A friend in need

Pub date October 29, 2008

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I don’t know if this is really considered a problem or just a modified version of a commitment issue. I recently have become very interested in having a G-spot orgasm. I feel the sensation and know the orgasm is literally and figuratively just outside my reach. I have found the toy that does the job (the Nubby G from Babeland) and I know I am on the verge. The only problem is that I need to be thrusting the toy in and out at a fast rate to really get me to the peak, and right before I am about the come, the sensation is so intense that I lose some strength and control in my arms. I know this could be rectified with a partner doing the heavy lifting, but is there a toy or a technique you could suggest for someone who is confined to solo play?


G-spot Blue balls

Dear Blue:

Commitment issue how? Do you feel like your sex toy is somehow failing to fulfill a promise it made to you? (I can sort of see this, actually.) Have you told it that you Need To Talk?

It seems that your real problem is not that the vibrator cannot deliver, but that you literally can’t hold on long enough to give it a chance. It’s not it, it’s you. Maybe it’s just not the right toy for you at this time in your life. You need to let it down easy.

I think you need something that you can use hands-free, some kind of G-spot Bluetooth device. At first I looked on the few sex-toy guides specifically geared toward people with disabilities, figuring that even though your hands officially do work, they don’t work when it counts, so why not? There isn’t a lot out there, though. I pondered the many long-necked and flexible G-spotter devices, all of which look uncomfortably medical but most of which work pretty well — or so say the reviews — but eh, I couldn’t see how even adjusting the ergonomics was really going to do it for you. There’s still a smallish handle or base, and you’re still going to end up with the same old problem, or close enough. Same goes for the complicated in-and-out-and-round-and-round numbers (the Rabbit Pearl and its successors in faux-discretion, the oscilutf8g wombats and so on). They do some of the work for you, but you still have to hang on. No, the answer for you, I think, was available all along on the very same site where you found your well-meaning, if finally disappointing, current squeeze, Mr. G. They are dual stimulation devices with names like the Rock Chick (you insert it and you … rock) and the Snugglepuss. They stay in and leave your hands free to do whatever they need to do, whether it’s make shadow-puppets or do a Liza Minnelli impersonation or clutch your heart and go "Oh God oh God oh God." Whatever. The important part is, they do the G thing without your having to do any pumping. Of course it’s always possible that even as loyal and steadfast a companion as the Snugglofugus is, it might let you down — but there’s a good chance it won’t. Open your heart and let yourself love again.

Of course, should you have tons of money and no compunctions about tossing demi-tons of it at a matter of personal consequence but no world-shaking import, there are always ride-on sex machines like the original, the Sybian (look it up at en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sybian). There is something about these devices that always struck me as kind of ’70s, like something that would have had its own VIP room at Studio 54. Actually, the Sybian was invented by a very earnest guy named Dave, about whom little biographical information seems to exist, although it appears he really was just trying to help. It took considerably less earnest pioneers like Howard Stern, who seems to have regularly popped female guests onto the studio Sybian (which was hopefully sanitized between uses), to give it the unsavory aspect it has today. Well, that and the Sybian dealers currently accessible via the Web, like the one whose site makes this claim: "The female will learn how to have better and bigger orgasms. She will literally explode on it."

But I’m assuming you weren’t in that market anyway. No, what you need is either the hands-free insertable doohickeys described above, or something like what you’ve got already and a way to immobilize it so you can crouch on it, as with the Sybian, but less explodey. You could try one of those harnesses that attach a dildo to the partner’s knee or, in your case, to random household furnishings. Either way, be sure to tell any new sex toys how you really feel, and practice active listening. Communication is the key, you know. *

Got a salacious subject you want Andrea to discuss? Ask her a question!

Also, Andrea is teaching! Contact her if you’re interested in (sex)life after baby classes. Her new blog is at www.gogetyourjacket.com, but don’t look there for the butt sex. There isn’t any.