Pub date January 4, 2011

Dear Andrea:

I’ve always fantasized about girls kicking me in the balls. I have always secretly desired it, especially women or girls wearing sexy boots. I have always had a thrill for women dominating men. When I would watch the TV show V, I would dream of Diana kicking Mike Donovan in the balls with her sexy stiletto boots. She is one of many women I would have liked to have been kicked by. What causes men to like it? Why would us guys enjoy such pain and agony?



Dear Balls:

Not again! Oh, OK, I guess there’s something new to address here. But the last part, the standard ball-kick questions, get answered like this: Nobody knows, and nobody knows.

What I do find interesting is that this is such a guy thing, I mean, certainly there are women who enjoy ball-kicking in fantasy, and even in reality, and many would even do it for free. But the fact that (most) women do not themselves possess testicles does not fully account for the lack of similar fantasies on the masochist side of the sadomasochist divide. Other forms of crotular pain delivery, sure. Breast bondage/tit torture? Oh my word yes, you don’t want to go Googling that unless you have a couple days off and a good system for cleaning up your hard drive afterward.

I’m pretty sure that the ball-kicking fantasies connect to something in men that goes way beyond “this is a good way to get maximum pain delivery with minimal effort for either giver or receiver.” It is that, sure, but if it were that simple we would see finger-stepping or eyeball-poking represented with similar frequency, and we don’t,

So, in short, Mr. Balls, you are getting off on the domination and, more specifically, the humiliation aspect of having a female person appear to endanger the supposed locus your precious masculinity. Although I am not even sure that I can define “masculinity” in any way that is useful (maleness is simple, masculinity is, again no pun intended, hard), I am nonetheless quite certain that whatever it is, it does not reside in the testes, nor can such an abstract attribute suffer physical harm at the business end of a stiletto pump. But I get that it feels as though it can, and I get the turn-on. It’s a big one.

People are forever asking me, around S-M topics, if power-play would even be a turn-on in the absence of real-world, not-fun, not-funny social inequality and I have to say sorry, dunno, we hardly have a way to test that, do we? So I have no way to tell if your rather popular fetish would have the same draw if the whole idea of the “powerful woman” did not carry with it the baggage of some multi-thousands of years of the subjugation of women, and a nearly planet-wide horror of anything feminine sneaking in to emasculate, oh, anything. That, defied, still carries quite a kick, At least as kicky as that V woman’s stilettos.



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