Eleven began the competition, but after last week’s spectacular fiasco involving Ross Mirkarimi and a ring-tailed lemur, only five finalists are left to face our panel of sublebrity judges, who reviewed their looks, poise, style, and grace during a session of drunken Googling (Droogling). Which one will receive a $100 modeling contract with Board Babes and a seven-slide spread on HuffPo? Who’s gonna be on top?
THE JUDGES:
Nicole Markoff of local label Nicacelly (www.nicacelly.com), fashion goddess
Anna Conda of clubs Charlie Horse (myspace.com/charliehorsecinch) and Herr-A-Chick, merciless queen
Marke B. of SFBG, noted closet case
THE HOPEFULS:
MICHELA ALIOTO-PIER
Nicole Oh, you round-the-way girl. Peek-a-boo lacey undergarments haven’t looked this good since Jody Watley. As for your slimmed-down bamboo hoops — nice touch! We know you’re feeling underground, all gold chains and sweet blue eyes. Represent!
Anna You’re a beautiful woman with great eyes and hair, but would a little color — just to break up the funeral gray — kill you?
Marke She’s definitely working the "sweet as apple pie," all-American look. But you know that within that pie lurks a coiled python as pink and sweaty as any hot dog, and that’s what brought down the auto industry.
CHRIS DALY
Nicole C-Diddy, you’re pushing up on some Sarah Palin eyewear, but I’m not hating. I’m feeling your approach and evolution, running from the "Didn’t we meet at Pops a couple years ago?" 5 o’clock-smudged hipster through proud beard-papa.
Anna Wha … hunh? Oh, I’m sorry. Just a little nap.
Marke I thought Chris was really going to blow it on the Bollywood challenge, but he barely edged out Jaslene by last-minute waxing his thighs with some packing tape and break dancing right through the herd of elephants. Who’s sari now, Jaslene?