Cats

Rep Clock

0

Schedules are for Wed/16–Tues/22 except where noted. Director and year are given when available. Double and triple features are marked with a •. All times are p.m. unless otherwise specified.

ARTISTS’ TELEVISION ACCESS 992 Valencia, SF; www.atasite.org. $5-6. “OpenScreening,” Thurs, 8. For participation information, email ataopenscreening@atasite.org. Top of the Food Chain (Paisz), Fri, 8.

CAFÉ OF THE DEAD 3208 Grand, Oakl; (510) 931-7945. Free. “Independent Filmmakers Screening Nite,” Wed, 6:30.

CASTRO 429 Castro, SF; (415) 621-6120, www.castrotheatre.com. $8-13. Sex and the City 2 (King, 2010), Wed, call for times. San Francisco International LGBT Film Festival, June 17-27. See film listings.

CHRISTOPHER B. SMITH RAFAEL FILM CENTER 1118 Fourth St, San Rafael; (415) 454-1222, www.cafilm.org. $6.50-10.25. Babies (Balmès, 2010), call for dates and times. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Oplev, 2009), call for dates and times. Looking for Eric (Loach, 2010), call for dates and times. Micmacs (Jeunet, 2010), call for dates and times. Touching Home (Miller and Miller, 2009), call for dates and times.

CONTEMPORARY JEWISH MUSEUM 736 Mission, SF; (415) 655-7800, info@thecjm.org. Free with museum admission ($8-10). Sixty Six (Weiland, 2006), Sun, 2.

DE YOUNG MUSEUM Piazzoni Mural Room, 50 Hagiwara Tea Garden Dr, Golden Gate Park, SF; (415) 488-1211, www.marinmindscapes.com. Free. Marin Mind/Scapes (2010), Sat, 2.

DECO LOUNGE 510 Larkin, SF; (415) 346-2025, www.decosf.com. Free. “Queer Cinema 101,” Mon, 10. Holly DeVille hosts this weekly show highlighting films that have had an impact on queer culture.

EXPLORATORIUM McBean Theater, 3601 Lyon, SF; http://asifa.net. Free. “A Tribute to the International Festival of Animation and to Prescott Wright: The Early Years,” Fri, 7:30.

FILM NIGHT IN THE PARK This week: Old Mill Park, 300 block of Throckmorton, Mill Valley; (415) 272-2756, www.filmnight.org. Donations accepted. Star Trek (Abrams, 2009), Fri, 8. Dolores Park, Dolores and 19th St, SF; same contact info and price. Grease (Kleiser, 1978), Sat, 8.

FORBIDDEN ISLAND TIKI LOUNGE 1304 Lincoln, Alameda; www.forbiddenislandalameda.com. Free. “Forbidden Thrills: Freaky Filipino Flix!”: •Mad Doctor of Blood Island (de Leon and Romero, 1968), Mon, 7:30, and For Your Height Only (Nicart, 1981), Mon, 9:15.

HUMANIST HALL 390 27th St, Oakl; www.humanisthall.org. $5. Processed People (Nelson and Nelson), Wed, 7:30.

JACK LONDON SQUARE PAVILION THEATER 98 Broadway, Oakl; www.oakuff.org. Free. “Oakland Underground Film Festival: Leading Local Talent Local Shorts Showcase,” Fri, 7:30.

ODDBALL FILMS 275 Capp, SF; (415) 558-8117, info@oddballfilms.com (RSVP required as space is limited). $5-10. “Oddball Wants Children: A Matinee of Accidental Edutainment for Kids and their Adults,” Sat, 3 (kid-friendly matinee), 8.

PACIFIC FILM ARCHIVE 2575 Bancroft, Berk; (510) 642-5249, www.bampfa.berkeley.edu. $5.50-9.50. Gravity Was Everywhere Back Then (Green, 2010), Wed, 7:30. “Akira Kurosawa Centennial:” The Lower Depths (1957), Thurs, 7; The Bad Sleep Well (1960), Sat, 6:30; Ikiru (1952), Sun, 7:15. “Tales from the Golden Age: Recent Romanian Cinema:” Police, Adjective (Porumboiu, 2009), Fri, 7 and Sun, 5. “Brought to Light: Recent Acquisitions to the PFA Collection:” The Host (Bong, 2006), Fri, 9:15; Payday (Duke, 1972), Sat, 9:15.

RED POPPY ART HOUSE 2698 Folsom, SF; www.redpoppyarthouse.org. $10-15. “Mission Ear and Eye,” live film music by Lisa Mezzacappa and Nightshade, plus music by Katy Stephan, Adam Shulman, and the Holly Martins, and live film projection by Alfonso Alvarez, Fri, 9.

RED VIC 1727 Haight, SF; (415) 668-3994. $6-10. Mother (Bong, 2010), Wed-Thurs, 7, 9:35 (also Wed, 2). The Runaways (Sigismondi, 2010), Fri-Sat, 7:15, 9:30 (also Sat, 2). Smoked (The Movie), Sat, 4:20. Oceans (Perrin and Cluzand, 2010), Sun-Mon, 7:15, 9:25 (also Sun, 2). No One Knows About Persian Cats (Ghobadi, 2009), June 22-23, 7:15, 9:25 (also June 23, 2).

ROXIE 3117 and 3125 16th St, SF; (415) 863-1087, www.roxie.com. Free-$10.75. The Full Picture (Bowden, 2008), Wed-Thurs, 7, 8:45. “San Francisco United Film Festival,” narrative and documentary films, Wed-Thurs.

“TEMESCAL STREET CINEMA” 49th St at Telegraph, Oakl; www.temescalstreetcinema.com. Free. Pelada (Fergusson, Boughen, Oxenham, and White, 2010), Thurs, 8. With free popcorn and live music.

YERBA BUENA CENTER FOR THE ARTS 701 Mission, SF; (415) 978-2787, www.ybca.org. $6-8. Bluebeard (Breillat, 2009), Thurs-Sat, 7:30; Sun, 2.

Felonious gets back into it (and lays it all out) with the smashing “Live City”

0

By Lilan Kane

A capella, beatbox, theater, vaudeville, live band, and everything in between — that’s Felonious (playing tonite, Thu/10, at the Independent). Originally an a cappella hip-hop duo, Felonious has morphed into a hip-hop theater production receiving rave reviews in The Source magazine, Chronicle and Examiner, and have produced sold-out shows in SF, New York, Germany and Oakland. They have shared the stage with The Roots, De La Soul, Big Daddy Kane, DJ Premier, Black Eyed Peas, Zion I, Living Legends, Radioactive, and Crown City Rockers. Their shows capture different elements of entertainment creating something old school in principal but very innovative and contemporary.

Sharing the stage with notable SF musicians from the Jazz Mafia, Felonious has established themselves not only in the theater arts industry but also as respected musicians in the live circuit. They talked to us a bit about the whats and wherefores as they prepared to celebrate Live City‘s release.

Thu/10, 8:30pm, $15
The Independent
628 Divisadero, SF
415.771.1421
www.theindependentsf.com
www.feloniouslive.com

SFBG: What’s the story behind the title of your new album Live City?

MC/Beatboxer Carlos Aguirre aka Infinite: I think the name Live City represents the history of the city and how we are the next generation of artists to try and replicate that kind of energy that has made San Francisco a staple in live music for several decades..Plus we know all kinds of dope artists in the city and the bay in general that we got a real Live thing happening over here and if we try to consider ourselves more of a musical family then everyone would reap the benefits..we’re pushin for that vision…it’s not just a name…we believe in our city and the talent here is world class so we’re trying to push a movement…

MC Dan Wolf aka d.wolf: On the surface, we’re talking about San Francisco, the Bay Area, a geographic place that has a history of shaping underground culture (hip hop, rock music, street visual arts, culinary arts, circus arts, etc).  On another level I look at it as very idealized place where live performance is cherished, where the city is a living breathing representation of all the creative energy pouring from the artists and culture makers who live there and shape the landscape.  We are a live hip hop band who come from theater, you cant get any more live than that.  We wanna take you to a place where taking risks is normal.  

MC/Beatboxer/Drummer Tommy Shepherd aka Soulati: Well, the album was originally called Str8 No P@per, which is a word play of Thelonious Monks album Straight, No Chaser and the truth, we’re broke like everybody else.  However not many of the songs supported that theme.  This album is recorded all live so there’s part of the title right there.  Felonious, at the beginning of the year, hosted and co-presented a weekly at Coda lounge in SF Called “Live City Revue” which was a night of showcase/cabaret talent.  Basically, any Bay Area act that was working on anything and wanted to test it out with a crowd, or you just want to come through and build on a piece of text or music.  We discussed the name of the show and how it was a statement that the Bay Area is STILL alive and always has been.  So, if the event was the revue, this album is the soundtrack.

MC/Keyboardist Keith Pinto aka KP: We were gonna call it $tr8.n0.p@per after the thelonious monk album straight no chaser… and also living in an ever increasing digital world. plus having limited funds to produce a project. but then we started doing Live City Revue @coda lounge and it just seemed like a natural fit for the title of the new record. Live City is way more optimistic.

http://vimeo.com/12166935

SFBG: What was the recording process for the new album?

Bassist Dylan Mills aka Illin Ills: To record the band in the best rooms possible (Coast, Record Plant, Different Fur…), getting the drums sounding huge.  We worked with producer Ben Yonas to capture the highest quality recordings possible and mixer Hernan Santiago to make the tracks shine.   The group was adamant about making sure everything on the record really belonged there before letting it go out.

Infinite: Amazing…We haven’t truly represented what we do live in shows on an album since The List which was a few albums back so to be able to work in some of the premiere studios in the bay area that carry a lot of history and with an amazing mix team to round out the process, it was a dream come true.

d.wolf: Musically this was the best process we have been a part of.  Recording live hip-hop is very challenging to do well. You have to retain the voice and power of the instruments while creating a sonic world that has booming drums and melodies that feel chopped and sampled yet fully fleshed out.  We never have been able to capture the raw energy of Felonious on record until this one.  Lyrically it allowed us to focus on our own personal styles and continue to try to mesh them together in the studio.  Our last album (2007’s Up To Something) was totally lyrically driven.  We recorded it in Hamburg, Germany over some of the hottest beats produced by Hamburg’s dopest producers.  We lived together in the studio for three weeks and recorded 18 tracks in 22 days.  The process for Live City was spread out over a few years with no real idea what the songs would become.  First we built the beats and freestyled over them as we recorded the tracks and then spent the time writing and crafting the songs.  It taught us how to craft songs based on the strongest verses in the best order.

Guitarist Jon Monahan: Live City was recorded over a span of about a year and a half at 5 Bay Area studios, including The Plant in Sausalito and Coast in SF.  It would have been finished much sooner but so much else was going on in our lives- three members of the band became fathers, our producer got married, one of the people we were working with very closely developed some serious health problems.  It forced us to take our time and allowed us to truly experiment with sounds and ideas that weren’t there when we started.

Soulati: The recording process was a lot of work, one, because it wasn’t recorded in four different studios, and two, because of budget.  The treasure of the experience was we got record in the same room as many music legends such as Stevie wonder and Metallica.  All in all it was a great experience and a very long process but when you’re birthing perfection, you take your time.

http://vimeo.com/12160357

SFBG: Tell me about your new play “Stateless.”

d.wolf: Stateless is a hip hop vaudeville that takes what Felonious is doing in the present and mashes it with what my ancestors were doing 100 years ago in Hamburg Germany.  The Wolf Brothers, my great grand father and his brother, were vaudevillians and singers who took popular melodies and changed the lyrics to reflect social and political issues of their time but in a very comical way.  They wrote over 600 songs that were so popular that in 1938 the Nazis said the songs were ‘too German for Jews to sing”.  Stateless is remixed folk songs written by the Brothers Wolf, re-imagined by Felonious and Brooklyn’s One Ring Zero and placed in a loose narrative that touches on brotherhood, performance and performers, history and lineage.  It’s also an excuse for us to just get on stage and act stupid.  Since they were known as the Hamburg Marx Brothers it gives us permission to be the Bay Area Marx Bros.

KP: On a basic level it’s a mash up of genres… hip hop and vaudeville. seemingly different… but the similarities are actually quite strong. most hip hop albums have a patched together mix tape quality to them… just like a variety show… which is vaudeville. hip hop artists often have funny (sometimes random) little skits on their albums… this is also like the comedic skits of vaudeville. plus visually hip hop/r’n’b videos are known to have b-boys/girls and line dances… which is just like the acrobats and dancers (usually tap) that you would have found at a vaudeville performance. not to mention the evolution of hip hop dance itself. as it incorporates many styles, including remnants of tap and swing dancing. look at the “kid n play” also known as the “funky charleston” (yes, the kid n play may be old but 90’s dances are coming back). as the choreographer of Stateless… those similarities give me more to work with than i could ever fit into one show.

Soulati: Stateless is live music, dance, beatbox, singin’, rappin’ with a twist of vaudeville.  It takes you through a journey of past present and future, leaving you with a mind to want to go out and search your own history, if you’re not aware of it already.  Super energetic and moving to boot, Stateless is the play to be looking out for cause it’s coming to you!!!

SFBG: How do you feel Felonious as a group, and the album Live City represent San Francisco?

Illin Ills: We’ve been making this music in the bay for over a decade now and we’ve seen the upturns an downturns and we put our experiences into our songs.  The album Live City is fitting because throughout all that time there has always been a vibrant music and art scene in the city.  Venues move and change, styles come and go, but people always appreciate live music so we try to keep putting on better shows and building up the scene here.

d.wolf: We’ve been working in San Francisco since 1998 so at this point we’re pretty much the OG’s on the scene.  Everything has changed so much since we started.  I am blown away when I think that during our 2000 – 2003 weekly New Roots to Hip Hop series at the Last Day Saloon we created this whole scene before MySpace was even around.  Now there are so many tools to utilize and build a community.  San Francisco needs to reclaim its place among the great cities of the world.  I mean we have so much great food and great arts here but we’re there is such a lack of industry that even the artists have a hard time thinking strategically about how to have a sustainable career.  Live City is our call to action to reclaim the power that was here in the 60s, 70s and 80s.  We think that with all our angles – music, theater and arts ed – Felonious is ready to lead the charge.  

Jon Monahan: “The album itself features Bay Area luminaries like Jazz Mafia horn players and DJs, and singers like Kimiko Joy and Cait La Dee,  They’ve been a part of the SF scene as long as we have, a decade or more.  And our band feels right at home in the counterculture tradition of San Francisco bands- from Sly to Dead Kennedys to Mike Patton… We’re not necessarily heirs to that throne, but if you came out to Live City Revue, the weekly we ran from Jan – April 2010, you saw some guests and collaborations that could only take place in San Francisco… live hip-hop with West African kora and balafon players, a 20 piece men’s choir singing the Leonard Cohen songbook, book readings from local MCs, some seriously bizarre shit.”

Soulati: Felonious as a group came to the Bay at a pinnacle moment of the music scene.  Of course there were your track acts but live Jazz/Hip Hop was thriving.  Alphabet soup was runnin thangs along with Brown Fellinis and other crews that were holding it down.Us, Crown City, Psycho Kinnetics, Most chill Slack mob among others were new to the scene and fit right into the mix.  All these mentioned groups are still hittin to this day and representing SF like ganbusters.  We keep pushing the scene to feel it push back.  The album naturally speaks directly of the San Francisco scene.  It IZZ live.

KP: Felonious has been a part of the SF music scene for over 10 years… sf has a rich history of musicians and hip hop artists working together from the acid jazz days to now. Felonious is a continuation of that. we are multicultural and multidisciplinary.   in this time of ipod dj’s (and i mean… instead of a dj… just an ipod) we feel it’s important to keep the city’s music scene all the way live! 

SFBG: What would you consider the group’s most notable accomplishments have been since Felonious started?

Infinite: Winning best of the bay two years in a row was super dope and opening for The Roots two nights in a row at The Justice League (now The Independent) and working with all the amazing artists we’ve been bless to collaborate with over the years.

Illin Ills: Playing the Fillmore, Maritime Hall, Berlin, Hamburg.  Opening for the Roots, De La, LL, BEP.  Taking Beatbox: A Raparetta to NYC.

Soulati: Since Felonious started we have become a household name in San Francisco/Bay Area.  Among winning Bammy’s and Wammy’s and critics choice shwoompties, we are also published playwrights and educators.  Staying relevant is, I think, our most notable accomplishment.

d.wolf: Survival is our most notable accomplishment.  Along the way we’ve been blessed to travel together, play with some the hottest hip hop acts, produce and publish plays, and build some real deep, lasting personal and professional relationships.

SFBG: How important is it for you personally to put on a captivating live show?

Infinite: It’s absolutely fundamental to both the group and the art form of hip hop..and musical performance in general..i mean there are no rules really but there’s a code and decor and history behind being an emcee and you gotta respect that legacy by paying homage to the meaning behind the emcee..to be master of ceremonies..to control the crowd…to lead the crowd and to ultimately pass on an experience…that’s what playing live is all about for me…”so you remember the name, when you walk out the door.

d.wolf: Coming from the world of theater the live show is actually more important to me than the studio.  That being said we’ve been killing live shows for years and have had a real hard time capturing that energy on our albums.  Hip-hop is a studio art form but you have to kill on stage especially if there isn’t a capacity crowd chanting every word.   You gotta give people a reason to remember you in this oversaturated world.

Soulati: Personally, Why come out to see someone stand there and sing songs? That, you can do at home.  A live show should be just that, LIVE.  And because more than half of Felonious are trained actors, theatrics is our tactic and we better come with a theatrical extravaganza you know?  Cats gotta be their “super human” selves on the stage.  Them times 10.  That’s what makes me as an audience member want to pay 13 in advance or 15 at the door, right?

SFBG: What can people expect to see at your CD Release show at the Independent June 10th?

Infinite: Felonious playing banging beats with live string and horn orchestration ,courtesy of The Jazz Mafia, through out the set…we’re gonna play a whole range of material but alot off the new album ..most of the new album in fact..plus special guest singers Caitladee and Kamiko Joy..and really expect to see ONE OF THE BEST LIVE SHOWS OF 2010… guaranteed!

Illin Ills: The whole shebang.  There will be horns, strings, singers, and more rocking with the Felonious Crew, playing songs from the new record, beatboxing, and generally carrying on.  Shotgun Wedding is another great group from the bay who will be rocking the middle spot.  The amazing Rondo Brothers will be there celebrating the release of their latest record.

Jon Monahan: We’ll premiere at least one brand new song, and play most of the new album reworked and fleshed out with a string section and horn section.  Some top-shelf beatboxing as always.  We’re putting together an all-star freestyle session as part of the set, plus I hear talk of some comedy/ dance routine by some friends of ours that sounds epic and possibly really creepy.  AND sets by Shotgun Wedding Quintet and the Rondo Brothers!

Soulati: A full live band, a string trio, a horn duo, beatboxing, freestyling and some special guests coming to spit vocals.  You’ll get a night of great music and fresh collaboration.  There will be B-boyz and B-girlz, hot ladies if you be boyz and kept gentlemen if you be girlz.  The night, from top to bottom, is gonna smash!!!!

Six impossible things before the sports bar: down the rabbit hole at Conspiracy Con 2010

0

All photos by Erik Anderson

“I’m talking about satanic Jews,” Texe Marrs announced from the stage of the Santa Clara Marriott. Well fuck me, now I need a drink. And so went the climax of my trip to Conspiracy Con 2010, the tenth annual convention of don’t-call-them-conspiracy-theorists-they’re-scientists, and dabblers in the world of trust no one. Damn it Marrs, you portly ex televangelist end days minister, why you gotta be so creepy?

I totally believe that Osama Bin Laden had little to do with those buildings falling down. The fact that our government is hypocritical is like, a total no duh for anyone who’s been outside the country, and processed food is for sure killing us. I came to “Con Con” in good faith. Things are getting crazy out there, and if nothing else, the “truthers” that I have known all foster a healthy sense of criticism towards the powers that be.

So I strapped on my most open mind, tipped my hat to the North America Chinese Semiconductor Association (sharing the Marriott that weekend), and got ready to hang with the paranoid wierdos. After all, the Red Queen told Alice it was healthy to believe in six impossible things each day before breakfast. Here, I could hit that mark within ten minutes of entering the vendor hall. I made the obligatory trip to the registration table, where I declined the chance to buy video footage of all the presentations for $60, and got over to the hawkers of conspiracy wares.

I find looking at what’s on sale is often the best, if possibly the most cynical way to get a bead on a gathering. At Conspiracy Con, aisles of devout truth seekers sold photos of your aura, magnetic jewelery, ghost meters, and mountains of home recorded DVDS on chem trails and secret warfare. A man in a leopard print hat blew into a didgeridoo, its bell inches from the ear of a blissful woman. She sat, eyes closed, absorbing its healing powers. A sign next to him read “Sonic Shamanic Tonic.” So. Groovy. I like it!

And overall, the paranoid weirdos are pretty awesome bunch. Eager to share, eager to listen. Outside the hotel, I watched an exhibition of an engine that can run on Pepsi and urine. I hear they sent one to BP, and they refused to use it in the Gulf clean up! Evangelo Kalemanis of Las Vegas stood beside me, wearing a sharp white blazer and fedora that made him stand out amidst the crowd, who was mainly older, many male, mainly white. Fashion wise, however, we were fairly diverse. Around me I saw T-shirts that read “If guns kill people, then… spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat,” Republican monkey suits, and conversely, loose tunics and crystals.

Kalemanis told me that he ran across Conspiracy Con three days ago, while uncovering a conspiracy of his own. He is the founder of a website (www.conspiracycrazy.com) that consolidates useful links to information on different conspiracy theories, information he found elusive when he first started researching the subject. “When I was searching, it would take me hours.” The site started getting over a hundred hits a day — and he says his success cost him. Google the words “Conspiracy Crazy” today, and the site is impossible to find, buried pages deep in the results. But Conspiracy Con was showing up in his queries – and Evangelo made the snap decision to drive to California to check it out.

The conventioneers were an earnest bunch on the whole. Most had come to share what they’d found in their auto-didactic search for truth, and to be reassured that they weren’t the only one that thinks that information is being hidden from us purposefully. Answers were being looked for. Like the man in a straw hat from Santa Clara, who I met on a much needed break at the sports bar, and who would only identify himself as “George Carlin,” for fear of… I don’t know, SFBG being on some kind of a watch list maybe? I mean, not that we aren’t.

“George” told me he spends full time hours researching the Fed. “You know that it’s not run by Americans, right?” he said, conspiratorially (ha!). He gets riled up about the shadowy ownership of — and lack of legal precedent for– the Fed, a subject that will be familiar to anyone who has seen the viral cult movie Zeitgeist. Seconds later, he’s whipped out a series of dollar bills folded into the shape of paper airplanes. When lined up numerically, the $5, $10, $20, $50, and $100 depict the World Trade Center exploding, then falling along the center crease. “Who do you think prints the money?” he asks me with a small, weary smile.

“I know half this audience have their own lecture they could do,” says Mr. Lobo, host of the sci-fi series Cinema Insomnia, who emceed the convention, and who provided some much needed moments of levity on stage. We sat down after a particularly long-winded question and answer session, two semi-outsiders to this crazy scene. “These people wouldn’t be here if they weren’t passionate about an awakening of sorts,” he tells me. “It’s odd, because a conspiracy convention shouldn’t even be possible, it’s like herding cats. Everyone looks like they’re from whichever decade they blew their mind in — they just stopped buying clothes at that point.”

The enthusiasm and belief in the impossible that the attendees of Conspiracy Con showed was exhilarating. Self-motivated learning and critical thinking bodes well for the heterogeneity of democracy. But their openness made the “expert” profiteering on stage all the more of a bummer.

Like that god damn Texe Marrs. “I’m not trying to make a profit here, at all. But I do have a video out called Rothschild’s Choice: Barack Obama and and the Hidden Cabal Behind the Plot to Murder America.” It was available in the lobby for $25, besides his bestselling book, The Synagogue of Satan. I vacated for beers soon after his “satanic Jew” comment, but the numbers who remained in their seats was more disturbing to me than the rants themselves.

Signing books in the vendor room, I caught Dr. Michael S. Coffman, PhD. Coffman’s was the first presentation I watched that day, an assemblage of charts and graphs that highlighted why human caused global warming is a scam created by the government in order to control the world’s energy usage.

Attired in a navy blazer with gold buttons, Coffman lacked the vitriol of Marrs — even if his message that carbon dioxide “is not a pollutant,” did strike me as a little troubling. “I basically am a scientist leading a multi million dollar research outfit,” Coffman told me when I asked him how he made a living.

I asked him if all the conspiracy theorists here believed what everyone else was saying. “There’s many different factions here,” he said quickly. “I talk to people that vehemently disagree with me. I sat in on Texe Marrs’ presentation, and I don’t believe in all the the things he had to say.” I hardly my suppress my deep sigh of relief before the clock ticks back on truth time. “But we all agree that global warming is man made. Even if maybe some of us didn’t know before the conference,” Coffman concluded.

My six impossible things had grown to hundreds. Reptiles from other planets created the human race. Jackie O killed Kennedy. There’s poison in the tap water, Illuminati everywhere, and Neil Armstrong left the moon because the aliens that were already living there freaked him out. Somehow, Kobe Bryant’s face found its way onto a speaker’s graphic, which also includes Barack Obama, the all seeing eye, and the White House. The run through the rabbit hole had left my open mind totally fried, the air conditioning was on too high, and I’d only seen four of the ten featured speakers. Time to get the hell out of the Marriott. And that’s the truth. 

Lock and load

0

le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Speaking of pickup trucks, I borrowed the Pod’s for the weekend because Hollywood was coming to San Francisco. It was my turn to drive. As you may know, 20-year-old Toyota pickup trucks aren’t sports cars, but I figured this was a step in the right direction, especially since it’s lesbian-owned.

My brother’s 25-year-old Toyota van, which I babysit, was bought off of lesbians. Still, it’s got very little mystique at this point: just a badly cracked windshield, a badly battered body, one working low-beam, and no brights whatsoever. I feel lucky not to be pulled over by the police every time I move it for street cleaning.

My brother hauls boards and tools and garbage in this van. To pick up a date in it, I feel, would be the end of the date. Once I drove it to a probably-already-doomed-anyway first meeting at a Peet’s in a North Bay shopping center, thinking: shopping center … I could park anonymously! But the damn dude was waiting outside, watching for me, and saw.

So that date was over before it started. I’m not sure what it says about this one that Hollywood wound up taking a cab to the airport. I don’t know, is it a wild weekend, or a wonky one, when by Monday morning you have entirely lost the keys to your friend’s Toyota?

While Hollywood was taking an airplane to L.A., and even for a couple hours afterward, I was still running around like a chicken with its head still on, turning my purses inside out, emptying laundry baskets, unmaking and remaking the bed. I even looked in the refrigerator. I called or went to everywhere we’d been the night before.

After a tow-trucker let me in, I turned Pod’s pickup inside out.

The Club was locked onto the steering wheel, and no, no one had a spare key. There wasn’t one. I’d called her. In Oregon.

Finally I started going into places we hadn’t been the night before, and one of them, a restaurant that was closed (I’d thought) when we’d parked in front of it, had me my keys, praise the lard. And praise the person who picked them up and put them there, whoever you are. I love you.

Loving you, loving life, living lunch, I unlocked the door, unlocked the Club, turned the key in the ignition, and drove to West Oakland to feed Pod’s cats and swap out her truck for my brother’s van. In the act of which — no lie — I lost her house key.

Chickens and waffles is not brain food. It’s soul food. This week they happened at the Hard Knox Café in Dogpatch, and were particularly hard to order because the restaurant was crowded with people eating smothered pork chops, jambalaya, po’boys, mac and cheese, and other good-lookingly soulful woowoo that made me wonder why I only ever eat chicken and waffles.

It’s the perfect time for such wonderings, since I am officially out of ideas, chicken and wafflewise, as well as brain cells in general. If anyone else here does the duo … you tell me.

Hard Knox’s fried chickens were not as good as expected. The drumstick was perfectish, but both thighs were a little overdone and undermeaty. The waffle was great. Nevertheless, if I ever again crave chickens with them (and I might not for a pretty long time), you will find me up the road at Auntie April’s, or down it at Little Skillet.

Oh, but Hard Knox rocks, in many ways, one of which is collard greens with a few squirts of Crystal hot sauce, and then a few more. And then a few more. The Maze made some real nice noises when he bit into his fried catfish po’boy. Which in fact I tasted, and yeah, it was damn good.

And the sweet tea, too. And, like I said, all the smothered stuff sure looked good and smothered. Plus I just love the place! With its corrugated tin walls and old funky signs, you really do feel like you’re somewhere else. Like, say, the South. I love being transported by meals and atmosphere. In fact — trucks and trains be damned — food might be my new favorite method of transportation. *

HARD KNOX CAFE

Mon.–Sat. 11 a.m.–9 p.m.; Sun. 11 a.m.–5 p.m.

2526Third St., S.F.

(415) 648-3770

MC/V

Beer and wine

The Daily Blurgh: Viral kittens, punking BP

0

Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond

Asshole: “I’d do it again”

*****

Another asshole: “A man driving a crossover sport utility vehicle hit four bicyclists in the Mission District and Potrero Hill neighborhoods in a six-minute rampage Wednesday night before crashing the vehicle and running away, San Francisco police said.”

*****

Agitprop: An annotated guide to images from the anti-BP movement.

*****

Science: All your kittehs belong to the alien virus that makes cats (and the people who love them) do craaaazy things!

*****

Snark: “20 Young Writers Earn the Envy of Many Others”

*****

Fashion: Handbags, now with less lead.

*****

Environment: BYOB (as in non-single-use bag, not beer) is now California law.

*****

Bummers: RIP Rue McClanahan. Thank you for being a friend (to all the cats):

Our Weekly Picks: June 2-8, 2010

0

WEDNESDAY 2

MUSIC

WHY?

Listening to Yoni Wolf’s lyrics can sometimes feel kind of icky — not so much because he explicitly recalls masturbating at an art exhibit or watching two men copulate on a basketball court in Berlin (though if that turns you off you can call it quits now). WHY? creates discomfort because Wolf uses his songs as an aural journal. His frank words are morbidly fascinating and brave, giving the impression that he has a personal stake in these songs beyond creating catchy jams that you can bump in your car. An amalgam of hip-hop and indie, WHY? thankfully keeps its distance from backpack rap acts, its collage-like formations rightfully earning the band’s place on Oakland’s avant-garde Anticon label. (Peter Galvin)

With Donkeys, Josiah Wolf

8 p.m., $16

New Parish

579 18th St., Oakl.

(510) 444-7474

www.thenewparish.com

THURSDAY 3

MUSIC

Ikonika

“I sing in synths,” U.K. dubstep sensation Ikonika told Pitchfork in March. If so, her voice is blippier than Twiki, wobblier than Jah, and as seductive as a dripping-wet siren. A Hyperdub labelmate of legends Kode9 and Burial, she gets a lot of creative mileage out of simple things: melting melodies, clanging percussion, and a few well-placed tempo changes. Latest album, Contact, Want, Love, Have belongs to a handful of releases that have helped change the dubstep game by focusing more on synth sounds (absorbing the lessons of the latest synth wave revival) while backing slightly off from the endless, deafening boom. That’s a great thing when it leads to slices like “The Idiot,” which sounds like a traditional English morris dance gone cosmically batty. “To me, that’s the whole point: Making these machines express their emotions, just like WALL-E ,” she continued. Beam us down, sister. (Marke B.)

10 p.m., $5–$7

Paradise Lounge

1501 Folsom, SF

www.paradisesf.com

EVENT

“Matcha: The Shanghai Dress Fashion Show”

Some people consider fashion to be the vile heart of a multibillion dollar industry fueled by the single goal of growing consumerism. And you know what? They might be right. But fashion, at its core, is about expressing a certain artistic individuality with the clothing you wear. Shanghai mega-designer Jane Zhu has spent most of her career mastering the art of the qipao pattern-making, an endeavor that has landed her in Vogue, Newsweek, Elle China, and more. Tonight Zhu shares her work and discusses the historical craftsmanship that inspired her pieces. (Elise-Marie Brown)

5 p.m., $10

Asian Art Museum

200 Larkin, SF

(415) 581-3500

www.asianart.org

STAGE

Golden Girls

Truly, one hasn’t lived until one has experienced a drag episode of Golden Girls — live and in person. Heklina and her gang of merry players (Cookie Dough, Pollo Del Mar, and Matthew Martin) have returned just in time for Pride month to regale us with their geriatric-themed barbs and snipes. The tight set-up onstage at Mama Calizio’s is perfect for the fixed-view sitcom look, and recordings of ads from the era play during the breaks for costume changes. One gets the sense that for this cast of kooky queens, the Girls deserve all the acting prowess worthy of say, Pinter, or Tennessee Williams. Their love for the form is contagious. Get your tickets before they go. (Caitlin Donohue)

Through June 25

Thurs.–Sat., 7 and 9 p.m., $20

Mama Calizo’s Voice Factory

1519 Mission, SF

(415) 504-2432

www.helkina.com

VISUAL ART

“Hipster Apocalypse”

Hipsters are an interesting and continuously morphing breed. The goal is simple: discover the newest forms of fashion, listen to as many talentless bands as possible, and remain ironic while doing so. Although many hipsters feel they are unique — with their tastes for Pabst Blue Ribbon, mustaches, and flannel — in the end, they all look the same. In the 1950s, we had the beatniks with their poetry and theories on society. Today we have Web-obsessed, fixed-gear bike-riding foodies prolonging the path to their inevitable corporate jobs and suburban tract homes. This group art installation, pointedly titled “Hipster Apocalypse,” chronicles the rise of hipsterdom and the beast it has become. (Brown)

Through June 27

8 p.m. (reception), free

Cafe Royale

800 Post, SF

(415) 441-4099

www.caferoyale-sf.com

FRIDAY 4

VISUAL ART

“If Only”

“If Only,” a solo installation by Norway-born artist Rune Olsen, is tragicomedy at its simplest and finest. Involving tethered sculptures of zombie children connected criss-cross throughout the gallery space, “If Only” begs a few important — if ridiculous — questions. Are children actually pets? Can they be trusted? And, should we train them like we do dogs and horses? Also of particular import to San Francisco (where pets outnumber children), a reverse phenomenon occurs where pets are treated like children: doggies get designer haircuts and custom Air Jordans, and cats get fine food and strollers. If only our pets could graduate college and help us retire. (Spencer Young)

Through July 17

5–8 p.m. (reception), free

Johansson Projects

2300 Telegraph, Oakl.

(510) 444-9140

www.johanssonprojects.net

SATURDAY 5

STAGE

San Francisco Ethnic Dance Festival

One wonders what would happen were we to kick out Obama, Cameron, Jintao, and Ahmadinejad tomorrow and install in their places the most accomplished dancer in each country. Would their swirls, toe points, and hip thrusts communicate with more eloquence than current G20 summits and United Nation convergences do today? One can only dream. At this festival, though, we can see the cultures of the world uniting for a month-long celebration of that physical language spoken by most cultures from the onset of culture itself. Featured this year (the fest’s 32nd) are Bay Area groups presenting dances from Uzbekistan to the Congo and back again. Shake a leg to the performances for some truly stunning art as well as some cross-cultural contrasts and compliments. (Caitlin Donohue)

Through June 27

Sat.–Sun., 2 p.m. (also Sat, 8 p.m.), $22–$44

Palace of Fine Arts

3301 Lyon, SF

(415) 474-3914

www.worldartswest.org

MUSIC

Matt and Kim

A guy on keys and a girl on drums, singing catchy pop songs, Matt and Kim are poster-children for keepin’ it simple. Famously putting on shows that resemble chummy block parties more than performances, the Brooklyn duo of Matt Johnson and Kim Schifino may have slowed down their aggressively DIY pop-punk a notch for their second LP, Grand, but the change in tempo hasn’t slowed the band’s knack for irresistible sing-alongs. Why brave the Sunday crowds at Shoreline Amphitheater (see Hole pick, below) when you can get that intimate experience from Live 105’s BFD pre-party right here in the city? Also acceptable: going to both. (Galvin)

With Golden Filer, Soft Pack

9 p.m., $20

Mezzanine

444 Jessie, SF

(415) 625-8880

www.mezzaninesf.com

EVENT

The Glorious World Cup party

Forget the fuckin’ Super Bowl — the only sporting event involving football and a true world champion is the World Cup. The 2010 installment gets underway June 11 in host country South Africa; Team USA plays its first match (vs. Team England — it’s gonna be revolutionary!) the following day. Get yourself even more pumped for a solid month of footy fiending (and those 4:30 a.m. games, thanks to the time difference between Calif. and S.A.) at the extremely timely book launch for Alan Black and David Henry Sterry’s The Glorious World Cup, subtitled A Fanatic’s Guide. Events include a contest to see who can scream “GOOOOOAAAALLLL!” with the most roof-rattling excitement. Consider it a warm-up for many exciting GOOOOOAAAALLLLs to come. (Cheryl Eddy)

8 p.m., free

Edinburgh Castle Pub

950 Geary, SF

(415) 885-4074

www.castlenews.com

SUNDAY 6

MUSIC

Hole

For nearly 20 years, Courtney Love has been a polarizing figure in alternative rock, first with her band Hole, then through her well-documented relationship with Kurt Cobain, on through to her various transgressions in the media. Tabloid headlines aside, Love is someone you can’t take your eyes off of. Whether you compare her voyages to watching a train wreck or consider her a talented yet troubled performer, she remains a fascinating study. But the 45-year-old seems to have put her notorious habits to bed, at least for now, as evidenced in her calm and collected visits on several talk shows lately, even putting in an appearance on The View, where she recounted living in San Francisco in the 1980s. But don’t assume the coherent and sober Love has abandoned all of her ferocity. With the freshly resurrected Hole and a new album Nobody’s Daughter, her searing vocals can cut through distorted guitars as sharply as they did circa 1994. (Sean McCourt)

Live 105’s BFD

Noon, $32.50

Shoreline Amphitheater

One Amphitheatre Pkwy, Mtn. View

www.live105.radio.com

MUSIC

Jaguar Love

I guess it was silly to think that the break-up of hardcore band the Blood Brothers in 2007 would mean the end of Johnny Whitney. While his less-screamy former partner, Jordan Blilie, was last seen singing within the lines as Past Lives, Whitney has consistently taken a more bombastic approach, first infusing his side-project Neon Blonde with electro-clash and now packing his full-time band Jaguar Love with dance cues. Jaguar Love continues to spotlight Whitney’s infamous vocals but follows more traditional song structures that make the hooks a co-headliner. The actual co-headliner of the “Coin-Toss Tour” is Japanther, and the two bands will share gear and flip a coin before each show to see who plays first. (Galvin)

With Japanther

9:00 p.m., $14

Great American Music Hall

859 O’Farrell, SF

(415) 885-0750

www.gamh.com

MONDAY 7

MUSIC

Bone Thugs-n-Harmony

It’s been a long time since “Tha Crossroads” hit the airwaves back in the ’90’s. Only a group as smooth and poetic as Bone Thugs-n-Harmony could write a rap song about the afterlife and make it a No. 1 hit. The Grammy-winning hip-hop group from Glenville, Ohio, has worked with the (now-deceased) likes of Eazy-E, Notorious B.I.G., and Tupac Shakur, and has still managed to stay in the game. Come out and raise a glass, or a 40, as they introduce some songs from their upcoming album, Uni-5: The World’s Enemy. (Brown)

7:30 p.m., $30

Independent

628 Divisadero, SF

(415) 771-1421

www.independentsf.com

TUESDAY 8

EVENT

Henry Rollins

Having made a name for himself in the early hardcore punk scene with his muscular delivery as singer for Black Flag from 1981-86, and later with his own eponymous band, Henry Rollins has again turned his attention to spoken word performances. He approaches the medium as intensely as he does a musical performance, energetically sharing his political and social viewpoints, stories from his life, and tales from his experiences on the road. On this stop of his “Frequent Flyer” tour, expect a barrage of entertaining and enlightening anecdotes presented as only Rollins can do. It will be three hours of nonstop talking, but it will be over before you know it, with the feeling that you just experienced a concert, comedy show, current affairs lecture, and cathartic confessional all rolled into one exhilarating time. (McCourt)

8 p.m., $25

Herbst Theatre

401 Van Ness, SF

www.apeconcerts.com

* The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. We cannot guarantee the return of photos, but enclosing an SASE helps. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Looking for a long weekend staycation adventure? Try Viracocha.

1

Stuck in town for Memorial Day weekend? I hear ya bro. But there’s no reason not to take the three days of relative calm in the city to explore some of its newish, dusty corners. You can start with Viracocha, Valencia’s antique store-community space that provides a room where we can all get a little folksy with it.

“So many people purchase things that fall apart in a few years,” owner Jonathan Siegel told me on a recent visit to the store. “We want to wean people from things that are being currently manufactured. These typewriters,” he gestures to a vintage one that soon after claimed a firm standing in my daydreams of possession acquisition, “when they first came out, the joke was that you could drop them out of a plane.”

The first time I encountered Viracocha was on a stroll one dusky evening in the Mission.  We peeped through the front window to see that some sort of eclectic ’60s ski lodge had taken over the space next to the Artists’ Television Access. A plump black cat sat on one of the chairs by the door.

To know me is to know I love plump black cats. So back I went, and glad I am. The cat’s name is Asha. Scant are the price tags in the wood paneled living room of a store (Siegel may or may not spend some nights in the back rooms), which gives the place an air of comfort — albeit comfort amongst treasure. An elaborate, 1950s custom made wicker chair sits at one angle, a pair of wooden ducks nestled on the table before it. There’s antique books, vintage clothes on a rack in the corner, a stack of goods at the counter by local artists.

The community feel is no happenstance. That was the point of Viracocha, kind of. Downstairs, Siegel hosts his extended family of artistic acquaintances, holding small shows for the up-and-coming. “We wanted the place to be a consistent anchor for people who are in that process of doing open mics, small scale productions,” Siegel, who moved here from New York to pursue his photography career, tells me in a calm, measured voice.

The flautist for that Saturday’s show wanders through to pick up a book of poetry she’d had her eye on. People from the neighborhood have dropped by on occasion to augment Siegel’s collection with their own hand-me-downs, telling him they thought the item “fit” at Viracocha. Proceeds from the goods go to support the shows at night, which Siegel has been accepting donations to attend.

Viracocha’s a  neighborhood place, or at the least a pretty construction of what neighborhood should be. Comfortable, creative — beauty that endures.

El Radio Fantastique feat. Shovelman
Sat/29 7:45-11:30 p.m., donations
Viracocha
998 Valencia, SF
(415) 374-7048
www.viracocha.blogspot.com

 

Infectious

0

arts@sfbg.com

VIDEO What brings down a presidential campaign, makes Stephen Colbert break out his lightsabers, and inspires protest in Oakland and Tehran? The alpha and omega of online video: YouTube and my camera phone equal a jillion eyeballs and our itchy mouse finger clicking “Play” and passing it on. All those moments, all those sticky little memes, are now forever linked and embedded in the cultural fabric, touchstones certain to become engrained in our collective unconscious as the grainy image of the Beatles playing Ed Sullivan or the Challenger exploding on camera.

At all of five years old, YouTube can claim more than 2 billion views a day. Twenty-four hours of video are uploaded to the site every minute and admittedly few of those snippets find traction in the stream of life. Yet the evolution of online video is just beginning. So say knowledgeable observers like Jennie Bourne, author of Web Video: Making It Great, Getting It Noticed.

“Viral has become a dirty word in Web video because people’s concerns in going viral tend to be linked to trying to monetize a web video, and very often a video that’s getting a lot of views is not making a lot of money,” Bourne explains. And while the rise of citizen broadcast journalists and DIY documentarians is laudable, she adds, “I have to say the flip side of that — people walking around with cameras on their foreheads all the time video blogging — can get a little boring without a structure and style. I think there will be a shakeout at one point, and Web video will mature. It’s not there yet — it’s effective as a distribution medium and effective as a social medium but still developing as a commercial medium.”

For now, what do some of the last five or even (gasp) 10 years’ most widely distributed viral videos say about this generation’s particular sickness?

With the advent of camera phones, the revolution will be webcast Is it any surprise that moving images activate us more than words? The outrage over the BART station shooting of Oscar Grant was fueled by the sights captured by viewers with camera phones. Six months after Grant’s death, the killing of Neda Agha-Soltan during the Iranian election protests was captured by multiple observers, causing it to become a flashpoint for reformists and activists. The videos depicting what one Time writer described as “probably the most widely witnessed death in human history” ended up winning last year’s George Polk Award for Videography.

Pre-online video, the mainstream news media likely would have shielded the public from these images in the interest of so-called public decency. But the availability of these videos online — and the reaction they generated — triggered a rethink. The shadowy online presence of the beheading videos made by Islamist terrorists following 9/11 might have prepared some for the horrors of the very real faces of death, but obviously the intent behind more recent spontaneous acts of DIY documentation has been radically different. Consider this the nonviolent, amateur response to Homeland Security-approved surveillance — a quickly-posted flipside to the filter of traditional journalism.

We appreciate raw talent There’s the professional article, like the demo tape of Jeremy Davies’ lengthy Charles Manson improvisation. But viewers often prefer to feed on more unvarnished talent-show-esque efforts: the stoic, high-geek style of Tay Zonday’s “Chocolate Rain,” or Eli Porter of “Iron Mic” infamy. As one aficionado said of the latter, Porter is an “enigma, for no one knows where the FUCK Eli is! His battle was done in 2003, and he sort of vanished, leaving legions of fans wanting more.” The invisible — both the private ritual and the would-be performer striving for a public — is made visible. This is why recent clips such as a little girl dunking through her legs or the “Dick Slang” video of circle-jerking hip-hoppers shaking their penii like hula hoops are so wickedly sticky.

The reveal can’t be concealed You can’t hide your anger management issues, whether you’re a Chinese woman punching and kicking on Muni or Bill O’Reilly flipping out about getting played out with a Sting song (“We’ll do it live! Fuck it!”). Nor can you forget that pesky Katie Couric clip if you’re Sarah Palin: the notorious snippet of the wannabe vice president attempting to explain her nonexistent foreign policy experience lives on in a YouTube feature box. If you decide to get more than 1,000 prisoners in the Philippines to replicate the “Thriller” video, rope a slew of tarted-up tots to do the “Single Ladies” routine, or organize a flash mob of dancers for your (500) Days of Summer-cheesy proposal in New York City’s Washington Square Park, you can bet it won’t stay a secret. Especially when a good portion of the bystanders blocking your shot are hoisting up cameras and phones of their own.

We like to play with our food and gobble pet vids The dancing fountains of “Diet Coke and Mentos” and the elegiac meltdowns of so many innocent, candy-colored sundaes and ‘sicles in “The Death & Life of Ice Cream” rock our pop, though they’re no match for sneezing baby pandas, dramatic chipmunks, very vocal cats, and dogs either verbalizing, skateboarding, or balloon-munching.

Passion counts Especially when it comes to Chris Crocker’s “Leave Britney Alone” protestations, Obama Girl’s undulations, the kakapo parrot shagging a hapless nature photographer’s skull, and Zach Galifianakis’ hilariously bad “Between Two Ferns” interviews. Even Soulja Boy’s vlogs, in which the pop tell-’em-all cranks the virtues of the Xbox, seem obsessed — with getting the viewer’s attention. That also goes for the “Numa Numa” xloserkidx singing along to O Zone’s “Dragostea Din Tei” and the twirling, ducking, and capering Canadian high-schooler in the “Star Wars Kid” video, which marketing company the Viral Factory estimates has been viewed more than 900 million times.

Just gird yourself for the edit “Star Wars Kid” is one primo example: it inspired Stephen Colbert to kick off a viral loop of his own, challenging viewers to edit and enhance the green-screen video tribute of his own lightsaber routine. No one is exempt from a little creative tinkering, an inspired tweak or 2,000, be it “Longcat”; Ted Levine in Silence of the Lambs; or pre-YouTube animated vid “All Your Base Are Belong To Us,” the classic mother of all video hacks, where images ranging from beer ads to motel signs are Photoshopped with the Zero Wing Engrish subtitle. And you thought the remix was dead.

Music Listings

0

Music listings are compiled by Paula Connelly and Cheryl Eddy. Since club life is unpredictable, it’s a good idea to call ahead to confirm bookings and hours. Prices are listed when provided to us. Submit items at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Picks.

WEDNESDAY 26

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Arcadio Great American Music Hall. 7:30pm, $50.

Blind Willies Bollyhood Café, 3372 19th St, SF; (415) 970-0362. 8:30pm, free.

Rozzi Crane, Luke Walton Band, Sarah Ames, Down to Funk Slim’s. 7:30pm, $15.

Hanzel und Gretyl, Everything Goes Cold, After the Apex DNA Lounge. 8pm, $15.

Insomniacs Biscuits and Blues. 8pm, $15.

Massive Attack, Martina Topley-Bird, MNDR Warfield. 8pm, $47.50-52.50.

Minus the Bear, Everest, Young the Giant Regency Ballroom. 8pm, $24.

OK Go, Early Greyhound, Grand Lake Fillmore. 8pm, $22.50.

*Vetiver, Mumlers Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $15.

Patrick Watson Café du Nord. 8:30pm, $14.

White Barons, Space Vacation Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $7.

DANCE CLUBS

Booty Call Q-Bar, 456 Castro, SF; www.bootycallwednesdays.com. 9pm. Juanita Moore hosts this dance party, featuring DJ Robot Hustle.

Club Shutter Elbo Room. 10pm, $5. Goth with DJs Nako, Omar, and Justin.

Hands Down! Bar on Church. 9pm, free. With DJs Claksaarb, Mykill, and guests spinning indie, electro, house, and bangers.

Machine Sloane, 1525 Mission, SF; (415) 621-7007. 10pm, free. Warm beats for happy feet with DJs Sergio, Conor, and André Lucero.

Mary-Go-Round Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 10pm, $5. A weekly drag show with hosts Cookie Dough, Pollo Del Mar, and Suppositori Spelling.

Mod vs. Rockers Madrone Art Bar. 8pm, free. With DJs Jetset James and Major Sean spinning 60s R&B, ska, britpop, and more.

RedWine Social Dalva. 9pm-2am, free. DJ TophOne and guests spin outernational funk and get drunk.

Respect Wednesdays End Up. 10pm, $5. Rotating DJs Daddy Rolo, Young Fyah, Irie Dole, I-Vier, Sake One, Serg, and more spinning reggae, dancehall, roots, lovers rock, and mash ups.

60s-70s Night Knockout. 9pm, $7. With DJs Sergio Iglesias and Neil Martinson, plus a live performance by Xoel Lopez.

Synchronize Il Pirata, 2007 16th St, SF; (415) 626-2626. 10pm, free. Psychedelic dance music with DJs Helios, Gatto Matto, Psy Lotus, Intergalactoid, and guests.

Yoruba Dance Sessions Bacano! Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 9pm, free. With resident DJ Carlos Mena and guests spinning afro-deep-global-soulful-broken-techhouse.

THURSDAY 27

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

“Chasing the Moon” Blue Macaw, 2565 Mission, SF; www.thebluemacawsf.com. 7pm. Music video podcast screening with live music by Indianna Hale, Dina Maccabee, Jesse Olsen, and Helene Renaut.

Dance Gavin Dance, A Night in Hollywood, The Story So Far Bottom of the Hill. 8pm, $12.

Enablers, Carlton Melton, Ruby Howl Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $6.

Eric McFadden Trio and guests, JL Stiles, Jenny Kerr Café du Nord. 9pm, $12.

Nada Surf, Telekenisis Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $21.

Shane Dwight Band Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.

*Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros Fillmore. 9pm, $25.

Tune-Yards, Eux Autres, Social Studies, Knight School Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $12. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Tribal Seeds Rock-It Room. 8pm, $10.

Union Pulse, Gravy Trainwreck Grant and Green. 8pm, free.

Yacht, Bobby Birdman, Little Wings Independent. 9pm, $17.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Bluegrass and Old Time Jam Atlas Café. 8pm, free.

Carmen Milagro Band Harry Denton Starlight Room, 450 Powell, SF; (415) 395-8595?. 9pm, $10.

Rose’s Pawn Shop Amnesia. 10:30pm, free.

SanFolk Disco Café Du Nord. 9pm, $12. With the Eric McFadden Trio, JL Stiles, Jenny Kerr, and more.

Silian Rail, By Sunlight, Ash Reiter, Devotionals Milk. 8pm, $5.

Tipsy House Plough and Stars. 9pm.

DANCE CLUBS

Afrolicious Elbo Room. 9:30pm, $5-7. DJs Pleasuremaker and Señor Oz spin Afro-tropical, samba, and funk.

Caribbean Connection Little Baobab, 3388 19th St, SF; (415) 643-3558. 10pm, $3. DJ Stevie B and guests spin reggae, soca, zouk, reggaetón, and more.

Dirty Dishes LookOut, 3600 16th St., SF; (415) 431-0306. 9pm, $2. DJs B-Haul, Gordon Gartrell, and guests.

Drop the Pressure Underground SF. 6-10pm, free. Electro, house, and datafunk highlight this weekly happy hour.

Get Physical Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; (415) 433-8585. 9:30pm. With DJ Philipp of M.A.N.D.Y.

Gigantic Beauty Bar. 8pm, free. With DJs White Mike and guests.

Good Foot Yoruba Dance Sessions Bacano! Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 9pm, free. A James Brown tribute with resident DJs Haylow, A-Ron, and Prince Aries spinning R&B, Hip hop, funk, and soul.

Gymnasium Matador, 10 Sixth St, SF; (415) 863-4629. 9pm, free. With DJ Violent Vickie and guests spinning electro, hip hop, and disco.

Koko Puffs Koko Cocktails, 1060 Geary, SF; (415) 885-4788. 10pm, free. Dubby roots reggae and Jamaican funk from rotating DJs.

Meat DNA Lounge. 9:30pm, $2-5. Industrial with BaconMonkey and Netik.

Mestiza Bollywood Café, 3376 19th St, SF; (415) 970-0362. 10pm, free. Showcasing progressive Latin and global beats with DJ Juan Data.

Peaches Skylark, 10pm, free. With an all female DJ line up featuring Deeandroid, Lady Fingaz, That Girl, and Umami spinning hip hop.

Popscene 330 Rich. 10pm, $10. Rotating DJs spinning indie, Britpop, electro, new wave, and post-punk.

Solid Thursdays Club Six. 9pm, free. With DJs Daddy Rolo and Tesfa spinning roots, reggae, dancehall, soca, and mashups.

Sublife Triple Crown. 9:30pm, $7. With DJ Rene, Mal, Sharp, Lukelino, and more spinning drum and bass.

FRIDAY 28

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Birds and Batteries, Judgement Day, Sister Crayon Rickshaw Stop. 10pm, $12.

Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, Nodzzz, Antarctica Takes It!, English Singles Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $12. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Chris Cain Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

Cobra Starship, 3OH!3, Travis McCoy and the Lazarus Project, I Fight Dragons Warfield. 7pm, $27.

Complaints, Love Collector, Bad Tickers Great American Music Hall. 9:30pm, $6.

David Hidalgo and Louie Pérez Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $35.

Lee Vilenski Trio Rite Spot, 2099 Folsom, SF; www.myspace.com/ritespot. 6pm, free.

*Little Brother Independent. 9pm, $20.

Luce, Astra Kelly, Last of the Steam Powered Trains, Lael Neale Red Devil Lounge. 8pm, $7.

Malconent, Kid With Katana, 21st Century, OOH!, Distorted Harmony, Kristin Lagasse Great American Music Hall. 7:30pm, $15.

Mr. Otis Socha Café, 3235 Mission, SF; (415) 643-6848. 8:30pm, free.

Sonic Avenues, Myonics, Shari La Las, Poonteens Pissed-Off Pete’s, 4528 Mission, SF; (415) 584-5122, www.pissedoffpetes.com. 9pm.

Tainted Love, Love Fool Bimbo’s 365 Club. 8pm, $23.

Tigon, Hanalei, New Trust, Abominable Iron Sloth Thee Parkside. 9:45pm, $8.

Zepparella, Dolorata, Ol’ Cheeky Bastards Slim’s. 9pm, $15.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Audium 9 1616 Bush, SF; (415) 771-1616. 8:30pm, $15.

Black Market Jazz Orchestra Top of the Mark. 9pm, $10.

Doug Martin Avatar Ensemble Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $10-15.

Eric Kurtzrock Trio Ana Mandara, Ghirardelli Square, 891 Beach, SF; (415) 771-6800. 8pm, free.

Bryan Girard Cliff House, 1090 Point Lobos, SF; (415) 386-3330. 7pm, free.

Regina Carter Quintet, Mads Tolling Quartet Herbst Theatre, 401 Van Ness, SF; www.sfjazz.org. 8pm, $25-50.

SF State Afro Cuban Ensemble Coda. 10pm, $5.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

“The Carnaval Party” Elbo Room. 10pm. With Samba Da and friends.

Dunes El Rio. 8pm, $5.

Toshio Hirano Mercury Café, 201 Octavia, SF; (415) 252-7855. 7:30pm, free.

Mission Three Plough and Stars. 9pm.

Montana Slim String Band, Kate Gaffney Café du Nord. 9:30pm, $12.

Rob Reich and Craig Ventresco Amnesia. 7pm, free.

Sharon Hazel Township Dolores Park Café. 7pm; free, donations accepted.

DANCE CLUBS

Activate! Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 9pm, $3. Face your demigods and demons at this Red Bull-fueled party.

BASSment Milk. 8pm, $7. With Feelosophy.

Blow Up Rickshaw Stop. 10pm, $10. With rotating DJs.

DJ What’s His Fuck Riptide Tavern. 9pm, free. Old-school punk rock and other gems.

Exhale, Fridays Project One Gallery, 251 Rhode Island, SF; (415) 465-2129. 5pm, $5. Happy hour with art, fine food, and music with Vin Sol, King Most, DJ Centipede, and Shane King.

Fat Stack Fridays Koko Cocktails, 1060 Geary, SF; (415) 885-4788. 10pm, free. With rotating DJs Romanowski, B-Love, Tomas, Toph One, and Vinnie Esparza.

Gay Asian Paradise Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; www.eightsf.com. 9pm, $8. Featuring two dance floors playing dance and hip hop, smoking patio, and 2 for 1 drinks before 10pm.

Good Life Fridays Apartment 24, 440 Broadway, SF; (415) 989-3434. 10pm, $10. With DJ Brian spinning hip hop, mashups, and top 40.

Gymnasium Stud. 10pm, $5. With DJs Violent Vickie and guests spinning electro, disco, rap, and 90s dance and featuring performers, gymnastics, jump rope, drink specials, and more.

Hot Chocolate Milk. 9pm, $5. With DJs Big Fat Frog, Chardmo, DuseRock, and more spinning old and new school funk.

Laila Ruby Skye. 9pm, $20. With DJs Aykut, Nader, and Dr T.

Look Out Weekend Bambuddha Lounge. 4pm, free. Drink specials, food menu and resident DJs White Girl Lust, Swayzee, Philie Ocean, and more.

M4M Fridays Underground SF. 10pm-2am. Joshua J and Frankie Sharp host this man-tastic party.

Psychedelic Radio Club Six. 9pm, $7. With DJs Kromstar, Dread Foxx, Hellefire Machina, Sam Supa, Lukeino, and more spinning dubstep.

Rockabilly Fridays Jay N Bee Club, 2736 20th St, SF; (415) 824-4190. 9pm, free. With DJs Rockin’ Raul, Oakie Oran, Sergio Iglesias, and Tanoa “Samoa Boy” spinning 50s and 60s Doo Wop, Rockabilly, Bop, Jive, and more.

Strength in Flavor DNA Lounge. 9pm, $15. Hip-hop and soul with Naka B-Boy Edition, Flo-Ology, All the Way Live, and more.

Teenage Dance Craze Party Knockout. 10pm, $3. Teen beat and twisters with DJ Sergio Iglesias, Russell Quann, and dX the Funky Gran Paw.

SATURDAY 29

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

All Girl Summer Fun Band, Still Flyin’, Cars Can Be Blue, Art Museums, BOAT Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $14. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Mose Allison Yoshi’s San Francisco. 8 and 10pm, $22.

Quinn Deveaux Revolution Café, 3248 22nd St, SF; (415) 642-0474. 8:45pm, free.

Far, Dead Country, Death Valley High Slim’s. 9pm, $16.

Frog Eyes, Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band, Dominique Leone Hemlock Tavern. 9:30pm, $10.

Good Luck Thee Parkside. 9pm, $8.

Impalers, Boss 501, Franco Nero Knockout. 9:30pm, $6.

Jibbers, Vultures Await, Rebel Set Pissed-Off Pete’s, 4528 Mission, SF; (415) 584-5122, www.pissedoffpetes.com. 9pm.

Jubilee Players Socha Café, 3235 Mission, SF; (415) 643-6848. 8:30pm, free.

Orange Peels, Dream Diary, Leaving Mornington Crescent, Corner Laughers Hotel Utah. 2:30pm, $6. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Pack of Wolves, Actors, American Studies El Rio. 9pm, $7.

Pitbull Warfield. 8pm, $37.50-45.

Lavay Smith and Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers Café du Nord. 9pm, $15.

Tainted Love Bimbo’s 365 Club. 8pm, $23.

Earl Thomas and the Blues Ambassadors Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $22.

Trainwreck, Mavalour, Struts, Blag Dahlia Bottom of the Hill. 10pm, $12.

Voxtrot, International Waters Great American Music Hall. 9pm, $18.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Audium 9 1616 Bush, SF; (415) 771-1616. 8:30pm, $15.

Lou Donaldson Herbst Theatre, 401 Van Ness, SF; www.sfjazz.org. 8pm, $25-50.

Eric Kurtzrock Trio Ana Mandara, Ghirardelli Square, 891 Beach, SF; (415) 771-6800. 8pm, free.

“Jazz Mafia Presents Remix: Live” Coda. 10pm, $10.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

“The Carnaval Party” Elbo Room. 10pm. With Samba Da and friends.

Jordan Carp Java Beach Café, 2650 Sloat, SF; (415) 731-2965. 8pm, free.

Forró Brazuca Red Poppy Art House. 8pm, $16-$25.

Kamp Camille, Fat Opie, Sameer Tolani a.Muse Gallery, 614 Alabama, SF; (415) 279-6281. 7pm, $8-$10. Presented by the Songbird Festival.

Hanni El Khatib, Very Be Careful, Grisha Goryachev, Lonious Mink Amnesia. 9pm, $7.

Toshio Hirano Rite Spot, 2099 Folsom, SF; www.myspace.com/ritespot. 6pm, free.

Patrick Maley, Brian Huggins Plough and Stars. 9pm.

Rovar 17 Amnesia. 7pm, free.

DANCE CLUBS

Alter Ego Mighty. 10pm, $20.

Bar on Church 9pm. Rotating DJs Foxxee, Joseph Lee, Zhaldee, Mark Andrus, and Niuxx.

Ceremony DNA Lounge. 10pm, $25. House with Tony Moran and Jamie J. Sanchez.

Dead After Dark Knockout. 6-9pm, free. With DJ Touchy Feely.

HYP Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF; www.eightsf.com. 10pm, free. Gay and lesbian hip hop party, featuring DJs spinning the newest in the top 40s hip hop and hyphy.

King Brit Vessel, 85 Campton, SF; (415) 433-8585. 8pm, $10-$20.

POP 2010: The Dream Cow Palace, 2600 Geneva, SF; www.ticketmaster.com. 4pm, $85. With Infected Mushroom, Boys Noize, and more.

Social Club Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 9pm. Shake your money maker with DJs Lee Decker and Luke Fry.

Spirit Fingers Sessions 330 Ritch. 9pm, free. With DJ Morse Code and live guest performances.

Surya Dub Club Six. 9pm, $15. With DJs Poirier, Maneesh the Twister, Kid Kameleon, Ripley, Kush Arora, and more spinning dubstep, ragga, dread bass, reggae, dancehall, and more.

We All We Got Club Six. 9pm, $10. With live hip hop performances by Napo Entertainment, Audio Assasins, New Aira, Selassie, and more.

SUNDAY 30

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

Mose Allison Yoshi’s San Francisco. 7 and 9pm, $22.

Joseph Arthur, Patrick Park Café du Nord. 8pm, $15.

Cats on Fire, Tyde, Math and Physics Club, My Teenage Stride, Devon Williams Rickshaw Stop. 8pm, $14. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Evacuee, Monarchs, Slow Trucks, Pentacles, Hobo Nephews of Uncle Frank, Thralls, Stirling Says, MC Aspect, DJ Z Murder Thee Parkside. 8pm, $7.

Math and Physics Club, Watercolor Paintings, Team AWESOME!, Hairs, Normandie Wilson, Girl Band Dolores Park, Dolores between 19th and 20th Sts, SF; http://sfpopfest.moonfruit.com. 2pm, free. Part of San Francisco Popfest 2010.

Mister Loveless, Magic Bullets, Transfer Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $10.

Loudon Wainwright III, Lucy Wainwright Roche Great American Music Halll. 7:30pm, $25.

Mitch Woods Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $20.

*Young Prisms, Weekend, Swanifant, Grave Babies Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $8.

JAZZ/NEW MUSIC

Brian Andres and the Afro-Cuban Jazz Cartel Coda. 8pm, $10.

Donald Arquilla Martuni’s, Four Valencia, SF; (415) 241-0205. 7pm, $5.

Kurt Elling with the Count Basie Orchestra Davies Symphony Hall, 201 Van Ness, SF; www.sfjazz.org. 7pm, $25-80.

FOLK/WORLD/COUNTRY

Andy y Callao El Rio. 4pm, $8.

Driftwood Singers Amensia. 7pm, free.

Gayle Lynn and Her Hired Hands Thee Parkside. 4pm, free.

Jack Gilder, Kevin Bemhagen, Richard Mandel and friends Plough and Stars. 9pm.

Kally Price Band, George Cole Quintet Amnesia. 9pm, $7-$10.

Music from Around the World St. Mary’s Cathedral, 1111 Gough, SF; (510) 548-3326. 3:30pm, $10. An evening of harp music with the Triskela Celtic Harp Trio and the Bay Area Youth Harp Emsemble.

DANCE CLUBS

Club Gossip Cat Club, 1190 Folsom, SF; (415) 703-8965. 9:30pm, $8. With VJs SubOctave, Blondie K, and more spinning rock and 80’s.

DiscoFunk Mashups Cat Club. 10pm, free. House and 70’s music.

Dub Mission Elbo Room. 9pm, $8-11. Dub, roots, and classic dancehall with DJ Sep and guests Nickodemus and the Spy from Cairo.

45 Club Annual Memorial Day Sunday Big Bash Knockout. 10pm, $2. Funky soul with dX the Funky Gran Paw, Dirty Dishes, and English Steve.

Fresh Ruby Skye. 5pm, $20. With Candis Cayne and DJ Manny Lehman.

Gloss Sundays Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 7pm. With DJ Hawthorne spinning house, funk, soul, retro, and disco.

Honey Soundsystem Paradise Lounge. 8pm-2am. “Dance floor for dancers – sound system for lovers.” Got that?

Jock! Lookout, 3600 16th St, SF; (415) 431-0306. 3pm, $2. This high-energy party raises money for LGBT sports teams.

Kick It Bar on Church. 9pm. Hip-hop with DJ Zax.

Lowbrow Sunday Delirium. 1pm, free. DJ Roost Uno and guests spinning club hip hop, indie, and top 40s.

Religion Bar on Church. 3pm. With DJ Nikita.

Stag AsiaSF. 6pm, $5. Gay bachelor parties are the target demo of this weekly erotic tea dance.

Summer Love Beauty Bar. 8pm, free. With DJs Dials and White Mike.

Trannyshack DNA Lounge. 10pm, $12. Madonna tribute.

MONDAY 31

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

*Black Cobra, Slough Feg, Gates of Slumber, Salvador Thee Parkside. 8pm, $10.

“Blues Broads: Angela Strehli, Annie Sampson, Dorothy Morrison, Tracy Nelson” Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $24.

Dark Tranquillity, Threat Signal, Mutiny Within Slim’s. 8pm, $18.

“Fifteenth Annual El Rio Shit Kickin’ Memorial Day” El Rio. 4pm, $10. With Red Meat, 77 el Deora, East Bay Grease, Gypsy Moonlight Band, and Scott Young.

“Live 105’s BFD Local Band Showcase” Bottom of the Hill. 1pm, $5.

Very Best Independent. 8pm, $18.

DANCE CLUBS

Bacano! Som., 2925 16th St, SF; (415) 558-8521. 9pm, free. With resident DJs El Kool Kyle and Santero spinning Latin music.

Black Gold Koko Cocktails, 1060 Geary, SF; (415) 885-4788. 10pm-2am, free. Senator Soul spins Detroit soul, Motown, New Orleans R&B, and more — all on 45!

Death Guild DNA Lounge. 9:30pm, $3-5. Gothic, industrial, and synthpop with Decay, Joe Radio, and Melting Girl.

DJ Marty Hard Pissed-Off Pete’s, 4528 Mission, SF; (415) 584-5122, www.pissedoffpetes.com. 9pm.

Krazy Mondays Beauty Bar. 10pm, free. With DJs Ant-1, $ir-Tipp, Ruby Red I, Lo, and Gelo spinning hip hop.

M.O.M. Madrone Art Bar. 6pm, free. With DJ Gordo Cabeza and guests playing all Motown every Monday.

Manic Mondays Bar on Church. 9pm. Drink 80-cent cosmos with Djs Mark Andrus and Dangerous Dan.

Monster Show Underground SF. 10pm, $5. Cookie Dough and DJ MC2 make Mondays worth dancing about, with a killer drag show at 11pm.

Network Mondays Azul Lounge, One Tillman Pl, SF; www.inhousetalent.com. 9pm, $5. Hip-hop, R&B, and spoken word open mic, plus featured performers.

Skylarking Skylark. 10pm, free. With resident DJs I & I Vibration, Beatnok, and Mr. Lucky and weekly guest DJs.

Very Best Independent. 8pm, $20.

TUESDAY 1

ROCK/BLUES/HIP-HOP

DBC, Bronze Knockout. 9:30pm, $6.

Fat Tuesday Band with Edna Love Biscuits and Blues. 8 and 10pm, $15.

Friendo, Cannons and Clouds, Wise Wives Bottom of the Hill. 9pm, $10. Monks of Doom, Jonathan Segel Hemlock Tavern. 9pm, $10. Roman Numerals, Open Hand Elbo Room. 9pm, $6. 16 Volt, Chemlab, Left Spine Down, Slave Unit DNA Lounge. 9pm, $15. DANCE CLUBS Alcoholocaust Presents Argus Lounge. 9pm, free. With DJ What’s His Fuck and Taypoleon. Eclectic Company Skylark, 9pm, free. DJs Tones and Jaybee spin old school hip hop, bass, dub, glitch, and electro. La Escuelita Pisco Lounge, 1817 Market, SF; (415) 874-9951. 7pm, free. DJ Juan Data spinning gay-friendly, Latino sing-alongs but no salsa or reggaeton. Rock Out Karaoke! Amnesia. 7:30pm. With Glenny Kravitz. Share the Love Trigger, 2344 Market, SF; (415) 551-CLUB. 5pm, free. With DJ Pam Hubbuck spinning house. Sunset Analog Happy Hour Som., 2925 16th St., SF; (415) 558-8521. 6pm, free. With DJs MAKossa and Sean Julian spinning lo-fi, psych, obscure, hip hop, funk, and more. Womanizer Bar on Church. 9pm. With DJ Nuxx.

The Daily Blurgh: Flipper goes commando and Gidget almost loses it (again)

0

Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond

In the near future, Navy Marine Mammals will prevent the next diabolical underwater plot hatched by marine-loving terrorists. In fact, they’re doing it off the coast of California right now. Lest you be worried that these aquatic freedom defenders are “canaries in a coalmine” (but in water!), rest assured that, “None of the animals have been harmed in the anti-terrorist work. They never have to carry potentially catastrophic mines.”

*****
The sexual history of “Gidget.”

*****

UC Berkeley plans on asking incoming freshman and transfer students to submit DNA samples swabbed from their inner cheeks, “in an effort to introduce them to the emerging field of personalized medicine.” Yeah right. We know that UCB is going to take a page from Philip K. Dick and use the genetic data to blackmail the students when they attempt to do things like go on hunger strikes or protest budget cuts.

*****

Boing Boing has a neat-o preview of this year’s Maker Faire.

*****

Garderobe, a word now extinct, went through a similar but slightly more compacted transformation. A combination of “guard” and “robe”, it first signified a storeroom, then any private room, then (briefly) a bedchamber and finally a privy. However, the last thing privies often were was private. The Romans were particularly attached to the combining of evacuation and conversation. Their public latrines generally had 20 seats or more in intimate proximity, and people used them as unselfconsciously as modern people ride a bus.

*****

Creepiest headline of the day: Slain woman found in suitcase off Embarcadero 

*****

Most delicious word of the day: “maize’wiches

*****

Piece of Internet wisdom of the day, courtesy of Slog commenter gloomy gus:

“The internet is 45% sadness, 45% anger, and 10% things to soothe the sadness and anger, meaning: cats and advice.”

 

 

The Daily Blurgh: But do they eat Meow Macs?

0

Curiosities, quirks, oddites, and items from around the Bay and beyond

The Internet has always been made of cats!

*****

An 82-year old Indian man has survived for 70 years without food or drink. Meanwhile, a 54 year-old Chinese man claims to have eaten 1,500 light bulbs over 42 years. We’ll just stick to popcorn, thanks (but only with real butter).

*****

“A witch hunt for men with tanned and muscular bodies on the beach is the last thing anybody wants.” Indeed.

*****

For African Clawed Frogs, is it easier being green knowing that they share at least 1,700 genes with humans?

*****

Bacon has not jumped the shark (at least in San Francisco).

*****

And on a more serious note, this brief profile of Peter B. Howard, owner of the renowned Serendipity Books in Berkeley, is a sobering must-read. It’s not just Howard’s bracing stoicism in the face of a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, that marks his store’s end as much as it does his, that gets you (“There’s nothing to say,” Howard is quoted as saying. “People die. We all die. Businesses end”). It is also the melancholy realization that the Bibliophile, is to some extent, becoming an endangered species as the dematerialization of the book continues.

Keep watching the skies! “Birdemic” is coming!

1

By Peter Galvin

Birdemic: Shock and Terror: it’s heeeere! This underlit, out-of-focus and erratically-edited independent film is America’s newest cult obsession, recently booking a West Coast theater tour (including Fri/30-Sat/1 at the Roxie) on the back of some impressive press coverage and a thumbs-up from Adult Swim superstars Tim and Eric. It’s the story of a freak eagle attack on Half Moon Bay, and there’s no pussyfooting around the reality that Birdemic is an amateur work. If it weren’t for the awkward fades between scenes, I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that the film was cut entirely in-camera. With all the fuss building around the picture, the allure must be in laughing at it, and setting out to laugh at a bad film can be a tricky endeavor. Searching for whimsy in a poorly-made film can be an infuriating struggle of highs and lows, a pitfall Birdemic avoids by being laughably inept in every frame.

Thank goodness that Birdemic is so devoted to its deficiencies, or it might have been disappointing to find that the first half is eagle-free. We awkwardly meet Rod (Alan Bagh), a big shot salesman with enough cash flow to spend 19 grand on a solar panel and drive a blue Mustang that “gets 100 em-pee-gees.” Rod awkwardly meets Nathalie (Whitney Moore), a fashion model who loves cats (“if I could afford it, I’d have ten of them!”). Naturally, the pair is drawn to each other and falls passionately in love, but their first night together is interrupted by a screaming eagle blitzkrieg, trapping Don and Nathalie in their motel room.

No one actor in Birdemic has the inverse charisma of Tommy Wiseau, director and actor of that other cult favorite The Room (2003), but the CG eagles come close. They look like clip art, hovering in the air accompanied by a grating, looped cawing sound, before divebombing houses and causing them to explode into flames. Are they enraged by global warming? If the terrorizing birds are eagles, are they a metaphor for America? Birdemic poses a number of heavy questions, but the one on the tip of my tongue is whether or not it’s rude to heap praise on the film for being bad. It’s pretty clear that director James Nguyen didn’t set out to make a comedy, but his straight-faced seriousness is much of what makes Birdemic so funny. Appearing along with his cast to support the film’s Roxie screening, Nguyen seems willing to take his success whichever way he can get it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrmt-EMqzgo&feature=related

BIRDEMIC

Fri/30-Sat/1, 11 p.m., $9.75

Roxie, 3117 16th St, SF

www.roxie.com

 

Hot sexy events: April 28 – May 4

0

It’s time to take control, cats and kittens. And no, I don’t mean you’ve gotta throw away all those naughty thoughts of ropes and handcuffs — rather, it’s time to lay claim to your own sex life. This week’s sexy events give you ample room to play with this concept, be it Cleo Dubois (2008 leather Marshall of the Pride parade)’s weekend long intensive on mastering the whip for female dominants, or Julian Wolf’s class at Good Vibes on reaffirming the divine in your S&M. For a different take, head to Wicked Grounds’ Festish Munch, where you can calmly meet and greet potential playmates with as much discretion as you have over your extra foamy latte… or was that a mocha with whip? Regardless, get out there and make it how you want to.

S&M: Spirit & Meaning
Julian Wolf shows the way to BDSM scenes that inspire spiritual awakening, making it possible to be a sexy person, and a spiritual person, all in the same moment.
Wed/28 8-10 p.m., $25-30
Good Vibrations
603 Valencia, SF
(415) 552-5460
www.goodvibes.com

Fetish Munch
Do you like fetish play, dress up, BDSM fun, and “dark and sexy” music — but find it hard to really get to know your partners in the thick of the party? Take time to come discuss your passions over a cup of coffee at SF’s sexiest cafe, Wicked Grounds.
Wed/28 8-9:30 p.m., free
Wicked Grounds
289 8th St., SF
(415) 503-0405
www.wickedgrounds.org

Amazing Grace

The first movie to touch on AIDS issues in Israel, Amazing Grace witnesses the relationship between upstairs and downstairs neighbors. The film screens as part of the SF Jewish Film Festival and the “Out in Israel” LBGT Culture Festival.
Thur/29 9 p.m., free
Roxie Cinema
3125 16th St., SF
(415) 863-1087
www.sfjff.org

Cleo Dubois’ Women’s Erotic Dominance Weekend
A full weekend of women learning how to maximize their power in the dungeon. Feedback from previous attendees: “the course gave me more than I had anticipated or hoped for and I had hoped for quite a lot.” Time to get some more confidence in your life, starting with your sexual dynamics.
Starts Fri/30 7 p.m. @ private SOMA residence
Day long courses Sat/1 & Sun/2 @ SF Citadel
1277 Mission, SF
(650) 326-3269
cleodubois@sm-arts.com

Burlesque ‘N Brass
Blue Bone Express provides the jazz melodies to which lovely ladies will shake their spangles. Raise a glass (I hear they have good grapefruit juice cocktails, just a thought), and watch out for dangerous curves.
Sat/1 8:30 p.m.-12:30 a.m., $10
Café Van Kleef
1621 Telegraph, Oakland
(510) 763-7711
www.cafevankleef.com

SF Citadel Play Party
Romp amongst the slings and arrows, outrageous fortune pretty much guaranteed at this frisky get together for the leather community! The event is only open to members, but unaffiliated pervs, you’re in luck — you can buy in for a full year at the Citadel for just $10. They’re also open to work/play exchanges, if you’d like to volunteer for a shift.
Sat/1 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $25 for members
SF Citadel
1277 Mission, SF
(415) 626-1746
www.sfcitadel.org

Thrillpeddlers Present: “Hot Greeks”
The Thrillpeddlars follow up the wild success of “Pearls Over Shanghai” with this sassy little stage number, which tells the story of the Tri Thigh sorority girls’ quest to find the Oracle of Delphi (otherwise known as the Hot Twat of Tangier). The pricey tickets are a partner price for the special “shock box” seating. Oooo…
Sun/2 7 p.m., $30-69
Hypnodrome Theater
575 10th St., SF
(415) 377-4402
www.thrillpeddlers.com

Mommy’s Playdate
Madres only at this mingle fest for those with little ones. Leave the kiddies at home, and instead pick up “mommy-tini,” and get a one on one consultation from the Good Vibes staff sexologist. And a makeover… of what you’ll have to attend to find out.
Tues/4 7-9 p.m., free
Good Vibrations
1620 Polk, SF
(415) 345-0400
www.goodvibes.com

Warriors, come out and play! (with this squeaky mouse)

0

Blossompaw jumped down from the wall and headed past the plants Jayfeather had carefully nurtured. The scent of them made Ivypaw’s mouth water, but she knew the warning given to every Clan cat: Stay away from the catnip.

Worry not for our youth in the post-Harry Potter era; there’s a new line of young adult fiction that’s got all the kids a’ reading. And it’s about fighting clans of kitties — my favorite! The Warriors, a series which to date includes over thirty titles, is a lot like Brian Jacques’ Redwall books — a small universe of carefully plotted minutiae following the escapades of animals in epic form.

But we’re going to the next level here.The Warriors see the Redwall sci-fi/fantasy nerd love of quests, battles, and prophecies, then raises it an all kitteh cast of characters. Oh yes, whiskers and all.

Warriors’ slightly confusing authorship (the books’ byline, Erin Hunter, actually refers to four women, none of them named Erin) begins each book with a comprehensive listing of each kitty in all four of the forest’s clans. Kits to clan leaders, pelt and eye colors included. For example, Dovepaw, one of the protagonists of Fading Echoes (book number two in the Omen of the Stars sub-series), is an apprentice of Shadow Clan, “a pale she-cat with blue eyes,” who is mentored by Lionblaze, “a golden tabby tom with amber eyes.” Leaving aside the complex belief structure and social hierarchy of the Warriors’ world, with 113 cats in the four mortal (oh yeah, it goes there) clans alone, it’s important to keep track of these details.

And readers do. Oh, but they do! A quick foray to The Warriors website reveals the true depths of fandom the kitties muster. Message boards require one to select a kitty avatar  to chat with the other kitties.

Which I did, all in the name of journalism of course (a golden she-cat with yellow eyes I named “Quillpaw”), and regardless of the fact that many of the conversation threads were a bit beyond my reckoning, most having to do with complex spoiler theories and desperate purrs for a single tom to mate with. Scandalous!

I meowed at my kitty friends online about why they liked this magical, mystical world of claws and fresh-kill, and I found Twilightfoot (who appears to be a fan fic writing, gender neutral black deputy cat with green eyes from he/she’s profile picture)’s answer to be the most endearing. I quote:

What do I like about Warriors?:

They are VERY interesting, and have a good plot that I can relate to.

It is NOT a G-rated series, which I <3!

I get very, um, connected with the characters, which I can rarely do with a book.

In this day and age, connection is really the pith of the matter, isn’t it? Cheers to you, Twilightfoot. And cheers to you, Warriors books — I never really liked reading about people, anyway.

Now that we’re older

0

By Peter Galvin

arts@sfbg.com

MUSIC There’s a civil war afoot in the Hot Chip camp. Caught between tongue-in-cheek club-fillers and more melodic balladry, the U.K. electro-pop act continues to divide its audience by refusing to choose a definitive side and sound.

Duo and long-time friends, Alexis Taylor and Joe Goddard have been plagued by the impression that they are largely a singles band, earmarking playlist-ready tracks like “Boy From School” and “Ready For The Floor” from otherwise uneven albums. Such is the scarlet letter left by Coming On Strong, their initial 2004 release with DFA Records, whose name is indelibly linked to a number of playlist-ready remixes. Following the band’s subsequent jump to EMI Records, around the 2008 release of their third album Made in the Dark, it became clear that the pair were ready to take a step away from the ephemeral nature that plagues not only their band’s first two releases, but much of modern dance music. Made in the Dark saw the band begin to experiment with more personal narratives, such as in the standout “We’re Looking For a Lot of Love.” Still, the collection of songs was more suggestive of growing pains than graduation.

After Dark‘s mixed advances, the release of One Life Stand represents the important moment in every successful band’s career, the point where it finally decides whether it’s going to continue rehashing a fruitful formula or take a risk, commit to something new and hope that the audience will stick around. As album opener “Thieves in the Night” comes over the speakers with the lyrics “happiness is what we all want,” it’s tough to find traces of the Hot Chip that was “sick of motherfuckers trying to tell me that they’re down with Prince.” The album title itself announces a band seeking something more real and permanent than an album that college kids bump at their summer parties.

Perhaps fearful that long-time fans might initially be turned off by the new direction, Taylor and Goddard make sure to hit you with the bangers right off the bat, four songs that recall their previous work in tempo if not content. But even these songs are free of the band’s trademark irony. They explore love and yearning rather than ride high on the repetition of goofy catch-phrases. In addition to a distinct lyrical maturity, the new songs are also increasingly densely layered. While they imply an enormous backdrop of influences, you get the impression Hot Chip has moved past paying homage, instead simply wishing to explore new territory in an accessible way.

Past this initial burst of bluster, One Life Stand introduces what may well be the new sound of Hot Chip — ballads. Deeply personal and largely humorless, songs like “Brothers,” “Alley Cats,” and “Slush” show that the band wants to connect with its audience on a more profound level — and they’re willing to drop the irony to do it. “Brothers” is candidly about Taylor loving his friends like brothers, a sentiment that might have embarrassed him had it appeared on Coming Up Strong. Hot Chip has matured, moved beyond posturing and caring what people think, making the album a refreshing reintroduction to a band that some dismissed as a couple of smart alecks.

It can be bittersweet watching a band grow up and define itself. Though One Life Stand is not without its missteps, I’m glad Hot Chip is doing what it wants rather than pandering to the expectations of an established audience. They like dancing and they like ballads, why should they have to choose? As lines are being drawn regarding the band’s inevitable shift away from sardonic dance music, it’s hard not to wonder whether Hot Chip even cares. If it does, it probably feels that its listeners are the ones having a hard time growing up.

HOT CHIP

with the xx

Fri/16, 8 p.m., $29.50

Fox Theatre

1807 Telegraph, Oakl.

1 (800) 745-3000

www.myspace.com/hotchip

Believe it!

0

arts@sfbg.com

VISUAL ART What would you do if you had been born with a treasure chest? This is a real-life Pippi Longstocking-tale: Jaina Bee is a quirky lady who sports a pink glam crewtop, was raised with minimal parental interference, and is undeniably devoted to her friends. Like Pippi, she was given a suitcase full of gold coins and owns a home.

Thirteen years ago, when Jaina Bee was in her late 20s, she purchased her Potrero Hill property with a vague vision of creating a collaborative-art utopia.

Each chamber of Granny’s Empire of Art has been given a fitting nickname. Sitting in the trophy room, named for its collection of taxidermy, it’s hard to imagine it as just another blank slate with off-white walls. “There’s a difference between decorating and transforming,” Jaina Bee says. Now: antique sofas, stripes of plaid and French country wallpaper, a haunting brick-based collage of cigarettes and electrical plugs, a hanging chandelier, and portraits of Jaina Bee with chickens — and of the benefactors of her inheritance, her step-grandfather Fred Davis and his father Edwin — fill the living room.

“Seriously, the deepest and most inescapable influence was my mother, who was a total prankster, trickster, nonconformist type,” she says. “As soon as I got out of high school and went into college, she lived out her trippy communal fantasy in Santa Cruz.”

As an experiment based around her deep curiosity about people, Jaina Bee’s mother threw open her doors. Those who came in were mostly freeloading Dead Heads of the 1980s. It was a madhouse.

“I took what I learned from observing that and inevitably turned this into my own semi-open house,” says Jaina Bee. “There are lots of people who make this place their home when they’re in town. They’re all creative, and they all contribute in some way to the household, whether it’s designing lights or creating rooms. And when I’m out of town for months at a time, people come and go just as freely as if I were here. So the house has a kind of life of its own. It’s bigger than all of us.”

“You can’t try to control it,” responds Jenny B, who did the lighting for the house and is staying over.

While her mother was watching her lawless social study, Jaina Bee was attending San Francisco Art Institute, where she befriended many artists who would later be involved with Granny’s.

Her professor Tony Labat challenged her to test, trial-and-error-style, without knowing the results. “That gave me the courage to experiment with collaborating with people not necessarily knowing where it was going to go,” she explains. She took this mentality seriously when she began working on her home. “The whole reason things have turned out the way they have here is that I didn’t try and control it too much — just enough to keep it from going into complete chaos.”

Of course, this is not the first art-home assembled by an eccentric heiress. Granny’s Empire of Art follows a tradition extending from Isabella Stewart Gardner and Sarah Winchester to Peggy Guggenheim and Doris Duke. But none of these comparisons quite fit because of Granny’s particular emphasis on collaboration and experimentation.

“It’s an unusual circumstance with Jaina, because she really wants people to do what they’re good at doing. She’s not sitting there saying she wants it this way. She has a lot of trust with her vision,” explains Christine Shields, who met Jaina at SFAI and has done work on the home since the initial painting sessions when she chose red for what would later be known as the opium den.

“When the whole house started, I thought it was so disparate. It seemed very hodgepodge and very crazy-quilt style. But the more time that goes by, the more it becomes this big vision and it has this cohesion that I couldn’t really see in the beginning,” Shields says. “But I know Jaina saw it.”

Granny’s two homes — an old farmhouse in the back and a Victorian in the front — contain a Ripley’s-Believe-It-or-Not!-worthy staircase covered with pencils that leads to a vintage Circus Circus carpet, a Gaudi-meets-the-Yellow-Submarine bathroom with glow-in-the-dark-slices hidden in the tiles, a fur meditation room, a haunted parlor with multicolored drywall, found photographs compiled into a pseudo family albums, and an old-timey phonograph. All this — and more — comes together to form a fairytale dollhouse that expands with the bite of a cookie, just like Alice’s wonderland.

“This is beyond my wildest dreams of the perfect environment. I’m always discovering things I didn’t notice before,” says Jaina Bee. “I think sometimes my friends have actually stuck things in here without telling me.”

Unlike the Peggy Guggenheim Collection or the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, there’s an energy that emanates from the life within the home. Jaina Bee says she’s thought about the future of Granny’s Empire of Art and the possibility that it might become a place for an artists residency program, but says she’s made no official plans. Granny’s is alive and growing.

There are even lovely sister cats, Crackle and Quilty, who share the home. “They wrecked a lot,” Jaina Bee says matter-of-factly. “I think in one year these kittens did $1000 in damage — to masterpieces. But that’s art as life. I don’t want it to be so precious I can’t be comfortable.”

www.jainabee.com

Park it here: an alterna-Dolores six pack

1

The other day, sharing the scrap of blanket space I was able to hustle between 1,000 of my Vitamin D deprived brethren, I spotted:

1. A green parrot. On a man’s shoulder.

2. A green python. Ditto, shoulders.

3. An LED light filled, fixed gear frame.

All in a ten foot radius. Freaky! Unique! Not very relaxing! Conclusion: I need a break from Dolo. 

Luckily, I made a serendipitous discovery: there are other parks in San Francisco! Many, in fact. Here are some green spaces that are sunny, green, and relatively free of studied self imagery:

Alamo Square

Okay, so perhaps this won’t provide much respite from those hip cats and their big snakes — on a sunny day, Alamo is almost as flush with BBQs and irony as it’s neighbor in the Mission down South. But Alamo’s got the most iconic view in the city (if your icons, as mine, are based on early ‘90s sitcoms) and a really cool shoe garden by the public bathrooms.

Walk in at: Steiner & Hayes

 

Lafayette Square

One of the most intelligent ideas our city planners had was to put a park on nearly every peak in our city. Head up to Lafayette Square, deep in the heart of tony Pac Heights, and you can see their brillance manifested for yourself — a panoramic view of urban valleys, green hills. This park is where all the little old rich ladies go with their little old rich dogs, and its pristine lawns is aching for a little more infiltration by the prols.

Walk in at: Sacramento & Laguna, SF


Alta Plaza

One hill over, Alta Plaza is Lafayette’s only slightly less ritzy cousin. Most of the lawn space is on a terraced slant, perfect for when the sun is in the southern end of the sky. And should you get the yen to rise up and do something, Alta’s got superb tennis and basketball courts that are rarely occupied on weekdays.

Walk in at: Clay & Steiner, SF


Ocean Beach

Did you know that the western side of the city is lined by the Pacific Ocean? It’s true! And while Ocean Beach no longer features the amusement parks and boho repurposed streetcar villages, it’s still one of the coolest things about living here. Pick a sunny day (or a tempestuous one if you dig watching storm action in a solid coating of Gore-Tex) and post up between a couple dunes, where you chill in a little wind sheltered, clothing optional cove of your own. [note: nudity not really legal]

Walk in at: Judah & Great Highway, SF


Misson Creek Park

With all the UCSF construction in the neighborhood to the south, who knows how long it’ll stay this way, but for now, Mission Creek Park reminds me the river we used to escape to when I was in high school; a spot where we could swim that was still close enough to the city to be doable on a half day off. Don’t swim in Mission Creek (actually, do it! That’d be hilarious!). But you get what I mean, here’s a place to hang, eat, read, smoke that J — next to a river. Bliss.

Walk in at: Channel & 4th St.


Fillmore Center

Am I really blowing up the spot on this little oasis? Dang, I’m taking this whole journalism thing seriously.  Consider yourself in on the greenest little patch of lawn in Western Addition — enter in through the snazzy plaza, and head straight past all the old people on benches to the wall of cascading water in back, which has a tranquil little pool and all the empty lawn space you need. All this solitude does come at a price though: BYO tamales and ganja treats.

Walk in at: Fillmore & O’Farrell

Is BARFing good for your pet?

1

tredmond@sfbg.com

It’s called the BARF diet — and it’s the hottest thing in San Francisco pet stores these days. No, it’s not food that makes your pet throw up; BARF stands for biologically appropriate raw food. And its advocates are passionate about its advantages over old-fashioned commercial pet food.

“Dogs and cats in the wild would eat raw meat,” said Susan Yannes, who co-owns Pawtrero pet store and bathhouse on Mississippi Street. “They didn’t have doggie barbecues.”

The idea is to mimic as closely as possible what your pets would have eaten way back when — in the natural state, before they became so close to humans that they started eating the same sort of processed food (some would say processed crap) many of us eat.

And the trend is growing — fast. Matt Koss, who owns Primal Pet Foods, a supplier of frozen raw animal feed, reports 20 percent annual growth. He cites a massive pet food recall in 2007 as a spur to his business, adding that “there’s more and more consumer awareness about pet food.” Primal Pet supplies food to 2,000 pet stores nationwide, 15 in San Francisco.

But the BARF diet also has its critics — and not just in the multibillion dollar pet food industry.

 

A BETTER DOG IN JUST WEEKS

Yannes got into the raw food business when one of her dogs developed skin problems. “We were feeding him standard dry dog food, and the vet said it was fine,” she said. “His coat had all these bumps, so they gave him allergy medicine.”

Instead, she tried shifting the dog to an all-natural diet — “and a week later, he was fine.”

That’s a common story among some pet owners, who say that raw meat, combined with raw bones and some specially prepared grain and vegetable matter, makes dogs and cats healthier and happier. “Business is growing,” Yannes said. “People who try this don’t go back.”

The argument is similar to what you hear from people who have given up processed human food in favor of fresh fruits and vegetables and organic, free-range meat. It’s more natural; all that processing (and even heat) destroys essential nutrients.

A summary published on Pawblog that Yannes passed on to me sums it up: “When switching your pet to a raw food diet, there are many differences you will notice in a few weeks, including improved breath and white teeth, better digestion resulting in much smaller and firmer stools, less itching, scratching, and allergies, increased energy, healthy skin, and a shiner coat.”

The reason? “Dogs and cats stomachs are designed to digest raw meat and soft bones, utilizing the very strong concentrations of hydrochloric acid as well as the short length of their gastrointestinal tract. Any bacteria are taken care of with this acid.”

But some vets — including those that support and practice non-Western medicine — are more cautious.

“A raw diet is fine,” said Dr. Randy Bowman, a vet at Pets Unlimited. “Dogs were meant to eat raw food in the wild. But we’ve come far beyond that. Their gastrointestinal system has evolved, and they don’t need it.”

Adds Dr. Jeffrey Bryan, a veterinary oncologist who teaches at the University of Washington: “I think highly processed foods are problematic, but I wish we had more scientific evidence on the value of the raw diet.”

 

NOT FOR ALL

I think it’s safe to say that the raw food diet isn’t for everyone. For one thing, it’s more expensive — but if it winds up keeping our dog out of the vet’s office, it will more than pay for itself over time. More important, it requires a fair amount of work — and a lot of attention.

Raw meat has to be handled carefully. All the preparation surfaces have to be washed, and the pets’ dishes need to be washed with soap and water after every meal. That’s because raw meat — even organic, free-range stuff — contains bacteria that can carry diseases to pets and humans.

And according to Bowman, even the best grade of meat can carry diseases: “Even human-grade meat that’s processed and shipped distances carries bacteria, and it’s not meant for raw consumption.” Bowman suggests that pet owners at least sear the meat first, since the bacteria tend to be on the surface.

Dr. Rebecca Remillard, a veterinarian and pet nutritionist, is one of the harshest critics of the raw diet. “This is not a safe practice,” she writes on her Web site. “Dogs fed raw meat or eggs may develop mild to severe gastrointestinal disease from consuming products contaminated” with disease-causing bacteria.

Koss says that’s just misinformation. “Bacteria and pathogens are a concern in the entire food industry,” he said. “But if the food is handled properly, there is no danger at all to pets.”

Susan Lauten, who has a master’s degree in animal nutrition and a doctorate in biomedical science, runs a veterinary consulting business in Knoxville, Tenn. She agrees that, for the most part, healthy dogs and cats can safely eat raw food. But she’s less enthusiastic about comparisons to the diet these creatures ate in the wild.

“In the wild, dogs didn’t live very long,” she told me. “And one reason was that they got sick from eating contaminated meat.”

Lauten has a different concern about the raw diet. Animals that eat raw meat can release salmonella and other dangerous pathogens in their stool. “You don’t want that around if you have kids or immune-compromised people,” she said. “You can clean up after your dog, but you might not get everything.”

And she raised another issue: economics. “Do you tell people that they can’t have a cat unless they can afford the most expensive kind of food?”

Dr. Hannah Good, who practices holistic veterinary medicine in Santa Cruz, argues that “there’s a lot that can be accomplished by going in a different direction than kibble.” She noted that “a lot of diets are 100 percent garbage.”

But she also said that high-grade kibble diets are balanced to include all the nutrients an animal needs.

And what do the vets feed their pets? Good said her dog “eats whatever I eat”; she prepares a version of her own meals for her canine companion. Lauten’s dog has inflammatory bowel disease “and does very well on a commercial veterinary diet.”

Bryan, who thinks what a dog eats is an important factor in its health, doesn’t do the BARF thing either: “I give my dog Science Diet.”

Bark if you like needles

4

tredmond@sfbg.com

The dog named Hank Stamper got paralyzed on a sunny Saturday afternoon. One moment he was hanging out in the backyard, lying in the little patch of grass and giving the cats next door the evil eye, and the next thing I knew he was making a yelping sound like nothing my dog had ever uttered in his four years of healthy life.

When I got there, Hank was dragging himself around by his front paws, his back legs and hindquarters completely limp and useless.

So I picked up the 90-pound beast and wrestled him into the car and carried him to the pet hospital, where a young vet poked and prodded and confirmed that Hank’s entire hindquarters were numb and paralyzed. The doc didn’t know why, or what might have happened; there was no obvious injury. He said it might get better on its own, or it might not.

The specialist vet we saw the next day didn’t know what was wrong, either; it seemed to be some sort of stroke. An x-ray showed what might have been something screwy in his spine. “There’s a surgical procedure they do at UC Davis,” the specialist vet said. “It costs $10,000, and has about a 50 percent chance of success. I could call them if you want.”

Uh, no. I loved my dog, but that was way beyond our means, and my health insurance didn’t cover family members of the canine persuasion. So, sadly, with much weeping, we took poor Hank home. We figured we’d give it a day or two and, if he didn’t improve, his next trip to the vet would be his last.

While I was lamenting all this at work the following morning, one of my colleagues made a wild suggestion: take him to Irving Street Veterinary Clinic, she told me; there’s a vet there who does acupuncture.

Well, hell. I’d never heard of doggie acupuncture, but Hank wasn’t getting better, plus he was miserable, and we were at the end of the line. So I called and made an appointment. Dr. Jeffrey Bryan met me at the clinic, took a look at the poor mutt, and went to get his gear.

“To be totally honest, I can’t explain scientifically exactly why this works,” he said as he started sticking needles in Hank’s back and legs. “But in a remarkable number of cases, it does.”

We sat on the floor, the dog and I, while Bryan hooked a very low electric current up to some of the needles, then he told me to wait. Thirty minutes later, the doc turned the juice off, took the needles out — and goddamn if that dog didn’t stand up and start to walk.

Seriously — the animal that couldn’t even hold himself up to poo (it was gross, don’t ask) ambled stiffly out of the clinic and got into the car. Four acupuncture sessions later, Hank was running again, and within a few months, we did a 5K race — and the human member of the team wasn’t the one setting the pace.

That was back in 1996, when veterinary acupuncturists were fairly rare, even in San Francisco. I think Bryan was one of only two licensed vets who did it. Today it’s a growth industry.

In fact, an increasing number of vets — people with a doctor of veterinary medicine degree, folks who spent four years in graduate school studying Western science and medical techniques — are treating some of their patients with acupuncture, chiropractic, herbs, and other holistic approaches.

“It’s expanded quite a bit in the past five years,” said Dr. Randy Bowman, who practices at Pets Unlimited, a nonprofit animal hospital and adoption center in San Francisco. “We as vets have become more informed and more in touch with what our clients want.”

Bowman practices what he calls complementary and integrative medicine — a combination of traditional Western techniques and holistic treatments like acupuncture and herbs. “I think a lot of us get fed up with chronic conditions, pets that have problems Western medicine doesn’t have a cure for,” he said. “I wanted to offer my clients something more than the same antibiotic over and over.”

Acupuncture’s been around much longer than what we now call Western medicine. A recent article in accupuncture.com noted that primitive acupuncture therapies may have been practiced in India as long as 7,000 years ago, and it’s been part of Chinese culture for centuries.

“One of the earliest records of veterinary acupuncture was some 3,000 years ago, for the treatment of elephants,” explained the article, which was written by Susan Thorpe Vargas and John Cargill.

But the technique didn’t find widespread acceptance in America until much more recently. California first legalized acupuncture in the 1970s. And while some licensed acupuncturists have quietly been treating animals for years, it’s only recently that significant numbers of university-trained veterinarians have started to adopt the practice.

Although most humans have to choose between a doctor with an M.D. and an acupuncturist, in the animal world, the spheres of traditional and holistic medicine have grown closer.

Dr. Hannah Good, who practices in Santa Cruz, is an early disciple. She’s been offering animal acupuncture and chiropractic for more than 20 years. “I look at every case individually,” she told me. “Sometimes it’s herbal treatment, sometimes it’s surgery.”

There are many reasons for the shift toward holistic medicine in the animal world — and one, frankly, is cost. Invasive procedures, antibiotics, steroids — all the things traditional vets tend to do for sick animals — come at a stiff price. Hank’s $10,000 surgical estimate is unusual, but spending hundreds of dollars — many hundreds of dollars — on an animal’s illness is all too common.

The acupuncture that saved Hank’s life cost $40 a session, and the bottle of Chinese medicine Bryan prescribed as a supplement cost $8 at the herbalist down the street.

That’s not always the case — extended acupuncture treatment can be pricey. “But it’s still less expensive, particularly with chronic diseases,” Bowman noted.

I tracked down Bryan recently; these days, he’s a professor at the University of Washington School of Veterinary Medicine and an expert in veterinary oncology. He remembered Hank well — and although he has spent years in advanced training learning to treat animal cancer, he still uses acupuncture at times.

“One of my students had a dog with chronic pain and we gave him a very powerful steroid, but it had no affect,” he said. “But acupuncture made a lot of difference.”

He finds that his clients — even those whose animals have advanced diseases — are interested in alternatives. “A lot of people who have had acupuncture themselves find that this kind of treatment is more in line with their core values,” he noted. “It’s certainly growing in the public consciousness.”

Bryan would like to see the veterinary establishment — which is still dominated by Western scientific models — move more quickly to adopt nontraditional techniques. “Most of what we’re seeing is demand-driven,” he said. “People are asking for it. Veterinary medicine as a whole has done a poor job of being a leader in the field.”

Our Weekly Picks

0

THURSDAY 1

FILM

Gumby Dharma

When he created the characters Gumby and Pokey in the 1950s, Art Clokey indelibly imbedded himself into modern pop culture, making a lasting and loving impression on generations of fans. That magical connection is chronicled in the Emmy-winning 2005 documentary Gumby Dharma, which delves into the beloved animator’s long life, canvassing the more well-known side of Clokey and his artistic triumphs, as well as several personal tragedies and his search for a spiritual path. Clokey, who passed away in January, had a studio in Sausalito for many years, and his life and creations will be celebrated tonight at a screening of the wonderful documentary, with its producers and several special guests in attendance. (Sean McCourt)

7 p.m., $6.50–$9

Balboa Theater

3630 Balboa, SF

(415) 221-8184

www.balboamovies.com

www.gumbydharma.com

 

EVENT

Craft Bar

Oh, the infamous Bill Cosby sweater — that oversized knit with a plethora of shapes and colors that makes you cringe at the sight of it. Yeah, that one. Well, now you can air that old thing out and put it to some use at Craft Bar. Enjoy a night of dexterity and drinks as DIY virtuoso Katy Kristin demonstrates how to chop up that old throw and create plush stuffed animals and snuggly beer cozies. Before you know it, you’ll be downing tall cans at Zeitgeist with your new cozy. (Elise-Marie Brown)

6 p.m., $5 (free with student ID)

Museum of Craft and Folk Art

51 Yerba Buena Lane, SF

(415) 227-4888

www.mocfa.org

 

DANCE/PERFORMANCE

Reggie Wilson and Andréya A Ouamba: The Good Dance—Dakar/Brooklyn

Reggie Wilson’s San Francisco debut in 2007 disappointed because it only presented a few short pieces he had created in the 1990s. But at least it whetted the appetite for more substantial work similar to what he had presented in other Bay Area venues. Now all is forgiven. The Good Dance—Dakar/Brooklyn, co-commissioned by YBCA, is a full-evening dance theater piece by Wilson and Senegalese choreographer Andréya Ouamba that explores a mutual preoccupation: the continued presence of the past in our lives. The Mississippi and the Congo serve as the central metaphors for this cross-cultural collaboration of dance, text, and vocals by Wilson’s Fist & Heel Performance Group and Ouamba’s Compagnie 1er Temps. (Rita Felciano)

8 p.m. (through Sat/3), $25–$30

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts

700 Howard, SF

(415) 978-ARTS

www.ybca.org

 

VISUAL ART

“A Dog’s Life (with a Special Appearance by Cats)”

A collection of funny cartoons focusing on man’s best friend — along with some pals in the feline world — the new exhibit “A Dog’s Life (with a Special Appearance by Cats)” draws from the Schmulowitz Collection of Wit and Humor at the San Francisco Public Library. Among the selections on display are works from artists such as James Thurber, George Booth, and Charles Schulz. Snoopy is in the house. (McCourt)

9 a.m.–8 p.m. (through May 31), free

San Francisco Public Library

Skylight Gallery, sixth floor

100 Larkin, SF

(415) 557-4277

www.sfpl.org

 

COMEDY

Marga’s Laugh Party: April Fools Edition!

Marga Gomez threw an uproarious laugh party in February. Now she’s back to host another night of laughter, dancing, and, of course, boozin’. Special guest W. Kamau Bell is celebrating the release of his new comedy CD, Face Full of Flour (Rooftop Comedy Productions). Other comedians on the bill include Gomez, Yayne Abeba, Tessie Chua, Loren Kraut, and Bucky Sinister, while DJ Sammy Franco brings the music. (Brown)

8 p.m., $10

Cafe du Nord

2170 Market, SF

(415) 861-5016

www.cafedunord.com

 

FRIDAY 2

EVENT/VISUAL ART

“A Benefit for Ed Hannigan: WonderCon Weekend Party”

As an artist for DC and Marvel comics back in the 1970s and ’80s, Ed Hannigan helped bring to life titles such as Batman, Green Arrow, Spider Man, and more. Now suffering from multiple sclerosis, Hannigan is getting help from some superheroes. The nonprofit Hero Initiative takes care of ailing artists, many of whom have spent their careers as contractors and have no pensions or retirement funds. Tonight the organization is sponsoring a benefit party to raise money for Hannigan’s care, with several artists, such as Sergio Aragones (MAD, Groo), in attendance. The festivities include an auction of rare items. (McCourt)

8 p.m., $10–$35 sliding scale

Cartoon Art Museum

655 Mission, SF

(415) 227-8666

www.cartoonart.org

 

EVENT/VISUAL ART

Lower Haight Art Walk

Art openings and events are notorious for their intimidating nature. The art might be hard to “get,” and the elitists might challenge you on the difference between modern and postmodern perspectives when the reason you went in the first place was to snack on the free-range chicken tacos and sip homemade kombucha. The Lower Haight Art Walk, on the other hand, won’t give you a headache. Expect an evening of bar-hopping, live music, dancing, and — of course — art shows sprinkled throughout a four-block stretch in the Haight. Who knows, you might even like what you see and buy a piece or two. (Brown)

7 p.m., free

400–700 Haight, SF

www.lowerhaight.org

SATURDAY 3

 

COMEDY

Mo’nique

In Anthony Hamilton’s “Sister Big Bones” video, the R&B singer makes an ass of himself for Mo’nique’s curves, donning disguises and crashing his cruiser bike just to get closer to the bodacious lady’s heat. He’s not the only one with a crush. The stand-up comedian has made some of the bravest career choices in the business, augmenting her BET talk show with TV specials in which she talked with women in federal prison and, most famously, her role in last year’s Precious as the most horrific mother of all time — which made her a lock for the Best Supporting Actress Oscar. It’s easy to forget that on top of everything, she’s real funny too. Check her stand-up act this weekend — just be prepared to walk away with some more unrequited love in your life. (Caitlin Donohue)

8 p.m., $39.50–$59.50

Paramount Theater

2025 Broadway, Oakl.

(800) 745-3000

www.paramounttheatre.com

 

MUSIC/CLUB

Hard French

Look, hot queers into anything but ancient circuit techno and contemporary plasticene ladybots: I adore your Sunday beer busts, your Friday happy hours, your Monday-night free-for-alls (and all-for-mes). But when it comes to a jam-packed Saturday-afternoon dance party rocking girl groups, boogaloo, and garage stompers, it’s finally oui the hard way — Hard French, that is, a raucous party filling the weekend void with BBQ animals on the grill, marinated animals on the patio and dance floor, and DJ Carnitas and Brown Amy on the tables. DJ Bus Station John joins them this time around for some meaty amuse-bouches. My only quibble? It’s only once a month. Hélas! (Marke B.)

3–8 p.m., $5

El Rio

3158 Mission, SF

(415) 282-3325

www.elriosf.com

 

EVENT

Vinyl Addiction Launch Party

Vinyl toys — they’re surprisingly intriguing, aren’t they? Cute little round-headed rabbits and bears, baby dolls and yetis, usually with some subversive detail. That baby doll cranks its mouth open in a scream, and on closer inspection, the rabbit appears to be a necro-bunny, back from the grave. Maybe your little yeti’s sheer smoothness freaks you out after a while. What do they get up to on their shelves, late at night? Jesse Hernandez is on a mission to figure it out. The artist’s new online show, Vinyl Addiction, focuses on the creators of these little monsters, which are popping up all over as offshoots of the manga and graffiti scenes. Watch the premiere in New People’s trippy theater and celebrate the birth of something different in the art world. (Donohue)

7–10 p.m., free

New People

1746 Post, SF

(415) 525-8630

www.vinyladdiction.tv

 

SUNDAY 4

MUSIC/EVENT

Nobunny’s 9th Annual Easter Egg Bash

Can you imagine performing in a stinky, sweaty bunny mask for nine-plus years? Well, I guess you still wouldn’t have it as bad as Buckethead. Nobunny is garage-punker Justin Champlin, and this bunny shows no sign of giving up his floppy-eared head anytime soon, going so far as to stand in for the Easter Bunny himself at today’s Easter Egg Bash. Known for singing pants-less and drunk — often into a microphone shaped like a carrot — Nobunny puts on a show for those of us who like a little spectacle with our music. Go ahead and give a Muppet a hug — just don’t get any yolk in your hair. (Peter Galvin)

With the Bananas, Mayyors, Rantouls, Splinters, and Sir Lord Von Raven

8 p.m., $10

New Parish

579 18th St., Oakl.

(510) 444-7474

www.thenewparish.com

 

MUSIC

Hot Air Music Festival

Easter in San Francisco may mean hunky Jesi and egg-rolling nunnery, but we contemporary music lovers will be squealing “Good Lord” all day (polymodally chromatically, of course) at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music’s Hot Air marathon. Three wide-eared conservatory graduates — Matthew Cmiel, Andrew Meyerson, and Carolyn Smith — have put together eight straight hours’ worth of rare live aural pyrotechnics, including works by lionized off-beaters Steve Reich, Gyorgy Ligeti, and Lou Harrison, as well as wonderful newbies Mason Bates, Missy Mazzoli, and Luciano Chessa. Add in puppets, the Picasso Quartet, and local bass clarinet duo SQWONK, and that bunny is cooked. We’re stayin’ indoors. (Marke B.)

2–10 p.m., free

SF Conservatory of Music

50 Oak, SF

(415) 864-7326

www.hotairmusic.org

 

MONDAY 5

EVENT/FILM

“SFFS Film Arts Forum: Tales from Terror Town”

The premiere of Peaches Christ’s feature-length directorial debut, All About Evil, is just around the corner, and to whet everyone’s appetite for the nail-polish-hued blood, Christ herself — a.k.a. Joshua Grannell — is on hand tonight to discuss the perils and pleasures of making a movie with more talent (including Mink Stole, Natasha Lyonne, and teen idol Thomas Dekker) than money. Christ will be joined by the Butcher Brothers, whose new movie, The Violent Kind, is a biker bloodbath. (Johnny Ray Huston)

7 p.m., $8 ($5 for members)

Mezzanine

444 Jessie, SF

(925) 866-9559

www.sffs.org

 

TUESDAY 6

EVENT/VISUAL ART

“The Roadmap to Extinction: Are Humans Disappearing?”

Every once in a while, a wise man I know will tire of the endless discussion about the impending death of Earth. “It’s not going to be the end of the planet; it’s just going to be the end of us!” he is wont to exclaim. Truly, our global importance wanes as our carbon emissions wax. This self-extermination is the subject of a photo exhibit at this info night–reception for the Global Justice Ecology Project, an organization that works on the topics of climate justice and forest protection. In a uniquely San Franciscan convergence, the night’s learning is going down at Good Vibrations — a store whose arsenal of procreation-inspiring implements might huskily whisper “no” to the photo exhibition’s pressing query. (Donohue)

5:30–7:30 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

1620 Polk, SF

(415) 345-0400 www.globaljusticeecology.com www.goodvibes.com The Guardian listings deadline is two weeks prior to our Wednesday publication date. To submit an item for consideration, please include the title of the event, a brief description of the event, date and time, venue name, street address (listing cross streets only isn’t sufficient), city, telephone number readers can call for more information, telephone number for media, and admission costs. Send information to Listings, the Guardian Building, 135 Mississippi St., SF, CA 94107; fax to (415) 487-2506; or e-mail (paste press release into e-mail body — no text attachments, please) to listings@sfbg.com. We cannot guarantee the return of photos, but enclosing an SASE helps. Digital photos may be submitted in jpeg format; the image must be at least 240 dpi and four inches by six inches in size. We regret we cannot accept listings over the phone.

Stage listings

0

Stage listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Nicole Gluckstern. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com.

THEATER

OPENING

Frau Bachfeifengesicht’s Spectacle of Perfection Stage Werx Theatre, 533 Sutter; 1-800-838-3006, www.circusfinelli.com. $15-20. Opens Fri/2, 8pm. Runs Fri-Sun, 8pm. Through April 25. San Francisco’s all-women clown troupe, Circus Finelli, performs their comedy show inspired by European circus acts and American vaudeville.

Lady, Be Good! Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; 255-8207, www.42ndstmoon.org. $8-44. Previews Wed/31, 7pm; Thurs/1-Fri/2, 8pm. Opens Sat/3, 6pm. Runs Wed, 7pm; Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 6pm (also April 10, 1pm); Sun, 3pm. Through April 18. 42nd Street Moon presents George and Ira Gershwin’s madcap tale of a brother-sister vaudeville team in the 1920s.

Macho Bravado Thick House, 1695 18th St; http://machobravado.eventbee.com. $15-25. Previews Thurs/1-Fri/2, 8pm. Opens Sat/3, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm (no show April 4). Through April 24. Asian American Theater Company performs Alex Park’s drama about a Korean-American soldier dealing with life on the home front after fighting in the Middle East.

Scalpel! Brava Theater Center, 2781 24th St; 647-2822, www.brava.org. $20-35. Opens Wed/31, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat and April 5 and 14, 8pm; April 11, 3pm. Through April 17. Writer-director D’arcy Drollinger’s world premiere is a comedic rock thriller that satirizes the pursuit of plastic-surgery perfection.

BAY AREA

John Gabriel Borkman Aurora Theatre, 2081 Addison, Berk; (510) 843-4822, www.auroratheatre.org. $34-55. Previews Fri/2-Sat/3 and April 7, 8pm; Sun/4, 2pm. Opens April 8, 8pm. Runs Tues and Sun, 7pm (also Sun, 2pm); Wed-Sat, 8pm. Through May 9. Aurora Theatre Company performs Henrik Ibsen’s pointed indictment of capitalism.

ONGOING

*…And Jesus Moonwalks the Mississippi Cutting Ball Theater, 277 Taylor; 1-800-838-3006, www.cuttingball.com. $15-30. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through April 11. In this inspired poetical-historical counter-narrative from Bay Area playwright Marcus Gardley, Greek mythology, African American folklore, personal family history, and Christian theology are all drawn irresistibly along in a great sweep of wild and incisive humor, passion, pathos and rousing gospel music as buoyant and wide as the Mississippi — or rather Miss Sippi (the impressive Nicole C. Julien), personification of the mighty and flighty river. The Cutting Ball–Playwrights Foundation coproduction, lovingly directed by Amy Mueller, sports exquisite design touches from Cutting Ball regulars like Michael Locher, whose gorgeous plank-wood set serves as the ideal platform for a work both magnificently simple and eloquently evocative. (Avila)

Baby: A Musical Off-Market Theatres, 965 Mission; 1-800-838-3006, www.roltheatre.com. $20-32. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through April 18. Ray of Light Theatre performs a comedy about pregnancy.

*Den of Thieves SF Playhouse, 533 Sutter; 677-9596, www.sfplayhouse.org. $40. Tues, 7pm; Wed-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 3pm). Through April 17. Stephen Adly Guirgis has been good to SF Playhouse. The company already scored big with two of the New Yorker’s gritty, dark and sharply funny plays, Our Lady of 121st Street and Jesus Hopped the ‘A’ Train. Director Susi Damilano continues the streak with SF Playhouse’s latest, the less heavy but very funny Den of Thieves, about an unlikely foursome of inept bandits caught trying to heist a Mafioso’s safe under a discotheque in Queens — a simple tale that gives plenty of scope to Guirgis’s muscular way with dialogue and the clash of characters. It’s a meaty comedy, and the exceptional cast sells the conceit so beautifully they make it a crime to miss. (Avila)

Desperate Affection Royce Gallery, 2901 Mariposa; www.expressionproductions.com. $28. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through April 10. Expression Productions presents a dark comedy by Bruce Graham.

The Diary of Anne Frank Next Stage, 1620 Gough; 1-800-838-3006, www.custommade.org. $10-28. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 7pm. Through May 1. Custom Made performs Wendy Kesselman’s modern take on the classic.

Eat, Pray, Laugh! Off-Market Theaters, 965 Mission; www.brownpapertickets.com. $20. Wed, 8pm. Through April 28. Off-Market Theaters presents stand up comic and solo artist Alicia Dattner in her award-winning solo show.

An Enemy of the People Eureka Valley Recreation Center Auditorium, 100 Collingwood; http://sffct.wordpress.com. Free. Fri-Sat, 7:30pm; April 11, 3pm. Through April 11. San Francisco Free Civic Theatre performs Henrik Ibsen’s drama.

*Loveland The Marsh, 1074 Valencia; 826-5750, www.themarsh.org. $15-50. Sat, 8:30pm; Sun, 7pm. Through April 25. Starting May 8, runs Sat, 5pm and Sun, 2pm at the Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston, Berk. Through June 13. Los Angeles–based writer-performer Ann Randolph returns to the Marsh with a new solo play partly developed during last year’s Marsh run of her memorable Squeeze Box. Randolph plays loner Frannie Potts, a rambunctious, cranky, and libidinous individual of decidedly odd mien, who is flying back home to Ohio after the death of her beloved mother. The flight is occasion for Frannie’s own flights of memory, exotic behavior in the aisle, and unabashed advances toward the flight deck brought on by the seductively confident strains of the captain’s commentary. The singular personality and mother-daughter relationship that unfurls along the way is riotously demented and brilliantly humane. (Avila)

Othello African American Art and Culture Complex, 762 Fulton; 1-800-838-3006, www.african-americanshakes.org. $20-30. Wed-Thurs, 10am (school matinees); April 10 and 17, 8pm; Sat/3, April 11, and April 18, 3pm. Through April 18. African-American Shakespeare Company closes its 15th season with this adaptation of Shakespeare’s play, set during a modern-day military tribunal in Iraq.

Pearls Over Shanghai Hypnodrome, 575 Tenth St.; 1-800-838-3006, www.thrillpeddlers.com. $30-69. Fri-Sat, 8pm; starting July 10, runs Sat, 8pm and Sun, 7pm. Extended through August 1. Thrillpeddlers presents this revival of the legendary Cockettes’ 1970 musical extravaganza.

Ramble-Ations: A One D’Lo Show Brava Theater Center, 2781 24th St; 647-2822, www.brava.org. $10-25. Thurs/1-Sat/2, 8pm; Sun/3, 3pm. Performance artist D’Lo offers up a comedic solo show from a unique (gay, Hindi, Sri Lankan, SoCal, hip-hop) perspective.

The Real Americans The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 826-5750, www.themarsh.org. $18-50. Wed-Fri, 8pm (April 16, show at 9pm; starting April 24, no Fri shows except May 28, 8pm); Sat, 5pm; Sun, 3pm. Through May 30. The Marsh presents the world premiere of Dan Hoyle’s new solo show.

Shopping! The Musical Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; 1-800-838-3006, www.brownpapertickets.com. $27-29. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Ongoing. The musical is now in its fifth year at Shelton Theater.

Suddenly Last Summer Actors Theatre, 855 Bush; 345-1287, www.actorstheatresf.org. $15-35. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through April 10. Actors Theatre presents one of Tennessee Williams’ finest and most famous plays.

*The Sugar Witch New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-4914, www.nctcsf.org. Wed/31-Sat/3, 8 pm; Sun/4, 2pm. Sisser (A.J. Davenport) has eaten her way into a wheelchair on the front porch, where she keeps a collection of bugs she occasionally likes to smoosh and have buried in the yard by her doting younger brother Moses (Michael Phillis). In contrast to Sisser’s morbid streak (and it only gets worse), Moses Bean is a good guy, very much the exception to the cursed Bean household sitting ramshackle at the edge of the mud. Annabelle (Kendra Owens), last in an ancient line of African American "sugar witches," recounts how Moses was, like his namesake, snatched as a baby from a floating basket, impressing their already smitten guest, local undertaker and Moses’s love interest Hank (William Giammona). But when a rudely aggressive female suitor (Amelia Mulkey) with a mean grandpappy (Jay Smith) offends Sisser, that old Bean curse gets a new coat of red paint, putting happy endings in jeopardy. With The Sugar Witch, playwright Nathan Sanders continues the gothic saga he began Off-Broadway with first play The Sugar Bean Sisters, set in an imaginary Florida swamp town not far from Disney World. But if Sugar Bean is something of a low-rent magic kingdom, complete with flying cats and occult spells, here the history of racism and patriarchal tyranny tends to resurface like so many bodies imperfectly weighted down and fed to the swamp. That history/mystery adds a stark, potent dimension to an otherwise fitfully effective, somewhat sentimental dark comedy, gamely acted all around under Dennis Lickteig’s thoughtful direction. (Avila)

Truce Noh Space, 2840 Mariposa; 826-1958. $10-25. Wed/31-Sat/3, 8pm. Playwright-performer Marilee Talkington stars in Vanguardian Productions’ presentation of her autobiographical work about a woman struggling with impending blindness.

What Mama Said About Down There Our Little Theater, 287 Ellis; 820-3250, www.theatrebayarea.org. $15-25. Thurs-Sun, 8pm. Through July 30. Writer-performer-activist Sia Amma presents this largely political, a bit clinical, inherently sexual, and utterly unforgettable performance piece.

BAY AREA

*Concerning Strange Devices from the Distant West Roda Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, berkeleyrep.org. $13.50-27. Wed and Sun, 7pm (also Sun, 2pm); Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Sat and April 8, 2pm). Through April 11. That the camera always tells the truth is the biggest lie, as
any array of deliberately posed models and idealized landscapes can attest. Naomi Iizuka’s Concerning Strange Devices for the Distant West offers an intriguing glimpse behind the photographic façade from both sides of the lens. Using the medium of photography as its unifying thread, Strange Devices ties together two moments in time — the 19th century and the present — as a collector of rare Meiji-era photographs (Bruce McKenzie) comes to modern Yokohama to make a buy, eager to believe in the constructed reality their images represent. But as the tantalizing fragments of a mystery of birthright unfold within an elaborate web of forgery, fraud, and blackmail, so does the realization that, even posed, the truth of a photograph lies within the moment of time it captures, even when misinterpreted by the viewer. A spare set of sliding panels designed by Mimi Lien suggests both the interior of a camera and the secret sliding compartments of a Japanese puzzle box, and the intricate, interlocking tattoo art designed by costumer Annie Smart dazzles, as does the "camera-flash" lighting by Alexander V. Nichols. (Gluckstern)
*East 14th: True Tales of a Reluctant Player Marsh Berkeley, 2120 Allston, Berk; www.themarsh.org. $20-35. April 9, 16, 30, and May 7, 9pm; April 10, May 1, and May 8, 8pm; April 18 and 25, 2pm. Through May 8. Don Reed’s solo play, making its Oakland debut after an acclaimed New York run, is truly a welcome homecoming twice over. (Avila)

*A Seagull in the Hamptons Ashby Stage, 1901 Ashby, Berk; www.shotgunplayers.org. $15-30. Wed, 7pm; Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through April 25. A fiery young man (Liam Callister) stages a beachfront play starring his equally ardent first love (Kelsey Venter) for the benefit of the familiar flock of seasonal neighbors out on Long Island — and the professional and spiritual punishment of his commercially successful and completely self-absorbed actress-mother (Trish Mulholland). Youthfully high-spirited and talented, the world (especially out here) might have proved his oyster, but things soon fall apart, disintegrating and melding again on the shoreline (handsomely evoked in Robert Broadfoot’s scenic design) as if he and the other nine characters in this shrewd, droll and melancholic play were so many sand castles. Emily Mann’s free adaptation of Chekhov’s Seagull captures the essence of his early "comedy" — very much a human comedy, brimming with pain, turmoil and tragedy in equal measure with laughter, love and folly — and yet manages to be completely of its own (our own) time and place, so effortlessly as to seem a little miraculous. It helps, naturally, that director Reid Davis has assembled a very solid and enjoyable ensemble cast for this wonderfully tailored Shotgun Players production. The opening play-within-a-play is apt several times over, but not least because this is a satisfying night of theater for anyone who loves theater, and anyone else who still doesn’t know it yet. (Avila)

PERFORMANCE/DANCE

BATS Improv Theatre Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; www.improv.org. Fri-Sat, 8pm. $17-20. This week: "Murder Mystery Friday" and "Theatresports Saturday."

"Cabaret Showcase Showdown" Martuni’s, Four Valencia; 241-0205, www.dragatmartunis.com. Sun, 7pm. As part of their ongoing competition, Katya Ludmilla Smirnoff-Skyy and Mrs. Trauma Flintstone search for the best R&B/urban pop singer.

"City Solo" Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; www.brownpapertickets.com. Sun, 7pm. Through April 18. $15. This showcase highlights solo performers presenting excerpts from their full-length shows.

"Dance Monks Presents Body and Sound Improvisation Festival" Kunst-Stoff Arts, 929 Market; www.dancemonks.com. Fri, 6-9pm (continues first Friday of the month through October). $15-20. Dancers and musicians improvise together at performances and workshops.

"Everyone Intimate Alone Visibly" Z Space at Theater Artaud, 450 Florida; www.levydance.org. Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Fri, 10pm). $20-25. LEVYdance presents its 2010 San Francisco home season.

"The Good Dance dakar/brooklyn" Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, Novellus Theater, 700 Howard; 978-ARTS, www.ybca.org. Thurs-Sat, 8pm, $30. This work is a collaboration between Brooklyn choreographer Reggie Wilson and Congolese choreographer Andreya Ouamba.

"Home Is That Way? And New Rituals for a Dangerous Era" CounterPULSE, 1310 Mission; 1-800-838-3006, www.counterpulse.org. Thurs-Sun, 8pm. $15-20. José Navarrete, Violeta Luna, and Kendra Kimbrough Barnes perform new works.

"Monday Night ForePlays" Studio 250 at Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; www.pianofight.com. Mon, 8pm. Through April 26. $20. PianoFight presents this night of original sketches, dance numbers, and music, performed by an all-female troupe.

"New Tales of Mystery and Imagination" Dark Room, 2263 Mission; 401-7987, www.darkroomsf.com. Sat, 10pm. $8. Absurdist writer-performer Dan Carbone performs an evening of new works.

"The Romaine Event" Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St; 647-2888, www.pacoromane.com. Wed, 7:30pm. $7. Paco Romaine hosts a night of comedians, including Will Franken, Brendan Lynch, and more.

"ShortLived 3.0" Studio250 at Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; www.pianofight.com. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through June 26. $20. PianoFight presents this audience-judged playwriting competition.

Tilted Frame Network Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; www.combindedartform.com. Thurs, 8pm. Through May 13. $20. Through the magic of the internet, improv troupes from LA and SF perform together.

"Youth Speaks Teen Poetry Slam Grand Slam Finals" Warfield, 982 Market; www.youthspeaks.org. Sat, 7pm. $6-18. Teen poets compete.

The Guardian Presents: Cutest Pet in the Bay

0

Guardian readers love their wild and furry friends and we’re on a hunt to find The Cutest in the Bay!

It’s a battle of the pets and there can only be 1 ultimate winner in the 3 categories: 1. Dogs 2. Cats 3. Other.  The Guardian editorial staff will pick the top 5 finalists in each category that will move on to the final round.  The 15 finalists will have their pet’s photo in the March 17th issue, from which Guardian readers will elect The Cutest Pet in the Bay!

Winners in each category will be featured in the PET Issue, on stands March 31st and receive prize packages from  EmBARKadero Social Club, Cheengoo, and Nuena.

To enter, send a short paragraph on why your animal is The Cutest in the Bay and one photo to promos@sfbg.com (subject line: Cutest Pet in the Bay).  Or mail to : Cutest Pet in the Bay, c/o Guardian, 135 Mississippi St, San Francisco, CA 94107.  All entries must be in house by 3/15 by 2pm.