Not that we’re saying the sentiment is to be encouraged, but chances are there’s a lot of San Franciscans who’d like to see a tech industry bloggerati-programmer-computer whiz punched in the face. And lest you start downloading the Silicon Valley version of Bum Fights, harken now to online TV show White Collar Brawler‘s incoming detonation of class warfare: The Tech Beat Up (Thu/11).
Representing IBM in the Beat Up is a one Tenia Green, whose record in the ring heretofore is 0-0-0. According to her fighter’s profile on the White Collar Brawler website – which reveals Green to be a smiling young woman given to wearing large hoop earrings and fetching, color-coordinated ruffly blouses and cardigans – her “lack of experience” in prizefighting “will be made up after watching hours of Kimbo Slice videos on YouTube during her training.”
Her fellow competitors hail from Zynga, Apple, Google, Yelp, and a variety of other point and click palaces and appear to have similar levels of preparedness for what will surely be a night of broken noses, cauliflower ears, and sprained Twitter fingers. Who, you may ask, came up with this prize pig of a premise?
“I honestly can’t think of a single skill from the cubicle that’s helped me in the ring and most have set me back.” King of the roundhousing, carpal tunnel-weakened wrists is Nate Houghteling, a one-time would-be startup star. Accounts vary whether he or White Collar Brawler co-founder Kai Hasson drove their online entertainment company into the ground.
But what is important about Houghteling, as far as our story today is concerned, is that in a move that suggests a sort of Crunch Gym-style couples counseling but actually has more to do with a need for a break from the fluorescent light existence, he and Hasson vowed to box each other in the ring come December and have been documenting their training progress – they’re spending the equivalent hours of a part time job in the ring these days — through an online television show. The Tech Beat Up will be the subject of one of the program’s episodes and will no doubt raise its profile among their desk-bound brethren at the companies involved.
Of course, Green and company have not been working the bags like Houghteling and Hasson. Perhaps to prevent injury from a poorly (or well) placed white collar punch, Thursday night’s competitors will be flailing about in inflatable gloves. Houghteling, in a recent email exchange with SFBG, seemed non-plussed by this alteration of boxing protocol. “From what I hear it’s a whole different ballgame. Quickness is out, strategy is out, awkward lunging is in. That said, I could probably take everyone in this tournament.”
Which is to say he predicts noodle-limp jabs from all concerned — but that hasn’t stopped him from picking out his early favorites amongst the newbies. On the men’s side, he’s plumping for Anthony Ha, who Houghteling describes as “a waifish-looking blogger from VentureBeat.” Ha is up against Rick Johanson, a beefcake from Zynga who wears his Mafia Wars baseball hat backwards. Houghteling’s not worried. “I’m gonna try to make [Ha] eat a couple sandwiches before Thursday, but he has that unflinching stare you need to be a champion.”
For the women, it’s Ms. Green all the way – if only because he likes her packaging. “Her nickname is T-Pain and I think she’ll deliver on that promise,” says Houghteling.
Another bout to keep your eye on: that between Apple software engineer Zach Morris (whaaaat?!?) and Google product manager Robert Spiro, if only because, judging from White Collar Brawler episode 14 which profiles the fighters, their apartments look identical, which is curious. Also, someone is going to die. “I’m a murderer and I’ll murder my opponent and you’re going to die,” Spiro is captured saying, thereby incriminating himself (duly documented here).
Can’t stand to see all this violence against the people who brought you Farmville without joining the fray? Lucky for you, White Collar Brawler has set aside space for an audience challenger. Says Houghteling, who intends to capitalize on fallout from our economy’s miasma, “no doubt there are going to be a lot of laid off folks looking for some payback… the downtrodden will have a champion, too. He’ll be like Prius-driving Rocky.”
Oh, and Ashkon, the guy who sings the Giants remix of “Don’t Stop Believing” will host, for added zing-zang.
The Tech Beat Up
Thu/11 7:30 p.m., $10-15
Rockit Room
406 Clement, SF