Think Mulder

Pub date September 21, 2010

Dear Andrea:

My girlfriend and I have been talking about fisting (vaginal). She wants to do it to me. I’m interested, I guess, but it seems kind of impossible. Is it really going to fit? Is there anything I can do that will help? Is it going to hurt?



Dear Un-

I think I promised readers a “stuff up your butt” column this week, to make up for all the medical columns. Yours will have to do.

Now. Fisting (vaginal) is indeed possible — even fairly easy — for many-to-most vaginas to achieve. But as a beginner, it may help you to channel a bit of Fox Mulder: you have to want to believe. One way to coax such belief along is to see the thing with your own eyes, and I would suggest that you have another vagina and at least four hands at your immediate disposal, but I’m going to assume that if your girlfriend wanted to offer hers up for the greater good, she would already have done so.

How about a little educational porn? Or you may want to drop by your local girl-friendly sex-stuff purveyor, make some popcorn, and call your girlfriend in for movie night. As my mother might say, although not about this, “It couldn’t hurt.”

Which brings us to our next question: will it hurt? Maybe. I mean, it shouldn’t oughtta hurt in an “ow take it out OMG that hurts never do it again” sort of way. If it does, you (collectively) are doing it wrong. But there is a good chance of your encountering, at least in passing, a sensation intense enough to be described as pain. If you don’t like it, don’t do it again.

Here’s the scene: après a bunch of satisfying, preferably sloppy sex, you have had a couple orgasms but are open to the idea of more. You’re much lubed up (I really like silicone for this) and there is plenty more on hand. You relax and lean back against some pillows. She hunkers down there by your knees and slowly, carefully, commences intromission, but from then, you’re moving yourself onto her at least as much as she’s trying to get into you. Stop when you need to, or just to feel what you’re feeling. There’s no point in doing this just to do it, you know?

Put the girly-porn back on and watch carefully. See the way the top is rotating a bit at the wrist? That little twist is what’s going to let her slip in there past the knuckles, under your pubic bone. You’re going to have to do some work then, too, and if it’s going to hurt it’s going to hurt RIGHT THEN. Pause for lube, final push, and she’s in past the hard part and on to the fun, finding a rhythm and a pressure that’s good for you.

Honestly, you’re just going to have to take it from here. It may take time, and you may not even like it. But to even get there at all, remember, think of Mulder (even if Scully is normally more your type): I WANT TO BELIEVE.



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