March 21-April 19
You’ve got a make a certain peace with your reality, Aries. And you should really step on it ’cause your work doesn’t end there, friend. After you come to acceptance, your next task is watch how your fears and emotions do or do not interplay.
April 20-May 20
Taurus, we’re not going to tell you lazy-assed, slow-as-frickin’-molasses people to put the brakes on something after you’ve spent however many years motivating yourself to act. We will suggest that maybe you check your pace. Don’t break out of the gate just to get winded and give up.
May 21-June 21
Those things you see on your path, Gemini, are not welcome stations. They’re not street vendors offering you corn on a stick. They are impediments. Get a clear idea what they are, then take a look at your own boundaries. Progress will happen from being honest about what you can handle.
June 22-July 22
This is truly a great time for you to do what Cancers do best: nurture. But we want you to nurture yourself — perhaps not your specialty. And, get this, we want you to nurture yourself not only through your feelings of helplessness but also through the exciting feelings of beginning that you’re feeling alongside helplessness.
July 23-Aug. 22
Leos, you people love to reinvent yourselves. Life gets so stagnant when you’re stuck in the same identity or phase of life for too long. Just look at Madonna, another Leo. Anyhoo, your current reinvention should focus on how to embody new ways of behaving that are more synched up with your lust for self-expression.
Aug. 23-Sept. 22
Your control-freakishness has placed you in an official astrological at-risk category, Virgo. If you don’t take responsibility for what you can realistically handle in a healthy way, then you’re going to be setting off on a path that is not sustainable. We know it makes you sad not to have superhuman abilities, but suck it up.
Sept. 23-Oct. 22
Libra, we’ll be real with you — we can’t make out half of what our notes say for you this week. Our typing sucks. One thing is clear, though: You’ve got to resist getting all wound up in the end result of your efforts. The end result is beyond your control, dude. Banish your fear and anxiety, and take control of your direction.
Oct. 23-Nov. 21
Scorpio, this is a good time to take a peek at how you take care of yourself. How you do or don’t take care of yourself, take yourself seriously, advocate for yourself. It’s the subtleties of self-care that we’re concerned with. Splurging on a trip to the spa is nice, but are you eating well and refraining from beating yourself up inside?
Nov. 22-Dec. 21
The time is now for looking around yourself and taking in some new perspectives, Sag. It’s getting pretty stale inside that one-track mind of yours; you need some new ways to view things. You also need to be willing to make some serious personal changes if you’re going to be able to salvage something good out of the crap you’re dealing with.
Dec. 22-Jan. 19
Astrological omens point to you having to rely on your feelings about things, Capricorn. And not surface ego-feelings but those deep hunches we call intuition. We know, you people hate intuition. You like things more tangible, more clear-cut. Too bad. Though we see some discomfort, if you get in the right mindset, you might even enjoy it.
Jan. 20-Feb. 18
Good thing you’re resilient, Aquarius. Any other sign would be knocked down by now. As for you people — well, yeah, you’re sort of knocked down, but you’re getting back up so fast we barely noticed. During this wobbly week, please reach out to your pals for some much-needed perspective and even advice.
Feb. 19-March 20
Pisces, you’ve got to love yourself enough to stay with yourself as you stare down your fears. It’ll do no good to maniacally charge your fears with a machete; it will also do no good to put on a tool belt and try to fix them, or to build a moat around your castle to keep them at bay. You’ve got to look the suckers in the eye.
Award-winning writer Michelle Tea and intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo have been fraternizing with fate for the past lucky seven years. Call Lanyadoo for an astrology or tarot reading at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at firstname.lastname@example.org.