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WEDNESDAY, DEC. 22

Floyd Westerman Retrospective

You may remember him for his role in “Dances with Wolves” as Chief Ten Bears and as a country western singer/songwriter. But Floyd Westerman, a.k.a. Red Crow, was also an outspoken activist for Native Americans and the environment. A new documentary by Steve Jacobson explores his later life and activism. Along with the film, there will also be a social hour at 6:30 and a discussion following the film.

7:30–9:30 p.m., $5 suggested donation

Humanist Hall

390 27th St., Oakl.

510-681-8699

Real Mercantile Holiday Bazaar

If you still have some holiday shopping to do and just can’t summon the will to hit the stores or feed the machine, you can get some great stuff while supporting the local arts community and underground economy at the Real Mercantile Holiday Bazaar. held at arts impresario Chicken John spacious home and performance space. Homemade gifts and food are all available in a festive and very San Francisco atmosphere.

5–9 p.m., free

Chez Poulet

3359 Cesar Chavez, SF

www.therealmerchantile.com

THURSDAY, DEC. 23

Festivus 2010

San Francisco’s legendary Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and pot activist Ed Rosenthal’s Green Aid unite to present a night of fundraising for the Medical Marijuana Legal Defense and Education Fund. The bash features an airing of grievances, feats of strength, the annual meeting of Dessert First Club, and live music and entertainment including The Phat Fly Girls and burlesque. Creative dress and cross-dressing encouraged.

7:30–11:30 p.m., $50 presale, $60 at door

SomArts

925 Brannan, SF

415-515-7483

SUNDAY, DEC 26

Get Your Spawn On

Join Brent Plater on a stroll through Muir Woods National Monument to learn more about coho and steelhead salmon and how to help them survive. The walk also features a search for endangered salmon in Redwood Creek. Make sure to wear something warm and bring your hiking boots.

10–12 p.m., free with RSVP

Meet at the Dipsea Trail trailhead

Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley

www.wildequity.org/events/3166

TUESDAY, DEC 28

Castro Queer-in

Join concerned local resident ins protesting the recently passed sit/lie ordinance more formally known as Proposition L. Bring out any and all musical instruments, games, food to share, face-painting kits, and any items to barter. Everyone will gather outside of Harvey Milk’s former camera store.

Noon–2 p.m., Free

575 Castro

Mail items for Alerts to the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 437-3658; or e-mail alert@sfbg.com. Please include a contact telephone number. Items must be received at least one week prior to the publication date.

Renegade Crafts Fair stuffed our stockings with future gift ideas

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Martha Stewart would have been awed had she found her way to the Renegade Crafts Fair at the Concourse Exhibition Center this past weekend, 12/18-12/19. The amount of creative crafters packed into one space was overwhelming, and Martha would have found it quite inspiring.

The meandering crowds, diligently finishing up their holiday shopping, had a plethora of cool commodities to pick through, from vintagey Polaroids by Sprout Studio, to a hip stuffed-animal owl by Doris Anne. For those who wanted a truly creative gift, squished in the middle of the isle was The Poetry Store, where you could have Silvi Alcivar write you an impromptu poem for that special someone. There were also items that would have been totally dude-approved, including carefully crafted wooden watches by Mistura, and all-recycled bicycle clocks made by Oakland’s 1 by Liz.

The two cutest vendors at the fair were Ysabella and Anna Patricia Designs flower headbands (whose model was asleep in her stroller, which just added to the cuteness) and Twinkie Chan, who was working on a string of crocheted popcorn when I passed, but was also selling crocheted pizza scarves and cherry earrings.

And finally there were my two favorite vendors: first, Double Parlour‘s totally weird and wonderful dolls that were so expressive it was eerie. And then (boy, I wanted everything from these guys!) the awesome Native American inspired clothing and jewelery by The Local Branch. I especially loved their Hippie Fringe Necklaces, that were so undeniably handmade, making them ever so irresistible.

Ok, people. Christmas is just a few days away. I’ve done the hard part of finding all the awesomeness. Now you just need to buy it!

Hot sexy events December 15-21

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Sigh. I guess I’m supposed to be Christmas shopping right now. But all I can focus is on is another week of sweet and wild sex events – what’s a girl to do? In the spirit of at least trying to pretend I give a damn, however, here are five fantastic places to buy sexy somethings for the naughties on your list. And the weekly sex events, of course. 

1. Quality SM – run by womens since 1988, this locally based online catalog specializes in British BDSM titles. www.qualitysm.com

2. Dark Garden – the hottest corsets money can buy for the love in your life that needs cinching. 321 Linden, SF. (415) 431-7684, www.darkgarden.com

 3.Good Vibrationsduh, if you read this column at all, duh. Various Bay Area locations. www.goodvibes.com

4. Stormy Leather – leather goods for all! 1158 Howard, SF. (415) 626-1672, www.stormyleather.com

5. Big Al’s Adult Super Store – sample Yelp review: “Forget about stoopid goodvibes and their politically-correct-boring-medical-supply-store bullshit!” Great for bachelorette parties! 556 Broadway, SF. (415) 391-8510

Good Vibrations Customer Appreciation Night

Surely this night was formulated with the diligent holiday shopper in mind, but really Good Vibes – free wine and chocolate? One-on-one attention from sexperts? This is one shopping event (actually five – Fri/17, Sat/18, Weds/22 and Thurs/23 will see the same perks) that will nurture the sex life of the gifter and giftee in one fell swoop. Pick up a present for you and yours, how bout?

Thurs/16 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations 

Various Bay Area locations

www.goodvibes.com


International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

Started in SF, this is the day to honor all those that lay down for our bullshit – and bucks – and to speak out against the violence and discrimination heaped on them in return. Friday’s memorial at City Hall features a performance piece entitled “Sex Worker Scream,” a reading of all of 2010’s victims, and a candlelit march to the Center for Sex and Culture for tea and cookies, for real.

Fri/17 

Performance and vigil start at 4:17 p.m., march after to Center for Sex and Culture, free

In front of City Hall, SF

www.swopusa.org


Naked Girls Reading 

Started by burlesque champion Michelle L’Amour in Chicago, this nudie reading series has spread to cities across the country – and none of the chapters have more sexy indie cred than SF’s franchise. Started by Burly Q beauty-erotica writer Lady Monster, this month’s event will see the women reading literature penned by sex workers. Annie Sprinkle makes a guest appearance, you can augment your literary arsenal, and see some boobies — what could be better, right?

Fri/17 8 p.m., $10-20

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

www.nakedgirlsreading/sanfrancisco


Pink

Pansexual play party Pink has made a practice of having sexy pre-event lessons to ease you into a night of swinging and cavorting at Mission Control’s pillow strewn harem rooms. This month, come early for a crash course on flirting: Jasper from The New Eccentrics will be taking it deep and hard into the areas of the brain and the corresponding ways to get them all hot and bothered (in a metaphysical sense).

Fri/17 9 p.m. charm school, 10 p.m. party

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

www.missioncontrolsf.org


Carnal Carnival

An encore performance by Ms. San Francisco Leather contestant Ms. Cat, singletail whip-throwing contests, vibrator races, and kinky raffles await you at this decidedly un-cotton candy carnival (although there will be a dessert table on hand). Plus, as befitting the holiday season, The Exiles (SF’s womens-only BDSM educational group) will be holding a children’s toy drive at their get-down.

Fri/17 7:30 p.m., $10 non-members

Women’s Building

3543 18th St., SF

(415) 431-1180

www.exiles.org


BBW BDSM Munch

Will all the big, beautiful, kinky women please stand up? That’s right, now find some car keys and roll to Milpitas, because there’s a far-flung party that’s being held in your honor. Yessir, here in the embrace of mesquite-grilled Southwestern fare you can find a diverse spread of those who’d be honored to engage in some rough play with you – men, women, doms, subs, everything in between. Appetites encouraged, as is street wear (you’ll be in a public room, no need to stress the squares). 

Sat/18 11 a.m.-1 p.m., free (purchase of food or drink encouraged)

On The Border

260 Ranch, Milpitas

(408) 935-6070

www.fetlife.com/groups/26844

 

Hooking starts at home

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Well goddammit if it’s not raining again. San Francisco is not a town that is built for this: we don’t have fenders on our bikes, our bomber jackets are all made of suede, and our skin melts in even the slightest drizzle. So why not use this shut-in time to create smutty presents for your seductee-to-be this holiday season? Is this pillow turning you on?

“I’ve been a hooker since I was 11 years old. Back then it was all about smiley faces and rainbows, but I’ve matured and so have my designs,” states Brooklyn-via-Castro photographer-hooker Kevin L. Muth by way of introduction to his Dirty Pillowz DIY kits ($35). His kits supply all that you need to create retro-looking, shaggy pillows that look like the lead up to a killer money shot. Designs include four stills of man-on-man loving – including one lovely homage to the tube sock — and two booby pillow pleasers (every woman has them).

Muth and his boyfriend spent many an hour trolling through 70s classic porn “purely for the sake of this project!” to find the best images for aspiring Martha Stewarts to turn into unique bordello décor items. Que artiste! Apparently it is quite the challenge to get the pixel-stitches ratio right, so it is quite astounding that Muth was able to accomplish it in the off hours of his day job cookin’ the books at “a fancy Pilates studio and being nice to super rich Upper West side ladies.”

The beauty of his pillowz is that like the Monets hanging in the Louvre, one must step back a few to fully grok their motif. Up close, they just look like a bunch of yarn. Which is good for when Mother comes over, come to think of it – a situation for which Muth also recommends flipping them over to their less explicit side. 

Pillow kits come equipped with precut yarn, canvas, latch hook, and easy instructions for hooking (though sadly these don’t include high heel repair pointers or even what to do now that Craig’s List has gone prude.) Last Xmas ordering day for SF-ites is Thurs/16. Collect all six designs and your couch can play orgy. Go get ’em go!

www.dirtypillowz.net

 

 

Stage Listings

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Stage listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Nicole Gluckstern. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks. For complete listings, see www.sfbg.com.

THEATER

OPENING

Joyful Noise: A Gospel Celebration of Christmas Southside Theater, Fort Mason Center; 345-7575, www.LHTSF.org. $25-50. Previews Fri/10, 8pm. Opens Sat/11, 8pm. Call for dates and times. Through Dec 31. Lorraine Hansberry Theatre presents a rechristened version of their Black Nativity production.

Siddhartha, the Bright Path The Marsh Studio Theater, 1074 Valencia; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-35. Previews Sat/11-Sun/12, 3pm; Thurs/16, 7:30pm. Opens Dec 17, 7:30pm. Call for dates and times. Through Jan 9. Marsh Youth Theater presents a holiday celebration, directed by Lisa Quoresimo.

BAY AREA

Arabian Nights Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Thrust Stage, 2025 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2549, www.berkeleyrep.org. $34-73. Opens Sat/11, 8pm. Call for dates and times. Through Dec 30. Tony-winning Mary Zimmerman’s production makes a return to Berkeley Rep.

A Christmas Carol Center REPertory Company, 1601 Civic Drive, Walnut Creek; (925) 943-7469, www.centerREP.org. Previews Thurs/9, 8pm; Fri/10, 11am and 7:30pm. Opens Sat/11, 2pm and 7:30pm. Call for dates and times. Through Dec 19.Center REP presents the holiday classic.

ONGOING

Absolutely San Francisco Phoenix Theater Annex, 414 Mason, 4th floor; 433-1235, www.absolutelysanfrancisco.com. $28. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Karen Hirst’s one-person musical about lost love.

Babes in Arms Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; 255-8207, www.42ndstmoon.org. $24-44. Wed, 7pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 6pm; Sun, 3pm. Through Dec 19. 42nd Street Moon presents John Guare’s adaptation of the musical by Rodgers and Hart.

Christmas in Hell: The Real and True Story About the Guys Who Saved Christmas Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. An original holiday play, written and directed by Jim Fourniadis.

Caligari Studio 385, 385A Eighth St; www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-30. Fri, 8pm. Through Fri/10. Promising new company HurlyBurly stages its adaptation of the 1920 German expressionist film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari in a Soma bondage club with productive and not-so-productive results. Production values are enjoyably thoughtful (including lighting designer Amanda Ortmayer’s moody use of small portable lights, laser pointers, and snatches of pure, delicious darkness) as the audience mills around a cement room in which actors stand or lie frozen, and in some cases encased, like some macabre wax museum. Daniel Korth’s script makes up in clever, fluid dialogue what it can lack in narrative coherence. But the doom-clouded storyline, featuring a fated romance between an ardent young man (a likeable Eddie Barol) and his somewhat aloof object of desire (a nicely detached yet powerful Shay Wisniewski), is familiar enough in sporadic outline that this isn’t a big deal. The play demands a certain over-the-top performance style, however, which few of co-directors Korth and Mikka Bonel’s otherwise capable actors really carry off (Gerri Lawlor is one of the more notable exceptions). The freedom to walk around the space as action unfolds on surrounding stages (or inaction in cages) is a visual and atmospheric plus. The production’s real limit is that its neo-expressionist dark-carnival invention comes across at times as too borrowed, as when a late-era Tom Waits song is heard. At least it wasn’t one from The Black Rider. (Avila)

Cavalia: A Magical Encounter Between Horse and Man White Big Top, adjacent to AT&T Park; www.cavalia.net. $39.50-239.50. Check website for shows and times. Through Sun/12. Over 100 performers, including 50 horses, take the stage in this circus-like show from Montreal.

Christian Cagigal’s Obscura: A Magic Show EXIT Cafe, 156 Eddy; 1-800-838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $15-25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Magician Christian Cagigal presents a mix of magic, fairy tales, and dark fables.

Cinderella African American Art & Culture Complex, 762 Fulton; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-30. Fri/8pm; Sat, 3 and 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Through Dec 19. African-American Shakespeare Company presents the classic fairytale, starring Velina Brown.

Cora Values’ Christmas Corral Exit Cafe, 156 Eddy; 673-3847, www.brownpapertickets.com. $15-25. Fri-Sat, 8:30pm. Through Sat/11. There are Christmas Carol’s and then there are Christmas Carol’s. There are the no-expenses spared varieties with clever rigging and fabulous costumes and larger-than-life characterizations of those classic Christmastide archetypes—the lonely bastard, the beatific poor man, the lovable child. There are the more modest productions, community theatre affairs, with A-for-effort, fun-for-the-whole-family, casual appeal. And then there’s the Cora Values treatment, which throws the whole silly notion of family togetherness out the window and instead throws a party for the orphans of the holiday season—the bah-humbuggers and true unbelievers. In this rock-bottom budget “illiterary

adaptation” of Dickens’ classic in “the most authentic form we know how” a ragtag crew from the Gas ‘N’ Gulp in Rectal, Texas, bumble through a singular interpretation of the tale, punctuated by original comic songs penned by Cora (Sean Owens) and Emmett Cornpike (Don Seaver). Sticklers for textual authenticity or political correctness may cringe at the chorus of the solo song by Tiny Tim (Amanda Ortmayer), “This Won’t Be Another Lame Holiday,” but Dickens wrote a few head-scratching lines himself. Take this description of Marley’s face appearing in Scrooge’s doorknocker: “It&ldots;had a dismal light about it, like a bad lobster in a dark cellar.” “Charles Dickens’ immortal text” Cora remarks dryly. You said it sister. (Gluckstern)

Dirty Little Showtunes! A Parody Musical Revue New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $24-40. Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Jan 16. Tom Orr’s adults-only holiday show returns, with direction by F. Allen Sawyer and musical direction by Scrumbly Koldewyn.

Golden Girls: The Christmas Episodes CounterPULSE, 1310 Mission; www.ticketfly.com. $25. Thurs-Sat, 7 and 9pm. Through Dec 23. Heklina, Cookie Dough, Matthew Martin, and Pollo Del Mar return with their stage tribute to the sitcom.

The Lion in Winter Actors Theatre, 855 Bush; 345-1287, www.ticketweb.com. $26-38. Wed-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Actors Theatre of SF presents James Goldman’s play of palace intrigue.

Match Royce Gallery, 2901 Mariposa; 1-866-811-4111, www.matchonstage.com. $12-28. Thurs-Sun, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Expression Productions presents Stephen Belber’s new suspense drama.

The Oddman Family Christwanzaakuh Spectactular! Exit Stage Left, 156 Eddy; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Guerrilla Rep and Beards Beards Beards present a new twisted musical farce.

Party of 2 – The New Mating Musical Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; (800) 838-3006, www.partyof2themusical.com. $27-29. Sun, 3pm. Open-ended. A musical about relationships by Shopping! The Musical author Morris Bobrow.

*Pearls Over Shanghai Thrillpeddlers’ Hypnodrome, 575 Tenth St; 1-800-838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $30-69. Sat, 8pm. Through April 9. Thrillpeddlers’ acclaimed production of the Cockettes musical continues its successful run.

A Perfect Ganesh New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $22-40. Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Dec 19. New Conservatory Theatre Center presents the Terrence McNally play, directed by Arturo Catricala.

Ruth and the Sea Stage Werx Theatre, 533 Sutter; www.ruthandthesea.com. $18-24. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Wily West Productions presents Gwyneth Richards in a kooky holiday show, directed by Stuart Bousel.

Shrek The Musical Orpheum Theatre, 1192 Market; (888) SHN-1799, www.shnsf.com. $30-99. Tues, 8pm, Wed, 2 and 8pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 2 and 8pm; Sun, 2pm (no performances Dec 24, Dec 25, and Dec 31). Through Jan 2. Eric Petersen stars in the stage version of the animated blockbuster.

A Tale of Two Genres SF Playhouse, Stage Two, 533 Sutter; www.un-scripted.com. $10-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 3pm; additional shows Dec 20-23). Through Dec 23. Un-Scripted Theater Company performs an improvised musical in the style of Charles Dickens.

The Tempest Exit on Taylor, 277 Taylor; 1-800-838-3006, www.cuttingball.com. $15-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through Dec 19. In Cutting Ball’s latest foray into Shakespearean realms, three entangled subplots and eleven characters are enacted by just three actors, in order to explore the relationships between the principle characters by representing their internal characteristics through the actions of the more minor roles. Set on an enchanted island (or, in Cutting Ball’s interpretation, at the bottom of a swimming pool) The Tempest begins with stormy weather, but quickly grows into a full-blown hurricane of shipwrecked nobles, nymphs, and drunks, plus the turbulent awakenings of a teenage daughter’s libido, and the rumblings of her over-protective papa. The most effective dual-character is Caitlyn Louchard’s Miranda-Ariel, as both characters are quite under the stern control of Prospero (David Sinaiko) and equally deserving of release. Less affecting yet somehow equally congruous is Sinaiko’s comic turn as the buffoonish Stephano, who stumbles through the forest in his boxer shorts, yet somehow maintains an air of mock dignity that does parallel Prospero’s. Donell Hill’s Caliban-Ferdinand endures his lust-love for Miranda and servitude to Prospero alternating between raw physicality and social ineptness. But since “The Tempest” is littered with characters even more minor, the game cast is stretched too thinly to fully inhabit each, and the entire subplot involving King Alonzo, Gonzalo, and Antonio in particular suffers from this ambitious over-extension. (Gluckstern)

The Tender King Phoenix Theatre, 414 Mason, Sixth Flr; www.secondwindtheatre.com. $20-25. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Sat/11. The current firestorm over leaked diplomatic cables and exposed government lies and imperial machinations are nothing new in The Tender King. Second Wind’s debut of Bay Area playwright Ian Walker’s new drama takes audiences back to 1945, a critical period in the structuring of the postwar world as dominated ever since by the American Empire. Walker explores the tensions and contradictions attendant on the countdown to American global hegemony in three characters, two rooms, and one fateful decision. President Harry Truman (Brian O’Connor), newly ensconced in office after FDR’s death, sits drinking in a darkened room (mood-inducing lighting by Rob Siemens) as an ambitious young functionary named Will (Stephen Muterspaugh) arrives to get his John Hancock on the order to drop the new A Bomb on two Japanese cities. In shades of Schiller’s Mary Stuart, Truman delays and evades cunningly, filled with the exuberant knowledge and burden of power. Meanwhile, a semi-romantic, semi-sadistic relationship between Will and a French-German prostitute (Natalie Palan) unfolds in a parallel scene—a complex echo of the shock-doctrine advantage Will advocates to Truman in the face of a stunned and helpless European population. Directed by Walker, the production relies not ineffectively on heightened vernacular language and performances, although the latter while sturdy can feel more rote than in-the-moment, and the neat narrative framework and effervescent dialogue strays into formulaic conceits. Nevertheless, the play’s well-researched and articulated detail as well as forceful conviction make it both worthwhile and generally engaging—not to mention as politically au courant as anything on stage just now. (Avila)

The Velveteen Rabbit Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, Novellus Theater, 700 Howard; 978-2787, www.ybca.org. Call for dates and times. Through Sun/12. ODC/Dance presents Margery Williams’ holiday favorite.

BAY AREA

Becoming Julia Morgan Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant, Berk; (510) 984-3864, www.brownpapertickets.com. $24-30. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through Jan 9. Janis Stevens stars in Belinda Taylor’s play about the trailblazing architect.

A Christmas Carol: The Musical Novato Theater Company Playhouse, 484 Ignacio, Novato; 863-4498, www.novatotheatercompany.org. $10-18. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Through Dec 17. Novato Theater Company presents a new adaptation of the holiday classic.

A Christmas Memory TheatreWorks at Lucie Stern Theatre, 1305 Middlefield, Palo Alto; (650) 463-1960, www.theatreworks.org. $19-67. Tues-Wed, 7:30pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 2 and 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm (alos Thurs/23, 2pm and Fri/24, 7pm). Through Dec 26. TheatreWorks presents the seasonal tale by Truman Capote.

East 14th – True Tales of a Reluctant Player The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston Way, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Call for times. Through Dec 19. Don Reed’s one-man show continues its extended run.

Lemony Snicket’s The Composer is Dead Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Roda Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. Call for dates and times. Through Jan 15. Berkeley Rep premieres the new musical, written by Lemony Snicket, with music by Nathaniel Stookey.

Loveland The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston Way, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Fri, 7pm; Sat, 8pm. Through Sat/11. Ann Randolph’s hit one-woman comic show continues its extended run.

Of the Earth – The Salt Plays: Part 2 Ashby Stage, 1901 Ashby; (510) 841-6500, www.shotgunplayers.org. $17-30. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm (beginning Dec 19). Through Jan 30. Shotgun Players present the second half of writer and director Jon Tracy’s Odyssey-inspired tale, with music by Brendan West.

*The Play About the Naked Guy La Val’s Subterranean, 1834 Euclid, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Impact Theatre presents an off-Broadway hit, written by David Bell and directed by Evren Odcikin.

The World’s Funniest Bubble Show The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $8-50. Sun, 11am (also Dec 20-23, 11am and Dec 26-30, 11am). The Amazing Bubble Man’s show presents flying saucer bubbles and other wonders.

PERFORMANCE/DANCE

Club Chuckles Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk; 923-0925. Wed/8, 9pm. $7. Club Chuckles turns seven with standup by David Liebe Hart and others.

Comedy Returns to El Rio! El Rio, 3158 Mission; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. Mon/13, 8pm. $7-20. Lisa Gedulgig hosts a monthly comedy night.

Double-Wide White Trash Christmas Show Martuni’s, 4 Valencia; 241-0205, www.dragatmartunis.com. Sun/12, 7pm. $5. A holiday edition of the “Bijou” cabaret showcase.

FoolsFURY 12th Anniversary Gala Theater Artaud, 450 Florida; www.foolsfurygala.eventbrite.org. Sat/11, 7:30pm. $30-60. The local theater ensemble celebrates a birthday.

Forking II: A Merry Forking! Christmas Off-Market Theaters, 965 Mission; (800) 838-3006, www.pianofight.com. Call for dates and times (through Dec 30). PianoFight presents a holiday-themed choose-your-own-adventure play.

A Funny Night for Comedy Actors Theatre, 855 Bush; 345-1287, www.NatashaMuse.com. Sun/12, 7pm. Natasha Muse and Ryan Cronin host an evening of comedy.

Ironic/NOT Ironic! Viracocha, 998 Valencia; 374-7048, www.viracochasf.com. Thurs/9, 9pm. Harmon Leon performs.

Literary Death Match – Holiday Bloodbath Special Elbo Room, 647 Valencia; www.literarydeathmatch.com. Fri/10, 7pm. $7-10. An evening of yuletide literary mayhem.

Mischievous Maidens Christmas Skylark Bar, 3089 16th St; 621-9294. Fri/10, 8pm. Free. A Christmas-themed burlesque night.

Project. B. The Garage, 975 Howard; 518-1517, www.brownpapertickets.com. Fri/10-Sat/11, 8pm. $10-20. Tanya Bello’s company presents Triquetra, a work from this year.

Doug Stanhope Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell; 861-2011, www.rickshawstop.com. Wed/10, 8pm. $20. The vulgar comedian hits the Bay.

Touring Cast of Shrek Theater 19, Pier 39; 273-1620, www.HelpIsOnTheWay.org. Mon/13, 7:30pm.$35-65. A one-night-only cabaret to raise funds for the Richmond/Ermet AIDS Foundation.

Trashina Cann The Garage, 975 Howard; 518-1517, www.brownpapertickets.com. Wed/8-Thurs/9, 8pm. $10-20. The company presents a new queer dance theater wok titled Legacy.

On the Cheap Listings

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On the Cheap listings are compiled by Caitlin Donohue. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 8

k11 Craft Sale 2260 Adeline, Berk.; www.knitoneone.blogspot.com 10am-4pm, free. Awash in holiday shopping events? Us too. Let’s retire to this year-round knit and craft sale. This month gathers 12 creative souls who’d like to stuff your stockings – from cheery note cards, vintage-looking totes, bright dish towels, and more.

“This is Art! Live!” live cable access broadcast Steven Wolf Fine Arts, 2747A 19th St., SF; www.stevenwolffinearts.com. 5:30pm, free. A special viewing party for BAVC show “This is Art! Live!” will give participants a chance to get up all in the quirky program, which consists of home-made commercials, dramatic interludes, and thought-provoking queries like “why are women artists hot?” Weigh in, then stick around for a runway fashion show and libations.

THURSDAY 9

Golden Gate Park holiday tree lighting McLaren Lodge, Golden Gate Park, SF; www.sfrecpark.org. 5pm, free. Bundle up and head to the picturesque McLaren Lodge, the (Golden) gate-keeping chalet off of Stanyan, for the 81st annual lighting of the massive pine in front. The kids will be all rosy-cheeked and distracted by train rides, caroling, and a visit from the portly Claus himself.

FRIDAY 10

Lights on Market Street celebration Procession starts at 1119 Market; reception at The Luggage Store, 1007 Market, SF; www.sfartscommission.org. 5-7pm, free. The three light installations funded by Mid-Market’s recent $250,000 NEA grant ignite one by one tonight in a procession headed by members of Sixth Street’s Bayanihan Community Center, and their traditional Filipino parol lanterns. Come bedecked in your own culture’s style of illuminations and enjoy a reception after at community gallery The Luggage Store.

SATURDAY 11

Bazaar Bizarre Fort Mason Center, SF; www.bazaarbizarre.org. Noon-5pm (Also Sun/12 noon-6pm), free. The Boston-spawned crafteria makes its way across the country to bring Bay Area-ites its hearty dose of DIY communitarianism. Come for 150 booths worth of the city’s best hand-crafties and sate your browsing-induced hunger with a crème brûlée or taco from Off the Grid’s fabulous ambulatory food carts.

Creative Arts Craft & Book Fair Creative Arts Charter School, 1601 Turk, SF; (415) 749-3509, www.creativeartscharter.org. 10am-4pm, free. Throw some ducats towards your local student-centered K-8 school at their annual bazaar, home to handmade crafts and a little sustenance for your holiday season – hot soup, cider, and book readings by the Winter Fairy on the hour.

Glamazonia: The Uncanny Super Tranny Mission Comics and Art, 3520 20th St., SF; (415) 695-1545, www.missioncomicsandart.com. 7-10pm, free. Justin Hall reads from the solo comic book debut of his blonde beehived, body rockin’ super tranny. She’s got Superman in a trance! Bruce Lee’s down on his knees! He’s joined by a swath of other pulp fiction luminaries and oh yes, they’ll have copies for signing.

Hawaiian Holiday Craft and Bake Sale St. Patrick’s Parish Center, 409 Magnolia, Larkspur; 10am-4pm, free. Perhaps you are not destined for a beach-side lounge chair and awkward lei tan lines this winter. Undoubtedly, sweets, you’re not the only one. Also, you can get your plate lunch and island treats all the same at this 11th annual fundraiser for Hula On Productions — the snacks and crafts have been cooked up by members of the Halau Hula Na Pua O Ka La’akea, Hula On’s dance contingent.

Spark! Circus benefit show Vagabond Ballroom, 830 Isabella, Oakl.; (415) 816-4620, www.sparkcircus.org. 8pm-midnight, $10-20 sliding scale. It takes a village to blow a kid’s mind – spend an evening with this one to help fund Spark!’s mission to send 15 members of their fire spinnin’, jugglin’, rappin’, and joke crackin’ troupe to perform for kids in refugee camps, migrant schools, hospitals, and orphanages along the Thai-Burmese border.

MONDAY 13

Lemony Snicket Berkeley Repertory Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk.; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. 7pm, free. The dreadful, beleaguered children’s book hero sends his “stand-in,” author Daniel Handler to speak for him as part of Berkeley Rep’s always-free “Page to Stage” series.

The Monthly Rumpus The Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St., SF; www.brownpapertickets.com. 7-9:30pm, $10. The month’s theme, “Ladies Night,” draws some XX luminaries to the literary reading series stage, including Lusty Lady union organizer Antonia Crane, Michelle Tea, and indie folksters The Yellow Dress.

Editor’s Notes

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tredmond@sfbg.com

In the grand scheme of things — the $400 million budget deficit, the pending selection of a new mayor, that sort of thing — the eviction of the Haight Ashbury Neighborhood Council Recycling Center doesn’t sound like an earthshaking issue. The San Francisco Chronicle’s C.W. Nevius (who is pretty much on the wrong side of everything these days) proclaimed last week that it was just a little neighborhood tiff, nothing to do with the soul of the city.

But it annoys me as much as anything that’s happened this fall — and it says a lot about the way Gavin Newsom governs San Francisco and explains why so many of us will be so happy when he leaves town.

Let me come right out and say it: the HANC eviction is class warfare. It’s not about the appropriate use of park land or the need for a community garden. It’s about the fact that the mayor doesn’t like poor people trundling through an upscale part of town with shopping carts full of recycling.

Let me quote what Rebecca Bowe wrote in a blog post at sfbg.com:

“In its current function, the HANC Recycling Center is empowering to many different kinds of people. Most aren’t homeless. Tough-as-nails Asian grandmas show up with bags full of cans that they can exchange for some extra spending money. Urban gardeners purchase native plants in hopes of pleasing native insects and birds. People on fixed incomes get a small financial boost by turning in recyclables.

“A small number of HANC Recycling Center patrons do sleep outside. In order to earn small amounts of cash for things like food, many of them have to go digging around in garbage cans, which is gross and humiliating. Why would someone paw through the garbage for hours, battling bees and germs, and then haul smelly bottles uphill in a shopping cart just to make a few bucks? My guess is that it’s to ward off desperation. They make their own work and they get to eat.”

Let me focus on that last sentence for a second. As my friend Tiny at Poor Magazine likes to point out, being poor or homeless is a lot of work. Collecting cans, cashing them in, finding a way to survive on that minuscule income … it’s not easy. It takes as much effort and as many hours as most traditional full-time occupations.

But Newsom doesn’t want poor people in his city. He doesn’t want anyone bothering the wealthy. And he doesn’t care about facts or the public sentiment.

City residents — those folks Nevius and Newsom love to celebrate — showed up in large numbers at the Recreation and Park Commission to oppose the closure. There’s no logic to it at all; the center pays rent and creates jobs. The community gardens will cost money — and in the shade (where the center is located), it will be hard to grow much produce.

But never mind: Newsom got what he wanted. A city that will spend millions in public money on yacht races while making life on the streets that much meaner. Good riddance, Gav.

Give the gift of fungal growth

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And yet, and yet… even after this weekend’s Fungus Fair and my ensuing blithe commentary, I am not quite ready to turn my mind to things unrelated to the mushroom. It’s a little like how I was with beards this summer. Luckily, ‘shrooms are multifarious, earthy, adorable, subversive-leaning, and utterly delicious! Or poisonous, sometimes. Below, my four favorite mushroom gift ideas for the season of buying things “for other people.”

Mushroom mini-farm, $19.50 (photo above)

I actually got this for my boyfriend’s birthday and hid it so poorly that he immediately found it. Luckily, as it hadn’t sprouted yet, he thought it was a foul, mold-covered loaf of bread. Perhaps it is testament to our relationship that he didn’t hurl it into the trash bin, but instead set it out on the kitchen counter for my perusal. No, love, it is not bread – but leave it uncovered and soon this pre-germinated lump of … something… will sprout up to one and a half pounds of delicious mushrooms cultivated by the folks at Far West Fungi, Monterey Bay’s primo mushroom farm. Available in shiitake or tree oyster mushroom. 

1 Ferry Building, SF; (415) 989-9090, www.farwestfungi.com

FUNGIfolio calendar, $7-12 sliding scale

Does your baby-baby love mushrooms and need a calendar? “I love mushrooms so I made this calendar,” says Ramona Hopkins, creator of the FUNGIfolio wall calendar. Perfect! Keep in mind that the Bay Area is home to a year-round bounty of fungal growth with this indie score. Bonus: Ramona will be hawking her wares at the sure-to-be-awesome East Bay Alternative Press Expo this weekend (Sat/11) – so if you’re feeling the need to wax mycologically, she’ll love to oblige. 

fungifolio.blogspot.com

Golden shiitake mushroom ring, $40

Gone are the days when the friendly ‘shroom was confined to the mediums of obvious backpack patches and fimo bead necklaces. Now you may announce your affliation to the basidiomycota phylum as befits you – in sheer class. Scope this wood-metal ring from local Bay jeweler J. Fein – a plump shiitake to sit on your daintly uplifted pinky. Sipping tea while conversating with a loved one on voyages taken, perhaps?

Sold in various Bay Area locations, www.etsy.com/people/jfeindesigns  

All That the Rain Promises and More, $17.99

Oh yes. OH YES. You know you’re not supposed to be heading out on your own, picking up any bulbous what’s-it that you find – that’s how you hurt your liver! In fact, you should probably check out one of the area’s beginner’s mushrooming forays before you hit the duff. But for the armchair mushroom hunter, or anyone who’d like a handy guide of the area’s yummy and yucky fungi friends, California crazy man David Arora’s guide to over 200 species should do nicely. Look at this guy on his book’s cover: he’s trucking around with a loose-cannon grin in a tux, a trumpet, and the biggest damn chanterelle you’ve ever seen. Score!

Bay Area bookstores, www.davidarora.com

 

Appetite: Hungry for Change

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“Change the world with everything you buy”. This is the tag line behind the inspiring Trade as One, a Northern California-based organization that promotes sustainable businesses in poor, marginalized communities. Whether you look at it as a way of giving during the holidays or as a new year’s resolution, it’s an ideal time to try a new program that could be habit-forming.

Trade as One recently launched a monthly subscription called Hungry for Change. Delivered to your door every month is a box including 4-5 foods, a recipe, and additional surprise items. The month I tried the box, it included Canaan sun-dried Palestinian couscous, Glorybee comapi honey, Canaan Palestinian za’atar herbs, and Kopali dark chocolate-covered espresso beans. The additional “surprise” gifts? A Divine chocolate candy bar, a greeting card featuring an artistic photo of a fair trade farmer, and a handy little book, The Better World Shopping Guide. The book is full of incredibly helpful lists and company ratings for best and worst offenders in purchasing everyday items from hair care to paper, alongside supermarket or airline choices.

A subscription is $33 a month or $99 for three months. Add on Coffee Club – http://tradeasone.com/get_involved/hungry_for_change/details (choose regular or decaf) and 1-3 bags of fair trade coffee are included with your monthly shipment. A card detailing the story behind one of the producers in the package brings it home, making it personal. Trade as One’s holistic approach urges changing buying habits. As they say on the back of their greeting cards, we can “fix problems instead of perpetuate them” by using our consumer power to positively affect change. I can think of few better food gifts to a friend, yourself and the world.

www.tradeasone.com

–Subscribe to Virgina’s twice monthly newsletter, The Perfect Spot: www.theperfectspotsf.com

Rec & Park trashes HANC Recycling Center

At yesterday’s Recreation & Park Commission meeting on Dec. 2, hundreds of San Francisco residents turned out to urge commissioners not to replace the Haight Ashbury Neighborhood Council (HANC) Recycling Center with a community garden. Their pleas fell on deaf ears.

It didn’t matter that a sunnier spot for a community garden had already been identified in the same area, with funding approved by the commission more than a year ago. It didn’t matter that thousands of people use the recycling center every month, and that the nonprofit bolsters community gardens throughout the city with donations and funding. It didn’t matter that we’re in a recession and there were jobs on the line. It didn’t matter that HANC pays rent to a city department facing a $12.5 million deficit, but the community garden would cost $250,000.

All that mattered in the end was that Rec & Park, and Mayor Gavin Newsom, wanted the HANC recycling center out. They thought removing it might discourage homeless people from sleeping in the park and hanging around the neighborhood. After nearly four hours of listening to residents urge them not to do it, the commissioners yawned and pushed the eject button. They unanimously voted in favor of the community garden. A 90-day eviction notice is expected to go out to HANC today.

The fight over HANC’s eviction has been described as a political battle between progressives and moderates, a showdown between heroes who stand up for public safety versus intimidating thugs and the lefties who enable them, and even a sequel to the sit /lie controversy. I think there’s an 800-pound gorilla sitting in the middle of this fight that no one wants to talk about: Class.

Community gardens are wonderfully empowering. I used to volunteer at one at a public housing complex in North Carolina. It was especially important for people who lived in that low-income community, since they benefited from nutritious produce that also lowered their grocery bills. Under the city’s plan for this new, gated community garden, 30 of the 40 garden plots will go to area residents. Given the affluence of that neighborhood, the garden beds will likely go to people who can afford organic groceries at Whole Foods without breaking into a sweat. For well-to-do San Franciscans, growing produce is not a means of survival — it’s about feeling good, and being green. By itself, there’s nothing wrong with that.

The problem is that it will be installed at the expense of a long-standing community resource that employs 10 people and lightens the load for hundreds of others during a recession, when people are truly struggling to get by. The Rec & Park Commission has essentially decided that this parcel of public space should be taken from a nonprofit that benefits people of all classes, and given to a small number of residents who’ve voiced complaints about “quality-of-life issues.”

In its current function, the HANC Recycling Center is empowering to many different kinds of people. Most aren’t homeless. Tough-as-nails Asian grandmas show up with bags full of cans that they can exchange for some extra spending money. Urban gardeners purchase native plants in hopes of pleasing native insects and birds. People on fixed incomes get a small financial boost by turning in recyclables.

A small number of the HANC Recycling Center patrons do sleep outside. In order to earn small amounts of cash for things like food, many of them have to go digging around in garbage cans, which is gross and humiliating. Why would someone paw through the garbage for hours, battling bees and germs, and then haul smelly bottles uphill in a shopping cart just to make a few bucks? My guess is that it’s to ward off desperation. They make their own work, and they get to eat.

“Some of them may use drugs,” one of the speakers acknowledged last night. “But,” he paused for dramatic effect. “Some of us use drugs, too.”

When sit / lie was under debate, critics wondered where the homeless were supposed to go, if they couldn’t sit on the sidewalks. Often, the reply was that they could go to the parks. But this latest attack on the homeless shows that they aren’t welcome there, either.

This is an opinion piece.

Sip Snack and Shop on Chestnut Street

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The Marina Merchants Association & The San Francisco Bay Guardian Present:

Sip Snack & Shop on Chestnut Street

Thursday, December 2nd from 6-9PM — Start your holiday shopping this season in the Marina, woo! There’ll be great deals and yummy treats all evening.

Ticket includes:
Tastings from over 20 restaurants and more than 25 beverage sponsors! Raffles & discounts of 15% or more at all participating businesses. Live Entertainment!


$30 Tickets available at http://sipsnackshop.eventbrite.com

Ticketed guests may pick up your wristbands, wine glass, and program guide at either of these locations on Dec. 2nd starting at 6PM:
Eastside West – 3154 Fillmore Street (at Greenwich)
Wells Fargo – 2197 Chestnut Street
Kelly Keiser Splendid Interiors – 2381 Chestnut St.

*All proceeds benefit the Marina Merchants Association.

Participating Businesses
The Animal Connection II | Arbonne International | Benefit | Bin 38 | Books Inc. | Circa | City Optix | Crunch Fitness | E’Angleo | Eastside West | eCosway | GAP | Heritage Row | Isa |J’s Galleria | Jack’s | Judy’s Café | Kara’s Cupcakes | Kelly Keiser Splendid Interiors | Marina & Kebab | Marine Layer | Mezes | Monkey on Chestnut | Pacific Catch | Paper Source | Patxi’s Chicago Pizza | The Plant | Pluto’s | Pottery Barn | Pure Beauty | Rabat | The Republic | Ristorante Parma | San Francisco Optics on Chestnut | SusieCakes | Toss Designs | Two Skirts | Wandering Vet | We Olive | Wells Fargo | Y&I Clothing Boutique

Sponsors
Artesa | Bear Flag | Black Star | Blue Moon | Brugal Rum | Chateau Potelle | DeLoach | Don Pilar | FIJI Water | Haamonii | Honest Tea | Hope & Grace | Hotel Del Sol | Long Meadow Ranch | M Squared | Magners | Millesime Cellars | Pale Moon | Peroni | Pretzel Crisps | Red Bull | Rock Sake | Solerno | Spring Mountain Vineyard | St. Supery | Svedka | Tres Agaves | Trumer | Vivid Bliss | Y. Rousseau

Partners
The Bachelors of San Francisco | Crawl SF | Marina Community Association | PinchIT | San Francisco Ballet | SF City Dish | Spinsters of San Francisco | Urbanis | Yelp

Entertainment
The Clef Divers | The Lollipop Guild, a San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus ensemble | Marina Middle School Band

For a family-friendly affair on the next night check out Chestnuts on Chestnut: http://www.face

Stage Listings

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Stage listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Nicole Gluckstern. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks. For complete listings, see www.sfbg.com.

THEATER

OPENING

Babes in Arms Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; 255-8207, www.42ndstmoon.org. $24-44. Previews Wed/1, 7pm; Thurs/2-Fri/3, 8pm. Opens Sat/4, 6pm. Runs Wed, 7pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 6pm; Sun, 3pm. Through Dec 19. 42nd Street Moon presents John Guare’s adaptation of the musical by Rodgers and Hart.

Christmas in Hell: The Real and True Story About the Guys Who Saved Christmas Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20. An original holiday play, written and directed by Jim Fourniadis.

Cinderella African American Art & Culture Complex, 762 Fulton; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-30. Opens Fri/3, 8pm.Runs Fri/8pm; Sat, 3 and 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Through Dec 19. African-American Shakespeare Company presents the classic fairytale, starring Velina Brown.

Cora Values’ Christmas Corral Exit Cafe, 156 Eddy; 673-3847, www.brownpapertickets.com. $15-25. Opens Fri/3, 8:30pm. Runs Fri-Sat, 8:30pm. Through Dec 11. The holiday hostess leaves the I-19 Gas ‘N’ Gulp to share her take on Dickens.

Dirty Little Showtunes! A Parody Musical Revue New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $24-40. Previews Fri/3-Sat, 4, 8pm; Sun/5, 2pm; Fi/10, 8pm. Opens Sat/11, 8pm. Runs Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Tom Orr’s adults-only holiday show returns, with direction by F. Allen Sawyer and musical direction by Scrumbly Koldewyn.

Golden Girls: The Christmas Episodes CounterPULSE, 1310 Mission; www.ticketfly.com. $25. Opens Thurs/2, 7pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 7 and 9pm. Through Dec 23. Heklina, Cookie Dough, Matthew Martin, and Pollo Del Mar return with their stage tribute to the sitcom.

The Oddman Family Christwanzaakuh Spectactular! Exit Stage Left, 156 Eddy; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20. Opens Thurs/2, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Guerrilla Rep and Beards Beards Beards present a new twisted musical farce.

Ruth and the Sea Stage Werx Theatre, 533 Sutter; www.ruthandthesea.com. $18-24. Opens Thurs/2, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18.Wily West Productions presents Gwyneth Richards in a kooky holiday show, directed by Stuart Bousel.

Shrek The Musical Orpheum Theatre, 1192 Market; (888) SHN-1799, wwwshnsf.com. $30-99. Opens Wed/1, 2pm. Runs Tues, 8pm, Wed, 2 and 8pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 2 and 8pm; Sun, 2pm (no performances Dec 24, Dec 25, and Dec 31). Through Jan 2.Eric Peterswn stars in the stage version of the animated blockbuster.

BAY AREA

Becoming Julia Morgan Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant, Berk; (510) 984-3864, www.brownpapertickets.com. $24-30. Opens Fri/3, 8pm. Runs Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through Jan 9. Janis Stevens stars in Belinda Taylor’s play about the trailblazing architect.

A Christmas Memory TheatreWorks at Lucie Stern Theatre, 1305 Middlefield, Palo Alto; (650) 463-1960, www.theatreworks.org. $19-67. Previews Wed/1-Fri/3, 8pm. Opens Sat/4, 8pm. Runs Tues-Wed, 7:30pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 2 and 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm. Through Dec 26. TheatreWorks presents the holiday tale by Truman Capote.

Of the Earth – The Salt Plays: Part 2 Ashby Stage, 1901 Ashby; (510) 841-6500, www.shotgunplayers.org. $17-30. Previews Thurs/2-Fri/3, 8pm. Opens Sat/4, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm (also Wed/7pm beginning Dec 15). Through Jan 30. Shotgun Players present the second half of writer and director Jon Tracy’s Odyssey-inspired tale, with music by Brendan West.

ONGOING

Absolutely San Francisco Phoenix Theater Annex, 414 Mason, 4th floor; 433-1235, www.absolutelysanfrancisco.com. $28. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Karen Hirst’s one-person musical about lost love.

Caligari Studio 385, 385A Eighth St; www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-30. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 10. HurLyBurLy performs an original adaptation of the 1920 silent film, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

Cavalia: A Magical Encounter Between Horse and Man White Big Top, adjacent to AT&T Park; www.cavalia.net. $39.50-239.50. Check website for shows and times. Through Dec 12. Over 100 performers, including 50 horses, take the stage in this circus-like show from Montreal.

Christian Cagigal’s Obscura: A Magic Show EXIT Cafe, 156 Eddy; 1-800-838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $15-25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Magician Christian Cagigal presents a mix of magic, fairy tales, and dark fables.

It’s All the Rage The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20-50. Sat, 8:30pm; Sun, 7pm. Through Sun/5. Longtime comedian and radio host Marilyn Pittman’s solo play wrestles with the legacy of her parents’ violent deaths in a 1997 murder-suicide initiated by her father. It’s disturbing material that Pittman, a stout middle-aged woman with a gregarious and bounding personality, approaches indirectly via a good deal of humor—including recounting the first time she did her growing-up-lesbian bit before her mother in a DC comedy club. But the pain and confusion trailing her for 13 years is never far behind, whether in accounts of her own battle with anger (and the broken relationships its left in its wake) or in ominous memories of her too complaisant mother or her charming but domineering father, whose controlling behavior extended to casually announcing murderous dreams while policing the boundaries of his marriage against family interference. A fine mimic, Pittman deploys a Southern lilt in playing each parent, on a stage decorated with a hint of their Southwestern furnishings and a framed set of parental photographs. In not exactly knowing where to lay blame for, or find meaning in, such a horrifying act, the play itself mimics in subtler form the emotional tumult left behind. There’s a too brief but eerie scene in which her veteran father makes reference to a murder among fellow soldiers en route to war, but while PTSD is mentioned (including as an unwanted patrimony), the 60-minute narrative crafted by Pittman and director David Ford wisely eschews any pat explanation. If transitions are occasionally awkward and the pace a bit loose, the play leaves one with an uncomfortable sense of the darker aspects of love, mingled with vague concentric histories of trauma and dislocation in a weird, sad tale of destruction and staying power. (Avila)

The Lion in Winter Actors Theatre, 855 Bush; 345-1287, www.ticketweb.com. $26-38. Wed-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Actors Theatre of SF presents James Goldman’s play of palace intrigue.

Match Royce Gallery, 2901 Mariposa; 1-866-811-4111, www.matchonstage.com. $12-28. Thurs-Sun, 8pm. Through Dec 18. Expression Productions presents Stephen Belber’s new suspense drama.

Or, Magic Theatre, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 441-8822, www.magictheatre.org. $20-60. Wed-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 2:30pm); Sun, 2:30pm; Tues, 7pm. Through Sun/5. The latest from New York playwright Liz Duffy Adams (Dog Act, One Big Lie) is a neo-Restoration romp with contemporary political overtones, sexual and otherwise, and a lot of winking, verse-bound, hit-and-miss humor. The play imagines Aphra Behn (Natacha Roi) in her modest mid-17th-century London living quarters (a spare, elegantly worn arrangement beautifully conceived by set designer Michael Locher) as she negotiates a notable professional transition from spy for the Crown to the country’s first female playwright (best known today for The Rover). But visits by secret and amorous patron King Charles II (Ben Huber), equally smitten leading lady Nell Gwynne (Maggie Mason), on-the-lam fellow spy William Scott (Huber), and several other major and minor people and personages (all played in quick-change style by Huber and Mason), presents Aphra with severe challenges as well as, of course, creative opportunities as a writer. Despite, however, generally sharp and energetic performances under Magic Theater artistic director Loretta Greco’s fluid staging, the farce itself feels too forced and thinly layered to really continue mounting as giddily as it should. The play’s self-conscious nod to contemporary American politics, meanwhile, unintentionally mimics an all-too-familiar course from enthusiasm for change to stagnant anti-climax.

Party of 2 – The New Mating Musical Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; (800) 838-3006, www.partyof2themusical.com. $27-29. Sun, 3pm. Open-ended. A musical about relationships by Shopping! The Musical author Morris Bobrow.

*Pearls Over Shanghai Thrillpeddlers’ Hypnodrome, 575 Tenth St; 1-800-838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $30-69. Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 19. Thrillpeddlers’ acclaimed production of the Cockettes musical continues its successful run.

A Perfect Ganesh New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $22-40. Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Dec 19. New Conservatory Theatre Center presents the Terrence McNally play, directed by Arturo Catricala.

The Real Americans The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 5pm; Sun, 3pm. Through Sat/4 (resuming in Jan 2011). Dan Hoyle’s acclaimed one-man show, directed by Charlie Varon, continues its extended run.

A Tale of Two Genres SF Playhouse, Stage Two, 533 Sutter; www.un-scripted.com. $10-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 3pm; additional shows Dec 20-23). Through Dec 23. Un-Scripted Theater Company performs an improvised musical in the style of Charles Dickens.

The Tempest Exit on Taylor, 277 Taylor; 1-800-838-3006, www.cuttingball.com. $15-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through Dec 19. In Cutting Ball’s latest foray into Shakespearean realms, three entangled subplots and eleven characters are enacted by just three actors, in order to explore the relationships between the principle characters by representing their internal characteristics through the actions of the more minor roles. Set on an enchanted island (or, in Cutting Ball’s interpretation, at the bottom of a swimming pool) The Tempest begins with stormy weather, but quickly grows into a full-blown hurricane of shipwrecked nobles, nymphs, and drunks, plus the turbulent awakenings of a teenage daughter’s libido, and the rumblings of her over-protective papa. The most effective dual-character is Caitlyn Louchard’s Miranda-Ariel, as both characters are quite under the stern control of Prospero (David Sinaiko) and equally deserving of release. Less affecting yet somehow equally congruous is Sinaiko’s comic turn as the buffoonish Stephano, who stumbles through the forest in his boxer shorts, yet somehow maintains an air of mock dignity that does parallel Prospero’s. Donell Hill’s Caliban-Ferdinand endures his lust-love for Miranda and servitude to Prospero alternating between raw physicality and social ineptness. But since “The Tempest” is littered with characters even more minor, the game cast is stretched too thinly to fully inhabit each, and the entire subplot involving King Alonzo, Gonzalo, and Antonio in particular suffers from this ambitious over-extension. (Gluckstern)

The Tender King Phoenix Theatre, 414 Mason, Sixth Flr; www.secondwindtheatre.com. $20-25. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Dec 11. Second Wind Productions presents Ian Walker’s noir-tinged World War II drama.

The Velveteen Rabbit Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, Novellus Theater, 700 Howard; 978-2787, www.ybca.org. Call for dates and times. Through Dec 12. ODC/Dance presents Margery Williams’ holiday favorite.

 

BAY AREA

A Christmas Carol: The Musical Novato Theater Company Playhouse, 484 Ignacio, Novato; 863-4498, www.novatotheatercompany.org. $10-18. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Through Dec 17. Novato Theater Company presents a new adaptation of the holiday classic.

Cinderella, Enchanted Julia Morgan Center for the Arts, 2640 College, Berk; (510) 665-5565, www.berkeleyplayhouse.org. $15-33. Call for run times. Through Sun/5. Frenchie Davis plays the Fairy Godmother in this production of the Rogers and Hammerstein musical.

East 14th – True Tales of a Reluctant Player The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston Way, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Call for times. Through Dec 19. Don Reed’s one-man show continues its extended run.

Happy Now? Marin Theatre Company, 397 Miller, Mill Valley; (415) 388-5208, www.marintheatre.org. $32-53. Tues and Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Wed, 7:30pm; Sun, 7pm. Through Sun/5. Marin Theatre Company performs Lucinda Coxon’s stinging comedy about contemporary marriage.

Lemony Snicket’s The Composer is Dead Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Roda Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. Call for dates and times. Through Jan 15, 2011. Berkeley Rep premieres the new musical, written by Lemony Snicket, with music by Nathaniel Stookey.

Loveland The Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston Way, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $20-50. Fri, 7pm; Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 11. Ann Randolph’s hit one-woman comic show continues its extended run.

Palomino Aurora Theatre, 2081 Addison, Berk; (510) 843-4822, www.auroratheatre.org. $10-55. Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm; Tues, 7pm. Through Sun/5. David Cale brings his new solo play about a gigolo to Aurora Theatre for its Bay Area premiere.

*The Play About the Naked Guy La Val’s Subterranean, 1834 Euclid, Berk; (800) 838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $10-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 11. Impact Theatre presents an off-Broadway hit, written by David Bell and directed by Evren Odcikin.

 

PERFORMANCE/DANCE

“Balls to Balzac: A Journey From Testicles to Women in the Bourbon Restoration” cellSPACE, 2050 Bryant; 323-0246, www.cellspace.org. Sun/5, 8pm. $10. Choreogrpaher Amy Lewis presents a performance art dance lecture.

“Booze, Boys, and Brownies: A Musical Journey” Exit Theatre, 156 Eddy; (800) 838-3006. $9-12. Fri/3-Sat/4, 8pm (through Dec 11). A one-woman show about an actress who traveled from SF to Tinseltown.

The False and True Are One Z Space, Theater Artaud, 450 Florida; www.lissfaindance.org. $12.50-25. Fri/3-Sat/4, 8pm. Liss Fain Dance presents a performance installation featuring Jeri Lynn Cohen.

“Holiday Humbug Clown Cabaret” TJT – The Jewish Theatre, 470 Florida; 522-0786, www.tjt-sf.org. $15. Mon/6, 7 and 9pm. The Clown Cabaret of the Climate Theatre presents a holiday show.

Human Creature and Jessica Damon The Garage, 975 Howard; 518-1517, www.975howard.com. $10-20, Fri/3-Sat/4, 8pm. Human Creature and Jessica Damon and Dancers present works as part of RAW.

“Kinetic Reality” Studio Theater, USF Lone Mountain Campus, 2800 Turk; 422-3888, PASJtickets@esfca.edu. $5-10. Thurs/2-Sat/4, 8pm. USF’s fall dance show, with work by Laura Arrington, Jo Kreiter, and others.

“Left Coast Leaning Festival” YBCA Forum, 701 Mission; 978-2787, www.ybca.org. $10-20. Thurs/2-Sat/4, 8pm. YBCA and Youth Speaks presents the second fest, with performances by Jogja Hip-Hop Foundation, the 605 Collective, and others.

“Lipstick and Kisses 2010: A Flaming Lotus Girls Extravaganza” SOMArts, 934 Brannan; www.flaminglotus.com. Free. Fri/3, 7pm-2am. The fire art mavens present an evening of art, music, and fun.

The Other Woman The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; (800) 838-3006, www.themarsh.org. Tues/7, 8pm. $10-15. Marsh Rising presents a performance by Victoria Zackheim.

“Pilot Light” ODC Theater, 3153 17th; www.odcdance.org. $12. Sat/4-Sun/5, 8pm. An evening of new work by six emerging choreographers.

Emergency forum Tues. / 30 on HANC recycling center eviction

8

An emergency community forum will be held tonight, Nov. 30, about the Recreation and Parks Department’s plan to evict the Haight Ashbury Neighborhood Council (HANC) Recycling Center from a parking lot in Golden Gate Park. If Mayor Gavin Newsom and his former chief of staff, Rec & Park General Manager Phil Ginsburg, succeed in their plan to evict the 36-year old recycling center, they’ll kill 10 green jobs, eliminate a rare source of income for poor people, and put an end to a community resource that costs San Francisco taxpayers nothing.

HANC believes the recycling center is being targeted by Newsom’s administration as a form of political payback, since the progressive organization opposed Proposition L, the sit / lie ordinance, which Newsom supported.

Ginsburg wants to evict the recycling center, which pays rent to the city, and replace it with a community gardening center that would cost $250,000. The shaded lot doesn’t seem like an ideal site for growing produce.

A memo issued Nov. 29 from Ginsburg to Rec & Park Commissioners notes that it is legal for the department to move forward with the eviction without commission approval. Apparently, Newsom’s administration intends to send 10 people to the unemployment line and kick a 36-year-old green resource to the curb without any public input, despite receiving 400 postcards from San Francisco residents opposing the eviction. The Rec & Park Commission will take up the issue of the new community garden center at its Thurs., Dec. 2 meeting.

Tonight’s emergency forum, organized by Keep Arboretum Free, is an attempt to open up a space for public dialogue.

A stakeholder meeting took place this afternoon with Ginsburg, District 5 Sup. Ross Mirkarimi, Department of the Environment Director Melanie Nutter, representatives from the San Francisco Police Department, represenatives from the offices of Assembly Member Tom Ammiano and City Attorney Dennis Herrera, HANC, and area residents.

Jim Rhoads of the HANC Recycling Center told the Guardian just after the meeting, “They’re going to evict us by the end of December. That’s their goal. The mayor has it in for us and he wants to get us out before he leaves.”

The recycling center, located at Frederick and Arguello streets, operates a buyback program for recyclable materials as well as a San Francisco native plant nursery. Residents from the Inner Sunset Park Neighbors have voiced complaints about “quality-of-life issues” that they link with some of the center’s patrons. During buyback hours, held from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., people arrive with shopping carts filled of cans and bottles to exchange for small amounts of cash. Some of them are homeless.

Representatives from HANC, Rec & Park, and the Inner Sunset Park Neighbors have been invited to speak at tonight’s forum. “There are strongly felt opinions on both sides,” a flier for the event notes. “In the interest of a broad discussion, a number of long time local residents organized this forum for a full public airing of the issues prior to the Dec. 2 Commission meeting.”

The forum will be held tonight, Tuesday, Nov. 30, from 7 to 9 p.m. at St. John of God, 5th Avenue at Irving St.

To voice your opinion about Rec & Park’s plan to evict HANC, call Phil Ginsburg at 415-831-2701 or email him at Philip.Ginsburg@sfgov.org.

Green vs. “green”

12

rebeccab@sfbg.com

Years ago, Greg Gaar was a scavenger, wandering the neighborhoods around Twin Peaks picking up bottles and other kinds of recyclable trash. He began working at the Haight Ashbury Neighborhood Council (HANC) Recycling Center in 1982.

During his tenure, a project designed primarily to divert waste from the landfill expanded to include a unique San Francisco native plant nursery. Located on a converted parking lot on Frederick Street near Lincoln Boulevard, the recycling center is a drop-off for recyclable materials, including used veggie oil, and a source for soil and 65 species of potted plants.

Gaar started small. “I took some seeds,” he explained, “and scattered them into a flat. They came up like fur on a dog’s back.” Over the years, he researched the natural history of the area, saved seeds, and cultivated the grounds surrounding the recycling center. HANC also converted a traffic triangle across the street into a thriving garden.

The Recreation and Parks Department, directed by Phil Ginsburg — former chief of staff to Mayor Gavin Newsom — is seriously considering a plan to evict HANC recycling center and replace it with a garden resource center.

While trading one garden center for another might not seem like a big deal, it appears to be an attack on poor people who make their living recycling cans and bottles, a group that organized to oppose Proposition L, the sit-lie ordinance that Newsom supported in this election.

Or as HANC Executive Director Ed Dunn put it: “He’s going to take it from his enemies and give it to his friends.”

The HANC recycling center has leased Rec and Park property since its inception in 1974, and it’s been at its current location for 30 years. HANC does not receive any city funding for the center, and it pays a small amount in rent for use of the parking lot. It processes roughly 160 tons of recycling per month.

Newsom has worked hard to cultivate his reputation as a green mayor and promote green-job creation, but evicting the recycling center would kill 10 green jobs. Many of the employees were formerly homeless and previously earned petty cash gathering cans to exchange at the center’s buyback station. They were hired without any help from San Francisco taxpayers and now they’re earning living wages while diverting waste from the landfill.

But some neighborhood residents are annoyed by the presence of people who arrive at the center with shopping carts filled to the brim with bottles and cans that they can exchange for cash. Buyback hours are held from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., so during those times, people who haul around bundles of recyclables line up to receive modest rewards for their hours of effort.

HANC, a progressive organization, publicly and vehemently opposed Prop. L, the voter-approved ordinance that bans sitting and lying down on city sidewalks. Newsom enthusiastically endorsed Prop. L.

Dunn believes the recycling center is being targeted due to HANC’s position on that issue. “It’s all about political payback,” says Dunn. Incidentally, Haight voters rejected sit-lie and HANC sees the pending recycling-center eviction as part of the same agenda. “It’s all part of the gentrification that’s enveloping San Francisco,” said Jim Rhoads, who chairs the HANC Recycling Committee.

Once word of the plans got out, letters started pouring into to Newsom’s and Ginsburg’s offices from the Sierra Club, San Francisco Tomorrow, the Senior Action Network, and other organizations. Additionally, the center’s supporters mailed at least 400 postcards opposing the eviction.

Residents have voiced complaints about the shopping-cart recyclers, some of whom are homeless. The Inner Sunset Park Neighbors (ISPN), which is petitioning Rec and Park to evict the recycling center, has a message posted on its website linking the shopping-cart pushers with “quality-of-life issues such as aggressive panhandling, drug use/dealing, and public safety.” ISPN also charges that the recyclers swipe cans and bottles from rolling curbside bins. The neighborhood group had not responded to requests for an interview by press time.

Rhoads believes that if the recycling buyback program is removed, it would only encourage panhandling — after all, people already lacking basic resources would lose a critical source of income. “People will be very desperate,” he said. According to the results of a HANC survey, one in six recyclers regularly turning up at the center to exchange bottles for cash sleeps outside.

The Recreation and Park Commission will discuss the possible HANC eviction at its Dec. 2 meeting. And since the recycling center is on a month-to-month lease, the 36-year-old green resource could soon suffer eviction. There’s likely to be significant resistance, since the HANC Recycling Center has forged partnerships with urban-agriculture projects throughout the city.

It was a fiscal sponsor of the Garden for the Environment and donated several tons of cardboard for mulching at Hayes Valley Farm. The HANC nursery project has distributed plants to urban agriculture projects throughout the city, including school garden plots, urban habitat corridors designed to protect rare species, and the Mission Greenbelt Project, a network of sidewalk gardens in the Mission.

Details on the proposed garden resource center that would be installed in lieu of the HANC Recycling Center are sketchy. An artist’s rendering of the plan, drawn up by the city’s Department of Public Works, envisions an outdoor classroom amphitheatre, raised garden beds, a semi dwarf orchard, and a composting area. However, Guardian inquiries to Rec and Park requesting more specific details about funding and operation went unanswered by press time. 

The high harvest

0

caitlin@sfbg.com

CULTURE “There was some sweet in there and some spice — it was like finger food, you could eat it like chips.” Larry Medders, 11-year resident of the Cecil Williams Glide Community House, is showing off the new rooftop garden, installed by the San Francisco Zen Center, on top of his nine-story supportive housing complex. He’s talking about his introduction to kale.

Medders cooks for himself in his studio apartment and used to stick to the same meals. He likes pasta and herbal teas, which he now brews with the mint and chamomile growing upstairs. An older man from the South endowed with a becoming drawl, he comes up once a day “to water and make sure everything’s in its place.” At the opening ceremony for the new green space, Medders tried the iron-rich greens for the first time. “Now I’m hooked,” he says.

If a once-bare Tenderloin rooftop seems like an incongruous spot to grow spinach, carrots, lemons, blueberries, parsley, onions, and tomatoes (a few of the nascent crops at the Community House), it shouldn’t. The buzzing streets below Medders’ feet offer sparse play areas for children, occasional safety risks, and few places to buy fresh veggies.

The city has tried to attract grocery stores to the area, so far unsuccessfully. “Grocery store operators and other retailers perceive that the area is unsafe and have expressed concerns about the safety of their employees and customers,” says Amy Cohen, director of neighborhood business development. TL residents largely must content themselves with corner stores for neighborhood shopping trips — a bummer for low-income seniors who live in the area.

For the residents of Community House’s 55 units — many dealing with life post-addiction and homelessness and all low income — the roof was already a place to gather. Building barbeques were common. But they knew the rooftop could be much more. “I just wanted to see more greenery, because it really is beautiful,” Medders says.

Enter the San Francisco Zen Center (www.sfzc.org). The center has operated in tandem with Muir Beach’s Green Gulch Farm since the early 1970s, providing a green dojo for meditation students and producing organic produce for restaurants such as Greens in Fort Mason. Says Zen Center vice president Susan O’Connell, “the color green alone is calming, the oxygen and the sense of being surrounded by life.” Gardening can aid in one’s quest for enlightenment, she says. “Zen takes a lot of different forms, it’s not just sitting down.”

Taking inspiration from a garden next door on top of Glide Church, the Zen Center pledged to fill Community House’s communal space with veggies. Now 15 planter boxes built by construction training nonprofit Youth Builds stand at different heights so children and residents in wheelchairs can work them. There are compost bins, shaded tables, chairs, a sink where cooking classes will be held once a local artist finishes painting a mural on the surrounding wall.

The roof’s design, plotted by ex-Green Gulch apprentice Jamie Morf, is laid out so residents can socialize (when Medders and I toured the roof, three children were eating a late lunch on one of the round tables) as well as sit and be thoughtful in nooks designed with peace in mind. “One of the most important precursors to being able to meditate is called taking refuge. But that’s really hard for people in the Tenderloin,” O’Connell says.

We are joined by Patty Rose and Arlinda Van Brunt, two other long-term residents who, with Medders, have stepped up to form the core gardening group. The three teach me about the challenges of running a plot that belongs to every one of the residents living in a nine-story building, including many who have never tended a kitchen garden before. The learning curve can include beginner’s missteps, like overpicking a hardy green onion plant that the trio laments.

“Look at this,” Van Brunt, an energetic woman whose father’s landscaping career left her with a severe aversion to seeing mistreated plants, is pointing at a vertical potato cage that doesn’t seem to be producing the same bushy green leafs as its neighbor. “They overwatered it! It’s our first year, we’re still finding a lot of things out.”

But these kinds of small setbacks show that the garden is being used — and often, they lead to new discoveries in and of themselves. The aforementioned rotting potato cage attracted the notice of the roof’s nightcrawlers, which must have scooted the 10 feet between their two massive bins to the cage, where they were discovered by Van Brunt.

The composting process in the worm bins is now one of her favorite parts of the garden. With the aid of Medders, she lifts the heavy metal lid of one of the bins and pulls aside the shredded newspaper piled on top of the composting material. Underneath, there is a teeming, squirming mass of pink worms. Van Brunt tenderly fingers a handful of them. “Look at that, are they really breeding in there? The nastier it is, the more they like it,” she says, exhibiting the satisfaction of a woman who has taken charge of her food system.

Alerts

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alert@sfbg.com

THURSDAY, NOV. 25

Indigenous People’s Thanksgiving

Join this annual sunrise celebration on Alcatraz Island to honor Mother Earth, the spirit of popular resistance to exploitation, and generations past and future. Sponsored by the International Indian Treaty Council and American Indian Contemporary Arts and featuring guest speakers, drummers, dancers, and MC Lakota Harden.

4:45-6 a.m., $14 (for adult ferry ticket)

Pier 33, SF

(415) 981-7625

 

FRIDAY, NOV. 26

Malling of the Sacred

Join this Black Friday protest at Emeryville’s Bay Street Mall. The mall was built on top of an ancient Ohlone burial site, and even after years of protest actions by the local Native American community, the construction of the mall was completed after the human remains were unearthed.

11a.m.–3p.m., free

Shellmound and Ohlone, Emeryville

(510 )575-8408

 

Fur-free Friday

Thousands of animals are slaughtered for their fur each year. Join in a peaceful protest against the fur industry on one of the busiest shopping days of the year.

Noon–2 p.m., free

Union Square, SF

(415) 448-0058

 

SATURDAY, NOV. 27

South of the Border

Director Oliver Stone journeys south to interview Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to investigate how the United States media has depicted him. He also speaks with several other South American presidents and creates an eye-opening documentary in the process.

1:30–4 p.m., free

Fremont Library

2400 Stevenson, Fremont

(510) 745-1400

 

TUESDAY, NOV. 30

Talking Trotsky

Join the Freedom Socialist Party for a screening of Sergei Eisenstein’s 1927 film The History of the Russian Revolution. The film is part of the Leon Trotsky discussion circle and encapsulates the world’s first socialist uprising.

7 p.m., $2–$5 sliding scale

New Valencia Hall

625 Larkin, Room 202, SF

(415) 864-1278

 

Death of Liberalism

Come hear journalist and author Chris Hedges discuss his latest book, The Death of the Liberal Class, which chronicles the gradual corruption and death of liberalism in the U.S., which was for decades a defense against the worst excesses of power.

6:30 p.m., $12

First Congregation Church

2345 Channing, Berk.

(510)967-4495

 

Green Film Festival

Enjoy a lively selection of short films including Matt Briggs; The Krill is Gone, which raises awareness of the growing threat to the world’s oceans, and Dive, in which filmmaker Jeremy Seifert and friends Dumpster dive in the back alleys and gated garbage receptacles of Los Angeles supermarkets. 6–9p.m., $10–$20 sliding scale

Ninth Street Independent Film Center

145 Ninth St., SF

www.sfgreenfilmfest2011launch.eventbrite.com 

Mail items for Alerts to the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 437-3658; or e-mail alert@sfbg.com. Please include a contact telephone number. Items must be received at least one week prior to the publication date.

Our Weekly Picks: November 24-30

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WEDNESDAY 24

MUSIC

Pretty Lights

Fewer and fewer new musicians are choosing to fight the losing battle against illegal downloading, deciding instead to align with our interweb overlords and rely on their music to speak for itself. Colorado electronic music producer Derek Vincent Smith, a.k.a. Pretty Lights, has been steadily releasing free albums on his website all year, and this tour is proof that a heavy helping of Internet chatter can indeed get you a big-time show at The Fox. Reminiscent of early-aught DJ Shadow or RJD2 albums, Smith’s style infuses old school, crate-digging funk and soul with contempo dance beats, an approach that’s lain dormant in the aftermath of the mashup. Come for the rad music and stay to see how many “candy kids” it takes to turn the show into a rave. (Peter Galvin)

With Thunderball and Gramatik

7:30 p.m., $27.50

The Fox Theatre

1807 Telegraph, Oakl.

1-800-745-3000

www.thefoxoakland.com

 

MUSIC

Kenny Dope

I have an urge to use Kenny Dope’s last name as an adjective, but the powers that be informed me I’m cut off from using any more puns this week. So here’s the straight talk: Come Thursday, you’re gonna be in a full on turkey (or tofurkey) coma, which makes tonight night your last chance to squeeze in some cardio. Even for the unmotivated, Kenny Dope will make this happen. Also half of the production duo Masters at Work, Dope is known for reworking disco, jazz, pop, and especially Nuyorican soul to make everything (including your feet) move a whole lot more. (Ryan Prendiville)

With David Harness and LadyHouse

10 p.m., call for price

Endup

401 Sixth St., SF

(415) 646-0999

www.theendup.com

 

FRIDAY 26

EVENT

Dickens Christmas Fair

Imagine 12,000 square feet of Victorian London, suitable for diversion over Thanksgiving weekend and perhaps some light Christmas shopping (sorry, I said it). But harken! The Dickens Christmas Fair is one costume-heavy event whose appeal goes far beyond the Miss Havisham fan club. Especially if you like beer — there will be five pubs on the cobblestone streets, including the Bohemian Absinthe Bar, and ribald entertainment like daily performances of The Mikado and an explorer’s club where the audience is regaled with tales of British empire expansion. And especially if you like cinching — Dark Garden’s corsetry will be there amid the fake snow and bawdiness, perfect for the French postcard tableaux nearby. Wink. Nudge. (Caitlin Donohue)

Fri/26–Sun/28; also Dec. 4–5, 11–12, 18–19;

11 a.m.–7 p.m., $12–$25

Cow Palace Exhibition Halls

2600 Geneva, SF

1-800-510-1558

www.dickensfair.com

 

PERFORMANCE

Mummenschanz

With zany characters created from wires, tubes, boxes, and even toilet paper, all ages will delight in Mummenschanz and its imaginative world. Founded in 1972 by Bernie Schüch, Floriana Frassetto, and the late Andres Bossard as a nonverbal theatrical troupe interested in transcending national and cultural barriers, this Switzerland-based pantomime company has enjoyed internationally acclaim. 3×11, a retrospective look back on the company’s most popular and successful works of the past 33 years, will entertain Bay Area audiences immensely this weekend. Come and be enchanted by the wacky, witty universe of Mummenschanz. (Emmaly Wiederholt)

Fri/26-Sat/27, 2 p.m.; (also Sat/27, 8 p.m.);

Sun/28, 3 p.m., $22–$52

Zellerbach Hall

UC Berkeley, Berk.

(510) 642-9988

www.calperformances.org


DANCE

The Christmas Ballet

The late Michael Smuin knew western music inside out. From Bach to Coltrane, Palestrinata to Presley, he let it feed his wit, imagination, and — let’s be frank — a dollop of his sentimentality. Nowhere did he put these propensities to better use than in The Christmas Ballet, a rip-roaring trip through the holidays. You can’t miss the way these composers inspired him for choreography that’s both classical and cool. Every year he added a few new voices, letting others rest. This year the task of keeping the show fresh has fallen to choreographer-in-residence Amy Seiwert, who picked Leonard Bernstein’s version of the “Carol of Bells,” and ballet master Amy London, who went for Andy Williams’ “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” The show comes to SF Dec. 15. (Rita Felciano)

Fri/26–Sat/27, 8 p.m.;

also Sat/27, 2 p.m., $20–$62

Lesher Center for the Arts

1601 Civic Center, Walnut Creek

(925) 943-7469

www.smuinballet.org


FILM

Kuroneko

Japanese director Kaneto Shindo has a thing for ghostly mothers and daughters-in-law, perhaps because the supernatural events that unfurl in his elegant, horror-minded films always spring from domestic traumas. In his most famous film, Onibaba (1964), two women are driven to madness after preying on near-dead samurai in feudal Japan. In the equally stunning Kuroneko (Black Cat, 1969), a different pair of women linked by a son gone off to war also prey on samurai: only this time, as vengeful, shape-shifting spirits. Shindo makes more than a few stylistic nods to Jacques Tourneur (especially 1942’s Cat People) in this recently restored beauty, which dwells as much on the sorrows of the dead as it does on the terror the dead inflict on the living. (Matt Sussman)

2:30, 4:45, 7, and 9:15 p.m., $7.50–$10

Castro

429 Castro, SF

(415) 621-6120

www.castrotheatre.com


PERFORMANCE

Yard Dogs Road Show

Two years since this glitter and glory bordello played its own show in the Bay? Egads! But jealous lovers we are not. YDRS felt the need to bring its vaudevillian stage presence to circus freaks around the country, so like the proverbial “thing,” we loved it enough to let it go — and it has returned. High Times described the 13-member troupe as “an acid trip without the come-down” — the group stuffs into its hobo cornucopia cheery fanfare, sword swallowing, burlesque, a mystic man, handlebar mustaches, and Mission Thrift finery enhanced by their temporarily halted epic wanderlust. Dance off your Turkey Day paunch to the freewheeling frolics. (Donohue)

Fri/26–Sat/27, 9 p.m., $20

Independent

628 Divisadero, SF

(415) 771-1421

www.theindependentsf.com


DANCE

The Velveteen Rabbit

Margery Williams’ tale The Velveteen Rabbit has made many a child hope their most beloved toy might one day come to life — and for the past 24 seasons, the story of a boy and his adored stuffed rabbit has come to life itself, thanks to ODC Dance. Directed and choreographed by KT Nelson with music by Benjamin Britten, this dance adaptation features the talented artists of ODC as the madcap characters in this childhood favorite. With festive undertones and a classic narrative about enduring love and what it means to be real, The Velveteen Rabbit is the perfect way to ring in the holidays with the family. (Wiederholt)

Fri/26–Sun/28 and . 5, 12, 2 p.m.;

Dec.2–3 and 9–10, 11 a.m.; Dec. 4 and 11, 1 and 4 p.m.

$15–$45

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts

Novellus Theater

700 Howard, SF

(415) 978-2787

www.odcdance.org


SATURDAY 27

DANCE

Nutcracker at Zeum

Is there a little one in your life who would love The Nutcracker but doesn’t have the attention span to sit through a two-hour extravaganza? There is no better (or more affordable) way to make that first foray into Nut-Land — where brave little Marie lets the evil Mouse King have it — than Mark Foehringer’s theatrically savvy and utterly charming Nutcracker at Zeum. The show runs 50 minutes and squeezes a tiny orchestra into the corner of the stage. The kids can watch scenery being moved. The story is beautifully condensed with dancers still shining in spiffy turns and floating leaps; Brian Fisher’s Drosselmeyer is as mysterious and kindly as any seen on local stages. (Felciano)

Through Dec. 19

Sat.–Sun., 11 a.m. and 2 p.m.;

also Sat., 4 p.m.,$25–$40

Zeum

Yerba Buena Gardens

221 Fourth St., SF

1-800-838-3006

www.brownpapertickets.com/event/125859

 

MONDAY 29

MUSIC

Grinderman

Apparently deciding he needed to be even more of a badass, Nick Cave went ahead and added blues-punk outfit Grinderman to his repertoire as a songwriter, screenwriter, author, and film scorer. The group is all raw, sweaty, garage-rock drive, full of dirty-sounding guitars and some psychedelic touches sprinkled throughout. Grinderman includes three members of Cave’s touring-recording band, the Bad Seeds, and is further proof that even now into his 50s, he isn’t even thinking of slowing down. (Landon Moblad)

With Armen Ra

8 p.m., $29–$35

Warfield

982 Market, SF

(415) 345-0900

www.thewarfieldtheatre.com


TUESDAY 30

EVENT

SF Green Film Festival screening and launch party

Who’s “greener” — the guy in the Haight who picks up cigarette butts, takes one arguable drag, then deposits them in an otherwise empty can? Or the innumerable Prius drivers? Not sure, but sometimes I turn green when everything from drinking coffee to buying stocks is considered candidacy for eco-martyrdom. What are we, leprechauns? Mythical creatures or no, it’s good to understand what’s going on in the world, and to get inspired to change it if it sucks. Tonight’s kickoff event features a screening of Dive!, chronicling the romantic art of eating out of Dumpsters, plus short films, film clips, and trailers. Cocktails and conversation prescreening; proceeds help bring the films to the inaugural festival next March. (Kat Renz)

6 p.m.–9 p.m., $10–$20

Ninth Street Independent Film Center

145 Ninth St., SF

(415) 625-6100

www.ninthstreet.org


MUSIC

Os Mutantes

Combing traditional bossa nova, samba, and tropicalia music of its native Brazil, with a sound heavily inspired by western rock from the Beatles and Jimi Hendrix, Os Mutantes was one of the more adventurous psych-rock bands of the 1960s. The band has had its music covered and praised by such artists as Kurt Cobain, Beck, and Of Montreal. Front man Sergio Dias has remained active as a solo artist in Brazil, but the band, in any incarnation, hasn’t really been on the map for more than 35 years. Now Dias is leading a new lineup with a new album in tow, resurrecting the Os Mutantes sound. (Moblad)

With Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti

8 p.m., $27

Regency Ballroom

1290 Sutter, SF

1-800-745-3000 www.theregencyballroom.com  

 

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Joystick to the world

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culture@sfbg.com

You can see it at your local Walgreens: that magical moment, at midnight every Nov. 1, when the Halloween display melts into the ether, replaced by a bevy of festive, possibly toxic, green-and-red confections. Christmas comes similarly early in the game business; unlike holiday movies, year-end software blockbusters have to be sitting on store shelves in time to entice flocks of early-bird shoppers.

This year promises a winter harvest of diverse delights, though there is a clear emphasis on familiar faces and established names. Groundbreaking technology will wheedle its way into American shopping carts alongside intellectual property that dates back to 1928.

 

ROCK HARDWARE

Though its most promising features are spread out over multiple months, Rock Band 3‘s release in the dying embers of October signaled the start of the holiday game glut. On the more casual end of the spectrum, there are many changes designed to improve the title’s performance as a party-powering karaoke machine on steroids. But it’s on the hardcore end that Harmonix’s offering really shines. New “Pro” instrument modes transform the entire idea of the rhythm game, promising exact correspondence between notes heard and notes played, turning an exercise in plastic-instrument frivolity into an actual teaching tool. The retail version ships with a full two-octave keyboard; future bedroom shredders will have to wait until March 1 to get their hands on Squier’s six-string electric guitar-controller hybrid.

 

KINECTRIC SLIDE

Harmonix rolled out another big title this year: Dance Central, a gleefully earnest dancing simulator that aims to do for cutting rugs what Guitar Hero did for ripping solos. Taking advantage of Microsoft’s Wii-killing, Xbox 360-exclusive Kinect technology (available now), which uses a TV-mounted camera to record player movements, the game weans digital dance off Dance Dance Revolution‘s cheesy floor pads, tracking your entire body and translating that motion into animated on-screen boogieing.

A number of other games have been released that are calibrated for use with the Kinect, either focusing on fitness (YourShape: Fitness Evolved, EA Sports Active 2) or cartoonish, arm-waving sports-mime (Kinect Adventures, Kinect Sports). Liberated from the tyranny of holding onto a controller, 360 owners will also be able to deploy the Kinect’s voice commands, which be useful for browsing through a number of new software features, which include ESPN and Last.fm, streaming direct to your console.

 

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN

Cannibalizing the past is nothing new when there are profits on the line, but no one does it with the kind of capitalist élan that the game industry evinces. Did you enjoy NBA Jam and Goldeneye 007 in the 1990s? Of course you did. And you’ll enjoy them again, now that they’re back, sporting upgraded display resolutions and gameplay adapted to modern, button-coruscated controllers. NBA Jam began as a downloadable adjunct to NBA Elite 2011; now that that game has been pushed back, the two-on-two hoops title is getting a full retail release on all the major consoles Nov. 17. Goldeneye is available now for Wii and Nintendo DS; playing as Oddjob is still totally cheating.

Japanese giants Namco Bandai have dusted off Splatterhouse, their goofily gory 1988 smash. Musclebound protagonist Rick is back, still sporting a hockey mask, still dismembering ghosts and ghouls with a blood-soaked two-by-four. The survival horror-brawler hybrid is due out Nov. 23 for PS3 and Xbox 360.

 

MOUSE HOUSE

It’s been a long time since Disney’s iconic character was featured in his own video game, so Junction Point Studio’s Epic Mickey is sure to be met with high expectations. Helmed, bizarrely, by legendary designer Warren Spector, who is better known for gritty cyberpunk classics System Shock and Deus Ex, the game promises a slightly more adult — even gothic — take on Disney’s least-adult character.

Gameplay will center around a painting mechanic. Using his trusty brush, Mickey will be able to transform his environment, daubing in bridges over otherwise impassable chasms. The judicious application of paint thinner will erase dastardly enemies. Look for Epic Mickey Nov. 30.

 

WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD (OF WARCRAFT)

If you were to measure the impact of this year’s holiday releases using total hours invested as your metric, there’s no doubt that World of Warcraft: Cataclysm would come out on top. As the third expansion to Blizzard’s megalithic franchise, the game can count on a built-in player-base of some 12 million subscribers, each about as likely to buy Cataclysm as a heroin addict is to buy more smack.

The attractions this time around include two brand-new races — players will now be able to battle their way around Azeroth as Goblins or Worgen (read: werewolves). The expected litany of new dungeons, new loot, and new gameplay tweaks is also provided. The Cataclysm begins Dec. 7. And if you don’t know what to get that tween WoWer in your life at the last minute? But her some game time at www.blizzard.com.

Spread the warm fuzzies

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Caitlin@sfbg.com

Congratulations. Now that you’re reading an article on giving back during the holidays, the healing can begin. Gentle friend, you are now free to have the warm fuzzies! Seriously, though, volunteering and making sure the presents you buy contribute to a good cause are admirable pursuits during this time of fireplace and family — but most of the organizations listed below do their thang year round. Use the season of giving to ignite a relationship with one of them that will continue long past the menorahs been packed away and Christmas tree set aflame by wandering packs of Mad Maxes.

 

VOLUNTEERING

 

ROADDAWGZ

The Tenderloin drop-in center provides a creative outlet for homeless and transitionally housed youth. It’s always looking for volunteers to help with artistic and literary programs, administration, technical support, fundraising, and outreach.

(415) 923-9085, www.roaddawgz.org

 

SF FOOD BANK

Four hundred tons of food pass through the Food Bank’s warehouse each week. That’s a lot of box wrangling! This Thanksgiving, the bank’s hoping to provide 35,705 families with Turkey Day dinner — so get on down to their facilities to lend a hand, no lengthy orientation or time commitment required.

www.sffoodbank.org/volunteer

 

SF SPCA

How much is that doggy in the window? You’ll have the answer to this and other questions when you become a volunteer with SF’s pioneering no-kill animal shelter and its furry yearly Macy’s display windows, site of 300 adoptions and $50,000 in donations last holiday season. Greeter and matchmaker positions are available.

www.sfspca.org

 

GLIDE CHURCH

Glide’s got the goods when it comes to your soup kitchen service time this holiday season. (Hurry, spots fill quickly!) But maybe people aren’t your thing. In that case, come join the church’s good Samaritans who keep Boedekker Park in the Tenderloin in good working order for the TL community every third Saturday from 9 a.m.-noon.

www.glide.org

 

LARKIN STREET YOUTH SERVICES

Calling all shopaholics — we’ll take a break from harassing you about consumerism if you’ll turn your retail frenzy to a good cause. Larkin Street is looking for donations of everything from clothes to electronics to personal care items and gift certificates for its homeless youth holiday gift drive. Chip in, willya?

www.larkinstreetyouth.org

 

GIFTS THAT GIVE BACK

 

UNDER ONE ROOF

From Harvey Milk notecards to San Francisco martini glasses, Under One Roof has a wealth of kitschy-cool presents for someone who could use a little City by the Bay in their life. What’s even better is that Under One Roof has been selling these things since 1990 to raise money for agencies that provide HIV/AIDS support.

518 Castro, SF. (415) 503-2300, www.underoneroof.org

 

COLE HARDWARE

Roommate needs to stop borrowing your hammer? Cole’s got what you need to wrap up self-reliance for him this holiday season — and with its community partnership program, you can choose from a long list of neighborhood and national nonprofits (like local schools) to receive 10 percent of the money from your purchases.

Various locations, SF. www.colehardware.com

 

CREATIVITY EXPLORED HOLIDAY ART SALE

When you’re developmentally disabled, the term “outsider art” takes on new meaning — but points the way to some ravishingly perceptive masterpieces. Creativity Explored provides a support center for these nontraditional Picassos, and you can lend weight to their mission by shopping their holiday art sale.

Dec. 3–22, free. Mon. and Tues. 10 a.m.–3 p.m., Wed through Fri., 10 a.m.–7 p.m. Sat noon-6 p.m. 3245 16th St., SF. (415) 863-2108, www.creativityexplored.org

 

LA COCINA GIFT FAIR

The budding food entrepreneurs supported by this nonprofit will be more than happy to take the cookie-baking off your hands. Give your loved ones a box of chocolate-caramel shortbread squares or a delicious pierogi made by enterprising members of your community.

Dec. 10, 4–9 p.m., free. Mission Cultural Center for Latino Arts, 2868 Mission, SF. (415) 824-2729, www.lacocinasf.org

50 cute-as-heck gifts for $10 and under

3

Our official metaphor for holiday shopping this season is just going to have to be Tron. Not just because Tron: Legacy opens Dec. 17 or because some of us are forever stuck in totally awesome adolescent ’80s video game world. We also must zip across the alien landscape of holiday commercialism, snatching up neon-fantasy presents (and possibly exploding). Go! Go! Go!

Or, you know, use this guide and pick up some killer giftos all in one easy trip. We scoured the city for cool items ringing in at 10 ducats and under. Yes, you can still wear an electric blue bodysuit. (Marke B.)

 

JESUS FLASHLIGHT, $4.99

Tutti Frutti

With the exception of millions of Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindis, and Zoroastrians, Jesus is lighting up the world these days. And what better way for your Xian friends to keep His light flowing than this Jesus flashlight. Pair it with a Jesus pen; we’re pretty sure this is the pen Jesus would have used.

718 Irving, Inner Sunset, SF. (415) 661-8504

 

DYNA GRO PLANT FOOD, $5.95

Plant’It Earth

Since Prop. 19 flopped at the polls, it’s back to dealer-only cell phones and GIY smokes. Give your dealer or favorite organic grower this perfect 7-9-5 blend of plant food and help nourish the next crop (you’ll be paying for it anyway). Plant’It Earth also has grow lights, soil, and other no-Prop. 19 essentials.

661 Divisadero, Panhandle, SF. (415) 626-5082, wwwplantitearth.com

 

SQUEAKY TOY SQUIRREL, $3.99

The Animal House Pet Mercantile

As the movie “Up” taught us, if dogs could talk, their conversation would go something like this: “Squirrel!” Give Bowser this plush toy Squirrel!, which will last way longer than a real Squirrel! and not stink up your house. Animal House also has cat toys, but your cat won’t give a shit.

157 Fillmore, Lower Haight, SF. (415) 552-0233, www.theanimalhouse.com

 

“MEDITATING” SIGN, $7

San Francisco Zen Center Bookstore

Tired of hearing your beloved shriek “Shut the #$%@* up, I’m meditating!” when you inadvertently stumble onto your deck at 6:30 a.m.? End it with this calligraphy sign, which can be hung from a doorknob or from the back of your beloved’s neck. Back it up with a book on Zen.

300 Page, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 863-3136, www.sfzc.org

 

HOT DOG TOTE, $4.99

Arch Art Supplies

The sandwich rectangle, the pizza triangle, the hamburger round — all are inadequate for toting le hot dog. End the long-standing and justifiable frustration of your frankfurtin’ friends with this washable, reusable, hot dog-specific tote. Pick up the chips bag to go with it, or maybe some drafting or graphics supplies.

99 Missouri, Potrero Hill, SF. (415) 433-2724, www.archsupplies.com

 

BRANCH 3-WAY SPLITTER, $10

Zinc Details

‘Tis the season for sharing — but only if you want to and only if you have the technology. To make others share with you, give your BFF (or No. 1 frenemy) this 3-way music splitter and put an end to the nasty talk about how 3-ways don’t work. Zinc Details has plenty of other nifty stuff that can be done as a two-way or one-way.

1905 Fillmore, Pacific Heights, SF. (415) 776-2100, www.zincdetails.com

 

FROMAGE BLANC, $4.50

Cowgirl Creamery

So “some of your best friends are Jews” and you feel bad because you know Santa won’t go there. Make amends for years of no Santa with this fromage blanc, which is way better than regular cream cheese and not from Philly. Add a tub of hand-clabbered cottage cheese for their blintzes, kugels, and whatever else it is Jews eat.

1 Ferry Building, #17, Embarcadero, SF. (415) 362-9354, www.cowgirlcreamery.com

 

“STUBBY” HAMMER, $4.99

Cole Hardware

We believe that, like hemlines in other realms, a mini or micro version of the Utilikilt is due out any day now. And when that happens, utilidudes will need scaled-down, “stubby” versions of their tools to make it all work (and boy do these tools work). Cole Hardware also has stubby pliers and wrenches.

956 Cole, Cole Valley, SF. (415) 753-2653, wwwcolehardware.com

 

FELT FLOWERS, $7

Samsara

Why buy blooms destined for the dustbin for your loved ones when you can score them these long-lasting buds? Samsara’s small sales floor is packed with small treasures imported from the Far East. Pick up a colorful woven headband or Indian lotus wooden stamp for the yogi on your list.

2035 Union, Marina, SF. (415) 563-5485

 

BOBINO CABLE BUDDY, $3.99

Under One Roof

Many a hook-up mood has been ruined waiting for the hookee to disentangle three feet of earphone wire from a fly or brassiere. Stop the madness with the Cable Buddy, which keeps cords neatly wrapped and out of the way. And get few extra for those cords you know you’ll get ensnared in at the hook’s house.

518 Castro, Castro District, SF. (415) 503-2300, www.underoneroof.org

 

ECO-BAG, $1.75

Ichiban Kan

It’s not a competition, but your my-eco-bag-is-more-eco-than-your-ego-bag pals will love this Japanese-made eco bag. The bag comes in six different patterns, all groovy enough to go with all their hemp outfits. Ichiban Kan also has bento boxes, lunch bags, and knit panda hats.

22 Peace Plaza #540, Japantown, SF. (415) 409-0472, www.ichibankanusa.com

 

SPORK, $4

Flight 001

Your peripatetic pals can’t help it if they find themselves casting off plastic utensils everywhere they go. Detox them with the Spork, a durable, washable spoon-fork-knife in one. The brightly-colored utensil is guaranteed to make fellow travelers say “go Spork yourself” to disposables. Flight 001 also has clocks, bags, and bagatelle for the traveler.

525 Hayes, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 487-1001, www.flight101.com

 

NOE VALLEY APIARIES, $7.95

The Green Arcade

Give your honey bun some fresh-baked honey buns made with honey from Noe Valley Apiaries. Better yet, give your honey bun the whole jar and she can drink it herself. The limited-edition honey is unfiltered and antibiotic-free. Or get a book on beekeeping while you’re at this perfectly curated, eco-centric store so you can give your honey bun her own hive someday.

1680 Market, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 431-6800, www.thegreenarcade.com

 

CERAMIC ROSE, $5

Xapno

Put an end to the chronic “Yes, I loved the roses you gave me last week but now they’re DEAD” statements with this ceramic rose. Baked by a local ceramics artist and available with or without a stem, the roses come in lovely shades of pink, ivory, peach, and lavender. Xapno can also set you up with a vase or ribbon to set it off.

678 Haight, Lower Haight, SF. (415) 863-8199, www.xapno.com

 

GLASS STRAW, $9

GlassDharma

The glamour girls and boys who won’t drink coffee or red wine with you anymore because it stains their teeth need to get back to reality with one of these glass straws. (Buh-bye, BriteSmile.) Ensure that they bring it with them to your next drinking game by getting them bamboo carrying case as well.

Online only. (707) 964-9350, www.glassdharma.com/straws

 

CLASSIC SOUL AND R&B MIX CDS, $10

Rooky Ricardo’s Records

Diehard record collectors love to dig through crates of dust-covered vinyl searching for elusive, long-out-of-print song 45s. Rooky Ricardo’s is perfect for them (cool old singles for around $3!) — and for those of us who just want to hear some awesome music without the stiff back and neck (or record player). A sweet selection of classic soul, pop, and R&B mix CDs culled from Rooky’s collection will get your sweet ones humming.

448 Haight St., Lower Haight, SF. (415) 864-7526, www.rookyricardos.com

 

TOPOGRAPHIC TRAIL MAPS, $8–$9.50

Sports Basement

This holiday season, tell your loved ones to take a hike. A handy trail map of southern Marin ($9.50) combined with the 76 Marin Headlands bus can easily help them rediscover the glorious nature beckoning just outside the Golden Gate. Also at Sports Basement: Nalgene PBA-free water bottles start at $8.50.

1590 Bryant St., SoMa, SF. (415) 575-3000;

610 Old Mason St., Presidio, SF. (800) 869-6670, www.sportsbasement.com

 

SWEETIE PIE PRESS BUTTONS PACK, $6 FOR 3

Rare Device

Who doesn’t love buttons? No one. They’re a quick, easy way to customize your backpack, hat, coat, scarf, whatever. And even when they’re designed by artists, they’re still cheap. Sweetie Pie buttons are produced as series by designers using security envelopes, reclaimed silk-screened posters, and other recycled materials. There’s a ton of individuality in each pack, so grab more than one.

1845 Market St., Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 863-3969, www.raredevice.net

 

ICE CREAM GIFT CERTIFICATE, $5

Three Twins Organic Ice Cream

Give a special gift of sweet, sweet empty(ish) calories. Using only organic ingredients, Three Twins scoops up incredible flavors like milk and honey, lemon cookie, chocolate peanutbutter cookie, or the exotic Dad’s Cardamom. With a $5 certificate, your giftee can choose between two teensy ice cream cones or a pint to munch on at home while watching 30 Rock on Hulu.

254 Fillmore St. Lower Haight, SF. (415) 487-8946, www.threetwinsicecream.com

 

THE WALKING DEAD COMIC, $2.99

Al’s Comics

Do you have a friend literally salivating and moaning for next week’s The Walking Dead episode on AMC? Satisfy their zombie craving with an issue of the original comic book series (now at issue #78). And since comic books are Hollywood’s favorite source material for summer blockbusters these days, Al’s Comics is probably going to have 2013’s summer action blockbuster of the year… right now!

1803 Market St., Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 861-1220, www.alscomicssf.com

 

FAKE MUSTACHE, $9.95

Costumes on Haight

If there’s one thing everyone should own, it’s a mustache. It might just be the most useful gift you could ever give. Who knows when your recipients may need to change identities quickly, appear as an authority figure, or even just get really really handsome instantly. Costumes on Haight provides ‘staches for any need or hair color. Spirit gum’s an extra $2, but you’ll earn that back quickly at 10 cents per ride.

735 Haight St, Lower Haight, SF. (415) 621-1356. www.costumesonhaight.com

 

LONELY PLANET PHRASEBOOK $8.99

Get Lost Books

Your perennially-traveling friend always seems to have the most fabulous stories to recount. But the on-the-ground truth is probably a lot less romantic, with miscommunications, bad directions, and an unintentional slur or two. Swing by Get Lost Books for a handy Lonely Planet phrasebook they can take with them when they do. No more ignorant American oopsies for them (and possibly a lot more sex).

1825 Market St., Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 437-0529. www.getlostbooks.com

 

ZING! LAUNCHING SPOON, $5 and SOUPER! SPOON ACTION FIGURE, $10

New People

Naughty uncle gifts alert: New People’s got the goods for meal avoidance — a spoon that doubles as a superhero and another that spring-launches broccoli. Hand off to the nearest tyke, then duck (the wrath of the li’l ones’ parents). Tokyo pop culture mall New People is an amazing one-stop source for quirky, beautiful lifestyle accessories like dope headphones and separated toe socks.

1746 Post, Japantown, SF. (415) 525-8600, www.newpeopleworld.com

 

MINI BURRO PIÑATA, $7.99

SF Party

This party donkey’s cool to get behind — the recipient will be stoked by his party-pumping bustability. (Hint: stuff with mini bottles.) SF Party’s got what you need for instacheer — peep the local store’s decorations and holiday flair for ways to trick everyone into thinking you’re festive.

939 Post, Tenderloin, SF. (415) 931-9393, www.sfparty.com

 

IGNITE ME MASSAGE CANDLE, $10

Good Vibrations

You already know that Good Vibes is the top spot for fun, sexy, and horizon-expanding gifts for your sweetie (or prospective sweetie). These two ounces of scented soy wax set the mood for a little post-mistletoe vida loca. Just light the candle and it melts into massage oil.

Various locations, SF. www.goodvibes.com

 

HOT CHOCOLATE SET, $10

Sweetdish

Looking for a wintertime wonder amid Sweetdish’s happy racks of rare and delicious candies? Try their hot chocolate sets, packaged here in San Francisco: Taza drinkable chocolate disks and a Japanese ceramic mug and spoon are included in this power punch for the holiday sweet tooth. While you’re there, pick up some locally made Poco Dolce chocolate — the burnt toffee ($6.50 per pack) is to die for.

2144 Chesnut, Marina, SF. (415) 563-2144, www.thesweetdish.com

 

TRAVEL-SIZE BUTCH BODY SPRAY, $8

This one’s fun for sending a pleasant mixed message: “They want me to butch it up when I’m on the go, but with a body spray?” Forunately, one sniff of this enticingly spicy scent will ax all doubts, and the travel-spritzing will begin in earnest. (Also available: floral Femme and tangy Original scents.) Local-centric beauty product makers Nancy Boy provides line after line of scrumptious freshness.

347 Hayes, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 552-3802, www.nancyboy.com

 

LASER MONEY DEVICE, $7

Misdirections Magic Shop

When your teenager wants to expand his trick repertoire beyond lighting farts, it’s time for a magic laser money device. With practice, your teenager can create money out of nothing, just like the Fed! It’s also the perfect comeback to “You can stop washing the dishes when you start making money.” Misdirections has other magic galore.

1236 Ninth Ave., Inner Sunset, SF. (415) 566-2190, www.misdirections.com

 

PERSONALIZED INITIAL STICKERS, $5

Toss

Toss designs its own classy prep looks, which will hit the spot for any beachy babes within striking distance of your gift list. But if the pretty handbags and frothy dresses are too spendy, cop the store’s style with embroidered stickers that’ll customize any existing satchels your bronzed beauty swings over their shoulder.

2185 Chestnut, Marina, SF. (415) 440-8677, www.tossdesigns.com

 

ORIGAMI FAST FOOD SET, $3.95

Paper Tree

Fold-your-own hamburger, shake, and fries for … what, your vegetarian sister? Meat-loving Uncle Mark? Paper Tree’s aisles of origami kits — paper and laughably cryptic Japanese instructions included — range from make-your-own meals to puppy dogs and finger puppets, and make a fantastic offering for any of your friends who dream of creating their own world.

1743 Buchanan, Japantown, SF. (415) 921-1700, www.paper-tree.com

 

HAMBURGER KITCHEN TIMER, $8

Park Life

Too bad hamburgers don’t go in the oven, ’cause that would be the funniest thing ever with this plump, juicy-looking thing! (The joke might work with Hanukkah sufanganiyot, too.) Park Life’s a neato outpost of cleverly designed artifacts and nom-nom art, with something for everyone, but mostly really cool everyones.

220 Clement, Richmond, SF. (415) 386-7275, www.parklifestore.com

 

SOURCE ZINE, $3

Needles & Pens

Locally published advice on fermenting, planting, and all kinds of other stuff makes a swell gift for your favorite urbanite interested in sustainably downsizing for 2011. Needles & Pens stocks indie clothes and jewelery designs, as well as racks of zines from fresh local artists and doodlers.

3253 16th St., Mission, SF. (415) 255-1534, www.needles-pens.com

 

EYE-MELTING WALL CALENDAR, $3

Little Otsu

Calendars can be so … quantifying. Leave it to craft wonderland Little Otsu to make date-finding creative again. Pick up this cheaply had bit of creativity designed by Ron Regé Jr., for the nonlinear thinker on your list, or browse the racks of Otsu’s recycled material stationary and precious T-shirt designs.

849 Valencia, Mission, SF. (415) 255-7900, www.littleotsu.com

 

CANTAINER BICYCLE CUP HOLDER, $10

Gravel and Gold

Because nothing goes better than bikes and bevvies — they’ll cruise into golden, road soda (we mean coffee, of course!) glory with an American-made bike cup holder masterpiece from this beautiful, sunny Mission store, whose shelves of hip handmade treasures take the crass consumerism straight out of your holiday shopping.

3266 19th St., Mission, SF. (415) 552-0112, www.gravelandgold.com

 

PISTACHIO BAKLAVA, $7.95

Sumiramis Middle Eastern Imports

Score flaky, made-in-the-Bay filo dough holiday meal or gathering treats at this fantastical, low-key grocery store, which stocks all things Mediterranean from hookahs to halvah. Your lucky guests will wonder where you got it. (Make like you had to go further than 26th Street and Mission.)

2990 Mission, Mission, SF. (415) 824-6555

 

DE LA ROSA CANDY, $3.69

Casa Guadalupe

These crumbly peanut marzipan gems are a recognizable staple of Latino bodegas, but the red rose on their 30-pack carton wouldn’t look out of place alongside brightly wrapped presents under a Hanukkah bush.

2999 Mission, Mission, SF. (415) 824-2043

 

RHINESTONE INITIAL EARRINGS, $10

Good Fellows

Reward those who’ve been nice through 2010 with this customizable bling — they can wear their sparkly identities on their lobes! Because you know you have a friend who will be more impressed if you tell them you got their present from a head shop. And Good Fellows has a dispensary in the back if your giftee’s on the very, very good list.

473 Haight, Lower Haight, SF. (415) 255-1323

 

YUMMYPOCKETS PB&J ITEM HOLDER, $9.50

Therapy

Stuff the mouth of their wallet — money tastes good again with this disturbingly realistic peanut butter and jelly sandwich billfold. Therapy’s got the goods when it comes to gifts for the young fashionista on your list — another great choice is their faux-Guate coin purses ($10), decorated with colorful embroidered patterns that call up your trip last year to Lake Antigua.

Various location, SF. www.shopattherapy.com

 

THE SNOWY DAY, $6.99

Lola of North Beach

Lit love for the soon-to-be-bundled little one. The illustrations in this new board edition are as stunning as they were when Caldecott winner Ezra Jack Keats published the original book in 1962. Lola’s is a great gift stop for chic families — Mom and Dad included — on your list.

1415 Grant, North Beach, SF. (415) 781-1817, www.lolaofnorthbeach.com

 

HOMEMADE SPINACH PASTA, $2.95 PER POUND

Molinari Deli

Step around the display arrays of Italian fruitcakes and brightly-wrapped candies up to this old school neighborhood joint’s deli case. You can buy the hostess with the mostest a peck of that finest green — a skein of house-made spinach noodles. Maybe she’ll even invite you back for a holiday-themed pasta feed.

373 Columbus, North Beach, SF. (415) 421-2337

 

TRAVELS WITH GINSBERG: A POSTCARD BOOK, $9.95

City Lights Books

Ginsberg in Benares, Ginsberg in Venice, Ferlinghetti in SF — this book of postcards is the perfect bon voyage present for your favorite wanderlustful loved one. Include a card urging that one of the notes makes it back to you when the L.O. has a spare moment. City Lights, as well all know, has the best and brightest in O.G. Beat lit as well as today’s hottest book titles.

261 Columbus, North Beach, SF. (415) 362-8193, www.citylights.com

 

CHOPSTICK KIDS CHOPSTICK HELPER, $10

Aldea Niños

Get ’em going on noodle bowls young with these playful pinchers. Soon enough, your tyke will be ready to slurp udon with the best of them. Aldea’s newly opened children store stocks all the finest in sustainably made baby products. For another cheap, fun gift, try the wooden fish castanets, whose clacking teeth with make a flamenco fiend of any toddler.

1017 Valencia, Mission, SF. (415) 874-9520, www.aldeababy.com

 

SUCCULENT CANDLES, $6

Current

Oof — they couldn’t even keep last year’s astrophytum kicking? Lower the ante and reignite the light with this cacti candle. Current also stocks natural beauty products and small vases made to be tied up in a beautifully wrapped, color coordinating gift box. Indeed, many of its offerings already are, perfect for the gift-and-go.

911 Valencia, Mission, SF. (415) 648-2015

 

MR. LACY SHOELACES, $2.50

Shoe Biz

Sure, your buddy’s got style — but are their Technicolor kicks looking technically mussed and scuffed? You can brighten the load for any sneaker kid with these ties, which sit alongside Shoe Biz’s fantastic selection of boots and slippers and are available in a lacy rainbow of shades.

Various location, SF. www.shoebizsf.com

 

CHARDONNAY ANCHOVY STUFFED OLIVES, $6.95

We Olive

Does it get more posh than Chardonnay anchovy-stuffed Californian olives? No. And they taste good too! We Olive’s racks of California olive products, from tapenade to lip balm, will tickle the palate of any gourmand on your list. Plus, the store has samples that will sate you for hours. Squirt a dab of their transcendent olive oils on a bread cube and get shopping.

2379 Chestnut, Marina, SF. (415) 673-3669, www.weolive.com

 

ALBUM COVER NOTEBOOKS, $9.95

Green Apple Books

Giving new meaning to the words “liner notes,” these repurposed record sleeves have been transformed into the keepers of your giftee’s nascent raps and lovelorn lyrics. Green Apple has three floors of books and an annex of every stripe and flavor, so plan on getting lost for a few days — and emerging with an armful of amazing finds for everyone on your gift list.

506 Clement, Richmond, SF. (415) 387-2272, www.greenapplebooks.com

 

FOUR-INCH SUCCULENTS, $7

Succulence

Haworthia, aeonium, echeveria, oh my! Snag one of these flower-producing enduring plants from this cacti shop — it even stocks two-inchers for the true budget gifty. Succulence also sells unique pots and frames, so your loved one’s new plant buddy will be looking dapper indeed.

402 Cortland, Bernal Heights, SF. (415) 282-2212

 

MAGIC WAND $6

Fiddlesticks

Yes, this is really just a smallish wooden star at the end of a thinnish wooden rod. We will not argue! But the star comes in such pretty colors, and the simple wooden-toyness of it conjures up childhood loveliness. Plus, hello — instantly anyone becomes a fairy princess or Harry Potter! Cool tyke hotspot Fiddlesticks has an array of neat matching outfits and other magical doo-dads.

508 Hayes, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 565-0508, www.shopfiddlesticks.com

 

CHOCOLATE BAR WITH POPPING ROCKS

Oh, Christopher Elbow, chocolatier to the stars! Your gem-colored, bite-sized, often Bucky Dome-shaped chocolates tend toward adventurous flavors like Venezuelan spice, rosemary caramel, and spiced pear. But you keep it real with our favorite quick trip back to childhood: the Christopher Elbow chocolate bar No. 6. A thick slab of dark chocolate bursting with popping candy rocks? Chocolate plus fun equals win.

401 Hayes, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 355-1105, www.elbowchocolates.com

 

OWL-SHAPED MUG, $8.99

Kamei Housewares and Restaurant Supply

Who-who can’t resist a cup of joe from a lovable owl? Kamei’s got what you need in terms of high class, unique kitchenware on the cheap. It also has out-of-the-kitchen objects — check by the front door for a stack of beautiful paper parasols for the promenading perambulator on your list.

525-547 Clement, Richmond, SF. (415) 666-3699

 

FELT MUSHROOM, $6 AND $8

Lotus Bleu

Let’s spend the holidays shrooming! For your most cherished permagrinner (or possibly Smurf) come these beauties, small and large, in orange, gray, brown, and blue combinations. Made of sustainable wool by a couple in Nepal, these squishy caps fit perfectly in your hand — and also fit right in with Lotus Bleu’s dazzlingly patterned, natural fabric goods aesthetic.

325 Hayes, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 861-2700, www.lotusbleudesign.com


TAKENOTSUYU YUKI HONOKA “SILENT SNOW” SAKE, $8

True Sake

True Sake was recently anointed by The New York Times as a true original, a gem of a space specializing in nothing but sakes. Seriously, dozens of gorgeous bottles and wildly diverse flavors await you here. Our pick is this super-cute, super-fresh, super-smooth sake. Wine is so passé — put a little bow on one of these beauties and come off sophisticated.

560 Hayes, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 355-9555, www.truesake.com

Pin Up Clinic strike a pose for the Pap

2

A while ago, I wrote about Briggite Berman’s Hugh Hefner documentary, about how it highlighted a debate between Hef’s lecherous man-fans and his well-cinched feminist critics. I suggested that there was a third view Berman missed: that of women who understood the pin-up mentality and how it could work to female power and strength. 

Well hang on to your hats, because here comes Pin Up Clinic, whose pin-up calendar release party is at Homespun Bikes Sat/13.

The group has put together a calendar with 12 months worth of alternative lovelies from around the Bay Area, with all proceeds going straight to Women’s Community Clinic. Amanda Kennedy, the mastermind behind the project, had inspiration strike her when she was asked if she’s like to examine a part of a woman’s body that not even Miss August shows off in the calendar.

“The doctor asked me if I wanted to see what my cervix looked like… handed me a mirror and a flash light and had me sit up and take a look at my self. It is a pretty profound experience to see inside your own body like that.  The female body is amazing and we don’t get to appreciate ourselves enough,” Kennedy told us of an appointment at Women’s Choice Clinic in Oakland in an email to SFBG. 

Miss August gets back to school you on what feminism can look like. Photo by Tiffany Black of Blackbird Photo

Later, Kennedy and friends decided that they wanted to give back to the professionals that had done so much to take away the mystery and shame women can feel about their bodies. And what better way to do that then by showing off, in all it’s glory, the female form? “The pin up calendar was a way for us each to appreciate ourselves and share it with others,” Kennedy recalls.

So there you have it. Only problem was that the Women’s Choice Clinic had closed in the interim, but that didn’t stop Kennedy and gang. They elected Women’s Community as their back up beneficee because it shared the same empowering philosophy as the first clinic — as Kennedy puts it “women treating women, which helps to create a safe space for so many people who have had negative experiences with heath care.”

What to say to those that find the concept of pin-up posters demeaning, anti-women productions? “Redefining beauty is important. By controlling our images we get to share our ideas of beauty,” Kennedy tells us. Included in her project are luscious images of kink educator Tina Horn and Lubricated Zine “jack of all trades” Vanessa Jean. 

In teaser shots assembled on Pin Up Clinic’s website, Vanessa Jean sits and lies in a pile of her self-published creations wearing a torn Ramones tee. The images show her as an actively imagining individual, but there’s no denying those flannel-printed boy shorts hug some curves that’d make Hef proud. 

“There are so many schools of feminism, some think we should never be sexualized and I understand that,” Kennedy says. “It’s so frustratingly common for people to criticize how a woman looks before they comment on what she is doing. I’m glad that both groups are around, because an important part of feminism is that women should be free to do whatever they want, express themselves to the fullest and stand up for what they believe in.

And who doesn’t believe in unembarrassed, convivial reproductive health care? Pin Up Clinic has printed up 1,000 calendars to be snapped up at $15 a pop on their website or at Saturday’s party, which will feature live music, a photo booth, and fortune telling.

I predict you’ll want to buy one of these for someone on your holiday shopping list, but maybe that’s just me hinting that I want one. 

 

Pin Up Clinic’s 2011 Calendar Release Party

Sat/13 7 p.m., free with purchase of $15 calendar

Homespun Bikes

494 Wesley, Oakl.

pinupclinic.blogspot.com