By G.W. Schulz
Newsom proved during his State of the City speech yesterday at Burton High School in the Portola neighborhood that he’s got all the skills in the world necessary to … fill potholes. Look out world. Our fine-looking mayor has announced a sweeping new initiative to thoroughly repair the city’s roads.
“Not just patchwork,” he growled, as the utilities, seen regularly these days chopping up pavement across the city to mend the network of pipes underneath, trembled in fear.
With the guts of a grizzled marine, he challenged graffiti to a duel. Forging ahead with raw conviction, he fearlessly vowed to tackle busted sidewalks. And God-damn if it ain’t tough findin’ a cab in this city when you’re wasted and the party’s movin’ from last call to a friend’s apartment. That will change under the FDR-inspired, second-term platform of Gavin “the pulpit-pounding populist” Newsom.