Nudity

Pfeiffer Beach

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Rating: A

Have you ever been to a beach with purple sand?Pfeiffer’s sand gets its unusual color from bits of manganese garnet that wash down the cliffs during winter rains.In fact, the more north you go on the beach, toward the nude section, the “purple-er” the sand appears.But the amazing sand is only one of Pfeiffer’s assets: sunset-watching can’t get any better than it does at this shoreline, where, based on a long standing tradition, your clothing is optional unless someone complains.But don’t get the site, which is federal property, confused with nearby Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park.It’s a state beach, where nudity is not tolerated.

Legal status:

Part of the Los Padres National Forest, whose rangers generally ignore nudists unless someone complains.

How to find it:

Pfeiffer Beach is around 30 miles south of Monterey and 3 miles west of Highway 1. Coming from the south on Highway 1, start counting the mileage from the Esalen Institute; the beach is about 12 miles north. From the north, turn right (toward the sea) onto poorly marked Sycamore Canyon Road, about a half mile south of the main entrance to Big Sur State Park and .6 miles south of the Big Sur Ranger Station, just past the Pfeiffer Canyon highway bridge. Watch for Sycamore before turning onto it and be careful of other traffic and children while you follow tree-lined Sycamore to the beach parking lot; it’s a one-lane road for two-and-a-half miles. After paying a $5 day-use entrance fee and parking, walk north along the sand a quarter mile. A rocky outcropping divides the public and nude beaches. Walk around the bend, and you will arrive at the nude beach.

The beach:

There are two beaches. The one for clothed users is just north of Pfeiffer Creek, near the parking lot. The clothing-optional area is past the rocky promontory mentioned above.

The crowd:

On peak summer use days, expect maybe 50 people; usually, there are far fewer.

Problems:

Fee; fog; wind; cold water; riptides; in some years may be littered with driftwood.

Garrapata Beach

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Improved directions!

Rating: B

For now, Garrapata State Park, where rangers have posted anti-nudity signs, remains open. But it is expected to be closed, due to state budget cuts, by July 2012. The remaining nude sunbathers have been pushed to the northern edge of the beach. Officials say the nudists are vulnerable to citations if complaints are received. The property, located between Carmel and Big Sur, is breathtakingly beautiful, with picturesque coves, hidden caves, a lagoon, and hills that are bursting with spring flowers.

 

Legal status:

Garrapata is no longer patrolled specifically for nudity, but rangers act on complaints, don’t tolerate sex acts, and depending on the ranger, may warn or cite nudies. “We require that you be clothed,” says  supervising ranger Glenn McGowan. But state ranger Chuck Bancroft said in an interview, “If there are some people at the north end of the beach, we’re not looking except if there’s a real problem.” When asked to describe such a problem, he replied, “it could be aggressive (sexual) approaching or if there’s aggressive behavior toward people who don’t follow the same belief or lifestyle.”

 

How to find it:

The beach is 18 miles north of Big Sur, near milepost 63.1 on Highway 1. From the corner of Rio Road and Highway 1 in Carmel, take Highway 1 south for about 15 minutes or exactly nine miles. Park on either side of the road. That will put you next to a hard-to-find access trail, which takes you onto the more nude north end of the beach. Alternately, after some open hills and a stone house with tall windows on a plateau, look for a large parking area on Highway 1 about 9.6 miles south of the Rio light. After parking, come down the trail with a guardrail, which will take you to the middle of the beach, and walk north. If you pass the Garrapata Creek Bridge, you’ve gone too far.

 

The beach:

Because nudity is not officially permitted, there’s no specific nude area at the beach. But naturists have traditionally gathered on the far north end of the shore. “Once in a while someone (nude) will wander onto the south part,” says state ranger John McGee. The central part of the beach is so windswept that temperatures can be 20 degrees cooler than those at either end.


The crowd:

In the past, nudists, nonnudists, singles, families, locals, tourists, gays, and straights all mingled at Garrapata. Today, a few nudists — mostly gay males — remain on the north end of the beach, but quickly suit up if they see rangers approaching.


Problems:

Unpredictable law enforcement; increased use by suited sunbathers and strollers who wander into the “nude area;” fog; wind; cold water; hazardous swimming conditions (one person drowned in 1998); visitors trying to make their own trails on the slopes between the highway and the beach (one death in 1989); and periodic reports of sexual activity.

Indian Head Beach

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Rating: C

A few naturists visit this beach in the town of Marina from time to time on warm summer days and during trips by nudist groups.”Some walkers and fishermen also come by,” says Tiburon lawyer Charles Harris II, who’s been helping push a project to make the spot an officially designated nude beach for years.So far, despite Harris’ persistence, that effort has fallen on deaf ears.

Legal status:

Part of Fort Ord Dunes State Park.

How to find it:

From San Jose, take Highway 101 south to Prunedale, then Highway 156 west to join Highway 1 south at Castroville. Approaching Marina, exit at Reservation road, turning left (east). At the first signal, go right on Reservation, then follow it a half mile to Lake Drive. Turn right on Lake. Follow it half a mile until it goes under the freeway.

Or from Monterey, go north on Highway 1 to Marina. Exit at Del Monte Avenue. Proceed straight through the first signal, then turn left at the next signal on Palm Avenue. Follow it across the tracks, take the second left onto Lake Drive, and stay on it as it goes under the freeway.

Once under the freeway, park straight ahead on the right side of Lake. Look for the Marina Beach sign. “The obvious path uphill is your route,” says Harris. “The climb really is as steep as it looks.” Go up and over the sand dune, staying on the trail. At the beach, turn left and walk about half a mile south to the nude area.

The beach:

Normally narrow and steep, Indian Head can sometimes be a broad beach, bordered by rolling dunes of invitingly soft sand.

Here’s how the site looks

The crowd:

You may encounter a few other nudists, an entire group of naked people from a club or other group, or none at all.

Problems:

Steep trail; cold, hazardous water; often foggy or windy; some litter; sparse use, so it may feel a bit lonely; nudity not yet approved by state.

Manresa Beach

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Rating: C

“In some of the more remote areas, there were people who would sunbathe without clothing,” Ron Schafer, former head of the state parks for the Bay Area region and an ex-staffer at Manresa State Beach, told us the season before he died in 2010. “It was a plain old non-issue to rangers,” he added. Today, the tradition continues, even though some rangers issue citations for nudity. Although families often visit Manresa to take advantage of its nice views and good, dependable flat sand, nude sunbathers occasionally gather in the sand dunes at the north end of the beach. Those who stay in the dune area seem to have few problems. Manresa is dog-friendly and also has a campground.

Legal status:

Part of Manresa Beach State Park. In areas of the beach frequently used by families and other visitors, rangers will probably ask naturists to put their suits on. Elsewhere, enforcement of the park’s nudity policy seems to be left up to the individual ranger.

How to find it:

From Santa Cruz, follow Highway 1 south past Watsonville to the Larkin Valley Road exit and look for the town of La Selva Beach. Turn right on San Andreas Road and follow it to its terminus near the beach. Walk north to the dunes near the beach property, just south of La Selva Beach.

The beach:

Sandy and beautiful. Many naturists prefer the dunes north of the main public beach.

The crowd:

Same as at La Selva. Manresa only draws occasional nudity.

Problems:

Same as at La Selva, plus parking fee.

La Selva

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Rating: C

A few naked sunbathers show up here on a periodic basis. “It’s duney, but also so wide open in places that rangers can drive up and down and harass people,” a regular visitor says. What little nudity occurs usually happens on weekdays or when there aren’t many other people present. Use discretion and be prepared to suit up fast, in case a beach cop appears.

Legal status:

Unknown.

How to find it:

Just south of Rio del Mar, look for La Selva. Drive to Manresa State Beach (see next entry), then walk north along the sand.

The beach:

Various dunes before and after homes overlooking the ocean.

The crowd:

Use with care; this is mostly a family beach.

Problems:

Riptides; undertow; cold water; increased law enforcement; proximity of homes.

Rio Del Mar Beach

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Rating: C

While nudity isn’t officially permitted at a string of four beaches that begin at Rio Del Mar, near Aptos, and continue through southern Santa Cruz County and northern Monterey County, it occurs anyway, usually in the sand dunes, when both families and rangers are not present. If you see a ranger or lifeguard approaching, put on your suit right away. “Most of the nudists are gay men, though straight folks also sunbathe without swimsuits at Rio Del Mar,” says a reader. “The state police who patrol Manresa do drive beyond their assigned borders and down to this beach, but they’ve never bothered me.” 

Legal status: Unknown.

How to find it:

Look for the beach .8 of a mile north of Manresa State Beach and 2.1 miles south of Aptos Beach State Park, just south of Aptos. Take Highway 1 to the Rio del Mar exit. Go all the way to the coast (about a mile or two), then turn left (south) on Sumner Avenue. Follow Sumner, continuing past Seascape Boulevard, for about two miles until it ends. The nude beach is just south of the Seascape condominiums and inn. Park near the end of the road, walk toward the condos, cross over the train tracks, and follow a nearby wooden staircase down to a path leading through greenery to the sand. Or, at the end of the road, look for a security fence over a gully and take either of the well-worn trails on each side of the fence to the dunes near the gully. The nude area is about 800 feet south of where you’ll enter the beach.

The beach:

Sand, dunes, and grassy knolls. Nudists usually stick to the dune areas.

The crowd:

“I feel very safe here because of the family beaches on both sides and also because of the people walking by regularly,” says a visitor.

Problems:

Unknown legal status; rangers; proximity to condos.

Elsewhere in Santa Cruz County

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Rating: C

Women sometimes sunbathe topless on Capitola Beach and Santa Cruz Boardwalk Beach on warm days. For several decades, lifeguards and rangers at the sites have allowed the practice to continue. So far, they’ve received few complaints. However, full nudity isn’t accepted.

Legal status:

Since at least 1981, when activist Nikki Craft was arrested on a Capitola beach for topless sunbathing (she then co-founded the Cross Your Heart Support Committee, whose members were arrested nine times in Santa Cruz for nudity), countercultural and law enforcement values have clashed on and off the sand in Santa Cruz and Capitola. Neither city has an antinudity statute, and attempts to pass them have been unsuccessful.

How to find it:

How to find it: Boardwalk Beach: from downtown Santa Cruz, go west on Front Street until it ends at Beach Street, across from the Santa Cruz Municipal Pier. Park on the pier or turn left onto Beach and find parking on a side street. Capitola: take Highway 1 south of Santa Cruz to the Capitola Avenue exit. Follow Capitola west to Capitola State Beach.

The beach:

Backed by a large amusement park, Santa Cruz Boardwalk Beach is wide, expansive, and very flat and sandy. Capitola Beach is enclosed between two bluffs and is bordered by the Esplanade, an area lined with shops, galleries, and dozens of restaurants.

The crowd:

A mix of locals and tourists.

Problems:

At both beaches, wind, fog, and cold water. For Boardwalk Beach, add noise from the amusement park.

San Lorenzo River

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Rating: C

If you’re in the Bay Area, you won’t have to travel far to find the Golden State’s version of the Garden of Eden, a creekside skinny-dipping spot located in Henry Cowell Redwoods Stae Park, between Santa Cruz and Fulton. Praised by April visitor Ferrah for being “a beautiful little water hole,” the site gets mixed reviews from newcomers. It’s “a must when you’re here,” says Jazmin, who dropped by in September. “Pack some lunch and head out to” it, she suggests. “It’s just an incredibly beautiful place,” agrees Mike, of Fremont. “A lot of hikers are surprised when they see people nude there, but they shrug it off and keep walking. Some, especially on the weekends, will swim alongside us with their swimsuits on and totally ignore us. Others are uneasy, so if that happens we usually try to find another spot.”

“We hiked to the Garden Of Eden, while sipping on a huge bottle of wine on a Friday afternoon,” tells Chanel, of Santa Cruz, in a post on Yelp, “and … we found it rather easily. This place is so gorgeous! A small secluded swimming hole in the middle of the woods. We were the only ones there, so we decided to ditch the bikinis and cross skinny dipping off the bucket list.”

“When I thought it couldn’t get any better, all the naked people started showing up,” Labpuggleechi, of Cupertino, said in another Yelp entry. “Of course, the guys didn’t mind the naked women, but the naked man pushed them over the edge. People started yelling and before I knew it, people were fighting.”

Park rangers called to the scene are often too late to be of help. “We hate going down there on the trail because by the time we get there the problem we’ve heard about may be over,” a longtime ranger told me. “And you have to watch out for poison oak on the trail.”

Plus the path to Eden can be slippery, so be careful as you walk. Eden is one of three clothing-optional swimming holes on the San Lorenzo River. To find these easy-to-miss locales, look for cars pulled over on Highway 9, next to the state park, which bans nudity but seldom sends ranger patrols to the creek. “It’s a great area for hikes,” says Russ, a regular visitor. “We saw very little litter along any of the trails. There were quite a few small groups of people, including one nude couple, about 50 yards upstream from the main beach at the foot of the trail. But I was told by a woman that there are many more ‘nudals,’ as she called them, in the summer.”

Legal status:

Part of Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. Nudity is not permitted in the park, but rangers seldom patrol this particular area.

How to find it:

Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park is located between the cities of Santa Cruz, Felton, and Scotts Valley.

From Santa Cruz, drive north on Highway 9 and look for turnouts on the right side of the road. The first, a wide turnout with a tree in the middle, is just north of Santa Cruz. Rincon Fire Trail starts about where the tree is, according to reader Robert Carlsen, of Sacramento. The many forks in the trail all lead to the river, down toward Big Rock Hole and Frisbee Beach; Carlsen says the best area off this turnout can be reached by bearing left until the end of the trail. Farther up the highway, 1.3 miles south of the park entrance, is the second and bigger pullout, called the Ox Trail Turnout, leading to Garden of Eden. Park in the turnout and follow the dirt fire road downhill and across some railroad tracks. Head south, following the tracks, for around .5 miles. Look for a “Pack Your Trash” sign with park rules and hours and then proceed down the Eden Trail. 

Ox Trail, which can be slippery, and Eden Trail both wind down steeply to the creek. “The path continues to the left, where there are several spots for wading and sunbathing,” Carlsen says. The main beach is only 75 feet long and 30 feet wide, but fairly sandy. Carlsen’s favorite hole is accessible from a trail that starts at the third turnout, a small one on the right side of the road, about 4.5 miles from Highway 1 and just before Felton. A gate marks the start of the path. The trail bends left. When you come to the road again, go right. At the railroad tracks, go right. From here, look for the river down the hill on your left; many paths lead to it. Tells Mike: “Within 10 yards, you can be in the water.” 

“When we got to the water, we saw suited families, so we walked upriver until we saw skinny-dippers,” says John, a visitor from Monterey. For even more privacy, suggests Mike, “cross the creek on chunks of wood and go over some sand to another leg of the river. That’s what we like to do.”

For a map showing the Garden of Eden, please go to http://www.fernriver.com/hike.html

The beach:

A trio of small skinny-dipping holes on the San Lorenzo River. The Garden of Eden features some fairly deep pools, especially after winters with heavy rain, scattered among large boulders that are used for sitting and tanning. Says Russ: “They have a rope swing takes you from the tree into the water.” No bikes or dogs are allowed. 

The crowd:

Use of these sites tends to ebb and flow, depending on the weather, time of week, and whether word of mouth has helped send new visitors down the trails. You may come across a few other visitors or even one or two groups. Or you may be the only one present. “I usually go with nudist friends,” says Russ. “Usually it’s just you or your group. But on weekends, we encounter a lot of nonnudists.” The holes also draw small numbers of mostly young people, including clad teens and college students. 

Problems:

Slippery and, at times, steep trails; poison oak continues to be a frequent complaint; rowdy youths; threat of ranger patrols (nudity not allowed); parking turnouts may be hard to find so go slow and use your odometer to check for them.

Bonny Doon Beach

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Rating: A

Despite the erection of anti-nudity warning signs at longtime nudie fan favorite Bonny Doon Beach, north of Santa Cruz, officials have told us they have no immediate plans to issue citations at the north end of the site, which has traditionally been occupied by naturists.

In fact, in June, Pam, of San Mateo, even found a nudist “wandering around,” as she calls it, the main public, south side of the beach, which is used by suited visitors. A 15-foot long rock on the sand, along with a sloping cliff with rocks that jut out, separate the two sides of the cove that form Bonny Doon.

“In the short term, things at Bonny Doon are destined to continue the way they are,” says Kirk Lingenfelter, sector superintendent for Bonny Doon and nearby state beaches.

“Ultimately it would be nice to see some level of improvement, maybe trail work or stair work,” adds Lingenfelter. “But before we’d even do that, there would need to be a General Plan or an Interim Use Plan, which we don’t have. And we also don’t have any funding for it.”

Lingenfelter says he likes Bonny Doon just the way it is. “It’s one of our pocket beaches,” he explains. “They can really give you the feeling of rugged, untouched majesty. I like standing on those beaches. You can sometimes forget that there’s a highway in the distance. It’s a very important feeling to maintain.”

As for nudity, Lingenfelter says his rangers, who periodically patrol the beach, haven’t issued a single warning or citation for nudity since the state approved the acquisition of the beach in 2006. “We’ll respond to complaints we receive,” he explains, “but I can’t recall (receiving) a single complaint.”

Asked about reports to a nudist group by two naturists, in separate incidents in the summer of 2009, that they were told to suit up by an unidentified law enforcer, Lingenfelter denied his rangers were involved. He admitted that “there is some overlap” of law enforcement at the beach by deputies of the Santa Cruz Sheriff’s Department, but a spokesperson for the Sheriff’s Department says they did not take such action.

Bonny Doon usually gets high marks from beachgoers. “It was perfectly secluded,” says Pam who plans to return. “Folks kept to themselves.” John, of San Leandro, who dropped by in February, calls it “gorgeous.” Dusty, of Santa Cruz, rates it as “tranquil.” He also likes its “stunning views.”

“I love this beach,” said visitor Caitlin, of Campbell, on a message board.

But last year five beachgoers, including a friend of Caitlin’s, encountered overly aggressive men at Bonny Doon.  Says Jeff P., of Palo Alto, on Yelp, who was approached for sex by one: “These pervs sap the credibility from nudists.” Elizabeth, of San Jose, reports being asked by a middle-aged male nudist if “I needed to get tanning lotion put on. I gave them the get away from me look and things were cool after that.” 

“I love nude beaches,” said another poster, Jill, of Santa Cruz, after a visit. “So far, Bonny Doon is the only one at which I’ve actually felt uncomfortable, even with my boyfriend at my side the entire time … Even after we … left the nude part of the beach, one of the men actually got up and followed us. How creepy can you get?”

Julie, of the East Bay, had a similar experience. “For women, I would not recommend going solo if for no other reason than to be left alone,” she said. “I’ve had a few brave ‘johns’ that like to walk up (naked) and introduce themselves even when I’m there with my boyfriend.”

And in a more humorous vein, summer visitor Katie, of Redwood City, complains about the looks of the guys on the sand: “Why don’t some hot dudes come here and sun-bathe naked? That might make it a 5 star beach.”

The clothing-optional section usually attracts more women and couples than most nude beaches. “Minuses” include occasional vehicle burglaries and gawkers on the bluffs or in the bushes.

Legal status:

The beach was frequently used by nudists in the 1960s, following the formation of the so-called Experimental Beach 1958 (XB-58), popularized by Sol Stern, Stan Stohler, and Ed Lange, to bring nudist club members together on the sand and develop the concept of a nude public beach. Formerly privately owned but with public access available under state law, Bonny Doon Beach was sold in 2001. Today, the area east of the highway is owned by the Bureau of Land Management, while the state parks system has, since 2006, controlled the beach, which may eventually become Bonny Doon State Beach. 

How to find it:

From San Francisco, go south on Highway 1 to the Bonny Doon parking lot at milepost 27.6 on the west side of the road, 2.4 miles north of Red, White, and Blue Beach, and some 11 miles north of Santa Cruz. From Santa Cruz, head north on Highway 1 until you see Bonny Doon Road, which veers off sharply to the right just south of Davenport. The beach is just off the intersection. Park in the paved lot to the west of Highway 1; don’t park on Bonny Doon Road or the shoulder of Highway 1. If the lot is full, drive north on Highway 1, park at the next beach lot, and walk back to the first lot. Or take Santa Cruz Metro Transit District bus route 40 to the lot; it leaves the Metro Center three times a day on Saturdays and takes about 20 minutes. To get to the beach, climb the berm next to the railroad tracks adjacent to the Bonny Doon lot, cross the tracks, descend, and take a recently improved, sign-marked trail to the sand. Walk north past most of the beach to the nude cove on the north end. Alternately, Dusty suggests parking as far north as possible, taking the northern entrance, and, with good shoes, following a “rocky and steep” walk down to the sand.

The beach:

Bonny Doon is a sunny patch of sand and surf. You can bring dogs, and if you come before July, you may see whales. “The area just away from the cliff offers good shelter from the wind,” says Pasco. But don’t sit right next to it, as erosion (and falling rocks) is a problem.

The crowd:

Pam spotted a nude man on the clothed end of the beach, plus a photographer, nude model, and several other persons fully or totally unclad on the north side. Later, several older men, two older couples, and a family in their 30s arrived. Bob Wood of San Francisco found several dozen people, almost all nude: young and old, couples and singles, gays and straights, and men and women, though more men than women.

Problems:

Anti-nudity warning signs added; numerous complaints by both male and female visitors in 2011 and 2010 about men making unwanted advances toward them; two warnings for nudity from unidentified law enforcers reported by beachgoers in separate incidents in 2009; fog; wind; gawkers; hazardous waves; loose cliffs; parking lot fills early; auto burglaries; sometimes becomes rocky shelf with no sand in late winter; grains of beach sand are “too big,” according to some visitors.

Montara State Beach

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Rating: C

Montara doesn’t allow nudity, so keep some clothes handy if you decide to attempt some bare bottom baking in the summer sun — and a ranger starts approaching. Most visitors do not go nude. Only a few people still sunbathe topless or nude at the far north end of Montara, which is just south of People’s Beach and People’s neighbor, Devil’s Slide. It originally attracted naturists when a landslide blocked the road to Devil’s Slide years ago. 

Legal status:

State beach, where rangers will and do issue citations for nudity.

How to find it:

Montara is 1.1 miles south of Devil’s Slide on Highway 1. Arrive early on busy days to get parking. Walk north to the northern tip of the beach, where occasional nudity takes place on the hottest summer weekdays.

The beach:

An area of dunes on the narrow beach strip’s north end was formerly used for semiprivate nude sunbathing. In recent years, the “nude spot” has become eroded and more exposed to public view.

The crowd:

Only a few naturists still visit Montara.

Problems:

Fog; wind; beach erosion; icy water; intolerant park rangers.

Devil’s Slide (Gray Whale Cove)

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Improved directions!

Recommended!

Devil’s Slide (Gray Whale Cove)

Rating: A

Gray Whale Cove, which is often called Devil’s Slide, continues to get rave reviews from visitors.

“There were lots of young, fit guys on the nudie part and about five women,” reports Alexis, of San Leandro, who visited this June and told Yelp she stayed for over five hours because it was “very warm and sunny.” The water was “very cold, but just jump in,” she suggests. “It’s somewhat tolerable and you’ll get used to it.”

“This is a great nude beach and it is a romantic place,” reports a male visitor who dropped by in April.

Adds Grace, of South San Francisco: “You don’t have to walk a half mile just to see the edge of the water.” And, she added, it’s “very secluded” so it isn’t as crowded as many other local beaches.

And here’s some even better news: although the beach appears on the list of parks scheduled to be closed this month by the state due to budget shortfalls, officials plan to keep it open while they negotiate with what Paul Keel, San Mateo coast state parks sector superintendent, calls a prospective “donor to keep it in operation for the coming year.”

At press time, Keel told us that although “nothing’s been signed or inked, it’s fair to say we are optimistic, so hopefully we will know more in the next month.”

Access to the site, though, is changing: after a long-awaited, voter-approved Devil’s Slide tunnel is completed this fall, Keel and others expect a possible increase in traffic to the beach, as more pedestrians and bicyclists use a nearby section of Highway 1 that is being closed.

Meanwhile, rangers say they will allow a long-standing tradition of nudity to continue on the sand unless visitors complain. “But it’s not a nude beach,” Supervising State Park Ranger Michael Grant told us several seasons ago.

However, with state budget woes and cutbacks of personnel, there have not been any reports of nudists being chased off the sprawling, pristine site. Even if someone wants to complain about the naked people, rangers aren’t usually at the beach and cell phone reception there to try to reach them is regarded as poor. 

Part of the beach isn’t even within state land, so it’s not subject to enforcement by rangers.

Grant told us that enforcement is being left up to individual rangers. “What we do varies, depending on the circumstances,” he says. “Every case is different.”

Another administrator claims that it’s unlikely nudists will be told to leave. “It’s a relatively remote place, so we aren’t going to be pursuing enforcement against nudity at Gray Whale Cove,” said the administrator, who wanted to remain anonymous. “Nothing’s changed about our enforcement.”

He said, though, that if a ranger drove up and saw two groups of school children approaching, then the beach would not be regarded as “remote” anymore. In such a case, naturists would probably be asked to suit up.

About one or two in every 20-30 visitors go nude at the beautiful cove — quite a contrast to the several hundred who used to strip off their clothes when the site was a privately operated nude beach a decade ago.

The remaining naturists tend to hang out on the north end of the shoreline. “It’s a good place to recharge from work,” says regular visitor Ron, who enjoys swimming there, even though signs warn of dangerous surf. The beach is open every day. Dogs are prohibited.

Legal status:

Gray Whale Cove State Beach.

How to find it:

From San Francisco, take Highway 1 south through Pacifica. Three miles south of the Denny’s restaurant in Linda Mar, turn left (inland or east) on an unmarked road, which takes you to the beach’s parking lot. Coming from the south on Highway 1, look for the turnoff road on the right (east), 1.2 miles north of the Chart House restaurant in Montara.

New directions after this fall: from the north, take Highway 1 through the Devil’s Slide tunnel and then turn left onto the road described above. From the south, continue using the above directions.

Park in the beach lot and then take a 146-step staircase leads to the sand. “The steps are in good shape,” Ron says. 

Most naturists use the north end of the sand, which some visitors regard as the prettiest part of the shore. It’s separated by rocks from the rest of the beach, so regular visitors suggest waiting until low tide to make the crossing to the nude area. 

Alexis, who visited when the tide was high, says: “You have to be in some kind of good shape and have the agility to climb over those boulders with the waves violently crashing into them. I got cuts on my feet, but it was easier to do it barefoot, though.”

“I lost my flip flops” during the climb, she adds. It was “too slippery with them on anyway.” She notes it is “probably not always like this.” The “tide was very rough and high at 5 p.m.”

The beach:

The 300-foot long site is surrounded by orange-hued sandstone cliffs on one side and the beautiful Pacific Ocean on the other. “The beach is beautiful” and “tucked away on the coast,” so it’s not “over populated with city folks,” tells Jane, of San Francisco. Devil’s Slide is a great place to read, tan, jog, play Frisbee, or watch (true to its state beach name) gray whales, pelicans, and surfers. 

The crowd:

Tourists, families, surfers, and naturists all use the beach.

Problems:

Says Ranger Grant: “There’s been an increase in break-ins of vehicles parked along the highway. No matter where you park, be sure to remove any property and take it with you.” Other concerns include highway scheduled to be permanently closed this fall; slippery nude area access rocks; attempting to reach the nude spot in high tide can be dangerous; change in enforcement policy (see above); influx of suited visitors; cold water; fog; wind; landslides sometimes close Highway 1; long walk to the beach; three great white sharks seen in ’80s; parking fee; some sexual activity reported in north cove area and arrests for lewd behavior; and gawking (numerous reports on message boards).

Bass Lake

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Highly recommended!

Rating: A

After Tracey, of San Anselmo, hiked to what she called “beautiful, clean, sunny” Bass Lake, she went onto a message board in June to urge those who are considering trying the Bolinas attraction to “Go. Go. Go now.” “The trail was a little overgrown. But I had fun swimming nude in the lake,” says regular user Dave Smith, of San Leandro, about his adventure last year. “If you want to visit an enchanted lake, Bass is it,” agrees Ryan, also of the East Bay. “Tree branches reach over the water, forming a magical canopy, and huge bunches of calla lilies bloom on the shore.”

Ryan isn’t kidding: even walking (45-60 minutes from the parking area over 2.8 relatively easy miles) to Bass Lake can be an adventure unlike any other. One time, rangers stopped and cited a clad man who had an unleashed dog, but let the nudists continue. And Smith, who unusually walks naked, has come across bobcats and mountain lions early in the morning. “I came around a corner and there was a mountain lion sitting like Egypt’s Great Sphinx of Giza 50 yards down the path,” he says. Another time, he passed a bend and saw a puma running up the path away from him.

But Bass doesn’t attract as many nudists as it did 10 years ago. “When I first went, everybody was nude,” says Smith, who usually leads a group of Bay Area Naturists once a year for picnicking and swimming outings at Bass, which, by the way, doesn’t have any bass fish. 

“It’s a victim of its own success,” says Pat. “It’s not as nude as before. Sometimes, nudists there are even ostracized. The vibe has changed. Today, most people are cool if you take off your clothes, but some are kind of freaked out.

Although better shoes are advised, you’ll probably see locals wearing flip flops on the trail with either swimsuits under t-shirts or no suits at all, with towels in packs or around their necks.  

Occasional visitor Reese Smith, who led a naturist hike there in September 2010, calls it “gorgeous. It was definitely a good day.” Another fan, who’s a Bay Area judge, rates the water as “exquisite.” Michael Velkoff, who sometimes shows up, says “it’s good place to bring an air mattress” and water shoes, although he prefers sandals. 

Tips:

For the thick and grassy, but sometimes prickly, meadow that visitors use like a lawn in late summer or fall, include a thick towel or sheet in your backpack. Visitor Mark of San Francisco suggests using care if you decide to try the lake’s rope swing to jump up to 20 feet into the water. Inexperienced rope swingers have injured themselves. To prevent mishaps, use both hands on the rope, start with small swings, avoid getting tangled or hitting a tree, and land in the water, away from shore, not the ground, he urges.

Legal status:

Part of Point Reyes National Seashore.

How to find it:

From Stinson Beach, go north on Highway 1. Just north of Bolinas Lagoon, turn left on the often-unmarked exit to Bolinas. Follow the road as it curves along the lagoon and eventually ends at Olema-Bolinas Road, and continue along Olema-Bolinas Road to the stop sign at Mesa Road. Turn right on Mesa and drive four miles, until it becomes a dirt road and ends at a parking lot. On hot days the lot fills quickly, so come early; says Smith, “We once saw hundreds of cars.” A sign at the trailhead next to the lot will guide you down scenic Palomarin Trail, which begins as an old fire road and then narrows. From the grassy meadow mentioned above, it’s just a few easy yards to the water’s edge via any of three paths. One veers to the right; another, more eroded and plant clogged, starts to the left of the meadow; and another, newer trail is between the others.  Users usually find an opening in the foliage and several rocks to jump from.  Crews usually clip back poison oak and other foliage next to the trails each spring.

The beach:

The amazing thing is that even when it’s foggy at the trailhead, it’s often clear at the oblong-shaped, 100-yard-long, spring-fed lake, whose temperature remains constant throughout the year. “It’s very clean,” says Dave Smith. “And it’s so deep that when I swim there with goggles, it turns dark even though I’m not near the bottom.” The area is surrounded by beautiful hills.

The crowd:

The percentage of nudity really varies at Bass, depending on the day and the weather. There could be hardly any skinny-dippers present (Smith was the only person to swim nude during his May visit; Robert Carlsen, of Sacramento, counted five of 75-to-100 visitors on a spring day) to half the crowd (10 of 20 seen by the Bay Area judge on a June outing). “Nonnudists have streamed into the area,” says Pat. “More people are leaving their suits on and are bringing their dogs, radios, and beer.” But once someone starts swimming naked, others sometimes follow. For even more fun and adventure, try the lake’s rope swing (please see tips above).

Problems:

Trail sometimes overgrown; instead of a “beach,” Bass Lake is rimmed by a meadow that’s often muddy or, depending on the season, prickly; long trek; poison oak on rope swing path.

Limantour Beach

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Highly Recommended!

Rating: B

At Limantour, in Point Reyes National Seashore, you can walk a mile wearing nothing but your smile.  “I just head away from any people and put my towel down in the dunes or against a wall,” says Lucas Valley’s Michael Velkoff.  “Nobody else bothers you.  Of course, I carry a pair of shorts, just in case I need to put them on.  I love it at Limantour.  Plus it has tons of nice sand.” You may also want to don a pair of binoculars for watching birds, seals, and other wildlife.  This May, Velkoff saw a whale from his vantage point on the sand; he’s also seen porpoises frolicking just offshore.

The long shoreline is one of America’s most beautiful beaches, yet few visitors realize the narrow spit of sand, between Drakes Bay and an estuary, is clothing-optional. The site is so big — about 2.5 miles in length — you can wander for hours, checking out ducks and other waterfowl, shorebirds such as snowy plovers (if you are lucky enough to see these endangered birds on the north end of the beach), gray whales (including mothers and their calves during spring), and playful harbor seals (offshore and at the north edge of the sand). Dogs are allowed on six-foot leashes on the south end of the beach.

“Usually, nobody hassles you,” says Velkoff.  “I wanted to be comfortable and I knew it was going to be hot, so I went there.  It’s a really mellow place. I just love the open space.”

Velkoff suggests walking from the parking lot for 10 minutes or several hundred feet before removing your clothes. “Where we sit, the closest person is usually 100-to-150 yards away,” he says. Another popular spot for disrobing is the sand dunes on the north end, which provide protection from the wind. Nudity is allowed, as long as it’s away from the main public areas, such as next to the parking lots of Point Reyes’ beaches. “You shouldn’t rip your clothes off right after you’ve left your car and then walk through a picnic area on the way to the beach,” former district ranger Marc Yeston has told us. “If you think a family nearby might be offended, maybe you should choose a more discreet area.”  Rangers will respond to complaints.

During another visit, Velkoff was surprised by rangers, even though he says he wasn’t near a main public area.  “My wife and I were stretched out,” he recalls.  “I turned around and there were 10-12 rangers there.  One said, ‘This is a family beach.  You gotta put your pants on.’  It turned out that it was the one day a year when all the rangers take their training tour of the beach.”

Tip: on spring weekends or warm days in the summer, arrive by 10:30 a.m. or the parking lot may be full.  Overflow parking is available a half mile away.

Legal status:

Property of Point Reyes National Seashore. Would a ranger cite a naked person lying on his or her back out of sight of others? “Probably not,” former district ranger Marc Yeston told us. “It seems about as innocuous as it can get. If somebody is away from other people, I can’t imagine it would arouse a problem with any of the rangers.”

How to find it:

From San Francisco, take Highway 101 north to the Sir Francis Drake Boulevard exit, then follow Sir Francis through San Anselmo and Lagunitas to Olema. At the intersection with Highway 1, turn right onto 1. Just north of Olema, go left on Bear Valley Road. A mile after the turnoff for the Bear Valley Visitor Center, turn left (at the Limantour Beach sign) on Limantour Road and follow it 11 miles to the parking lot at the end. Walk north a half-mile until you see some dunes about 50 yards east of the shore. Nudists usually prefer the valleys between the dunes for sunbathing. “One Sunday we had 200 yards to ourselves,” Velkoff says.  But lately, the dunes have been more crowded.

The beach:

Sprawling Limantour features soft sand, sand dunes, and plenty of wildlife. In late spring whales can often be seen. To see hundreds of seals, walk north of the “nude dunes” mentioned above until you come to the point known as Limantour Spit. Swimming is fairly safe.

The crowd:

Even with several hundred visitors on the sand on a hot weekend day, Limantour is so large that it usually looks deserted.

Problems:

Increased ranger warnings; parking lot fills early on hot days; complaints about sex; fog, cold water, and wind. If you don’t like dogs, stay away from the area south of the parking lot. (Dogs are not allowed on the north end, near the seal colony, and only on six-foot leashes on the south end.)

Little Stinson Beach

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Rating: D

On Memorial Day, we saw streams of visitors clamboring over the rocks at the far south end of Stinson Beach into a rock-filled cove that serves as the gateway to Little Stinson, around the next point to the south — and, for research purposes, followed them as far as we could, while stopping to take photos and marvel over pieces of jadeite and agate we found along the water’s edge.

It was a windy afternoon, with only partial sunshine, but because it was a holiday the crowd on the main public beach was still impressively large. People were flying kites and making sand castles. My girlfriend spotted a bluebird in a nearby parking lot.

Tiny Little Stinson is sandwiched between Red Rock and Stinson Beach. It’s so small that the cove, which has become a hangout for a few nude gay men, is sometimes is covered by water.

“It has more rocks than sand,” says Red Rock Beach regular Fred Jaggi, of Stinson Beach. “There’s not much of a place to lie down.”

Worse yet, just getting there, over the large rocks described above is dangerous. Adults could easily trip and fall — and children are at even higher risk.

If rangers see you heading in the direction of Little Stinson, they’ll ask you to leave. Nudity is banned here and at neighboring Stinson Beach. Anyone trying to ford the often wind-whipped waves to reach the cove from Stinson risks drowning and injury.  In low tide, a few Little Stinson visitors sometimes walk to Red Rock, which also isn’t advised.

Legal status:

Part of the GGNRA’s Stinson Beach Park, where nudity is not allowed.

How to find it:

Users park in the main Stinson Beach lot and walk along the sand from the main beach in low tide or north from Red Rock Beach. Neither route is recommended.

The beach:

Mostly rocks, with dabs of sand, backed by a cave between two coves directly north of Red Rock.

The crowd:

Little Stinson only gets a few visitors. It’s almost totally a gay hangout.

Problems:

Dangerous access; rocks; high waves; law enforcement; great white sharks tend to appear in the waters off Stinson every few years.

Steep Ravine Beach

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Improved directions!

Rating: C

The worst kept secret in the Bay Area, Steep Ravine Beach’s naked hot springs are only available by going down a dangerously steep, poison oak-infested trail after finding limited parking and possibly receiving a parking ticket from a ranger who loves to give them out — and then putting up with what Jenn, of Oakland, describes as a group of regular visitors who are often “rude and noisy.”

Did I mention that you’ll need to arrive in low tide? Or that you may have to put up with a large crowd jammed into the springs, which, it’s estimated can hold 15 persons easily, 30 if needed, and up to 40 when truly packed?  It’s “very crowded,” said Sam, of Belvedere, in May.

Nevertheless, Steep Ravine has its fans. “They’re mostly men,” says recent visitor Fred Jaggi.

For parking, come early and look for vehicles pulled over at the trailhead, on either side of the highway, with more space available on the west side of the road than the east. 

The trail is steep, eroded, and slippery, making falling commonplace. Because the path is not maintained, “it will never get better,” predicts a fan of nearby Red Rock, who has tried Steep Ravine a few times. And walking around the hot springs area can be even harder. “I slipped and bruised a rib against a sharp rock,” poster Tim reports at Soakersforum.com. He adds that “the only chance for an uncrowded soak is when low tide hits before 6 a.m.,” which, in near darkness, only increases the risk of falling.

Jenn, though, disagrees. She says the trail’s at least doable “for adults.”

Steep Ravine has two springs, one in the ocean and another on the cliffs. “We trick it out in the winter, meaning we remove rocks that have been pushed by the storms and waves into the springs,” says Martin, a regular visitor. 

If you see cars parked on the highway above the trail, it probably means the springs are in use. “But if you see 25 cars there, it means there are too many people there,” adds Martin. “We had way too many people one time. It was terrible.”  

The trail down from the road is so slippery that we’ve never recommended it. “It’s more like a goat trail,” explains Martin. Poison oak on the path is another concer, but, argues Jenn, at least it’s “not nearly as much as Bass Lake.” In fact, we’ve rated the site a “D” for years, but it hasn’t stopped people from trying to visit a clothing-optional hot springs that’s nearly hidden in the sea.  

Even finding the spring is quite difficult, as it’s located in the middle of the shoreline’s tidal zone. (“It’s only usable at very low tide,” says Dave of San Francisco.)

And walking along the shore isn’t much to write home about. It’s strewn with enough rocks to fill a quarry. Plus, rangers from a nearby campground occasionally cite naked people. “Some people use burlap sacks (to pile dirt) to make walls for a hot tub (around the springs),” Dave says. Bring a shovel. Leslie, of Oakland, says, “It’s a fragile place and has somewhat of a sulfur smell.” Those who are brave or foolhardy enough to attempt the journey say winter’s the best time to visit.

Finally, there are the people of Steep Ravine. Tim isn’t the only one who has fallen on the slippery rocks on the trail or near the springs, especially in the spot known as the “dressing area” above the springs. “I gave a towel to one person who was bleeding,” says Martin. “Several people have needed stitches.” Others have flipped out and suddenly “gone off mentally,” he adds. “It’s happened more than once.” Tip: visit early in the day. “You either arrive while there’s room available or have to move on to nearby Red Rock,” says Martin.

Here are some photos of the area

Legal status:

Part of Mount Tamalpais State Park. State park rangers do not tolerate nudity.

How to find it:

From Muir Beach, go north on Highway 1 about four miles, then look for the Steep Ravine campground sign; from Stinson Beach, head south two miles. Look for cars pulled over on either side of the road, even though parking is prohibited on the ocean side.  The site is near mile marker 1120.  Take the dirt road, which becomes a very long and slippery trail to the water. The spring in the sea (at latitude 37.880, longitude 122.627) is on the north end of the beach.

The beach:

Bring a beach chair to sit on the rocky shore, whose main lure is its pristine ruggedness.

The crowd:

Usually just you and one or two other folks. But up to 40 visitors may be found during peak-use periods. For more information, please see above.

Problems:

Extremely dangerous trail, sometimes with poison oak; numerous incidents of people falling on slippery rocks; possible law enforcement; poor parking; cars often ticketed for illegal parking; poison oak; springs often inactive or covered by rocks or debris; no sand for sunbathing; proximity to clothed families at nearby campground; occasional reports of gawkers.

Muir Beach

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Highly Recommended!

Rating: A

Mellow times are continuing at one of the Bay Area’s easiest to reach and most enjoyable clothing-optional sites, the clothing-optional north side of Muir Beach.  Also known as Little Beach, it’s separated by the main public beach by a line of large rocks that visitors usually walk over.

Says Lucas Valley’s Michael Velkoff, who switched from Red Rock to become one of more than a dozen regulars at Muir:  “This season, there’s plenty of nice sand.  It’s also a great place for women because people leave you alone here. Nobody’s hitting on you. And high tide only comes a third of the way up the beach.”

Additions over the last year or two include a new bridge over a marshy, lagoon-like area near the parking lot, plus about a half dozen Port-a-Potties.

According to authorities, there have not been any arrests or warnings for nudity since at least July 2010, which followed a controversy the previous year over whether clothing-optional use of the area should be halted.

After several community meetings, it was decided that while beachgoers’ bare buns wouldn’t be banned, a warning sign stressing “respect” for everyone and listing a phone number for complaints would be erected there.

Visits by deputies resulted in only four complaints about skinny-dippers and one citation for improper sexual conduct in 2009. Lt. Cheryl Fisher, commander of the Marin Sheriff’s Department’s substation in Marin City, says that even when people complain, they are usually no longer nude by the time deputies arrive.  “A deputy showed up on a very hot Sunday,” says Velkoff.  “As soon as he left, everybody was naked again.”

The beautiful, curve-shaped cove usually features a diverse crowd, better than average swimming conditions, and very easy access.  Instead of having to trudge down a beach trail, users walk less than five minutes along the shore from the public portion of the beach, called Big Beach, to the nude end. Tip: on warm days, arrive by 11am to find parking in the main lot.

Legal status:

According to the Marin County Assessor-Recorder’s Office,  Little Beach consists of seven privately owned parcels off Cove Lane, in Muir Beach, up to the tidal zone, owned by Sigward Moser; Jason Weisberger and Carolyn Patterson; a trust of Erica and Madeline Groneman; the Elliott Theodore family; Christine and Kenneth High; a trust of Arlene Robertson; and the Nature Conservancy. A community meeting in June 2009 sparked concerns over nudity, sexual acts, such as masturbation, and alleged “intimidation” by nudists — and what, if anything, should be done about the situation. Most of the 50 or so neighbors at the gathering appeared to be in favor of continuing to allow clothing-optional use, but some felt warning signs about perceived illegal activity should go up and others spoke in favor of a ban on nudity. Deputies said regular patrols — but not specific anti-nudity visits — would likely be increased. In 2001, reports of littering, defecation and sexual actions resulted in 20 public nudity citations and dozens of warnings over seven months. And in 1982, deputies made raids on nude sunbathers after receiving complaints about public sex and assaults on women.

How to find it:

From San Francisco, take Highway 1 north to Muir Beach, to milepost 5.7. Turn left on Pacific Way and park in the Muir lot (don’t park on Pacific, even if you see cars there — by the end of the day, they’ll probably all be ticketed). Or park on the long street off Highway 1 across from Pacific and about 100 yards north. From the Muir lot, follow a path and boardwalk to the sand, then walk north to a pile of rocks between the cliffs and the sea. You’ll need good hiking or walking shoes to cross; in very low tide, try to cross closer to the water. The nude area starts north of it.

The beach:

A small, lovely semicircular cove with, in most years, excellent sand for suntanning, reading, and picnicking.  “You can easily swim there,” says Velkoff.  “There usually aren’t any big waves.  But it can also get windy there.”

The crowd:

On a weekday in June this year, about 20 people were on the sand. But expect more than 100 visitors on warmer summer days. Usually, though, summer Sundays produce a crowd of 30-40 persons. Straights, gays, singles, couples, families, seniors, young people, and others share Muir, which has a less social atmosphere than nearby Red Rock. “It’s usually a quiet place,” says Velkoff. “But I still make friends there right away.”

Problems:

Increased scrutiny by local homeowners has resulted in calls to deputies and, in some cases, citations or warnings; complaints about sexual behavior; gawkers; dogs; wind; parking lot jams up early on warm days.

 

Nude Beaches Guide 2014

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garhan@aol.com

NUDE BEACHES 2014 Well, it’s been 40 years since I turned over on my side and asked a totally naked woman at Red Rock nude beach, near Stinson Beach, if she knew of any other clothing-optional beaches in Northern California.

Don’t worry, she didn’t slap me. Jane and I were on our third date — we’d met at a bus stop in downtown Berkeley — which she had casually suggested take place at the beach. “Sure, where’d you like to go?” I asked. “How about Red Rock?” she replied. “Red Rock?” I asked. “I’ve never heard of it.” “It’s a nude beach,” responded Jane.

I didn’t want to sound like a wuss, so, I immediately agreed — and about an hour later, we were walking down a long, moderately steep trail that led us to a beautiful cove. When we arrived, I couldn’t believe what I saw: dozens of people clothed only in their birthday suits. They acted as if being stark naked was no big deal. And so did Jane. She threw down a towel, immediately stripped down, and asked if I would put some sun tan lotion on her back. 

It was a beautiful summer day. People were enjoying themselves. Some were reading, while others were sunning, walking, wading in the chilly but invigorating surf, playing Frisbee, or socializing with friends. Pretty soon, I took off my swimsuit too. Around 30 minutes later, when my eyeballs began to recede back into their sockets, I started wondering how many other nude beaches were in the Bay Area. Jane knew of a half dozen and suggested I speak with her roommates. “They probably know about four or five more,” she said.

And that’s how the annual Bay Guardian Nude Beach Guide was born. From covering a dozen or so beaches, lakes, ponds, skinny-dipping holes, and other clothing-optional spots in 1975, we’ve soared to 130 today, when you include our listings online at www.sfbg.com. They include places where you can camp nude (North Garberville, in Humboldt County), take off your clothes at a waterfall (Alamere Falls, near Bolinas), soak in hot springs (Sykes, near Big Sur, and Steep Ravine, in Marin County), play bare-bottom volleyball (San Francisco’s North Baker Beach), or sunbathe naked at a state park (Gray Whale Cove, in San Mateo County).

Who knows, maybe someday we’ll be able to get everything from sundaes to massages on a nude beach, like those offered at sprawling Haulover Nude Beach, just north of Miami, Fla., which I checked out in June. It draws up to 7,000 visitors a day. The site is part of a park that also has a non-nude beach and even a separate dog play area.

In the meantime, we’ve got plenty of clothing-optional recreation choices right here, especially with the reopening of the nude section of Muir Beach, which, along with the main part of the beach, was closed most of last summer and part of the fall. Want to hike naked through the East Bay hills, guided by a member of the Bay Area Naturists group? America’s only “Full Moon Hikes” will continue this season with a walk starting in Castro Valley on Aug. 10 (see our listing below for Las Trampas under Contra Costa County for details). In Lake Tahoe, at Secret Harbor Creek Beach (also in the Internet version of our guide), you can take part in an “only wear a hat” day Aug. 17. And on Sept. 20, fans of Santa Cruz’s popular Bonny Doon Beach will be getting together to help remove trash from the sand.

Speaking of help, to help beachgoers and naturists, please send me your new beach discoveries, trip reports, and improved directions (especially road milepost numbers), along with your phone number to garhan@aol.com or Gary Hanauer, c/o San Francisco Bay Guardian, 835 Market, Suite 550, San Francisco, CA 94103.

Our ratings: “A” stands for a beach that is large or well-established and where the crowd is mostly nude; “B” signifies a spot where fewer than half the visitors are nude; “C” indicates a small or emerging nude area; and “D” depicts places that are in use, but not recommended.

 

SAN FRANCISCO

NORTH BAKER BEACH, SAN FRANCISCO

RATING: A

Complete with nude volleyball that’s open to anyone, driftwood “art trees” (last year’s was called Sea Hag), and occasional live music performed by beachgoers — mostly guitar and drums — almost anything goes on the north end of Baker, where the atmosphere is playful and increasingly social. Over the winter, storms washed away a chunk of the sand (which is starting to return) and all the wooden objects. But Baker’s regular visitors, led by the local street fair organizer who prefers to be called Santosh, have erected a new tree. If you join in a game on the sand, don’t expect the rules to necessarily be the same ones you followed as a kid. For example, it’s considered fair and in play if a ball touches one of the site’s driftwood poles. Of course, you don’t need to do anything at Baker — it’s a great place to relax and be yourself. Or you could go exploring! For a treat, wait until low tide and try finding the beach’s “secret” tidepools by walking around the big rocks at the far north side of the beach. One thing that’s not tolerated at Baker: gawkers. “People let them know we don’t like it,” says Santosh. “We want to keep things mellow.”

Directions: Take the 29 Sunset bus or go north on 25th Avenue to Lincoln Boulevard. Turn right and take the second left onto Bowley Street. Follow Bowley to Gibson Road, turn right, and follow Gibson to the east parking lot. At the beach, head right to the nude area, which starts at the brown and yellow “Hazardous surf, undertow, swim at your own risk” sign. Some motorcycles in the lot have been vandalized, possibly by car owners angered by bikers parking in car spaces; to avoid trouble, motorcyclists should park in the motorcycle area near the cyclone fence. Parking at Lincoln’s 100 or more nearby parking spaces is limited to two hours.

 

LANDS END BEACH, SAN FRANCISCO

RATING: A

Want to star in your own picture-perfect postcard? Lands End’s lovely vistas are just the start of an outing you may wish to call Swim Suit’s End. Law enforcers seldom visit the cove off Geary Boulevard, where some visitors doff their togs, often to the surprise of tourists who walk down the beach path, hoping for some good photo opportunities. The site is super small, so on summer weekends, try to stake out a claim to some towel space by late morning. For the best sand, use one of the unoccupied rock-lined windbreaks traditionally made by previous visitors or look for a dab of soft soil further away from the beach entrance. Bring a sweatshirt for sudden fog or wind.

Directions: Follow Geary Boulevard to the end, then park in the dirt lot up the road from the Cliff House. Take the trail at the far end of the lot. About 100 yards past a bench and some trash cans, the path narrows and bends, then rises and falls, eventually becoming the width of a road. Don’t take the road to the right, which leads to a golf course. Just past another bench, as the trail turns right, go left toward a group of dead trees where you will see a stairway and a “Dogs must be leashed” sign. Descend and head left to another stairway, which leads to a 100-foot walk to the cove. Or, instead, take the service road below the El Camino del Mar parking lot 1/4 mile until you reach a bench, then follow the trail there. It’s eroded in a few places. At the end, you’ll have to scramble over some rocks. Turn left (west) and walk until you find a good place to put down your towel.

 

GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE BEACH, SAN FRANCISCO

RATING: A

On hot summer days, Golden Gate Bridge Beach’s mix of rocks and sand swarms with dozens or even hundreds of gay males. You can also find others here too, either sunbathing or enjoying dips in the usually cold surf. If you’re brave enough to swim here, please use caution: the area’s known for its riptides. Three side-by-side coves line the somewhat rocky shoreline, so if you want to do a little exploring, feel free. And don’t forget to look up and soak in a view of the glistening edifice for which the beach is named.

Directions: From the toll booth area of Highway 101/1, take Lincoln Boulevard west about a half mile to Langdon Court. Turn right (west) on Langdon and look for space in the parking lots, across Lincoln from Fort Winfield Scott. Park and then take the beach trail, starting just west of the end of Langdon, down its more than 200 steps to Golden Gate Bridge Beach, also known as Marshall’s Beach. Despite recent improvements, the trail to the beach can still be slippery, especially in the spring and winter.

 

FORT FUNSTON BEACH, SAN FRANCISCO

RATING: C

Barely a bare beach, we include “Fort Fun,” as some naturists call it, in our listings because a few diehard suitless sunbathers can occasionally be found on the shore, hidden between some of the dunes. You’ll likely be busted or given a warning, though, if a ranger spots your naked body or if somebody uses their cell phone to call in a complaint. Weekdays are the best times to avoid hassles from authorities, but you should still be prepared to suit up fast. Did we mention the dogs? If you like them, then be prepared for a nice bonus: The cliffs above the beach attract a never-ending parade of pooches and their human companions.

Directions: From San Francisco, go west to Ocean Beach, then south on the Great Highway. After Sloat Boulevard, the road heads uphill. From there, curve right onto Skyline Boulevard, go past one stoplight, and look for signs for Funston on the right. Turn into the public lot and find a space near the west side. At the southwest end, take the sandy steps to the beach, turn right, and walk to the dunes. Find a spot as far as possible from the parking lot.

 

CONTRA COSTA COUNTY

LAS TRAMPAS REGIONAL WILDERNESS, CASTRO VALLEY

RATING: C

Have you ever been on a naked hike — at night? Now’s your chance to sign something off your Bucket List that you probably never knew should be on it: taking a guided walk by the light of the silvery moon — and your flashlight — along a somewhat challenging, but, participants say, “doable” East Bay ridge just after sunset and then returning for a dip in the hot tub of the Sequoians Naturist Club, in Castro Valley. These “Full Moon Hikes” usually take place in July, August, and September (next one is Aug. 10) with a potluck held at the club before Dave Smith, of the Bay Area Naturists group, takes fully clothed walkers up a trail just as darkness begins to fall. When the moon rises, the hikers come back down the path — usually naked, with their duds stored in their backpacks, after what some trekkers describe as an epic, almost spiritual adventure.

Directions: Contact the Sequoians (www.sequoians.com) or the Bay Area Naturists (www.bayareanaturists.org) for details on how to join a walk. Meet at the Sequoians. To get there, take Highway 580 east to the Crow Canyon Road exit. Or follow 580 west to the first Castro Valley off-ramp. Take Crow Canyon Road toward San Ramon 0.75 mile to Cull Canyon Road. Then follow Cull Canyon Road around 6.5 miles to the end of the paved road. Take the dirt road on the right until the “Y” in the road and keep left. Shortly after, you’ll see The Sequoians sign. Proceed ahead for about another 0.75 mile to The Sequoians front gate.

 

SAN MATEO COUNTY

DEVIL’S SLIDE, MONTARA

RATING: A

A state park that tolerates nude sunbathing? It’s not officially designated that way, but officials in charge of Gray Whale Cove remain steadfast in their toleration of nudies, some of whom have been coming here for decades, as long as complaints are not received. Even if phoned-in objections were received, it’s doubtful whether rangers, who are seldom present, could reach the sand in time to catch an offender. Over the last few years, GWC, more commonly known as Devil’s Slide, has been attracting so many visitors to its 100-yard long seashore that park staff recently added a second parking lot. But only one in every two or three dozen people go nude on the north end of the stunning shoreline, which draws tourists from around the world. You’ll usually find plenty of space here, even on a hot summer day.

Directions: Driving from San Francisco, take Highway 1 south through Pacifica. Three miles south of the Denny’s restaurant in Linda Mar, at 500 Linda Mar Blvd., Pacifica, and just past and south of the Tom Lantos Tunnels, turn left (inland or east) on an unmarked road, which takes you to the beach’s parking lots on the east and west sides of the highway and to a 146-step staircase that leads to the sand. Coming from the south on Highway 1, look for a road on the right (east), 1.2 miles north of the old Chart House restaurant in Montara. Most naturists use the north end of the beach, which is separated by rocks from the rest of the shore. Wait until low tide to make the crossing to the nude area. Otherwise, you may face waves crashing against you, which could cause you to slip and lose your footing.

 

SAN GREGORIO NUDE BEACH, SAN GREGORIO

RATING: A

Nearly 50 years old, the USA’s longest-operating clothing optional beach is located next to, but remains distinctly different from San Gregorio State Beach. For a view of conditions, check out its web cam at www.freewebs.com/sangregoriobeach. Skinny-dippers started flocking here by 1966 after a “Committee For Free Beaches” was formed by a San Francisco State College student who, along with a few pals, distributed fliers at colleges in the San Francisco Bay Area announcing the start of a “free beach,” as they called it. Soon, up to 500 persons were showing up on the sand on weekends. A court case to try to stop the venture failed, but that hasn’t stopped the private operation from remaining controversial. The main rub: Not everyone likes the driftwood structures on the slope leading down to the beach (a T-shirt hanging from a pole means the site is occupied), where open sex often occurs. Catering to mostly gay visitors, both nude and nonnude straight couples, singles, and families also visit the huge beach.

Directions: From San Francisco, drive south on Highway 1, past Half Moon Bay, and, between mileposts 18 and 19, look on the right side of the road for telephone call box number SM 001 0195, at the intersection of Highway 1 and Stage Road, and near an iron gate with trees on either side. From there, expect a drive of 1.1 miles to the entrance. At the Junction 84 highway sign, the beach’s driveway is just .1 mile away. Turn into a gravel driveway, passing through the iron gate mentioned above, which says 119429 on the gatepost. Drive past a grassy field to the parking lot, where you’ll be asked to pay an entrance fee. Take the long path from the lot to the sand; everything north of the trail’s end is clothing-optional (families and swimsuit-using visitors tend to stay on the south end of the beach). The beach is also accessible from the San Gregorio State Beach parking area to the south; from there, hike about a half-mile north. Take the dirt road past the big white gate with the Toll Road sign to the parking lot.

 

SANTA CRUZ COUNTY

GARDEN OF EDEN, FELTON

RATING: C

Nude spelled backwards is Edun, so it’s little wonder that California’s Garden of Eden would attract scads of clothing-optional users. It’s located on the San Lorenzo River between San Jose and Santa Cruz. Nudity is technically illegal in Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park, where this creekside skinnydipper’s delight is nestled. Not everyone likes the nudists, who often shock the many swimsuit-wearing visitors who like to take a dip here on hot days. Other bummers include slippery, poison oak-lined trails and surprise visits by rangers. To discover your own personal Eden and several other nude swimming holes, as you drive north along Highway 9 near Fulton look for cars pulled over on the side of the road. Directions: From Santa Cruz, drive north on Highway 9 and look for turnouts on the right side of the road, where cars are pulled over. The first, a wide turnout with a tree in the middle, is just north of Santa Cruz. Rincon Fire Trail starts about where the tree is, according to reader Robert Carlsen, of Sacramento. The many forks in the trail all lead to the river, down toward Big Rock Hole and Frisbee Beach; Carlsen says the best area off this turnout can be reached by bearing left until the end of the trail. Farther up the highway, 1.3 miles south of the park entrance, is the second and bigger pullout, called the Ox Trail Turnout, leading to Garden of Eden. Park in the turnout and follow the dirt fire road downhill and across some railroad tracks. Head south, following the tracks, for around 0.5 miles. Look for a “Pack Your Trash” sign with park rules and hours and then proceed down the Eden Trail. Or, about three miles south of the park entrance, look for a dirt parking lot, park there, and take the path from there to some beaches that attract fewer people than the Garden.

 

BONNY DOON NUDE BEACH, BONNY DOON

RATING: A

Fans of this beautiful cove were pleased to learn last year that state officials plan to allow nudity, unless there are complaints, to continue on the north end of the beach, despite warning signs that were erected but taken down just a few weeks later. A big rock separates the clothing-optional side of the shore from the area traditionally used by families and other clothed visitors to the south. While some visitors joke on social media message boards about the increase in gray-haired beachgoers on the sand (a Redwood City woman recently told Yelp the beach needs “some hot dudes” and a female from San Jose compared the women there to those on the “Golden Girls” tv show), others have posted more serious remarks about the gawkers and rude males who occasionally show up. Most visitors, though, relish the tranquil, almost idyllic atmosphere they encounter. Directions: From San Francisco, go south on Highway 1 to the Bonny Doon parking lot at milepost 27.6 on the west side of the road, 2.4 miles north of Red, White, and Blue Beach, and some 11 miles north of Santa Cruz. From Santa Cruz, head north on Highway 1 until you see Bonny Doon Road, which veers off sharply to the right just south of Davenport. The beach is just off the intersection. Park in the paved lot to the west of Highway 1; don’t park on Bonny Doon Road or the shoulder of Highway 1. If the lot is full, drive north on Highway 1, park at the next beach lot, and walk back to the first lot. Or take Santa Cruz Metro Transit District bus route 40 to the lot; it leaves the Metro Center three times a day on Saturdays and takes about 20 minutes. To get to the beach, climb the berm next to the railroad tracks adjacent to the Bonny Doon lot, cross the tracks, descend, and take a recently improved, sign-marked trail to the sand. Walk north past most of the beach to the nude cove on the north end. Alternately, Dusty suggests parking as far north as possible, taking the northern entrance, and, with good shoes, following a “rocky and steep” — and less desirable — walk down to the sand. It can be slippery, so wear good shoes.

 

PANTHER BEACH, SANTA CRUZ

RATING: B

“This is my all time favorite spot,” reported a Redwood City resident after a visit this April. This “is (also) a nude beach,” added Taylen, on Yelp, who’s even seen naked people fishing at this modestly sized but gorgeous beach, some 10 miles north of Santa Cruz. Bring a beach umbrella, a windbreaker in case the weather changes, and sturdy walking shoes for the path to the sand. Pick from such activities as reading, sunbathing, rock climbing, swimming, exploring the shore, picnicking, birding, whale watching, or doing absolutely nothing at all.

Directions: Panther Beach is between mileposts 26.86 and 26.4 on Highway 1, some 10.6 miles north of the junction of Highway 1 and 17 in Santa Cruz and 40.7 miles south of the intersection of Highways 1 and 92 in Half Moon Bay. Drive slowly so you can make a sharp right turn onto a small dirt road on the west side of the highway, which is difficult to see when approaching from the north. The road leads to a rutted parking area that lies on a ridge between the highway and some railroad tracks. From the north end of the lot, cross the tracks and, while watching for poison oak, follow the steep, sloping, somewhat crumbly path about five minutes to the sand. Visitors this season suggest holding onto rocks or ledges along the trail’s more slippery spots for extra support.

 

2222 BEACH, SANTA CRUZ

RATING: A

Delightful but difficult to reach, 2222 takes its name from the address of the nearest house on West Cliff Drive, just north of Santa Cruz’s popular wharf and Boardwalk areas. It’s also one of the smallest clothing-optional beaches. You’ll be lucky to encounter more than a half dozen persons in the cove — often you’ll be alone — which mainly attracts nearby residents and local college students. A bonus is that walkers on the road above can’t see the beach from there. Yup, a visit here is like having your own private nude beach, unless you count the juggler who likes to practice on the sand. But the beach path is only suitable for people who are agile enough to handle a scary-looking, very steep slope. Leave children and anything that doesn’t fit in a backpack at home.

Directions: The beach is a few blocks west of Natural Bridges State Beach and about 2.5 miles north of the Santa Cruz Boardwalk. From either north or south of Santa Cruz, take Highway 1 to Swift Street. Drive .8 miles to the sea, then turn right on West Cliff Drive. 2222 is five blocks away. Past Auburn Avenue, look for 2222 West Cliff on the inland side of the street. Park in the pullout with eight parking spaces next to the cliff, on the west side of the road. If it’s full, continue straight and park along Chico Avenue. Bay Area Naturists leader Rich Pasco suggests visitors use care and then follow the path on the side of the beach closest to downtown Santa Cruz and the Municipal Wharf.

 

PRIVATES BEACH, SANTA CRUZ

RATING: A

One of Northern California’s best nude beaches, Privates (yes that’s the name) gets almost a unanimous thumbs up from visitors for its clean sand, shelter from the wind, and friendly vibes. New this year: During the summer, the gate to the beach is only open until 7 or 8pm. And dogs are no longer always allowed: They’re banned on weekends 10am-5pm and must always be leashed. Most users pay a fee of $50–$100 (depending on if you live in the neighborhood) to buy a gate key that allows entrance, past a security guard at the top of the beach stairs, through May 31. But we list three ways to go for free below under “Directions.” Nudists, families, and local residents love the cove, which is divided into two parts — clad and unclad. Surfers, in particular, can be found by the dozens on the sand or paddling out. Want to play nude Frisbee? At the end of the staircase to the sand, turn left and keep walking until you come to the clothing-optional area.

Directions: 1) Some visitors walk north from Capitola Pier in low tide (not a good idea since at least four people have needed to be rescued). 2) Others reach it in low tide via the stairs at the end of 41st Avenue, which lead to a surf spot called the Hook at the south end of a rocky shore known as Pleasure Point. 3) Surfers paddle on boards for a few minutes to Privates from Capitola or the Hook. 4) Most visitors buy a key to the beach gate for $100 a year at Freeline (821 41st Ave., Santa Cruz, 831-476-2950) 1.5 blocks west of the beach. Others go with someone with a key or wait outside the gate until a person with a key goes in, provided a security guard is not present (they often are there). “Most people will gladly hold the gate open for someone behind them whose hands are full,” says Bay Area Naturists leader Rich Pasco. The nude zone starts to the left of the bottom of the stairs.

 

MARIN COUNTY

BASS LAKE, BOLINAS

RATING: B

Although it is not visited by as many nudists as a decade ago, skinny-dippers still inspire some visitors in what’s usually a mostly clothed crowd to join in the fun at Bass Lake, which true to its name, has lots of bass. Natalie, of San Francisco, described a day here as “unreal” on Yelp last summer. “The hike is super mellow.” She brought floaters, but found others left in the water. Another summer visitor, Julia, borrowed floaties from some women at the site. “It was so relaxing,” she says. San Leandro’s Dave Smith, who usually even walks naked to the lake — expect a nearly hourlong, fairly easy, 2.8 mile hike — says he “loves” spending time in Bass’ clear, refreshing waters. Rangers once halted and ticketed a clad man who had an unleashed dog, but let a group of nude walkers continue. On hot days the trailhead’s parking lot fills quickly, so come early — by 9:30 a.m., according to Steve, of Newark, who used the trail this June, or possibly as late as 10:30 a.m., reported by another June visitor, Addi, of El Cerrito.

Directions: Allow about an hour for the drive from San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge. From Stinson Beach, go north on Highway 1. Just north of Bolinas Lagoon, turn left on the often-unmarked exit to Bolinas. Follow the road as it curves along the lagoon and eventually ends at Olema-Bolinas Road. Continue along Olema-Bolinas Road to the stop sign at Mesa Road. Turn right on Mesa and drive four miles until it becomes a gravel road and ends at the Palomarin parking lot. Arrive as early as possible. Says Smith: “We once saw hundreds of cars.” A sign at the trailhead next to the lot will guide you down scenic Palomarin Trail to the lake. For directions to incredibly beautiful Alamere Falls, 1.5 miles past Bass Lake, which empties onto a beach at the sea, please see “Elsewhere In Marin” in our online listings.

 

RED ROCK BEACH, STINSTON BEACH

RATING: A

The Bay Area’s most popular nude beach is in good shape this year. “It’s in great condition,” says frequent visitor Fred Jaggi. “Winter storms didn’t knock down the terraces (above the beach). And the sand is really nice this season.” Warmer than usual weather has been sending crowds of up to 100 persons to the picturesque cove, up from 80 last year, but about the same number as 2012. If you arrive too late in the day to find space on the sand, try visiting on a Monday to join a small group of regular visitors for what they call “Club Day.” If possible, bring a folding beach chair. Save about 10-15 minutes to take a moderately steep but three-to-five-foot-wide trail to the beach, which is usually kept in great shape by volunteers. Even so, the last few feet of the path may sometimes be a bit slippery.

Directions: Go north on Highway 1 from Mill Valley, following the signs to Stinson Beach. At the long line of mailboxes next to the Muir Beach cutoff point, start checking your odometer. Look for a dirt lot full of cars to the left (west) of the highway 5.6 miles north of Muir and a smaller one on east side of the road. The lots are at milepost 11.3, one mile south of Stinson Beach. Limited parking is also available 150 yards to the south on the west side of Highway 1. Or from Mill Valley, take the West Marin/Bolinas Stage toward Stinson Beach and Bolinas. Get off at the intersection of Panoramic Highway and Highway 1. Then walk south 0.6 mile to the Red Rock lots. Take the path to the beach that starts near the Dumpster next to the main parking lot.

 

MUIR NUDE BEACH, MUIR BEACH

RATING: A

After being closed to the public most of last summer and fall, Muir Beach has reopened with improvements galore, including a relocated parking lot (it’s now parallel with the beach road, called Pacific Way), new restrooms, and a new, 400-foot long walkway to the sand. Most important of all, access to the gorgeous, clothing-optional cove just north of the main beach has also been reopened. “The walk takes a little longer,” says recent visitor Michael Velkoff, of Lucas Valley. “But the beach was fine.” Known for its peace and quiet, Muir is a less social beach than nearby Red Rock. It’s also less crowded (even on warm summer days, you’re more apt to see 30-40 people instead of hundreds) and far easier to reach, without any trail to take or any poison oak to ruin your day: You park at the main Muir lot, walk north along the water, cross over some rocks (in very low tide, try to cross closer to the water), and you’re there. Women, in particular, seem to like the vibes of Muir, which attracts fewer gawkers — often none — than most sites.

Directions: From San Francisco, take Highway 1 north to Muir Beach, to milepost 5.7. Turn left on Pacific Way and park in the Muir lot (to avoid tickets, don’t park on Pacific, even if other vehicles are parked there). Or park on the street off Highway 1 across from Pacific and about 100 yards north. From the Muir lot, follow a path and boardwalk to the sand. Then walk north to a pile of rocks between the cliffs and the sea. You’ll need good hiking or walking shoes to cross; in very low tide, try to cross closer to the water. The nude area starts north of it.

 

RCA BEACH, BOLINAS

RATING: A

Are you looking for a place to restore your sanity and recharge you from the stress of everyday life? Then you may want to visit RCA Beach, which is never crowded and averages just 5-20 visitors per day. Plus they’re usually spread out along the milelong shoreline, which gives the site an almost deserted feeling. “It’s a quiet place,” says one regular user. “And most people there are nude.” The site is somewhat exposed, so some regulars usually look for sunbathing nooks that are a little protected from the wind or even build windbreaks from driftwood they find on the sand. There are two beach trails from which to pick: one that’s long and steep or a shorter path that’s less steep but crumbling and slippery.

Directions: From Stinson Beach, take Highway 1 (Shoreline Highway) north toward Calle Del Mar for 4.5 miles. Turn left onto Olema Bolinas Road and follow it 1.8 miles to Mesa Road in Bolinas. Turn right and stay on Mesa until you see cars parked past some old transmission towers. Park and walk 0.25 miles to the end of the pavement. Go left through the gap in the fence. The trail leads to a gravel road. Follow it until you see a path on your right, leading through a gate. Take it along the cliff top until it veers down to the beach. Or continue along Mesa until you come to a grove of eucalyptus trees. Enter through the gate here, then hike 0.5 miles through a cow pasture on a path that will also bring you through thick brush. The second route is slippery and eroding, but less steep. “It’s shorter, but toward the end there’s a rope for you to hold onto going down the cliff,” tells the veteran visitor.

 

LIMANTOUR BEACH, OLEMA

RATING: B

Want to know a secret about Point Reyes National Seashore? Rangers usually won’t issue citations for nude sunbathing unless you’re close to a clothed visitor or someone complains. “You shouldn’t rip your clothes off right after you’ve left your car and then walk nude through a picnic area on the way to the beach,” former Point Reyes district Ranger Marc Yeston told us. “Usually, nobody hassles you,” says Marin County resident Michael Velkoff. “I knew it was going to be hot, so I went to Limantour. It’s a really mellow place. I just love the open space.” The more than two miles of shoreline are perfect for walking, birding, or whale and seal-watching. Dogs are okay on the south end of the beach. Naturists suggest walking at least 10 minutes away from the parking lot and more than 300 feet away from fellow beachgoers before even considering disrobing. Others prefer the sand dunes on the north side.

Directions: From San Francisco, take Highway 101 north to the Sir Francis Drake Boulevard exit, then follow Sir Francis through San Anselmo and Lagunitas to Olema. At the intersection with Highway 1, turn right onto 1. Just north of Olema, go left on Bear Valley Road. A mile after the turnoff for the Bear Valley Visitor Center, turn left (at the Limantour Beach sign) on Limantour Road and follow it 11 miles to the parking lot at the end. Walk north a half-mile until you see some dunes about 50 yards east of the shore. Nudists usually prefer the valleys between the dunes for sunbathing.

 

MENDOCINO COUNTY

LILIES BEACH, MENDOCINO

RATING: A

If you’re visiting the town of Mendocino, a stopover at Lilies can be a real treat. Even with lower water than usual this year, the clothing-optional swimming hole here is simply delightful. “I like it because it keeps getting sunlight late into the day and has a nice gravel sand bar,” says Jeanne Coleman, education director of the Mendocino Woodlands Camp Association, which offers great group camping facilities just a few minutes from this Big River treasure. Best times to visit are summer or early fall. Even when it’s foggy in downtown Mendo, temperatures may be in the 80s at Lilies, where there’s usually a mix of men and women and up to 50 percent of them nude. “I often see people stop off who have been mountain biking,” adds Coleman.

Directions: Take Highway 1 north to Mendocino, then turn right on Little Lake Road, the first right turn past the main Mendocino turnoff sign. Drive four or five miles east on Little Lake until you see a sign for Mendocino Woodlands. Follow the dirt road that starts there for about three miles. When you see the Woodlands retreat, go right about 0.3 miles, until the dirt road ends next to Big River. Park just off the road, where you see other cars pulled over. Follow the trail that begins there a quarter mile to the beach. Or, to save 1.5 miles, from Mendocino drive 3.5 miles east on Little Lake until you spot a dirt road with a yellow Forest Service gate. Follow the road to a second yellow gate. Just past the gate, at the juncture of several roads, turn right and take the dirt road to the parking area. The walk from the Woodlands only takes about 20 minutes.

 

HUMBOLDT COUNTY

NORTH GARBERVILLE NUDE BEACH, GARBERVILLE

RATING: C

A nude beach where you can camp near a river or enjoy an afternoon of reading, tanning or swimming? Just five miles from Garberville, off Highway 101 at Exit 645 (Avenue Of The Giants), there’s a beach on the south fork of the Eel River that’s so secluded some visitors stay overnight. Its existence was kept secret by users until we unveiled directions to it in 2011. “It’s an awesome place,” says a recent visitor. “This sandy beach has become a local hangout.” “The beach is excellent for tents,” says reader Dave. “It’s really private and fun.” Nestled among some shade trees, the beach can’t be seen from the road. Some visitors bring tubes or floaties. The skinny-dipping hole measures about 100 feet across, with both deep and shallow swimming areas.

Directions: Go north on Highway 101. About five miles north of Garberville, take Exit 645 (Avenue Of The Giants), turn left, and head south a half mile on the river frontage road there to the spot mentioned below. Or from the north, take Highway 101 south to Exit 645. Take the exit to Hooker Creek Road and continue straight for about 100 feet, where you will see the frontage/service road. You can only go one way onto the service road. Follow it in front of the old Sylvandale Gardens store less than a half mile south along the river. Then park at the orange arrow on the pavement or where you see cars pulled over along the street. Look for a path there (recently marked by a rainbow streamer) and follow it as it curves to the right and takes you about 30 yards to the beach. Local nudies and campers tend to stay on the far right end of the beach.

Our weekly picks

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Our weekly picks

WEDNESDAY 11th

MUSIC

Supersuckers


Ripping up stages on the road for more than 20 years now, the Supersuckers continue to bring their high-octane blend of unadulterated rock ‘n’ roll to fans around the globe. Starting out in Tucson, Eddie Spaghetti and co. made their way to the Pacific Northwest in 1989, and thrived in the burgeoning Seattle scene, but never quite sounded like their local contemporaries. The broad range of American musical influences that make up the band’s sonic DNA have spawned a country album, collaborations with people such as Willie Nelson, and an overall appreciation for honest music made for real people. That fiercely independent attitude led the band to start its own label, Mid-Fi, on which it has been releasing material since 2001, including the latest, last year’s raucous Get It Together. (Sean McCourt)

With Last Vegas and Cockpit

8 p.m., $16

Slim’s

333 11th St., SF

(415) 255-0333

www.slimstickets.com

THURSDAY 12th

MUSIC

Andy Caldwell


If you grew up in the 1990s, then you may remember dancing to mellifluous old-school house jams like "Superfunkidiculous," by Santa Cruz-born, San Francisco-turned-Los Angeles resident Andy Caldwell. A globally-renowned DJ and remixer of futuristic and experimental beats, the multifaceted Caldwell spun with late R&B legend James Brown and also happens to be a classically-trained trumpeter and pianist. His latest, Obsession (on his own Uno Recordings), offers what his Web site dubs "electro club thumpers" and draws on yet another Caldwell talent — pop songwriting. (Jana Hsu)

10 p.m., $20

Vessel

85 Campton Place, SF

(415) 433-8585

www.vesselsf.com

DANCE

DV8 Physical Theatre


When the British DV8 Physical Theatre made its San Francisco debut in 1997 with Enter Achilles, an angry and visceral examination of the idea of manhood and masculinity during the AIDS pandemic, the company was still relatively unknown. Audiences here were stunned by the raw, abrasive quality with which these guys threw themselves across barroom furniture and each other. Now the company is back with its 2008 To Be Straight With You, in which choreographer Lloyd Newson tackles religion, tolerance, and homosexuality. Integral to Straight are interviews with people who agreed — sometimes reluctantly — to speak on those topics. Many of DV8’s works have been reinterpreted for the camera. This engagement offers an opportunity to see some of them, including Saturday’s free screening of 2004’s The Cost of Living, starring legless dancer David Tool at 7 p.m.(Rita Felciano)

Through Nov. 14

8 p.m., $39

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts

701 Mission, SF

(415) 978-2787

www.ybca.org

MUSIC

Frank Fairfield


Frank Fairfield calls Los Angeles home, but his sound is strictly Appalachia: the valleys where British ballads were reborn in the craggy, high, lonesome lyricism of American country blues. The story of Fairfield’s being discovered busking at a Hollywood farmers market sounds like a Robert Altman plot, but then 20something’s mesmerizing apprenticeship of old ballads is something more than a PR pitch. Fairfield’s reedy voice returns familiar tunes to restless wandering. The warbly fiddle and dusky banjo inscribe the album in 78rpm shadows, but for all the cracks, Fairfield’s arrangements bear the emotive precision of a true disciple. (Max Goldberg)

With Devine’s Washboard Band

8 p.m., free

Adobe Books

3166 16th St., SF

(415) 864-3936,

www.adobebooksbackroomgallery.blogspot.com

VISUAL ART

"Jigsawmentallama"


There are many ways to divide and read this curious title. JIG-SAW-MENTAL-LAMA is the obvious one, but does this suggest a mindful Tibetan monk who saw a jig? Or, shifting the "S" and "L," the mouth of a llama jigs in aw(e)? Perhaps I’m way off and this complicated mashup actually refers to a picture puzzle of tall men and Japanese female sea divers in search of shiny pearls. However you cut it up, the title of this group exhibition and weekly film and video screening series — involving 18 locally and internationally acclaimed artists — foreshadows endless entertainment. (Spencer Young)

Through Dec. 19

Opening tonight, 7 p.m.

Gallery hours Thurs.–Sat., noon–6 p.m. and by appointment)

David Cunningham Projects

1928 Folsom, SF

(415) 341-1538

www.davidcunninghamprojects.com

FRIDAY 13th

MUSIC

Raekwon


Fourteen years after Raekwon crowned himself the king of gangsta grit with the classic Only Built 4 Cuban Linx … (Loud Records), he returns to the sonic kitchen with the long-awaited sequel, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx … Pt. II (H2O/EMI Records). Part myth, part manifesto, Pt. II continues the coke-addled narrative found on the first album. With RZA and Busta Rhymes serving as executive producers, the tracks spin kung fu soul radio and pounding instrumentation, creating an aesthetic that is vintage Wu-Tang but also prescient. After a decade of lackluster hip-hop releases, Rae’s Mafioso style has returned to change the game with a pack of veterans: Ghostface, Masta Killa, and Method Man all show up on the record. Ghostface even tops his own solo album, Wizard of Poetry (Def Jam), on songs like "Penitentiary" and "Cold Outside" — an open wound of a track dealing with love and death in a world where two-year-olds get strangled in the street. Lyrically genius, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx … Pt. II carries its promise of greatness all the way to the end. (Lorian Long)

9 p.m., $25–$30

Independent

628 Divisadero, SF

(415) 771-1422

www.independentsf.com

MUSIC

Fuck Buttons


This British dirty electro drone duo have cleaned up real proper with their latest release, Tarot Sport (ATPR). By distilling the grating vocals and grinding, blitzkrieg gradients of their previous album (Street Horrrsing, on ATPR) for the ethereal and quixotic, Tarot Sport sounds more like Moby’s Play (V2/BMG Records) and less like Throbbing Gristle meets Kraftwerk. It’s actually somewhere in between, lost in the mist of glitter tank tops, autobahns, and leather dungeons. That being said, this is the only show I can imagine neon wand-twirling, pacifier-sucking, pogo-jumping, shoegazing, and head-banging all happily coalescing into one full house at Bottom of the Hill. (Young)

With Growing and Chen Santa Maria

10 p.m., $10

Bottom of the Hill

1233 17th St., SF

(415) 621-4455

www.bottomofthehill.com

SATURDAY 14th

MUSIC

Mountain Goats


Before the new Mountain Goats album dropped, John Darnielle wrote on his Web site that the new album consisted of "12 hard lessons the Bible taught me, kind of." Indeed, The Life of the World to Come (4AD) does consist of 12 Bible verses that trigger Darnielle’s memory of Midwestern skies before rainfall, glances between lovers, dying family members, and old houses creaking beneath the weight of one’s hesitation to enter. Not one to suffer without hope, Darnielle comes close to finding salvation with King James’ heavy hand. In "Isaiah 45:23" he sings "And I won’t get better, but someday I’ll be free / ‘cuz I am not this body that imprisons me." In Chapter 45, God appoints Cyrus as the restorer of Jerusalem. In Darnielle’s verse, he calls for an existence without bodies. "1 John 14:16" sounds like a Jon Brion score from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004). Darnielle considers his own "counselor" in that verse, as a source of love despite the beasts that too often surround him. (Long)

With Final Fantasy

9 p.m., $25

Fillmore

1805 Geary, SF

(415) 346-6000

www.ticketmaster.com

SUNDAY 15th

FILM

Erased James Franco


With roles including James Dean and Harvey Milk’s boyfriend, Scott Smith, it’s clear why James Franco is hovering around gay icon status. Is it any surprise, then, that he’ll be appearing in person at the Castro Theatre? Maybe not, but it’s still exciting. True Franco fans can catch a double-dose of the eclectic actor, who will also be introducing episodes of Freaks and Geeks at SFMOMA earlier in the day. Sure, you’ve seen them 80 times already, but can you ever really have too much Daniel Desario? The Castro event is equally intriguing: Franco appears alongside artist Carter and SFMOMA associate curator Frank Smigiel for a screening of Erased James Franco. The film presents Franco stripped to the status of art object as he discusses his past performances. One word of caution: "stripped" is merely a euphemism. For actual James Franco nudity, you’ll have to use your imagination. (Louis Peitzman)

3 p.m., $10

San Francisco Museum of Modern Art

151 Third St., SF

www.sfmoma.org

8 p.m., $10

Castro Theatre

429 Castro St, SF

www.ticketweb.com

MUSIC

Young Widows


Young Widows are redemptive heroes for a once-burgeoning post-hardcore scene. Seemingly everyone’s friend, they have unleashed a veritable tidal wave of split 7-inches in recent years, along with two full-lengths of their own. Alloying plutonium-heavy guitar tones with squalling, unpredictable lead-work, the trio produce a distinctive brand of sleazy, noisy hardcore, with anthemic gang-vocals and the occasional rusty hook layered on top. The band’s Louisville, Ky., roots grant them membership in a growing class of talented, idiosyncratic Southern headbangers. (Ben Richardson)

With Russian Circles and Helms Alee

9 p.m., $13

Bottom of the Hill

1233 17th St, SF

(415) 621-4455

www.bottomofthehill.com

EVENT

SkirtChaser 5K


Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines! The SkirtChaser 5K is a race with a twist: women runners get a three-minute head start on the menfolk, who must then sprint to catch up to the pack (athletic skirts are optional, but encouraged — pick one up along with your registration fees). Part of a series of races held nationwide (the Bay Area version benefits Chances for Children), SkirtChaser offers a grand prize of $500 to the first finisher (male or female), and additional bonus goodies, like free sunglasses to the first couple who cross the line together. There’s also a post-dash fashion show and live entertainment segment, complete with dating games. (Hsu)

2 p.m. (women’s start); 2:03 p.m. (men’s start), $35–$85

Golden Gate Park, Music Pavilion,

36th Ave. at Fulton, SF

www.skirtchaser5k.com

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Goldies Extra: Luke Butler goes there

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By Matt Sussman

Take one look at Luke Butler’s “Leaders of Men” series, and the “walk softly, but carry a big stick” jokes would seem to write themselves. But Butler’s aim is less satirical. And while they humorously resonate with the recent eroticization of the body politic (think of those shirtless pics of Obama swimming or Putin fishing), Butler’s jarring juxtapositions are strangely generous, offering that most sheltered, scripted, and paranoid of creatures –the politician — the chance to literally let it all hang out, by providing the likes of Nixon and Ford with what Mother Nature never gave them.

butler.jpeg
Luke Butler, Batman and Robin, collage, 2008

“It was no big deal to show Saddam Hussein being hung to death, but if his cock had popped out that would have been a real crisis,” Butler explains, expounding on our culture’s double standard towards depictions of violence versus male nudity. “It’s such an awful contradiction. My collages don’t solve this problem but run into it head on.”

That problem, at the larger level, would be the restrictions on what is permissible to show (erections, but then again, only metonymically) versus what must be hidden (real emotional vulnerability) that regulate normative displays of masculinity. Whether telegraphing a quivering, emotional inner life or proudly waving around their throbbing members, Butler’s leaders of men aren’t afraid to cry out with their cocks out. In a way, they are distant relations of Mike Kuchar’s paintings of gay heartthrobs, lovingly described by Eileen Myles as “pushing through fountains of testosterone.”

butler2.jpeg
Luke Butler, Encounter, acrylic on canvas, 2009

In one of Butler’s “Enterprise” canvases, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk lies supine, as a large, Yeti-like creature hovers above him. It’s safe to guess that within the context of the episode Kirk was in danger, and suspense came from whether or not he would rouse in time to save himself. And yet, in Butler’s canvas, what comes across is tenderness. Kirk’s facial expression and body language seem to anticipate a lover rather than a threat, echoing innumerable art historical precedents of Cupid approaching Psyche as she slumbers, or even depictions of the Annunciation. He is free to boldly go where no man has gone before.

Luke Butler

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Luke Butler

arts@sfbg.com

"It’s so hard for me to figure out where it begins and ends with Shatner," comments artist Luke Butler on the man who, arguably, could be called his muse. "He’s a genius," Butler continues, "not because he is a great actor, but because he has this unstoppable quality. His vulnerabilities are on the surface for all to see."

Butler has spent a lot of time thinking through what William Shatner reveals and withholds on his most expressive surface: his face. For his Enterprise series — hung as part of "Captain!," his recent solo show at Silverman Gallery — Butler meticulously painted and repainted the freeze-framed countenance of Shatner as Captain Kirk.

Roland Barthes famously rhapsodized over Greta Garbo’s face, noting that, at a time when onscreen representations of beauty were changing, her visage "assures the passage from awe to charm." Butler’s paintings propose an alternate shift in regard to the uses of pop culture in contemporary art: from something ironic or quotable to a strange, new affective model — especially where masculinity is concerned.

Isolated against their gray backgrounds, devoid of context, Butler’s faces invite projection on what’s causing the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise to look so pained, or languorous, or nervous. In space, no one can hear you scream, but Butler is still trying to listen.

Which brings us back to vulnerability. Kirk is described in text on Silverman’s site as a "model of vulnerability" — one no doubt enabled by Shatner’s borderline-hammy yet entirely committed acting style. "I think vulnerability is a better way for people to be," Butler reflects. "I think that it’s the best, most productive form of strength."

It’s an observation carried out most fantastically in Butler’s collage series "Leaders of Men," also displayed in "Captain!," in which the heads of Cold War politicians appear seamlessly grafted onto the glistening, well-endowed bodies of contemporaneous gay beefcake. While humorously resonating with the recent eroticization of the body politic (think of those shirtless pics of Obama swimming or Putin fishing), Butler’s jarring juxtapositions are more than a one-trick sight gag. They offer that most sheltered, scripted, and paranoid of creatures — the politician — the chance to literally let it all hang out.

"It was no big deal to show Saddam Hussein being hung to death. But if his cock had popped out — that would have been a real crisis," Butler explains, expounding on our culture’s double standard toward depictions of violence versus male nudity. "It’s such an awful contradiction. My collages don’t solve this problem, but run into it head on."

www.silverman-gallery.com

Lights, camera, kink!

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a&eletters@sfbg.com

For most of us, erotic film is more a means to an end than an event unto itself — not to mention something to be enjoyed in private. This month, Good Vibrations offers a prime opportunity to break free from that conception and celebrate erotica in a thoroughly public way. On Sept. 17, the Good Vibrations Independent Erotic Film Festival returns to the Castro Theatre: two hosts, 11 finalists, and countless displays of kink, fetish, and good old-fashioned perversion.

According to festival director Camilla Lombard, Good Vibes received 50 submissions from all over the world. What was once regional has become international, and the formerly one-night event is being spread out across an entire week. Starting Sept. 12, Good Vibes is hosting a series of events, including a "Blue Movie Night" and a screening of the classic The Devil in Miss Jones (1973) — with Miss Jones herself, Georgina Spelvin, in attendance.

The climax (no pun intended) is the Sept. 17 Castro Theatre screening, hosted by Peaches Christ and Dr. Carol Queen. Audience members will vote on the short films, which range from softcore to hardcore, sexy to sexier. The linking characteristic of these pieces is their objectivity — it’s not about what the mainstream porn industry says is hot. It’s up to the filmmakers and, naturally, their audience to decide.

Travis Mathews’ In Their Room finds its eroticism in the reality of male sexuality rather than in the act itself. Mathews interviewed a group of BUTT magazine readers in their bedrooms, getting his subjects to uncover themselves — literally and figuratively.

"I think we’re so desensitized in the traditional realm of what’s erotic and what’s pornographic that it just becomes not sexy," he explains. "The things that are interesting to me in porn are the little glimpses of things that are real or are authentic or mess-ups."

Though more explicit, Let Me Tell You John Cameron Mitchell by Paul Festa is equally unconventional. His piece was edited down from his audition tape for John Cameron Mitchell’s Shortbus (2006). A "remix" of the original, Festa’s short fits with the festival’s theme of subjective appreciation. As he puts it, "When you remove what you thought was the heart of it, it actually gives the reader or viewer something to do."

And then there are films with no nudity at all, like Nara Denning’s Neurotique No. 4, a strange silent movie that hints at the erotic but remains essentially chaste. Denning shares a sentiment similar to Festa’s: "I left it kind of open for [the audience] to interpret."

Unless you’re an open-minded pansexual hornball, there’s a good chance you won’t find all 11 films arousing, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Good Vibes intends their fest to be about choice and diversity, not about getting off — though standing O’s (pun fully intended) are not discouraged, of course.

GOOD VIBRATIONS INDEPENDENT EROTIC FILM FESTIVAL Sept 12–17, various venues and prices, www.gv-ixff.org/film

Packing for the trip

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news@sfbg.com

San Francisco has always been a big recreational drug town, from its opium dens of yore to the pill-popping beats and acid-eating hippies to business elites doing bumps in bathrooms to ravers on E and cranked-out clubbers, not to mention the tattered street souls scoring fixes of crack or smack.

But in terms of sheer numbers of Bay Area partiers stocking up on the full illegal pharmacopoeia all at once, it’s hard to top right now, the month of August, the run-up to Burning Man.

Now I know what they say. This event — which started in San Francisco 23 years ago and now occurs in the Nevada boondocks — isn’t simply a big drug fest. Many burners don’t even do drugs anymore. It’s about "radical self-expression" and "radical self-reliance" and all kinds of other radical stuff, like a gift economy, public nudity, and massive fire cannons. Radical, dude.

But let’s get real, m’kay? Burning Man may be many things, but among those things is that it may be the best time and place on the planet to ingest mind-altering substances, something recognized even by attendees who don’t regularly do drugs — although most burners also do them here.

Why? Because DRUGS ARE FUN!!!

OK, so you’re getting ready to head to the playa. You’re part of a mid-sized Burning Man camp that’s giving away peach schnapps Sno-Cones from a big peach-shaped art car and you’re all calling yourself James. Or whatever. Not important.

You got your goggles and combat boots. Your bike is covered entirely in fake pink fur and wrapped in blue electro-luminescent wire. You’ve packed enough costumes for a month, from the fire-crotch thong to an elaborate Ming the Merciless getup, complete with death ray. Again, whatever, not important.

What is important are the drugs. You’re going to spend a week frolicking through the planet’s preeminent adult playground, past all manner of tripper traps and the weirdest, most mind-blowing shit you’ve ever seen, mixing with a multitude of beautiful souls with Cheshire Cat grins. You’ll want one too.

I suppose you could do it sober, and I’ve heard stories about people who do. But why? This particular party environment is a lifeless desert that sucks the moisture out of you and everything around you, so booze just isn’t the best choice of intoxicant. I’ve known many people who have ended up in the medical tent from drinking, but none from using drugs.

In fact, it’s safe to say that drug cocktails are the cocktails of Burning Man.

Everyone has his or her drug combo of choice, but mine is flipping out. Candy-flipping (LSD and ecstasy) or hippie-flipping (shrooms and ecstasy), depending on my mood and agenda. It’s the perfect combo: E for the euphoria and psychedelics to amp up the weirdness. It’s like a wild, joyful ride into a parallel universe.

On a big night, I’ll often re-up several times, taking another dose of one or the other every few hours, balancing my buzz like the pro I am. And then, as dawn approaches after a long night of flipping around the playa, that’s the best time to get into the Ketamine. Believe me, Special K is just the right dessert for a meal like that, bringing all the night’s adventures into a sort of twisted focus.

Of course, you’re going to want to vary your experiences night to night, and for that you’re going to need to be well stocked. One year, I took K, MDA, MDMA, acid, shrooms, pot, Foxy, nitrous oxide (maybe that doesn’t count), cocaine, 2CB, 2CT7, mescaline, and, well, I’m sure there were others. I think I counted 15 in all, all consumed over the course of nine days. At that level, you begin count sobriety as its own drug.

By the end of the week, once the tolerance has been ratcheted up by daily drug use, some burners start to really pile on the chemicals, trying to regain the high highs from the early part of the week. Burn night, the week’s penultimate party, can get downright ugly, walking zombies with glazed expressions and wan, serotonin-depleted smiles.

It can take weeks to fully recover your senses after a run like that. But we do come back. Humans are remarkably resilient creatures.

Serious week-long benders aren’t for everyone, but almost everyone dabbles in the desert. Newbies want to maximize their experience and veterans just know, including the fact that (no matter what they’re intentions going in) they’ll want drugs, which can be tough to score out there.

Cops with night-vision goggles and plain-clothed narcs prowl the playa and we’ve all heard outrageous stories of vile, sneaky busts. As a result, we’re so guarded around people we don’t know that uninitiated newbies sometimes sadly conclude that nobody does drugs at Burning Man, despite all the giddy grins and oversized pupils. Remember: you aren’t paranoid if they really are out to get you.

So we down our drugs carefully and stock up here. But most of us are professionals — more so in the working than party worlds — who don’t have dealers on speed dial. So right now, we’re all banding together to place ridiculously large orders — hundreds of pills, pounds of fungus, all just for personal use — with the handful of multidrug dealers who can make more money in August than the other 11 months put together.

But drugs busts don’t spike in August, and busts at or en route to Burning Man have also been flat in recent years, despite eager law enforcement. That’s because we’re smart, creative professionals who really don’t want to get caught. And we’ve devised crazy, inventive ways of hiding them — systems I won’t reveal. We all have drugs, but bring your dogs and all your cop knowledge, and you still won’t find them.

We are determined and we love our drugs.
For great advice on dosage and warnings about various drug combinations, consult www.erowid.org.

Something for nothing

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>>CLICK HERE TO VIEW THIS GUIDE ON ONE PAGE

You can’t get much cheaper than free. And at a time when many of us are counting every penny, the Bay Area is full of free stuff. Some of it’s right in front of your face, but most of it takes a little digging to find. This guide should send you in the right direction.

Oh, and by the way: some economists and political thinkers are suggesting that, as the over-financed, money-driven economy of the last century goes into, well, free-fall, the idea of giving things away could be the model for a more sustainable future.

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FREE FOOD

You can eat like a gourmet for the price of a drink

By Virginia Miller

Eating free doesn’t have to begin and end with soup kitchens. Here are some spots where, for the price of a drink — or sometimes for nothing — you can get good food, and sometimes excellent food, for everybody’s favorite magic number of zero.

ADESSO HAPPY HOUR

Adesso is much more than wine bar with an Italian-centric list of wines by the glass. The drinks are (relatively) inexpensive and creative concoctions. But the best part (besides a Foosball table) is food that comes out continuously from the kitchen during weekday happy hours. We’re not talking about your average free bar food here — this is stuff from the regular menu, like excellent house-made charcuterie, cheeses, hefty arancini (fried Italian rice balls), pates, sardine crostini, and all kinds of goodness. Happy hour, indeed.

Mon.–Fri., 5-7pm. 4395 Piedmont, Oakl. 510-601-0305

ALISHA’S HOME COOKIN’ FRIDAYS AT THE RIPTIDE

It’s happy hour and it’s Friday … what could be better? Especially at dive bar extraordinaire the Riptide, all the way out by the ocean in the Sunset District. From 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. (or until the food’s gone), Alisha cooks up down-home goodness that pairs well with the ‘Tide’s PBRs and fireplace (in case — shall we bet on it? — the fog rolls in after a sunny summer day). You get chili con carne, chicken pot pie, and something called "blushin’ bunnies."

4–7 p.m. 3639 Taraval, SF.415-681-8433. www.riptidesf.com

MAYA HAPPY HOUR WITH BOTANAS

The $5 drink specials all night on margaritas, mojitos, and sangria are already a good deal. Add in free all-you-can-eat Mexican snacks and it’s a party. Free stuff includes Mexican bites like guac, quesadillas, taquitos, jicama with ceviche, tamales, and black bean dip. Arriba!

Weekdays, 4–7pm www.mayasf.com

EL RIO’S MONTHLY PANCAKE SATURDAYS

El Rio is one generous bar — the place serves free pancakes from the griddle the third Saturday of the month. Further cool points won by calling it "Rock Softly and Carry a Big Spatula." Breakfast is kindly served at 1 p.m., so after you’ve rolled out of bed and wandered over, ease into wakefulness with soft rock and hot flapjacks. Wear the "funkiest kitchen couture" and you could win their Golden Apron honors. After a meal that costs nothing, it’s easy to feed the tradition with generous tips. There’s also free barbecue at Friday night happy hours until 9 p.m. and on Sunday afternoons during the summer.

3rd Saturdays, 1–3 p.m. 3158 Mission, 415-282-3325. www.elriosf.com

PALIO D’ASTI’S PIZZA

Any two drinks (of the alcoholic kind, $6–$9) and you’re given a generous-sized pizza for two (or one massive eater). Devour the sauceless pizza d’Asti (shaved asparagus, fontina val d’aosta, thyme), a classic Margherita, or a Siciliana (fabulous Berkshire pork fennel sausage, fire roasted peppers, and smoked mozzarella). It’s no trouble drinking cocktails when they’re as playful as rosemary "sweet tea" (bourbon, muddled rosemary, lemon, and a splash of Moscato d’Asti), or a rhubarb margarita with lime and a salt rim.

Mon-Fri, 4–7pm. 640 Sacramento, SF.415-395-9800. www.paliodasti.com

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FREE DRINKS

Sometimes, even the booze is on the house

By Amy Monroe

If you’re curious and thirsty on a Friday, head to Spuntino’s free wine tasting from 4 to 6 p.m. Let the friendly staff pour and explain a flight of wines organized around a different theme each week. Drink free and get educated — imagine that.

1957 Union, 931-0122, www.spuntinosf.com

Cash-strapped social butterflies need only round up a group of friends and bring them to Tropisueno any night of the week to earn free drinks, and lots of them. The host imbibes gratis all evening provided she brings five friends with her to the bar.

75 Yerba Buena Ln., 243-0299, www.tropisueno.com

If you happen to be walking by one of the city’s many Kimpton hotels between 5 and 6 p.m. on a weekday, you might want to wander in and mingle with the guests in the lobby. If you look the part (and nobody asks you to show your room key), you can partake in the hotel chain’s free wine hour. Bonus: many locations pour free Anchor, too.

Nine locations in San Francisco, www.kimptonhotels.com

Like beer, music, and crowds? Then head to tiny Laszlo on the first Friday of the month for GroundSound Happy Hour. Hosts Upper Playground and SonicLiving buy you beer — and good beer at that, Trumer Pils and Shiner Commemorator — from 6 to 7 p.m. while DJs spin for your listening pleasure.

2526 Mission, 401-0810, www.laszlobar.com

upperplayground.com/wordpress/?tag=groundsound-happy-hour

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JOHNNY FUNCHEAP’S FAVORITE WAYS TO ENJOY THE CITY, FREE

By Johnny Funcheap

When you’re broke in San Francisco, sometimes even "cheap" can seem like a four-letter word. So thank God for free. Here are a few ways you can still enjoy the fun of living in San Francisco without cracking open your wallet even once.

GET LECTURED ABOUT YOUR DRINKING

The Mission District bar Elixir hosts a free Thursday night "Cocktail Club" with tastings (whiskeys, vodkas, tequilas … even absinthe) and a guest expert to help guide you through the process of finding new ways to appreciate staying off the wagon. For beer and wine drinkers, most BevMo! locations in the Bay Area have regular free tasting parties with themes like summertime ales and Mexican beers.

Elixir, 3200 16th St. http://www.elixirsf.com

ART GALLERY RECEPTIONS AND WALKS

To help lure in and lubricate casual art fans into being art-buyers, most galleries have regular receptions with free-flowing wine and a tasty platter of things to nibble on while you research art you can’t yet afford. If one reception a night isn’t enough, try sauntering from gallery to gallery during one of several monthly art walks — the most reliable of which clusters around Union Square with regular collective receptions the first Thursday evening of each month.

www.firstthursdayart.com

VOLUNTEERING MADE EASY: ONE BRICK

Unemployed? Got time on your hands? Do something useful with it — and meet new friends in the process. One Brick is a local nonprofit that hosts upwards of 20 different flexible volunteering opportunities each week, ranging from working a short shift beautifying a local park to serving food to the homeless. It’s not just about doing good — One Brick aims to help you make new friends by organizing meet-ups after each event so volunteers can get to know one another in a relaxed setting over a meal or a drink.

www.onebrick.org

GET YOUR GEEK ON: STAR PARTIES

If you’ve ever looked up to the heavens and wondered what the hell was up there, the San Francisco Amateur Astronomers might be able to give you some answers. The group gives free lectures the third Wednesday of each month at the Randall Museum. When skies are clear, it hosts free monthly Star Parties at Point Lobos at Lands End with a lecture and a public telescope viewing.

RandallMuseum, 199 Museum Way; Point Lobos, El Camino Del Mar in Lands End;

www.sfaa-astronomy.org

AURAL PLEASURES: MARKET STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL

If the live music at the Stern Grove and Yerba Buena Gardens Festivals make you sad that most weekdays are quiet, the annual People in Plazas festival should help fill in any remaining gaps in your work-week concert schedule. This free July-to-October Market Street music festival puts on more than 145 free lunchtime concerts of all types in 16 different public plazas from the Embarcadero through the Castro.

www.peopleinplazas.org

FRIDAY NIGHT SKATE

Rather than plunking down a big portion of your salary (or unemployment check) on a gym membership (or signing up for a free introductory pass at a different gym each week: a.k.a. "gym slutting"), get sweaty by donning your blades or old-school roller skates and join the Midnight Rollers’ weekly Friday Night Skate. A large group of skaters embark from the Ferry Plaza on a 10-mile dance party/skate tour of the city, which includes plenty of stops for ice cream, Frisbee-throwing, and a chance for slowpokes to catch up.

www.cora.org/friday

TASTE-MAKING

Macy’s Union Square puts on free monthly cooking demonstrations in the Cellar, where top local chefs reveal their secrets for dishing up creative yet healthy meals. Not only do you get to learn skills like how to barbecue like a grill master, expertly pair chocolate and wine, or make a brunch worth waking up early for, you also get to sample the yummy delights the experts have cooked up. It’s like watching your favorite cooking show on the Food Network, but getting to magically reach inside the TV to grab a taste.

www1.macys.com

Johnny Funcheap runs FunCheapSF.com, a free San Francisco-based service that uncovers and shares a hand-picked recommendation list of upwards of 50 cheap, fun, unique Bay Area events each week.

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FIVE FREE THINGS TO DISCOVER IN SF

Urban adventures don’t have to cost money

By Broke-Ass Stuart

Although wasting a day in Dolores Park or purposefully misdirecting tourists might be great way to have some free fun, anything can get redundant after a while. That’s why I put together this list of amazing free things to discover in San Francisco. Whether you’ve been here your whole life or just landed today, you’re bound to find something entertaining on this list.

The Wave Organ at the end of the jetty extending past the Golden Gate Yacht club in the Marina. It’s not bellowing quite like it used to, but the Wave Organ is a perfect particle of San Francisco’s quirkiness. Built by the Exploratorium, the Wave Organ consists of 25 PVC pipes of various lengths jutting through concrete into the bay below. The sounds it makes depend on the height of the tide.

The Seward Street Slides at Seward and Douglass streets in the Castro District. Cardboard: free. Concrete slides: free. Getting bloody scrapes from combo of cardboard and concrete slides: priceless. The two concrete chutes are constructed so that when you get to the top and sit on a piece of cardboard, you slide down. Bring wax paper for even greater velocity.

The Xanadu Gallery at 140 Maiden Lane. If you’re excited about free stuff, chances are you can’t afford anything in this gallery. But looking around is free — and awesome! Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright at the same time that he was doodling the Guggenheim, Xanadu Gallery (built as the VC Morris Gift Shop), has a remarkably similar interior to its New York City cousin — seemingly devoid of right angles and full of curving ramps. I’d pay so much money to see Tony Hawk go to town in here.

The Tiled Steps and Grand View Park, 16th Avenue at Moraga. Bring your sweetie and climb the lovely 163 tiled steps. Stop at the top and breathe a bunch. Then climb the next set of stairs to the right, and the ones after that. Now you’re in Grand View Park. Breathe a bunch more while checking out the staggering view. Smooching at the top is optional (but excellent).

The Jejune Institute, 580 California, Suite 1607,. Imagine if Lost took place in San Francisco. But instead of wandering the jungle dodging weird smoke monsters and "the others," you could explore the city in ways you never imagined. The JeJune Institute is kinda like that, only better. I don’t want to ruin anything for you, so all I’m gonna say is go there with a couple free hours, a cell phone, and $1.10 (not technically free but seriously the best $1.10 you’ll ever spend). The Jejune Institute blew my mind so hard that the top of my skull still flaps in the wind.

If you like cheap stuff, check out BrokeAssStuart.com.

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FREE HAIRCUTS

Let the students practice on your head

By Mayka Mei

Has anyone ever said you have a great face for hair modeling? Volunteering as a hair model gives salon trainees a chance to fulfill all their requirements for becoming full-time stylists. True, salons have become more guarded about their freebies, sometimes nixing the programs altogether. But a few freebies are still out there.

A few caveats: you’ll need an open, available schedule. Some salons have casting calls or will screen you for certain characteristics online or over the phone. Decide if you want a cut or color, and exactly what type of styling you have in mind. With specific days devoted to specific lessons, they may not need another graduate specializing in bobs the week you need a cut. Here are two places that still cut hair, absolutely free.

Festoon Salon

Haircuts Mondays at 9 a.m., 1 p.m. and 3 p.m.

Coloring second and fifth Mondays at 11 a.m., 1 p.m., and 3 p.m.

1401 Martin Luther King Jr. Way, Berk.

(888) 35-SALON or (510) 528-5855, www.festoonsalon.com

Visual Image

Hair modeling vacancies available one or two times a month, or once a quarter

5200 Mowry, Suite C, Fremont

(510) 792-5922, www.visualimagesalon.com

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FREE PHONES, MOVIES, AND WI-FI

Why are you still paying for Internet access?

By Annalee Newitz

Information may want to be free, but Internet service providers want to charge you too see it. That doesn’t have to crimp your style; there’s plenty of free Wi-Fi — and ways to get free movies and phone service.

Let’s start with a little disclaimer: When you’re talking about getting things like free Wi-Fi, or free phone service, even "free" comes with a price. You’re going to have to invest in some equipment to get free stuff later. You might also need some training — but that’s available free.

For free classes where you can learn more about how to build some of the technologies I’ll be talking about below, check out the Noisebridge hacker space near 16th and Mission streets (www.noisebridge.net/wiki/Noisebridge).

Now, here’s the dirt on how you can stop paying for phone service, cable, Internet, and online media.

FREE INTERNET SERVICE

Novice level: If you have a laptop with a Wi-Fi card, you should never have to pay for an Internet connection while you live in the San Francisco Bay Area. There are countless cafes that provide free Wi-Fi to their customers. Yelp offers a good, up-to-date list of free Wi-Fi cafes in San Francisco at www.yelp.com/list/free-wireless-cafes-in-sf-san-francisco.

In San Francisco, check for free Wi-Fi provided by commercial vendor Meraki using this map: sf.meraki.com/map. Every branch library in San Francisco, Berkeley, and Oakland offers free Wi-Fi.

Techie level: If you’d like to get free Internet service at home and not have to visit your local cafe all the time, you can build a cheap antenna so that you can see countless networks all around your house. Find out how to build such an antenna using this free online guide at www.en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Wifi/Building_an_antenna.

If you are going to be borrowing your neighbors’ Wi-Fi service, please observe this cardinal rule: You are a guest, so use their service sparingly. Checking e-mail is fine, surfing the Web is fine, but downloading giant movie files is extremely uncool.

FREE MOBILE PHONE SERVICE

Novice level: Make all of your phone calls over the Internet using an IP phone. You can either invest in an IP phone and make phone calls using free Wi-Fi cafes and free city networks, or you can get the headset and microphone to plug into your laptop so that you can use Skype or another free Internet voice service.

Techie level: Turn your home phone into an IP phone.

Here are other ideas that some people have tried (and we, of course, don’t recommend that anyone does anything against the law). One of the open secrets about cordless phones is that it is extremely easy to steal phone service using them. Many cordless phones use the DECT chipset, and special laptop cards are available that that allow the users to trick cordless phones system into thinking that the laptop user is one of the cordless phones associated with it. www.dedected.org/trac

FREE CABLE

Novice level: Miro is an online service that allows you to turn your computer into a Tivo-like device that will download the shows you want to watch as soon as they are available via file-sharing programs. Find out more here: www.getmiro.com

Techie level: Turn your computer into a television tuner using Myth TV. www.mythtv.org

FREE MEDIA

Novice level: There are plenty of services online that offer free media, from Hulu.com, which offers a lot of free television and movies, to Archive.org, which has a vast collection of public domain films. Neither Hulu nor Archive.org requires you to download any special software. Or if you’d like something classier, you can download free, public domain classical music at MusOpen! www.musopen.com

Techie level: Use a BitTorrent client to download public domain music and movies that you can save on your computer. CreativeCommons.org lists many artists who offer their music for free. Public Domain Movies offers torrents of movies available to you for free. www.publicdomaintorrents.com

Other options people have tried: Some use a BitTorrent client to download any movie, television, music, software, or books that they like, using a popular Torrent search engine like Isohunt. There are a lot of what you might call grey area legal media at the Pirate Bay. That oufit is located in Sweden, a country that recenty elected representatives of the Pirate Party to serve in the European Parliament.

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FREE POT

You may be broke, but you can still smoke

By Rachel Buhner

It’s not well advertised, but if you’re short on money and need your organic herbal medicine, many of the city’s pot clubs will give it to you, free. Some places ask for proof of income or require membership while some are more loose about it. You won’t get big bags, either — typically the freebie is a gram. But while the American Medical Association and the insurance companies argue in Washington, D.C., about how to keep their fingers on the cash, local medical marijuana dispensaries are actually trying to serve needy patients.

The Green Door offers free marijuana every Thursday from 12 noon to 2 p.m. for those who can’t afford it. No proof is required.

843 Howard Street. (415) 541-9590. www.greendoorsf.com

The Market Street Cooperative offers free marijuana every Sunday for those who can’t afford it. No proof is required.

1884 Market. (415) 864-6686 www.marketstreetcooperative.com

The Hemp Center offers compassionate donations to all members when available; no proof of income is required. There’s also free Internet access, free bottled water, and free rolling papers.

4811 Geary (415) 386-4367www.thehempcenter.com

Sanctuary offers free medical marijuana, but there’s currently a waiting list and priority if given to terminally ill patients. Proof of income required; open to San Francisco residents only.

669 O’Farrell (415) 885-4420

Harborside Health Centers offers a care package program to low-income patients. Paperwork showing a fixed low income is required; patients can receive a free gram and a half each week. Additionally, members from any income bracket can volunteer at the center performing general activist work (calling local representatives, writing letters, etc.). After one hour of work, patients receive a free gram.

And there’s more: every Sunday from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m., the center offers members free how-to-grow classes taught by David Gold, author of The Complete Cannabis. Members also get a free lending library for cannabis-related materials as well as free holistic health services such as hypnotherapy, chiropractic, naturopathy, yoga, reiki, traditional Chinese medicine, Western herbalist consultations, and Alexander Technique classes.

1840 Embarcadero, Oakl. (510) 533-0146, www.harborsidehealthcenter.com

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FREE PAINT

Not many colors, but the price is right

Every wonder what happens to all that old paint that good, responsible San Franciscans drop off at the city dump? It gets recycled, in the best possible way. The dump workers sort it by color, pour it into big buckets, and give it away.

You don’t get a wide color selection (off-white is the big choice) but the price is right and it keeps the stuff out of the landfill. Schools and community groups get priority, but San Francisco residents can stop by and pick some up whenever there’s extra.

501 Tunnel Avenue. 330-1400. www.sfrecycling.com/sfdump

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FREE SEX

Clubs, classes, and clinics dedicated to low-cost lovin’

By Molly Freedenberg

As anyone with a broken bed frame or a broken heart knows, even sex you don’t exchange money for is rarely free. But we’ve compiled a list of sex-related events, resources, health centers, and club nights that are easier on the pocketbook than most.

GOOD VIBRATIONS

Good Vibrations is always hosting free events, classes, and book signings at its Bay Area stores. This month, check out Paul Krassner reading from his book In Praise of Indecency on July 15 and Kevin Simmonds presenting his new project "Feti(sh)ame," based on interviews with gay men about sexual fetishes, on July 16, both at the Polk Street location, and a reading/signing of Hos, Hookers, Call Girls, and Rent Boys: Prostitues Writing on Life, Love, Work, Sex, and Money (featuring stories by Annie Sprinkle and Tracy Quan, among others) July 30 in Berkeley. www.goodvibes.com

CHAPS

With no cover and nightly drink specials, this SoMa gay bar is the place to ogle hot men on a budget. Ongoing events include Shirts Off Mondays, Trumer Tuesdays (featuring $2 Trumer drafts and specials on Jäger and fernet); the sports-gear and jock-strap-themed Locker Room Wednesdays (with specials on Speakeasy ales, Wild Turkey, and shooters with names like Cock Sucker and Golden Showers); Thursday’s Busted (with whiskey specials and indie, electro, and ’80s remixes); Men in Gear on Saturdays, Cheap Ass Happy Hour every Monday through Saturday from 6 to 9 p.m.; and Rubber (hosted by the Rubbermen of SF Bay) every second Friday.

1225 Folsom, SF. (415) 255-2427, www.chapsbarsanfrancisco.com

CENTER FOR SEX AND CULTURE

This nonprofit organization provides education and resources across the gender spectrum. Though there’s a fee to attend many of the events hosted here, visiting the extensive library/media archive is free. So is checking out "Erotic Embrace of the Corset," an exhibit featuring 50 years of photography of bodies tied up tight, on display through Sept. 10. Call before you visit (the center is run by volunteers and has irregular hours), or try stop by between 1 and 5 p.m. weekdays.

1519 Mission, SF. (415) 255-1155, www.sexandculture.org

FIRST FRIDAY FOLLIES

Burlesque, by its very nature, is meant to be accessible to the masses — which means it should be not only lowbrow, but low cost. This monthly burlesque, music, and comedy revue takes "low" even lower by cutting out the cover charge entirely.

9:30pm. Stork Club, 2330 Telegraph, Oakl. www.myspace.com/firstfridayfollies

FEMINA POTENS

Part art gallery, part performance space, part community center, this nonprofit dedicated to greater visibility for women and transgendered artists has become a favorite of luminaries like Annie Sprinkle, Michelle Tea, and Carol Queen. Many events are low or no cost, and it’s always free to check out the art, including this month’s "Show Me Your Fantasy," featuring Malia Schlaefer’s photographs addressing contemporary female sexuality.

Thurs–Sun, 12–6pm. 2199 Market, SF. (415) 864-1558, www.feminapotens.org

SF JACKS

When you’re poor and bored, nothing perks you up quite like a good session of self-love. But if you’re tired of the solo mission, join other like-minded men for group "therapy" every second and fourth Monday. Though a $7 donation is suggested (insert "donation" pun here), no one will be turned away for lack of funds. Just remember the rules: mandatory nudity, jack-off play only.

7:30–8:30pm. Center for Sex and Culture, 1519 Mission, SF. (415) 267-6999, www.sfjacks.com

ST. JAMES INFIRMARY

Run by and for sex workers, this 10-year-old nonprofit provides free STI counseling and testing, rapid HIV testing, transgender healthcare and hormone therapy, self-defense classes, legal advice, and much MUCH more to sex workers and their families.

1372 Mission, SF. (415) 554-8494, stjamesinfirmary.org

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FREE TIPS GRAB BAG

More free stuff we love

You can watch Giants games free through the outfield fence; three-inning limit when there’s a crowd … Thrift stores all say "no dumping," but people leave stuff out in front late at night anyway … Ask someone leaving Muni for their transfer (and always take a transfer, even if you don’t need it, to share) … There’s almost always great free music at street fairs …. You can actually ski free at a lot of resorts if you do the old-fashioned thing and hike up the slopes instead of buying a lift ticket; on busy days nobody notices (obviously, this works best for short-run beginner hills) … There’s some great stuff at freecyle.org, but it’s a Yahoo newsgroup and floods your inbox so you have to keep up with it … The free stuff listings on Craigslist are also good … Casual carpools are a great way to get a free ride across the Bay … The Lyrics Born, Toto La Momposina, Kailash Kher’s Kailasa and the San Francisco Ballet all perform free this summer at Stern Grove, Sundays at 2 p.m., see www.sterngrove.org/2009season … Catch Wicked, Beach Blanket Babylon, Killing My Lobster, and more at the SF Theater Festival free shows; see www.sftheaterfestival.com and Yerba Buena Gardens Festival (till Oct. www.ybgf.org) … You can get free movie passes many weeks from the Guardian … Buy a Muni pass before the end of the month, and you can share your old one; it’s good for three days of free rides at the beginning of the month … Almost every used bookstore has a free box; mostly crap, but sometimes some gems …. The Cal Sailing Club in Berkeley offers free introductory sailing sessions on summer Sundays; for the schedule and details check out www.cal-sailing.org. San Francisco Brew Craft offers free beer-brewing classes every Monday night at 6 p.m. 1555 Clement, 751-9338 … You can catch free outdoor movies at Jack London Square in Oakland every other Thurs. night through August (www.jacklondonsquare.com/newscenter/upcomingevents) … Free Shakespeare in the Park performs The Comedy of Errors Sat. and Sun. afternoons in August and September at the Presidio Parade Grounds (schedule at www.sfshakes.org/park/index)

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FREE TRADE

Go ahead, give it away — that’s the way the next economy may work

By Cecile Lepage

The 2003 documentary film The Corporation established that corporations were psychopathic entities, prone to irresponsibility, manipulation, and remorselessness. Now writer Douglas Rushkoff contends that we — the human beings — have started to act like corporations. His new thought-provoking book — Life Inc.: How the World Became a Corporation and How to Take it Back (Random House) — retraces how society has internalized the corporate values that disconnect us from one another. The current economic meltdown, he argues, is our chance to overthrow this dysfunctional model. We talked to him about a very different economy — one based on things that are free.

SFBG Your outlook is bleak, but you are still optimistic enough to see a way out. What’s your plan?

Douglas Rushkoff This crisis is an opportunity to start doing things for each other. First we have to be daring enough to enter gift economies, where we exchange favors freely and openly without even keeping track, just assuming that it’s all going to work out. So if someone needs tutoring or help mowing his lawn, you should do it. Eventually we’ll realize how much less money we need to earn to get what we need.

SFBG You acknowledge that accepting favors in exchange for other ones feels messy and confusing to us. Why is that?

DR We’re afraid of being indebted to somebody else. In order to accept something from another person, you also accept your indebtedness and acknowledge your gratitude. Money feels cleaner to us. People prefer hiring a person to babysit for their child rather than accepting a favor from the old lady down the street — because if you accept, what social obligation have you incurred? What if she wants to join you at your next barbecue? What if she now wants to be your friend? So now we all have to work more to get money to buy things that we used to just exchange freely with each other.

SFBG You blame the corporations for convincing us that we are self-interested beings. How did they achieve that?

DR They thought that the mathematician John Nash’s bad game theory applied to real life. A number of experiments tried to show that human beings made decisions like poker players for personal short-term gain and assuming the worst about other people. None of the experiments actually worked: the secretaries they did the experiment on behaved collaboratively and compassionately.

The better scientists, like Dr. Glynn Isaac, an Africanist from Harvard, demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that food-sharing and collaboration are what allowed homo sapiens to survive. Nevertheless, we intentionally built an economy and a scarcity-based currency to promote the self-interest.

People look at the economy we’re living in as a fact of nature. They don’t see it as a set of rules that was put in place by a particular people at a particular time. They look at money the way a doctor looks at the bloodstream. They don’t understand that it’s a social construction and that we can rewrite it.

Kinda Kink.com

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johnny@sfbg.com

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood — won’t you be my neighbor? That classic American question is all trussed up and ready to go thanks to "Safe Word," a new exhibition at Chris Perez’s gallery Ratio 3 that peeks inside a nearby Mission District space: San Francisco’s lively new gargantuan factory of BDSM imagery, Kink.com.

An all-too-rare site-specific appraisal of urban landscape and activity is intrinsic to this show. Even before Kink.com took over the 200,000-square-foot San Francisco Armory, the landmark’s fortress-like appearance and mammoth scale cried out for this kind of creative response. Back in 2003, reviewing a show of mixed media cubic works by Will Yackulic at the now-defunct gallery Pond, I used the block formations in Yackulic’s art and Pond’s across-the-street proximity to the Armory as an opportunity to take stock of the structure formerly known as San Francisco National Guard Armory and Arsenal, a neo-medieval brick goliath that was fully erected in 1914 and registered as a historical landmark in 1978.

At that time, the Armory was long dormant, but three years later, Kink.com purchased the site to use it as a production studio. While Kink.com’s location and activities have, unsurprisingly, generated a vast variety of local reportage, the five contributors to "Safe Word" don’t attack or celebrate the company — and its curious macrocosmic 21st-century update of old Hollywood’s studio system — so much as use its complex notions and representations of literal site and virtual space as trampolines for their own artistic imaginations.

In comparison to the clutter and overload characteristic of many group shows, "Safe Word" spreads nine works by a handful of artists across Ratio 3’s roomy confines in a manner that prevents any one piece from going neglected. To some degree, the standout works are those one first encounters upon entering the gallery. On the immediate right are four oil-on-panel paintings by Danny Keith that depict screen captures of grappling men from NakedKombat.com and UltimateSurrender.com. In Keith’s paintings, two torsos become one — not through the penetration shots one associates with hardcore porn, but through beast-with-two-backs-and-one-head physical images that momentarily occur during wrestling bouts. The compelling puzzle of these human pretzels is that Keith’s carefully selected and at times broodingly emotive visions bypass or subvert or transform the power games present in the titles of the source material. (In contrast, an orange-hued painting by Francine Spiegel remains elliptical as a visual response to Kink.com.)

Amanda Kirkhuff’s two graphite drawings (one on a large sheet of paper, another on a wall) are confrontational. On the far side of the room from Ratio 3’s front door, they greet viewers with (in one case) human-scale and (in another) larger-than-life full-frontal female nudity. Kirkhuff’s The Oldest Profession is like a 21st-century female answer to de Kooning. Thanks to a tit mountain and triangular patch of pubic forest, the piece’s faceless female torso flirts without sentiment with monumental abstraction — less obviously, and more wittily, Kirkhuff uses the magnified pixel or fractal block patterns of video in a manner that evokes Kink.com’s brick façade. Kirkhuff’s The Burden is the closest thing to a self-portrait in the show. Its subject meets the viewer’s gaze with a casual strength and defiance. Viewed within the context of Kirkhuff’s past hilarious renderings of pop culture icons and monsters such as Monique and Dr. Laura, these works prove she’ll likely excel in a solo show context.

Two pieces within "Safe Word" reconfigure material from Kink.com. Takeshi Murakata’s installation Because I Know How to Relax, I Can Work and Play Better matches woman-on-woman BDSM video with new age relaxation audio. There’s a comic frisson between the imagery and the verbal instructions: when the voice-over asks one to imagine a hand reaching inside one’s body, a semi-literal corollary takes place on screen. And connections between BDSM and meditative practice becomes quite clear. The idea is a bit glib and easy, though. More evocative is Anthony Viti’s looping five-minute video Mission & 14th, a card-shuffle barrage of fast-forward on-the-set screen captures of men and women at work and at play before and around the camera. At the same time that Viti’s piece demystifies or ignores the rigid barricades that characterize Kink.com activity, it also — like Keith’s paintings — defies the rules and perhaps rigidity associated with BDSM. Here, desire isn’t bound or laying down the law. Instead, it manifests as a polymorphously perverse blur.

SAFE WORD

Wed–Sat, 11 a.m.–6 p.m.; through Aug. 8

Ratio 3

1447 Stevenson, SF

(415) 821-3771

www.ratio3.org

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