American Idol: The Diddy and Hilfiger edition

Two things:

1. You can’t do a whole American Idol with a Billy Joel theme. He didn’t write any good songs, and most of them are really bad. All it does it make the contestants look lame.

2. Diddy’s not much of a song coach. Tommy Hilfiger, this week’s celebrity fashion guru, has no idea how to dress performers for the show. Every suggestion they made was dumb. Every contestant who wore Hilfiger’s picks looked horrible, out of place, ridiculous. Sell some jeans, Tommy.

Actually, three things:

3. The only one who got how stupid all of this was and responded in style was Heejun, who made fun of the whole spectacle, pissed off Steven Tyler (who never gets mad), confused J-Lo and Randy — and had me laughing so hard I almost lost my Bud Light.

On to the show:

J-Lo, as always, looks gorgeous. Steven might as well be wearing pajamas. Randy needs to lose the weird pins on his shirt.

Deandre tries “Only the Good Die Young.” Diddy tells him to look J-Lo right in the eye, because “she’s a Catholic girl and she’ll get it.” He doesn’t. The song is nothing but pop schlock; he does the best he can, but you know, garbage in, garbage out.

Erika. “New York State of Mind.” A painful dirge. Viv’s OK with it. I hate it.

Joshua. “She’s Gone Away.” Whatever.

Skylar. “Shameless.” The best of the night so far; she makes a dumb song sound kinda country. Except that outfit! Tommy! Sell some jeans. Go away.

Elise. “Vienna.” At least she sounds like a smoky lounge singer, and since Billy Joel pretty much defines bad lounge singer, it worked.

Phillip. “Moving’ Out.” Totally different from the original, like a new song, with almost a punk edge to it. Nice. Best interpretation of Billy Joel ever.

Holli. “Honesty.” Terrible song, great singer.

And then Heejun. This guy’s a winner. He made fun of Tommy Hilfiger, made fun of the whole fashion-statement thing, made fun of the piano player — and really, really made fun of Billy Joel. “My Life” is one of the worst BJ songs ever, which is saying something, and Heejun raced around and sang it like he was making a joke on everyone, starting with the songwriter. Amazing. The best and only AI parody in history. Steven was angry from the start — he realized immediately that this was a goof, and at the end he told Heejun that “at some point, you have to take it more seriously.” J-Lo didn’t quite get the joke (or maybe she did), but she did call it “a breath of fresh air.” Ayup.

Jessica. “Everybody Has a Dream.” She’s such a great singer, even this crap can’t hold her down. Colton. Someone had to do “Piano Man,” and he plays the piano, so why not. Viv loved it. J-Lo got the “goosies” again. Me? I love Jennifer’s goosies, but I’ll pass on the Piano Man.

Heejun was in the bottom two, since America clearly has no sense of humor, but he survived and Erika’s gone home, new hairdo and all. Catch you next week.