Pop quiz, secular Jews: when does Hannukah start? If the question is inspiring sweaty palms and twitchy elf ears, the message is clear: it’s time to get started on that shopping list. For the pervs on your list, the answer is clear. Kevin L. Muth’s X-rated, blacklight-ready DIY string art kits.
Right? The kits are the 2011 version of Muth’s boob-and-penis laden shag pillow packages, which we were all over last year. For $25, your horndog loved one can punch, pattern, and stitch their way to some top shelf art work, perfect for hanging alongside one’s favorite velvet painting of the woman in the fur bikini and possibly positioned so that it is visible through that beaded curtain entry way into one’s love den. Order by Monday, December 19 and your trick will recieve their gift on time. After that, you can pay an extra fee for expediated shipping.
It appears at the moment that selection is limited to “hetero,” but if your lucky gift recipient is of the same-sexual orientation, feel free to cop them a nice girl-on-girl or all-boy handjob scene that Muth made available last year on those aforementioned shag pillows.
Other randy gift ideas? Well there’s always…
– The candy nipple tassels we touted in this year’s Guardian Holiday Guide
– A heartbreakingly lovely and minimal bra from the UK’s Coco de Mer (or one of the line’s ceramic butt plugs)
– A candy cane dildo
– What the hell, why not a sex toy for their dog
P.s., Hannukah starts on Tuesday the 20th.