Events

Kelly Malone crafts up a new kind of SF playspace

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I’m going to venture a thought that may prove controversial, but it bears saying. San Francisco is not a crafter’s wonderland. Now, certainly it is fertile ground for artistic genius. But craft? Such a small, persnickety pastime thrives better in towns with worse weather, or less going on, or in ones with an idyllic beach or field where no one asks you if you’d like a weed infused peanut butter and jelly sandwich every god damn twenty minutes. Perhaps this explains the widespread popularity of Workshop, a crafting social space where you can zone out for an evening of PBRs and careful make-time.

Workshop co-founder Kelly Malone grew up with a functional notion of craft. Her dad’s a carpenter and her mom a part time seamstress. The couple would sit in the garage and sewing room, respectively, “and I was like, well that’s kind of lame,” Malone tells me one morning at Workshop, after we have gotten coffee across the street at Matching Half Cafe and I had managed to spill it on my dress, twice. Malone’s mom would try to teach her stitches back then, but “I’d get all goth on her, and tell her to piss off with the sewing.” It wasn’t until college that Malone got into crafting, after which she nabbed New York creative gigs for Victoria’s Secret and Betsy Johnson before moving to San Francisco.

Once here, she assembled her crafty friends in her backyard for Indie Mart, a hip DIY craft fair where Malone would cram in 25 vendors, stick a DJ in the bushes and was the funnest thing ever until the bathroom line got too long. So they moved it out to larger venues like the blocks outside Thee Parkside bar, and The Independent (it’s still going strong). Malone battled ovarian cancer (three rounds of chemo, but in remission as of last month), and decided that she wanted a permanent spot to capitalize on the SF craft mania that Indie Mart seemed to tap into.

So she sold nearly everything she owned, and got a Western Addition space that had lived previously as a T-shirt company, and as a dry cleaner for thirty years previous. Her vision paid off. Nowadays, she can’t post the one-off classes to the website quick enough – they sell out, nearly every one of the 13 the center usually offers a week. When Workshop opened, Malone had expected to teach no more than four a week.

“I didn’t realize that home ec doesn’t exist anymore – no one knows how to sew,” she tells me. “We all used to make things, but now we don’t create our own things anymore. I don’t nerd out on the politics of it too much, but I like seeing people make their own commerce.” 

Workshop classes do seem to attract their fair share of aspiring professionals eager to beat their cyclical unemployment. A recent screen-printing course I took played host to a girl in a homemade dress that seemed intent on learning the functionality of making prints, even though we shared the space that night with a sweethearted pack of leftover Pride tourists that came for the good times that Malone’s affable instructors provide. Some students have become Indie Mart vendors, even gone on to sell their wares to stores, and an Indie Business class at Workshop has found an eager audience.

But crafting is still clearly the source of much amusement here. My screen-printing instructor, Nicole Schwieterman, seemed equally concerned with the amount of fun students were having as their grasp of the technical skills involved. “It’s supposed to look like that, right?” she smiled when I sheepishly showed her the excessive mess my paint slops had made. Most people left with a finished product, of sorts, but I’m guessing only half will ever avail themselves to Workshop’s open studio hours.

 

The Workshop team’s votives of their space’s patron saints. Holla, Mr. Wizard, Martha Stewart, Bob Vila, and Shepard Fairey! Photo by Caitlin Donohue

Popular classes include glass terrarium making and rock ‘n roll sewing (for beginners), from which participants walk away with a homemade beer cozie. Examples of these lovely floral and/or screen-printing specimens lie piled in a basket in a corner of Workshop’s front room in accordance with a house rule that all drinks must be drunk thusly, well insulated. It’s good times — I liked the teacher ladies so much that when the three hour class had finished, I wanted to crack another beer, nest into the lounge area by the front door, and suck in more of the fun-productive ambience.

I can’t decide which of my three visits to Workshop I enjoyed most. The first was my initial stumble-upon when I caught their Divisadero Art Walk party. The same room I learned to screen-print in was packed with alterna-looking young people, and a girl headed up a punk band whose instruments were hooked up to more amps than seemed strictly necessary for a space so small. “We have our fair share of social events,” Kelly told me when I came back to chat with her on my second trip to figure out how this place came to be. And of course, there was the third time, making owl print T-shirts and killing beers with my roommate and a bunch of nice strangers. 

I take it back, I’m obviously going with the third time. You can hear a cute little indie band any day of the week, and hanging with successful creatives is cool, but a night on the town just making stuff? Totally San Francisco — or at least now we can pretend that it is.

 

Workshop

1798 McAllister, SF

(415) 874-9186

www.workshopsf.org

 

Hot sexy events June 30-July 6

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Thank god for this column, which allows me a great forum to come out of the closet. Some people may judge, but fuck em, right? I’m totally, one hundred percent Team Jacob. Yup. I just saw Twilight: Eclipse (the third installation in the “saga”) and I’m gonna go with the NYT on this one, werewolf is the new vampire. Who will the wan protagonist choose, her perma-shirtless Native American werewolf childhood best friend (played by 18-year old eek hottie yay Taylor Lautner), or the near-omnipotent, beyond the grave love of her alabaster vampire betrothed? I’m hella going for Jacob the werewolf, if only on the basis that he is a. alive, b. connected with the earth (all Native Americans are, right?) and c. smoking hot.

Literally! When Bella was freezing to death waiting in her alpine tent, Edward the cold fish vampire could only look on in horror as Jacob the werewolf climbed into her sleeping bag for body temp restoring snuggle time. That being said, if in the next chapter it behooves Edward to get in that sack too… but now we’re talking hypotheticals. Better to get onto this week’s sex events, shall we?

 

Twilight: Eclipse

Why do we make fun of all the Twi-fan teenage girls in the world? There are perhaps less empowering mass marketed fantasies they could obsess over than a young woman teasing two supernatural hotties along at the same time. For example: any of the Britney Spears videos. Sorry, girl. Anyways, get hot and bothered at this innuendo-y bubblegum good time.

Starts Wed/30 in Bay area theaters


Beginner’s Dungeon Class

Just getting into the BDSM scene? This is the 101. Learn how to dress, what you’ll see, how to stay safe, and just what the hell all that leathery code word action could possible mean. Trust me, you don’t want to be caught holding your whip wrong. Que faux pas!

Thurs/1 7:30-10:30 p.m., $10-20

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

www.edukink.org 


How to Choose a Vibrator

Gosh, there’s just so many options. Pearls, shapes, sizes, cost levels, which animal you want your vibrator to look like. Eek! So! Instruct your clitoris’ well being to a doctor. That’s what Good Vibes wants you to do at their “Ask a Doc” free class series. No proof of insurance required!

Thurs/1 6:30-7:30 p.m., free

Good Vibrations 

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

www.goodvibes.com


 

Locker Room

Locker Room is abandoning its Wednesday shift, so that’s the bad news. The good news is, that it’s moving to Thursday night – and, if you check your clothes at the door save your jockstrap, your entry in is on the house! So get on someone in the house – and make up for those not-so-fun days of gym class with a sexy, sexy evening.

Thurs/1 9 p.m., free when you strip to your jock

Chaps Bar

1225 Folsom, SF

(415) 225-CHAP

www.chapsbarsanfrancisco.com

 

 

 

 

Threshold 

Getting a little bit rougher than most Mission Control sex parties, but still focusing on the softer side of BDSM, Threshold will feature the tie-me-up, tie-me-down talents of Stefano, Chey, and Nefarious1. Enjoy Mission Control’s various horizontal play structures – maybe even put that stripper pole to use as  a hitching post.

Fri/2 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $20

Mission Control

www.missioncontrolsf.org


Trailer Trash

You know when the hosts suggest you look at www.peopleofwalmart.com for costume suggestions, you’re heading out to a different kind of BDSM bash. What kind of scene will you concoct? A BBQ gone bad? Naughtiness in the camps on NASCAR weekend? Hey wait, I’m not trying to give away all my ideas… 

Sat/3 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $25

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-1746

www.sfcitadel.org

Our Weekly Picks: June 31-July 6

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WEDNESDAY 30

FILM

The Hidden Fortress

There are certain experiences that, when given the chance, you should never pass up. Skydiving, for instance. Eating unusually good pizza. Seeing a Kurosawa film on the big screen. Well rejoice, reader, because at least one of those three is within your immediate grasp. UC Berkeley’s Pacific Film Archive is celebrating the centennial of Akira Kurosawa’s birth with a summer-long retrospective. On June 30, it will be showing The Hidden Fortress (1958), which directly inspired the (good) Star Wars trilogy and by proxy, pretty much every lighthearted action/fantasy caper you’ve ever seen. Also keep an eye out for The Seven Samurai (1954) on July 17, Yojimbo (1961) on July 24, and Ran (1985) on Aug. 21. (Zach Ritter)

7 p.m., $5.50–$9.50

Pacific Film Archive

2575 Bancroft, Berk

(510) 642-5249

www.bampfa.berkeley.edu

 

EVENT

God’s Lunatics

One of the main problems with today’s secularist revival is that it has no sense of the grotesque. Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris are bright dudes, but they can be just as dour and unyielding as their fundamentalist targets. They tend to lose sight of the notion that fanatics are more susceptible to mockery than they are to sober polemics. Enter award-winning author Michael Largo, whose new book God’s Lunatics takes the reader on a whirlwind tour of faith’s more ridiculous manifestations. The work presents a Victorian freak show of cult leaders, mystics, and crusaders from throughout history, chronicling the chaos and pitch-black comedy that inevitably results when humans exchange rational thought for passionate, earnest insanity. (Ritter)

7 p.m., free

Modern Times Bookstore

888 Valencia, SF

(415) 282-9246

www.mtbs.com

 

THEATER

Young Frankenstein

If you’ve seen Mel Brooks’ classic spoof Young Frankenstein (1974), you know that migrating humps, rolls in ze hay, and correcting people’s mispronunciation of his name are all in a day’s work for the young Dr. Frankenstein. But apart from his monster’s debut, which features a classy take on “Puttin’ on the Ritz,” he’s not necessarily one for musical numbers. Until 2007, that is, when the stage musical adaptation of the film premiered in Seattle, then migrated to Broadway, following in the footsteps of Brooks’ successful musical reworking of The Producers (1968) with collaborator Thomas Meehan. Now SF gets a taste of the wackiness, perhaps followed by the inevitable (if unfortunate) readaptation into film. (Sam Stander)

Through July 25

Tues.–Sat., 8 p.m. (also Wed. and Sat., 2 p.m.);

Sun, 2 p.m., $30–$99

Golden Gate Theatre

One Taylor, SF

(415) 551-2000

www.shnsf.com

 

THURSDAY 1

VISUAL ART

“Renaissance”

Many of the images in Bill Armstrong’s “Renaissance” series possess the eeriness of a certain strain of uncanny portrait photography, but these photos don’t incorporate living models. They’re defocused captures of Renaissance-era drawings that Armstrong has painted over with bright swathes of color. The out-of-focus effect combines with his choice of colors to lend the photos a haunting depth, so much so that it’s sometimes easy to forget the inanimate qualities of the subjects. Despite their vivaciousness, the sometimes bizarre hues prevent the images from seeming entirely organic. By photographing works of printed art, Armstrong plays with the idea of the photographic subject, resulting in these deceptively simple and fascinating shots. (Stander)

Through Aug. 28

Opening 5:30–7:30 p.m., free

Dolby Chadwick Gallery

210 Post, SF

(415) 956-3560

www.dolbychadwickgallery.com

 

FRIDAY 2

FILM

San Francisco Frozen Film Festival

The San Francisco Frozen Film festival’s mission statement insists “we seek to unfreeze the arts frozen beneath the weighty realities of prejudice, poverty, ignorance, and isolation.” I’m just hoping that means the name does not, in fact, reference Mark Twain’s played-out ol’ chestnut about summer temperatures in San Francisco. Whatever. This intriguing, up-and-coming fest plunges into its fourth incarnation with Dive, a doc about Dumpster diving, and continues with a variety of shorts programs (doc, experimental, animated, comedic — there’s even a “crime and western” category!), plus features like Do It Again (Kinks), about a fan’s rabid quest to get his favorite band to reunite, and 16 mm New Jersey surf film A Pleasant Surprise. (Cheryl Eddy)

Through Sat/3, $10

Roxie, 3117 16th St, SF

www.frozenfilmfestival.com

 

THEATER

Left of Oz

No matter how many times The Wizard of Oz is revamped, remade, or spoofed, the results are always different from what came before. This summer season, Left of Oz comes to Ashby Stage, and if you couldn’t guess by the title, the tagline — “Dorothy Comes Out!” — gives away the game. Dorothy swaps the yellow brick road for a bus to San Francisco, where she hopes to find herself and some Sapphic loving. Left borrows clichés associated with San Francisco (tie-dye, marijuana, yoga) and merges them with the fantasy elements of Victor Fleming’s 1939 movie, flipping the whole sparkly thing on its head. There may have been previous queer readings of Oz, but Left has to be among the most playful. (Ryan Lattanzio)

Through July 18

Fri.–Sat., 8 p.m.; Sun, 7 p.m., $25–$50

Ashby Stage

1901 Ashby, Berk.

(510) 841-6500

www.leftofoz.com

 

MUSIC

Carte Blanche

It may be impossible to predict the music game, but so far DJ Mehdi is 1 for zero. Sure, these days it’s not uncommon for a hip-hop single to blatantly cop a beat from Daft Punk, but French DJ Mehdi Favéris-Essadi has been mixing the hip-hop and dance since the days when finding Daft Punk on your rap CD was like finding a cockroach in your cereal. Now the Ed Banger cohort has hooked up with U.K. house DJ Riton to form the duo Carte Blanche, and the pair are banging out hard Chicago house like it’s next in line to take over the world. With Mehdi’s track record, I wouldn’t necessarily count it out. With White Girl Lust, Alona, and Shane King. (Peter Galvin)

9 p.m., $15

Mezzanine

444 Jessie, SF

(415) 625-8880

www.mezzaninesf.com

 

EVENT

“Mission Muralismo Celebrates the Graff Convention”

If there’s one thing the de Young Museum is prospering at recently, it’s the way it has been bringing SF communities not usually done right by the fine art world into its fold, and respectfully. From establishing its Native American Programs Board to this week’s continuation of the Mission Muralismo street art event series, more of the neighborhood is finding reasons to get its bags searched to enter that crazy bronze building. At the Graff Convention, the city’s top burners and sprayers will share their knowledge in lecture form, and Audiobraille will supply funky Latin jazz beats. Just don’t bring your new aerosol — that shit will get taken for sure. (Caitlin Donohue)

5–8:45 p.m., free

de Young Museum

50 Hagiwara Tea Garden Dr., SF

(415) 750-3600

www.famsf.org

 

SATURDAY 3

MUSIC

Fillmore Jazz Festival

San Francisco has no shortage of street fairs. But unlike those held in the duller byways of suburbia, each gathering has its own neighborhood flavor: the Haight hosts a hippie happening, Union Street conveys a yuppie flair, and the Fillmore pays homage to the music that made it famous back in the day: jazz. Ella Fitzgerald and Duke Ellington rocked the local clubs then, and while the area has changed dramatically over the years, there’s a bit of a flashback feel during this annual fest. Along with the usual street food and craft vendors, there’ll be stages of talent, including Bobbie Webb and the Smooth Blues Band, Kim Nalley, Marcus Shelby Orchestra, the Coltrane Church, and much more. (Eddy)

Through Sun/4

10 a.m.–6 p.m., free

Fillmore between Jackson and Eddy, SF

www.fillmorejazzfestival.com

 

SUNDAY 4

EVENT

“Pooches on Parade”

For its second year in a row, Half Moon Bay hosts “Pooches On Parade,” where you can show off your dog-walking skills — oh, and your dog, of course — if Fido or Fifi is up to par, that is. If you don’t have a dog, the event coordinators are willing to spare their imaginary dogs, Cuff and Link. Even a stuffed animal will suffice. Afterward, if all the doggone mayhem awakens your carnivorous appetite, there’s a “Bark BQ” where you and your pooch can dine while enjoying a live band. Unless you’re a staunch cat person, so many dogs in one place is probably reason enough to make the trip down coastside. (Lattanzio)

Noon, free ($10 for same-day parade registration)

Main Street

Half Moon Bay

www.poochesonparade.org

 

EVENT/DANCE

“Tango in the Square”

As we’ve all been repeatedly reminded, “it takes two to tango.” But before pairing off, it might be useful to learn a few basics by yourself. You can start by promenading (yes, that’s a step) over to Union Square for “Tango in the Square.” The event is part of Union Square’s 2010 Jewels in the Square series, which offers free lessons in milonga, tango, and vals (tango waltz). With hot new moves, you’ll be ready to hit the square’s open dance floor. Choose among a variety of partners (professional and amateur), watch performances by experienced tango dancers, or simply enjoy the live music by the Argentine tango band Tangonero. (Gaydos)

2 p.m., free

Union Square

Powell and Geary, SF

www.unionsquarepark.us/JewelsJuly

 

EVENT

Fourth of July Waterfront Celebration

If patriotic displays of gunpowder are what you seek on America’s 234th birthday, Bay Area skies will not let you down. Particularly brave San Francisco residents and their pushy out-of-town guests can head to Pier 39 for a full day of Uncle Sam-endorsed fun, with live music (including “the soft rock explosion of Mustache Harbor” — God bless irony, and God bless the U.S.A.), street performers, and fireworks galore. Pray for an unfoggy night, kids. Alternative: live in the Mission? Get thee to your roof to spot all the homespun, charmingly dangerous fireworks that inevitably appear every July 4. You’ll be up all night listening to them anyway. (Eddy)

3–9:30 p.m., free

Pier 39, SF

www.pier39.com/Events

 

The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. We cannot guarantee the return of photos, but enclosing an SASE helps. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Hear the call for East Oakland community paparazzi

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When Oacia5804 (her screen name) was asked on the Our Oakland website to contribute an image that told a story about her East Oakland home, she didn’t rip her shot off of the TV news. The mother of two sent in an amazing shot of her kids pointing up at a rainbow looping perfectly over a neighborhood street. “Even tho [sic] the streets of East Oakland seem dark at times, There is Always a ray of light that will shine and inspire Greatness,” writes the photographer in the shot’s caption. That’s exactly the kind of alternative narrative that Our Oakland, a non profit that is gathering stories for incorporation into a public arts project, hopes to publicize. They’re calling for submissions for a photo contest (submissions accepted until Thurs/8) that want to challenge our perceptions of what East Oakland looks like. 

 “Each contest photo reshapes the image of East Oakland,” states Rene Yung in the press release for the competition. And it does need a certain amount of retooling, that image. What do you think about when you think East Oakland? Unfortunately, we’ve been somewhat programed with a negative answer. It’s detrimental to the reasoning skills of people who have to listen to an endless reel of news about drug deals and prostitution outside of the neighborhood, but what does that negative imaging mean to the people that live on those streets that are so often pictured behind yellow caution tape, or gone “wild” with gang activity?

Yung created the website as part of a project she’s doing for the East Oakland Community Library, in which she’s integrating art with community voice. The finished product will include a digital archive of stories about the neighborhood as told by residents, and a 64-foot bank of etched glass windows that are meant to invoke the interconnectedness of the community. At the moment, the website includes user generated written narrative — but the photo contest is Our Oakland’s big deal at the moment. “Each photographer is taking charge of what the public gets to see and hear about the community, and, in the process, is changing the conversation about East Oakland,” says Yung.

To build awareness about the  photo contest (and the prizes, natch — whooo wants some schmancy electronics?), Our Oakland has been staging a series of events that focus on building story telling skills and technological expertise in taking photos. It’s spread the news about the project at Lao Family Community Development, an organization that promotes social self-sufficiency in Southeastern Asian families, Our Oakland’s booth encouraged kids and families to write down and illustrate their stories on big, fun pieces of construction paper. Our Oakland has also conducted photo workshops for the kids at the Allendale Recreational Camp and the Tassafaronga Recreation Center.

But shooting’s open to all, so tell your mamma, tell a friend, get those photos in. We can widen that running commentary we all have to hear about East Oakland — and maybe even change some minds on what a strong community looks like.

For more information on the My East Oakland photo contest, go here. Entries are due by Thurs/8.

On the Cheap listings

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On the Cheap listings are compiled by Paula Connelly. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com.

THURSDAY 1

Laborfest At venues throughout the Bay Area. Through July 31, visit www.laborfest.net for more information. Attend one of the many exciting events at this annual labor cultural, film and arts festival featuring talk, movies, walking tours, bike tours, book readings, discussions, and more. Most events are free or donation based.

FRIDAY 2

BAY AREA

Fuck the Fourth Sale AK Press Warehouse, 674-A 23rd St., Oakl.; (510) 208-1700. 4-10pm, free. Head down to the Anarchist Press warehouse and browse discounted shirts, DVDs, CDs, books, and more in dishonor of the 4th of July. AK Press collective members will be there offering companionship and complimentary refreshments.

SATURDAY 3

Fillmore Jazz Festival Fillmore between Jackson and Eddy, SF; www.sresproductions.com. Sat.-Sun. 10am-6pm, free. Groove to the sounds of live music, browse arts and crafts, enjoy food from the street vendors, and witness all sorts of new and classic talent from Bay Area performers at this weekend long street festival.

POSIBILIDAD, or Death of the Worker Dolores Park, 18th St. at Dolores, SF; (415) 285-1717. Sat.- Mon. 2pm, free. The San Francisco Mime Troupe is back with a new production about a small U.S. factory about to shut down and how the workers accidentally occupy the factory.

SUNDAY 4

FOURTH OF JULY CELEBRATIONS:

All American Concert Music Concourse, Golden Gate Park, 55 Hagiwara Tea Garden Drive, SF; (415) 831-5500. 1pm, free. The Golden Gate Park Band will perform music of all styles and eras from by American composers.

San Francisco Waterfront Celebration and Fireworks Aquatic Park, Jefferson at Hyde, SF; www.pier39.com. 3pm-9:30pm, free. Featuring live music on Pier 39 and fireworks launching from the foot of the Municipal Pier and barges in the bay starting at 9:30pm. To get there by public transit take the Cable Car, F, 9x, 10, 30, 45, 47, or 49.

BAY AREA

Anti- 4th of July Picnic Carmen Flores Park, 1637 Fruitvale, Oakl.; (510) 848-1196. 1-6pm, $5-$25 suggested donation. Attend this anti-4th of July BBQ and picnic where you can meet other revolutionaries and discuss strategies for putting a national campaign for revolution on the map. Bring a dish to share.

Berkeley Marina Celebration and Fireworks Berkeley Marina, 201 University, Berk; (510) 548-5335. Noon-10pm, free. Enjoy live music, performances, arts and crafts, massages, sail boat rides, and more culminating in a fireworks display off the end of the Berkeley Pier at 9:30pm.

East Bay Symphony and Fireworks Craneway Pavilion, Ford Point Building, Richmond; www.craneway.com. 5pm, free. Enjoy food vendors on the dock, and local jazz and gospel music, followed by a patriotic performance by the Oakland East Bay Symphony at 8pm, culminating in a grand finale fireworks display over the water at 9:15pm.

Frederick Douglass Day Humanist Hall, 390 27th St., Oakl.; (510) 835-5348. 7pm, $15. Attend this alternative 4th of July celebration featuring excerpts from Frederick Douglass’ speech, selections from John Brown’s Truth, a musically improvised opera, the Frederick Douglass Youth Ensemble, Vukani Mawethu, and more.

Oakland Family 4th Jack London Square, Franklin at Water, Oakl.; www.jacklondonsquare.com. Noon-4pm, free. Featuring food, live music, wine bar, DJs, magician and jugglers, Kinetic Art’s Youth Circus Troupe, petting zoom, farmers’ market, bicycle rentals, and more.

Orinda Parade and Celebration Orinda Community Park, Orinda; www.orindaassociation.org. 7:30am-2:30pm, free. Featuring pancake breakfast, family activities, book sale, parade at 11am, and more.

Patriotic Picnic and Stereopticon Ice Cream Social Pardee Home Museum, 672 11 St., Oakl.; (510) 444-2187. Noon-4pm, $10. Pay homage to your grandmother at this costumed patriotic picnic and ice cream social featuring live rag time, croquet, lawn tennis, and more. Period dress (1890-1919) strongly encouraged.

San Jose Fireworks Celebration San Jose Municipal Stadium, 10 St. at Alma, San Jose; www.sjgiants.com. 7pm, $9.75. Enjoy 95.3 KRTY’s All American Country Music Jam followed by a fireworks display starting at 9:30 p.m. Watch for free from the San Jose State campus and neighboring parks.

San Ramon’s Picnic and Fireworks Central Park, 12501 Alcosta, San Ramon; www.sanramon.org. 1pm-10pm, free. Bring family and friends for an early evening picnic and stake out a spot for the fireworks display, which will be synchronized to music, at 9:30 p.m. Accompanying music can also be heard on 101.7 KKIQ radio.

Sausalito Parade and Fireworks Parade begins at 2nd and Main and ends at Dunphy Park, 10am, free; Dunphy Park picnic, Caledonia Street, 10am-5pm, free; Fireworks at Gabrielson Park, Sausalito, 6:30pm, free. Enjoy live music, food, dancing and family activities all day at Dunphy Park followed by fireworks off Spinnaker Point that will be visible from Gabrielson Park.

Summer Festival and Chili Cook-off Mitchell Park, 600 East Meadow Dr., Palo Alto; www.cityofpaloalto.org/recreation. Noon-5pm, free. With live Music, chili tastings, kids area, food and drink vendors, and more.

USS Hornet USS Hornet, 707 W. Hornet, Pier 3, Alameda; (510) 521-8448 ext. 282. 11am-10pm, $25. Celebrate Independence Day on board the USS Hornet and enjoy great views of all the Bay Area fireworks, live music from the ship deck, food, beer, and wine. Tours of the historic ship will be available throughout the day.

Charlie Murphy: So funny, even Juggalos can dig

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Charlie Murphy does not want to hear another “Fuck yo couch!” Though the comedian talked his way into fame with his cult favorite skits on the Chappelle Show, in which he shared the stories of hanging with Prince and Rick James back in the days he was brother Eddie’s security detail, that was then, this is now. Or, as he put it to me in a recent phone interview, “that was the Dave Chappelle show. This is the Charlie Murphy show.” Indeed. Murphy’s moved into his own spotlight, headlining his own stand up tour (coming to Cobb’s for a four night run beginning Wed/30) , and sassing up supporting roles in a whole slew of black ensemble comedies on the silver screen. God dammit, he’s a big deal. And even if he’s not gonna punch you in the face for not laughing at his act anymore (see below if that doesn’t make any sense), something tells me it behooves you to be amused anyway. Plus, he killed it at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Charlie Murphy’s on the way!

 

San Francisco Bay Guardian: You’ve got a lot of projects coming out now, a whole lot of movies opening soon.

Charlie Murphy: Yeah I have this movie with Bow Wow, The Lottery Ticket, that’s coming out in August, and also the Cookout 2. And right now, I have my DVD [Charlie Murphy: I Will Not Apologize] out, and my book, Charlie Murphy: The Making of a Stand Up Guy. It’s all about me keeping people aware of the fact that I’m here and I’m doing this. You got to put your best foot forward at all times.

 

SFBG: Definitely. That’s a lot of stuff. Is there one project that you were particularly excited about?

CM: My DVD. When I first started doing stand up, no one took me seriously. It was like, he can go on stage and he can make the crowd laugh, but you really think he’s going to stick around with that? Like, this guy, he’s not really one of us. But I did stick around, and I did extremely well. If someone else won’t toot your horn for you, you’ve got to toot your own horn, you know what I mean? You don’t just show up and start doing stand up comedy, and go on a world tour and sell out everywhere, and don’t have bad shows. I did that. And I’m not bragging about it. 

 

SFBG: Uh huh. 

CM: I’m humble about the fact that I was given the opportunity to live up to the opportunity I was given. But at the same time, no one else was acting like what I did was an accomplishment. So that’s why I put the book together, that’s why I put the DVD together, because everyone was talking about that Chris Rock went over to Europe, to South Africa, to all that. That was supposed to be the biggest comedy tour ever, it was international. Little did everybody know that Charlie Murphy did the same thing. The same year. But I didn’t have a deal with HBO, you know what I’m saying? 

 

SFBG: You had the advantage of having people in your family that had made that jump into international celebrity before you. The moment that you realized that Eddie was going to be super famous, how did that compare to the moment that you realized that hey, you were going to be famous, too?

CM: There’s no comparison because I can’t feeling another person’s feelings, so I don’t know what that felt like for him. I was proud of him, but I can’t eat his bread. There’s no meal in that for me. 

 

SFBG: Did I see a Youtube video of you performing at an Insane Clown Posse concert? Did that happen?

CM: Yeah, yeah, I was with the Juggalos, and I would love to do another one.

 

SFBG: How did that happen?

CM: It was in the woods at night. How it happened — to this day I couldn’t answer your question 100%. I didn’t think it was going to work out the way it did.

 

SFBG: But they loved you. You could see from the video.

CM: It was mad love, mad love. That was an experience for me because I was told to expect the exact opposite.

 

SFBG: They have that reputation of being kind of belligerent.

CM: But what I did was I was belligerent with them. So we had a great time.

 

SFBG: Got along great, then.

CM: Got along just great.

 

SFBG: I do want to ask you one question about the Chappelle Show. When you heard that he was leaving the show – first of all, how did you hear about it, and second of all, what were your thoughts when you heard he was… taking off?

CM: Disbelief. Didn’t no one believe it when it first took place. I didn’t believe — or understand why. But looking back, it was probably the best thing because I wouldn’t have done all the stand up I have done, and I wouldn’t have been around as many people that I’ve been around had that show kept going, because that was the Dave Chappelle Show, not the Charlie Murphy show. This is the Charlie Murphy show. I’d much rather be at the Charlie Murphy show than anybody else’s show. 

 

SFBG: You said at one point you moved away from bodyguarding because you became a little too zealous with how you were carrying out –

CM: No no no no. The point I was trying to say was that I’m not a bodyguard, in the sense of a professional. I’m a bodyguard in the sense of, if you mess with anybody in my family I better not be around to hear about it. With my brother, all this stuff was happening, he was being heralded and hyped up as this special person, and we were very proud of him. And as a byproduct of that, if you see somebody going against that, you get very animated. You know, this person is personally threatening your family member, and a special one at that. So I would get extra hyped, and it was very easy to get me to jump on somebody. Several things like… you’re not laughing. Everybody’s laughing, and one person’s not laughing. They might be sitting there with a stomachache. I don’t even think about that. It’s like, what’s your face like that for? And I wanna beat you up. And I would jump on it.

 

SFBG: Would you go out into the audience?

CM: We’d be in the audience! We’d be walking in the audience, [if] somebody had an attitude, we’d give them a whip.

 

SFBG: Is getting punched in the face something we should be concerned about if we go to your show in San Francisco? 

CM: No. I’m a professional, and everyone that travels with me is as well. We focus on one thing, living up to the hype, doing a great show, and making sure people want to see us again. Period. So I’m trying to make friends. Make love not war, that’s how it go.

 

SFBG: Cool. Anything else you want us to know?

CM: Just tell them I’m getting ready to come there and tear it down! Charlie Murphy’s on the way.

 

Charlie Murphy

Wed/30 (through Sat/3) 8 p.m. (also 10:15 p.m., Fri and Sat), $28.50-32.50

Cobb’s Comedy Club

915 Columbus, SF

(415) 928-4320

www.cobbscomedyclub.com

 

 

 

Hot Issues and vegan treats

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By Sam Stander

Down a little side street branching off the Piedmont Ave. shopping area in northern Oakland, two locals have combined the fine art of the well-stocked newsstand with the high-class vibe of an artsy boutique. Just past its third birthday, Issues offers and expansive selection of magazines and periodicals, as well as an array of t-shirts, buttons, books, and music, all couched in a warm, welcoming atmosphere. Events held at the store often incorporate other local businesses, and on Sat/26 they’ll play host to the East Bay Vegan Bakesale, with sure to be yummy goods on offer from various local purveryors, to benefit Walk Oakland Bike Oakland and the recently fire-ravaged Berkeley East Bay Humane Society. Details after the jump.

EAST BAY VEGAN BAKESALE

Sat/26, 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Issues

20 Glen, Oakl

(510) 652-5700

www.issuesshop.com

 

From great man to great screw-up: behind the McChrystal uproar

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Norman Solomon is executive director of the Institute for Public Accuracy. His books include “War Made Easy: How Presidents and Pundits Keep Spinning Us to Death.”

When the wheels are coming off, it doesn’t do much good to change the driver.

Whatever the name of the commanding general in Afghanistan, the U.S. war effort will continue its carnage and futility.

Between the lines, some news accounts are implying as much. Hours before Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s meeting with President Obama on Wednesday, the New York Times reported that “the firestorm was fueled by increasing doubts — even in the military — that Afghanistan can be won and by crumbling public support for the nine-year war as American casualties rise.”

It now does McChrystal little good that news media have trumpeted everything from his Spartan personal habits (scarcely eats or sleeps) to his physical stamina (runs a lot) to his steel-trap alloy of military smarts and scholarship (reads history). Any individual is expendable.

For months, the McChrystal star had been slipping. A few days before the Rolling Stone piece caused a sudden plunge from war-making grace, Time Magazine’s conventional-wisdom weathervane Joe Klein was notably down on McChrystal’s results: “Six months after Barack Obama announced his new Afghan strategy in a speech at West Point, the policy seems stymied.”

Now, words like “stymied” and “stalemate” are often applied to the Afghanistan war. But that hardly means the U.S. military is anywhere near withdrawal.

Walter Cronkite used the word “stalemate” in his famous February 1968 declaration to CBS viewers that the Vietnam War couldn’t be won. “We have been too often disappointed by the optimism of the American leaders both in Vietnam and Washington to have faith any longer in the silver linings they find in the darkest clouds,” he said. And: “It seems now more certain than ever that the bloody experience of Vietnam is to end in a stalemate.”

Yet the U.S. war on Vietnam continued for another five years, inflicting more unspeakable horrors on a vast scale.

Like thousands of other U.S. activists, I’ve been warning against escalation of the Afghanistan war for a long time. Opposition has grown, but today the situation isn’t much different than what I described in an article on December 9, 2008: “Bedrock faith in the Pentagon’s massive capacity for inflicting violence is implicit in the nostrums from anointed foreign-policy experts. The echo chamber is echoing: the Afghanistan war is worth the cost that others will pay.”

The latest events reflect unwritten rules for top military commanders: Escalating a terrible war is fine. Just don’t say anything mean about your boss.

But the most profound aspects of Rolling Stone’s article “The Runaway General” have little to do with the general. The takeaway is — or should be — that the U.S. war in Afghanistan is an insoluble disaster, while the military rationales that propel it are insatiable. “Instead of beginning to withdraw troops next year, as Obama promised, the military hopes to ramp up its counterinsurgency campaign even further,” the article points out. And “counterinsurgency has succeeded only in creating a never-ending demand for the primary product supplied by the military: perpetual war.”

There was something plaintive and grimly pathetic about the last words of the New York Times editorial that arrived on desks just hours before the general’s White House meeting with the commander in chief: “Whatever President Obama decides to do about General McChrystal, he needs to get hold of his Afghanistan policy right now.”

Like their counterparts at media outlets across the United States, members of the Times editorial board are clinging to the counterinsurgency dream.

But none of such pro-war handwringing makes as much sense as a simple red-white-and-blue bumper sticker that says: “These colors don’t run . . . the world.”

Fierce controversy has focused on terminating a runaway general. But the crying need is to terminate a runaway war.

_________________________________________

Norman Solomon is executive director of the Institute for Public Accuracy. His books include “War Made Easy: How Presidents and Pundits Keep Spinning Us to Death.”

Hot sexy events: June 23-29

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After what seems like months of pre parties, Pride has finally strapped on its bedazzled platforms and waltzed into our lives, so y’all are probs up to your ears in sexy this week. (If you’re not, be sure you head over to this week’s SFBG rundown of all things to be Proud of). But – sigh – soldier on we must! Here’s a few choice flakes from the snow storm of flesh that will soon envelope us all.

 

Annie Sprinkle and Beth Stephens: “Sybaritic Cougars with Ecosexual Tendencies”

Annie Sprinkle has done it all, and she’s done it all on camera. The feminist porn star started flashing those big old breasties back in the ‘70s, and god damn it, she’s earned the right to create whole new sexualities – the lady must get bored sometime! She and partner Beth Stephens have developed an art form surrounding “ecosexuality,” the sensual love of earth and sea that has them staging elaborate art weddings to mountains and ocean all over this crazy globe. Check out what they’ve been up to at this exhibit. Ooo, and check out what went down when I went to hang at her house the other week, while you’re at it.

Thurs/24 6-8 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0400

www.goodvibes.com


G.A. Hauser

How does a lady write such hot, steaming gay romance? Must be an ardent lover of the adventures of the shaft. But the author of such bestsellers as Getting it in the End, Driving Hard, and Leather Boys does quite well for her and her sticky fingered readers – and she’s making a Pride week appearance to sign some new and lightly used literature. Hit her up between happy hour and your Thursday night romp of choice.

Thurs/24 7:30 p.m., free

A Different Light Bookstore

489 Castro, SF

(415) 431-0891

www.adleventscastro.blogspot.com


Faetopia Festival: Cunt for Fags

Oh lord, what is that? That, my friend, is what we call a vulva. I know that here in town we are blessed with quite a few gentlemen that are unacquainted with its charms, but c’mon guys – human body beautiful, education is power, etc., etc. Playa players Comfort and Joy is organizing this class geared at male homos that explains the intricacies of that whorled conch that each bio femme carries around with her. It’ll be enlightening, it’ll be squishy, it’ll make them less scary. Or you’ll be traumatized. Either way…

Fri/25 12:30-2 p.m., $15

Old Castro Tower Records building

2278 Market, SF

www.playajoy.org


Pink Pleasure Party

So you’ve taken in the Dyke March, and it was fantabulous – but where did that float inhabitant get that wonderful Mustang Vix Skin for her strap on? Good Vibes has all you need in the way of dyke-y glory, plus their post parade party is just a hop, skip, and a jump from the parade route. DJs, snacks, and prizes galore. And no cover, Hallelujah!

Sat/26 8-10 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

603 Valencia, SF

(415) 522-5460

www.goodvibes.com


San Fransexual

What’s up with all the labels? Can’t we just stick what we want, where we want, without worrying about what kind of “sexual” it is? Mission Control and Kinky Salon are here to tell you that you sure can; in fact, that’s the San Francisco way. So come on through, and get all inclusive with your loving at this party. Wear your latex, leather, and lace – just no street clothes please, this is the city of freak fashion we’re talking about here.

Sat/26 10 p.m.- 4 a.m., $25-30

Mission Control

2519 Mission, SF

(415) 

www.kinkysalon.com


Post Pride Cool Down Party

What does it mean, exactly, when the SF Citadel hosts an event that is “not a play party”? Ostensibly, it should imply there’s no BDSM romping going on, but at this particular post Pride “cool down,” there will be all the Citadel regulars showing off their skills – piercing demonstration, suspension performance, primal play and all – and naked people are definitely not a no-no. The event announcement is also quick to note that “naughty behavior [is] always welcome at the Citadel.” I say, carry on as you will, no one’s watching. Actually, a lot of people will be, but you know what I’m saying.

Sun/27 5-9 p.m., $10

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626 1746

www.sfcitadel.org

 

Boom boom boom! SF’s got a horse in the World Cup song race

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What’s your favorite World Cup song? We’ve covered some smoothies in Gavin Hardkiss’ “Mundo Via Afrika,” and chatted with Eux Autres about their contribution to the games. Salon.com just poured a cooler of haterade all over Shakira’s head for her “Waka Waka,” (probably because they don’t like Fozzie Bear). But there’s tons of delightfully earnest attempts to encapsulate-cash in on the futbol crazy sweeping the globe for the next month. Angelique Kidjo has hit us up with a Curtis Mayfield cover for Africa, and K’Naan… well I love K’naan. His video has a lot of backflips on beaches, which I support. But did you know that SF has a hat-tricking local troubador of our own?

Yes sir, meet Nader DeAik, who had me believing he was a pop star from Bethlehem who was throwing the Bay a bone with a few shows here and there to entertain us with his greatness. But no! He lives here! He is a curly haired, jovial looking man who wants to entertain us with his smiles and Americanized wardrobe (don’t believe me? check out his earlier video shot at the de Young – now that’s an “international” pop star!). He has recorded a song called “Strike!” that you must set aside your criticism, and just revel in. 

Glory in his greatness. San Francisco, you are now represented at the World Cup. I hear Henry Thierry bumps this in the locker room:

Why’d Nader feel compelled to unleash this into our world? “I’m a huge soccer fan, and a player as well,” the soft spoken pop star told me in a recent phone interview. “I wanted to share my excitement and celebration with soccer fans worldwide. I decided to make a song full of energy and spirit.”

So… did tapping into the billions of soccer fans out there (three billion alone took in the opening game this year) up Nader’s bottom line? “It’s a world sport, it’s one of the biggest events in the world. Its great exposure for me. I’ve been getting a lot of great feedback regarding the song.”

“It’s been playing on radio stations in the Middle East, and it’s been playing in clubs here,” says Nader, who added he wasn’t aware of any other Bay composed World Cup songs this year, and that DJs get hyped to play a local joint to whip up soccer spectators into a frenzy.

Fab, Nader. DeAik’s clearly a big believer in the power of the soccer ball to bring people together, so tell us – is it important for the Bay to be represented by a World Cup song (one at least, right?) “Yes absolutly,” he decided. “Soccer is very popular in the Bay area, and I think it’s great not only for the Bay area, but the US as well. The other day I was at a soccer field and I was shooting parts of the music video with the youth. Watching the youth play soccer, sing along to the song. It was just great.”

Nader DeAik

Aug 8, check website for times and prices

The Bethlehem Association 25th Anniversary Convention

Hyatt Regency Santa Clara

5101 Great American Parkway, Santa Clara

(408) 200-1234‎

www.naderdeaik.com

www.bethlehemassoc.org

Your big queer week

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ONGOING

Boys in their Bedrooms Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. Mon-Thu 5 p.m.–2 a.m., Sat–Sun 2 p.m.–2 a.m. Through June 30. Photographer Amos Mac of Original Plumbing zine gets up close and personal, chronicling the trans male lifestyle.

Chronotopia SOMArts, 934 Brannan, SF; (415) 552-1770, www.somarts.org. Explore “the past, present, and future of queer histories” with this eye-popping photography exhibit that celebrates the spectrum of queer images.

Faetopia Festival Old Tower Records space at Market and Noe streets, SF; Various times and prices. Through June 26. www.playajoy.org/faetopia. The lovely, radical faeries of Comfort and Joy take over this huge space for a “remix of the past and present for future utopias,” including eco-homo installations, “cuddle cinema” events, and a gossamer wing-load of ideas and performances.

Frameline Film Festival Various locations; see website for dates and times, www.frameline.org. The humongous citywide queer flick fest is still going strong, with dozens of screen gems.

Golden Girls Mama Calizo’s Voice Factory, 1519 Mission, SF; (415) 690-9410, www.voicefactorysf.org. Thu/24 and Fri/25, 7p.m. and 9 p.m.. $20–$25. Heklina, Cookie Dough, Matthew Martin, and Pollo Del Mar are joined by Mike Finn and Laurie Busman for live-action versions of two all-new episodes of the beloved TV show.

National Queer Arts Festival Various locations; see website for details, www.queerculturalcenter.org. Experience scandalously good spoken word, cabaret, art installations, and so much more as this powerhouse monthlong celebration of queer revelations continues.

 

WEDNESDAY 23

Allstars 4 The Garage, 975 Howard, SF; (415) 518-1517, www.975howard.com. 8 p.m., $10-$20. An array of one-person shows and monologues that focus on the diversity and struggle of queer daily life.

Booty Call Q Bar, 456 Castro, SF; (415) 626-7220, www.qbarsf.com. 9p.m., $3. Juanita More, Joshua J, and photographers whip up dirty tunes and photobooth eye-candy, with DJ W, Jeremy of House of Stank.

HomoEvolution El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 8p.m., free. LGBT hip-hop showcase in full effect, with Foxxjazell, Bry’Nt, Benni E, Drew Mason, and Sgt. Sass.

Mary Go Round LookOut, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-3111, www.lookoutsf.com. 10 p.m., $5. House of Glitterati invades the weekly drag show, anchored by Suppositori Spelling, Cookie Dough, and Pollo Del Mar.

OH! Powerhouse, 1347 Folsom, SF; (415) 552-8689, www.powerhouse-sf.com. The Bright Young Gentlemen’s Adventuring Society cordially invites you to get it on. With DJs Taco Tuesday and PDX hottie Stormy.

Pullin’ Pork for Pride Pilsner Inn, 225 Church, SF; (415) 621-7058. 6 p.m.–9 p.m. free. Hot pork in hot buns (free sandwiches from the Funk N Chunk crew, we mean). It’s the Guardian’s annual free-for-all shindig with DJ Stanley Frank of Vienetta Discotheque, games, surprises, more.

Radar: Old School 3 San Francisco Public Library, Koret Auditorium, 100 Larkin, SF; (415) 557-4400, www.radarproductions.org. SF’s top writers reimagine the lives and legacies of queers gone by. With Justin Chin, Len Plass, Cyd Nova, and more.

 

THURSDAY 24

A Spot of Tea African American Arts and Culture Complex, 762 Fulton, SF; www.queerculturalcenter.org. 8 p.m., $12–$20. Original Plumbing brings on an all-transmale cabaret extravaganza with Chris Vargas, Berlin Reed, Ketch Wehr, Glenn Marla, and more.

Bad Reputation Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9 p.m., free. The sexy Lex’s infamous Pride kick-off, with DJs Jenna Riot and Dee Dee Crocodile, go-gos, drink specials. Oh, and smokin’ hot grrrls.

Bedtime Stories A Different Light, 498 Castro, SF; (415) 431-0891, www.adlbooks.com. 7:30 p.m., free. Fabio, oh, Fabio? Erotic gay romance author G.A. Hauser steams up the windows of A Different Light.

Carletta Sue Kay, Brent James, Pepperspray The Eagle, 398 12th St., SF. (415) 626-0880, www.sfeagle.com. 10 p.m., $5. Faggotty rock time. A screwed-up Appalachian-ish crooner, a naughty country high-flyer, and four heavy metal drag queens take over the Eagle. What’s not to love?

Gold Queers in the Night 111 Minna, SF; (415) 974-1719, www.111minnagallery.com. 9 p.m., $7. The Stay Gold and Hella Gay crews team up with Blood, Sweat, and Queers for an epic night of youthful, sweaty jams in the indie dance vein.

Gretchen Phillips and Phranc El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 8 p.m., $8–$15. Texan Phillips and “all–American, Jewish, lesbian folksinger” Phranc bring the Sapphic sounds.

Marga Gomez is Proud and Bothered New Conservatory Theater, 25 Van Ness, SF; (415) 861-4914, www.nctcsf.org. 8 p.m., $28 advance. Also Sat/26. The hilarious lesbian Latina queen of comedy takes a sharp-shootin’ walk of shame through her not-so-Prideful past.

Nightlife California Academy of Sciences, 55 Music Concourse, SF; (415) 379-5128, www.calacademy.org. 6 p.m.-10 p.m., $8–$10. Get thee to the awesome museum for tunes by Juanita More!, LadyHouse, and Stanley Frank, plus Sex Talk with Jane Tollini, and, of course, live penguins.

Queer Radicals New Valencia Hall, 625 Larkin, SF; (415) 864-1278. 7p.m., free (summer buffet for $7.50). A panel of queer and transgender activists discusses how to build a militant movement for LGBT liberation.

The Sound of Fabulous Mission High School, 3750 18th St., SF: www.sfprideconcert.org. 8 p.m., $15–$40. Also Fri/25. The Lesbian/Gay Chorus of San Francisco celebrates 30 years of, yes, fabulous, joining forces with the Gay Men’s Chorus, and the Freedom Marching Band for some “out loud and proud.”

Sybaritic Cougars with Ecosexual Tendencies Good Vibrations Polk, 1620 Polk, SF; (415) 345-0400, www.goodvibes.com. 6 p.m.–8 p.m., free. Sex-positive activists Annie Sprinkle and partner Beth Stephens host a retrospective of their Love Art Lab series.

The Tubesteak Connection Aunt Charlie’s, 133 Turk, SF; (415) 441-2922, www.auntcharlieslounge.com. 10 p.m., $4. A sticky, finger-lickin’, Hi-NRG hijinks tribute to bathhouse disco and funk rarities, swarthy clones, and outfits Grace Jones would die for. With DJ Bus Station John.

 

FRIDAY 25

Art Attack Pride Supperclub, 657 Harrison, SF; (415) 348-0900, www.supperclub.com. 9 p.m., $20. Video artist III paints the club fuchsia for DJ Lady Kier of Deee-Lite, the return of drag-rock amazers Pepperspray, and LA mesh-wonder Fade-Dra.

Bearracuda Pride DNA Lounge, 375 11th St., SF; (415) 626-2532, www.dnalounge.com. 9 p.m.-late. $20. Two floors of beard rubs, belly bumps, fur fun, and hairy hijinks as the city’s wild bear club goes big. DJ Ted Eiel heads up.

Bibi Gay Middle Eastern Mega Pride Party Paradise, 1501 Folsom, SF; (415) 252-5018, www.paradisesf.com. 9 p.m., $15. One of the most-anticipated parties of the season, with DJs Nile, Nadar, and Cheon delving into global sounds for a hip-shaking, ululating crowd of all stripes. Hookahs! Hotties! Bellydancers!

Folsom Friday Various SoMa venues, www.folsomfriday.com. 10 p.m.–2 a.m., free. Shuttles run down Folsom Street all night for a sleazy-fun bar crawl in SF’s other mecca for queer venues, including Truck, Chaps, Powerhouse, Blow Buddies, Lone Star, Mr. S, and Off Ramp Leathers.

MR. Mighty, 119 Utah, SF; (415) 626-7001, www.mighty119.com. 8 p.m.–4 a.m. $15. Break out your giant fake mustaches: NYC’s Larry Tee and our own house hero David Harness rock all night at this annual campy hoot. Yes, there’ll be a hot ‘stache (and ‘stache-riding?) contest.

San Francisco Trans March Dolores Park, Dolores and 18th St.; (415) 447-2774, www.transmarch.org. 3 p.m. stage, 7 p.m. march; free. Join the transgender community of San Francisco and beyond for a day of live performances, speeches, and not-so-military marching.

Some Thing Biggest Bestest Gayest Funnest Drag Show Sensation! Ever The Stud, 399 Ninth St., SF; (415) 863-6623, www.studsf.com. 9 p.m.–4 a.m., $10. Er, the name kind of says it all? The packed weekly club goes nuclear. VivvyAnne ForeverMore, Glamamore, Juanita More, Down-E, Diamond Daggers, Anna Conda &ldots; who’ll walk away with the mushroom cloud?

Original Plumbing presents Unofficial! Elbo Room, 647 Valencia, SF; (415) 552-7788, www.elbo.com. 9 p.m., $10. A party in honor of trans pride and visibility — plus, it’ll be a blast. Rocco Katastrophe and Jenna Riot host, DJs Chelsea Starr and 100 spokes spin, furry photo booth, trans slideshow, performances by Glenn Marla and Ice Cream Socialites.

Trans March 2010 Dolores Park, 17 Street and Dolores, SF. Rally at 3:30, march at 7 p.m.. www.transmarch.org. “United by Pride, United by Power” is the theme of this year’s inspiring event, with performances by the Transcendence Gospel Choir, Nori Herras, and a ton more.

.

SATURDAY 26

Big Top vs. Trannyshack Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; (415) 431-1151, www.eightsf.com. 9 p.m., $10 adv. Surely, it will be a circus when these two balls-out parties collide. Big Top brings the half-naked cockring-masters, Trannyshack brings the barkers. With DJ W. Jeremy. Midnight dragocalypse with Heklina, Ambrosia Salad, Miss Rahni, and more.

Bootie: Lady Gaga vs. Madonna DNA Lounge, 375 11th St., SF; (415) 626-2532, www.dnalounge.com. Could it get any stereotypically gayer? Don’t worry, punkers, the Bootie mashup crew are here to subvert it into happy chaos. Huge drag show at midnight.

Chaser: The Imminent Return EndUp, 401 Sixth St., SF; (415) 896-1075, www.theendup.com. 5 p.m.–10 p.m., $10. Monistat lives! Her ass-whoopin’, drink-spillin’ drag club resurrects itself, with a full-on show of every insanely entertaining alternaqueen in the phonebook, apparently. Plus DJ Guy Ruben.

Cockblock Mega-Pride Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell, SF; (415) 861-2011, www.rickshawstop.com. 9 p.m., $20-$25. Wild, wet, and more wild at this ecstatic, high-hoofin’ joint for lezzies, queers, and lovers. With DJs Nuxx and Motive and hot chicks galore.

Excuses for Skipping and Lauren DeRose Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 3 p.m., free. Warm up for the Dyke March with these two live rockin’ acts.

Go Bang! Pride Edition Deco Lounge, 510 Larkin, SF; (415) 346-2025, www.decosf.com. 9 p.m.-after hours, $5. One of our cutest disco and house parties goes pink with DJs Jason Kendig, Marcelino Andrade, Sergio, and more. Expect to be turned out, put upside-down, and spun around.

Lights Down Low Pride Edition Triple Crown, 1760 Market, SF; (415) 863-3516, www.triplecrownsf.com. 8 p.m.–4 a.m., $15. The gonzo electro party delivers a worthy Pride blackout with DJs Larry Tee, Kim Ann Foxman, Saratonin from Brownies for my Bitches, Sleazemore, Derek Bobus, and more. Hosted by the Miss Honey kids and Davi.

LGBT Pride Celebration Civic Center, Carlton B. Goodlett Place and McAllister, SF; (415) 864-3733, www.sfpride.org. Noon–6 p.m., free. Celebrate LGBT pride at this free outdoor event featuring DJs, speakers, and live music. This is the first half of the weekend-long celebration sponsored by SF Pride, featuring hip-hop, a battle of the bands, and more.

LGBTQ History Bike Tour Meet at Cupid’s Arrow on the Embarcadero near the Ferry Building, SF; 2 p.m.–5 p.m., $5 donation. Get smart (and fit) for Pride on this eight-mile tour of queer history hotspots, ending up at the Dyke March.

Love and Happiness SOM, 2925 16th St., SF; (415) 558-8521, www.som-bar.com. 10 p.m.–4 a.m., $15. It’s a glorious old-school house reunion for the rainbow children, with David Harness and Ruben Mancias on decks, Robnoxious at the door, and Joseph Solis hosting.

Kiss Me Deadly Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9 p.m., free. After the Dyke March, cool off (most likely get hotter) with DJ Bunnystyle of Blood, Sweat, and Queers.

Mango After Dyke March Party El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 8 p.m., $10/$15. Food, drink, dancing, and girls, girls, girls at this juicy ladies night.

Pink Pleasure Party Good Vibrations Valencia, 603 Valencia, SF; (415) 522-5460, www.goodvibes.com. 8–10p.m., free. Drop in, dyke out, gear up for a sensual Pride at this Good Vibes mix n’ mingle.

Pink Saturday Castro District, SF; www.thesisters.org. 6p.m.–midnight, donation requested, all ages. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence host their cuckoo annual outdoor event, featuring entertainment, beer, cocktails, food, and, duh, cruising galore.

Pink Triangle Installation Twin Peaks Vista, Twin Peaks Blvd parking area, SF; (415) 247-1100, ext 142, www.thepinktriangle.com. 7:30–10:30 a.m., free. Bring a hammer and your hunky work boots and help install the humongous pink triangle atop Twin Peaks for everyone to see. Volunteers needed! Do it!

San Francisco Dyke March Dolores Park, Dolores and 18th St., SF; www.dykemarch.org. Rally at 3 p.m.. March at 7 p.m.. Free. The one “do not miss” event of Pride, with tons of entertainment and speakers, impossibly sexy crowd, and a “Dyke Planet, Green Planet” theme.

Sundance Saloon Pride Dance Hotel Whitcomb, 1231 Market, SF; (415) 626-8000, www.sundancesaloon.org. 8 p.m., $10. Also Sun/27. Shine up your spurs for a country line-dance party that’ll put you in a hootin’ mood.

 

SUNDAY 27

Body Rock Temple Bar, 600 Polk, SF; (415) 931-5196. 11 a.m.–6 p.m., 18+ free. Delightfully tawdry Miss Monistat queens it over this all-day dragstravaganza, featuring the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Mutha Chucka, Cher-A-Little, and others. With crazy beats from Electronic Music Bears, High Fantasy, and more.

Gay Shame Goth Cry-In Outside LGBT Center, 1800 Market, SF; www.gayshamesf.org. 2 p.m.–3:30 p.m., free. Protest and grieve the commercialization of Pride and the community – throw on your blackest black and let the tears roll.

Juanita MORE!’s Pride Party 2010 Kelly’s Mission Rock, 817 Terry Francois Blvd, SF; (415) 626-5355, www.juanitamore.com. 2 p.m.–2 a.m., $35. Pretty much the charitable Pride party of the year, flooded with cool kids, admirers, and the sounds of the mind-blowing Cougar Cadet Corps Drumline. DJs James Glass, Chelsea Starr, Kim Ann Foxman, and many more. Benefiting Bay Positives. Shuttles available from the Pride Celebration.

Les Beaux SOM, 2925 16th St., SF; (415) 558-8521, www.som-bar.com. 3 p.m.–9 p.m., $10. Don’t catch your breath after Pride, girls. Get beautiful with Cockblock’s DJ Nuxx and decks guests Sarah Delush and Rapid Fire.

LGBT Pride Celebration Civic Center, Carlton B. Goodlett Place and McCallister, SF; (415) 864-3733, www.sfpride.org. Noon–7 p.m., free. The celebration hits full stride, with a buttload of musical and dance performances and, truly, something for everyone. Don’t forget your sunscreen or little umbrella.

LGBT Pride Parade Market at Davis to Market and Eighth Sts, SF; (415) 864-3733, www.sfpride.org. 10:30 a.m.–noon, free. This 40th annual parade, with an expected draw of 500,000, is the highlight of the Pride Weekend in the city that defines queer culture.

Honey Pride Paradise, 1501 Folsom, SF; (415) 252-5018, www.paradisesf.com. 6 p.m.–2:30 a.m., $3. Legendary (actually) disco DJ Steve Fabus goes classic house on us, joining the regular Honey Soundsystem discaires for stylish specialness all around. $8 beer bust 6 p.m.-9 p.m..  

Queerly Beloved Pink Sunday Party El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 3 p.m.–8 p.m., $5. Courtney Trouble and Tina Horn host this benefit for queerporn.tv. DJs Campbell and Venus in Furs, performers Alotta Boutte and Dexter James, kissing and kink booths, and dirty, sexy queers.

Too Fast for Love Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9 p.m., free. “Shake it, fake it, take it” as DJ Campbell spins the dirty at this Pride after-affair.

Your big queer week

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ONGOING

Boys in their Bedrooms Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. Mon-Thu 5 p.m.–2 a.m., Sat–Sun 2 p.m.–2 a.m. Through June 30. Photographer Amos Mac of Original Plumbing zine gets up close and personal, chronicling the trans male lifestyle on the sexy Lex’s walls.

Chronotopia SOMArts, 934 Brannan, SF; (415) 552-1770, www.somarts.org. Explore “the past, present, and future of queer histories” with this eye-popping photography exhibit that celebrates the spectrum of queer images.

Faetopia Festival Old Tower Records space at Market and Noe streets, SF; Various times and prices. Through June 26. www.playajoy.org/faetopia. The lovely, radical faeries of Comfort and Joy take over this huge space for a “remix of the past and present for future utopias,” including eco-homo installations, “cuddle cinema” events, and a gossamer wing-load of ideas and performances.

Frameline Film Festival Various locations; see website for dates and times, www.frameline.org. The humongous citywide queer flick fest is still going strong, with dozens of screen gems.

Golden Girls Mama Calizo’s Voice Factory, 1519 Mission, SF; (415) 690-9410, www.voicefactorysf.org. Thu/24 and Fri/25, 7p.m. and 9 p.m.. $20–$25. Heklina, Cookie Dough, Matthew Martin, and Pollo Del Mar are joined by Mike Finn and Laurie Busman for live-action versions of two all-new episodes of the beloved TV show.

National Queer Arts Festival Various locations; see website for details, www.queerculturalcenter.org. Experience scandalously good spoken word, cabaret, art installations, and so much more as this powerhouse monthlong celebration of queer revelations continues.

 


 

WEDNESDAY 23

Allstars 4 The Garage, 975 Howard, SF; (415) 518-1517, www.975howard.com. 8 p.m., $10-$20. An array of one-person shows and monologues that focus on the diversity and struggle of queer daily life.

Booty Call Q Bar, 456 Castro, SF; (415) 626-7220, www.qbarsf.com. 9p.m., $3. Juanita More, Joshua J, and photographers whip up dirty tunes and photobooth eye-candy, with DJ W, Jeremy of House of Stank.

HomoEvolution El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 8p.m., free. LGBT hip-hop showcase in full effect, with Foxxjazell, Bry’Nt, Benni E, Drew Mason, and Sgt. Sass.

Mary Go Round LookOut, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-3111, www.lookoutsf.com. 10 p.m., $5. House of Glitterati invades the weekly drag show, anchored by Suppositori Spelling, Cookie Dough, and Pollo Del Mar.

OH! Powerhouse, 1347 Folsom, SF; (415) 552-8689, www.powerhouse-sf.com. The Bright Young Gentlemen’s Adventuring Society cordially invites you to get it on. With DJs Taco Tuesday and PDX hottie Stormy.

Pullin’ Pork for Pride Pilsner Inn, 225 Church, SF; (415) 621-7058. 6 p.m.–9 p.m. free. Hot pork in hot buns (free sandwiches from the Funk N Chunk crew, we mean). It’s the Guardian’s annual free-for-all shindig with DJ Stanley Frank of Vienetta Discotheque, games, surprises, more.

Radar: Old School 3 San Francisco Public Library, Koret Auditorium, 100 Larkin, SF; (415) 557-4400, www.radarproductions.org. SF’s top writers reimagine the lives and legacies of queers gone by. With Justin Chin, Len Plass, Cyd Nova, and more.

 


THURSDAY 24

A Spot of T African American Arts and Culture Complex, 762 Fulton, SF; www.queerculturalcenter.org. 8 p.m., $12–$20. Original Plumbing brings on an all-transmale cabaret extravaganza with Chris Vargas, Berlin Reed, Ketch Wehr, Glenn Marla, and more.

Bad Reputation Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9 p.m., free. The sexy Lex’s infamous Pride kick-off, with DJs Jenna Riot and Dee Dee Crocodile, go-gos, drink specials. Oh, and smokin’ hot grrrls.

Bedtime Stories A Different Light, 498 Castro, SF; (415) 431-0891, www.adlbooks.com. 7:30 p.m., free. Fabio, oh, Fabio? Erotic gay romance author G.A. Hauser steams up the windows of A Different Light.

Carletta Sue Kay, Brent James, Pepperspray The Eagle, 398 12th St., SF. (415) 626-0880, www.sfeagle.com. 10 p.m., $5. Faggotty rock time. A screwed-up Appalachian-ish crooner, a naughty country high-flyer, and four heavy metal drag queens take over the Eagle. What’s not to love?

Gold Queers in the Night 111 Minna, SF; (415) 974-1719, www.111minnagallery.com. 9 p.m., $7. The Stay Gold and Hella Gay crews team up with Blood, Sweat, and Queers for an epic night of youthful, sweaty jams in the indie dance vein.

Gretchen Phillips and Phranc El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 8 p.m., $8–$15. Texan Phillips and “all–American, Jewish, lesbian folksinger” Phranc bring the Sapphic sounds.

Marga Gomez is Proud and Bothered New Conservatory Theater, 25 Van Ness, SF; (415) 861-4914, www.nctcsf.org. 8 p.m., $28 advance. Also Sat/26. The hilarious lesbian Latina queen of comedy takes a sharp-shootin’ walk of shame through her not-so-Prideful past.

Nightlife California Academy of Sciences, 55 Music Concourse, SF; (415) 379-5128, www.calacademy.org. 6 p.m.-10 p.m., $8–$10. Get thee to the awesome museum for tunes by Juanita More!, LadyHouse, and Stanley Frank, plus Sex Talk with Jane Tollini, and, of course, live penguins.

Queer Radicals New Valencia Hall, 625 Larkin, SF; (415) 864-1278. 7p.m., free (summer buffet for $7.50). A panel of queer and transgender activists discusses how to build a militant movement for LGBT liberation.

The Sound of Fabulous Mission High School, 3750 18th St., SF: www.sfprideconcert.org. 8 p.m., $15–$40. Also Fri/25. The Lesbian/Gay Chorus of San Francisco celebrates 30 years of, yes, fabulous, joining forces with the Gay Men’s Chorus, and the Freedom Marching Band for some “out loud and proud.”

Sybaritic Cougars with Ecosexual Tendencies Good Vibrations Polk, 1620 Polk, SF; (415) 345-0400, www.goodvibes.com. 6 p.m.–8 p.m., free. Sex-positive activists Annie Sprinkle and partner Beth Stephens host a retrospective of their Love Art Lab series.

The Tubesteak Connection Aunt Charlie’s, 133 Turk, SF; (415) 441-2922, www.auntcharlieslounge.com. 10 p.m., $4. A sticky, finger-lickin’, Hi-NRG hijinks tribute to bathhouse disco and funk rarities, swarthy clones, and outfits Grace Jones would die for. With DJ Bus Station John.

 


FRIDAY 25

Art Attack Pride Supperclub, 657 Harrison, SF; (415) 348-0900, www.supperclub.com. 9 p.m., $20. Video artist III paints the club fuchsia for DJ Lady Kier of Deee-Lite, the return of drag-rock amazers Pepperspray, and LA mesh-wonder Fade-Dra.

Bearracuda Pride DNA Lounge, 375 11th St., SF; (415) 626-2532, www.dnalounge.com. 9 p.m.-late. $20. Two floors of beard rubs, belly bumps, fur fun, and hairy hijinks as the city’s wild bear club goes big. DJ Ted Eiel heads up.

Bibi Gay Middle Eastern Mega Pride Party Paradise, 1501 Folsom, SF; (415) 252-5018, www.paradisesf.com. 9 p.m., $15. One of the most-anticipated parties of the season, with DJs Nile, Nadar, and Cheon delving into global sounds for a hip-shaking, ululating crowd of all stripes. Hookahs! Hotties! Bellydancers!

Folsom Friday Various SoMa venues, www.folsomfriday.com. 10 p.m.–2 a.m., free. Shuttles run down Folsom Street all night for a sleazy-fun bar crawl in SF’s other mecca for queer venues, including Truck, Chaps, Powerhouse, Blow Buddies, Lone Star, Mr. S, and Off Ramp Leathers.

MR. Mighty, 119 Utah, SF; (415) 626-7001, www.mighty119.com. 8 p.m.–4 a.m. $15. Break out your giant fake mustaches: NYC’s Larry Tee and our own house hero David Harness rock all night at this annual campy hoot. Yes, there’ll be a hot ‘stache (and ‘stache-riding?) contest.

San Francisco Trans March Dolores Park, Dolores and 18th St.; (415) 447-2774, www.transmarch.org. 3 p.m. stage, 7 p.m. march; free. Join the transgender community of San Francisco and beyond for a day of live performances, speeches, and not-so-military marching.

Some Thing Biggest Bestest Gayest Funnest Drag Show Sensation! Ever The Stud, 399 Ninth St., SF; (415) 863-6623, www.studsf.com. 9 p.m.–4 a.m., $10. Er, the name kind of says it all? The packed weekly club goes nuclear. VivvyAnne ForeverMore, Glamamore, Juanita More, Down-E, Diamond Daggers, Anna Conda &ldots; who’ll walk away with the mushroom cloud?

Original Plumbing presents Unofficial! Elbo Room, 647 Valencia, SF; (415) 552-7788, www.elbo.com. 9 p.m., $10. A party in honor of trans pride and visibility — plus, it’ll be a blast. Rocco Katastrophe and Jenna Riot host, DJs Chelsea Starr and 100 spokes spin, furry photo booth, trans slideshow, performances by Glenn Marla and Ice Cream Socialites.

Trans March 2010 Dolores Park, 17 Street and Dolores, SF. Rally at 3:30, march at 7 p.m.. www.transmarch.org. “United by Pride, United by Power” is the theme of this year’s inspiring event, with performances by the Transcendence Gospel Choir, Nori Herras, and a ton more..


 

SATURDAY 26

Big Top vs. Trannyshack Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; (415) 431-1151, www.eightsf.com. 9 p.m., $10 adv. Surely, it will be a circus when these two balls-out parties collide. Big Top brings the half-naked cockring-masters, Trannyshack brings the barkers. With DJ W. Jeremy. Midnight dragocalypse with Heklina, Ambrosia Salad, Miss Rahni, and more.

Blow Off Slim’s 333 11th St., SF. (415) 255-0333, www.slims-sf.com. 10pm, $15-$20. DJs Bob Mould (of Sugar) and Rich Morel spin the rock remixes for a packed crowd of large hairies, scruffy fairies, and their admirers. Get into it. 

Bootie: Lady Gaga vs. Madonna DNA Lounge, 375 11th St., SF; (415) 626-2532, www.dnalounge.com. Could it get any stereotypically gayer? Don’t worry, punkers, the Bootie mashup crew are here to subvert it into happy chaos. Huge drag show at midnight.

Chaser: The Imminent Return EndUp, 401 Sixth St., SF; (415) 896-1075, www.theendup.com. 5 p.m.–10 p.m., $10. Monistat lives! Her ass-whoopin’, drink-spillin’ drag club resurrects itself, with a full-on show of every insanely entertaining alternaqueen in the phonebook, apparently. Plus DJ Guy Ruben.

Cockblock Mega-Pride Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell, SF; (415) 861-2011, www.rickshawstop.com. 9 p.m., $20-$25. Wild, wet, and more wild at this ecstatic, high-hoofin’ joint for lezzies, queers, and lovers. With DJs Nuxx and Motive and hot chicks galore.

Excuses for Skipping and Lauren DeRose Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 3 p.m., free. Warm up for the Dyke March with these two live rockin’ acts.

Go Bang! Pride Edition Deco Lounge, 510 Larkin, SF; (415) 346-2025, www.decosf.com. 9 p.m.-after hours, $5. One of our cutest disco and house parties goes pink with DJs Jason Kendig, Marcelino Andrade, Sergio, and more. Expect to be turned out, put upside-down, and spun around.

Lights Down Low Pride Edition Triple Crown, 1760 Market, SF; (415) 863-3516, www.triplecrownsf.com. 8 p.m.–4 a.m., $15. The gonzo electro party delivers a worthy Pride blackout with DJs Larry Tee, Kim Ann Foxman, Saratonin from Brownies for my Bitches, Sleazemore, Derek Bobus, and more. Hosted by the Miss Honey kids and Davi.

LGBT Pride Celebration Civic Center, Carlton B. Goodlett Place and McAllister, SF; (415) 864-3733, www.sfpride.org. Noon–6 p.m., free. Celebrate LGBT pride at this free outdoor event featuring DJs, speakers, and live music. This is the first half of the weekend-long celebration sponsored by SF Pride, featuring hip-hop, a battle of the bands, and more.

LGBTQ History Bike Tour Meet at Cupid’s Arrow on the Embarcadero near the Ferry Building, SF; 2 p.m.–5 p.m., $5 donation. Get smart (and fit) for Pride on this eight-mile tour of queer history hotspots, ending up at the Dyke March.

Love and Happiness SOM, 2925 16th St., SF; (415) 558-8521, www.som-bar.com. 10 p.m.–4 a.m., $15. It’s a glorious old-school house reunion for the rainbow children, with David Harness and Ruben Mancias on decks, Robnoxious at the door, and Joseph Solis hosting.

Kiss Me Deadly Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9 p.m., free. After the Dyke March, cool off (most likely get hotter) with DJ Bunnystyle of Blood, Sweat, and Queers.

Mango After Dyke March Party El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 8 p.m., $10/$15. Food, drink, dancing, and girls, girls, girls at this juicy ladies night.

Pink Pleasure Party Good Vibrations Valencia, 603 Valencia, SF; (415) 522-5460, www.goodvibes.com. 8–10p.m., free. Drop in, dyke out, gear up for a sensual Pride at this Good Vibes mix n’ mingle.

Pink Saturday Castro District, SF; www.thesisters.org. 6p.m.–midnight, donation requested, all ages. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence host their cuckoo annual outdoor event, featuring entertainment, beer, cocktails, food, and, duh, cruising galore.

Pink Triangle Installation Twin Peaks Vista, Twin Peaks Blvd parking area, SF; (415) 247-1100, ext 142, www.thepinktriangle.com. 7:30–10:30 a.m., free. Bring a hammer and your hunky work boots and help install the humongous pink triangle atop Twin Peaks for everyone to see. Volunteers needed! Do it!

San Francisco Dyke March Dolores Park, Dolores and 18th St., SF; www.dykemarch.org. Rally at 3 p.m.. March at 7 p.m.. Free. The one “do not miss” event of Pride, with tons of entertainment and speakers, impossibly sexy crowd, and a “Dyke Planet, Green Planet” theme.

Sundance Saloon Pride Dance Hotel Whitcomb, 1231 Market, SF; (415) 626-8000, www.sundancesaloon.org. 8 p.m., $10. Also Sun/27. Shine up your spurs for a country line-dance party that’ll put you in a hootin’ mood.

 


SUNDAY 27

Body Rock Temple Bar, 600 Polk, SF; (415) 931-5196. 11 a.m.–6 p.m., 18+ free. Delightfully tawdry Miss Monistat queens it over this all-day dragstravaganza, featuring the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Mutha Chucka, Cher-A-Little, and others. With crazy beats from Electronic Music Bears, High Fantasy, and more.

Gay Shame Goth Cry-In Outside LGBT Center, 1800 Market, SF; www.gayshamesf.org. 2 p.m.–3:30 p.m., free. Protest and grieve the commercialization of Pride and the community – throw on your blackest black and let the tears roll.

Juanita MORE!’s Pride Party 2010 Kelly’s Mission Rock, 817 Terry Francois Blvd, SF; (415) 626-5355, www.juanitamore.com. 2 p.m.–2 a.m., $35. Pretty much the charitable Pride party of the year, flooded with cool kids, admirers, and the sounds of the mind-blowing Cougar Cadet Corps Drumline. DJs James Glass, Chelsea Starr, Kim Ann Foxman, and many more. Benefiting Bay Positives. Shuttles available from the Pride Celebration.

Les Beaux SOM, 2925 16th St., SF; (415) 558-8521, www.som-bar.com. 3 p.m.–9 p.m., $10. Don’t catch your breath after Pride, girls. Get beautiful with Cockblock’s DJ Nuxx and decks guests Sarah Delush and Rapid Fire.

LGBT Pride Celebration Civic Center, Carlton B. Goodlett Place and McCallister, SF; (415) 864-3733, www.sfpride.org. Noon–7 p.m., free. The celebration hits full stride, with a buttload of musical and dance performances and, truly, something for everyone. Don’t forget your sunscreen or little umbrella.

LGBT Pride Parade Market at Davis to Market and Eighth Sts, SF; (415) 864-3733, www.sfpride.org. 10:30 a.m.–noon, free. This 40th annual parade, with an expected draw of 500,000, is the highlight of the Pride Weekend in the city that defines queer culture.

Honey Pride Paradise, 1501 Folsom, SF; (415) 252-5018, www.paradisesf.com. 6 p.m.–2:30 a.m., $3. Legendary (actually) disco DJ Steve Fabus goes classic house on us, joining the regular Honey Soundsystem discaires for stylish specialness all around. $8 beer bust 6 p.m.-9 p.m..  

Queerly Beloved Pink Sunday Party El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF; (415) 282-3325, www.elriosf.com. 3 p.m.–8 p.m., $5. Courtney Trouble and Tina Horn host this benefit for queerporn.tv. DJs Campbell and Venus in Furs, performers Alotta Boutte and Dexter James, kissing and kink booths, and dirty, sexy queers.  

Too Fast for Love Lexington Club, 3464 19th St., SF; (415) 863-2052, www.lexingtonclub.com. 9 p.m., free. “Shake it, fake it, take it” as DJ Campbell spins the dirty at this Pride after-affair.

OUR 2010 HOT PINK LIST

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Each year for Pride season, we highlight members of the Bay Area LGBTQ community who turn our heads, inspire us, and make us feel proud. Here’s this year’s list, with their ideas for the queer future. To read more visionary thoughts from queer artists, leaders, and activists on what lies ahead for the community, click here. For our Pride listings, where you can catch many of the folks below in action, click here. (Marke B.)

Catch Courtney’s red-hot Queerly Beloved after-Pride party on Sun/27 (see our Pride listings for info.)

Check out our Pride listings for more info about all the Original Plumbing events!





Alerts

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alert@sfbg.com

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23

Remembering torture victims


Commemorate U.N.-enacted International Day in Support of Victims of Torture at this screening of The Response, a courtroom drama based on the transcripts of the Guantanamo Bay military tribunals. Featuring guest speakers from UCSF and SF State, members of Survivors International, Amnesty International, and Health Professionals Against Torture.

6 p.m., free

Amnesty International SF Office, Suite 210

350 Sansome, SF

(415) 546-2080

Water bond happy hour


Join the Food and Water Watch team in helping to get voters to reject the California water bond on the November ballot. Meet others who care about the issues and discuss a sustainable water future for California and how water issues effect us all. Raffles of stainless steel water bottles benefit Food and Water Watch, a local nonprofit corporate accountability organization.

6 p.m., free

Elixir Bar

3200 16th St., SF

www.foodandwaterwatch.org

THURSDAY, JUNE 24

Radically queer


Radical Women celebrates LGBTIQ month with a panel discussion titled "Queer Radicals: Strategies for Our Movement." Queer and transgender activists will discuss how to build a militant movement for LGBT liberation. Pre-discussion buffet with vegetarian options available at 6:15 p.m. for $7.50. Call for information about childcare.

7 p.m., free

New Valencia Hall

Suite 202

625 Larkin, SF

(415) 864-1278

SATURDAY, JUNE 26

Protest Big Oil


Join thousands for a beach lie-in to create a "slash oil" image that will be photographed from a helicopter. Arrive no later than 10:30 a.m. to participate. Attendees will receive an overhead postcard of the event. Then at noon, join Hands Across the Sand, an international statement on protecting coastlines from oil pollution. Carpooling, biking, or taking public transit to the events is highly encouraged.

10 a.m.; free, donations accepted

Ocean Beach

1000 Great Highway, SF

www.slashoil.blogspot.com

www.handsacrossthesand.org

SUNDAY, JUNE 27

Have a good cry


Attend this "cry-in" against the commercialization and corporate sponsorship of the Gay Pride festival. Wear your most morbidly gothic clothing, bring your favorite sad songs, and share your best morose attitude with other queer people and allies eulogizing the demise of the grassroots queer community.

2 p.m., free

San Francisco LGBT Center

1800 Market, SF

www.gayshamesf.org

MONDAY, JUNE 28

Honduras resistance


Watch three videos presented by the Bay Area Latin America Solidarity Coalition (BALASC) on the 2009 military coup in Honduras. Proceeds benefit the Popular Resistance in Honduras.

8 p.m., $6

Artists’ Television Access

992 Valencia, SF

www.balasc.org

A tale of animal liberation


Hear activist and former prisoner Andy Stepanian tell how he stood up to one of the world’s largest contract animal testing labs, was charged with terrorism, and served three years in federal prison.

7 p.m., free

Station 40

3030B 16th St., SF

www.sparrowmedia.net

Mail items for Alerts to the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 437-3658; or e-mail alert@sfbg.com. Please include a contact telephone number. Items must be received at least one week prior to the publication date.

Hands Across the Sand says “No to offshore drilling, yes to clean energy”

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I got an email today from Moveon.org advising me, “There’s a huge event happening this weekend at a beach near you.”
“In the wake of the giant BP oil spill in the Gulf, tens of thousands of people are getting together on beaches around the world for a massive event called “Hands Across The Sand,” the moveon.org folks said.
And so far, I’ve seen press advisories saying a Hands Across the Sand event is happening at Ocean Beach and China Beach In San Francisco, and at Crown Memorial Beach on Alameda Island, with folks gathering around 11 a.m. in preparation for non-violent hand-holding at 12 noon, on Saturday, June 26.
And the really cool and catchy part of this idea is that anyone on any beach anywhere in the world can join in, simply by grabbing the nearest person’s hand.

Dave Rauschkolb, who founded the first Hands Across the Sand event earlier this year, is a surfer and owner of three restaurants on the beach in Seaside, Florida, on the northern Gulf Coast between Pensacola and Panama City.
Rauschkolb spoke to me by phone today, shortly after US District Court Judge Martin Feldman ruled against  Obama’s deepwater drilling moratorium, claiming the Obama Admin “overreached”. and just the tar balls were starting to come up on the beach near Rauschkolb’s restaurants in Florida.

These incoming tar balls are an especially heartbreaking sight for Rauschkolb, given that he helped successfully organize the first Hands Across the Sand event on Feb. 13, 2010, when over 10,000 people joined hands on nearly 100 beaches along the coastline to stop the expansion of offshore oil drilling. But hopefully, terrible sights like this will be the impetus that finally gets U.S. citizens to break their addiction to oil.

“We gathered to stop the expansion of oil drilling in our coastal waters,” Rauschkolb said, referring to how folks protested efforts by the Florida Legislature and the U.S. Congress to lift the ban on offshore oil drilling.

“Now, just a few months later our entire Gulf of Mexico marine environment and
coastal economy is at risk from the very thing we tried to stop: offshore oil drilling off
our coast,” he continued. “The Deepwater Horizon disaster is a wake up call. Even as the Gulf disaster grows, British Petroleum and other oil companies continue to push for new offshore drilling anywhere oil might be found regardless of the risks they pose. The offshore drilling industry is a dirty, dangerous business and no one industry should be able to place entire coastal economies and marine environments at risk. Why is this allowed to happen?”

Rauschkolb said he blames BP to the extent that we should hold them accountable for what happened with the Deepwater Horizon disaster,
“However, I also hold the entire offshore oil industry accountable as well, because any company could have had this happen, “ he told me, pointing to a blow out off the Australian coast that took three months before a relief well could be drilled.

Concerned that the U.S. government and the oil industry will seek to make BP the scapegoat, in an effort to avoid imposing stricter regulations, Rauschkolb said such a response wouldn’t be a good outcome.

“America could be, should be one of the world’s leaders in expanding cleaner energy sources yet, our political process is paralyzed by oil money and influence. It is time for our leaders in all countries to take bold, courageous steps and open the door to clean energy and renewables and finally extend a hand to free our countries from our addiction to oil.”

“This is a critical turning point in finally changing our prehistoric energy policy towards the light of clean energy,” Rauschkolb concludes. “ Let us work together and share our passion and energies to protect our coastal economies, our oceans, our beaches, our waterfowl and our marine life. On behalf of those who have been and continue to be affected by this disaster of epic proportions in our Gulf of Mexico we extend our deepest appreciation to all of you for Joining Hands across America and the world on June 26.”

Rauschkolb invites folks to visit the Hands Across the Sand website and sign up to organize a beach or city.
Sounds like a great way to spend a Saturday. And if you do, you’ll be joining a movement that’s exciting interest around the world. According to Rauschkolb, as of today, 627 events are scheduled to take place on June 26 in 451 U.S. cities, with another 45 events scheduled outside the U.S. in 20 separate countries.

Think Global. Go clean energy.

Sunday Streets contrasts with SF’s bike injunction

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A day after bicyclists and pedestrians took over the streets of the Mission for the popular, incident-free Sunday Streets, and a day before the court hearing on whether to end the four-year-old injunction against bike-related projects in San Francisco, Judge Peter Busch today (6/21) issued a noncommital tentative ruling in the case, indicating he needs a hearing on myriad technical details to reach a decision.

Most members of the city’s bicycling community see the injunction as surreal and are simply unable to understand how the California Environmental Quality Act could be used to hinder a transportation option that is clearly a boon for the environment. The answer, say critics, lawyers, and Judge Busch, is that the city should have done an expensive EIR first to probe the finest of details of exactly how more bike lanes would disrupt traffic.

Or as Busch put it in his temporary ruling, he wants to explore questions such as: “1) WHAT OTHER ALTERNATIVES OR MITIGATION MEASURES DOES PLAINTIFF CONTEND RESPONDENT SHOULD HAVE ANALYZED OR CONSIDERED? 2) WAS RESPONDENT REQUIRED TO INCLUDE DATA UNDERLYING TRAFFIC LOS AND, IF SO, DID IT SATISFY THE REQUIREMENT? 3) DID RESPONDENT ABUSE ITS DISCRETION BY USING A SIX-MINUTE THRESHOLD TO ANALYZE TRANSIT IMPACTS?”

It’s a level of detail that only lawyers and traffic engineers can appreciate, and to the casual observer, it’s a level of detail that could maddeningly extend this entirely unreasonable injunction. And Sunday Streets was a great example of why it’s so unreasonable. Here’s an event that disrupted far more cars and buses than the Bike Plan would over a month, and it was done with no EIR and with no major problems.

Why? Because CEQA has an exception for temporary events, which is certainly a good thing. But if CEQA is used to extend this injunction for another month, or a year, then it’s time to revisit this unreasonable law and whether this was ever a reasonable ruling.  Because the harm he’s doing by dragging this case out for a year after the city completed the EIR – to bicyclist safety and to the environment when people are afraid to bike and choose to drive — certainly outweighs any harm this plan will do.

Feliz cumple, Tamale lady!

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Jack Daniels and I were hanging out late last week at the 500 Club when in she came. No one was particularly hungry, but when the Tamale Lady’s there, the Tamale Lady’s there, so we ate. And along with my cheese and rajas ‘male, she passed me a flier. “Virginia, it’s your birthday next week?” It was, and to celebrate, her traditional fiesta/documentary is going down at Zeitgeist Mon/21.

Writing about the Tamale Lady is frustrating, because what angle, exactly, are you going to take? She makes delicious tamales? Well obviously. She is nice to punks, and hooligans? Anyone who has ever taken a bench at Zeitgeist can tell you that. I went ahead and enlisted her documentarian, Cecil B. Feeder, to help make this blog post interesting.

“I love her tamales, I always have.” Great, thanks Cecil. Actually, he did have a theory as to her continued late night allure. “I think she’s human enough to know that it doesn’t matter what people think of you – it’s what you think of yourself.” And if what you think of yourself is drunk and hungry, well than you’ve found your savior in Virginia “Tamale Lady” Ramos.

Feeder will be screening his 2004 film on Virginia’s life, “Our Lady of Tamale,” on the patio wall of the Zeit at Monday festivities – the same place he debuted the movie six years ago, on the night that big wooden “Tamale Lady” plaque was first erected near the front door inside the Zeitgeist bar. Where’d that thing come from, anyway?

According to Ramos, the plaque was made for a SOMarts benefit for a man with cancer many years ago that she catered. After the party, she took it home, but when she showed up for her film debut/birthday party, she found the sign hanging near Zietgeist’s formidable selection of draft beers and famously surly bartenders. “I said ‘who brought my board in here!’ ” Ramos told me. Turns out, her kids had put it up there to honor her. “I’m telling you, I don’t know why they bring it out here!”

She kind of wanted it back. But to be honest, it looked nice up there, and Ramos concluded that the man for whom the original benefit had been thrown (who has since passed away), had engineered its placement in spirit. “I realized he wants to keep it over there, because he wants people to know my name,” she says. A tamale lady’s work, she realized, is never done.

A word about Mr. Feeder’s involvement – after seeing his flick Meter Maid Me Massacre (introduced on his Youtube as “ “The Gone with the Wind” of kung fu zombie movies”), Ramos approached him about making a documentary of her life. What exactly drew Ramos to Feeder’s vision of parking ticket revenge? Has Ramos had issues of her own from past times improperly parking her tamale wagon?

Well, we’re not really sure. “I always thought she was ambitious, you know?” Feeder told me over the phone. “At the time, I had just started making films. I thought about it and I said, ‘you know what Virginia, I don’t think we can make a straight documentary – but we can make a rockumentary!’ ”


And a rockumentary was made.

Our Lady of Tamale is comprised of scenes from the life of Virginia, backed by over 50 songs composed by local musicians especially for the occasion. They debuted it at the Zeit in honor of her 50th birthday party – a tradition that continues on Monday, with another screening of the film, some additional Feeder shorts, and a performance by his band.

Oh, and there will be free booze, according to Feeder. “Speakeasy and Zeitgeist are donating beer, four kegs flowing until they’re gone!” Some of the proceeds from the night (should those kegs be tapped), will go to Feeder’s plane ticket to Bolivia, where he’s in the midst of filming a documentary about an Engineers Without Borders project in progress.

“Hey Honey, It’s My Birthday!”: The Tamale Lady’s 57th Birthday Celebration
Mon/21 6-10 p.m., free
Zeitgeist
199 Valencia, SF
(415) 255-7505
www.cecilbfeeder.com
www.zeitgeistsf.com

Zion I’s Amp Live steps into the solo album spotlight

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It’s hard to think of a Bay hip hop DJ with a more diverse footprint than Amp Live. Rising to prominence as the mixing half of duo Zion I, he’s since spread his futuristic tinkerings through tracks featuring Goapele, Too Short, Charlie 2na, and Del the Funky Homosapien. More recently, he funked up Radiohead’s In Rainbows – dubbing his new vision Rainydayz Remixes, and releasing it to the public before, well, really clearing it with the music’s progenitors. In exchange for his hip hop creativity, he received a cease and desist order from the band. Luckily, their camps found a way to talk it out, and Radiohead eventually gave Amp Live the go ahead to offer up the project, which you can still find on his Myspace page as a free download (he also issued a creative, yet heartfelt apology for his role in the conflict).

We caught up with Amp Live via email on his Mexico vacation – where he’s no doubt “amping” (ha!) up for his CD release party this weekend (Shattuck Down Low, Sat/19). You might recognize some of the other cats that will be onstage; Amp Live’s graciously sharing the playbill with Kev Choice, Deuce Eclipse, Trackademicks — and Zion I will take over as the headliner. 

Murder at the Discotech‘s first single, “Gary Is a Robot” featuring Tracademicks and Mr. Micro is one play from being your 2010 summer anthem

 

San Francisco Bay Guardian: You’ve said in the past that you’ve been looking at adding more “live music” performance on stage to your DJ sets. Can you explain what you are looking at with that?

Amp Live: I think live [music] is very important in creating a good show. During my production set, I create music on the spot using live video and visuals, and will also feature other musicians. 

 

SFBG: What kind of unique resources did you find coming up as a musician in the Bay? Besides your music, is there any one artist today that you think speaks most eloquently about what it’s like to live out here?

AL: There is definitely a large amount of accomplished and talented musicians in the Bay Area. So many tight drummers, keyboardist, horn players, singer, etc. That makes it easy in collaborations and studio work. I like what comes from the DJ Shadow camp. I think he captures the vibe out here pretty well. Also, like what Traxamillion is doing. 

 

SFBG: Your DJing, and general work as an artist, make it clear that you’ve got very deep skills when it comes to technology. Where do you think you would have wound up if it hadn’t been for music? 

AL: Well, I graduated from college with a bachelor’s in science. I was going to go to medical school basically, and be a cardiologist. 

 

SFBG: What ways will the Amp Live solo shows differ from the performances you’ve done as part of Zion I?

AL: The main difference is that it is mostly me on stage, so it’s all eyes on what I am doing. I have to keep the crowd engaged. 

 

Sat/19 9 p.m., $15-20

Shattuck Down Low

2284 Shattuck, Berkeley

(510) 548-1159

www.amplivesworld.com 

www.shattuckdownlow.com

Quick Lit: June 16-June 22

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Literary readings, book tours, and talks this week

Voices of James Joyce, Fungi-Inspired Poems, The Queer Art of Failure, well read women, and more.

Wednesday, June 16

“The Voices of James Joyce”
It’s the 9th annual Bloomsday Celebration, an evening of readings of old and new favorites from Joyce’s Ulysses and Dubliners with traditional song and music. Performances by actors Robert Ayres, Bruce Bierman, Renee Gibbons, Oonagh Kavanagh, Laura Sheppard, and Maurice Wren.
7 p.m., $12
Mechanics’ Institute
57 Post, SF
(415) 393-0100
www.milibrary.org

Thursday, June 17

Decomposition

Celebrate mushrooms in poetry at this reading from the new anthology, Decomposition: Fungi-Inspired Poems, a collection of classic and comtemporary mushroom poems.
7 p.m., free
Ecology Center Store
2530 San Pablo, Berk.
(510) 548-3402

InsideStorytime Legends
Enjoy readings from Christina Sunley, author of The Tricking of Freya, Anne Finger, author of Call Me Ahab, Nicholas Nicastro, author of Antigone’s Wake, and others.
6:30 p.m., $3-$5 sliding scale
Café Royale
800 Post, SF
(415) 505-0869
www.insidestorytime.com


Lee Kravitz

The former editor of Parade presents this memoir about his mid-life journey to tie up loose ends titled, Unfinished Business: One Man’s Extraordinary Year of Trying to Do the Right Things.
7:30 p.m., free
Books Inc. Alameda
1344 Park, Alameda
(510) 522-2226

Eric Poole
Poole will read from his new memoir about his childhood in the Midwest in the 1970s, Where’s My Wand.
7:30 p.m., free
Books Inc.
2275 Market, SF
(415) 864-6777

“The Value of Stuff”
Attend this unique conversation with Anne Leonard, author of the book and popular movie The Story of Stuff, and Raj Patel, author of The Value of Nothing.
7 p.m., $10-$20 suggested donation
The David Browner Center
2150 Allston, Berk.
http://earthisland.org/events/stuff

Friday, June 18

The Madonnas of Echo Park
Author Brando Skyhorse gives voice to the Mexican-American community of Echo Park, CA.
7 p.m., free
Books Inc. SF Opera Plaza
601 Van Ness, SF
(415) 776-1111

The Velvet Rage
Popular psychologist and author Alan Downs reads from his ground breaking new book.
7:30 p.m., free
Books Inc. Castro
2275 Market, SF
(415) 864-6777

Saturday, June 19

Backseat Saints
Joshilyn Jackson presents this novel full of sly wit and off-kilter characters.
7 p.m., free
Books Inc. Berkeley
1760 4th St., Berk.
(510) 525-7777


The Daddy Shift

Celebrate Father’s Day early at this discussion and reading with author Jeremy Adam Smith of his new book, The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family. Smith with also be joined by authors Jeff Gillenkirk and Mike Adamick.
5 p.m., free
The Green Arcade
1680 Market, SF
(415) 431-6800

Watermark
Meet author Vanitha Sankaran at this reading and signing of her new book about the mute daughter of a papermaker in a small French village in 1320.
2 p.m., free
Borders
200 King, SF
(415) 357-9931

Monday, June 21

Burning Wire
Jeffery Deaver presents his newest Lincoln Rhyme novel, about the brilliant criminologist and his partner.
7:30 p.m., free
Books Inc. Alameda
1344 Park, Alameda
(510) 522-2226

Visit from the Goon Squad
Jennifer Egan brings us a book about time, survival, and the sparks ignited by colliding destinies.
7:30 p.m., free
Books Inc. Marina
2251 Chestnut, SF
(415) 931-3633

Well-Read Lives
Author Barbara Sicherman will read and discuss her new book Well-Read Lives: How books inspired a generation of American Women.
5:30 p.m., free
University Press Books
2430 Bancroft, Berk.
(510) 548-0585

Women, Food, and God
Geneen Roth talks about overeating and the underlying reasons for using food as an emotional buffer.
7:30 p.m., free
Books Inc. Berkeley
1760 4th St., Berk.
(510) 525-7777

Tuesday, June 22

Face to Face: Children of the AIDS crisis in Africa
View a slideshow about the AIDS crisis in Africa with authors Ruthann Richter and Karen Ande. Co-sponsored by the Orphan Support League and in conjunction with a local gallery.
7 p.m., free
Books Inc. Berkeley
1760 4th St., Berk.
(510) 525-7777

“Sizzle!”
Enjoy this month’s enstallment of  Femina Potens’ literary series
“The Queer Art of Failure.” Featuring Jack Halberstam, author of Female Masculinity, providing his unique perspective on Genderqueer life.
8 p.m., $10
Femina Potens Art Gallery
2199 Market, SF
http://feminapotens.org

Hot sexy events June 16-22

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How’s this fix for ailing municipal governments across the country; quit using law enforcement to harass sex workers doing their thing. Good, right? The Desiree Alliance would have to agree. The sex worker led advocate coalition is taking over Las Vegas next month for their annual conference, where they’ll discuss implementation of the harm reduction, political advocacy, and health services they provide for fellow escorts. Sexy guest speakers include Stephen Eliot (who will lead a storytelling session, and speak in an expert panel on taking your sex worker art to the next level), and Lauren McClubbin (an ACLU lawyer and Las Vegas performer).

But they need your help to make it all the awesomeness it can be. A big old public performance-demonstration is planned for the Strip — but the gambling tourists won’t get their dose of reality unless the Alliance raises the $2,500 they need to make the damn thing happen. You can donate on their Kickstarter page here. And learn more about the group’s antics right here, if you’re wondering. And now, in local news…

——————————————-

Asking For What You Want in the Bedroom and Beyond

Do you find it difficult to speak up for what you want between the sheets? Out of the sheets? In life, generally speaking? Well, who doesn’t, really (besides maybe Kanye West). Enter Marcia Baczynski, whose skills as a relationship counselor and sex educator lead her to create Cuddle Party – and this class, which gives you some excellent universal pointers on how to speak up and get yours.

Wed/16 8-9:30 p.m.

Center for Sex and Culture

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 255-1155

www.sexandculture.org

——————————————-

Latex Fashion School

Polly Pandemonium has been making high quality latex couture since 1995 in the London fetish scene, and now she wants to teach you, her San Francisco disciples! Learn about the shiniest, stretchiest, naughtiest ways to DIY. Apparently, it’s a very forgiving medium for the beginning seamstress or seamster.

Wed/16 6-9 p.m., $250

central SF location

(415) 269-8616

email polly@superstaravatar.com for information and reservations

www.latexfashionschool.com

——————————————-

Daddy and Boy: A Journey

Daddy Sal (founder of The Exiles) and boyjean, long time activists in the leather community, explicate their daddy/boy BDSM relationship, and go into the different dynamics of ways to be romantically involved for the long run in the domme/sub rainbow.

Fri/18 8-10 p.m., $4-10

Women’s Building

3543 18th St., SF

www.theexiles.org

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Rope Dance: Dynamic Passionate Movements

Japanese bondage expert Midori leads you in this course on dancing, stretching, seducing, connecting… on the ropes. Bring a yoga mat, comfy clothes to move in and your sexiest, sassiest ‘tude.

Sun/20 2-5 p.m., $30 solo, $50 couple

SF Citadel

1277 Mission, SF

(415) 626-1746

www.sfcitadel.org

——————————————-

David Jedeikin

What usually happens when you give up your liver in a risky transplant to your ailing man? Usually not a sexy solo journey around the world. But life is complicated, and that’s what happened to Mr. Jedeikin, whose “flashpacking” (apparently a term used to describe the party backpacker) took him all over the world to the sexiest spots and parties in the gay world. In his book Wander the Rainbow, we get to hear about his trysts with exchange students in Beijing, and sex club bartenders in Berlin. So read all about it, sticky hands – and get your copy signed at this in store appearance.

Tues/22 7:30 p.m., free

A Different Light bookstore

489 Castro, SF

(415) 431 0891

www.adleventscastro.blogspot.com

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Amos Mac’s “Boys in their Bedrooms”

A photographic exhibition of the city’s hottest FTMs in their pjs and Power Ranger blankies shot by photog extraordinaire Amos Mac. DJ Katastrophe will spin as you take in the sexy studs featured in Original Plumbing magazine.

Tues/22 7 p.m., free

The Lexington Club

3464 19th St., SF

(415) 863-2052

www.originalplumbing.com

Summer in bloom

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By Sam Stander

It’s that time of year again! You know, the time when Ulysses happens. That’s right, it’s Bloomsday, the holiday commemorating James Joyce’s epic modernist tome, ranked by the Modern Library as the greatest novel of the 20th century. The novel’s events span a single day — June 16, 1904, the date of Joyce’s first date with his future wife, Nora Barnacle.


Though the epicenter of all things Bloom-related is, for obvious reasons, Dublin, San Francisco hardly skips out on the fun. The Mechanics’ Institute Library is hosting ”The Voices of James Joyce: Readings from Ulysses and Beyond #2,” their ninth annual Bloomsday event. It will feature readings and musical performances, as well as a “special Bloom’s Menu” at the Mechanics’ Saloon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbMOhRL6wsA

The Voices of James Joyce: Readings from Ulysses and Beyond #2
7 p.m., $10-$12
Mechanics’ Institute Library
57 Post, SF
(415) 393-0114
www.milibrary.org

Our Weekly Picks: June 16-22, 2010

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WEDNESDAY 16

THEATER/DANCE

The Tosca Project

American Conservatory Theater artistic director Carey Perloff and San Francisco Ballet choreographer Val Caniparoli have teamed up with an all-star cast of ACT actors and San Francisco Ballet principal dancers (Lorena Feijoo, Pascal Molat, and Sabina Allemann) to bring theater and dance to one stage. Tracing the history of SF’s famous Tosca Café, The Tosca Project at ACT journeys through the love, loss, and popular dances of the past century to a soundtrack (featuring everything from Stravinsky to Hendrix) as diverse as the café’s ever-changing clientele. (Katie Gaydos)

Through June 27

Tues.–Sat., 8 p.m. (also Wed. and Sat., 2 p.m.); Sun, 2 p.m., $15–$85

American Conservatory Theater

415 Geary, SF

(415) 749-2228

www.act-sf.org/0910/tosca/index

THURSDAY 17

PERFORMANCE

Fresh Meat Festival

It’s that time again when Sean Dorsey brings tranny and queer performers for a love feast of dance, humor, music theater, and just about any other form of performance you could want. Most remarkable perhaps is how the Fresh Meat Festival — a tiny, local event only a few years ago — has grown into a national forum for often very polished performers who stick their necks out in every direction. Part of the festival’s fun is people-watching; some audience members’ get-ups nearly rival what’s seen on stage. Highlights from the lineup include world premieres of Dorsey’s take on Craigslist’s Missed Connections, Annie Danger’s media-style life coaching session, and SoliRose’s music-theater reflections about life in the Middle East. (Rita Felciano)

Thurs/17-Sat/19, 8 p.m.; Sun/20, 7 p.m., $17–$20

Z Space @ Theater Artaud

450 Florida, SF

www.brownpapertickets.com

MUSIC

U.S. Bombs

Boasting one of the most unpredictable, energetic, and enthralling bandleader of any punk band ever to set foot in front of an audience, U.S. Bombs has cultivated an incendiary reputation thanks to singer, legendary skateboarder, and all-around “master of disaster,” Duane Peters. Combining sounds culled from old school influences like the Clash and mixing them with the raw, adrenaline-pumping attitude needed while attacking a half-pipe, the band’s lineup has gone through several variations. But no matter which members of punk rock royalty he has behind him, Peters is guaranteed to steal the spotlight and make for a show you won’t likely soon forget. (Sean McCourt)

With the Forgotten, Druglords of the Avenues, and Cunt Sparrer

8 p.m., $14

Slim’s

333 11th St., SF

(415) 255-0333

www.slims-sf.com

EVENT

Decomposition reading

It’s sometimes said that, like pop songs, all good poems are ultimately about either love or death. Instinctively, I think most of us know this to be incorrect. Sometimes, though, we need a little reminder, which is where events like this one come in handy. Decomposition is an anthology of fungi-themed poetry from throughout the ages — apparently, many of America’s most seminal wordsmiths, including Sylvia Plath and Emily Dickinson, drew tremendous inspiration from the lowly mushroom (and no, not like that). Leading this tour of verse’s dark, dewy reaches will be editor Kelly Chadwick and poet Charlotte Innes. (Zach Ritter)

7–9 p.m., free

Ecology Center Store

2530 San Pablo, Berk.

(510) 548-3402

www.ecologycenter.org

FRIDAY 18

DANCE

Great Integration: A Chamber Hip-Hop Opera

By calling Great Integration — an allegory about the end of times — a hip-hop opera, choreographer Raissa Simpson and composer-pianist JooWan Kim may be on to something. Hip-hop is music, it’s dance, it’s poetry, and above all it’s a way of being. It means living on the edge, on unstable ground and embracing the subversive. Longtime East Bay activist and Integration contributor MC Kirby Dominant can attest to that. As far as the opera part is concerned, the Chinese and the Italians discovered centuries ago that opera is a messy, all-encompassing form of theater splendidly suited for big topics. Sounds just about right for all aspects of Integration. On opening night, jazz vocalist Christopher Nicholas joins Kim’s Ensemble Mik Nawooj and Simpson’s Push Dance Company. (Felciano)

Fri/18–Sat/19, 8 p.m., $15–$25

ODC Commons

351 Shotwell, SF

(415) 863-9834

www.brownpapertickets.com/event/104653

MUSIC

QM

Do you like hip-hop? Do you like cheap booze? Get your ass down to Hotel Utah for a stiff double dose of both and party like your parents are outta town. Local rapper QM of the Rec-League, self-described as “your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper to drink with,” is finally releasing his latest album, Happy Hour, and is throwing his own happy hour to celebrate. QM’s clever punch lines and West Coast sound may not change your political views, but they just might leave you hung over. Throw in $1 PBRs and Happy Hour grab bags filled with the album, a beer koozie, and other surprises, and Hotel Utah’s guaranteed to get wild. Be prepared for a drunken good time, and keep some aspirin and water ready for the morning after. (Ben Hopfer)

With Rec-League, Adverse, and Parable Paul

9 p.m., $10

Hotel Utah

500 Fourth St., SF

(415) 546-6300

www.routinefly.com

EVENT

“Cultural Encounters: Friday Nights at the de Young”

If you’re one of those people for whom a croissant is a “kwah-sahn,” then this week’s Friday Soirée at the de Young Museum, presented in partnership with the Alliance Française, should cater to your Francophiliac tastes. Though not French himself, Rich Kuhns accompanies the “Birth of Impressionism” exhibit as a strolling accordionist. The Bay Area monsieur of musette hearkens back to traditional French sounds — he plays Jacques Brel and Edith Piaf, of course — while also adding some contemporary flair to the fête. Following his performance, Dr. Alexandra Amati-Camperi lectures on the Fête de la Musique, French singer-songwriter Eric John Kaiser performs, and you can make your own found object instrument with Kim Erickson, described as an “art diva” by the de Young website. It’s no coincidence that the word “cliché” is French,” but zut alors, clichés never sounded so good. (Ryan Lattanzio)

5–8:45 p.m., free

de Young Museum

50 Hagiwara Tea Garden Drive, SF

(415) 750-3600

www.deyoung.famsf.org

FILM

Top of the Food Chain

Bluntly retitled Invasion! for its American release, Canadian filmmaker John Paizs’ homage to 1950s sci-fi films, Top of the Food Chain (1999), is the second of his films to screen at Artists’ Television Access in as many months. Previously, the auteur worked on beloved Canadian comedy series Kids in the Hall, but his films have a miniscule presence on the Internet — a few blog reviews here and there, and only two relevant YouTube clips. However, both of those clips are of hilariously non sequitur musical numbers, so that’s a promising sign. Indeed, Paizs’ fetishization of a seemingly outdated genre should be right at home alongside ATA’s usual assemblage of experimental video art. (Sam Stander)

8 p.m., $6

Artists’ Television Access

992 Valencia, SF

(415) 824-3890

www.atasite.org

PERFORMANCE

Miriam’s Well

This cultural and artistic mashup tells the stories of Mary, Maryam, and Miriam from the Christian, Muslim, and Jewish traditions connecting across time and distance at an ancient water well, the source of life and strife in a world that has yet to come to terms with how we can come together around our most basic shared needs. The performance involves dance, live music, poetry, and readings of sacred texts by a variety of acclaimed artists, from creator and dancer Miriam Peretz to musicians the Qadim Ensemble and master percussionist Pezhham Ackavass to spoken word artist Lana Nasser. It’s a story of visionary women leading all us past our historical and still-growing divisions and toward the realization that “without peace the well will soon run dry.” (Steven T. Jones)

8 p.m., $20

Grace Cathedral

1100 California, SF

(415) 749-6355

www.brownpapertickets.com/event/97354

SATURDAY 19

EVENT/PERFORMANCE

Birthfest and The Dynamite Show

FouFouHa!, San Francisco’s uniquely zany clown dance troupe, wants to take you on a strange journey all the way from a woman’s womb to a glitzy reality show set in Hollywood. That may seem like a long road to travel, but with troupe founder and performance director/choreographer Maya Culbertson-Lane, a.k.a. MamaFou, behind the wheel, it’s sure to be a fun ride. The play, which runs at Brava June 17-26, follows the Fous as they audition to be humiliated on television, exploring the role of the fool in society. But this show is preceded by a film festival on midwifery, with proceeds benefiting the Foundation for the Advancement of Midwifery, which recently helped MamaFou deliver her second child. What’s the connection? As she explains, it’s about power, “the power to not give into social fears created by a system run by money — in this case Hollywood and insurance companies.” With live music by the Gomorrans Social Aide and Pleasure Club and a photo exhibit by Eric Gillet. (Jones)

Birthfest, noon-6 p.m.; The Dynamite Show, 8 p.m., $20–$40

Brava Theater

2781 24th St., SF

www.foufouha.com

www.birthfest.com

EVENT

StreetSmARTS Community Extravaganza

It’s afternoon in the Tenderloin, and muralist Jet Martinez has been sponsored by the SF Arts Commission to paint traditional Oaxacan embroidery flowers in Cedar Alley. His audience: a man who has been yelling “I’m gonna kill you!” to no one in particular all day. The guy starts to approach him, and when he gets close enough says this to Jet in a low, articulate voice: “We really appreciate what you’re doing for the community.” Don’t ever let them tell you art doesn’t matter. Celebrate the beautiful walls created through StreetSmARTS with b-boys, DJs, and a midnight unveiling of “The Elements of Hip Hop,” a indoor gallery of works by the muralists themselves. (Caitlin Donohue)

Sat/19, 6 p.m., free

African American Art and Culture Complex

762 Fulton, SF

(415) 252-2598

www.sfartscommission.org

MONDAY 21

MUSIC

Brian Jonestown Massacre

Who Killed Sgt. Pepper? the Brian Jonestown Massacre asks in the title of its latest album. It’s possible bandleader Anton Newcombe did, if you recall how insane he was in Ondi Timoner’s documentary Dig! (2004). The San Francisco-bred band returns to the Fillmore in conjunction with its new release — a rather disquieting listen with plenty of dissonant space noise and expletives to make for a psychedelic headbanger’s wet dream. Newcombe, steeped in notoriety since Dig! and its frenetic portrait of the artist as a disturbed man, has been honing his sound since 1990. If you can separate art and artist (or don’t even bother — it makes things more interesting), BJM is one of today’s only bands that should be allowed to remain as prolific as it is. (Lattanzio)

9 p.m., $22.50

Fillmore

1805 Geary, SF

(415) 346-6000

www.livenation.com The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. We cannot guarantee the return of photos, but enclosing an SASE helps. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Festival front lines: Harmony 2010

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Aerial photo by DJ Guacamole

Santa Rosa got a little more groovy this weekend for the estimated 30,000 to 35,000 that attended the 32nd annual Harmony Festival, three days that were so epic my ability to narrate them cohesively has been called into question. Assembled here are some bits and pieces from the scene.

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Best year ever?

The longest running West Coast music and lifestyle festival seems to have resolved many of the problems it’s had with turning a profit in years past. “We tightened our ship, we did less with more, and we sold more tickets,” says festival CEO, Bo Sapper. Sapper cited the Eco Rally skate contest as a particular success – Harmony teamed up with eight local skate shops, and a passel of pros to put on an amateur mini ramp competition. They had 1,000 skaters sign up to ride, mainly from the local area. The festival also sold out it’s Saturday night shows, a rare occurrence for past years of Harmony.

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Vendor madness

Call me monetarily minded (you’d be the first), but I said it before, and I’ll say it again; the stuff that’s selling can encapsulate the event itself. So what kind of hawkers of wares greeted you upon arrival a the front gates? Amongst the psychics and Mayan chocolate was a woman selling personal sized, portable saunas (she said she was having trouble getting people to experiment with it, temperatures topping out in the nineties and all), some berries from Ghana whose claim to fame were that they could effectively mess your sense of taste up (suggested to buyers as possible cocktail garnishes), and my favorite; Asturias, the sonic didgeridoo man who charms lions and tigers (and for $200/two hours, you too!) with his big, hollow, vibrating stick. 

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Swami sanity

Don’t mourn last night’s loss of those fairy wings! “Everything is set, but the people are upset,” said Swami Chidanandji from his comfy pillow at the Wisdom Speakers Stage. Take it from a man who spent ages nine to 17 practicing solitude and yoga in the Himalaya; no matter how much festival flair you’ve stuffed into your backpack, happiness lies within. 

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Seeding the future

The basket of striped fava beans were what brought me to the West County Community Seed Bank‘s booth, but hearing about their mission to provide Sonoma County with GMO-free seeds for sproutin’ kept me fingering favas for awhile. At the moment, they’re meeting at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church in Sebastopol every last Saturday of the month, and the seeds are stored in their founder’s basement. Harmony Fest gave them their vendor booth for free; the same price they charge their seed buyers.

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Yoga for the party kids

“Well, I got two hours of sleep last night. I’m not sure how, but we’ll make it through this,” said Yogaworks instructor Eric Monkhouse. Monkhouse took us through a few moderately paced asanas at the Eco-Wellness Sanctuary at 10:15 a.m. on Saturday morning — part of a full slate of yoga classes I thought I’d make it to, but obviously didn’t.

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Goddess Grove

One of the festival’s most rockingest scenes was this shady little side stage, where crowd pleasers Delhi to Dublin and Diego’s Umbrella rolled about gleefully onstage and off (Diego’s guitarist at one point plunged into the crowd to squirm about in the grass). At night, laser lights tickled the tree leaves above the concerts, setting an entirely different stage for the late night lovin’ that any good festie inspires.

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Festival babies: cooler than I am

Where do these little rascals come from? Big ups to the munchkin who was walking around performing courtesy sprays with his bubble gun, but my favorites were the pretty little girl and her buddies perched on the back of a truck that was making its slow way past the Goddess Stage. Next to her were two boys on skateboards, holding onto the fender for dear life. I attempted to make contact with the little thing,  but she shushed me through her ice cream cone, and pointed urgently, soundlessly to the truck’s cab. Festivating stowaways. Love it.

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Crime! 

Of course, it wasn’t all ice cream cones and good vibrations. There’s the matter of the Saturday night theft of a borrowed moped, which Sapper cited as the weekend’s sole unpleasant incident (if you don’t count beer prices).

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Lauryn Hill: ragingly good

So what if she spent a large portion of her first US concert in three years harassing the sound guys – the woman’s a legend, and if she wants to get a little surly, she’s entitled. “We’re all big fans of Lauryn Hill,” Sapper says. “We were aware she was quite reclusive, but she’s ready to come out of that now. Her agency was looking for a safe place for her [to restart her US performing career], and they thought Harmony Festival would be that place –and they were right.” Sapper recalls waiting with his wife and daughter backstage for Ms. Hill to emerge as one of the festival’s more magical moments.

Hill’s heavily remixed versions of such classics as “Turn Your Lights Down Low,” and “Ready or Not” struck a fine balance between crowd pleasing and innovative — and her red, white, and blue jumpsuit she wore struck an equally fine balance between Southern belle and Soul Train. Well worthy of a headliner. Thanks for coming out to play, Miss Hill. Now that she’s played a California hippie fest, can we finally quit with those stupid racism rumors?

 

Film listings

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Film listings are edited by Cheryl Eddy. Reviewers are Kimberly Chun, Michelle Devereaux, Max Goldberg, Dennis Harvey, Johnny Ray Huston, Erik Morse, Louis Peitzman, Lynn Rapoport, Ben Richardson, and Matt Sussman. For rep house showtimes, see Rep Clock. For first-run showtimes, see Movie Guide.

FRAMELINE34

The 34th San Francisco International LGBT Film Festival runs June 17-27 at the Castro, 429 Castro, SF; Roxie, 3117 16th St, SF; Victoria, 2961 16th St, SF; and Rialto Cinemas Elmwood, 2966 College, Berk. Tickets (most shows $8-15) can be purchased at www.frameline.org. All times pm unless otherwise noted.

THURS/17

Castro The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister 7. Off World 10.

FRI/18

Castro The Real Anne Lister noon. "Curious Thing" (shorts program) 1:45. Sasha 4:30. The Owls 7. Grown Up Movie Star 9:30.

Roxie "Hustlers and Exhibitionists: Andy Warhol Retrospective" 7. "Bi Request" (shorts program) 9:30.

Victoria 8: The Mormon Proposition 7. Open 9:30.

SAT/19

Castro "Fun in Boys’ Shorts" (shorts program) 11am. "Fun in Girls’ Shorts" (shorts program) 1:30. Elvis and Madona 4. I Killed My Mother 6:45. A Marine Story 9:30.

Roxie Mississippi Queen 11am. On These Shoulders We Stand 1:30. Postcard to Daddy 4. Hooters 6:30. "Sex, Leather Jackets, and Hustlers: Andy Warhol Retrospective" 9:30.

Victoria "Trans Francisco" (shorts program) 11am. The Adonis Factor 2. "Gay Aesthetics and Iconography in the Films of Andy Warhol" (illustrated talk) 4:15. Arias With a Twist 6:30. The Man Who Loved Yngve 9:30.

SUN/20

Castro "Dottie’s Magic Pockets Live!" 11am. We Were Here: Voices From the AIDS Years in San Francisco 1. The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls 3:45. The Four Faced Liar 6:30. The Consul of Sodom 9:30.

Roxie Mountains That Take Wing 11am. "Skinnyfat" (shorts program) 1:45. "Generations: Youth and Elders Making Movies" (shorts program) 4:15. Bear Nation 6:45. Out of the Blue 9:30.

Victoria Beyond Gay: The Politics of Pride 11am. Paulista 1:30. "F**king Traditional Values: Queer Women of Color Shorts" (shorts program) 4:15. William S. Burroughs: The Man Within 7. The Queer X Show 9:30.

MON/21

Castro Dzi Croquettes 11am. Swimming with Lesbians 2. Off World 4. The Last Summer of La Boyita 7. Brotherhood 9:30.

Roxie New York Memories 7. "Are You Krazy?" (shorts program) 9:30.

Victoria Riot Acts: Flaunting Gender Deviance in Music Performance 7. My Normal 9:30.

Elmwood The Sea Purple 7. Plan B 9:30.

TUES/22

Castro The Motionless 11am. Sex in an Epidemic 1:15. Is It Just Me? 3:45. Undertow 7. Baby Jane? 9:45.

Roxie Gayby 7. One Night 9:30.

Victoria The Sisters 7. Eyes Wide Open 9:30.

Elmwood William S. Burroughs: The Man Within 7. The Fish Child 9:30.

OPENING

Bluebeard Writer-director Catherine Breillat returns to her 2001 Fat Girl‘s motifs of troubled sisterhood and the adolescent female imagination in this stealthy adaptation of Charles Perrault’s pathological fairy tale. Bluebeard‘s parable of murder coiled around marriage resonates rather obviously with Breillat’s own signature themes, but she avoids obviousness by serving the punishing logic of Perrault’s story chilled. That Breillat is concerned with how the fairy tale is experienced, and specifically the adolescent desires it awakens, is clear from the frame narrative in which two sisters (named autobiographically) ritualistically read "Bluebeard," both of them knowing it (and each other’s reactions) by heart. Their dualities mirror those of the sisters trapped inside the story, the younger of whom, prone to romantic fantasies of castles and marooned by her father’s death, joins Bluebeard in unholy matrimony. Marie-Catherine (Lola Créton) may be a sprite next to the titular ogre (Dominique Thomas), but never underestimate the appetite of a younger sibling. Breillat’s visual style is unassuming in its tableaus, but her mastery of point-of-view and restricted narration brings great insight to the mechanisms of the fairy tale. Créton conjures the younger girl’s familiar mix of confidence and innocence with something like joy, while Thomas plays Bluebeard as a tender foil. He appears nearly forlorn when he uncovers his young wife’s fateful act of disobedience and realizes he will now and forever carry out the terrible deed we expect of him. A sharp turn provides a different moral than we might expect, and while it’s not so self-consciously shocking an ending as Fat Girl‘s, it inscribes the birth of a storyteller named Catherine with far greater piquancy.(1:20) Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. (Goldberg)

*Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky Revered for the innovative fashion house that set the bar for style and was always knocked off but never cut prices for the real deal (and still sniffs at online clothing sales), Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel gets her second biopic, as an artist on par with composer Igor Stravinsky in this rhapsodically sensuous love letter to an unlikely romance. It opens with the designer and future branding legend (depicted with burning eyes and pantherine mystery by Anna Mouglalis) attending the controversial, riot-starting 1913 premiere of Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring in Paris. Recognizing Stravinsky (a viral avant-garde stud-muffin in the hands of Mads Mikkelsen, last in deadlocks and warrior face in Clash of the Titans) as a simpatico radical spirit, Chanel lends her house to the composer. He comes with considerable baggage: a slew of children and a consumptive wife, Katarina (Elena Morozova). Morozova’s performance as the angel-faced earth mother scorned, so blatantly disrespected by the rad lovers madly getting down on the music-room carpet, almost steals the show, but then the house-porn fabulosity of the recreated Chanel villa in Garches — a symbol of their hermetic attraction and shot like a seductive, claustrophobic, black-and-white deco womb — takes over, and we’re back in the thick of CoGor’s somewhat inexplicable affair once again. (1:55) Shattuck. (Chun)

Gravity Was Everywhere Back Then Before it was torn down by a new landowner, multimedia artist Brent Green went to visit the house built by late Kentucky hardware store clerk Leonard Wood — a poor man’s Winchester Mystery House, endlessly elaborated with newly knocked-down walls and weird handmade detailing. This obsessive one-man construction effort was commenced as a hopeful "healing machine" for its other resident, his beloved wife Mary, and continued after her death from cancer. Green built his own backyard replica of the house for this experimental first feature, a sort of live-action stop motion movie whose characters like move like puppets in stuttering frame jumps, with animation, dubbed occasional dialogue, crude intertitles, and some gently fantastical imagery adding to its dreamlike aura. Mary (played by Donna K.) makes a curious living breeding and selling wild bird eggs; Leonard (Michael McGinley), among his other callings, composes and records droning minimalist "church music." They met, purportedly, in a car crash. Green’s strangle-voiced blank verse narration and filmic folk-art affectations can sometimes make Gravity just sit there — certainly it feels longer than its 75 minutes. But it also has an off-center lyricism that in the end serves honorably this story of profound love between two very odd people. The director (who currently has an installation across the street at the Berkeley Art Museum) will appear at this one-night Pacific Film Archive screening. (1:20) Pacific Film Archive. (Harvey)

Jonah Hex Josh Brolin and Megan Fox star in this Wild West-set graphic novel adaptation. (1:81) Elmwood.

Lovers of Hate Living out of his car after being dumped by Diana (Heather Kafka), perpetually dour Rudy (Chris Doubek) can hardly find a place to take a shower. In stark contrast to his desperate situation, Rudy’s brother Paul (Alex Karpovsky) is a successful children’s fantasy writer, holed up in a borrowed mansion in Utah to work on his next book. Rudy decides to pay his bro an unwelcome surprise visit, but he arrives just behind Diana, who has come to have a serious chat (and also some sex) with Paul. Still in love with Diana, Rudy skulks unnoticed through the tremendous house, playing vengeful voyeur to the new couple’s already rather weird relationship. Lovers of Hate‘s central trinity are not especially nice people, but neither are any of them evil; writer-director Bryan Poyser balances pity and disgust at their painfully human actions, without necessarily making a case for why we care. (1:33) Roxie. (Sam Stander)

*The Oath Laura Poitras’ disturbing documentary is a portrait of two men closely bound to al Qaeda, though only one is interviewed. That would be Abu Jandal, a husband, father, current Yemen taxi driver, erstwhile jihadist operating from Bosnia to Afghanistan, and former chief bodyguard to Osama bin Laden. The off-camera one is his brother-in-law Salim Hamdan, a Guantanamo Bay prisoner from late 2001 whom he’d recruited as bin Laden’s driver-mechanic. Was Salim merely a for-hire worker with no knowledge of the 9/11 conspiracy or other terrorist actions? Was his lengthy imprisonment an example of the War on Terror’s flaunting of legal conventions? (After Hamdan won a Supreme Court victory, Congress invented a whole new kind of charge — "material support to terrorism" — to keep him in custody.) These are questions more pondered than answered here. We do, however, get a big close-up dose of Jandal, who laments the harm he might have done his bro-in-law while still counseling young Muslim Yemenites and his own barely-past-toddler son in jihadist righteousness, not excluding justification of killing Western civilians. He comes off as dangerous and charming, a hustler and braggart. Offering further insight into what makes up (or sculpts) a terrorist mindset is a pre-9/11 clip of an elegant, prissy bin Laden — a salt pillar of airless judgment
sure he’s channeling the intentions of Allah. (1:36) Lumiere, Shattuck. (Harvey)

The Sun Behind the Clouds In this doc, the Dalai Lama comments on the 2008 Tibetan demonstrations against Chinese rule. (1:19) Opera Plaza, Shattuck.

Toy Story 3 Somehow, it’s terrifying that in this installment, the toy-owning kid is heading off to college. (1:49) Cerrito, Marina.

*Winter’s Bone See "True Grit." (1:40) California, Embarcadero.

ONGOING

The A-Team Why was the original A-Team the most popular band of mercenaries on TV? The estimable chemistry and comedic skills of Mr. T; legit Breakfast at Tiffany‘s star George Peppard; conservative commentator Dwight Schultz; and Dirk Benedict, fresh from his role as the original Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica, played a major part, as did the quasi-anti-authoritarian, boyish, blow-’em-up-real-good tone, making it more of a cartoonishly violent kin to MASH than First Blood (1982). The cheeky humor and snappy writing were the real key to The A-Team‘s popularity — the reason impressionable protein units like yours truly tuned in. Director Joe Carnahan (2006’s Smokin’ Aces) and cast seem to have sussed out a bit of that magic, especially when the sun-roasted Bradley Cooper as Faceman and Sharlto Copley as Murdock roll with the what-the-hell non-sequiturs (less sure is the star of last year’s District 9‘s grip on exactly what accent he’s been charged with). But the cinematic version won’t be rehabbing the public’s view of guns-for-hire like Blackwater anytime soon. Liam Neeson lacks the cigar-chomping paternal bravado of Peppard, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson is tasked with the unenviable job of following T time, and the script, complete with the ludicrously elaborate plans and a spark-challenged romance between Cooper and Jessica Biel, is just a rough excuse to watch boys and their toys. (1:57) Cerrito, 1000 Van Ness, Presidio, SF Center. (Chun)

*Babies Thomas Balmes’ camera records the first year in the lives of four infants in vastly different circumstances. They’re respectively born to hip young couple in Tokyo’s high-tech clutter; familiar moderately alterna-types (the father is director Frazer Bradshaw of last year’s excellent indie drama Everything Strange and New) in SF’s Mission District; a yurt-dwelling family isolated in the vast Mongolian tundra; and a Namibian village so maternally focused that adult menfolk seem to have been banished. Yes, on one level this is the cutest li’l documentary you ever saw. But if you were planning to avoid thinking that is all (or most) of what Babies would be like, you will miss out big time. Void of explanatory titles, voice-over narration, or subtitle translations, this is a purely observatory piece that reveals just how fascinating the business of being a baby is. There’s very little predictable pooping, wailing, or coddling. Instead, Balmes’ wonderful eye captures absorbing moments of sussing things out, decision-making, and skill learning. While the First World tykes firstborns both — are hauled off to (way) pre-school classes, the much less day planned Third Worlders have more complex, unmediated dealings with community. Those range from fending off devilish older siblings to Mongol Bayarjargal’s startlingly casual consorting with large furry livestock. (Imagine the horror of parents you know were their baby found surrounded by massive cows — a situation that here causes no concern whatsoever for adults, children, or bovines.) So accustomed to the camera that it doesn’t influence their behavior, the subjects here are viewed with an intimacy that continually surprises. Babies is getting a wider-than-usual release for a documentary, one cannily timed to coincide with Mother’s Day. But don’t be fooled: this movie is actually very cool. (1:19) Presidio, Shattuck, Smith Rafael, Sundance Kabuki. (Harvey)

*City Island The Rizzo family of City Island, N.Y. — a tiny atoll associated historically with fishing and jurisdictionally with the Bronx — have reached a state where their primary interactions consist of sniping, yelling, and storming out of rooms. These storm clouds operate as cover for the secrets they’re all busy keeping from one another. Correctional officer Vince (Andy Garcia) pretends he’s got frequent poker nights so he can skulk off to his true shameful indulgence: a Manhattan acting class. Perpetually fuming spouse Joyce (Julianna Margulies) assumes he’s having an affair. Daughter Vivian (Dominik García-Lorido) has dropped out of school to work at a strip joint, while the world class-sarcasms of teenager Vinnie (Ezra Miller) deflect attention from his own hidden life as an aspiring chubby chaser. All this (plus everyone’s sneaky cigarette habit) is nothing, however, compared to Vince’s really big secret: he conceived and abandoned a "love child" before marrying, and said guilty issue has just turned up as a 24-year-old car thief on his cell block. Writer-director Raymond De Felitta made a couple other features in the last 15 years, none widely seen; if this latest is typical, we need more of him, more often. Perfectly cast, City Island is farcical without being cartoonish, howl-inducing without lowering your brain-cell count. It’s arguably a better, less self-conscious slice of dysfunctional family absurdism than Little Miss Sunshine (2006) — complete with an Alan Arkin more inspired in his one big scene here than in all of that film’s Oscar-winning performance. (1:40) Shattuck. (Harvey)

*Exit Through the Gift Shop Exit Through the Gift Shop is not a film about the elusive graffiti-cum-conceptual artist and merry prankster known as Banksy, even though he takes up a good chunk of this sly and by-no-means impartial documentary and is listed as its director. Rather, as he informs us — voice electronically altered, face hidden in shadow — in the film’s opening minutes, the film’s real subject is one Thierry Guetta, a French expat living in LA whose hangdog eyes, squat stature, and propensity for mutton chops and polyester could pass him off as Ron Jeremy’s long lost twin. Unlike Jeremy, Guetta is not blessed with any prodigious natural talent to propel him to stardom, save for a compulsion to videotape every waking minute of his life (roughly 80 percent of the footage in Exit is Guetta’s) and a knack for being in the right place at the right time. When Guetta is introduced by his tagger cousin to a pre-Obamatized Shepard Fairey in 2007, he realizes his true calling: to make a documentary about the street art scene that was then only starting to get mainstream attention. Enter Banksy, who, at first, is Guetta’s ultimate quarry. Eventually, the two become chummy, with Guetta acting as lookout and documenter for the artist just as the art market starts clambering for its piece of, "the Scarlet Pimpernel of street art," as one headline dubs him. When, at about three quarters of the way in, Guetta, following Banksy’s casual suggestion, drops his camcorder and tries his hand at making street art, Exit becomes a very different beast. Guetta’s flashy debut as Mr. Brainwash is as obscenely successful as his "art" is terribly unimaginative — much to the chagrin of his former documentary subjects. But Guetta is no Eve Harrington and Banksy, who has the last laugh here, gives him plenty of rope with which to truss himself. Is Mr. Brainwash really the ridiculous and inevitable terminus of street art’s runaway mainstream success (which, it must be said, Banksy has handsomely profited from)? That question begs another: with friends like Banksy, who needs enemies? (1:27) Lumiere, Shattuck, Sundance Kabuki. (Sussman)

*The Father of My Children Grégoire Canvel (Louis-Do de Lencquesaing) is a perpetual motion machine: a Paris-based veteran film producer of complicated multinational whose every waking moment is spent pleading, finessing, reassuring, and generally putting out fires of the artistic, logistic, or financial kind. But lately the strain has begun to surpass even his Herculean coping abilities. Debtors are closing in; funding might collapse for a brilliant but uncommercial director’s already half-finished latest. After surviving any number of prior crises, Gregoire’s whole production company might finally dissolve into a puddle of red ink and lawsuits. He barely has time to enjoy his perfect family, with Italian wife Sylvia (Chiara Caselli) and three young daughters happily ensconced in a charming country house. Something’s got to give — and when it does, writer-director Mia Hansen-Love’s drama (very loosely based on the life of a late European film producer) drastically shifts its focus midway. Her film’s first half is so arresting — with its whirlwind glimpse at a job so few of us know much about, yet which couldn’t be more important in keeping cinema afloat — that the second half inevitably seems less interesting by comparison. Still, for about 55 minutes The Father of My Children offers something you haven’t quite seen before, an experience well worthwhile even if the subsequent 55 are less memorable. (1:50) Opera Plaza. (Harvey)

*The Full Picture The unusually high proportion of non-native San Franciscans not only underlines our living in a "destination" city, but also suggests that many of us were eager to leave something behind. Certainly it’s no accident The Full Picture’s fraternal protagonists both chose to live here. Yes, it’s a lovely place. It also happens to be 3,000 insulating miles from where they were raised, and where the dragon still dwells. Unfortunately, she can fly: sensible heels clacking militaristically across airport tarmac first clue us to the personality of monster-mother Gretchen Foster (Bettina Devin), who sweetly announces she’s off to visit "my boys" in SF, then breathes fire when that charm fails to secure a first class upgrade. Clearly it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Jon Bowden’s first feature is based on his original play, and this screen incarnation doesn’t entirely leave the whiff of stagecraft behind. It’s smart, fluid, funny, and biting, as well as a nice addition to the roster of movies that really do convey something about living here. (1:20) Roxie. (Harvey)

Get Him to the Greek At this point movie execs can throw producer Judd Apatow’s name on the marquee of a film and it’s a guaranteed blockbuster. It’s hard to say whether this Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) spin-off benefits from the Apatow sign of approval or if it would be better off standing on its own, but it definitely doesn’t benefit from comparisons to its predecessor. Russell Brand returns as the British rock star Aldous Snow, and Jonah Hill, playing a different character this time, is given the task of chaperoning the uncooperative Snow from London to LA in 48 hours. Despite a great cast, including a surprisingly animated P. Diddy, the story is pretty bland and can’t match the blend of drama and comedy that Marshall achieved. Of course, none of that matters because the movie execs are right: if you like Apatow’s brand of humor, you’re going to have a good time anyway. (1:49) Empire, Four Star, 1000 Van Ness, Presidio, SF Center, Shattuck, Sundance Kabuki. (Peter Galvin)

*The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo By the time the first of Stieg Larsson’s so-called "Millennium" books had been published anywhere, the series already had an unhappy ending: he died (in 2004). The following year, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo became a Swedish, then eventually international sensation, its sequels following suit. The books are addicting, to say the least; despite their essential crime-mystery-thriller nature, they don’t require putting your ear for writing of some literary value on sleep mode. Now the first of three adaptive features shot back-to-back has reached U.S. screens. (Sorry to say, yes, a Hollywood remake is already in the works — but let’s hope that’s years away.) Even at two-and-a-half hours, this Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by necessity must do some major truncating to pack in the essentials of a very long, very plotty novel. Still, all but the nitpickingest fans will be fairly satisfied, while virgins will have the benefit of not knowing what’s going to happen and getting scared accordingly. Soon facing jail after losing a libel suit brought against him by a shady corporate tycoon, leftie journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) gets a curious private offer to probe the disappearance 40 years earlier of a teenage girl. This entangles him with an eccentric wealthy family and their many closet skeletons (including Nazi sympathies) — as well as dragon-tattooed Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), androgynous loner, 24-year-old court ward, investigative researcher, and skillful hacker. Director Niels Arden Oplev and his scenarists do a workmanlike job — one more organizational than interpretive, a faithful transcription without much style or personality all its own. Nonetheless, Larsson’s narrative engine kicks in early and hauls you right along to the depot. (2:32) Clay, Piedmont, Shattuck, Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

Harry Brown Shades of Dirty Harry (1971) for the tea cozy and tweed set: elegantly rendered and very nicely played, Harry Brown might be the dark, late-in-the-day elder brother to 1971’s Get Carter, in the hands of eponymous lead Michael Caine. He’s a pensioner mourning the passing of his beloved wife, his mysterious life as a Marine stationed in Northern Ireland firmly behind him. Then his chess-playing pal Leonard (David Bradley) is terrorized and killed by the unsavory gang of heroin dealing hoodlums who lurk near their projects in a tunnel walkway like gun-toting, foul-mouthed, sociopathic trolls. Harry Brown is, er, forced to forsake a vow of peace and go commando on the culprits’ asses, triggering some moments of ultraviolence that are unsettling in their whole-hearted embrace of vigilante justice. Like predecessors similarly fixated on vengeance in their respective urban hells, a la Hardcore (1979) and Taxi Driver (1976) (Harry Brown echoes key moments in the latter, in particular — see, for instance, its keenly tense, eerily humorous gun shopping scene), Harry Brown is essentially an arch-conservative film, if good looking and even likable with Caine meting out the punishment. The overall denouement just might make some seniors feel very, very good about the coiled potential for hurt embedded in their aging frames. (1:42) Four Star. (Chun)

Holy Rollers Holy Rollers isn’t a movie — it’s a headline stretched out to 90 minutes. Yes, the set-up is worthy of adaptation: Hassidic Jewish kid begins importing ecstasy from Amsterdam. And it’s based on a true story! But the film is far too matter-of-fact, never delving into the important questions that might elevate it past a glorified reenactment. That’s not to say the performances aren’t good. Jesse Eisenberg continues to prove he can do well in leading roles, while supporting actors Justin Bartha and Ari Graynor are both charming, in their own ways. The problem is the material. What is Holy Rollers saying about the war on drugs, or organized religion, or the desire to live above one’s means? Nothing, really. The tone is equally problematic, as it repeatedly fails to find the right blend of comedy and drama. The movie’s major selling point is that it will make you want to visit Amsterdam — you know, if you didn’t already. (1:29) Lumiere, Shattuck. (Peitzman)

*Iron Man 2 Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) returns, just as rich and self-involved as before, though his ego his inflated to unimaginable heights due to his superheroic fame. Pretty much, he’s put the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing on the back burner, exasperating everyone from Girl Friday Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow); to BFF military man Rhodey (Don Cheadle, replacing the first installment’s Terrence Howard); to certain mysterious Marvels played by Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson; to a doofus-y rival defense contractor (Sam Rockwell); to a sanctimonius Senator (Garry Shandling). Frankly, the fact that a vengeful Russian scientist (Mickey Rourke) is plotting Tony’s imminent death is a secondary threat here — for much of the film, Tony’s biggest enemy is himself. Fortunately, this is conveyed with enjoyable action (props to director Jon Favreau, who also has a small role), a witty script (actor Justin Theroux — who knew? He also co-wrote 2008’s Tropic Thunder, by the way), and gusto-going performances by everyone, from Downey on down. Stay for the whole credits or miss out on the geek-gasm. (2:05) California, 1000 Van Ness, Sundance Kabuki. (Eddy)

*Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work Whether you’re a fan of its subject or not, Ricki Stern and Annie Sundberg’s documentary is an absorbing look at the business of entertainment, a demanding treadmill that fame doesn’t really make any easier. At 75, comedian Rivers has four decades in the spotlight behind her. Yet despite a high Q rating she finds it difficult to get the top-ranked gigs, no matter that as a workaholic who’ll take anything she could scarcely be more available. Funny onstage (and a lot ruder than on TV), she’s very, very focused off-, dismissive of being called a "trailblazer" when she’s still actively competing with those whose women comics trail she blazed for today’s hot TV guest spot or whatever. Anyone seeking a thorough career overview will have to look elsewhere; this vérité year-in-the-life portrait is, like the lady herself, entertainingly and quite fiercely focused on the here-and-now. (1:24) Bridge, Embarcadero. (Harvey)

The Karate Kid The most baffling thing about The Karate Kid is its title: little Dre Parker (Jaden Smith) never actually learns karate. He practices kung-fu, an entirely different form of martial arts — you know, from a different country. There’s something obnoxious and absurd about the misnomer: the film seems to suggest that if you’ve seen one Asian culture, you’ve seen them all. That aside, it’s not a bad movie. Smith is mostly pretty likeable, and there’s a definite satisfaction to seeing him grow from bullied weakling to kung-fu star. And Jackie Chan gets to exercise his dramatic chops — he even gets a crying scene! But Karate Kid is a "reboot," the preferred term for the endless stream of unnecessary remakes Hollywood keeps churning out. You can’t help but think about the superior 1984 version. Jaden Smith is no Ralph Macchio, Jackie Chan is no Pat Morita, and kung-fu is no karate. Don’t even get me started on the "jacket on, jacket off" crap. Which, if you say it quickly, sounds a little adult for a PG movie. (2:20) SF Center, Sundance Kabuki. (Peitzman)

Killers (1:40) 1000 Van Ness.

Letters to Juliet If you can stomach the inevitable Barbara Cartland/Harlequin-romance-style clichés — and believe that Amanda Seyfried as a New Yorker fact-checker — then Letters to Juliet might be the ideal Tuscan-sunlit valentine for you. Seyfried’s Sophie is on a pre-honeymoon trip to Verona with her preoccupied chef-restaurateur intended, Victor (Gael Garcia Bernal), who’s more interested in sampling cheese and purchasing vino than taking in the romantic attractions of Verona with his fiancée. Luckily she finds the perfect diversion for a wannabe scribe: a small clutch of diehard romantics enlisted by the city of Verona to answer the letters to Juliet posted by lovelorn ladies. They’re Juliet’s secretaries — never mind that Juliet never managed to maintain a successful or long-term relationship herself. When Sophie finds a lost, unanswered letter from the ’50s, she sets off sequence of unlikely events, as the letter’s English writer, Claire (Vanessa Redgrave), returns to Verona with her grandson Charlie (Christopher Egan), in search of her missed-connection, Lorenzo. Alas, Lorenzo’s long gone, and the fact-checker decides to help the warm-hearted, hopeful Claire find her lost lover. Unfortunately Sophie’s chemistry with both her matches isn’t as powerful as Redgrave’s with real-life husband Franco Nero — after all he was Lancelot to her Guenevere in 1967’s Camelot and the father of her son. Still, Redgrave’s power as an actress — and her relationship with Nero — adds a resonance that takes this otherwise by-the-numbers romance to another level. (1:46) SF Center. (Chun)

*Looking for Eric Eric Bishop (Steve Everts) is a single dad, frustrated at his inability to bond with his teenage sons and heartbroken over his failed marriage to Lily (Stephanie Bishop), the woman he walked out on 20 years ago but never managed to get over. Just when things are looking dire, Eric is delivered in surprising, magical fashion by hallucinatory visitations from Eric Cantona, his favorite soccer player, a philosophical Frenchman who was as renowned for his inscrutable press conferences as he was for his scintillating goals. Cantona plays himself, and passes pensive joints with Bishop as they slowly piece his shattered life back together. American viewers might be have trouble deciphering the intricacies of soccer culture or the molasses-thick Mancunian accents, but at its heart the movie (by Brit director Ken Loach) is an amusing, tautly crafted fable of middle-aged alienation giving way to hope and gumption. (1:57) Smith Rafael. (Richardson)

Marmaduke (1:27) 1000 Van Ness.

Micmacs An urge to baby-talk at the screen underlines what is wrong with Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s new film: it is like a precocious child all too aware how to work a room, reprising adorable past behaviors with pushy determination and no remaining spontaneity whatsoever. There will be cooing. There will be clucking. But there will also a few viewers rolling their eyes, thinking "This kid rides my last nerve." It’s easy to understand why Jeunet’s movies (including 2001’s Amélie) are so beloved, doubtless by many previously allergic to subtitles. (Of course, few filmmakers need dialogue less.) They are eye-candy, and brain-candy too: fantastical, hyper, exotic, appealing to the child within but with dark streaks, byzantine of plot yet requiring no close narrative attention at all. The artistry and craftsmanship are unmissable, no ingenious design or whimsical detail left unemphasized. In Micmacs, hero Bazil (Dany Boon) is a lovable misfit who lost his father to an Algerian landmine, then loses his own job and home when he’s brain-injured by a stray bullet. He falls in with a crazy coterie of lovable misfits who live underground, make wacky contraptions from junk, and each have their own special, not-quite-super "power." They help him wreak elaborate, fanciful revenge on the greedy arms manufacturers (André Dussollier, Nicolas Marié) behind his misfortunes, as well as various human rights-y global ones. So there’s a message here, couched in fun. But the effect is rather like a birthday clown begging funds for Darfur — or Robert Benigni’s dreaded Life is Beautiful (1997), good intentions coming off a bit hubristic, even distasteful. (1:44) Embarcadero, Shattuck, Smith Rafael. (Harvey)

La Mission A veteran S.F. vato turned responsible — if still muy macho — widower, father, and Muni driver, fortysomething Che (Benjamin Bratt) isn’t the type for mushy displays of sentiment. But it’s clear his pride and joy is son Jess (Jeremy Ray Valdez), a straight-A high school grad bound for UCLA. That filial bond, however, sustains some serious damage when Che discovers Jes has a secret life — with a boyfriend, in the Castro, just a few blocks away from their Mission walkup but might as well be light-years away as far as old-school dad is concerned. This Bratt family project (Benjamin’s brother Peter writes-directs, his wife Talisa Soto Bratt has a supporting role) has a bit of a predictable TV-movie feel, but its warm heart is very much in the right place. (1:57) Four Star, Opera Plaza. (Harvey)

*Ondine You want to believe in mermaids, leprechauns, tooth fairies, and Father Christmas — and director Neil Jordan plays with those hopes, and fears, in this unabashedly romantic fable set in a Irish fishing village. Mullet-ed fisherman Syracuse (Colin Farrell), dubbed "Circus," thanks to his days as a drinking fool, is the butt of everyone’s jokes till he happens to catch a mysterious girl (Alicja Bachleda) in his net. She calls herself Ondine, shies away from people, and sings in an unknown tongue to the sea, drawing salmon, lobster, and fortune to the fisherman otherwise down on his luck. His precocious daughter, Annie (Alison Barry), is in need of a kidney transplant — and a measure of hope — and she grows convinced that her father’s hidden-away water baby is a selkie, a mythical Celtic sea creature that can shed its seal skin, bond with humans, and make wishes come true. Unfortunately believing in magic doesn’t always make it so, though Ondine gracefully limns that space between belief and reality, squeezing small moments of pleasure and humor from its rough, albeit attractive, characters and absolutely stunning landscapes in scenes beautifully lensed by onetime Wong Kar Wai cinematographer Christopher Doyle. (1:43) Albany, Piedmont, Opera Plaza. (Chun)

*Please Give Manhattan couple Kate (Catherine Keener) and Alex (Oliver Platt) are the proprietors of an up-market vintage furniture store — they troll the apartments of the recently deceased, redistributing the contents at an astonishing markup — and they’ve purchased the entire apartment of their elderly next-door neighbor (Ann Guilbert). As they wait for her to expire so they can knock down a wall, they try not to loom in anticipation in front of her granddaughters, the softly melancholic Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) and the brittle pragmatist Mary (Amanda Peet). Filmmaker Nicole Holofcener has entered this territory before, examining the interpersonal pressures that a sizable income gap can exert in 2006’s Friends with Money. Here she turns to the pangs and blunderings of the liberal existence burdened with the discomforts of being comfortable and the desire to do some good in the world. The film capably explores the unexamined impulses of liberal guilt, though the conclusion it reaches is unsatisfying. Like Holofcener’s other work, Please Give is constructed from the episodic material of mundane, intimate encounters between characters whose complexity forces us to take them seriously, whether or not we like them. Here, though, it offers these private connections as the best one can hope for, a sort of domestic grace accrued by doing right, authentically, instinctively, by the people in your immediate orbit, leaving the larger world to muddle along on its axis as best it can. (1:30) Elmwood, Lumiere, Piedmont. (Rapoport)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time It takes serious effort to make a movie with a story dumber than the video game it’s based on. Director Mike Newell somehow accomplishes this feat with Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, a Disneyfied flop that flails clumsily in the PG-13 demilitarized zone, delivering sanitized violence, chaste romance, and dreary drama. Jake Gyllenhaal plays Dastan, an urchin boy — one jump, ahead of the bread line — adopted by the king and raised to be the wise-cracking black sheep in a family of feuding princes. He’s got Middle East ninja skills — one swing, ahead of the sword — and his infiltration of a sacred city nets him the magical Dagger of Time, a gilded rewind button coveted by his evil uncle Nizam (Ben Kingsley), who wants to use it for, well, evil, and Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton), who’s sworn to protect it. Pressing a button on the dagger’s hilt allows its wielder to undo past events. If you have the misfortune of seeing this movie, you’ll want one for yourself. (2:10) California, 1000 Van Ness, Sundance Kabuki. (Richardson)

Robin Hood Like it or not, we live in the age of the origin story. Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood introduces us to the outlaw while he’s still in France, wending his way back to Albion in the service of King Richard III. The Lionheart soon takes an arrow in the neck in order to demonstrate the film’s historical bona fides, and yeoman archer Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe) — surrounded by a nascent band of merry men — accidentally embroils himself in a conspiracy to wrest control of England. The complications of this intrigue hie Robin to Nottingham, where he is thrown together with Maid Marion (Cate Blanchett), a plucky rural aristocrat who likes getting her hands dirty almost as much as she likes a bit of smoldering Crowe seduction. A lot of hollow medieval verisimilitude ensues, along with a good bit of slow-mo swordplay, but the cumulative effect is tepid and rote. (2:20) 1000 Van Ness. (Richardson)

The Secret in Their Eyes (2:07) Albany, Embarcadero.

Sex and the City 2 Sex and the City 2 couldn’t be anymore brazenly shameless, dizzyingly shallow, or patently offensive if it tried. This is aspiration porn, pure and simple, kitted out in the Orientalist trappings of a Vogue spread and with all the emotional intelligence of a 12 year-old brat. As the first SATC film nearly made short work of any shred of nuance or humanity that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda carried over from their televised selves, SATC 2 fully embraces the bad pun-spewing, couture-clad clichés the girls have hardened into. Sure they have kids, husbands, career changes, and menopause to deal with, but who cares about those tired signposts of middle age when there is more shit to buy, more champagne to swill, private airlines to fly on, $22,000-a-night luxury suites to inhabit, Helen Reddy songs to butcher, and whole other peoples — specifically, the people of Abu Dhabi, who speak funny, dress funnier, and have craaazy notions about what it means to be "one of the girls" — to alternately boss around, offend, and pity? (Fun SATC2 fact: did you know that in the "new Middle East" women secretly wear designer duds underneath their abayas?) Oh, that one tiny pang of sympathy you feel during the tipsy confessional between Charlotte and Miranda in which they bond over how being a mother and giving up one’s life ambition is difficult? A mirage. Because really, the greater concern is flying back to JFK first class or bust. And let’s not even get into the few bones the film tosses to the homos, such as the opening set piece: a gay wedding only a straight man could’ve thought up, replete with a shopworn Liza Minnelli having her Gene Kelly-in-Xanadu moment. But seriously, Michael Patrick King, don’t get it twisted: Stanford may call it such, but it’s not "cheating" if you’re already in an open relationship. Then again, if being a foil for your straight BFF’s insecurities about the luxe confines of monogamy gets you a gift registry at Bergdorf’s, why not? The laughs are cheaper this time around, but SATC 2‘s fuckery is strictly price-upon-request. (2:24) Castro, Empire, Marina, 1000 Van Ness, Presidio, SF Center, Shattuck, Sundance Kabuki. (Sussman)

Shrek Forever After 3D It’s easy to give Dreamworks a hard time for pumping out a fourth sequel to a film that never really needed a sequel in the first place. But Shrek Forever After isn’t all that bad — it’s mostly just irrelevant. The film does begin on an interesting note, with Shrek discovering the consequences of settling down with a wife and kids: serious ennui. It’s refreshing to see a fairy tale in which "happily ever after" is revealed to be rather mundane. But soon there are wacky magical hijinks that spawn an alternate universe, a cheap way to inject new life into tired old characters. (You like Puss in Boots? Well, he’s fat now.) Luckily, the voice actors are still game and the animation remains top-notch. The 3D effects are well used for once, fleshing out Shrek’s world rather than providing an unnecessary distraction. The end result is a mildly entertaining addition to the franchise, but like the alternate universe in which Shrek finds himself stranded, there’s no real reason it should exist. (1:33) 1000 Van Ness. (Peitzman)

Solitary Man Consider this another chapter in a larger recession-era cinematic narrative: a kind of corollary to Up in the Air and another dispatch from the flip side of the American dream — namely, American failure. Wheeling, dealing, disgusting, and charming in turns, Michael Douglas manages the dubious achievement of making a hungry and lecherous BMW dealership honcho compelling, even as we roll our eyeballs in disgust. His Ben Kalmen was once at the top of the world, a fairy-tale self-made star whose luxury auto commercials were all over TV, a sharp-tongued wife (Susan Sarandon) and tenderly tolerant daughter (Jenna Fischer) by his side. After his career lands in the crapper, Ben begins a long climb up, trading favors with his girlfriend Jordan (Mary-Louise Parker) and taking her daughter Allyson (Imogen Poots) to his alma mater for her college interview. During this trip down memory lane he renews his ties with old pal Jimmy (Danny DeVito) and befriends budding schlub Daniel (Jesse Eisenberg), all while making some very bad, reflexively womanizing choices. If you can stomach its morally bereft, perpetually backsliding yet endearingly honest protagonist, you’ll be rewarded with on-point dialogue and a clear-eyed yet empathetic character study concerning the free fall of a self-sabotaging, old-enough-to-know-better prick, individualistic to the core and even more. Is Ben as worthy of a bailout, or a second chance, as the American auto industry? The answer remains up in the air. (1:30) Empire, Piedmont, Shattuck, Sundance Kabuki. (Chun)

*Splice "If we don’t use human DNA now, someone else will," declares Elsa (Sarah Polley), the brash young genetic scientist bent on defying the orders of her benign corporate benefactors in Vincenzo Natali’s pseudo-cautionary hybrid love child, Splice. From that moment on, it’s pretty clear that any ethical conundrums the movie raises aren’t really worthy of debate: what Elsa wants to do in the name of scientific progress — splice human DNA into gooey muscle masses to provide said corporation with proteins for gene therapy — is, you know, deranged. Elsa bucks both corporate policy and sound moral judgment and does it anyway, much to the horror of her husband and fellow hotshot research scientist, Clive (Adrien Brody). Her genetic tinkering soon results in the dramatic birth of something akin to a homicidal fetal chick crossed with a skinned bunny. It grows at an alarming rate, and when human characteristics become apparent, Elsa clings to it with the instinctual vigor of a tigress protecting her cub. When Elsa and Clive are forced to hide their creation at Elsa’s abandoned family farmhouse to escape detection from prying corporate eyes, Splice evolves into another kind of hybrid: a genetically engineered Scenes from a Marriage (1973) crossed with the DNA of The Omen (1976) and grafted onto the most very special My So-Called Life episode ever. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Splice may be a ludicrous, cut-rate exercise in Brood-era David Cronenberg — but it’s a damned entertaining one. (1:45) 1000 Van Ness, Sundance Kabuki. (Devereaux)

Touching Home Hometown boys (Logan and Noah Miller) make good in this based-on-a-true-story tale of identical twins who must divide their time at home between training for major league baseball and looking after their alcoholic father. The brothers, who also wrote and directed the film, aim for David Gordon Green by way of Marin, but fall short of mastering that director’s knack for natural dialogue. Ed Harris is, unsurprisingly, compelling as the alcoholic father, but the actors in the film who are not named Ed Harris tend to contribute to the script’s distracting histrionics. Touching Home has some amazing NorCal cinematography, and I could see how family audiences might enjoy its "feel bad, then feel good" style of melodrama. But while it’s awkward to say that someone’s real-life experiences come off as trite, there are moments here that feel as clichéd as a Lifetime movie. (1:48) Smith Rafael. (Galvin)

Women Without Men Potent imagery has always been at the forefront of photographer and installation artist Shirin Neshat’s explorations of gender in Islamic society, and her debut feature Women Without Men certainly has its share. Loosely based on Shahrnush Parsipur’s novel of the same name, the film follows four Iranian women (down from the novel’s original five) — Fakhri, an upper-class military wife who longs to reconnect with an old lover; Zarin, a traumatized prostitute who escapes captivity; Munis, a housebound young woman reborn as a political dissident; and her friend, Faezeh, who longs to marry Munis’ domineering brother — in the days leading up to the 1953 coup d’etat that overturned democracy and restored the Shah to power. From the suicidal leap — filmed so as to suggest flight as much as falling — which opens the film, to the mist-shrouded groves of a rural orchard that becomes a refuge for the women, each shot is as striking for its beauty as it is uneven in conveying the allegorical significance behind all the lushness. The casts’ largely stilted performances don’t help much in this regard either. "All that we wanted to was to find a new form, a new way," says Munis in voiceover. As a creative act of mourning for Iran’s short-lived experiment in democracy — a moment, Neshat acknowledges in the film’s postscript, that clearly resonated with last year’s Green revolution — Women Without Men ambitiously attempts, albeit with mixed success, to envision just that. (1:35) Elmwood. (Sussman)