. two (1999) and three (2002). Dujardin’s de La Bath is the very model of jet-set masculinity, twisting the night away at a ski chalet with umpteen soon-to-be-machine gunned “Oriental” lovelies in the opening sequence. Of course such pleasure pursuits take place strictly between car chases, shootouts, and karate fights. Agreeably silly, Lost in Rio doesn’t go for Hollywood-style slapstick and gross out yuks. Instead, its biggest laughs are usually droll throwaways, as when 117 explains a shocking sudden costume change with the unlikely declaration “I sew,” or during an LSD-dosed hippie orgy proves quite willing to go with the flow — even when that involves another guy’s groovy finger breaching security up the pride of French intelligence’s derriere. (1:37) Lumiere, Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

*Please Give Manhattan couple Kate (Catherine Keener) and Alex (Oliver Platt) are the proprietors of an up-market vintage furniture store — they troll the apartments of the recently deceased, redistributing the contents at an astonishing markup — and they’ve purchased the entire apartment of their elderly next-door neighbor (Ann Guilbert). As they wait for her to expire so they can knock down a wall, they try not to loom in anticipation in front of her granddaughters, the softly melancholic Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) and the brittle pragmatist Mary (Amanda Peet). Filmmaker Nicole Holofcener has entered this territory before, examining the interpersonal pressures that a sizable income gap can exert in 2006’s Friends with Money. Here she turns to the pangs and blunderings of the liberal existence burdened with the discomforts of being comfortable and the desire to do some good in the world. The film capably explores the unexamined impulses of liberal guilt, though the conclusion it reaches is unsatisfying. Like Holofcener’s other work, Please Give is constructed from the episodic material of mundane, intimate encounters between characters whose complexity forces us to take them seriously, whether or not we like them. Here, though, it offers these private connections as the best one can hope for, a sort of domestic grace accrued by doing right, authentically, instinctively, by the people in your immediate orbit, leaving the larger world to muddle along on its axis as best it can. (1:30) Clay, SF Center, Shattuck. (Rapoport)

Princess Kaiulani Well-meaning and controversial (the independent’s first title, Barbarian Princess, and the tragic events it depicts has distressed some native Hawaiians) in its own inoffensive way, Princess Kaiulani is unfortunately overshadowed by star Q’orianka Kilcher’s first film, 2005’s The New World, in which she portrayed Pocahontas. The Hawaii-raised Kilcher appears to be getting typecast as a tragic, romanticized native royal. Still, if you can get past director Marc Forby’s weak attempts to match New World director Terrence Malick’s searingly poetic montages and the clunky History Channel-by-the-numbers screenplay, you might give a little credit to the makers for bringing to the screen the tale of Hawaii’s last intelligent, beautiful, and accomplished princess — a young woman determined to fight an overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy and battle its annexation against the white land owners and descendents of missionaries who tried to block the voting rights of native Hawaiians. Kilcher possesses some of the noble charisma claimed by the real Kaiulani, but the obligatory romance superimposed on the narrative and the neglect of some of genuinely promising threads, such as Kaiulani’s friendship with Robert Louis Stevenson, make Princess Kaiulani feel as faux as those who pretended to Hawaii’s rule. (2:10) Elmwood, Embarcadero. (Chun)

Robin Hood Like it or not, we live in the age of the origin story. Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood introduces us to the outlaw while he’s still in France, wending his way back to Albion in the service of King Richard III. The Lionheart soon takes an arrow in the neck in order to demonstrate the film’s historical bona fides, and yeoman archer Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe) — surrounded by a nascent band of merry men — accidentally embroils himself in a conspiracy to wrest control of England. The complications of this intrigue hie Robin to Nottingham, where he is thrown together with Maid Marion (Cate Blanchett), a plucky rural aristocrat who likes getting her hands dirty almost as much as she likes a bit of smoldering Crowe seduction. A lot of hollow medieval verisimilitude ensues, along with a good bit of slow-mo swordplay, but the cumulative effect is tepid and rote. (2:20) Cerrito, Empire, 1000 Van Ness, Sundance Kabuki. (Richardson)

The Secret in Their Eyes (2:07) Albany, Embarcadero.

Shrek Forever After 3D It’s easy to give Dreamworks a hard time for pumping out a fourth sequel to a film that never really needed a sequel in the first place. But Shrek Forever After isn’t all that bad — it’s mostly just irrelevant. The film does begin on an interesting note, with Shrek discovering the consequences of settling down with a wife and kids: serious ennui. It’s refreshing to see a fairy tale in which “happily ever after” is revealed to be rather mundane. But soon there are wacky magical hijinks that spawn an alternate universe, a cheap way to inject new life into tired old characters. (You like Puss in Boots? Well, he’s fat now.) Luckily, the voice actors are still game and the animation remains top-notch. The 3D effects are well used for once, fleshing out Shrek’s world rather than providing an unnecessary distraction. The end result is a mildly entertaining addition to the franchise, but like the alternate universe in which Shrek finds himself stranded, there’s no real reason it should exist. (1:33) Four Star, 1000 Van Ness, Presidio, Sundance Kabuki. (Peitzman)

Touching Home Hometown boys (Logan and Noah Miller) make good in this based-on-a-true-story tale of identical twins who must divide their time at home between training for major league baseball and looking after their alcoholic father. The brothers, who also wrote and directed the film, aim for David Gordon Green by way of Marin, but fall short of mastering that director’s knack for natural dialogue. Ed Harris is, unsurprisingly, compelling as the alcoholic father, but the actors in the film who are not named Ed Harris tend to contribute to the script’s distracting histrionics. Touching Home has some amazing NorCal cinematography, and I could see how family audiences might enjoy its “feel bad, then feel good” style of melodrama. But while it’s awkward to say that someone’s real-life experiences come off as trite, there are moments here that feel as clichéd as a Lifetime movie. (1:48) Smith Rafael. (Galvin)

Firelit: Coffee with benefits

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Since its release a couple of months ago, I’ve been savoring Firelit Spirits‘ one-of-a-kind coffee liqueur, featuring none other than Blue Bottle Coffee. Starting off with 1,800 bottles (which are just about gone, by the way), founding partners, Jeff Kessinger and St. George Spirits distiller Dave Smith have created a coffee liqueur that retains all the nuance and glory of fine coffee. It is robust with unaged brandy, Madagascar vanilla beans and just enough cane sugar to provide balance, rather than cloying sweetness. With a strong caffeinated kick and at a bracing 60 proof, this is coffee with benefits.

I had the privilege of chatting with Jeff Kessinger and Dave Smith, both gracious guys with a deep knowledge and passion for spirits, to discuss the story behind Firelit’s creation. The recipe and concept are Kessinger’s, and his story has been covered in various publications.

In speaking with Smith about what prompted the great St. George to embrace this project, my suspicion that the distillery receives numerous pitches for products or use of the facilities was correct. What made them take a longer look at Kessinger’s recipe? As he was an old friend of St. George’s, they decided to experiment with a trial batch, believing so much in what they initially produced that Smith took on distilling responsibilities. Smith and Kessinger shared a vision for making a unique, natural tasting (read: not sticky-sweet) coffee liqueur. Smith explored recipes himself over the years, even a chicory coffee liqueur after a New Orleans’ trip. Along with James Freeman of Blue Bottle, Smith and Kessinger tested a slew of iterations of the liqueur with every shade of coffee bean, achieving a consensus on the final product for initial bottling. Dave acknowledges that many spirits come out of what is more or less a “dare”, the risk becoming greater the more unexplored the liqueur style. “It’s not difficult to make a good product”, Smith says, “but it’s very difficult to make a great product.”

Understandably, Smith calls Firelit a product he’s “incredibly proud of”, expressing the unique thumbprint of each person involved, which is, in fact, a common goal at St. George. One of the most exciting aspects of Firelit is that it will be produced with different coffee beans and brands. Just as coffee beans reflect the terroir and climate of a region in any given year, Firelit will evolve and reincarnate, allowing varying coffees to take center stage, even as the base profile remains the same. This is a welcome new liqueur for any spirits (and coffee) lover… and also another locally made treasure.

Available at:
K&L Wines
The Jug Shop
The Wine Club
Swirl on Castro

Visit Virginia Miller’s culinary itinerary site, www.theperfectspotsf.com

Hot sexy events May 19-25

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Original Plumbing is the new thing on the ‘zine scene — a local publication dedicated to exploring the panorama of beauty in the transexual male, which we first covered back in March (the magazine, not the beauty, we’ve been liking that for awhile now). They highlight all kinds of models; whatever your weight, hair placement, surgery status, it’s all gravy to Rocco Kayiatos and Amos Mac, the editors of OP. In addition, they’re tackling the political issues of the day, and their first issue included info on “how to be a man for free.“ Affordable, always sexy! Join up with Original Plumbing in the showers and spas of Eros this week at the release party for the the third issue of its glossy pages.

 

Original Plumbing Party

Celebrate the SF’s magazine’s health and safer sex issue at this sexy soirée — at the workplace of Niko, one of the models featured. Door prizes, wine, and the brains behind the mag will be in attendance.

Wed/19 7-9 p.m., free

Eros 

2051 Market, SF

(415) 255-4921

www.erossf.com

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Non Monogamy for the Novice

M. Makael Newby discusses breaking down the societal ties that bind us to form a more perfect, three person or more, loving relationship. Figure out the difference between non-monogamy and just being a dirt bag to your partner, plus examine what’s up with physical versus emotional multi-partnering.

Wed/19 8-10 p.m., $25-30

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

www.goodvibes.com

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Fight Back!: Resistance Play and Kinky Wrestling

Stefano (of Stefano and Chey, hosts of Bent and long time sex educators) brings his experience getting bite marks out of leather to the topic of “illusion of force,” that popular, yet difficult to achieve fantasy of BDSM. In this class, he’ll teach about the physical techniques of a partner who feigns non-compliance, as well as the psychological processes at work.

Thurs/20 8-10 p.m., $15-20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-1746

www.sfcitadel.org

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Light Heart, Heavy Hands: Sadistic Humor in Sex Play

Tee hee. Giggle giggle. Ha! How can you transform your sex play through the power of laughter? This class teaches ways to integrate a good guffaw into your kink for increased connection with your top, bottom, baby sitter, cell mate, schoolgirl… The list goes on. Just remember though, the women’s BDSM group Exiles’ monthly classes (of which this one is a part) are open only to those who do not identify as male.

Fri/21 8-10 p.m., $8 for members, $10 non members

Women’s Building

4543 18th St., SF

www.theexiles.org

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Wet

Kinky Salon has put out a list of acceptable outfits for the undersea theme party they’re sponsoring this week at Mission Control. Here’s a truncated version. Ahem: scuba divers, clam jousters, Captain Nemo, manatees, sea lions, mermaids, kelp, krill, plankton, sea nymphs, and of course, the giant squid. With all that and more to choose from, you can’t help but dive into the sex-positive exploration at hand. Plus, the Lusty Ladies will be there!

Sat/22 10 p.m., $25-30

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

www.kinkysalon.com

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Ride

You know you were born, born, born to be wild! Prove it to yourself at this big, hairy romp, where if you bring in your helmet, American Motorcycle Association card, or your club colors you can go ahead and get ready to get adored. It’s the leathermen affinity night at Eros. Rubber down and rubber on!

Mon/24 4-12 p.m., $7-17

Eros 

2051 Market, SF

(415) 255-4921

www.erossf.com

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Wake Up Your Pelvic Floor

Physical therapist and Feldenkrais practitioner Deborah Bowes moves beyond Kegels to show women what more they can do to improve their sex lives through exercise. So relax that pelvic floor, strengthen that pelvic floor, learn to enjoy health… in a whole different way. It’s a great time to firm it up — next week’s the annual Masturbate-a-thon, hurrah!

Tues/25 8-10 p.m., $25-30

Good Vibrations 

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0400

www.goodvibes.com 

 

Our Weekly Picks: May 19-25, 2010

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WEDNESDAY 19

MUSIC

 

Francis and the Lights

Although they’ve garnered attention from shout-outs by Kanye and Drake, New York City’s Francis and the Lights have enough style to speak for themselves. Singer Francis Farewell Starlite sounds a lotta bit like Phil Collins, and the ’80s groove that often accompanies him only adds to the double-take. If Starlite’s Trek convention name didn’t scare you off, you’ll discover he has some kick-ass dance moves and a synth keyboard with all black keys, because “the difference between black and white keys is that there is no difference.” If you can make it early for Teen Inc., you’ll get more 1980s funk, spin-cycled with a tad of Ariel Pink and a pinch of Prefab Sprout. (Peter Galvin)

8:00 p.m., $13

Great American Music Hall

859 O’Farrell, SF

(315) 885 0750

www.gamh.com

THURSDAY 20

MUSIC

 

Roky Erickson

From his time as leader of psychedelic pioneers The 13th Floor Elevators through his varied and excellent solo work, Roky Erickson has continued to write and perform some of the most original and imaginative music in any subgenre of rock ‘n’ roll. A testament to his outstanding talent and resilience is that Erickson has done so while surviving decades of drug abuse and mental illness, a hellish journey that has fortunately ended with his inspiring recovery and recent return to the music world. Last month saw the release of True Love Cast Out All Evil, his first new album in 15 years, an incredibly poignant collection of songs that document his struggles but ultimately give the sense of hope and promise for a fruitful future. (Sean McCourt)

With Okkervil River

8 p.m., $29.50

The Fillmore

1805 Geary, SF

(415) 371-5500

www.thefillmore.com

DANCE

 

Sara Shelton Mann and David Szlasa

Newcomers to the Bay Area take the presence of Sara Shelton Mann for granted. They shouldn’t. Though she has been making groundbreaking work — theatrically and philosophically — for 30 years, she yet has to run out of steam, curiosity, or the willingness to push herself to the edge of whatever she happens to be investigating. Yet there is always that same nagging question: how do we live with each other in a world that is anything but perfect and tries to shape us without our consent? Not that her work gives answers — but it’s the journey and questions that count, right? She and media artist David Szlasa are joined by some of San Francisco’s finest: Yannis Adoniou, Hana Erdman, Patrick Ferreri, Kira Kirsche, Justin Morrison, and Kristin Osler. (Rita Felciano)

8 p.m. (through Sat/22), $25–$30

Novellus Theater

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts

700 Howard, SF

(415) 978-ARTS

www.ybca.org

LIT

 

An Evening with Chuck Palahniuk

It is rumored that at one reading of his short story “Guts,” Chuck Palahniuk caused 40 audience members to faint from evocative prose involving intestines and a swimming pool pump. Yeah, gotcha. Palahniuk appears to be on course to offend our every sensibility (besides our apparent appreciation for the “transgressive novel” — Wikipedia, what does that even mean?), and his next target is the general squeamishness caused by L.A. name-dropping, courtesy of his latest release, Tell-All. The master of encyclopedic minutiae and literary gauche comes through this week to talk about what’s on his mind — be sure to bring a bag and wear a helmet if you have a weak stomach. (Caitlin Donohue)

7 p.m., $36

Swedish American Music Hall

2174 Market, SF

(415) 861-5016

www.cafedunord.com

MUSIC

 

Keepaway

I love the guys of Keepaway as friends, so full disclosure and all that. But seriously: this is upper deck exercise music. It will remind you of your happiest birthday party or your comfiest drug trip—either way, there are lots of brightly colored bouncy balls and all the time in the world. Keepaway’s spring-loaded EP Baby Style is already scorching the usual hype channels, though most of the praise is of the glum “Animal Collective-meets-whatever” kind. Forget it, and go watch a band swing for the fences. (Max Goldberg)

With Geographer

9 p.m., $10

Popscene

330 Ritch, SF

(415) 541-9574

www.popscene-sf.com

FRIDAY 21

DANCE

 

Readymade Dance Theater Company: The Body Artist

The Body Artist, Albuquerque’s Readymade Dance Theater Company’s latest theater piece, was inspired by Don DeLillo’s novel of the same name. Strictly speaking, it was Laurie Anderson’s taped reading that convinced Romanian-born choreographer Zsolt Palcza that he wanted to choreograph the work. Its story revolves around a young woman who, after her husband’s suicide, returns to their home and finds an unexpected visitor who knows a lot more about her than she can easily digest. Palcza brings a strong literary bent to much of his work, having previously choreographed both Dracula and Woyzeck. Body Artist is the group’s first San Francisco engagement. (Felciano)

8 p.m. (also Sat/22), $10-15

CounterPULSE

1310 Mission, SF

(800) 838-3006

www.counterpulse.org

MUSIC

 

Nokie Edwards

Getting his start playing back-up with Buck Owens when the country star lived in Tacoma, Wash., Nokie Edwards went on to join the Ventures as bassist in 1960 but quickly made the switch to lead guitar based on his musical virtuosity. Over the years since, he has lent his formidable talents to the many tracks that propelled the group to being the most successful instrumental outfit in history, including “Walk, Don’t Run” and “Hawaii Five-O.” Having been enshrined in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, Edwards and his band mates helped influence generations of surf bands, instrumental groups, and guitarists of all stripes and styles. (McCourt)

With Venturesmania, Deke Dickerson and the Ecco-Phonics, Pollo Del Mar, and the Mini Skirt Mob

8 p.m., $15

Rickshaw Stop

155 Fell, SF

(415) 861-2011

www.rickshawstop.com

SATURDAY 22

EVENT

 

Maker Faire

Step right up folks, this is the year’s preeminent get-together for makers of things. Yes, it’s just that specific. Forget the endless service industry feedback loop we’re stuck in — Maker Faire is all about taking the initiative to create the world around us. The Faire is home to everything from Burner flights of fancy via steel I-beam and bungee cord to robots, rockets, quilts, and felt creations. But the offerings that get my crafty cravings a-ragin’ are educational. After all, where else can one get primers on beekeeping, repurposing a computer hard drive, juggling, fermenting veggies, and building your own rotational casting machine in a single event? Unheard of, even in this hands-on hamlet. (Donohue)

10 a.m.-8 p.m. (also Sun/23, 10 a.m.–6 p.m.), $25

San Mateo County Event Center

1346 Saratoga, San Mateo

www.makerfaire.com

EVENT/FOOD

 

Uncorked! Wine Festival

There’s something about wine. Maybe it’s the process of growing, crushing, fermenting, and aging the grapes. Or maybe it’s that a bottle can go as low as $2 and as high as $2,000. You can cook with it, be classy and drink from a box, or just enjoy a glass with a platter of brie and crackers. At the fifth annual Uncorked! Wine Festival, you can learn how to properly pair the finest pastas and meats with the correct types of wines and even find out how to detect if an opened bottle of wine has gone bad. Tastings will be offered, of course, for an extra fee. (Elise-Marie Brown)

1–6 p.m., free

Ghirardelli Square

North Point and Larkin, SF

(415) 775-5500

www.ghirardellisq.com

ART

 

“Painted Ladies”

Too many perfectly capable odes have been penned to the Victorian homes that dignify our streets. So I won’t waste words on how they make us all cooler by their very presence — but you know what I mean, right? Fabric8 gallery sure does. Owner Olivia Ongpin has assembled a homage to the Painted Ladies for her newest opening. Works focus on the femininity and architecture around us, including the Lower Haight fairy tales of Ursula Young, Nome Edonna’s water-infused dreamscapes, and the heavy-lidded queens that grace the canvasses of Telopa. (Donohue)

7–10 p.m., free

fabric8 gallery

3318 22nd St., SF

(415) 647-5888

www.fabric8.blogspot.com

MUSIC

 

Dead Prez 10 Year Anniversary Show

Laid on a foundation of political and societal confrontation, Dead Prez is celebrated as one of the most militant hip-hop duos. It has been 10 years since their debut album, and they are taking the stage at the Rockit Room for a live performance with special guests Ras Ceylon, Sellassie, and Unity. Since Let’s Get Free in 2000, they’ve released albums and mixtapes and infiltrated the media through music in movies and on TV, most notably the opening theme for each episode of Chapelle’s Show. On Mother’s Day, they released a remix of B.o.B.’s track “Nothin On You” retitled “The Beauty Within.” Two years ago, they recorded their only live album here in SF, and now they’re back. (Lilan Kane)

9 p.m., $20

Rockit Room

406 Clement, SF

(415) 387-6343

www.rock-it-room.com

SUNDAY 23

MUSIC

 

Caribou

Canadian electronic artist Caribou tinkers with beats and sounds with a surgeon-like precision, which makes sense given that he is a doctor. Well, not that kind of doctor. I can barely do long division anymore, but the man behind Caribou, Dan Snaith, has a PhD in math and surely this superpower informs his work as a composer. His newest album, Swim, is a shimmering grab bag of danceable rhythms and soft vocals that channel pop music as much as house or disco, all performed with live instruments. (Galvin)

With Toro y Moi

8:00 p.m. (also Mon/24), $17

The Independent

628 Divisadero, SF

(415) 771-1421

www.theindependentsf.com

EVENT/MUSIC

 

The Golden Gate Park Band Concert: Armenian-American Day

The possibilities at Golden Gate Park are always endless. It’s the perfect place to have a picnic, go to a museum, or just lay in the sun and listen to the drums. Plus, there is always some sort of free concert going on. The Music Concourse is hosting installments of free shows throughout the summer. This week they celebrate the dance and music traditions of Armenian culture. (Brown)

1 p.m., free

Music Concourse, Golden Gate Park

55 Hagiwara Tea Garden Drive, SF

(415) 831-5500

www.goldengateparkband.org

MONDAY 24

EVENT/FUNDRAISER

 

Lunch with James Franco

What do the 826 Valencia tutoring center and James Franco have in common? Apparently more than you think. The Oscar-nominated actor has done videos and written essays for McSweeney’s and is now helping to raise money for the eight-year-old tutoring center. For $150, you can get a three-course lunch, view short films by the actor, and ask questions. You’ll also hear from novelist and screenwriter Dave Eggers, staff members of 826 Valencia, and public school teachers. (Brown)

12 p.m., $150

St. Regis Hotel

125 Third St., SF

(415) 284-4000

www.stregis.com

TUESDAY 25

MUSIC

 

Nas, Damian Marley

Things that taste better together: bacon and eggs, french fries and ketchup, rap and reggae. Realizing the success of their Grammy-winning collaboration “Road to Zion,” criminally-ill MC Nas and the youngest son of Bob Marley, Damian, reunite for a whole album that is equal parts street tough and island beauty. Proceeds from Distant Relatives go to charities in Africa. Although the primary sentiments of the album are hope and inspiration, don’t think for a minute that these beastly songs would be out of place in any club in SF or any dancehall in Kingston. More important, the album opens the door to more musical crossover collabs — nü-metal and country? We can dream...(Galvin)

With Nneka

8:00 p.m., $39.50

The Fox Theatre

1807 Telegraph, Oakl.

1-800-745-3000

www.thefoxoakland.com The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. We cannot guarantee the return of photos, but enclosing an SASE helps. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Benefits: May 19-May 25

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Ways to have fun while giving back this week

Friday, May 21


Threatened, Endangered, Extinct

Celebrate 2010 Endangered Species Day at this lively discussion with experts currently creating strategies to protect biodiversity and convert consumers worldwide featuring cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, a silent auction including travel, restaurants, jewelry, limited edition signed wildlife prints, and more.
6 p.m., free
The University Club
800 Powell, SF
RSVP to sullivan@wildaid.org

Three-Minute Picture Show
Shake your booty to the music of Ron Silva and the Monarchs and enter to win raffle prizes from 3 Fish Studios, Books Inc., Gregory Cowley Photography, Interior Design Fair, Madrone Art Bar, and more at this benefit soiree featuring a screening of past Three-Minute Picture Show audience favorites.
7:30 p.m., $7
Make-Out Room
3225 22nd St., SF
www.threeminutepictureshow.com

Saturday, May 22

Bachelor Firefighter Auction
Bid on a smokin’ hot bachelor and enjoy raffle prizes, music, and other suprises at this fundraiser for the Alisa Ann Ruch Burn Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to enhancing the lives of burn survivors and promoting burn prevention education.
8 p.m., $35
Sir Francis Drake Hotel
450 Powell, SF
http://buyfiremen.eventbrite.com

Harvey Milk Diversity Brunch
Celebrate the birthday and life of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected official. Enjoy well-known speakers from the LGBT community, food from Hott Box Catering, and more at this fundraiser for La Cocina, a small business support resource.
10:30 a.m., $65
The Arc of San Francisco
1500 Howard, SF
www.milkday.org

Public Glass Auction
Attend this benefit auction featuring the work of more than 60 renowned glass artists, wine, and hors d’ oeuvres. Proceeds will go towards Public Glass’ education program that reaches 300 students a year.
4:30 p.m., $50
First Unitarian Universalist Church and Center
1187 Franklin, SF
www.publicglass.org

Reliquarium
Attend this auction of reliquary-like objects representing the artistic DNA of writers and artists, housed in an attractive container. Participating artists include Justin Timberlake, Lemony Snicket, Jonathan Lethem, Anne Waldman, and more. Proceeds to benefit Small Press Traffic, an organization that brings together independent readers, writers, and presses.
5:30 p.m., $20 includes refreshments
California College of the Arts
Graduate Writing Studio
195 De Haro, SF
www.sptraffic.org

Sunday, May 23

Backyard BBQ for Chile
Join the Art House Gallery at this backyard potluck BBQ to benefit the Chile Earthquake Relief Effort featuring live music by Rafael Manriquez, Esteban Bello, Clara Bellino, and more. Look for the balloons.
Noon, $5-$50
Edith between Cedar and Lincoln, Berk.
(510) 472-3170

Castro County Fair
Join AIDS Emergency Fund on Harvey Milk weekend for a one of a kind county fair and fundraiser, featuring a dog-owner look alike contest, carnival games, country western dancing, a pie baking contest, an orchid show, field day events, and more.
10 a.m., $25
The Armory
14th at Mission, SF
www.castrocountyfair.org


Chance for Change

Enjoy a night of food, music, an auction, and a tribute to the struggles of homeless women and children at this fundraiser for Berkeley Women’s Daytime Drop-In Center, a daytime program for homeless women and their children.
3 p.m., $50
St. Alban’s Episcopal Church
1501 Washington, Albany
(510) 548-2884
www.womensdropin.org

Hidden Gems Garden Tour
Take a look at ten inspiring private gardens and public spaces with gardeners on hand to answer questions at this fundraiser for the new Potrero Hill Library.
10 a.m.; $25, $40 for two
Christopher’s Books
1400 18th St., SF
(415) 255-8802
All States Best Foods
1607 20th St., SF
(415) 642-3230

Garcon!

0

paulr@sfbg.com

DINE When Garçon! succeeded Alma about four years ago, I thought: well, there goes the neighborhood. Alma had been a rather special place, a temple of nuevo Latino cooking, and it had a witty name that meant “soul” in Spanish while slyly referring to the owner-chef, Johnny Alamilla. “Garçon,” by contrast, is a word of near-abuse that gets shouted at servers in French restaurants in dumb movies — or, occasionally, in real life, at real servers by dumb people.

The word “garçon” should probably have an exclamation point appended to it as a matter of routine, and — huzzah! (or voilà?) — the signage at Garçon! includes the exclamation point! In the restaurant’s early days, the signage was dismal, a sharp falling-off from Alma’s, and I took this to be a bad sign: just cheap-looking banners rippling in the breeze, as if they were having a Labor Day clearance sale on washers and dryers.

The improved signage suggests that Garçon! has settled into its rather choice location. There is a certain amount of history to live up to. In addition to (and before) Alma, the nicely windowed corner space at the corner of 22nd and Valencia streets was home to the Rooster, which was interesting in a slightly odd way.

Garçon! isn’t odd, but it is a good, solid French restaurant in a neighborhood that has just about every other kind of restaurant other than. So maybe it’s a little eccentric after all, or maybe just unexpected. Certainly it’s good-looking; the Iberian-grotto look of Alma has been swept away in favor of metropolitan polish; Garçon! might be one of the most Parisian-looking restaurants in the city, with its vintage Dubonnet posters and individual lamps on each table (each fitted with a CFL, for greeniac cred). Their glow warms the dark wood of the tables.

Chef Arthur Wall’s food is of the hearty school. This is not a restaurant you will leave hungry. If you have any doubts about getting your fair share, you might be interested in the prix-fixe, $32 for three courses, which is a little high to provide true economy of scale but does ensure that you get three courses. It brought me, one evening, a substantial coq au vin, a dish I don’t see offered that much any more although, like its close relation boeuf bourguignon, is one of the staples of French country cooking. At Garçon! the coq turned out to be a whole leg (thigh plus drumstick) braised in red wine with bacon, carrots, and pearl onions — a fairly wintry dish to be offering in mild springtime, I thought, but the meat was tender and juicy, and a wonderfully thick sauce had gathered at the bottom of the earthenware crock.

The pork chop ($23) didn’t appear on the prix-fixe menu — maybe because it wouldn’t fit. It was a massive fist of meat, nicely cooked to a hint of rareness and laid atop a bed of symmetrically diced potatoes. A bit less overwhelming in scale, and more stylish, was duck-leg confit ($19 — not a bad price), stylishly presented with a potato mousseline, braised baby leeks, and sections of mandarin orange. Only the duck fiend would have had this after having had duck-liver paté ($9), a creamy, mild square like a thick slice of white cheese, along with toast points, arugula, apple slices, and a red wine syrup that could have passed for some kind of berry coulis.

As a Francophile, it does slightly grieve me to say that French handling of the hamburger can sometimes leave something to be desired. At Garçon! you can have your burger ($12) decorated with a slice of cheese ($2) of your choice — brie, say, to go with the brioche bun for what I thought of as the Frenchburger. The meat turned out to be okay if overcooked (I asked for medium-rare, got well-done), and the bun was fine if a bit puffy. But the cheese! Mon dieu! Brie does not belong on a cheeseburger; it resists melting and acquires an unappealing mustiness from the heat. The fries were decent but could have been more crisp and golden. If you need a rinse aid, you might be interested in the burger and beer ($15).

The dessert menu includes a glimpse of the sublime: a chocolate ganache tart ($9) accompanied by sour cherries, mint, and a puff of whipped cream that one time was made with goat cheese and another with plain sweet cream. The accompaniments are nice, but the tart, with its flaky-crisp pastry crust and voluptuous chocolate filling — like a cross between pudding and fudge — can stand on its own. I’m tempted to add an exclamation point but won’t. 

GARÇON!

Dinner: Tues.–Thurs., Sun. 5–10:30 p.m.; Fri.–Sat., 5:30–11 p.m.

1101 Valencia, SF

(415) 401-8959

www.garconsf.com

Full bar

AE/DC/MC/V

Somewhat noisy

Wheelchair accessible

No-fry zone

0

le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS A loud sound peeled my skin off, strip by strip, top to bottom, like a banana. We had just walked into the restaurant, just walked past the fire alarm, headed toward a cozy corner booth, and … I mean, I know I’m hot, but this was ridiculous. I grabbed the Maze’s arm, turned him around, and slipped back out to the sidewalk, aswirl in electronically piercing shrieks, potassium, instant headache, flashes of white light, and other symptoms of stroke.

Having played three games of soccer earlier that day, running was out of the question. So was eating anything in the world other than chicken and waffles. I had to get the taste of Roscoe’s out of my mouth. So we waited for the fire trucks.

Some people stayed in the restaurant, having dinner, as if it weren’t the end of the world all around them. I took this as an endorsement. Gussie’s was going to be good. It was just going to be impossible to be in there.

Although … the fire alarm had nothing to do with me, or the restaurant. Apparently this happens — I think because the whole block is all one building, so if someone in apartment 937 burns their toast, the poor people minding their own waffles all the way down Eddy Street at Gussie’s have to hear about it. And the clear winner is Excederin.

Luckily we hadn’t sat down yet, let alone ordered, so none of our food was getting cold while we milled about on the sidewalk with one-tenth of the Western Addition, waiting for the fire trucks to come squirt some toast somewhere at the other end of the block. We looked at the menu in the window, wondered what we would order, and talked about love and shin guards.

The Maze doesn’t play soccer. On the other hand, I’ve been threatening for some time now to kick him real hard.

"My mom said to tell you hi," he said. "She asked how you were doing."

Aargh, it was Mother’s Day, and I’d forgotten to call the Maze’s mom! Whom I’ve never met, by the way, or talked to — but we do have this mysterious mutual solicitousness for each other, the Maze’s mom and me. I don’t know why this is, but for many many years — in fact for much longer than I have known the Maze — I have been tempted to go to San Diego and have Thanksgiving dinner with his mom. And dad. Once I did eat peanuts with his brother, and I guess that makes me something like family.

I don’t know.

But I do know about love. I just do. I wish I knew how to write about it, or talk about it, but I don’t, and that’s why I’m going to focus on chicken and waffles for the next couple years.

Gussie’s chickens are about as bad as Roscoe’s, but her waffles are better. But her greens are worse. But if you pour a lot of hot sauce and a little bit of maple syrup into them …

Speaking of which, Gussie’s does have real maple syrup, for only $1 more. Plus they have their own homemade brown sugar syrup concoction, which is also pretty good.

What I don’t understand is how places that specialize in fried chicken can possibly not bother to fry their chickens … you know, to order. This seems like a no-brainer. It doesn’t take that long to fry a piece of chicken. I’m sure they don’t pull the waffle off of a pile of waffles, because waffles are only good if they come hot off a waffle iron. Right?

Well, fried chicken is only good if it comes hot out of the oil. Any amount of time in a basket or bin or bucket, it’s just not going to work. It isn’t. Not if you’ve ever had real fried chicken like at Gravy’s, or Grandma’s, or at Wayway’s, or Rube Roy’s, for that matter.

I have high hopes for next week’s chicken and waffles, but then, I always have high hopes. What I need is a good pair of cowboy boots. Pointy, with a steel toe.

GUSSIE’S CHICKEN AND WAFFLES

Tue.–Thu. and Sun.: 8 a.m.–10 p.m.;

Fri.–Sat.: 8 a.m.–midnight; closed Mon.

1521 Eddy, S.F.

(415) 409-2529

MC/V

Beer & wine

Alerts

0

alert@sfbg.com

WEDNESDAY, MAY 19

Solutions for Survival

Empower young people, support vivacious media, and support work on climate justice at this launch/fundraiser for this global youth media program that aims to uncover local, equitable solutions for climate change. Featuring guest speakers, food and wine, DJs, a silent art auction, and more.

7:30 p.m., free

Women’s Building

3543 18th St., SF

www.projectsurvivalmedia.org

THURSDAY, MAY 20

"Stand-In" for Safety


Protest the proposed "sit/lie" ordinance, which would make it illegal to sit or lie on SF sidewalks. The law would target sex workers, homeless people, youths, and immigrants, pushing them further underground and into more isolated, dangerous situations and areas.

Noon, free

Corner of Polk and Sutter, SF

www.allwomencount.net

FRIDAY, MAY 21

Rally for Peace


Say no to the war in Afghanistan, where deaths of U.S. troop Afghan civilians continue to rise. Demand that we bring our troops home now.

2 p.m., free

Corner of Acton and University, Berk.

(510) 841-4143

Berkeleygraypanthers.mysite.com

SATURDAY, MAY 22

Live in Peace March


Join KIPP Bayview Academy (KBA) students and community members for this peace march through the Bayview neighborhood to promote peaceful resolutions to social issues culminating in a scholarship ceremony. The Live in Peace March offers students and community members the opportunity to take a public stance against issues plaguing southeastern SF and attempts to ignite social change from within neighborhoods.

Noon, free

KIPP Bayview Academy

1060 Key, SF

www.kippbayarea.org

Walk to End Poverty


Help raise awareness about poverty at this walk around Lake Merritt followed by a multicultural family party featuring jazz, dance, kids activities, a community awards ceremony, and more.

10 a.m. walk, 11 a.m. party; free

Lake Merritt Bandstand

666 Bellevue, Oakl.

(510) 238-2362

SUNDAY, MAY 23

Beach cleanup


Celebrate World Turtle Day by removing plastic litter and garbage from Ocean Beach to help endangered leatherback sea turtles. The waters off San Francisco are popular with leatherbacks looking to feed on jellyfish, but ingesting plastic bags and other human garbage is known to kill leatherbacks worldwide.

10 a.m., free

Meet at north Ocean Beach

1000 Great Highway, SF

www.seaturtles.org

Rally against the pope


Join San Francisco and East Bay atheists in a call for a transparent investigation into the policies of the Catholic Church, which have perpetuated the sexual abuse of children all over the world. Demand the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI.

9:30 a.m., free

St. Mary’s of the Assumption Catholic Church

111 Gough, SF

www.atheists.meetup.com

Save the Whales


Show your opposition to the International Whaling Commission’s proposal to remove the ban on commercial whaling at this rally featuring SF Sup. Ross Mirkarimi and others.

Noon, free

Steps of San Francisco City Hall

1 Dr. Carlton B. Goodlett Place, SF

www.greenpeace.org 2

Mail items for Alerts to the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 255-8762; or e-mail alert@sfbg.com. Please include a contact telephone number. Items must be received at least one week prior to the publication date.

Watch out sexy Oysters! The Raveonettes are gonna eat you…

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When I saw that the Danish rock-duo, The Raveonettes, are playing this weekend’s SF Oyster Fest— Sat/15 at Fort Mason– I was quite curious how the two band members felt about the animal/food at the heart of the party. Strangely enough, I found a blog post that lifted the mystery and erected another.

Sune Rose Wagner and Sharin Foo are an interesting pair of slightly awkward and wonderful creatures who pluck out stellar ’50s summer-style pop hooks, add in tainted surf guitar and sweetly sing lyrics that aren’t afraid to address the shitty things in life: rape, drugs addiction, betrayal and other Debbie Downers. I can imagine their sound blasting under the San Francisco sun to an outdoor crowd, but thought it was funny to imagine them strumming at an event created for the consumption of bivalve molluscs, or easier known as oysters or shelled ocean friends. I wondered if their publicist/tour manager had to ask them if they liked eating these slimy things before agreeing to take the stage?

raveonettes dining

Due to the fact that a quick internet browse came up with a blog post from Wagner and Foo themselves, I’m guessing there were no hesitations. The post explains an evening dining experience in New York, chomping on none other than oysters. The photos were obviously taken via camera phone and apparently their waitress “was the best part about the meal.” But here’s what the post had to say about shells:

Foo: “We love oysters. It’s always so interesting to try different oysters at different restaurants.”

Wagner: “They were really great! Well served, fresh, with a nice little sauce that went with them.” 

Foo: “Well also, the fact they’re an aphrodisiac, we’ll have to deal with that later on too…”

raveonettes oysters

Have to “deal with that later?” Aphrodisiacs? What??? Foo didn’t believe him either and writes something about not “feeling anything yet” while chugging her glass of wine. But with another quick interweb click, I discover that oysters are in fact a sexy food. Here’s how LiveScience.com described this weird fact:

“Many foods (bananas, asparagus, carrots, avocados) are considered aphrodisiacs because they resemble the penis or testicles. Oysters resemble a vagina. The Romans placed the oyster high on their list of prized aphrodisiacs. Casanova, the legend goes, would eat 50 raw oysters for breakfast. Yet interestingly, oysters (and pine nuts, another ancient aphrodisiac) are high in zinc, which is necessary for sperm production. Raw oysters are also high in D-aspartic acid and N-methyl-D-aspartate, which increased testosterone levels in one study on male rats, which could in theory increase libido, according to Karen Boyle of Johns Hopkins Hospital. “The data is questionable and mixed, but oysters do make a nice appetizer,” she said.”

Oysters resemble the female genitalia? Well, ok yes. Eat up San Francisco…

oyster vag

 

The Raveonettes w/Cake, Jackie Greene, Thao & The Get Down Stay Down

Sat/15, 11am, $30

The Great Meadow at Fort Mason

(Intersection of Bay and Laguna Streets)

www.oreillysoysterfestival.com/

 

Original’s sin

0

le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS This Cheap Eats column is going to be the most carefully researched and least relevant Cheap Eats column I ever wrote, just to warn you.

I woke up early.

I threw some clothes into a bag. I threw a half a stick of salami, a chunk of cheese, a knife, and a couple of leftover bagels into another bag, and put it into the same bag with my clothes.

I walked to BART, took BART downtown, a bus to Oakland, a train to Bakersfield, and another bus to Los Angeles, where I have spent the last 24 hours flicking poppy seeds off of my arms and legs, picking them out of my belly button, brushing them out of my hair, and grinding them out of my butt crack.

For the latter I did have help. Ladies and gentlemen, of all the straight men and German posers I have ever befriended and/or bebonked, never have I ever once been treated with more sweetness and chivalry, or fucked harder, than I was by this L.A. lesbian chick I was trying to tell you about.

Problem: I like it soft, and slow.

And there was some of that too, but I knew from the moment she picked me up at the train station with a big colorful bouquet of flowers, then raced me real fast around town in her cool, dark green sports car, talking beautifully with me and laughing and gesticulating, meanwhile receiving and responding to text messages with her other hand … I knew. I was in for a ride, a wild one, and would not be sorry I came.

Her cozy, cool Hollywood apartment was filled with tulips, my favorite — she’d asked! In fact, she’d gotten me more flowers than all my previous lovers (in this millennium) ever got me, combined. In the bathroom there was a towel and washcloth, a fresh bar of soap, toothbrush and toothpaste, all piled neatly under a cute card with my name on it, and three more tulips.

Hollywood drew me a bubble bath, and I washed all those trains and busses off of me, dried, and dressed in my favorite new brown skirt and cool lacy brown print shirt, plus 2 million, 500,000 poppy seeds.

Then, as promised, she took me to Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles.

But I forgot to mention that when I came out of the bathroom, she greeted me with a file folder full of information about Roscoe’s in particular, and chicken & waffles in general. Which was not only unnecessary but impressive, considering she’d never been to Roscoe’s, or had chicken and waffles together on the same plate, and would clearly have preferred to take me to Animal, or any of about a hundred other shall-we-say higher-brow L.A. eateries she’d mentioned in her e-mails and in conversation.

No, but I had to know about the legend, the original, the Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles, which — I am sad, sorry, and chagrinned to report — sucks.

The waffle was mush and the fried chicken was dead-dry — and I’m talking about the juiciest of jucies, the thigh. The worst chicken and waffles I’ve ever had in the whole history of the San Francisco Bay Area was 10 times better than the legendary original Roscoe’s in Hollywood, proving yet again that authenticity is overrated, or that we do everything pretty much better than pretty much everyone else in the world, give or take pizza.

As if she needs another workout, my new friend and new favorite lover is with her personal trainer and I am sitting at her desk in my underwear, writing real fast so when she comes back we can go eat at five or six better L.A. restaurants.

Which I promise not to write about.

Tomorrow early I will wake up before it’s light out, make her bacon and coffee, make her French toast, make her drive me back to Union Station, then bus, train, bus, BART, and walk back home. And next week, I promise, you will read about at least one of San Francisco’s recent rash of chicken-and-waffle spin-offs. *

ROSCOE’S HOUSE OF CHICKEN’N WAFFLES

Daily: 8 a.m.–12 midnight

1514 N. Gower St., L.A.

(323) 466-7453

MC/V

Beer and wine

Uproot: An urban homesteading bonanza

Now that locavorism has been firmly established as a socially acceptable and environmentally positive movement, people are now considering the place of hyperlocal food, which generally refers to edibles cultivated right within the context of urban and suburban communities. Well, that first part is not entirely true.

As highlighted by the recent Chronicle piece on the brouhaha that has some of the agricultural establishment’s panties in a bunch over the “Puritan idealism” and perceived elitism of slow food. Well, in my naïve fantasies, ushering in an era of functional food systems would be a no-duh, universal type of decision.

Anyway, if you haven’t caught the spate of articles lately, like this NYT one or, oh yeah, my own nonrual homesteading guide from our recent FEAST, urban agriculture is at least a bit of the vogue in the Bay Area. And for those of that bent or neophytes wanting to learn more, the Commonwealth Club is hosting a forum with urban farming heroes—Jason Mark of Alemany Farms, Novella Carpenter, the author of Farm City, Christopher Burley of Hayes Valley Farm, and David Gavrich of City Grazing—to discuss their vision of the growing movement within the larger conversation of “organic, local-grown culture.” It’s a great chance to see/ hear the idea-makers behind what could be a viable solution for creating access to healthier, non-corporate foods for everyone in these lean times. Snacks and wine, locally-produced of course, offered.

Location: SF Club Office, 95 Market Street, 2nd Floor
Time: 6 p.m. check-in, 6:30 p.m. program, 7:30 p.m. networking reception
Cost: $12 members, $20 non-members, $7 students (with valid ID)

Buy tickets here

Quick Lit: May 5-May 11

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Literary readings, book tours, and talks this week

Jillian Lauren, Anna Quindlen, Bookswap, ghost photos, how to enjoy food and stay slim, New Yorker cartoonists, an author who claims she can revolutionize youir spending habits, and more.

Wednesday, May 5

Swinging from My Heels
The colorful, bawdy golfer Christina Kim teams up with author Alan Shipnuck to write a novel about the 2009 Ladies Professional Golf Association tour.
7 p.m., free
Borders
400 Post, SF
(415) 399-1633


Thursday, May 6

Beatrix Farrand: Private Gardens, Public Landscapes
Listen as author Judith B. Tankard discusses her new book about the life and work of Beatrix Farrand, one of the foremost landscape architects of the early 1900s in a time when most women were barred from the professional world. Tankard’s book presents readers with watercolor renderings of Farrand’s designs, archival photos, and design plans.
6 p.m., $12
Mechanics’ Institute
57 Post, SF
(415) 393-0100

The Big Bang Symphony: A novel of Antartica
Author Lucy Jane Bledsoe will discuss and sign her new novel about three women who become involved in each other’s lives after finding themselves transformed by their time on “the Ice.”
7 p.m., free
DIESEL, A Bookstore
5433 College, Oak.
(510) 653-9965

“The Ecopoetics of Water”
Participate in this special presentation by Professor and poet Brenda Hillman and Biodiversity scientist Healy Hamilton at this “Expert’s Mind” discussion, that asks scholars, poets, artists, scientists, and audience members to reexamine and challenge established ideas.
7:30 p.m., $22
Koret Auditorium
de Young Museum
50 Hagiwara Tea Garden Drive
Golden Gate Park, SF
(415) 354-0437

Picture the Dead
Attend this celebration and launch party for Lisa Brown’s and Adele Griffin’s new mystery book set against the backdrop of the American Civil War. Civil War-era attire encouraged. Featuring raffle prizes, ghost photos taken of all book buyers, refreshments, and special guest host Daniel Handler.
7:30 p.m., free
The Booksmith
1644 Haight, SF
(415) 863-8688
Friday, May 7

Booksmith Bookswap
Bring a book you loved but are prepared to part with and join other smart, creative lit-minded souls of the city for a night of good company, swell atmosphere, delicious Reverie food, free-flowing wine, wise discourse and hilarious anecdotes. Author Lewis Buzbee, of The Yellow Lighted Bookshop and Steinbeck’s Ghost, will be there. You’ll also receive a 20% off discount card.
6:30 p.m., $25
The Booksmith
1644 Haight, SF
(415) 863-8688


Human Rights Zine

Join authors and artists from SFSU for the release of their recently published human rights zine, Survival Rx: Knowledge for Health Equality, that focuses on themes of peace, clean water, food security, indigenous peoples’ and prisoners’ rights.
6 p.m., free
Pegasus Books Downtown
2349 Shattuck, Berk.
(510) 649-1320

Saturday, May 8

Bernal Yoga Literary Series
Enjoy this reading from local writers KM Soehnlein, Maggie Shipstead, Dina Hardy, Karin Cotterman, Francois Luong, Melissa Stein, and Paul Festa. Reception to follow.
7pm, $5 suggested donation
Bernal Yoga
461 Cortland, SF
www.bernalyoga.com


French Women Don’t Get Fat

Hear author Mireille Guiliano discuss her new cookbook organized around her three favorite pastimes, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and learn from the writer of the ultimate non–diet book on how to enjoy food and stay slim.
11:45 a.m., free
CUESA Teaching Kitchen, North Arcade
Ferry Building
101 Embarcadero, SF
(415) 291-3276, ext. 101

I Hotel
Author Karen Tei Yamashita wrote this book consisting of ten novellas after interviewing activists from the Asian American movement, TWLF Strikers, I-Hotel tenants, and community residents to capture the International Hotel tenants fight against eviction in the Bay Area. The book is illustrated by Leland Wong.
3 p.m., free
Eastwind Books of Berkeley
2066 University, Berk.
(510) 548-2350

Sunday, May 9

Anna Quindlen
Bestselling novelist and award-winning journalist Anna Quindlen will discuss her body of work including her new book, Every Last One, a story about a mother, a father, a family, and the explosive, violent consequences of what seem like inconsequential actions.
8 p.m., $20
Herbst Theater
401 Van Ness, SF
www.city boxoffice.com

Monday, May 10

America, War, and Empire: A love-hate relationship
Newsweek editor and author Evan Thomas will explore our nation’s idiosyncratic urge to invade via the context of the Spanish-American war.
6 p.m., $35
Commonwealth Club
595 Market, 2nd floor, SF
(415) 597-6700

Fix It, Make It, Grow It, Bake It
Hear author Billee Sharp shares her freecycling, budgey-savvy, barter-better wisdom that she expounds in her new step-by-step handbook that can revolutionize your spending habits. Learn how to raise organic veggies, , eco-clean your house, cure minor maladies, save money on small repairs, and more.
7:30 p.m., free
Pegasus Books Downtown
2349 Shattuck, Berk.
(510) 649-1320

Sy Montgomery
Hear naturalist, bestselling author, documentary scriptwriter, and radio commentator Sy Montgomery discuss her new book, Birdology: Lessons learned from a pack of hens, a peck of pigeons, cantankerous crows, fierce falcons, hip hop parrots, baby hummingbirds, and one murderously big cassowary. Don’t miss Montgomery revealing seven essential truths about birds at this reading.
7:30 p.m., free
The Booksmith
1644 Haight, SF
(415) 863-8688

Tuesday, May 11

George Booth and Matthew Diffee
Hear these two New Yorker cartoonists discuss Booth’s new book, About Dogs,  and Diffee’s work on the off-Broadway event, The Rejection Show, featuring the rejected work of otherwise successful comedic writers and performers. With special guest Sophie McCall.
8 p.m., $20
Herbst Theater
401 Van Ness, SF
www.cityboxoffice.com

Chinese Immigrant Poetry of Angel Island
Hear author and scholar Marlon Hom discuss the poetry that thousands of Chinese immigrants inscribed on the walls of Angel Island detention centers during their immigration in the early 20th century, and how these poems give us a rare glimpse into these immigrants reasons for leaving China and their thoughts and dreams upon arrival in the United States.
12:30 p.m., free
111 Minna Gallery
111 Minna, SF
(415) 974-1719

Dead in the Family
Hear author Charlaine Harris discuss her new mystery novel about Sookie Stackhouse, a telepathic Luisiana barmaid and friend to vampires, werewolves, and other odd creatures. the television series True Blood was based on Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse novels.
7 p.m., free
Borders
233 Winston Drive, SF
(415) 731-0665

Private Life
Author Jane Smiley will discuss her novel about a 27 year old girl who marries a self-absorbed, obsessive man in 1905, when women were expected to live utterly subordinated to their husbands, and how historical disasters like the 1906 San Francisco earthquake helped to shape this woman’s private life and how to come to terms with it.
6 p.m., $12
Mechanics’ Institute
57 Post, SF
(415) 393-0100

Some Girls: My life in a harem
Hear author Jillian Lauren discusss her new book outlineing her coming of age, from a punk rock loving girl in New Jersey, to a stripper that winds up in a prince’s harem in Brunei, to the wife of Weezer bassist Scott Shiner.
7:30 p.m., free
Books Inc.
2251 Chestnut, SF
(415) 931-3633

Appetite: 3 culinary gifts for mom

Last minute Mother’s Day gifts needed? Here are a few delectable possibilities:

WINE OF THE MONTH CLUB
There’s nothing like having Mom reminded of your thoughtfulness and love all year… no, not a Christmas Vacation disappointment like the Jelly of the Month Club. Something better: wine. This is the “original” (family-owned since 1972) Wine of the Month Club with a slew of gift options from 1 red/1 white per month for four months to one year of reds or whites only. The club averages $29 a month for the Classic Series or upgrade your wine selections to Vintners Series ($39) or Limited Series ($49). With hand-selected wines from literally all over the globe, the biggest plus if Mom doesn’t like one of the wines is that they promise to send out another selection, no questions asked. In trying out the club for a short time, I can say the Classic level is not for the wine expert as the red in any given month might be a 2007 Frosted Cake Merlot from Napa or a 2006 Gerard Bertrand Syrah/Mourvedre from France. So upgrade your membership if Mom is a wine snob, or if not, she’ll enjoy a broad cross-section of solid wines for every day imbibement, with descriptions, tasting notes and stories behind each region, winery and wine itself. All gift memberships come nicely wrapped so your Mother will feel like it’s Mother’s Day all over again every month.

CLARINE’S FLORENTINES
First trying local (Berkeley) Clarine’s Florentines at the Chocolate Salon, I was impressed… trying them again later, I was hooked. I think your Mom will be, too. This buttery, crispy, golden Almond Brittle on Guittard bittersweet chocolate, is a recipe from Clarine and her Mother, so even the roots of the product have special meaning for Mother’s Day. You can buy a bag at shops around town like Bi-Rite or order directly from Clarine’s to have it shipped.

KUSMI TEA
A favorite of late has been Kusmi’s luxurious teas. Founded in St. Petersburg in 1867, these Russian-style teas have been Paris-based since 1917, so there’s an Old World elegance and refinement with modern sensibilities (even Lady Gaga is a big fan, though that may not be as much of a selling point for Mom!) They’re offering Mother’s Day blends, like Rose Green Tea, though there are crowd-pleasers everywhere, from a lovely Moroccan Spearmint to Sweet Love, a blend of Black China tea, pink pepper, licorice roots, guarana seeds and spices. If Mom’s on a health kick, their Detox mate/green tea with lemongrass is particularly popular… and a rich antioxidant.

Event Listings

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Event Listings are compiled by Paula Connelly. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com.

WEDNESDAY 5

California Nights: Cinco de Mayo California Historical Society and Museum, 678 Mission, SF; (415) 357-1848. 6pm, free. Celebrate Mexico’s victory over invading French troops in 1862 and the continuous changes and developments in Latino communities throughout California since that time. Featuring complimentary Cinco de Mayo refreshments, DJ music, and admission to the museum’s Think California exhibit.

BAY AREA

Arctic Images David Brower Center, 2150 Allston, Berk.; (510) 550-6700. 6pm; free, RSVP at www.earthjustice.org/arctic. See the beauty of the Arctic along with the impending threats to this iconic region at this photo presentation with acclaimed wildlife photographer Florian Schulz.

THURSDAY 6

Fair Trade Wine Night Participating bars around the city, SF; www.fairtradewinenight.com. 7pm, free admission. Drink wine that tastes good and does good, where $1 from every glass you order will go to TransFair USA, a non profit dedicated to ensuring fair wages, safe working conditions, education for workers’ kids, and health care access for all workers.

Letters from the Other Side ATA, 992 Valencia, SF; (415) 821-6545. 7:30 p.m., $6 suggested donation. Watch this film that documents the realities of immigration and the families left behind through video letters carried across the U.S.-Mexico border, putting a human context onto the immigration debate. Sponsored by the A.N.S.W.E.R. Coalition.

FRIDAY 7

BAY AREA

Oakland Art Murmur Centered around 23rd St. and Telegraph, Oak.; oaklandartmurmur.com. 7pm, free. Wander between 19 Oakland galleries enjoying local art, free wine and snacks, occasional outdoor movies and other surprises. Participating galleries include Front Gallery, Mercury 20, Chandra Cerrito, Rock Paper Scissors Collective, and more. For a full list of participating galleries and for a map visit, oaklandartmurmur.com/map.

SATURDAY 8

Aorta Magazine Million Fishes Arts Collective, 2501 Bryant, SF; www.aortamagazine.com. 8pm, $5-10 sliding scale. Enjoy radical readings of poetry and prose, visuals, live music, and a dance party with DJ Puppet at the release party for the new issue of Aorta Magazine, Cardiac Unrest. Aorta is a self-produced, collectively-created publication that features emerging and established female, queer and transgender artists.

Art, Om, and Fortune Cookies Meet at sculpture on Patricia’s Green, Octavia at Hayes, SF; www.sfbike.org. 11am, $5 donation. Join local artists Erin Augustine and Colleen Mauer for a biking tour of the best outdoor sculptures in SF, followed by a mini-tour of the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory and some light yoga. Bring a sketch book, camera, and thermos of tea.

Bacon Camp Chez Poulet, 3359 Cesar Chavez, SF; baconcamp.org. Noon, free. Share and learn about bacon in an event filled with discussions, demos and participant interaction centered around the uniting theme…bacon. Everyone is encouraged to participate by presenting food, art, demonstrations, judging contests, or volunteering.

Family Art Workshop The Imagine Bus Project, 342 9th St., SF; (415) 252-9125. 1pm, free. Explore an art exhibition from students who participate in the Imagine Bus Project’s after school programs, join in an art workshop led by Marcela Florez, and help create a short illustrated story about "The River of Things I Dream About," that will be included with the exhibit for its duration.

Meet the Animals Randall Museum, 199 Museum Way, SF; (415) 554-9600. 11am, free. Meet a variety of interesting creatures, from rodents to reptiles to birds of prey, that the Randall Museum provides a home to because they can no longer survive in the wild, and learn about California’s diverse and disappearing wildlife. This event is happening every Saturday in May.

BAY AREA

Pagan Festival Martin Luther King Jr. Civic Center Park, Berk.; thepaganalliance.org. 10am, free. Noon parade through Berkeley. Enjoy a procession, interfaith ritual, traditional dance, music, poetry, crafts, authors circle, vendors, food, altars, and more. This year’s theme is "Spiral of Life," which focuses on the turning of the wheel through the seasons and the stages of our lives.

Sweet and Savory Festival Jack London Square, 20th St. at Webster, Oak.; www.sweetshoppefests.com. Sat. 11am-10pm, Sun. 11am -6pm; $12. Celebrate all that is sweet at this two-day confectionary festival featuring goodies from SF Bay Area pastry chefs, confectioners, cupcake fairies, local restaurants, cheese makers, and more including a Champagne Bubble Bar.

SUNDAY 9

How Weird Street Faire Centered at Howard and 2nd St, 37° 47′ 12.4? N x 122° 23′ 53.7? W
San Francisco, Earth; howweird.org. Noon – 8pm; $10 suggested donation, $5 in costume. Enjoy ten blocks of art and celebration, and ten stages of music playing electronica, downtempo, dubstep, breaks, drum and bass, and more. Also featuring performances, colorful costumes, vendors, food and drinks, and a chance to take part in the setting of a new world record at 7:40pm, when all the stages broadcast a special peace song and revelers are invited to join in on the World’s Largest Bollywood Dance.

Walk the Tenderloin Meet at Powell, Eddy, and Market Streets, SF; www.sfcityguides.org. 9am, free. Explore the Tenderloin that evolved from an isolated rural village to it’s crucial role in the start of the California movie industry. Learn about famous madams, see where Billie Holiday was busted for opium, and discover the neighborhood poker clubs.

MONDAY 10

"Leaders at the Lab" Margaret Jenkins Dance Lab, Suite 200, 301 8th St., SF; (415) 861-3940. 7pm, free. Choreographers, dancers, dance-makers, and enthusiast are invited to take part in an intimate conversation with choreographer Simone Forti, where she will discuss the innovative career choices she made in order to flourish in the ever-changing climate of dance-making.