By Molly Freedenberg
Is it just me, or does the dude screwing a mattress in this photo from Vice look like the lead singer of Gogol Bordello? (Gypsy punk = hot. Defiled dorm beds? Not so much.)
The choices for women weren’t particularly surprising, though I can honestly say I’ve never heard of anyone using a BB gun or of anyone admitting to sexually abusing their cat. But reading about what teenage boys do blew me away. A hole in the mattress? Bologna between the couch cushions? Really? Does anyone really do this? Or is Vice just fucking with me?
Either way, the article got me thinking about my own teenage dalliances into household-objects-as-sex-toy territory. Though I rarely deviated from the tried-and-true method I mentioned earlier this week, I did have a few late-night sessions with long tapered candles (which, I promise, I never returned to the kitchen drawer where I found them) and my thick, mint-green 10-color pen from elementary school (I think I did actually write with it after that — surely notes to friends that I folded into little triangles and passed in class).