SFBG Blogs

Appetite: A drink-lover’s holiday

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By Virginia Miller of www.theperfectspotsf.com. View her last installment here.

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HOLIDAY PUNCH RECIPES
One of the best ways to supply fine drink to a party or gathering is with a classic punch bowl: make it in large batches for stress-less imbibing. We look to our local bartender greats for some unusual recipes using Brazilian cachaca or classic genever gin.

Honey Spiced Punch 
Erick Castro, Rickhouse, San Francisco

1 Cup Leblon Cachaca 
1/2 Cup Appleton V/X 
1/2 Cup Velvet Falernum 
1 Cup Lemon 
1/4 Cup Honey Syrup 
1/4 Cup Simple Syrup 
8 Dashes Angostura 
10 oz. Sparkling Water
Garnish with cinnamon, orange wheels and a sprig of mint.

Climate Change protests

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Text by Sarah Phelan

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“Human chain” protestors protect grassroots groups from all over the world from hundreds of riot police who turned out to keep climate justice activists from entering the Bella Center where the 15th Conference of Parties was being held.

Alicia Garza, co-executive director of the San Francisco-based People Organized to Win Employment Rights (POWER) sent these photos from protests in Copenhagen. Media outlets are reporting that Danish police arrested about 250 protesters and used pepper spray and dogs to contain crowds in Copenhagen today, as a demonstration against the U.N. climate talks converged on the Bella Center ahead of crucial negotiations at the COP15 summit.

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As thousands of activists held a People’s Assembly outside the Bella Center where indigenous activists and G77 representatives walked out of climate talks, activists hung a banner from the trees which said COP15: Business as U$ual. Many activists said that the wealthier nations, such as the EU, France and the United States were prioritizing business interests over the fate of millions of people around the world who are severely impacted by current and impending climate crises.
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Via campesina at COP 15” is an international grassroots organization of farmers and workers from around the world who led activists and civil society who were locked out of the COP. COP officials limited the amount of participation from civil society to 1000 people today, and intend to further limit participation to 90 people tomorrow.
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Street Threads: Amy

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SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.

Today’s Look: Amy, West Portal Station

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Tell us about your look: “Lots of layers.”

alt.sex.column: My heart belongs to Daddy

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By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea’s columns here.

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Dear Andrea:

OK, I get it about the hot moms, but what about dads? Does anyone ever talk about them? I remember when our son was younger and my husband would be out with him in the Baby Bjorn or stroller, he would tell me he got a lot more attention from women than he did otherwise. Some of that was really about the cute baby, but really, he was pretty sure those women were flirting with him. What was that about? He had a wedding ring and a kid!

Is there a thing about DILFs like there is about MILFs? It kind of seems like there would be, but it’s not something you ever hear.

Love,

Wondering Mom

Dear Mom:

Kinda. Did you try Googling "DILF?’ There’s a ton more out there than I would have expected, but since you’re not the first one to bring this up, I have been looking. A lot of it is just online porny zeitgeistiness — "people are talking about MILFs, so people will be wondering about DILFs, so I, sex-site owner or promoter or whatever, will make sure there’s something for them to see." The perhaps unexpected (although not to me!) detail is that almost every hit brings you to gay porn. This should not be a big surprise when you remember that there just isn’t a lot of "hot guy!" stuff marketed to women. There is some, but most porn made for women is very couple-y. So "DILF" for porn purposes seems to refer to somewhat older men-for-men, and fits neatly alongside already-existing categories like "daddies." And "daddy" for porn purposes never had the first thing to do with taking the kids to the park. There are also bears, of course, but they are likewise not associated with babies. Not even Baby Bjorns. Ahem.

Deck the halls — and hit the deck

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By Tim Redmond

The estimable Gar Smith, longtime environmental writer and editor, sent me a photo that somehow says something about the holiday season, 2009:

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Prison report: Finally, some truth

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By Just A Guy

Editors note: Just a guy was recently released from a California state prison. For the past year, he covered the prison system from the inside, and continues to comment on prisons, crime and law-enforcement issues.

Kudos to the Orange County Register for writing a piece not completely marred with negativity toward prisoners and for taking an objective view of the fucking mess in California.

I think it’s refreshing that a more mainstream media outlet has actually put out a piece that doesn’t label every prisoner in California (or the country) as an incorrigible ingrate with no future.

What is it going to take for the rest of the state to pick up pieces like this one? Where are the LA Times, San Francisco Chronicle, and the San Diego Union/Tribune? Why is it only small papers or independents and weeklies are telling the truth?

The writers of the OC Register article put the numbers out there for all to see — come on, California spends more than double that of Illinois per inmate. DOUBLE. There is no conclusive proof that this spending is doing shit. Well, it’s definitely doing shit, just not good shit! Lining someone’s pockets somewhere.

Quotes like this in the article crack me up: “Only four guards are assigned to the gymnasium at any given time; they watch from an elevated platform at one end of the floor. Traveling between the bunks, especially at the end of the gym, you are putting your life into the hands of bored criminals. The inmates are so close you can smell their sweat and stale breath.”

I guess the guards are all fresh and rosy and don’t have odors, kind of like when they stopped allowing visits because the swine flu outbreak was just occurring — but didn’t stop anything else, as if the only people that could get the swine flu were the inmates and their families.

Street Threads: Amber

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SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.

Today’s Look: Amber, West Portal Station

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Tell us about your look: “My jeans are from Hollister and the top is from New York and Co.”

Can progressives counter a re-energized Newsom?

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By Steven T. Jones

Since my Dec. 4 blog post about Mayor Gavin Newsom reengaging with San Francisco, there have been more signs that he’s back and trying to take control of the city’s agenda. While that may be preferable to an absentee mayor, it’s probably not good news for the progressives, who have nominal control over the Board of Supervisors but seem to be having a hard time putting together effective political plays.

Newsom dropped in on the San Francisco Chronicle’s editorial board yesterday and was rewarded with a splashy lead story about how he and Sup. Sean Elsbernd are proposing a charter amendment to reform the city’s pension system. Apparently, the mayor has dropped his petulant approach to the media and is now using the Chron to proactively build public support for a proposal that most City Hall players hadn’t even heard of yet.

Newsom’s recent choice of Tony Winnicker for a new press secretary – a figure far less caustic and divisive than his two predecessors – also probably signals the mayor’s intent to try to play offense for awhile and chip away at the progressive block. Newsom yesterday announced a new sustainable energy financing program for building owners in the city, which he’s pushing in partnership with Sup. Eric Mar – a progressive who was the swing vote earlier this year for approving a controversial solar project favored by the mayor.

None of this bodes well for the progressive movement in San Francisco.

Queen EB: Emily Blunt on “The Young Victoria”

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By Louis Peitzman

Emily Blunt quickly made a name for herself with a breakthrough supporting role in The Devil Wears Prada (2006). Since then, she’s appeared in numerous films, including The Jane Austen Book Club (2007), Charlie Wilson’s War (2007), and Sunshine Cleaning (2008), garnering plenty of fans and critical attention. Now she takes on her largest role yet as the titular queen in The Young Victoria.

San Francisco Bay Guardian: How do you approach a role when you’re playing a historical figure?

Emily Blunt: Well, you want to do it justice, and factually of course, you want to remain as close to what you’ve researched. In a way there’s a challenge because it’s your take on her as well. And it’s not that I wanted to make her contemporary, but I wanted to have a fresher look on that period, so that I presented her as the girl rather than as the queen. Because I think that’s more relatable, and I think that people can understand being young and being in love and feeling overwhelmed, rather than a rather stiff portrayal of a monarch. Not many people can relate to that. What I loved about the script is that it allowed us so much room to explore the private side of her. The public side was such a performance, in a way. And that’s what I loved — I found it revealing and intimate, and I liked that.

Despite awesome FX, “Avatar” underwhelms

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By Ben Richardson

James Cameron’s Avatar takes place on planet Pandora, where human capitalists are prospecting for precious unobtanium, hampered only by the toxic atmosphere and a profusion of unfriendly wildlife, including the Na’vi, a nine-foot tall race of poorly disguised cliches. When Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), a paraplegic ex-marine, arrives on the planet, he is recruited into the “Avatar” program, which enables him to cybernetically link with a part-human, part-Na’vi body and go traipsing through Pandora’s psychedelic underbrush. Initially designed for botanical research, these avatars become the only means of diplomatic contact with the bright-blue natives, who live smack on top of all the bling. The special effects are revolutionary, but the story that ensues blends hollow “noble savage” dreck with events borrowed from Dances With Wolves (1990) and Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest (1992). When Sully falls in love with a Na’vi princess and undergoes a spirit journey so he can be inducted into the tribe and fight the evil miners, all I could think of was Kevin Bacon getting his belly sliced in The Air Up There (1994).

Avatar opens Fri/18 in Bay Area theaters.

Editorial: Russoniello has to go

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Sen. Barbara Boxer is screening candidates for the U.S. attorney post and now ought to finalize her choice quickly and send it to the White House for appointment

EDITORIAL When you look behind the problems San Francisco has had with its sanctuary city policy — the arrest and threatened deportation of kids as young as 15, the threats to city officials trying to protect juveniles, the threats to the new policy Sup. David Campos won approval for — there’s one major figure lurking: U.S. Attorney Joe Russoniello.

He’s the same one who was behind the raids on medical marijuana clubs. He’s a Republican whose former law firm, Cooley, Godward, gets hefty legal fees from representing Pacific Gas and Electric Co. — one of the biggest federal criminals in the land. He served under Presidents Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush.

Police showdown today

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By Tim Redmond

The Board of Supervisors vote today on Sup. Ross Mirkarimi’s legislation requiring city officials to repay the taxpayers for the cost of police security while campaigning out of town is an early skirmish in next year’s budget battles.

The cops really, really don’t want this to pass, and they’re lobbying hard against it. They didn’t even want to release the annual cost of protecting the mayor and other dignitaries. Chief Gascon is treating this whole thing like the CIA’s black-ops budget — secret, untouchable, a matter of national security.

It’s silly: Yes, Mayor Newsom needs police protection; he’s a big-city mayor who supports same-sex marriage and there are all kinds of nuts out there. And San Francisco hosts politicians from all over the world, some of whom are controversial figures; they need security, too. But I don’t see how anyone’s safety is put at risk when the cops release the gross figures for the cost of that security.

And I don’t see how anyone could reasonably argue that when Newsom (or, say, District Attorney Kamala Harris) is out campaigning up and down the state for higher office, that campaign shouldn’t reimburse the city for police protection costs.

Part of what’s going on here, I think, is Gascon testing his political clout. The new chief has a lot of political capital right now, and he’s twisting arms to see if he can get some of the progressive supes to slide his way on this measure. If that happens, it could be an indication that the chief will be twisting the same arms to avoid any cuts to his budget.

Chances are that Newsom will veto the Mirkarimi bill anyway (at which point it may wind up on the ballot — and wouldn’t that be an interesting campaign?). But the breakdown of the vote today will be fascinating.

Marijuana initiative headed for California ballot?

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By Steven T. Jones
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Californians may vote next year on whether to legalize marijuana. Proponents for the initiative that is primarily being bankrolled by Oaksterdam University founder Richard Lee today reportedly confirmed that they have more than enough signatures to qualify for the November 2010 ballot.

If approved by voters and not blocked by the courts or federal government, the measure would allow California cities and counties to adopt their own laws for regulating and taxing marijuana, even for purely recreational use. Polls have consistently shown that a majority of Californians support legalizing weed.

“It was so easy to get them,” Lee told the Los Angeles Times, referring to the 680,000 signatures that he says they have collected, clearing the 434,000 threshold needed to qualify. “People were so eager to sign.”

The California Secretary of State’s Office must still confirm that the campaign gathered enough valid signatures from registered voters. Meanwhile, Assembly member Tom Ammiano’s AB 390 – which would decriminalize and tax marijuana statewide – will also be considered by the Legislature next year. Its first formal hearing, before the Assembly Public Safety Committee, is set for Jan. 12.

Phil Bronstein likes the (anti-gay) Salvation Army

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By Tim Redmond

The Chron’s Bronstein has a long post today on why he’s going to keep giving money to the Salvation Army, the conservative Christian organization that thinks homosexuality is a sin and fights to keep having to provide benefits for domestic partners.

I get that they do (some) good work. So does the Catholic Church. There are all sorts of right-wing characters who give to charity, serve soup to the poor — and try to make goddamn sure that the world never changes in such a way that the need for charity will decline.

The Army’s supporters say 89 percent of the money goes directly to service. So 11 cents out of every dollar you drop in the red can goes to support an agenda dedicated to bigotry and intolerance that doesn’t belong anywhere in society any more. That’s too much for me.

Public option: Is Pelosi listening?

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By Tim Redmond

Nancy Pelosi lives, breathes, eats and sleeps to elect more Democrats to the House. That’s why she’s so wimpy on tough issues, why she won’t (so far) oppose the troop surge in Afghanistan and why she sometimes infuriates the progressive voters in her home town.

She long ago stopped representing San Francisco; her constituency is the Democratic Caucus — and the consultants who are running campaigns for Democrats in swing districts.

So I hope she’s seen this poll. It shows that the public option is not just good policy — it’s what Democratic voters demand. It’s what could make the difference between a weak effort in the mid-term elections and another strong year for Pelosi’s party and her speakership.

Meister: The Courage of Rose Bird

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Dick Meister, is a former City Editor of the Oakland Tribune, labor editor of the SF Chronicle and labor reporter on KQED-TV’s “Newsroom.” Contact him through his website, www.dickmeister.com, which includes more than 250 of his recent columns.

The Courage of Rose Bird

By Dick Meister

Farmworkers rarely have had a greater champion than Rose Bird, the late chief justice of California’s Supreme Court who died ten years ago this month, her vital help for farmworkers largely forgotten by the general public.

Much was made of Bird’s unyielding opposition to capital punishment, a stand that was most responsible for voters ousting her from the court in 1986. But close attention also should be paid to her role in granting basic rights to farmworkers and others who had long been denied them.

Bird’s public efforts on their behalf began two years before she joined the court in 1977, during her tenure as Democratic Gov. Jerry Brown’s secretary of agriculture. Bird, the first woman to hold any cabinet-level position in California, was also one of the few non-growers who’ve held the agriculture post.

Street Threads: Alexa

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SFBG photog Ariel Soto scoops SF street fashion. See the previous Look of the Day here.

Today’s Look: Alexa, West Portal and 15th Ave.

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Tell us about your look: “I don’t really spend that much money on clothes. I got my bag at Cost Plus and I love it because I can pack so much stuff into it.”

Magnetic Fields, Mark Kozelek, Atlas Sound to play Noise Pop 2010 Feb. 23-March 1

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By Kimberly Chun

Word’s come in about the dates and lineup for Noise Pop 2010 – this year highlighting headliner Magnetic Fields. This from the organizers:

“Event Producers, Noise Pop Industries, have announced the dates of the West Coast’s premiere celebration of independent music, film and art – Noise Pop 2009. The 18th annual Noise Pop Festival will take place February 23 through March 1, 2009 at venues throughout San Francisco, CA.

“Early artist confirmations include Magnetic Fields [above], Mark Kozelek, Rogue Wave, Atlas Sound, The Soundtrack of Our Lives, Four Tet, John Vanderslice, We Were Promised Jet Packs, Wallpaper, Zee Avi, The Limousines & Foreign Born. More shows will be announced in the coming weeks along with films, art shows, and more.

Sonic Reducer Overage: Timbaland, Grooms, Metallica, Grace Potter, Zero 7, Man/Miracle, and more

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By Kimberly Chun

Love the rain, hate the frizz, love the fuzz box — more SF sounds than we could fit into print.

Captured! By Robots
Jokin’ thrash, the classic San Fran tradition. With Grayceon and Dirty Power. Sat/12, 10 p.m., $12. Bottom of the Hill, 1233 17th St., SF. (415) 621-4455.

Evangelista
The Thrones put the kibosh on their performance due to a busted-up van and illness, but Carla Bozulich’s immensely intense and talented ensemble carries on. With Late Young. Sat/12, 9:30 p.m., $12. Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk., SF. (415) 923-0923.

Garage a Trois
Oh, what a fine, fierce jazz-rock super group it is. The misnamed foursome includes Marco Benevento, Stanton Moore, Skerik, and Mike Dillon. With DJ Dan Prothero. Sat/12, 9 p.m., $20. Independent, 628 Divisadero, SF. (415) 771-1422. www.theindependentsf.com

SF Street Art: End of the line

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By Kimberly Chun

I always appreciate a good street-sign alteration: this one is on Eighth Street, near Gama-Go HQ.

Break out the ho-ho-hos for Hard Nut

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Text and photos by Ariel Soto

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As a grownup, there are few things to look forward to when it comes to the holiday season, but one event is always worth breaking out the ho-ho-hos for: The Hard Nut. Since 1991, the Mark Morris Dance Group has been keeping this holiday tradition alive and festive to well-received shows season after season. The Hard Nut, a quirky 1960s twist on the traditional Nutcracker, is full of surprises at every pirouette, with cocktail-guzzling dudes in disco outfits and male sugar plum fairies in spectacular tutus. The performance also shows the more grotesque parts of the holidays, like adults with excessive drinking habits and the totally unappreciative children who are never satisfied with their gifts. This makes for a rare fairytale that shows not only the loveliness of the holiday season, but also the realistic — and funnier — side of all our annual holiday traditions.

The Hard Nut
Mark Morris Dance Group
Fri/11 – Sun/20
various times and prices
Zellerbach Hall
UC Berkeley Campus
www.calperformances.org

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Cops break word, bust UC protesters

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By Sarah Morrison.

Police arrested 65 students and local protesters at 4.40 a.m. this morning inside UC Berkeley’s Wheeler Hall – a building that had been informally taken over by students since Monday of this week.

The protesters, who had been sleeping, studying and holding workshops in the building as part of a larger protest against recent fee increases, faculty furloughs and alleged police brutality hoped to “open the university” to the larger student community through their demonstrations. They have been charged with misdemeanor trespassing and are currently in the process of being released from Santa Rita jail, where they have been held all day.

According to a UC Berkeley spokeperson, the group included approximately 41 UC Berkeley students and 24 individuals not affiliated with the campus. One additional individual, who officials say was being disruptive, was arrested outside of the building, bringing the total number of arrests to 66.

UC officials said they arrested the group to prevent disruptions to the final examination schedule – set to start tomorrow – and to protect the rest of the student population not involved with the 24-hour presence inside Wheeler Hall. They said that the protestors had planned and publicized an all-night, unauthorized concert tonight in the Hall that would include artists and guest DJs.

Yet, the protestors said they were taken by complete surprise this morning, because they thought they had an informal agreement with the police who had been monitoring them since they entered the building at the start of the week. They students had said previously they would leave the Hall when the concert was over, late Friday or early Saturday morning, and certainly before exams started.

“Throughout the week Wheeler has been a fully-functioning university space, where students, professors and visitors have come in, taught and even given lectures,” said UC Berkeley senior Will Reeves. “Police would come in every evening and remind us that we were illegally trespassing but they never made us leave. This created an informal agreement between us and we thought it was okay.”

Reeves, who said that most of the protestors were asleep when police entered the building this morning, added: “Absolutely no one had any clue this was going to happen.”

While no one has yet come forward with allegations of police brutality, some of the students involved said that they thought the situation had been handled particularly badly.

Roey Kruvi, a third year geography student at UC Berkeley was sleeping in the hall when he was arrested this morning. He said he was put in zip-tie handcuffs and taken down to the basement of the hall where he and the other protestors were kept for two hours without any of their possessions.

“We were not allowed to speak to lawyers, we had all our stuff taken from us, and we were kept unaware of what was going to happen to us,” he said, noting that he did not think the police went beyond normal tactics the students had come to expect. “It was a freezing cold room where we were kept and some students had no shoes on. One boy did not even have pants on – he was left in boxers and a t-shirt in the cold all day.”

Kruvi said that it took the police more than four hours to process all the protestors once they arrived at Santa Rita jail, stressing that they were never told clearly what was going on.

As of now, protestors are being released from Santa Rita jail with court dates organizes for January 2010. Many of the students being released will now have to start preparations for final examinations tomorrow. According to UC officials, individuals with prior warrants could not be released until bail was posted.

According to the students, the concert will still go ahead tonight in the form of a protest rally for those arrested. Performer Boots Riley of the Coup is expected to attend.

Jiz Lee: “An exciting time for queer porn”

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By Juliette Tang

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Photo of Jiz Lee by Nikola Tamindzic for Fleshbot

Jiz Lee exudes three things not frequently associated in tandem — sex appeal, brains, and sweetness — and copiously at that. High of cheekbone and strong of jaw, with a slinky frame and a startling, beautiful ethnic ambiguity, Jiz Lee has a face and name you don’t forget upon encountering. She walks the line between coquettish charm and full-on bravado, and in this she succeeds, exhibited tellingly by the opening line of the biography portion of her personal website: “With an ejaculation scene that knocked the concept of the facial cumshot on its ass, Jiz Lee unloaded into the revolutionary world of queer porn cinema.”

With degrees in dance and theater arts, Jiz Lee’s performance career began well before she started removing her garments on camera. Happily for her fans, she began to perform in queer porn while still remaining active in the local dance community, and she’s capably straddled both worlds ever since. I ran into Jiz in excess of five times before gathering my wits about to coherently request an interview, but I finally managed it. We emailed back and forth a few weeks ago and discussed her work as an adult performer, an artist, and a sex-positive activist.

SFBG: So, Jiz, what’s your back-story? What brought you to San Francisco and what led you to start performing in queer porn?

JL: I moved to the SF Bay Area from Hawai`i in 1999 to attend Mills College. My interests for a major were between experimental music (I was 1st chair French Horn throughout school and was part of the Select Band which toured the state. Band Geek!), in high school I had also performed in dramatic plays, and I was also in the Ensemble, the top level of dance which gave concerts regularly and through which I was able to take masterclass with well-known choreographers. (My background in dance began with Hula Auana and some Hula Kahiko and Tahitian which I performed with a Hula Halau and then in high school studied Limón modern dance technique and musical theater. I ended up finishing college with a B.A. in Dance and a minor in Theater Arts, along with a well-rounded liberal arts education that included Women/Gender Studies, and Queer Studies.

After graduation and working with several dance companies and non-profits, I began to feel the burn out. One of the festivals I produced lead me to meet Shawn, who now goes by Syd Blakovich. Syd told me about Shine Louise Houston’s new queer porn company Pink & White Productions, and asked if I were interested in shooting. I had become very comfortable with my naked body, particularly after touring with a modern dance troupe in a naked performance. I was also comfortable with my sexuality. I had seen “Please Dont Stop” “Hard Love & How to Fuck in High Heels” and Sex, Flesh in Blood”, however at the time there weren’t any porn opportunities available to me that I knew about until I met Shine, who’s first film was “The Crash Pad” and it’s all history from there.

I’ve since appeared in all of Shine’s feature films as well as her website, each of which has been awarded a Feminist Porn Award (in Toronto), the most recent being Champion which won Movie of the Year. I have also performed for Madison Young, and for Courtney Trouble who has run her queer company No Fauxxx for several years. Most recently I had the chance to work with Belladonna, a performer who was an inspiration to me when I first saw her work — she was the only pornstar I had seen with a shaved head. She’s athletic and a great performer and she’s very queer to me. “Strapped Dykes” releases soon and I was both honored to be a part of it, and thrilled about the rise of butch/genderqueer visibility in porn with casting of performers like myself.

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Jiz Lee and Gay Pornstar Arpad Miklos, photo by Nikola Tamindzic

SFBG: Not only are you a performer, but you’re an activist as well. You’ve said on your blog that “performing is a feat of radical activism in itself”. How would you describe the particular kind of activism that reveals itself in your work as an adult performer? In what sense does it transcend the realm from pure entertainment into that of political, social, or cultural activism?

JL: I could write books and books on my thoughts on sex as a medium for social change and where this now fits within what could be defined as a renaissance of queer porn. This is not so much about the work “I’m” doing, but of the movement that is happening right now in a broader way. Work that new pornographers are doing, the talent who’s doing it with them, the sex toy retailers funding a lot of the work, and the growing audience of what used to be “niche” however is at this very moment entering mainstream adult industry consciousness — meaning that the money is there. There’s a major consumer shift happening, and if Oprah says women watch porn, you can bet the change is here. I think explicit queer sexuality on film will permeate the adult industry by opening dialogues about gender, sexuality, and sexual acts — queer porn can bring the seldom seen female-bodied authentic sexual response and pleasure to the screen, even going beyond basic female orgasm; the lack of which has given ‘porn’ a bad rap. Queer porn has the potential to affect the industry with celebrated natural sex acts including fisting, female ejaculation, sex while menstruating, and also safer sex practices.

Dive in: Forget rehab. Retox instead.

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Bar reviewer Kristen Haney seeks to separate hipster wannabes from real-life dives in this weekly column. Check out her last installment here.

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“Go down the rabbit hole,” as the sign suggests at Retox, and you’ll enter a subterranean lower music venue that is part low budget airline and part friend’s-parent’s-basement. Pieces of printed cloth are tacked to the walls as a sort of DIY interior decorating project, and airplane seats are lined up against the back wall and left side. Small, round, faux windows project blinking lights into the room, as though the band you’re listening to is rocking you into the future, DeLorean style, or like you actually crashed into someone’s basement and the band is playing loud enough to drown out the screams from the burning corpses above. Things get stuffy in the basement, but I can only assume the windows can’t be opened for fear of the main cabin depressurizing and audience members being sucked out the opening like in every airplane disaster movie ever.

As for the upstairs lounge area, I can only describe the scene as completely and unapologetically weird, which naturally makes for a fantastic dive bar. This may not serve as an indicator of the normal kind of shenanigans that occur in Retox, since I was there for a friend’s show, but I sincerely hope it does. There was quite the food spread in the corner, complete with chips, dips, and (much to my friend’s delight) brownie bites. An old guy, who I feel I can safely assume had at least one yellow tooth resembling a butter colored Chiclet, performed a wide shuffle of a two-step, head bowed down and arms swinging in the air. There was no music playing at the time. While ordering a round for my friend and I, I felt a tap on my shoulder. A grizzly-looking old dude politely informed me I was blocking his seat, which I assumed he occupied when not riding his Harley with his glamorous lady friend.

The first bartender to serve us introduced himself and made friendly, idle chitchat to put us at ease. The second one looked like he’d rather take a dump on my face than be interrupted while straightening up the bar and putting away glasses. I like to think it was part of a good bartender/bad bartender scheme, as my friend tipped the first one extremely well on her $10 tab, which was the credit card minimum. The second one warmed up later, and managed to keep a pretty clean bar to boot.