Food and Drink Archives — Page 2 of 22 — San Francisco Bay Guardian Archive 1966

Live Shots: SF Street Food Fest fills us up quickly

-

August 19, 2014

The weather was gorgeous, the lines weren’t too long, and the people were friendly — and hungry — at the sixth annual SF Street Food Festival last Saturday.

About those shorter lines, though — that meant we had access to pretty much any food we wanted in less than 10 minutes! (Except for the ever-popular ramenburger from Nombe, the line for which stretched almost the length of a block.) Uh oh, we were faced with unlimited choices, too many for our stomachs to bear, try as we might. And we might!

Highlights for us included the octo okono from Stones Throw (basically a fried octopus popsicle), excellent and tender turkey momos (Nepalese dumplings) from Bini’s Kitchen, Thai iced tea gelato from Secret Scoop, thickly wrapped beef pho rolls from Rice Paper Scissors (with awesome Vietnamese coffee), sharply spiced ahi tuna kitfo (a kind of tartare mixture) from Radio Africa Kitchen, and aquavit-cured salmon crostinis from Chef Pelle Nordic.

Things causing a general sensation: a huge portion of Berber-spiced lamb from The Whole Beast, Hella Vegan Eats‘ potsticker burrito, schnitzel sliders from Little Red Riding Truck, and a smoked salmon rueben from Fine & Rare.

This is supposedly the festival’s last year (at least in the Mission), partly due to neighbor complaints about parking (sigh), but I have a feeling we won’t see the last of it. Although you did just see the last of that schnitzel slider you left unattended on your plate, yoink.

‘Cued up

Michael Redmond

-

August 12, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

TABLEHOPPER After lamenting for too long that we didn’t have enough quality barbecue options around the bay, now we have plenty to check out. Here’s your cheat sheet on three recently opened barbecue spots, all of them using sustainable and well-sourced meats, because that’s how we roll.

4505 BURGERS AND BBQ (705 Divisadero, SF; www.4505meats.com/4505-burgers-bbq)

The former Brother-in-Law’s on Divisadero, which featured one of the area’s few remaining wood-fired barbecue pits, has been transformed under the tender care of Ryan and Cesalee Farr. Ryan Farr is well known around town for his chicharrones (and now there are kettle-cooked old fashioned chicharrones too), their butcher shop, and his “Best Damn Cheeseburger” at many farmers markets (including the one at the Ferry Building Marketplace). Now Farr has his own barbecue spot, with a couple of Southern Pride smokers inside, cranking out some incredibly delicious meats, including my hands-down favorite, the pork spare ribs. You can get a plate with one, two, or three meats ($12–$20), which comes with two sides (like excellent baked beans, potato salad, cole slaw, and the “frankaroni,” which is fried mac and cheese with 4505 hot dogs inside, dear lord), pickles, sliced onion, and a Parker House roll. Meats include a stellar brisket, smoky pulled chicken, hot or mild sausage, and juicy pork shoulder. There are also some salads (like a Cobb with big chunks of bacon), sandwiches, that cheeseburger, and beer and wine on tap.

Kick it on the big patio at picnic tables, or take it to go (you can even take a six-pack of beer or a bottle of wine to go). Coming soon: big changes on the patio, and a late-night window where you’ll be able to get cheeseburgers on the weekends! 4505 is open for lunch, so take advantage on a sunny day. Open Sun–Thu, 10:30am–10pm, Fri–Sat, 10:30am–11pm.

SMOKESTACK (2505 Third St, SF; www.magnoliapub.com/dogpatch.html)

Dave McLean of Magnolia has completed his massive dream project in the Dogpatch, which includes his gleaming new brewery and Smokestack, a barbecue joint and bar. Dennis Lee of Namu Gaji is overseeing the barbecue, a rotating selection of meats like Texas-style Piedmontese-certified beef (read: it’s special), sausages, seafood (interesting!), and some really good pork sticks. One night a side of spicy kale (instead of collards) hit the mark. Parker House rolls, check. The place is still working out some kinks (items tend to run out, and the high prices make expectations also run high), but I look forward to it developing in time. You have an extensive selection of Magnolia brews (plus guest brews, and cask beers) to enjoy, and plenty of whiskey-based cocktails.

It can be a little confusing when you get there: Yes, the place with no sign and all the newspaper on the windows is where you want to be. You’ll order at the meat counter and then find a place to sit at the communal tables, but if you want something to drink, you’ll order at the bar. Go with three people so you can manage it all.

Big news: Smokestack is now open for lunch, so you can come by from 11:30am–midnight to get your meats on, and the bar is open until 2am Thu–Sat.

PERDITION SMOKEHOUSE (2050 University, Berk; www.perditionbbq.com)

Anyone who even remotely loves beer needs to head to this Berkeley spot (Chuck Stilphen of the Trappist and Mikkeller Bar is behind it, with 43 domestic beers on tap), and chef Michael O’Brien is doing some quality dry-rubbed meats (standouts include the notable hot links, St. Louis pork ribs, and Mary’s chicken). Choose one or two meats ($13–$18) and two sides, like their cheesy mac and cheese and fantastic cowboy beans. It’s plenty spacious inside, but the outdoor courtyard means you can enjoy the usually-balmy 510 weather. Hours have expanded and are now Mon–Thu, 5pm–midnight; Fri, 5pm–1am; Sat, noon–1am; Sun, noon–midnight. *

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

Starred, Striped

Michael Redmond

-

August 5, 2014

4

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Dave’s bar is America. I don’t mean that in the sense that you walk in the door and get the hairy eyeball, with a chaser of, “What the kind of hippie-communist-homo are you?” (Spoken in a drawl, of course). I mean it in the most basic sense — the mythic melting pot of equality and freedom. When you enter Dave’s (29 Third St, SF) you are entering a new world. It doesn’t matter how much you make (or don’t make), what you drive, or whether you work on construction sites or the human brain. All of that is left at the door. The only thing that matters is if you like to drink.

There are no mustachioed bartenders in suspenders playing with tinctures distilled from random Amazonian berries you’ve never heard of. Instead, you’re often greeted by an Irish lady who you can tell won’t take any shit, but who will also chat with you all day long. This is a fucking bar, man. Some days you show up and there’s free food put out. Other days you sit on a stool and somebody you’ve never met buys a round for the entire bar. It’s almost like Dave’s has some supernatural ability to give you whatever it is that you need on that particular day.

You sit at that bar long enough you’ll hear every kind of story imaginable, from every kind of person. You’ll walk in just to have a quick shot and a beer — and leave four hours later, having met, dunk, and talked shit with a car salesman from Oklahoma, a recently off-work janitor, a tech millionaire, and someone whose family has had 49ers season tickets since they played at Kezar Stadium. You will never see any of these people again in your life, unless you go back to Dave’s.

I’ve actually taken a few girls on first dates to Dave’s. I mean, we didn’t spend the entire time there, but used it more as a meeting place from which to embark on the rest of our activities. You’re probably saying, “Hey Stu, why would you take girl you’re trying to impress, and with whom you’re hoping to touch special places, to a dive bar like Dave’s?” Besides the fact that I’m broke and can actually afford the awesomely cheap drinks, Dave’s, in its own way, makes everyone feel comfortable. It was voted least pretentious bar in SF for this reason. Dave’s is the bar that everyone has had a good time at, even if they’ve never been there before.

These days I worry about places like Dave’s. Sure it’s been there for like 30 years or something, but it doesn’t have the shine and sheen that so many recently opened bars in SF have. For those of us who know better, this is exactly why it’s attractive. I just worry that the Robert Moseses of the world, the people who would plow a giant freeway through quaint Greenwich Village, have too much steam behind them right now. These are the people who don’t realize that having reclaimed wood and Edison bulbs and $13 cocktails doesn’t make a place special. In fact, it makes a place just like everywhere else. I’ll take a shot and a beer at Dave’s over all that fluff any day of the week. Hell, I’ll probably see you there.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

A party in your mouth

Michael Redmond

-

August 5, 2014

2

culture@sfbg.com

SHUCK IT ALL

Coming up in August is not one but two big oyster events, and both are on the same weekend. Double play! First is the third annual Oyster Bash at B Restaurant & Bar (720 Howard, SF. www.bsanfrancisco.com) in Yerba Buena Gardens on Saturday, Aug. 23, 1pm–4pm. It’s an all-you-can-eat event, and considering 12,000 oysters will be served, you have your work cut out for you: There will be a raw bar, grilled and steamed oysters, fried oyster po’boy sliders, and oyster shooters. There’s also an oyster shucking contest at 2:30pm (the first 20 people to sign up upon arrival are enrolled) and the winner will score “all you can eat” oysters at B Restaurant for an entire year. Tickets are $45 presale at bbaroysterbash2014.eventbrite.com and they will sell out! $65 at the door.

Then on Sunday, Aug. 24, you can head to Waterbar (399 Embarcadero, SF. www.waterbarsf.com) for the sixth annual OysterFest on its bayside patio. Known for having the largest selection of oysters in SF, Waterbar is keeping the quality top-notch and will only feature sustainable oysters at the event. There will also be plenty of bites from Waterbar and sister restaurant EPIC Roasthouse, plus Farmer Brown, Farallon, Fish, and Blue Island Oyster Farm; your ticket also includes some Napa Valley wines and craft beers too. Oysterfest runs 12pm–3pm. Tickets are $70 and available on Waterbar’s homepage.

BLOCK PARTY

It looks like it may be the last year for La Cocina’s mega Street Food Festival (Folsom from 20th St to 26th St, SF. www.sfstreetfoodfest.com) — well, unless they can find a new location. In the meantime, plan to show up hungry on Saturday Aug. 16, when there will be a staggering selection of food vendors serving food from around the globe, plus cocktails, and craft beer, all from 11am–7pm. Get your posse together, and check out the website for some ticketing and passport options. (Oh, and the night before is the Friday Night Fried Chicken Family Meal at SoMa Streat Food Park, a must for fried chicken lovers.)

On Saturday, Aug. 23, comes Noise Pop’s 20th Street Block Party (20th St between Bryant and Harrison, and Florida and Alabama between 19th and 20th streets, SF. www.20thstreetblockparty.com/2014), noon–6pm. And it’s free! There will be two stages, featuring national acts and emerging local musicians, including Rogue Wave, Cayucas, Myron & E, 1955, and 8th Grader. Also in the mix will be drinks and bites from neighborhood establishments flour + water, Trick Dog, Central Kitchen, Sightglass Coffee, Rhea’s Deli & Cafe, El Metate, and more. You can dance, eat, hang out, and check out some things like the Ne Timeas workshop tent (with culinary workshops throughout the day), a Southern Exposure interactive installation, and more. There’s also a VIP experience for $95 (line-jumping privileges at the food vendors and private restrooms).

ZIG FOR SISIG

And for those of you who aren’t heading to the playa for Burning Man, check out the Savor Filipino (www.savorfilipino.com) event at Justin Herman Plaza on Saturday, Aug. 30. It’s a free event, and there will be a bunch of different pavilions with options ranging from lechon baboy (roasted pig) and lumpia to chicken adobo and kare-kare. Oh yeah, and balut, in case you have wanted to cross that one off your “yeah, I tried it” list. There will also be some vegan and vegetarian options in the Garden Pavilion, so everyone wins. Bonus: All food served will feature humanely raised proteins, sustainable seafood, and organic, local produce. In between sessions of over-eating, you can check out some music and chef and author demos, and hang out in the beer garden. 10am–6pm.

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

All the buzz: a report from CoffeeCon San Francisco

Sue Vaughan

-

August 4, 2014

2

Whether your caffeinated allegiances lie with Blue Bottle, Four Barrel, or a non-coffee drink, CoffeeCon San Francisco offered something to appeal to everyone’s cravings on July 26. Venturing out of Chicago for the first time, the consumer coffee festival boasted a multitude of roasters — many of them local and therefore well-acquainted with using glorious Hetch Hetchy water in the brewing process — and a wide variety of presentations to intrigue both casual coffee drinkers and connoisseurs. Plus, unlimited coffee samples!

One of CoffeeCon’s immediate strengths was its venue. A far cry from a sterilized, gray environment, the event took place at Terra Gallery & Event Venue, a SOMA art gallery. Paintings and coffee naturally complement each other, and within minutes, it felt like a laid-back Saturday morning, where I admired colorful, contemporary paintings while sipping rich, appropriately bitter coffee. The only way for the event organizers to improve future venues is to recreate the feelings of a cozy coffee shop, which it seems like they made a crack at with the abundant comfy couches. However, I was a little disappointed to see that the live music, which was promised on CoffeeCon’s website to “add atmosphere,” was absent, although I suppose that gives it something to improve on next year.

While I was impressed by the roundup of some of SF’s more recognizable coffee brands and enjoyed their samples, I gravitated more toward more unconventional participants — ones that technically didn’t even sell coffee. Drawn in by the wafels and the company’s clever name, my first stop was Rip van Wafels. Stroopwafels are heavenly, although I’ve always been too impatient and scarfed them down before I could pair them with coffee. There are two main strategies to tackle the combo: you can either one, place the wafel on the edge of the coffee cup, let the steam from the drink infuse the wafel’s caramel flavor, and eat it once the wafel droops or two, say “fuck it” and just dunk the wafel in the coffee.

In addition to Rip van Wafels, I was a big fan of Project Juice and Torani — all three of which are local companies. I did a double take when I walked past Project Juice’s booth; it seemed just a little out of place at a coffee festival. My hesitation quickly waned. The company sells organic, cold-pressed drinks, including a tasty, healthy coffee alternative: Get Up and Go-Go (claiming to be 67 percent less acidic than normal coffee), which is incidentally made with another one of its drinks, Almond Mylk. The other drinks were just as delicious, although I didn’t expect the ginger to pack such a punch. Torani was a breath of fresh air on the unusually hot SF summer day. The booth served iced coffee with liberal additions of its flavored syrups — vanilla is a popular, traditional favorite, but the s’mores syrup is a tempting flavor that recalls childhood summers.

Though the upper level of the gallery was a perfect setup for the booths, the lower level was much less suited to handle the presentations. Essentially, the lower level is divided into two rooms of similar size. A handful of presentations simultaneously went on in the first room, which was divided into curtained subsections. It was a cacophony; I’d strain to hear my speaker over the presentations happening mere feet away and the louder speaker in the other room, who had the privilege of using a microphone.

Still, I managed to clearly hear one poignant comment Helen Russell, co-founder and CEO of Equator Coffee & Teas, made: “It’s more than just what’s in the bag.” Russell spoke about social and economic responsibility, telling a heartwarming story about a little girl with a debilitating leg infection she met on a Panama coffee farm. She invested in the girl’s medical treatment and education, and even bought her a horse named Barista (because why not?) Maybe there’s more to coffee than just being a life-restoring elixir in the morning.

Sailing through

Michael Redmond

-

July 29, 2014

3

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER It opened a couple years ago at this point. Someone had said to me, “Hey man you been to Southern Pacific Brewing yet?” I hadn’t even heard of it, “What the fuck is a Southern Pacific Brewing?” I asked. A giant, 10,000-square-foot brewpub had just opened almost directly behind my regular bar, The Homestead, and, like, two blocks from my apartment — and I hadn’t even heard of it. Well maybe it’s because it’s not my apartment anymore, I thought to myself. I’d recently moved out of the neighborhood after breaking up with my long-term girlfriend and was sleeping on my cousin’s couch… for a few months.

You know, just some SF shit.

It seemed like my life, my neighborhood, and my city were all spiraling, not exactly out of control, but past mere comprehension. Besides the upheaval of my personal life, San Francisco was just beginning to swell with some kind of sickness, one that it had somehow survived a decade before. And my neighborhood, the Mission, seemed to be the place on San Francisco’s body where the sores of the Money Virus were showing the most. Restaurants were opening on Valencia faster than zippers at the (soon-to-be-closed) Lusty Lady, and little shops and bookstores that had been around for decades were getting tossed out with the trash.

But the thing that worried me the most was that I, Broke-Ass Stuart, the guy who likes to think he knows this city better than anyone, hadn’t even heard of Southern Pacific Brewing. “Have I lost a step?” I wondered. I knew I had to check it out.

All anyone had really said about Southern Pacific Brewing (620 Treat Ave, SF. www.southernpacificbrewing.com) was that it was HUGE! The ceiling is probably 2.5 stories high and the old warehouse space holds not just the bar-restaurant but also the entire brewing operation as well. I noticed all this when I walked in that first night, despite the fact that I was pretty trashed. I’d downed some booze at Dear Mom, banged a few back at Bender’s, hoovered some shots at the Homestead, and then sauntered into Southern Pacific. I was drowning in heartbreak and — that friend’s couch — numbing backache.

“It is huge,” I said to whichever of my no-goodnik friends I was with that night. We took in the environs. There was a sizable crowd, lots of good-looking people who probably would’ve been terrified to go that deep into the Mission a few years before. Thrillist or something like that had just blown the place up that day so all the Chads and Madisons from other parts of the city were there to explore a “hot new neighborhood spot,” I figured.

And then I looked around some more and saw plenty of Mission locals and natives whom I’d spent my twenties running around the neighborhood dive bars with. It was a good mix of everything the Mission was at the moment, for better and for worse. I liked the place immediately.

A bit later I ran into a girl I hadn’t seen in awhile and we talked about the city and its changes and about all the things that happen to you while you’re trying to grow up. And then it was last call and my friends were gone so the girl took me home with her. I hadn’t slept in a bed in a long time, so for at least that night my heartache and my backache were put to rest.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

Finger lickin’ good

Michael Redmond

-

July 29, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

CHOW NOW

The next time you’re in North Beach and you — or your guests from out of town — are craving some classic San Francisco seafood, head on over to the new location of Ferry Plaza Seafood (653 Union, SF. www.ferryplazaseafood.com), right off Washington Square. While the original location at the Ferry Building Marketplace is no longer with us, this iteration has an actual kitchen, so you’ll find an expanded menu with all kinds of hot dishes, not just oysters on the half shell. Dinner service is kicking off first, with plenty of tables in this light-filled spot, and there’s a long counter where you can sit and enjoy a variety of quality wines and beers too. In a few weeks, you’ll be able to return for happy hour specials and lunch. For now, hours are Mon–Thu 5:30pm–10pm and Fri–Sat 5:30pm–11pm.

This coming weekend (Fri/1 through Sun/3) is Eat Drink SF (www.eatdrink-sf.com), with a variety of tasting events, demos, workshops, dinners, and more. A bunch of the city’s better chefs will be there, along with fab bartenders, too. The Grand Tasting Pavilion at Fort Mason will feature busy tastings throughout the weekend, and yours truly is moderating a demo with Fabio Viviani, Sat/2 at 10:30am. Fabio will be preparing orecchiette pasta with pesto, why don’t you join us for some sassy Italian banter? Tickets start at $30 for single events, but lots of packages for events and pavilion tastings are available. And here’s a special offer for all tablehopper friends (that would be you, darling): receive 15 percent off all Lexus Grand Tasting events with the code TABLEHOPPER. Sweet!

BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET

Anyone who loves fried chicken is going to want to check out this new pop-up on Tuesday evenings at The Residence (718 14th St., SF.) called Uncle Brother’s Chicken (www.facebook.com/unclebrotherchicken). Wes Rowe, of WesBurger fame, and his brother Walker Rowe are frying up different regional styles of fried chicken — from around the world! — each week. Last week’s Southern fried chicken with pimento mac and cheese and fried okra was $12. There are some other items too, like chicken on a biscuit with pepper jelly and honey butter ($6). Bwok bwok gobble gobble. 6pm–10pm.

The charming Biondivino (1415 Green, SF. www.biondivino.com) wine shop in Russian Hill is hosting a fun wine bar and bruschetta pop-up for the next month, Troëggi a Biondivino, and trust, you’ll want to check it out. Owner Ceri Smith is hosting Emanuele Fromento of Ai Troëggi of Genova, a well-known natural wine bar that is also famous for its menu of bruschette. For the next month, Biondivino is going to be offering 15 classic kinds of Genovese bruschette, all on Josey Baker bread, with toppings like Taleggio, zucchini, and prosciutto cotto, or the “spussona,” with Gorgonzola, onion, and spicy arugula.

Prices range from $4 to $12, which will pair well with a variety of natural wines that will be poured in tandem (two sparkling choices, three to five whites, three to five reds, plus a rosé), all for just $10 a glass. Best of all, come by 5pm–7pm to experience Italian aperitivo, which means you get a complimentary mini bruschetta with pesto, tomato, garlic, and olive oil with your first glass. If you want to hang out some more, you can also order cheese and salumi plates, and tiramisù for dessert. Hours are Wed–Sun 5pm until closing (probably 11pm or so), through Aug. 31. Cin cin!

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

Events: July 30 – August 5, 2014

Michael Redmond

-

July 29, 2014

0

Listings are compiled by Guardian staff. Submit items for the listings at listings@sfbg.com. For further information on how to submit items for the listings, see Selector.

WEDNESDAY 30

“We are CA: Yosemite Stories with Latino Outdoors” California Historical Society, 678 Mission, SF; www.californiahistoricalsociety.org. 6:15pm, $5. Panel discussion featuring Latino Outdoors founder Jose Gonzalez and others sharing stories about Yosemite and other national parks.

THURSDAY 31

“Pretty in Ink: The Trina Robbins Collection” Cartoon Art Museum, 655 Mission, SF; www.cartoonart.org. 6-8pm, free. Reception for the exhibit with a curator-led tour, featuring highlights from the personal archives of comics “herstorian” Trina Robbins. The focus is on North American woman cartoonists from the early 20th century.

FRIDAY 1

“Jack’s Night Market” Webster Plaza, Jack London Square, Broadway at Embarcadero, Oakl; www.jacklondonsquare.com. 6-10pm, free. Outdoor bazaar with street performers celebrating Oakland artists, music, and food. All beer and wine sales benefit the Sustainable Business Alliance and Oakland Grown.

SATURDAY 2

Art + Soul Oakland Downtown Oakland (adjacent to the 12th St/City Center BART station); www.artandsouloakland.com. Noon-6pm, free. Through Sun/3. Live music is Art + Soul’s main draw, but a new event — the Oaktown Throwdown BBQ competition — will surely be a popular addition.

Bay Area Aloha Festival San Mateo County Event Center, 1346 Saratoga, San Mateo; www.pica-org.org. 10am-5pm, free. Through Sun/3. The Pacific Islanders’ Cultural Association showcases Polynesian dance and island cuisine at its annual event.

“Baycation Day” Classic Cars West, 411 26th St, Oakl; http://oaklandartmurmur.org/events/baycation-day. 1-5pm, free. Oakland Art Murmur and Broke-Ass Stuart present this afternoon of beer garden-ing, with arts and crafts by local artists, photo workshops, a display of classic cars, and food and drink, followed by the Saturday Stroll Art Walk at nearby galleries.

“Carnival of Stars” Richmond Auditorium, 403 Civic Center Plaza, Richmond; www.carnivalofstars.com. 10am-10pm (also Sun/3, 10am-8pm), $6-15. Family-friendly fantasy festival with classic horror films, belly dancing, magicians, live music, comics, and more.

Nihonmachi Street Fair Post between Laguna and Fillmore, SF; www.nihonmachistreetfair.org. 11am, free. Through Sun/3. This long-running community event celebrates Asian-Pacific American life with performances, food, activities for kids, and more. Plus: the crowd-pleasing dog pageant and accompanying parade.

“19th Annual Wienerschnitzel Wiener Nationals — Bay Area Regionals” Santa Clara County Fair, 344 Tully, San Jose; http://wwnraces.com. Noon (check-in); 2:30pm (prelims); 4pm (finals). Free for participants (fair admission, $5-8; parking, $5). Dachshunds waddle their way to the finish in the hopes of being crowned “Bay Area’s Top Dog.” The winning wiener gets a trip to the 2014 Wiener National Finals in San Diego.

SUNDAY 3

“Cupcakes and Muffintops v6.0” Humanist Hall, 390 27th St, Oakl; cupcakesandmuffintops.wordpress.com. Noon-4pm, $10 suggested donation (no one turned away). Dance company Big Moves, “fat queer community” NOLOSE, and the FatFriendlyFunders co-host this benefit sale of gender-inclusive clothing — with an emphasis on “size large and up, up, and up” — and baked goods. Bargains galore!

Jerry Day Jerry Garcia Amphitheater, McLaren Park, 45 John F. Shelley, SF; www.jerryday.org. 11:30am, free (donate for reserved seating). Live music (with Melvin Seals and JGB, Stu Allen and Mars Hotel, Tea Leaf Trio, and more) honors the legacy of the Grateful Dead star, who grew up on nearby Harrington Street in the Excelsior.

“Poetry Unbound #15” Art House Gallery, 2905 Shattuck, Berk; http://berkeleyarthouse.wordpress.com. 5pm, $5 (no one turned away). Poetry reading with Daniel Yaryan, Hollie Hardie, and Gary Turchin, plus open mic.

MONDAY 4

“From Ignorance to Acceptance: How the LGBTQ Movement Has Evolved in a Lifetime” Commonwealth Club, 595 Market St, Second Flr, SF; www.commonwealthclub.com. 6pm, $7-20. Political activist and author James Hormel discusses how LGBTQ Americans have gained visibility since 1945.

TUESDAY 5

“Litquake’s Epicenter” Hotel Rex, 562 Sutter, SF; www.litquake.org. 7pm, $5-15. Literary event hosting the launch of Edan Lepucki’s new novel, California. *

Foaming at the mouth

Michael Redmond

-

July 22, 2014

2

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER There’s a series of photos of me at Mad Dog in the Fog (530 Haight St, SF. 415-626-7279) where I am an absolute monster. I’m dressed in a wretched, beer-stained Santa suit, I have Mickey Mouse ears on, and there’s also some kind of sparkly garland thing adorning my head. In most of the pictures I’m flipping off the camera and making ridiculous faces that usually include an Elvis type lip curl. I look unhinged. I look subhuman. Goddamn, I look like I’m having fun. It was SantaCon 2011.

One of the few things I remember about our pit stop at the Mad Dog was gurgling, “I didn’t know they had a backyard here!” as we stumbled out into it. Apparently they do have one. I feel like I may have found out where the bar’s name came from as well, but that was lost, just like my sense of personhood that day. There is nothing noble about being Oscar the Grouch-level trashed. The only thing you get out of it is a bunch of photos where you look like somebody Shrek wouldn’t even fuck.

Luckily for us, Mad Dog is used to having stark, raving lunatics, in colorful garb, wasted there in the middle of the day. In fact the Lower Haight pub just had a full month of it. Mad Dog in the Fog has long been a staple for any soccer fan in San Francisco. Whether it’s the World Cup or The English Premier League or even a Las Chivas game, Mad Dog lives and breathes soccer. The doors open at 7am every Saturday and Sunday, so people can come watch their favorite team shoot goals and take flops.

I was lucky that day in 2011 that Mad Dog doesn’t serve hard alcohol. I was in a state of saying “hell yes” to pretty much everything, and who knows what would’ve happened. This lack of hard alcohol is also a blessing to serious beer drinkers: It allows Mad Dog to serve more than 150 different kinds of beer from around the world, some of which are rare and hard to get.

In fact, Mad Dog is so supportive of your beer problem that it even lets you pour your own. Yes, you read that right. A few years ago the proprietors installed a TableTender, a system of two taps that stick out of the middle of a table. You and your pals then pour all the beer you’d like from said taps and a display keeps track of how much you drink. Afterwards you settle your tab with the bar staff. I’m pretty sure they were hiding the TableTender from me and my friends that day. I would’ve if I were them.

I’d like to say that after behaving like a Garbage Pail Kid at Mad Dog in the Fog I went home and slept it off, but that would be a lie. Just like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I was a tenacious bastard and led my party of holiday revelers to a number of other bars after that. I eventually lost them all, of course, and ended up at a house party… I think. Honestly nothing else I did later that night exists because nobody, to my knowledge, took any more photos.

But to this day, every time I walk by Mad Dog in the Fog, even when there’s a line of 50 people waiting to get in to watch a sports game, I mutter to myself, “I didn’t know they had a backyard here!” and smile thinking about that weird day back in 2011.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

Hot date

Michael Redmond

-

July 22, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

LIVIN’ LARGE

Sometimes you read about an event so cool and artsy and smart that you have to say, “Hell to the yes, more of this please.”

It turns out Quince is closing for two months of renovations (July 25 to Sept. 19). In the meantime, the Quince folks will host a very chic series of pop-up dinners called curATE at Hedge Gallery (501 Pacific Ave., SF, www.hedgegallery.com), just across the street. You know it’s going to be cute, because Stanlee Gatti is producing the events. Every week (Wednesday through Saturday, July 30 through Aug. 30), there will be a different gallery installation by contemporary curators, and chef Michael Tusk will be making a five-course menu to accompany the theme. Guest programmers include Jeffrey Fraenkel, Anthony Meier, Jessica Silverman, John Berggruen, and Iwona Tenzing. The one I’m eyeballing: Jessica Silverman’s exhibition, titled “White Is the Warmest Color,” will be paired with an all-white menu. How can you say no?

Even if you can’t pony up for the dinner, you might opt for the gallery reception of wine and canapés 6:30pm–7:30pm ($50 per person, inclusive of tax and service charge). The gallery reception and five-course tasting menu is $199 per person, inclusive of tax and service charge. Wine pairings will be offered ($110, including tax and tip), along with select items from the bar and access to the full Quince wine cellar. Going solo? There will be a communal table. Or you can purchase an individual table (with seating for up to 10 guests). Tickets and more info at www.sfcurate.com.

DATE NIGHT

Looking for a good spot for a date night? Head on up to Russian Hill to visit two places that are practically built for a date (and the neighborhood is a fun one to walk through after dinner).

If you’re a fan of handmade pasta, you’ll want to reserve a table at Seven Hills (1550 Hyde St., SF. www.sevenhillssf.com), which has a new-ish chef who came on at the end of last year, Anthony Florian, whose résumé includes Quince, Cotogna, and most recently, Pizzalina. Florian brings an update to the popular raviolo with an egg inside, plus a hearty bowl of pappardelle with braised lamb sugo. And then there’s the fusilli neri (black from squid ink) with tender cuttlefish, tomato, chile, and bread crumbs. The owner is very passionate about wine and happy to make some pairings. Cin cin.

Another great spot to couple up along Hyde Street: Stones Throw (1896 Hyde St., SF. www.stonesthrowsf.com), which opened last November, and is really hitting its stride. Chef Jason Halverson offers a menu of Cal-American dishes with a strong seasonal bent, and lots of tableside flourishes.

Start with the pork belly and peaches (and crispy pig ears!), and the squid ink conchiglie pasta is a spicy hit. The dish I can’t stop thinking about is the grilled octopus “okonomiyaki,” a Japanese-inspired pancake, with bacon dashi, spicy turnips, and marinated mushrooms. Don’t miss it. Stones Throw may only have a beer and wine license, but there are some clever low-alcohol cocktails and some quality beers that will get your attention. Ditto the wine list: You’ll find unique, ever-rotating selections. The vibe here is a bit more urban and fun, so it would be great for date number one or two. (Even if you’re on your own, come in for a warm bite at the bar and a glass or two of something good).

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

I want to believe

Michael Redmond

-

July 15, 2014

0

THE WEEKNIGHTER I don’t know, man. Would I believe what, that cocktails exist? Yes absolutely, I have four in my belly right now. Is this an X-Files themed bar? I hope so! Why is the grammar so totally screwed up in the name of this bar? What is the goddamn question anyways?

These are all things I was thinking as Ashley and I walked into Would You Believe? Cocktails (4652 Geary Blvd., SF. 415-752-7444). We’d wandered down from Trad’r Sam on our little weeknight adventure in the Richmond and here we were. Walking in I surveyed the scene: sitting around the bar was a crowd of Asian folks of various ages. Some were drinking and talking, others flirting with each other, while still others were at the short end of the bar slamming down dice. One girl kept squealing very loudly every time the dice went down. I don’t think she quite understood the game.

“I know what the question is,” I told Ashley. “It’s ‘Would You Believe how cheap the drinks are here?!'” Well drinks were $4, a shot and a beer combo was $5, and Hennessey was also $5. I don’t drink Henny, but I spend enough time in bars to know that’s insanely cheap.

“Hey, wanna have an orgy?” Ashley smiled as she asked me. I’d been trying to get her to warm up to the idea of a threesome for a while, so I was surprised that, of all places, Would You Believe? was what finally got her in the mood. Then I looked where she was pointing and saw that I’d been had. An “Orgy” was just the name of one of the spot’s signature cocktails. Other drinks had names like “Wet Pussy” and “One Night Stand.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if there was a drink called a “Long Slow Fisting Against a Wall.”

I stuck with my usual vodka soda, and we picked a place on a banquette to soak in the atmosphere. In this case the “atmosphere” was fake flowers, lots of mirrors, low lighting accented with some blues and purples, and songs by 2 Chainz. I fucking hate 2 Chainz.

My favorite part of Would You Believe was the sign outside that said “Forecast for Tonight: Alcohol. Low Standards and Bad Decisions.” I’m always a sucker for clever sidewalk signs. I was telling Ashley this when a group of five guys rolled in, none of which could’ve have been more than 22 years old. Considering they were all so clean cut and of pretty much every ethnicity but Asian, I said, “Those guys have to be hostel kids. There’s no way they are local.” I strained to hear what their accents were but dice kept banging on the bar and the damn woman kept squealing about it. Nobody likes dice that much. The whole scene was pretty weird.

The new boys flirted with the pretty bartenders and then played some pool and Ashley and I lost interest in figuring out what their accents were. The night was misty and cold and the thought of my warm bed was enough to draw us out of there and send us on our way. But we still never got the answer to the question “Would You Believe?”

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

Oui, oui

Michael Redmond

-

July 15, 2014

1

culture@sfbg.com

CHOW NOW

One of the more exciting places to hit the scene in a summer full of tons of new openings is Monsieur Benjamin (451 Gough, SF. www.monsieurbenjamin.com), a project from Corey Lee (Benu), with chef Jason Berthold (previously RN74, and French Laundry and Per Se, where he worked with Lee) and Thomas Palauqui.

Lee has wanted to open a late-night bistro in San Francisco for some time, something he thought was missing from our local scene. He’s right. So now we have a hot spot open until 1am nightly in Hayes Valley, serving a modernized and technique-driven take on classic French dishes like escargots and sweetbreads Grenobloise, plus steak frites, roast chicken, and blanquette de veau. The list of entrées is significant, with 13 in all.

You can come by for a cocktail and oysters at the intimate marble bar before the opera, or find a spot at a communal table for small plates and appetizers to pair with wines from smaller family-owned producers from France after the symphony (or when you get out of work). You’ll definitely be entertained with peeks into the gleaming open kitchen — the joint is staffed up. The vibe is lively, and the room is chic yet understated, kind of like Isabelle Huppert. Coming soon: weekend brunch and a prix-fixe theater menu. Hours are nightly 5pm–1am for now.

BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET

The original location of Loló in the Mission has been tweaked by the owners and reopened as Loló Cevichería (3230 22nd St, SF. www.lolosf.com/lolo-cevicheria), serving a casual and affordable menu of ceviches — five in all — and some Loló classics, like the taco tropical and tuna tacon. It’s a fun place to hang out for an impromptu meal, and there will be plenty of beverages to get you feeling good, from a couple different sangrias to agave wine margarita slushies (which include one made with tamarind).

If you’re over waiting for a table at the recently opened Loló on Valencia — that place is caliente! — or if you’re a larger party than that funky little spot can handle, this one’s for you. Designer and business partner Lorena Zertuche has updated the space, featuring lots of tropical birds (caw caw!) and of course a riot of bright colors. The grand opening is Wed/16; hours are Mon–Thu 6pm–10pm, Fri–Sat 6pm–12am, closed Sun.

While fans of the hefty hoagies from 1058 Hoagie in SoMa will be sorry to hear that joint is closed, here’s your silver lining: Owner Adam Mesnick has turned the space into Rye Project (180 Seventh St, SF www.ryeproject.com), his take on a Jewish-style deli. He’s calling it “Newish Deli.” This is the place for overstuffed corned beef and pastrami sandwiches on rye bread from a special source in Detroit ($14). Other choices: roast beef, tuna salad, kosher or hard-beef salami, and turkey. You want double meat/double bread? Go for it for $6 extra.

Also coming in from back East: par-baked bagels from New York that are finished here (top those bad boys with lox, smoked trout, or Mesnick’s smoked whitefish salad). A whole other category to explore is his creative salads, including the Rye House ($13), with romaine, corned beef, Muenster cheese, hard-boiled egg, cucumber, cherry tomato, and chickpeas. Bonus: All salads come with a bagel, because hey, more is more. Additional options are soup of the day (expect some matzoh ball soup in rotation), chopped liver, mac and potato salad, and other classic deli faves. Eat, eat! Open Mon–Fri 11am–4pm.

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

The Best of Burger Boogaloo

Steven T. Jones

-

July 9, 2014

0

This weekend Oakland’s Mosswood Park was transformed into a mini music festival of adorable proportions. After two days of PBR, sunburns, and a heap of eclectic and altogether awesome music, the results are in: Here is the best of Burger Boogaloo 2014. [Check yesterday’s review for a different sort of run-through.]

Best mosh pit: OFF!
Keith Morris’ newest hardcore punk outfit stirred up a lot of energy and even more dust on Saturday. Playing after the relatively tame Milk N’ Cookies, OFF! turned it up to eleven (really, I think my ears are still ringing) for a rager of a set that resulted in some serious headbanging, slam-dancing, and stage diving. Just what the doctor ordered to keep morale high as the sun went down.

off

Best posse: Shannon and the Clams
Hometown heroes Shannon and the Clams played a killer set on Sunday. While their setlist crushed it, the backup singers brought it, and the tiki-and-vegetable themed balloons thrown into the crowd were a lot of fun, the main attraction was to the right of the stage, parked on top of an amp. The fan who lipsynched and shimmied his way into all of our hearts was later revealed by Shannon herself to be her “creepy little brother,” making his devotion to the Clams even more aww-worthy.

shannon

Best battlecry: The Meatbodies
Midway through the day, a port-a-potty crisis became apparent as lines grew longer and tanks grew fuller. Taking the stage at the end of the Meatbodies’ set, a brave Burger employee announced that due to all of the delicious food and drink provided by their sponsors, the toilets were at critical mass and no number 2 deposits would be accepted at that time. From the middle to the end of this moving speech, the Meatbodies’ guitarist began the rousing and inspirational cry of, “Poop yo pants! Poop yo pants!” Words to live by.

meatodies

Best bouffant: Ronnie Spector
Everywhere you looked at Burger Boogaloo, stunning feats of follicle engineering were peeking out of the crowd. Beehives and bouffants of all sizes and colors came out for the show. I overheard one couple saying they had made a game of tallying beehives and had found 16 midway through Sunday alone. Unfortunately I missed the memo that big and bulbous is the vogue look for garage rock, but Ronnie Spector did not. With the biggest hair and the best attitude of the day, Ronnie stole all our hearts.

ronnie

Longest distance traveled: Thunderroads
Japan’s Thunderroads were the wildcard of the festival. With all the raw power of every generic rock band to follow in ACDC’s footsteps, Thunderroads won us over not with originality or musicality but with pure earnestness and excitement to be playing for us. The magic of the moment is best captured by the words of Thunderroads’ guitarist: “Thank you America, USA! I can’t English, but I love you!” We love you too. More than you know.

thunderroads

Best Striptease: Nobunny
Nobunny killed it with a high-energy set and truly great punk performance on Saturday (although someone should break it to frontperson Justin Champlin that Thunderroads had the harebrained-rock-star idea to climb the precariously-stacked amps hours before he did). Nobunny came to the stage in his trademarked and road-weary bunny mask and a red onesie, which impressively concealed a leather jacket and a pair of briefs, which yes, did eventually come off to reveal…another pair of briefs. Finally, a striptease for the whole family.

nobunny

Best ‘90s throwback: The Muffs
How ‘90s are The Muffs? Featured on the Clueless soundtrack ‘90s. 23 years into their existence, the Muffs were the perfect addition to the lineup, falling squarely between the untouchable status of Ronniw Spector and the hyper-contemporary blog buzz around bands like Nobunny and Shannon and the clams. Still rocking a mini-dress, blunt bangs, and one of the best grunge growls in the biz, Kim Shattuck reminded us just how much we owe to and miss our fellow flannel-wearers of yesteryear.

muffs

The mayor of tiki

Michael Redmond

-

July 8, 2014

1

culture@sfbg.com

WEEKNIGHTER The best tiki bar I’ve ever been to is Smith’s Union Bar in Honolulu’s Chinatown. It’s a shitty little tiki dive bar with even shittier karaoke. It’s also the oldest bar on the island. The night I was there it was full of Navy dudes, punk chicks, gay guys, and a big hulking, transgendered Pacific Islander. I had the crowd arm-in-arm singing “Tiny Dancer” and “Don’t Let Me Down” while cheering me on and buying me drinks after I sang. It was pretty much what I wish happened every night of my life.

While nothing can quite compare to Smith’s Union for obvious reasons, Trad’r Sam (6150 Geary Blvd, SF. 415-221-0773) is probably my second favorite tiki bar in the world. Sitting way out on Geary and 26th Avenue, Trad’r Sam got its start as a Trader Vic knockoff back in the 1930s. And it seems not much has changed since then. Cheap, powerful, colorful drinks come in punch bowls while wicker and cushion booths line the perimeter of the room. Cash is the only form of legal tender accepted and really drunk people abound. The bar itself is shaped in an irregular half circle with a lump, like a boob job gone wrong.

It was a foggy Tuesday night and Ashley and I had just come from Rockin Crawfish down the way. Neither of us make it out to the Richmond very often so it was an excuse to wander into places that she’s never been and I hadn’t been in years. As we walked in the door we were blown away by how busy it was. It seemed like the only business with any customers on that side of Park Presidio. “Damn, it’s busy,” I said to the door guy. “Is it always like this on Tuesdays?” I asked. He replied, “Pretty much.”

We were impressed. Most of the bars in that part of town, at that particular hour on a weeknight, had a client base consisting of old drunks pissing away what little money they had while staring into their beers. Somehow Trad’r Sam had every young and attractive person in the Richmond inside its walls that night. People of all ethnicities mingled together sipping flamboyant drinks while laughing, flirting, and grooving to music like MGMT.

“Can I touch your coat? Where’d you get it?” a girl asked as she approached us.

“Sure,” I said, “I got it at some thrift store.”

To which she responded by hugging me and saying, “I’m Jillian and you smell like garlic fries.” Jillian told us that Trad’r Sam was her favorite bar and since she lived nearby, she was there all the time. “Everyone here is so nice,” she told me, “Most of the time one of the bartenders walks me home. And if I black out I always make it home safely.” Blacking out is an easy thing to do at Trad’r Sam. Considering how many new SF bars have drinks that start at $12, the most expensive drink at Trad’r Sam is $16 and comes in a bowl meant for multiple people.

Walking out that night and towards the next bar on our adventure, I told Ashley about Smith’s Union and all the incredible things that happen there. “That’s all well and good,” she told me, “but I bet you never met the mayor there.”

“Huh?” I asked and she showed me her phone check in at Trad’r Sam. Apparently Jillian was the mayor on Foursquare. I never new smelling like garlic fries would lead me to meet such illustrious people. If you make it to Trad’r Sam, give the mayor a hug for me.

The warm-up

-

July 2, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That’s why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink?

There’s something romantic about San Francisco’s summertime fog. Those damp and chilly nights belong only to us, and the atmosphere they create is what dreams are made of. While the rest of the country simultaneously shares the same experience of panting and sweltering, we bundle up in scarves and coats and hoodies and boots just to run to the store. Maybe that’s the real reason San Francisco feels like a bubble. Maybe it’s not just that we’re this bedrock of progressivism and technological innovation. Maybe it’s that, like living inside a shaken snow globe, our lives are defined by the fact that the rest of the world is obscured from us by the mists floating in the air.

I’ve been telling Noah for a while that I’m gonna go visit him at the Fireside Bar (603 Irving, SF. 415-731-6433). We used to work Thursday nights together at the Golden Gate Tap Room until we didn’t anymore, and I’ve been meaning to catch up with him during one of his shifts at the Fireside. Situated at the corner of Seventh and Irving, the Fireside may be the perfect neighborhood bar. It’s got a dive bar feel without being rundown and smelly, the drinks are stiff and cheap, and the regulars are friendly enough. But most importantly it’s got a motherfucking fireplace.

Imagine this: You’ve decided to get out of your regular routine and go explore somewhere else. Maybe you wandered around Golden Gate Park or decided to check out the Inner Sunset. Or you just walked to the end of Upper Haight and decided to keep on going into the unknown. It’s July in San Francisco, and the sun is starting to go down, and you’ve been wandering around all day with someone who makes you feel all warm and gooey inside. Let’s grab a drink, one of you says as your feet start to hurt and your mouth feels parched and the top of the ear where you just kissed your special person is cold to the touch. And then you see the Fireside Bar. While San Francisco summers have been around far longer than the Fireside, it’s weird to imagine one without the other. You think about this as the two of you order drinks before sitting down to make love-eyes at each other near the fireplace.

I first moved to San Francisco in the summertime, and considering I lived in the Upper Haight, the fog was like a visitor who showed up towards the end of each day. My friend Maria lived a block down from me so one night we got drunk at her place and decided to go on an adventure. I grabbed my skateboard, she put on her roller skates and we headed west to explore parts of SF neither of us was familiar with. Cutting through the fog and the shadows of UCSF we eventually found our way to the Fireside, where we stopped for drinks and so Maria could clean up the scrapes she received from falling repeatedly on her skates. We got warm by the fire and then managed to get our drunk asses back to our respective homes without either of us cracking our heads open. It was a romantic night, not in a sexual way, but in a way where we both knew we were two people falling in love with San Francisco and its foggy ways.

I think it’s time I finally get my shit together and go visit Noah. Maybe I need a little fog and the Fireside to remind me of all the reasons I fell in love with this city in the first place.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

Belly rub

Michael Redmond

-

July 2, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

TABLEHOPPING Sorry (not sorry) but both of these places I’m about to mention have “big” and “belly” and “chubby” in their names, which should be your clue that I’m not going to be telling you about a new salad bar. Whatever, many of you just finished a week of not eating (thanks PRIDE!) and are probably still hurting from the weekend. Let’s do this. First up, Big Chef Tom’s Belly Burgers (1550 Howard, SF. www.bctbellyburgers.com) has opened in SoMa, and if you haven’t had the chance to acquaint yourself with chef Tom Pizzica’s burgers made from 100 percent ground pork belly at events around town, well, you are overdue. This is his first brick-and-mortar spot, which means he gets to rock an expanded menu, with all kinds of creative combos. I would start with the All-American, with rosemary mayo, sliced apple, and sharp cheddar cheese. I also really dug the Banh Baby, Banh one afternoon at Outside Lands, with Vietnamese caramel, sliced jalapeño, hard-boiled egg, and cilantro. Don’t eat pork? No problem, you can sub the porky patty for one made with ground chicken thigh, or a vegetarian version. There are a few sides too (crispy onions, fries, or roasted kale, because hey, it’s California). Good news: beer will be coming in a couple weeks. Open daily 10:30am–9pm.

Next up: Chubby Noodle (2205 Lombard, SF. www.chubbynoodle.com) has opened a second location, but unlike its original location in Amante in North Beach, this 49-seater is a stand-alone in the former Gatip Thai in the Marina. Pete Mrabe (the evil genius behind Don Pisto’s) and biz partner Nick Floulis (Pushback Wines) just finished their grand opening celebration this past weekend, and now they’re open 5pm–12:30am nightly, but potentially closing on Mondays (just double check their hours on their website before you head over). The 12-item menu includes some dim sum (the chicken buns are a fave), chicken noodle soup (a riff on a fried chicken ramen), hot fried snapper, and are you ready for breakfast for dinner? I sure am. They have a hickory-smoked bacon jook with a fried egg, yes! It’s a casual and lively spot, with flavor-packed food that’s well prepared, and budget-friendly too. Look for some wine-based cocktails (they’re better than you’d expect), plus beer and wine on tap, and they’re also going to be one of the first places in the US to have sake on tap.

BRUNCHTASTIC

Brunch is something we do almost too well in this town, and here are three more options for you to add into rotation (especially since all three places serve full liquor). The colorful and cheerful Loló (974 Valencia, SF. www.lolosf.com) in the Mission is now serving brunch Friday (love it!) through Sunday, 11am–4pm. The menu includes chilaquiles with carnitas, a Mexican Benedict, a chorizo scramble, and more. The cocktails are also (almost) too delicious (ditto the cute staff), so watch yourself.

Palm House (2032 Union, SF. www.palmhousesf.com) in Cow Hollow is serving weekend brunch 10:30am–2:30pm. Get into an island Caribbean vibe with tropical breakfasts from around the world, including huevos rancheros; fried eggs revoltillo with plantains, rice, beans, and Puerto Rican spices; and a Cubano. Note: They have boozy slushy drinks.

Over in North Beach, The Square (1707 Powell. SF. www.thesquaresf.com) is serving weekend brunch 10:30am–2pm, with some picks like eggs Benedict with braised greens, Surryano ham, and crispy potato; a wild mushroom omelet; and pancakes with bacon and blueberries. How handy, there’s also a Corpse Reviver No. 2 with gin, lemon, Lillet, and absinthe. You’ll be feeling better in no time — get out of that crypt!

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

On the hoof

Michael Redmond

-

June 24, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Roughly a decade ago a guy named Ken came into the restaurant I was working at in North Beach. He was new to SF so I convinced him to buy my zine Broke-Ass Stuart’s Guide to Living Cheaply in San Francisco. Thinking it was a good idea, he tried to drink at every bar in the zine in a single night. That was, in fact, a terrible idea and he ended up blacking out and getting kicked out of a few of them. But what he woke up with the next day, besides a horrific hangover, was a brilliant idea: the Broke-Ass Stuart Pub Crawl. And it was through this act of genius that Ken and I became good friends.

The idea was simple; get a big vehicle, fill it with lots of rowdy, drunk people, and cruise around SF descending on bars like a Mongol horde. Ken and his peeps worked at the corporate offices of multibillion dollar companies so they could afford one of those boozy trollies that you see around. Considering no one I knew had any money, I rented a big yellow school bus and filled it with my fellow broke folk, then the trolley and the bus caravanned around town causing mayhem.

As you can tell already, Ken is a man of vision and he said to me at one of our drunken stops, “There’s something I need to do. You know The Black Horse London Pub (1514 Union, SF. 415-928-2414)? It’s the smallest bar in San Francisco. I want to break the record for how many people have fit in there at one time. This is important shit, man.” I could tell Ken was serious, but there was no way both the bus people and the trolley people could all fit into the Black Horse. We decided it was best if the trolley people did Ken’s mission from god by themselves. Afterwards they would meet us at the next stop.

The Black Horse London Pub really is the smallest bar in San Francisco. It’s only 136 square feet, so all it has room for is seven seats, a little bit of standing room, a bar, and a bathtub full of beer. In fact, all it serves is beer. It also has “ten commandments” that include things like women having priority over the seating, kisses being the only thing allowed to be thrown in the bar, and not using your phone. It’s a good place for a party of two — and a terrible place for a party trolley.

“We did it!” Ken told me as he met us at the next bar, “We broke the record!” Honestly, I don’t know if there even was a record before that night, but there certainly was now. Ken was beaming and I was proud of him. He set out to achieve something and he accomplished it with flying colors. Fucking tenacity…or at least, fucking booznacity.

Since then we’ve done the pub crawl six times and Ken has even managed to beat his previous record. Of course nobody is ever sober enough to remember what the record is. Maybe I’ll pop into The Black Horse, ask the owner James if he knows the record, and tell him I’m thinking about planning another pub crawl soon. Hopefully he won’t make an 11th commandment forbidding them.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

Get Baked

Michael Redmond

-

June 24, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

CHOW NOW

Anyone who has fallen in love with the bagels from Marla Bakery Kitchen Communal, or the cookies and breads from one of Marla Bakery’s farmers market stands will be happy to know the duo behind all these goodies just opened a brick-and-mortar location in the Outer Richmond. But before you say, “Oh well, I live in Potrero Hill,” there’s a lot that will make you want to make the trek to Marla Bakery (3619 Balboa, SF. www.marlabakery.com), which is more than just a bakery. Owners Amy Brown and Joe Wolf have been hard at work getting the space together for some time: Wait until you see the custom wood-fired oven (the Marla 2000). And then there’s the comfortable dining room, with 26 seats, lots of wood, and hey now, check out that intoxicating aroma of fresh-baked goods. There’s also a patio out back, with a garden designed by Paxton Gate (look for the patio to get more dialed in coming weeks).

Marla will take good care of you during the morning, with coffee and bagels and quiche and pastries (don’t attempt to do it all at once), and some sit-down breakfast fare, like baked eggs with reduced thyme cream, roasted leeks, sugar snap peas, and Gruyère. Lunch — think farro grain salad, a special version of a club sandwich, and a marinated mushroom sandwich, all made on Marla’s own breads. Dinner starts as a Sunday supper on Sun/29. By Tue/1, regular service will be in full effect, with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and weekend brunch. Bonus: Some well-chosen wines, beers, and vermouths are available, all to help encourage day drinking and hanging out. Anytime is a good time for Mexican coffee pot de crème, right?

Whether you’re looking for a place to pick up a gorgeous steak to cook at home in your treasured cast-iron skillet, or you’d just like someone to bring a tartare to your table while you sit and look pretty, the new Belcampo Meat Company (1998 Polk, SF. www.belcampomeatco.com) has you covered. Russian Hill neighbors are especially stoked. Belcampo is a unique company: It raises its animals humanely and organically on a farm in Mount Shasta, and it has its own state-of-the-art slaughterhouse facility. The butcher shop (open daily 9am–8pm) looks classic, but the meats and cuts are varied, including pork, beef, poultry, and rabbits. The 34-seat restaurant serves dinner nightly 5:30pm–10pm, and chef Chris Gerwig (formerly of A16 and New York’s Pulino’s) has more than just meaty options for you. Don’t just expect a menu of duck and chicken giblet skewers and fried guinea hen, although you can get those items too. It’s a handsome space, with lots of wood and cobalt blue leather banquettes (made from their own steer hides).

DRINK UP

Tea aficionados will want to beeline to the new Samovar location (411 Valencia, SF. www.samovartea.com). This branch of the small chain is unique — the soothing and monochromatic interior is modern and eye-catching, designed to highlight the tea-brewing process. Along the counter, you’ll see a row of tea-brewing “crucible” machines (no teabags here!), which make the brewing totally visible and engaging. There are a few different teas you can choose from (including black, green, and herbal), and there are also big copper urns where you can get a few ladles of masala chai, creamy and spiced beautifully (a cup is $3–$5). Seasonal cold-brewed iced teas and matcha shots — and shakes! — will be available, as well as freshly baked scones, savory and sweet. It’s laid out so people can swing by and easily get their tea to go, but there’s a bench and ledge where you can linger if you want. (which means you get to enjoy drinking out of a custom ceramic tea cup designed in conjunction with Atelier Dion). Hours are 7am–7pm.

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

Who moved my cheese?

Michael Redmond

-

June 17, 2014

2

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That’s why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink?

I think it was SF writer Brock Keeling who told me The Lion Pub (2062 Divisdero St, SF. 415-567-6565) used to be a gay bar. Well, I mean he didn’t tell me, I read it on his old site SFist, but you get the point. There was some reference to “remembering when the Lion Pub was a gay bar” and I thought, actually I don’t remember that at all. To me the Lion Pub had always been that place that had the cheese spread and that acted as the Normandy in the Marina’s D-Day-like onslaught of Divisidero. It was the first place over the hill where the waves of guys in collared shirts and gals in uncomfortable shoes had landed before slowly, intrepidly, marching south.

It’s hard to be nostalgic for a something you never experienced, but you can sure as hell romanticize it… not that I’m really doing either. As a straight guy I don’t imagine myself trekking all the way over to Lower Pac Heights to frequent a gay bar, especially when I live close to so many on Folsom Street. But Pete Kane’s recent article in SF Weekly about the death of gay culture in SF got me thinking about the peculiarities of The Lion Pub’s transformation. When the bar switched teams in the early 2000s it must’ve been jarring for the regular patrons. What had been a gay bar since 1971 (according to the Gay Bar History Log on The Cinch’s website) was suddenly being filled with the kind of people who still called their friends “fags” when they were busting their balls.

This was the early 2000s after all, way before Ellen or Michael Sam, and not long after Matthew Shepard. Now I’m not saying for sure that shitty things happened, because I want to believe this is/was the San Francisco we all think it is/was. But what I am saying is that the switch from a gay bar to a Marina bar must’ve been mind-boggling.

But I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t there. [Ed Note: It was weird, but OK. —Ye Olde Marke B.] The first time I visited The Lion Bar was probably in 2006 and I was incredibly impressed. It felt somewhere between a fern bar (its hidden gay legacy peeking through) and a Victorian parlor, it had a disco ball, and most importantly it had free food. I was researching the “free food” section for my book Broke-Ass Stuart’s Guide to Living Cheaply in San Francisco, and someone had tipped me off to the Lion Pub. Rumor was they put out a big cheese spread and even did free sushi on some nights.

So of course I had to go investigate. Walking in that first night I could smell the fresh fruit juice and could spy attractive people milling around. It was bigger than I expected and it wasn’t till I walked around a bit that I found what I was looking for: cheese and crackers! When I asked the barkeep how often they did this, he just kinda shrugged his shoulders and said, “Pretty much whenever they feel like it,” and let it at that.

I haven’t been back to the Lion’s Pub in years but rumor has it that the luminous cheese spread is no more, which bums me out. But maybe next time I’m in the area I’ll pop in anyways for one of its notorious greyhounds — and I’ll try to imagine what it was like back before everything got so straight. I’ll bring my own cheese spread just for old times’ sake.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

GOL!

Michael Redmond

-

June 17, 2014

39

culture@sfbg.com

WORLD CUP VIEWING

Now through July 13, a whole bunch of soccer fans are going to be coming into work late (sorry, there’s a 9am game!) or taking long lunches to get those noon games in. Fortunately there are a bunch of places to watch the Cup, in case your boss is getting suspicious of you hanging out in the conference room with your iPad. (For more suggestions, see the Pixel Vision blog at SFBG.com.)

A brand new sports bar has opened in the former Tortilla Heights space called San Francisco Athletic Club (1750 Divisadero, SF. 415-923-8989), and partners Miles Palliser and Ezra Berman of the Corner Store, along with Neil Holbrook of Kezar Pub, managed to open it just in time for Soccergeddon! There are 27 televisions, a 20-seat bar, pullout bleachers for big games, and you can even order a bathtub of beer if you’re sitting in one of the four reservable booths (which fit eight to 12). Pace yourself, sporto. Twelve to 16 beers come on tap, and cocktails too. The menu features an SFAC Burger with American cheese, a bacon-wrapped hot dog with caramelized onions and peppers, and Sriracha chili wings. Regular hours are Tue–Fri 11am–10pm, Sat–Sun 9am–10pm, and they’ll be open at 8:30am for the 9am games!

For a little bit of sun and a fun crowd, come to the SoMa Streat Food Park (428 11th St., SF. www.somastreatfoodpark.com), which is showing the matches on big screens for free! You can sit in the beer garden and enjoy Cup-appropriate specials — like Brazil’s Xingu Black Beer — and take your pick of vittles from a rotating roster of food trucks. Check the website for match schedule.

Recently opened Bartlett Hall (242 O’Farrell, SF. www.bartletthallsf.com) will come in handy for downtown workers: it’s open for morning games at 9am, with a bunch of screens and early treats.

Another new place to open is Minas Brazilian (41 Franklin, SF. www.minasbrazilianrestaurant.com) in the former Canto do Brasil space in Hayes Valley. So if you want to watch the games — there are LED screens — and party with some Brazilians (who wouldn’t?), here’s one place to find ’em. There will be plenty of cachaça, $6 caipirinhas during happy hour (5pm–7pm), and everyone’s favorite, pão de queijo (cheese bread). Open for early games; check the Facebook page for updates.

As for where to go to yell “IT-AL-IA!” with the Italians, you’ll want to head to Il Casaro (348 Columbus, SF. www.ilcasarosf.com) in North Beach, which has three TV screens, and lots of seats packed into the small space. The hotspot makes delicious Neapolitan pizzas, but Fri/20 it will be opening early for the 9am game and serving cornetti, bomboloni. You can get a cappuccino too. Forza Azzurri!

Looking for a spot to watch Mexico play? All four Tacolicious (www.tacolicious.com) locations will be showing all matches with Mexico (or USA) for the course of the Cup. When the US plays Germany on Thursday, June 26, Tacolicious will be open at 8:30am and serving brunch! Mmmm, huevos rancheros.

Meanwhile, over in SoMa, Don Ramon’s (225 11th St., SF. www.donramonsrestaurante.com) will be keeping you happy with plenty of food and drink specials, like $5 Micheladas all day. There are two large TVs, and they’re opening 11:30am Tue–Fri and 5pm Sat–Sun.

Also in SoMa is the sporty HQ Public House (24 Willie Mays Plaza, SF. www.publichousesf.com), which boasts multiple screens — just be sure you’re not there when a Giants home game is happening, it could be a little crazy.

The Lower Haight is full of soccer-loving bars, like Mad Dog in the Fog (530 Haight, SF. www.themaddoginthefog.com), Danny Coyle’s (668 Haight, SF. www.dannycoyles.com), or you can head to the Upper Haight to Kezar Pub (770 Stanyan, SF. www.thekezarpub.com). And you’ll definitely find some Brits at the new Gashead Tavern (2351 Mission, SF. www.facebook.com/gasheadtavern) in the Mission. Gashead sports three TVs and one 100-inch projector, and is opening early to serve breakfast sandwiches all week starting at noon, and weekend brunch starting at 11am. Two words: full bar. Score!

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

Fogged in

-

June 11, 2014

1

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That’s why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink?

We decided to walk around the Tenderloin. I had my computer, Gene had his bike, and Sabrina had a bag of things I’m sure she didn’t want taken from her as well. We were coming from my weekly Wednesday gig at Monarch where I do a coloring book happy hour.

“It’s very San Francisco out,” I said as we came up Taylor and saw the fog sliding its fingers down the sides of Nob Hill’s buildings. “I love summer in San Francisco,” I mused. “Me too,” Sabrina said, “I hate when people bitch about it. It’s part of San Francisco and loving it is part of being a San Franciscan.”

As we got to the entrance of Jones (620 Jones, SF. www.620-jones.com), the three of us landed on something we felt was important at the moment, that before this current gold rush, it was San Francisco’s summers that weeded out who would stay and who would go. You couldn’t take the mist and the fog? Then you got the fuck out of town. That fog is our inheritance and our merit badge and such a part of The City that you have to love it to live here.

Walking out onto the patio at Jones we were surprised there were no heat lamps. The entirely of the joint’s drinkers were crammed into the little sidebar adjacent to the patio, and as we sat down at the short end of the bar, the three of us gave each other a knowing glance. It said: How many of these people are experiencing their first San Francisco summer? How many would be considering packing up and heading back to wherever they’re from if they weren’t here for the gold rush? How many are living in apartments recently vacated by people whose love for the fog, and all it represents, just wasn’t enough to be able to keep them here?

Gene tipped the barman with a two-dollar bill. “Oh wow,” the bartender said, “you’re still doing that after all this time?” Gene told us he’d met him years before, during the first dot com boom, when the guy tended bar at 111 Minna. “Back then Minna was just a small one room space, not like it is now, Gene explained. “And I remember being there and learning for the first time how badly cocaine got on top of some people when these two girls, up from LA, were offering to blow people for blow.” As I looked around the room at all the pretty and well-dressed people, I wondered what they’d all be willing to do to get something they really wanted. I wondered the same thing about myself. What was I willing to do to stay in San Francisco if push came to shove and shove came to eviction.

Across the bar I noticed a friend who was obviously on a date and even more obviously drunk. “Hey look who it is,” I said to Sabrina who was also friends with the girl, and our conversation changed to the fact that, another integral part of living here is being ok with your past. “You can’t burn bridges,” Gene said, “since you’re bound to run into that person on a barstool sometime soon.” To which I replied, “If you burnt San Francisco’s bridges, all we’d be left with was the Peninsula…” The joke hit all three of us harder than expected. We looked around, looked at each other, and then left the bar. We felt more at home amid the fog anyways.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com

Let’s do lunch

-

June 10, 2014

1

culture@sfbg.com

HELLO, GORGEOUS

A very pretty restaurant just joined our downtown dining scene, Aveline (490 Geary, SF. www.avelinesf.com). Theatergoers, you have a new spot! The chef is Casey Thompson, whom many of you will recognize from the third season of Top Chef. She has crafted a New California menu, with plenty of creativity and beautiful plating. Start with truly decadent bites like yolk beignets with lardo or crab macarons. And of course the Texas native needed to have some fried chicken on the menu: Her updated version comes with kimchi powder and pickled vegetables.

There are two seating areas in the attractive dining room, with tufted upholstered seats and banquettes, or you can reserve one of the four seats at the chef’s counter, where she’ll just cook for you (off menu). This place would be perfect for a date, or a spot to take out-of-town visitors, or even have a business dinner. The room is stylish, but not too feminine, or too masculine either. Bonus: Just across the Warwick hotel lobby is The European, a sophisticated cocktail bar with a swanky lounge area in the back. Not only can you enjoy some lighter aperitif-style cocktails (try its namesake, The European), but Thompson has created a fun menu of bar bites, which helpfully includes a burger. And I can’t wait to try the “chips ‘n dip” of chicken skin “chips” with charred onion, smoked eggplant, and trout roe. Whoa. Both are open nightly.

BUSY BIZ LUNCH

With all these openings around town, you have a bunch of new lunchtime places to add to your list. First up, Thai hotspot Kin Khao (55 Cyril Magnin, SF. www.kinkhao.com) has reinstated its lunch service. Stop by the downtown spot for its pretty hot wings (sriracha lovers will dig ’em) and som tum papaya salad. Or fill up on the pork bowl with flat rice noodles, crispy belly, braised shoulder, and a runny-yolk egg in pork broth (perfect for our June gloom days). Hours are Mon–Fri 11:30am–2pm.

One of the exceptionally stylish places to open downtown is Gaspar Brasserie (185 Sutter, SF. www.gasparbrasserie.com), with two levels, two bars, and a brand-new lunchtime service — meaning you get to soak in all the swish ambience while dining on a tuna tartine or steak frites. Start your lunch with some oysters, I sure would. There are excellent lighter-style cocktails as well, so go for it, without the three-martini hangover. Lunch is served Mon–Fri 11:30am–3pm.

Have you checked out the updated Schroeder’s (240 Front, SF. www.schroederssf.com) yet? The hip space has plenty of seats for you: beer hall-style communal tables (popular at happy hour) and more traditional-style seating in the back. Lunch is served Mon–Fri 11:30am–2pm. Hello, duck pastrami salad (a mix of cabbage dressed in a very mustardy vinaigrette with rye croutons). You’ll also see the hearty chicken schnitzel sandwich on a lot of tables. Start with the potato pancakes (they’re good to share) and treat yourself to a light Kolsch for lunch — come on, it’s a beer hall!

The folks at Twenty Five Lusk (25 Lusk, SF. www.25lusk.com) have launched a weekday lunch service (Mon–Fri 11:30am–2pm), with a $15 special each day. You ready for the lineup? Okay, let’s do this. Mondays feature braised short ribs with truffled tater tots and a Syrah reduction (afternoon nap not included); Tuesdays bring a smoked duck tartine with bacon, fig mostarda, wild arugula, Fontina cheese, and Portuguese bread (sign me up); Wednesdays are grilled prawn soba noodles with mint, asparagus, and hoisin barbecue sauce (you gotta go light one day); Thursdays it’s Fried 38 North Chicken with salt-roasted new potatoes, sausage gravy, and cucumber salad (don’t tell your doctor); and on Fridays, you can get a Dungeness crab roll on buttermilk pain de mie, with drawn butter and wild arugula. (Hold me.)

Marcia Gagliardi is the founder of the weekly tablehopper e-column; subscribe for more at www.tablehopper.com. Get her app: Tablehopper’s Top Late-Night Eats. On Twitter: @tablehopper.

TREAT SHEET 2014 (all on one page!)

-

June 6, 2014

0

TREAT SHEET It’s almost summer time: Forget about that diet — you’ve got bigger things to worry about than whether you can fit into that bathing suit! (How to score Outside Lands tickets, for instance, or how to get to three street fairs at once.) For our first annual Treat Sheet, we asked our readers, our staff writers, and Tablehopper restaurant guru Marcia Gagliardi for their favorite summer treats under $10 that represent the Bay Area’s delicious, locally sourced, mostly organic bounty. Grab your picnic basket and dig in.

PORK BELLY DONUTS WITH MAPLE SYRUP AND MAKERS MARK GLAZE, $5.75

Yes, these things are just as rich and decadent as they sound. (Just one order of three is probably all you and your date will need.) When pigs meet donuts, it’s serious business

The Sycamore, 2140 Mission, SF, www.thesycamoresf.com

SLOPPY BUN, $6.95

A flavor-packed and abundant sandwich of red curry ground beef, plus garlic mayo, jalapeno, Thai basil, and shaved onion. Be sure to pay an extra $1 for an egg on top. More is more.

Bun Mee, 2015 Fillmore, SF; 650 Market, SF; www.bunmee.co

LEMON COOKIE ICE CREAM, $4.25 FOR TWO SCOOPS ON A WAFFLE CONE

Get your cookies and ice cream fix in this light, lemony two-in-one dessert.

Three Twins, 254 Fillmore, SF. www.threetwinsicecream.com

NABOLOM CINNAMON TWIST, $2

It’s been years since we’ve lived down the street and could hit them up practically every day, but these cinnamon-sugar-doused bars of gold (er, perfectly crispy-flaky-chewy croissant dough) still appear in our dreams. Get ’em fresh out of the oven if possible; the crispy caramelized sugar edges will become your new white rabbit.

Nabolom Collective Bakery, 2708 Russell St, Berk. www.nabolombakery.com

BLUES ON THE COB, $4

Baby Blues BBQ in the Mission has a great assortment of barbecued meats, and we try to mix it up — but we never deviate from one of our favorite sides: fresh roasted corn on the cob smothered in blue cheese. Yum.

Baby Blues BBQ, 3149 Mission, SF, babybluessf.com

EL FRIJOLAZO HOT DOG, $6.95

Guatemalan hot dogs, people. And believe us, you’ve never had a bacon-wrapped dog like this. The fresh-baked and toasted bun comes slathered with refried black beans, avocado, a Latin spin on mayo, and queso fresco. Finish with a squirt of the green salsa chapina on top.

Los Shucos, 3224 22nd St, SF. www.losshucos.com

MATEVEZA YERBA MATE IPA, $6

Need a buzzy kick? The folks at Cerveceria de Mateveza café near Dolores Park combined all the kick of caffeinated Argentinean necessity yerba mate with the downhome goodness of locally brewed craft beer. Olé.

Cerveceria de Mateveza, 3801 18th St., SF. www.cerveceriasf.com

PRETZEL CROISSANT, $3.50

Yeah, it’s just like it sounds: amazing. A dark-baked croissant topped with pretzel salt, ready to melt you. Fresh out of the oven every day at 11:30am.

Arlequin, 384 Hayes, SF. www.arlequincafe.com

BUFFALO BOYS, $8.50

Fried catfish in buffalo sauce, dipped in blue cheese dressing. ‘Nuff said. You could also save a buck and get the Buffalo Girls, made with seitan instead of catfish. (But why?)

Dante’s Weird Fish, 2193 Mission, SF. www.weirdfishsf.com

THOROUGH BREAD APPLE GALETTE, $2.15

Ooh la la: authentic French bakery Thorough Bread near the Castro overflows with goodies worth rising early for. But we’re saving our biggest oui oui for these delightful apple-filled pastries. Not too sweet, but your sweet tooth will thank you.

248 Church, SF. www.thoroughbreadandpastry.com

ROOSEVELT CAESAR SALAD, $10

This is one hell of a Caesar, the crisp leaves of Romaine are positively coated with the oh-so-creamy dressing, all topped with a mountainous flurry of Parmesan.

Roosevelt Tamale Parlor, 2817 24th St, SF. (415) 824-2600

ESPERPENTO GAMBAS AL AJILLO, $7

This may be the single garlickiest dish we’ve found in the city, which therefore makes it awesome. Just one order of these babies — tender shrimp drowns in garlic sauce — and a couple baskets of bread to sop up every last drop of juice. You can run on the fumes for hours.

Esperpento, 3295 22nd St., SF, www.esperpentorestaurant.com

THE REBEL WITHIN, $7.50

This stealthy treat consists of a poached egg, bacon, and scallions baked into an otherwise normal-looking savory muffin. And they even seem to get the yolk right each time, running out perfectly as you cut into it.

Craftsman and Wolves, 749 Valencia, SF, craftsman-wolves.com

STARBELLY HOUSEMADE CHICKEN LIVER PATE, $10

This ain’t your grandma’s chicken liver — this is pure buttery goodness. Spread it on toasted bread with sweet onion marmalade and grain mustard, and it’ll warm your soul.

Starbelly, 3583 16th St, SF. www.starbellysf.com

PLANTAIN BURRITO, $7.25

If you’re a carnivore, this burrito will make you consider a conversion to vegetarianism. If you’re a vegetarian, you’re welcome.

Cuco’s, 488 Haight, SF (415) 863-4906

HASH BROWN SANDWICH, $6.55

A genius breakfast item from the Inner Richmond: imagine a folded taco of crisp hash browns, with cheese, bacon (or sausage, or ham and onions) inside, and eggs and toast on the side. Boom.

Art’s Café, 747 Irving, SF. www.artscafe.com

KINAKO MOCHI, $1.35

You might not be able to eat just one, and you might want to try an assortment of mochi treats — but start with this fresh green mochi with red bean filling from a true Japantown classic.

Benkyodo Co., 1747 Buchanan, SF. www.benkyodocompany.com

FENNEL AND SUN-DRIED TOMATO LAMB SAUSAGE, $7

It’s like a ballpark hot dog all dressed up with a gourmet twist. Comes with two free toppings, like sauerkraut, grilled onions, or sweet peppers. It is so perfect with beer!

Rosamunde Sausage Grill, various locations, SF.

TAYLOR’S TONICS’ CHAI COLA, $2

All the healthful goodness of chai — in cola form. The local heroes at Taylor’s Tonics have seen this unlikely but wondrous taste combo take off nationally. (You can get it at CostCo!) But the best place to procure this invigoratingly fizzy beverage is at one of Taylor’s Fizzary soda stores.

The Fizzary, 2949 Mission, SF; 1782 Haight, SF. www.taylorstonics.com

LENTIL AND YAM PIE, $3.55

Wholesome, fresh, and flavorful, try the vegan lentil and yam pocket pie, seasoned with cumin and onion. It’s simply good and healthy for your wallet, too.

Peasant Pies, multiple locations. www.peasantpies.com.

GREEN CHILE STEW $5; HOUSE SPECIALTY PIE, $8

Cross over to the savory side of the menu at this oasis of organic goodness. Try the pork, chicken, or veggie versions of the signature green chile stew. The cross back over to sweetness — with a kick — and dive into a slice of Green Chile’s house specialty pie: apple a la mode with a generous drizzle of red chile honey. Good lord.

Chile Pies Sweet and Savory, 314 Church, SF. (415) 431-9411 www.greenchilekichen.com

HONEYDEW SHAKE WITH PEARL, $3.25

When confronted with the list of pearl shake options, you might be tempted to just go for it and ask for the durian shake with pearl or the guyabano shake with pearl. But if you want sweet heavenly goodness to counterbalance a bowl of fiery noodles, take it from us that ordering the honeydew shake with pearl is the wisest move of all.

Kevin’s Noodle House, various locations. www.kevinnoodlehouse.com

TAO YEUN BAKED BBQ PORK BUN, LESS THAN $1

They are baked, they are filled with BBQ pork, and they are buns. You can find them practically anywhere in the bay. But there is good reason why everyone raves about these glazed clouds of perfection on the Internet. Pick up some sesame balls while you’re at it, why don’t you?

Tao Yeun Pastry, 816 Franklin, Oakl. (510) 834-9200

TU LAN #17, $7.45

No matter what Twitter has done to “clean up” (sweep homeless folks out of) the neighborhood, the real protests will begin when something threatens Tu Lan, the mother of all cheap, delicious Vietnamese noodle purveyors. The #17 pork kebab with imperial roll and rice noodles — a blend of sweet and spicy fried goodness — has cured many a hangover, and tops our pork kebab list. Long may she reign.

Tu Lan, 8 Sixth St, SF. www.tulan-vn-restaurant.com

PANNA GELATO WITH EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL AND SEA SALT, $7

Don’t be fooled by the odd-sounding flavor clash — servers will tell you flat-out that this decadent combination of sweet, creamy gelato, and light, fruity olive oil, accented with rock salt, is the best thing on the menu. We’re gladly working our way through all the items to find out.

Beretta, 1199 Valencia, SF. www.berettasf.com

PUERTO ALEGRE CHILAQUILES, $6.85

These fried tortilla slices scrambled with eggs and sauteed with a tasty red or green sauce are a magic hangover cure. Wash down with a house margarita — or, hell, a pitcher — to do it all over again. (Only on the weekend breakfast menu.)

Puerto Alegre, 546 Valencia, SF (415) 255-8201

CHILLED TRIPE “TRIPPERIA STYLE,” $8.50

This tripe is truly something special — it’s tender and served chilled, with lemon, chile oil, and sea salt (you get to decide how much to put on of each ingredient). A favorite of those who especially dig tripe or feeling incredibly Italian.

Pizzeria Delfina, various locations. www.pizzeriadelfina.com

MACARON ICE CREAM SANDWICH, $5

The delicate flavor of French macarons … the creamy sumptuousness of ice cream … the ungodly gobbling noise as you wolf it all down! Available in red velvet, chocolate chocolate, or “vanilla birthday.”

Cako, various locations. www.cako.com

MARLA BAGEL WITH HERBED FARMER’S CHEESE, $5

There are bagels, and then there are these amazing bagels baked by Amy Brown. Some of the best in the city, don’t miss ’em.

Marla Bakery Kitchen Communal, 613 York, SF. www.marlabakery.com

BUCKWHEAT WAFFLE, $9

This savory waffle also comes with crème fraîche, cucumber, and trout roe on top. Elegant! Brilliant for brunch.

Lt. Waffle at Linea Caffe, 3417 18th St., SF. www.lineacaffe.com

TROU NORMAN COPPA, $7

Some of the silkiest coppa you’ve ever had will be found here. There are actually about 14 kinds of housemade salumi for you to choose from, all $7 and under.

Trou Normand, 140 New Montgomery, SF. www.trounormandsf.com

CAFÉ VAN KLEEF GREYHOUND, $7

Feel a cold coming on? Get your daily dose of vitamin C and your weekly allotment of vodka with a fresh-squeezed grapefruit greyhound — featuring a stiff pour and a whole quarter of a grapefruit as a wedge — at this beloved, old-school Oakland spot.

Cafe Van Kleef, 1621 Telegraph, Oak. www.cafevankleef.com

WISE SONS NOODLE KUGEL, $3.50

Totally not fair to put this contemporary version of a Jewish standby on this list — it is a figurative brick of delish, sweet noodles cooked into a heavy square topped with crumble and served in a puddle of berry sauce.

Wise Sons Deli, 3150 24th St, SF. www.wisesonsdeli.com

CHEDDAR CHEESE GRILLED SANDWICH, $9.75

This is one cheesy sandwich, filled with Shelburne Farms and Fiscalini cheddar with sage and apples on house-baked kale whole wheat bread. Just beyond.

Le Marais, 2066 Chestnut, SF. www.lemaraisbakery.com

LIGURIA BAKERY PIZZA FOCACCIA, $5

If you manage to get to North Beach’s justly-famed Liguria early — very early — enough, you’ll be rewarded with soft, spongy, fabulously oily tomato bomb focaccia, sprinkled with green onions on top.

Liguria Bakery, 1700 Stockton, SF. (415) 421-3786

BUFFALO WINGS, $10

Or you can have Angry Korean wings, or dry rub, or seven other kinds, 10 flappers for just $10. Yeah, and it’s quality chicken too: air-chilled Mary’s birds. Piping hot and finger lickin’ good.

Wing Wings, 422 Haight, SF. www.wingwingssf.com

BACON BACON BANH MI, $8

This killer banh mi comes stuffed with pork and bacon patties, pickled vegetables, jalapenos, cilantro, and sriracha mayo. Good stuff, served specially from the Bacon Bacon café or truck.

Bacon Bacon, 205 A Frederick, SF. www.baconbaconsf.com

THE AUTHENTIC BANH MI, $5

Just try to find a bigger banh mi at that price. Comes with roasted pork belly, roasted five-spice pork shoulder, housemade headcheese, and Vietnamese pork sausage, plus a slew of vegetables. Grab some napkins.

Mission Banh Mi in Duc Loi, 2200 Mission, SF. www.ducloi.com

FROZEN GREEK YOGURT, $4–$5

Move over fro-yo, this tangy number is going to steal the show. Baklava crumbles on top with syrup, are you kidding? Or how about olive oil and flaky sea salt? Greek sour cherry syrup? However you want it, here in Hayes Valley.

Souvla, 517 Hayes, SF. www.souvlasf.com

THRICE-COOKED FRIES, MANIMAL STYLE, $7

These fries are bonkers: They’re thick and hot, and come smothered in “doggie sauce” (housemade aioli with ketchup, sriracha, and chow chow relish), shredded cheddar cheese, charred scallion, and a sprinkling of piment d’Espelette for extra kick.

Trick Dog, 3010 20th St., SF. www.trickdogbar.com

BANANA CREAM TART, $7.25

Pretty much the benchmark for banana cream pie in town. Almost too good with that touch of dark chocolate and caramel. Almost.

Tartine Bakery, 600 Guerrero, SF. www.tartinebakery.com

TURTLE TOWER PHO GA, $8.25

One of the finest chicken noodle dishes in the city, this enormous bowl of pho will cure whatever ails you: hangover, cold, or just hunger. Perfect for fog-drenched afternoon.

Turtle Tower, various locations. www.turtletowersf.com

PORK BELLY BAO, $6.75

Imagine a tender baked bun, stuffed with pork belly, turmeric-pickled daikon, and green shiso. (Or you can get it in a steamed bun for $3.75.)

The Chairman Truck, www.thechaimantruck.com

LA TORTA GORDA TINGA TORTA, $9.25

This torta can last you the entire day and then some; this monster is stuffed with shredded chicken stewed in chipotle and onion, refried beans, avocado, queso fresco, onions, mayo, and jalapenos. A junior is $6.95, and plenty.

La Torta Gorda, 2833 24th St, SF. www.latortagorda.net

CRANKSHAFT SANDWICH, $10

An excellent tuna melt, this one comes with a decadent mayonnaise-based tuna salad made with albacore, plus house pickles, Shelburne cheddar, and arugula to lighten it up a little.

Machine, 1024 Market, SF. (415) 913-7370

DECONSTRUCTED SAMOSA, $7

This dish is a crazy mountain of garbanzos, a meat or tofu of your choice, pico de gallo, chutney, and crispy sev noodles on top, plus mini samosas on the side. Delicious confusion.

Curry Up Now, 659 Valenica, SF. www.curryupnow.com

WHITE SPINACH SLICE, $4

This unassuming pizza shop in the Mission makes one hell of a New York-style slice, and the white spinach slice (spinach, ricotta, mozzarella, Parmesan, garlic) is rich and tasty. Great crisp crust.

The Pizza Shop, 3104 24th St, SF. (415) 824-1840

BEEP’S PINEAPPLE SHAKE, $3.50

This creamy, citrusy, brainfreezing rush is a legend — people have been talking about it for generations. The rest of the Ingleside diner’s menu is your basic ’50s throwback drive-through diner fare (plus teriyaki bowls), but the shake goes down well with some salty fries.

Beep’s Burgers, 1051 Ocean Avenue, SF. (415) 584-2650

TONKOTSU KOTTERI RAMEN, $8.45

Some of the richest pork broth you’ll find, this bowl of ramen also comes with black garlic oil. It’s fatty and decadent and something you should try at least once.

Ramen Yamadaya, 1728 Buchanan, SF. www.ramen-yamadaya.com

BEEF PHO ROLLS, $8

Swing by this happening Vietnamese cafe for weekend brunch and don’t pass up these rolls of tender rice noodles (made fresh!) with ground beef and Thai basil inside.

Rice Paper Scissors, 1710 Mission, SF. www.ricepaperscissors.com

CHINESE MAI TAI, $9

Nothing says hot summer nights like a great big cup of “erase your brain.”

Li po Lounge, 916 Grant, SF. www.lipolounge.com

OLD JERUSALEM HUMMUS, $7.50

Not only do you get a platter of pitch-perfect hummus, but you get a bowl of fluffy, warm pita — plus pickled beets, olives, a couple more dips, and some old-school charm.

Old Jerusalem, 2976 Mission, SF. (415) 642-5958

CANCUN SUPER NACHOS, $5.99

Sure, Taqueria Cancun’s tortilla chips are notoriously meh, but the perennially popular spot loads so many toppings onto these overflowing nachos that you’ll hardly notice. (You can add meat for $2.)

Taqueria Cancun, 2288 Mission, SF. (415) 252-9560

BISCUIT BENDER BISCUIT AND BUTTER, $3.50–$4

Take your pick of buttermilk biscuits, from double bacon-maple to cheddar to Mexican hot chocolate, and add on special butters like espresso butter, or bacon-bourbon jam.

Biscuit Bender, Ferry Building Marketplace, 1 Ferry Building, SF. www.biscuitbender.com

BEST DAMN GRASS-FED CHEESEBURGER, $8.75; FRANKARONI $5

The burger at this new Divis hotspot lives up to its name, with a housemade sesame-scallion bun, dry-aged meat, secret sauce, Gruyere, red onion, and lettuce. You can add housemade bacon for $1.25, or an egg for $2. And hey! Why not pick up another perfect summer treat: A side of frankaroni, basically fried mac and cheese with hot dog inside, is five dollars.

4505 Burgers & BBQ, 705 Divisadero, SF. www.4505meats.com

YUZU CHICKEN WINGS, $9.50

These are some mighty juicy chicken wings, with a flaky exterior (they’re fried in potato starch); get them for $6 during happy hour (Monday through Friday from 5:30pm–6:30pm).

ICHI Sushi + NI Bar, 3282 Mission, www.ichisuchi.com

EL DORADO TACO, $3.75

These off-menu tacos at La Taqueria are like the precursor to the chalupa. A crispy taco is folded within a soft one, and melted cheese holds the two together. Magic. You have to get the carnitas, of course (it also comes with beans). And it’s worth ponying up for some guacamole on top.

La Taqueria, 2889 Mission, SF. (415) 285-7117

Secret passages

Michael Redmond

-

June 3, 2014

0

culture@sfbg.com

THE WEEKNIGHTER Weekends are for amateurs. Weeknights are for pros. That’s why each week Broke-Ass Stuart (www.brokeassstuart.com) will be exploring a different San Francisco bar, bringing you stories about the places and people who make San Francisco one of the most phenomenal cities in the world. Who wants a drink?

It was weird that Anthony wanted to go to Bourbon & Branch (501 Jones St, SF. 415-346-1735) for his birthday. “But you don’t drink,” I said, hoping to find out why someone who’d never had a drop of booze in his life, due to being born with a bum liver, would want to go to a fancy bar. “I know that, dummy,” he told me. “But I heard they have a secret room that opens up when you pull a book!”

He had me there. Bourbon & Branch has a few secret rooms that open up when you do various Hardy Boys-esque actions. It’s one of the bar’s many charms. When it opened in 2006, there were no mustache bars in San Francisco. You know what I mean by mustache bars — the ones where a bow tie and suspender wearing, mustachioed man squeezes tiny tinctures into your drink from a utensil clearly invented by alchemists. They are omnipresent in current-day San Francisco but when Bourbon & Branch opened, it was the first one in the city.

At this point, anyone who spends a lot of time in bars is pretty tired of cocktails that are too precious and take too much time, and most of us are waiting for the backlash when places go back to specializing in a shot and a beer. But the thing that makes Bourbon & Branch great is that, while it can take a lot of credit for kicking off the pre-Prohibition cocktail craze in San Francisco, it still does it better than any of them. Why? Because of it’s attention to detail.

They say you’ll always remember your first one. But often times your second one is far better. The first speakeasy style bar I went to was Little Branch back when I lived in NYC, and it was cool. But it wasn’t until I moved back to San Francisco that I saw the trope played out to its full potential. Walking into Bourbon & Branch that first time in 2008 made the history nerd in me squeal. It felt like a real speakeasy. It was full of dark wood and was low lit by candles and a chandelier. Bartenders in ties and fedoras shook things vigorously while making cocktails that hadn’t been popular in half a century. People were only served if they were seated and they were encouraged to speak quietly.

And then I got to the backroom where suddenly the bookshelf opened and an entire other bar was laid out before me, filled with people drinking similarly well-made drinks while laughing and talking loudly. “Where the fuck am I,” I asked myself before realizing I couldn’t afford the place and leaving out the backdoor.

So a few years ago when Anthony said he wanted to go here for his birthday my first reaction was, “Motherfucker, why are we gonna go somewhere with $12 cocktails when you don’t even drink?” His answer was relatable to any of us who have ever dreamed of traveling through time or going on the kind of adventures you only see in movies or read about in books. He wanted to go through the secret passageway and spend time in a San Francisco that no longer exists.

So do I.

Stuart Schuffman aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, and TV host. You can find his online shenanigans at www.brokeassstuart.com