Did Tupac’s ghostly appearance during last night’s Dr. Dre stunner at Coachella pry open the hell-mouth of a future Rock and Roll Hologram of Fame? Last night “opens the gate for marketing revival concerts of deceased celebrities” exclaims one press release flooding our inbox, offering experts to comment on, “How might labels explore the potential for bringing back popular deceased artists?” (Nevermind that they’ve been doing this with Elvis for years — warning, Celine Dion duet.)
Naturally, this prospect strikes terror in our hearts when it comes to certain sleeping dogs who should probably lie. First of all: musical hologram resurrections bring us technologically one step closer to the nightmare of zombie Beethoven roaming unleashed upon this Earth. Second, greedy dying music industry executives may pounce on major back catalogue royalty opportunities (Happy 50th, Rolling Stones and Happy 50th, Ian Mackaye!) by beaming the following, completely inappropriate dead rock stars into a venue near you. Dear David Geffen, No.
Sid Vicious According to legend, when Johnny Rotten was once asked about a Sex Pistols reunion, he snarked, “Who the fuck is gonna put Sid back together?” AV Concepts, Inc. of San Diego, that’s who. But please don’t, despite the megamillion-dollar Hot Topic tie-in and Green Day collaboration opportunities. Not just because holographic technology hasn’t yet been able to replicate the stringy gobs of snot flying from Mr. Vicious at every performance (authenticity!) but because you couldn’t really replicate Sid without replicating Nancy. And the world is just not big enough for that.
Keith Moon In I’m With the Band Pamela Des Barres writes of Keith’s legendary love for the absurd – and for saucy costumed roleplay – and of course, he was just erroneously asked to play the London Olympics this summer (oops!), but the Who drummer was already larger-than-life in his 1970s heyday. No need to plunk him down behind a drum set on a 2012 stage for all those that recognized his ferocious talents later in life.
Notorious B.I.G. The B.I.G. question everyone on Twitter seemed to be Tweeting when Tupac arrived was, “Where was Biggie?” Examples: “Technology is crazy..they need to do a tupac hologram with biggie that’d be real” and “they should have a hologram concert with Tupac, Biggie & Aaliyah.” As if they all forgot about a little time known as the mid-’90s when hip-hop wasn’t nearly so friendly and those two really didn’t quite like each other. Looping him in on the hologram frenzy would be just as disrespectful as the constant comparisons in media. Let their legends live separate lives. Perhaps there is Life After Death, but don’t just assume Biggie will be hologrammed because his arch nemesis was. (We will, however, gladly accept some form of Biggie-branded Slanket.)
Louis Armstrong Undoubtedly, someone in out there in the jazz world is aching to include a zombie Satchmo trumpet solo or gravel-throated vocal riff alongside the almost-real vision of Armstrong holding up his favorite brassy instrument, eyes bulging. But seeing Pops pop up from the ground in eerie hologram form amid a modern day big band might cause actual heart attacks from his worldwide fan club.
Billie Holiday Equally legendary, and as big an influence on the world of jazz, seeing Lady Day rise up with a beaming white gardenia affixed to her head might be too much for this modern world to handle. Not to mention that aching desperation in her voice, that might just sound terrifying coming from a future-ghost. It seems downright cruel to resurrect those who suffered so much the first time around.
Kurt Cobain Blah blah Courtney-Grohl-Frances Bean Twitter paramour war.
Elton John Wait, she’s not dead yet?