Doing the unspeakable

Pub date April 10, 2009
SectionSex Blog

By Molly Freedenberg


During a recent beer-fueled gab session with my girlfriends, I made a startling discovery: All of us have particular ways our sexual encounters – whether with strangers or long-term lovers – tend to go. They are different for each of us. And most interestingly, they are unspoken.

For example. When Friend A brings a boy back to her bed, more likely than not they’ll simply cuddle – or make out without having intercourse. This never happens with Friend B or Friend C. However, almost every man Friend B brings home tries (and usually succeeds) for anal sex – a reality almost completely foreign to A and C. And Friend C almost always has unprotected sex, with her partner pulling out before he comes. (Yeah, yeah, we know. We’ll get to the modern-adults-having-unprotected-sex post later. That’s not the point here…)

What’s amazing is not that the three friends have different preferences. It’s that these are patterns for each girl, and they happen without being discussed first (or, in some cases, ever).