1) iTootle
2) Screen out stalkers 15 different ways!
3) Blow off iBill collectors 15 different ways!
4) Get telemarketed on several platforms simultaneously
5) Chat with your avatar. (“Hey Marke3! What’s up?” “Oh, you know, just being you. But, like, in a giant vat of digital pudding with three stripper wrestler guys.”)
6) Order more custom-made utilikilts and flashing LCD belt buckles online (“I heart Apple!” “Jobs Rules!” “Desperate!”)
7) Bask in your lousy superiortechnolity, while the world goes to hell. But it’s OK, you can order the iVid for later and watch it on your hi-def AppleTV box.
8) Get sued by Cisco for telling people you have an iPhone
I still want one, though.