Two attempts to explain the resurrection of Newt Gingrich
1
Yes, Newt appeared dead at least twice.
If Mitt’s guys were playing it smart,
They would have made certain of that
By driving a stake through his heart.
II
But Newt might have said if they had,
Proceed, Mitt. You’ll see I won’t mind it.
You’re free to drive stakes through my heart,
Except that you’ll first have to find it.
Calvin Trillin, The Nation, 2/13/2012
It’s “pious baloney.” Yes, pious baloney.
What Mitt speaks, Newt says, is remarkably phony:
His citizen pose is all hooey;
He’s hungered for office like Thomas E. Dewey.
And what he was doing those years spent at Bain
Was not create jobs but cause working stiffs pain.
While Newt covers Mitt’s smooth exterior with blotches,
Obama’s campaign staff just carefully watches.
Calvin Trillin: Deadline poet (The Nation 1/30/2012)
Rick Perry Compares Himself to Denver Broncos Quarterback Tim Tebow
So Perry is fond of debates now,
He’s calling himself in these rumbles
An Iowa caucus Tebow–
Except for how he fumbles.
(Calvin Trillin, Deadline Poet, The Nation (1/9/2012)
Twice again, the flat tax
Though Cain has said his flat tax plan would shatter
The current code, is Perry’s flat tax flatter?
Despite the chatter, does it really matter?
For both would work to make the fat cats fatter.
Calvin Trillin: Deadline Poet (The Nation, 11/21/11)
Calvin Trillin: Deadline poet
We’ve spent a month of this campaign
In trying daily to explain
The steady rise of Herman Cain.
Through willingness to risk a strain
In every muscle of the brain,
We’ve laid out all we can think germane
To help the public ascertain
Why Cain consistently can pain
(Despite some charge, a moral stain)
Support that doesn’t seem to wane,
No matter how we all complain
That thinkin voters might ordain
For Cain a four-year White House reign
Is truly–to be blunt-insane.
2
So far, our work has been in vain.
The Nation (11/28/11)
Calvin Trillin: Deadline Poet
THE FAR RIGHT CONTEMPLATES THE REPUBLICAN FRONT-RUNNER
It seems that now we are stuck with Mitt.
Reciting right-wing holy writ,
He still sounds moderate, a bit.
Although it’s nothing he’ll admit,
A healthcare plan’s his biggest hit
(The thought of it gives us a fit.)
And born-agains, from where they sit,
Still state their firm belief, to wit:
As Christians, Mormons aren’t legit.
We’ve said for months, “This man’s not it.”
We wish that Palin hadn’t split.
We wish that Perry weren’t a nit
(His pilot light is not quite lit.)
Because, it seems, we’re stuck with Mitt.
Calvin Trillin: Deadline Poet (The Nation 10/31/11)
Michele Bachman says Hurricane Irene was God’s warning to curb excessive government spending. –News reports
We know that God’s an all-powerful God
God’s actions are not nonchalant.
We know he can punish whomever he wants.
So why be so hard on Vermont?
Yes, spending increases our deficit–sure.
Vermont, though, has not been avant
The rest of the country. We all spend a lot.
So why be so hard on Vermont?
Its mountains? Its hiipsters? Its accent? Or what
Might tick off the Great Commandant?
W know we’re all sinners; we spend and we spend.
So why be so hard on Vermont?
–Calvin Trillin: Deadline Poet Sept. 26, 2011 Nation
Michele: A Serenade by Iowa Social Conservatives
(With apologies to the Beatles)
Michele, our belle,
Thinks that gays will all be sent to hell.
That’s Michele.
Michele, our belle,
Thinks they’re sick but could made all well,
Yes, Michele.
She just needs to turn them toward Jesus,
They’re going through a phase
That leads to filthy ways.
But with her hubby’s help these guys could
All be John Wayne.
Michele, our belle,
Views you have are suiting us just swell.
Our Michele.*
*Yiddish version (sung with schutzpah) titled “We Kvell, Michele.”
The Nation (8/15/20ll)
A SUMMARY OF PUBLIC
RESPONSE TO THE NEWS
THAT A TABLOID HACKED
THE PHONES OF A
MISSING GIRL AND OF
FAMILIES OF SOLDIERS
KILLED IN AFGHANISTAN
All England said, in one voice, “Blimey!
Could even Murdoch be that slimy?”
–-The Nation Aug. l, 2011
Yet Another Chapter in Trickle Down Economics
“C.E.O.’s in finance, technology, energy and beyond are pulling down multimillion-dollar paychecks. What many of these executives aren’t doing, however, is hiring.”
-the New York Times
If you await a downward trickle,
You’ve just received a wooded nickel.
Donald Trump Demands That Obama Show His Birth Certificate
By Calvin Trillin
All White House hopefuls we forewarn:
You’ll have to prove that you were born.
Before Trump hits the state of granite,
He’ll have to tell us all the planet
Upon which he was born and reared —
Where loudmouths reign and hair is weird.
A Bare-Bones Analysis of Tim Pawlenty’s Candidacy
The news from Minnesota’s Tim Pawlenty
Is Tim Pawlenty’s in New Hampshire plenty.
He hopes to win in ’12, ’16, or ’20
But that’s not likely, say the congoscenti.
As Elena Kagan’s Confirmation Hearing Approaches, We’re Reminded of John Robert’s Promise to Be an Umpire Calling Balls and Strikes
By Calvin Trillin
Regardless of which laws he likes,
He’s only calling balls and strikes.
Of balls and strikes that he has eyed,
The union pitches all look wide.
When criminal defendants try
To throw a strike, it’s always high.
Consumers make for easy calls:
Their pitches simply all are balls.
By chance, the pitches that are great-
The ones that nick or split the plate;
The ones deserving of ovations-
Are pitched by cops or corporations.
A left-wing lawyer sharp as Darrow
Will find the strike zone much too narrow.
Behind it, crouching, is the Chief,
Quite confident in his belief:
Regardless of which laws he likes,
He’s only calling balls and strikes.
From the Nation’s June 7, 2010 issue.
On the Gulf oil spill
Because of this spill
That “Drill, baby, drill,”
Which always seemed shrill,
Now seems shriller still
And certainly will
When we get the bill.
Calvin Trillin, The Nation (5/24/10)
Calvin Trillin: Deadline Poet
A guide to discussing the news for responsible and serious-minded citizens
Our healthcare’s finally getting well
But houses still are hard to sell.
Employment programs still won’t gel.
And ice caps melt away pell-mell.
One shouldn’t dwell upon Rielle.
But, still…
The Nation 4/12/2010
Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh on Haiti
A pact with the Devil’s what Robertson says
Has caused folks in Haiti distress.
If they had consulted Pat’s Jesus instead,
Tney’d now be a smashing success.
And Rush says Obama’s just scoring some points
With all of his darker-skinned backers.
We’ve alread given to Haiti, Rush says:
Our taxes supported those slackers.
When listening to what the two of them spew,
These theories bizarre and rococo,
It’s hard to decide who’s racist and mean
And who just needs help ’cause he’s loco.
Calvin Trillin, Deadline Poet, The Nation (2/08/l0)
THE PUBLIC OPTION, WHICH A MAJORITY OF AMERICANS
FAVOR, IS DROPPED FROM THE HEALTHCARE BILL
That option is out of the bill now,
And senators have no remorse.
For no one was really behind it–
Except for the public, of course.
Calvin Trillin: Deadline Poet
The Nation (l/l1/10)
CALVIN TRILLIN: DEADLINE POET
Senator Joe Lieberman
and the public option
If public option’s in the bill, Joe says,
He’ll work to make a filibuster stick.
If so, insurance giants then will cheer.
The poor will think of Joe when they’re sick.
The Nation (11/30/09)
GOP Candidate, pushed by right, ends upstate bid
–The New York Times
The GOP’s chief commissars had heard
That there was trouble in the 23rd:
Though every county chairman there had voted
For Dede Scozzafava, it was noted
That she, though certainly a high achiever,
Was not, in fact, a zealous true believer.
If any of the canon caused her doubt,
That justified their push to throw her out.
All commissars need neither rhyme nor reason.
They know that deviation’s always treason.
U.S. WILL ORDER PAY CUTS AT
FIRMS WITH BAILOUT AID
–The New York Times
The government has moved to intervene
To make the pay scale slightly less obscene.
The Wall Street types consider this unfair.
Tney say they earned their money fair and square,
And 20 million, say, is only middling
For someone who’s so good at money fiddling.
Of course, if things again go not as planned,
They’re back to Washington with hat in hand.
These fiddlers do deserve some admiration:
They’ve found themselves a win-win situation. B3
CHINA POLICY
1.
So why did President Obama
Decline to meet the Dalai Lama?
It’s said that he must curry favor
With Chiina. Yes, it has our waiver
To toss its people in the clink
For how they pray or what they think
And we’ve resolved that we won’t fret
About the way it rules Tibet.
2.
For going along when China’s rotten
It’s hard to think of what we’ve gotten.
Calvin Trillin, The Nation, ll/9/09
THREE POSSIBLE
EXPLANATIONS FROM
THE NOBEL COMMITTEE
Don’t be surprised. Don’t gasp. Don’t faint.
We’ve simply said, “George Bush he ain’t.”
The prize diplomacy can reap’ll
Prevent this guy from bombing people.
Since Henry Kissinger has won,
You know that this is all in fun.
Calvin Trillin, Deadline Poet, The Nation, Nov. 2, 2009
A YEAR LATER, LITTLE
CHANGE ON WALL STREET
–Headline in the New York Times
Derivatives are with us still,
Unregulated. All concede
That Congress doesn’t have the will
To curb a system based on greed.
So once again, the debt will grow,
Inflated salaries will soar.
Collapse? So what? The Gekkos know
We’d simply bail them out once more.
Town-Hall Meetings
With curses, guns and red-faced rants,
Here comes the wing-nut faction.
The right wing’s leaders smile and say,
“Democracy in action.”
Calvin Trillin, The Nation, Sept. 14
