Video

Citizen Kane just got smaller

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By Ryan Lattanzio

It should come as no surprise that Netflix has just previewed its new iPhone app. That’s right. Now you can stream unlimited movies for a small monthly fee on your cell phone. Writer Ramu Nagappan of Macworld says it will offer “the full Netflix experience: you can stream video (over Wi-Fi and 3G), view recommendations, browse genres, and access your queue.”

Though cellular-ized cinema is nothing less than a bastardization of the art form (empirically if you ask me — it’s almost oxymoronic), who can blame Netflix for not wanting to resist the demands of the digital age?

If seeing a movie once meant sitting in a dark room with a bunch of strangers, now it means sitting on the subway or waiting in an airport terminal. Just imagine trying to watch Citizen Kane on your cell phone. How do you cover the eyes of a kid who might look over your shoulder as you watch a Lars von Trier in a waiting room where the MPAA doesn’t exist?

And now, if you can watch widescreen epics on your little phone, it’s only a matter of time before you can make your own. There’s already a new wave of cell phone cinema out there dating back a few years, like New Love Meetings, a 93-minute update of a Pasolini documentary shot in the MPEG4 format. It’s a shitty-looking movie, but it’s out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY5g-nRPCrk

Because I can’t say it any better myself, I leave you with David Lynch’s polemic against the iPhone-as-movie theater. The man’s a prophet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKiIroiCvZ0

 

The best worst I’ve ever had

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By Sam Stander

There are few fandoms so charmingly enthusiastic as the hordes of video-hounds who treasure Troll 2 (1990), by many accounts the worst movie ever made. This past Saturday night, the East Bay took its turn in the publicity blitz for Best Worst Movie, a documentary about the Troll 2 phenomenon, directed by the ridiculous horror flick’s then-child star Michael Paul Stephenson. Stephenson appeared with his costar George Hardy in San Francisco on Friday, but only Hardy was on hand for the Saturday night screenings at Berkeley’s Shattuck Cinemas.

The theater wasn’t full, but many of its seats were filled with Troll 2 diehards — the woman seated to my right sported a green shirt bearing the legend “GOBLIN.” The uninitiated might be wondering what such a shirt has to do with a movie named for trolls; well, Troll 2 doesn’t feature any trolls, but rather a town (called Nilbog) filled with sap-thirsty vegetarian goblins. About ten minutes before the lights went down for Best Worst Movie, one guy in the audience loudly paraphrased Stephenson’s revelatory line from the film, shouting, “Oh no, Nilbog is ‘goblin’ spelled backwards!”

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTfjb8Fgiyg

These were, by and large, not Troll 2 virgins, and their reactions to the documentary were warm and joyful. Even some of Best Worst ‘s most uncomfortable or sad moments drew laughter — Stephenson’s movie impeccably balances the camp-informed following of the film with tenderly observed portraits of the ordinary, extraordinary, and occasionally mad participants in the original film fiasco.

As the credits for Best Worst Movie rolled, George Hardy, who plays Troll 2 ’s father figure, Michael Waits, took to the front of the theater, mic in hand. He’s 55 now, a well-established dentist in Alexander City, Alabama, and after a first wave of engaging with his cultish fans that began a few years ago, he’s back on the road to promote the documentary. On Saturday he gave numerous shout-outs to his cousins and dentist friends in the audience at Shattuck Cinemas, often speaking directly to them.

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tFgZ6DmXmw

Hardy answered questions about the experience with the mostly Italian crew of Troll 2 — “pretty unprofessional, really” — as well as participating in the documentary. For one part of Best Worst, where the core cast returned to the house where much of Troll 2 takes place, he indicated they paid $1500 to clean up the house just so they could enter it.

Hardy spoke in awed tones of a dental patient from 12 years back who had come out of the woodwork for the San Francisco screening the night before — she lived just down the street from the Lumiere Theatre. But the real emotion came when he started to talk about Michael Paul Stephenson, for whom he seems to have a great deal of admiration and love. His light, scatterbrained yet sincere approach to answering the audience’s questions might have been due to tipsiness. “I did have a glass of wine before I came over here,” he admitted.

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OiD6IlBmtk

I asked Hardy if he’s received any other offers for film roles since the resurgence of Troll 2. He pointed out that he has appeared in one other film, Street Team Massacre (2007), but volunteered the fact that he can’t memorize lines.

Hardy said this was something like theater number 78 on the Best Worst Movie tour, but declared Shattuck Cinemas one of the nicest venues. Then it was back to number 77 again, the Lumiere in SF, to do another Q&A and introduce a midnight screening of the offending film itself, Troll 2. That screening was similarly attended by a small knot of fans, but for those in the audience who hadn’t had the pleasure, Hardy offered, “It’s a religious experience, I promise.”

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KCct4RwLNM

You down with ICP? The perils and wisdom of being just a Juggalo in 2010

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By Zach Ritter

Do you remember the first time you heard of Insane Clown Posse? What was your reaction? Did you laugh? Recoil in horror? Or did you thank the trickster gods of pop culture for allowing such a band to exist?

Now, when confronted with a pair of sneering rappers in greasepaint who call themselves Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, most people are going to resort to mockery. It’s really the only reasonable response. At the same time, though, it’s beginning to seem as if the whole cottage industry of ridicule that’s sprung up around the band has jumped the shark. Yes, ICP are absurd. Yes, the elaborate “Dark Carnival” mythology that surrounds their albums is profoundly stupid. These are facts, and few non-Juggalos would dispute them. At this point, though, even SNL is doing ICP-themed sketches, which I think is a pretty good indication that the joke has run its course.

So instead of mocking ICP, I instead invite you to consider the implications of their fame. There are few American bands that can lay claim to a fanbase as dedicated as ICP’s Juggalos. It’s possible that this has something to do with misery loving company — the more critically scorned a band becomes, the more its fans close ranks, drawing defiant strength from their shared marginality. But I think there are other forces at work here. ICP can be justly accused of a lot of aesthetic sins, but insincerity isn’t one of them.

This is a bigger deal than it might seem. “Legitimacy” in music has become an increasingly fraught concept, especially in the irony-suffused world of indie rock. A lot of music fans seem to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out whether or not their favorite bands are pulling one over on them. Juggalos don’t have that problem. Juggalos know that J and Shaggy mean, with all their hearts, every last word of the goofy shit they spout on their albums. Case in point: the following video. Either these guys are the most sincere lunatics ever to rock a mike, or they’re the greatest surrealist comics of our time.

So when ICP rolls into San Francisco on June 5, and the Juggalo legions descend upon the Warfield, you might want to actually check out their show. I’m not saying that you’ll have an unironic good time, but you might figure out something that everyone else has missed.

INSANE CLOWN POSSE
With Kottonmouth Kings, Coolio, Kittie, and Necro
Sat/5, 7 p.m. (doors 6 p.m.), $32.50-$35
The Warfield
982 Market, SF
(800) 745-3000
www.ticketmaster.com

 

Film listings

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Film listings are edited by Cheryl Eddy. Reviewers are Kimberly Chun, Michelle Devereaux, Max Goldberg, Dennis Harvey, Johnny Ray Huston, Erik Morse, Louis Peitzman, Lynn Rapoport, Ben Richardson, and Matt Sussman. For rep house showtimes, see Rep Clock. For first-run showtimes, see Movie Guide. Due to the Memorial Day holiday, theater information was incomplete at presstime.

OPENING

*Best Worst Movie See "Green is Good." (1:33)

Get Him to the Greek At this point movie execs can throw producer Judd Apatow’s name on the marquee of a film and it’s a guaranteed blockbuster. It’s hard to say whether this Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) spin-off benefits from the Apatow sign of approval or if it would be better off standing on its own, but it definitely doesn’t benefit from comparisons to its predecessor. Russell Brand returns as the British rock star Aldous Snow, and Jonah Hill, playing a different character this time, is given the task of chaperoning the uncooperative Snow from London to LA in 48 hours. Despite a great cast, including a surprisingly animated P. Diddy, the story is pretty bland and can’t match the blend of drama and comedy that Marshall achieved. Of course, none of that matters because the movie execs are right: if you like Apatow’s brand of humor, you’re going to have a good time anyway. (1:49) (Galvin)

Killers Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher star in this comedy about marriage and hired assassins. (1:40)

Living in Emergency Filmmakers follow four volunteers of Médecins Sans Frontiéres (MSF) in Liberia and the Congo, from the initial shock of a first-timer to the overwhelming exhaustion of a veteran. Morally ambiguous decisions have left many of them arrogant and bitter and it’s apparent that these people are not the inflated heroes that we might wish, but normal people who were drawn to test themselves in circumstances of little hope. Some fail. Living in Emergency is an interesting glimpse into a provocative world, and the morally icky stuff is sometimes worse than the blood and death on screen. But a glimpse is all it is. The filmmakers clearly have an agenda that doesn’t include time for exploring the lives of any of the doctors, patients or procedures, and they leave the audience wondering whether there might be more lurking beneath the surface. (1:33) (Galvin)

Marmaduke Big. Talking. Dog. (1:27)

Micmacs See "Cute Is What He Aims For." (1:44) Smith Rafael.

*Ran Akira Kurosawa’s 1985 historical epic Ran brings the old adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely to life with such veracity and ambition, such magnificence and devastation, that its like has never been equaled since. Storyboarded by Kurosawa in paintings a decade prior to filming and equipped with the largest budget for a Japanese film up until that time, Ran is gorgeous to behold (in no small part to Emi Wada’s Oscar-winning costumes and thousands of extras) and harrowing to experience. Kurosawa fuses the premise of Shakespeare’s King Lear with historical accounts of Warring States-era general Mori Motonari to tell the tragedy of Lord Hidetora (Tatsuya Nakadai), the senile patriarch of the once powerful Ichimonji clan who erroneously decides to divide his kingdom among his three sons. Like his Shakespearean counterpart, Hidetora is certainly a fool, but unlike Lear, he’s also a merciless despot who learns firsthand, as his empire crumbles around him and he sinks further into dementia, that bloodshed can only be repaid with further bloodshed. Nakadai, his face made up to resemble the furrowed intensity of a Noh mask, turns out a performance as resplendent as it is terrifying, equaled only by Mieko Harada’s turn as the Lady MacBeth-like Lady Kaede, who welcomes Hidetora’s downfall with vengeful relish.Catch this 35mm restored print while you can, since no home entertainment system, no matter how pimped out, can truly do Kurosawa’s late masterpiece justice. (2:42) (Sussman)

Solitary Man Michael Douglas has a (post?) midlife crisis. (1:30)

*Splice See "In the Cut." (1:45)

*Trash Humpers What is Trash Humpers? Is it filmmaker Harmony Korine’s rage against his experiences making 2007’s Mister Lonely? Despite being characteristically bizarre, with tales of celebrity impersonators and flying nuns, Mister Lonely was Korine’s most technically polished (i.e., expensive-looking) film to date. By contrast, Trash Humpers, shot on the quick and mega-cheap, literally looks like "an old VHS tape that was in some attick [sic] or buried in some ditch," per the film’s charmingly lo-fi press kit. There’s also Trash Humpers’ rather, uh, subversive content. Basically, it’s 78 minutes of shenanigans, starring a trio of ne’er-do-wells who are either wearing elderly-burn-victim masks or are actually supposed to be elderly burn victims. The creepy crew and their pals cavort through an unidentified Nashville, smashing TVs, slipping razor blades into apples, guzzling booze, spanking hookers, setting off firecrackers, cracking racist and/or homophobic jokes, eating pancakes doused in dish soap, and humping trash cans. Lots of trash cans. Primitive video technology (the film was edited on two VCRs) makes everything look even worse, if that’s even possible. Now, if you or I submitted Trash Humpers, the programmers at the Toronto International Film Festival would chuckle condescendingly and fling it into the nearest (humpable) trash bin. But you have to consider the source: Salon recently dubbed Korine "the most hated man in art-house cinema," which if true is probably the director’s most cherished triumph. (1:18) Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. (Eddy)

Women Without Men Potent imagery has always been at the forefront of photographer and installation artist Shirin Neshat’s explorations of gender in Islamic society, and her debut feature Women Without Men certainly has its share. Loosely based on Shahrnush Parsipur’s novel of the same name, the film follows four Iranian women (down from the novel’s original five) — Fakhri, an upper-class military wife who longs to reconnect with an old lover; Zarin, a traumatized prostitute who escapes captivity; Munis, a housebound young woman reborn as a political dissident; and her friend, Faezeh, who longs to marry Munis’ domineering brother — in the days leading up to the 1953 coup d’etat that overturned democracy and restored the Shah to power. From the suicidal leap — filmed so as to suggest flight as much as falling — which opens the film, to the mist-shrouded groves of a rural orchard that becomes a refuge for the women, each shot is as striking for its beauty as it is uneven in conveying the allegorical significance behind all the lushness. The casts’ largely stilted performances don’t help much in this regard either. "All that we wanted to was to find a new form, a new way," says Munis in voiceover. As a creative act of mourning for Iran’s short-lived experiment in democracy — a moment, Neshat acknowledges in the film’s postscript, that clearly resonated with last year’s Green revolution — Women Without Men ambitiously attempts, albeit with mixed success, to envision just that. (1:35) (Sussman)

ONGOING

Alice in Wonderland Tim Burton’s take on the classic children’s tale met my mediocre expectations exactly, given its months of pre-release hype (in the film world, fashion magazines, and even Sephora, for the love of brightly-colored eye shadows). Most folks over a certain age will already know the story, and much of the dialogue, before the lights go down and the 3-D glasses go on; it’s up to Burton and his all-star cast (including numerous big-name actors providing voices for animated characters) to make the tale seem newly enthralling. The visuals are nearly as striking as the CG, with Helena Bonham Carter’s big-headed Red Queen a particularly marvelous human-computer creation. But Wonderland suffers from the style-over-substance dilemma that’s plagued Burton before; all that spooky-pretty whimsy can’t disguise the film’s fairly tepid script. Teenage Alice (Mia Wasikowska) displaying girl-power tendencies is a nice, if not surprising, touch, but Johnny Depp’s grating take on the Mad Hatter will please only those who were able to stomach his interpretation of Willy Wonka. (1:48) (Eddy)

*Babies Thomas Balmes’ camera records the first year in the lives of four infants in vastly different circumstances. They’re respectively born to hip young couple in Tokyo’s high-tech clutter; familiar moderately alterna-types (the father is director Frazer Bradshaw of last year’s excellent indie drama Everything Strange and New) in SF’s Mission District; a yurt-dwelling family isolated in the vast Mongolian tundra; and a Namibian village so maternally focused that adult menfolk seem to have been banished. Yes, on one level this is the cutest li’l documentary you ever saw. But if you were planning to avoid thinking that is all (or most) of what Babies would be like, you will miss out big time. Void of explanatory titles, voice-over narration, or subtitle translations, this is a purely observatory piece that reveals just how fascinating the business of being a baby is. There’s very little predictable pooping, wailing, or coddling. Instead, Balmes’ wonderful eye captures absorbing moments of sussing things out, decision-making, and skill learning. While the First World tykes firstborns both — are hauled off to (way) pre-school classes, the much less day planned Third Worlders have more complex, unmediated dealings with community. Those range from fending off devilish older siblings to Mongol Bayarjargal’s startlingly casual consorting with large furry livestock. (Imagine the horror of parents you know were their baby found surrounded by massive cows — a situation that here causes no concern whatsoever for adults, children, or bovines.) So accustomed to the camera that it doesn’t influence their behavior, the subjects here are viewed with an intimacy that continually surprises. Babies is getting a wider-than-usual release for a documentary, one cannily timed to coincide with Mother’s Day. But don’t be fooled: this movie is actually very cool. (1:19) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

*Big River Man Some people are just larger than life. Martin Strel is 53-year-old overweight, alcoholic, endurance swimmer from Slovenia who has made it his calling to swim the world’s longest rivers. Borut Strel, his son and primary publicist, might say his father does it to increase awareness about pollution or, in the Amazon’s case, deforestation, but we quickly see that there is a deeper compulsion that goes into Martin’s swims. Big River Man chronicles Martin’s descent down the Amazon river, from Peru to Brazil, as he scoffs at piranhas and alligators, all while drinking two bottles of wine a day. Martin is definitely a funny guy and he helps make Big River Man a funny film, but most impressive is the subtle shift from quirky human interest documentary to Heart of Darkness-style thriller when too many days in the sun cause Martin to lose his grip on reality. (1:34) Roxie. (Peter Galvin)

*City Island The Rizzo family of City Island, N.Y. — a tiny atoll associated historically with fishing and jurisdictionally with the Bronx — have reached a state where their primary interactions consist of sniping, yelling, and storming out of rooms. These storm clouds operate as cover for the secrets they’re all busy keeping from one another. Correctional officer Vince (Andy Garcia) pretends he’s got frequent poker nights so he can skulk off to his true shameful indulgence: a Manhattan acting class. Perpetually fuming spouse Joyce (Julianna Margulies) assumes he’s having an affair. Daughter Vivian (Dominik García-Lorido) has dropped out of school to work at a strip joint, while the world class-sarcasms of teenager Vinnie (Ezra Miller) deflect attention from his own hidden life as an aspiring chubby chaser. All this (plus everyone’s sneaky cigarette habit) is nothing, however, compared to Vince’s really big secret: he conceived and abandoned a "love child" before marrying, and said guilty issue has just turned up as a 24-year-old car thief on his cell block. Writer-director Raymond De Felitta made a couple other features in the last 15 years, none widely seen; if this latest is typical, we need more of him, more often. Perfectly cast, City Island is farcical without being cartoonish, howl-inducing without lowering your brain-cell count. It’s arguably a better, less self-conscious slice of dysfunctional family absurdism than Little Miss Sunshine (2006) — complete with an Alan Arkin more inspired in his one big scene here than in all of that film’s Oscar-winning performance. (1:40) (Harvey)

The City of Your Final Destination In James Ivory’s latest literary adaptation, Omar (Omar Metwally), an Iranian American graduate student of Latin American literature, precipitously descends on a rural estate in Paraguay, hoping to petition the relatives of deceased writer Jules Gund for authorization to write his biography. Numbering among the somewhat complicated ménage are Gund’s widow, Caroline (Laura Linney), his mistress, Arden (Charlotte Gainsbourg), their child, Portia (Ambar Mallman), the author’s brother, Adam (Anthony Hopkins), and Adam’s lover, Pete (Hiroyuki Sanada), a household that the film depicts as caught in a sedative isolation obstructing any progress or flourishing or change. But where Gund’s violent suicide has failed to produce a cataclysmic shift, the somewhat hapless Omar manages to interrupt their idle routines and mobilize them, stirring up sentiment and ambition. The notion of redirected fate is telegraphed by the title, but what the film does best is show the calm before the storm (really more of a heavy downpour) — and showcase the fineness of Hopkins’s and Linney’s dramatic abilities. In the final act, we see the characters being moved about rather than moved, and the sound of screeching brakes applied as the film reaches its conclusion undoes much of the subtlety invested in their performances. (1:58) (Rapoport)

Clash of the Titans The minds behind Clash of the Titans decided their movie should be 3D at the last possible moment before release. Consequently, the 3D is pretty janky. I don’t know what the rest of the film’s excuse is. Clash of the Titans retreads the 1981 cult classic with reasonable faithfulness, though Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion effects have been (of course) replaced with CG renderings of all the expected monsters, magic, gods, etc. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes — as other reviews have pointed out: Schindler’s List (1993) reunion! — glow and glower as Zeus and Hades, while Sam Worthington (2009’s Avatar) once again fills the role of bland hero, this time as a snooze-worthy Perseus. You might have fun in the moment with Clash of the Titans, but it’s hardly memorable, and certainly nowhere near epic. (1:58) (Eddy)

*Exit Through the Gift Shop Exit Through the Gift Shop is not a film about the elusive graffiti-cum-conceptual artist and merry prankster known as Banksy, even though he takes up a good chunk of this sly and by-no-means impartial documentary and is listed as its director. Rather, as he informs us — voice electronically altered, face hidden in shadow — in the film’s opening minutes, the film’s real subject is one Thierry Guetta, a French expat living in LA whose hangdog eyes, squat stature, and propensity for mutton chops and polyester could pass him off as Ron Jeremy’s long lost twin. Unlike Jeremy, Guetta is not blessed with any prodigious natural talent to propel him to stardom, save for a compulsion to videotape every waking minute of his life (roughly 80 percent of the footage in Exit is Guetta’s) and a knack for being in the right place at the right time. When Guetta is introduced by his tagger cousin to a pre-Obamatized Shepard Fairey in 2007, he realizes his true calling: to make a documentary about the street art scene that was then only starting to get mainstream attention. Enter Banksy, who, at first, is Guetta’s ultimate quarry. Eventually, the two become chummy, with Guetta acting as lookout and documenter for the artist just as the art market starts clambering for its piece of, "the Scarlet Pimpernel of street art," as one headline dubs him. When, at about three quarters of the way in, Guetta, following Banksy’s casual suggestion, drops his camcorder and tries his hand at making street art, Exit becomes a very different beast. Guetta’s flashy debut as Mr. Brainwash is as obscenely successful as his "art" is terribly unimaginative — much to the chagrin of his former documentary subjects. But Guetta is no Eve Harrington and Banksy, who has the last laugh here, gives him plenty of rope with which to truss himself. Is Mr. Brainwash really the ridiculous and inevitable terminus of street art’s runaway mainstream success (which, it must be said, Banksy has handsomely profited from)? That question begs another: with friends like Banksy, who needs enemies? (1:27) (Sussman)

*The Father of My Children Grégoire Canvel (Louis-Do de Lencquesaing) is a perpetual motion machine: a Paris-based veteran film producer of complicated multinational whose every waking moment is spent pleading, finessing, reassuring, and generally putting out fires of the artistic, logistic, or financial kind. But lately the strain has begun to surpass even his Herculean coping abilities. Debtors are closing in; funding might collapse for a brilliant but uncommercial director’s already half-finished latest. After surviving any number of prior crises, Gregoire’s whole production company might finally dissolve into a puddle of red ink and lawsuits. He barely has time to enjoy his perfect family, with Italian wife Sylvia (Chiara Caselli) and three young daughters happily ensconced in a charming country house. Something’s got to give — and when it does, writer-director Mia Hansen-Love’s drama (very loosely based on the life of a late European film producer) drastically shifts its focus midway. Her film’s first half is so arresting — with its whirlwind glimpse at a job so few of us know much about, yet which couldn’t be more important in keeping cinema afloat — that the second half inevitably seems less interesting by comparison. Still, for about 55 minutes The Father of My Children offers something you haven’t quite seen before, an experience well worthwhile even if the subsequent 55 are less memorable. (1:50) (Harvey)

*The Ghost Writer Roman Polanski’s never-ending legal woes have inspired endless debates on the interwebs and elsewhere; they also can’t help but add subtext to the 76-year-old’s new film, which is chock full o’ anti-American vibes anyway. It’s also a pretty nifty political thriller about a disgraced former British Prime Minister (Pierce Brosnan) who’s hanging out in his Martha’s Vineyard mansion with his whip-smart, bitter wife (Olivia Williams) and Joan Holloway-as-ice-queen assistant (Kim Cattrall), plus an eager young biographer (Ewan McGregor) recently hired to ghost-write his memoirs. But as the writer quickly discovers, the politician’s past contains the kinds of secrets that cause strange cars with tinted windows to appear in one’s rearview mirror when driving along deserted country roads. Polanski’s long been an expert when it comes to escalating tension onscreen; he’s also so good at adding offbeat moments that only seem tossed-off (as when the PM’s groundskeeper attempts to rake leaves amid relentless sea breezes) and making the utmost of his top-notch actors (Tom Wilkinson and Eli Wallach have small, memorable roles). Though I found The Ghost Writer‘s ZOMG! third-act revelation to be a bit corny, I still didn’t think it detracted from the finely crafted film that led up to it. (1:49) (Eddy)

*The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo By the time the first of Stieg Larsson’s so-called "Millennium" books had been published anywhere, the series already had an unhappy ending: he died (in 2004). The following year, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo became a Swedish, then eventually international sensation, its sequels following suit. The books are addicting, to say the least; despite their essential crime-mystery-thriller nature, they don’t require putting your ear for writing of some literary value on sleep mode. Now the first of three adaptive features shot back-to-back has reached U.S. screens. (Sorry to say, yes, a Hollywood remake is already in the works — but let’s hope that’s years away.) Even at two-and-a-half hours, this Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by necessity must do some major truncating to pack in the essentials of a very long, very plotty novel. Still, all but the nitpickingest fans will be fairly satisfied, while virgins will have the benefit of not knowing what’s going to happen and getting scared accordingly. Soon facing jail after losing a libel suit brought against him by a shady corporate tycoon, leftie journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) gets a curious private offer to probe the disappearance 40 years earlier of a teenage girl. This entangles him with an eccentric wealthy family and their many closet skeletons (including Nazi sympathies) — as well as dragon-tattooed Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), androgynous loner, 24-year-old court ward, investigative researcher, and skillful hacker. Director Niels Arden Oplev and his scenarists do a workmanlike job — one more organizational than interpretive, a faithful transcription without much style or personality all its own. Nonetheless, Larsson’s narrative engine kicks in early and hauls you right along to the depot. (2:32) Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

Harry Brown Shades of Dirty Harry (1971) for the tea cozy and tweed set: elegantly rendered and very nicely played, Harry Brown might be the dark, late-in-the-day elder brother to 1971’s Get Carter, in the hands of eponymous lead Michael Caine. He’s a pensioner mourning the passing of his beloved wife, his mysterious life as a Marine stationed in Northern Ireland firmly behind him. Then his chess-playing pal Leonard (David Bradley) is terrorized and killed by the unsavory gang of heroin dealing hoodlums who lurk near their projects in a tunnel walkway like gun-toting, foul-mouthed, sociopathic trolls. Harry Brown is, er, forced to forsake a vow of peace and go commando on the culprits’ asses, triggering some moments of ultraviolence that are unsettling in their whole-hearted embrace of vigilante justice. Like predecessors similarly fixated on vengeance in their respective urban hells, a la Hardcore (1979) and Taxi Driver (1976) (Harry Brown echoes key moments in the latter, in particular — see, for instance, its keenly tense, eerily humorous gun shopping scene), Harry Brown is essentially an arch-conservative film, if good looking and even likable with Caine meting out the punishment. The overall denouement just might make some seniors feel very, very good about the coiled potential for hurt embedded in their aging frames. (1:42) (Chun)

How to Train Your Dragon (1:38)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) Director Tom Six had a vision, a glorious dream of surgically connecting three human beings via their gastro-intestinal systems, or as Kevin Smith would say — "ass to mouth." When two girlfriends on a road trip across Europe get a flat tire, they stumble upon the home of a mad doctor (Dieter Laser) with a similar dream, who drugs them and ties them up in his basement laboratory. The Human Centipede is an entry into the torture porn arena, but it feels especially icky because you just know that the girls have zero chance of escaping the "100 percent medically accurate!" surgery. Once hooked up, there’s nowhere for the film to go and two out of three actors can’t talk because they are sewn to someone else’s anus. Still, as one-note as The Human Centipede is, I think we’d do well to encourage more films to be as batshit insane as this one. (1:30) (Galvin)

*Iron Man 2 Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) returns, just as rich and self-involved as before, though his ego his inflated to unimaginable heights due to his superheroic fame. Pretty much, he’s put the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing on the back burner, exasperating everyone from Girl Friday Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow); to BFF military man Rhodey (Don Cheadle, replacing the first installment’s Terrence Howard); to certain mysterious Marvels played by Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson; to a doofus-y rival defense contractor (Sam Rockwell); to a sanctimonius Senator (Garry Shandling). Frankly, the fact that a vengeful Russian scientist (Mickey Rourke) is plotting Tony’s imminent death is a secondary threat here — for much of the film, Tony’s biggest enemy is himself. Fortunately, this is conveyed with enjoyable action (props to director Jon Favreau, who also has a small role), a witty script (actor Justin Theroux — who knew? He also co-wrote 2008’s Tropic Thunder, by the way), and gusto-going performances by everyone, from Downey on down. Stay for the whole credits or miss out on the geek-gasm. (2:05) (Eddy)

Just Wright (1:51)

*Kick-Ass Based on a comic book series by Mark Millar, whose work was also the model for 2008’s Wanted, Kick Ass is a similarly over-the-top action flick that plays up its absurdity to even greater comedic effect. High school nerd Dave (Aaron Johnson) decides to become the world’s first real superhero. Donning a green wetsuit he bought on the internet and mustering some unlikely courage, he takes to the streets to avenge wrongdoing. Unsurprisingly, Dave is immediately beaten almost to death because he’s just a kid who has no idea what he’s doing, but Kick-Ass‘ greatest achievement is knowing exactly how to subvert audience expectations. Scenes that marry the film’s innocent story with enormously exaggerated violence enhance the otherwise Superbad-lite high-school comedy unfolding around them, and a parallel plot-line involving Nicolas Cage instructing his 12-year-old daughter to commit grievous murders will probably end up being the most gratifying aspect of the film. Though too much set-up and spinning gears mars the middle act, it’s hard to fault the film for competently setting up one of the most crowd-pleasing endings in recent memory. (1:58) (Galvin)

Kites As randomly exuberant, shamelessly cheesy, and as garishly OTT as an amalgam of Bollywood song-and-dance flash and ’80s Hollywood blockbuster can get, Kites is a lovable mutt through and through — ready for its stateside close-up with by way of a forthcoming Brett Ratner English-language "remix" treatment. But first the two-hour original: J (Hrithik Roshan) is a poor but studly, V-chested dance teacher who hits the jackpot in Vegas with Gina (Kangna), his besotted student and the daughter of a powerful and deadly casino owner. Their dance competition number — jumpily cut like a hybrid of Dancing With the Stars, Saturday Night Fever (1977), and Fame (1980) — lands J in the bosom of Gina’s family, where he meets her sadistic bro, Tony (Nick Brown), and his fiancée, Natasha (Barbara Mori), an illegal immigrant from Mexico. But J and Natasha have met briefly before, when she hired him to marry her for a green card. How can a connected, killer family possibly get in the way of true love — between two leads who resemble a youthful, performance-enhanced, manically happily Nicolas Cage and Megan Fox? Smoothly integrating the dance numbers into the predictable narrative, Kites has polished off any possible edge from its high-energy Bollywood riff on the movies of Michael Bay and Ridley Scott, but that doesn’t mean you can tear your eyes from the screen, or stop the music. (1:30) (Chun)

Letters to Juliet If you can stomach the inevitable Barbara Cartland/Harlequin-romance-style clichés — and believe that Amanda Seyfried as a New Yorker fact-checker — then Letters to Juliet might be the ideal Tuscan-sunlit valentine for you. Seyfried’s Sophie is on a pre-honeymoon trip to Verona with her preoccupied chef-restaurateur intended, Victor (Gael Garcia Bernal), who’s more interested in sampling cheese and purchasing vino than taking in the romantic attractions of Verona with his fiancée. Luckily she finds the perfect diversion for a wannabe scribe: a small clutch of diehard romantics enlisted by the city of Verona to answer the letters to Juliet posted by lovelorn ladies. They’re Juliet’s secretaries — never mind that Juliet never managed to maintain a successful or long-term relationship herself. When Sophie finds a lost, unanswered letter from the ’50s, she sets off sequence of unlikely events, as the letter’s English writer, Claire (Vanessa Redgrave), returns to Verona with her grandson Charlie (Christopher Egan), in search of her missed-connection, Lorenzo. Alas, Lorenzo’s long gone, and the fact-checker decides to help the warm-hearted, hopeful Claire find her lost lover. Unfortunately Sophie’s chemistry with both her matches isn’t as powerful as Redgrave’s with real-life husband Franco Nero — after all he was Lancelot to her Guenevere in 1967’s Camelot and the father of her son. Still, Redgrave’s power as an actress — and her relationship with Nero — adds a resonance that takes this otherwise by-the-numbers romance to another level. (1:46) (Chun)

*Looking for Eric Eric Bishop (Steve Everts) is a single dad, frustrated at his inability to bond with his teenage sons and heartbroken over his failed marriage to Lily (Stephanie Bishop), the woman he walked out on 20 years ago but never managed to get over. Just when things are looking dire, Eric is delivered in surprising, magical fashion by hallucinatory visitations from Eric Cantona, his favorite soccer player, a philosophical Frenchman who was as renowned for his inscrutable press conferences as he was for his scintillating goals. Cantona plays himself, and passes pensive joints with Bishop as they slowly piece his shattered life back together. American viewers might be have trouble deciphering the intricacies of soccer culture or the molasses-thick Mancunian accents, but at its heart the movie (by Brit director Ken Loach) is an amusing, tautly crafted fable of middle-aged alienation giving way to hope and gumption. (1:57) Smith Rafael. (Richardson)

MacGruber Mudflaps, moptops, box-office flippity-flops, such is the sad transition Saturday Night Live skits make to the big screen. Handicapped as such MacGruber also has a very specific demographic in mind: the Gen-Xers who popularized the use of MacGyver as a verb and harbor a picture-tube-deep ironic affection for the lousy ’80s TV action shows of their youth. Does anyone younger — or older — than that population get MacGruber‘s interest in Howard Stern-style transgressive humor, its "Cunth"/dick/poop/butt jokes, and its shameful identification with badly dated hair styles? That said, MacGruber isn’t half bad if one keeps expectations nice ‘n’ low, much like its hero’s brow, and one enjoys a comic antihero who uses his buds as human shields and can’t MacGyver a weapon out of a tennis ball and rubber-band to save his life. Laughs can be had — as long as your bad Gen-X self is still in touch with your inner 13-year-old. MacGruber won’t make the Bay Area-born-and-bred Will Forte a superstar, but at least it gives Kristen Wiig fans another, if somewhat inexplicable, chance to glimpse their heroine in action, with little to do — someone get this smart, likable actress into a Nicole Holofcener comedy ASAP. (1:39) (Chun)

*Mid-August Lunch Gianni Di Gregorio’s loose, engaging comedy is about an aging bachelor still living with his ancient mum in their Rome flat. When his landlord offers to forgive some debts in return for briefly taking in his own elderly ma, Gianni (played by the director himself) soon finds himself in cat-herding charge of no less than five old ladies who delight in one another’s company while running him ragged. Gomorrah (2008) screenwriter Di Gregorio used nonprofessionals to play those parts in this semi improvised miniature, which is as light and flavorful as a first course of prosciutto and mozzarella. It’s a solid addition to the canon of palate-pleasing culinary flicks such as Big Night (1996) and Babette’s Feast (1987), as opposed to the repulsive ones like Super Size Me (2004) or Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (1983). (1:15) (Harvey)

La Mission A veteran S.F. vato turned responsible — if still muy macho — widower, father, and Muni driver, fortysomething Che (Benjamin Bratt) isn’t the type for mushy displays of sentiment. But it’s clear his pride and joy is son Jess (Jeremy Ray Valdez), a straight-A high school grad bound for UCLA. That filial bond, however, sustains some serious damage when Che discovers Jes has a secret life — with a boyfriend, in the Castro, just a few blocks away from their Mission walkup but might as well be light-years away as far as old-school dad is concerned. This Bratt family project (Benjamin’s brother Peter writes-directs, his wife Talisa Soto Bratt has a supporting role) has a bit of a predictable TV-movie feel, but its warm heart is very much in the right place. (1:57) Roxie. (Harvey)

Mother and Child Adoption advocates who railed against Orphan (2009) should turn their sights on Mother and Child, a ridiculous melodrama with a thoroughly vile message. I’d wager writer-director Rodrigo García didn’t set out to make an anti-adoption film: this is a movie about the relationship between mothers and daughters. But the undertones are impossible to miss. Annette Bening plays Karen, a miserable woman consumed by regret for putting her daughter up for adoption 37 years ago. That biological daughter is Elizabeth (Naomi Watts), who — despite having been adopted at birth — speaks dismissively of her "adoptive" parents as though they were never really hers. She’s cold and manipulative, sleeping with her boss and married neighbor because she can. Mother and Child offers no real explanation for why these women are so unpleasant, so we’re forced to conclude it’s the four decades-old adoption. Despite a stellar cast, which also includes Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, and S. Epatha Merkerson, the film’s misguided politics are too distracting to ignore. (2:06) (Peitzman)

*OSS 117: Lost in Rio The Cold War heated up a public appetite for spy adventures well before James Bond became a pop phenomenon. In fact, Ian Fleming hadn’t yet created 007 in 1949, when Jean Bruce commenced writing novels about Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath, a.k.a. Agent OSS 117. This French superspy was ready-made to join the ranks of umpteen 007 wannabes, appearing in somewhere between six and 11 films (it’s unclear whether all involved de La Bath, or were just Bruce-based) through 1970, played by at least four actors. The series remained well-known enough to get a new life in 2006 when director Michel Hazanavicius and top French comedy star Jean Dujardin sought to spoof 1960s espionage flicks a la Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997). That was a big hit, so now we’ve got a sequel. OSS 117: Lost in Rio isn’t as fresh or funny as the preceding Cairo, Nest of Spies. But it’s still a whole lot fresher and funnier than Austin Powers Nos. two (1999) and three (2002). Dujardin’s de La Bath is the very model of jet-set masculinity, twisting the night away at a ski chalet with umpteen soon-to-be-machine gunned "Oriental" lovelies in the opening sequence. Of course such pleasure pursuits take place strictly between car chases, shootouts, and karate fights. Agreeably silly, Lost in Rio doesn’t go for Hollywood-style slapstick and gross out yuks. Instead, its biggest laughs are usually droll throwaways, as when 117 explains a shocking sudden costume change with the unlikely declaration "I sew," or during an LSD-dosed hippie orgy proves quite willing to go with the flow — even when that involves another guy’s groovy finger breaching security up the pride of French intelligence’s derriere. (1:37) (Harvey)

*Please Give Manhattan couple Kate (Catherine Keener) and Alex (Oliver Platt) are the proprietors of an up-market vintage furniture store — they troll the apartments of the recently deceased, redistributing the contents at an astonishing markup — and they’ve purchased the entire apartment of their elderly next-door neighbor (Ann Guilbert). As they wait for her to expire so they can knock down a wall, they try not to loom in anticipation in front of her granddaughters, the softly melancholic Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) and the brittle pragmatist Mary (Amanda Peet). Filmmaker Nicole Holofcener has entered this territory before, examining the interpersonal pressures that a sizable income gap can exert in 2006’s Friends with Money. Here she turns to the pangs and blunderings of the liberal existence burdened with the discomforts of being comfortable and the desire to do some good in the world. The film capably explores the unexamined impulses of liberal guilt, though the conclusion it reaches is unsatisfying. Like Holofcener’s other work, Please Give is constructed from the episodic material of mundane, intimate encounters between characters whose complexity forces us to take them seriously, whether or not we like them. Here, though, it offers these private connections as the best one can hope for, a sort of domestic grace accrued by doing right, authentically, instinctively, by the people in your immediate orbit, leaving the larger world to muddle along on its axis as best it can. (1:30) (Rapoport)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time It takes serious effort to make a movie with a story dumber than the video game it’s based on. Director Mike Newell somehow accomplishes this feat with Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, a Disneyfied flop that flails clumsily in the PG-13 demilitarized zone, delivering sanitized violence, chaste romance, and dreary drama. Jake Gyllenhaal plays Dastan, an urchin boy — one jump, ahead of the bread line — adopted by the king and raised to be the wise-cracking black sheep in a family of feuding princes. He’s got Middle East ninja skills — one swing, ahead of the sword — and his infiltration of a sacred city nets him the magical Dagger of Time, a gilded rewind button coveted by his evil uncle Nizam (Ben Kingsley), who wants to use it for, well, evil, and Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton), who’s sworn to protect it. Pressing a button on the dagger’s hilt allows its wielder to undo past events. If you have the misfortune of seeing this movie, you’ll want one for yourself. (2:10) (Richardson)

Princess Kaiulani Well-meaning and controversial (the independent’s first title, Barbarian Princess, and the tragic events it depicts has distressed some native Hawaiians) in its own inoffensive way, Princess Kaiulani is unfortunately overshadowed by star Q’orianka Kilcher’s first film, 2005’s The New World, in which she portrayed Pocahontas. The Hawaii-raised Kilcher appears to be getting typecast as a tragic, romanticized native royal. Still, if you can get past director Marc Forby’s weak attempts to match New World director Terrence Malick’s searingly poetic montages and the clunky History Channel-by-the-numbers screenplay, you might give a little credit to the makers for bringing to the screen the tale of Hawaii’s last intelligent, beautiful, and accomplished princess — a young woman determined to fight an overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy and battle its annexation against the white land owners and descendents of missionaries who tried to block the voting rights of native Hawaiians. Kilcher possesses some of the noble charisma claimed by the real Kaiulani, but the obligatory romance superimposed on the narrative and the neglect of some of genuinely promising threads, such as Kaiulani’s friendship with Robert Louis Stevenson, make Princess Kaiulani feel as faux as those who pretended to Hawaii’s rule. (2:10) (Chun)

Robin Hood Like it or not, we live in the age of the origin story. Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood introduces us to the outlaw while he’s still in France, wending his way back to Albion in the service of King Richard III. The Lionheart soon takes an arrow in the neck in order to demonstrate the film’s historical bona fides, and yeoman archer Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe) — surrounded by a nascent band of merry men — accidentally embroils himself in a conspiracy to wrest control of England. The complications of this intrigue hie Robin to Nottingham, where he is thrown together with Maid Marion (Cate Blanchett), a plucky rural aristocrat who likes getting her hands dirty almost as much as she likes a bit of smoldering Crowe seduction. A lot of hollow medieval verisimilitude ensues, along with a good bit of slow-mo swordplay, but the cumulative effect is tepid and rote. (2:20) (Richardson)

The Secret in Their Eyes (2:07)

Sex and the City 2 Sex and the City 2 couldn’t be anymore brazenly shameless, dizzyingly shallow, or patently offensive if it tried. This is aspiration porn, pure and simple, kitted out in the Orientalist trappings of a Vogue spread and with all the emotional intelligence of a 12 year-old brat. As the first SATC film nearly made short work of any shred of nuance or humanity that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda carried over from their televised selves, SATC 2 fully embraces the bad pun-spewing, couture-clad clichés the girls have hardened into. Sure they have kids, husbands, career changes, and menopause to deal with, but who cares about those tired signposts of middle age when there is more shit to buy, more champagne to swill, private airlines to fly on, $22,000-a-night luxury suites to inhabit, Helen Reddy songs to butcher, and whole other peoples — specifically, the people of Abu Dhabi, who speak funny, dress funnier, and have craaazy notions about what it means to be "one of the girls" — to alternately boss around, offend, and pity? (Fun SATC2 fact: did you know that in the "new Middle East" women secretly wear designer duds underneath their abayas?) Oh, that one tiny pang of sympathy you feel during the tipsy confessional between Charlotte and Miranda in which they bond over how being a mother and giving up one’s life ambition is difficult? A mirage. Because really, the greater concern is flying back to JFK first class or bust. And let’s not even get into the few bones the film tosses to the homos, such as the opening set piece: a gay wedding only a straight man could’ve thought up, replete with a shopworn Liza Minnelli having her Gene Kelly-in-Xanadu moment. But seriously, Michael Patrick King, don’t get it twisted: Stanford may call it such, but it’s not "cheating" if you’re already in an open relationship. Then again, if being a foil for your straight BFF’s insecurities about the luxe confines of monogamy gets you a gift registry at Bergdorf’s, why not? The laughs are cheaper this time around, but SATC 2‘s fuckery is strictly price-upon-request. (2:24) Castro. (Sussman)

Shrek Forever After 3D It’s easy to give Dreamworks a hard time for pumping out a fourth sequel to a film that never really needed a sequel in the first place. But Shrek Forever After isn’t all that bad — it’s mostly just irrelevant. The film does begin on an interesting note, with Shrek discovering the consequences of settling down with a wife and kids: serious ennui. It’s refreshing to see a fairy tale in which "happily ever after" is revealed to be rather mundane. But soon there are wacky magical hijinks that spawn an alternate universe, a cheap way to inject new life into tired old characters. (You like Puss in Boots? Well, he’s fat now.) Luckily, the voice actors are still game and the animation remains top-notch. The 3D effects are well used for once, fleshing out Shrek’s world rather than providing an unnecessary distraction. The end result is a mildly entertaining addition to the franchise, but like the alternate universe in which Shrek finds himself stranded, there’s no real reason it should exist. (1:33) (Peitzman)

Survival of the Dead George A. Romero’s 2007 Diary of the Dead was a surprise hit, and with an eye toward delivering similar results, Survival of the Dead spins off one of its predecessor’s minor characters. Amid a zombie attack that already seems like old news by movie’s start, a disaffected soldier (Alan Van Sprang) goes AWOL with a few comrades and a teenage drifter they meet along the way. A possible refuge from the undead presents itself in the form of Plum Island, which despite being in the United States is populated by two extremely Irish families with a long-standing hillbilly-style feud that simply won’t be mended, zombies be damned. Props to Romero for finding a way to make movies on his own terms; the horror legend is back to working with a small budget and enjoying the kind of creative control that shaped his earliest films. But Survival of the Dead is tonally uneven, and its Western-inspired story veers into the ridiculous (surprise twins?!) End result: there’s more human drama than zombie fun. (1:30) (Eddy)

Touching Home Hometown boys (Logan and Noah Miller) make good in this based-on-a-true-story tale of identical twins who must divide their time at home between training for major league baseball and looking after their alcoholic father. The brothers, who also wrote and directed the film, aim for David Gordon Green by way of Marin, but fall short of mastering that director’s knack for natural dialogue. Ed Harris is, unsurprisingly, compelling as the alcoholic father, but the actors in the film who are not named Ed Harris tend to contribute to the script’s distracting histrionics. Touching Home has some amazing NorCal cinematography, and I could see how family audiences might enjoy its "feel bad, then feel good" style of melodrama. But while it’s awkward to say that someone’s real-life experiences come off as trite, there are moments here that feel as clichéd as a Lifetime movie. (1:48) Smith Rafael. (Galvin)

Party Radar: Strap yourself in for the long weekend

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This week, I took advantage of our Video Issue to gush in the Super Ego column about some digital developments in Clubland that fascinate me. But of course upon us comes the three-day bonanza known as Memorial Weekend to the outside world (Blackout McBlackety-Blackout Weekend to party peeps). So here’s a few picks to guide you tipsily down the Memorial Hole. Rat your wig and grip that PBR, because here we go. And check out our Weekly Picks for more craziness.

First to get you in the mood while you read this, here’s a primo mix from one of my new fave “fun time” DJs, Alex Niggemann, suitable for throwing down, vogueing, or just doing up your go-out mascara:

 

Alex Niggemann Live @ Soulfooled, Watergate, Berlin – 14-04-2010 by R_co

(Feeling deeper? Try this Snobo mix. Or just bhangra out of control.)


MISS HONEY

Get real, get fierce, get runway ($200 cash prize for voguers who rule) at the one year anniversary of this kiki favorite all the children flock to. DJs Errol, Chelsea Starr, Nikki B. play an interesting melange of the danceable — ironic pop to disco depths. Domonique and Artist Malcolm Drake preside over the ovah.

Fri/28, 10pm-3am, $7. Supperclub, 657 Harrison, SF. www.supperclub.com



NEW 7TH HEAVEN ROLLER DISCO II

Bump hips and try not to trip when you strap into your skates and go for a wild, wild ride at Mezzanine. DJs Chris Orr, Conor, Jordan, and BT Magnum give you the spins. Plus best promo ever: “What do you get when you take 23 afros, 37 scrunchies, 19 side ponytails, 45 satin bomber jackets, 132 knee socks, 240 bootie shorts, 3 fog blasters, 18 lasers, 52 sexy disco cuts, put them in an open spaced industrial warehouse space, shake it up, a drizzle of neon, a sprinkle of glitter, and a smorgasbord of wheels?” My Tuesday?

Fri/28, 9pm, $7. Mezzanine, 444 Jessie, SF. www.mezzaninesf.com


SOME THING

It’s DJ Down-E’s birthday, and a gaggle of alternadrag queens will be flocking to the stage for “Some Thing Special” to pay tribute. Faux King Awesome, Beth Amphetamine, Glamamore, Phatima, and so many more will help blow out the candles. DJs Hoku Mama Swamp and Juanita More put on party hits.

Fri/28, 10pm-4am (shows at 11 and midnight), $5. The Stud, 399 9th Street, SF. www.studsf.com


STACEY PULLEN

The Kosmik Messenger of Detroit techno flies in with his mindblowing combination of tribal soul and electronic forward-thinking. I’ve known him and heard him for about 21 years now, and he never fails to delight, deepen, and surprise.

Fri/28, 10pm-4am, $10. Teple, 540 Howard, SF. www.templesf.com


TEENAGE DANCE CRAZE– LIVE!

DJs Sergio Iglesias, Russell Quan, and dXXX bring on the old old school (we’re talking Motown, rockabilly, and French 60s pop here) for a hip and giddy crowd — and enliven it with a live performance from the Teenage Dance Craze house band. Kids keep swingin’.

Fri/28, 10pm, $4. The Knockout, 3223 Mission, SF. www.knockoutsf.com



BOYZ NOIZE

Trust, no Zs when this banger invades Mighty. Not quite an all-out electro overloader — he throws in some subtle, even disco-y effects — but yeah, he’s a bit of joyous nutso. OK, I changed my mind, there will be overload. Freaky overload.

Sat/29, 10pm-very late. $20. Mighty, 119 Utah, SF. www.mighty119.com


SIXXTEEN’S CHERRY BOMB PROM!

Rock it. Roll it. Blow it up! One of SF’s most “cherished” (punny, maybe!) rock ‘n roll extravaganzas returns for prom-prom-prom. Dressed in your finest fucked-up formal wear and lose it sublime. Lusty Ladies dance, Merkley??? hosts, Nicky Bangles performs, Lady Bear serves, nuns are there, and DJs Omar, Jenny, and a hell-heaven host of others rip up the tables. Tons of prizes awarded to nuttiest prommers — including Prom King, Biggest Queen, Class Slut and Stud. Why do I keep typing “porn” instead of “prom”?

Sat/29, 9pm-3am, $10. Cat Club, 1190 Folsom, SF. www.sfcatclub.com


TABOO: THE NEW JOURNEY

DJ David Harness‘s classic soulful house affair is back this weekend, at SOM. This should have an amazing and diverse crowd of deep lovers in it for the dance, not the showin’ off.

Sat/29, 9:30pm-4am, $10. SOM, 2925 16th Street, SF. www.som-bar.com



CHICKENBEAR

The whole gay “identify with an animal” thing has gone too far. Let’s mock it by taking it farther! Mica and Walter host this Sunday evening homo “in between” party at the Powerhouse (sexy!) to “get wild.” Tons of kooky funsters and drink specials expected. Music by DJ Dirty Knees. Plus this: “Wanna be the reigning CHICKENBEAR? Then practice your mating call and get ready to strut your stuff for a CASH prize! You can get some pointers from our feral gogo dancers!” CASH. It’s a theme.

Sun/30, 7pm-11pm, $5. Powerhouse, 1347 Folsom, SF. www.powerhouse-sf.com


HONEY WITH SPUN

The Honey Soundsystem boys are bringing in fabulous disco-house spinner DJ Spun from Rong Music for their “extended Memorial Day mix.” Goddess help us all.

Sun/30, 6:30pm-2:30pm, $3. paradise Lounge, 1501 Folsom, SF. www.paradisesf.com


 LIGHTS DOWN LOW

The too-hip electro free-for-all is back for jamz. The awesome HOTTUB rap trio tears off their clothes, DJ Them Jeans from LA provides some gonzo (yet pretty keenly smart) slices, and our two biggest saw-wave table-ravers Richie Panic and Sleazemore flash their pearly jaws.

Sun/30, 9pm, $10. Triple Crown, 1172 Market, SF. www.triplecrownsf.com


STOMPY+SUNSET JAMBOREE

Smooth house hero Kevin Yost returns, and hometown kings Solar, J-Bird, Galen, Deron, and Tasho (with a headlining appearance by Lance DeSardi) make it work at this marathon bonkers outdoor-patio Beat-BQ (you can eat til six), brought to us by the delerious Pacific Sound. You could lose a day here, easy.

Sun/30, 2pm-2am, $10. Cocomo, 650 Indiana, SF. www.cafecocomo.com


SWEATER FUNK

This regular Sunday night party is so cute I don’t know what to do with it. If you like to boogie — and I don’t say that ironically, it gets funky and sweaty in the basement of Li Po — then join E Da Boss, Eddy Bauer, and the Sweater Funk crew for some lively, local, laidback-attitude times. Sweeet.

Sun/30, 9pm, free. Li Po Lounge, 916 Grant, SF.

Tasty bytes at the Guerilla Dining Collective

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“You’re experiencing a dish crawl in a single room,” chirped the beguiling CEO of Battledish, Tracy Lee. Lee’s Interweb gig entails cataloguing SF dish-by-dish for the pleasure of adventurous food obsessed individuals, a Sisyphean task she says has her organizing the city’s restaurants’ specialties down to taste. To highlight this spirit of culinary safari, Battledish was taking part in and helping to organizing a dinner assembled by graffEats of some of the finest underground food purveyors in the Bay last night to create eight courses of delicately prepared plates, each paired with glasses of Phelps Creek, Oregon wines hitherto unreleased on the Californian market.

In attendance was Canvas Underground, Radio Africa Kitchen, guys and gals into the “anti-restaurant,” community noshes with friends you never met yet. Most of the chefs are used to preparing meals for 25 meant to be consumed sitting on the ground of a stranger’s living room. But tonight the whole, safari embarking lot of us are sitting at three long tables in the middle of a drafty Dogpatch warehouse.

A kitchen space smaller than what I have in my apartment (that’s small!) somehow accommodates the marinating and tossing of the three culinary enterprises, who are pumping out more food than you woulda thunk possible, really. I guess they’re used to less than ideal cooking facilities; Canvas Underground has even been known to whip up spreads for their doting fans in a grassy field.

Lee addresses what is clearly a source of consternation in her office. “You know, salty, sweet, crunchy, bitter. There’s really not that many bitter dishes out there.” I am not surprised by this. I nod energetically to keep her talking through her vast knowledge of restaurants, both known and new. Besides her sits a smart phone, an equally intelligent looking video camera, and an SLR, which she rotates through in a steady bid to capture the moment for tomorrow’s web surfers.

Flips are brandished right and left to catch the crowd’s reaction to the lavender cumin roasted duck, and Tracy’s occasional flash bulb generates a gentle frisson of technology that belies the gluttony we are gracefully acquiesing to.

Ever since Paper magazine came out with its social networking issue, I’ve been feeling vastly, isolatingly, computer illiterate. (And don’t trip, I realize the irony of writing this on the blog I regularly contribute to.) But really, last night amidst the foodies, techies, and foodie-techies, I needed the reassurance that at the advanced age of 25 I could still be integrated into this brave new world of point-click, point-click, eat.

Should I be tweeting this? What taste category does the green melon gazpacho poured over ceviche of prawn, fennel, and vanilla fall into? Can I perhaps slip mention of the saffron almond cake with the roasted loquat and cinnamon crème fraiche into a html coded round up of the city’s best pop-up pastries?

There’s also a resplendent honey and cheese plate, and an Alaskan halibut kitfo – a word they must have used on the menu because it is more elegant than the one I’d have opted for; halibut poke loaf. We need more loafs these days.

But as the folksy tunes of The Shants swept through the high celinged warehouse-cum-drunk tank (four glasses of good wine go far, even when you’re eating your wieght to accompany it), I relaxed and let go of my Luddite, anti-tech mental ramblings. Sites like Battledish are just making more ways to connect for people that want it like that.

Amiably gripping their wine glasses in the pleasant fog between dessert courses, Tracy and my free spirited dinner companion debate the merits of Internet dating versus leaving love to that ever elusive “fate” thing. “It’s all about maximizing serendipity,” Tracy sagely intones before once again she is gone in a whirl of gastronomic experimentation. A fine philosophy for the information age, indeed.

 

The Bay Citizen makes a strong debut

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The Bay Citizen, a well-funded newsroom that is the most anticipated of several new media experiments in San Francisco, officially launched today with some solid, interesting stories that include an investigation of toxic pesticides being illegally applied to local marijuana crops and a look at how Prop. 13 has obscenely benefited the wealthiest San Francisco residents.

The organization also announced today that it has raised an additional $3.5 million in donations to supplement the $5 million in seed money that local investment banker Warren Hellman provided to the start-up. Meanwhile, another new media start-up that we profiled this week, SF Streetsblog – one of The Bay Citizen’s many local partners — has issued a fundraising plea for $50,000 that it needs by July 1 to continue its award-winning coverage of local transportation issues.

But today is a day for The Bay Citizen to bask in its initial success, which it will do tonight starting at 7:30 with a launch party at the Great American Music Hall. And then tomorrow, once the hoopla is over and the stories that have been in development for weeks or months are replaced by fresh content, San Franciscans will begin to learn whether The Bay Citizen represents a new journalistic powerhouse or just a well-funded website with some powerful friends.

I’ve heard some detractors in the local media grumble that their presentation seems “banal” and unworthy of their big budget, but I don’t agree. Personally, I think The Bay Citizen strikes the right tone and balance, emphasizing solid journalism rather than flashy gimmicks, while also drawing on multimedia tools such as the video of yesterday’s protests against President Obama’s visit to SF.

San Francisco needs relevant, well-presented, serious journalism more than the snarky, juvenile stories we see in design-heavy local start-ups such as The Bold Italic, where The Bay Citizen’s culture writer came from, or the often out-of-touch, sneering, or self-important stories that we see in corporate-run papers like SF Weekly, San Francisco Chronicle, and San Francisco Examiner.

Instead, our first peek at The Bay Citizen seems to show that it might just be up to the important task of providing relevant content for the New York Times’ twice-weekly Bay Area section – which has also demonstrated a tin ear for San Francisco values since it launched last year – providing an important new forum for those who believe in speaking truth to power.

More digital glam!

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For this week’s Video Issue, I wrote about the YouTube beauty guru phenomenon. Read the article here. Complete interviews with the featured gurus follow!

YouTuber: Michele1218 (www.youtube.com/user/michele1218)
What you’ll find on her channel: wearable neutral looks demonstrated in easy-to-follow tutorials.

What inspired you to start making videos? How do you stay inspired?

I have always had a passion for makeup and beauty products and for as many friends as I have, none of them ever shared in my passion. When I stumbled across the beauty community on YouTube, one video in and I was hooked! I watched videos for about 3 months, learned so many amazing techniques, learned so much more about makeup and found new products that I never knew existed. Once I started to feel comfortable with myself and felt confident, I thought “Hey, this might be fun!” I knew how inspired I felt just watching some of these girls, and I thought it would be great if I can help inspire other girls as well! The rest was history! It’s not hard to stay inspired, I absolutely LOVE making videos and have had the time of my life meeting people and making friends. I have such a great relationship with my viewers and subscribers, and their comments and messages are what continue to inspire me everyday and make me want to continue making them!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b77oZaKJSI&playnext_from=TL&videos=2Dy8kgw6Xhc

What’s your favorite kind of video to make? Least favorite?

My favorite kind of videos to make are haul videos. They are my guilty pleasure! I get so crazy excited over makeup and when I shop and buy products I can’t wait to share my thoughts and opinions with the world! I don’t really have a least favorite type of video that I make, however I will say that reviews are becoming harder and harder to make. With so many companies finding out about all the YT Beauty gurus it seems like more and more review videos are becoming paid TV advertisements. Therefore viewers and subscribers are becoming more and more skeptical of the products people are reviewing. When I make a review video it seems as though I always have to defend it by saying my own money was spent and I was not sent free products or been paid to review. It’s unfortunate because there are a lot of girls including myself that never accept paid reviews and because the “bigger” gurus do it is assumed that we all do.

How much time per week do you spend on YouTube?

YouTube has seriously become like a 2nd full time job, but I wouldn’t change a minute of it! I work 9-5 and most days come home and spend about 2-3 hours at night responding to comments and answering questions. I spend a lot of my weekends on YT as well. I also enjoy watching YouTube videos from my friends and girls I am subscribed to! I would much rather watch videos than TV sometimes!!

What do you think of “haul” videos?

As I said, haul videos are my absolute favorite! When I first started watching them I would just buy and buy and spend and spend just to have things that so and so loves or so and so swears by! Now I have learned to really try and “control” my wants to go buy everything I see in haul videos, and just go for the things I know I will get use out of! It’s so addicting! I learn about so many amazing products and form a “mental” list that I take shopping with me each time! Some of my most favorite product finds were because of watching a haul video!

Who do you think your audience is? What do you hope they gain from watching your videos?

I believe my audience age ranges anywhere from 10-50 years old! I have had both age groups message me about my videos, and that is just amazing to me! If they can take anything away from my videos I hope that they learn something from my videos that will help themselves feel more confident. Whether it’s to learn less is more. or that a certain eye shadow color will really bring out their eyes! As much as we all love makeup and people always have the impression that makeup videos are superficial because people should feel beautiful without it. That is SO true, but at least for me the whole community is more than just makeup. It’s a community of girls that all share a passion and love for the same thing. We are all there for one another on such a personal level that stretches WAY beyond blush and lipstick. It’s crazy, but I have friends through YouTube that I know better and have been better friends to me than some friends in real life that I have personally known for years! It’s just a great feeling to know that if any of us needs anything, we are all there, regardless if its about makeup or not!

What has been your most rewarding YouTube-related experience?

I receive messages every day from girls all over the world of all ages thanking me for being their inspiration. Whether they had a bad day at school, broke up with their boyfriend, or were stuck in a hospital for weeks. When they write to me to tell me that watching my videos cheered them up or put a smile on their faces … THAT is the MOST rewarding experience I could ever ask for. It’s heartwarming and its something I NEVER get tired of hearing. I know how certain girls’ videos that I watch make me feel about myself and those girls whose videos I look forward to and count on to cheer me up, so the fact that I can do that to ONE person is all I need to know to keep me in front of my video camera!

If you were just starting YouTube today, would there be anything you’d do differently?

Yes! I would have chosen a different screen name! Haha! I just made up a name when I first started watching so that I could leave comments and send messages to my favorite girls. Had I known I would have made videos I would have made my username a little bit more interesting!

And a bonus question…
What’s your favorite make-up brand or beauty product?

My favorite makeup brand is MAC and my favorite product is mascara. I don’t care what brand but I can never leave the house without it on!!

YouTuber: Vintage or Tacky (www.youtube.com/user/vintageortacky)

What you’ll find on her channel: vibrant, colorful eye shadow looks.

What inspired you to start making videos? How do you stay inspired?

I just started doing this for fun, just to show other beauty lovers my tricks and my favorite stuff. I stay inspired because the atmosphere has changed, now there is a teaching element, and community element. People have written me telling me how my videos have helped them. That touches your heart and makes you want to continue helping people and sharing the fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZ16ePZJR_I&playnext_from=TL&videos=JL7MTgXXyCA

What’s your favorite kind of video to make? Least favorite?

Fave videos? Definitely tutorials. I love the artistic element. Least fave? Probably the ones where I need to be informative, like skincare videos. Don’t get me wrong, I love those videos too, but I’m always worried I’ll be under prepared and forget something. I’m a Virgo so I can be a bit of a perfectionist.

How much time per week do you spend on YouTube?

Probably more than I should, I average 35-plus hours give or take. I do this more than I do my day job.

What do you think of “haul” videos?

That’s an interesting question. Haul videos that are just braggy, or that are done all the time are totally ridiculous, I don’t like those. If all you do is haul videos, then your channel isn’t for me. If you find new cool beauty products and you give a mini review of each item, they can be a really great way to find something new. Rather than have 10 review videos, put it all into one. I prefer the term “Show and Tell” for my “haul” type videos.

Who do you think your audience is? What do you hope they gain from watching your videos?

Less than half my viewership is under 18, however teens have more time on their hands, so they are probably my most avid video watchers. I hope that my audience gains some perspective from watching my videos. Yes, I have a beauty channel, but I don’t always go on camera looking picture perfect. I showed my hair when I had a botched dye job, I’ve gone on camera without makeup. I try new hairstyles, hair colors, and makeup. It’s not always pretty, but it’s honest, it’s fun and creative. I hope they learn to have fun with their looks, but not to be ruled by them. I’m not a skinny, pretty, perfect girl, but I put it all out there, and I hope I inspire others to just be themselves, and be the best they can be. My motto is “Be Vintage Or Tacky, Just be Yourself!” That and to wear sunscreen.

What has been your most rewarding YouTube-related experience?

When people send me messages telling me how much my videos have helped them, with makeup, or skincare, or self worth and self esteem. Knowing that some people just like me and value my opinion and my videos has made me a more confident person, and has helped me though some tough patches in the last few years.

If you were just starting YouTube today, would there be anything you’d do differently?

I would probably have a different user name, and I wouldn’t have shared so much personal information, like my wedding blogs.

And a bonus question…
What’s your favorite make-up brand or beauty product?

Ah, the Million Dollar Question! My fave makeup brand is MAC, because of their quality and price (compared to other high-end companies, MAC is cheap), their palette system, the diversity of items, their pro line, and their recycling program. And, they don’t test on animals. My fave beauty product? Sunscreen. It’s the best anti-aging product ever.

YouTuber: Pursebuzz (www.youtube.com/user/pursebuzz)
What you’ll find on her channel: upbeat videos offering hair, makeup, and nail advice. Also, her “How to Fake Abs” makeup tutorial has over 13 million views. Respect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rf3lcpHtbtg&playnext_from=TL&videos=cBGXiVBYNHk

What inspired you to start making videos? How do you stay inspired?

I started in 2006 on a separate channel to show my friend some makeup tips. After that I received some comments and that grabbed my interest. I was shocked that someone else wanted to know what I had to say. At the time I only saw professional makeup artists applying makeup on models but there weren’t any videos with makeup artists applying makeup on themselves or on everyday people. Sure, we would all love to have someone do our makeup and hair, but that’s not the case. I knew I had to start somewhere and I have always read in magazines on how to get (insert celebrity) look. So I broke down Carmen Electra’s look in her Max Factor ad showed it step by step, and I have loved it ever since. I am inspired each day by my readers and the things around me. I’ll watch a video about a movie, music video, or video game and I’ll just take something from there and make it my own. My viewers and readers inspire me because I do this for them. They will give me some fun requests and I am always up for the challenge.

What’s your favorite kind of video to make? Least favorite?

Favorite Video: I like videos where I can be creative and can express myself in characters. These videos are a great way to express yourself and have fun.
Least Favorite: I don’t have a least favorite, just depends on my mood. But I hate when I have deadlines and I have to stay up editing. I love my sleep.

How much time per week do you spend on YouTube?

Oh, I shouldn’t answer this. This will make me sound like a crazy person. I spend at least 3-5 hours each night answering questions, uploading, editing and catching up on videos. So I’d say at least 30 hours a week minimum.

What do you think of “haul” videos?

I love watching them. I feel like the beauty community is such a close group it is like watching a friend get things for Christmas.

Who do you think your audience is? What do you hope they gain from watching your videos?

My audiences are both genders looking expand their knowledge on cosmetic application, product reviews, and learn the latest hair styles. And some just like to watch so they can keep this information in their back pocket for that special occasion.

What has been your most rewarding YouTube-related experience?

Being able to help others. I am huge on understanding that your internal beauty is most important and makeup is just an accessory to your look. So it is rewarding to know that I have reached out to so many people and showed then how to be the best version of themselves. Like that phase “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will eat every day”.

If you were just starting YouTube today, would there be anything you’d do differently?

I wouldn’t use a digital camera on Kleenex boxes, that is for sure. I wouldn’t change anything that I have done.

And a bonus question…
What’s your favorite make-up brand or beauty product?

I love all brands. Every single brand has something unique and special. But my love of and obsession with makeup began with my MAC Parfait Amour eye shadow.

YouTuber: Lisa Freemont Street (www.youtube.com/user/LisaFreemontStreet)
What you’ll find on her channel: classy vintage hair and makeup techniques inspired by Old Hollywood and pin-up girls.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gTHiqL3i6M&playnext_from=TL&videos=dNDEliC_wAI

What inspired you to start making videos? How do you stay inspired?

Askmemakup, another YouTube guru, had a slew of really entertaining videos to offer. They were mainly retro styled makeup looks and I realized there weren’t many vintage hairstyles on the site to go with them. So I created my own tutorial for a Rita Hayworth style, using era specific music and a succinct style that would hopefully make it easier to watch. It did, I guess, because I got a lot of requests based on that one video and my channel has grown from there. These continued requests and the feedback of my viewing audience keeps me motivated.

What’s your favorite kind of video to make? Least favorite?

My series called “Diamonds and Dames” consists of requested looks by my viewers, based on their favorite hairstyles of classic film. These are the most fun for me because they require the most research. I have to figure out what setting was used to create the style or how to tailor the look to my own hair texture or length. I also include music from the year the film was released, to lend some extra credibility to the video, and I tend to really get into character by the end of filming. My least favorite videos to film are makeup application videos. I am not as comfortable with this medium and usually have difficulty getting good lighting or fitting the tutorial into the time allotted.
 
How much time per week do you spend on YouTube?

I watch videos while I work every day. I have a list of gurus that I follow faithfully and I like to keep up with their videos. On my own videos, I would say I spend about four hours a week, including actual styling time.
 
What do you think of “haul” videos?

It’s no secret that I don’t enjoy haul videos unless they also include a review of the product in question. Very quickly, a haul video can become a simple means of bragging to a large audience. However, if you are showing me something with the intention of sharing your opinion about the quality and whether it is worth my money … bravo!

Who do you think your audience is? What do you hope they gain from watching your videos?

I have come to realize that my viewers range in age from preteen to octogenarian. I love that! I get all kinds of comments from all over the world, from both men and women (the former say they watch my videos for the music … haha). The one thing I hope they take away is that if you enjoy and appreciate a vintage style, you should not let the world’s trends sway you.  Stay true to yourself and feel pretty all the time, even if you get a few odd looks along the way.

What has been your most rewarding YouTube-related experience?

I recently received an email from a teenage girl that felt overweight and unattractive amongst her peers, to the point that she felt invisible. After trying a few of the hairstyles featured on my channel, she began to develop confidence and to hold her head higher. She started to take pride in her appearance and participate in school activities. By the end of the year, her class gave her and award for “best hair” as well as a key part in the school play. Hearing that someone’s life changed by putting into practice a few simple beauty techniques that you taught them … that’s heartwarming.
 
If you were just starting YouTube today, would there be anything you’d do differently?

I think if I had known in advance how bad my lighting and camera quality was at first, I would definitely have invested in better equipment from the beginning. As it is, I will continue to try and improve my set-up so that the videos become even easier to watch and more helpful.

And a bonus question…
What’s your favorite make-up brand or beauty product?

My favorite beauty product is a plain white concealer stick. It can be used to provide a pale base for eye shadow or as a highlight for brows and cheeks.

The meme generation

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arts@sfbg.com

VIDEO We’ve got five years, stuck on my eyes …

YouTube is five. In his latest video, Chris Crocker prefaces his birthday wish for the site that effectively birthed him by announcing that he’s speaking as someone who is “part of YouTube history.” This moment of historical self-consciousness seems odd coming from Crocker, whose métier has been the in-the-moment double-blitzkrieg of unmediated emotional outpouring and laser-guided queeniness. If anything, Crocker has refined his androgynous self-presentation and ADD-addled delivery. More important, he has lived to tell. He is a part of YouTube history who seems to have come out the other side of the meme machine with some perspective, in addition to an increased “media profile.”

We’ve got five years, what a surprise …

“I hope YouTube will become more and more like the community it was in ’06 and ’07 (you all know what I mean),” Crocker says. I don’t really know what he means, but he goes on to lament how “corporate” YouTube has become. In the video’s intro note, Crocker writes, “Now with all of the corporate channels, and the constant YouTube FAVORITES featured and on the Popular list, It feels nearly impossible to be heard unless your video is featured or on a popular blog site.” Crocker’s idyllic evocation of “community” is offset by the whiff of sour grapes that his criticism gives off, but I also think he’s getting at something that’s as tangible as it is ridiculous-sounding: YouTube has become a more jaded and self-conscious medium than ever.

We’ve got five years, my brain hurts a lot …

The codes are known for those who want their 15 seconds on YouTube’s front page (and the subsequent gimlet-eyed post from Gawker). YouTube stars are now self-manufactured, no longer born to be discovered. This is a postlapsarian world in which, within a matter of days, “experts” are already raising suspicion that Greyson Chance — the 12 year-old Oklahoman whose show-stopping rendition of Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” has launched him on the path to become Bieber 2.0 — could be the product of canny media manipulation. Then again, is the question “Is he for real?” even relevant in the context of YouTube?

We’ve got five years, that’s all we’ve got.

I asked myself both questions when I watched PhatGayKID’s videos. PhatGayKID is the username of Jonnie, another extremely effeminate, young white gay man whose videos are starting to get attention from blogs. Slightly chubby and armed with a giggle that could cut shatter glass, Jonnie — who warbles out numbers from Glee and Ke$ha in the oblivious soprano of Florence Foster Jenkins — could be anywhere from 16 to 30 years old (his profile says 20). He claims to live in Beverly Hills and that his friends and family tell him he’s “way too good for American Idol!” Comments are sharply divided between homophobic dismissal and enraptured validation. Then there are those, like me, who wonder about Jonnie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nap2McCq-xk

Jonnie’s mannerisms and delivery seem too perfect and canny a distillation of the kind of fan performances that now comprise one of YouTube’s most prolific genres – a style of performance that, thanks to someone like Chris Crocker, has become codified in certain ways. Both Crocker and Jonnie are naturals at hiding their deep self-awareness of what they’re doing. But Crocker’s accumulated performance of “Chris Crocker” came out of the offline hell of being young, gay, and irrepressibly femme in a small, Southern town (memorably dubbed “Real Bitch Island”). I don’t know much about Jonnie’s life, except that for someone who’s only just getting started he’s already welcoming “business inquiries” on his channel’s home page. Slog, the blog of Seattle weekly The Stranger, posted one of Jonnie’s videos under the title “Trying to Go Viral,” and a clip of Jonnie was used in SkunkPost’s satiric video made in the wake of Chance’s overnight success, “How to make it big using YouTube in five easy steps.” Regardless of who Jonnie actually is, and what exactly it is that he’s performing, he is committing one of the venal sins of YouTube: trying too hard.

The eyes of Skye Thorstenson

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arts@sfbg.com

VIDEO Birds chirp and branches part like curtains in the opening scene of the music video for Myles Cooper’s anthem “Gonna Find Boyfriends Today.” Suddenly the pristine wilderness scene is shattered and, along with pulsating beats, a big-lipped strawberry greets us with Mickey Mouse paws. A Cyclops-peanut runs across the screen and leads us to a stack of televisions; zooming into one we catch Cooper singing, “It doesn’t matter what you wear/It doesn’t matter if you have money/We’ll find guys to buy us drinks/And tell us that we’re young and funny.”

“I think Myles’ video tells it best, because it’s this kinda caffeinated euphoria,” explains Skye Thorstenson, the mastermind behind the wild imagery of the video. “It’s unrealistic and there’s a little melancholy imbued in it, because this is sooo not the way life really is. There are no cupcakes who are going to help you find boyfriends.”

WHAT? No, wait, hold up. But I thought … So the mountain topped with lollipops looking like Candyland isn’t real? Without realizing that he’s burst my bubble, Thorstenson continues, “But I like that. I like to hide the fact that life is boring. What the world needs is some more color.”

“I never imagined myself doing music videos. For Myles, it was all about the music,” Thorstenson explains. “I wanted to do some visual thing. I told him it won’t be a music video, but it might be like a short film.” In the course of the narrative, Cooper finds puppet lovers, a chorus of gassed angels, and becomes the man-in-the-moon. In the end, a vagina dentata resembling Aunt Charlie’s Lounge — a dive-bar at Turk and Taylor streets— literally eats itself. “I feel like an Aunt Charlie’s is always going to be there, and it’s always going to eat its predecessor,” Thorstenson says. “And there are always different nights there, and sometimes they survive and sometimes they don’t. But what Myles and Alexis [Penney, who cohosts the club night High Fantasy with Cooper] created will always be there, or some essence of it.”

Throughout Thorstenson’s repertoire, he constantly plays with the notion of a fragmented past and explores how essences persist into the present. He is currently filming an experimental documentary that he named after Roland Barthes’ S/Z. It’s an extension of his earlier film, called Gunk Land, which starts at Wisconsin’s Oneida Indian reservation where Thorstenson’s mother lives. “I wanted to do a documentary on my identity: who I am and where I come from,” he explains. Highlighting the ambiguous — possibly fake — moments of documentaries, as in Leni Riefenstahl’s Olympia, which glamorizes pre-World War II Germany, or The Thin Blue Line, which reenacts a murder scene, Thorstenson utilizes reenactments with different edits and different actors playing him to construct an ambiguous reality. “With S/Z, it’s going to be more how I imagined it and colored in some ideas based on what my mom told me about my past.”

As with “Gonna Find Boyfriends Today” and Gunk Land, S/Z finds Thorstenson working with a mess of “floating fragments” left over from a childhood spent watching PBS specials and Disney movies. Pieces of puppets, stereotypes or songs — “like the plastic floating in the middle of the ocean,” as he puts it — are smashed together. In the 1970 book S/Z, Barthes explores how narrative works and how we recollect memories. Instead of linearity, Thorstenson explains, memory offers “more of a pastiche of experiences and sensations that are pulled together to bring an experience.” This, he adds, is how authors often work: the reader fills in the gaps and links the situations together.

Thorstenson’s take on S/Z turns this idea into a visual experience. It will be released online in pieces that can be navigated like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, and a path through separating branches might reveal the same scene reenacted with different actors, or the same scene with alternative edits. In this way, varied connections and present-versions of Skye are constructed, based on how the past is perceived. “You’re meant to know it might’ve gone differently,” Thorstenson says, “and you can’t trust anything.”

Even the way Thorstenson speaks parallels this fragmented pattern, as he seamlessly jumps from one memory to another or from one project to the next. “The music inspired that video and we worked closely together for four months,” he explains about his work with Cooper. He also has done videos set to Xiu Xiu and Antony and the Johnsons’ songs, to local music-maker Adam Finken’s “Firebird,” and is about to undertake a movie-themed project for San Francisco electronic duo johnathan. In all of the music videos, there’s an interaction between the mood, beats, and lyrics of the music and the visual narrative. “With me, it’s more about improvisation, and something magical happens. I have no idea how it happens, but I don’t intend for people to react. I’m always surprised at how people react to something.”

In undergrad film school at the Academy of Art, Thorstenson was taught how to look at film from a business perspective — it has to look clean, polished, and intentional. Grad school at CCA, along with a filmmaking crew he befriended, dubbed Nightmare City, allowed Thorstenson to think more about process, forcing his aesthetic to evolve. “I decided I’ll show faux interpretations of my process because I was curious about what is actually real.” These are readily featured in his work and create meta-moments, which make the viewer aware. “So I’m playing with this fake façade, and the truth hidden behind all these bright colors,” he said. “It’s the same thing with Myles’ video. There’s something behind all that happiness.”

www.skyethorstenson.com

Infectious

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arts@sfbg.com

VIDEO What brings down a presidential campaign, makes Stephen Colbert break out his lightsabers, and inspires protest in Oakland and Tehran? The alpha and omega of online video: YouTube and my camera phone equal a jillion eyeballs and our itchy mouse finger clicking “Play” and passing it on. All those moments, all those sticky little memes, are now forever linked and embedded in the cultural fabric, touchstones certain to become engrained in our collective unconscious as the grainy image of the Beatles playing Ed Sullivan or the Challenger exploding on camera.

At all of five years old, YouTube can claim more than 2 billion views a day. Twenty-four hours of video are uploaded to the site every minute and admittedly few of those snippets find traction in the stream of life. Yet the evolution of online video is just beginning. So say knowledgeable observers like Jennie Bourne, author of Web Video: Making It Great, Getting It Noticed.

“Viral has become a dirty word in Web video because people’s concerns in going viral tend to be linked to trying to monetize a web video, and very often a video that’s getting a lot of views is not making a lot of money,” Bourne explains. And while the rise of citizen broadcast journalists and DIY documentarians is laudable, she adds, “I have to say the flip side of that — people walking around with cameras on their foreheads all the time video blogging — can get a little boring without a structure and style. I think there will be a shakeout at one point, and Web video will mature. It’s not there yet — it’s effective as a distribution medium and effective as a social medium but still developing as a commercial medium.”

For now, what do some of the last five or even (gasp) 10 years’ most widely distributed viral videos say about this generation’s particular sickness?

With the advent of camera phones, the revolution will be webcast Is it any surprise that moving images activate us more than words? The outrage over the BART station shooting of Oscar Grant was fueled by the sights captured by viewers with camera phones. Six months after Grant’s death, the killing of Neda Agha-Soltan during the Iranian election protests was captured by multiple observers, causing it to become a flashpoint for reformists and activists. The videos depicting what one Time writer described as “probably the most widely witnessed death in human history” ended up winning last year’s George Polk Award for Videography.

Pre-online video, the mainstream news media likely would have shielded the public from these images in the interest of so-called public decency. But the availability of these videos online — and the reaction they generated — triggered a rethink. The shadowy online presence of the beheading videos made by Islamist terrorists following 9/11 might have prepared some for the horrors of the very real faces of death, but obviously the intent behind more recent spontaneous acts of DIY documentation has been radically different. Consider this the nonviolent, amateur response to Homeland Security-approved surveillance — a quickly-posted flipside to the filter of traditional journalism.

We appreciate raw talent There’s the professional article, like the demo tape of Jeremy Davies’ lengthy Charles Manson improvisation. But viewers often prefer to feed on more unvarnished talent-show-esque efforts: the stoic, high-geek style of Tay Zonday’s “Chocolate Rain,” or Eli Porter of “Iron Mic” infamy. As one aficionado said of the latter, Porter is an “enigma, for no one knows where the FUCK Eli is! His battle was done in 2003, and he sort of vanished, leaving legions of fans wanting more.” The invisible — both the private ritual and the would-be performer striving for a public — is made visible. This is why recent clips such as a little girl dunking through her legs or the “Dick Slang” video of circle-jerking hip-hoppers shaking their penii like hula hoops are so wickedly sticky.

The reveal can’t be concealed You can’t hide your anger management issues, whether you’re a Chinese woman punching and kicking on Muni or Bill O’Reilly flipping out about getting played out with a Sting song (“We’ll do it live! Fuck it!”). Nor can you forget that pesky Katie Couric clip if you’re Sarah Palin: the notorious snippet of the wannabe vice president attempting to explain her nonexistent foreign policy experience lives on in a YouTube feature box. If you decide to get more than 1,000 prisoners in the Philippines to replicate the “Thriller” video, rope a slew of tarted-up tots to do the “Single Ladies” routine, or organize a flash mob of dancers for your (500) Days of Summer-cheesy proposal in New York City’s Washington Square Park, you can bet it won’t stay a secret. Especially when a good portion of the bystanders blocking your shot are hoisting up cameras and phones of their own.

We like to play with our food and gobble pet vids The dancing fountains of “Diet Coke and Mentos” and the elegiac meltdowns of so many innocent, candy-colored sundaes and ‘sicles in “The Death & Life of Ice Cream” rock our pop, though they’re no match for sneezing baby pandas, dramatic chipmunks, very vocal cats, and dogs either verbalizing, skateboarding, or balloon-munching.

Passion counts Especially when it comes to Chris Crocker’s “Leave Britney Alone” protestations, Obama Girl’s undulations, the kakapo parrot shagging a hapless nature photographer’s skull, and Zach Galifianakis’ hilariously bad “Between Two Ferns” interviews. Even Soulja Boy’s vlogs, in which the pop tell-’em-all cranks the virtues of the Xbox, seem obsessed — with getting the viewer’s attention. That also goes for the “Numa Numa” xloserkidx singing along to O Zone’s “Dragostea Din Tei” and the twirling, ducking, and capering Canadian high-schooler in the “Star Wars Kid” video, which marketing company the Viral Factory estimates has been viewed more than 900 million times.

Just gird yourself for the edit “Star Wars Kid” is one primo example: it inspired Stephen Colbert to kick off a viral loop of his own, challenging viewers to edit and enhance the green-screen video tribute of his own lightsaber routine. No one is exempt from a little creative tinkering, an inspired tweak or 2,000, be it “Longcat”; Ted Levine in Silence of the Lambs; or pre-YouTube animated vid “All Your Base Are Belong To Us,” the classic mother of all video hacks, where images ranging from beer ads to motel signs are Photoshopped with the Zero Wing Engrish subtitle. And you thought the remix was dead.

Digital glam

2

Read our full interviews with the beauty gurus here!

cheryl@sfbg.com

VIDEO Back in April 2001, I wrote a Guardian article about home shopping networks. These days, I have a new fascination, no doubt originating in the same part of my brain that latched onto QVC: YouTube’s beauty gurus. I never did pick up any samurai swords from Shop at Home’s knife guy, but I can now do winged eyeliner like never before.

Filming themselves at their kitchen tables and bedroom vanities, the gurus (YT-speak for “expert”) upload opinions on everything from high-end mascara to dollar-store lip gloss. There are “Tag” videos, which get passed around from guru to guru (“Top 10 MAC Eye Shadows”), popular perennials (giveaway videos score high), and “haul” videos, which detail shopping-trip spoils.

Haul videos have earned mainstream media attention, with a recent New York Times story detailing how some women are making mad cash thanks to YouTube’s revenue-sharing partner program. The ultimate success story? Probably Lauren Luke, a.k.a. panacea81, a bubbly Brit who parlayed her YouTube fame into her own makeup line.

While not all gurus make money off YouTube, many have received free products from companies eager to tap into each channel’s unique audience. Late last year, the Federal Trade Commission ruled that “bloggers or other ‘word-of-mouth’ marketers” must disclose their material connections with a company when endorsing its products. You’ll notice many YouTube beauty vids now have FTC disclaimers (“I got this for free …”) accompanied by guru disclaimers (“… but this is my HONEST opinion!”) tucked into the video description box.

But them’s semantics. Most gurus, paid and otherwise, also provide tutorials of hair and makeup looks using favorite products. If you’re stressed about appearing professional at a job interview, or sexy on a date, YT gurus have got you covered. And they review everything: if you’ve been waffling over whether to drop $23 on a Nars eye shadow, fear not. Someone on YouTube has already bought it, tested it, and deemed it worthy (or not). The best gurus have the kind of charisma that can transfix thousands of viewers — even when the subject at hand is a 15-minute discussion of nail polish.

YouTuber: Lisa Freemont Street (www.youtube.com/user/LisaFreemontStreet)

What you’ll find on her channel: classy vintage hair and makeup techniques inspired by Old Hollywood and pin-up girls.

Her favorite kind of video to make: “My series called ‘Diamonds and Dames’ consists of requested looks by my viewers, based on their favorite hairstyles [from] classic films. These are the most fun for me because they require the most research. I have to figure out what setting was used to create the style or how to tailor the look to my own hair texture or length. I also include music from the year the film was released, to lend some extra credibility to the video, and I tend to really get into character by the end of filming.”

Her audience: “I have come to realize that my viewers range in age from preteen to octogenarian. I love that! The one thing I hope they take away is that if you enjoy and appreciate a vintage style, you should not let the world’s trends sway you. Stay true to yourself and feel pretty all the time, even if you get a few odd looks along the way.”

Her favorite beauty product: “A plain white concealer stick. It can be used to provide a pale base for eye shadow or as a highlight for brows and cheeks.”

YouTuber: Pursebuzz (www.youtube.com/user/pursebuzz)

What you’ll find on her channel: upbeat videos offering hair, makeup, and nail advice. Also, her “How to Fake Abs” makeup tutorial has over 13 million views. Respect.

Why she started making videos: “I started in 2006 on a separate channel to show my friend some makeup tips. After that I received some comments and that grabbed my interest. I was shocked that someone else wanted to know what I had to say. At the time I only saw professional makeup artists applying makeup on models, but there weren’t any videos with makeup artists applying makeup on themselves or on everyday people. I knew I had to start somewhere and I have always read in magazines on how to get (insert celebrity) look. So I broke down Carmen Electra’s look in her Max Factor ad, [showing] it step by step. I have loved it ever since.”

Her most rewarding YouTube experience: “I am huge on understanding that your internal beauty is most important and makeup is just an accessory to your look. So it is rewarding to know that I have reached out to so many people and showed them how to be the best version of themselves.”

Her favorite beauty product: “My love of/obsession with makeup began with my MAC Parfait Amour eye shadow.”

YouTuber: Vintage or Tacky (www.youtube.com/user/vintageortacky)

What you’ll find on her channel: vibrant, colorful eye shadow looks.

Her audience: “I hope that my audience gains some perspective from watching my videos. Yes, I have a beauty channel, but I don’t always go on camera looking picture perfect. I showed my hair when I had a botched dye job, I’ve gone on camera without makeup. I try new hairstyles, hair colors, and makeup. It’s not always pretty, but it’s honest, it’s fun and creative. I hope they learn to have fun with their looks, but not to be ruled by them. My motto is ‘Be vintage or tacky, just be yourself!’ That and to wear sunscreen.”

Her most rewarding YouTube experience: “When people send me messages telling me how much my videos have helped them, with makeup or skincare or self-worth and self-esteem. Knowing that some people just like me and value my opinion and my videos has made me a more confident person.”

Her favorite makeup brand: “MAC, because of their quality and price, their palette system, their diversity of items, their pro line, and their recycling program. And, they don’t test on animals.”

YouTuber: Michele1218 (www.youtube.com/user/michele1218)

What you’ll find on her channel: wearable neutral looks demonstrated in easy-to-follow tutorials.

What inspired her to start making videos: “I have always had a passion for makeup and beauty products and for as many friends as I have, none of them ever shared in my passion. When I stumbled across the beauty community on YouTube, I was hooked! I watched videos for about three months, learned so many amazing techniques, learned so much more about makeup, and found new products that I never knew existed. Once I started to feel comfortable with myself and felt confident, I thought ‘Hey, this might be fun!’. I knew how inspired I felt just watching some of these girls, and I thought it would be great if I can help inspire other girls as well! The rest was history!”

How YouTube has changed: “With so many companies finding out about all the YT beauty gurus it seems like more and more review videos are becoming paid advertisements. Therefore viewers and subscribers are becoming more and more skeptical of the products people are reviewing. When I make a review video, it seems as though I always have to defend it by saying my own money was spent and I was not sent free products or been paid to review. It’s unfortunate because there are a lot of girls including myself that never accept paid reviews and because the ‘bigger’ gurus do it is assumed that we all do.”

Her favorite makeup brand and beauty product? “My favorite makeup brand is MAC and my favorite product is mascara. I don’t care what brand but I can never leave the house without it on!”

Read complete interviews with the beauty gurus.

 

 

King Z

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FILMMAKER INTERVIEW In the event of an actual zombie outbreak, legendary horror director George A. Romero would no doubt survive. For one thing, he stands an imposing six-feet, five inches, and happens to maintain an anti-zombie stronghold — er, getaway — in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, where he’d just been vacationing before the press tour for the sixth film in his "Dead" series, Survival of the Dead. Plus, Night of the Living Dead came out in 1968, meaning Romero has more than 40 years of experience wrangling the undead. I asked him about that, and more, on his recent visit to San Francisco.

SFBG Did you ever think in 1968 that you’d still be making zombie movies in 2010?

George A. Romero Never. And I never thought of it as a series — it was a film. I didn’t want to make another one, especially after [Night] got "discovered." I said, I really can’t do another one unless I have a strong idea. Ten years later, I knew the people who were developing the first indoor shopping mall that any of us had ever seen, near Pittsburgh. I went out to visit it before it was even open, and the trucks were bringing in all this stuff, and I said, "Jesus Christ, it’s like this Taj Mahal to consumerism" — and then I said, "Ok, this might serve."

Completely serendipitously, I got a call from [Italian horror filmmaker] Dario Argento, and he said, "George, please, you must make another." He flew me over to Rome, stuck me in a little apartment, and told me to write the script [for 1978’s Dawn of the Dead]. That’s when I first started to think, "Boy, I could have fun with this." I could express myself, express my politics a little bit, poke a finger at society, and bring the zombies out every once in a while. The first four [Dead movies] were more than 10 years or more apart from each other. And I liked the idea that they were snapshots of different decades, stylistically and everything else.

After Land of the Dead (2005) — which was the first sort of big one, and I’m not sure I should have studio’d it up, if you know what I mean — I wanted to do something about emerging media and citizen journalism, so I had this idea to go back to Night [for 2007’s Diary of the Dead], go back to the roots, do it real guerrilla-style. Just like with Night, I thought it would be a one-shot deal: "I’m gonna take this little sidebar now, and try to have fun while I’m at it." [The company that financed the film] gave me final cut, creative control — first time since the very early films that I made — and [since] I stayed within a certain budget range, even though it had a limited distribution, it wound up making a lot of money. That’s why [Survival of the Dead] is here.

SFBG Survival of the Dead spins off a minor character from Diary of the Dead. Did you have that story line in mind while you were making Diary?

GAM When [the financers] said, "Well, we made so much money, we gotta do it again," I said, "OK, what if we do it again, and it makes a lot of money? You’re gonna want to do it again. So why don’t we go in thinking of a plan? I could take these characters from Diary, I had ’em all picked out — we could make three films, and I know exactly where they’re gonna go. And I will interweave the stories and introduce plot elements that recur, and characters that meet each other again." Which is something I always wanted to do, but I couldn’t with the first four films because they’re all owned by different people. So I said, we’ll take a broader topic like war, enmities that don’t die, and do this sort of structured set piece. Small budget but bigger scope. Then I thought, well, let’s play around with style too. So I got the idea for doing it like a Western, which came from an old William Wyler film called The Big Country (1958) — it’s the same two old farts shooting at each other. The next one, if we do it, I’d love to do it noir.

SFBG The zombie attack is already underway when Survival begins. The human survivors are almost jaded by their presence — the undead take a back seat to the human conflict more often than not.

GAM Yes, in this film, more than any of the other ones that I’ve done. In a way, if you think of it, my stories are all about the humans, because the zombies could be almost any disaster — it’s just that zombies are more fun for me and for horror fans. But in this one, they’re almost just an annoyance, like mosquitoes. Also, except for Night and Diary, they’ve always started with the thing well underway. I think there’s also a horror tradition there, too — from the second Godzilla movie on, it’s, "Oh, it’s just Godzilla."

SFBG Zombies seem to be enjoying a particularly high pop culture profile these days. What do you think is the reason behind their neverending popularity?

GAM I think video games really popularized them. There’s only been one real blockbuster zombie film, Zombieland (2009), and that’s very recent. It started with Resident Evil, House of the Dead. Now there’s this huge thing, Left 4 Dead. Zombies are perfect targets for a first-person shooter — they’re like the coyotes of monsterland. It’s fun to see them eat a stick of dynamite. But zombie walks — I’ve had my voice piped into Budapest for a zombie walk. What? Thousands of people coming out and doing this. It’s sort of a happening — go out and get drunk. It’s cheap costuming — smear up your clothes, slap some goop on your face, and go stumbling out. Even if you’re drunk, you can still stumble.

SFBG Do you watch the new zombie movies, like Zombieland?

GAM I don’t like them very much. As I said, I think it all started with video games — they have to move fast in video games to make the game fun. So filmmakers like Zack [Snyder], when he did the remake of Dawn of the Dead (2004), made the zombies run. I thought that was crazy. That whole evolution seems to have just warped it. To me, zombies should be like my guys, kind of stupidly stumbling along, and only have power in numbers or when people make mistakes.

SFBG Final question. Do you ever get tired of talking about zombies?

GAM [Laughs] Yeah! *

SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD opens Fri/28 in Bay Area theaters.

Our Weekly Picks

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WEDNESDAY 26

MUSIC

Ramona Falls

They say taking time off can be good for the soul, but when Brent Knopf faced down-time from recording as one-third of Portland, Ore., band Menomena, he couldn’t unplug. Though it’s hard to call it a solo record when Intuit boasts more than 35 collaborators, Ramona Falls follows the tradition of Knopf’s day band, forming dense electronic atmospheres from piano and pairing them with energetic drum work. Here, Knopf’s vocals shine as the truest instrument. His voice sounds like a whisper even at its most expressive. It’s a life raft to cling to while more of the nebulous Intuit opens with each new listen. (Peter Galvin)

With The National

8:00 p.m. (also Thurs/27), $30

Fox Theatre

1807 Telegraph, Oakl.

1 (800) 745-3000

www.thefoxoakland.com

 

THURSDAY 27

COMEDY

Craig Robinson

Name a humorous TV show from the past five years, and chances are Craig Robinson made an appearance. Bit parts on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Friends, and The Bernie Mac Show led to his star-making role on The Office as Darryl, the warehouse manager who is constantly embattled by Steve Carell’s harangues and half-baked schemes. Something about Robinson’s dry wit and level gaze tempts us to throw in our lot with him in every comedic circumstance. And now? Big screen, baby — Knocked Up, Hot Tub Time Machine, Shrek 4. Come see him get down with his original gig — stand up. (Caitlin Donohue)

8 p.m. (through Sun/30; also Fri.–Sat., 10:15 p.m.), $23.50–$25.50

Cobb’s Comedy Club

915 Columbus, SF

(415) 928-4320

www.cobbscomedyclub.com

MUSIC

San Francisco Popfest 2010: Eux Autres

Popfest is back, and it’s time to celebrate with of SF’s best pop bands, Eux Autres, who are wise enough to worship Françoise Hardy. As they succinctly put it: “Most of [our] songs are about (a) military history (b) being ‘done wrong’ or (c) sports.” For this week’s video issue, in the Noise blog I talk with guitarist-vocalist Nicholas Larimer about five of his fave YouTube clips from the ’70s TV pop music motherlode Midnight Special. (Johnny Ray Huston)

With tUnE-yArDs, Social Studies, Knight School

8 p.m., $10–$12

Rickshaw Stop

155 Fell, SF

(415) 861-2011

www.rickshawstop.com

PERFORMANCE/VISUAL ART

“Making Visible”

At a dance recital, the audience can only see so much. Beholding the coiffed hair, makeup, and costumes, it’s hard to imagine what goes on behind the scenes. But inside a dance studio, the creative process comes alive. Within countless hours of rehearsals, despite the blisters and sore joints, something alluring gradually begins to form. The Marina Abramovic Institute West offers a unique chance to witness how a recital comes together. Their series of performances are live rehearsals in which dancers learn the choreography onstage. (Elise-Marie Brown)

4:30 p.m. (through June 13), free

Marina Abramovic Institute West

575 Sutter, SF

www.marinaabramovicinstitute.org

SATURDAY 29

CLUBS/MUSIC

Surya Dub Three-Year Anniversary

It’s been a while since they blew our woofers on the regular, but our ambassadors of dread bass have been busy spreading the gospel of global dubstep to farther shores. Lucky for our feet, the Surya Dub crew are roaring back to Club Six to celebrate their third year with excellent special guest urban-electro blaster from Montreal, Ghislain Poirier (now just “Poirier”). Maneesh the Twister, Kush Arora, Kid Kameleon, Ripley, DJ Amar, J.Rogers, and Jimmy Love gird the boom with subcontinental vibes, stirring bhangra, ragga, and other worldly sounds into the low, low, low. Expect eclecticism, receive rad riddims. (Marke B.)

10 p.m.–3 a.m., $10

Club Six

66 Sixth St., SF

www.suryadub.com

MUSIC

El Radio Fantastique, Shovelman

Let us tip our hats to the newest venue along the Valencia corridor, Viracocha. It’s a wood-paneled treasure trove of for-sale antiquity. At night, the place is transformed into an atmospheric community space, a venue for word, thought, and lovely live music — like that of El Radio Fantastique, whose peculiar blend of musical theater seems straight from someone’s front porch in the Louisiana bayou. Which, come to think of it, matches the vibe at Viracocha nicely. Shovelman, a.k.a. Isaac Frankle, takes over the upstairs stage for the night. Expect to hear folksy stomp music. (Donohue)

7:45 p.m.–11 p.m., donations accepted

Viracocha

998 Valencia, SF

(415) 374-7048

www.viracochasf.blogspot.com

MUSIC

Frog Eyes

He can’t get no respect! Though the epic compositions of Frog Eyes rival those of contemporary pals Spencer Krug and Dan Bejar, as reflected by the trio’s work together in Swan Lake, Carey Mercer’s full-time band is consistently shunted to the background. Mercer can howl and he has an antiquated cadence to his voice that makes Paul’s Tomb: A Triumph sound like it belongs in another century. He’s never been in a Wolf Parade or joined the New Pornographers, but those of you who turned up Sunset Rubdown might be surprised by how much you like Frog Eyes. (Galvin)

With Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band and Dominique Leone

9:30 p.m., $10

Hemlock Tavern

1131 Polk, SF

(415) 923-0923

www.hemlocktavern.com

DANCE

Scott Wells & Dancers: Ballistic

Did you fall in love last year with Scott Wells’ two jugglers? Apparently Wells’ dancers did as well. For Ballistic, all seven engage in elegant athleticism. Not that athleticism is new in Wells’ repertoire. Wild chaos and meticulous order — with and without projectiles — always share the game. It all looks like child’s play, but isn’t, except for an uncanny ability to be totally present in the moment. Contact improvisation — the movement genre Wells has fundamentally influenced — is often more fun to do than to watch. Not with Wells. He is a consummate man of the theater. Jin-Wen Yu Dance shares the program on the first two weekends. (Rita Felciano)

8 p.m. (through June 19)

CounterPULSE

1310 Mission, SF

brownpapertickets.com

www.scottwellsdance.com

MUSIC

Simian Mobile Disco DJ Set

With school out and summer swinging into high gear, lazy days that consist of sleeping in and drinking in the park are here. If you have a day job like me and need to pay the bills, you can free your soul at night with an epic dance party. Simian Mobile Disco has heard my call. Dress to dance and get ready to sweat. (Brown)

With Tenderlions, Ryan Poulsen

9 p.m., $15

Mezzanine

444 Jessie, SF

(415) 625-8880

www.mezzaninesf.com

MUSIC

Ab Soto

Queer hip-hop — are we done with it yet? Nope, but this time we’re laying off the “Isn’t this groundbreaking?” tiredness and having fun. The recent crop of homo-hoppers like Cazwell and local hottie Kid Akimbo are doing it cute and naturally. Enter Hollywood’s Ab Soto, whose neon-bright hotness, scruffy hipster looks, and fierce-ruling SpongeBob muumuus are more about giving you banjee boy wet dreams than making political statements. He’ll be throwing down live at the circus-crazy Big Top party. Please keep him away from my boyfriend. (Marke B.)

9 p.m.–3 a.m., $10.

Club Eight

1551 Folsom, SF.

www.eightsf.com

SUNDAY 30

EVENT

San Francisco Carnaval: “Colors Of Sound, Splashes Of Culture”

Carnaval isn’t just a festival where people drink and eat to their heart’s content. In San Francisco, we focus on Latin American and Caribbean cultures through dance and music. Of course, food is on the menu. The all-day event includes salsa and samba lessons, games, breakdancing, ecofriendly exhibits, and even a health screening center. This time, Sunday is the right day for indulgence. (Brown)

9:30 a.m., free

Bryant and 24th St., SF

(415) 642-1748

www.sfcarnaval.com

MUSIC

Kurt Elling with the Count Basie Orchestra

Kurt Elling has won Down Beat and JazzTimes critics’ polls three years in a row for best male singer. Most recently, he won his first Grammy for best jazz vocal album. Tonight he’s backed by the Count Basie Orchestra, the most prominent big band of the past 60 years. The band has accompanied Ella Fitzgerald, Ray Charles, and Frank Sinatra, and continues to support the great jazz singers of our time. As part of the SF Jazz Spring Series, Elling and the Basie Orchestra perform some of the original Basie/Sinatra charts arranged by the legendary Quincy Jones. The Basie Orchestra opens the night with classic repertoire. (Lilan Kane)

7 p.m., $25

Davies Symphony Hall

201 Van Ness, SF

(415) 864-6000

www.sfjazz.org

MUSIC

KBLX Stone Soul Concert

Wrap up your Memorial Day weekend with some soul and sunshine. A longtime Bay Area source for the soul music, KBLX has booked a solid lineup of some of smooth voices. This year’s artists include Charlie Wilson; New Edition members Bobby Brown, Johnny Gill, and Ralph Tresvant; Minnesota’s Mint Condition, and none other than Mr. Biggs himself, Ronald Isley. This concert serves up favorite jams spanning from the 1970s to the present. (Kane)

Noon, $45

Sleep Train Pavilion

2000 Kirker Pass, Concord

(925) 676-8742

www.kblx.com

www.livenation.com

MONDAY 31

MUSIC

Dark Tranquillity

It’s easy to lump them in with the rest of the ’90s Gothenburg death metal scene, but that sort of careless taxonomy is unfair to a band like Dark Tranquillity. The Swedish sextet have carved out a niche of their own on the strength of their anthemic, atmospheric melodicism, having weathered the storms that afflicted fellow travelers In Flames and Soilwork with dignity and grace. Though the music features the kind of keyboard and electronic textures that tend to alienate bread-and-butter death metal fans, these flourishes fit seamlessly into the band’s dystopian, space-age aesthetic, reinforcing the punishing grooves and soaring melodies. (Ben Richardson)

With Threat Signal, Mutiny Within

8 p.m., $18

Slim’s

333 11th St., SF

(415) 255-0333

www.slims-sf.com

MUSIC

The Very Best

A collaboration between Malawian vocalist Esau Mwamwaya and London production duo Radioclit, the Very Best offers vocals in Chichewa over dance beats that translate to fun in any language. Fun is the chief goal of the duo, who rose to blog fame in 2008 with Malawian remixes of Vampire Weekend and M.I.A. If you need proof that smiles are contagious, singer Esau Mwamwaya has a grin that is promptly reflected on the frowniest of show-goers. Trust me, it’s undeniable. (Galvin)

With Disco Shawn

8:00 p.m., $18 (21 and over)

The Independent

628 Divisadero, SF

(415) 771-1421

www.theindependentsf.com

TUESDAY 1

COMEDY/PERFORMANCE

Cloris Leachman

At 84, actress Cloris Leachman shows no sign of slowing down. From her first major film role in the noir classic Kiss Me Deadly, to her portrayal of Ruth Popper in The Last Picture Show (which won her an Oscar for best supporting actress), to her hilarious turn as Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein, Leachman has memorably seized the big screen. The nine-time Emmy Award winner made her mark on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Phyllis and keeps on keeping on with recent stints on Malcolm In The Middle and Dancing With The Stars. This six-night run of her one-woman stage show takes audiences on a trip through moments from her extraordinary life. (McCourt)

8 p.m. (through June 6), $40–$45

Rrazz Room

222 Mason, SF

www.therrazzroom.com

MUSIC

Gates of Slumber

The Indianapolis warriors in Gates of Slumber play an arresting offshoot of doom metal, a NWOBHM-inflected rumble that sounds like Cirith Ungol fighting St. Vitus to the death. Singer Karl Simon is built like a barbarian but sings like a dying druid, all reverb and haunting, ethereal resonance, and his band is well-built to underscore his epic tales of war and bloodshed. If there were a way to resurrect Frank Frazetta with the power of down-tuned guitars and thunderous drumming, these guys would have figured it out by now. Unfortunately, all we can do is mourn and bang our heads. (Richardson)

With Black Cobra, Slough Feg, Salvador

8 p.m., $10

Thee Parkside

1600 17th St., SF

(415) 252-1330

www.theeparkside.com

The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. We cannot guarantee the return of photos, but enclosing an SASE helps. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Music Listings

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Music listings are compiled by Paula Connelly and Cheryl Eddy. Since club life is unpredictable, it’s a good idea to call ahead to confirm bookings and hours. Prices are listed when provided to us. Submit items at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 26

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Arcadio Great American Music Hall. 7:30pm, $50.

Blind Willies Bollyhood Café, 3372 19th St, SF; (415) 970-0362. 8:30pm, free.

Rozzi Crane, Luke Walton Band, Sarah Ames, Down to Funk Slim’s. 7:30pm, $15.

Hanzel und Gretyl, Everything Goes Cold, After the Apex DNA Lounge. 8pm, $15.

Insomniacs Biscuits and Blues. 8pm, $15.

Massive Attack, Martina Topley-Bird, MNDR Warfield. 8pm, $47.50-52.50.

Minus the Bear, Everest, Young the Giant Regency Ballroom. 8pm, $24.

OK Go, Early Greyhound, Grand Lake Fillmore. 8pm, $22.50.

*Vetiver, Mumlers Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $15.

Patrick Watson Café du Nord. 8:30pm, $14.

White Barons, Space Vacation Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $7.

DANCE CLUBS

Booty Call Q-Bar, 456 Castro, SF; www.bootycallwednesdays.com. 9pm. Juanita Moore hosts this dance party, featuring DJ Robot Hustle.

Club Shutter Elbo Room. 10pm, $5. Goth with DJs Nako, Omar, and Justin.

Hands Down! Bar on Church. 9pm, free. With DJs Claksaarb, Mykill, and guests spinning indie, electro, house, and bangers.

Machine Sloane, 1525 Mission, SF; (415) 621-7007. 10pm, free. Warm beats for happy feet with DJs Sergio, Conor, and André Lucero.

Mary-Go-Round Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 10pm, $5. A weekly drag show with hosts Cookie Dough, Pollo Del Mar, and Suppositori Spelling.

Mod vs. Rockers Madrone Art Bar. 8pm, free. With DJs Jetset James and Major Sean spinning 60s R&B, ska, britpop, and more.

RedWine Social Dalva. 9pm-2am, free. DJ TophOne and guests spin outernational funk and get drunk.

Respect Wednesdays End Up. 10pm, $5. Rotating DJs Daddy Rolo, Young Fyah, Irie Dole, I-Vier, Sake One, Serg, and more spinning reggae, dancehall, roots, lovers rock, and mash ups.

60s-70s Night Knockout. 9pm, $7. With DJs Sergio Iglesias and Neil Martinson, plus a live performance by Xoel Lopez.

Synchronize Il Pirata, 2007 16th St, SF; (415) 626-2626. 10pm, free. Psychedelic dance music with DJs Helios, Gatto Matto, Psy Lotus, Intergalactoid, and guests.

Yoruba Dance Sessions Bacano! Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 9pm, free. With resident DJ Carlos Mena and guests spinning afro-deep-global-soulful-broken-techhouse.

THURSDAY 27

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

“Chasing the Moon” Blue Macaw, 2565 Mission, SF; www.thebluemacawsf.com. 7pm. Music video podcast screening with live music by Indianna Hale, Dina Maccabee, Jesse Olsen, and Helene Renaut.

Dance Gavin Dance, A Night in Hollywood, The Story So Far Bottom of the Hill. 8pm, $12.

Enablers, Carlton Melton, Ruby Howl Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $6.

Eric McFadden Trio and guests, JL Stiles, Jenny Kerr Café du Nord. 9pm, $12.

Nada Surf, Telekenisis Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $21.

Shane Dwight Band Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.

*Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros Fillmore. 9pm, $25.

Tune-Yards, Eux Autres, Social Studies, Knight School Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $12. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Tribal Seeds Rock-It Room. 8pm, $10.

Union Pulse, Gravy Trainwreck Grant and Green. 8pm, free.

Yacht, Bobby Birdman, Little Wings Independent. 9pm, $17.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Bluegrass and Old Time Jam Atlas Café. 8pm, free.

Carmen Milagro Band Harry Denton Starlight Room, 450 Powell, SF; (415) 395-8595?. 9pm, $10.

Rose’s Pawn Shop Amnesia. 10:30pm, free.

SanFolk Disco Café Du Nord. 9pm, $12. With the Eric McFadden Trio, JL Stiles, Jenny Kerr, and more.

Silian Rail, By Sunlight, Ash Reiter, Devotionals Milk. 8pm, $5.

Tipsy House Plough and Stars. 9pm.

DANCE CLUBS

Afrolicious Elbo Room. 9:30pm, $5-7. DJs Pleasuremaker and Señor Oz spin Afro-tropical, samba, and funk.

Caribbean Connection Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $3. DJ Stevie B and guests spin reggae, soca, zouk, reggaetón, and more.

Dirty Dishes LookOut, 3600 16th St., SF; (415) 431-0306. 9pm, $2. DJs B-Haul, Gordon Gartrell, and guests.

Drop the Pressure Underground SF. 6-10pm, free. Electro, house, and datafunk highlight this weekly happy hour.

Get Physical Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; (415) 433-8585. 9:30pm. With DJ Philipp of M.A.N.D.Y.

Gigantic Beauty Bar. 8pm, free. With DJs White Mike and guests.

Good Foot Yoruba Dance Sessions Bacano! Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 9pm, free. A James Brown tribute with resident DJs Haylow, A-Ron, and Prince Aries spinning R&B, Hip hop, funk, and soul.

Gymnasium Matador, 10 Sixth St, SF; (415) 863-4629. 9pm, free. With DJ Violent Vickie and guests spinning electro, hip hop, and disco.

Koko Puffs Koko Cocktails, 1060 Geary, SF; (415) 885-4788. 10pm, free. Dubby roots reggae and Jamaican funk from rotating DJs.

Meat DNA Lounge. 9:30pm, $2-5. Industrial with BaconMonkey and Netik.

Mestiza Bollywood Café, 3376 19th St, SF; (415) 970-0362. 10pm, free. Showcasing progressive Latin and global beats with DJ Juan Data.

Peaches Skylark, 10pm, free. With an all female DJ line up featuring Deeandroid, Lady Fingaz, That Girl, and Umami spinning hip hop.

Popscene 330 Rich. 10pm, $10. Rotating DJs spinning indie, Britpop, electro, new wave, and post-punk.

Solid Thursdays Club Six. 9pm, free. With DJs Daddy Rolo and Tesfa spinning roots, reggae, dancehall, soca, and mashups.

Sublife Triple Crown. 9:30pm, $7. With DJ Rene, Mal, Sharp, Lukelino, and more spinning drum and bass.

FRIDAY 28

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Birds and Batteries, Judgement Day, Sister Crayon Rickshaw Stop. 10pm, $12.

Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, Nodzzz, Antarctica Takes It!, English Singles Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $12. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Chris Cain Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

Cobra Starship, 3OH!3, Travis McCoy and the Lazarus Project, I Fight Dragons Warfield. 7pm, $27.

Complaints, Love Collector, Bad Tickers Great American Music Hall. 9:30pm, $6.

David Hidalgo and Louie Pérez Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $35.

Lee Vilenski Trio Rite Spot, 2099 Folsom, SF; www.myspace.com/ritespot. 6pm, free.

*Little Brother Independent. 9pm, $20.

Luce, Astra Kelly, Last of the Steam Powered Trains, Lael Neale Red Devil Lounge. 8pm, $7.

Malconent, Kid With Katana, 21st Century, OOH!, Distorted Harmony, Kristin Lagasse Great American Music Hall. 7:30pm, $15.

Mr. Otis Socha Café, 3235 Mission, SF; (415) 643-6848. 8:30pm, free.

Sonic Avenues, Myonics, Shari La Las, Poonteens Pissed-Off Pete’s, 4528 Mission, SF; (415) 584-5122, www.pissedoffpetes.com. 9pm.

Tainted Love, Love Fool Bimbo’s 365 Club. 8pm, $23.

Tigon, Hanalei, New Trust, Abominable Iron Sloth Thee Parkside. 9:45pm, $8.

Zepparella, Dolorata, Ol’ Cheeky Bastards Slim’s. 9pm, $15.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Audium 9 1616 Bush, SF; (415) 771-1616. 8:30pm, $15.

Black Market Jazz Orchestra Top of the Mark. 9pm, $10.

Doug Martin Avatar Ensemble Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $10-15.

Eric Kurtzrock Trio Ana Mandara, Ghirardelli Square, 891 Beach, SF; (415) 771-6800. 8pm, free.

Bryan Girard Cliff House, 1090 Point Lobos, SF; (415) 386-3330. 7pm, free.

Regina Carter Quintet, Mads Tolling Quartet Herbst Theatre, 401 Van Ness, SF; www.sfjazz.org. 8pm, $25-50.

SF State Afro Cuban Ensemble Coda. 10pm, $5.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

“The Carnaval Party” Elbo Room. 10pm. With Samba Da and friends.

Dunes El Rio. 8pm, $5.

Toshio Hirano Mercury Café, 201 Octavia, SF; (415) 252-7855. 7:30pm, free.

Mission Three Plough and Stars. 9pm.

Montana Slim String Band, Kate Gaffney Café du Nord. 9:30pm, $12.

Rob Reich and Craig Ventresco Amnesia. 7pm, free.

Sharon Hazel Township Dolores Park Café. 7pm; free, donations accepted.

DANCE CLUBS

Activate! Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 9pm, $3. Face your demigods and demons at this Red Bull-fueled party.

BASSment Milk. 8pm, $7. With Feelosophy.

Blow Up Rickshaw Stop. 10pm, $10. With rotating DJs.

DJ What’s His Fuck Riptide Tavern. 9pm, free. Old-school punk rock and other gems.

Exhale, Fridays Project One Gallery, 251 Rhode Island, SF; (415) 465-2129. 5pm, $5. Happy hour with art, fine food, and music with Vin Sol, King Most, DJ Centipede, and Shane King.

Fat Stack Fridays Koko Cocktails, 1060 Geary, SF; (415) 885-4788. 10pm, free. With rotating DJs Romanowski, B-Love, Tomas, Toph One, and Vinnie Esparza.

Gay Asian Paradise Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; www.eightsf.com. 9pm, $8. Featuring two dance floors playing dance and hip hop, smoking patio, and 2 for 1 drinks before 10pm.

Good Life Fridays Apartment 24, 440 Broadway, SF; (415) 989-3434. 10pm, $10. With DJ Brian spinning hip hop, mashups, and top 40.

Gymnasium Stud. 10pm, $5. With DJs Violent Vickie and guests spinning electro, disco, rap, and 90s dance and featuring performers, gymnastics, jump rope, drink specials, and more.

Hot Chocolate Milk. 9pm, $5. With DJs Big Fat Frog, Chardmo, DuseRock, and more spinning old and new school funk.

Laila Ruby Skye. 9pm, $20. With DJs Aykut, Nader, and Dr T.

Look Out Weekend Bambuddha Lounge. 4pm, free. Drink specials, food menu and resident DJs White Girl Lust, Swayzee, Philie Ocean, and more.

M4M Fridays Underground SF. 10pm-2am. Joshua J and Frankie Sharp host this man-tastic party.

Psychedelic Radio Club Six. 9pm, $7. With DJs Kromstar, Dread Foxx, Hellefire Machina, Sam Supa, Lukeino, and more spinning dubstep.

Rockabilly Fridays Jay N Bee Club, 2736 20th St, SF; (415) 824-4190. 9pm, free. With DJs Rockin’ Raul, Oakie Oran, Sergio Iglesias, and Tanoa “Samoa Boy” spinning 50s and 60s Doo Wop, Rockabilly, Bop, Jive, and more.

Strength in Flavor DNA Lounge. 9pm, $15. Hip-hop and soul with Naka B-Boy Edition, Flo-Ology, All the Way Live, and more.

Teenage Dance Craze Party Knockout. 10pm, $3. Teen beat and twisters with DJ Sergio Iglesias, Russell Quann, and dX the Funky Gran Paw.

SATURDAY 29

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

All Girl Summer Fun Band, Still Flyin’, Cars Can Be Blue, Art Museums, BOAT Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $14. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Mose Allison Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $22.

Quinn Deveaux Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 8:45pm, free.

Far, Dead Country, Death Valley High Slim’s. 9pm, $16.

Frog Eyes, Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band, Dominique Leone Hemlock Tavern. 9:30pm, $10.

Good Luck Thee Parkside. 9pm, $8.

Impalers, Boss 501, Franco Nero Knockout. 9:30pm, $6.

Jibbers, Vultures Await, Rebel Set Pissed-Off Pete’s, 4528 Mission, SF; (415) 584-5122, www.pissedoffpetes.com. 9pm.

Jubilee Players Socha Café, 3235 Mission, SF; (415) 643-6848. 8:30pm, free.

Orange Peels, Dream Diary, Leaving Mornington Crescent, Corner Laughers Hotel Utah. 2:30pm, $6. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Pack of Wolves, Actors, American Studies El Rio. 9pm, $7.

Pitbull Warfield. 8pm, $37.50-45.

Lavay Smith and Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers Café du Nord. 9pm, $15.

Tainted Love Bimbo’s 365 Club. 8pm, $23.

Earl Thomas and the Blues Ambassadors Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $22.

Trainwreck, Mavalour, Struts, Blag Dahlia Bottom of the Hill. 10pm, $12.

Voxtrot, International Waters Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $18.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Audium 9 1616 Bush, SF; (415) 771-1616. 8:30pm, $15.

Lou Donaldson Herbst Theatre, 401 Van Ness, SF; www.sfjazz.org. 8pm, $25-50.

Eric Kurtzrock Trio Ana Mandara, Ghirardelli Square, 891 Beach, SF; (415) 771-6800. 8pm, free.

“Jazz Mafia Presents Remix: Live” Coda. 10pm, $10.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

“The Carnaval Party” Elbo Room. 10pm. With Samba Da and friends.

Jordan Carp Java Beach Café, 2650 Sloat, SF; (415) 731-2965. 8pm, free.

Forró Brazuca Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $16-$25.

Kamp Camille, Fat Opie, Sameer Tolani a.Muse Gallery, 614 Alabama, SF; (415) 279-6281. 7pm, $8-$10. Presented by the Songbird Festival.

Hanni El Khatib, Very Be Careful, Grisha Goryachev, Lonious Mink Amnesia. 9pm, $7.

Toshio Hirano Rite Spot, 2099 Folsom, SF; www.myspace.com/ritespot. 6pm, free.

Patrick Maley, Brian Huggins Plough and Stars. 9pm.

Rovar 17 Amnesia. 7pm, free.

DANCE CLUBS

Alter Ego Mighty. 10pm, $20.

Bar on Church 9pm. Rotating DJs Foxxee, Joseph Lee, Zhaldee, Mark Andrus, and Niuxx.

Ceremony DNA Lounge. 10pm, $25. House with Tony Moran and Jamie J. Sanchez.

Dead After Dark Knockout. 6-9pm, free. With DJ Touchy Feely.

HYP Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; www.eightsf.com. 10pm, free. Gay and lesbian hip hop party, featuring DJs spinning the newest in the top 40s hip hop and hyphy.

King Brit Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; (415) 433-8585. 8pm, $10-$20.

POP 2010: The Dream Cow Palace, 2600 Geneva, SF; www.ticketmaster.com. 4pm, $85. With Infected Mushroom, Boys Noize, and more.

Social Club Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 9pm. Shake your money maker with DJs Lee Decker and Luke Fry.

Spirit Fingers Sessions 330 Ritch. 9pm, free. With DJ Morse Code and live guest performances.

Surya Dub Club Six. 9pm, $15. With DJs Poirier, Maneesh the Twister, Kid Kameleon, Ripley, Kush Arora, and more spinning dubstep, ragga, dread bass, reggae, dancehall, and more.

We All We Got Club Six. 9pm, $10. With live hip hop performances by Napo Entertainment, Audio Assasins, New Aira, Selassie, and more.

SUNDAY 30

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Mose Allison Yoshi’s San Francisco. 7 and 9pm, $22.

Joseph Arthur, Patrick Park Café du Nord. 8pm, $15.

Cats on Fire, Tyde, Math and Physics Club, My Teenage Stride, Devon Williams Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $14. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Evacuee, Monarchs, Slow Trucks, Pentacles, Hobo Nephews of Uncle Frank, Thralls, Stirling Says, MC Aspect, DJ Z Murder Thee Parkside. 8pm, $7.

Math and Physics Club, Watercolor Paintings, Team AWESOME!, Hairs, Normandie Wilson, Girl Band Dolores Park, Dolores between 19th and 20th Sts, SF; http://sfpopfest.moonfruit.com. 2pm, free. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Mister Loveless, Magic Bullets, Transfer Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $10.

Loudon Wainwright III, Lucy Wainwright Roche Great American Music Halll. 7:30pm, $25.

Mitch Woods Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

*Young Prisms, Weekend, Swanifant, Grave Babies Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $8.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Brian Andres and the Afro-Cuban Jazz Cartel Coda. 8pm, $10.

Donald Arquilla Martuni’s, Four Valencia, SF; (415) 241-0205. 7pm, $5.

Kurt Elling with the Count Basie Orchestra Davies Symphony Hall, 201 Van Ness, SF; www.sfjazz.org. 7pm, $25-80.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Andy y Callao El Rio. 4pm, $8.

Driftwood Singers Amensia. 7pm, free.

Gayle Lynn and Her Hired Hands Thee Parkside. 4pm, free.

Jack Gilder, Kevin Bemhagen, Richard Mandel and friends Plough and Stars. 9pm.

Kally Price Band, George Cole Quintet Amnesia. 9pm, $7-$10.

Music from Around the World St. Mary’s Cathedral, 1111 Gough, SF; (510) 548-3326. 3:30pm, $10. An evening of harp music with the Triskela Celtic Harp Trio and the Bay Area Youth Harp Emsemble.

DANCE CLUBS

Club Gossip Cat Club, 1190 Folsom, SF; (415) 703-8965. 9:30pm, $8. With VJs SubOctave, Blondie K, and more spinning rock and 80’s.

DiscoFunk Mashups Cat Club. 10pm, free. House and 70’s music.

Dub Mission Elbo Room. 9pm, $8-11. Dub, roots, and classic dancehall with DJ Sep and guests Nickodemus and the Spy from Cairo.

45 Club Annual Memorial Day Sunday Big Bash Knockout. 10pm, $2. Funky soul with dX the Funky Gran Paw, Dirty Dishes, and English Steve.

Fresh Ruby Skye. 5pm, $20. With Candis Cayne and DJ Manny Lehman.

Gloss Sundays Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 7pm. With DJ Hawthorne spinning house, funk, soul, retro, and disco.

Honey Soundsystem Paradise Lounge. 8pm-2am. “Dance floor for dancers – sound system for lovers.” Got that?

Jock! Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 3pm, $2. This high-energy party raises money for LGBT sports teams.

Kick It Bar on Church. 9pm. Hip-hop with DJ Zax.

Lowbrow Sunday Delirium. 1pm, free. DJ Roost Uno and guests spinning club hip hop, indie, and top 40s.

Religion Bar on Church. 3pm. With DJ Nikita.

Stag AsiaSF. 6pm, $5. Gay bachelor parties are the target demo of this weekly erotic tea dance.

Summer Love Beauty Bar. 8pm, free. With DJs Dials and White Mike.

Trannyshack DNA Lounge. 10pm, $12. Madonna tribute.

MONDAY 31

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

*Black Cobra, Slough Feg, Gates of Slumber, Salvador Thee Parkside. 8pm, $10.

“Blues Broads: Angela Strehli, Annie Sampson, Dorothy Morrison, Tracy Nelson” Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $24.

Dark Tranquillity, Threat Signal, Mutiny Within Slim’s. 8pm, $18.

“Fifteenth Annual El Rio Shit Kickin’ Memorial Day” El Rio. 4pm, $10. With Red Meat, 77 el Deora, East Bay Grease, Gypsy Moonlight Band, and Scott Young.

“Live 105’s BFD Local Band Showcase” Bottom of the Hill. 1pm, $5.

Very Best Independent. 8pm, $18.

DANCE CLUBS

Bacano! Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 9pm, free. With resident DJs El Kool Kyle and Santero spinning Latin music.

Black Gold Koko Cocktails, 1060 Geary, SF; (415) 885-4788. 10pm-2am, free. Senator Soul spins Detroit soul, Motown, New Orleans R&B, and more — all on 45!

Death Guild DNA Lounge. 9:30pm, $3-5. Gothic, industrial, and synthpop with Decay, Joe Radio, and Melting Girl.

DJ Marty Hard Pissed-Off Pete’s, 4528 Mission, SF; (415) 584-5122, www.pissedoffpetes.com. 9pm.

Krazy Mondays Beauty Bar. 10pm, free. With DJs Ant-1, $ir-Tipp, Ruby Red I, Lo, and Gelo spinning hip hop.

M.O.M. Madrone Art Bar. 6pm, free. With DJ Gordo Cabeza and guests playing all Motown every Monday.

Manic Mondays Bar on Church. 9pm. Drink 80-cent cosmos with Djs Mark Andrus and Dangerous Dan.

Monster Show Underground SF. 10pm, $5. Cookie Dough and DJ MC2 make Mondays worth dancing about, with a killer drag show at 11pm.

Network Mondays Azul Lounge, One Tillman Pl, SF; www.inhousetalent.com. 9pm, $5. Hip-hop, R&B, and spoken word open mic, plus featured performers.

Skylarking Skylark. 10pm, free. With resident DJs I & I Vibration, Beatnok, and Mr. Lucky and weekly guest DJs.

Very Best Independent. 8pm, $20.

TUESDAY 1

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

DBC, Bronze Knockout. 9:30pm, $6.

Fat Tuesday Band with Edna Love Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.

Friendo, Cannons and Clouds, Wise Wives Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $10. Monks of Doom, Jonathan Segel Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $10. Roman Numerals, Open Hand Elbo Room. 9pm, $6. 16 Volt, Chemlab, Left Spine Down, Slave Unit DNA Lounge. 9pm, $15. DANCE CLUBS Alcoholocaust Presents Argus Lounge. 9pm, free. With DJ What’s His Fuck and Taypoleon. Eclectic Company Skylark, 9pm, free. DJs Tones and Jaybee spin old school hip hop, bass, dub, glitch, and electro. La Escuelita Pisco Lounge, 1817 Market, SF; (415) 874-9951. 7pm, free. DJ Juan Data spinning gay-friendly, Latino sing-alongs but no salsa or reggaeton. Rock Out Karaoke! Amnesia. 7:30pm. With Glenny Kravitz. Share the Love Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 5pm, free. With DJ Pam Hubbuck spinning house. Sunset Analog Happy Hour Som., 2925 16th St., SF; (415) 558-8521. 6pm, free. With DJs MAKossa and Sean Julian spinning lo-fi, psych, obscure, hip hop, funk, and more. Womanizer Bar on Church. 9pm. With DJ Nuxx.

Film Listings

0

Film listings are edited by Cheryl Eddy. Reviewers are Kimberly Chun, Michelle Devereaux, Max Goldberg, Dennis Harvey, Johnny Ray Huston, Erik Morse, Louis Peitzman, Lynn Rapoport, Ben Richardson, and Matt Sussman. For rep house showtimes, see Rep Clock. For first-run showtimes, see Movie Guide.

OPENING

*Big River Man Some people are just larger than life. Martin Strel is 53-year-old overweight, alcoholic, endurance swimmer from Slovenia who has made it his calling to swim the world’s longest rivers. Borut Strel, his son and primary publicist, might say his father does it to increase awareness about pollution or, in the Amazon’s case, deforestation, but we quickly see that there is a deeper compulsion that goes into Martin’s swims. Big River Man chronicles Martin’s descent down the Amazon river, from Peru to Brazil, as he scoffs at piranhas and alligators, all while drinking two bottles of wine a day. Martin is definitely a funny guy and he helps make Big River Man a funny film, but most impressive is the subtle shift from quirky human interest documentary to Heart of Darkness-style thriller when too many days in the sun cause Martin to lose his grip on reality. (1:34) Roxie. (Peter Galvin)

*The Father of My Children Grégoire Canvel (Louis-Do de Lencquesaing) is a perpetual motion machine: a Paris-based veteran film producer of complicated multinational whose every waking moment is spent pleading, finessing, reassuring, and generally putting out fires of the artistic, logistic, or financial kind. But lately the strain has begun to surpass even his Herculean coping abilities. Debtors are closing in; funding might collapse for a brilliant but uncommercial director’s already half-finished latest. After surviving any number of prior crises, Gregoire’s whole production company might finally dissolve into a puddle of red ink and lawsuits. He barely has time to enjoy his perfect family, with Italian wife Sylvia (Chiara Caselli) and three young daughters happily ensconced in a charming country house. Something’s got to give — and when it does, writer-director Mia Hansen-Love’s drama (very loosely based on the life of a late European film producer) drastically shifts its focus midway. Her film’s first half is so arresting — with its whirlwind glimpse at a job so few of us know much about, yet which couldn’t be more important in keeping cinema afloat — that the second half inevitably seems less interesting by comparison. Still, for about 55 minutes The Father of My Children offers something you haven’t quite seen before, an experience well worthwhile even if the subsequent 55 are less memorable. (1:50) Embarcadero. (Harvey)

*Looking for Eric Eric Bishop (Steve Everts) is a single dad, frustrated at his inability to bond with his teenage sons and heartbroken over his failed marriage to Lily (Stephanie Bishop), the woman he walked out on 20 years ago but never managed to get over. Just when things are looking dire, Eric is delivered in surprising, magical fashion by hallucinatory visitations from Eric Cantona, his favorite soccer player, a philosophical Frenchman who was as renowned for his inscrutable press conferences as he was for his scintillating goals. Cantona plays himself, and passes pensive joints with Bishop as they slowly piece his shattered life back together. American viewers might be have trouble deciphering the intricacies of soccer culture or the molasses-thick Mancunian accents, but at its heart the movie (by Brit director Ken Loach) is an amusing, tautly crafted fable of middle-aged alienation giving way to hope and gumption. (1:57) Opera Plaza, Smith Rafael. (Richardson)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Jake Gyllenhaal stars as the titular hero this video game adaptation. (2:10) California, Presidio.

Sex and the City 2 Oh my god, (more) shoes. (2:24) Castro, Cerrito, Marina, Presidio, Shattuck.

Survival of the Dead See Trash. (1:30) Lumiere, Shattuck.

ONGOING

Alice in Wonderland Tim Burton’s take on the classic children’s tale met my mediocre expectations exactly, given its months of pre-release hype (in the film world, fashion magazines, and even Sephora, for the love of brightly-colored eye shadows). Most folks over a certain age will already know the story, and much of the dialogue, before the lights go down and the 3-D glasses go on; it’s up to Burton and his all-star cast (including numerous big-name actors providing voices for animated characters) to make the tale seem newly enthralling. The visuals are nearly as striking as the CG, with Helena Bonham Carter’s big-headed Red Queen a particularly marvelous human-computer creation. But Wonderland suffers from the style-over-substance dilemma that’s plagued Burton before; all that spooky-pretty whimsy can’t disguise the film’s fairly tepid script. Teenage Alice (Mia Wasikowska) displaying girl-power tendencies is a nice, if not surprising, touch, but Johnny Depp’s grating take on the Mad Hatter will please only those who were able to stomach his interpretation of Willy Wonka. (1:48) SF Center. (Eddy)

*Babies Thomas Balmes’ camera records the first year in the lives of four infants in vastly different circumstances. They’re respectively born to hip young couple in Tokyo’s high-tech clutter; familiar moderately alterna-types (the father is director Frazer Bradshaw of last year’s excellent indie drama Everything Strange and New) in SF’s Mission District; a yurt-dwelling family isolated in the vast Mongolian tundra; and a Namibian village so maternally focused that adult menfolk seem to have been banished. Yes, on one level this is the cutest li’l documentary you ever saw. But if you were planning to avoid thinking that is all (or most) of what Babies would be like, you will miss out big time. Void of explanatory titles, voice-over narration, or subtitle translations, this is a purely observatory piece that reveals just how fascinating the business of being a baby is. There’s very little predictable pooping, wailing, or coddling. Instead, Balmes’ wonderful eye captures absorbing moments of sussing things out, decision-making, and skill learning. While the First World tykes firstborns both — are hauled off to (way) pre-school classes, the much less day planned Third Worlders have more complex, unmediated dealings with community. Those range from fending off devilish older siblings to Mongol Bayarjargal’s startlingly casual consorting with large furry livestock. (Imagine the horror of parents you know were their baby found surrounded by massive cows — a situation that here causes no concern whatsoever for adults, children, or bovines.) So accustomed to the camera that it doesn’t influence their behavior, the subjects here are viewed with an intimacy that continually surprises. Babies is getting a wider-than-usual release for a documentary, one cannily timed to coincide with Mother’s Day. But don’t be fooled: this movie is actually very cool. (1:19) Albany, Empire, 1000 Van Ness, Piedmont, Smith Rafael, Sundance Kabuki. (Harvey)

*City Island The Rizzo family of City Island, N.Y. — a tiny atoll associated historically with fishing and jurisdictionally with the Bronx — have reached a state where their primary interactions consist of sniping, yelling, and storming out of rooms. These storm clouds operate as cover for the secrets they’re all busy keeping from one another. Correctional officer Vince (Andy Garcia) pretends he’s got frequent poker nights so he can skulk off to his true shameful indulgence: a Manhattan acting class. Perpetually fuming spouse Joyce (Julianna Margulies) assumes he’s having an affair. Daughter Vivian (Dominik García-Lorido) has dropped out of school to work at a strip joint, while the world class-sarcasms of teenager Vinnie (Ezra Miller) deflect attention from his own hidden life as an aspiring chubby chaser. All this (plus everyone’s sneaky cigarette habit) is nothing, however, compared to Vince’s really big secret: he conceived and abandoned a “love child” before marrying, and said guilty issue has just turned up as a 24-year-old car thief on his cell block. Writer-director Raymond De Felitta made a couple other features in the last 15 years, none widely seen; if this latest is typical, we need more of him, more often. Perfectly cast, City Island is farcical without being cartoonish, howl-inducing without lowering your brain-cell count. It’s arguably a better, less self-conscious slice of dysfunctional family absurdism than Little Miss Sunshine (2006) — complete with an Alan Arkin more inspired in his one big scene here than in all of that film’s Oscar-winning performance. (1:40) Lumiere, Shattuck. (Harvey)

The City of Your Final Destination In James Ivory’s latest literary adaptation, Omar (Omar Metwally), an Iranian American graduate student of Latin American literature, precipitously descends on a rural estate in Paraguay, hoping to petition the relatives of deceased writer Jules Gund for authorization to write his biography. Numbering among the somewhat complicated ménage are Gund’s widow, Caroline (Laura Linney), his mistress, Arden (Charlotte Gainsbourg), their child, Portia (Ambar Mallman), the author’s brother, Adam (Anthony Hopkins), and Adam’s lover, Pete (Hiroyuki Sanada), a household that the film depicts as caught in a sedative isolation obstructing any progress or flourishing or change. But where Gund’s violent suicide has failed to produce a cataclysmic shift, the somewhat hapless Omar manages to interrupt their idle routines and mobilize them, stirring up sentiment and ambition. The notion of redirected fate is telegraphed by the title, but what the film does best is show the calm before the storm (really more of a heavy downpour) — and showcase the fineness of Hopkins’s and Linney’s dramatic abilities. In the final act, we see the characters being moved about rather than moved, and the sound of screeching brakes applied as the film reaches its conclusion undoes much of the subtlety invested in their performances. (1:58) Embarcadero, Shattuck. (Rapoport)

Clash of the Titans The minds behind Clash of the Titans decided their movie should be 3D at the last possible moment before release. Consequently, the 3D is pretty janky. I don’t know what the rest of the film’s excuse is. Clash of the Titans retreads the 1981 cult classic with reasonable faithfulness, though Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion effects have been (of course) replaced with CG renderings of all the expected monsters, magic, gods, etc. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes — as other reviews have pointed out: Schindler’s List (1993) reunion! — glow and glower as Zeus and Hades, while Sam Worthington (2009’s Avatar) once again fills the role of bland hero, this time as a snooze-worthy Perseus. You might have fun in the moment with Clash of the Titans, but it’s hardly memorable, and certainly nowhere near epic. (1:58) SF Center. (Eddy)

*Dirty Hands The 1990s-ish iconoclastic, workaholic breed of Asian hipster is obsessively worked by David Choe in Dirty Hands. Exhaustively documenting the Los Angeles-born artist for eight years as he matures before our eyes, director Harry Kim charts the growth spurts: from mischievous tot to shoplifter and graf artist to porn illustrator to street-art superstar to spiritual penitent after a stint in a Tokyo jail. The filmmaker doesn’t seem to know quite when to stop, but then neither does his subject: an obviously intelligent, playful talent who specializes in compulsively analyzing himself and pushing himself to the limits of the law, his work, and his own (r)evolution as a human being. So driven in his pursuit of edge-skating experiences that he comes off as less hipster than haunted, Choe and his Bukowskian tendencies, Vice aesthetics, and “deep” thoughts rivet long after the bodily fluids and sensory overload murals congeal. (1:33) Roxie. (Chun)

*Exit Through the Gift Shop Exit Through the Gift Shop is not a film about the elusive graffiti-cum-conceptual artist and merry prankster known as Banksy, even though he takes up a good chunk of this sly and by-no-means impartial documentary and is listed as its director. Rather, as he informs us — voice electronically altered, face hidden in shadow — in the film’s opening minutes, the film’s real subject is one Thierry Guetta, a French expat living in LA whose hangdog eyes, squat stature, and propensity for mutton chops and polyester could pass him off as Ron Jeremy’s long lost twin. Unlike Jeremy, Guetta is not blessed with any prodigious natural talent to propel him to stardom, save for a compulsion to videotape every waking minute of his life (roughly 80 percent of the footage in Exit is Guetta’s) and a knack for being in the right place at the right time. When Guetta is introduced by his tagger cousin to a pre-Obamatized Shepard Fairey in 2007, he realizes his true calling: to make a documentary about the street art scene that was then only starting to get mainstream attention. Enter Banksy, who, at first, is Guetta’s ultimate quarry. Eventually, the two become chummy, with Guetta acting as lookout and documenter for the artist just as the art market starts clambering for its piece of, “the Scarlet Pimpernel of street art,” as one headline dubs him. When, at about three quarters of the way in, Guetta, following Banksy’s casual suggestion, drops his camcorder and tries his hand at making street art, Exit becomes a very different beast. Guetta’s flashy debut as Mr. Brainwash is as obscenely successful as his “art” is terribly unimaginative — much to the chagrin of his former documentary subjects. But Guetta is no Eve Harrington and Banksy, who has the last laugh here, gives him plenty of rope with which to truss himself. Is Mr. Brainwash really the ridiculous and inevitable terminus of street art’s runaway mainstream success (which, it must be said, Banksy has handsomely profited from)? That question begs another: with friends like Banksy, who needs enemies? (1:27) Embarcadero, Shattuck, Sundance Kabuki. (Sussman)

*The Ghost Writer Roman Polanski’s never-ending legal woes have inspired endless debates on the interwebs and elsewhere; they also can’t help but add subtext to the 76-year-old’s new film, which is chock full o’ anti-American vibes anyway. It’s also a pretty nifty political thriller about a disgraced former British Prime Minister (Pierce Brosnan) who’s hanging out in his Martha’s Vineyard mansion with his whip-smart, bitter wife (Olivia Williams) and Joan Holloway-as-ice-queen assistant (Kim Cattrall), plus an eager young biographer (Ewan McGregor) recently hired to ghost-write his memoirs. But as the writer quickly discovers, the politician’s past contains the kinds of secrets that cause strange cars with tinted windows to appear in one’s rearview mirror when driving along deserted country roads. Polanski’s long been an expert when it comes to escalating tension onscreen; he’s also so good at adding offbeat moments that only seem tossed-off (as when the PM’s groundskeeper attempts to rake leaves amid relentless sea breezes) and making the utmost of his top-notch actors (Tom Wilkinson and Eli Wallach have small, memorable roles). Though I found The Ghost Writer‘s ZOMG! third-act revelation to be a bit corny, I still didn’t think it detracted from the finely crafted film that led up to it. (1:49) Elmwood, Opera Plaza. (Eddy)

*The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo By the time the first of Stieg Larsson’s so-called “Millennium” books had been published anywhere, the series already had an unhappy ending: he died (in 2004). The following year, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo became a Swedish, then eventually international sensation, its sequels following suit. The books are addicting, to say the least; despite their essential crime-mystery-thriller nature, they don’t require putting your ear for writing of some literary value on sleep mode. Now the first of three adaptive features shot back-to-back has reached U.S. screens. (Sorry to say, yes, a Hollywood remake is already in the works — but let’s hope that’s years away.) Even at two-and-a-half hours, this Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by necessity must do some major truncating to pack in the essentials of a very long, very plotty novel. Still, all but the nitpickingest fans will be fairly satisfied, while virgins will have the benefit of not knowing what’s going to happen and getting scared accordingly. Soon facing jail after losing a libel suit brought against him by a shady corporate tycoon, leftie journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) gets a curious private offer to probe the disappearance 40 years earlier of a teenage girl. This entangles him with an eccentric wealthy family and their many closet skeletons (including Nazi sympathies) — as well as dragon-tattooed Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), androgynous loner, 24-year-old court ward, investigative researcher, and skillful hacker. Director Niels Arden Oplev and his scenarists do a workmanlike job — one more organizational than interpretive, a faithful transcription without much style or personality all its own. Nonetheless, Larsson’s narrative engine kicks in early and hauls you right along to the depot. (2:32) Bridge, Piedmont, Shattuck, Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

Harry Brown Shades of Dirty Harry (1971) for the tea cozy and tweed set: elegantly rendered and very nicely played, Harry Brown might be the dark, late-in-the-day elder brother to 1971’s Get Carter, in the hands of eponymous lead Michael Caine. He’s a pensioner mourning the passing of his beloved wife, his mysterious life as a Marine stationed in Northern Ireland firmly behind him. Then his chess-playing pal Leonard (David Bradley) is terrorized and killed by the unsavory gang of heroin dealing hoodlums who lurk near their projects in a tunnel walkway like gun-toting, foul-mouthed, sociopathic trolls. Harry Brown is, er, forced to forsake a vow of peace and go commando on the culprits’ asses, triggering some moments of ultraviolence that are unsettling in their whole-hearted embrace of vigilante justice. Like predecessors similarly fixated on vengeance in their respective urban hells, a la Hardcore (1979) and Taxi Driver (1976) (Harry Brown echoes key moments in the latter, in particular — see, for instance, its keenly tense, eerily humorous gun shopping scene), Harry Brown is essentially an arch-conservative film, if good looking and even likable with Caine meting out the punishment. The overall denouement just might make some seniors feel very, very good about the coiled potential for hurt embedded in their aging frames. (1:42) Embarcadero, Sundance Kabuki. (Chun)

How to Train Your Dragon (1:38) 1000 Van Ness.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) Director Tom Six had a vision, a glorious dream of surgically connecting three human beings via their gastro-intestinal systems, or as Kevin Smith would say — “ass to mouth.” When two girlfriends on a road trip across Europe get a flat tire, they stumble upon the home of a mad doctor (Dieter Laser) with a similar dream, who drugs them and ties them up in his basement laboratory. The Human Centipede is an entry into the torture porn arena, but it feels especially icky because you just know that the girls have zero chance of escaping the “100 percent medically accurate!” surgery. Once hooked up, there’s nowhere for the film to go and two out of three actors can’t talk because they are sewn to someone else’s anus. Still, as one-note as The Human Centipede is, I think we’d do well to encourage more films to be as batshit insane as this one. (1:30) Lumiere. (Galvin)

*Iron Man 2 Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) returns, just as rich and self-involved as before, though his ego his inflated to unimaginable heights due to his superheroic fame. Pretty much, he’s put the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” thing on the back burner, exasperating everyone from Girl Friday Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow); to BFF military man Rhodey (Don Cheadle, replacing the first installment’s Terrence Howard); to certain mysterious Marvels played by Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson; to a doofus-y rival defense contractor (Sam Rockwell); to a sanctimonius Senator (Garry Shandling). Frankly, the fact that a vengeful Russian scientist (Mickey Rourke) is plotting Tony’s imminent death is a secondary threat here — for much of the film, Tony’s biggest enemy is himself. Fortunately, this is conveyed with enjoyable action (props to director Jon Favreau, who also has a small role), a witty script (actor Justin Theroux — who knew? He also co-wrote 2008’s Tropic Thunder, by the way), and gusto-going performances by everyone, from Downey on down. Stay for the whole credits or miss out on the geek-gasm. (2:05) California, Castro, Empire, Four Star, Marina, 1000 Van Ness, Presidio, Sundance Kabuki. (Eddy)

Just Wright (1:51) 1000 Van Ness.

*Kick-Ass Based on a comic book series by Mark Millar, whose work was also the model for 2008’s Wanted, Kick Ass is a similarly over-the-top action flick that plays up its absurdity to even greater comedic effect. High school nerd Dave (Aaron Johnson) decides to become the world’s first real superhero. Donning a green wetsuit he bought on the internet and mustering some unlikely courage, he takes to the streets to avenge wrongdoing. Unsurprisingly, Dave is immediately beaten almost to death because he’s just a kid who has no idea what he’s doing, but Kick-Ass‘ greatest achievement is knowing exactly how to subvert audience expectations. Scenes that marry the film’s innocent story with enormously exaggerated violence enhance the otherwise Superbad-lite high-school comedy unfolding around them, and a parallel plot-line involving Nicolas Cage instructing his 12-year-old daughter to commit grievous murders will probably end up being the most gratifying aspect of the film. Though too much set-up and spinning gears mars the middle act, it’s hard to fault the film for competently setting up one of the most crowd-pleasing endings in recent memory. (1:58) 1000 Van Ness. (Galvin)

Kites As randomly exuberant, shamelessly cheesy, and as garishly OTT as an amalgam of Bollywood song-and-dance flash and ’80s Hollywood blockbuster can get, Kites is a lovable mutt through and through — ready for its stateside close-up with by way of a forthcoming Brett Ratner English-language “remix” treatment. But first the two-hour original: J (Hrithik Roshan) is a poor but studly, V-chested dance teacher who hits the jackpot in Vegas with Gina (Kangna), his besotted student and the daughter of a powerful and deadly casino owner. Their dance competition number — jumpily cut like a hybrid of Dancing With the Stars, Saturday Night Fever (1977), and Fame (1980) — lands J in the bosom of Gina’s family, where he meets her sadistic bro, Tony (Nick Brown), and his fiancée, Natasha (Barbara Mori), an illegal immigrant from Mexico. But J and Natasha have met briefly before, when she hired him to marry her for a green card. How can a connected, killer family possibly get in the way of true love — between two leads who resemble a youthful, performance-enhanced, manically happily Nicolas Cage and Megan Fox? Smoothly integrating the dance numbers into the predictable narrative, Kites has polished off any possible edge from its high-energy Bollywood riff on the movies of Michael Bay and Ridley Scott, but that doesn’t mean you can tear your eyes from the screen, or stop the music. (1:30) SF Center. (Chun)

Letters to Juliet If you can stomach the inevitable Barbara Cartland/Harlequin-romance-style clichés — and believe that Amanda Seyfried as a New Yorker fact-checker — then Letters to Juliet might be the ideal Tuscan-sunlit valentine for you. Seyfried’s Sophie is on a pre-honeymoon trip to Verona with her preoccupied chef-restaurateur intended, Victor (Gael Garcia Bernal), who’s more interested in sampling cheese and purchasing vino than taking in the romantic attractions of Verona with his fiancée. Luckily she finds the perfect diversion for a wannabe scribe: a small clutch of diehard romantics enlisted by the city of Verona to answer the letters to Juliet posted by lovelorn ladies. They’re Juliet’s secretaries — never mind that Juliet never managed to maintain a successful or long-term relationship herself. When Sophie finds a lost, unanswered letter from the ’50s, she sets off sequence of unlikely events, as the letter’s English writer, Claire (Vanessa Redgrave), returns to Verona with her grandson Charlie (Christopher Egan), in search of her missed-connection, Lorenzo. Alas, Lorenzo’s long gone, and the fact-checker decides to help the warm-hearted, hopeful Claire find her lost lover. Unfortunately Sophie’s chemistry with both her matches isn’t as powerful as Redgrave’s with real-life husband Franco Nero — after all he was Lancelot to her Guenevere in 1967’s Camelot and the father of her son. Still, Redgrave’s power as an actress — and her relationship with Nero — adds a resonance that takes this otherwise by-the-numbers romance to another level. (1:46) Elmwood, 1000 Van Ness, Piedmont, SF Center, Sundance Kabuki. (Chun)

MacGruber Mudflaps, moptops, box-office flippity-flops, such is the sad transition Saturday Night Live skits make to the big screen. Handicapped as such MacGruber also has a very specific demographic in mind: the Gen-Xers who popularized the use of MacGyver as a verb and harbor a picture-tube-deep ironic affection for the lousy ’80s TV action shows of their youth. Does anyone younger — or older — than that population get MacGruber‘s interest in Howard Stern-style transgressive humor, its “Cunth”/dick/poop/butt jokes, and its shameful identification with badly dated hair styles? That said, MacGruber isn’t half bad if one keeps expectations nice ‘n’ low, much like its hero’s brow, and one enjoys a comic antihero who uses his buds as human shields and can’t MacGyver a weapon out of a tennis ball and rubber-band to save his life. Laughs can be had — as long as your bad Gen-X self is still in touch with your inner 13-year-old. MacGruber won’t make the Bay Area-born-and-bred Will Forte a superstar, but at least it gives Kristen Wiig fans another, if somewhat inexplicable, chance to glimpse their heroine in action, with little to do — someone get this smart, likable actress into a Nicole Holofcener comedy ASAP. (1:39) 1000 Van Ness, SF Center. (Chun)

*Mid-August Lunch Gianni Di Gregorio’s loose, engaging comedy is about an aging bachelor still living with his ancient mum in their Rome flat. When his landlord offers to forgive some debts in return for briefly taking in his own elderly ma, Gianni (played by the director himself) soon finds himself in cat-herding charge of no less than five old ladies who delight in one another’s company while running him ragged. Gomorrah (2008) screenwriter Di Gregorio used nonprofessionals to play those parts in this semi improvised miniature, which is as light and flavorful as a first course of prosciutto and mozzarella. It’s a solid addition to the canon of palate-pleasing culinary flicks such as Big Night (1996) and Babette’s Feast (1987), as opposed to the repulsive ones like Super Size Me (2004) or Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (1983). (1:15) Opera Plaza. (Harvey)

La Mission A veteran S.F. vato turned responsible — if still muy macho — widower, father, and Muni driver, fortysomething Che (Benjamin Bratt) isn’t the type for mushy displays of sentiment. But it’s clear his pride and joy is son Jess (Jeremy Ray Valdez), a straight-A high school grad bound for UCLA. That filial bond, however, sustains some serious damage when Che discovers Jes has a secret life — with a boyfriend, in the Castro, just a few blocks away from their Mission walkup but might as well be light-years away as far as old-school dad is concerned. This Bratt family project (Benjamin’s brother Peter writes-directs, his wife Talisa Soto Bratt has a supporting role) has a bit of a predictable TV-movie feel, but its warm heart is very much in the right place. (1:57) Opera Plaza, Shattuck. (Harvey)

Mother and Child Adoption advocates who railed against Orphan (2009) should turn their sights on Mother and Child, a ridiculous melodrama with a thoroughly vile message. I’d wager writer-director Rodrigo García didn’t set out to make an anti-adoption film: this is a movie about the relationship between mothers and daughters. But the undertones are impossible to miss. Annette Bening plays Karen, a miserable woman consumed by regret for putting her daughter up for adoption 37 years ago. That biological daughter is Elizabeth (Naomi Watts), who — despite having been adopted at birth — speaks dismissively of her “adoptive” parents as though they were never really hers. She’s cold and manipulative, sleeping with her boss and married neighbor because she can. Mother and Child offers no real explanation for why these women are so unpleasant, so we’re forced to conclude it’s the four decades-old adoption. Despite a stellar cast, which also includes Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, and S. Epatha Merkerson, the film’s misguided politics are too distracting to ignore. (2:06) Sundance Kabuki. (Peitzman)

*OSS 117: Lost in Rio The Cold War heated up a public appetite for spy adventures well before James Bond became a pop phenomenon. In fact, Ian Fleming hadn’t yet created 007 in 1949, when Jean Bruce commenced writing novels about Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath, a.k.a. Agent OSS 117. This French superspy was ready-made to join the ranks of umpteen 007 wannabes, appearing in somewhere between six and 11 films (it’s unclear whether all involved de La Bath, or were just Bruce-based) through 1970, played by at least four actors. The series remained well-known enough to get a new life in 2006 when director Michel Hazanavicius and top French comedy star Jean Dujardin sought to spoof 1960s espionage flicks a la Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997). That was a big hit, so now we’ve got a sequel. OSS 117: Lost in Rio isn’t as fresh or funny as the preceding Cairo, Nest of Spies. But it’s still a whole lot fresher and funnier than Austin Powers Nos. two (1999) and three (2002). Dujardin’s de La Bath is the very model of jet-set masculinity, twisting the night away at a ski chalet with umpteen soon-to-be-machine gunned “Oriental” lovelies in the opening sequence. Of course such pleasure pursuits take place strictly between car chases, shootouts, and karate fights. Agreeably silly, Lost in Rio doesn’t go for Hollywood-style slapstick and gross out yuks. Instead, its biggest laughs are usually droll throwaways, as when 117 explains a shocking sudden costume change with the unlikely declaration “I sew,” or during an LSD-dosed hippie orgy proves quite willing to go with the flow — even when that involves another guy’s groovy finger breaching security up the pride of French intelligence’s derriere. (1:37) Lumiere, Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

*Please Give Manhattan couple Kate (Catherine Keener) and Alex (Oliver Platt) are the proprietors of an up-market vintage furniture store — they troll the apartments of the recently deceased, redistributing the contents at an astonishing markup — and they’ve purchased the entire apartment of their elderly next-door neighbor (Ann Guilbert). As they wait for her to expire so they can knock down a wall, they try not to loom in anticipation in front of her granddaughters, the softly melancholic Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) and the brittle pragmatist Mary (Amanda Peet). Filmmaker Nicole Holofcener has entered this territory before, examining the interpersonal pressures that a sizable income gap can exert in 2006’s Friends with Money. Here she turns to the pangs and blunderings of the liberal existence burdened with the discomforts of being comfortable and the desire to do some good in the world. The film capably explores the unexamined impulses of liberal guilt, though the conclusion it reaches is unsatisfying. Like Holofcener’s other work, Please Give is constructed from the episodic material of mundane, intimate encounters between characters whose complexity forces us to take them seriously, whether or not we like them. Here, though, it offers these private connections as the best one can hope for, a sort of domestic grace accrued by doing right, authentically, instinctively, by the people in your immediate orbit, leaving the larger world to muddle along on its axis as best it can. (1:30) Clay, SF Center, Shattuck. (Rapoport)

Princess Kaiulani Well-meaning and controversial (the independent’s first title, Barbarian Princess, and the tragic events it depicts has distressed some native Hawaiians) in its own inoffensive way, Princess Kaiulani is unfortunately overshadowed by star Q’orianka Kilcher’s first film, 2005’s The New World, in which she portrayed Pocahontas. The Hawaii-raised Kilcher appears to be getting typecast as a tragic, romanticized native royal. Still, if you can get past director Marc Forby’s weak attempts to match New World director Terrence Malick’s searingly poetic montages and the clunky History Channel-by-the-numbers screenplay, you might give a little credit to the makers for bringing to the screen the tale of Hawaii’s last intelligent, beautiful, and accomplished princess — a young woman determined to fight an overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy and battle its annexation against the white land owners and descendents of missionaries who tried to block the voting rights of native Hawaiians. Kilcher possesses some of the noble charisma claimed by the real Kaiulani, but the obligatory romance superimposed on the narrative and the neglect of some of genuinely promising threads, such as Kaiulani’s friendship with Robert Louis Stevenson, make Princess Kaiulani feel as faux as those who pretended to Hawaii’s rule. (2:10) Elmwood, Embarcadero. (Chun)

Robin Hood Like it or not, we live in the age of the origin story. Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood introduces us to the outlaw while he’s still in France, wending his way back to Albion in the service of King Richard III. The Lionheart soon takes an arrow in the neck in order to demonstrate the film’s historical bona fides, and yeoman archer Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe) — surrounded by a nascent band of merry men — accidentally embroils himself in a conspiracy to wrest control of England. The complications of this intrigue hie Robin to Nottingham, where he is thrown together with Maid Marion (Cate Blanchett), a plucky rural aristocrat who likes getting her hands dirty almost as much as she likes a bit of smoldering Crowe seduction. A lot of hollow medieval verisimilitude ensues, along with a good bit of slow-mo swordplay, but the cumulative effect is tepid and rote. (2:20) Cerrito, Empire, 1000 Van Ness, Sundance Kabuki. (Richardson)

The Secret in Their Eyes (2:07) Albany, Embarcadero.

Shrek Forever After 3D It’s easy to give Dreamworks a hard time for pumping out a fourth sequel to a film that never really needed a sequel in the first place. But Shrek Forever After isn’t all that bad — it’s mostly just irrelevant. The film does begin on an interesting note, with Shrek discovering the consequences of settling down with a wife and kids: serious ennui. It’s refreshing to see a fairy tale in which “happily ever after” is revealed to be rather mundane. But soon there are wacky magical hijinks that spawn an alternate universe, a cheap way to inject new life into tired old characters. (You like Puss in Boots? Well, he’s fat now.) Luckily, the voice actors are still game and the animation remains top-notch. The 3D effects are well used for once, fleshing out Shrek’s world rather than providing an unnecessary distraction. The end result is a mildly entertaining addition to the franchise, but like the alternate universe in which Shrek finds himself stranded, there’s no real reason it should exist. (1:33) Four Star, 1000 Van Ness, Presidio, Sundance Kabuki. (Peitzman)

Touching Home Hometown boys (Logan and Noah Miller) make good in this based-on-a-true-story tale of identical twins who must divide their time at home between training for major league baseball and looking after their alcoholic father. The brothers, who also wrote and directed the film, aim for David Gordon Green by way of Marin, but fall short of mastering that director’s knack for natural dialogue. Ed Harris is, unsurprisingly, compelling as the alcoholic father, but the actors in the film who are not named Ed Harris tend to contribute to the script’s distracting histrionics. Touching Home has some amazing NorCal cinematography, and I could see how family audiences might enjoy its “feel bad, then feel good” style of melodrama. But while it’s awkward to say that someone’s real-life experiences come off as trite, there are moments here that feel as clichéd as a Lifetime movie. (1:48) Smith Rafael. (Galvin)

Depravity’s rainbow

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VIDEO What is Trash Humpers? Is it filmmaker Harmony Korine’s rage against his experiences making 2007’s Mister Lonely? Despite being characteristically bizarre, with tales of celebrity impersonators and flying nuns, Mister Lonely was Korine’s most technically polished (i.e., expensive-looking) film to date. By contrast, Trash Humpers, shot on the quick and mega-cheap, literally looks like “an old VHS tape that was in some attick [sic] or buried in some ditch,” per the film’s charmingly lo-fi press kit.

There’s also Trash Humpers’ rather, uh, subversive content. Basically, it’s 78 minutes of shenanigans, starring a trio of ne’er-do-wells who are either wearing elderly-burn-victim masks or are actually supposed to be elderly burn victims. (Nimbleness during some basketball scenes suggests the former, but who knows?) The creepy crew and their pals cavort through an unidentified Nashville, smashing TVs, slipping razor blades into apples, guzzling booze, spanking hookers, setting off firecrackers, cracking racist and/or homophobic jokes, eating pancakes doused in dish soap, and humping trash cans. Lots of trash cans. Primitive video technology (the film was edited on two VCRs) makes everything look even worse, if that’s even possible.

Now, if you or I submitted Trash Humpers, the programmers at the Toronto International Film Festival would chuckle condescendingly and fling it into the nearest (humpable) trash bin. But you have to consider the source: Salon recently dubbed Korine “the most hated man in art-house cinema,” which if true is probably the director’s most cherished triumph. Indie film fans are familiar with his bio (wrote 1995’s Kids, directed 1997’s Gummo) and prickly reputation. He’s also an extremely intelligent guy. He obviously knows that Trash Humpers is going to baffle, amuse, bore, and outrage audiences; he also knows that you’re secretly writing him off as a hipster who makes deliberately crummy art.

So, what is Trash Humpers? I refer you to an interview I did with Korine when Mister Lonely made its way into theaters: “I always wanted to make movies that consisted entirely of moments. I always felt like, in movies, they waste so much time getting to the good part and resolving after the good part. I was just like, why can’t you make movies that consist only of good parts? I like to make things the way I want to experience them. I create an image because no one is giving it to me.” And no one can take it away. 

TRASH HUMPERS

June 3–5, 7:30 p.m.; June 6, 2 p.m., $6–$8

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts

701 Mission, SF

(415) 978-2787, www.ybca.org

Sparkle motion

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arts@sfbg.com

FILM The wind blowing through the California Palace of the Legion of Honor courtyard would chill ordinary mortals to the bone on this Monday morning in early May. The museum is locked tight but the organ music that keeps wafting through its majestic outdoor columns seems oddly appropriate to the cavorting of two very slender, bare-chested young males and the object of their teasing attention, a spectacularly adorned ballerina. San Francisco Ballet dancers Jaime Garcia Castilla and Martyn Garside, and Trannyshack favorite Matthew Simmons, a.k.a. Peggy L’Eggs, apparently don’t mind a bit of physical hardship in the service of dance. They are the stars of Paul Festa’s new film, The Glitter Emergency.

Commissioned by ODC Theater, Glitter is the centerpiece of Festa’s full-length theater work, The Violin Show which will premiere in fall 2011. Right now on this gray day, the trio — with SFB dancer Myles Thatcher acting as choreographer — is dancing to music that only Festa hears.

He has had the score, Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto in D Major, inside his head every since he first heard it as a teenager. Planning a career as a concert violinist, he started to play it at 15. “It’s music I always thought should be a ballet,” he explains in a phone interview from his home in San Francisco. To his ears it sounded like leftovers of some ballet music. Considering that the Concerto was written in 1878, one year after Swan Lake, that is not a surprise.

Growing up gay in the 1980s when there was a “huge closet door” in the way of role models, Festa was always latching on to historical figures who might have been or were rumored to be gay. So the Tchaikovsky concerto was a natural match. He remembers the first movement, in particular as “so extremely joyous, so over the top, so excessively pushing boundaries” that to him it overflowed into camp.

Drawing on his experience performing at the Trannyshack, he decided to perform at least part of the score in drag, pretending to lip-synch the music while actually playing it live. He tried it a few times but it didn’t work. For one thing, Festa remembers, “it’s very difficult to act and play the violin at the same time.” But he also found that, though he could make fun of something that he also deeply loves — an essential ingredient to contemporary drag — he himself could not physically embody that experience. “What I needed,” he explained, “was a drag queen.”

He found her in Peggy L’Eggs; a few years ago, he had accompanied her in a one-legged, roller-skating rendition of Fokine’s Dying Swan. She became Peg-Leg Ballerina, Glitter‘s Cinderella who desperately wants to become a dancer but whose dream seems unrealizable because of a substantial physical handicap. Two evil stepsisters (Rumi Missabu of the Cockettes and Eric Glaser) hold the poor thing captive until the arrival of superhero Stringendo (Festa on live violin) and his two pixie assistants.

It’s not by chance that Festa went into the world of ballet for this parable about hope and transformation. Ballet has long resonated in queer culture, probably in part because of its presentation of an “unnatural,” aestheticized, and idealized body — female and male. In many ways ballet is an absurd art. It shouldn’t be possible. Additionally, it embraces giving pleasure as an end in itself. In some eyes, this makes the art intellectually suspect, unlike modern dance, for instance, which supposedly deals with weightier, more substantial issues regarding the human condition. But for those outside accepted norms of being, ballet can be welcoming.

Since he is comfortable in both worlds, Festa structured his 20-minute ballet film as “a mashup between silent film and music video.” Growing up in San Francisco, he remembers every Friday night going to the Avenue Theater for its double bills of silent movies with live accompaniment. Interestingly, he thinks that silent film may be making something of a comeback, in part because of the work of Lady Gaga.

Though Glitter shimmers with rhinestones, confetti, and silliness, like a lot of ballets, its heartbeat is steady and strong. “Do not turn away from the magic inside you,” exhorts one of the film’s copiously strewn-about subtitles to which our Cinderella responds with the longest batting eyelashes ever seen on a would-be princess. It’s a lesson she will apply when she finally meets her “better” self (SFB dancer Sylvie Volosov).

It’s also a lesson Festa himself had to learn. And he too had a mentor. While still at Juilliard, focusing on becoming a concert violinist, he developed a hand ailment that stopped a budding performance career in music. At the same time, he entered a 15-year long friendship with one of his professors, Albert Fuller, a pioneer in advocating the use of original instruments, who also taught performance practice at Juilliard.

“He and I used to sit at his bar for hours late into the night and listen to music and he would narrate his theater of the imagination.” A Schubert quartet would become a dramatic opera, a Poulenc organ concerto a horror film, and an old washerwoman would dance to Bach. But Fuller also taught him how to live his life. “He had a mantra that he kept repeating: ‘fantasy comes before fact.’ ” It may take a wise old professor or an outrageously silver-clad violinist in seven-inch platform shoes to turn dreams into reality, but as Festa’s Glitter attempts to show, it can be done. And we can laugh all the way through the journey.

Glitter will be shown with Festa’s homage to Fuller, Apparition of the Eternal Church (full disclosure: I have family members who appear in Apparition), a film inspired by Olivier Messiaen’s music.

THE GLITTER EMERGENCY AND APPARITION OF THE ETERNAL CHURCH

Thurs/27, 8 p.m., $10

Supperclub

657 Harrison, SF

www.theglitteremergency.com

 

Gay outta Hunters Point

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Maybe now that Apichatpong “Joe” Weerasethakul has won the Palme d’Or at Cannes, the art film world can be forgiven, but many of my favorite movies of the past few years have been made for Vimeo or YouTube more than for DVD rental, let alone the big screen. I’m thinking of Damon Packard’s SpaceDisco One, and most of all, I’m talking about music videos shot right here in San Francisco: Skye Thorstenson’s fantasia for Myles Cooper’s “Gonna Find Boyfriends Today,” and Justin Kelly’s numerous videos for Hunx and His Punx. Where else are you going to find a world of arcane rituals, giant boomboxes, bigger phones, and mustard-and-syrup food orgies, populated by a cast of personalities that might make John Waters pine for his youth and Andy Warhol rise from the grave?

On a sunny Saturday, Kelly picks me up in his 1980 Mercedes and — amid talk of rabid crowds stripping Hunx naked at show in Paris — drives me to his shared warehouse at the very point of Hunters Point. His look is a less corn fed All the Right Moves-era Tom Cruise. When we reach the place where the magic happens, there’s a basketball net in the main room, along with an assortment of six-foot fluorescent pointy plastic plant life. Kelly’s friend and longtime collaborator Brande Baugh mixes up some Campari and orange juice, enthusing about Campari ads in Europe featuring “slutty full-on animals with big tits wearing bikinis.” It’s time to talk movies.

Kelly and Baugh have been friends since they were 14. They could have walked right off the pages off Francesca Lia Block’s great SoCal young adult novel Weetzie Bat. “We were geniuses in our own mind,” says Baugh. “I’d dress like a drag queen every day at school. I had no eyebrows — I’d draw them on. Our history started because we both had these crazy urges. We’d go to the mall and take pictures of each other being dead on the floor.”

“Brande would go to punk shows,” says Kelly, “and I was just looking for any event where I could dress up and be expressive, from Rocky Horror to raves. She took me to my first gay pride [parade].” Moving away from home at 18, Kelly checked out the fringes of movieland, playing a nerd with acne in Ghost World (2001) and working as a set PA on Almost Famous (2000). He lived on Hollywood Boulevard, then he and Baugh each got their own studios at a place called Sunshine City Apartments. “On Hollywood Boulevard, we’d have these weird Elvis impersonators around us,” Baugh remembers. “It was fun to poke fun of that and rehearse our camp.”

But San Francisco is where Kelly and Baugh have made their creative home. Back in 2005, when I profiled Kelly’s early music video efforts, he’d made less than a handful of clips, but already had a very precisely honed vision, formed from close scrutiny of — and enthusiasm for — ’80s-era MTV in particular. In the past few years, this vision, combined with the music of talented friends such as Alexis Penney and Seth Bogart of Hunx and His Punx, has flowered into something uniquely energetic, hot, and vividly colorful. Kelly’s videos are stylish yet lively. The clip for Hunx and His Punx’ “Cruising,” for example, is an almost DePalma- or Hitchcock- or Ophuls-type feat of tracking shot trickery, a faux-one shot 360-degree dance through a variety of horny and sweaty tableaux that revives William Friedkin’s Cruising (1980) in a celebratory rather than bloodthirsty way.

Lensed by frequent director of photography David Kavanaugh, Kelly’s recent video for Harlem’s “Gay Human Bones” is another step forward, with a superb central performance by Baugh, who stares down the camera with silent movie star hypnotism, and a memorable bespectacled cameo by Scout Festa, one of the stars of Cary Cronenwett’s sailor epic Maggots and Men (2009). (“We call her ‘One Take Festa,'” Baugh says.) Here, the attention to detail that Kelly brings to movement and editing (an area where Baugh often chimes in) takes on a ritualistic aura. Both “Gay Human Bones” and “Cruising” possess choreographic grace.

This doesn’t mean Kelly is veering away from direct imagery. His clip for Nick Weiss’s RIP NRG remix of Hunx and His Punx’ “Dontcha Want Me Back” discovers new vivid hues while reveling in the tastiness and grodiness of food. An upcoming clip for Alexis’ home run of a debut single “Lonely Sea” (produced by Weiss) captures the formidable Penney in full-on Janet Jackson or Madonna-level diva mode, storming into the ocean. Except in this case the setting was a freezing Ocean Beach, where Penney had to yell to himself that he was “Alexis, Queen of Sex!” in between freezing-cold and even hail-ridden shots. “He was shaking so hard,” Kelly says. “I freaked out and thought, ‘Oh my god, he’s going to die and I’m going to jail!'”

While music video is where Kelly has been thriving, the feature film world is where he’s been learning, from his early Hollywood and Indiewood experiences on through to a gig as editorial assistant on Gus Van Sant’s Milk (2008). This summer, he’s traveling to Oregon to work on a feature by director M. Blash that stars Chloë Sevigny and Jena Malone. He’s also continuing to work on his feature film debut as director, after shorts such as Front (2007), a cryptic slice of queer youth which starred Daeg Faerch before Rob Zombie cast him as the young Michael Meyers in his 2007 remake of Halloween. As for that project, mum’s the word right now, but know one thing: a lot of people in this town will be talking about it.

www.denofhearts.com

The Daily Blurgh: Out of Bolivia, park-ing lessons

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Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond

Today in animals: Former circus lions from Bolivia plan SF stopover before cold chillin’ the rest of their days away in sunny San Andreas, crocodile mummies are returned to UC Berkeley, and the American Kennel Club allows mutts (aka “All Americans”) to compete in their own category.

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Rescue 911 — not so great from a cell phone.

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What better way to fight the war on terror than to discredit your enemy than by leaking a “video” of his supposed child-raping conquests?

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So, you wanna build a parklet...
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Headline of the day: “‘I am a predator’ – ruin follows him everywhere

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Crack is whack! (via SFist)

 

Don’t touch Dan Noyes!

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Beth Spotswood has a very funny piece on SF Appeal about Channel 7 news reporter Dan Noyes and a very odd press flak at Laguna Honda who keeps trying to feel up Noyes’s shoulder. Over and over again, until Noyes finally slaps his hand away. Then the guy tries to do it again.


There’s an actual story here, about how the Laguna Honda patients’ fund is spent, but the video of the touchy-feely session has already overwhelmed the actual news. You gotta watch: