Sex Events

Sizzle

One of the hottest spoken word open mics around, tonight marks the start of February’s impressive collaborations between Femina Potens – which is currently in-between brick-and-mortar gallery locations – and Mission Control. Featuring the likes of adult filmmaker-writer-educator Tristan Taormino, Valencia scribe Michelle Tea, and dominatrix Keva i Lee, you’re bound (and gagged) to catch something you like onstage.

Fri/18 8-11 p.m., $10

Mission Control

“Love you – mean it! Love in the context of S&M”

Complete with in-person scene demonstrations, this workshop will look at ways that femme tops can show love even while they inflict anxiety, struggle, and pain in their subs. Come with questions about how to apply the lessons to your own sex life and take note – no male-identifying lovahs at this one, just like at all other Exiles S&M education events.

Fri/18 7:30-10:30 p.m., $4-10

Women’s Building

3543 18th St., SF

(415) 431-1180

www.theexiles.org

Kinky Salon Sweetheart’s Ball

Kinky Salon is counting on the fact that you’re totally over Valentine’s Day bullshit and yet totally ready to don your Candyland finest and ooze that sugary-sweet all over your swinger pals. For two nights in a row! Well, you don’t have to go to the costume play party for both nights, but if you’re going to take in all the performances – which include a duet with Polly Superstar and Bow Wow Wow’s Leigh Gorman and a reading by our own city editor of his new dissection of Burning Man culture – and still have time to get your gumdrop off, you may need to.

Fri/18-Sat/19 10 p.m.-late, $30-35 members only

Mission Control

School of Shimmy Burlesque 101

Oh man… how do those burlesque ladies do it? Dottie Lux can tell you, if you like. Lux’ll be performing onstage at Burlesque Moulin at the Down Low on Sat/19, and she’s just dropping back in Sunday afternoon to impart the basics of booty-shake to burlesque wannabees. Interested? Jump up there girl, show us your tap pants.

Sun/20 1-3 p.m., $30 discounted tickets available night of Sat/19 show

The Shattuck Down Low

2284 Shattuck, Berk.

(201) 615-9245

www.shattuckdownlow.com

One year in: BDSM newbie panel

There’s plenty of places in town where you can go to hear the escapades of BDSM stalwarts, the individuals who’ve done it all. But what’s it like to be discovering it all for the first time(s)? This panel discussion will feature people who’ve dove into the scene in the last 365 days, moderated by Gabby, who says she entered the scene in 2007 and promptly started disobeying all the advice of those in the know.

Tues/22 8-10 p.m., $20

SF Citadel

277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Hot sexy events: February 9-15

Andrew Lam

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February 9, 2011

1

So Rihanna made an S&M video. No really, it’s called “S&M.” And yes, it does feature her walking Perez Hilton – not the sexiest choice – on a leash, while wearing a latex dress and a killer day-at-the-races hat-thing, plus her singing while hanging from the ceiling, men in restraints and gags, and creative use of duct tape. Yep, yet another celebrity discovers BDSM. While the video itself is not thrilling and not all that arousing (for my money, Rihanna’s made hotter), the girl’s got a way with outfits – she has a penchant for performing in latex, and sports a pretty incredible hood and stockings latex ‘fit in the new video, which already has 9.3 million views on YouTube, fyi. Perhaps she could be convinced to share the wealth at one of SF’s two kinky costume swaps this Sun/13 — at Kinky Salon and the SF Citadel respectively. Even if RiRi’s not in attendance, the event should be a good opportunity to re-up on some gear to wear to the next wild-and-wacky costumed sex party. Or nearly any of this weeks’ sex events, for that matter…

Bawdy Storytelling: “Slut or Whore?”

Four years of Bawdy Storytelling already? And it doesn’t look a day over “once upon a time”! At any rate, four years of exhibitionist show-and-tell deserves a little contemplation, so this month’s theme makes perfect sense. Sexologist Carol Queen and fowl-about-town Chicken John will be sharing scenes from their crazy line-toeing lives – maybe we can all sit back and think on what it means to get paid for it, whatever our career may be.

Weds/9 8 p.m., $10

The Blue Macaw

2656 Mission, SF

www.bawdystorytelling.com

Lyon-Martin Beer Bust

You’ve heard by now, no doubt, about how trans and woman-friendly Lyon-Martin Health Services is being threatened by these toughie economic times. Things are looking good for the clinic though, if one is to judge by the magnum-sized avalanche of fundraising events that have come down the chute from organizations and businesses all over the city. You can find a list of them here, by the way. And here’s a fabulous option: the Eagle will be busting beers out all afternoon in honor of safe, respectful, and effective reproductive health care – go drain a bottle, donate some cash to the cause, and buy some raffle tickets while you’re at it – your community will thank you.

Sat/12 3-6 p.m., free

The Eagle Tavern

398 12th St., SF

(415) 626-0880

www.lyon-martin.org

Valentino’s Casablanca

Here’s looking at you kid – you and your valentine(s, not trying to be limiting here) are welcome to get fuzzy at Stefanos invocation of Bogart’s bar. Sip on noir-style cocktails and look sultry while you check out violinists and sky-suspended roped beauties. Plus, there’s that big old dungeon to frolic in. Trust, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship(s, again, not tryin’ to hold you back here).

Sat/12 8-10 p.m., $30 singles, $60 couples, $90 trios

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.brownpapertickets.com

Kinky Salon Costume Swap

It can get rough attending themed swingers’ parties week in and week out – there’s only so many times you can wear those pink cat ears before their frisky fun seems a little worn out. Luckily, Kinky Salon’s got your back – show up at this naked person party (when you’re changing outfits people, game faces please) with an armload of the fetish funwear you’ve grown luke-warm on, and pick up another armload of your kinky peers’ cast-offs. Remember to clean everything before you bring it down.

Sun/13 4-6 p.m., $10 with costumes to swap, $20 without

Mission Control

Swap it Out!

Just like the one above, only the Citadel’s swap is a true naked lady party – only women and the female-identifying are allowed at this trade. Bring your threads (street clothes welcome at this swap) – the ones that no one picks up will be shipped off to charity at the end of the three hours.

Sun/13 2-5 p.m., free

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Facebook: Good Vibrations’ Pop-Up Dildo Shop and Ice Cream Social

Pop-Up Dildo Shop and Icecream Social

Now this will be all kinds of fun: an event at Fifty 24’s pop-up store with a little something for everyone. To whit, raunchy comedy by Will Franken, free organic icecream from Three Twins, a class on how to choose the perfect sex toy with Carol Queen, giveaways from Good Vibes, even free PBR! My goodness, and hot ’60s pop act Female Trouble to soundtrack the whole thing? Can you wait til Sunday, even?

Sun/13 3-5 p.m., free

Fifty 24 SF Gallery

252 Fillmore, SF

Club Neon Underwear Party

Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, folks. This is an underwear party – which does not mean that you’re guaranteed nookie (when are you, really), but the talent will be much easier to scope than in your typical nightclub scene. That stud over there seem awfully full in the boxer brief? Sweaty sweetie by the bathrooms shaking that demi-bra with the skills to pay the bills? Play your cards right and you may have found your valentine.

Mon/14 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $5, free before 11 p.m. with no pants

The Knockout

3223 Mission, SF

(415) 550-6994

Facebook: Club Neon Underwear Party

Hot sexy events: February 2-8

Andrew Lam

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February 2, 2011

0

Why do most alien encounter stories involve sexual liaison? Leaving aside the non-believers’ theory that the yarns are the result of pervy souls in need of some quality time with a loved one, one must come to the conclusion that for the aliens, sex is part of some higher purpose. (Just kidding — how much higher can you get?) The folks at Bent, the Bay’s party for kinky youth, have this figgered, of course. This month, when many events are turning pink and heart-shaped, the costumed kinkfest pays homage to the greys, the greens, the purples, and the scaled. It’s an alien get-down, and we’re all invited! Just be sure and brush up on your E.T. anatomy before you go. You don’t wanna be “that girl” that gets freaked out by an extra orifice or three.

Bent: Close Encounters

Take me to your penis! The young persons’ kink party goes extraterrestrial with a full program of alien delights: a staged abduction, a bellydance by an enslaved human, a static wand striptease (go with it), and all manners of UFOs to beam down to the dungeon once you’re ready to play rough.

Fri/4 9 p.m. – 2 a.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Nude Aid

There are few things sexier than the sight and feel of paintbrush on bare skin. Though body painting has been the victim of co-option by Pink Floyd (and by extension, every coed’s dorm room wall, ever. Honestly, who’s gonna be the first to make a coffee table book of the most cliched college posters?), true artistry exists in the form of colorized folds and follicles. Test that theory out for yourself at this benefit for the Center for Sex and Culture, at which naked and fetish-clad models will be rendered masterpieces – all in the name of art, mind you.

Fri/4 3-8 p.m., $20

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

Essence

The first edition of Mission Control’s new pansexual, erotic-spiritual play party promises to reinvigorate your chi – the night will be populated by shamans, Aphrodite, shrines, services, and attempts to recalibrate sexually. Yessir – sex is rite tonight, so if you’re down for the spiritual-sensual woo-woo then my friend, you have found your Saturday jump-off.

Sat/5 9 p.m. – late, $30-35 members only

Mission Control

Burlesque ‘n’ Brass

So you love burlesque, but simply cannot leave yourself open to the prospect of another Ke$ha or Metallica-soundtracked stripdown? Hie thee hence to Cafe Van Kleef, where the lovely ladies are accompanied by a live jazz band that would never, ever launch into “Oops I Did It Again.” Nothing but class for the wondrous women performers of Hot Pink Feathers – and your side of gin martini.

Sat/5 9:30 p.m., $10

Cafe Van Kleef

1621 Telegraph, SF

(510) 763-7711

www.cafevankleef.com

Introduction to Red Tantra

Progress from tantric yoga to light touch and energy work, along with discussions of amrita (the female ejaculation), the multi-orgasmic state, and delayed ejaculation for men. This couples-only workshop is non-explicit, so it’s perfect for the twosome that wants to expand their practice, but not their audience.

Tues/8 6-8 p.m., $45-50 per couple

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Gay Mystery 101

Nancy Drew was never this sexy. Mystery novels have progressed since your grade school days, as authors Paul Faraday and Haley Walsh can surely attest. The two will be reading excerpts from their novels (Straight Shooter and Foxe Tail, respectively) that star hot gay protagonists getting to the bottom of sinister happenings in Southern California. Bathhouses, vodka martinis, and Antonio Banderas lookalikes promise to figure mightily.

Tues/8 7:30 p.m., free

A Different Light Bookstore

489 Castro, SF

(415) 431-0891

www.adlbooks.com

Hot sexy events January 26 – February 1

Andrew Lam

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January 26, 2011

0

Glory be OneTaste. This SF-based company is devoted to the singular pursuit of female pleasure, offering lessons in their “slow sex” technique, detailed re-programming of one’s touch-stroke-lick that all but guarantees that at-times elusive female orgasm. Believe it. Fitness-business guru-crazy Tim Ferriss describes a class with OneTaste in his new book The 4-Hour Body as being highly informative and bewilderingly hands-on. He also likens the female genitalia to an Imperial Guard from Star Wars, but that is besides the point (kind of). At any rate, OneTaste is conducting a one-off course at the Polk Street Good Vibrations this week on discovering your deepest desires (Mon/31), making it but one of the can’t-miss sex events on offer out there in pervertlandia. Enjoy, kids!

Bare Chest Calendar semi-finals

For 28 years, iron-chested menfolk have bravely paraded their bulging pectorals about for a good cause – the Bare Chest Calendar, which raises money for the AIDS Emergency Fund and Positive Resources Center. You can nobly help in the effort, just attend the semi-final and final rounds of the contest that will determine next year’s calendar boys and cheer your ass off. By the looks of the contenders, that shouldn’t be too difficult.

Thurs/27 9:30 p.m.,

Powerhouse

1347 Folsom, SF

www.barechest.org

Transgender HIV/STI testing

Sure, it happens every week, but that’s no reason not to give St. James’ Infirmary a shout-out over their excellent, sensitive testing and trans-hormone-knowledgeable services that are available each Thursday afternoon. With all the scary cuts in the area as of late (see event Sun/30), it’s good to know that there are still safe, friendly places to go to stay healthy, happy, and sexy.

Thurs/27 1 – 4 p.m., free

St. James’ Infirmary

1372 Mission, SF

(415) 554-9634

www.stjamesinfirmary.org

email sjimedical@yahoo.com for appointment

Boots

Chaps is putting the call out for boot pigs, so oink oink Wilbur – grease up your city Stompers and cruise to Folsom Street. There’s nothing sexier for a leatherman than the threat of getting crushed under the stampede of hairy-chested hotties that will be thrusting out their steel toes for a buff by bootblack Miss V. The Stompers gang hosts and who’s that behind the bar? The sexy David, that’s who.

Sat/29 9 p.m. – 2 a.m., free

Chaps

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 255-2427

Facebook: Hotties for H0m0 Health Care

Hotties 4 H0m0 Health Care: A Fundraiser for Lyon-Martin Health Services

Not cool. There’s not enough clinics in this city-state-universe that cater to queer women and transgendered folk, and one of the finest, Lyon-Martin Health Services, is facing closure due to serious financial problems. How much do they need to keep their doors open? Try $250,000 – which sounds like a lot, but given all the hullabaloo the community is raising to keep the place afloat, it’s totally doable. Here’s one way to support the clinic: shaking your ass to DJ Bootie Klap and wriggling in time to performances by burlesque star Dottie Lux and friends. (Here’s some other ways, too!)

Sun/30 7-10 p.m., $5-20 sliding scale

El Rio

3158 Mission, SF

(415) 282-3325

Eclipse

Hey ladies, Ms. Cat (leather community stalwart and 2010 Ms. Leather runner-up) is celebrating her birthday and she needs you to reel back that hand and give her a good day-of-birth spanking. The Citadel’s female-only BDSM party, Eclipse, is back in action, which means you should pack up your toys, friends, or just come solo and open to this dungeon time-party time.

Sat/29 8 p.m. – 1 a.m., $25 members only

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

The Depths of Desire

Secret longings are all well and good, as long as the longers themselves know what they are. Local sex education group OneTaste (famed for the dissection of the female orgasm) breaks down what one can do to get at one’s deepest longings and sassiest salaciousness.

Mon/31 6 – 8 p.m., $20-25

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Hot sexy events January 19-25

Andrew Lam

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January 19, 2011

1

We’re normally asses up here at the weekly sex events column, but for the purpose of January 19-26, we’re asking you to lift another body part altogether: your pinky. That’s because tonight (Weds/19) you’ll get the chance to learn about an entirely refined BDSM social function, that being the tea party. Ms. Margaret, who used to coordinate educational services for the smOdyssey website as well as the Folsom Fringe conference, runs the classy “Tea With a Twist” affair with long-time slave Erich. Rumor has it she never takes her tea the same way twice, for which you will learn the reason at this lace tablecloth-leather dress how-to affair.

Tea With a Twist

Why must all BDSM parties take place in a dungeon? What of the mistress that requires some amount of refinement and grace – not to mention finger food? These classy souls are invited to this primer on dom-sub tea time, sculpted by Ms. Margaret’s “velvet glove over steel hand” mentality.

Weds/19 8 – 10 p.m., $15

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

Pits

Raise your hand if you’re an armpit man. (See how that works?) Chaps has got the jock-tastic bash for you this week. Pits is part of their fetish night series, so no longer will you be wondering if that hottie with the body holding the Jager bomb will mind if you want to grab him by the under-bicep. He’s here too, ya know – just be prepared to give as you get, gentlemen.

Weds/19

Chaps

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 255-2427

Radical Love Workshop

At some point in our lives, we’ve all wished we had this line on our resume: “revolutionary activist of the heart.” Sure you deserve it, sweets – but Wendy-O-Matic can say it with a straight face. Ms. O-Matic has spent years standing strong and educating on behalf of the polyamorous community, and now she’s presenting this workshop at Mission Control on the ins-and-outs of loving whoever you damn well please, and sharing them with whomsoever you see fit — with a basis on love and intimacy, not picking the right music for the orgy.

Thurs/20 7-9 p.m., $25 members only

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

Community Porn Forum

Skin flick performers get together to discuss the upcoming Cal OSHA meeting (the next is Feb/8) regarding occupational safety measures in the industry. The perfect chance, you XXXers, to learn about how you can tell the regulating body what you need to feel safe on the job – particularly regarding condom usage, a hot topic at recent meetings on the subject. MSM (male on male) performers especially encouraged to attend.

Fri/21 3 – 5 p.m., free

St. James’ Infirmary

1372 Mission, SF

(415) 554-8494

www.stjamesinfirmary.org

10th Annual Butch-Femme Holiday Party

Get all festive and feisty at this sexy winter ball. Of course, this being an all-lesbo affair, all manners of dress are welcome for the dancing and drinking – festive wear would be appropriate, but so too would be whatever ‘fits you wanna rock for the evening. Event organizers would be thrilled to death if volunteers want to bring finger food, refreshments, ice, or wood for the outdoor fire. Outdoor fire? Now we’re talking.

Sat/22 6 p.m. – midnight

Humanist Hall

411 28th St., Oakl.

www.erobay.com

email: butchfemmesocials@yahoogroups.com

Lip Service

Smack, suck, caress – and that’s just before the tongue gets activated. Kissing is one of those arts that can get passed over in pursuit of the all-powerful O, but it’s one of the most important (and public spaces friendly) weapon in your arsenal of sexual equanimity. Let sex educator Tracy Bartlett show you the ropes course to a good make-out sesh – grab your partner and get to mashin’.

Mon/24 6 – 8 p.m., $40-45/pair

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0400

Hot sexy events: January 12-18

Andrew Lam

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January 12, 2011

0

Historically speaking, it’s good to be a geek. Think about it – has any era in history more readily rewarded those whose aptitudes shine in the areas of minutiae and social awkwardness? Thanks to the Internet, every geek has an audience – and thanks to the Internet there’s the Internet, a land where technological know-how gets you feature film bio-flicks and material fortune beyond your wildest science fiction fantasies. Basically, geeks get laid these days. Definitely prime time for Bawdy Storytelling to hold an evening of live show-and-tell entitled “Sex Wonk,” (Weds/12) wherein those who are super gungho about the old in-and-out can revel in their geekiness – and that Star Trek hand sign takes on new levels of perversion.

“A Penis Show”

Jack Davis crochets penis. Neither more nor less – the artist has whipped up hundreds, if not thousands of the little fellers since his first show upon graduating college. Thanks to his work, you can surround yourself with colorful, crochet cock and balls at Magnet, the free sexual health center in the Castro – take one home to make your apartment walls stand a little more erect. It’ll look great with your ’70s porn pillows!

Through Jan. 31

Magnet

4122 18th St., SF

(415) 581-1600

www.magnetsf.org

Bawdy Storytelling: Sex Wonk

The featured guests at this month’s sharing-is-caring story series include Sarah Dopp, eminent webmaster for the transgendered community, engineers, sex educators, and the good people from SF Sex Information, who will be on hand to answer all your pleasantly nerdy queries on boning in between the witty, touching, and downright blush-inducing stories from all the speakers.

Weds/12 8 p.m., $10

The Blue Macaw

2565 Mission, SF

www.bawdystorytelling.com

Invasion: A Queer Takeover of the Citadel

The Citadel sheds all signs of straightness for a night: hosts Asher and Char preside over an evening of gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, fag, dyke, leatherman, leatherwoman, butch, femme, transgender, transsexual, and genderqueer-styled BDSM debauchery. Added bonus: for all you cheap queers, members are invited to volunteer for an hour at the event and get in gratis.

Fri/14 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $25 members only

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

SF Spanking Society Munch

Do you ever attend BDSM munches and feel, well, a little soft core? Is all you really want a good spank (or ass to spank)? This is the get-together for you then, cause all that’ll be on the table are the possibility of red cheeks and the probability of kinky conversation.

Sat/15 noon-2 p.m., free

The Thirsty Bear

661 Howard, SF

www.soj.org/calendar

Heavy Petting Zoo

Surely this month’s Kinky Salon dress-up swinger’s ball has a theme that most SF weirdos can get down on: the furry, feathery, bescaled kingdom of animalia. Everyone has some kitty cat ears or frog-hued face paint lying around the house, don’t they? And even if you don’t, you can still get your bootie on: swipe your buddy’s denim overalls and viola! You, sir, are a farm hand. Now get to milking that cow.

Sat/15 10 p.m.-late, $30-35 members only

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

Bedroom Body Moves

Y’know all those classes that are the rage with your racy Aunt Carol in Modesto, the pole dance for exercise courses? Those things are all over the place. But what the hell, why strip for the caloric exodus? Seems silly when you could instead take it all off to get your partner off, amiright? Leaving aside all questions of “staying in shape,” then, we present to you this course, which focuses on the simple act of clothes removal and its seductive powers (especially when you’re sitting on someone’s lap).

Tues/18 6-8 p.m., $20-25

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Hot sexy events: January 5-11

Andrew Lam

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January 5, 2011

0

Strutting his stuff as the leather parade marshall in last year’s Pride festivities, Steve Ward no doubt had many thoughts relating to the thriving kink community that cavorted about him. But one of those was surely that people need a guide to this crazy wonderland. After all, many of us crave a good spanking at the hand of an experienced master — or vice versa — but often that urge has trouble translating readily into one’s role in the sex community.

Luckily, now we have a guide. Ward is organizing a class on Tues/11 entitled “The Crooked Path: Carving out your niche in the BDSM Communities,” a one-time course that will explore the difference in roles in the BDSM community from dungeon volunteers to leaders of events, and to those that adopt leather as a lifestyle versus those that do it on the studded side. The sociology of kink? Perhaps – give it a look to learn more about your sensual stylings. And hey, what’s the rest of all this? Oh, just another week of sexy SF events.

Beginner’s Dungeon Class

Angela and Iain, officers in the Society of Janus and dungeon masters extraordinaires teach this primer on how to rough up and get roughed up sexily and safely. There’s an art and etiquette to the SF BDSM scene – and being Emily Post ensures you’ll have plenty of friends to play with ’til that whippin’ wrist tires and your cheeks glow red.

Thurs/6 7:30-10:30 p.m., $10-20 sliding scale

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Urge

For all those fond of house training, this play party is meant only for those kinky menfolk under the age of 40. Think of it – 5,400 square feet of naughty necessity, stocked with the younger half of kinky society! Does it get you hard? Does it polish your leather? Indulge those urges.

Fri/7 8-11 p.m., $25 membership required

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Naughty Nibbles

Femina Potens has lost its clunky shoulder pads – the sexy art gallery (arty sex gallery) has shuffled off its bricks and mortar coil and, for the time being, will be holding events here and there about the sex-positive venues of SF. Tonight, they’re hosting an art-bondage melting pot in the hour before Mission Control’s lady lovin’ Pink party. Femina founder Madison Young talks shop about merging ropes and art, and FiveStar does an arty, ropesy number of her own. Art!

Fri/7 9-10 p.m., free, members only

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

Perverts Put Out

I have a lot of favorite FOX News clips, truly. Hilarity. But one of my tippy-top most near and dears has got to be its segment on Perverts Put Out, the sluttiest reading series out there. I believe it had something to do with the organization receiving a government art grant – something along those lines. The fact is, this is SF at its finest. This week, emcee Simon Sheppard welcomes the “talents” of Philip Huang, Greta Christina, and Lady Monster, among others.

Sat/8 7:30 p.m., $10-15 sliding scale

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

Military

A particular poignant night of banging studs in a bar – don’t ask don’t tell has finally been stricken off the face of the earth! Surely, this will lead to legions of gays banging down army recruitment office doors – or at least great sales numbers for Raging Stallion’s newest release, Assghanistan (current SFBG office joke de rigueur, not actual impending release, sorry). This is Chap’s military fetish uniform night, so pack your camo jock.

Sat/8 6 p.m.-2 a.m., free

Chaps

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 255-2427

The Crooked Path

A panel discussion of SF leather luminaries, all members eager to share with you the story of their ascent into the leather community’s leadership roles. Heading up the charge is Steve Ward, who serves on the national Leather Leadership Conference. Wondering where you fit into the wild rumpus? Here’s a great place to hear some educated opinions.

Tues/11 8-10 p.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Hot sexy events: December 29-January 4

Andrew Lam

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December 28, 2010

3

“Scott and I wanted to create an adult playground that wasn’t just some hedonistic, narcissistic freefall into the apocalypse.” Co-founder Polly Superstar is ready to celebrate a decade of Mission Control‘s swingin’ good times at the play space (which she founded with hubby Baron Scott Levkoff)’s NYE party-ten year anniversary soiree Fri/31.

But first, a look back. “We wanted a place where people could feel safe exploring their sexuality without the rigidity of the BDSM scene, and without the expectation and pressure of the swinger scene.” And so MC’s been throughout the aughts: a land where art, sex, and hell yeah, theme parties, have been coming together to the greater glory of SF’s freaky, funky pansexual scene.

Superstar’s pumped about her brand’s expansion into Austin and her hometown of London – and between her, me, and you, there’s more to come. Try club openings in New York, Copenhagen, and Krakow, a how-to book on throwing your own sex party – and at the SF location kinksters have grown to bone and love, a 2011 event that will focus on ritual and sexuality and be hosted by Francesca Gentile (who has led similar rituals at MC events in the past). So pop them bottles, SF – spend your midnight with the Mission Control freaks, or sample some of the other tasty sex events on the NYE buffet line.

NYE at Mission Control

This new year marks a decade of ooo’s and ah’s done pansexual style at Mission Control – so what better way to show your thanks for their sexy play space than by attending their NYE bash? Onstage lineup includes spoken word artists Baraka and We Are The Unreal, as well as burlesque (and boylesque) artists, DJs, and an appearance by the dreaded, orgasm-stealing Coq Blok! Party in the front, sexy time in the back (rooms).

Fri/31 10 p.m.-3 a.m., $35-40 members only

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

Lusty New Year

Watch them balls drop! Your favorite unionized strip club is open for business as 2011 comes a’knockin’. And, unlike the rest of the NYE heap, they’re not charging a cover! Amazing, isn’t it – ladies who are respected on the job ready and waiting to show you their naughty bits, dance on your lap – they’re even down for a bit of foot worship. Wanna break (or make) some early resolutions?

Fri/31 11 p.m.- 3 a.m., free

Lusty Lady

1033 Kearny, SF

(415) 391-3991

www.lustyladysf.com

Steamworks New Year’s Toast

Bring NYE in with a bang! (How many puns can I wring out of this holiday? Let’s find out!) Yes indeed, Steamworks encourages you to put on your new year’s best, then strip it all off and shoot your (champagne!) spume across the room in celebration. The bath house is calling in the help of DJ Frank Wild, plus they’re showing the Times Square festivities on their mega 60-incher in the lounge. Wait, there’s a TV in the Steamworks lounge? Now you know.

Fri/31 10 p.m.- 1 a.m.,

Steamworks

2107 Fourth St., Berk.

(510) 845-8992

www.steamworksonline.com

Fuggedaboutit

Most of the strip clubs in town are investing in oversized martini glasses to stick their girls in, but Centerfolds has a slightly different take on NYE: why don’t get the patrons to dress up in ridiculous costumes this time? To that end, their Sopranos-themed evening, Fuggedaboutit. Discounts for wise guy costumes at the door, hourly giveways of TLC from the ladies onstage, and of course, free Italian all-you-can-eat courtesy of Pizelle Pizza.

Fri/31, $10 with mobster costume

Centerfolds

391 Broadway, SF

(415) 834-0662

www.centerfoldsf.com

Power Exchange New Year’s Eve Ball

A little flogging play with your bubbly, ma’am? ‘Tis the season to hook up with randoms – and lucky you, you’ve got the Power Exchange so that you don’t have to spend a moment with the teases and prudes at most of the city’s bars and clubs. Dust off your leather best, polish up your seduction game, and head to one of SF’s best known BDSM spaces.

Fri/31 8 p.m.-2 a.m., $20 single women and trans, $40 couples, $60 men

Power Exchange

74 Otis, SF

(800) 916-2513

www.powerexchange.com

Hot sexy events December 22-28

Andrew Lam

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December 22, 2010

0

Santa was a freak. Think on it: he gets around by whipping those reindeers’ tender flesh (hello, dom), sneaks in your house at night to kiss your mama, and has a bizarre obsession with whether you’ve been naughty or nice. To me, that sounds like… well someone who reads this column, that’s all. And it very much clears up Chaps’ much-heralded holiday hours (on Fri/24 and Sat/25 they’re open from 8 p.m.-late). Would you like to sit on Santa’s lap? Get cruisey, all you ho-ho-hoes — it’s Christmas time for the weekly sex events.

Good Vibes customer appreciation nights

So it’s… now, and you still haven’t touched that waiting list of those-to-be-gifted? Worry not, my like-minded friend, for Good Vibrations is encouraging your wacky, irresponsible ways with their last minute shopping events, which will put chocolates and wine into your holiday hands, as well as provide on-staff sex experts to counsel you on just the right vibrator for your sweet, self-lovin’ friends.

Weds/22 and Thurs/23 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

Various Bay Area locations

Kinky Knitters

‘Tis the season to knit something sexy! A Rosebud red crocheted teddy perhaps? Or maybe just a beanie large enough to pull over lover boy’s eyes for some sexy blindness play? The options are multitudinous at the weekly stitch and bitch at kinky coffee shop Wicked Grounds. Ideal topics for discussion: Tensile strength of various yarns and the hottest new adjustable harness sewing pattern.

Thurs/23 7-10 p.m., free

Wicked Grounds

289 8th St., SF

(415) 503-0405

www.wickedgrounds.com

Center for Sex and Culture XXXmas Eve Film Night

Fun fact: in 2003, Moby made Alien Sex Party, a sex-positive, raunchy comedy starring the cast of a sex store who have got to keep it together through Christmas Eve, despite kooky customers and the occasional K-Y jelly eating alien. CSC shows the film at this time each year – trust, by the time the characters launch into the “You Can Have Sex With Whatever You Want” number, you’ll be singing along in fine Christmas spirit.

Fri/24 9:30-11 p.m., $5-20 sliding scale

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

The movie Moby only made so that he could rock that floppy dildo headband

Dee’s Meander

Sure, that frosted sleighbell tastes fine now, but the next time you’re tied to the St. Andrews cross, you might be surprised at how you’re bulging out underneath the lovingly applied rope your partner just lashed all over you. Time to stretch those legs. This regular walk is geared towards giving the BDSM community a chance to get physically fit and have some uplifting convos about sex play while doing so.

Fri/24 4-5 p.m., free

Bestor Art Park

Bestor between 5th and 6th Sts., San Jose

www.erobay.org

Chaps Bar Escape

Like I said, this bar is proudly open through the holidays, so if you’re looking to flee the warmth and wackiness of the fam for a few hours, you could do worse than to don your hottest jock strap and head down to Chaps to lick some candy canes.

Fri/24 and Sat/25 8 p.m.-late, free

Chaps

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 225-2427

Hot sexy events December 15-21

Andrew Lam

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December 15, 2010

0

Sigh. I guess I’m supposed to be Christmas shopping right now. But all I can focus is on is another week of sweet and wild sex events – what’s a girl to do? In the spirit of at least trying to pretend I give a damn, however, here are five fantastic places to buy sexy somethings for the naughties on your list. And the weekly sex events, of course.

1. Quality SM – run by womens since 1988, this locally based online catalog specializes in British BDSM titles. www.qualitysm.com

2. Dark Garden – the hottest corsets money can buy for the love in your life that needs cinching. 321 Linden, SF. (415) 431-7684, www.darkgarden.com

3.Good Vibrations – duh, if you read this column at all, duh. Various Bay Area locations. www.goodvibes.com

4. Stormy Leather – leather goods for all! 1158 Howard, SF. (415) 626-1672, www.stormyleather.com

5. Big Al’s Adult Super Store – sample Yelp review: “Forget about stoopid goodvibes and their politically-correct-boring-medical-supply-store bullshit!” Great for bachelorette parties! 556 Broadway, SF. (415) 391-8510

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Good Vibrations Customer Appreciation Night

Surely this night was formulated with the diligent holiday shopper in mind, but really Good Vibes – free wine and chocolate? One-on-one attention from sexperts? This is one shopping event (actually five – Fri/17, Sat/18, Weds/22 and Thurs/23 will see the same perks) that will nurture the sex life of the gifter and giftee in one fell swoop. Pick up a present for you and yours, how bout?

Thurs/16 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

Various Bay Area locations

International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

Started in SF, this is the day to honor all those that lay down for our bullshit – and bucks – and to speak out against the violence and discrimination heaped on them in return. Friday’s memorial at City Hall features a performance piece entitled “Sex Worker Scream,” a reading of all of 2010’s victims, and a candlelit march to the Center for Sex and Culture for tea and cookies, for real.

Fri/17

Performance and vigil start at 4:17 p.m., march after to Center for Sex and Culture, free

In front of City Hall, SF

www.swopusa.org

Naked Girls Reading

Started by burlesque champion Michelle L’Amour in Chicago, this nudie reading series has spread to cities across the country – and none of the chapters have more sexy indie cred than SF’s franchise. Started by Burly Q beauty-erotica writer Lady Monster, this month’s event will see the women reading literature penned by sex workers. Annie Sprinkle makes a guest appearance, you can augment your literary arsenal, and see some boobies — what could be better, right?

Fri/17 8 p.m., $10-20

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

www.nakedgirlsreading/sanfrancisco

Pink

Pansexual play party Pink has made a practice of having sexy pre-event lessons to ease you into a night of swinging and cavorting at Mission Control’s pillow strewn harem rooms. This month, come early for a crash course on flirting: Jasper from The New Eccentrics will be taking it deep and hard into the areas of the brain and the corresponding ways to get them all hot and bothered (in a metaphysical sense).

Fri/17 9 p.m. charm school, 10 p.m. party

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

Carnal Carnival

An encore performance by Ms. San Francisco Leather contestant Ms. Cat, singletail whip-throwing contests, vibrator races, and kinky raffles await you at this decidedly un-cotton candy carnival (although there will be a dessert table on hand). Plus, as befitting the holiday season, The Exiles (SF’s womens-only BDSM educational group) will be holding a children’s toy drive at their get-down.

Fri/17 7:30 p.m., $10 non-members

Women’s Building

3543 18th St., SF

(415) 431-1180

www.exiles.org

BBW BDSM Munch

Will all the big, beautiful, kinky women please stand up? That’s right, now find some car keys and roll to Milpitas, because there’s a far-flung party that’s being held in your honor. Yessir, here in the embrace of mesquite-grilled Southwestern fare you can find a diverse spread of those who’d be honored to engage in some rough play with you – men, women, doms, subs, everything in between. Appetites encouraged, as is street wear (you’ll be in a public room, no need to stress the squares).

Sat/18 11 a.m.-1 p.m., free (purchase of food or drink encouraged)

On The Border

260 Ranch, Milpitas

(408) 935-6070

www.fetlife.com/groups/26844

Hot sexy events: December 8-14

Andrew Lam

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December 8, 2010

1

So how’s this for weird: rich folks get freaky too! Yes indeed, according to our friends at the Bay Citizen, upon the launch of an investigation into her and her husband’s possible involvement in an inside trading ring (don’t they just always want to get into those things?) Pac Heights lady-who-lunches Annabel McClellan was discovered to be working on the gosh darn kinkiest iPhone app we’ve ever heard of: My Nookie.

The app allows users to dish down to the nitty-gritty about their super hot hookups, right down to the positions, location of consummation, and partner used and abused. Share the info with your friends and even send de-personalized My Nookie messages to potential partners with purple anonymous avatars performing the sex event you’d like to try with them. Says McClellan (whose lawyer denies her involvement with the app)’s business partner Milly Hanley to the Bay Citizen, “we are housewives, our kids are older now. We were looking for something to do.” Consider your wealth-induced ennui assuaged, ladies! Now onto the sex events.

Women’s Community Clinic benefit

What’s really, really sexy? A capable, respectful place to nurture your reproductive health, that’s what. Join the women of Pin Up Clinic for live tunes and readings by Carol Queen, Lorelei Lee, and Tina Horn, plus a chance to get your 2011 copy of their frisky sexy lady calendar. All proceeds go to the Women’s Community Clinic, a place that’s more than worthy of your oooh’s and aaah’s.

Wed/8 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Little Minksy’s Burlesque

For six years, Douglas Good has been holding an SF burlesque show every week – do you know how many pasties that is? His event, Little Minksy’s (named after the banned shows that rocked NYC at the turn of the 20th century) features this week talent from Alotta Boutte, Dottie Lux, Kentucky Fried Woman, Bitter Waitress, and more. It packs Club Deluxe every time – so get there early for a good shot of these lady lumps and attentive bar service.

Thurs/9 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $5

Club Deluxe

1511 Haight, SF

(415) 552-6949

www.sfclubdeluxe.com

Kinky Holiday Fantasia

Just your typical holiday party here folks, nothing to see: ornament hanging (on bare skin), (living) tree and menorah lighting, jingle bell (boobs), and seasonal (bondage) fashion. More than enough fodder to keep you snickering through your family’s sit-down to watch It’s a Wonderful Life for the 800th time.

Thurs/9 7:30-10:30 p.m., $15-25 sliding scale

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

“Modern Love: A Panel About Open Relationships”

Are we still swinging, San Francisco? Smart money’s on hell yeah, particularly if you ask the speakers at this panel on polyamory: Ethical Slut author Dossie Easton will be there, as well as Carol Queen (She. Is. Everywhere.), and Sarah and Chris, creators of Mission Control’s KISS play party. Perfect for the seasoned spouse-swapper, or any couples looking to open up their loving arms in the future.

Fri/10 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Whobilation

Dr. Suess was due for a kinky overhaul, wasn’t he? Attire yourself in your Whoville best for this holiday play party, where the pinks and purples of the Mission Control harem rooms will try their best not to clash with all the green and red (let’s face it, Judaism has inspired a lot less easily-mimicked pop culture characters, Hanukkah Harry notwithstanding). Like all the other Kinky Salon parties, Whobilation features super sexy talent onstage during the mayhem. On this night of nights, Berkeley’s Burley Sisters Burlesque and Ophelia Coer de Noir take to the fore and Skanky Claus will lead all in a resounding session of dirty carols.

Sat/11 10 p.m.-late, $25-35 members and allies only

Mission Control

“Abuse in Kinky Relationships: How to Reveal, Deal, and Heal”

It can be tough to distinguish love’s good and bad pain – particularly in the world of BDSM. But peer facilitator-in-training Jocelyn is a veteran of both, and is holding this class to teach about how to identify, fix, and recover from abusive relationships — in and out of the dungeon.

Tues/14 8-10 p.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Hot sexy events: December 1-7

Andrew Lam

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December 1, 2010

2

Are you an ecosexual? Do you enjoy skinny dipping, walking barefoot through tall grasses, thrill to a particularly hot sunset – perhaps fill with a lover’s rage at the notion of mountaintop removal and clear-cut forests?

Well then. Annie Sprinkle is out, and proud, and ready to help you be too: the classic neo-porn star has participated in lavish art weddings the world over with partner Beth Stevens to bind themselves to Mother Earth’s peaks and valleys (often with Annie’s 36E peaks on prominent display). Sprinkle is taking the show to Mission Control for an eco-party tomorrow (Thurs/2), along with Carol Queen’s demonstration of eco-friendly sex toys, and a Gaiia-centered ritual with Francesca Gentille. You may just come out of the earth-loving closet yourself, nature mama.

Bunny Pistol’s Holiday Party

Before you unwrap your presents, watch your (onstage) presents unwrap themselves – burlesque woman-about-town Bunny Pistol is bringing her friends, door presents, and goodies to one of Polk Street’s best bars: the Hemlock. Come make merry…

Wed/1 8:30-11:30 p.m., $6

Hemlock Tavern

1131 Polk, SF

(415) 923-0923

www.hemlocktavern.com

Speakeasy: Ecosexual

Green porno, x-rated environmental activists, closed door rites with a tantra shaman, oh my! Mission Control’s pushing pause on their swinging sex-a-thons for a night to honor the earth. Turns out there’s quite a few of our town’s sex luminaries that are more than willing to connect their cumming with conservation.

Thurs/2 7-11 p.m., $15-20 members and allies only

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

Bent Black and Blue Gala

SF’s kinky youth fiesta is turning five and best believe they’re throwing themselves a soiree. This one will include a designated whipping girl for birthday spanks, magic shows, an anal ring toss (!), and all-night showings of This Ain’t Avatar on the big screen. Plus all the play you can play, you naughty young things.

Fri/3 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

First Friday Follies: F#%k the Holidays

Started as a bangin’ burlesque after-party for downtown Oakland’s Art Murmur walk, First Friday Follies has turned into an attraction unto itself – no cover burlesque? No problem! I’ve had reports that previous shows have involved the onstage canoodling of a ham and cheese sandwich (different lovely ladies playing each filling ingredient), and this week’s theme, F#%k the Holidays, seems like it will lend itself to striptacular shenanigans.

Fri/3 9:30 p.m., free

Stork Club

2330 Telegraph, Oakl.

(510) 444-6174

www.storkcluboakland.com

Joy Alchemy Playshop

This new sex play space in downtown Oakland has taken to offering regular theme nights that center around rather ambiguous, good things. This month: entice and titillate. At the same time?! Yes, I know, it’s a bit repetitious, but the night promises to be chock-full of everything. Yes everything: art, story-telling, improv, nudity, acceptance, lovin’. Plus, your registration gets you a “session with Hamid”! Who is Hamid, you ask? Direct all questions to hamidrb@yahoo.com. Oh, and it’s also a potluck.

Sat/4 5:30-9:30 p.m., $40-45 pre-registration encouraged

Joy Alchemy

2273 Telegraph, Oakl.

(510) 693-6822

www.joyalchemy.joyofcreativity.com

Eclipse

5,400 square feet of dungeon play space for all women, women-identified, or transpeople. Hosted by Ms. Cat and Ajax, Eclipse is a regularly occurring female space, and this party promises to be no less steamy and sexy as the rest of their three years of frolicking have been.

Sat/4 8 p.m.- 1 a.m., $25

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Hot sexy events: November 24-30

Andrew Lam

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November 24, 2010

1

Femina Potens is moving up and out! But not too far. According to an email sent by the gallery featuring a look back by director-founder Madison Young, SF’s favorite woman-run, sex-positive workshop/art show/bacchanal is celebrating its 10th anniversary this month with a move to a larger space that will still be on Market Street.

Says Young of the initial creation of FP, which she named after a tattoo meaning “powerful women” that she saw on a woman’s arm: “I was only 20 years old but felt a very clear calling to create space for people to feel comfortable to express and explore their identity, their bodies, their boundaries, with out shame through art, sexuality, and education.” Oh, and she’ll be incepting a little something of her own: this hot mama’s preggers. Come March 2011, she’ll there will be another MILF on the scene, plus one more body-positive little girl in the world.

Busted: Nips!

Just in case all that bare turkey flesh you’ll be feasting on tomorrow isn’t enough tender meat for you, Chaps is holding the nipples edition of their Busted! fetish nights – eat your nips with a $2.50 Bridgeport IPA or grab a nipple clamp, the evening’s 4 dollar Rolling Rock pint and Tullamore Whiskey shot special.

Wed/24 all night

Chaps

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 255-2427

Free Entry at Eros

Let’s give thanks for a city that allows us to frolick freely, to share our true selves with a like-minded community, to go to a sex club, expect sweaty satisfaction, and get it – all night long. Eros is certainly down to say grace. The club is inviting all men to make a shower stop for free on this day of gratitude – so carve some hunky turkey and mash those potatoes good.

Thurs/25 6 p.m.-12 a.m., free

Eros

2051 Market, SF

(415) 864-3767

www.erossf.com

Traditional Thanksgiving Potluck

A couple reasons why this yearly Citadel event isn’t really all that traditional: one, it’s on the Friday after gobblin’ day. Two, the scene is less in-laws and more BDSM playmates. Three, although it’s not explicitly meant to turn into whippin’ time after the food’s shared, the event description does allow that “being the kinky folks we are….well, ya just never know!” A great way to burn off pie calories, no?

Fri/26 5-9 p.m., free with dish to share

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

RSVP: melanie.a.derby@gmail.com

Post Turkey Twist and Shout

Red Hots Burlesque assembles a crack cast of some of the burlesque troupe’s long lost favorites – Fannie Fuller of the Diamond Daggers is here visiting from Portland, Oregon for her solo debut at Red Hots Burlesque and the Flying Fox has spread her wings all the way from New York City. Whatever their mailing zip codes now, these ladies plan to un-zip some serious coquettish talent.

Fri/26 7:30 p.m., $5-10 sliding scale

El Rio

3158 Mission, SF

(415) 282-3325

www.elriosf.com

The 15 Association Party

The longest-standing West Coast gay male BDSM organization, 15 Association is run entirely by volunteers that want to ensure you have a good, safe time in the dungeon of your dreams. This party is meant to be for experienced doms and subs, but if you’re new to the game you can speak with the Association for an invitation at their website.

Sat/27 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $25

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Beautiful Bondage

Tying your lovely up need not detract from their genuine preciousness. This course examines the art of bondage with an emphasis on the aesthetic. Harnesses, immobilizing ties, and techniques of upping the sweet torment involved will all be covered in the class, as well as the requisite safety talk.

Tues/30 8-10 p.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Hot sexy events November 17-23

Andrew Lam

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November 17, 2010

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You think that time you had a bad dream and awoke abruptly to the sounds of creaking in the bedroom next door was bad? What if that scene was being filmed, and instead of mom and marital romanticism at issue, Dad was boning Bambi Woods to shouts of “More ass! I need to see more ass!”? Such was the life (well, maybe the filming itself wasn’t going down in his family abode) of Bobby Gordon. Dad in this case was Howie Gordon, Playgirl’s 1979 Man of the Year and star of over 100 pornographic titles. Well hell, you’d make a movie about it too. See’s Bobby’s at Center for Sex and Culture Sat/20.

The ‘O’ of Eros: Evolving Your Orgasms

Goddess bless sexual enrichment coach Amy Cooper, for she has discovered the wisdom of the ages: how to make your climaxes more climactic. Erotic pleasure your game? Then surely you will dive right into Cooper’s one-time course on how to make your o’s easier, more meaningful, more intense, and (surely she must mean “or”!) longer lasting.

Wed/17 6-8 p.m., $20-25

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Laura Antoniou book release and BDSM party

Leatherwoman extraordinaire and author of the successful series Marketplace, Laura Antoniou is in town to run a series of classes and events at Femina Potens for kinky women. Tonight features a recreated BDSM scene from one of her books – black tie and flogger please, ladies.

Fri/19 8 p.m., members only

Femina Potens

2199 Market, SF

(415) 864-1558

www.feminapotens.org

Carnival Midway Sextravaganza

Is that ringmaster get-up eating a hole in your closet? Break out the bullwhips and boobies – Mission Control’s acting up again with one of their be-costumed swinger parties. This week you can screw kind strangers while the folks in charge raffle Annie Sprinkle boob prints, a ropes class with Midori, gift certificates for cosetry Dark Garden, and much more.

Fri/19 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $25-30 members only

Mission Control

Debbie Does My Dad

You’d think that a tale of a dad going porn star would fall into one of two categories: slapstick comedy or teary-eyed, Vaselined-lens rememberance. Shows what we know. Bobby Gordon’s movie about growing up “in the shadow of dad’s erection” (ha!) treads a middle ground to talk about the effect his dad’s romps had on his own experience of masculinity that is neither unsexy nor unhappy.

Sat/20 8 p.m., $15

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

Full Moon Fetish Party

So drop that jock down around your ankles – it’s time to give full moon. The crazies will be out in about for this once a month get-down at the locker room scene of your dreams. Open 24 hours a day, baby.

Sun/21, $5 for one time membership

Steamworks

2107 Fourth St., Berk.

(510) 845-8992

www.steamworksonline.com

Beginning Animal Roleplay

Do you long to have your hooves cleaned, coat stroked, a nice new rhinestone collar perhaps? (I hear catnip has it’s upside…) Anna is here to attune you to the ins and outs of animal role play. She herself is a seasoned pony and is ready and willing to school you on the art of finding your inner critter, the equipment you’ll need, care and training, etc. Get furry with it.

Tue/23 8-10:30 p.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

www.bawdystorytelling.com

Hot sexy events: November 10-16

Andrew Lam

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November 10, 2010

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You wouldn’t think that P-raw: Whore of the Underworld would have problems with being cockblocked, but there you have it. P-raw will be one of the charismatic over-sharers at this week’s installation of Bawdy Storytelling (Wed/10), the naughty, gleefully live version of the embarrassing stories section they used to have in Sassy Magazine. Man, we miss that rag. Anyway, if past editions are indicator, tonight’s Bawdy (whose stories will pay homage to times when sex got squashed by a bystander) will be a silly, sexy romp. Chicken John, Phuong Mai, Airial Clark, and Suzanne Forbes take the stage and need your commiseration.

Bawdy Storytelling: Cockblocked

Tales of love lost – to that jerk in the fedora, no less – reign at this pervy live storytelling series.

Wed/10 8 p.m., $10

The Blue Macaw

2565 Mission, SF

Pin Up Clinic Calendar Release Party

Dropping trow and covering one’s boobies in whipped cream may not immediately seem like it will be beneficial to women’s health in the Bay Area, but that’s probably because you’re not thinking big enough. One group of women did just that and the fruits of their labor are now a twelve month 2011 calendar featuring women from around the Bay gettin’ pin-up with it. Proceeds from the calendar will go straight to Women’s Community Clinic in San Francisco. Tonight’s party will feature live music, a photo booth for muggin’, and more.

Sat/13 7 p.m., free with purchase of $15 calendar

Homespun Bikes

494 Wesley, Oakl.

www.pinupclinic.blogspot.com

Leather Beer Bust and benefit

SF Leather Daddy boys and the SF Girls of Leather are hosting a beer bust to benefit Sunburst Projects, a charity that supports families with HIV/AIDS. You already know altruism is sexy, so saddle up that leather vest and cap, and snag your favorite toy to bring on the road – a latex (or otherwise stimulating) lovely will score 20 tickets for the raffle featuring prizes by Kink.com and Off Ramp Leathers.

Sun/14 3-6 p.m., $10

Eagle Tavern

398 12th St., SF

(415) 626-0880

www.facebook.com/pages/SF-Leather-Daddys-boys-and-girls-of-Leather-Beer-Bust-and-Toy-Drive/124582284266657

Spanking Workshop

Tops and bottoms and lovers of some good ass are welcome to this primer by porn star-pro switch Tina Horn. Flogging, role play, and caning are all included on the day’s docket, and really, the hands-on demonstration alone should be worth the price of entry.

Sun/14 4 p.m., $20

Femina Potens

2199 Market, SF

(415) 864-1558

www.feminapotens.org

Mindful Self-Pleasure

Shall we not gloss over the glory of a good wank? Eros won’t, and it doesn’t want you to, either. Gay men are invited to bring their lube of choice and refocus on self. The class will be a walk-through of tantric masturbation, the art of concscious cumming — expect light eye contact and encouragment of primal sound.

Mon/15 6-9 p.m., $20

Eros

2051 Market, SF

(415) 864-3767

www.erossf.com

www.sacredtouchformen.com

Mommy’s Playdate

Who loves you, momma? Yeah, yeah, the rugrat, but also your friends at Good Vibes. And unlike Baby, GV can mix you free drinks, set up free one-on-ones with staff sexologist Dr. Carol Queen, and introduce you to mommy writers like Billie Sharp, D.I.Y. Expert. Because even you need a play date.

Tue/16 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Hot sexy events: October 27th-November 2nd

Andrew Lam

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October 27, 2010

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So you loved it when the princess in Disney movies was tied up, but aren’t quite sure if you’re ready to make the move to complicated (read: spendy) ropes and harnesses? No fear, my dear! Alluring ropes lady Midori is here to teach you how to hold down your naughty loved one with the aid of but a few handy scarves at her upcoming Good Vibrations class (Mon/1). Can you believe you can make a dildo harness from a kicky accessory? Come to think of it, dildo harnesses might just be the most kicky accessory of them all…

Erotic Reading Circle

Because where oh where will all those literary dirty thoughts in your head go, if not out your mouth and onto the printed page? An opportunity for all those venturing into erotica writing to test out their material in front of a welcoming, sex-positive crowd, hosted by Carol Queen and Jen Cross of Writing Ourselves Whole.

Wed/27 7:30-9:30 p.m., free

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 552-7399

www.myspace.com/thelookingglassdungeon

Halloween Pansexual Play Party

For all voyeurs, tops, bottoms, switches, here’s the perfect chance to check out Oakland’s relatively new dungeon space. Space mistresses Jezebel and Isabella will be more than happy to aide you in your BDSM hauntings.

Fri/29 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $20 single-$35 couple

The Looking Glass Dungeon

Jack London Square, Oakl.

mail@thelookingglassarts.com

Kinky Salon XXX Haunted Funhouse

I’m not really sure how you’ll find time to engage in copulation at this fake blood scare sex session. Between beats by clown-hop Burner DJ http://gooferman.com/ Gooferman, demon summonings, seances, zombie strippers, and ahem, fake spiders on strings (watch that he doesn’t dangle into unwelcoming orifices, will ya) – well, I’m sure you’ll find time. After all, it’s a two-night party.

Fri/29 and Sat/30 10 p.m., $25-$30 members only

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

Wonderland at the Citadel

The Citadel is quick to note that unlike Wonderland, events at the Citadel do not inspire with the mere ingestion of fungi or snack treats – although that’d be awesome if they did. This is why they are having this fundraiser, which will plunge the appreciative perv into the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter, various tea party refreshments, burlesque, and a dirty singalong of “My Favorite Things.” Plus an auction will be held where things like corsets, gags, sensual cupping scenes, and rattan canes can be had for a bid.

Sat/30 3-6 p.m., $10

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Citadel Cinema: Rob Zombie’s Halloween

How often during the course of your dungeon play party do you look up and think man, I wish there was a big screen TV over there? Well, all you screen-addicted creatures of the 21st century, your time is now! In honor of the scariest time of year besides Fleet Week, the Citadel is playing one of Rob Zombie’s gore fests – with It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown as a bonus teaser. Invite says bring your own pillows and blankets, uh-oh!

Sun/31 6-10:30 p.m., $5

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-2746

Wrapped for Pleasure: Easy Bondage for Steamy Sex

You need not have a fully-equipped dungeon to have fun with toys. Let an expert teach you the utility of a few well-placed scarves and cushions. Viola! You are now kinky.

Mon/1 6-8 p.m., $20-$25

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0500

Hot sexy events October 20-26

Andrew Lam

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October 20, 2010

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You thought the real Halloween parties started next weekend? Ha! Wrong on two counts.

For one, you’re in San Francisco, so you know this is gonna be a ghoul gala that leaks out into the preceding and following weeks, if not months. Two, the portal to the other world opens the 22nd, not the 31st! (silly) Luckily, you have your deranged BDSM maniacs at the SF Citadel to remind you of the fact with Chamber of Horrors. For those together enough to have assembled their monster ‘fit early, a swell party to play out this journey into another realm where “the gods of old reach out from their dark place,” according to the press release. After all, what better place to witness the chaos that will ensue than a good old-fashioned dungeon? Whips at the ready, there’s gonna be evil spirits to subdue.

Air Sex Championships

Will this be sexy? Will you learn anything from a passel of performers humping the air, licking the air, squeezing the air’s titties? This grand tradition was started by a Japanese chap bereft of solid human beings to sex up. Now people across the world pretend, solo, on-stage, to being sexing – with clothes on. But will it… turn you on? For now, let’s file under maybe, but the event warrants exploration.

Wed/20 8 p.m., $15

The Independent

628 Divisadero, SF

(415) 771-1421

www.theindependentsf.com

Anal Pleasure for Couples

Honey a little wary of rear entry? Best to leave some things to the experts. Reassure them that nothing but good will befall them at this class with Lolo Winters, sex educator, who’ll be teaching on toys, position, and pleasure. Open to all genders and orientations.

Wed/20 6-8 p.m., $20-$25

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 354-0500

Chamber of Horrors

Hobgoblins and naughty, naughty night horrors reign at this dungeon play party. Get the Halloween heebie-jeebies started early and get in touch with your evil side.

Fri/22 8 p.m., $25

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-1746

www.steamworksonline.com

Steamworks Full Moon Party

Steamworks launches a new play party! How’s it going to be different from their standard showers ‘n’ sex-a-thon? DJs? A $5 off discount when you tell them about the ad on their website? Sexy full moon graphics on the flier? Does it really matter – you’re getting laid!

Fri/22-Sat/23 8 a.m., $17-55

Steamworks

2107 4th St., Berk.

(510) 845-8992

Exotic Erotic Ball and Expo

Time for marabou, corsetry, and befeathered top hats! Exotic Erotic is back for its 31st year of SF-born and bred debauchery. This year the whole shebang is on the water at Craneway Pavilion and there will be porn star performers from across the globe (even a chance to make it with your favorite!), orgasmic bingo, the Family Stone on stage, and a slew of fine purveyors of lust capitalism at the accompanying EE Expo.

Expo: Fri/22 4 p.m.-midnight and Sat/23 noon-6 p.m., $20

Ball: Sat/23 8 p.m.-2 a.m., $79-169

Craneway Pavilion

1414 Harbour Way South, Richmond

www.exoticeroticball.com

Breast Workshop Fiesta

Because you know it’s breast cancer awareness month – why not make it breast awareness month? Talking of tricks with the titties, Femina Potens is holding a special night of boobies, starring busty starlets Maxine Holloway and Bella Rossi, whose proceeds go straight to Shanti’s Lifelines breast cancer program. Squeeze ’em, ladies.

Mon/25 6 p.m., $7-$20 sliding scale

Femina Potens

2199 Market, SF

(415) 864-1558

www.feminapotens.org

Hot sexy events June 30-July 6

Andrew Lam

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June 30, 2010

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Thank god for this column, which allows me a great forum to come out of the closet. Some people may judge, but fuck em, right? I’m totally, one hundred percent Team Jacob. Yup. I just saw Twilight: Eclipse (the third installation in the “saga”) and I’m gonna go with the NYT on this one, werewolf is the new vampire. Who will the wan protagonist choose, her perma-shirtless Native American werewolf childhood best friend (played by 18-year old eek hottie yay Taylor Lautner), or the near-omnipotent, beyond the grave love of her alabaster vampire betrothed? I’m hella going for Jacob the werewolf, if only on the basis that he is a. alive, b. connected with the earth (all Native Americans are, right?) and c. smoking hot.

Literally! When Bella was freezing to death waiting in her alpine tent, Edward the cold fish vampire could only look on in horror as Jacob the werewolf climbed into her sleeping bag for body temp restoring snuggle time. That being said, if in the next chapter it behooves Edward to get in that sack too… but now we’re talking hypotheticals. Better to get onto this week’s sex events, shall we?

Twilight: Eclipse

Why do we make fun of all the Twi-fan teenage girls in the world? There are perhaps less empowering mass marketed fantasies they could obsess over than a young woman teasing two supernatural hotties along at the same time. For example: any of the Britney Spears videos. Sorry, girl. Anyways, get hot and bothered at this innuendo-y bubblegum good time.

Starts Wed/30 in Bay area theaters

Beginner’s Dungeon Class

Just getting into the BDSM scene? This is the 101. Learn how to dress, what you’ll see, how to stay safe, and just what the hell all that leathery code word action could possible mean. Trust me, you don’t want to be caught holding your whip wrong. Que faux pas!

Thurs/1 7:30-10:30 p.m., $10-20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

www.edukink.org

How to Choose a Vibrator

Gosh, there’s just so many options. Pearls, shapes, sizes, cost levels, which animal you want your vibrator to look like. Eek! So! Instruct your clitoris’ well being to a doctor. That’s what Good Vibes wants you to do at their “Ask a Doc” free class series. No proof of insurance required!

Thurs/1 6:30-7:30 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

Locker Room

Locker Room is abandoning its Wednesday shift, so that’s the bad news. The good news is, that it’s moving to Thursday night – and, if you check your clothes at the door save your jockstrap, your entry in is on the house! So get on someone in the house – and make up for those not-so-fun days of gym class with a sexy, sexy evening.

Thurs/1 9 p.m., free when you strip to your jock

Chaps Bar

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 225-CHAP

www.chapsbarsanfrancisco.com

Threshold

Getting a little bit rougher than most Mission Control sex parties, but still focusing on the softer side of BDSM, Threshold will feature the tie-me-up, tie-me-down talents of Stefano, Chey, and Nefarious1. Enjoy Mission Control’s various horizontal play structures – maybe even put that stripper pole to use as a hitching post.

Fri/2 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $20

Mission Control

Trailer Trash

You know when the hosts suggest you look at www.peopleofwalmart.com for costume suggestions, you’re heading out to a different kind of BDSM bash. What kind of scene will you concoct? A BBQ gone bad? Naughtiness in the camps on NASCAR weekend? Hey wait, I’m not trying to give away all my ideas…

Sat/3 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $25

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-1746

Hot sexy events: May 5-11

Andrew Lam

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May 5, 2010

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This week has us reaching back through the mists of time for our sex events — you don’t think you just evented that move from last week’s date yourself, did you? Every moan, every thrust, has been brought to you in part by our ancestors (except for the extensive acronyms on Craig’s List, most of those are today’s originalities). So let’s bring it back, shall we? This week you get the chance at SF Citadel’s Sadie Hawkins to recall those butterflies produced by asking out that alpha dog to the high school dance, or for lovemaking even more steeped in antiquity, head to Good Vibes’ lesbian tantra tell-all. Just don’t expect these traditions to have gone un-improved throughout the years — after all, the Kama Sutra’s only got 64 positions on it’s pages. I think San Francisco’s got it beat by a couple dozen.

Lesbian Tantra
The ancient art of love is just so dreamy, but the thousand year old illustrations in the Kama Sutra can be so heterocentric. Fear not, lady lovers, for sexpert Pamela Madison has you covered — in slick perspiration, creative positioning, and deep luxurious breath. Please note: clothes that allow for a bit of freedom of movement is preferred. Oh yes.
Wed/5 8-10 p.m., $25 single/$45 pair pre registered, $30 single/$50 pair drop-in
Good Vibrations
603 Valencia, SF
(415) 522-5460
www.goodvibes.com

Natural Sexual Health
Get your sexy on with this one-time course on holistic healing for horny hurrah. Nutritionist Bari Mandelbaum shares her learnin’ on non-urban legend aphrodisiacs, physical exercises to help improve the biology of your desire, general healthy body, healthy mind schtuff — and “using food to set a mood”? Hello, George Costanza!
Thurs/6 6:30 p.m., $20-40 sliding scale
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
(415) 255-1155
www.sexandculture.org

Tubesteak Connection
DJ Bus Station John presides over this slide into hot and sweaty — rock to bath house beats, feel the slightly seedy vibes, and make some new friends down in the Tenderloin gay fun zone of choice.
Aunt Charlie’s
133 Turk, SF
(415) 441-2922
www.auntcharlieslounge.com

Spring Hook-up
Consider Eclipse the monthly Lion’s Club dinner for kinky women and trans-people. The get together fundraises, supports like-minded artists, and demos new toys of interest for their community of pervs — all in the luxe dungeon place space of the SF Citadel. So frolick away, you’re building your networks while you do so.
Fri/7 8 p.m.- 1 a.m., $25 for members (free for volunteers)
SF Citadel
1277 Mission, SF
(415) 626-1746
www.sfcitadel.org

Sadie Hawkins Spring Fling
Has the change in seasons brought out some new proclivities in your BDSM fantasy fold? Try out a new role, a new scene, and a nice new ruffled tuxedo shirt or prom dress at the Citadel’s role-reversing square dance of clamps and corsages.
Sat/8 8 p.m.- 1 a.m., $25 for members (free for volunteers)
SF Citadel
1277 Mission, SF
(415) 626-1746
www.sfcitadel.org

Bear-E-Oke
There’s nothing sexier than a lusciously pelted man singing into the head of a microphone. So whether it’s slow jams, epic ballads, or gruff, furry roars that get you going, head down to Powerhouse for some exhibitionist fun.
Sun/9 7 p.m., free
Powerhouse
1347 Folsom, SF
(415) 552-8689
www.powerhouse-sf.com

Hot sex events: April 14-21

Andrew Lam

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April 14, 2010

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It’s spring, people. With all the life and love in the air, it’s time to take your sex to another level. Perhaps that’s why the shamans are poking their heads out in San Francisco this week — Frank Moore takes the stage with his impossible erotic performance art, and a class is being offered to endow dominants with a sense of the sublime in their sexual dealings. Not sure what it all means? Comfort yourself with a cuddle party, or the Tubesteak Connection party at Aunt Charlie’s.

The top as shaman: setting the pathway for transformation

Dominants have an excellent chance not only to transform their partner’s life sexually, but sexually-spiritually as well. Attend this class to check ways to make your lovemaking transcendent for all involved.

Wed/14 8-10 p.m, $25-30

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

www.wickedgrounds.com

Exiles Munch

Exiles, the all women BDSM educational group, holds it’s first munch. Grab a latte, a sandwich, or a submissive as you see fit.

Wed/14 6:30-8:30 p.m., free

Wicked Grounds

289 8th St., SF

(415) 503-0405

www.theexiles.org

Kinky Knitters

“Geez! I just can’t get this drop stitch to set on my crotched sex swing!” “Aw honey, let me look at it.” Just another week for SF’s kinkiest coffeehouse crafters.

Wed/14 7 p.m., free

Wicked Grounds

289 8th St., SF

(415) 503-0405

Tubesteak Connection

I’m letting Aunt Charlie’s speak for themselves on this one: “Get liquored-up cheap ($2.50 well/beer all nite), and cruise your fellow cock gobblers, self-suckers, carpet grinders, and crotch-stuffers to the synthesized sounds of a forgotten era: late ‘70s/ early ‘80s gay bar and bathhouse hi-NRG, Eurodisco, NYC no-wave, disco rarities and more.” Sounds like a party…

Thur/15 free before 10 p.m., $4 after

Aunt Charlie’s

133 Turk, SF

(415) 441-2922

www.auntcharlieslounge.com

“Erotic Friction”

Frank Moore, controversial shaman/performance artist, takes the stage to shock and awe.

Sat/17 8 p.m., $5-10 sliding scale

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 225-1155

Greener Orgasms!

You’ve thoroughly examined this week’s Green Guide for all the ways to make your life more sustainable — and a sustainable sex life, well doesn’t that just make good sense? Chat with Good Vibe’s qualified professionals on all your opportunities to lube up, vibrate out and party down in a way that makes our planet happy.

Sun/18 5-6 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

Cuddle Party

Snuggle up to your neighbor (observing their cuddle boundaries, as always) at this exclusive hug and nuzzle get down.

Sun/18 7-10:30 p.m., $20-40 sliding scale

Registration required for location details

www.commoncircle/berkeley

Hot sex events: April 7-13

Andrew Lam

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April 7, 2010

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Dear Good Vibrations,

Please stop putting on such awesome classes, you’re making me look like I don’t have anything else to write about for sex events.

Thanks,

Caitlin

Just kidding, Good Vibes! But honestly, a quick shout out to our local legendary sex toy company. This place was started in 1977 by sex educator Joani Blank, and since then has made lovers of all kinds of sexual persuasions very, very happy with it’s high quality toys, classes and videos. But you already knew that. Onto this week’s sex events! Not coincidentally, they feature three Good Vibes lessons for very bad girls and boys. But it would appear the rest of the Bay has caught the fever for some bedroom education as well…

Prostate Play and Pleasure

Dr. Charles Glickman knows what it takes to make your little prostate guy happy. In this free hour long class, he’ll run down the toys, tips, and techniques to shed some love on you or your partner’s gland of love.

Wed/7 6:30-7:30 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

2504 San Pablo, Berkeley

(510) 841-0171

The Sexuality of Pregnancy and Birth

The store continues it’s non stop sex ed blockbusting with this class, which takes away the confusion and uncertainty regarding pregnancy and sexual activity. Sexual pleasure as a labor enhancer? Which positions will show love for that belly of joy? Carrie Flemming, birth advocate/artist/health worker shows the way.

Wed/7 8 p.m.-10 p.m., $25-30

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia

Freedom Dreams

Don’t miss the kick off party for Safetyfest, Community United Against Violence’s educational workshop series on avoiding domestic violence in queer/trans relationships. The party will feature queer performance group Mango with Chili, bangin’ DJs, a kissing booth, and of course, lots of learnin’ on how to keep your honey and yourself safe.

Thur/8 7-10 p.m., $5-20 sliding scale

Bench and Bar

510 17th St., Oakland

www.cuav.org

Booze, Broads and Hotrods

For all those into the smoothness of curves, the rev of the engine, the smell of hot grease… the 12th annual car show/jive dance party/burlesque showcase, Booze, Broad and Hotrods. Get you out to Milbrae for cheap hotel rooms at the Clarion, a pre 1965 classic car show, and front row seats for La Cholita, the infamous burlesqueteer who will be performing throughout the evening.

Sat/10 3 p.m. – 1:30 a.m., $18-20

Clarion Hotel

401 East Milbrae, Millbrae

Secret Desires: Playing with Erotic Edges

On how to bring what you’ve always thought would remain a fantasy in your head to the fore of your lovemaking. Cleo DuBois shows the way to “deeply authentic sex.” And perhaps a little more honesty in the bedroom, to boot.

Tues/13 8-10 p.m., $25-30

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

Girl Sex 101

Allison Moon wants to teach you the same lessons on licking, grinding, and girl on girl sexual communication that she dispenses at Burning Man’s Camp Beaverton for Wayward Girls. Won’t you let her?

Tues/13 7-9 p.m.

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(310) 694-4895

School of Shimmy: Burlesque 101

I’m unclear on whether it’s B.Y.O.P. (Bring Your Own Pasty), but regardless, you should get your shakable ass down to El Rio for Red Hot Burlesque’s crash course on that classiest form of clothes shucking. Important: will there be $1 Pabsts?

Tues/13 7-9 p.m., $30 (reservations recommended)

El Rio

3158 Mission, SF

(201) 615-9245

www.redhotsburlesque.com

Sexy events: March 31-April 6

Andrew Lam

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March 31, 2010

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You know it’s sexy time when the comic conventioneers come to town… check out what else is on the menu for sex events this week, besides just endless Lara Crofts and Rouges.

Boost Your Sexual Self Confidence

Figure out what gets you off and runnin’ at this women-only class. Relationship coach/sex educator Marcia Baczynski will go over finding your erotic “story” and the steps you need to take to get that baby written… carnally speaking.

Thur/1 7-9 p.m., $12-15

Center for Sex & Culture

1519 Mission, SF

Bare Chest Calendar 2011 Semi Finals

A slew of stripped down, beefed up burlies parade about for the honor of gracing your wall calendar. Definitely get a copy of the Bare Chest Calendar- proceeds go to the AIDS Emergency Fund and Positive Resource Center, added impetus to cheer on the randy proceedings onstage tonight.

Thur/1 9:30 p.m.

Powerhouse

1347 Folsom, SF

www.barechest.org

Free Lunch

“Hungry? Why go anywhere else?” proclaims the website of Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club. Why indeed, when you can belly up to a free buffet line while platform stilettos and G-strings pique your appetite for debauchery.

Every Fri 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., $5

Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club

1031 Kearny, SF

(415) 434-1305

www.hustlerclubsf.com

Bent “South Seas”

Stefano and Chey’s endlessly popular youth fetish party, Bent, returns for another round in the dungeon- only this time there’s pirates. Pack your eye patch, there’ll be hundreds of like minded 30 and unders to shiver your timbers.

Fri/2 9 p.m.- 2 a.m., $20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF